Life After I Do Podcast

Hot Takes!

• Life After I Do • Season 1 • Episode 123

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What really holds a marriage together when real life shows up? In this episode of Life After I Do Podcast, we dig into the truths couples don’t always say out loud—from financial infidelity and dead bedrooms to the quiet ways disrespect and disconnection creep in. With humor and honesty, we explore why small daily choices matter more than big gestures.

Through personal reflections and listener scenarios involving money boundaries, family expectations, and first-date red flags, this conversation offers practical insight into protecting trust, choosing each other consistently, and repairing the bond before resentment takes root. If you want real talk about love, money, and modern marriage, this episode delivers.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

SPEAKER_01:

The point is that it is you and I in one crayon box. Okay. And we must protect our crayon box. We can't sit up here and let all those funky colored crayons come in and like the neon greens.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

And the various blues and purples. Okay. And them ugly sparkle glitters. We can't. Hold on, my baby loves a little girl sparkle, okay? Okay. We can't allow them to come into the crayon box with us. Hey everyone, and welcome back to your weekly dose of the life after I do podcast. Come in, sit down, enjoy, relax, turn us up in the car. Happy Black History Month. If you're around the house cleaning.

SPEAKER_06:

Happy Black History Month.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, and happy Black History Month.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm black all year, but this is when I'm blackity, black, black, black.

SPEAKER_01:

Goodbye. Goodbye. I started to wear my um what? Ah my uh I just went blank. You know what I mean, though.

SPEAKER_06:

And for all you fellas out don't, all you fellas out there capping talking about happy black history moment, but then you go to the party and say, excuse me, my soul, can you tap that white woman next to you?

SPEAKER_00:

What? Really? It's so stupid.

SPEAKER_06:

My milk of magnesia. When the devil made you, he broke the moat. That is my favorite part of that movie.

SPEAKER_01:

And what movie is that for the people?

SPEAKER_06:

Don't be a menace.

SPEAKER_01:

So silly. Happy Black History Month to everyone. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah. We got some black history upstairs. You want to make another one? I can't. You wanna make another one?

SPEAKER_01:

How are you, dear?

SPEAKER_06:

You know, some days are good, some days are bad, but we keep it rolling. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

What was today?

SPEAKER_06:

Today was pretty good.

SPEAKER_01:

Today was good. You've been in a good mood today.

SPEAKER_06:

I think it was that pre-workout. I did a line today.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_06:

I told you. I'm in love with the cocoa.

SPEAKER_01:

Is that you chopping up your pre-workout?

SPEAKER_06:

Got it for the low.

SPEAKER_01:

He's so stupid. Is that you breaking down your pre-workout? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm a little nervous though.

SPEAKER_01:

Why?

SPEAKER_06:

Because you know, you know, by the time y'all hear this, I'm preparing to get split roasted.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. He's not getting split roasted. He's getting an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. At the same time. I got mine at the same time. You're not even taking me out to eat. We're at that age now where we gotta check all the pipings. They're not even taking me out to eat. Okay. No, they told you not to eat. Right. They treat me like they picked me up on fick roll. Okay. Goodbye. Good darn bye. My whole family wife and girl darn. They treat me like a common street walker. Whatever. You're doing what I like to call house maintenance now.

SPEAKER_06:

They're talking about it's gonna take 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'm gonna quick day to that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Well, yeah, it takes about 30 minutes. And then you gotta kick it in the back for a little bit because they gotta make sure like you're cool, like after coming from under itself.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not gonna be cool.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Just hope they don't do you dirty like they did me where you charge it. When they put the the little thing in my mouth, they didn't realize that they had my lip clipped with the little thing. And so when I came out my lips ain't big as yours. When I came out to recovery, I was like, what the hell's going on with my lip? And my lip had swelled up. My lip ain't as big as yours. Okay, Demale. Let's just hope you never complain about better. I ain't never complained about them though. Whatever. I mean, you're not gonna here's the thing. You're not even gonna remember anything. I'm not, I've never complained about either set of your lips. Okay, stop it. Like I said, you're not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_06:

We are also approaching the day of love. But I've been in love with you for a long time. Okay, Demel. So you can you can graze over that all you want to. I know you're a grazer. Okay, I'm gonna wait till you're done. I'm gonna graze later, too.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna wait till you're done.

SPEAKER_06:

I ain't never done. This is for life.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Life after I do. This is your life because you said I do. Okay. Okay. This is your life. Ain't no different. It's like today in the gym. I went on got PJ and I was like, look, look, look, look. She's like, what? You see Mark over there? She said, yeah, so look all that ass. Because that ass was ass. You was in the RDLs. And it was ass. I said, look at that's goddamn.

SPEAKER_01:

I said you don't even wear your glasses in the gym. Cut it out. Like you pull looking over your glasses. I said, Miss Parker got hella. Bye-bye. Hey, Miss Parker. He's so silly. But yeah, so like I like I was saying, you're not even gonna remember it. Okay, it don't matter. But that's you're gonna remember going in and waking up.

SPEAKER_06:

Today's a good day. I had therapy um yesterday. Today's a good day, and you know, I talked some stuff out.

SPEAKER_01:

You talked yourself out.

SPEAKER_06:

I'll talk some stuff out.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I was like, you tried to do that.

SPEAKER_06:

We talked about you a lot yesterday.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_06:

You're stressing me out. That's great.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm happy I was a topic.

SPEAKER_06:

We actually didn't talk about that child. But uh, you know.

SPEAKER_01:

We talked about that child.

SPEAKER_06:

But it's um today's a good day.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

It ain't bad.

SPEAKER_01:

It ain't bad. You did pretty good today in the gym. Yeah, I mean, it's whatever. I mean, I saw you struggling with your arm curls for a little bit, but other than that, hold up. Hold up. I think you did hold up. What? What's meant? Hold up. What? What's better? What's wrong? Huh?

SPEAKER_03:

Who? Who? You're an owl now?

unknown:

Who?

SPEAKER_03:

What happened? Who? Who? Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_06:

Easy dark chocolate. I wouldn't want you to melt.

SPEAKER_01:

I saw your face. You had like a nice grimace going on when you had to make it look tough.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, okay. Like you were there.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay. Is that what it was?

SPEAKER_06:

I didn't want you to feel like I wasn't. How was your week, babe?

SPEAKER_01:

Shut up. It's like I wasn't getting it. My week was good.

SPEAKER_06:

That's good. That's good. Why are you saying like that?

SPEAKER_01:

No, come on, tell us about your week. Oh, I mean, yeah, like I said.

SPEAKER_06:

Because you have been complaining about your back since Saturday.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so my well, yeah, my spider erectors were very, very on fire, very sore. Your back look good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_06:

When you take that dress off. Okay. When it hit the phone.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, but yeah, so I didn't.

SPEAKER_06:

I did um and slip on your and don't keep me at the table.

SPEAKER_01:

Did somebody asleep up you? Um, yeah, my back was hurting because I was doing my workout on Saturday and it was sore. So, I mean, I guess it's a testament to me trying to work hard. Yeah, I was trying to work hard. I didn't, I mean, I wasn't in pain. It was typical soreness. Okay, because big. It wasn't a man, but yeah, so um, but other than that, um my my beautiful angel of a child had comp this past week. So that was fun.

SPEAKER_06:

Did we talk about that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so that was fun. That was fun. It's been a year. Yeah, it was good. It's good to see all the parents together in one place. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_06:

Didn't want to mention that.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

You know, I know a lot of people saw my video. I I was just talking crap. I know I'm gonna be there.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just I'm just you have to vent a little bit.

SPEAKER_06:

I have to vent. I have to grieve.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_06:

Have you know, take my denial?

SPEAKER_01:

Take your what?

SPEAKER_06:

My denial. You know, I have to go through the whole process, but I'm gonna be there.

SPEAKER_01:

I obviously you're gonna be there because how will we get there?

SPEAKER_06:

You would drive.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, like I said, how would we get there? You would be a whole adult. Uh I don't feel like pro maxing.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh slide your the pen off and put the bigger pin.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye. Out of here. Um, no, but yeah, like I said, this is a crazy. We had um, we had uh first count of the season, which was really fun. It was nice to see all the parents. It was really, it was actually really cool to see the reaction of all the first time parents like going through it and experiencing, you know, everything. And it's we and the um, me and my friend Julie, we were like, oh dang, now we're the now we're yeah, we're the veteran parents now, you know what I mean? Like trying to walk through trying to walk the new parents through it all.

SPEAKER_06:

So the one dad asked me, so how is it? I said, we bought the Dia for four hours, so you can watch your daughter for three minutes. And then we're gonna then it's gonna take another 45 minutes at award, and then they're gonna be starving. You gotta feed them immediately immediately after. Like if you gotta show up to rewards with a snack.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you gotta show up with a snack. And that's the only thing. I mom failed that day because I didn't.

SPEAKER_06:

Because I came through.

SPEAKER_01:

You did you can't you did not?

SPEAKER_06:

I came through. You did not, I got her on time.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I'm talking about the snack part. I forgot her snack. I forgot her snack. Okay, whatever. But anyway. She didn't care. The way she was eating that mac and cheese afterwards, she didn't care. Because she was hungry, the baby was starving. You sit up there and and do a square for four hours at 6 a.m. and see how you feel.

SPEAKER_06:

What took me out is like, she said, Dad, you know what I'm you know my order. Calm down.

SPEAKER_01:

You too.

SPEAKER_06:

We get it.

SPEAKER_01:

Every time we sit down somewhere, you know my order.

SPEAKER_06:

I know that you want mac and cheese and fries. That's what you want, but then you can eat off everybody else's plate.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, yeah, because she doesn't exactly know what to order. And so I feel like she she has to see what everybody else is ordering. And then when she sees their food, she's like, Oh, you know what? That would have been good, and it's gonna go great with my fries and mac and cheese. So go ahead and slide some of that on over here.

SPEAKER_06:

That's just like when we took her to reference, she was like, Dad, did you order my potatoes? Did it come with your meal? Because you normally order potatoes on side for me.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because I don't really get potatoes. Did you get my potatoes?

SPEAKER_06:

Yes, I got your potatoes. Oh, thank you.

unknown:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01:

And then the way she eats her bacon, oh my gosh, the way that girl eats bacon is hilarious. Fat first. She loves like any type of fat on meat, she loves the fat. If it's chicken, if it's beef, it doesn't matter. She eats the fat first and then she thinks about eating the meat. I'd be like, girl, you can't keep eating the fat off of the meat and then thinking about the meat second. Uh but yeah, other than that, I had a really good week. Um, I don't have any complaints. I felt like I was a little low energy this week, though. Why are you looking at me like that? You had no complaints. I don't have any complaints. You've been complaining all week. About what? Me. Oh, well, that's different. That's and I, ooh, that's different.

SPEAKER_06:

And I, you know, I'm a good man, Savannah. That's just I'm a good man.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a part of daily living, you know?

SPEAKER_06:

I'm a good man, Savannah. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, okay. I'm a good man, Savannah.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye-bye. Uh, but like I said, it was a good week. I do feel like, I do feel like I was a little low energy for the gym, you know, except for uh yesterday. Yesterday was a really good day, I think.

SPEAKER_06:

You know what? You had a really good bench day. I did. You phoned it in. You could have that last room you had it. I feel like you had it. I feel like you gave up. I felt like you like I felt like I didn't give up.

SPEAKER_01:

I was trying to prevent myself from hurting my damn neck.

SPEAKER_06:

I felt like you had past trauma of me not supporting you properly.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely, because like I said, I was trying not to hurt my damn neck. Once you get burned, once.

SPEAKER_06:

And shout out, shout out to our friend uh the the Mr. Uh CPA himself, Mr. Fitzhugh. He said uh he was like, it looks like Mo waiting for her to hit the two plates. And I'm coming.

SPEAKER_01:

I ain't gonna be like bullshit. If y'all just patiently wait, I'm gonna tell y'all right now, though, she patiently wait.

SPEAKER_06:

She hit these two plates, y'all gotta address her. Y'all look here. She's gonna change, she might change her whole moniker on her.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you just gotta address me as big ma'am.

SPEAKER_06:

Big ma'am is wild. Big ma'am is wild.

SPEAKER_01:

You're just gonna have to address me as big ma'am for like a week.

SPEAKER_06:

Not big.

SPEAKER_01:

That's it. And I told you, you're gonna have to at least give me a week.

SPEAKER_06:

I gotta be like Until you hear that shit outside the gym, you're gonna be like, oh, big ma'am?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

You're like, ooh, relax. You already uh a little hurt when they call you Miss Nisha.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, what's the other guy's name? Every time I see him, like when before I walk up to him, he like, he, he like bows to me like that. You do a one? Yeah, he bows to me, and I'm like, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00:

You gotta go.

SPEAKER_01:

Relax. Uh but yeah, so when I when I hit my two plates.

SPEAKER_06:

I like when you say win. When I hit my two plates on squat, I'm gonna let you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. You did hit your two plates on squat.

SPEAKER_06:

Nah, not like you do.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, babe, we don't we don't compare ourselves to others.

SPEAKER_06:

We do. We do. We do.

SPEAKER_01:

We do. We don't compare ourselves to others.

SPEAKER_06:

Somebody asked me, I said, I am confident that I can outlift my wife in every lift. You can. Except for a squat.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, if you work at it, you can.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't have the core strength she has, and I don't have uh the the knees she has. She got knees like Maya.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what?

SPEAKER_06:

But it's something it's funny that you had I got I got knees like Forrest before he before he really embraces off.

SPEAKER_02:

Goodbye. You stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, you said the core strength, and um, that's why I wanted to say I did conquer a I don't want to say a fear. It was just like in an uncomfortable, an uncomfortable situation I had to redeem myself from. So about what was it, maybe three or four years ago, um, when I was with my first trainer, she had put me on the decline for abs. And when I got on there, this was when I was like 70 pounds heavier. And she was like, um, she was like, okay, now sit up. And I was like, girl. She was like, sit up. And I was like, It ain't happening, girl, it's not even gonna happen. And I I remember being at the gym and she Molly girl, right, Molly girl, you in danger. And she was just literally looking at me like, all you have to do is sit up. And I just laid there and I was like, but you really don't understand. Like, I really can't just sit up like that.

SPEAKER_06:

She sounded like me when I tell PJ, just push it.

SPEAKER_01:

Just push it. Like, it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_06:

She's like, you can't, no, you got it, push it.

SPEAKER_01:

So um, you know, I I I nor I do, you know, I do planks, I do my uh weighted crunches and all that stuff, but I still never went back to that decline. And then it just made me think because I decline bench sometimes, right? And I was like, I'm on a decline and I get up and down it like without even thinking about it. That's what made me dawn on it.

SPEAKER_06:

But you're not there to sit up.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, well, but but I sit up because I have to sit up when I'm done decline benching and I have to lay down. So then it made me think, okay, well, I should be able to do the decline like crunches again, you know, and really and really replace the old memory of myself with a more suitable one. And so anyway, long story short, I got on there.

SPEAKER_06:

You did it.

SPEAKER_01:

And I did it for reps.

SPEAKER_06:

And I was like, oh, I was like, okay. You look good.

SPEAKER_01:

I was like, okay, core strength come through.

SPEAKER_06:

Them girls will stay.

SPEAKER_01:

Core strength come through. I was like, okay, core strength come through, come through. But then I did rediscover something else. Like, you know, I've been trying to like find my weak points, you know, in my in my okay, yeah, tell me.

SPEAKER_06:

I off camera, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_01:

But what I've determined is that my left, I feel like my left glute is more dominant than my right glute, but then my right quad is more dominant than my left quad. That makes sense. Conversational. Crazy though.

SPEAKER_06:

It's crazy work.

SPEAKER_01:

It's crazy work.

SPEAKER_06:

I will say this. Uh, someone today told me that I look swole, uh-huh, and I said, ma'am, I'm married.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. She's your gym daughter for crying out loud.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm married. Calm down.

SPEAKER_01:

Cut it out.

SPEAKER_06:

I say, I say, calm down, you go hiking.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Calm down.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't with you. Okay. Anyways. Anyways. What do we got today, booster? Hot takes. We got hot takes. Uh, marino hot takes.

SPEAKER_06:

Is it hot take or hot shit?

SPEAKER_01:

Hot shit.

SPEAKER_06:

Ooh, I'm going down, down, baby. Your street in the range. Street sweeper, baby. Oh, we can't. Oh, that's right. What's it, Nellie Maggie? Oh, never mind. Hot takes.

SPEAKER_01:

Hot takes. Okay, so it's um apparently everything I say is a hot take. So, you know, with all of the all of the hoopla and videos and everything. Yeah, you know, I'm getting old. Um, all the okay. Really? Hoopla.

SPEAKER_06:

Really? What did you call me jackneck? Look here, sucker. Listen, Ingrid. Right, right. Roberta. Right. That's wild.

SPEAKER_01:

He was like, why do you have such an old ass? See, that was old ass. Um, so it's it's based off of you know a lot of viral moments and things that are happening in the relationship space. All right, let's talk about it. So I'm gonna give you a couple of scenarios. You give me a couple of scenarios or our hot takes on them.

SPEAKER_06:

All right. Are we gonna we're gonna give our hot takes on each one? Are we gonna just we're gonna alternate?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we'll alternate.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I'll give you a hot take, you give me a hot take. So just a you know, a statement and then elaborate, okay?

SPEAKER_05:

All right, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

All right, here we go. Um Is financial infidelity is uh is it as serious as physical cheating?

SPEAKER_06:

Financial infidelity?

SPEAKER_01:

Financial infidelity, is that as serious as physical cheating?

SPEAKER_06:

Like if he's spending money on somebody else?

SPEAKER_01:

Um, or if you are covertly mismanaging funds or I feel that's worse than cheating. Look here.

SPEAKER_06:

Let me say why.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like that's worse than cheating.

SPEAKER_06:

That's worse than cheating because now you're fucking with the future.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You're fucking with somebody's livelihood.

SPEAKER_06:

Cheating.

SPEAKER_01:

But you can be fucking with somebody's future too by cheating.

SPEAKER_06:

But hold on. But see, with cheating, some people can go over it. I can't.

SPEAKER_01:

Some people can. I can't.

SPEAKER_06:

You gotta leave.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm not going up that mountain to save my marriage.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Bye, Maurice. Bye.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm not going up the mountain.

SPEAKER_02:

Whatever.

SPEAKER_06:

FY, I'm I'm making references to black movie uh all month. Um but but you can mess up the future. And not only, but not only the future for you, but also for your children.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

And so that that has more implications. Because now, if you cheat, you might mess up the stableness of your future, uh, of your children's future, but you you can still provide for them financially. Okay. I mean, you it might be worse, you might mess them up mentally, but you can still give them leader for the money. Now, you'll need that money now. That's that's I think you gotta do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Cause then what if I what if I tried to leave and you'd have fucked over the money so much I ain't even got nothing to run away with?

SPEAKER_06:

Look here, I could be heartbroken. I'm not gonna be heartbroken anymore.

SPEAKER_02:

I gotta pick the struggle, and I can't do it both at the same time.

SPEAKER_00:

I gotta choose me first, Lucius. I gotta choose me first. I gotta choose me first. I gotta choose me first.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, um hot tank.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Marriage requires sacrificing personal happiness at times.

SPEAKER_01:

It does. What the fuck are you sacrificing? Really? Really? Don't cut me. Don't cut me. Yes, it absolutely requires personal sacrifice at times. Yeah, because you're not the thing is that you're not doing life alone. You're not doing life by yourself. You have someone tethered to you. Well, I mean, the prisoner.

SPEAKER_06:

And you're in the what? The prisons are full.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, bye, Maurice. You've agreed to do life with somebody else.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, marriage really is. You just agreed to be incarcerated with that person and you signed that signed of paper with you. Sure. That's sure. You're doing your bid with it.

SPEAKER_01:

It's like a legal document. You're doing your bid with there. You have to do your bid with somebody else. Yeah, so absolutely.

SPEAKER_06:

You're and that's gonna require some because a man has a finance.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and that, and that you're gonna have to self-sacrifice. Yes, absolutely. If you want, if you want to have any type of chance at having um, you know, an enjoyable life, like a happy life, at some point you're gonna have to make a sacrifice. Especially if it's especially if it's going to um give you something greater.

SPEAKER_06:

This is just wild coming from you. Okay. Why? Because I feel like I'm making all the sacrifices.

SPEAKER_01:

That's fine. How you listen, your feelings, right? Your feelings are valid because they're yours. Do you like surprises? Do you like surprises? I do. Go ahead. Um, a dead bedroom is a sign of deeper marital issues, not just stress. Facts. Then what's our issues?

SPEAKER_06:

Facts. Joke. Our bedroom ain't dead. Look here. Look here. I said it was just because we do cardio after the cardio. Okay. Okay, move on. You hear me? Move on. Okay, anybody who works out know. When you work out, you get that that gym or you get that when that adrenaline hit your body. That gym adrenaline. I'm gonna call it gym adrenaline. And then you be like, it's just you get you be hyped up. You'll stack, you're peaking. So when you we come home, boys, get into the money.

SPEAKER_03:

I'll be getting to the money.

SPEAKER_06:

Hey, everybody. Hey, okay, you're doing too much.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, you're whatever.

SPEAKER_06:

But it is now it can it, you know what, it could be uh because stress can lead to so many things. Being serious now.

SPEAKER_01:

No, for real.

SPEAKER_06:

Stress can lead to so many things. Stress can you it can it starts off as stress, it stress can lead to into depression.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep. Um depression definitely is a mood killer, right?

SPEAKER_06:

Depression can can can move into isolation, yep. Mood killer, right? And and the and the further you go down that rabbit hole, the less ass you're gonna get. And the less because because because the less connected. Connected you are, yes. And because you know, there needs to be some type of, you know. Um I mean, for me personally, I can't just I've never been the type to just go through the motions and go through the motions. Yeah, like I don't, I don't want no pity ass.

SPEAKER_01:

I know I've tried to give you some.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't do pity ass. Now, now if you ain't if you ain't if you ain't willing to toss it up.

SPEAKER_01:

Listen, I but that and that's the thing. We've had this, we've had this discussion. We've had this discussion so many times. And it's like, I but I still like I even if I'm not a hundred percent enthusiastic about it at the time, but I know it's like it's either been a couple of days or I feel like you know you might be a little edgy. I'm like, okay. Well, let me tell you right now, the way I the last like the last question must take a sacrifice.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay. I'm telling you right now, the way I've been working out, I need every couple hours.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Because I look here. I've been waking up sweating.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh. You've been taking magnesium at night.

SPEAKER_06:

You ain't been waking up. And I've been waking up hard as a rock. Okay. With the bed last night, hard as a rock.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. No one needed to know that. No one needed to know that.

SPEAKER_06:

Real life discussions. But yeah, no, it's a fine different issue. And that, but that may just be a personal issue on one side. Yeah. Because you could have it could be a situation in which the your the one partner don't know how to address what's going on. Because I everyone's not in tune mentally of exactly what they partner needs to get out of whatever what.

SPEAKER_01:

Hell, the partner may not be in tune what it is they need. Speak now. Right?

SPEAKER_06:

Hold up. Wait a minute. It's a chopper. That's a chopper. So yeah, I mean, it is a sign. It's a sign of a much deeper problem.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, what did what did I say even earlier today? Like, I was just having one of those days today, and I was like, I really can't, I really wish I can just get my head straight. Like my head just wasn't straight today.

SPEAKER_05:

I thought I'm not gonna say that.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, stop it. You know, you know, you was gonna say something inappropriate.

SPEAKER_05:

I was.

SPEAKER_01:

I know you were. I stopped. Um I think it's my turn. It's my turn. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_06:

A spouse who embarrasses you in public doesn't respect you privately.

SPEAKER_01:

Ooh, I'm gonna I'm gonna probably say that's true. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Because talk about it. Why would you say you say I embarrass you all the time. So I don't know. No, but I don't mean like in a sense where I don't mean in a sense Okay, embarrass- Okay, so then uh I mean like clarify what you deem as embarrassing in public.

SPEAKER_01:

Like if your intent if your intentions is to make your spouse the butting end of a joke or gang up on like if you're an old boy that said that his wife trapped him.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah. Well he had nothing to be trapped.

SPEAKER_01:

Ivory. When he had nothing to trap, he had no funds, no job, no future.

SPEAKER_06:

Looking for food.

SPEAKER_01:

But he was trapped. He was trapped. Like a squirrel. Um yeah, but I mean it, I mean it in a like a malicious way. You know, like if you are trying to make your espouse the butt in um of a joke, or if you are thinking that you're trying to teach them a lesson by throwing something in their face to embarrass them in front of others so that the others could see what you see, like in that type of way, then obviously, yes, I feel like behind closed doors, if you're willing to do that in front of people and not try to stand next to me but make me the laughing matter, then most likely behind closed doors, there's a little disrespect happening.

SPEAKER_06:

Just saying Tebo, she does not respect me.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm just playing. She loves me. Okay. She definitely wanted the mountain saver marriage.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_06:

You did.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. Because I wouldn't know how to get there.

SPEAKER_06:

You're right.

SPEAKER_01:

And the last and last time I got caught on a snowy mountain, I panicked. Right.

SPEAKER_06:

I said Laura.

SPEAKER_01:

And I put my life in danger by busting a U-turn on a two-lane highway next to a cliff. So that's a good idea for me.

SPEAKER_06:

Good thing the tanker wasn't coming down.

SPEAKER_01:

That's all I kept thinking about. I was like, because if a big rig comes hauling his ass down here, I am going off the cliff.

SPEAKER_04:

That's a right.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, let's see. Um, if your spouse cheats once, but it's truly remorseful, can the marriage still work? Not mine.

SPEAKER_06:

I hope the dick was good enough. Because you ain't coming back here.

SPEAKER_01:

Not mine. You're not gonna embark me. Maybe somebody else's.

SPEAKER_06:

This going back to the last one. You're not gonna embarrass me publicly. Because you didn't respect me privately. You hear me?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh man, not yours.

SPEAKER_06:

Not mine.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, some people may. Some people, you know. Some people got look, oh babe, it can't go either way. It can't go either way. No, it's not going either way. It's going one way.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't know. You know? I mean, for my mine wouldn't work.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay. So people romanticizing weddings more than marriage. And that part, is that part of the problem?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Yes. Because you're thinking more about the day than like the actual future. Okay. But I can also see how that would be like possible. I mean, it's an exciting thing, especially if marriage is something you've been waiting for. Like there are some women who grow up and having that fairy tale thought. So by the time they get proposed to, it's not difficult to think. You know what I mean? It's not. But in also in the same sense, no, I don't, I believe no one goes into marriage thinking that our life wouldn't resemble somewhat what it does now. Like the happiness, the love, all the giddy feels that we feel. Like nobody, I don't think anybody goes into marriage thinking, like, damn, at some point, I'm gonna, you're gonna fucking get on my nerves to the point that I'm gonna reconsider. No one goes into marriage thinking that. And if you do, you really should.

SPEAKER_06:

I never thought that I never thought I could re-reconsider, but I knew you would piss me off.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, well, I mean, that's natural. But I feel as though when going into a marriage, especially after like the proposal and you're planning a wedding and like all the feels are there, you're so focused on like the happiness, the joy that you're experiencing, the, you know, even the frustrations that you're going through trying to plan a wedding, and you kind of think like, ugh, like this is what life is gonna be. I got my person, he loves me, she loves me. Like, we're in this, we're in this really good spot. You know, it's almost like it's like, hold on. It's like when you're planning a baby, right? Oh, I feel like that's the next level. Like after you get married and then you start like considering a family, I feel as though that time is a time where you just, it's the fun time because we're we're really connected because we have a goal. And so, like and we in it, you know, and so that all the feels that come with being intimate like that and trying to like work on something because you're trying to start a family. Stop doing it. It's hard, it's hard for you to think that at some point down the line, like, damn, I may not even feel like that.

SPEAKER_06:

How many of you stop doing your shows like that?

SPEAKER_01:

What later?

SPEAKER_06:

Stop it. Because we're going in this early.

SPEAKER_01:

Over my shoulders? That's crazy work. I like everything about you. I'm I listen, your chess ain't bad.

SPEAKER_06:

What? Go ahead, reword.

SPEAKER_01:

It's your turn, I think. Or is it?

SPEAKER_06:

I just read it. Your happy ass hands.

SPEAKER_01:

Wait, and then did you hear my callus?

SPEAKER_06:

Yes, it's crazy work. Electromagnetic.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, whatever. I shaved it down today. It's not even there. My puppy's head needed a shaving. That's a good one. Go ahead and rework. That's what my daughter calls my calluses. She looks at them, she goes, Oh, your puppies need a shaving.

SPEAKER_06:

Go ahead and rework.

SPEAKER_01:

I love her. Um, a spouse who stops trying physically after marriage is breaking an unspoken vow.

SPEAKER_06:

Physically, how?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm a I'm gonna assume sex.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh yeah. Yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

Because if I'm only supposed to get it from you, but you don't want to participate, and I keep bringing it to your attention, don't be mad.

SPEAKER_01:

I have to call Stacy.

SPEAKER_03:

Me and Mrs. Jones. Okay, okay, goodbye.

SPEAKER_06:

We meet every day. You meet every day at the same cafe 6:30. And I know she, I know she knows, but she'll be there. Holding hands, making all types of plans as the jukebox plays our favorite song.

SPEAKER_01:

Not the jukebox.

SPEAKER_06:

I told you I'm an old nigga.

SPEAKER_01:

Not the jubox.

SPEAKER_06:

I like all songs. Yeah. Um some couples mistake comfort for love. Yeah. Do tell me because you do seem comfortable. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what? Do tell I don't like you.

SPEAKER_03:

But you love me. I don't like you.

SPEAKER_01:

Do tell. Um, I I think I can I can see how that could happen to some people because it's always easier to it's always easier to go to what's easiest, right? So if you know that you could still have companionship with as little effort as possible and you're comfortable with that, okay. And then people also people allow time to dictate what they think is love. Okay. Because people feel, some people feel like if they've been together for so long, some people trump bonded. Yeah. Just keep it above. Yeah, yeah. But and that's what I'm saying. Time will do, I feel like time over time, that will do it too, because you've been in it for so long and you're like, oh yeah, no, but like we're in love. No, you've just been together a really long time and you haven't tried to do anything like, you know, to move the relationship forward. You're not progressing in any way. So therefore, you are comfortable and you're allowing time to essentially dictate your love. Okay. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. Um, let's see. A spouse should never vet about their marriage to friends of the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_06:

Facts. I'm big on that. I'm not finna tell another bra nothing about my wife.

SPEAKER_01:

Another bra?

SPEAKER_06:

I'm not finna get this bitch the playbook. That's all you're doing. Yeah. You're just giving them look here. I've had in the past, I've had like um women like complain about stuff. And it's in past, and I'm like, you really shouldn't do that. Because now I know exactly what to do. What to say, yeah, and what not to say.

SPEAKER_01:

All I gotta do is do the opposite of what you're complaining about him about.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna be the best thing in the world.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And you're gonna you're gonna look at me like I'm a diamond.

SPEAKER_06:

Boy, if I was a hot dog, ditty dog.

SPEAKER_02:

My Mickey Mouse. Hot dog.

SPEAKER_06:

But here's the other thing, too. This is why I feel like I tell people, when you cook when you start going to therapy, you have to be, you have to be, you have to be protective over the power you gain. Because the more you learn about yourself, the more you are you are able to identify things in others. Right?

SPEAKER_01:

So what I always tell you, you're only able to identify things in others because it is also of you. Right.

SPEAKER_06:

So when you when you start to be able to identify stuff, it's like as a as a man, yeah, right now, knowing how I am and the things I've gone I've gone through and my what I've experienced through therapy and like the conversation we've had, we have like like our some of our free friends like we're talking about our other female friends, uh, when I what I mentioned you the other day, right? I can now look at like females I'm closer with and that I've had like conversations with, like our mutual friends, and like if I was a dog, I could play her like a dog. But I know I I know I don't I don't even need I don't even need to know I know what to say for her to tell me everything else I need to know to get exactly what I want. Yeah, if I was that kind of guy. Yeah, and that's because I always said therapy can be dangerous. I said, because the more self-aware I become with myself, and the more I can I can pick up the more that you can identify the more I can identify my old patterns and how how that made me feel, I can kind of diagnose what's going on. I said, this is dangerous.

SPEAKER_01:

So you feel like you're psychoanalyzing people when you talk to them.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, sometimes I am. That's what I get it from you.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what happens.

SPEAKER_06:

You know why? Because I all them goddamn years of hearing dun dun dun dun while I'm trying to sleep.

SPEAKER_02:

How did you tie that back to law and order?

SPEAKER_06:

3 a.m.

SPEAKER_02:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_06:

3 a.m. in the morning in the criminal justice system. I'm like, girl, go to bed. Now here it is 4:30. Like, ooh, that's a good case.

SPEAKER_01:

They're all good cases.

SPEAKER_06:

No, they're not.

SPEAKER_01:

Every episode. Never watch the bad one. Never watch the bad episode of all normal.

SPEAKER_06:

Being a great parent doesn't automatically make you a great spouse. I agree. Oh, girl, I'm happy you do because I have I have some notes for you. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Leave them on the fridge. Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

You can't see them. Joe short ass.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. That was low. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

SPEAKER_06:

Shut up. That's why we work together, baby. We're good.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, yes, I I completely, I completely agree. Um, what's funny is you you brought that up, and the first thing I thought about is one of the skits that I saw on uh Facebook. I cannot remember the couple, but they are hilarious. But they just recently had a baby, and so like a lot of their content is centered around like, you know, life as new parents. And one of the skits was she wakes up in the morning and he was like, How your mornings used to be before the baby, and she would always give him kisses and stuff. And now that they have a baby, she walks right past him when he's trying to get a morning kiss and gives the baby all the kisses. And he was like, I'm your husband. And he was like, You've given the dog more kisses than you've given me. That's crazy. And then the baby, and then he pretends back the day kissing dogs that you know what I'm saying. He pretends to be the baby and he's like speaking as the baby, he was like, Yeah, she gives me like 30 before she feeds me, like 60 kisses, like after he was like, And then she does this little thing where she like takes my feet and she like kisses my feet. I kind of like it, but weird and then he looks at his wife and he was like, We used to make love, right? And she was like, Fine, I'll give you a kiss. And then she was like, but after you brush your teeth, because you have more morning breath.

SPEAKER_06:

Right. No one talks about how dad gets forgotten. What no one talks about how dad gets forgotten. Oh gosh. Now, I'm not downplaying pregnancy and all y'all go through.

SPEAKER_01:

Sounds like it.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm not. I'm not down the burping process, the healing, all that. All that's important. However, how however, however, sometime us as men by trying to do right by you guys, you get left in the dirt. You get left in mind because because it it I'm gonna spot to talk about us. It immediately went from something where it was it was it was Maurice and Kynisha. Yeah, it was just us, yeah, right. And that was the order.

SPEAKER_01:

That was the order.

SPEAKER_06:

Kinesha and Maurice, because I put you first, you my wife, right? And then the little one came out.

SPEAKER_01:

First the dog. We got a dog.

SPEAKER_06:

The dogs did they the dogs went before us. We would lead them dogs at home at any time. We'll take them to a center and leave. She ain't never been to a center.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_06:

Um, you know what I mean? Yeah. But when she came, now it was Phoenix, Kynisha, Maurice. And at the same time, I had to balance Phoenix and Kinesha. Because Kine, because Phoenix was stressed and Kynisha out. And Kinesha was stressed and Phoenix out.

SPEAKER_02:

Really? Whatever. And here I am.

SPEAKER_06:

And here I am coming home from work, you saying, get your daughter. Your daughter saying she's tripping.

SPEAKER_01:

Really?

SPEAKER_06:

I've been crying for three minutes. She can't figure out why I'm crying.

SPEAKER_01:

What's wrong with her? Because I've done everything. Right. I fed you, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_06:

So and then in the whole process of being concerned about you, that I think that's one thing. We talked about this one time in my dad group. That's one thing that never doesn't really get spoken about. Sometimes as as dads, we feel forgotten because in that need, and in those moments, we're just so focused on what the family needs. Right. That we don't, we don't, we don't get a chance to pour into ourselves. But that's neither here or there. Let's get back.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, but to answer your question, um, I do not think that being a good parent automatically quantifies you as a good spouse. Oh, but I know a couple. Yeah. Bye to male. You militable? No, I don't. That's that's okay. You sure? That's okay. However, being a good parent, I feel as though should be a good um, for lack of better verbiage, like you should be giving yourself a pat on the back because you chose that person for your kid. So that means you got good decision-making skills.

SPEAKER_05:

Go ahead and rewind.

SPEAKER_01:

You got good to know? That still means you got good decision-making skills. It could be me. Yes, subjective. Okay, whatever. Um, emotional neglect can be just as damaging as cheating.

SPEAKER_06:

Did we worry? I guess, you know, if you're an emotional person.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's right. That's right. You didn't agree. I get I do remember emotional damage. He didn't you didn't agree. Unless, unless, um, unless I used uh tug.

SPEAKER_06:

Um but the thing is like, um, read again.

SPEAKER_01:

Emotional neglect can be just as damaging as physical cheating. No, as cheating.

SPEAKER_06:

I I don't because I feel like I feel like that the physical act of cheating, there's a physical act there. Emotional neglect could just be that the stress and the own personal dynamic of that person, the stress, the anxiety, the depression, whatever, is so heavy on them, they're not realizing that they're neglecting you emotionally because they're fighting the demons inside. Sometimes they're not aware of that. When you're cheating, you're aware that you're physically cheating. You know that okay, you know, okay, go bust it open. You're gonna know you're busting that shit open. Come on now.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I'm not talking about the physical act, I'm talking about the intentions behind it. Like you may not know why you're doing it. I'm listening, I'm just saying shit.

SPEAKER_06:

I was about to hit the button on your ass. I was about to hit the button.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, a couple more.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's do a couple more.

SPEAKER_06:

People don't fall out of love, they stop choosing each other. Yep. I disagree with that.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's fine. We could agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_06:

I do it can go both ways.

SPEAKER_01:

Actually, it can go either way, it can go either way.

SPEAKER_06:

I think that I I think that you do fall out of love because love, because love is an emotion, and emotions change. Sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're sad, sometimes you're glad, sometimes you're not glad. You know what I'm saying? Emotion, the emotion emotions are are are waves. So I do think that you fall in love. When when times get hard, you may not you may not necessarily love that person, and that, but when the love is when the love is um fading, that's when the loyalty kicks in. That's why I always say love and loyalty is what's important. You got you gotta have both for it to be successful because love is an emotion. Okay, like when you at it, I'm pretty sure at a young age there was something you loved. You love this color, you love this band, you love this drink, and then you got older. I should I I used to love spicy. Not no more.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you still do, you just know that it's not a good idea to have. Look, we fell out. Yeah. We fell out. It's just not a good idea. It don't work together.

SPEAKER_06:

We don't look. My body's like, look here, player. You're about to be following.

SPEAKER_01:

But um, so being in love, yes, is an emotion, but it's a state, it's a state of being.

SPEAKER_06:

But but saying, but that's why, that's why the choosing each other, the loyalty part, is just as important as a love.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, but that's just like the question that you just said, but you just said you disagree.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so reach a question again. I agree about the people fall out of love. Uh-huh. Do you think they fall out of love, or do you think they just stop choosing each other? Okay, that's not what you said before.

SPEAKER_06:

They stop choosing each other. Okay, you know what?

SPEAKER_01:

But if you stop okay, but isn't it easier to fall out of love when you stop choosing each other? If I stop choosing you, then I eventually for me personally, I'm a great compartmentalizer. If I stop choosing you and I start compartmentalizing things in my head, I can I can emotionally detach from you.

SPEAKER_06:

Because when you start when you stop choosing me, now you're allowing the space for someone or something else.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because I can put I can put it in a little box in my head and then I can close it.

SPEAKER_06:

That's crazy. And then find that box and put your password in it.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, can't do that. That's not how my brain works.

SPEAKER_06:

You can't remember those at all. That's not how my brain works. The way you be fighting with serious, I said my face. My face.

SPEAKER_01:

And then when when my face ID don't be working, I'll be I stress out. I'd be like, girl. And then be smile into your password.

unknown:

What?

SPEAKER_06:

Your face ID don't work because you're black and you always change your face.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

You know, black when y'all change your hair every no say. Oh, it's my turn.

SPEAKER_02:

No, it isn't.

SPEAKER_06:

It is you just read that. No, it's you did.

SPEAKER_02:

Babe, you just read that.

SPEAKER_06:

Babe, you read that and I answered it.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

Run it back, people. This is what I deal with, people. This is why I say it's hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_03:

I like very crazy.

SPEAKER_06:

It doesn't eliminate loneliness, it just changes it. I agree. That's a fact. I agree. I could be in a room with you and feel lonely.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_06:

I could be right next to you and feel like I'm by my shit. Shit, I feel like that a couple days ago.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, I feel like that right now.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm sitting right next to you, and then I'm you ain't about shit. I was sitting right next to you. Was I reading? You was it don't matter what you was doing. I was so in my thoughts. I was by myself. Yeah. That's true. That is so true. Yeah, it just changes it. I was I'm you over. You I think you were reading, and I'm you reading. I was in my own world and we were in yours. And I'm worried about this bill, how she's gonna get the practice.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm over there solving cases.

SPEAKER_06:

Right. She need look, she needs clothes, right? We need clothes, shoes. I I gotta get my eight hours of sleep. I need to drink my water, I gotta eat my protein, and I'm this is all everything.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm like, God, and I'm and I was over there solving a case with Titus about the guy who slit the back the back guy open and took out his lungs and made angel wings and put uh me and Titus is solving this case right now. So that's what I was reading about. You want to be Olivia so much. Shouts out to Marissa Hergerty. I love you, girl.

SPEAKER_06:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh let's see, last one. Um marriage success depends more on daily habits than big romantic gestures.

SPEAKER_06:

That's a motherfucking fact. That's a fact.

SPEAKER_01:

Is it a fact?

SPEAKER_06:

Because if you live in your marriage also off the big gestures, the big gestures ain't gonna come often.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, unless you unless you got it like that to do big gestures every day.

SPEAKER_06:

But it don't matter because the big gestures gotta get they gotta get grander and grander and grander.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_06:

Grander because you're like if I if I if I start showing up every Friday with a Chanel bag or whatever kind of bag, I don't it don't matter what the bag is. Like bags. If I start showing up every Friday with a at some point, you're gonna expect, oh, it's Friday, I get a bag today.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Well, lucky for you, I don't like bags.

SPEAKER_06:

And that's not gonna happen. So it don't matter.

SPEAKER_03:

Lucky for you, I don't like bags.

SPEAKER_06:

For me personally, I believe it's the little things that you do consistently throughout the day. The small things, the small things that equal big things. Yeah, the things that let me the things that remind you that I'm thinking of you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06:

That I'm here for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That part.

SPEAKER_06:

And that ass.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_06:

I'm gonna read one more. Okay, you go ahead. A healthy marriage requires boundaries with friends and family.

SPEAKER_01:

A healthy marriage, what?

SPEAKER_06:

Requires boundaries with friends and family.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. Absolutely. What? You talking crap? Why are you gonna talk crap? Why are you just gonna talk crap? I know, yeah, absolutely. You have to set boundaries. Not only is boundaries uh important with uh just like life, right? Especially friends and family for your marriage, because your marriage, like they say, what do people say? It's an institution. Uh it's you and I in a jack in a box together. Not a jack in a box. And we gotta we gotta protect. We can be in a Simon. Okay. If that's where you want to be.

SPEAKER_06:

A light bright or something else.

SPEAKER_01:

We can be in a light bright too. The point is that it is you and I in one crayon box. Okay. And we must protect our crayon box. We can't sit up here and let all those funky colored crayons come in and like the neon greens and the various blues and purples. Okay, and them ugly sparkle glitters. We can't hold on, my baby loves glue glitter sparkle, okay? Okay. We can't allow them to come into the crayon box with us. But yes, in all seriousness, I agree. Yes, the boundaries. All right, guys. That was fun. All right.

SPEAKER_06:

Yo, take the end, they ain't that hot.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. I can't stand you.

SPEAKER_06:

But you can stand on me.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, okay. We're gonna just go ahead and hop right on into the comment of the week.

SPEAKER_06:

Okay, do you? The comment of the week. Okay, do you? Here we go. Now, people, I don't know how many we got today. I'm gonna just read how many I won't.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna just read how many I won't.

SPEAKER_06:

Uh um I almost didn't read this one because of her name triggered me, and I'll explain that later. But the first comment comes from Harriet's Okra Patch. I can't stand okra.

SPEAKER_01:

Okra aspire. Pickled okra. Speaking of which, I'm gonna need uh Tabitha to bring the pickled okra back. Okay. Because that was great.

SPEAKER_06:

So it this comes from Harriet's okra, uh, Harriet's okra patch, and this is in regards to this, it's in regards to the the post, the comment about, oh no, the the post about the the um the father spending his money since they said on the boat, since they said he wasn't even gonna go to the boat.

SPEAKER_01:

Well he spent his grand his future grandkids' educational fund on his boat, but then his kids told them, told him that they didn't plan on having kids, so he bought himself a boat.

SPEAKER_06:

So Harriet said, keep kids outgrown folks' business. After this nonsense, I'm calling my trust attorney and getting things squared away.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. Facts.

SPEAKER_06:

So so since y'all was praying on getting my money, I'm gonna make sure that y'all don't get no money.

SPEAKER_01:

Since y'all praying on my down front.

SPEAKER_06:

And I think the rest of these are from the um the post about um the the klepto stepdaughter.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, the 16-year-old daughter. Oh, yes, okay, yes, I have an update.

SPEAKER_06:

This first one, this one, this first one comes from La Toya.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, this comes from LaToya.

SPEAKER_06:

She says the fact that he left and didn't take his bio children is crazy work.

SPEAKER_01:

It is.

SPEAKER_06:

Come get your three kids, sir. It is. Get all of them. It is because how the hell you got somewhere to go for two days without your kids and you a whole married man.

SPEAKER_01:

The fact that you left your household for two days as a married man.

SPEAKER_06:

This comes from the same post. Shout out to the original black coffee. This shit had me in tears when I read it. You gotta sing it. You gotta sing it.

SPEAKER_00:

He said, Come pick up your kids.

SPEAKER_02:

I have deafed. Meet you at the door. Wow, still open.

SPEAKER_06:

Shout out to Yaniani with her beautiful ass.

SPEAKER_02:

That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_06:

Mr. Coffee, that's hilarious. That was hilarious. Okay. And the last one, uh, this is there was no clip to this one. You had to watch the whole episode to get this reference. But I know I did put this about the music. So last week's episode, I said that sometimes I list in my daughter's playlist in the gym.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh.

SPEAKER_06:

And so one of the songs, uh TOW Lewis on YouTube said, I agree, cakey go off on sprinkle party because sprinkle party is a slap.

SPEAKER_01:

Sprinkle party is uh a song from Gabby's Dollhouse.

SPEAKER_06:

I don't care. Cupcake, bacon, gobbling, come on.

SPEAKER_02:

Every day it's a sprinkle party. Tree yourself to the sweet sunshine.

SPEAKER_00:

Come on in, it's a sprinkle party. Help yourself to anything.

SPEAKER_06:

Wait, that one's mine. Shout out to Gabby's dolls. I'm just a girl dad. Oh gosh, that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so um the update to the update to um am I the asshole for not letting my stepdaughter share a room with my daughter. That one has the uh stepdaughter who's a klepto and who always starts arguments and stuff with her little sisters and pretty much everybody in the house. So everyone was concerned as to where the mother of her stepchildren are. Uh-huh. So she said, Everyone keeps asking about their mom. And here's the answer. She left them two years ago with her foreign husband to his home country. Oh shit. Okay. She talks to the girls via social media and video calls, but does not play a major role in their life and doesn't seem to care as long as the girls are taken care of. And she also thinks that they're fighting and her daughter stealing is not a big deal.

SPEAKER_06:

It sounds like she acting out because her mom ain't there.

SPEAKER_01:

Could be.

SPEAKER_06:

That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, not only that, her mom is not even close. She's in a different country, and she's a 16-year-old girl.

SPEAKER_06:

And I keep telling y'all that dadbeat moms is a thing. Okay, Maurice. Stop coming for us, dads.

SPEAKER_01:

No one's no one said deadbeat moms.

SPEAKER_06:

Dead beat mamas is a thing.

SPEAKER_01:

No one said dadbeat moms didn't uh didn't exist.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, y'all, y'all be y'all, women be going hard for women, but for no reason.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, but no one said they didn't exist.

SPEAKER_06:

Deadbeat ass.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, okay, here we go. Am I the jerk for walking out when my date showed up with his friend?

SPEAKER_05:

Nope.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's see. So I'm a 25-year-old female and I matched with a guy who's 26 on a dating app, and we'll just call him Mark. We talked for about a week, and honestly, everything seemed normal. He was funny, polite, and consistent, not overly flirty, not too weird, not one of those guys who sends one-worded replies and disappears for two days. So when he asked me out for dinner, I said yes. Of course. All right. We picked a casual restaurant, not too expensive, not too formal, just something easy for a first date. I got there first, grabbed a table, and I waited. About 10 minutes later, Mark walks in, but he wasn't alone.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, shit.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. He comes in with another guy around the same age, his friend. At first, I thought maybe they ran into each other outside and that his friend was just walking him to the table like they were about to, you know, split up. Nope. The friend sits down. Oh, hell no. Right across from me. Mark smiles like everything is normal and goes, Oh yeah, this is my friend Josh. He was bored, so I brought him with me.

SPEAKER_06:

This is weird.

SPEAKER_01:

I just stared at him. I genuinely thought he was joking. Like maybe Josh would leave after saying hi. But then John, Josh starts talking, asking me where I was from, what I do for work, if I date a lot. Like he's interviewing me. I was so uncomfortable. It felt like I was being watched. I tried to keep it polite, but my brain was screaming. This was supposed to be a date, not a group hangout, not a test, not some weird two-on-one situation where I'm the entertainment. So I asked Mark quietly, why did you bring him? Mark laughed and said he didn't want it to be awkward, which made no sense because now it was 10 times more awkward. I told him that I came here to meet him, not his friend, and that I was uncomfortable with this. Mark immediately got defensive and said Josh is basically like a brother to him and that I shouldn't make a big deal about it. Then Josh jumps in and says, Yeah, chill. It's just dinner. That annoyed me even more because now I'm being told to chill by a random guy that I didn't even agree to meet. So I stood up, put cash down for my drink, and I said, I'm leaving. Mark looked shocked and said that I was being rude and dramatic. Fuck Mark. He said I embarrassed him and made it seem like he did something wrong. I told him he did do something wrong. He changed the whole plan without telling me and put me in an uncomfortable position. As I walked out, Josh literally laughed and said, Guess she can't hang. Now Mark has been texting me saying that I overreacted, that his friend was only there because he gets nervous on first dates, and that I could have at least stayed to be nice. But I feel like I'm not crazy for thinking this was weird. If he was nervous, he could have told me beforehand, or even chosen a less intense date or met in a public coffee shop or anything. Am I being the ass mob?

SPEAKER_06:

This is weird. No, no. Fuck Mark, fuck Josh. Um, that shit is weird. And if he had trouble meeting people solo Why is he on a dating app? Exactly.

SPEAKER_01:

To meet people. Right. And then you initiated the hangout. You asked me to come with you. Look here.

SPEAKER_06:

To come meet with you. You're ma'am, you're miss. You sound like a miss, not a ma'am. Miss, you're um you're not an an a-ho at all. Um, I'm happy you follow your intuition. Uh leave leave the the strange people where they belong by themselves.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, because that that's weird. You didn't do anything wrong. Like, as soon as I would have found out that uh Josh was staying, yeah, and I'm out, and you and Josh enjoy lunch. How about that? Enjoy your time together.

SPEAKER_06:

Does Josh live with you? Do y'all share a bed too?

SPEAKER_01:

Or maybe, maybe they thought they was gonna get a free meal.

SPEAKER_06:

I mean, apparently these men want to be women now, so it could have been.

SPEAKER_01:

It could have been.

SPEAKER_06:

You gotta pay for my friend too. Bye to me.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. Am I the asshole for moving my paycheck into a separate account after my partner kept quote unquote accidentally overdrawing our joint?

SPEAKER_06:

Nope. Then you gotta read it.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm a 34-year-old male living with my girlfriend who's 31 for a bit over a year. We're not married. When we moved in together, we agreed to use one joint checking account for shared stuff: rent, utilities, groceries, cat food, the boring adult things. We both earn decent money, not rich, but stable. The agreement was simple. We each transfer a set amount on payday, and whatever's left in our personal accounts is ours. She suggested the joint account idea first because she said it would reduce stress and prevent arguments. I liked it. For the first few months, it worked fine. Okay. Uh then the small accidents started. The joint account would dip lower than expected. Then she says she forgot she used the joint account for a personal thing. The first time it was a pharmacy run and I didn't care. The second time it was dinner with friends, and she said that she grabbed the wrong card. After that, it became a pattern. Random charges, clothes returns, rebuys, salon payments, concert tickets, streaming trials that turned into monthly charges. I asked her to please stop using the joint card unless it's shared because it messes up the budgeting. She got annoyed and said that I was being weird about the money and that she'd fix it. She did repay a couple of charges, but didn't always, but doesn't always, and it turned into a conversation about how I'm making her feel judged. Last month, the joint account overdrafted. Rent still went through, but we got hit with a fee. She swore she didn't know that it was that low, and she only used the joint card for a few things because her personal account was too tight for that week. I asked her account, um, I asked why her account was tight, and she said it's none of my business. Okay. Which fine, but then why is the joint account covering it? All right. I told her that we need to pause and reset because it's not what we agreed. She says that I'm acting like her father and that she shouldn't have to ask permission to use our money. All right. This week it happened again, but worse. I got an email alert that the account was under$200, which makes no sense because we just transferred money and the bills weren't due yet. I checked and saw a$480 charge from a furniture store. I asked her about it and she said that she ordered a small desk for our place because she wants to start doing yoga videos at home and needs a spot for her laptop. I said that might be for her apartment, but it's still a non-urgent purchase and you didn't need to mention it to me. She snapped and said that I'm controlling and treating her like a thief. We argued and she told me she feels financially unsafe with me because I track everything. I told her I only track the joint account because it's literally shared for bills. After that, I changed my direct deposit. So my paycheck goes into my personal account again, and I said an automatic transfer to the joint account for my half of the expenses, plus a small buffer. I also moved the joint card to a drawer and told her that I'm not using it day to day anymore and only for bills. She called it a betrayal and said that I'm sabotaging the relationship over a couple of mistakes. Now she's telling friends that I cut her off and they're looking at me like I'm some stingy villain. Am I the asshole for separating my money again? Or is this a normal boundary when someone keeps blurring the lines?

SPEAKER_06:

Run, nigga. Run.

SPEAKER_00:

Run.

SPEAKER_06:

She will have you in financial ruin. Run. How is he controlling when she did what? Look, she's a narcissist. I've never used the word. I'm gonna use it today.

SPEAKER_01:

It will happen.

SPEAKER_06:

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, I'm not even about no, I can't.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I ain't cutting no slag.

SPEAKER_06:

How should I?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not cutting her any slag.

SPEAKER_06:

Sir, sir. I'm gonna take it a step further. I'm gonna give you credit as a man for still putting money in that account.

SPEAKER_01:

He don't do it no more.

SPEAKER_06:

He did. He said he's he's gonna be a good one.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but he's oh, he only puts his half in there though.

SPEAKER_06:

Yeah, with a small buffer. I wouldn't do that. Yeah, sir.

SPEAKER_01:

But his name's on the account, so he's trying to protect his own self, too.

SPEAKER_06:

Sir, sir. I will go down there, I would have my name taken off that account. I will let her know from this starting next month. These are the bills I'm responsible for. These are the bills you're responsible for. I'll give you the half of the rent.

SPEAKER_01:

Just put the rent in there. Just the joint account will solely be for the rent. And I'm only putting my half of the rent in there. So you're gonna have my half of the rent. And that is all.

SPEAKER_06:

That's not even my situation.

SPEAKER_01:

And if my rent don't get paid, when I know I paid half my rent, girl, we are over.

SPEAKER_06:

Oh, that's not even my situation. It pissed me off. Sir, she's using you. I feel like.

SPEAKER_01:

I bet you I know the mindset that she has that she's because she's she's thinking, he probably, she's probably thinking, okay, you have it, and you're my man. So just take care of me. That's the fucking problem. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_06:

That's the problem. Let me tell you something right now.

SPEAKER_01:

It's the problem because he's not in on it. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_06:

The problem is that he's not cool with it. I wouldn't, I wouldn't have to act like your father if you wouldn't ever be acting like a child. True. You're being irresponsible. True. You're not managing your money. I can't trust you with the money because you have you have a proven record of being untrustworthy.

SPEAKER_01:

And here's the thing. If she's like that now, what do you think it'd be like if you married her?

SPEAKER_06:

What desk cost$420 for a laptop? It was$480. Because it couldn't have been that big.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. It was probably an IKEA one or something.$400 for a desk? Yeah, I don't even think they have one that's IKEA's is probably wood.

SPEAKER_06:

It should be$499.

SPEAKER_01:

I know. I don't know. You know, the prettier they make them look, whether it's cheap or not, they want to charge high value for it.

SPEAKER_06:

Do you have another one? This is this one pissed me out. I got one more for you guys. Hold on. Before you read the next one, fuck her. Okay. You're doing too much.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, am I the asshole for telling my sister you are selfish and canceling her engagement dinner at my place? I have a younger sibling, and it seems like I am always helping her. In college, I would help her with her essays. I will listen to her problems. If she got stuck somewhere, I would go pick her up. She's 24 now, and it's gotten pretty clear that she doesn't reciprocate help helping out or does any favors for our family. My brother and I have both noticed it. I had a conversation with her about it, and she said that she would try to do better. Recently, she asked if she could use my house for her engagement dinner, and I agreed. It was a big favor, in my opinion, and I had been helping her plan it. My sister lives very close to my children's daycare. I left work and on my way home, there was a huge crash on the freeway. I wasn't moving at all. Took me four hours to get home. My husband was also stuck in it. The daycare called, asking where I was, and I told them that I was trying to get there. They billed an extra$100 for every 30 minutes that you're late.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01:

I called my sister and asked her to pick up the kids and to just hold on to them for a few hours until I can come grab them. She told me no because she wanted to relax tonight. I told her that I really needed her to do me this favor because I was stuck and it didn't seem like I would be moving anytime soon. I told her that I will Venmo her the money for the daycare, but to please pick them up. She told me no again and then just hung up. I ended up calling my mother-in-law, who's an hour away, and she was able to pick up the kids, and they sat at her place until I got back around nine. I was in traffic for four hours. To be honest, I have been pissed since that happened last Thursday. I've helped her over and over again, and she couldn't do me one simple favor when it was literal when she was literally 10 minutes away from day from the daycare because she wanted to relax. I talked it over and my husband and I both agreed we were done helping her. I sent her a text that said family is supposed to help each other, and it has become clear that she only ever wants help and is never willing to give help. I told her that I will not be hosting her engagement party and I will not be doing her any more favors. She called me and got into a huge argument when I called her selfish and she called me petty. I want an outsider's opinion because I'm pissed about the whole thing. Am I being an asshole?

SPEAKER_06:

No, fuck her. No, fuck her. Here, I say this is the perfect example. I say all the time. In the like it's like it's true, like they say. In the world, you have givers.

SPEAKER_01:

And you have takers.

SPEAKER_06:

You have takers. And takers will take as long as the hand is open.

SPEAKER_01:

As long as you're willing to give it. Fuck her. Her engagement. She can figure it out. Tell her to use the the she can use whatever money she makes to go rent a venue like everybody else.

SPEAKER_06:

If she needs help with money, she can talk to the girl from the last story. That oh wait, never mind. She's bad with it too.

SPEAKER_01:

Shut up. Never mind. She's bad with it too. But$100 forever at$30 years. But I think they do that to drive home a point. Like, pick your children up on time. But like, she was stuck in traffic. I know. Shit happens. Ask them if they care. Because they want to go home. They don't want to sit there any longer with your kid than they have to.

SPEAKER_06:

When there's a fatality on the road, like everything shuts down.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I know. I know. But still, yeah, but you're not being an asshole. You're not being an asshole because like you said, you and your brother have noticed her. She's always her and well, her brother before have always noticed that she's always asking for help. She must be the baby. She must be the baby. I was just gonna say, she must be the baby. Oh Lord. She must be the baby. That's exactly what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_06:

She must be the baby.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I was thinking too. So I mean, it's like psychologically, she's been conditioned. She's ruined. She's been conditioned that way, guys. But for her to tell you no because she just wanted to relax, she said, listen, I don't feel like dealing with your children.

SPEAKER_06:

That's fine. We're not gonna deal with you.

SPEAKER_01:

We're not gonna deal with you. Because I don't want all them strangers in my house for years.

SPEAKER_06:

I look here, people, I tell my daughter all the time, actions have consequences. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. Now you gotta deal with them.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, now you gotta deal with them. All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, don't forget to like, share, comment, do all of the fun things. Subscribe. Um, subscribe, do all the fun things that you do on social media. You can find us at Life After I Do Podcast on all the major platforms: Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, Life After I Do Podcast. Don't forget you can also write into the podcast at lifeafter I do podcast at gmail.com. If you are putting in submissions, we do prefer them in email. We do see the ones in the DMs sometimes, but the DMs get a little flooded sometimes, guys. So it's just easier for us to keep them organized in the email. So don't forget. To write into the email at lifeafter I do podcast at gmail.com. And until next week, we'll see you Wednesday.

SPEAKER_06:

Tell a friend to tell a friend.

SPEAKER_01:

Tell a friend to tell a friend to tell grandma.

SPEAKER_06:

Because if grandma know, everybody will know.

SPEAKER_01:

Peace Mooskies. Peace Mooskies.

Head Shot

Kynesha Gill

Host
Head Shot

Morice Gill

Host