Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Second Chance Marriage
This episode of Life After I Do Podcast blends strength, reflection, and real partnership as we step into a new year and a new season of marriage. From hitting a 405-pound deadlift at 39 to asking whether we’d still choose each other today, we explore how habits, loyalty, and intentional effort shape both personal growth and lasting relationships.
We unpack marriage mechanics, evolving roles, intimacy beyond touch, and how respect shows up in everyday decisions. With honest conversations about fitness, sleep, boundaries, and family dynamics, this episode offers a grounded blueprint for building strength—in the gym, in marriage, and in life.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
You know why?
SPEAKER_03:Because I'm an adult project you're an adult Pro Max. That's what I've been telling him. I said, listen, I am an adult, okay? And I do my best to help and assist my husband. Like, I'm not trying to stress him out. I don't want my husband to croak over from stress. So I do what I can to assist and help as a helpmate. And but I be telling him sometimes, like, there's me and then there's you. I'm an adult, but you're an adult Pro Max.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Life After I Do podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Do you have a chance?
SPEAKER_03:Hey Booskies.
SPEAKER_04:Relax. Sit back. Relax. Relax. Party on down to the. I just want y'all to know that my left front deltoid hurts. Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Your front delt?
SPEAKER_04:My front delt. My left one.
SPEAKER_05:That was crazy work.
SPEAKER_04:My left one hurts.
SPEAKER_05:That's because you were pushing that one seven. Yeah, it's Hey Booskies.
SPEAKER_03:Hi. How are we? How you doing?
SPEAKER_05:How you feeling? I'm a little good.
SPEAKER_03:I'm a little sleepy. You look good. Thank you. But that's because I've been at work today. Also, I didn't have a really um I didn't have my usual pre-workout meal. So I think that's a good question. Hold on a lot.
SPEAKER_05:Let me tell you right now. What? If this goes how if the night goes how I want it to go, you're gonna be real sleepy. You hear me now? Because you look good.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I am gonna be sleepy because I'm on my third book of the year.
SPEAKER_05:Oh wow.
SPEAKER_03:It's gonna put me right to sleep because I I read till I sleep.
SPEAKER_05:Ain't gonna be no reading tonight.
SPEAKER_03:Bye. I am really happy though. Like, okay, so let me ask you this. So I started a book like two days before. Okay. Two days before the new year, and then I finished the book in the new year. So do I count that book for 2026? Both of them? Both of them. Okay. Okay. If it counts for both of them, then I'm on book number three already for the month.
SPEAKER_05:I just want you to know that when you lay your head on that pillow at night, I give you everything I had.
SPEAKER_03:Shut up. Oh how was your week, baby? My week was really good. I had a birthday this past week, guys. Yes. She's 39. She's 36. She's 39. 36. Proud to be 39. Yeah. Listen here, bro. You know what Dave said? Hold on. Hold on. You know what Dave said? I know what Dave said.
SPEAKER_05:What do you say? Ain't no such good as good.
SPEAKER_03:Bye. Okay. Um, when we were at Starbucks, the barises. Yeah, the Barises at Starbucks was like, oh my gosh, like, how old are you? And I was like, how old do you guys think I am? And they were like, oh, 32, 33. Like, and then and then the other guy was like, he was like, you honestly couldn't be more than 35. And I was like, oh my gosh, you guys. I was like, I didn't tell them I was 39. I was like, I'm almost 40. And it's like every time someone asks me, like, how old are you? I say, I'm almost 40.
SPEAKER_05:No, you're definitely almost 40.
SPEAKER_03:I'm almost 40. I just, I don't, I don't know. You know, remember how I was going into my 30s? Yeah. Remember how excited I was about turning 30? And like, I feel like the same thing. Yes, you remember the cake, I didn't know. My cake that I got for my 29th birthday said, you're all it says happy birthday, you're almost 30.
SPEAKER_05:It's like, Dan, you almost 30.
SPEAKER_03:I feel as though I'm getting that feeling again where I'm just excited for like the next decade of my life because I am starting to notice that like with each decade. First, let me back up a little bit. I feel as though going into my 40s, okay, my perspective about just like life has changed or is changing. I mean, that's natural, but my friend, my friend told me she was like, that's because your um your fuckets. My fuckets, my fuck it basket is starting to empty out.
SPEAKER_05:It's getting emptier and emptier.
SPEAKER_03:She was like, because you've been carrying around all these givea fucks in your basket. And she was like, and the basket is starting to empty out. And she was like, and it's gonna give you this feeling of a little bit of freedom. Like, you know, now you can really live live your life, explore the things you want to do. You don't give two shits about what anybody has to say about it. You know what I mean? Because it's like this is part two of life. So we don't really have time to be looking outward for the things. We gotta like, you know, that's why and you got a little bit of life experience. I think that's the biggest thing for me.
SPEAKER_05:And that's why when they be trying to troll online, I'd be like, you're not gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right. Like, like when homeboy was like, oh, like she must be 240. Oh, okay. Well, was that was that supposed to hurt my feelings?
SPEAKER_05:I don't know if it was, but that a crazy i run. I realized that I realized I was when I was editing the last videos, I was like, why does she always look so taller than me? I was like, that's because she's sitting on all that ass. Okay. She's sitting on all that ass.
SPEAKER_03:Also, also, I tried, I tried not to slouch.
SPEAKER_05:But no, Matt, even when you slouch, even when you slouch is like you over. It's all that ass. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but anyway, yeah, so I had my I had my 39th birthday, so that was good. Stop it. I had my 39th birthday, and as a birthday gift to myself, if you don't follow me on Instagram or, you know, or social media, Facebook, anything, you can follow me at uh Kai underscore Nisha G. Um one of my goals for 2026 was to get my first 400 lift. Okay. And I did it, I did it on my birthday, January 3rd, 2026. Your girl pulled 405 pounds. And she's still gonna bring the groceries in. Still won't bring the groceries in. And I'm not gonna bring the groceries in because I am also just a girl.
SPEAKER_05:Not in the gym.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Big bro in the gym.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_05:Big bro.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. Okay. So I was super, super excited about that. Very proud. And and and it was the first time I ever got emotional about something I did in the gym, which was crazy. Yeah, exactly. Because I think it was just like the adrenaline and like the nerves and stuff. Because even when I like was preparing myself at the bar, I started to feel I started to feel like a little emotional, you know what I mean? And I don't know why. That's never happened before. Like, I'm not a punk bitch, you know? And so, like that You sure about that? I'm sure. You sure about that? Positive. You sure about that? Um, so I walked up to the bar and I'm like taking a deep breath. And there's so many things that was like going through my mind at the time, and then I started breathing, and then it's just like everything kind of quieted out. And once I like visualize it, I feel a little bit more comfortable because in my mind, I've always been taught and trained, like, if you can see it like up here, then it's all that means it's already done, you know? So I was like, okay, I can see it. I can already see it. Like this is already done. And then when I pulled it, I didn't expect it to feel the way it did. Like I thought it was gonna be like, I gotta fight for this. And when I started to pick it up, I was like, all right, like that's cool. And so my friend was like, oh, you totally could do either one more, or she was like, you could put more weight on there. And I was like, I'm not gonna chance it. We're gonna take what we came to get today, and I'm gonna be satisfied with that. But I'm definitely gonna put up 435. That's good. That's good. That's good. My goal is to hit your uh 475 by the end of the year.
SPEAKER_05:So your gym daughter, she was like, she sent it to me, and I I didn't even um like uh she was like, first she was like, Did she really cry? I said, Yeah, she cried a little bit. She told me she told me she was like, she sent it to me, and at first I could I'm she's like my damaster couldn't even do the math.
SPEAKER_03:She was like, Wait, she was like 45, 135, 2.
SPEAKER_05:I was like, I was like, well, she sent it to me. The first thing I looked at was her was her titties, and she was like, she was like, I'm no better, I'm not I'm I'm no better than the man because I saw them too.
SPEAKER_03:So funny story, the the I you know I wanted a uh like a new bra or pants or whatever for the gym, and it rained on my birthday, and I always wear shorts on deadlift day. And so, and I always wear pink on deadlift day. Saturdays I normally wear some for a pink. And so I found that bright pink bra. I found a pink. And no, you didn't. I did. I had went to Target earlier that day. Okay, but anyway, I found that bra and I was like, damn, but I can't like wear shorts because it's gonna be raining. I don't want, you know, and I don't want to care. I can, but I didn't want to put sweats on and all that, and plus I do the sauna and then I leave the gym immediately after, and I'm already drenched in sweat. So it just wouldn't have made it out. It wouldn't have worked out. Okay. So I just wore the black and pink, but I was like, I'm not gonna wear a pump cover. The titty's gonna be out today. I said the titty's gonna be out because we gotta we gotta be as like carefree as possible to pull this 405. We gotta be carefree. Whatever. Also attention. Also, I love gym community, and I also love the gym bros who try to be encouraging. Oh, because of the women that's looking at you. Well, it's women too. Um but the gym bro, he came over to me, he dabbed me up, and he was like, um, he was like, Your form looks good. He was like, I'm honestly really impressed. He was like, because I don't see a lot of women like trying to push a lot of weight in the gym. And then we had a whole conversation for like eight minutes. That's it. Yeah, and then I was telling him that I was trying to work my way up to the 400, and he was like, Don't bother yourself with these little plates. He was like, You totally look like you can do it. He was like, just go for it. And then I had my friend there with me, shout out to in Leslie Land. If you're looking for a local realtor, she's your girl. Um, and she was like, You won't know if you don't do it. And she was like, What do you always tell me? You always tell me nothing leads to a fail but a try. And so I was like, You're right. We also tell her to put the alcohol down. Bye. I was like, You're right. So I did it and I'm proud of myself. So that yeah, I'm that's the thing. I'm proud of myself. And I had a conversation with me on the way home, and I was thinking to myself, it's it's more than just the like the weights, right? So for me personally, I enjoy, I genuinely enjoy trying to push my body to do something that I didn't, I probably wouldn't have, it wasn't even on my radar 10 years ago. You know what I mean? Um, but I also feel as though I learned a lot about myself being under the weight. Right. Like, you know, I guess the metaphoric portion of it. But I was thinking to myself, when was the last time where I was genuinely, like wholeheartedly could look at myself in the mirror and be like, I'm proud that I did that. I couldn't even, I couldn't think when the last time was. It was so long ago. But after I did that, but after I did, I'm talking about something personal for me. Like I can think of things, but it involves other people. Um, but that's what I feel like made it very special for me because it's something that I've been working the past year and a half towards. And then I finally like did something that was solely based off of me showing up for myself.
SPEAKER_05:That's good. I'm proud of you.
SPEAKER_03:And that's that's what I think that's the part that made me emotional because I was like, this is this is just like the completion of me showing up for me. Even through the times where like I was like, I'm I'm not strong enough yet, or you know, I haven't been eating my protein, or like the the journey of it. But at the end of the day, that was the result because even through all of the times where I wasn't like sticking to what I needed to, I still showed up.
SPEAKER_05:That's it. Showed up half the battle.
SPEAKER_03:That's it. And so I was like, I'm genuinely proud of myself for like showing up. So now, you know, how we talked about before, when you reach a goal and you're like, and now you're like, well, I'm not impressed with that anymore.
SPEAKER_05:So you gotta rep it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, now yes. So that's how I am now. I was like, now I gotta put it on the bar and like now I gotta rep it, you know? But it, you know, we're working our way towards there. Right now, I'm like as far as like baby volume work with higher uh weight, I'm at 365 for two. I tried to pull that third. Can do it. Uh I probably wasn't gonna have a back if I pushed it. So I don't want to do that because I enjoyed your back. I enjoyed my back. I enjoy it too. Okay, Demar. I enjoy it. Anyways, how was your week, babe? I know mine was a little long-winded, but sorry.
SPEAKER_05:My week was good. Okay. Haven't slept much.
SPEAKER_03:Right. But you got a new remedy for that. Well, it's been, I mean, I'm outside looking in and it looks like it's been working because you've been snoring.
SPEAKER_05:Look here. So it's been a combination of things.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. I've been taking my magnesium at night. Uh-huh. And it and I do sleep all the way through. I'm not waking in and out, uh-huh. But I'm only getting like four hours. But I wake up. I'm only getting four hours. That's it.
SPEAKER_03:I've been going to bed past midnight.
SPEAKER_05:I've been, baby, I've been getting up at three. I've been going to the gym at 4:30.
SPEAKER_03:I know, but you've been going to sleep before midnight.
SPEAKER_05:Anyway. Anyway.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, sorry.
SPEAKER_05:I've been going like four or five hours, right?
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:And then my secret, what I ain't been telling you, but I'm going to tell you now, is, girl, I've been on, I've been taking that uh gorilla mine pre-workout these last couple days.
SPEAKER_03:That's why your ass ain't been able to sleep. Oh, I've been so done tired. But look here. That's why. I told you about taking that stuff.
SPEAKER_05:Look here. Look here. I went without, I went like a month without free workout. I would say I'm gonna phase out. And but then and then I came back to it. And these last three days.
SPEAKER_03:I feel betrayed, by the way. It's fine. These last three days, my workouts have been Yeah, but are they really like from hard work or just because you're jacked up? I'm still putting the work in. Yeah, but with the work be as hard if you weren't high on cocaine.
SPEAKER_05:I'm finna go in there no more. I'm gonna I don't even I don't even lift, I don't even I don't even deadlift my program. I'm finna go put five plates on there and lift it.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:No warm-up.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, and no gorilla mind either.
SPEAKER_05:Well, first of all, you're getting 12 hours of sleep. Who is?
SPEAKER_03:You boy, please. Ain't nobody getting no 12 hours of sleep. You literally just heard me say that I haven't gone to bed after midnight, which I'm sure has not been conducive to my recovery at all. But I have been staying up way past midnight because for one, I've been finishing books in like the ray of two days.
SPEAKER_05:But you also get up a lot later than I do. I get up earlier.
unknown:I get up at six.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, this is by my week. So yeah, it's been a pretty, it's been a pretty productive week.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, excuses.
SPEAKER_05:I want more volume. As far as what? As far as the gym, I want more sets. And I'm fighting because I want to.
SPEAKER_03:Just because you want to be in there doing more sets?
SPEAKER_05:Because I feel like I got I got more in me. I'm I feel like I feel like I can push.
SPEAKER_03:So you know, you know what I'm gonna say.
SPEAKER_05:You know, you're pushing hard down.
SPEAKER_03:That means you're not pushing hard.
SPEAKER_05:And I'm pushing hard.
SPEAKER_03:I had to have that conversation with myself today on my leg extensions because I only have two sets of those, and I'm like, You go up the weight.
SPEAKER_05:Up the weight. You always stand back, girl. Okay. Um, so yeah, other than that, it's been cool, you know? Uh-huh. It's been cool, you know. The bum ass legals, them bum ass eagles lost by all of them. Oh, I love them. They're bums now? I love them down back. They're bums now because they lost. Let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_03:That's okay. You don't have to tell us.
SPEAKER_05:The team didn't piss me off. Ringo's bitch ass pissed me off.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. We don't know.
SPEAKER_05:How the fuck do you turn your back to the only man with the ball to let them walk in and score? I don't know. I could have threw my damn TV out the window. Oh. I was so mad at this. I said, when I if I ever see this nigga.
SPEAKER_03:It's on site. I don't think you're gonna say.
SPEAKER_05:It's on sight. And he probably can whoop my ass. But it's on site.
SPEAKER_04:He probably can whoop my ass.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say I'm swinging this fist on behalf of everyone in Eagles Nation. And to you bum ass commander fans.
SPEAKER_04:Commander?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's they're not the Redskins no more.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, I remember that.
SPEAKER_05:You guys beat our backups.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah. I remember you telling me it was a backup.
SPEAKER_05:And you barely beat the backups with your starters, your bum ass team. And if you're a cowboy fan, just shut up, have your seat on the couch, and we'll talk to y'all next season.
SPEAKER_04:Oh.
SPEAKER_05:I feel like ain't never in the dance, we always got something to say.
SPEAKER_04:Oh. A little passionate about that.
SPEAKER_05:I love my Eagles.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Football is my number one sport.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Any any any other highlights on your week?
SPEAKER_05:It used to be football and then basketball, but then I lost Kobe. I lost part of myself.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Honestly, I haven't been interested in watching basketball.
SPEAKER_05:The Lakers suggest I die.
SPEAKER_03:Didn't I ask you? What did I ask you? I said, is the Lakers still a thing? And you were like, yeah, they're still a team. And I was like, yeah, but are they still a thing?
SPEAKER_05:Like, yeah, I mean, we all the first of all, I'm a Lakers fan to die. Yeah, I mean, by default, and we we the Lakers will always be a thing.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:You know, we were always the best.
SPEAKER_03:I just feel like I don't care about them anymore.
SPEAKER_05:We are always going to be the greatest Los Angeles basketball team because the Clippers belong in San Diego.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Along with the Chargers. Stop claiming my city. At least the Angels call themselves the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim because they know they know that they not they can't compete with the Dodgers.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:All right. Well.
SPEAKER_05:And for those of the and for those people who keep asking, how are you, how do you support everything LA but football? I wanted to be Randall Cunningham. Okay. And number 12 play for Philadelphia. And I've been a fan of Philadelphia ever since I seen number 12.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:I grew up an Eagles fan. All my uh punk ass friends. All my little punk ass friends growing up was cowboy fans because they just dig right whoever was winning.
SPEAKER_03:Well, their fathers, probably. And if y'all know we know that they know how to hold a commitment, so but they also don't marry nobody. They're committed to themselves.
SPEAKER_05:Yes, they're good.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you know, married cowboy fans.
SPEAKER_05:They're a Spanish thing. Okay. Bye. And my father is a Raider fan. That's just an oddball out, huh? No, it's it it matches his personality. Oh, also, my brother had a birthday this week, too. Oh, yeah. Turn 50.
SPEAKER_03:Happy, happy belated birthday.
SPEAKER_05:Brother turned 50. Yeah. He's a cow, he's a Niners fan, so we're not for talking this week. So bye. Anywho. Oh, because we play the Niners on Sunday, so we're not talking this week. I will talk after the game. Oh. Okay. It's gonna be a pleasant conversation for one of us.
SPEAKER_03:These are the things that you inherit when you get married. Oh, hold on.
SPEAKER_05:Before we get into the episode, we're not gonna talk about that because now you whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Because whatever? What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_05:I want you to look into this mic and this camera. Okay. And tell the people your lipstick.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_05:Because I'm so sick of this question. I'm so sick. Girl, what's the lipstick brand? Girl.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know if I should shout these people out.
SPEAKER_05:They don't pay you.
SPEAKER_03:They don't pay me.
SPEAKER_05:All right. I guess y'all gotta follow her and watch her gear. They don't pay me.
SPEAKER_03:No, uh, so my lip color this week is um it what it is. Oh, it's Plum and Night Moth Lip Liners, both by Mac. And then I topped that with Mauve Wives. Topped it. Mauve Wives uh Lip Cream by Fenty. Fenty by Rihanna. So that's what's on the lips today.
SPEAKER_05:I won't be on the lips later.
SPEAKER_03:Anywho. What we got today, Blueskies. I have a question for you first.
SPEAKER_05:Oh Lord God. Here we go.
SPEAKER_03:Would you marry me again?
SPEAKER_05:No. Damn. I would not. Played myself. I wouldn't have to marry you again because I'm married to you now.
SPEAKER_03:I know, but but knowing what you know now about me, would you marry me again?
SPEAKER_04:Honestly, I would. I would. You would? I would. Why? You pretty dope.
SPEAKER_05:Ass is fat.
unknown:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04:I'm gonna have an ass reduction.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think my butt's that big, to be honest, though. No, I don't think it's that big. Well, it depends. When I wear that, when I wear that one body suit.
SPEAKER_05:That's natural though. With the shorts, you ain't got no injection. So it's it's it's nine.
SPEAKER_03:I guess I do pretty good for a daddy. Yeah, you know. Bye. Uh so yeah, so we have 20 questions today. Of would you marry me again?
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03:I want to pick your brain about that.
SPEAKER_05:Because we're not finna see here and answer 20 questions back and forth.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be all right.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna give you about 12.
SPEAKER_03:But you know, I just want to pick your brain about it.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, let's go.
SPEAKER_03:All right, let's go. You go ahead. Go ahead. I'll go I'll go first.
SPEAKER_05:See, why do you gotta go first? Because you deal you think because you deal with four or five, you run this shit. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_04:Go ahead. I mean, I'm not gonna deny. No, I'm sick.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, knowing everything you know now, would you still choose me? But why? Because you already said you would, but why? Aside from me being dope with a fat ass.
SPEAKER_05:You're loyal. You smart, you was kind. Get ha ha ha!
SPEAKER_03:Get out of here.
SPEAKER_05:No, you're just a dope individual.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. What what do you mean like dope? Like what makes me doing that? I'm I wanna know! The people wanna know what makes me dope.
SPEAKER_05:No, I think you wanna know.
SPEAKER_02:I do.
SPEAKER_05:I think that you have a you have a uh uh irritating loyalty to the ones that you support and the ones that you love down bad.
SPEAKER_04:Down bad boots.
SPEAKER_05:Don't do that. Okay, and uh you are willing to protect and go to the ends of the earth for them if you see fit.
SPEAKER_04:Right, because I will cut you off quickly on a Capricorn.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I mean, even yesterday when you was in you was in full mama bear mode yesterday. You was like, look here, look here, y'all fucking with my honey cup?
SPEAKER_03:Don't don't fuck with my cubs.
SPEAKER_05:I better fuck up your whole picnic.
SPEAKER_03:Don't don't fuck with my cub. You fuck with the right one today. I was out there with a recorder, like you you said you got the right one today.
SPEAKER_05:You in fact do not have the right.
SPEAKER_03:Don't do it. Don't do it.
SPEAKER_05:So yeah, I would. Okay. I mean, the the only honestly, the only downsides about you. Oh wow. There are downsides.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I wouldn't label them as like downsides.
SPEAKER_05:Like, you know, it's you know, some of the package, some of the package and the the luggage you bring with you.
SPEAKER_01:What luggage? We've been together since I was 15. What luggage did I bring?
SPEAKER_05:The relatives.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, bye Maurice. Ask your question. Get out of my face.
SPEAKER_05:Do you feel emotionally fulfilled in our marriage? Overall, yes. Oh, wow. Do tell. What? Overall. I do. How what do I do to make you feel?
SPEAKER_03:I feel I feel seen. I feel heard. I feel like I feel like uh definitely see that ass. I feel as though, like I've always said, the more you work on yourself and the more you better yourself, the more you're able to be better for me. And that that shows that's why, that's why I always, since we've been younger, I've always preached to you about I showed her a little bit, but I'm not old. Oh, we both. It's that front delt. It's right, and it's right here, ain't it? It's right here. It's right there. It's right there. We both.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but yeah, so uh like I said, I I do. I do overall. Now, don't get me wrong.
SPEAKER_05:I have my moments.
SPEAKER_03:You have your moments. I knew it. And those who know you personally and intimately know that you can have very strong asshole tendencies. You can have very selfish tendencies. I've been um you can have a little bit of like narcissism sprinkled on there every now and then.
SPEAKER_04:Not that I have learned me the in-word. Not you calling me the in-word.
SPEAKER_03:But I also have learned since being with you, I have learned um, for the lack of better verbiage, your ticks. Right? So I have learned your demeanor. I've learned your demeanor. I've learned how you can get in certain scenarios. Like, you know, so I feel as though before it was kind of like irritating and me just, you know, being like him and his bullshit and all this. And now it's like, okay, I recognize what's happening. He's already flustered. So now I know what's gonna come next because this is what he does. This is like your patterns. Oh, okay. Your patterns, and especially your emotional patterns. Okay. I've definitely have learned your emotional patterns. Okay. Yeah. All right, go ahead. If we met today at this stage in our lives, like how we are now, would you pursue me? Yes, I would. What about me would make you pursue me? Like if you met me, hold on, if you met me how I am now, like I don't work. Okay. So if you met me now as a 39-year-old woman with a kid who don't work, I'm gonna tell you, you would still pursue me?
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told my Jim Bro Marquise this morning when I showed him the video you uh of you uh delivering 405. What? I said, She got a strong back, she's gonna give me strong kids.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, shut up.
SPEAKER_05:She's gonna give me strong kids.
SPEAKER_01:So special.
SPEAKER_05:I said that that's D1 athlete ability right there.
SPEAKER_03:So special. You hear what I'm saying? You sound like my uncle.
SPEAKER_05:I said that's D1 right there.
SPEAKER_03:I asked my uncle why him. He said one of the re one of the top reasons he had married my aunt was because she had a really good shaped head, and he knew that if she gave him boys, his boys would be okay. They wouldn't have wishes. I said, that is really wild that that would even be at the top of your list as to like, yeah, I know I can marry her because her jeans are good enough to give me good-looking boys.
SPEAKER_05:Sometimes it'd be like that.
SPEAKER_03:That's crazy work.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. Okay, if we started over, what would you want me to change?
SPEAKER_04:Oh.
SPEAKER_03:If we started over? It started over as like us dating.
SPEAKER_05:Never didn't fresh into this thing.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. What I would want you to change, I would want you to change the mindset of it's too late.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, you're coming for me now. All right.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not coming for you. I would want you to change the mindset of like releasing whatever it is that like, and I feel like we all have it, especially once we get older, you know, of um, like it's still something you can't pursue. Like, I would I would want you to change your perception about pursuing things that genuinely make you happy. That's what I bring you joy. Bye, Maurice. Goodbye.
SPEAKER_05:Daily.
SPEAKER_03:You know what I mean. There's not a day go by. Um, was there ever a season where you questioned being married to me?
SPEAKER_05:Girl, let me tell you something.
SPEAKER_01:Preach.
SPEAKER_05:And it had nothing to do with you.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Be honest, even if it did.
SPEAKER_05:No, it had nothing to do with you.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:You've you've been you've been for the most part pretty good.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:But that season in which your mama lived with us for that nine months to a year. That was rusty. Oh Lord.
SPEAKER_03:You was like, maybe marriage wasn't, maybe marriage wasn't the step I should like taking.
SPEAKER_05:Like I said to the question earlier, the baggage that came along with now. Don't get me wrong. I love, I love your family.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:But I can only tolerate so much. Now, I and you know, people know me. I have favorites. And you know, there you have some family members that it don't matter what, I'm cool with them forever.
SPEAKER_03:Well, it's because you don't have to engage with people every day.
SPEAKER_05:First of all, even if I had to engage with them, I could.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Like, you want me to listen out for you?
SPEAKER_03:No, I don't, but go ahead.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, because I wasn't gonna listen. No, you don't need to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_03:So they know personally who I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_05:Just finish up with your question. But that period of time, I feel like it wasn't necessarily anything that you were doing, but that period of time put so much strain on the our dynamics.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, like our relationship.
SPEAKER_05:Because we were arguing over bullshit.
SPEAKER_03:Like little stuff, yeah. Well, I mean, I think, and I think that's normal because you have a different, you have a different energy in the house, and then you also have another, it's it's like another adult in the house. You know what I mean? Because it wasn't adulting. Bye. Because even when we have like another kid in the house, we still have our differences, but it's like it's a kid, you know, so it's a little different. We can send them back. But um, but yes, I I can get that. Okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_05:Um have I grown into the man you do by B.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, and you're continuous, you're continuously growing.
SPEAKER_05:See, okay.
SPEAKER_03:I thought you were gonna say something else. No, because okay, because here's the thing. What have I always said to you? One of the reasons why I dated you.
SPEAKER_05:What have I always said because I wasn't like the other Negroes.
SPEAKER_02:You weren't, you weren't.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, you were racist.
SPEAKER_03:But huh?
SPEAKER_05:You were racist. I wasn't like the other black boys. I don't know what that meant.
SPEAKER_03:I have told you multiple times.
SPEAKER_05:Because I read a book? Because I like comics.
SPEAKER_03:Because you got good grades. You had you came from a you came from a respectful home, you came from a two-parent household, whether that be your grandparents, it was still a two-parent household. You had responsibilities, like those are things.
SPEAKER_05:That's crazy because you didn't come from a two-parent household.
SPEAKER_03:Those you I did not come from a two-parent household. I did.
SPEAKER_05:I had to whoop that out of you.
SPEAKER_03:But what I what I say is, what I say is, is early on, especially as a young girl, and because of seeing the type of examples that were around me, you know how they say you know what you do want by knowing what you don't want. I knew what I did not want, right? And I knew that I didn't know for sure, but in my mind, there was a very good chance that if I pursued the types of relationships or guys that I saw. Okay, you do, and it ended up with the relationships that I saw that I didn't want. Then in my mind, I was like, So you didn't know I gotta go the opposite way. Like I gotta, I gotta do something there for you.
SPEAKER_05:You weren't gonna repeat the cycle.
SPEAKER_03:I mean, it was it doesn't, it's not necessarily a cycle. It's just like just the relationships that I grew up like seeing. For instance, one of the, and and it's not just me, it's various people in my family. Like one of the biggest model relationships as far as marriage for me in my family was my aunt um Jeanette and my Uncle Don.
SPEAKER_02:I love Jeanette.
SPEAKER_03:Right? Like that was that was the model that I had for man and woman coexisting, building a life together, having careers, um, having nice homes, having like that. That's what I saw that I was like, okay, like that, I want that right there. I want, I want to do that.
SPEAKER_05:You thought you didn't get that with me?
SPEAKER_03:And I thought I thought how's that working out for you? It's I feel like it's worked out great. Damn. You're not perfect, but neither am I. Our life isn't perfect, but I honestly, I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything. Like even the roughest times, even the times that we go through now that are like fucking puzzle pieces that we gotta figure out. I still wouldn't trade it. Okay. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Okay, honest, Scott. Go ahead. Um, what part of marriage with me has been easier than you expected?
SPEAKER_05:None of it. Oh.
SPEAKER_03:Well, well, folks, we both learned something new today.
SPEAKER_05:No, I feel like uh communic the communication part. We've always, I think because we start off as friends first, we have always had been able to be open and honest with each other. So I feel like commute our communication has always been, it's been easier for me to come to you with things and not feel judged off the bat and be open and honest with you, even though sometimes you have broken my trust.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. But I also feel like that's a growing thing.
SPEAKER_05:It is, yeah, you've gotten better, yeah. But I do feel like the communication part made it and like the our our friendship foundation made it easier for me to be communicate with you.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I could see that. You're cute.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. Do you feel like we're building something together?
SPEAKER_03:I do. I feel like everything that we also have is because we've had each other. Like what we've been able to do thus far in our life has been because we've had each other to do it with. Damel, cut it out. Cut it out. Um now that's not to say that you couldn't independently like build a career. But yeah, I we I feel like we both were perfectly capable.
SPEAKER_05:I don't know about you, but me, for sure. I'm resourceful. Ma'am, you locked your keys in the car today.
SPEAKER_03:No, hold on. You know, you're such an asshole. You're such an asshole. First of all, first of all, you haven't changed my key fob. And my car has anti-car lock for things like that. But because my key fob, if it needs a battery change, it won't even like because the driver's side door is not supposed to lock. It's not supposed to lock when I lock my keys in the car. But whatever, that's neither here nor there.
SPEAKER_05:Go ahead and ask your question.
SPEAKER_03:Um, I do I do believe that, you know, us working together has built what we have thus far, and that, you know, us continuing to work together is what's gonna build part two of our life. I'm calling this stage part two of our life because I feel like we're in part two. All right. Um, so the second half of life. Yes. All right. Um, let's see. Do you feel more at peace or more stressed being married to me?
SPEAKER_05:Fitty-fitty.
SPEAKER_03:I knew you're gonna say that. Nope, you can't take 50-50. Give me a 60-40. 60-40, peace or stress?
SPEAKER_05:As as uh as Drussy say, I don't know, go either way.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, if it's 50-50, depending on the day, if it's 50-50, what about being married to me is stressful? Okay, be honest.
SPEAKER_05:Being married to you itself is not stressful.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:What's stressful is the dynamic of the role I have assumed. Yes. Because I carry by my own court, I carry so much weight and I stress and try to plan every little detail that every time there's a hiccup, I worry about it. I'm worried about stuff while you why you I'm not saying you don't worry about it, but you're worrying more like, whoo, I hope Maurice are right while you're figuring this out. You know why?
SPEAKER_01:Because I'm an adult project you're an adult pro Max. That's what I've been telling you.
SPEAKER_03:I said, I said, listen, I am an adult, okay? And I do my best to help and assist my husband. Like, I'm not trying to stress him out. I don't want my husband to croak over from stress. So I do what I can to assist and help as a helpmate. And but I be telling him sometimes, like, there's me and then there's you. I'm an adult, but you're an adult pro Max.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_05:Let me ask you this. When do you feel the most loved by me?
SPEAKER_03:Um, when I have your attention and your time. Oh. Undivided. Oh, okay. Undivided. Undivided. Nonsexual. Oh, okay. That's crazy because it's non-sexual. I have to put that in there.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, my thoughts are sexual.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I know. That's why I said non-sexual. Nonsexual.
SPEAKER_05:Can I say I like what I got?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. That's fine. And I and I enjoy you enjoying what you like that you have. But you don't enjoy the some yes, I do. But sometimes I just need the intimacy. I don't need you into me. I don't need you in me. I just need the intimacy.
SPEAKER_05:I don't know who Tim is.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Bye, Maurice. Bye. Um, what is it that I do that makes you feel like a respected husband? Do you feel like a respected husband? First, we should start there.
SPEAKER_05:Well, one. Oh gosh. Okay, I got I got a list.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. It could be it could be two in the morning. And I'll be like, babe, I'm really hungry. I just and you can get your ass out that bed and make some eat. I will. I said that's that's spectacular, because you say, Babe.
SPEAKER_01:That's spectacular.
SPEAKER_03:You're so that's crazy because if you rolled over and did the same, I'm not getting up.
SPEAKER_05:I'm saying, why are you bothering me with this shit? And two in the morning. Door dash. You better go get you a snack.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, but I want you to go downstairs to get it.
SPEAKER_05:It ain't gonna happen.
SPEAKER_03:See? It ain't gonna happen.
SPEAKER_05:I got you in the morning, though.
SPEAKER_03:I don't want it in the morning.
SPEAKER_05:I got breakfast for you.
SPEAKER_03:That's so scandalous.
SPEAKER_05:One is that I there's there's there has never been one time in the in the duration of us being together, whether marriage or before marriage, will I ever want to question your loyalty to me.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:That's another thing.
SPEAKER_04:As you shouldn't. Okay.
SPEAKER_05:I am now. Floozy. Why?
SPEAKER_04:Because the Jim Bros.
SPEAKER_05:You're right, Floozy. Yeah, they're showing your titties off.
SPEAKER_03:It was a light support bra, too. Right.
SPEAKER_05:I know. I saw it. Um, I forgot the question now.
SPEAKER_03:Do you what is it that I do that makes you feel like a respected husband?
SPEAKER_05:And it's just honestly, it's just it's it's it's it's not so much of what you do, but more so of how you carry yourself on the daily. Right?
SPEAKER_04:That's interesting.
SPEAKER_05:Like the little things that you do that you know, like like how if I come to you and say, babe, I don't, I don't think that's appropriate, you make the adjustments.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Now, granted, I'm not out here telling you not to wear not to wear uh red lipstick.
SPEAKER_04:It might give you a little bit of pushback. Right.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna tell you put it on though.
SPEAKER_04:Bye.
SPEAKER_05:But um, if I do like, like you know, my big what's my biggest pet to you?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know, you have a lot.
SPEAKER_05:What's my what concerning you?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, my bra, not wearing a bra.
SPEAKER_05:When you leave the house. Yeah. That's but now what do you do?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I make sure I put a bra on.
SPEAKER_05:Okay. And so it's little stuff like that.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, okay. But I don't want my teeth out there just free lying around. I mean, sometimes I just need to run in somewhere and run out.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, and run in and run out with a bra on. Um, what has disappointed you the most?
SPEAKER_03:In our marriage or in you? Both. Um, disappointed me. I don't think I've been disappointed.
SPEAKER_05:Oh, word? That's crazy.
SPEAKER_03:Um disappointing in our I don't I can't think of anything that I'm disappointed with in our No, you're not perfect.
SPEAKER_05:Thank you.
SPEAKER_03:You are not perfect.
SPEAKER_05:Not as a human.
SPEAKER_03:Bye Maurice. Thank you. I just can't think. Because when I when I hear disappointment, I mean like something that has severely let me down. Something that is like I think about and it's always right there, even when I'm trying to cover it up. That's how I think about disappointment.
SPEAKER_05:And as far as our face looks every time I tell you, you know, to that that 550.
SPEAKER_03:Well, that's because I know eventually I'm gonna get it. So I I married a pro Max. So I don't, it's only a matter of time, you know. It's like one, as soon as you as soon as you figure out how to make that happen for me, I'm gonna get it. Go ahead. So I'm really not that doesn't concern me. You know? I'm done with you. You only say no when here's the thing. You only tell me no to things when you haven't figured out how you're gonna get it for me. That's what I know. I know that to be true. You think you know what you mean? Until you can, until you can map out the finances and map out how you can create that tunnel. When you create that tunnel and you find that tunnel, the first thing that's gonna come to your mind is let me get my wife.
SPEAKER_05:You think no, but you have no idea.
SPEAKER_03:I do.
SPEAKER_05:Just wait till things stop being fun and start getting real.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Welcome to the real world.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Bye. Bye. Goodbye.
SPEAKER_03:Um, if we had to start over, what would you want us to do differently? Stay our asses at home longer?
SPEAKER_05:Girl, hold on. Honestly, no, it's not that.
SPEAKER_03:Um what would you want us to do differently?
SPEAKER_05:I want us to get married sooner.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I can agree with that.
SPEAKER_05:And I want us to have children sooner. Because having, having, have having these kids with these 40 year uh these 40 year old knees. Now, my early 20s, I could've, I could have, you know, I could have I could have ran around the park.
SPEAKER_03:You're fine. You can run on the treadmill, so you're still good.
SPEAKER_05:I don't have her level of stamina.
SPEAKER_03:Here's the thing. I feel like she's here.
SPEAKER_05:I'm like.
SPEAKER_03:I feel like you say that because, like, obviously, like in your 20s, if you're not dealing with any like chronic health issues or like obesity or anything like that, and you're moderate, even if you're moderately um athletic or moderately workout or whatever, um, there's not a part in your brain yet that has that thought that I may get to a point in my life where this is going to be something I have to do, right? Like you do it in your 20s and stuff because you either want to maintain what you have, or you maybe there is a fitness goal that you have, right? But I feel like now in part two of life, I'm intentional. We're very into yeah. It's like now you have to be intentional about it. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's kind of, you know, I think that makes it better. Okay. No? All right.
SPEAKER_05:All right, let's do a couple more. Is it my turn?
SPEAKER_04:No, you already asked me, didn't you?
SPEAKER_05:No, that was you asking me.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, you're right. Go ahead. I forgot that quick.
SPEAKER_03:See, pro Max. I couldn't even keep up.
SPEAKER_05:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:Pro Max.
SPEAKER_05:So you have one more question, I'll ask it to you.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:Um what version of me do you miss the most?
SPEAKER_04:Oh. Pre-bills. So you're talking about high school? Pre-life. Pre-life, Maurice.
SPEAKER_05:Well, all we worried about was what we were gonna eat that day.
SPEAKER_03:All we worried about is just like making sure the car had gas. And even if we didn't have enough for gas, we could just call home.
SPEAKER_05:Hold on. You didn't say the car like it was our car. It is our car. That was my car.
SPEAKER_03:But it was ours. I drove it too. You taught me how to drive it.
SPEAKER_05:That was the most stressful. That was the most stress stressful thing I ever done in my life to teach you how to drive.
SPEAKER_03:So, well, you didn't teach me how to drive. You taught me how to drive a stick.
SPEAKER_05:And that was the most stressful thing. A manual shift. That was the most stressful thing. And I wish I hadn't taught you.
SPEAKER_03:But see, I became an adult, and then the first car that I purchased on my own was a manual because it was cheaper.
SPEAKER_05:And then you didn't want to drive it.
SPEAKER_03:I didn't want to drive it. It's very difficult to hit and shift, you know? Um, let's see. Do you feel supported in your purpose and your goals within our marriage?
SPEAKER_05:Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_03:You should.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:I ain't got shit else to do.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:But to support y'all and be the backbone for y'all and the foundation for this house. Okay. And the mate. No, I'm joking.
SPEAKER_05:Would you want our daughter to marry a man like me?
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:Don't make me cry.
SPEAKER_03:Absolutely. Absolutely. I hope she married somebody with a little more money, though. And yeah. Yeah. I can't say you said that. You know she knows the no scrub song. And when she asked me about, she was like, but mom, what's a scrub? I said, a scrub is a nigga you don't want. She said, Mom, you said a bad word. I said, listen, this is one of those times where we gotta, I gotta be very direct with you. I gotta be very, very, very direct with you, dear. Cause you talking about how you want me to teach you how to grocery shop and stuff so you can be with your family. But if you get you a scrub, maybe you're not. You're gonna be working too. It's gonna be.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna ask you one more.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Oh, it must be one you want a question. Yeah, I do. Okay, what is it?
SPEAKER_05:Do you feel appreciated for what you bring to this marriage?
SPEAKER_03:I do.
SPEAKER_05:Do you?
SPEAKER_03:I do. I mean, I and I and here I say that, I say it like that because before when I was a more uh equally um partner equ economical partner.
SPEAKER_05:I missed those days, right?
SPEAKER_03:I told you I'm going back to those days. Don't worry. When I was more of an equally economical partner, um that didn't like, you know, play play on my mind, especially during the time where I was the breadwinning partner. You know, I was like, you know. Um, and then when we made the transition where I was um not economically contributing, I feel as though there was a pressure on me to ensure that everything else that I deemed as my responsibility or what I wanted to take on needed to like, I needed to make sure I showed up. You know what I mean? Because obviously finances are a huge portion of life, right? And so um I would try to like show up the best that I can, knowing that I was no longer bringing in, you know, a financial resource. And you always brought that ass. And then there was like a time, like year three, I think it was, where I feel like I was running myself so much, trying to like keep the house together, do homeschooling with her. You're doing too much. Yeah, you know, like because I was really trying to put forth, you know, the good effort. But then it started to feel as though you two felt like that shit happened by magic. Like it just, I you never said that, but I'm saying that's how I started to feel, just with the way you guys would move about. That's crazy. And and hold on, but uh it irritated me at times, and sometimes it made me feel unappreciated because it made me feel like you guys just think these things happen, like no one does it. But then it also made me feel good to see you guys so like nonchalant and relaxed about you know being able to come home and like have your food ready and like things get cleaned up magically and things like that. But you also started to make it a point to tell me. Like, calm down. Yeah, like, and also that you appreciated, you know, everything that I did. Like, even when I would go crazy about my night cleaning and you would come home and you'd be like, girl, like it really ain't that deep. You can vacuum rugs tomorrow. Like, the dust ain't gonna kill us in our sleep, you know? So you was doing too much. I know, but then you know, then when I started relaxing, I'd be like, Then that's your problem. It's one it's only one evening. There's no there's no in-between. There's no in-between. Sorry, there's no in-between. But luckily now she's older, so I make her do that. She ain't doing a good job. That's not the point. The point is that you got, it's kind of like when they babies and you put the pencil in their hand, that she couldn't write worth a shit before. But that's not the point. The point is to get the root the movement going, you know? Like she can't really act good, but yeah, you know. Um, I'll ask you one more and then we'll move on. Oh, my screen went blank. It's there. Oh, here we go. Um if our children were watching us, would you want them to? Oh, you asked me that one actually, because it's the same one. Um, have you ever felt like you were being taken for granted? Honest.
SPEAKER_05:All the time.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_05:All the time.
SPEAKER_03:This has been an episode.
SPEAKER_05:All the time. And it's my fault. Because I I've I've set you up in a way where things happen so automatically for you that when they don't. Some things. I just say all things. Okay. That when they don't happen automatically, you'd be like, what the hell going on here? Let me be late getting your oil, change your oil, like, come on. Let your let you have some little tire pressure. Let Lord, let you not have no gas.
SPEAKER_03:Like now. And I told you earlier, I was like, uh, so is the gas, is it gonna if I sit in the car long enough, am I gonna magically get gas? Yeah. Or you gonna go put gas in the car?
SPEAKER_05:So there, there, there are my car needs gas. There are certain things that happen in our marriage, like paying the bills. You don't know what bills are due. Some of them. You don't know who you don't know who holds the mortgage, you don't know the name of the water company.
SPEAKER_03:I've asked those questions before. And I've seen and I've seen the Excel spreadsheet.
SPEAKER_05:You know how much I pay, you don't know who I'm paying it to.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, as long as I have like I said, You don't even know who our tax guy is. Okay, I don't know who the tax guy is.
SPEAKER_03:As long as I'm able to get, like, if I can just make sure that I have access to those things in the event that I need them, okay. That's what I concern myself with. Just what I always tell you, just make sure the insurance is paid.
SPEAKER_05:Right. Please. So you can bury me and live.
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_05:All right, all right, people. Let's go ahead and move right on into R2 cents. The comment of the week.
SPEAKER_03:No, we're R2 cents. We always do R2 cents. No, it doesn't. Okay. It literally never has.
SPEAKER_05:All right, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:Let's let's be quick about this.
SPEAKER_05:About what? Let's go.
SPEAKER_03:Um, am I the asshole for not wearing a bra at home?
SPEAKER_05:Yep. No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Hold up.
SPEAKER_03:Hold up. Who meant about this? Okay. Hold on, read it from the top. Am I an asshole for not wearing a bra at home?
SPEAKER_05:Oh lord, okay.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so the context is relevant. So here's here's the context. I'm a 28-year-old female and I'm married to a 32-year-old man. We live in a house that we bought together for like eight years. I haven't really worn a bra except to go to work, or if I'm going out to specific events, like a wedding, party date, or if I'm exercising. My husband hasn't seemed to have a problem with it until recently, and I'm not even sure it's him that has the problem. About six months ago, he told me that he was offering our guest room to one of his work friends who was being evicted. There it is. Until he could find another place to live. The friend, who's 30, moves all his stuff in, sets up in our guest room, and the husband and my husband and friend basically and the friend hang out basically 24-7. My husband has been acting different since his food his friend moved in, which is why I'm unsure who has the problem. The friend has made no effort to find a place to live after four months, and my husband was not charging rent until I asked him to. Then they came to an agreement last month, but the friend still has not made the payment. On to the conflict. He said, so that I'm decent when there's another man around. I am uh I am never openly indecent when he is home. And I shut both our bedroom door and our bathroom door when I shower and change for bed. And uh suddenly me not wearing a bra is indecent. He couldn't give me a good answer and just again asked if I could wear a bra when I'm at home, and then he walked away because he doesn't like um, because he doesn't like conflict. Then he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I asked again yesterday whether it was him or his friend that was uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra at home, and he said both. I remember or I reminded him that he did not ask me if the friend could move in and that this was my home too, and that I should be allowed to be comfortable in my own home. I asked him why all of a sudden it's not okay that I don't wear a bra, or if it was something that had been bothering him this whole time. He was obviously mad, but wouldn't engage with me anymore and continued to ignore me for the rest of the day. The friend has not said anything to me about it, but I understand that he wouldn't, because why would he? He and I don't talk much, and the husband when the husband is home, and even when he's not home. Even if he did, I would probably tell him to get over it because it's my house. I live here, and frankly, my comfort is a more priority than his since this is our house that he's been living in and eating all of our food for the past six months. My husband has been at work all day, probably avoiding the conflict like he always does. So I haven't had a chance to ask him again. But am I being an asshole for not wanting to wear a bra at home? Am I just being stubborn, or am I justified in my way of thinking?
SPEAKER_05:All three. All three. As a married man, what do I tell you?
SPEAKER_03:We just say yeah, you we just talk about this.
SPEAKER_05:When there's another man present, you put a bra on. Period.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_05:Those are my goods. They're here, right? They ain't nowhere else. Right now, I have a lot of issues with the whole scenario.
SPEAKER_04:Same.
SPEAKER_05:Right? Same. I have an issue with her not wearing the bra in the presence of a man because I me personally I find that's disrespectful, but that's my personal belief. My second issue is how the fuck you must somebody and don't talk to your wife. And for four months he ain't paying and he ain't paying no rent. And then you make an arrangement, but he ain't paying rent yet. So what's the arrangement?
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_05:So the issue here is not the bra to me.
SPEAKER_03:No, it's not.
SPEAKER_05:The issue is how this motherfucker is still living in your house.
SPEAKER_03:Because my rebuttal to him, if if he would have came to me and said, I need you to put a bra on because there's another man in the house, my response to him would be, I will put a bra on when he leaves. How about that?
SPEAKER_05:That's what you're gonna tell me.
SPEAKER_03:How about that? Because here's the thing. You didn't, like you said, you didn't ask me if he could be here.
SPEAKER_05:Well, you're talking about they said why I talked about Australia's question. Because I couldn't tell you about this.
SPEAKER_03:You didn't even ask me if he could come. He just showed up at our house one day because you're taking on the authority of this is obviously you're taking on the authority of this is my house, right? Yep, so you're taking that authority away from me too, because this is also a shared space. But in your mind, apparently, but it's not. But you want me to be uncomfortable in the home that I assisted you in paying for for a person who I don't want here anyway. I don't want him here.
SPEAKER_05:I agree with everything you just said, but again, but it then again, in our dynamic, it isn't a sign of disrespect to me. I get no, I get it, I get it, but I don't think she's an asshole for not wanting to put the bra on because the bra wasn't a problem the first four months. Right. Why is it a problem? It's a problem now because I think it's a problem now because old boy mentioned something to her husband. He's looking.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, but here's the thing. You know what you got a problem with it. You've been here for six months, oh yeah, not paying no rent and eating my fucking food. Right, get the fuck out. You need to leave. And I will tell I will tell my husband that. He here here's the thing. You want me to put on a bra, I want him out of my house.
SPEAKER_05:He better call Tina, like old boy said.
SPEAKER_03:You we and here and here's the thing: you can't always get what you want, because I'm pretty sure you're gonna even be pushback by me telling you I want this man out of my house. Yeah because by your logic of thinking, it's easier for you to put on a bra than it is for him to go out there and find a place for him to live. That's not my problem. I don't care. I don't care. I will look at my husband in his face and tell, does this look na G. Does this look like a face that cares? Because I think you got me. What's the next one? You got me messed up.
SPEAKER_05:This is dumb.
SPEAKER_03:I don't care.
SPEAKER_05:This whole situation is dumb.
SPEAKER_03:Um, am I a jerk for wanting to leave my fiance while he's still recovering from a near fatal accident?
SPEAKER_05:Nope.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, let's see. I don't even know where to start with this uh because my head has been spinning for weeks and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've been with my fiance for six years and engaged for about a year. We were supposed to get married next month. Small ceremony with just our closest friends, nothing crazy. I thought he was the love of my life and that we were solid. His family loved me and I loved them, especially his mom, who's always treated me like her own daughter. About six weeks ago, he was in a really bad car accident. Drunk driver hit him and he almost died. I spent the worst night of my life in the hospital waiting room, not knowing if he was gonna make it or not. His parents and brothers were there too, and we were all just holding on to each other, praying that he would pull through. Here's where things fell apart. While we were waiting and things looked really bad, his mom pulled me aside. She's very religious, and she was terrified that he was gonna die with sins on his conscience or something. So she told me that about two months ago, he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend he had ran into. She said it was because of the wedding stress, and that I had been stressed out and stressing him out, and he had had a moment of weakness. It was supposedly one time, and he felt terrible about it, and went to his parents for advice, and they told him to never tell me and to just move on and forget that it happened. Bitch! His whole family knew. For two months, they all knew, and no one said anything. So I'm just booboo the fool. They just watched me plan this wedding and talk about our future, knowing that he had cheated on me.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_03:He survived, obviously, and he's been recovering at his parents' place because our apartment has stairs and he can't manage them right now. I visit him every day and help him with his recovery, and everyone keeps telling me how wonderful I am and how lucky he is to have me. Meanwhile, I'm dying inside because I know everything and can't even look at him the same way anymore. Now he's doing a lot better, and his family is talking about how we might still be able to have the wedding of our dreams with the original date. Everyone is so excited, and I just sit there feeling sick because I don't want to marry him anymore. I haven't told him that I know because I didn't want to hurt his recovery, but I thought we had more time before the wedding stuff came up again. I know leaving someone who's recovering from almost dying makes me look like a monster. But I also know that I can't marry someone who cheated on me and then his whole family helped him to cover it up. I feel trapped and angry and guilty all at the same time, and I don't know what the right thing to do is anymore. Advice.
SPEAKER_05:The right thing to do is to protect your motherfucking peace and leave his ass.
SPEAKER_02:First of all, you can't if you can't look at him, you can't you don't want him to touch you. What are we doing here, people?
SPEAKER_03:I can't even look at your family. Right. Like, if if I get to the if I get to the top of that aisle and your mom is there with tears in her eyes of joy, and your father is sitting there, your brother is standing next to you, and they all know you're at the altar and everyone's crying and everything, I'm gonna be like, all of y'all are fucking liars.
SPEAKER_05:I am not gonna remain I am not gonna remain in a situation where I've been boo-boo the fool.
SPEAKER_03:But it's crazy. No, it's crazy that his mother said, just forget it happened, it was a mistake and move on. But I also I also feel as though, like, did she say how old they were? There, I mean, she didn't, but they they're probably young. I'm just gonna take on the assumption that his parents are older and they come from that generation of you stick it out no matter what.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, well, you do we you you let this mama know that she can leave the kitchen now. That the war's out there and she can go explore it if she wants to.
SPEAKER_03:The the war?
SPEAKER_05:The war world.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, I was like, the war, really? Yeah, I just think that's really crazy that his family, his whole family knew, and everyone's ha ha kikiing in front of your face.
SPEAKER_04:Leave his ass.
SPEAKER_03:Because the thing is, it's it's not eating them up. Or maybe it is. We don't know. It's not, we don't know, but it's eating you up. And you can't go into a marriage with something like that. Like, even if you bring it to him, let him have his moment to like explain it to you, to process, to say his sorries, do all of the things, and then you can make a decision on if you think that it's a right decision to move forward or not. But if you don't tell him and you just go through with the marriage, how do you think, first of all, your honeymoon ain't gonna be shit.
SPEAKER_05:Right here. This is it. Count your blessings that you know now. Right, before you sign them paper.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right. Because otherwise you're gonna be getting an annulment, girl. Not even a divorce, an annulment.
SPEAKER_05:We got another one.
SPEAKER_03:That's crazy. Um, am I a jerk for refusing to change our whole trip last minute because someone wanted to tell me?
SPEAKER_05:No, no, we ain't gotta read this one. No, fuck them.
SPEAKER_03:I'm a 29-year-old female, my partner who's 31, and I had a trip planned for months. Nothing fancy, just four days in another city, a couple of museums, a one-day hike, and a one do nothing, eat snacks in bed kind of day. We booked the train, got a small hotel, and even pre-booked time entry tickets for the museum because it sells out fast. I'm the annoying planner type. I admit it, but this is the first time in a while I've actually looked forward to something. A week ago, my partner mentioned his friend Mark, who's 32, might be in the same city around the same time for a work thing. Mark and my partner have known each other forever. So I said, sure, maybe we can grab a drink when he's free. That sounded normal to me. Then Mark found out our exact dates, and suddenly it became quote unquote, dude, I should just come with you guys. It'll be fun. I laughed. Like, okay, yeah, sure. But then he kept pushing, not just going for dinner. He wanted to take the same train, split a larger Airbnb instead of us going to a hotel, and change our entire schedule so that we could do stuff that he also wanted to do that he liked. He's big on nightlife and being spontaneous, like deciding to go out at 11 p.m. and then move on to the next and sleeping in till noon. I told my partner that I'm not changing anything. The hotel is booked, our tickets are bought, and honestly, I don't want to share an apartment with Mark, even if he is a nice guy. I like having a door I can close and not feeling like I need to socialize the entire time. My partner said Mark is quote unquote easy, and it would be rude to say no when he's already so excited. I said it's rude to invite yourself into someone else's trip and then act like you're the one doing them a favor. Mark then texts me directly, not my partner, saying, Hey, I found a sick Airbnb. It's cheaper and we can all hang out. You'll love it. I said, We're keeping our hotel and our plans, but we can meet up for one night. He replied with, Why are you being so strict about it? It's a vacation. Relax. That honestly made my eye twitch. Like, yes, it is a vacation, which is why I don't want to spend it compromising with a third person who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. Now my partner is sulking and saying that I'm making things weird and that he feels stuck in the middle. Mark told him that I don't like him and that I'm a controlling the trip. I don't hate Mark. I just don't want to break what we had going on first. I'm not saying my partner can't see him. I'm just refusing to blow up our bookings and rework everything from one week out for one person. Am I being a jerk?
SPEAKER_05:No.
SPEAKER_03:No, you're not. Your boyfriend is.
SPEAKER_05:Let me say this. Uh uh fudge Mark. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Mark, don't invite yourself to somebody else's trip.
SPEAKER_05:It sounds like Mark done turned her boyfriend out. And her boyfriend's trying to get back with Mark. Why are you so attached? Stop it.
SPEAKER_03:This is some weird shit. Stop it. This is some weird shit. Mark probably doesn't have a lot of friends.
SPEAKER_05:I I don't give a fuck. Look here. I don't either. I'm just saying. In my heterosexual male brain, I am not trying to spend time with you and your wife.
SPEAKER_03:With another man and his wife on a trip that's already booked and planned and mapped out.
SPEAKER_05:And I'm not gonna intrude on your time and what you want me to be a wing man? It's some funny shit going on here between Mark and old boy. I'm telling you, that's the only reason why. Because why are they so insistent that everything changed? This is some weird. It's weird shit. That's some weird shit. I'm done, you right now.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I definitely wouldn't change anything. And I would be more upset with um my boyfriend for you trying to put yourself in the middle, saying that it would be rude. It's so you don't think it's rude that all the hard work that I just put in to plan the whole trip, all we literally have to do is wake up that morning, go get on our damn train and head to our hotel room. But you don't think that's rude that I spent time, like my time, my money planning all of this for us, and that I was excited. Because you're talking about Mark's excitement. But what about my excitement that I had? And I told you we could hang out one night. We could go for drinks. I'm telling you right now, Mark done, he turned no boy out. I don't know. But you know, you ain't no jerk girl. No? Molly girl, you're in danger.
SPEAKER_05:Right, right.
SPEAKER_03:Molly girl, you in danger.
SPEAKER_05:Don't go up that mountain and save your marriage. Keep your ass in the tap.
SPEAKER_01:Don't go up that mountain and save your marriage.
unknown:Keep your ass in the tap.
SPEAKER_01:It ain't worth it. It ain't worth it, Molly girl. All right, y'all.
SPEAKER_05:Let's uh let's hop right on into the comment of me. And this comment comes from uh Lisa May 34. This comment is in response to this comment is in response to the sister that was wearing old girls, the sister-in-law that was wearing old girls' clothes.
SPEAKER_03:Oh shit, the sister-in-law that uh drove a wedge between her brother and his wife.
SPEAKER_05:And Lisa said, I blame Mark jellyback ass.
SPEAKER_03:Not Mark's jellyback ass. I'm not even sure how we how we arrived at Mark having a jellyback, but we did. She did. Lisa made 34.
SPEAKER_05:Mark had a jelly back because he had no spine to stand up to his sister.
SPEAKER_03:Oh. My God. See? Pro Max over here.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my Pro Max over here.
SPEAKER_03:All right. The next one comes from.
SPEAKER_05:Not that one. Um, and then the last one comes from who was that?
SPEAKER_03:Um Sixth Figure George.
SPEAKER_05:So this is from this comes from Six Figure George, and this is from the post about the the lipstick. How he didn't want her to wear it.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, how he didn't want her to read red makeup.
SPEAKER_05:Red makeup. He said, George said this is just a nice way of uh to say that to say she's probably looking like a clown, meaning that she can't do her makeup.
SPEAKER_03:So just he don't want you wearing such a bold color because you don't know how to wear it. You don't even know how to apply it. So you probably shouldn't walk outside.
SPEAKER_05:You're not applying this, right?
SPEAKER_03:So just leave that to the girls who who got it. Leave that to the girls who got it. That's not you, babe. He was trying to that's why he that's why he said you're beautiful without it.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_03:I I find you very attractive without it. Without it. Because we can't do it, baby. All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, you should know the drill. Follow us. If not, this is your first time. Here's the drill. Follow us on all of our social media platforms. You can follow us at Life After I Do Podcast on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook. You can also write your stories in for advice at lifeafter I do podcast at gmail.com. We love hearing from you guys. And make sure you like it for stories. Make sure you like and subscribe. And make sure you share. Right.
SPEAKER_05:Share. Share, repost. Tell a friend to tell a friend. To tell grandma. To tell grandma.
SPEAKER_03:Because once granny knows, everybody know. Granny. Granny is the original Facebook. Okay. So tell make sure y'all tell Granny. But you get a new episode every Wednesday. And until then. Peace, Booskies. Hey. Peace.
