Life After I Do Podcast

Who’s More Likely: Couples Edition

• Life After I Do • Season 1 • Episode 121

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In this episode of Life After I Do Podcast, laughter opens the door to deeper truths about how couples handle stress, apologies, and repair. Through playful moments and honest conversations, we explore love languages with real stakes—why intention doesn’t always equal impact, how low-cost gestures can still feel meaningful, and which small habits actually strengthen connection.

Listener letters bring the conversation home as we tackle rebuilding trust after cheating, asking for romance without breaking the budget, and setting firm but compassionate boundaries with family. With practical tools, relatable humor, and clear guidance, this episode offers a roadmap for intentional love, real repair, and choosing your marriage first.

Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.

SPEAKER_01:

When I buy him something, it's always an interrogation. Why did I buy it? How much did I spend on it? He doesn't really need it. And then after he goes through that whole spiel, and then the, you know, the excitement is washed off of my face for thinking that I've done something great, you know, in surprising my husband or getting him a gift or, you know, whatever, you know, the excitement you get from giving someone something. When he sees that that is completely drained and voided of my face, then he says, Oh, but thanks, babe. Sit back, relax, enjoy, cruise, kick it with us for the next 45 minutes. To an hour? To an hour. 45 minutes to an hour. I mean, I actually have to get the baby to uh practice, so maybe 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I can see.

SPEAKER_01:

You have glasses on.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I've been concerned if you couldn't. I've been uh I've been living in a fool's paradise.

SPEAKER_01:

Paradise?

SPEAKER_00:

Paradise. You know what? Don't come for me this early in the morning or afternoon, whatever it is. I'm tired.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not even afternoon. It's even Boossies.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, Booskies.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, Booskies.

SPEAKER_00:

How was your week? How are you feeling? All that jazz.

SPEAKER_01:

The usual. Um, I'm good. My week was good. Got to spend some time with family again. Y'all know how I feel about uh spending time with family. I'm happy to be. I got to spend time instead of yours. I was gonna say, I got to spend time with my uh brother-in-law, my sister-in-law.

SPEAKER_00:

And our adorable uh niece and nephew. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, and my cousin Grayson.

SPEAKER_00:

Gray.

SPEAKER_01:

My cousin Gray.

SPEAKER_00:

Whoever left that comment on the picture, I still don't know what the question is.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I don't know either.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe you know what the question is. What's the question? Because I called my cousin Hamlet.

SPEAKER_01:

Is he single? Maybe they want to know if he's single.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe shout out to the shady alien.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, Grey to Wright.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. You know, um, yeah, so I had a great weekend. Um, also got to see a good friend. Yeah. So that was really fun and exciting. Uh-huh. Got to see a good friend, spend time with family. My brother-in-law made a bomb brunch because my brother-in-law can throw it down.

SPEAKER_00:

Where do you get it from?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, probably me. Um don't want to give me credit for nothing. Ah, don't want to give me credit. Probably me. Nothing. Um so yeah. That's probably where he gets it from. If I had to guess, if I had to make an educated guess. Oh, okay. Um, but yeah, but yeah, I had a great, I had a great week. I had a great, great week. That's good. It was good. How was yours? Mid. Oh gosh, middle. I love how you just like you feel energy in the room. And it's like, ooh, energy's high, vibe is high, everything's good. And then you walk in and you go, you know what? Let me shut this shit down.

SPEAKER_00:

That's not what I just said it was mid. Well, I wasn't mid. I really I enjoyed my weekend.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, shout outs to uh MOK for what he did for us. Um I enjoyed be seeing my brother in my seal.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And uh my niece.

SPEAKER_01:

That says for sister-in-law, just in case some of y'all didn't catch that.

SPEAKER_00:

That was, you know, big the truth baby was great. I enjoyed meeting the Booski on the way home.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yes. So, shout out to our Booski that we had met um out in the wild.

SPEAKER_00:

And I just want to know that I was I wasn't being rude. I just really had to use the bathroom and I couldn't leave my family outside with strangers. Bye. He's so silly.

SPEAKER_01:

No, but I did want to say that when you guys, if you guys see us out and you see us in public, please don't hesitate to say hi. Like we love, we we we would genuinely love to like interact with you guys, take pictures with you, like the whole night. And it really warmed my little.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't know if we don't say pictures that night because we were rough.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I mean, we looked rough, but that's I mean, you know, we were all on the road. They were on the road too. We were at a rest stop. So, um, but if you guys see us out in public and you recognize us and you want to like say hi, please, please, please say hi. Please don't hesitate to say hi. We love interacting with you guys, like via social. So just to see you in person and be able to have an interaction with you in person is 10 times like even better. So it did at first because it was early morning too.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, and I was like, somebody plan to prank on me.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, you thought who pranking me? Who's pranking me to make it seem like somebody recognized who I am?

SPEAKER_00:

Nobody. But yeah, my week, I mean, it wasn't a bad week. Yeah, I only say is it was me because you know, my I I again, I'm I feel like I'm regressing in the gym. You're not, and it's bothering me. Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01:

I just think that you need you're either properly not recovered or I mean you're not gonna be able to do steroids.

SPEAKER_00:

You don't need steroids. Me and our gym daughter are gonna just take a little bit.

SPEAKER_01:

Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Okay, well, I guess we're gonna be in there together then, cuz look, I won't take pre-workout, but I might take a little bit of time.

SPEAKER_00:

You just you skip, you just you jumped to phase one and go straight to phase two.

SPEAKER_01:

What the girl says, she said, we all started with creatine. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, creatine is the gateway. I said, not creatine being the gateway. She was like, we all started with creatine. And then you look up one day and your fridge is full of needles. Okay, it's growing. Oh no, it's growing on me. The hair is growing on me.

SPEAKER_00:

It's growing on me.

SPEAKER_01:

So it's been if you're watching this on YouTube, I have uh my hair straight. And I have not worn straight hair in probably, yeah, probably well over a decade, right?

SPEAKER_00:

It's been a long time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, probably well over a decade.

SPEAKER_00:

When I saw you go walk down the stairs, I said, Who is this woman?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And then he and then I was like, I said, Do you like it? And he was like, It's a lot of forehead.

SPEAKER_00:

It's hey. Wow. I ain't never been one for run from some head. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. That was a bit much. That's what you said. That was a bit much. That's what you said. Um, but yeah, so if you're watching this on YouTube, I I do have a a new dude. Look at people and I'm wearing a middle part, which I like never do. I always do. Yeah. You know what? Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

A little more mature.

SPEAKER_01:

So me and Cousin Gray were talking about like um, you know, like rebranding ourselves and stuff, right? And so I was telling him, I was like, you know, as I'm going into my 40s, I feel, I mean, I here's the thing. When I was younger, I was told that I had an older style anyway, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Because, you know, you were layering it at birth.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye. Goodbye. So she got a diaper for the diaper. But now that I'm, you know, getting ready to go into my 40s, I feel like I want a more elevated but comfortable look. You know what I mean? Like, I still want to be comfortable because comfort has to be, you know, number one. And so we were just talking about different styles and stuff. And I told him, I was like, I am becoming very uh attuned to car coats. And he was like, oh my gosh, me too. And I was like, So car coats. What the hell is that? It's it's like a it's a coat, it's like a almost like a trench coat, but they're car, but they're called car coats. Um, it just can't be a coat. Okay, it's a coat. Well, y'all make shit different. Because when you say coat, I don't want you thinking like something I can wear in the the snow. It's not that type of coat. A coat is a coat. Okay, whatever. Use it for as well. Anywho, anywho, and I was telling him that's pretty much like where I'm headed to. And you remember how much I used to love like a crisp white button up. I feel like a jean top. You know me and denim tops go together real big.

SPEAKER_00:

I was like, if she buys one more jean top, they'll look the same as the last 20 jeans top.

SPEAKER_01:

I know, but you always have to refresh them every couple of years. And now that you've reminded me, don't bust my jean top. I'm gonna stop my old navy after I go to Sam's Club before I come back home because they are having a sale, and I know I can get me a new denim top. Thank you for reminding me I might be able to get my denim top and my car coat. Um, but yeah, so I've been thinking about, you know, how I want my style to be kind of going into my 40s. And, you know, my traditional mom fit is not going anywhere. Uh-huh. Sweater.

SPEAKER_00:

Sweater.

SPEAKER_01:

Leggings. Leggings, white socks, tinnies.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not that's not everything.

SPEAKER_00:

You are back in your tinny era. Yeah. Keep talking up.

SPEAKER_01:

And how long, how long has it been since I was in my tinny era?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, it's been a while.

SPEAKER_01:

It's been a while because I've just been crocking it, you know? And there's nothing wrong with my Crocs. Like, I love I love wearing my Crocs. Me and Crocs go together real bad. Um, Crocs, if you're hearing if you're hearing this, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Please, please. Crocs, if you're hearing this, a whole family crocs.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we we crocks together. A family that crocs together.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know what they do together. They just wear, they just come together.

SPEAKER_01:

They wear crocs together.

SPEAKER_00:

Um style, and my style is whatever's comfortable. Because if I could go if I could go to church in sweats and a t-shirt, I would.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, right. You can, technically. The Bible says, come as you are. He's talking about your heart. Um, but I got clothes on. But yeah, so that's not like the traditional mom fit's not going anywhere. But as we enter into these 40s, you know, I've been thinking about how I would like to in these 40s, I'm starting to think about how I would like to present myself when I'm out in society. Oh, okay. Okay, you know what I mean? Like, I want to show up looking like somebody's mama. Like they'd be like, oh, that's a mama right there. You already look like somebody. That's a mama cita.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a different type of mama. You know? Wow. What we got today? We were just going, what we got today? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a mamacita. No?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

You're not hyping me up, and I don't understand why. You went from you went from being my hype man to being like you told me I was talking about your ass too much. Well, you were, because every other word was about my butt, and I was like, show me some love.

SPEAKER_00:

Your butt is attached to some that form showing you.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. You know what I mean? You know what I mean. Cut it out. I tell you, I tell you look good all the time. What would you do? Except for when I came downstairs and you told and you told me that there was a lot of forehead looking you in the face.

SPEAKER_00:

It's still, it still is. Don't get it wrong.

SPEAKER_01:

My forehead's not big though. What's my eyebrow? Let me see.

SPEAKER_00:

It's we're matching.

SPEAKER_01:

Three. Three fingers.

SPEAKER_00:

Five.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. My eyebrow is right here.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01:

Put my fingers together. That's three.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's not. You got a whole, you got more space. You have more space.

SPEAKER_01:

No, you gotta go to the tip top of the eyebrow. So my eyebrow is right there.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. All right. Five head. Right there.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, who's more likely to is what I want to know.

SPEAKER_00:

It's probably me.

SPEAKER_01:

Who's more likely to?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, that's what we're doing today.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what we're gonna do today.

SPEAKER_00:

All right.

SPEAKER_01:

I you know I love I love uh picking my husband's brain with these little these little games sometimes.

SPEAKER_00:

No, she don't.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I do. And it's fun. I think it's fun. We'll see. Um, so yeah, we're gonna play the game of who's more likely to. Okay. Couples edition. All right. Life after I do edition. Okay, so I'll go first.

SPEAKER_00:

We're gonna just are we gonna read these in order?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh you can or not.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I got my glasses, I can see today.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh gosh. Well, I have a scratch right across the middle of mine, which is crazy. Well, blame your daughter. Um, okay. Who's more likely to hold a grudge longer? Wait, before you answer. What I'm gonna do is, is I'll ask the question and then I'll say one, two, three, and then we will answer like you or me or whatever, okay? Ready? So who's more likely to hold a grudge? One, two, three, me.

SPEAKER_00:

You know it's you. You know. I'll let you know.

SPEAKER_01:

Know thyself.

SPEAKER_00:

That's because you're not 40 yet. When you get my age.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, first of all. First of all, you're not even 40 yet.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, when you look up and realize that you only got 35 summers.

SPEAKER_01:

Would you stop saying that? I have told you that numerous times. Stop saying that. You do not know how many summers you have.

SPEAKER_00:

Queen Jennifer Lewis herself taught me this. I only got 35 summers left, so I ain't got time to hold on to nothing. I I I live and let God.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

But you, you be like, he's gonna feel my wrath today. No, I don't. And I'll be like, well, let me come a game on.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I don't. First of all, first off, no, I don't. Okay. Let's start there. You just said you hold grudges, man. No, I mean like how you described it. I don't hold grudges like that. And sometimes I'll hold a grudge and you don't even know because like my you know, my face can give my face can give that I'm over it, but my heart does not. Okay. Okay. Um, okay, you go ahead. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Who's more likely to say I'm fine when they're not?

SPEAKER_01:

One, two, three. Me.

SPEAKER_00:

Ah! Really? Do tell.

SPEAKER_01:

There's a lot of times where this morning in the car, you were like, You alright? And I was like, Yeah, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00:

I knew you wouldn't. You was holding a grudge.

SPEAKER_01:

I was not holding a grudge. I just pissed me off. That's all.

SPEAKER_00:

When do I not piss you off? Every day I find a new way to piss you.

SPEAKER_01:

Piss you the hell off. Yes. Yeah. So I f I feel like we both.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I think I think that comes from years that we just don't want to like, we're not ready. When we're not ready to talk about it, we're just saying I'm fine.

SPEAKER_01:

Or it's okay. Or I'm good.

SPEAKER_00:

We don't want to argue.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But then, but then we'll double back and be like, you know what? Actually, I wasn't fine. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that no, you're good for that. Or this is what he's good for. And it drives me nuts. Of the wall. Okay. I've been meaning to have a conversation with the therapist about this and how to handle this. How do you want to talk to my therapist? What he will do is if we haven't had a discussion about something that we're both harboring feelings about, he will wait till he's away from the house or just outside of my reach. And then he starts the texting. And then he writes me stories. Really? Yep. You write me stories.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I write you stories.

SPEAKER_01:

You do.

SPEAKER_00:

I send voice memos.

SPEAKER_01:

That's why they need so long because you're not typing them. You're saying them. Oh, okay. Let's see. Um, who's more likely to plan a date night? One, two, three. Me. We gotta change that.

SPEAKER_00:

Do we? I think it's working fine. Look here, I plan important dates, birth dates, anniversaries. You know, regular Thursday. My my ideal of good time is just me, you, and some Netflix. I don't, I don't like to go nowhere. That's not true.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not true. That's not true. Because when we do actually go out, or if we go like on a double date or something, the first thing you say when we get in the car is the first thing you say when we get in the car is we need to do that more often. We need to go out more often.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what happens? I forget.

SPEAKER_01:

Of course you do. Of course you do.

SPEAKER_00:

But it also depends on the company. Now, LaJules and Eric, I like hanging out with LaJuice and Eric because La Jules is gonna have me rolling. I can't. She should be a comedian. She's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01:

She wait, what did she say? I was like, I said, I'm proud of my calluses. She was like, oh no, you shouldn't be. No, but you shouldn't be, Kai.

SPEAKER_00:

I rocks heavy with La Jules and Eric. Now, some of these other couples are like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I actually all of the couples we hang out with, they're pretty cool. The rods. The ones that we hang out with. Yeah, the ones we hang out with. We don't hang out with non-cool people.

SPEAKER_00:

You do.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. I said we as a couple. Our couple friends? Yeah. Yeah. Our couple friends, we have solid couple friends. Like for sure. Okay. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, who's more likely to avoid confrontation?

SPEAKER_01:

One, two, three. You.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't because look here. I know. Once I see red, I'm I'm gonna go somewhere I don't want I I can't return from. So I just try to avoid it at all costs. Now I'm telling y'all people right now, I've been I've been a Taurus all my life, and the one thing I made it seem like you made a choice to be a Taurus.

SPEAKER_01:

I did not. And then you just were like, okay, I guess I'm gonna stick with it. I did not. Of course you've been a Taurus your whole life.

SPEAKER_00:

I did not, but uh I I am stubborn. I know I'm stubborn, and when I'm mad, I know I'm mad. And so I just try not to get to that level because if you get me there, you ain't gonna like me. If you think I'm an asshole when I'm when I'm not mad.

SPEAKER_01:

And what's crazy is that sometimes when you get into those head spaces, my reaction is to ignore you.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm not I don't get I don't get there often with you.

SPEAKER_01:

No, but I'm just saying, like sometimes I'm just like if I'm ever mad at you, all you gotta do is take your t'es out, I'm fire.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. You're the one that don't use your tools. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

You using the right method. Who's more likely to stay calm during stress? One, two, three. Me.

SPEAKER_00:

You and it's not that I'm erratic. I'm just like, I'm I get stressed. I'm like stressed.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm stressed too.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I'm like, ooh, like I gotta get, I gotta figure it out.

SPEAKER_01:

You gotta verb. The thing is, I think the biggest difference too between you and I when it comes to stress, is that you like you have to verbalize your stress to kind of work through it.

SPEAKER_00:

I have to talk through my frustration.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like you verbalize your stress a lot. Like when I'm stressed, half of the time you don't even know. Like when I come to you. I know, I just don't say nothing. Bye. When I come to you and I say, like, oh, like this has been stressing me out, you be like, oh, like I can see it now. Yeah, I'm like, I haven't been living life on easy street.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, it's just like when you had divul uh divulged what you said to me on the way home, and I was like, Oh, it makes sense how she's been acting now. Yeah, because I knew something was off, but she just I I always operate on the notion of she'll tell me when she's ready. I'm not gonna pry. Because if I pry, I'm just gonna piss her off. Don't find a new way to piss me off, and it's gonna make it worse. Yeah, so I'm not gonna pry. I'm gonna just wait till she tells me. And I'll be like, oh, okay, that adds up.

SPEAKER_01:

It tracks, it tracks that tracks, yeah, crazy. Wow, why does that make me crazy? Just a little bit. How does that make me crazy?

SPEAKER_00:

Because I don't know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

You should you should appreciate the fact that when I am stressed, that I can be reserved and a little bit calm. Sometimes. Okay, sometimes that I'm not in this house whipping up a storm on the people that are in it.

SPEAKER_00:

Your your storms are different. Okay? Your storms come in a form of passive aggressiveness.

SPEAKER_01:

I am not passive aggressive. You're such a bully. I am not passive. I'm not passive. What makes me passive aggressive? Tell me, team.

SPEAKER_00:

And you be like, I ain't cooking.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not me passive aggressive.

SPEAKER_02:

That's me telling you I'm not cooking.

SPEAKER_00:

But the reasons why you're not cooking, because I don't I don't feel like I should have to do this, this, this, I'm not cooking. Okay. You'll be like, Well, you're not passive aggressive. Babe. Then you follow up by saying, if you want to eat, I advise that you do such and such and such.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm giving you the instruction on how you can get yourself fed in the event that I am not cooking for you all.

SPEAKER_02:

All right.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like I feel I feel as though that's the least I can do. If I know that I will not be providing a food service to you all for the evening, I give you the instruction on what you can do and the available services to you in order to ensure that your bellies get full prior to going to bed.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, okay. Let me just go ahead and ask my question.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, who's more uh more likely to make the first Move after tension.

SPEAKER_01:

After tension? Yeah. Okay. One, two, three. I gotta, I gotta do a little filler. Yeah, because I hold I be holding on sometimes. I'll be like, ha hey.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you like surprises?

SPEAKER_01:

You like surprises. I do.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Because my thing is like anytime we have some tension or disagreement, I'm I'm gonna give you your space. But then when I get to the part, like, okay, look now.

SPEAKER_01:

Because you don't like you don't like the feeling, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't like the feeling.

SPEAKER_01:

You can't sit in that.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't like the feeling of when we're not on the same page. Right. So I'm like, okay, look here. We done had our time. Now it could have been.

SPEAKER_01:

You done been upset long enough.

SPEAKER_00:

Now get over it. It could be 10 minutes, it could be 20, it could be, it could be 10 hours. But when whenever I feel like you didn't have enough time to process it, look here, we gotta squash this. We gotta go back.

SPEAKER_01:

So come in this room, close the door. Let's hash this out.

SPEAKER_00:

We can talk about it or we can be physical about it.

SPEAKER_02:

How would it get you to do?

SPEAKER_01:

What Kev on stage say? It's not gonna be easy to divorce me.

SPEAKER_00:

We're gonna recognise these differences.

SPEAKER_01:

You're not gonna divorce me.

SPEAKER_00:

I love therapy. You hear me? We're gonna figure this out.

SPEAKER_01:

Change. I love change. You need me to work on something? I love working on these things. Right? We're gonna figure this out. Um, let's see. Who's more likely to check the other's mood without being asked? One, two, three. You. I say you. Do I really?

SPEAKER_00:

I think so. I don't think you do. You can't check me. Check on you. Oh, check on me? Oh, yeah, you do that. Because I'll be like, I think. Because I'd be like, you know, when I get in my mood, I just I just isolate.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You be like, oh, he's being by himself.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I mean, that usually gives me time to either like do my thing. You'd be like, hey babe. I do not. First of all, I do not come in there running on you. Hey, babe. No, I don't. How you feeling? No, I usually ask, like, are you down for wingstop?

SPEAKER_00:

And I'll be like, Hey, so whatever you want, get out of my face.

SPEAKER_01:

Because even though I complain about them every single time that I eat it, you go back. I still go back. Every time. And now you know what I'm finna say? That's gonna sound like the people that I don't like that eat at that certain restaurant. Who? It's the sauce. Yes, the sauce is good. It's it's the it's the um honey mustard.

SPEAKER_00:

I actually prefer them them uh them hot honey wings to be busting. Oh no, that's too much. Go ahead and answer a question.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I think I just did. It's your turn.

SPEAKER_00:

Is it? Oh, you sure did. I guess I ain't listening.

SPEAKER_01:

What else is new? That's crazy. Breaking news, everyone. Maurice Gill has just found out. Now she put my whole woman out there that his wife has been right this whole time. That's not what I said.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Who was more likely to initiate a deep relationship conversation?

SPEAKER_01:

One, two, three.

SPEAKER_00:

Me. I see how you the answer. So, what's your answer?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, a deep conversation. Yeah, I would say you. I would say you in recent years.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like I feel like uh in our earlier years it was me.

SPEAKER_00:

Earlier years, I'm not that old. I know I got 35 summers, but I still it's still 35 summers.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, I think in our earlier years it was me, but like in the last few years, definitely you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So I've grown. I'm I've matured, or you declined you that's what I heard there. Did you say anything differently? Huh? No. Really? I think it's the glasses got me acting up.

SPEAKER_01:

Why you've worn your glasses before? You wear your glasses often. Not on the episode.

SPEAKER_00:

I can see now.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Um, who's more likely to apologize after an argument? Me.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you ain't got it. Me. Me. Me. Again, because going back like I said earlier, I don't like confrontation. So I would, I just squash it. I just squash it. We could talk about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Do you uh now I mean for me being on the other end, I know when your apologies are genuine and most of the time.

SPEAKER_00:

They're always genuine, all of them. Most of the time they are. They no, they always are. Because when I apologize, I'm whatever I'm I am I am sincerely apologizing for wherever you're feeling. Just because I apologize don't mean don't don't mean that I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

I know you're not trying to say that who's right or who's wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I still think I'm right.

SPEAKER_01:

Obviously.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm just apologizing about how I made you feel. Now, granted, you still wrong. I'm still right. Okay. I'm just apologizing that you feel that way.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because you just want cuddles later in the evening.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I'm you're right. I'm gonna want some ass. So I gotta make sure you're in the headspace to give me some ass.

SPEAKER_01:

That's that doesn't put me in the headspace. I work on it. Okay, don't touch me.

SPEAKER_00:

Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Stop.

SPEAKER_00:

Stop waiting.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, go your turn.

SPEAKER_00:

I just asked a question. And who don't want to now?

SPEAKER_01:

No, I did. I just apologize after an argument. I just asked. Did you? Yes. Man, I'm not listening. Go ahead and apologize. Breaking news, everyone. Maurice Gill, once again.

SPEAKER_00:

Stop putting my name out there. I apologize. Um, who's more likely to cry during a movie or show? One, two, three.

SPEAKER_01:

We ain't gotta count. I guess. I guess me. I guess me. It depends. I'm trying to think of the last movie I cry.

SPEAKER_00:

You had you had the last book you read, had you had anger tears.

SPEAKER_01:

You didn't cry.

SPEAKER_00:

You were so mad at Devontae.

SPEAKER_01:

That wasn't the last book I read. I just finished the book yesterday while we were at the first time.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, well, the that scammer book, you were so mad about Devante.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah, but I didn't cry.

SPEAKER_00:

You had anger. You wanted, you had smoke for Devontae like he was real. Okay, but you treat me like I was Devante.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, but I didn't cry. Now, yesterday when I finished, I finished uh Blood over Brighthaven, and I almost kind of wanted, I wasn't like, I wasn't close to tears, but it was it was like an emotional response. Yeah. So when I can get when a book can give me like an emotional response like that, that's when I'm like, okay, that was a decent read.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, sure.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

All right.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, let's see. Who's more likely to spend money without telling the other person? You.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I made it. You. Okay. I'll tell you after I spend it. Have to talk about buying stuff for you and your child. No. Don't come for me.

SPEAKER_01:

No. It don't be like a little bit more. You don't get a TV visitor tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, bye. Your turn.

SPEAKER_00:

Who's more likely to multitask while listening?

SPEAKER_01:

Me.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm happy you said it because you that means you're not listening. Because I know I know I can't multitask, so I gotta look at you till you're done.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm in, I'm an active, um, I can be an empathetic listener, but I'm like when I'm doing a lot of things at once, I'm definitely just an active listener.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So like I hear what you're saying. I'm getting the gist of what's coming out of your mouth.

SPEAKER_00:

So you ain't listening at all.

SPEAKER_01:

You know? I'm always listening.

SPEAKER_00:

So you ain't listening at all.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm always listening. Um, who's more likely to want quality time over everything else? You. Me. Me, you my best friend. He's definitely an attention.

SPEAKER_00:

You're my best friend. Of course, I want to be with you.

SPEAKER_01:

You're my best friend.

SPEAKER_00:

I tolerate these other niggas. I love you. Yeah, I'm gonna pick you before I pick anybody else. And some people call me weird for that, but hey, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_01:

He's definitely a marriage attention whore, but I love it. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

That's about it like Phoenix says, it's always the marriage, yes. Because when you graduate and you move out and you get your family.

SPEAKER_01:

When you forget about us and all the times that you wanted to cuddle with us and stuff, and now it ends.

SPEAKER_00:

And all I'm gonna have is my marriage. Bye. That's why I put my marriage before you, Lil' Lloyd lady.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye.

SPEAKER_00:

That's exactly why I do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Uh, okay, your turn.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I literally I literally just asked that, but okay. Um, you're not listening because I asked the question.

SPEAKER_01:

What question?

SPEAKER_00:

I asked the multi-tasbar listening question. That's what that's where we were at.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I guess I wasn't listening.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Empathetically, heart actively.

SPEAKER_01:

Ladies and gentlemen, this just ends.

SPEAKER_00:

Kine Shigill does not listen. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, um, okay. Um, let me see. Okay, who's more likely to bring up the past in an argument? It's you.

SPEAKER_00:

It's you.

SPEAKER_01:

I knew you was gonna say me, but it's you. It's you, it's you.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, D May, explain.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know what D May is.

SPEAKER_00:

Tell me.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know what that is. Explain. You do. You be like, remember that last time when we was in a car and you were saying you do that.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what I would do. That's what you do. Okay, I recollect. No, I don't. I don't know why you're coming for me.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not trying to come for you. I'm trying to be honest, okay? The people want an honest representation. I'm gonna give it to one. That's what I give it.

SPEAKER_00:

Who's who's more likely to remember small details about the other? You, for sure.

SPEAKER_01:

You no, you remember small details about about the other person? Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

You.

SPEAKER_01:

I feel like you're better at remembering the small details.

SPEAKER_00:

I think you are. I just learned your Starbucks drink.

SPEAKER_01:

I've had multiple Starbucks drinks. That's the problem.

SPEAKER_00:

And it takes me an hour and half of sitting here looking at it to remember.

SPEAKER_01:

Because you know what I always think about first? Um your favorite movie. So it's like, okay, I know Along Came Polly.

SPEAKER_00:

That's not my favorite movie all the time.

SPEAKER_01:

See, and see, that's what I'm saying. Because I always say I know your favorites were Along Came Polly, uh Players Club.

SPEAKER_00:

Nah, Players Club is not my favorite movie.

SPEAKER_01:

You you always said Players Club was on the list.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not on the list. Okay, what is it? I I said as a teenage boy, I like looking at uh players' club. Okay. Because who done uh uh love little diamond? My favorite movie of all time is Foolish. All time, foolish.

SPEAKER_01:

See, and I always still remember from high school when you said Along Cape Polly. And that's been stuck in my mind.

SPEAKER_00:

I take that back. Was it college? It's me.

SPEAKER_01:

Was it college?

SPEAKER_00:

It's me.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what I mean. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my gosh. She can't remember what my favorite movie is, but she knew where I was last Friday at two o'clock, though.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. I have to keep you safe. Why would I want you safe? I have to, I want, I'd like to just make sure that you're safe.

SPEAKER_00:

But my favorite movie is uh foolish with uh Master P and Eddie Griffin. Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Grandma gave me that rug.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, who's more likely to take charge in a crisis?

SPEAKER_00:

That's me. That's my job.

unknown:

That's my role.

SPEAKER_01:

It depends on the crisis, though.

SPEAKER_00:

It's my job. It's my role.

SPEAKER_01:

It's uh it depends on the crisis.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, break it down. Tell me what tell me what crisis you're taking care of charge of.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, if she's at a dance competition and she forgot one of her luggages. Are you taking care of that crisis? Because that's a crisis. Okay, you just okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So all your crisis are gonna be mommy related. Is that what I hear? Is that what I hear?

SPEAKER_01:

The ones that only I can solve.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay. But everything else I got.

SPEAKER_01:

Everything else I'm confident that you could probably like pull through. You know what I'm saying? You could probably pull through. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Who's more likely to laugh first during a disagreement?

SPEAKER_01:

Laugh first? Uh you probably me. You. But when you say laugh, immediately I just got like a flashback to like having an argument and it wasn't a laugh because something was funny. It was a laugh like a snark, like a oh wow. No, like that. That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00:

That's exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, you know what? You laugh, but it ain't because it's funny. Yeah, it's not because it's funny.

SPEAKER_01:

It's because no, it's funny. It's only funny because you're saying some shit where I'm like, oh wow. Like he really thinks that's factual. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

But it do be.

SPEAKER_01:

Like he really thinks that makes sense. But it do be he really thinks that tracks. That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00:

But it do be.

SPEAKER_01:

It don't be. I do be. It don't be. I do be. It don't be. It do be. It don't be. It don't be.

SPEAKER_00:

As a her.

SPEAKER_01:

Did you just call me a loser?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I called you a la who's as a her. Okay. Whatever.

unknown:

Ah.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, let's see. Um, who's more likely to surprise the other with a gift?

SPEAKER_00:

Me. You. Don't buy me shit.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not true. That's not true.

SPEAKER_00:

That's not true. The last thing you gave me was a wish list.

SPEAKER_01:

So here's the thing when it comes to getting him gifts. Like, I'll get him gifts, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, here we go. Go ahead and lie.

SPEAKER_01:

When someone gives you a gift that you were not anticipating, a regular normal person would accept the gift and be like, oh my gosh, thank you. You were thinking of me. You didn't have to do that. I truly appreciate it. When I buy him something, it's always an interrogation. Why did I buy it? How much did I spend on it? He doesn't really need it. And then after he goes through that whole spiel, and then the, you know, the excitement is washed off of my face for thinking that I've done something great, you know, in surprising my husband or getting him a gift or, you know, whatever, you know, the excitement you get from giving someone something, when he sees that that is completely drained and voided of my face, then he says, Oh, but thanks, babe. Okay. So that's why I just don't buy him. But then, let's don't forget. Oh, let me tell you. But then, no, but then when he buys me something or like he gets her something or whatever, he'll be like, dang, it must be nice to be y'all.

SPEAKER_00:

It is, sir. It is nice to be y'all, sir. Y'all, y'all live good. Y'all live real good. You live good too. Oh, that's a mid. Here's the thing about the gifts. Uh-huh. Because we are in a a single income house and I like to have everything accounted for. When you give me something, I'll be like, how'd you get this?

SPEAKER_01:

I paid for it with the money in my bank account.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Or did you did you so is this? So because I I low-key feel like every gift you give me, I'm buying it myself.

SPEAKER_01:

So I feel like, if I you could admit, but when I use my actual account, here's the thing. And tell me, tell me if I'm wrong, because you know I'm not. When I use my actual account, my money, and then when you look up, and you go to look at the bank, and you're like, oh, I don't see the charge for what she bought me, then you'd be like, You pay for that with your money? Yes. Why? Because I'm here to take care of you. Because I was trying to do something nice for you. And then also the last time I bought you something that you really wanted, and I was at, what was that? I was at Best Buy. And then I used, I used my card, the house card. It literally sent a damn email to you instantly.

SPEAKER_00:

It's not it's not that you use the house card, you pay for it with your money.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I used the house card. No, no, no, no, no, no. But it was connected to your email address.

SPEAKER_00:

No, you pay for it with your own money. You didn't pay for it with house money. You pay for it with your own money, but you put my number in for the rewards. So I got the email because you use my rewards. So Loki, you got me a gift and a$15 certificate. So I was like, Yay, thanks, babe. I was like, I was so excited. I was like, you can't even, I know you got it. I got the email.

SPEAKER_01:

You're like, thanks.

SPEAKER_00:

I got the receipt. Because I have because you know, at Best Buy, you can have it set up where you get automatically paper receipts. I mean email receipts. So all my all my receipts are email.

SPEAKER_01:

So dang, I'm on here on another episode. Ashy.

SPEAKER_00:

I saw it too. I wasn't gonna say nothing though.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm sorry, y'all. Y'all gotta look at me and my ashy knuckles. At least you know I showered because I'm usually ashy because it's because I've taken a shower and I didn't lotion my face. One thing I will say, my wife is I like to lotion my face first, so I don't want to put hand lotion on before I put my face lotions on, and then I just forget to lotion.

SPEAKER_00:

My wife will be clean now. Ashy, that's my uh over there.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, I mean, you listen, you can't be everything all the time.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, gonna go ahead and I'm gonna ask this question so we can uh move on. Uh, who who is more likely to fall asleep during a movie? You. Amen.

unknown:

Really?

SPEAKER_01:

Amen. Because I'm not a movie watching. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_00:

When I turn to my side, you know I'm about to be gone.

SPEAKER_01:

Amen.

SPEAKER_00:

Amen.

SPEAKER_01:

I can't.

SPEAKER_00:

Amen.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's do one more. Okay. All right now. Who's more likely to overthink a text message?

SPEAKER_00:

You.

SPEAKER_01:

You think so?

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. I'll be like, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't overthink text messages.

SPEAKER_00:

You overthink Putnam.

SPEAKER_01:

Really? I'm not an overthinker. I'm an in-depth thinker. There is a severe difference. Okay. I'm an in-depth thinker, not an overthinker, sir. All right. Thank you very much. Anyway, we're gonna hop on into the common of the week. The common of week.

SPEAKER_00:

Now, look here, there's a lot of common of the weeks this week.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know how a lot, but there's gonna be there's gonna be quite a few.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, the first one comes from on uh Dollface.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And what is this in reference to? This is a reference to the fact that she wasn't a chuckler. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Shut up, because oh, when I had said I'm not a chuckler.

SPEAKER_00:

She's not a chuckler, okay? She says she got pregnant on per purpose. The uh the man who busted, you know what? He played in her face and then got mad when she played back. Sir, you set up the play date.

SPEAKER_01:

Not the play date. That's crazy. The play date. You set up the play date. The play date is what took me out. Oh, this was in reference to the video where uh her husband, it was her husband or her boyfriend. That said she trapped him by getting pregnant.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

Because he said that they had been together so long, and then when things were getting serious, all of a sudden she turned up pregnant, and so she ended up going off on him saying, Oh, was I pregnant when I was supporting us because you couldn't get your shit together? Right, he was a brokeie. Okay, yeah, that was that was a good one.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, and life of Lenora, I think this might be her second time. She said, Audacity, let me introduce you to Patty. This is what we call a win. Because he had the audacity to sit there and make that.

SPEAKER_01:

But I love it's the hands. Right. The hands. It's like a handout like this, so you can shake hands.

SPEAKER_00:

He had um um, he had the audacity to sit there and say uh uh she trapped him and she brought the petty with the packs. That was crazy. And this comes from the same videos, but this is from uh I heard iHeart Traber, uh Traber. Okay, we're gonna go with that. Sir, you started it, you should have known your wife had a PhD.

SPEAKER_01:

In reverse Uno. Okay, first of all, the amount of reverse Uno cards that were in our comments on that video, you guys are savages. That is hilarious. Everybody gets petty. Oh my goodness. I saw reverse Uno so many times. Oh my god. That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_00:

Funny. Okay, so this is the second set. This, these last couple ones come from the video about the um the daughter-in-law uh complaining to the mother-in-law how she's gonna be like, How she spent her money? Right, right.

SPEAKER_01:

She was asking for it, y'all.

SPEAKER_00:

So this first comment comes from Philly Red 7. Go Bert. I don't even know if she's from Philadelphia. I just said that. She's so wrong. And she needs to stay in a child's place. That woman provides her with free childcare. Now, look here. Absolutely. The comments of that video. All y'all out there saying she needs to shut up because she don't know how much child care costs was hilarious. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Dang.

SPEAKER_00:

And then this comes from a lot of favorites this week. This is the last one. The last one comes from Queen Unique. She said Queen Unique. Queen Unique. She says, let me find out the wife mad, Mullaw ain't paying their rent too, po ass.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. I didn't even think about that. I said, you know what? Oh my gosh, what if she is?

SPEAKER_00:

When I read that, I said she got a point. She might be. She got a point. So you're paying his rent, but you can't pay ours.

unknown:

Crazy.

SPEAKER_01:

Watching your whole child. And like mama said, 40 plus hours a week. 40 plus. 40 plus. Um, all right, guys, let's move right on to our own t-shirts. Okay, this one is a listener submission. Okay. They would like to remain anonymous. So we're gonna hop right on to it. She's asking, what should I do? Would I be an asshole for telling my ex that we should part ways after trying to repair the relationship we once had? I'm a 27-year-old female who's been in a one-off relationship for almost 10 years with a 30-year-old man. We met online and became friends. Then a few years later, we decided to be together. Four out of 10 years, we lived together, but most of the relationship was long distance due to us being from different states. We had a discussion on fixing the relationship due to crossed boundaries, trust lost, and cheating on his behalf. To be honest, I felt like it was more of an ultimatum than him just saying we're gonna do blank blank to build our relationship and move forward and take accountability for the wrongdoings in the past and give me reassurance, something I never receive in a relationship. I need help.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that the whole thing?

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah. Yeah. Um you help or what? Yeah. This is my question.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that's why I'm asking too.

SPEAKER_00:

Um he he's apparently he cheated once.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I think what she's asking for help in is essentially should they move forward when trying to continue to build onto the relationship.

SPEAKER_00:

If the infidelity's not a deal breaker for her and she feels like there's something there, then yeah, but me personally, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01:

I was gonna say, I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, me personally.

SPEAKER_01:

For me personally, I'm gonna say no. Um, do I think that obviously people can come back and be redeemed from infidelity, right? Oh, can they? Um, wait, hold on now. We have heard of people who have experienced infidelity in their marriages and they had recovered from it and were able to move forward. So I'm not saying that it probably doesn't happen. I'm saying for me personally, if you're asking me and my heart and brain and myself and my person, if you're asking Juan, uh, it's gonna be a no for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so I'm just trying to make sure are you telling me about infidelity right now?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I personally think that you need to um go on with your life. You're still young. Find somebody who loves you for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like I yeah, you're still, you're still very, you're still very young. But then she what'd she say, 10 years? She's 27. So what's that, 17?

SPEAKER_00:

I I'm hoping that they started with when she was.

SPEAKER_01:

He's 30. So she was 17.

SPEAKER_00:

And he was 21.

SPEAKER_01:

She said they lived together four out of the 10 years.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. I'm not doing the math. Just just find somebody that loves you.

SPEAKER_01:

Bye. Just find somebody that love you. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

You people, you got take the first red flag as enough red flags. That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_01:

Don't look at it. Don't look at it as uh a light, a light shade of pink.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't try to don't try to see the bigger picture, don't try to see the other side. Don't try to be the bigger person. Right. I I know Michelle, I know Michelle said when they go low, we go high, but when they go low, we go to Hades. Bye. Come on now.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, this one is another listener's submission.

SPEAKER_00:

All right now.

SPEAKER_01:

So she says that we've been together for 10 years, married for five. My husband works as a mechanic technician at an apartment complex while I'm a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling our babies. He's a good man and he means well. He's just lazy in the romance department and love language department. Wherever, um, whenever there is an apartment that has been abandoned or a move out, he'll bring home brand new items or something slightly used that he thinks the kids and I would like. I'm grateful that he thinks of us, but I'm also fed up. About two years ago, I brought up the conversation about not feeling fulfilled in our journey together. It makes me sad that he only gets me flowers and cards when he's done something wrong and he just flat out does not put in any effort for dates, surprises, etc. The last time he did was when he proposed. They've been together for 10 years. Okay. And married for five, maybe. All right. Um, I had a conversation with him recently and asked he stopped bringing things home from work. It just seems so mediocre and it just makes me feel like I'm undeserving. We've spoken about this in therapy and still nothing changes. Am I the asshole for asking him to stop bringing things home from work as gifts? No. No, you're not. No, you're not. At all. No, you're not, you're not, you're not wrong from that. And the here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00:

You you but that's crazy coming from you.

SPEAKER_01:

You don't know because here's the thing. He's bringing those things home, like as gifts, but in his mind, he's probably thinking, I I give you stuff and get get you things all the time because he brings those home. But what she's saying is there's no in intention behind what he likes. He's not going out to the store and being intentional about picking something out specifically for her that she's gonna love and planning a date night and making like the evening about them, or showing her that, you know, that he's still really interested, that he's still he's not doing all those things. So I think she wants him to stop bringing those gifts home because in his mind, he's thinking that's it's a nice gesture. I do nice gestures for you all the time. So he's he's thinking in his head, that that's a nice thing I do all the time. I bring you gifts all the time. What do you mean? But what she's saying is she wants him to be more intentional about dating her, showing interest in her, buying her a thoughtful gift that was specifically for her, that he took time out of his day, took money out of his paycheck to go out and source. It's about the intention. That's what that's what she's looking for.

SPEAKER_00:

So he's not intentionally. So no, he's not so when he sees something he thinks that she might like in these uh abandoned apartments or whatever, and he takes that's not intentional. Because he was thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01:

He's intentionally bringing it home.

SPEAKER_00:

Because he thought about her when he saw it.

SPEAKER_01:

He's inten Maurice, you're not finna, you're not finna do that. You know exactly what I mean. You know exactly what I mean. You know exactly what I mean. Okay, calm down.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't don't let don't let the new hair get you spicy now.

SPEAKER_01:

Maurice, don't make me flick your ear. Um he's intentional about bringing the stuff home. Yeah, sure. But how she's saying, like, there's no, he's not, he's not romantic. He's not intentional in that department.

SPEAKER_00:

So what she's saying is that he's not talking in her love language. That's basically what she's saying. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

And here's the thing, her love language could be gifts, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Now, here's the thing. I'm pretty sure he knows that because, like she said, they went to therapy, right? Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't have the capacity or the well-withal. And he needs to, I'm not cutting him slack because he needs to. Sounds like it. Because he needs he does need to, if he wants to be serious in this relationship, he does need to talk her love language to some degree, right? Now, he might see, you know, I get it. A lot of men see that in doing what's necessary to provide, that's how they show that their love, right? So by them leaving every day to go to work, providing, paying whatever.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no, we gotta stop that. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm done. Go ahead. No, I'm saying like stopping it.

SPEAKER_01:

No, I'm saying that when when you know when they're thinking about it that way, you gotta stop that. That's not an excuse to not be.

SPEAKER_00:

I and I and I hear and I hear what you're saying, babe, but I always say like, I don't expect every man to be like me or have the understanding I have because we're all a product of our uh of our upbringing. So if he was not shown this in his upbringing, this is something that he has to be willing to work towards to develop. Now, I don't obviously the therapy sessions have not been working. So I don't know. Maybe again, like I always say, maybe she's not communicating properly in a way where he can understand exactly what she needs. But I but like I forgot the judge's late name, the judge's lady name her one where her husband had passed, the black lady, black judge, whatever, I think. Um, like when she has said that she she she left no room for guessing. She told her husband exactly what she wanted. This is what I need. So that way she wouldn't be disappointed when he came home with something that she did not want or did not need. Sometimes some men just need that. Some men you need to tell I understand that ladies would like to have a man that just kind of knows and has a reference and kind of like uh caters to like what they, you know, believe or know that their woman to have, but some men just don't can't operate in that space, but he's operating in a space in which he feels that he can fully operate and still show his love and affection.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so they go to therapy. She's made it very clear in therapy what it is she wants and probably what that looks like. So is it a fact of therapy not working, or is it him not working the therapy? It could be because hold on, I let you finish. I let you finish. Sometimes you talk about you talked about um, you know, being like being direct and laying things out. You can say verbatim, or you can say like word for word, exactly what it is you need and what that looks like, and give examples, which it kind of sounds like may have happened, may have happened because well, see here's the thing. When you go to therapy, as as you know, your therapist works those things out, right? So when you're sitting in therapy and you're coming to your therapist and you're saying, Oh, I'm feeling sad, right? Your therapist, like like using a comb on someone's hair, has to start combing all that out to get to the reason why you're feeling that way, or to get you to better verbalize what it is you mean when you say you're sad. You don't just get to say you're sad when you're in therapy, right? You don't get to do that. The therapist goes through every every different type of level to identify what that feeling that you're feeling that you're calling sad is, and you have to put words to it, right? Okay. So that you can describe your feelings, right? So that we can have a better understanding on the roadmap that we need to use to get to where we're going. Because that's the whole purpose of therapy, and we both know that, right? That's how therapy works. So when she says that they've been together for 10 years, they've been married for five years, they've been in therapy, and still nothing has changed, okay? That can very much be true, but you take on the notion that you know therapy isn't working. You also have to work therapy in order for therapy to be beneficial. I got more points. Hold on. You also have to work therapy in order for therapy to be beneficial to you. Do you not? I agree. Okay, so hold on. Another thing is when I talk about a man being intentional with his wife, just like a woman being intentional with her husband, it is how she wants him to show up for her, being more romantic, taking her on dates, maybe buying her intentional gifts. Instead of you taking on this whole thing like as a whole, like this is what she, she's probably just asking for something as simple as, can you just plan one date night a month? Start small. It doesn't have to be something that's huge and grand. I just want to be made to feel seen. I want to be made to feel like you still find interest in me outside of me just being a stay-at-home mom who homeschool kids all day and take care of dishes and things like that. And then you bring home trinkets for me every now and then, like you're the little mermaid, and then we just keep going about our day. Like I want to know that it is still you and I. At the end of the day, outside of everything that's going on, what are we doing to cultivate us, to cultivate our relationship? So it doesn't have to be something as grand as him doing the gift, the date night, and all of it at once, but maybe start something small. Plan a date night. Let's start once a month, right? We don't know what finances look like. You have to take that into account. Maybe it can be something as small as maybe getting a babysitter and then um ordering takeout and then setting up something romantic at home. And you guys just have five hours to yourself at home. It does I think the thing is that you take it on to where you make it so grand in your head that it causes you to be inactive, right? So if a if your woman comes to you and says, like, I don't feel like you're romantic enough, I feel like you don't take me on dates, I feel like you don't buy me stuff, I feel like you don't pay attention to me, I feel like I'm not seen, like all of that, right? In your mind, you take all that in at one time, and that can be a lot. But if she came to you, told you all that, and just said, you know what really would make me feel special is if you um were, if you took the initiative and you got a babysitter. If you took the initiative, got a babysitter, and then maybe we went out to lunch or something, or you took the initiative to like, you know, make sure I could have a day or something to myself and you kind of spoil me without being with me. Or you take the initiative and you plan a day. Like, it doesn't have to be something that's like super grand all the time. It's the small things that you build on. It's just like when you have a problem, it can start off as a small problem, but then other things build on and it becomes big. And then when it becomes a big problem, now it's like, okay, well, what the hell do you want me to do?

SPEAKER_00:

And I agree with everything you just said. But oh gosh, I have follow-up questions I need answers to.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Has he been giving actionable things in therapy? And is he is he just avoiding them?

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

My second thing is you said that he hasn't done these things since he proposed. So nine and a half years later, now it's a big problem. Because it started off as something small, and so now right, but again, he in his own personal belief, he maybe think that he's hitting those markers by give by bringing the stuff on, right? Right. Right. And then my last thing would be I would like to hear how he's internalizing this. Because what if he feels like he's lacking in something the way she's lacking in something? And that's usually what it is. They're both at an impasse.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because they both because they both feel like they're both lacking and they're not. And neither one wants to put forth the effort. It may be a situation to where, right, they're not put each, each, they're individually not putting in effort to feed each other.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, because it's like, well, you don't do this for me, so I don't give a damn.

SPEAKER_00:

We only have her side of the story.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I don't give a damn if you uh if I do this for you.

SPEAKER_00:

She might she might be homeschooling and and you know, like like like I'll put it this way your first couple years at home, right? And I come home every day and you in pajamas. The same pajama you'd have.

SPEAKER_01:

It wasn't the first couple of years, but yes, I get what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00:

It's Wednesday. You got on one Monday's pajamas.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. Don't listen, don't get on here and try to put extra sauce on anything. Okay. Stop it. Stop it. You know what I'm saying? Stop it. First of all, you're talking about during the pandemic. But don't come in here putting extra sauce on it. I'm dead. You be putting extra sauce on it. Don't do that. I'm saucy. Don't do that. Um, we got time for one more. Right. Um, am I the asshole for telling my father-in-law um they won't be living with us?

SPEAKER_00:

Probably no.

SPEAKER_01:

Prior to my wife and I trying out our uh prior to my wife and I trying for our first, their first child, we spoke with both sets of parents and said they would have if and said would they have any interest in helping with watching their grandkids until preschool starts. Both were over the moon excited. All four fully retired. They all said, absolutely. The plan was to trade off weeks so they know their schedule for booking their own appointments and et cetera. Wife gets pregnant, and around 10 weeks post-birth, she's getting ready to transition back to work. And her parents said they changed their minds and decided to travel more and want to enjoy their elder years. Um, okay. My parents did their absolute best to pick up the in-laws Slack, but daily child care was too much with my wife and I working full time. So we ended up with my parents watching on Mondays and Wednesdays, paying for child care on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and my wife and I working half days on Fridays to handle everything. With my parents taking the Friday whenever we needed them to, which was incredible. It was very frustrating to have in-laws say one thing and then do the opposite. In six years, they've never once watched any of our kids, not one single day.

SPEAKER_00:

Damn.

SPEAKER_01:

Six years?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01:

That's crazy. Oh, wow. So my wife and I bought a house about a week ago. They're over checking it out as we're unboxing, and my father-in-law sees this house has a first floor master with a full bath. He turns to mother-in-law and says, Oh, thank God, we won't have to do stairs. I said, Come again. My mother-in-law says, Of my wife and her two siblings, we are doing by far the best in life, and it would make the most sense for them to live with us as they are in their 70s, and a house is becoming too much for them already.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I audibly laughed hard and loud and said, Hell would freeze over before you live here, which was met by my shock, but which was met by shock by the both of them. I explained that when we needed their help, they turned their backs. So we're simply doing the same. My wife agreed. All right now. She expressed how expensive and how difficult it was with zero help from her side of the of her side of the village. That was their call, but we're now returning the favor. They're incredibly upset and hurt over the revelation. We uh are standing our stance. I don't think that what I don't think so at all, but the votes are uh bloodblath. I'll cons I'll reconsider as we have space, but it's not likely. Am I the ass? Hell no. Absolutely. Look here. I mean listen, I don't want to say absolutely not. I'm just saying you're not the ass.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, hold on. Hold on, hold on. I won't, you don't have to say it. I'll say it for no. Look here. People, there are consequences to every action and decision.

SPEAKER_01:

Not being there, not watching your dr your grandchildren not one time for six years, that's a little crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

Now you want to be a living grandparent? Nah.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that's what they're saying. Like, we're gonna be here.

SPEAKER_00:

You know what? There's some great facilities in the area for people your age. Great facilities.

SPEAKER_01:

There's some great. You know, they have great amenities now.

SPEAKER_00:

Great. I think you would be You can play Rummy.

SPEAKER_01:

They they got they got that little van that'll take you in outings.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. All I'm saying, in-house doctors, everything. In-house doctors. But the the truth of the matter is, uh, it's good. The thing is, it's like they said. There, they got two other options. We're not gonna be there.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but they're doing they're doing better.

SPEAKER_00:

And we're gonna do we're gonna continue to do better.

SPEAKER_01:

And maybe, maybe, hear me out. Maybe you should call your other children and give them a heads up.

SPEAKER_00:

Because you're gonna need somewhere to stay. Yeah. This is why I spoil Phoenix. Because when I need somewhere to stay.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. You don't want that to backfire.

SPEAKER_00:

When I need somewhere to stay, I'm like Phoenix. I I just I need somewhere to stay.

SPEAKER_01:

I just need somewhere to lay low. I'm 82, baby. I'm 82. I can't. Daddy can't do too much more. I need to, I need somewhere to be. I I didn't think I I didn't think I had 42 summers left.

SPEAKER_00:

I thought it was only I thought it was only 35.

SPEAKER_01:

It ended up being 42.

SPEAKER_00:

Here I am on summer number 42 is still kicking.

SPEAKER_01:

And it don't feel he took like I'm going anytime soon.

SPEAKER_00:

I ain't gonna be here. I'm gonna be here a lot longer than I expected. I don't know. I don't no, I don't shit. Look here. Nah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. No. I don't know. Okay, so part of me, part of me says that you're not wrong. Part of me says you're not wrong. The other part of me says they're your parents. Right? And I mean, I think for me, I would tell her to like let's see how it plays out, right? Like when they if they really get to an age where we're concerned about their their well-being and their safety, and nobody is stepping up, maybe me and the siblings can come together and pull some resources to get them taken care of. To get them taken care of or something. I don't know. But I mean, at the end of the day, it's you know, it's it's still your parents. It's not a free pass, but it does make you at least, you know, think a little bit. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

The only thing I'm gonna say, it turns out he's a chuckler. He chuckled to that shit.

SPEAKER_01:

He did. He said he had chuckled. Not him said hell would freeze over. He said hell will freeze over before you live here. I can't. All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you are not doing so already, please go ahead and join us on our socials to keep up. Hit the like, subscribe. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, um, YouTube. We are so grateful for all of your support. All your support, guys. We we love it. We love seeing the interactions, we love hearing like hearing the feedback, we love the email submissions, keep them coming. Um, so yeah, if you're not doing any of those things, you know where to find us. Click the follows, click the subscribes. Don't forget to tell a friend to tell a friend. Tell grandma. To tell grandma. Let grandma know. So grandma can let everybody know. Everybody know. Okay, so you get a new episode every Wednesday. And until then, peace booskies.

SPEAKER_00:

Peace booskies. Ian a chocolate.

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Kynesha Gill

Host
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Morice Gill

Host