How Marriage Changes Things

Love changes when life starts asking for more than butterflies. In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and Moelethal look at who they were then, who they are now, and what twenty-plus years of love, bills, parenting, sacrifice, attraction, and emotional honesty will really teach you.

In this episode, we discuss the evolution of romance when uninterrupted cuddling feels like a luxury, why listening can be more intimate than a grand gesture, and how communication changes when you stop sugarcoating your truth. Nesha opens up about becoming more direct with age, while Moe brings the humor, honesty, and emotional vulnerability that has always shaped their relationship.

The conversation moves from marriage reflection into real-life Our 2 Cents dilemmas about affair babies, messy in-law dynamics, protecting your child from family favoritism, and emotional cheating disguised as “being there for a friend.” It is funny, grown, petty, and honest in the way only Life After I Do can be.

Transcript

Cold Open: Acts of Service Hits Different

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I mean for me from the from the gate. Yeah, for sure. You know, because I feel like I do enough. So anytime you do something, I'm like

Welcome Back to Life After I Do

SPEAKER_04 0:11

I do enough. So anytime you do something, I'll be like, okay, not my shirt come off. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hey everyone, and welcome back to the life after I do.

Big Bro Energy and Protein Goals

SPEAKER_01 0:42

How y'all doing? How y'all doing? How you doing out there?

SPEAKER_04 0:45

I'm big bro today.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Oh, oh yes.

SPEAKER_04 0:48

Big bro.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

He's feeling himself. He's feeling himself. Feeling it, feeling it. Yes, sir. You had a good day today?

SPEAKER_04 0:58

So far. So far, so good. I've hitting all my goals.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

I just gotta eat 40 more grams of protein.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:05

Struggling.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

You're 40. I have 90.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08

At this point, I'm just gonna get a I'm gonna I'ma just go get me a three by three. Yeah, right. Basically. And then be over my phone.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

And call it a day. I mean, listen, here's the thing. I may complain about some of my fluffiness of comeback, but you know, you do have to eat to get stronger a little bit. You know, like you got you gotta eat. I'm gonna try I'm not I'm not mad because you know, the proof is in the pudding that I've been eating.

SPEAKER_04 1:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Yeah, I'm gonna be able to do that. I'm gonna try to keep these glasses on the whole time because I always realize that once we get going, I'll be like, I get hot.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

And then your glasses start to stick.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

And then I can't see nothing. So I'll be taking them off. But hey, Booski. Hi Booskies. How you doing? How you? Oh, you look good. How you doing? Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

I'm good. Um I'm showing, I'm showing up with Ashy Knuckles again today. Um at least y'all know I showered as you are.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

Wait, I should refer to your head. I shouldn't say that because last time I said that, somebody said, You need to be, you need to read the Bible boy. That's not what he meant. You can't tell me how I'm gonna interpret what I mean.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Um,

Do People Know How to Bathe?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

yeah, I mean, like, you know, I didn't shower my arms. You didn't shower your arms? I mean, I didn't lotion my arms.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

No, trust me. Listen, as many of those, okay, listen, as many of those clips I keep seeing about people and how they how they don't shower properly. Okay. I watched a clip and he was like, Do you wash below your kneecaps? And the whole boy was like, I'm not doing this with y'all today. He was like, I'm not, he was like, What are you talking about? He was like, Do you wash below your kneecaps? And he was like, Yes. It you know what I've learned. I washed my whole, and then one girl was like, she asked another girl, she was like, Do you wash your back? And the girl was like, Yes. She was like, I wash my body. And she was like, What do you mean? And she was like, You don't you like the soap? The soap just runs down. She was like, That's not, that's not, it's not how it works, you guys.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

The one thing I have learned from social media is that a lot of y'all don't know how to bathe.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I just, it makes me, it just makes me question a lot of it. Hold on, hold on. A lot of y'all are.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

A lot of y'all are getting laid. A lot bathing. A lot of y'all didn't have that mama that'd be like, either you do it right or I'm gonna come in here and do it for you.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Because I can't, how many times have I hit her with that? How many times had she passed by me and I got a whoop of that pit? And I was like, girl, rewind, head back, run it back to the shower. I'm finding the replay. Yeah, because I shouldn't smell your arm, Pit. I am we are not, and we're not doing that. This morning, uh, she turned over and she said, Oh.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

She stretched her arm and you got a whip.

SPEAKER_04 3:52

And I said, Did you put the order on? Oh, I forgot.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Girl, don't forget.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Please don't. I said, I said, you didn't forget the iPad though.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

Bye. But it just it baffles me like some people's thought process. People don't clean in between their toes. They don't wash. They don't watch. Oh, that was another clip. That was Maurice, that was another clip. They were talking, they were then. Oh my gosh, we will, okay. But they they were talking about it was like three young guys, and he was like, uh, what you mean you don't clean them between your ass? And he was like, are y'all really bending over and spreading your cheeks and cleaning? He was like, You ain't gotta bend over between between your ass. But you gotta clean it between your ass. Like, oh who doesn't clean it between their ass?

SPEAKER_04 4:40

And the word uh the great, late, uh the late great Red Fox, you ain't gotta wash your whole ass. But you gotta wash your ass all.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

That is just, it's it's so diabolical. And I think about like if I'm in the shower, how are you really getting in a shower, bathing with your, like bathing with your hands, first of all, and then only touching certain parts of your body and assuming that the whole body's getting clean.

SPEAKER_04 5:05

And then this one I don't get. How are you putting the same piece of cloth on your ass and that you put on your face?

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not judging anybody.

SPEAKER_04 5:17

Tell us about your week because we're gonna be here forever.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Um, night week was good. Week was really good. Got to spend time with family. Y'all know how I feel about that. Got to see my great niece, had my nephew down. We had family

Family Day and Skating Rink Falls

SPEAKER_01 5:29

day. Um, family day was really fun. And listen.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Oh my god, it was so traumatic.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

What finally happened, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

What happened?

SPEAKER_01 5:38

I ate dirt. Oh, you failed. And I failed. I should post a video at the skating rink. Oh, I should post a video. I was doing so good. I was even trying to practice new tricks. I was doing the one leg. I was trying to do a pistol squat. That's neither here nor there. Um, but I was like, okay, I was getting my groove back. I was like, yes. Like this is. And they were playing good music too. And they were playing good music. I was like, this is like 11-year-old Kinesha coming through. And I think I got a little too confident. And this was after my sister had failed because she was getting her groove back too. She was like, oh, this is feeling like 11-year-old Lakingan, you know? And then out of nowhere, she failed.

SPEAKER_04 6:16

I don't even know how she fell.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I don't know how she fell either. She just failed.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

I was looking at her. And she was, we were looking at each other. I said, How did you fall?

SPEAKER_01 6:24

What happened? She was like, I don't know. And then I was getting too confident and I was coming around that curve, and I was like, oh, I want to start coming around the curve. But you know how you be on one foot and you got the other foot like in front of you?

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I looked at the replay, and my right ankle just buckled. Just buckled.

SPEAKER_04 6:44

You know what I saw? I saw that scene from Precious. That's 50 going. I should have fucked you up then.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Okay. You're doing a lot.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

And you try that shit again.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

You're doing a lot. You're doing a lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

You're doing a lot.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

I was gonna post it, but I didn't because I sang a no other like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

He was like, you better not post that. He was like, this will be good. I was like, Maurice, don't post that. Like, don't. My titty came out of my bra. I fell so hard. But when I was trying to get up, I was like, oh, I'm sick. My titty is out of my brain.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Wait, wait a minute. I'll be right back, y'all. I didn't see that part. I gotta go one more.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

I was wearing all black. You couldn't see it. I just felt it. And when I went to get up, my titty was hanging out of my bra under my shirt. And I was like, Lord, I gotta put my titty back in my bra. It was it was a it was calling to me. Okay, it was a lot. Goodbye. Um,

Bench Progress and Deadlift Confidence

SPEAKER_01 7:31

yes, and then what else? Oh, I mean, just you know, prepping. Prep is coming long, it's coming good. I'm I'm I'm really feeling I'm really feeling the difference, and I am starting to get a little excited, but I am really feeling the difference in my strength. And um, except, you know, and I think it's just psychological at this point when it comes to my deadlift because I've been so bench focused, and I feel like everything else is kind of like, you know, like I'm cruising along, but me and Bench, I feel like me and Bench are locked in, and I don't want to jinx it, but I feel like Bench and I are like locked in right now.

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Let me tell you something. Uh, when I picked that 342 up, no warm-up, just raw back.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Oh, what I was doing last week?

SPEAKER_04 8:14

I said, oh, she's strong. I said, I'm having warmth for this.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

I did it four reps too.

SPEAKER_04 8:19

I said, she can have it. Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

She can have it.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

The way my back too, I said, Oh, she can have it. You did it though. You you looked at it once. Yeah, yeah. I could have done it again. I just said, no, I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

I said, I said, who am I trying to impress? Who am I trying to impress?

SPEAKER_04 8:37

This is stupid. Why am I doing this? This is dumb. You know what? My week was so traumatic, I forgot it. I forgot your sister then was here. Oh, wow. You know what? It's funny because we had that story last week about in-laws, and I guess I just black out my in-laws come around and just forget about them. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Oh, but I will say, I will say we did try. You know, um, I don't know if any of you guys heard on TikTok. It was on TikTok where you can get fried catfish at Ralph's. Oh, don't do it. Don't do it. Oh my God. Don't do it. We were so excited to don't do it.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

Talk about wasting your cheat meal on some shit. You know what? You know how like, you know how like you're like, oh, I'm gonna have a cheat

Ralph’s Fried Catfish Disappointment

SPEAKER_04 9:14

meal. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get some fried food. I don't eat fried food off the it's it wasn't the way I wanted to go back over there and flip the whole store.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

No, it I feel like okay. On a scale of one and two, what would you give it?

SPEAKER_04 9:26

A zero.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Okay, I would give it like a six. But here's the thing. I feel as though if it had no seasoning. I was gonna say the batter needed more like salt or something. The whole thing needed seasoning. And you and you know, I mean, we black, we like seasoned food.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

I think the last time the fish was seasoned when it was when the water hit it.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Okay, bye. And it could have been fried for me personally, it could have been like fried with more batter and a little harder.

SPEAKER_04 9:50

Yeah, it was it was like that was the low light of my week.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

I was like, and you charged me $53 for seven pieces of fish. And when you told me that, I said, You I said, send it back. No, we ended up throwing it away at you. Send it back, send it back. We ate, well, we ate three pieces, four pieces, and that was it. That was a lesson learned. I was like, this is not great. I was like, TikTok, you have given me a straight.

SPEAKER_04 10:15

Never again. Um, so how else was your week, though? At this point, I'm gonna I'm gonna write it off as a business expense. Okay, bye. How else was your week?

SPEAKER_01 10:21

It was it was cool, you know, I guess. It was it was it was cool. Yeah, it was cool. I was thinking, I went to, you know how my week was I just thought about this.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Was the highlight of my week. When we went to the wall and uh uh TT was like, Uncle Mo, you got me ice cream? I said, yeah. For me? I said, yes, TT, that's your ice cream. Do I have to share it? No. Good. I'm not gonna give my dad none. None. I said, baby, I said he better not take a lick of it.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

That's my great niece.

SPEAKER_04 10:49

I said, he better not take a lick of your ice cream, baby.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I love when she I love when she tells you, um, when she says, Uncle

Moe Hits 265 on Bench

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Mo, I love you.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

I love you too, TT.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I love you. Or she'd be like, I love you, Uncle Mo.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

I'm like, I love you too, TT. You do? Yeah, baby.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Aww. It reminds me of when her dad was little because that's how Kamari was with you. Like him, him and Debari like really loved you. Like, oh, it's my Uncle Mark. Yeah, he loved you. He loves you now. Um, but yeah, how else was your week? That was it. Yeah, that was the highlight. Oh, you forgot to tell the people you hit 265 today.

SPEAKER_04 11:25

It don't matter. My wife has already stopped my door.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

He's upset. Okay, so he hit 265 in the gym today. For reps. Yes, for reps, okay?

SPEAKER_04 11:35

Because I'm trying to get to my 315.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

And so I was telling him, I was like, oh, that's actually 264. And he was like, it's 265. And I was like, oh no, the bar, the bar is 220 uh kgs, it's 44, not 45. And he was like, no, I'm pretty sure it's 45. And I was like, okay, like, you know, like I'm not gonna argue with you over a pound. I could be wrong, you could be wrong, like, you know, but I'm I'm I'm pretty sure that was 264. But it's fine. You did it and you did it for reps, and I was proud of you, and I was impressed.

SPEAKER_04 12:05

Speaking of the bar, shout out to our follower in our our booski, Renee Harden.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

For the app.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Renee, thank you because thank you for putting us on game.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Because I don't have to do math no more.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

I don't have to do math no more. I'm free.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

I just said I said I use my whole rest period to actually just rest instead of trying to goggle what's on the bar.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

No, that's crazy, babe. It's not that I don't think it's that different. You and goggles. If you have if you haven't memorized what you do. I don't. Well, we're not today, Buskey. Oh my gosh. So it don't matter what we got.

SPEAKER_04 12:42

So let's talk about that ass of yours.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

Okay, let's know.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Okay, I'm just saying, we got it.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

Because it looked terrible when it fell on those roller skates.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

It it you know, it didn't look the best, but the bat, but the bounce was spectacular.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

My belly button hurts. Um, sorry. I was laughing and it's pushing up against my pants and it hurts because like the bracing from bracing so hard, my belly button hurts. Um, okay, so you know, people are always talking about when you get married and how things have changed, right? So we're just gonna discuss some of the things that ain't nothing changed for me.

SPEAKER_04 13:18

Oh, nothing? No, because I've been married since we were together. Oh when I asked you, I was really asking you to marry me. Oh, that's when you said yes, I was like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

I can guarantee you we weren't on the same page then.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

Well, hey, you know what? Some you we as we've learned, it takes you a little longer.

What Changes After Marriage?

SPEAKER_04 13:34

And I'm patient enough. It takes me a little longer to get on board, and I'm patient enough to let you take your tie.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Oh, thanks. Okay, well, I've been waiting on you.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

That's the that's the theme of our marriage. Me waiting on you.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Okay, anywho.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

I'm married blogging this bitch.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Based based on uh multiple marriage surveys, I'm married in this bitch. It wasn't whether it wasn't whether or not marriage would change things, but how marriage would change things changed things. You were busy like someone else. I'm gonna I'm gonna deck you in your face. Um I would stop dreaming if you told me. What are some things for you that changed? For me? For you, DMel.

SPEAKER_04 14:22

I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it a buck.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

Oh 100. Nothing okay, nothing changed for me as far as our dynamic. I felt like my I I I told your mama when I was 16 that I was gonna take care of you, and I meant that shit. And I've been taking care of you ever since. The only thing that's changed for me is when you popped out a baby. I said, ooh shit. Now I will I knew what I was doing when I said you. Okay, now her.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

I had great fun creating her.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Okay, what about do you feel like love became more of a choice than the feeling the longer that we have been together, the longer we've been married?

SPEAKER_04 15:00

I feel like love is always a choice.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

But more so once you've been through the trenches with someone.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

I feel like love is always a choice because uh love is an emotion, emotions uh emotions change like the wind, depending on what you're going through, depending on your season. I may not always like you, but I always love you.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Okay. Do you feel like um laughing more now than we did before? Do you feel like?

SPEAKER_04 15:25

We laugh more anytime we're not struggling. And so since we ain't been struggling, we've been kikiing. We've been hooting and hollering.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Who done that hooting and hollering? Hooting and hollering. Okay, so okay, so some of these questions are based on surveys that were taken, like I said, by married couples who have been married for 10 or more years. And certain things that they the things that they were kind of surprised that did change or didn't change throughout relationship. Okay. So let's see. Okay, how about this one? Do you feel like money became less about numbers and more about teamwork the longer we've been together in our marriage? Definitely. Yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 16:08

I totally agree with that. At the beginning, it was like, just make sure there's enough in the pot. Right. Right? Now I'm like, let's make sure the pot is being utilized to its most potential.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

And I also feel like, I mean, I can't speak for you, but I know like for me

Money Becomes Teamwork

SPEAKER_01 16:24

in the beginning, um, I always wanted to, because I knew how much money I made, right? And I knew how much money you made. And so I always wanted to, I never wanted to feel like I would have less with us coming together financially. You know what I mean? And we've talked about this, I think even last week or the week before, where there was times like the the first time, because you know, when it comes to the money thing, unless you're keeping everything separate and y'all got a good system that way, um, pulling money together for like common goals or like bills and stuff can be very challenging. And for us in the beginning, the first time we tried to do it, we were in our early 20s, like college, everything, you know, we weren't very trying to be grown, trying to play house, right? No, we were playing. And I know for me the first time the when we put the money together and then like everything was coming out when it like came to like bills and insurance and stuff like that, I didn't like that feeling of feeling like I'm not sure how I would have this X amount of money left over to play with every week. And now all of a sudden, I'm supposed to have more money, but it feels like I don't have as much. And then now you giving me side eye because I'm making my little weekly shopping trip. And there was no side eye. There was no side eye before when all my money was in my account. But now that you seeing my money and we paying bills and stuff, I don't like the side eye you giving me. So let's let's put this on hold.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Daily shopping.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Let's go back to our original plans of separating things, right? So I feel like for me, there you want to separate it now?

SPEAKER_04 18:00

There you wanna separate it now? No. Oh, why not?

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Not that it would matter. Why do you want to separate it now? You can separate it. Not that it would matter.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

No, I'm gonna close the account and get a hold of the account. You won't you wanna have a card to it?

SPEAKER_01 18:16

No, yeah, it would. We've already discussed this. There's there's really not a scenario in which that would go over well for you. So it doesn't matter. Um, but I know, like, like I said, for me, it took a little bit, um, I took a little bit longer. You know, like he was always like, you know, everything's gonna be good, all in, you still got what you need. And I was just like, mmm.

SPEAKER_04 18:43

I got what I need, but I don't have what I want. Right. That's what it was.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

I was like, I'm gonna need like a like an extra five or six extra on Friday, and I don't feel like I got that.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

I'm not giving that to you now.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

But you know, but I had that before when it was separate, you know? You can be separate now. Um okay. That's it.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

So it says uh many couples report becoming more attracted to confidence, kindness, reliability, and the emotional connection than appearance later on.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

Oh, so I'm just ugly now, huh? I'm just a coon, huh?

SPEAKER_01 19:20

Huh? No, you're still very attractive. Um but it is it is true, it is true. Like being reliable and being kind, I feel as though.

SPEAKER_04 19:32

So are you saying that different things turn you on as you get older?

SPEAKER_01 19:35

For sure. My perspective about life has changed. So, you know, like be here's the thing. What's the thing? This is the thing. Tell me about it. The thing is, is that when you're younger and you have older people trying to give you the game or trying to like talk to you and have conversations with you about like, oh, when they used to say, like, oh, you don't even you don't even know yet, right? Or like you're too young to understand.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

You ain't had a rough patch.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

No, the thing is that you haven't lived enough life to have experiences to go through certain things for those types of perspectives. So now that I've lived a little bit of life, now that I've like, you know, I've had some rough patches in my life. Now that I feel, I mean, I honestly feel like I'm I'm just now really experiencing adulthood and I'm going into my 40s.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Right. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 20:24

I mean, if you want to, I can put some of these bills in your name.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Okay, no, we're not gonna do that. That's not part of the agreement. I don't do bills in my name. Sorry. I must be wild. I must keep a clean slate. I said, look here.

SPEAKER_04 20:37

I gotta keep a clean slate. I said the plan is the only thing in her name. I said nothing really in her name. Her name is on everything, but nothing's in her name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

I said, so we Except for the important things.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

I said, so we gotta start over. It ain't like we gotta put any more deposits down.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Bye.

SPEAKER_04 20:52

You know. Goodbye. So I'm gonna cut these lights off. Like if I'm gonna cut these lights off right now and start them over.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

No, if you wanna, if you ever think you're gonna start acting funny, I gotta make sure I have a clean slate.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

All right. Well, I'm just I'm just married to your blogger.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Um, let's see. Do you think that uh some couples say that date nights became harder to schedule?

Date Nights, Kids, and Making Time

unknown 21:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

I was gonna say, I'm if you say no, I'm gonna be like, uh sir.

SPEAKER_04 21:15

No, the pro the problem isn't date night.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

The problem is these kids and they schedule.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Okay. I mean, but that that's a part of making date nights a little bit more difficult.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

Now we gotta like watch a sneak and watch an hour episode or something as a date.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

I mean, sometimes it's the best.

SPEAKER_04 21:30

You know, sometimes we gotta get that closet quickie.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

But you gotta, you it's all about the amount of effort you put into it. I'm just gonna know you are. I'm just gonna talk right on over that. Um friendships became more important than the passion.

SPEAKER_04 21:45

No, I think it's I think it's equally important.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Oh Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Well, for me, the passion never left.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Right well I'm on that ass. But do you think that the do you think that the friendship became a little bit more pertinent?

SPEAKER_04 22:00

Yeah, I mean, because when you, you know, you became my best friend. Well, because I spent so much time with you, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Because you want to like you want to like your partner because there's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_04 22:08

I feel I feel like there's a lot of things you do want to like your partner.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Because there's a lot of shit that you go through that can easily make you look at a person and be like, what the hell did I do?

SPEAKER_04 22:18

Like, I could I could really just I don't I don't want to like you, I need to like you.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Oh to an extent. I want I want to like you. I want to be able to get up in the morning and look at you and be like, yes, that's that's my friend, that's my man. Like, how would you why would you want to wake up in the morning and look at somebody and be like, this bitch still here? I do that sometimes. Okay, I'm moving on. You had a real conversation. Okay, you you wake up in the morning and look at me sometimes be like, this bitch still here. When you piss me off, okay. If I piss you off, why why would I care about still being here? See? I didn't get pissed off. Okay. You're the one that's upset. That's a you problem.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

It says small annoyances never completely disappear.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Oh, they don't. They absolutely don't.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

You know why? Because they don't.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Like putting water in an empty ice cream container and leaving it in the sink. For what purpose? Rinse the carton out and put it in the trash. You gotta let it soak before you throw it in the city. There's no such thing as letting it soak. It's ice cream, it's going to melt. Rinse it out, put it in the garbage.

SPEAKER_04 23:26

You don't want the ass to get in the trash can.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

That's why you wrench it out.

unknown 23:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

It look little shit like uh drink it off, eating off my plate and drinking and drink. You know what really grinds my gears, and my wife does purposely.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

What really grinds my gears?

SPEAKER_04 23:42

He knows that when I buy something for me, no matter what it is, I have to be the first to consume it. That's just it's not me too. I don't get it. If it's chips, if it's something to drink, whatever. I she will purpose like, oh, I just uh I just I just had a little taste for something.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

I just give a little I just got a little bit. Let me let me just let me just squeeze it right here. Let me just no she knows it irritates me.

SPEAKER_04 24:08

And I'm like, just have it.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_04 24:10

That's why when she be bringing stuff home, I just I just hide it, and then when she forgets about it, that's when I eat it.

Small Annoyances in Marriage

SPEAKER_01 24:15

But see, I don't be forgetting about it because you think if I go two days without going back to it, like how just now I had a little, I got a little stashy stash somewhere in the refrigerator, but I caught you watching me. I caught you watching me, and now I have to move my stashy stash. Oh my god. Because I caught you watching me.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

Okay, acts of service started to feel more romantic.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

I mean for me, it's from the gate. Yeah, for sure. You know, because I feel like I do enough. So anytime you do something, I'll be like because I feel like I do enough. So anytime you do something, I'll be like, okay, not my shirt's gonna come off. Wait a minute. That's what we do today. Oh, oh. Like I've said many times when I walk in the house from work and I smell uh uh awesome and bleach, I'm like, let me curry up and shower because I got some work to do.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. I can't.

SPEAKER_04 25:13

You want this nice and slow, or you want to, you know.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Nice and slow?

SPEAKER_04 25:17

Speed it up. How are you feeling tonight?

SPEAKER_01 25:19

It depends on what time you come home from work. Yeah, this is about 4 30. Get it done so we can go to bed. Get it done so I can so I can get the rest of my shit done for the evening and we can go to sleep. I don't have time. Get her done so we can go to bed. Um,

Parenting Changes the Marriage

SPEAKER_01 25:39

parenting changed the marriage, do you think?

SPEAKER_04 25:41

It did. It did because we what part? Let me tell you. We can have a whole series on this.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:48

I have come to understand and realize that I am fighting and dealing with my wife's childhood trauma while trying to while trying to raise my child.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

You mean trying to raise yourself.

SPEAKER_04 26:00

No, my child.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

In your child.

SPEAKER_04 26:02

Because we have such different upbringings and backgrounds, and the trauma she had associated with a lot of things, I don't have that trauma. Oh. So she be like, nah, my baby, my baby not gonna have go through this. My baby. No, but she ain't going through nothing.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

That's rich because you literally are just explaining the things you say and that you do. That's literally you. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. That is you. That is so you. And then you turn around and complain that she's spoiled.

SPEAKER_04 26:32

It's my job to spoil it. Okay. But I'm not going to it. But I'm not going to re I don't spoil like you do.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I don't I spoil her with attention and love. Because I love her.

SPEAKER_04 26:47

You buy that girl anything she wants to eat.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

That's that's not true. No, no. Wait, hold on. Wait a minute. I don't buy her anything she wants to eat. But I do believe that sometimes when she asks and she's like, hey, can we go here? I'm like, yes, we can. Because for one, I want to go too. Wait a minute. This is money now.

SPEAKER_04 27:02

This is a public service announcement to my mother, LaShawn, Patrice, Beetle Irvin, and to your mother, Latidia Inez Tilman.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 27:15

All of a sudden, y'all got McDonald's money.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Oh, for their grandkids.

SPEAKER_04 27:18

Every day.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

For sure. It's their grandchildren.

SPEAKER_04 27:21

All of a sudden, you can you can the next day air a goddamn Leotard. Because it's their grandbaby. But when my birthday comes around, you ain't got nothing.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

And like my mom, she's picked up the phrase. She said, you don't, you can't compete where you don't compare. Okay, well, guess what? I said, first of all, stay off of social media.

SPEAKER_04 27:36

Okay, well, first of all, first of all, don't come in, don't eat none of my food. It's not my house.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

First of all, first of all, don't eat none of my food.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

Yeah, but that's what I'm doing. I'm fighting against her childhood trauma. I don't know what you're talking about, but okay. You know, because you know, I was raised, you know, we, you know, you know, we know they don't know. We, if there was food, you could eat it.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

Okay. She ain't got that. That's not true. No, okay, okay. I'm not gonna talk about you.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

That's not true. Individual growth became essential.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

I think it did. Because why we have to each grow on our own path to come together. And it gives you something to talk about. It gives you something to do with it.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

It gives you something to do too in life that doesn't involve your partner. Right. Because although I love spending time with you, I don't need you and I love being with you. I do not have something in front of you 24. Let me let me seven. Let me tell you. I like me. And I like time with me.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

Let me tell you one of my biggest, my, my, I feel like one of our best errors recently, right? Back about three, four years ago when video games were still good. And you were in your crafting. And you were in your crafting. And you didn't bother me because you wanted to craft. So I didn't bother you, you weren't the craft, I won the game. And we were just happy. And then we go to bed, we talk about it. I tell you what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

You act like you're interested, I act like I'm interested.

unknown 29:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

We do it, and then we're happy and we go to bed.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

But we do what? We do it. And that's what kept us together.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Okay.

unknown 29:08

That's what kept us together.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

After finished listening, after being excited to talk to your partner about something that you know they're genuinely not into, but still pretending to be excited for you.

SPEAKER_04 29:20

It's just how it's like how I listen every time you tell me about a Freedom McFatton book, I'm like, oh, okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Bye, Breeze. They're like, Yeah. Stop reading this shit. Yeah. Of course. That sounds great. Forgiveness became a regular practice. Absolutely. Because I forget you every day.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Uh I mean, eventually I get around to forgiveness.

SPEAKER_04 29:40

Oh, you don't forgive. You just say, are you hungry? I was gonna go do something. Do you want me to bring you something?

SPEAKER_01 29:47

I was gonna go sit down and have me a meal. Would you like me to order you something when I'm heading back?

SPEAKER_04 29:51

Right. You don't you don't you don't forgive me with words, you forgive me with actions. I said, oh.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

See, because you know why? After service. Actions speak louder than words.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

I am so actions speak louder than words. Emotional safety became more important than winning arguments.

SPEAKER_04 30:12

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

I agree. I agree. Because, you know, there's been plenty of times where I had to apologize to you.

SPEAKER_04 30:19

You know what? Because I I I've many people have now said that I'm very emotional.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

And I'm telling you, I I Wow, it took it took them to tell you, but I've been telling you that. Calm down.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

I have not always been this way. The older I get, the more I am. Now I've been about okay, look here. I'm about everything, I'm in tune with my feelings now.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

And I love that.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

And now it's one of the things that attracted me to you. When I tell you this morning, I said it really hurt my feelings when you did that. And you was like, okay, Maurice. Okay, okay. All right.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

Because so, because sometimes, sometimes you you told me that like three times in a day, you really hurt my feelings. And I was like, okay, babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know, I didn't know that hurt your feelings. It was not in my intentions to hurt your feelings. I thought we were having a good time. You all you're always dogging me and talking crap about me. And I don't hit you with my feelings or hurt. But if it if you thought I was being serious and I wasn't, I'm genuinely sorry. And I love you.

SPEAKER_04 31:18

I'm not be dogging you, dog. You do. Stop doing that.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

When we be going back and forth on each other, Maurice was. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_04 31:24

What kind of back and forth are we talking about here?

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Stop it. He he be getting out of pocket. He be getting out of pocket, and I don't say nothing. I just be, you know, I laugh it off, whatever. The minute I say something back towards him, he drops his smile, he looks at me. And then he goes, You know, I'm more sensitive than you are.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

That's not true. That's not true. Where's the next one? We're done. That's we're done with this. Because I'm about to be in my feelings right now.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

See? See? That's what I'm saying. Uh, time started feeling more valuable. Did it start? Did time start feeling really?

SPEAKER_04 31:53

Not right now.

Time Feels More Valuable Now

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Because see, now he's mad.

SPEAKER_04 31:56

Now it don't feel valuable right now.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

No, it doesn't. Do you feel like time became more valuable? It doesn't. Because in the beginning, I felt, I mean, you don't really think about time in that sense.

SPEAKER_04 32:05

They tell us that a weekend is 48 hours. It feels like it's about 28. It's short. It's short.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

Okay, so, and for me, I don't know if you caught it today, but I was like a little emotional in the gym. I was trying not to cry. Why? Because um, so one of the families that I follow, it was her son's birthday, and she posted like, you know, the pictures from when he was like little all the way up. And she had said that um she was like, I'm now realizing that um my job isn't just to like, you know, like just be your mother, you know, your whole life or whatever, but part of my job is also learning to let you go. And that, I don't know, it just hit me in a way, and I was sitting there and I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_04 32:48

That's only that's funny if you got boys.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 32:51

I ain't gonna let it go.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Okay, bye. I was like, I was like, oh no, and you know how I've been lately with like her getting older and stuff, her birthday's coming around, and like and just looking at her and us having our conversations, like, you know, answering her questions, and it's just it's just been it's just been a lot because I just feel like nine years went by so quick, and I just remember us talking about, oh my gosh, I can't wait till she turns five. Like, what is she gonna be like when she's five? And next year we're gonna be in double digits. I'll take five. And I just feel like after next year, I'll take five when we hit them double digits. I just feel like it's probably gonna go even faster than it is now. So time is definitely more valuable now than I feel like I'm feeling time more than I ever have felt in my life.

SPEAKER_04 33:34

That's why I say I only I got X amount of summers left. Okay, well, you don't have to be that way, you know. Marriage requires more maintenance than expected.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Um, I'm gonna say I'm kind of 50-50 on it, but yeah, I do agree. It does require like a maintenance because like any other are you saying I'm high maintenance? No, like any other relationship, it takes effort, it takes time. So that's not true. To maintain a relationship, it takes effort and time.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

Male friend friendships don't take effort and time.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:03

We gotta understand that.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Okay, you know what I mean. Okay, meaningful relationships.

SPEAKER_04 34:08

They're meaningful.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

I got homeboys I talk to once a month, once a year. Okay, but like I tell you, like I mean, like I told your daughter, everyone is not a friend. There's acquaintances and then there's friends.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

I have friends. So you know, there's celebrating small wins became became more meaningful. Those you get absolutely yeah, absolutely, like like uh what is it?

SPEAKER_01 34:27

It said like paying off debts and surviving uh hard seasons. Like when I got that letter and said that you officially own your car and the titles attached, that felt great.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

No. I'm talking about tying your shoe without suffocating yourself. That's my small victory. I'm I'm I'm happy. That's a personal victory. I'm happy.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

You hear me? And that's a big win, not a small one. That's a big one.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Yeah, yeah. I had to move a lot of weight.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Yeah. To get some weight off. Yeah, that was good. Um, conflict didn't end, it just matured. What about that?

SPEAKER_04 35:01

Did you end a relationship? Yeah, like um arguing less about I do feel like, I do feel like as we've gotten older, the arguments are now productive, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Yes, it does.

SPEAKER_04 35:14

Because now we're at a we're at a state. We're at a state where we have a purpose. We talk, we talking, we're talking through this with a purpose, and then we're gonna execute the plan on the other side. Whether we both agree with the plan or not, right? It's gonna be executed. Now, if it's your plan and it don't work, I am gonna say I told you so, but take but take accountability. Because as I say before, whether I whether it's your plan or my plan, I I allow it to go forward, so it's my fault. That's part, that's the part of being a leader that you just have to accept. It's ghetto.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Ghetto here. Um being appreciated needed needing to be expressed more often.

Appreciation Needs to Be Said

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 35:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

And I don't I don't I keep waiting for the day not to have a partner that's just say, well, you know. That's like saying, Why you never tell me you love a boy? You should know that I love you. Uh it'd be nice to hear it every now and then. Yeah. You know? It'd be nice to be appreciated every now and then. It would.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember. I don't either. I appreciate you every day.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

I don't, oh, I should just know.

SPEAKER_04 36:15

Oh you don't say it. I do. I grab your ass. I tell you how good you look. I thank you for everything you do. I hold you up. You are the pillar.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

That's you hold me up the way my ankles have been given out. You haven't been doing a great job.

SPEAKER_04 36:28

You your ankle gave out at the skat at the skating ring.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

And it gave out getting on the treadmill today. And it gave out when I was walking from the shower this morning. You haven't been doing a good job.

SPEAKER_04 36:44

I I have. It's just I'm starting to look so good now. You don't even look at me, you stumble.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Oh, my ankles, my ankles go weak.

SPEAKER_04 36:49

Yeah. You get weak in the ankle, not weak.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

I get weak in the ankles. My ankles get weak. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_04 36:56

Okay, comfort. Comfort can quietly replace curiosity.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Comfort?

SPEAKER_04 37:01

Yes. For me, yes. Okay. Yeah, I don't, I don't care. I don't care the look. I'm not pursuing. I don't want to pursue. I have no interest in pursuing. I am comfortable. I love where I'm at. Yeah. I love my own.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

I agree that.

SPEAKER_04 37:17

I love putting my face in your titties.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Okay. I'm gonna move on. Um outside stress affected the marriage more than expected.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

What outside stress is the three letters I work for. Work, health concerns.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

I would say the three letters I work for, and the three letters you used to work for.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yeah. Yeah, I would say uh work, health concerns. Because health concerns from the work. No, well, health concerns in like general, because I feel like those, those are the things that you don't really think about a lot until it happens. Like having serious health issues or being in a situation where your partner is experiencing um a health urgency. You don't, I mean, in in theory, you think about like when you take your vows, like in sickness and in health. But then when you actually have to experience a health issue or you watch your partner go through a health issue, I feel like that's another level of like, that's a level I just I feel like you can't, I can't even like put it into words. There's no sufficient amount of words to have the panic of wondering how far this is gonna go. Right. You know what I mean? Like, is this gonna be a short thing? Is this gonna be that's you know, like if we have something that's happening right now, but if it proceeds, it could turn into this, and then like, how long am I looking at this? You know? Yeah. So I think that's the really scary part.

SPEAKER_04 38:48

I I I can't say this in full transparency. When we went through, I'm not gonna say her all the details, but you'll know. When we went through what we went through that one time, and I'm I was sitting in the car with the baby, and you were sitting in there by yourself, and I was just like, She can't work no more. Oh like I was like, and I said, This damn job, because you you you're at a point in life where you're coming home every day complaining about the job now and I kept telling you, just do something else. Like, you ain't gotta work, do something else. And you were like, But if I don't work, Reese, what I'm gonna do. You seem very comfortable now.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

You found you found something to do.

SPEAKER_04 39:22

You found you very comfortable now. Um, but I just felt like I even though I knew in that moment that I wasn't I wasn't forcing you to work. If you were doing something you want to do, I felt at fault for that. And it really angered me. And you know how I felt about your your place of employment after that. Yeah, I couldn't stand it. Yeah. I said, don't even talk about that place. I'm gonna go up there and burn that motherfucker down.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Okay, let's not do that.

SPEAKER_04 39:45

You know, and then you know, and then when you had your other little scare, and I said, I said, Lord, I remember praying. This is what I said. I said, Lord, I can't do this without her. I said, you might as well take both of us.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Just leave the baby, huh?

SPEAKER_04 39:58

That's crazy work. I said, my baby. The baby's gonna have the health insurance and the life insurance in the house, and uh, and she got a good uncle that's good with money. She's gonna be fine. She won't, she's gonna miss us, but I said, I can't do this without her. Well, I said, I was supposed to be strong. And I remember sitting there sitting up in there, and my baby asked me questions about mommy, and I said, Is she okay? And I'm just lying to her.

SPEAKER_01 40:20

Well, you aren't lying because you just didn't know.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

Because I thought, Yeah, where's mommy? She okay? And then I'm I'm crying in the room, crying in the crowd.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

I don't I don't think she she probably even believed you because she she would come up to me and like put her hand on my face and she would go, Mommy, are you okay? I said, God. And I was like, girl, I'm trying to be feel it feel like the lights is finna close, but you said I'm trying. I'm trying. You said I'm trying, Grandpa. I'm trying, Grandpa.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

And then stupid.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

She used to look at me like, and that's when I had taught her how to use the phone. I was like, girl, I was like, if mommy passes out in the house, this is what you do first. You call 911, then you call daddy, and she was like, okay. And I taught her how to like unlock the phone and do everything, and I remember my friend.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

That's what they've been down here ever since. Unlocking the phone every chance she.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

But because it it was an issue where I became a little like like paranoid because if I'm just here with her and God forbid something happened to me, like I don't want the baby to not know what to do, you know. Um, so yeah, for sure. For sure. Uh one more. Let's see. The best seasons uh came after the hard ones.

SPEAKER_04 41:33

Um I no, because I feel like we have some pretty good seasons before the hard ones. I feel like sometimes the good was too good. That the next one had to be hard. We were doing too much. We were doing too much. And God said, you know what? I'm gonna have to die y'all all the way back. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

No, I mean, I feel like I feel like yes, and maybe yes, and uh what life is always better after you get through the storm. Yeah, after you go through something. Because sometimes there's stretches and you're just like, God, how long we gotta be in this rain.

SPEAKER_04 42:09

But what I'm saying is there were stretches where we were partying like rock stars.

SPEAKER_01 42:13

Oh, I don't ever remember partying like a rock star.

SPEAKER_04 42:15

Okay, that's the the reference. Oh, okay. And then we went through some shit. And then but we had to learn.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Oh, of course. It was trial and error.

SPEAKER_04 42:23

So we had we were careless, error, then there were consequences. Yeah, and then we learned from that. But that's how you learn. Yeah. So I said something we had some pretty good season before the bad one. See, you have to go through to be somebody to do something.

SPEAKER_01 42:36

Because you want to be somebody and you want to go somewhere.

SPEAKER_04 42:38

You gotta wake up and pay attention.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

That's it.

SPEAKER_04 42:40

Wait a minute. Y'all have time y'all can sing. Well, this is a music class, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 42:49

I can't.

SPEAKER_04 42:50

All right, but we're gonna hop into if we knew then. Okay. And this question, uh, this week, uh, my wife has been prepped.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

And that'll mean I still have an answer.

SPEAKER_04 43:01

Let's see what she says. Let's see. Um, if we knew then, right? So that's just whatever, that's the theme of it. So, what surprised you the most after we

If We Knew Then: Biggest Marriage Surprise

SPEAKER_04 43:11

got married?

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Um, how much more emotional you could be.

SPEAKER_04 43:18

Okay. You could answer seriously, but it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

I did answer seriously. Maybe I should, maybe I I don't want to say emotional in a negative connotation, though. I mean emotional as in like caring, as in attentive, as in intentional, like that.

SPEAKER_04 43:35

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

Yeah, like that. Not like to say you're like a bitch or something.

SPEAKER_04 43:39

Well, wait, wait a minute. I never said that. Wait a minute, play.

SPEAKER_00 43:44

I know, but I'm just saying, I don't want you to think that's how I'm I'm gonna tell you right now, you almost tell you right now you almost woke up, hootie tang.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

Side.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

I don't want you to think. Okay. You know what I mean. Tip a tie on the running side. You know what I mean. But that's I mean, I mean that's You became you became more um I mean you be you you became a husband. I was always like I feel like in your mind you took on you took on that title and you were like I am a husband now and I am going to behave accordingly.

SPEAKER_04 44:15

I said I'm gonna beat these cheese without saying Don't you love me? I I do I do love you what God has put together. I do love you.

Comment of the Week

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Okay, people we're gonna say hop on until our two sin. No, we're in the comment of the week. Oh sorry, comment of the week.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

Okay, people we're gonna hop into the week. I don't know how many I got. I'm still laughing over the last thing. Okay, the first one, they all come from YouTube. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

They all came from YouTube. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 44:58

Sorry. Um, the first one is about the in-laws and the watch.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Oh, where he had thievan in-laws. Yes. And the wife was like, they can't come back here.

SPEAKER_04 45:07

And uh, babe, what's her name?

SPEAKER_01 45:10

Lillian Brown. Lily. Lily Lane Brown.

SPEAKER_04 45:13

We're gonna go with that. No, that's what it is. Lily Lane Brown. Prepare one room with no valuables in it, or only his valuables, and then invite him over again.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Perfect. I can get behind that.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

She said, look here.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

I can get behind that. I can get behind that.

SPEAKER_04 45:28

She's not pressed about them stealing your watch. Let's just see how much of their shit they uh your shit they can take.

SPEAKER_01 45:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:35

Uh without you.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

Yeah, let's let's see how far they can go before you actually get upset. I like it.

SPEAKER_04 45:43

Okay. And um, this also from YouTube. Uh, this is about um when I when I had said how my wife was hiding her bags in the car and she tries to say she wasn't her.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

I don't hide shopping bags.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

Not anymore.

SPEAKER_01 45:55

I mean, there's no reason.

SPEAKER_04 45:56

Because I'm at work. You can bring them in while I'm at work. I work longer. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

I'm an adult.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

And babe, what's her name or their name?

SPEAKER_01 46:02

Uh looks like Peels Gat 3.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

We're gonna go with that. She said.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

We're gonna go with that.

SPEAKER_04 46:08

She said she, I didn't hide them. I just did bring them in the house. Exactly. She said, pay attention, ladies, because the professor of girl math is speaking. Preach.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

I'm just saying, I didn't hide them. I left them in the car. I just forgot to bring them inside.

SPEAKER_04 46:22

This girl math thing has stuff has to stop.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

What?

SPEAKER_04 46:24

Because it don't make sense.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

It absolutely makes sense. You just you're just more easy to get on board. You can't just say I can't I casually forgot to bring something in the house. Were they in a place that you had access to? Yes or no? It's a yes or no. Yes or no? Can you answer the question? Yes or no? Okay. Did you or did you not have access to that? And better yet, I drove an SUV. So it's not like I had a trunk where it was concealed. It was quite literally in the back. So did you have, did you or doing those? Can you just answer the question for the sake of the? I had you had access, right? But what I checked. Hold on. And was it or was it not visible if you wanted to get to it? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_04 47:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

Okay. So I didn't hide anything. I just didn't bring them inside.

SPEAKER_04 47:10

It don't matter. This is the last one. This is also from YouTube. And this is from when we're talking about Arby's and other fast food that shouldn't be open.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

This is from Michaela Lee.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

This is from Michaela. She wins.

SPEAKER_01 47:23

Dash 15P.

SPEAKER_04 47:24

She says Arby sells raccoon ankles.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

And no, I cannot be convinced otherwise. Raccoon ankles is crazy work. I have never, I have never heard such things. She said they sell raccoon ankles, and no, I cannot be convinced otherwise. Could you imagine? Like I was sitting there trying to imagine, I was like, raccoon ankles. Now that's diabolical.

SPEAKER_04 47:52

Now, you know, I was raised by a country folk. Now my grandfather here. Did you eat raccoon ankles? No, I never had raccoon ankles. Now my grandfather, my grandfather's from, they're from Arkansas. Okay? And they didn't, my grandfather, he's telling me he has a racoon. Soup. Coon. Stew.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Oh, stew, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:09

Stew and and yeah, don't worry about her. Like make sure. Somebody ain't raccoon ankles. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 48:16

Raccoon ankles is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 48:18

What's even crazier is that I think I'm listening to my kid uh whoop her doll.

SPEAKER_04 48:22

I think she is.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

Which is crazy because she don't get whoopings.

SPEAKER_04 48:25

So she swore it down, she got whooped.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

I don't understand.

SPEAKER_04 48:28

She swore it down, she got you whooped me like for like 20 minutes. I suspect you've never had a whooping at all.

SPEAKER_01 48:33

20 minutes? You got popped on the butt, but you've never been beaten. I've been beaten. That's crazy. All right, guys. Let's um hop on into our two stories. Okay, so this one says, Am I a jerk for telling the previous owner of my house she cannot come and pick fruit from my tree anymore? Oh no, not at all. My tree. I bought my house last summer and there's a big plum tree in the backyard. A few weeks after moving in, the previous owner messaged me saying that her late mother had planted it and asked if she could collect some plums that were ready. I said sure, because I understood

Our 2 Cents Begins

SPEAKER_01 49:11

the sentimental

Previous Owner Wants Fruit From the Tree

SPEAKER_01 49:12

part. When she came over, she brought her husband and two buckets and a ladder. Oh, they was coming to prepared. Uh, they picked nearly every ripe plum, including branches hanging over on my patio, and left a bunch of broken twigs and bad fruit on the ground.

SPEAKER_04 49:29

Oh, she's trying to plant it.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

I barely got any myself. Apparently, her family had used the plums to make jam every year for almost 20 years.

unknown 49:38

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

Yeah, it's probably good. Yeah. She contacted me again asking what weekend she could come this year. I told her that I planned on keeping the fruit this time, since the tree is technically on my property and I actually want to make something with it. She got upset and said that I knew the tree had meaning to her family. She even offered me a few jars of the jam, but that really isn't the point. I spent a lot of money from fixing up the yard, and I don't want people treating it, uh, treating part of it like it still belongs to them. That's fair. My sister thinks that I um let I should let her take one bucket because it's a family tradition and it will cost me nothing. I feel bad about the connection to her mom, but I also don't think buying a house means that the old owners get yearly access whenever they want. Am I being a jerk?

SPEAKER_04 50:31

No. Okay, you want you want to petty me or you want to pick me?

SPEAKER_01 50:34

I don't think she's being a jerk. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 50:36

You want me to be patty or real?

SPEAKER_01 50:37

I want you to give your honest opinion.

SPEAKER_04 50:39

Uh uh, fuck her.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

Because I can see I can see it from both sides. But now you're you now you're being entitled.

SPEAKER_04 50:47

I see it from all sides, but look at when you sold the house, you sold the tree. You sold the tree, and therefore you gave up your traditions.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

And the tree.

SPEAKER_04 50:58

Now, you know, my favorite house growing up, we had we had a plum tree in the front yard. And I I used to eat so many plums, and I told you last time I had Tookie Biter to show you the house, they had cut that damn tree down, and I was pissed. And I ain't lived in that house in over 30 years. And guess what? And I was mad. They didn't care.

SPEAKER_01 51:15

They do not care.

SPEAKER_04 51:16

They didn't care. Uh I don't think you're wrong at all. And I wouldn't look here. But I I I bet you that cobbler, that jam, that cobbler would be fired.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

Yeah. But now, but thank you for, but thank you for like giving me the idea because I have a very fruitful plum channel. You know what? And now I want to get creative and make my own family treatment.

SPEAKER_04 51:33

That's what you do. Tell her she can come get the plums, but you're gonna weigh each bucket and charge her per bucket.

SPEAKER_01 51:40

Okay, Maurice.

SPEAKER_04 51:40

Now, if you want to keep the look here, it gotta be mutually beneficial. So you want my plums, I need some money. So, how bad do you want these plums?

SPEAKER_01 51:52

I'll let you take one small bag.

SPEAKER_04 51:55

No, no, no, no. You can take as many as you want, but I'm gonna weigh them and charge you five dollars a pound. 50% above market value.

SPEAKER_01 52:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 52:06

Because they're sentimental. This is why you never tell somebody they're sentimental because you're because you're using against you.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

Because they use it against you? No, I don't. Here's the thing, and I completely understand. And the the heart of me would be like, oh my gosh, like, yes, I understand how important this tree is, and maybe you can come get like a half a bucket or something. But in a technical sense, you're not entitled to give her access to your property. Who name would eat? It's not right. That's what I'm saying. You're not entitled to give her access, like, and she can't get upset. I understand why she would be upset, but you don't own the house anymore. And if the tree was that important, you should have thought about that before you gave the house up. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 52:47

Wait a minute. This just kind of pissed me off. I thought about this. So we have a fig tree.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

Oh, our neighbor eats the figure.

SPEAKER_04 52:53

We have to take the fig off this tree. Um before uh

Making In-Laws Want to Leave

SPEAKER_04 53:00

the figs that fell in the backyard, the dogs would eat them. So we never got a chance.

SPEAKER_05 53:03

Right.

SPEAKER_04 53:04

So and whatever the bar the dogs didn't eat, the birds would eat. And then the neighbor, he comes get the ones that fall on the fall in the front.

SPEAKER_01 53:11

So he cleans up for us. You know, he always says, I didn't think you were gonna eat them.

SPEAKER_04 53:15

We wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

But we love him, so it doesn't matter. He's a good neighbor, though. Yeah, he's a great neighbor. Um, okay, so this one is more of a um like needing advice. I oh, I got it. Okay. What are some creative ways to make my in-laws' visits so unpleasant that they won't want to come back without them suspecting that I had anything to do with it?

SPEAKER_04 53:36

Okay, look here.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Hold on. Wait a minute. She says that her in-laws will be staying with him for a month, and I genuinely don't think that I can handle it anymore.

SPEAKER_05 53:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

Please don't suggest that my husband should set boundaries or tell them no. We've already established that he's spineless. Though, to be fair, he's otherwise a good man. But I am looking for ideas beyond that.

SPEAKER_04 53:58

I wouldn't say he's spineless. He probably live with his parents. Okay, I got a lot of ideas.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Okay. Give her some. She's looking for some ideas.

SPEAKER_04 54:05

Now I'm gonna tell on myself.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

This this is what generally works for me. I just wait, what? I just I just stopped cooking.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 54:15

If I stop cooking shit, people stop coming. She they stopped coming because my mother-in law, she got a threshold of how many times she's gonna go spend some money on some food. And then she's gonna be like, we can't just cook something. Well, no, you can cook whatever you want. You know, what you would say, what would you like?

SPEAKER_00 54:30

What would you like?

SPEAKER_04 54:31

That's one thing I do. Number two, I don't keep no coffee in the house.

SPEAKER_00 54:35

Okay, because she wants coffee every morning.

SPEAKER_01 54:37

She wants coffee every morning. So basically, you don't keep any of her comforts.

SPEAKER_04 54:40

Right. And if I have coffee, I don't have creamer. I make it, you gotta, I make it to where she's gonna have to leave to get something, right?

SPEAKER_01 54:48

Making the visit unpleasant, making her think about it.

SPEAKER_04 54:51

You gotta make you gotta, you can't, every time you come here, you gotta make you gotta make something a little inconvenient. Like sometimes the Wi-Fi just get cut off randomly and spurts, and she gets in and shows get interrupted. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

So basically he's saying just make their visit uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_04 55:05

I know that she likes watching line order. I cut Paramount off or peacocked off.

SPEAKER_01 55:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:09

Yeah, we had oh we had it yesterday. But we'll have it back again when you leave. Okay. Bye. You gotta just, you gotta know. You know? Another thing I do, this is my favorite one I do. I ask my wife to make anything seafood related.

SPEAKER_01 55:24

Okay, and I don't do that. My mother's allergic to seafood.

SPEAKER_04 55:27

And I'm like, well, I want this. So if I tell her, so like And that does not happen. So if if my if my mother's coming down, I say, hey, can you make some shrimp tacos? Then she tell her that she makes a short, well, I'm just coming tomorrow so you make a taco. And the plan has worked.

SPEAKER_01 55:39

Okay. Goodbye. So you you just And now you just made me want a taco, actually. So you just gotta know, you gotta know, you gotta you gotta make them uncomfortable. The moral of the story is that when they come to your house, don't make them comfortable at your house.

SPEAKER_04 55:53

Like, like, like, like my like when my mother was in menopause, I would purposely keep the house at a certain temperature that would piss her off. So then she would need to open the window, close the window, fan, no fan. Over the window, close the window, fan, no fan. And then she was like, I'm just going home. Whoa. We love you. Come back anytime.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

Bye. We love you. Visit us too. Come back.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

Your grandchild loves seeing you. Bye. You know? Okay.

SPEAKER_04 56:18

Now my father-in-law, he's never, he's not an issue because he's not gonna stay long anywhere. He can come anytime. He got he got about one night in him. He's like, I go, I'm about to hit the road.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Right, because he just likes being at his own place. Uh but the mothers because they grandbaby.

SPEAKER_04 56:33

They'll move in. God damn.

SPEAKER_01 56:35

Um, okay, we got one more. And this one is from a Booski. Hey, Booski. Hey, Booski. Okay, so she says, I've been a huge fan since I found your page. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 56:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

Uh, thank you for being genuine in your advice. If I may, I genuinely need your advice when it comes to relationships and money. I'm in my 40s and divorced a decade ago due to infidelity on my ex's part. I've been focusing a lot on my career and earned decently well above

Dating, Money, and Who Should Pay

SPEAKER_01 57:01

average. I've dated now and then, not a lot, but nothing has really worked out. Um, while the reason for not pursuing a relationship have varied, one common issue I've noticed is paying for dates. I usually date men within the same tax bracket, and out of habit, I typically contribute on dates. Um when pays, uh, when pays for some, I pay for some and on tips. When he pays for the accommodations, I'll pay for food, et cetera. However, I have encountered men who take advantage of this and expect me to pay more. The last guy I dated for a year crossed the line by inviting me to lunch with his son and then getting mad at me for not paying for it. This is also the guy who often said women are gold diggers. I gave him a piece of my mind and ended the relationship. My questions are, who should pay? Okay. So, for one, uh, for dates, when we first start dating, who should pay? Once we're in a relationship, six months, one year, two years, who should pay? Uh, when we're living together, who should pay? I don't want to make the same mistake when I meet someone else. I really appreciate your guidance. Um, let's see. Also, um, all I'm looking for is a genuine relationship. While it seems to already be a challenge, this money tango makes it harder. Thank you for listening and your advice.

SPEAKER_04 58:32

Okay. Let me uh one by one. Who should pay is whoever offered.

SPEAKER_01 58:35

Yeah, whoever invite whoever invited is who should pay.

SPEAKER_04 58:39

Right. But I will also say this you as a man, I have learned, do not start shit. You do not want to continue. Because people get comfortable and they stop acting like they don't know what a gas station is. So when you start doing shit, you just maintain it. Okay. So I would tell you, don't pay for none of the goddamn days.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

Okay, and that's that's actually what I was gonna say. Don't pay for none of them. Here's the thing if if I'm done, I'm not done. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 59:07

Calm down now. Oh now, if he really is into you and he likes you, he he ain't gonna he don't mind uh paying because he don't mind spending a little change to have to have some of your time. And I don't care. A little change. Okay, I'll just say that now. Because everything is transactional.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 59:25

Okay, so he he wants your time, right? Now, once you guys start getting serious, then now you can take him out on his birthday. If he's a father, do something for him on Father's Day, whatever the case may be. When y'all move in together, by that time y'all should be married, y'all should have y'all y'all financially situated.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Okay, but still answer the question who's paying? At the beginning of the yeah, because if the no, if they're living together, if the money is still separate and it hasn't come together, who's paying?

SPEAKER_04 59:50

If they're living together and they're if and you're not like married, that needs to be a conversation beforehand. And I I personally feel like if you're not together married, then everything should be split according to the income. So if he makes more, he should take care of the the bigger bills. If you make more, you split it. You split it, you split it properly. So if if if if if it's uh if the income is a uh 60-40 split, one pays 60, one pay 40. Over here, it's 100%. So I pay 100, she pays nothing. You know, so you know, what more?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:23

So yeah, so I I agree. I also say um you you lead with how you would like to see things in the future, right? So if paying for dates, I know you you pretty much make it out to be that you don't mind paying for dates, but if this is something that you continuously run into, if paying for dates is something that you don't necessarily want to do all the time, I wouldn't start off that way. Oh, right now. Right? I wouldn't start off that way. Also, another thing, you said that the income bracket that you are in is above average. And I know that you mentioned dating men, like, you know, in similar brackets. Maybe you need to date some a man that's above average for the that type of like a different type of man, where that's not even gonna be a question, right? Because there's certain men that you will date and it's not even a question. He's not gonna sit there and be like, okay, you want to split the bill? Or like if he asks you on a date, he's gonna be expecting you to leave the tip.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:20

Wait, wait a minute, because I ask you to split the bill every time we go out.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:24

And I pass you my one brown penny every time. Pass it over like that. Um, but yeah, so I mean, I think it's also you don't you if he thinks you're a gold digger, let him let him think that. Then that's not the man for you because you know what you can bring to the table financially, right? Yeah. But if someone is genuinely trying to get to know you, and nine times out of ten, if he's the one that's asking you out, then it is fair to assume that he is going to assume the cost of getting to know me because you're approaching me to get to know me. Because to ask someone out on a date and assume that they have resources to pay for said date, I don't think is just like that's that's okay. And I want to get that's not that's not etiquette. That's what the word I was looking for. That's just not etiquette.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:13

Nice. I want to get to the other, I want to get to the main issue I have with the other nigga.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:16

What do you mean the other nigga?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:18

The one that brought his son. And then Oh, but why are we talking about him?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:20

He's not around anymore.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:21

I know he's not.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:23

And she knows not to go to that.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:24

But how are you gonna call somebody a gold digger and then bring and then bring a plus one to a date?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

But that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Maybe we need to go to an above average type dude where this is not even going to be like a conversation. Because here's the thing. If you date somebody, if she's already in an above average dating uh or financial pool, right? If she finds a man who is above that, like the next tax bracket, right? Are we talking like what seven figures?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:58

37% or 34%. What are we talking? What are we talking? What are we talking? Because I got, you know, if you know, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

Listen.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:09

If you know, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:11

If you went up, if you dated outside your tax bracket, but up, uh, right? And you find a man who is genuinely interested in getting to know you, I think this is just how in my mind it plays out. I really don't think this is gonna be an issue. It's not. I really don't think it's gonna be an issue, and I don't think that you're gonna be made to feel as though you have to prove that you're not a gold digger or that you are willing to like help out when it comes when it comes to dates.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:42

I will also say this maybe your type is not conducive to the lifestyle you want. Possible. You gotta think about that too. Possible. Possible. Because she said many times that I was I was different. I wasn't necessarily her type, I was just different. So she gave me a chance. I'm her charity case. I'm I'm her good deed to get her into heaven.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

Bye. But don't, I don't, I just because she sounds like a genuine, like a genuine, like, nice lady. And the thing about it is, is you've worked hard to be where you are in your life, and don't dim your light or try to make yourself seem so um like you have to compromise so much so that you can, you know, have a relationship. That no, you know what you bring to the table. You want to be in a relationship. You don't have to be in a relationship for survival purposes. You don't have to be attached to um a man for like for survival. So being able to find somebody who not only is interested in you, but also is gonna show that interest by being like, hey, like what you doing? I got you. Yeah, put your pocketbook back. That's weird. What do you feel like? I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:57

Um, so it's the stay-at-home mom. This is great, the disrespect of the whole episode.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:09

Um, so yeah, so for one, don't dim your life for others. For two, um, maybe maybe it's time to try a different type of man where this is not gonna be an issue. And if you do find a man that you are connecting with and you know, you get into a situation where like maybe you want, like you genuinely want to take him out, maybe do that a little later so that that way when you do take him out, or maybe you take him out for his birthday, or you know, you guys go hang out on the 4th of July and you take him out to dinner or something like that. It's more of a um, he understands that this is a treat. You know what I mean? Not an expectation. It's like, oh, my girl taking me out. Okay, that was really nice, but we're not gonna make a habit of this.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:50

Make it make it a uh occasion, not a constant occurrence.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:54

A recurrence, yes. Yes, that's what I was saying. So, yeah, so thanks for writing in. Um, all right, guys. If you are not doing so already, you can follow us at Life

Closing: YouTube Memberships and New Episodes

SPEAKER_01 1:06:05

After I Do Podcast on all social media platforms. You can write into the podcast at LifeAfter I Do Podcast at gmail.com. Um, you get a new episode every single Wednesday.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:18

So, I mean And to those of you who are joining the membership on YouTube, thank you guys. That was kind of we love you. We love y'all. It was kind of like a soft opening. We're we just kind of figured it. We still trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:31

We appreciate support. All of your support is helping to better the podcast. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:36

So let us know what y'all are looking for. That don't mean we're gonna give it to you.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:46

We just want to see where your head is.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

Because I still gotta go to work.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

Bye. Bye. Don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend to tell grandma. Because it's granny though, then everybody else.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:57

Don't you all find my wife is? Peaceful.