Temptation

Temptation in marriage does not disappear just because you love your spouse. In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and Moelethal talk about what temptation looks like, when it becomes dangerous, and why self-control matters more than blaming someone else for being attractive.

The conversation covers gym culture, women being called distractions, emotional temptation, social media algorithms, validation, comparison, secrecy, and the difference between noticing someone and crossing a boundary. Nesha and Moe also discuss whether men and women experience temptation differently and whether a strong marriage makes you less tempted or simply better at handling it.

Then Our 2 Cents brings listener stories about an affair with an ex-husband’s best friend, a date who wanted to be reimbursed after rejection, and a partner who froze during a violent attack. This episode is funny, honest, layered, and full of the kind of real marriage conversation the Booskis expect.

Transcript

Cold Open: Nesha’s Water Bottle

SPEAKER_03 0:00

That's my baby water bottle. Get a good look at it. What? What's wrong with it?

SPEAKER_01 0:05

You won't see it anymore. Get a good look at it.

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Mike should be here by Friday.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

You ordered one too? I swear I can't have shit to myself. This is why I feel so depleted because this family just takes so much energy and identity away from me. Because we got water bottles? It's not just the water bottles. You guys don't understand. It's a lot of things. It's not just the water bottle.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Okay. I'm happy I got that. I'm gonna use that as a as a beginning. You should.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

You should. The amount that it's just like, okay. I love y'all. I love y'all though. I love my family. I'm blessed to have them. Thank you, Jesus.

Welcome Back to Life After I Do

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Hey everyone, and welcome back to your weekly dose of the Life After I Do podcast. Kick back, relax, enjoy the time you have, and just hang with us for like the next 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Maybe 45 to 245. It's gonna, we're gonna kinda keep it. Oh 150.

Episode 150 and Still Figuring It Out

SPEAKER_03 1:31

So if you've been rocking from the beginning, we don't know why you're still here.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

But we appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

We appreciate you still being here.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

It was roughly talking about it. It was rough in the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

What was so rough about it? We we still figuring stuff out. We're gonna continue to figure things out. I think that's just like how life works. Oh, yeah. I don't think you ever like truly get anything down, you know? Like you get it down to a certain extent where it becomes a little bit more fluid, but then there's always still something to learn.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

I just realized why I like sitting at this angle because I can look over and see your thighs.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Yeah. Hey Mooski, how you doing?

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Good. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 2:05

You look good.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

I feel like I'm slouching. Your thighs feel good too.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Uh I don't know. Just like what is wrong with it? I'm just feeling, you know.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

You feel like you need a uh sweet treat? No, I don't need a sweet treat. You need to trip the barn's level.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

No, I I could do that.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

I'll get you. Easy.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

I could that that might help. Because I don't know. I just feel like a little, I just feel like you want me to get you a cold drink and we go to Home Goods? I mean, that's not good. I wouldn't be opposed to it. We could see if it works.

SPEAKER_03 2:34

It's not.

Nesha’s Week and Pushing Through the Gym

SPEAKER_03 2:36

But you look good. How you doing? Tell them about this. Let's get let's talk about your week. Um I thought I think you had a pretty good week.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Oh, I did? Yeah, tell them about it. It wasn't that eventful. Really? The week? What? See, I can't even remember.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

What did I do last week? Every every day you came home and you told me that your lips were good.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Oh, I mean, yeah, because I've been doing like Well, you live for the gym, so I figure the gym was good.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

The week is good.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Bye. No, the days, the days that were good were the days where I felt like I really had to mentally push through because you better you better stop putting them toes on me.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

You're gonna stop recording.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Because on what was it, Saturday, I think it was. You know, deadlift days have always been like my favorite, but now it's like bench days are my favorite because me and Bench were like we're like two peas in a pot. But anyway, it you know, like deadlifts take a lot of mental with me in any way in general. But I don't know. I was just having this feeling of just like like I started to play the negotiation game with myself in the head, and I was like, well, maybe I just don't go today. Like maybe I just take the day off, and then I was like, but what would be your reason for right? And then I was like, but but this is the whole, this is the whole mental aspect of it, because there would be no legitimate reason why you wouldn't go I wouldn't have to go like just because I'm not feeling it today, you know what I mean? And so I've really been trying to like push myself into changing the mindset, like even when you don't feel like it, even when you don't think the lift is gonna be what it needs to be, the point is that you do it anyway. Because we're four weeks, we're four weeks away. Three. Oh, three, three, oh so I was like, you know, and then of course, and and hey, let me just go back. I think that's also what's kind of I don't know. I don't know. It could be what's kind of like playing in the background. Um it's like, I don't know, maybe there's a little self-sabotage going on in there. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

I'm just saying with an ass is fat.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

But anywho, I went in there and I pushed through and I did exactly what I was supposed to do, even though like I was kind of questioning it. I was like, because I know how I'm feeling, but especially when it comes to deadlifts, I really try to like knuckle down because I don't want, I don't want to not go in with my best because I also don't want to risk like hurting myself. You know what I'm saying? You gotta make sure you yeah, I gotta make sure like I'm real present like with what I'm trying to do. And um, I was like, I'm I'm gonna do it. Like it is what it is. I turned my music on. I went back to one of my old playlists, and I was like, I don't care who's around right now, as far as I'm concerned, I'm the only person in the gym. Right. So I don't give a shit what I look like if I'm trying to put myself in the best mood possible. Like on the way to the gym, like I prayed. I was like, we're gonna, we're gonna get this, we're gonna get this vibe up off of us, and we're gonna get it done. And I went in there and I got it done, and I felt amazing afterwards. I felt so good.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Um, I'm happy you had a good gym.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

So I had a couple of days like that.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

But because your your daughter kept you busy. Because y'all y'all was outside.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

She did. She did.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

I was out spin that shit. But spin that shit, spin that shit, spin that shit.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Bye.

SPEAKER_03 5:38

And then what she said today? Wait,

Phoenix Uses Girl Math for Acai Bowls

SPEAKER_03 5:41

today she asked you, Mom, you want to go simply vend it?

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Oh, I was like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Instead of you just being like that, can you take me? Take me to go get my acceible. She roped me into it. Raise your hand. Raise your hand if you want an acceebal. And then I raised my hand and she was like, see, mom wants to go. Dad, can you take mom to go?

SPEAKER_03 6:00

Yeah. Because she said, he's gonna take his wife. He may not take me, but he ain't gonna tell his wife no. I was like, I said, how did you?

SPEAKER_01 6:08

I was like, how did you like mix that up there?

SPEAKER_03 6:11

And I said, here go the girl math starts already.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I said, You're learning early. I'm kind of proud of you. And then she was like, Yes, mom, I'm learning early.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

Oh,

Moe’s Busy August Begins

SPEAKER_03 6:21

my week was just busy.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Working.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah. Working nine, two, five.

SPEAKER_03 6:27

Okay, Damelle. I felt like Michael.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

You did?

SPEAKER_03 6:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

I think he worked more than night.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Working, working day and night.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

Yeah, day and night. Yeah, I was gonna say, I think he worked longer than nine to five. Sunshine up to midnight.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

But I was obviously I was midnight to sunshine.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Midnight to sunshine? Okay. Yeah, I mean, working.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Other than that, it was cool.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Busy, busy, busy. I knew it. I said, I've been uh regretting August since January.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Well, well, because August is typically a busy month for us.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

August is the month where it ends.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

It feels like summer starts in August.

SPEAKER_03 7:02

It's one thing after another. Yeah. It's back to back to back to back. Everyone has a school.

Birthday Plans, School Shopping, and Family Days

SPEAKER_03 7:09

It's just money, money just bleeding out the house.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Lord, the highest electricity bill. Bye. Then school shopping, birthday parties, uh play dates, powerlifting meets, play dates.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

And not her, she wants two birthday events. She does. I know what we can't have a party on my birthday, so we can like do something on my birthday and then have the party the weekend after.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

No, the funniest part, the funniest part is her telling us. So we had something planned for her actual birthday, right? Like her grandparents were coming down. We were gonna take her to one of her favorite amusement parks. Um, and she came and she was like, Oh, you know what, for my actual birthday, she was like, you know what I want to do? And we were like, what? She's like, I want to go to breakfast and I want to go to a museum and I want to go to Barnes and Noble because I want to get some new books, and then I want to go to dinner, then I want to go to a movie, then we can get a sweet treat, and then we can go home. And I was like, I said, okay, so if you had the choice of going to like Universal Studios, Disneyland, like the park, and um, or going to a museum on your birthday, where would you want to go? And she was like, the museum.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

I see it.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

And I was like, I was so surprised. But I was like, but I and then she then what did she tell me? She goes, Mom, you know I like learning about history. And I was like, I do.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Bye. I'm having fun. If I'm taking off work, I'm having fun.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

I said, No, we're still going. I told her we I told her she could go to the museum.

SPEAKER_03 8:38

Oh, I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Because she wants to go to the museum.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Y'all know. So I said, Y'all can go there, I'll go to Rose. So I told her, I said, so basically, you just want like a family day. And she was like, Yes. I was like, oh, my heart was so warm. It was like, my baby.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

What we got today? Because I'm sick of it.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

My baby. I love her, I love her so much, y'all. Like, no, you don't. Let me tell y'all about my baby. She's so cute, she's smart, she's funny, she's talented, she's outspoken.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

She gets it from her father. What we got today, Boosky?

The Free iPod Shuffle Story

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Wait, you want to tell people the iPod the iPod the iPod shuffle story? What iPod shuffle story from last week when I told him, you know, I said how you gave it up for a meal and an iPod shuffle.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Oh my gosh. It was free. He got it for free and asked me if I wanted it, and I was like, Yeah, so he gave it to me for free.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

So you're taking stuff from people.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

No, he asked me if I wanted it, wanted it.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

I didn't know my colors then, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

I was a young 22-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Okay, quick story, quick background story. Our roommate, his friend, did y'all go to school together? Yeah, I did go to school together. Um, our roommate, one of my good friends from high school. Yeah, from high school. Uh, he was at work one day. He was like, Oh, you want to grab some lunch or whatever? I was like, Yeah, sure. Like, I didn't have school. I know, right? Now that I think about it, right? Um, but I was like 19, I think, 19 or 20, whatever. Um, I didn't have school that day. I hadn't had anything, so I was like, yeah, sure. And so he was like, Where do you want to go? And I was like, I mean, since you offering, can we can we go to Red Lobster?

SPEAKER_00 10:15

He was like, Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

I was like, well, yeah, let's go to Red Lobster. Went to Red Lobster, had a little. Y'all see how she treated me? And he had to go, he was like, Oh, I gotta go get a new phone. He needed to go get a new phone. And at the time when he had got the phone, they were giving out um iPod shuffles when you got a new contract. And so he got a new phone and he was like, You want the iPod shuffle?

SPEAKER_03 10:37

You really dating us.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

And I was like, Remember? Because they were like, they looked like USB driver. They were just little squares. Yeah, they looked, no, there was the longer one, the one that looked like a long uh USB drive. And um, he was like, You want the iPod shuffle? And I was like, Yeah, like why would I turn that down? That's that's odd. What do we got today? That's really odd. So that was a perfect. I mean, obviously, that would not go now. That wouldn't fly over now because I am a happily married woman.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

That was her first and only time cheating on me, apparently.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Demel, have you ever gone to a movie with a female friend without your without your then girlfriend? Yes or no? No explanation, just yes or no. Well, you're gonna be all day, you gotta do that. Exactly, exactly. I really wanted to see that. Exactly, exactly. They went to lunch, they went to see a movie. I told him, no, my dear, the movie after lunch was actually a date. I have never gone to a movie with another guy. Quite literally, I've never seen another movie with another man. You went on a date, sir.

SPEAKER_03 11:46

That was after your iPad situation. Okay. So I felt like it's even, you know? No, it's even. No. What do we got today?

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Temptation.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

Oh, I was I was tempted

Temptation Begins

SPEAKER_03 11:55

by that movie.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

You were tempted by what?

SPEAKER_03 11:58

I don't know. I don't even remember what movie it was.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

See, and that's terrible. You don't I'm gonna ask her. Ask her. By the way, that we're all friends, so don't worry about it. We'll call a doctor. She probably won't remember. She's a doctor, she won't do that. She probably won't remember either. I'll still ask her, but she probably won't remember either. Um yeah, so temptation. Okay, I've been seeing first of all, let me let me get let me get your opinion on this, okay?

SPEAKER_03 12:23

First of all, since we're talking about temptation, let me just say this.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Ain't nobody coming to see you, Yoda.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

I'm the one selling the records. Okay, listen.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

So I've been seeing a lot of the videos of the guys making videos about how um having women in like gyms is distracting. And the way women dress for the gym is like basically intentional for them to be a distraction to men. So now men are talking about, you know, they want like all male gyms and all this

Are Women in the Gym Too Distracting?

SPEAKER_01 13:03

other stuff. They want all male gyms and things like that because there's too much temptation. And the way that it's worded when I look at these videos, it's no, it's giving like your lack of control is my responsibility. And so, cut it out. And so, um, I wanted to ask your opinion about that.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Like, what, okay, so I have no problem with being in the gym.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Here's my issue with woman in the gym.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Okay, tell me what your issue is.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Stop taking these seven-hour breaks in between sets.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

No one takes seven hour breaks.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Stop talking these goddamn machines. No one's talking machines. If you didn't walk in with an ass that day, you're not leaving with one either. So doing 25 sets of hit thrusts, but holding a sniff machine for an hour and a half, it's not, you're not gonna walk in with a side.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Compounding. If she does the 2,500 sets each day.

SPEAKER_03 13:57

Well, do it when I'm not there.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Compounding.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Do it when I'm not there.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

By next month, there should be some booty.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

Also, just cause the outfit look good online, don't mean it look good on you. The color is nice, it just ain't your color.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Okay, but what about the outfits that look good on them?

SPEAKER_03 14:13

I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Okay, but okay, so I'll see you over there.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

Okay. Now stay over there because I'm doing what I'm doing over here. Okay? I'm amazed I got eyes.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Okay, but what else? I can control myself. Okay, but that's the point that I'm making. Because obviously you do have eyes.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Wait, let me let me correct that. I can control myself until it's you.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Because then after my set, what do I do? I walk over to you and I'm like, hey.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

But that's different because you have access to me.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

Yeah. So that's different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

But what I'm saying is, is I don't know. I don't think, I don't think looking is necessarily like a terrible thing because we all have eyes. Right. We all have eyes.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Oh, I'm going, I've I've talked with you before. I've been doing it.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

You looking, is it so distracting for you that you can't just look and be like, appreciate, like, oh, like, even if she has a nice body, you can look, appreciate she has a nice body, and then move on to the next and finish your set and get through your day without feeling like you gotta go to the locker room and like, oh my gosh, I can't even do shit because she's sitting here half naked in front of me.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Maybe I feel this way because I get it at home and I'm going home to something. Maybe they're not going home, nothing and they feel like nobody wants them. Okay, I can see that, but some of these videos are from people who are married. Oh, and they just ain't gonna control. I also the fact that we played the game BBL or not. And then we discuss it.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

Like the one yesterday at Sales Club. I was like, I was like, I was like, babe, BBL or not?

SPEAKER_03 15:39

I was like, nah, I don't think so. The dyes kind of match.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah, she did, she did have thick thighs. I was like, Okay, so okay, so I I don't I don't want to act like temptation is not Oh, it's a real thing. It's not a thing, right?

SPEAKER_03 15:55

And I can understand sometimes you want to just stop by that casino and put 500 on black. Oh. Oh, oh, sorry, different okay, my bad.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Oh, I mean, but here's the thing wanting to do something and following through with action are two different things.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Right. So I mean a lot of times I want to slap you, but I never follow through.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

You and as you should it. Because I have more control. And because you have self-control. Right.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Right, but when I really control it.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Right, and also you don't want to get cut or like disappeared.

SPEAKER_03 16:24

Says who?

SPEAKER_01 16:25

You know, you don't want to get disappeared.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

When I really can't control, I just hurt my elbow.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Goodbye. Um, so yeah, but I think it just kind of like rubbed me the wrong way, the way it's being worded. Okay, stop it. Rub me the right way. It just rubbed me the wrong way, the way it's being worded, because on one end, yes, I can understand. Where when they talk about like, oh, some women come to the gym half naked, blah, blah, blah. Okay, yeah, some women come. That's true. Some women do come to the gym a little uh a little bit revealing.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Wait a minute. I didn't tell you this on Friday. She had the best physique in the gym. Okay. I said she she wins. She took her shirt off. I said, she shit on everybody. But you can ha ha ha ha ha ha. You can tell that. She dropped the mic. You can tell that she was a bodybuilder.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

When I tell you, you can see every back muscle on her back. That's right. I said, look here. I said, sir.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

I know you're over there rolling your little 300 pounds, but don't worry about that because apparently those are the those are the women that that the men say are not attractive. She had a nice back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Oh, but you know, in my type.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

That's a whole nother wasn't the right shade. That's a whole nother um, I heard you. That's a whole nother conversation about like women with muscles and stuff like that. But anyway, like I said, I I I I can understand from a male's perspective when they talk about like the temptation or when they are talking about it can be distracting, right? I feel like it's with any other situation. Because even if you're at work, okay, and let's say there's a female employee there and she's not half naked, but she's just extremely attractive. Okay, you can be distracted by that too. Yeah. And you can be tempted by that too, and she's not even half naked.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

Then you were you might have been HR talking about sexual arrest.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

All right, but who so then whose responsibility is that? It's yours. It's yours. It's yours. So it's just the way that it's being framed that I have a problem with. Because contrary to popular belief, not all women dress that way for the attention of a man. Because some women They do it to shit on other women. They they do it to shit on other women. Or hear me out, when they get dressed a certain way, you like the way you look. And when you look in the mirror, you be like, I'm I'm like, oh yeah, I'm I'm her today. Okay. I'm her today, and I'm feeling good about that. And this is what I'm gonna wear because it makes me feel good, and I think I look good.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

And I and you know, and I love that for y'all, but some of y'all got too much confidence. Because some of y'all ain't her.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Really?

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Just like some of us ain't. Some of y'all ain't her. Just like some of us ain't him.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Right, right. When you when you sitting there and you squirming like a dead uh cockroach under 405, knowing darn well you don't have the upper body strength to do it.

SPEAKER_03 19:11

Cockroach is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

You know how they do that little jiggle and then they have their hands out and stuff?

SPEAKER_03 19:16

No, it's the ones that be struggling under under 135 for me.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Okay, bye. Go home. At least I said 405. Go home. I mean, I can appreciate the attempt. Bye. I can appreciate the attempt, but still. So yeah, so um that just got me to thinking about the whole umbrella of um of temptation. Because I think temptation is one of those things that's it's unavoidable. And I think there's temptation, obviously, from the male side, but they don't realize that women have temptation too.

SPEAKER_03 19:46

But that's not- I would argue that women have more temptation. Oh, do tell.

Do Women Have More Temptation Than Men?

SPEAKER_03 19:54

I say as a as a man, right? I I hope. Yes. As a man, I have I I know I have options. Right. And I know that there's I know that there's that they're limited. There's some options that are 100% I I heard you. There are some options that are 100% and some that are like sad-ish, whatever, and they go down. As a woman, technically every option is between 90 and 100. That's not true. Why most straight men. Why?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Because our genitals are more of a commodity than yours.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

That's exactly why.

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Yes. Most straight men ain't gonna just you know. No, I don't. Now you got your faithful man that's like, okay, no, I gotta walk. It's not worth it. Gotta girl, it's not worth it. That can be very expensive. You cost too much. That's that's where I'm at in my life. You cost too much.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

And not just financially.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

I'm happy where I'm at. You stay over there. You cost too much. Uh-huh. Right? But the ones that just out here, any straight man that's just out here, I guarantee you this right now. You could walk up to any single man in the gym, and he may not, he might, he may front. Let him get lonely enough. Let that nigga get lonely enough. He come calling.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

And I just saw a video the other day. And he said, Men are not lonely enough because he was sitting there making out with a like, I think it was like a stingray or something. He was like, Men are not lonely enough.

SPEAKER_03 21:21

I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

So I kind of feel like I say, y'all out here making out with uh animals.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

I guess it's I'm just saying women say no a lot more than men. That's all I'm saying. That's my point.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Oh well, yeah, I guess so.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

I guess so. I can agree with that. But it's just crazy to think that some men think that women don't have temptation.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Yeah, definitely. It's just some of y'all are bold and act on it. Some most of y'all most of y'all don't, but some are bold.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

You say most don't? You think most don't?

SPEAKER_03 21:54

I don't think most don't. I I think, okay, most don't most don't directly shoot their shot. Women passly shoe shots.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

You know, you know how you're like a like a smile, a side hug. So you keep glancing the air. No matter what do you say is kind of funny. I'm not laughing if you're not funny.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

You've been laughing at me for 20 years. I'm hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

That's be that's because it's my duty to uphold you. So you tell a joke and I'm like, oh my gosh, my husband.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Yay. Um temptation.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

I'm tempted to slap you right now. Right now. Lucky I don't hit women.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Temptation isn't necessarily betrayal.

SPEAKER_03 22:39

Why not?

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Because, like I said earlier.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

It's not.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Until action. Act of the act, the act acting upon said temptation is where the betrayal comes from.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

You ain't cheating until you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Okay, but then that okay, so you're you're jumping ahead, but since you mentioned it, emotional. Uh-huh. Right? So from a woman's

When Temptation Becomes Betrayal

SPEAKER_01 23:00

perspective, emotionally, like emotional temptation is a thing. Okay. So acting upon emotional betrayal, you don't think you don't think is is like an emotional relationship? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

And we've you don't think having an emotional connection to like I have an emotional connection to you, right? So I hope so. Okay, but oh, since what I'm saying is if you put the physical aside and you know the emotional connection that we have, you would be you would be okay with me having that type of connection to another man. But you said that it's not cheating.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

It's not cheating unless you act on it. And that's what you just thought. But if I'm already connected. You can break emotional ties.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

That's quite difficult.

SPEAKER_03 23:40

It might be difficult. But once you go physical, you can't come back.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Okay, but if I okay, in order for me to break a tie, it means it had already been done. So that means I've acted upon the emotional connection, which you don't constitute as betrayal or cheating.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

Until you act on it.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Because I'm Okay, so what's the difference between not acting upon emotional?

SPEAKER_03 24:00

Because I feel like I feel like you can have an emotional connection with someone and never engage with them. You just you're just fond of that person, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:06

So what's the act? Like, what's the act that you constitute as gonna be once you start having conversations that are inappropriate or that may lead to inappropriate things?

SPEAKER_03 24:17

That's the act.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

So, like what? Just planning to sleep with each other? Yeah, at that point, you know. Or like, what if we're just like flirting or what if he flirts with me? If you fart back and shooting. But what if I can't recognize that he's flirting with me? And you know how I am. I try to make people like feel comfortable sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

That's why I remember that video. The guy the guy said, um, if a woman says she overstimulated, she just got autism.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

I saw that. I saw that. Because he was like, Ain't no way all y'all brains.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

That's because he doesn't know what it's like to be a lady.

SPEAKER_03 24:56

Because I was like, okay, so I I don't know, maybe it's different. Because I I can see as a human being, you'd be like, oh, you know, you you see someone that's attractive, and you may ponder what something would be, but then like it's a it's a fleeting thought. You don't sit there and and go re-re rehash it.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Yeah, but see, some people double down and keep thinking about it.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

See, and that's where you're doing too much. That's what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

Look, you have the thought, you have the midday fantasy, and then you move on. Right. So you be having fantasies. I don't have midday fantasies. Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

You see how you see? I fell right into that.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

I didn't fall into nothing.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

You said yeah. I said you have the midday fantasy, then you move on, and you said yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

I was just agreeing with you. Like, for instance, let's put it this way.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

You know I love cocoa.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

You don't think I thought what it would be like? With cocoa. And then I just go about my day. Just starting, keep driving. You had the thought, you thought about it. It's like, for instance. For instance. Okay. Uh at work this week, I was listening to Confessions.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Right? And um uh uh Can You Handle It came on. Well, no, no, no, no. That's what they made for it came on, right? And it it sparked a memory.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Right? And in my head, at the end of the song, I was like, she probably was thinking about shit that whole time.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Oh my gosh, I was not. I said, but I enjoyed it, so it don't matter. I got over it that quick. I feel like that's a whole different thing. Fantasizing about somebody else when you're with someone. Have you done that?

SPEAKER_03 26:37

No, I have not.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Neither have I.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

All I know is that anytime uh uh that's what it made for. Come on, I'll be like, ooh, that was a good night.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

I can't.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Yeah, temptation becomes more dangerous when secrecy enters the picture.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

Sometimes you gotta dove back twice. What? I'm singing the song. Okay, stop singing the song.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Stop singing the song.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

Bigger, I hate it in the side.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Uh temptation becomes more dangerous when secrecy enters.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Exactly, because now you're hiding shit. Because now, see, that's that's the beginning stages of planning new shit you ain't supposed to do.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Okay, so that's when you start leaning in.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

If you start deleting text messages, when you start talking to other people about your spouse or your situation, now you open the

Secrecy Opens the Door

SPEAKER_03 27:19

doors. As a woman, if as a woman, you start telling another man about your about your relationship problems, all you're doing is lowering your panties. Okay. That's all you're doing. No, you do.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

You're giving him exactly the playbook, you're giving him the playbook of what he needs to not do and what he needs to do. So he don't be on the same side that your man is on currently, which takes me into the.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

And then next thing you know, uh three weeks later, you know, Gerald understands me.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

And that's where the emotional connection comes from. Because Gerald is starting to feel in that 20% that I was missing, and he gets me and he understands me. And he was like, if you were mine, you'd be going out four nights a week.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

And then and then Gerald gets you and understand where I'm coming from.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

And then Gerald be like, nah, your nigga had a point.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Wow. Wow. The older you get, the more ruthless you talk. I just I think that's a black lady bitch.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 28:15

Because I know you know what my favorite old black ladies are the ones that cuss. You know how much my granny cussed. My granny 90 will cuss you out and and be smiling.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

But she's very sweet. She's sweet. Why she cuss you out? But she is sweet. Y'all get older and just start cussing all the time. Okay. I don't really cuss.

SPEAKER_03 28:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

I don't cuss a lot.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

All right.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Temptation often appears more so during an awful bad season in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

I agree. Now that I agree with. And that's going to- because you're because you already have some unhappiness or some unease at home.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

And it looks easy.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

And so it looks easy and alluring. They they oh they again, here we go. We're back to they understand me. They get me. I'm connecting with them. They're there. Maybe they're giving you the attention that you feel like you don't get at home. So it makes it dead. Yeah. So of course, when there's trouble, when there's trouble in the kingdom, you know, it's easy for that Jezebel to sneak in there.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

Okay. Jezebels are not a thing.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

No, they're not.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_00 29:17

No, they're not.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

Yes, they are.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

No, they're not.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

It's like it's like it's like an undercover brother. The white sheet devil is a real thing. Designed by the man to break up happy homes.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Designed by the man? I just want to know what, like, what classes or society they have to go through to be uh a destroyer, to go into these people's lives to ensure.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

Like, okay, friends, okay. This is how I know it's a real thing. It's like that whole group text about how the one the one Caucasian lady told her friends. Well, she was trying to give it a how to get an athlete. They got a whole playbook. And that's what's that's what and that's why Undercover Brothers are uh is is you if you really watch it.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

It's truth cultivate, it's truth covered in satire.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

If you really watch it, they're giving you the game. You gotta watch them. You gotta watch them. You give me the game. Shout out to Eddie Griffin.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

They have it uh they have in secret meetings. Yeah. They haven't secret meetings.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

By the docks down on Side Street.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

By the what?

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Hiding on the cover tonight.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

They what?

SPEAKER_03 30:25

Caught up in the passion and the thrill that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

You are singing a song, please.

SPEAKER_03 30:29

Remember back to strangers at the day of light. Have you ever thought about it? Can you really live without it? And your heart, you know, it just ain't right.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Do you think that loneliness is also tied to this whole era of women being such a distraction to men?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Yeah, yeah, I I think so.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Because I feel like it's a I feel like it's a thing now. Like it's something that they they want want to be known. Because I've never, I for me personally, you know, I I've never heard of it as much as I've heard of it now, about women are such a distraction and women this and women that. And it's like, and then on the other hand, you hear that we have this male loneliness epidemic.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

I mean, well, I'm not lonely.

SPEAKER_01 31:15

So I'm like, is this a is this a thing where you're lashing out?

SPEAKER_03 31:18

Like I've I've been told it's hard out there. So I guess, you know. I don't know. I just I I just think I think it's the ones that ain't got no game.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

I mean, I feel like that's a whole there's a whole lot that is involved in that as well. Like, what? Well, I it is like a lot of men don't approach women in person. Y'all don't want to get approached no more. That's not true.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

That's what y'all said. Y'all, y'all let me get approached. That's that's not true.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

It's how some men approach. Hey. But I will tell I will say what you got going on right now. That's absolutely unacceptable. Excuse me, ma'am. Do you have time? But I will say that there are times where some some women can be come off a little bit aggressive when a man is trying to be like a gentleman or be nice or trying to get to know her. There are some instances where some women are like, okay, girl, that was unnecessary. I think some instances.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

I think that I think that uh, you know, the expression nice guys finish last has been around a long time. And I think a lot of guys really buy into the fact that women don't they don't give the nice guy attention. You gotta be a dick to him.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

Okay, Maurice.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

That's no, you don't. Really? Really? Because when when I mean it, you'd be like, babe, what's wrong? What's going on? And I'm like, I just I just need you.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Oh my gosh. That's the equivalent of a child acting out.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

But sometimes I gotta act like a child to go out.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

So maybe y'all are trying to play on uh maternal instincts.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Hey, we have to play the game. Okay. You women control the game, we just play it.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Anyway, do you feel like social media puts temptation in your pocket?

Social Media Puts Temptation in Your Pocket

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Yeah, too much.

SPEAKER_03 32:56

Because I was gonna say earlier, I said these married men can't control themselves in the gym, but they go home with a phone. So what they feel it like?

SPEAKER_01 33:02

Well, they no, they're sitting there in the gym on their one and a half minute break, scrolling, and don't realize that the way they've taught their algorithm to continuously show them ass. And then when they look up and then they see more ass.

SPEAKER_03 33:16

Yeah, you just triggered me.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

They see more ass. So now they want to blame uh, you know, uh Chandra, who just came into the gym today in a pair of spandex, and it's her fault why he's distracted and can't get his workout done because he can't stop looking at her cheeks.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

Well, I mean, I'm gonna look at them. If there's cheeks, I'm looking. I'm gonna look women. Look too. I know. Sometimes you point it out to me. Yeah, I do. I'm like, wow. I'll be like, she appreciates you, appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Bye, babe. Appreciate you. I'll be like, she do the shorts.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

See. I'ma look. I'm not gonna stare, but I'm gonna look.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

You're gonna glance a couple of times and then turn your head?

SPEAKER_03 33:55

I'm gonna just look. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

Register it. All right, keep going.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Register it. Do you take a screenshot in the snapchat? Uh, snapshot in your hand.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

I think we all have mental screenshots. I I can tell you what you were wearing yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

I don't even remember what I wore yesterday. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

I can tell you saw wearing them goddamn floral panties. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

So, do you first of all? I did not have on floral underwear.

SPEAKER_03 34:17

Not yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

I don't own floral underwear. They are geometric printed. That is not the same.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

Okay, it's close enough. I said, who I said, who grandma here?

SPEAKER_01 34:27

I thought they were cute.

SPEAKER_03 34:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

I thought they were cute.

SPEAKER_03 34:30

Also, no, you when you would. Oh, I said, damn, she whipped these out. I know what that means. Shit.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

I thought they were cute. Um, I think obviously it's more so of a social media.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

I think social media is driving too much shit. I think niggas need to go outside and touch grass.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Okay, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

Go touch some grass, go put your feet in the sand. Yeah. Because you you what you watching on your phone ain't real. They just you give you giving the machine more data to control you. Go touch some grass. I mean, they can the forest don't try to control you. It may try to eat you. The forest? Yeah, but they ain't gonna try to control you.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

And let me ask what let me ask the mosquitoes will fuck you up if you let them.

SPEAKER_01 35:12

Right.

SPEAKER_03 35:12

But they ain't gonna control you.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Do you think validation is just as tempting as actual sex?

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Yes. I think everybody wants to be validated. And if and if you're more so with men or women. I think across the board.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

But more so with who?

SPEAKER_03 35:26

Men or women? I think validation matters more so with women. I feel like compliments matter more with men. Because if you if you give a man a string of compliments, that you're gonna really boost that nigga up. It's it's equal. He's gonna start feeling himself.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

You're gonna really boost that nigga up.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

He's gonna start feeling himself and he's gonna really appreciate you. Because men, I tell all the time. We don't get a lot of compliments. So when you got compliments, we're like, oh like we're gonna be. Like the time she noticed half the time we don't even know how to respond to compliments. It shit feels weird. I literally had this whole conversation with my therapist. I feel weird when people give me compliments because I don't know what the fuck to say.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Well, you don't know how to accept a compliment. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. You you say thank you. I know yeah. Yeah, you say, oh man, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

But so I think that my initial reaction is I'm I have to decide in my brain is that a compliment or not? Because I don't I'm I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Well, if they say like, oh, good job, or you're looking good.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

I feel like Tim's, I'm so confused through all the pain and stuff. I've been gonna hurt nerves with that song all week.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

Really do.

SPEAKER_03 36:26

Um comparison about what you need.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

Does comparison slowly make your spouse less attractive?

SPEAKER_03 36:32

Whoa, wait, wait a minute. Yeah, you see, yes, yes. Um, I don't think it makes them less attractive. I just think it it it the more you compare, the more you look to to look to compare.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

So because that's how temptation becomes dangerous. Yes, because now you are comparing.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

Because you'd be like, man, she don't flip that egg fast enough by so-and-so. I saw saw.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

She looks like she could flip an egg.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

I saw Saw on the video when she was making her food in that video.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

Or the or the ones that make uh food in the kitchen wearing denim underwear and little bitty bras. You know who? And you know, some people like, I wish my woman would get in the kitchen half naked and cook.

SPEAKER_03 37:06

You know who videos I love? The African lady that be cutting the fruit with that big ass knife.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

I love her. I love her. I love her. Her skin? Yes, gorgeous. And she wears like her gowns and stuff. Oh, I love her. And I was like, I'll just eat that shit. I mean, I love her. The other day she made some, I think it was a goosey, but she put too many peppers in there. She was like, Oh, that's hot. She was like, that's that's a little bit of a few.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

I'd be in the hospital all butter on fire.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Yeah, on fire. No, I love her. Yeah. Um emotional temptation can become just as threatening as physical, like we said before.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Before you, it's that's the most threatening. Because I feel like physical, I physically I can control myself. I'm not touching nobody.

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

And you know, you know, it's it's funny because out of all the people we talk to at the gym, none of them have my number. They all have why would they? Exactly. See what I'm saying? I I have established barriers and boundaries. I don't get my number out there.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

There's only two people who have my phone number at the gym.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Okay, but what I'm saying is I don't have people's numbers, I don't follow uh uh a bunch of people that we talk to. Like it's I I set strict boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

You on the other hand.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Don't make it seem like I'm out here loosey-goosey.

SPEAKER_03 38:18

With your social media, I know you are.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Extra followers never hurt.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 38:26

We're gonna read them DMs next episode. Read them. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:29

I already deleted them.

SPEAKER_03 38:30

Oh, see? Cheating.

unknown 38:32

Cheating.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

Delete messages.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Oh uh,

Boundaries Help Control Temptation

SPEAKER_01 38:38

strong boundaries make it easier to maintain temptation before it becomes a problem.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

Absolutely. I I just I literally just said that.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

I just said that. That's why, you know, my my my my first barrier of protection.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

My first barrier of protection. Why do you sound like a um uh uh what is it, uh, ant control man? My first barrier of protection against the hands uh uh yeah from the pest is.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Well, they pest my first area is that I will my wife somebody to death.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Oh, my wife got that. But you think that's a deterrent. It's not, it's a challenge. Well, I'm letting you know.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

I got a wife.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

And that, and you know what you just told her? He wants me to fight for him.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

Oh, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 39:25

I don't want me to really show him how interested I am. Okay, it's like it's like fine, I'll play the game.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

It's like old girl a while ago that she when she came up to me and the gym, she's like, you know, my friend, me and my friend normally do a push-up challenge. You want to do a challenge with me? And I was like, I looked at her like, what?

SPEAKER_01 39:41

What?

SPEAKER_03 39:42

I was like, no.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Or the two women who have been there since we've been going to the gym, and now all of a sudden they don't know how to work the belted um uh squat. They're older. And then let them go.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Maurice, they're older.

SPEAKER_01 39:55

We're the same age.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

No, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

We're the same age.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

They've had surgery, they're older.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

They we've been the same, it doesn't matter. They've been in the gym two years. You should know how to work the equipment by now. And in any case, you were here before us. So don't wait until my husband walks in to ask him to help you how to work the damn machine. Ask the other six niggas behind you.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

Oh, you that really made you mad that day, huh?

SPEAKER_01 40:17

It didn't make sense because she thought she was slick. I was like, I see you, wench.

SPEAKER_03 40:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

He ain't helping you with crap.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

But you didn't say nothing to her though.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

He ain't helping you with crap. That's you know, that's why I politely walked this way, like that.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

No, he can't help you. I just thought about uh we were in um Target and the lady asked me to read something for it out, and I looked at you like I was like, I'm like, it's okay, you can get it for her. I don't mind getting it for you, but if it's gonna cause problems over here, you're gonna have to step on your basket.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Listen.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Because I gotta I gotta go home.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

You have to step on your basket.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Because I gotta go home.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

I was like, babe, grab it for her. You can grab it for her.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

I said, yeah. I said, because you're not gonna have me doing your story.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Babe, because I'm trying to, I'm trying to told you. You're trying to told me? I'm trying to told you, okay? They be at her and they be trying. Okay, you know, like how what did you say? Homeboy in the gym the other week gave just gave me regular conversation, gave me a compliment. He was like, Oh my gosh, I see you coming in here. You work really hard. He was like, Where's your he was like, is that guy like your husband or your boyfriend?

SPEAKER_03 41:15

See, and you gave him everything he needed to know.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

See?

SPEAKER_03 41:18

I said, look at this.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

But I like I tell you, I was like, he was just being friendly.

SPEAKER_03 41:23

You was supposed to walk in.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

He was just being nice. He paid me a compliment.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

You were supposed to walk in there with a whole armor of God. And you did not.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

I did not.

SPEAKER_03 41:31

You was not protected at all. Good thing my prayers worked.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

What?

SPEAKER_03 41:36

You was not ready.

SPEAKER_01 41:37

I was ready. I smiled, I gave him a fist bump.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

Oh, then you touched him.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

I told him, my husband.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

But that don't matter. It's challenge accepted.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

Yeah, but it's not the same for me to win.

SPEAKER_03 41:48

Oh, now it's different. Don't see it as a challenge.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Women see it as a challenge. Women see it as a challenge. Uh, how do temptation looks different for men than it does for women?

SPEAKER_03 41:59

I feel like it's the same. I feel like there may be small variables, but I feel like for mostly it's the same. I don't think it's that much different. Temptation is temptation.

SPEAKER_01 42:06

Yeah. You know, but more like more like specifically, like for instance, for men, it's more visual, right? Sexual, opportunity. I take offense to that. Opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 42:18

I don't think it's visual for me. Like I can look at you be like, oh, you're pretty. But if you have a good personality, I I I'm Okay, for most most men, not you.

SPEAKER_01 42:26

Okay, well, I have to talk for me. Okay, well, most men. If you're because that's that's the biggest, that's the biggest quote unquote argument that they make.

SPEAKER_03 42:35

If you're because men are visual creatures. Look here. If you have a good personality and you're intellectual, that can and you have thick thighs. Yeah. And you can cook. Slow down. Grab the wall. Let me talk to my wife first if I get in some trouble. Because you checking too many boxes over here, okay? You're gonna get me fucked up. Are those tea cakes? I can have one of them. Just one again.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Okay, bye. Are those tea cakes? I can have just one. She's not gonna be upset if I get one. If I come home with a dozen, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

Let me take some home to her, too. So that you know, you know, I gotta make sure I bring her something, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

I can say she made these because she wanted you to try them, babe. Let me try one.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Girl, she saw the podcast want to give us tea cakes. Here you go.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Bullshit. I bullshit. What's that? A bullshit. A bullshit. About shit. Um, opportunity. I I mean, I've been taking, yeah, take temptation of opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Women do too.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

I'm like men though.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

Okay. You whores be out there. You ain't gotta you ain't gotta have a have a vagina. Admiration. You ain't gotta have you don't have to have a vagina to be a whore. A whore is a whore. Of course. It's a sexless position.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

It's a sexless position as wild. But typically, women, it's more the emotional attention. Right? Um, feeling desired. I feel like that could go both ways.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

That goes both ways. But don't want me. What old boy say? Uh don't want me. I think it was Mojo. He said, was it Mojo? I think it was Mojo book that says, I like who like me. So if you desire me, I desire you. It made it easier. You like me, I like you. It makes that shit easier.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

But what if they like you and you don't like them?

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Hey, I like who like me. If you had that mindset, Janine, you know.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

Then you're gonna attract the person that you like who's also gonna like you.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

Exactly. There you go. There you go. Now you're getting it.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

There you go. Now you got it. You like me.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

You like me. I like you. We together. We do things.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

But you liked me when I didn't like you.

SPEAKER_03 44:46

That's true. That's true. That's true. I had to work for it. But I like you enough to work for it. A lot of these girls, I wouldn't work for it. I'd be like, all right.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

And I put my guard down. I was like, you know what? He's pretty hot and hot and tempting. You weren't tempting.

SPEAKER_03 45:05

That's fat. Pretty hot and tempting. I know. Get it, fat?

SPEAKER_01 45:07

I know. Oh godness Christmas. I did get the reference. So overall. Overall.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Overall, what? Overall, I feel like it's the same. And to answer the question again from the top of the episode, I just think those people don't got no self-control.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

Because if if if if if if if what someone is wearing bothers you that much when you can't focus.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Because what happens when you go to the beach? Do you make the same complaint if you go to the beach?

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Oh. Because they may be. And then be the same ones that go to strip clubs.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

I say what I said.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

I say what I said.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Yeah. Alright, guys. Let's move on into the comment.

SPEAKER_03 45:56

No, we're not. We're gonna move into our uh quick two cents. Our quick two cents. No, it's quick two cents. God, you always messing up the flow.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

And for some reason, he's always adding things in.

SPEAKER_03 46:08

We've been doing this for three weeks. So your your question this week is staying

Quick Two Cents: Does a Strong Marriage Help Temptation?

SPEAKER_03 46:14

on thing, uh, does a strong marriage make you less tempted or just better at handling temptation?

SPEAKER_01 46:22

It doesn't make you less tempted.

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Okay, that's a good answer. Good answer.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Just because you're with somebody, and it doesn't matter if you're married or been with them uh more than half your life, that doesn't mean that temptation is gonna lessen. But I do think that it just teaches you how to be better at holding your boundaries. Okay, yeah, because that that just comes through self-discipline. Because again, discipline, self-disciplining the self. All right, so yeah. Okay, now I guess he wants to do I guess I didn't have nothing to say.

SPEAKER_03 46:56

Oh I agree. You asked me. I agree. I agree with your sense. Okay. Isn't that what we're doing next? The comment of the week. The comment of the week, people. Okay, now

Comment of the Week

SPEAKER_03 47:05

look here. This week's comment. All these comments come from the video about Bob. Oh, Bob. Okay, so Bob was the guy who asked his friend's wife out to dinner once his friend was out of town. Um, and we don't know if she went, there has been no update, so please stop asking me. Uh, we will let y'all know when we know. So the first comment comes from King of Libras. Uh, and this is on TikTok. He says, Tell Bob to fall back before he gets sent back.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Listen here, Bob.

SPEAKER_03 47:49

Listen, Bob. Because I said Bob can catch these hands, and I meant that. Listen here, Bob. This next comment comes from Instagram. It comes from, babe, what's her name?

SPEAKER_01 47:59

Um, our arrive tech.

SPEAKER_03 48:01

We're gonna go with that. I don't know. She says, Oh, Bob, you're looking for a cookie in the wrong jar.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

I love that. Oh, Bob. You're looking for a cookie in the wrong jar.

SPEAKER_03 48:16

Okay, look here. The next three are my favorite because they because you know I love music. Okay, so this is from Instagram. This is from um, I want to say this is Jean. Baby, is that Jean, right? Jean?

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Uh yeah, we'll say Jean.

SPEAKER_03 48:33

And uh she says there's a song that was done in the 70s or 80s titled I think uh I really think he uh he trusts me too much. I think it was uh, I think it was some Bobby Womack. I'm not sure, but anyone interested in listening to that song is a real I know. She's right. It's a Bobby Womack song. And in the song, Bobby says, I'm the best friend he's got. I'd give him the shirt off my back. He knows he can trust me with his life, but each time he leaves me alone, leaves me alone with his wife, I wish he wouldn't trust me too much.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

That's because temptation. Because he's tempted.

SPEAKER_03 49:15

Shout out to my mama. My mom, I know every Bobby Wilmack song because my mama, because she was in love with that nigga like crazy, and that nigga is something to look at. The next comment comes comes from Lance. Um, something to look at, and he says, Bob smiling in your face all the time he wants to take your face. The backstabs. OJ.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

Backstabbus and smiling in your face.

SPEAKER_03 49:41

Not Eddie.

SPEAKER_01 49:43

Who does that want to take your place than backstabbers?

SPEAKER_03 49:46

The next time it comes from YouTube, it comes from uh Nikki Dancy.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

She said 4087, finished their handle.

SPEAKER_03 49:52

Oh my god. She said, the cleanup man. Don't y'all remember the cleanup woman? The cleanup woman is a woman who gets all the love we girls. That was funny. Um and this is my top one. This is my favorite. This is the last one. This also comes from YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

Jasper684213.

SPEAKER_03 50:16

Bob is gonna have to build himself some new teeth.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

If you don't stay the hell away from my damn wife, Bob.

SPEAKER_03 50:24

Bob got to build yourself a new teeth. So that's the comment, y'all. We appreciate y'all loving me. Shout outs to almost, we almost had 50,000 on YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 50:32

Yes, thank you guys. Y'all are amazed. Y'all doing y'all big ones. Y'all are amazed balls. Okay, guys, let's hop on into our two seats.

Our 2 Cents Begins

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Okay, so this one is gonna be from a booski. Oh, Jesus. This one's from a booski. All right. Um,

Affair With the Ex-Husband’s Best Friend

SPEAKER_01 50:50

and it says, Am I the asshole for having an uh uh thing, I believe she means affair, but am I the asshole for having an affair with my ex-husband's best friend?

SPEAKER_03 51:00

Oh my god. Okay, okay, probably so.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

Um, all right, here we go. Um I am the Am I the Asshole for having an affair with my ex-husband's best friend slash kid's godfather?

SPEAKER_03 51:16

Okay, you didn't made the made the godfather and the stepdaddy. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

I didn't even think about it that way.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

Uh 42-year-old female, and I'm divorced from my ex-husband, who's 40, because he tried to take my life.

SPEAKER_02 51:31

That is very serious. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 51:32

I have four children, three of which are his. He was in the military and we are stationed far away from home when we first got married. During this time, he was deployed about four times and met his best friend. Let's call him Elle, who's 40. After getting divorced, I moved back to the coast of the country that I'm originally from, but a different state years later. L moved back to his hometown, which is only about 15 minutes away, and we reconnected on social media. There goes social media. Uh, because he is the godfather to our older children, he does a bunch of stuff for them: driving lessons, advice, cute little surprises for me behind my back, feeds my mother when I'm out of town, even helps with babysitting, in addition to him being a single father of two kids and working full-time. He's very present. When uh Elle reached out, he was helping me out with my children and is a tremendous help, being that I have been a single mother since I've been divorced. My ex-husband sends money, but he's never physically here. So here is where it gets complicated. Elle was between jobs and had a bunch of time. I asked him, took my kid out to the field trip as a chaperone because I couldn't make it out due to work. After he got back, we went out and I offered to treat him to dinner and a few cocktails as a thank you. He refused to let me pay when he brought me back to my house. My mother was downstairs watching the children and we snuck off for a little bit. Two years later, it's still going on a couple of times a month continuously.

SPEAKER_02 53:06

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

It's crazy because I don't feel any remorse and I don't think that I should. Ex-husband tried to kill me. I have no loyalty to him at all. After the years of verbal financial benefit and physical and sexual abuse, I don't care what he thinks towards me, but the children. The children are adults, so child support has stopped. I have no incentive to maintain any semblance of loyalty to him at all. But my male platonic friends are telling me that the situation is wrong and bro code was broken. And even though I'm divorced and my ex-husband is remarried, there's still a level of loyalty that needs to be maintained. L is in a relationship, but I don't care. I'm not gonna stop. He's always there when I need him with a couple of dollars, something to eat, favors for the kids, taking care of my mom who's elderly now. And when I'm out of town and I don't need, I don't see the need to stop. Unfortunately, I had a problem with my now adult son, and I asked my ex-husband for help, and he refused to help me. So, in a fit of rage, I had an outburst and told him that I was carrying on an affair for a while with L. And since then, he refuses to talk to me. It doesn't matter to kids or adults, they already out of the house. Who cares? And obviously, Elle doesn't care about maintaining a relationship with his girlfriend or the relationship with my ex-husband because he's still doing everything like nothing ever happened. Now the friendship has gone on for 20 years, and we basically almost grew up together at our first friendship, at our first two duty stations. I have no intention on stopping what I'm doing, and I don't feel bad. I don't have remorse. And yes, my kids know, so does my mother and his late father. It's almost like common knowledge at this point. I know if I need anything, he's a phone call away. If he can't physically come, he will find a way to help me with some form or fashion. It's the most disgusting border, uh disgusting border adventure every single time, and I will be a fool to stop. Every single time without fail, and nothing is off limits. Nothing. He's always very respectful, helpful, kind, and generous, gives me advice and is never disrespectful, always calm, always cool, always safe. And with him being in law enforcement, I always feel secure and being taken care of. Me and my children. His dad even told me to my face before he passed away that he thinks that we should try something. My mother even approves of our relationship. My kids love him, and my kids don't like anybody. I trust him more with my children than I trust their own biological father. So am I an asshole for continuing to continue a relationship even though we both see other people? Yeah. Only because he's in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 55:57

Because y'all are in relationships. I don't give a damn how good he is to you. You know he got something. So are you deciding or she decides you?

SPEAKER_01 56:06

Right. But what does that say about him? You talk all these great things about his character and everything, but if he is actively in a relationship and still sleeping with you, how great is his character?

SPEAKER_03 56:15

Where's his loyalty lie? With himself, not with you.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

How great of a man is he if he can't be man enough to let go of the relationship that he's in?

SPEAKER_03 56:23

And the be with you. The bro call was not broken, it was shattered.

SPEAKER_01 56:29

Okay, so hold on. Let's take all of that. Let's take all of them aside.

SPEAKER_03 56:34

L is Bob. At this point.

SPEAKER_01 56:37

No, he's not.

SPEAKER_03 56:38

L was just waiting for his turn.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

Okay. Take everything else aside and just look at it for the question. She is divorced from her ex-husband.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

Is it wrong for her to carry on a relationship with his friend? They're no longer together, though.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

It's not wrong for her. That part is wrong on Bob, it's wrong on Elle's part. Because you should.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

But she's a single woman now.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

I understand that. But if that if he if he really was your friend, that you don't go there. You don't we you don't dive in water until your friend settled. Even if they leave, they've been there. I have no interest on being anywhere my friend has been. That's just that's bro.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

So you're not gonna look at it and be like, you dropped the ball on that one. She's a great lady. I'll take her.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

That bitch must be crazy.

SPEAKER_01 57:28

That bitch must be crazy.

SPEAKER_03 57:29

Uh so I think it's wrong on his part.

SPEAKER_01 57:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:32

What I think is wrong on her part is that she knows that he has that L has a woman and she don't care.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

Yeah, that is.

SPEAKER_03 57:39

So you up there, you might be up there causing this woman major distress. Why don't y'all just be through? She probably don't know. Why don't y'all just be interruptable?

SPEAKER_01 57:47

Or hear me out, hear me out. Shits and giggles. Um, he could break up with his girlfriend, and you two could just like make it official. Like, I don't, I just don't, I don't, I don't see the purpose of this going on for this long. Okay. For y'all just not to even just be there.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

Y'all gonna be in the Christina.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

Christina's not here. Christina! Christina's not here. She ran off. Yeah, I don't, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

Yeah, I don't, I don't, I will say, I will say kudos to you for getting out of a terrible situation with your example. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

Kudos. And I hope charges were brought for attempted murder. He shouldn't just be out here walking around.

SPEAKER_03 58:32

On the flip side, it it it's mess is mess.

SPEAKER_01 58:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

No matter how, no matter how nicely you try to tidy, tidy it up, it's still mess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:42

And it and it sounds like outside of him willing to be a cheater, he sounds like he might be a really good guy. But I can't, I can't get past that part, nor would I want to get past that part. Maybe that's why she won't carry on a relationship with him because he is willing to do that while in a relationship.

SPEAKER_03 58:58

Maybe it's only fun to you because you know you you're not there day to day. He just comes around when you need something when you want something.

SPEAKER_01 59:04

Or maybe it's different. Maybe it's fun to her because she knows she has access to him anytime she wants, but that's a and he has a relationship. So, like I was telling you earlier, some women find it as a challenge. So maybe for her, it's also like, yeah, I know you with him, but guess what? If I call him, guess where he's gonna come? He's gonna come to my rescue. Yeah and that might be, you know what I mean? Like that's what the spice is to keep you connected. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 59:30

Um I couldn't blame Tammy.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

Bye. All

Should She Pay Him Back After Two Dates?

SPEAKER_01 59:36

right, let's move on. Um, we have Am I the Asshole for rejecting a guy after two dates and refused to pay him back for the meal he insisted on paying for?

SPEAKER_02 59:46

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 59:48

Hi there. She's a 31-year-old female and single mom who's recently entered back into the dating scene after a long break. I matched with a guy on Tinder and we agreed to meet up at a dog park to drink a cup of coffee and let our dogs play together for a few hours. The first meetup was fine. We talked and our dogs got along well. He wasn't my normal type, not ugly or anything, just different from the types I usually date. But I figured it was time to try something new since it hasn't been going so well with the guys I am usually interested in. After the meetup in the park, we decided to go on an actual date the following week. He seemed nice and easy to talk to, but there was a few things that I thought might make us a bit too different from each other. But I thought that if the date went well and I got to know him a bit better, that those things might not seem so important. That's fair. The date happened and it was a nice date. We went to a nice Italian restaurant. We talked about a lot of different things. There was a few awkward moments of silence, and he seemed to be a bit insecure and nervous. I'm neither of those things. I'm very chill about meeting new people, and I love it when people use humor in awkward moments. I think it's better to laugh about it than uh, oh, I think it's better to laugh about it. Like for example, when I dropped my knife than getting flustered and embarrassed. He didn't. When the bill came, I asked twice if I should pay my own part of the bill because he's on a fixed income, so I knew he didn't have a lot of money. But he insisted that since he invited that he should pay. Good man. Which, which is, I agree. I thanked him and asked if uh he was sure. And he said, absolutely. He paid and we went for a short walk before he walked me to my car. I could tell by the end of the evening that we were not a match. So the next day I wrote him and politely thanked him for a nice evening, but that I unfortunately didn't think we were a good match and that I hoped he found what he was looking for.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:44

Long story short, he was not okay with that. He sent me a long text message asking what went wrong. And even though I knew to never answer a question like that after such response, I did anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:59

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:59

I told him that I felt like our personalities weren't compatible, and I'm looking for someone with a life, someone with a life a bit closer to mine. Again, I'm a single mom. I knew from our first meetup that he was on a fixed income because he couldn't work due to an illness. But I learned during that date that he spent most of his time gaming with his online communities. He wasn't okay with the response and said that I should have known that he didn't meet my quote-unquote criteria before going on the date. And then he sent me a text with everything that I ordered at the restaurant and a final amount and asked me in a very condescending way to pay him back. Again, there's a lot more to the text involved, but this is already too long. I wrote him explaining that what he was doing was incredibly immature and petty, and that he had his chance to get the money yesterday. He sent me a long text message explaining how I basically used him and that I should pay my part. But now it's just the principle of it for me. So I blocked him and I don't want to deal with him anymore. I have a good job. I own my own car, I have a great home, and I take care of my daughter. I can't afford to pay for him or pay, I can afford to pay him, but I honestly just don't want to at this point. So am I being the asshole? No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:24

No, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

It's called cut your losses, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:26

He should have fixed his mouth to take that payment the day before. Since he's on a fixed income.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:31

But well, it's because obviously, he thought this was gonna go forward. So now when she says it's not gonna go forward, now he's like, Oh, you're not gonna play me for a free meal. Oh, well, it's paid for already, buddy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:45

The meal wasn't free. You y'all ate, you had her company. It's called tricking.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:51

Okay. But it ain't tricking if you got it.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:54

He ain't barely ain't got it. But he ain't got it. So he shouldn't have he shouldn't have fixed himself on a date.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:59

But he's trying to say you knew we weren't gonna be compatible.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:03

This is why you do first dates at coffee shops, bagel shops, and shit like that. They sat down and had a meal.

unknown 1:04:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:11

They should have been somewhere a little less expensive and get to know each other. This is why you go, this is why you go somewhere where you have to conversate. If I take you to eat, I can just sit there eat.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:21

Okay, so let first let me ask you this because ask the question. Because and I say this because I just had this conversation um with my cousin who is dating, right? Okay. Get it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:39

What are your thoughts on men who are trying to date who are not necessarily in a financially stable situation at the current time that they're trying to date?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:54

My thoughts if you can't afford her, you shouldn't be out here trying to walk.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:57

Okay, because my thing is Because you can look at a woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:02

Sometimes you can look at a woman be like, I can't do that right now. You look good, but I can't afford it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:07

I can't.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:08

So I I ain't gonna I ain't gonna waste your time. Right. I ain't gonna waste my little money. Right. You out of my league right now. Because I understand. Now let me let me get in the lab, get myself together, and if you single, I might shoot my an take another shot. Because you get two free throws. Okay. Sometimes you get three.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:25

Because if they went to the okay, the first interaction was the dog park, right? That's what they said? Yes. The first interaction was the dog park and coffee. Okay. They went on the date the next day. So in the conversation prior, it was enough there. It was a it was established that he was like on a fixed income. Which, in my opinion, the only way she would know that is if that was uh information that was volunteered, right? Um, so I mean for voluntole. Voluntold. So for me personally, if that's the if I'm learning that about you on our first. Interaction and you're making it a point to tell me who I'm a perfect stranger to. For me personally, I'm not going on the date tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:08

Oh, okay. I'm on a fixed income. And I I can no longer uh afford the things that you like. I gotta I gotta put me first, Lucius.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:20

It's too late. Figure it out. Um I gotta put me first, Lucius. Okay, right? But okay, so if you already know that you're on a fixed income, you're the one who invited her, which is also your reasoning for saying that's why you didn't want her to pay. You didn't want her to pay because you said I felt like it's my responsibility since I invited you.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:39

Okay. There's no reason, whether you felt played or not, for you to go back and be like, hey, now you owe me the second half or you owe me your um your meal. Okay. Right? I agree. Right? Like, I just think I think that's crazy. I also think it's crazy that if you know that you have to like already trying to push the budget or you don't have enough budget to take um uh take her out on a date just to get to know her, may maybe that's not something you should be doing right now. Maybe your focus needs to be a little bit elsewhere. Like you know what I'm saying? Because like I don't, I don't I don't want to have hold on. My thing is is I think what I'm saying is I I don't want to have to have those types of conversations already when I'm already just getting to know you. Like, why are we talking about like money like that when I'm trying to get to know you? But it's also a really big thing because you have made it a point to tell me that you're on a fixed team. You made it a big thing. So now in my head, it's like, okay, so if we can barely go on a date, or you're gonna ask me for half of it after inviting me on the date, we're not gonna be doing much else.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

I got two things. I think he maybe impossible. It's not like he could have been lying because he was trying to set the bar low. Sometimes you set the bar low. So you can see what type of, yeah. I get that too. My second thing is, it just reminded me, I had a friend when we were both working part-time, and I asked her, I said, I had asked him, You got a girlfriend? He looked me dead in my face and said, I cannot afford a girlfriend right now. He said, I work part-time and I go to school. He said, I ain't got no money for nobody else, but I he said, I'm barely feeding my girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:17

Right, but he he don't have time or the money. He there's a lot going on. But when he gets when he finishes school and gets that job.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:24

So then I looked around and said, We all work part-time and we all have girlfriends, but you. So maybe it's just you.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:29

Bye, DeBelle. Maybe it's you not prioritizing, or maybe you can't manage your money.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

Yeah, it could be a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:36

It could be, but it could be a lot of things.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:37

Oh no, he was good with money.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:39

Okay, what's his name?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:40

You know who he is.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:41

Oh, you wanna you wanna uh I'll pass him off.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:49

Laura, Laura, my lower head, my overhead immediately.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:53

Is he of an uh another complexion? Yeah, of course. Does he like black women?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:58

I mean, his mama Mexican. Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:02

All right, uh, let's see. Uh, am I the asshole for being angry that my partner froze and didn't fight back during an unprovoked attack

Partner Froze During an Attack

SPEAKER_01 1:09:12

on my life?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:14

Maybe. Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:16

I'm a 34-year-old female, and I'm struggling deeply with how my partner, who's 44, reacted during a life or death situation, and I need outside perspective. Recently, I was the victim of an unprovoked attempted murder by my neighbor. What is it with people trying to murder people? I need y'all to do better. Murder is not the answer. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:38

Sometimes it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:39

Okay. I do not know this person, and we have never spoken a single uh word to each other. He intentionally turned off my electricity from the outside breaker box to lure me outside. Oh Lord. When I would first mistake was why didn't your fiance, why did your boyfriend go out there? But okay, here we go. Um, when I went outside to check the box, he was waiting for me in the dark with a baseball bat and brutally attacked me, attempting to kill me. My partner was standing right there and witnessed the entire thing. During the attack, he didn't jump in, he didn't yell, react, or defend me. He completely froze. Eventually, he grabbed my hand and dragged me back inside the house to safety, but I felt like a lifetime had passed before he did anything. The police were called, and my neighbor is currently in prison awaiting trial. While I survived, I am deeply traumatized. On top of processing the horror of the attack itself, I'm feeling an immense amount of resentment and anger towards my partner. I feel incredibly let down, unsafe, and unprotected. I keep thinking he should have done more to save me, even though I know the freeze response is a real psychological or physiological reaction to shock, which it is. Am I the asshole for thinking he should have done more and feeling like I can't trust him to protect me now?

SPEAKER_03 1:11:04

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:05

You're not an asshole for feeling.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:06

Your feelings are your feelings. Yeah. Now I will say this. He was probably shocked.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:09

He was. He was.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:11

He was.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:12

As somebody who has done has been in a traumatic situation, shock is a real thing. You get stuck.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:19

Yeah, you don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:21

And again, my favorite Mike Tyson quote everybody got a plan till they get hit.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:26

That's true.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:28

You can talk about what you would do, yeah. But it's different in that situation. You don't really know what how you're gonna react. You don't know what your body is gonna do. Now, luckily for us, we've been in situations where I've had to react because she don't pay attention to shit. Okay. But obviously, my wife had an excellent question. Why did he take his ass off first? Because ain't nowhere in hell.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:50

I'm sending her outside at night to the breaker, even, but maybe because he's like, well, it's her house, so she must know the breaker box. Feed me the breaker box out, Daryl.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:01

Most women don't know where the breaker box is at. Where are your breaker box at?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:05

Uh outside on the house. I know where my breaker box is. If everything is labeled, I would know how to work it. If it's not labeled, then oh, it's labeled. What the hell you want me to do my? But it's like what the hell you want to do. It's not labeled right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:22

You learned that the hard way?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:24

Uh no, you're not, you're not the asshole for feeling hard.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:26

You feel um I think it's legit, a legitimate feeling. Um I could I could really understand now you being in a headspace of being like timid because it's like if something like this would happen again, or if we're out in public and we're together, and what if somebody uh tries to soak me out then? Are you gonna freeze up again too?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:46

I for I forgot who said it, but somebody said this. It's it's easy to prepare for the attacks that you see coming. The ones that catch you off guard, he's processing shit in the moment. Yeah, and he don't know, yeah, he don't know right from the way.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:00

He don't know which way to go.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:02

You know, again, a lot of people say they built like that. Ain't really built like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:07

Yeah, you don't know how you're gonna react in a situation like that. That is scary. But no, I don't think you're the asshole for feeling that way. Why did you hit me?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:14

Because I didn't expect that to see how she didn't react? She ain't built for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:19

Anyways, I don't think that you're the asshole for feeling that way. I think your feelings are legitimate, they're valid, and I can see how that could be very scary because you're like, you're my man, and I was being beat by another man with a weapon, and you didn't step your ass up off that porch to step in. And then the thing is, she said he dragged her back in the house. She didn't say that he started to attack the neighbor. Like when he did come to, did the neighbor just stop and walk back in the house or what? Because you dragging me back into the house to safety. Okay, I get that. But did we try to like jump in to hit him, take the bat, or we just I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:59

I wasn't there. I wasn't there.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:02

Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:05

That's three. Oh that was it. I don't know. Wait.

Update: Husband Opens the Divorce Door

SPEAKER_03 1:14:10

We have an update, guys. Um, so because y'all like the updates, I'll I'll be looking. Um so the update to the this is about the story about the uh the husband that was threatening divorce, and she finally said okay. Right? So she told him backtracking. Yeah, she told him that they could do a trial separation to give him a chance to change his ways. Right? He told he doubled down and told her it's all or nothing. So she back home with mama, her and the baby back home with mama.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:45

Hashtag he lost.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:47

So he lost.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:48

So she all right, guys. This has been another episode. So wait, so she ran off on the plug twice. Bye.

Closing: Almost 50K on YouTube

SPEAKER_01 1:14:55

This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, don't forget to follow us. Like, subscribe, do all the things that social media requires you to do. Um be social. Be social, right? And we'll be social back.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:10

No, we won't.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:11

Um, he will. Uh, we'll be social back.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:14

No, we won't.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:15

Follow us at Life After I Do podcast on um TikTok, Instagram. We're almost at 50,000 on YouTube. We appreciate y'all. What did I say? It's a Facebook, Life After I Do. I said TikTok, Life After I Do, Life After I Do Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:28

Wait a minute. Shouts out to all the new Booskies that is that are members on YouTube. We appreciate y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:33

Yes. Shout out to the subscriber booskies. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:37

Let us know in the comments. You know, again, like I say, you may get it, you may not. But let us know in the comments what you're looking for. We are we are trying to we are trying to make sure that the value is there. We do have the merch coming. My baby working on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:50

Greatness takes time, guys. No, I'm joking.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:52

No, everything she does takes time.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:54

It does.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:54

Everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:55

But I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:57

Yeah. Um, she's working on it by reading the book to three in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:00

Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:01

That's why she ain't sleeping. Goodbye. Because the book is like a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:04

We're gonna have to do um uh my book review segment.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

Uh uh. No, we're not. Yes, we do. Yes, I'm not gonna hear you talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:11

We got a lot of readers out there. There's a lot of readers.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:15

I'm not doing this. We're not doing this.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:17

Anyway, follow us at Life After I Do Podcast. You can also write into the episode at lifeafter I do podcast at gmail.com. Um, thank you to all the new subscribers. Almost at 50K on YouTube. We're still on the road to 100k on Instagram. So don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend to tell grandma because I'm ready now, then everybody else will. And until next week, guys. Peace booskies. Peace booskies.