Life After I Do Podcast

Our 2 Cents Vol. 28

• Life After I Do • Season 1 • Episode 122

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0:00 | 48:18

Family, money, and marriage collide in this episode of Life After I Do Podcast as we unpack what happens when effort feels uneven, favors come with strings, and boundaries get tested at home. From romance that requires initiative to financial assumptions that breed resentment, this conversation breaks down where clarity—and courage—are required.

Through listener updates and AITA scenarios involving childcare, inheritance, disrespectful relatives, and blended-family dynamics, we offer practical scripts and grounded guidance for protecting peace without unnecessary fallout. If you’re learning to stop people-pleasing and start choosing stability, this episode gives you the language to do it.

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Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

SPEAKER_05:

But maybe if his approach was a little different, like, hey, I have a really big concern with the way in which Brett ha talks to our children and how he disrespects me in my own house. And I really, yeah, and I really don't, I don't appreciate that. So I would feel more comfortable if he was not in our home, you know, or talking to our children or around our children.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna explain myself one time.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that's what that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03:

That's it.

SPEAKER_05:

That's it. That's what I'm saying. If he was maybe, maybe if he would have said it, you know, broke it down in that sense. But I know because Brett had already pissed him off when he told Brett to leave. So he was already upset and in a heightened state. And the way he probably approached his wife was Brett can't come back here and he cannot be around our kids. And to her, she was like, Brett is my brother-in-law. That's my sister's husband. And are you think, do you think you're telling me? Or are you at that's why she responded that way? Okay. Are you telling me or are you asking me?

SPEAKER_00:

Because she felt like she's being told. She's exactly in the hearing. And she her asking to submit.

SPEAKER_05:

Don't make me punch you. Hope y'all doing all right out there. How y'all doing? How y'all doing? I just wanted to. Who knows where that show is. How y'all doing? Who knows what show that is? How y'all doing?

SPEAKER_03:

How y'all doing? How y'all doing? You've eaten enough for three years.

SPEAKER_05:

That's what he gets me when he be. No, you've eaten enough for four years. How you gonna tell somebody they didn't ate enough and have reserves? Look here. That is not how that works.

SPEAKER_03:

Brutal.

SPEAKER_05:

Doctor now be on.

SPEAKER_03:

He be brutal.

SPEAKER_05:

Dr. Now be on one. All the way. That cat said you got enough in reserves. You good.

SPEAKER_03:

Hold on, let's stop the tape. Y'all see how young wife looked?

unknown:

Hey!

SPEAKER_04:

Thank you, honey.

SPEAKER_03:

She's so fine. I'm about to whine and dine.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

But I'm gonna be dining on you.

SPEAKER_05:

I love it. Oh my gosh, now the people gotta listen to you sip on your pop. Really?

SPEAKER_03:

That was gross, dude. They're not gonna hear that. I'll let them be out.

SPEAKER_05:

They're not gonna hear that. I'll let it go be out. Hey Booskies, how you doing? I'm good. How are you?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm shit.

SPEAKER_05:

Can you shit?

SPEAKER_03:

Correct.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. No one needs to hear that in the middle.

SPEAKER_03:

If I stand up right now.

SPEAKER_05:

No one needs to hear that. Actually. How's your week? You look beautiful. Thank you, honey. I appreciate that. Um, my week was good. That's good. You your shoulders and chest are looking nice too.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you. I'm fat.

SPEAKER_05:

No, you're not. You even got some uh noticeability in the gym. Everybody know how big my boo is getting.

SPEAKER_03:

I said, she's like, oh my god, you look bigger. I said, Yeah, thank you. I'm up six pounds.

SPEAKER_05:

She didn't mean bigger in that weight. She didn't mean bigger in that weight.

SPEAKER_03:

For real, I said, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

I said, I said, She was like, she even came on to me. She was like, um, she was like, Mo's getting big, right? And I was like, yeah, she was like, I can see it, like his chest and stuff. I was like, I keep telling him that.

SPEAKER_03:

I let her know. I said, uh four months ago, I was uh, I was uh two 214.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Today I am 234.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, but you also have built more muscle, clearly. You ain't flabby, so I'm not Beckett though. Okay, Jamil.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm trying to get to Beckett level.

SPEAKER_05:

You're not gonna get to Beckett level because you ain't military. Beckett doing a whole different type of rich.

SPEAKER_03:

He running five miles a day. I can't do that.

SPEAKER_05:

Right. He's doing a whole different so I don't did we tell them? I'm not sure. So uh we started a new book together and we're reading it together so that way we can discuss our thoughts and our processes together about the book. And the book that we're reading is uh The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros. And the um FMC, or not the FMC, I'm sorry, the MMC, the main male character, he is like this military guy, but he's got like this really hard, sexy body.

SPEAKER_03:

You know how they how they I don't know if it's hard or sexy.

SPEAKER_05:

She said it was. She said his body was hard.

SPEAKER_03:

She did say that.

SPEAKER_05:

She did. She said his body was hard. So the way the writer describes, you know, the male main character, and he's like got this really heavy military background. He runs five miles a day. He's got abs and like steel and the chest that's stern and all this other stuff. So he's he keeps talking about every time I give him a compliment uh about his be his physical, he's like, I'm still not becking.

SPEAKER_01:

My chaos. Gosh. Trying to get there. He's a fictional character. Trying to get there.

SPEAKER_05:

Trying to get there. Okay. I was gonna say, you got all your little hairs on your shed.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_05:

In your shedding?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, my beard. Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, so um, but that's actually been fun. I actually wanted to ask you, how do you how do you like reading with me?

SPEAKER_03:

It's exhausting.

SPEAKER_05:

Why?

SPEAKER_03:

Because look here.

SPEAKER_05:

I have I'm going at your pace, which is really difficult for me.

SPEAKER_03:

I have I have other hobbies and other things I want to do. So the most I'm gonna give you is three or four chapters a day.

SPEAKER_05:

See.

SPEAKER_03:

And you trying to get like 20 chapters in a day.

SPEAKER_05:

And I told him, I said, babe, this book, what the book is what, 26 chapters, 29? 26 chapters. Okay, 29, 28 chapters. And I told him, I said, we really could polish this off in like two or three days. And I said, you could. And he was like, we're not gonna do that. So I've been, I've been really good going at your pace, but now I told you, I said, you might as well get you a second book to read when I'm not reading. No, I'm gonna, well, I'm just gonna go ahead and finish this book because February is coming up. So I'm doing February for sure. I'm doing, yeah, yeah, my like I'm in a book club, and for February, we've decided to, or the moderator has decided to um have two books because a lot of people from you know the previous, everyone's like, I finished the first book or I finished the book of the month so quickly, because most people finish within a day or two, depending on how many pages it is. And so everybody's like, I guess they kind of voted and she kind of took, you know, listened to what everybody was saying. So we're doing two books for the month of February. So I got those two books to get through. And then uh my family, I had reached out to my family to see if my family wanted to do like a family book club. You're trying to get everybody.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know how you're gonna read all these books at once.

SPEAKER_05:

And then everybody was like, oh, I'm down, I'm down, I'm down. And then only one sent in, or two, sorry, sent in. Give my credit. Sent in their put their book rec. Give my credit. So um we're gonna be deciding between you, me, and your sister. Shout out to my sister-in-law, Keishana, for responding and giving your book recs. And then we're gonna start.

SPEAKER_03:

See, the problem is we're gonna start. You didn't ask my fave. She would have joined.

SPEAKER_05:

She I did. I put it in the family group chat.

SPEAKER_03:

My favorite sister-in-law.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, bye, Baurice. Goodbye. Anywho, I mean it's open to anybody, but so I'm gonna have quite a few books to like really starting.

SPEAKER_03:

Really start get in there, huh?

SPEAKER_05:

Getting getting in there, and then on top of books that I want to, on top of the books that I I personally need to get to. But on a brighter note, the book that is going to be what seems like it's gonna be uh the pick for my book club is a book that I got for my birthday. Oh so I don't have to go buy it because you already bought it. Oh so I'm really excited about that. See, this is this is why this is why shopping when you like get that feeling too, you never know how that's gonna play off in the future. Is that that's what I'm saying? Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. Okay, yeah, you know what I mean? All right. So I'm I'm really excited. I mean you're right. I'm ecstatic about that. Okay. I'm ecstatic about that. So this will be so for the month of January, I would have five books read. I'm going to try my my goal for February, is January. I did five books. February, my January ain't over yet.

SPEAKER_03:

You might get on one in there. No.

SPEAKER_05:

Uh, well, actually, you know what? Because I do have a book that I want to read, and it's only 290 pages. I could probably polish that. You're right. Okay. So here's the new goal, guys. Here's the new goal. The goal is to finish six books for January. Okay. And then for February, my goal is to either meet January's goal of six books. Um at the minimum. At the minimum.

SPEAKER_00:

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_05:

At minimum. But my goal, I want to see if I can do it. My goal is to read eight books in the month of February.

SPEAKER_03:

My goal for February is just to get them tickets when Krand and Launch them. Oh, for just the Bar Classic? Because I was about to have the DMs full. Look here.

SPEAKER_05:

What you gonna DM and say? What are you gonna DM in the say? Help me, play them. Help me, playa.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm just trying to get you tickets.

SPEAKER_05:

I need some tickets, Playa. Playa, playa.

SPEAKER_03:

Look, I couldn't register in time. I couldn't get her in there in time to register her.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, it's okay. I'm sure she's gonna have another one. Because the the way this one went, I'm sure she's gonna have another one. Um, and and fingers crossed, I'll be in that one. I'll be ready to hit that one. Um, but yeah, so that's that's one of my personal goals for the month of February. What's one of your personal goals for the month of February? Survive. Okay. I I have a I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I feel like your chances of survival for February are pretty strong. So if you had to come up with another goal for yourself for February, what would that be?

SPEAKER_03:

Thrive.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, I see what you're doing. Thrive. You know what? This is why I don't like you.

SPEAKER_03:

You let me.

SPEAKER_05:

What's a goal you would have for February, babe?

SPEAKER_03:

To read two books.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my gosh. Oh, really, babe?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, two books.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, you could do that easy.

SPEAKER_03:

If I like them, that's okay.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, so here's the thing I think you should read because I just put it on my TBR last night. Uh, Dungeon Crawler Carl.

SPEAKER_03:

How many pages is it?

SPEAKER_05:

I don't know. I think if I go. Do you like um hardcover, soft, or do you want to read it on your iPad? Just tell me that first.

SPEAKER_03:

I like free.

SPEAKER_05:

If I'm buying it, then technically it's free. Um it is.

SPEAKER_03:

Um what would you prefer? I think I prefer soft cover. Hardcovers are nice.

SPEAKER_05:

I like soft hardcovers.

SPEAKER_03:

They look nice on the bookshelf. They do. But when you hold them to read them, you're like, ooh.

SPEAKER_05:

Sometimes they get a little, but I mean, when I read, here's the thing. I've found like when I read at the table, it's a different vibe for me from when I'm reading on the couch or what I'm reading um like in the car or upstairs in the bed. And um I do enjoy, I've recently started started to enjoy soft cover. Oh, okay. I don't know. But the only thing, the only time I really don't like soft cover is if I'm reading in the bed and I gotta read with my light. Because when you first start a book, it's flimsy on one side because you ain't got enough, you ain't got enough pages in yet. It ain't flick enough. So when I was starting that other book and I put the little clamp on there, I had to really hold it up because it kept flopping down. Um, but that's where hardcovers come in at. Okay. But then now I've gotten into this little thing. I saw a video about it and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm the same way too. When you're reading, when you're reading a duology or like a series, and you know how some of them come, well, usually it's like paper and hardback, but then you get like book one and soft or paper, and then you get book two and um hardback. You can't do that. If I start off with hardcover, you gotta keep it consistent. You gotta keep it consistent. Yeah, so that's good. Yeah, so okay, I'm gonna hold you to that, babe. Oh, okay. I think I think you can do it.

SPEAKER_03:

So we get two picture books. Okay. If I have to meet the goal, sometimes you gotta cheat. How is your week, Demetri? I might read two dogman books.

SPEAKER_05:

Well, at least you got them. Your daughter went to went uh to town ordering them off her Kindle, so just go borrow her Kindle and you can get all caught up. What is it, Jim Big Jim? Somebody I don't know. She uh she knows them. Um, but how was your week, babe?

SPEAKER_03:

My week um, it's nothing bad to report. Okay, so how was it? It was it was just a week, nothing bad. Yeah, nothing really good.

SPEAKER_05:

Nothing stuck out to you.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm I'm just happy to be sick speak the right way. Right. That's it.

SPEAKER_05:

Thank him. Thank him.

SPEAKER_03:

There was a couple days where you were under the weather, and I was like, I look here, I can't do this.

SPEAKER_05:

Which was weird because I didn't feel sick. I was just dealing with congestion. So I don't know what that was all about. And then what's what's really crazy is about me.

SPEAKER_04:

Sorry.

SPEAKER_05:

What's really crazy is I think I had like slept with my mouth open or something last night.

SPEAKER_03:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05:

I think I slept with my mouth open last night and the fan was on, so my throat was like super dry when I woke up this morning, but at least my nose wasn't running. So I guess that was a win. So, what was the highlight of your week?

SPEAKER_03:

Um you know what? If I had to be honest, the high I I I've really been enjoying my child lately.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. She's been making you laugh.

SPEAKER_03:

She's that little she's hilarious. She's been playing me.

SPEAKER_04:

She's hilarious.

SPEAKER_03:

Because my heart be like, oh, she's the best thing ever, ever. But my dad ran be like, you just for her.

SPEAKER_05:

She's using you. She's using you.

SPEAKER_03:

She's playing you.

SPEAKER_05:

Don't fall for her spells.

unknown:

Right.

SPEAKER_05:

So that was the highlight of your week spending time with her. Yeah. Yeah. She's been pretty excited all week. She had a um field trip and they went to learn about desert animals.

SPEAKER_03:

Guess what I saw? What did she call it? It was a it was some new bird. Some new bird. That's some technical name. I said, if they if they still find new birds in in 2026, uh these birds out here are cross maiden.

SPEAKER_05:

Probably. That's on my body. They try to survive too.

SPEAKER_03:

That's why you got something new now.

SPEAKER_05:

They try to survive too. Shoot. Okay. Low lights of your week? Um dang.

SPEAKER_03:

I just uh right. I just I feel like I've had like built-up fatigue in the gym I'm dealing with. Yeah. And that's it. But once I get through it, you know. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

That's it. That's it. What we got today, Booskies?

SPEAKER_05:

It's an hour two cent episode. Why are you gonna say it like that?

SPEAKER_03:

That's the last episode of the month.

SPEAKER_05:

Yay! Shout out to Big Hex a plug. Like, let me take a moment just to let him know how much I appreciate his music. Okay, his music is a whole vibe for me in the gym, and I genuinely enjoy most of the tracks that I listen to.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, then let me say, shout out to Tank.

SPEAKER_05:

That's wild.

SPEAKER_03:

And Adele.

SPEAKER_05:

That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_03:

For getting me through my leg days.

SPEAKER_05:

That's crazy that you listen to Tank and Adele on leg day.

SPEAKER_03:

Nothing like, nothing like a good old love song.

SPEAKER_05:

I okay. We're gonna have to no, we're gonna have to put a poll. I'm gonna say this now because you're gonna have I want you to clip this and then I want you to Okay, because this is wild. On a a heavy lifting day, let's we're gonna say leg day. On a heavy leg day, are you listening to RB love music? Slow jams, that's it. Slow jams, whatever. Or are you listening to upbeat, hip hop, what I don't care, punk, techno, whatever it is. What do you guys listen to on a heavy leg day? I know for me. What do you guys listen to on a heavy leg day?

SPEAKER_03:

When I get in that hack squat and that Josie hit, oh wow. Whenever you want it. I was like, oh, it's gonna be a good set.

SPEAKER_05:

Our brains are not the same. Anything you want from me. On squats? Yep. I quite literally play. I mean, there's one song that I play continuously in the gym. Which is crazy. You know, you already know what it is. It's prime time. I mean, it I would be in the middle of that song, just finish the set, take my break, go back to that song to start the next set, just so that I can like get ready and then I get them in my head and be like, hey, and I'll be like, okay, big, I'm ready. Time to execute. Okay. Time to execute. We'll put them all up there, we'll see. Yeah, post that poll because I'm really curious to see if if a lot of you are on his side when it comes to listening to the slow jams, love music, RB, when you're in the gym on Heavy Leg day, or are you listening to something a little bit more upbeat?

SPEAKER_03:

Low key on chest day, I listen to Phoenix playlist.

SPEAKER_05:

Kids pop.

SPEAKER_03:

And that that K pop even will be getting you through it. Okay. You'd be like, oh. I'm not doing this with you.

SPEAKER_05:

I mean, that one is a banger. I'm not gonna lie. Sprinkle party? Are you still listening to Sprinkle Party? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

You gotta let it go. Sprinkle Party slaps. I challenge anyone to tell me Sprinkle Party or anything.

SPEAKER_05:

Sprinkle Party is from um Gabby's Dollhouse. I challenge just so you people know who's listening to Sprinkle Party from Gabby's Dollhouse.

SPEAKER_03:

I challenge anyone to tell me that Sprinkle Party is not a hit. Okay. I'm curious. She got the French toast with the most. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

That's she's got the French toast with the most. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, let's get into it. Okay. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, let's see. Where are we at? What's today? I don't even know what today is. Read the one from the uh Okay, here we go. No, read the follow-up. But yes, that's right. We do have a follow-up. We have a follow-up, guys. We have a follow-up from last week's. Um from last week's. This one was referring to her husband not basically being romantic enough or taking initiative and bringing home like secondhand gifts and stuff through his quirk. So this was the follow-up that she has sent us. Um, she said, hello guys. To answer the majority of the questions, we moved to a different state where we have no family or no friends. We decided to homeschool our babies because it was best for us, which I've taken on that task alone without any help, and I'm proud of that. Something I've never done before. We also have our own business. Hubby is in tech. I guess you can call me front desk back office. I take care of everything, staying up to date with state filings, website design, filing paperwork, making appointments, ordering supplies, etc. He makes good money. I'm no slouch. I have certificates as a medical technician, and before we met, I was a lone underwriter. I bring a lot to the table. I love being a wife and a mother. My marriage is my priority. Again, he is a good man. I'm just the one to always plan things, come up with surprises, especially for his birthday. I go all out and we have a ball. He makes great money. He actually enjoys providing for us. We don't live beyond our means, though we do spoil our babies. Wifehood is everything to me. Unfortunately, he did not grow up seeing his mother being treated the best. However, the women in my family have successful marriages, and I was raised by a wonderful man. I worked just as hard as he does, and being a stay-at-home mom has its challenges. So, yes, I deserve effort and romance.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't disagree with nothing you say. I don't disagree with it either. If you go back and listen to my response, what was your response? I said He's probably was raised in a situation where he did not see he did not have good examples of the husband that you want him to be. Correct. So he's doing what he was taught that needs to be done as a in the role of a man. Now, I'm not getting on grace before y'all come for me. Because as a man, you do have to cater to your wife's needs and love languages. And fellas, I know sometimes they can be exhausting, but we love them. We love them. And we do it because we love them and we want them to be happy. Lord knows I buy this one's stuff all the time because her love language is gift-giving. And it'll, and I mean, it ain't always big stuff, but I mean it's the thought. It's the thought. That's the biggest thing. You just want to know that I'm thinking about it.

SPEAKER_05:

That I was gonna say, that's the biggest thing for me is I I just love the idea that you were out somewhere in the world and something you saw thought made you think of me, or you saw something and thought of me. And thought of me, and you were like, you know what? I think my babe will like this.

SPEAKER_03:

I say a lot of stuff. I know you would like. Um, so but I told you, hold on, I thought you were doing it. You just cut me off, woman.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, go ahead, sir.

SPEAKER_03:

But ma'am, you're not wrong to desire and want romance to be on the other side of the coin where he plans stuff and does something nice. You're not wrong at all. And if there, but again, I like I said before, if therapy is not helping, I don't, I personally don't know what more you can do to communicate these things to him. So I don't know. I mean, I wish you the best.

SPEAKER_04:

Can I talk now? Yeah, I guess. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05:

Um by his hand.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

Tell me if we hit you. I don't condone violence. But goodbye. Um, yes, I totally agree when when you say, but you do deserve effort and romance, you absolutely do. And it sounds like you, it sounds like you actually do have a really great husband. And like you said, he enjoys providing for you guys. This is probably gonna have to be something that's a work in progress. And unfortunately, typically, when it's a work in progress, it's something that you're probably gonna have to continuously remind him of. Like, you know, you remind him about it, he does good for a little bit, then he starts falling off track, and you have to give him that gentle reminder, like, hey, it's been three months since we went out on a date. It's been four months since you've planned anything, that type of thing. Um, but I definitely think from the the how you've written everything, what it sounds like that he is willing to, he probably just needs a little bit more extra push. So that's that's all I wanted to say.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't push because we're close to the itch.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. So let's go ahead and hop right on into six. We we already know. Um, am I the am I the jerk for refusing to help my brother's family after they treated me? Uh I guess they treated her bad when she had nowhere to go, when she had nowhere to live. Okay. So about a half a year ago, I hit a really bad spot in my life almost all at once. My landlord sold the apartment I was renting and gave me a very short notice. My job hours were cut and I didn't have enough saved to grab a new place right away. I don't have close friends nearby, and my parents live very far. So asking my older brother was kind of my last option. It was humiliating, honestly. He said I could stay with him and his wife for a bit, but even when he said yes, it felt more like a warning than an invite. From day one, there were rules. Some were fair, like quiet hours and cleaning up after myself, which I did. I paid for my own food, bought toilet paper, helped clean. I stayed mostly in the guest room, barely used the living room, and tried not to be in their way. Still, his wife made it very clear that I was not wanted there. Little comments all the time, stuff like, must be nice not to pay rent, even though I was giving them money, or when are you planning to get your life together? If I cooked, she complained that I used the wrong pan. If I didn't cook, she complained that I was lazy. My brother wasn't much better. He kept reminding me that this was temporary, something, uh, sometimes joking about it in front of other people, which made me feel very small. There were nights I skipped dinner just to avoid being in the kitchen with them. I felt like I was walking on a glass all the time, trying not to exist too loudly. What hurt the most is that at the same time they started expecting things from me. Watching their kids last minute because, quote unquote, you're home anyway, running errands, picking things up, helping with stuff that had nothing to do with me. If I hesitated or said that I was tired, I'd get the quote unquote, after everything we're doing for you line. It felt like I had to earn things and earn the right to sleep there. About six weeks, I found a tiny place that I could afford. I didn't tell them until it was confirmed because I was scared that they would make it worse. I thanked them, packed my things, and left. No drama, no fight. Now, a few months later, my brother called saying that they needed help. His wife is overwhelmed and they want me to watch their kids several times a week for a while. I said no. I explained calmly that living with them messed with my head more than I realized, and I'm not ready to step back into that dynamic. He got very angry and said that I'm holding a grudge and that I'm being unfair. My parents are saying that I'm being ungrateful and they're and that I'm forgetting that they gave me a roof when I needed it. I know they helped me in a practical way, but emotionally, the time still hurts a lot. I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable or just bitter, but am I being a jerk? Hell no. People remember how you make them feel.

SPEAKER_03:

Hell no. Look here. You can't say that you're doing a good deed when you're constantly hounding the person you're doing the good deed for. Right.

SPEAKER_05:

When you're constantly reminding them that I'm doing something for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Are you doing a good deed? Or are you coming, or are you doing something so you can feel like you have something? I I personally feel like they did it, so they feel like they have something on her. And that's why and that's why the longer she was there, the more they required of her. Uh-huh. Right? So, no, I'm look here. Yeah, fuck them. Okay, that's a bit much.

SPEAKER_05:

Um okay, you're right.

SPEAKER_03:

You're right, you're right. Fuck them.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, bye. Goodbye. Um, I could see, I could see it from their point of view and from your parents' point of view because they're just thinking in the sense that when you were down and out and you literally had no place to go, they they allowed you into their home. Because I wouldn't say they invited you, you asked. So they didn't, they didn't invite you, you know. You asked and they acquiesced to your request. Okay. Um, so I can get it from that point, but also it also felt like he was probably just doing it like out of duty or like you said, just so that he could say that he did that for you. You know what I mean? And you didn't do it with like a grateful heart or humble heart because you also reminded me every single day that I was there in your home, that I wasn't welcome, that you didn't want me there, and that the only reason, probably the only reason why I'm there is because I'm your sister, which is, you know, which is fine. Um, but then you expect me to go into doing you a favor, being just willy-nilly and being open-armed and humbled about it when I'm trying to explain to you that yes, although you did open your home to me, and I'm forever grateful for that, you also never made me feel comfortable being in your space because I knew I wasn't wanted there.

SPEAKER_03:

And here's the thing, babe. I guarantee you, the sister-in-law got used to having the help.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, yeah, she did. Because, like how she said, she would just they would just leave the kids and be like, You're home anyway.

SPEAKER_03:

So, so they they just they they yeah, in their mind, they had a live-in babysitter. And what were you doing before? Whenever, right?

SPEAKER_05:

What how did she all of a sudden become overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_03:

And see, he called and asked if she can watch the kids multiple days a week, but did he did he offer some money to child care ain't free? Right. This I ain't grandma from the story, okay? Bye. So I don't think she's wrong at all.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, I don't think I don't think you're necessarily wrong. And even if you can't meet them to their expectation, like maybe you can do once a week. Like maybe I can say, Yeah, I can do once a week for two hours.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm doing once a week at your house. That's it for two hours.

SPEAKER_05:

At your house, yeah, where they can be comfortable.

SPEAKER_03:

Because you're not dropping them off here where you can come back and get them when you want to. I'm doing once a week at your house.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So I can call authorities when you're late and get my ass home.

SPEAKER_05:

Yep. All right, let's move into the second one. Here we go. Am I being an asshole for spending some of my grandchildren's education fund on a new boat?

SPEAKER_03:

Nope.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. Um, I'm 54 and I have two kids. They're both married and in their mid to late 30s. We have a decent relationship, I think. My wife and I made sure both got through college without debt. Amen. I helped both purchase their first homes with a$20,000 gift, no strings attached. When my son moved away for his wife's work, I helped him pack. The alternate Christmas between me and their in-laws, the last Christmas, was my turn. We uh we has, we has a nice visit, and then the five of us and their spouses included had a talk. I didn't press, I didn't push, I simply asked if they had still planned on starting families. My kids looked at each other like they had been waiting for this conversation. Please note my son, the older one, has been married for 11 years. I guess this was something they all talked about with include without including me. They said that they were happy with their lives and that kids weren't really something they wanted to bring into the world. I asked about adopting. They both said that it was not something that they considered. They're adults and they can live however they want. I would love grandchildren, but I don't feel that I'm owed them. I literally live five minutes from my brother and I see his grandchildren all the time. I like that I can leave when they get too loud. I had money set aside to help with my grandchildren's education. Now I knew it wasn't needed for that purpose, so I bought myself a new boat. Sold my old one. Yes, I am aware that a boat is a hole in the water you throw money into, but I don't care because I can afford it. My kids saw pictures of my new boat on Facebook. They asked why I upgraded our family boat. I was truthful and said that I wanted a new boat and that money had opened up in my budget. They asked, what money? I said that since they weren't planning on having kids, there was no purpose for an education fund. My kids both uh kind of went nuts. They said that I was crazy for spending$130,000 on a boat at my age. I said that my retirement fund was still topped off and I hadn't asked them for any help, so I didn't see the issue.

SPEAKER_02:

Not at all.

SPEAKER_05:

After a lot of back and forth, they admitted that they kind of expected me to leave them a good inheritance. I almost lost my head. All right now. I'm only 54. Hopefully, I have a couple of more decades to enjoy my life. I said that they could have whatever was left after I finished with it, but that I didn't actually owe them anything.

SPEAKER_01:

Not a deal.

SPEAKER_05:

And now they were kind of assholes for planning on my money. Should I have continued holding on to the money that was never gonna be used for its intended purpose?

SPEAKER_01:

Fuck no.

SPEAKER_05:

No. Ball out. It's your money. Look here, use it when you need it.

SPEAKER_03:

Look here. Look here. Take it a step further and take a little bit off that room for the kitchen.

SPEAKER_05:

We just took a little bit off.

SPEAKER_03:

Start remodeling.

SPEAKER_05:

You know what I mean? He said I can have whatever's left over when I'm done with it.

SPEAKER_03:

Sir, I know you got it. You bought a brand new boat. I don't know if the house is on the lake or if it's on the water, but if it is. He said it don't matter, he can afford it. If you live on the water, redo the deck. You know. Just pick up a new one for the hell of it.

SPEAKER_05:

You know, spend your money how you see fit. It's your money. Use it when you need it.

SPEAKER_03:

In my eyes, you've done more than enough for them as their father.

SPEAKER_05:

You raised them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

They got to start adulthood debt-free. You paid for you paid for their life up through college and then gifted. It started them off adulthood. Gifted them$20,000 to buy a house when they're when they chose to. No. You're not. Go buy another boat. Yeah. Matter of fact, buy grandma or buy mama Ferrari too. Bye. Drop it's drop some. Shit.

SPEAKER_05:

It's like just based on that, and me, I like him saying I y'all can have whatever's left over. Ain't gonna be no leftovers. Ain't no leftovers. You get no leftovers. You get no leftovers.

SPEAKER_03:

Everything left over going to charity. Bye. Don't fuck with me.

SPEAKER_05:

I'm leaving it to the family cat. And I'm turning my house into a halfway house. I'm leaving it to the family cat.

SPEAKER_03:

Not the family cat. Crazy.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. Sorry. There's nothing for you. I'm leaving it to the family cat.

SPEAKER_03:

That's crazy work.

SPEAKER_05:

Next in line. That's rude. That's absolutely rude. That is absolutely rude. What's next one? Um, let's see. Oh, here we go. Well, because you know I have multiple devices. Yeah, I have to be different places.

SPEAKER_03:

Phone.

SPEAKER_05:

Uh, okay. Am I the asshole for telling my wife her brother-in-law can't come to our house? Not at all. Let's see. I hate my sister-in-law's husband. That's how we're gonna start this. Let's call him Brett. Brett is awful in many ways. But the worst thing about him is that he has no respect for other people. That's the worst kind of people. Even in my own home, he frequently disrespects me.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, that's not tolerated.

SPEAKER_05:

The final straw was when Brett started telling my child a story from work that was not necessary for a child to hear. I told Brett to stop. He said it was fine. I said, This is my house, and he said you mean it's fine. He continued, he continued the story anyway, and I sent my child out of the room. Brett started making fun of me, so I asked him to leave. After Brett and my sister-in-law left, I told my wife, Brett can't come over anymore. She said, Are you asking me or are you telling me?

SPEAKER_02:

I'm telling.

SPEAKER_05:

I said, She can look at it either way, but he doesn't need to be at our house or around our kids. She said, I can't tell her to not have her family here. She said that she would never tell me not to have my family at our house. I said, no, that if a member of my family disrespected her, I would kick them out and stop speaking to them without being needed to be asked. She said, Brett's wife is her sister. I said, I'm fine with her sister being here, just not him. She said her sister won't come over without him. And I said, well, maybe y'all should meet up somewhere else. Oh, all right now. My wife said that I'm not going to tell her who she can and cannot have over, and that I'm being a dick for even trying. I can't believe she's choosing Brett over her own husband. Am I being an asshole?

SPEAKER_03:

No, fuck her and Brett. Look here. What I'm not going to tolerate is disrespecting my own home. You're not going to disrespect me, my wife, my children, or my child.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, no. I don't give a fuck if you're the Pope. Yeah. Okay. That's you're going to look at it. I don't care.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, but that's a little bit more.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't care.

SPEAKER_03:

Jesus of Nazareth can walk in himself. And if he disrespects you, he gotta go.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, stop it. Now I don't think he would. But if he did, stop it, he'd have to leave.

SPEAKER_03:

Cut it out. You're not an asshole at all. And it and I look here. Sometimes you just gotta let him know. This look here, you gotta put your foot down in the sand.

SPEAKER_05:

Not the foot in the sand.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, because it seemed like she's already made her choice to choose her sister. So you and your sister.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that's what that's what he's saying. He's like, I can't believe that she's choosing Brett over her own husband.

SPEAKER_03:

So I hope Brett can help you with this house. Bye. I hope Brett can help you with this house.

SPEAKER_05:

I hope, well, I I think it's like one of those things because it's probably how he approached the situation, right? Because we've had this discussion. We've had this discussion before. Like, if it's something that you're really strong about and you're trying to get that point across, but you come across as like being a dig or like you trying to like talk to me as if I'm a child, as if I don't have a say in the manner. You're a child of God, then bye. Then I feel like there's gonna be a lot more pushback. But maybe if he would have been, I don't know. I'm not I'm not saying he's wrong. First of all, let me make that very clear. He's not wrong at all. Are you taking a man's side? He's not wrong at all. The girl's not gonna like that. Um, but maybe if his approach was a little different, like, hey, I have a really big concern with the way in which Brett talks to our children and how he disrespects me in my own house. And I really, yeah, and I really don't, I don't appreciate that. So I would feel more comfortable if he was not in our home, you know, or talking to our children or around our children.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna explain myself one time.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that's what that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03:

That's it.

SPEAKER_05:

That's it, that's what I'm saying. If he was maybe, maybe if he would have said it, you know, broke it down in that sense. But I know because Brett had already pissed him off when he told Brett to leave. So he was already upset and in a heightened state. And the way he probably approached his wife was Brett can't come back here and he cannot be around our kids. And to her, she was like, Brett is my brother-in-law, that's my sister's husband. And are you thinking, do you think you're telling me? Or you that's why she responded that way. Okay. Are you telling me or are you asking me?

SPEAKER_00:

Because she felt like she's being told she's gonna be like, she's exactly in the end of the day.

SPEAKER_05:

Don't make me punch you. At the end of the day, I am not your child. You're not. But if you want to try to treat me like one, I am more, I am more than welcome and to oblige you to act like that.

SPEAKER_03:

But I'm gonna head off. And again, I'm gonna explain myself one time. And what I say, go. I don't care if you like it or not.

SPEAKER_05:

One time and one time only. That's it.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not gonna I'm not because I'm not gonna tolerate disrespect. And I'm not doing the back and forth. Because if you're gonna lie, if you if you are going to align yourself with the man that's disrespecting me, now you're disrespecting me. And I take all threats serious.

SPEAKER_05:

Both foreign and domestic by Demil.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't care that you're inside this house.

SPEAKER_05:

Bye. All right, let's hop into our last one. Let's see. Um, am I the asshole for not letting my stepdaughter share a room with my daughter? Okay, no. Okay. I have two children: a daughter who's 16 and a son who's 10. My husband has three children: a daughter who is 16, a daughter who is 14, and a son who is 10. The boys share a room. Two stepdaughters share a room, and my daughter has her own room. For context, this is my home. So my daughter's room has been hers since she was little. Okay, that makes sense. The situation is my stepdaughter, my stepdaughters fight a lot, like all the time, and it's exhausting. Their dad never really could do anything to fix it because he said he was never able to figure out what the problem was. But my older stepdaughter, the 16-year-old, takes her sister's stuff and ruins it and never returns it. Their dad and I would try to pay for the stolen stuff, but that doesn't guarantee that they won't fight. My daughter had her own uh share of having her stuff taken from the stepsister in the past. I fixed it by getting my daughter a lock, which my husband did not agree to because his younger daughter wanted a lock, but also, but that wouldn't have worked since she shares a room with her sister. Oh, the younger, she wanted to get a lock for the door, too. After a series of big fights between stepdaughters, my husband said the only solution was to get them away from each other by having the older stepdaughter move into my daughter's room.

SPEAKER_03:

Nah.

SPEAKER_05:

I said no for several reasons. One, the stepdaughter is basically a thief. She'll start stealing from my daughter. And two, this is my daughter's room, even if he argues that it isn't fair that his daughters are stuck in one room while my daughter gets a room to herself. He begged and said he felt like the fighting was never gonna end and that this was the only situation. Solution. I suggested that he should mix the boys with the girls, but he said, hell no. No. Boys never share rooms with girls. Facts. Period. Facts. I said that I wasn't going to allow what he suggested, and we ended up fighting. He called me selfish and unsupportive because I said he needs to handle his own daughters. He said that he'll just go be with a friend because he could no longer handle the fighting. He said he won't come back until I agree to let the daughters move, his daughter move into my daughter's room. Okay. I lashed out at him and said, no way. He asked if this was a heel that I was willing to die on, and I said yes, which escalated the problem. Now he's been away two days, and I'm left to watch the stepdaughters yell at each other. Okay. He's using this as a way to hopefully get me to cave in and say yes, but I can imagine doing this to my daughter. Mm-hmm. Is she being an asshole?

SPEAKER_03:

No. Wherever he got uh room to stay for two days, send his daughter's ass over there with him.

SPEAKER_05:

Exactly. That's how you split it up. That's how you split it up.

SPEAKER_03:

Problem solved. Now you and the oldest can be over here. Yeah. And me and the ones that are civil.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. We can be over here. And maybe the time alone with you and your oldest daughter, you can figure out what her issue is, why she a little thief and a shit starter.

SPEAKER_03:

The issue is that her daddy's not with her mama.

SPEAKER_05:

Probably, but she can go be with her mama, but we don't know what the situation with that is.

SPEAKER_03:

That's the issue.

SPEAKER_05:

She's probably just acting out.

SPEAKER_03:

Regardless.

SPEAKER_05:

Right. And who said the fighting is gonna stop just because she moved into the other bedroom? The other bed, the bedroom where her little sister is is right, probably right down the hall. I could still see the little Wayne just started attitude with her. No, you're not what you're not gonna do is come over here and disturb my baby girl's peace. Okay. Okay, look, I did you a solid. I agreed to marry you. I did you a solid, all right? I agreed to marry you, and I agreed for you and your girls and boy to come in our home. But all seriousness, I mean, you could do you could do that where he he stays gone or whatever, and then maybe he takes his oldest girl, or y'all buy a different house.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, okay. I was gonna say that. That's the only other solution.

SPEAKER_05:

If if you think her being out of the room with her little sisters is going to stop the fighting, then maybe y'all need to try to find a bigger house where all the kids can have their own bedroom.

SPEAKER_03:

I was trying to do the math. I said the boys are in the room. You got the two girls in the room, her daughter got a room, they got a room. So I said, it looked like they got a four-bedroom. Sound like y'all need a five. Yeah, or a six or six. And on top of that, her daughter shouldn't go nowhere because as she said at the beginning, it's my house. It's my house. Because you already my name on it. Right.

SPEAKER_05:

And you're already forcing that your tenure, the two 10-year-olds. Because how you know your son wanted a roommate?

SPEAKER_03:

Right. And on and another thing, you've been gone for two days. You got 24 hours to come back. I gotta call CPS because you have abandoned these children. That's you are breaking the law. You are breaking the law.

SPEAKER_05:

Sir, you're gonna you either come back in the next 24 hours because you telling me is this a hill you're willing to die on, and then proceed to stay away from home to try to get me to cave in. If you want to play, if you want to play stupid games, you know what happens when you play stupid. You're gonna get a very dumbass prize. And I would really hate to be the prize presenter. Not the prize presenter. I don't I don't want to be the prize presenter. I'm gonna tell him, come on. You're the next contestant on his ass's divorce.

SPEAKER_03:

Not his ass's divorce.

SPEAKER_05:

Now you can pack your things and leave. Yeah, no, you don't you're not the asshole. Don't go in there disturbing your daughter's peace, and then now you gotta deal with a disgruntled 16-year-old. No, my 16-year-old is fine. What's crazy is You're not gonna come over here and disturb her stable 16-year-old self with your unstable 16-year-old self.

SPEAKER_03:

What's crazy is that it seems like she has somewhere to stay in his situation is kind of iffy. But maybe he should change the city.

SPEAKER_05:

But in all seriousness, maybe in all seriousness, as as his um as the parent, if he feels like the it could be typical, you know, sibling arguing, because me and my sister argued like crazy growing up, right? And then we became the best of friends in the doorhood. Um, but it could be just, you know, the regular traditional siblings fighting, or it could be something a little bit deeper than that. And if she has an issue with stealing. The little half is a thief. That's why I said if she has an issue with stealing and starting fights and being defensive, then you might want to look into that and really check in with her to see where all this is coming from.

SPEAKER_03:

Care some therapy.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta look deeper because kids, well, unfortunately, most of them are not gonna reach out when something is wrong, but they'll act out for the attention and they'll wait for you to come and be like, okay, I'm here. Like, what do you need? They're not gonna do, they're not gonna be like, hey, dad, like I'm really sad, and that's why I steal shit. Like, they're not gonna do that. So you gotta dig a little deeper. You gotta at least say, look, I tried to do all the things that I could do to get you help, to get you right. I tried. I tried. And then if you still decide to go out there. I tried so hard. I tried, Dr. Nell. I've tried to do that. I tried to Dr. Nell. So yeah. All right, guys. Let's hop on into the comment of the week.

SPEAKER_03:

The comment of the week, people. Uh, the comment of the week, uh, both comics come from the post reaction about the set of grandparents who reneged on helping them watch the grandkids. Oh. But when they were showing them the new house, they were trying to say, oh, we're gonna stay here because y'all better off financial.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. They try they try to be living grandparents when they were done with their retirement.

SPEAKER_03:

And this comic comes from I Am Desda Diva. Shout out Des.

SPEAKER_05:

Shout out Des the Diva.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, Des says they will be going to Shady Pines if it was up to me by Felicia. By Felicia. Now look here.

SPEAKER_05:

Not Shady Pines.

SPEAKER_03:

Des is not the only person that says Shady Pines. There's a lot of people say Shady Pines.

SPEAKER_05:

Is that a real place?

SPEAKER_03:

It's a retirement home. Oh. But I agree that you've been traveling for six years, living your best life. Now you think you're finna come over here.

SPEAKER_05:

But this is the kicker from that story. To not have watched your grandchildren one time their entire existence as a grandparent who's on good terms with the parents, I think is crazy.

SPEAKER_03:

You know what it is? They Jeff's parents.

SPEAKER_05:

Who's Jeff?

SPEAKER_03:

From the book.

SPEAKER_05:

Shut up, Maurice. They're Jeff's parents. He's talking about from the book, Marini. They haven't seen him.

SPEAKER_03:

They know of them, but they don't know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_05:

They don't because they don't claim them, though. At least they claim them.

SPEAKER_03:

And the second comment comes from Blessed Child71 underscore M. M-U-A.

SPEAKER_05:

The awe period Audacity of people. I love that. She said the aw, A-U-D, capital, period, audacity. A S S I T Y of some people.

SPEAKER_03:

Because a lot of people that said the Audacity was a being on in bulk or on clearance.

SPEAKER_05:

It is. Audacity is damn near free. It pretty much is. You ain't lying. It is, it's free. Like it's free.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, those are the comments of the week, people.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my gosh. All right, guys. Thanks for hanging out with us on another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, don't forget to like, share, follow, all the things. You can find us, subscribe. You can find us. Tell a friend to tell a friend. And to tell Granny, who will tell everybody. You can find us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. Um, you get a new episode every Wednesday. And remember, guys, if you see us out in the wild, say hi.

SPEAKER_03:

Not the wild.

SPEAKER_05:

Say hi. Like the robot. Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't say hi to me, please. I'm I'm Wow. Uh look here. I have I I don't talk to people. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05:

That's not true. He's being a butthole. Yes, he does. I say hi. Hey. All right, guys. Until next week. Peace, Booskies.

SPEAKER_03:

Peace, Booskies.

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Kynesha Gill

Host
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Morice Gill

Host