Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Cheating Respectfully
Is there such a thing as “cheating respectfully,” or is that just secrecy pretending to be consideration? In this episode of Life After I Do Podcast, we challenge modern loopholes around infidelity and break down why discretion protects your image, but loyalty protects your bond. We explore honesty, discipline, emotional provision, and the standards that make relationships feel truly safe.
Through personal reflections, fitness wins, and powerful listener stories involving childcare, hidden messages, and careless jokes, we examine the line between intent and betrayal and why turning inward during heavy seasons matters. If you care about trust, accountability, and real partnership, this conversation will challenge how you think about respect and loyalty
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
You only question things when the pressure gets heavy. When the weight gets heavy, you'd be like, God damn, what did I get myself into?
SPEAKER_02:Because now you're trying to reconsider and make concessions.
SPEAKER_06:When the pressure gets heavy. Yeah. And now you start to look around. And this is what I've learned. Shout out to my therapist. What I've learned is that instead of looking outward, when I feel overwhelmed with the pressure, I look inward. So instead of trying to give you something off my plate and say, hey, I'm overstimulated. I can't do this. I now just say, hey, I'm not doing that.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. Sit back and enjoy, relax, hang out with us for the next 40 minutes or so.
SPEAKER_06:Get you something to sip on.
SPEAKER_04:Let's have a discussion about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SPEAKER_06:Pinky's up, player.
SPEAKER_04:Really? No one wants to listen to you swallow.
SPEAKER_06:Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_04:I crack myself up, I swear. No one wants to listen to you throat your ginger ale and swallow.
SPEAKER_06:First of all, they don't know what's in this cup.
SPEAKER_04:I just told them zero sugar ginger ale.
SPEAKER_06:It ain't ginger ale.
SPEAKER_04:It is ginger ale. You don't drink alcohol.
SPEAKER_06:I got a little yak in here today.
SPEAKER_04:Ain't no damn yak in there. Cut it out. Ain't even no yak in the house. Cut it out. And in a green cup, plastic cup.
SPEAKER_06:Pinky up. You gotta make sure you put your pinky up. That's how the old school players do it.
SPEAKER_04:Anywho. Hey everyone, and welcome back. It is uh Mo and Kai here with you again on this lovely Wednesday morning, afternoon or evening when you're listening to this. Hey, boos. But you should be listening to it every Wednesday. But that's neither here nor there. I don't judge.
SPEAKER_06:Not you.
SPEAKER_04:Banging on the people. I don't judge. Whenever you get around to it, just that's fine. Hey Booskies. Hello, Booskies.
SPEAKER_06:You're looking good.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you. You look great yourself.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, thank you. You know, you know, that's that yet.
SPEAKER_04:Damel, you're not drinking yet. Cut it out. And put the cut down. Stop drinking. It's rude. You're like those people I talk about.
SPEAKER_06:It's rude to drink. It's rude. They want me out here talking with a with a dry throat.
SPEAKER_04:I'm dry. Shout out to my friend Shelly.
SPEAKER_06:Just dry. I'm dry. You know, some I've been uh craving water.
SPEAKER_05:You thirsty bitch. You ain't pregnant.
SPEAKER_03:You just thirsty, bitch. That will forever be a whole bar. That'll be a big thing.
SPEAKER_04:When the doctor was like, why do you think you might be pregnant? Because I've been having like cravings. Like what? Like I've been craving a lot of water.
SPEAKER_05:Her sister was like, You thirsty, bitch. That was hilarious.
SPEAKER_06:How's your week, baby?
SPEAKER_04:Oh stupendous. It's a great week. I don't know. I'm grateful for another week.
SPEAKER_06:You mean walk away? Because I noticed I guy, you don't need to walk away, jerk face.
SPEAKER_04:No, it's not. I had a great week. You're so annoying. You're so annoying. But I love you. But I love you too. Yes. No, but I had a great week. My week was good. The kid went back to school. Thank God. Only God I can do it. Only God can do it. Only God I can do it. I I think that's really funny considering that we're talking about homeschool, but we're excited to send her back.
SPEAKER_06:No, you're we're talking about homeschool for you to homeschool her.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, not you.
SPEAKER_06:But um I am the financial parent.
SPEAKER_04:You're the principal?
SPEAKER_06:Yes. You're gonna be the principal? I'll be principal and P.E. Okay, Maurice.
SPEAKER_04:Shut up. I'll be principal in PE and lunch lady.
SPEAKER_06:No, I'm not lunch lady. You will be lunch lady. No, math, English, no, I will not.
SPEAKER_04:I'll do language art. Bye to mail.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, and I'll be computer class.
SPEAKER_04:Computer? Bye, Maurice. Um, but yeah, the the baby went back to school this week. So the big plus to that, the reason why we were so excited is because we get to go back to the gym together.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, I was excited. I'll tell him why I'm not.
SPEAKER_04:You was? You're not excited anymore? Why not? Tell me. Oh, finish a week. Oh, but yeah, I mean, well, I guess he said he was excited. He's no longer excited, but I was still excited to get up on Monday morning and, you know, go to the gym with my husband like we normally do. We got there earlier too. We got to the gym by like 7:30. That's because you're which was great because our daughter, she was like, I want to be at school by 7. And we were like, girl, you can't even go in till 7.10. She was like, that's fine, we can wait.
SPEAKER_06:So how long this is gonna last?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, well, so today it'll be the last day.
SPEAKER_04:No, it's not.
SPEAKER_06:Because after she gets home from practice tonight at 10 o'clock, she's gonna be like, I'm trying to get every ounce of sleep I can.
SPEAKER_04:Maybe. Well, then just maybe like Tuesdays or Wednesday mornings might be tough, but if she doesn't mind, she gets out early on Wednesdays. Um, but yeah, so that's been kind of like the highlight, us being able to go to the gym together again, which also is great for me because when I want to like try, you know, to push bigger things, I feel more comfortable having you there instead of having to ask a rando. Even though I know half of the people in the gym, I still don't want to be stopping. Yeah, I don't want to be stopping them in the middle of their work and be like, can you? But you don't mind stopping me. It's different. It's different because you vowed to love me forever.
SPEAKER_06:I didn't know.
SPEAKER_04:They didn't vow to love me. Bye. Don't make me karate choppy.
SPEAKER_06:I'm in the I'm I'm I'm married to the weights.
SPEAKER_04:Dale. Oh my gosh. But yeah, so being back in the gym together, that's been fun. Um, yeah, that's pretty much like the highlight. You know, my baby going back and her preparing for comp, getting ready for comp is been stressful.
SPEAKER_00:It is.
SPEAKER_04:That's been a little stressful, but I'm excited. I'm excited for her because she is going into competition this season with no modifications. Um, so that means she has the potential to move up if she scores a 36 at two different meets. So she has to get a score of 36 at two individual meets um in order for her to move up. Last year, she got up to a 35, which was her first year out. So that was good. Um but if she gets two 36s. Bye. Those are minor deductions. Um, but if she gets two 36s, then my baby's gonna be moving up. But even if she doesn't move up this year, like as long as she gives it her all proud of her.
SPEAKER_06:Um, y'all know if she move up because there will be a subscription.
SPEAKER_05:Attached to the podcast.
SPEAKER_06:Because these gymnastics fees, boy.
SPEAKER_04:Start a GoFundMe for the season.
SPEAKER_06:If y'all see, if you if you if you from uh you you gotta be from California, understand this, Southern California. If y'all see me on figure roll, don't mind. Mind your business.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, I'm just gonna cut it out. You're not owing to send her to gymnastics. I'm just trying to be so dramatic.
SPEAKER_06:I'm just trying to pay for my my daughter's private.
SPEAKER_04:Although you know what I'd be thinking about. So, like when I was in college and we would sit in uh class, I would look at the whole classroom and I literally would visualize little dollar signs above everyone's head. And I was just like, damn, I know how much I pay to go here. So Rack it up. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_06:Talk about nonprofit in my ass.
SPEAKER_04:So when I see like everybody walking into the gym, like especially the team girls, because especially the upper levels, and I'm looking at their parents, like, I know how much you pay. And when they have kids who are both team, like two kids on team path, I'll be like, girl, look, babe, I'll be like this. Y'all gonna mummy?
SPEAKER_02:What y'all be doing?
SPEAKER_04:Look, y'all gonna money. What y'all be doing? You got two and three kids?
SPEAKER_02:What y'all be doing?
SPEAKER_04:Y'all got money. Um, but yeah, so that's that's been good. That's good. Mm-hmm. Go ahead and tell him, baby. No, because you're trying to make fun of me.
SPEAKER_06:I'm not trying to make fun of you. Go ahead and tell him.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, well, if y'all must know.
SPEAKER_06:We must know.
SPEAKER_04:One of the perks of being back in the gym with my boo is um me, you know, I mean he don't think, he don't really think that I be trying to, but I told him in the gym, I be trying to impress you. Like, I low, I low key, high key be wanting my husband to be proud of me, you know? And so he was in the gym. We were doing, we were bench, it was an upper day, and he had just finished like his warm-up or whatever. And um, it was my turn to start, you know, my sets or whatever. And I was like, you know what? Today is the day I'm going to attempt 185. I was like, I feel like I've built up enough chest muscle.
SPEAKER_01:Enough what? Chest muscle.
SPEAKER_04:Enough chestigles. Yeah, I feel like I didn't built up enough chesticles to be able to bitch 185. Because this shit's ridiculous.
SPEAKER_06:I've been here too long.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, like this is this is going on a little too long. Even though everybody I talk to, everyone's like, that's actually not a long time for how much you've built up. They're like, that's actually quite good that it's been a short amount of time. And I was like, a year is not a short amount of time.
SPEAKER_06:You sound like Bobby Wilmack. It's been too long.
SPEAKER_04:It's been too long, it's been too long. So a couple of months ago, I hit 185 on decline for two, my very first try. So I was really excited about that. And then I hit 135 on incline for two, my second timeout. So that was good. So in my mind, I was like, there's really no reason why I should not be able to bench 185 flat bench. I was able to bench 185 flat bench. Hey, hey, hey, your girl's moving on up. 205 will be mine. And then 225. I keep telling this man, when I hit 225 on bench, I'm not gonna act different, like I'm not gonna act different for like you be in there bumping guys, like you saw me coming here. Wait, did you see me when Juan and them were leaving after I had done it? And he was like, damn, that was good. I said, Did you see it?
SPEAKER_06:He was like, I saw it.
SPEAKER_04:He was like, I saw it. I was like, make sure you saw it. So everybody knows that it, you know, wasn't a impressive. Was it a see, and then you smiled and you gave me a fist pump, and then you're like, I'm proud of you, babe. And I was like, I was like, there's my love.
SPEAKER_06:Well, I mean, I'm proud of you when there's something to be proud of. Good damn bye. I will always give you your flowers.
SPEAKER_04:Good damn bye. When there's a reason to give you flowers, I will give them to you. There should be always a reason to give me flowers.
SPEAKER_06:No, okay.
SPEAKER_04:Um, but like I said, when I hit 225, I'm only gonna act different for like a week.
SPEAKER_06:No, okay. Let me finish. Let me finish my yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Just a week. And like you're gonna, you have to, you're gonna have to at least give me a week to like, you know, maybe have a little asshole tendency. But then I'm gonna come right back.
SPEAKER_06:How's that different with you now?
SPEAKER_04:Um, and then so and then I hit another PR. So far for January.
SPEAKER_06:It's it's it's living.
SPEAKER_04:We're three we're three for three.
SPEAKER_06:The birthday month is giving.
SPEAKER_04:We're three for three on my big three. Okay. As far as my numbers have moved up. So starting the year off has been great. So I just really want to build on that. So we're officially pulling 405 on deadlift. Okay. Um, I'm benching 185. And then today I hit 335 on my squad.
SPEAKER_06:You could have hit like 350.
SPEAKER_04:No.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. No. And this is why I didn't, that's why I told you that I was proud of you, but I wasn't like really proud of you because I was like, I said, she that moved too easy. She had it.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, so that's what everyone keeps saying. Like Marlena said the same thing. She was like, it moved really smooth. And I was like, Yeah, but did you not see this like the slowdown? Like right at that middle part, I slowed down because I was like grinding it out, you know? Pushed it. Yeah, I pushed it, but nonetheless.
SPEAKER_06:It's a good thing you did because the way I was gonna help you get up wasn't you weren't gonna like it. Because I was like, I was I was gonna go finger and ass. And I was gonna make you perk up.
SPEAKER_04:That's not that's not a thing. Um, but I also think, too, like we were talking the other day about the mental block when it comes to like lifts and like when you're trying to like push to the next, the next weight. It's like doing it that one time registers my brain. Like now we know what the weight feels like. Now we know how to approach it the next time, right? So I feel like the next time I bench 185, I'm going to have a little bit more confidence because I've I know that my body is capable now. The next time I go to squat 335, it's gonna be with a little bit more vigor because now I know my brain understands that my body is capable of it, you know? Um, and then if I don't, if I'm not able to perform, it's gonna have the opposite effect. It's probably just a bad week or something. But yeah. Um, but yeah, so that was that was a highlight of my week. That's good. Yeah, how was your week? If you say something sarcastic, I'm gonna pull your hair. It was mid. Why was why was it mid?
SPEAKER_06:You know, like I like I posted, I said, you know, I'm having a shitty week and you over there thriving. So I'm gonna let you thrive. Whatever.
SPEAKER_03:That you always get in that mood.
SPEAKER_06:I told you that. When I came on Sunday, it's like, babe, how was your work out? I was like, eh.
SPEAKER_04:No, Sunday, you're like, it was okay. It was no, you said it was okay, it was actually pretty good. That's what you said. And then on Monday. And then on Monday, when we had upper day, and after I did my 185, you went back to do your last set and it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. The first set didn't work out well, no, the first set it didn't. And you're like, just forget it. It's not, you know what? I'm done with this workout for the day. Name my day. Yeah, he was like, I'm happy you're having a good day. Name my day.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, today wasn't bad.
SPEAKER_04:Today wasn't terrible. I will say my RDLs felt very heavy, but today wasn't terrible.
SPEAKER_06:Pull some weight today.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, see? But that's how it is. It's like it's literally some weeks are you badass, uh-huh, some weeks you're not. But like how you just admitted last week that you've been lying to me. Hold on. That you're not lying. That you haven't lying. Yes, that you haven't been taking pre-workout. And so this week you haven't had pre-workout, and you're like, I'm gonna give it till Sunday. And if I don't have any good workouts this week, I'm going back to pre-workout.
SPEAKER_06:Look here. My wife convinced me to get off the juice, okay? I'm gonna call it the juice. What? It's not the juice. She's like, Oh, you're hard, and I want you around. I was like, if I die, you're taking very well taken care of.
SPEAKER_04:No, you haven't you have natural endorphins.
SPEAKER_06:Last week, every day the workout hit.
SPEAKER_04:Because you were high.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, I was riding it.
SPEAKER_04:I was riding it. I was taking it to the top.
SPEAKER_06:I'm not even a sponsor, but that gorilla mine.
SPEAKER_04:You might need to they might really you snored it. Goodbye, Marie. You might have to. Good damn bye.
SPEAKER_06:Straight to the bloodstream. I might have to be in there in the in the in the bathroom with my spoon. I need it straight to the source.
SPEAKER_04:That's terrible. I can't imagine what I would feel like on pre-workout. Great. I don't want to be in there itching.
SPEAKER_06:So, you know, last week was good because I was, I had, I had, I had all the artificial stimulation. I had the the stimulation, I had the the the focus. I could I could lock in on my phone. It was great. So far this week has not been that great.
SPEAKER_02:Um you've been a cat crashing.
SPEAKER_06:No, I'm not crashing. But to back up what you were saying, um, the daughter is in school, and so we are we are back together.
SPEAKER_02:Reunite. And I'm I'm happy for her.
SPEAKER_06:Honestly, the highlight of my week is has been those uh magnesium uh glycinate gummies. Oh, helping you sleep. Because they have been knocking me out clean on your ass, huh?
SPEAKER_04:Remember last week and the week before, he's been claiming complaining about not getting enough sleep. And so now he's been taking the magnesium glycate uh glycinate, and now he's like, Ow! He'll call me, be like, just so you know, I'm gonna take my gummies. So if there's anything you want to do, you got about 20 minutes. Because once my gummies hit, I'm done. You got about 20 minutes, and I'll I'd be like, nah, go ahead, pimp. KO. Go ahead, pimp.
SPEAKER_06:I believe it's like Street Fighter KO. Bye.
SPEAKER_04:Bye.
SPEAKER_06:That's what I mean. It's the week week wasn't bad.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad.
SPEAKER_06:Like I told Juan today, every day I wake up six weeks the right way, I'm happy.
SPEAKER_04:Right. And that's what you should be grateful for.
SPEAKER_06:Could have been a little bit better with the pre-workout.
SPEAKER_04:Bye. I could have been a little better with the pre-workout. Um, oh yeah. Okay, so also I forgot to mention. Okay. Um, I, you know, I finished, I just finished a book and then I just started another book.
SPEAKER_06:Look here. You have to start saying the name of these books. Oh, the book of Because people keep asking the comment. I don't know the name of these books.
SPEAKER_04:The the book that I just finished is um Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson. That one was it was pretty good. It was, I gave it a four. Um it it was good. The thing about it is, is I wasn't as uh I guess you could say, no, I just wasn't as startled by the events. By the twist. I wasn't, yeah, I wasn't startled by the parts that sh you sh that would make you go, only because as I was reading it and when I got on BookTalk and somebody kind of somewhat did a spoiler, it was very loosely based off of a case, a crime case that I'm very well aware of. So as I'm reading it and like some of the details in there, I was like, oh yeah, this is very loosely based off that case. And like the shock, I mean, don't get me wrong, the case is extremely shocking, even every time you hear it. But because I've heard it so many times when I'm reading it in the book, if I didn't know the case and this was the first time I was reading something like this, I definitely probably would have been close to tears, or I would have been like clutching my pearls, right? Um, but outside of that, it's it's a it's a really well-written book. I really liked it. Uh now I'm reading, um, what's it called? The uh goodness gracious, why why is it escaping me? I don't know. Um gosh. I don't know. It's escaping me right now. My brain really can't think. Blood over uh muddy waters?
SPEAKER_06:I don't know.
SPEAKER_03:No, it's by ML Wong.
SPEAKER_06:Blood over Muddy Waters?
SPEAKER_03:Why? You know what keeps popping in my head?
SPEAKER_04:That's why it won't let me think about it. Virginia Waters? Danity Kane. It keeps saying blood over Danity Kane.
SPEAKER_06:Wow. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Blood over bright, uh, uh, bright uh bright. Oh my gosh. I literally can't remember the title, but blood over Brighthaven. Goodness gracious, get it out, girl. I told you my memory has been.
SPEAKER_06:That's that 40 creeping up.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh. It's like I'm listening to the story in my head right now, but it's called Blood over Brighthaven. That's what I'm reading currently. Blood over Brighthaven. Um, and so far, so good. It's a little bit more like mystery, fantasy kind of things. But I say all that to say because my husband this morning.
SPEAKER_06:All right, here we go.
SPEAKER_04:My husband this morning. Morning, because he said he loved me like that. Like he really into me.
SPEAKER_06:I'm not doing it because you fucking popped.
SPEAKER_04:He really into me. And because he said, you know, if it'll bring us closer, then I can indulge in your current hobby and you can indulge in mine. So my husband has agreed.
SPEAKER_06:No, I'm gonna backtrack that. You ain't gotta indulge in mine.
SPEAKER_04:You don't want me to ruin it for you? So my husband has agreed to read a book with me.
SPEAKER_06:After you finish this one.
SPEAKER_04:So that I'm almost done.
unknown:Damn.
SPEAKER_04:It's only like 300 and something pages. I get through that in like two and three days. And the only time it takes me longer is because You need to be doing more housework.
SPEAKER_06:If you got time to read 100 pages a day. You got time to read 100 pages a day.
SPEAKER_04:Like, what did what did I tell you yesterday? I don't know.
SPEAKER_06:You say a lot of stuff about it.
SPEAKER_04:When I was talking about emptying the uh the dishwasher, and you're like, I did it yesterday. And I was like, congratulations, you're gonna do it today, or I just won't cook it.
SPEAKER_06:Crazy, or you got me working out here when woman out here trying to choose me. Crazy.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. What we got today, but we're gonna have you. But anywho, really quick, my husband and I are gonna be reading the book together, and then I will let you guys know what that book is. And if you want to keep up with his progress on reading the book.
SPEAKER_06:Imagine you trying to hold me accountable with the people.
SPEAKER_04:On reading the book, what I'm thinking that we're gonna be doing is that we're gonna do like a chapter a day. No, we'll do like a chapter a day. We'll never finish. A chapter a day. The book I'm reading now has 26 chapters.
SPEAKER_03:If we didn't 26 days, absolutely not. Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_05:Some chapters are like two pages.
SPEAKER_06:It is what it is, my boy.
SPEAKER_05:Hey, I tried.
SPEAKER_04:No, we would never finish.
SPEAKER_06:Some days, some days you go to the gym, you get a full day, something like that.
SPEAKER_04:I'm already on my fourth book of the uh of the 2020 cities. No. Um, so yeah, what I'm thinking about doing is maybe on our story on Instagram, we'll do like a daily or uh a bi-daily update.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. All right. I'm happy you got all this shit planned. What we got today?
SPEAKER_01:Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_06:Hold on, I will say this though. While my wife has been reading, I have been stuck in speranza.
SPEAKER_04:What is it? Stuck in Speranza.
SPEAKER_06:I've been playing Arc Raiders. Oh my gosh. I've been playing Arc Raiders like.
SPEAKER_04:He said it's the best game he's played since when? Since what? You used to play uh not Tomb Raider.
SPEAKER_06:What we got today? Let's just Lord Jesus.
SPEAKER_04:No Tomb Raider was from like seventh grade.
SPEAKER_06:No, Tomb Raider was from like it was like seventh grade.
SPEAKER_04:No, I'm talking about the original from PlayStation when it was gray, when it was the gray box with the pop-up.
SPEAKER_05:That's the Tomb Raider. That's the two grade.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, you're talking about okay. What we got today? Lord Jesus.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh, I can't. Um oh, uh, where's my notes?
SPEAKER_06:I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Today we're today we're talking about uh cheating respectfully.
SPEAKER_06:Is this are you trying to cheat or do you want me to cheat?
SPEAKER_04:No, no, that's no, I don't want you to cheat. Um, but it's okay, so I had I had seen a interview with what's his name, the game. And he was talking about respectful, uh respectful cheating. Okay. And I was like, what the hell does it mean? Does that go both ways? Huh? Does that go both ways? Respectful cheating? Yeah. I I doubt the way he was explaining it, I highly doubt it. Oh, okay. Right. Um, and then of course, you know, the algorithm does what it does, and then it takes you down this rabbit hole and it shows you like similar videos and stuff like that. But anyway, the consensus was um the whole idea around it of being able to cheat and being respectful is like not embarrassing your woman, not bringing things to, you know, your doorstep, bringing things home, um, and just handling your business quietly. Okay. And so the girl was asking.
SPEAKER_06:Sound like thinking of shit.
SPEAKER_04:The girl was asking him, she was like, but is that not still cheating? And he said, Not if she doesn't know. Because she was, she can't be hurt. He's essentially he's saying she can't be hurt by something she doesn't know.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, that's true. If she don't know, she can't be hurt until she doesn't.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, but that doesn't negate that what you're doing.
SPEAKER_06:No, I never said I never said that.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_06:I just said that that part is true.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:So like if I've been eating your snacks and you think it's your daughter, you know what you don't know, don't you?
SPEAKER_04:Okay, Maurice, that's not that's not a thing. You think it's your daughter. Um, but then you know, surrounding the whole thing of, you know, people getting divorced over infidelity, people getting divorced over cheating, and there's this consensus that when men cheat, the reasons that they cheat are like valid reasons. And for some reason, the air of notion is that it's it's it's somehow the woman's fault and responsibility to rectify the reasons why he felt it was necessary to either go outside the relationship or go outside the marriage.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. All right. So you you come here with these internet topics, it's what's trending.
SPEAKER_04:It'd be what's trending. And I, and you know, and I love to get your perspective about that.
SPEAKER_06:It's nothing but uh gym bros, okay, okay, video games, okay, and funny videos. Okay. There was nothing serious on my timeline.
SPEAKER_05:There's nothing.
SPEAKER_04:Uh okay, well, it's also uh relationship marriage podcast. In case you forgot. So there's funny races. We can't, we can't like, you know, talk about gym bros the entire time, but you can.
SPEAKER_06:Some of the nice people you ever meet. Bye.
SPEAKER_04:Um, so yeah, I just wanted to, you know, we like to have these open discussions.
SPEAKER_06:So we're talking about cheating respectfully.
SPEAKER_04:Cheating respectfully. Is that possible? Do you think okay, that's what I was gonna ask you.
SPEAKER_06:Is it possible?
SPEAKER_04:As a man, as a man, okay, do you think that cheating respectfully, and I'm gonna say responsibly, because that's in the notion in which all of this is being said is is a thing, or do you think that using that phrase is a way to like get away from accountability?
SPEAKER_06:Okay, so I'm gonna say on in on your cheating in your relationship, um, I don't think that's a I don't think that's I don't I don't think you can cheat respectfully in your relationship. Now on your diet, on the other hand, D male.
SPEAKER_04:Stop it. If you're still within your calorie. Stop it.
SPEAKER_06:If you're still within your calorie, D male, it's dumb. I don't I don't under I me personally, I think it sounds dumb. The whole this whole concept of cheating respectfully, because by cheating, you're you're being disrespectful by cheating.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_06:So how are you? So that's like that's like that's like being respectfully disrespectful. It's an oxymoron, double negative. Like the shit don't cancel out. Right. I don't get it.
SPEAKER_04:So they say there's no form of cheating that is healthy, respectful, or harmless, right? Okay, but when we talk about the phrase of respectful cheating, what some people say that means to them.
SPEAKER_06:Oh no, I get what they say they mean. It means like not embarrassing them in public, right?
SPEAKER_04:Um, not neglecting your responsibilities.
SPEAKER_06:Pretty much you're going about your day as you normally would. You just got a little something on the side that don't hinder something to take the edge off. Right. That don't hinder your that don't hinder your primary life. Okay. You're walking in you, you're walking in two lanes at one time. Which eventually you eventually, I don't care who you are, eventually, yeah, you're not gonna be able to maintain that for a long time.
SPEAKER_04:So apparently you are, let me tell you. So we have a good friend.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:You know what my good friend, La Jules. Okay, La Jules. So she was telling me that um they were having a holiday dinner, right? And they have like, you know, where the men sit on one side, women sit on the other side, you know, different cultures do different things. But they got on the subject of essentially like side pieces or whatever, right? She said her uncle stands up and was talking to the younger gentleman at the table and was explaining to them how to handle their side piece.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:He's been married to her aunt for over 30 years. She said, her aunt very much knows that he does his thing on the side. But the game that he was giving to the younger generation of the guys at the table was as long as you take care of home, that's all she needs to be worried about. So she said what he was explaining to the young J about his aunt. I think her aunt's like in her 60s or something.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, so then we're talking a whole different generation.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, but but but the same concept, obviously, it's still applying to the younger generation.
SPEAKER_06:I don't, I don't think, I don't personally don't think so.
SPEAKER_04:But his thing was he she said that he had told them, she said he came around the table, he put his hands on his wife's shoulder, and he said, anything this woman wants, whatever she needs, it is taken care of. All she has to do is say, and it's there, right? No woman better ever bring anything to her home. He said, her home, right? But essentially what he chooses to do outside of her home. Outside of her home and on his time has nothing really to do with her.
SPEAKER_06:You know what is she okay with that? That's their life. I think that's their understanding.
SPEAKER_04:I no, I I guess their understanding. That's their understanding. But listen to what is still being said now in our generation. The same thing is still being said in our generation. Okay, because obviously you have men who take that notion that as long as your day-to-day isn't interrupted, that gives me the right to do whatever it is that I want to do.
SPEAKER_06:All right, I have very little to say. Why? Because I'm not cheating. Okay, it's not about you cheating. I get it. I get it. What I'm saying is the whole pause. No, we're not pausing. The whole concept of cheating to me is exhausting. I don't want to have to entertain. I don't want to have to approach. I'm lazy.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, you're talking about exactly.
SPEAKER_06:And I know and I understand that.
SPEAKER_03:And a lot of times You don't, clearly, because you're not you keep saying I.
SPEAKER_06:Okay, you know what? I'm finna cheat now.
SPEAKER_03:Go ahead.
SPEAKER_06:So I can get some experience so we can come back and talk about this.
SPEAKER_03:I'm just saying, you keep everything you keep referring to your own experience.
SPEAKER_06:But what I'm saying is I can understand and I can see that there are gentlemen out there that feel this way that as long as they're doing everything they're supposed to do at home and and their wife, the mother, whatever is taken care of, she shouldn't concern herself with what he does outside the home. I understand that. I don't necessarily agree with that belief. I don't I don't move that way, and I don't wouldn't associate myself with anybody who does move that way. Um, and I also feel like people will come up with any reasons or any logic to to validate their behaviors and actions. You know?
SPEAKER_04:Okay, so why do you feel, if you have an opinion, why do you think some men have this idea? Like, why do you think in in a man's mind, why do you think you could sit there and comfortably be like, I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm taking care of my responsibility as a man? But if I choose to spend time outside of my marriage with another woman, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_06:I would say because they they feel like because they're doing everything that they they feel they're supposed to do, they're providing in all the ways that they feel they're supposed to provide, that they should be allowed to do things to necessarily, they're gonna always say to nasty go out there and scratch an itch or seek something that they're not getting at home, right? But I always counter with that. I was like, you if there's no way to be 100% sure that you're providing everything you need to provide at home. Most of the time I hear people say I'm providing everything at home. They're talking about the basic necessities of shit they would do, whether they had a wife or not. Correct. They're talking about paying paying bills, which you would do, uh, uh buying, making sure there's food there, making sure your children have uh uh shelter and food and clothes and all that stuff, right? That's basic shit. Yeah, basic shit that you would do, period. Yeah, so that's why a conversation like this is all always difficult for me because my my interpretation of provision differs from other people's interpretation of uh provision. Because while I see all that as provision, I also say that provision goes farther when you are in a committed relationship. Because I'm not not I am not only responsible to provide the physical things to you, I also feel partly responsible to provide the emotional things to you, the intimate things to you. And I know in my situation with my wife, that she don't want my hand in nobody else's cookie jar.
SPEAKER_04:I think most women don't want their man.
SPEAKER_06:When I can just come put my hand in her cookie jar. And you want to have a sense of, no, that's my husband, no one else has my husband.
SPEAKER_04:And some people will say that's a sense of ownership.
SPEAKER_06:Well, hey, it is what it is. That's kind of what marriage papers are. Yeah. And again, if you cheat respectfully, I have no issue with it as long as that goes both ways. As long as she's allowed to be a good one.
SPEAKER_04:See, now that's that's where that's where they draw the line. No, well, like I say, what's good for the goose is good for the gand. But see, that's where they draw the line, and that takes me into the other part of this. Okay, where you also have the men who talk about it's their nature.
SPEAKER_06:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:No, it's not, it's their nature.
SPEAKER_06:All right. I don't believe that either.
SPEAKER_04:It's their nature. I don't I don't believe that talking about that men were not in in initi they like men's existence isn't to be in monogamous relationships.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. And some men believe that they're not parabond, we don't humans don't parabond. I personally believe humans parabond. If if you mat, if you meet the right one and you they don't, you guys on path, um, you guys cross path and actually meet and communicate. I do believe you're you're you're parabonded, and I do think that's I think that's the majority of the case more than it's not. I do, I I like the whole TikTok trend of um why happily married people are quiet. I do believe that there's a lot of happily married people out there.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_06:Very, very, very quiet. Absolutely. They don't want to uh involve the outside world or something.
SPEAKER_04:They don't want to invite the energy, right? Because we're already we're already pretty pre-programmed to think negatively anyway. So they don't want to invite that into their space.
SPEAKER_06:And I mean, you you can say that, you know, you can say, well, oh, every other mammal has whatever, whatever, whatever.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:But where I say we differ is the level of intelligence is different between male, between human males and other males. The level of it, right? And so I do believe that if you cannot control where you lay your seed, you are weak.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Because where you put your seed, whether that seed takes a hold or not, you are compromising your bloodline and your legacy. And oftentimes people feel like, oh, I can just come out here and just sling it at whatever, and you got three and four different, you know, you got three and four different um mates producing children.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And now you, you know, you you're cre you're you're your your dysfunction is creating other levels of dysfunction. Because your offspring can't have a I'm not saying they can't have a solid upbringing, but they're there, they don't have a quote unquote good example of what a relational or a relational foundation should be. Because if daddy was a rolling stone, wherever you're gonna be able to do it.
SPEAKER_02:Nine times out of ten.
SPEAKER_06:Nine times out of ten, them kids gonna roll too.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Because not everybody will strive to do the opposite, they just fall right in line with what they've seen.
SPEAKER_06:Not everybody, not you.
SPEAKER_04:Bye, Demiel. Goodbye. Okay, so I saw a video.
SPEAKER_06:Oh stop watching TikTok.
SPEAKER_04:I have to be on social media. Okay. I quite literally have to be on social media. All right. Um, one of the videos was talking about how, especially people who have been together for decade plus, about giving men grace when it comes to something like this, right?
SPEAKER_06:And I'm okay with that.
SPEAKER_04:Or, okay.
SPEAKER_06:If it's on the other side as well.
SPEAKER_04:Um, but it usually isn't. Okay. Um, or the concept of when you get more access.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. Right? So you make more money.
SPEAKER_04:You essentially.
SPEAKER_06:As a man.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. You get more access, then it's it's easier to, we've we've had a similar conversation about how do you think it's easier to have a conversation about how you don't think it is within your character to not cheat when you're at a certain level, especially financially as a man, as opposed to a man who the world is his oyster and can do whatever.
SPEAKER_06:Here's my thing. I feel like every man, I was never saying every man, most men. Most men. Because some niggas just ugly.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Some niggas just ugly. But if they pockets is nice, now hold up now.
SPEAKER_06:I'm talking about the broke ones. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, bro.
SPEAKER_06:I'm saying for every man, there is, I feel like for most men there is there, there is opportunity or has or have been or has been opportunity. Right? As a married man who has been married for 10 years now, been with you for all almost 24, 25 years, whatever. I know in hindsight, thinking back on certain situations, I was like, oh, she was throwing it at me. My dumb ass just didn't pick this up because my headspace, I wasn't in that headspace at that time, right? But in hindsight, I said, oh, this that's exactly what that was, right? So I don't, I I also believe who was it?
SPEAKER_02:I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. I also believe that you go you go uh you find you find what you go looking for. Oh, absolutely. And so since I'm not as as a since I'm not looking for that kind of energy energy, you don't feel like that energy is finding me.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:But I but I feel like if I was to switch and look for that, I you're gonna find it everywhere. I'm gonna find it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. It's kinda like it's kind of like a car, right? If there is a particular car that you're interested in. It's yeah, it's gonna be it's the second you buy it. The second you buy it, it feels like that's the only car you see on the road. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I'm stuck with a I'm stuck with a 2002 uh Kanisha and he got a 2026 Kanisha. Really?
SPEAKER_05:This a bitch.
SPEAKER_04:Who done really lost? Are those halo lights? Okay. Okay, you do it too much. You do it too much. Um, okay, so when we talk about what you mentioned earlier about um, you know, the provision, the protection, and things like that, compared to the statements that we see, at least that I see, a lot of men make about it being their nature, right? It's hard for me to believe that a lot of men can exercise a level of discipline and a level of I guess somewhat discernment in other aspects and areas of their life. But when it comes to that, it's their nature. Again, I I it's it's like because you know, when I think when I think about that, or when you use the excuse about having access, when I think about if you are a business owner, right? You go into a contract with another person and you uphold your end of the contract, right? Especially because y'all making money, or it could potentially be detrimental to you making money, right? Okay. You don't want to be sued.
SPEAKER_06:No.
SPEAKER_04:No, you don't want to be, you don't want to lose your business, you don't want to lose your livelihood, right? So you're gonna try to do everything you can to be on good terms with your business partner, to make sure you and your business partner are communicating, to make sure you and your business partner are, you know, making sure that the business keeps running, right? And you're gonna have a certain level of discipline. You're gonna have level of discipline with the budgeting for that business. You're gonna have a level of um like focus with that business, right? You can do all that with your business partner. You can go to these meetings, you can get up at four o'clock in the morning and go to the gym to make sure your body stays in shape. You can meal prep and eat the same damn thing seven days a week. You can do all of those things.
SPEAKER_06:But when it comes to you sleeping around, you don't know what it's like watching the same channel all the time.
SPEAKER_04:You I do. I've been watching the same channel for like 23 years.
SPEAKER_01:I've changed.
SPEAKER_06:Shut up.
SPEAKER_04:The storyline may have changed, the channel's still the same.
SPEAKER_06:While you were talking, I was thinking about um this clip from David Banner, and he was like, he said, I can't do business with you.
SPEAKER_04:If I've never met your wife.
SPEAKER_06:If if if you cheat on your wife.
SPEAKER_04:Oh yeah, I saw that.
SPEAKER_06:He said, because if you will betray the woman you vowed the love.
SPEAKER_04:That's that's that's where I was getting at. You will you will stab me in my back in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. Right. Because uh because a relationship is a relationship, a contract is a contract, and that's what and that goes back to what I was saying earlier and and and when it relates to me.
SPEAKER_06:I have a higher moral standing for myself than some other people may have for themselves. I also am of the belief that sex is not just physical. While it can be just physical, you still leave a part of yourself there.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_06:Because you leave it because it's an experience.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_06:So if I've never had sex with you, right, and now I've had sex with you, I've experienced something with you, and that's an experience I've had with you.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_06:So that's always something that I can recollect in my mind and replay the events as long as I can remember it, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Because you drugged me a couple times.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:But so to that I say it's important for me at least that to comprehend that because now I know that it's not just it's not just physical. Because especially at this stage in my life, like I've reached the point in my life where I feel like I have too much to lose for five minutes, ten minutes, whatever, whatever it is. Okay, calm down.
SPEAKER_01:It's a long time.
SPEAKER_06:I have too much, I have too much to lose to to go astray. Yeah, yeah. To risk it all. To risk it all. And I always think of how many people have risked it all for some shit that wasn't even good.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy you said that. Because it's kind of like on your diet, right? Like you eat some shit and you're like, and then you're bad because it's like, I just wasted 700 damn calories on some shit that wasn't even good. On this book. And then you gotta sit there and look at that person in the bed and be like, seriously, right? I just wasted potentially losing my whole damn family for that.
SPEAKER_06:For this. So crazy. So for me, in my mind, it ain't worth it. Yeah. Unless you got some.
SPEAKER_04:Unless it's a guarantee that I'm gonna enjoy myself.
SPEAKER_06:No, unless you got some money behind you. If Maya come calling, she got money behind her.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
unknown:Coco.
SPEAKER_06:Bye, Maurice. They got money. Bye.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, so same rules apply for me.
SPEAKER_06:No, not at all.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, same rules apply. If Jazz comes around, he ain't got no money.
SPEAKER_06:Still's gonna take all that shit.
SPEAKER_04:Bye, Jamel. If Big X comes around.
SPEAKER_06:Hey, he got it.
SPEAKER_05:He got it. What look, what can I do? Ask him if I can have some dude.
SPEAKER_06:You know what they're gonna say? She ain't your she ain't your woman, big dog. People be taking what we say so serious when we talk when we be joking about each other, it'd be it's hilarious to me.
SPEAKER_04:Why did it take it so why so serious?
SPEAKER_06:Okay, calm down. Oh, sorry. Rest in peace.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, I I know.
SPEAKER_06:That yeah, made it sad.
SPEAKER_04:I know. I'm sorry. Um, couple of questions.
SPEAKER_06:Don't ask them.
SPEAKER_04:Is cheating respectfully just emotional self-abandonment?
SPEAKER_06:I you know what I feel like uh cheating in general is has something has more to do with self than uh than the other person.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_06:I feel like as a bunch of I feel like as a bunch of ain't healed motherfuckers walking around doing shit that things that they think they find pleasure in, but it all it does is block them from actually healing what's hurting them.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, I do have a question though. So, like, we've been together since our teen years, right? And this video just popped into my head. It was a gentleman he got on camera sitting in his car, and um, he ended up cheating on his wife, and they've been together for 20 plus years. Um, but they have been together since they were 15. Okay. They married immediately, you know, after high school or whatever. And so he was just talking about, like, you know, especially being so young and being wrapped up in the whole like love thing, right? You remember how when we were younger too, like we would go to a on a date or the movies, and I used to always say, Man, I can't wait till we have our own place and we're driving back to our own place. You know, like that space of being in love, and then the natural progression of things, like, oh, I want to get married because we want to be together. And then when we get married, it's like, let's let's start a family because that's really exciting. And then it's like, no, shut up. That was not your attitude. It was. I was excited to start a family.
SPEAKER_06:No, you're excited to be married.
SPEAKER_04:Um start a family. Uh, and then, you know, then the next progression is like buy house and all these things. But he he was basically talking about how as he was going through all that and especially being in a relationship and being committed so early and so young, he didn't, he didn't know and realize until he was willing to step outside his marriage all of the things that he really wanted in life and the things that he really wanted to do and the man that he wanted to be.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Right. And so although he gave his wife like high praises, he was like, she was a great wife, like took care of the home, gave me beautiful children, like, you know, we had we had everything. We had the income, we had the cars, we had, we had all the things that are supposed to make us feel complete when we find a significant other. But he said he wasn't fulfilled, him personally. Okay. He felt like the only reason he existed now was to be of the benefit to other people.
SPEAKER_06:Which I think when that's a different that's two different things.
SPEAKER_04:I know, but I but this was this was how he was like talking through the reasons in which he felt like he cheated on his wife.
SPEAKER_06:So he somebody came along making 14.
SPEAKER_04:He's I was gonna say, and that was that was the next thing. That's hard. That was the next thing. That was the next thing is that he said he felt seen, but even going through that experience, that also opened up the thought process for him of what do I want? Like if I if I could take me, like we've had that conversation before, right? I've talked about that before about like the self-identity portion of who who am I and what do I want and what do I like outside of just the titles that I've accumulated in adulthood, right? And in my way of thinking, I'm like, okay, I can understand that portion, but was it necessary like to go and like we couldn't have all that, you know, self-discovery?
SPEAKER_06:And I and I but I would guarantee you that they were probably in a in a rough patch when he explored. Um, and I would also say this, like that what he just drive, I feel like all men go through.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I think that's a human thing.
SPEAKER_06:Because when you get into the day-to-day, as I always say, when you get into the day-to-day and you're just you're going through the motions, you're going through the motions, and you're just trying to live up to the responsibilities you have agreed to.
SPEAKER_02:That you've created.
SPEAKER_06:You're trying to be a good husband, you're trying to be a good father, you're trying to provide, you're trying to make sure everybody you're trying to make as a man, you get to the point. Let me go back. As a good man, you get to the point to where you spend the majority of your time worrying about if everybody else is okay. You don't spend the time on yourself to make sure you're okay. And when you do that for so long, it becomes overwhelming.
SPEAKER_01:Of course.
SPEAKER_06:And it becomes, and and that's why I always say, and most men will say, I just want to be appreciated. Yeah. Because a small drop of appreciation is enough to have a man work another three, four months.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_06:If you give him a bucket, you got a couple more decades. It's that. And I feel like a lot of times we as men don't feel appreciated and we don't feel seen because we get caught up in, we get like Francis, how you always say you there's always gas in the car, the bills are always paid.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Your daughter, we always just go here. Yeah. Your dad just paid. And so it's like the what the behind the scenes of what it takes to make sure that you're always always happening. No one uh no one wants to do that without feeling like they're being appreciated. Yeah. On the back end. Right. So when you go through life, and and this, I feel like it's it's no, it's nothing against the wife or the family personally. I just feel like on both sides, you're both dealing with what you're dealing with.
SPEAKER_04:You're dealing with the the day-to-day, you're dealing with life.
SPEAKER_06:So like while while while he's dealing with the the struggles of you know, um living up to his responsibilities and wanting to be seen, and now he's feeling like there's a but did I even want this really in the first place? Yeah, and the pressure's getting heavy because you only question yourself and you only question things when the pressure gets heavy. When the weight gets heavy, you'd be like, God damn, what did I get myself into?
SPEAKER_02:Because now you're trying to reconsider and make concessions.
SPEAKER_06:When the pressure gets heavy. Yeah. And now you start to look around, and this is what I've learned. Shout out to my therapist. What I've learned is that instead of looking outward, when I feel overwhelmed with the pressure, I look inward. So instead of trying to give you something off my plate and say, hey, I'm I'm overstimulated, I can't do this. I now just say, hey, I'm not doing that. Right. So if it get done or not.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Who's good for that? Okay. Who's good for that?
SPEAKER_06:We're not talking about you right now.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, but that but it's the same concept. You just can't do it because I can't give you what I ain't got.
SPEAKER_06:Right. That's why I was saying I can't give you what I don't have. And for me, like I I even like kind of wrote down crying about this when I was talking to her about it. For me, the hardest thing is when I have to say that to my child.
SPEAKER_04:Like telling her no.
SPEAKER_06:I sometimes I I want to, I want, I want to number tell her yes constantly. Yeah. But sometimes I just ain't got it. I ain't got it.
SPEAKER_04:Molly, Molly Girl.
SPEAKER_06:I ain't got it. I ain't got it physically. I ain't got it mentally. Yeah, I ain't I ain't got all right. I ain't got it financially. I ain't got it. I'm sorry, baby. I can't take you on a 24-day Disney cruise.
SPEAKER_03:Wait, for a play date.
SPEAKER_06:For a play date.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:I can't take you and your friend.
SPEAKER_03:For a play date, nonetheless.
SPEAKER_06:24-day Disney cruise.
SPEAKER_04:First of all, we're not gonna be on nobody's boat for a month.
SPEAKER_06:Right. Listen, I ain't let's start there. I want to say yes, but I ain't got it. But on the flip side of that, I've also got to the point to where now I can understand and step back and look and say, hey, if I'm feeling some sort of pressure, my partner is too. Right? Because, like I always say, we have very defined roles in our marriage. And so the pressures of my responsibility weigh on me, and now I can understand and empathize. Like I always say, I can empathize with the pressures that you have to meet to meet the standards of your responsibilities. So I feel like in this situation, he turned the which which again, it's not wrong. He turned the focus inward, which I think, which I think you should do. Yeah. I don't necessarily think that the actions of that, yeah, right.
SPEAKER_04:I think it doesn't justify the action.
SPEAKER_06:It doesn't justify not at all. I think once the focus is turned inward, now you now have to, you now have to uh set boundaries.
SPEAKER_04:Right. And process why you would be why why you wanted to do, or why you were even to a level of comfort to do something like that. Because when I really think about it, like just sit with the thought of going outside, like like my marriage, like even just thinking about that, I just like how I don't know. Like, I think about like how uncomfortable that would be. How I'm just in general, yeah. Like, in general, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_06:That's because you approved. You can be like, do what?
SPEAKER_04:I'm like, oh no, my Snuggie has to come. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You don't like my Snuggie. My husband loves my Snuggie. I'm out.
SPEAKER_06:It's it's it's smoo moo's and 14 pillows or nothing.
SPEAKER_04:And my bonnet and my glasses with my book.
SPEAKER_06:Or I'm knitting. Cool. Because when I'm done with this, I'm going back to the book.
SPEAKER_04:What did you say? There were signs. I knew there were signs. There were signs. There were signs. Um, but you know, it it's there's a lot. I feel like there is if you genuinely have or had a connection with your partner. Yeah, there's a level of nerve, there's a level of being scared. There's a, you know what I mean? To be with another person, like looking at somebody else and you being close and somebody kissing your lips. Like, I honestly can't imagine somebody else's lips on me. I really can't.
SPEAKER_06:Hit him and throw so quick.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I can't.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, it's my bad.
SPEAKER_04:I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_06:But here's my here's the thing.
SPEAKER_04:Look, I've never done this with anybody.
SPEAKER_06:And it's like, it's not even just like learning for me personally. It's not even just about the me being lazy of learning somebody else. I don't want to learn anybody else. I don't want to learn what gets you going. I don't want to learn, I don't want to learn where your spots are.
SPEAKER_03:So if I don't want to learn about what gets you going, I don't really care, ma'am. I don't care. Can you get me going?
SPEAKER_06:At this point, if that were to happen, it's a wham bam, thank you, ma'am. Here go your$40. She's a professional.
SPEAKER_04:I'm only dealing with professionals.
SPEAKER_06:I told you.
SPEAKER_01:I told you.
SPEAKER_04:I'm only dealing with that. If something happened here, I'm not I'm only dealing with women who know their shit. Look, babe, I'm only dealing with women who know their shit where I can walk in and walk out, get it, and walk out.
SPEAKER_06:Look here. I because I personally feel like I've been parabonded with my person. I'm not doing this shit again. I have no interest in doing this shit again.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:I will be that single dad that goes to work, plays his video games, and it's at every sporting event he wants to go to. They're like, damn, Marie, you live your life. Yes, because I'm not, I don't have to deal with, I'm not worried about no woman. I can't. She comes over, I give her$40.
SPEAKER_04:Why? First of all, who are you paying for? Like, that's a disease. Is it? If you're paying$40 for some for like actual intercourse and ass, she has some. Somebody did the math because if the hose was$200, that is not. That is not. Because if I came up with a price and sheet, if I came up with a price and sheet.
SPEAKER_06:But what I'm saying is that I I will no longer be as emotionally invested in someone as I.
SPEAKER_03:Oh yeah. But apparently, from the male perspective, they don't have to be emotionally involved.
SPEAKER_06:But like you said, but like you said last week, I'm not like them niggas. I gotta like you. I mean, because you can look good and then say something stupid. I'm like, get the fuck out of my house. Because you don't.
SPEAKER_04:First of all, what? Not your house.
SPEAKER_06:Not here.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, okay. I was gonna say.
SPEAKER_06:Of course, if we wanna downstairs.
SPEAKER_04:I would have to burn the whole house down.
SPEAKER_06:Oh wow. Okay, let's let's move on. Let's move on. I'm done.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, why is discretion valued more than loyalty?
SPEAKER_06:Not it's not it's not over here.
SPEAKER_04:I we know, babe, but in general, why do you think people value discretion more than loyalty?
SPEAKER_06:Because I think people like to keep what uh keep their their closets in the closet. That's why.
SPEAKER_04:Their dirty clothes in the closet?
SPEAKER_06:Keep it where it's supposed where it's meant to be. That's why.
SPEAKER_04:Is uh forgiveness expected without accountability?
SPEAKER_06:I think some people do, but it shouldn't be. Accountability is a must.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And if you refuse to take it, flag on the play.
SPEAKER_04:Um does wealth make men feel replaceable or irreplaceable?
SPEAKER_06:Both.
SPEAKER_04:Depends on where you fall on the spectrum of finances, huh?
SPEAKER_06:Depends on where you fall.
SPEAKER_04:Because if you like on that lower end, you're definitely replaceable.
SPEAKER_06:I never felt that way. Because you you was with me when I was a hundred. And now that and now that I'm a six-finger.
SPEAKER_03:Thousand air, which still feels like a hundred there, which is crazy.
SPEAKER_06:Because of inflation. Look, I'd rather be broke in California than broken in rules.
SPEAKER_03:He was like, if I'm gonna be broke, I'm gonna be broke in California.
SPEAKER_06:So when I say when I tell you six figures in California hit different, you still struggling a little bit. Like you have fun, but you you plan it. You don't just like bye.
SPEAKER_05:Goodbye.
SPEAKER_06:But I'm serious, y'all. If she goes up in this gymnastics, it's gonna be a tier system.
SPEAKER_04:Um let's see. Why does society shame women more for leaving than staying? Why do you think that is?
SPEAKER_06:I don't know. I think it's weird. I don't think you should say anywhere you're where you feel disrespected. I was when I see a woman leave, I say kudos to her. Kudos. Kudos.
SPEAKER_04:I think time plays a major part in that too.
SPEAKER_06:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Because, like I said, remember once before, like with my aunt and my uncle.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:When they went through their little thing. And literally the one thing about the conversation I remember being a little kid in the kitchen when they were all having the discussion was um the cost too much to split. It cost it cost too much to split. Like just even when he just started thinking about their assets, their homes, their business, it's not, I'm not finna sit here and do all that. That's literally what they were saying. Like, I'm just not gonna do it because I don't even have the energy to sit down with you and go through our life for the past 30 years and try to figure out how we're gonna dismantle this. You're just gonna have to have to find a way.
SPEAKER_06:We're gonna find a way.
SPEAKER_04:We're gonna have to find a way to coexist.
SPEAKER_06:Now, if you gotta.
SPEAKER_04:So it's like when it's instances like that, because when you think about it, if say for instance, you've been in a relationship for 25 plus years, 30 years, and then something like infidelity happens. And of course, you know, as a woman, most likely your first inclination is to want to be like, okay, I'm done. But your entire existence up until this point is tied to this person. But like you, it's tied to this person. Like everything's tied to this person, you know. So what do you do? I mean, you split that shit up. But what do you, you know, what do you do? And I think a lot of people take that into consideration. You know what I'm saying? That's why I always say, too, you can never say never, because you never know what the situation is gonna be, what it looks like, what was the circumstances, you know? Still gonna be a piece of shit for doing what you did, but you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_06:Bye, babe. Bag, bag, bag, bag.
SPEAKER_04:Give me pizza cheese.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. You wild for that.
SPEAKER_04:Give me pizza cheese. I always said it like You wow. Okay. Go ahead. I always said it. I have nothing else.
SPEAKER_06:I have nothing else.
SPEAKER_04:All right. Okay, guys. That was a good discussion.
SPEAKER_06:Was it? Yeah. I don't know. You out here trying to get a cheater's um support.
SPEAKER_04:Trying to give the cheaters support. I'm not trying to give the cheaters support. Don't do that. Um, let's go ahead and hop on into the comment of the week. It's really our two cents, but we'll comment of the week comes first. It doesn't, but okay. Okay. Whatever you say.
SPEAKER_06:The comment of the week this week comes from McCandy Girl 1908. I think this is her second time. And I picked this one out for a couple reasons. I'll explain them after I read them. She said, you know, the marks have been missing the mark. I love a good dad joke.
SPEAKER_04:She mean marks like the name.
SPEAKER_06:I love a good dad joke.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, babe. That was good, right?
SPEAKER_06:And on one for a minute. I need them to sit their asses down. And this was in response to uh Mark who wanted to go on the trip.
SPEAKER_04:Who wanted to go on the trip? Oh, where his family invited him to go on a trip, but expecting him to pay for everybody on the trip.
SPEAKER_06:And then previous before, I think Mark was the husband. Um with the um no, one one Mark was Mark wanted on the trip, but I think the other Mark was the husband that moved his friend in. I I think I could be wrong.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, yeah, but this one is the mark for the trip.
SPEAKER_06:Right. Yes. I picked this one about purposely because I have a friend named Mark always talk shit about. So I can't. And I say you can never trust a motherfucker named Mark. Because they're literally a mark.
SPEAKER_04:I like bye. I like your friend name. Shout out to Mark. Um, okay, so let's hop on into our two cents. Our two cents. Okay, so he wants to know is it wrong that he sided with his mother instead of siding with his wife?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, come on.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. My wife and I have a son who's about to turn five. My parents, mostly my mom, has been providing us with free childcare since he was a few months old. My mom follows all of our requests, no screens, no extra sweeteners, and gives our son a level of care no amount of money could buy. And we couldn't afford the inferior level of daycare anyway. Our son loves my parents. He loves my wife's parents too, but he sees them way less and is always happy when I drop him off at my mom's house when my wife picks him up. I have an older brother that has issues, and my parents have bailed him out several times in the past. A few years ago, he totaled the car that they bought him, and they said that they were done helping him. It turns out that they have actually been paying his rent for the past two years. Well, goddamn. My wife made a comment about how the squeaky will gets the grease, and no one will ever wonder who their favorite is. Okay. She shouldn't even make the comment. She shouldn't have. My mom was mad and said that she spends 40 plus hours a week on us, and she can do whatever she wants with her money, whether it be paying her son's rent, pissing on it, or setting it on fire.
SPEAKER_06:All right now, let's go.
SPEAKER_04:It was definitely an extreme response. Okay. My wife demanded an apology and said that she didn't deserve to be spoken to like that. My mom apologized for being vulgar, but said that her sentiments still stand and that she wants my wife to be quiet about her financial decisions.
SPEAKER_06:Stand on business, bro.
SPEAKER_04:They went back and forth until my dad made my mom go upstairs. My wife seethed the whole way home. My wife wants to stop relying on my mom for child care. She said her mom can do it, babysit their kid, and we can find a daycare until school starts in the fall. She said that she doesn't trust our son with somebody who is so emotionally volatile. I told my wife that she was the instigator and asked why couldn't she just ignore the information about my brother? I said our son loves his grandparents and yanking them away from him right now before the transition into kindergarten might traumatize him. I also reminded her we cannot afford daycare. My wife said that I am being an unsupportive husband and siding with my family against her. I'm not trying to be unsupportive just to give honest feedback. Should I have said that she was right, even though I don't think she is?
SPEAKER_06:Fuck no. Hell no. No, wrong is right. First of all, here's the thing.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, he didn't he didn't do that in front of his mom.
SPEAKER_06:One, he didn't do it in front of his mom. Yeah. Two, her mom said what she said in her home under her roof about her money and her son. Yeah. Shut your bitch ass up. Yeah. No. And mama was right. She spent a she free day. You know my daycare calls.
SPEAKER_04:I know. That's what he that's what he was saying. You know my daycare calls? That's literally what he was saying. He was like, girl, like we can't afford it.
SPEAKER_06:Well, that's not the it's not the reason why you stay home, but yeah.
SPEAKER_04:But he was literally like, girl, we can't afford it. And like the mom said, she said, I give you 40 plus hours a week. And again. And to have a grandparent who's willing to childcare for 40, that's a full-time job. That means they are calling mom, they dropping him off. Like they are able to live life.
SPEAKER_06:Because after six hours, your mama calling us saying goodbye. After six hours. So silly. And also, hold on. What she hold on.
SPEAKER_03:You can't even get it out.
SPEAKER_06:You cannot quantify how much she's giving you by watching that child 40 plus hours a week. Now, granted, she probably enjoys it because she puts it. That's her grandson. Her grandson.
SPEAKER_04:That's right.
SPEAKER_06:She loves him. But what's important about the last story is that when granddad said, hey, baby, go upstairs. She took her ass upstairs.
SPEAKER_04:Of course she did.
SPEAKER_06:And that's why her shit paid for.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. And granddaddy probably been having affairs for the past 25 years.
SPEAKER_06:Hey, respectfully at least.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Shut up. So silly. Okay, so she says, I kicked my husband out after reading his text messages. All right. My husband and I have been married for three months. We have a three and a half-year-old son together and had what I thought was a pretty nice life together. My husband has been home injured from work for two and a half years. And he has a perforated disc at L5 and S1. His recovery has been slow but progressive. At this stage, he can walk, do like exercise, work on his car, drive places, and just have to go to chiropractic therapy once a week. Things are definitely a lot better recovery-wise than they have been. Over the last six and a half months of our relationship, it was rocky. We got engaged last May and I had a freak out about the whole situation and decided I needed space. While not my finest moment, we were mature enough and calm enough with the co-parenting. We made sure not to fight in front of our son. And eventually, with lots of late night talks, we worked on things and came back together. We had already booked our elopement and decided to stick to the original date and therefore got married in October. Tonight, I was on his laptop sending myself a PDF I had just downloaded. I sent it via iMessage to my phone. And as the message sent, I saw four messages to random unsaved numbers, starting with, hey babe, my heart was in my throat. As I read them, they all said the same thing. Hey babe, do you send pics or videos? I'm H-A-R-D as a rock and I need to, you know what? I literally wanted to projectile vomit. I called him in and he just shrugged and said, Yeah, so I sent him a while ago. But he did it. They were all dated for the last two weeks of December. One was sent while I was at my parents' house two days before Christmas. Of course, I've asked him about it. I didn't yell, and he honestly didn't seem to care. All he was worried about was when he'd be able to get to see our son next. I'm questioning whether I'm being an asshole or not because it's technically cheating. None of them actually replied, but I Googled their numbers and they're all from a local escort service. Clearly, it's a boundary that he has crossed, and regardless if I'm an asshole or not, I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him the same again. I just want everyone else's consensus on it.
SPEAKER_00:Oh no.
SPEAKER_03:Why don't you know?
SPEAKER_04:I mean he was willing to reach out to an escort.
SPEAKER_06:I mean, hey, look her. She she said they went through their thing.
SPEAKER_04:That was six and a half months ago. And then they decided to get back together.
SPEAKER_06:I'm gonna say the same thing I said to old girl who uh fiance had an accident. If you can't look at them, you don't want them to touch them. Why are you don't waste your time?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's true, too.
SPEAKER_06:You are you guys have already uh established that you can have a fine co-parenting situation and not be together, yeah. Uh remain to that type of setup. That's what I'm gonna say.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I agree. I agree.
SPEAKER_06:Um and I'm and on the side note, I hope you only give them$40 because the going price is$40.
SPEAKER_04:Bye, Maurice. Yeah, I I totally agree because if there's gonna be it, here's the thing before going into a marriage, if there is infidelity prior to getting married and there is a level of mistrust before you make a legal commitment to someone, I think that's crazy.
SPEAKER_06:Crazy.
SPEAKER_04:I think that's crazy. Crazy work. I think that's crazy. Okay, they they cheat and you forgive them, and with your whole heart, you feel like you can trust them. Okay, that's fine. That's you. But going into it and still having to question in the back of your mind, I'm not gonna stand there at the altar with a question with a question mark in the back of my head. Did he fuck somebody last night? Not last night. Crazy. Crazy, crazy. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Um, let's see. Am I being a jerk for embarrassing my husband in front of our friends after he accused me of trapping him?
SPEAKER_06:Probably.
SPEAKER_04:So we were at a dinner party last Saturday, about eight of us at a long table at a nice restaurant that we all liked. Everyone was a few drinks in, and the conversation was flowing, and my husband just dropped this out of nowhere. He goes, Yeah, well, I didn't really have a choice in becoming a dad, and laughs. Someone asked what he meant, and he said, He thinks that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him. Just casually. Okay. Like it was a funny story. All right. The table went dead quiet. I could feel everyone staring at me. My face got hot, and I just sat there for a second trying to process what he had just said. I put my fork down and I looked at him. I asked him to explain what he meant by that. He shrugged his shoulders and said that it was just weird that we were together for so many years. And then suddenly I got pregnant right when things were getting serious, almost like I planned it. So I leaned in and I started asking him some questions. Okay now. I said, loudly enough for everyone to hear me, did I trap you for money? Because when we met, you were living paycheck to paycheck, and my parents were the one who paid our rent.
SPEAKER_06:I love the pity.
SPEAKER_04:I said, Did I trap you for stability? Because I was the one with the degree and the job, and you were still trying to figure things out with what you wanted to do. All right. I said, Did I trap you for a house? Because the down payment on our house that we live in came from my savings. Oh, okay. He just stared at me, didn't say a word. One of our friends cleared their throat and changed the subject, and we got through the rest of the night, but barely. The car ride home was completely silent. He went straight to bed without saying anything. Since then, he's been acting like I did something wrong and won't talk to me. He won't even look at me and sleeps facing the wall. That shit got serious real quick, didn't it? Look here.
SPEAKER_03:That shit got serious real quick. And I had the whole notion in my head. She put that fork down and she leaned in and she was like, So, was it trapping you?
SPEAKER_06:I said, real quick. That's a skit. I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say this. Don't make jokes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:If you can't come back, yeah, and if you can't take them, you can't, if you ain't got a comeback.
SPEAKER_06:And look here.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, don't do that. Don't do why would you say something like that in front of your friends? Hold on, hold on, hold on.
SPEAKER_06:Given the facts of what we have just been told, it sounds like you trapped her, sir.
SPEAKER_05:Right? If anybody was trapped, she was trapped.
SPEAKER_06:I would like to offer.
SPEAKER_05:It looks like you had a come-up.
SPEAKER_06:I would like to say congratulations to the city boys. We just got another point.
SPEAKER_04:Not the city boys. Congratulations to the city boys. We're up. Congratulations to us. We up. We up. We up.
SPEAKER_06:But I don't think she's wrong at all.
SPEAKER_04:I love you don't like you don't think she's wrong for really laying his ass down in front of the whole table.
SPEAKER_06:Like, look here. All my upbringing. I was told by everybody in a uh in a in a authoritative role. I'm gonna embarrass you. Like you embarrassed me. Where you embarrass me. Yeah. Mine used to tell me all the time. If you embarrass me in this stove, I'm gonna beat your ass in this stove. So he sat there and embarrassed her at the table. Yeah. And she whooped his ass that table.
SPEAKER_04:But not him uh sleeping facing the wall.
SPEAKER_06:He hurt.
SPEAKER_04:Well, now, because now he's like, now he like you done telling all my damn business.
SPEAKER_06:He's taking long showers. He's crying his ass off.
SPEAKER_04:Not him crying, baby. Shut up.
SPEAKER_06:He needs a few days to process. No, he oh no, he he's hurt. His pride.
SPEAKER_04:And I bet you she passed his ass in the hallway like that you won't do that stupid shit again.
SPEAKER_06:I have never seen such a divine way to shatter an ego in my life. His pride.
SPEAKER_04:But he didn't mean it. He probably didn't even mean it like that. It don't matter. I know. I know.
SPEAKER_06:Look here, people. When I say play stupid games, get two super prizes. That's that's probable.
SPEAKER_04:And don't blame it on the alcohol because if you can't control it at this big old age. What?
SPEAKER_06:Not this big age.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know what to tell you. You know, you know the problem was he had liquid courage in front of his friends, and he thought that shit would be funny.
SPEAKER_06:The problem is he heard A, and then he said that shit.
SPEAKER_04:He heard A.
SPEAKER_06:And then he said that shit.
SPEAKER_04:No, he thought he thought he was being funny because I can tell he was probably sitting there having a little drink, eating, and then you know, trying to be chuckle, chuckle. And he has a he has a woman who's not a fucking chuckler. Right. And she leaned in on his ass. She's not a chuckler. And she leaned in on his ass real quick and was like, let me air your ass out real quick. But she was basically letting him know, like, nigga, you was not the biggest of catches. Hold on.
SPEAKER_06:She said, I ain't the one to play with.
SPEAKER_04:Right. I think you were not the biggest of catches. Because best believe, if we didn't have this baby, I probably would be out e5,000.
SPEAKER_06:She looked him dead in his face and said, I'm not one of your little friends.
SPEAKER_04:Play, play with your mama. Don't play with me. I don't know who she is, but if we find her, let her know that she is part of the petty committee. I can.
SPEAKER_06:I love it. I can. But as someone who um was just out to have fun and ended up with a baby, I understand that part.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. Maurice, don't make me throw this microphone at the moment.
SPEAKER_06:I was just like, you were like, hey, what's up, I was like, hey. And you was throwing it back, and I was like, I'm catching it. And that was, oh shit. And then something caught else caught.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you are not doing so already, you already know the drill. And if you don't, I'm gonna give it to you. Follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube and Facebook. All of the things. Um, tell a friend to tell a friend. To tell a friend. If you have a friend who doesn't know about the podcast, you should be the friend telling the friend about the podcast. Or tell Granny.
SPEAKER_06:And she'll dress the one.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, tell Granny, she'll put it on the book. And then once she puts it on the book or the gram, then everybody else will know about it.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_04:You get a new episode every single Wednesday, and we appreciate y'all for rocking with us heavy. Almost at 80K on Instagram, guys. So let's keep it going. Hey. Do your big one. Do your big one. Do your big one. Okay, do it. But until next Saturday. Next Saturday? Next Wednesday. Shit. I just told y'all my memory ain't been good lately. Peace booskies. Peace booskies.
