Conversation Wars

When your relationship starts sounding like a to-do list, it’s time to reset the rhythm. In this episode, we talk about how to shift from business-mode conversations to emotional connection without needing hours of time.

We share our go-to rituals, micro-habits, and listener stories that prove small changes can make a big difference—especially when it comes to intimacy, appreciation, and staying connected during busy seasons.

You’ll also hear our takes on some intense AITA scenarios around family boundaries, public protection, and toxic loyalty games.

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open: Intimacy Tied To Daily Load
• 0:43 Playful Intro And Banter
• 11:21 Weekly Check‑ins And Personal Wins
• 18:41 The Tea Ritual And Micro‑Connection
• 19:32 Main Topic: Communication Beyond Logistics
• 24:50 What Counts As Intimate Conversation
• 29:20 Time Spent Talking vs Connection Quality
• 35:12 Female Perspective: Mental Load And Being Heard
• 45:04 Male Perspective: Solutions, Overwhelm, Respect
• 49:56 Comments Of The Week
• 53:03 Our 2 Cents

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

But if I feel like I gotta just like take care of everything and you just kicking it and I'm frustrated and I'm holding resentment and I'm stressed out and my mind can't get together. If you come and you touch me, it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be a response that you want. I'm definitely not going the extra mile. I may perform my marital duties.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Uh-huh. But ain't it's a it's going, it's going to be a tour session.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Hey everybody, welcome back to another podcast episode of the Life Freddy Podcast. Doo doo doo doo doo. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Welcome back. I know you like it. Hey. Oh, no? No. No. Hey Booskies. Hi, Booskies. How you doing? Fine. How you doing? How you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 1:08

How you feeling? What? How you feeling? Oh, it's how you living, huh? How you living? What? How you living? What? In living color. You can do what you want. In living color.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

In living color. I don't know the rap.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

I hear it in my head like you doing to do with doom with doom.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

What's your favorite living colored character? Oh. Damn. I'm gonna give you three because it's hard to pick one.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Oh, okay. Out of the three, you're gonna give me three to choose from? Okay, go ahead. You go first.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

This ain't got nothing to do with episode by the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Oh my gosh. Uh Fire Marshall Bill. Okay. Um probably Fire Marshall Bill. I think that's probably my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Okay, first of all, number one is men on film.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Oh, yeah, I forgot about men on film. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot. Yes. Hated it. You are so right. Okay, but still Fire Marshall Bill.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Number one is men on film.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Okay, so number one is Fire Marshall Bill for me. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Number two would have to be Homie the Clown.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Homie the Clown don't play that.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Right. And you like Farmer Marshall Bill. I like it when he was the female fitness instructor.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Oh my gosh. I forgot. Oh my gosh. What was what was his name when he was hurting? I forgot his name.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

And you do it like this.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Oh my gosh. I feel like we need to go on a marathon.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

And number four for me is head detective.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Oh, head detective. With the head in the shoes. Oh my gosh. I think, okay, so like in living color, in living color came out in the 90s, right? So yeah, so you had to be born like in the 80s, really, to know what in living color was.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

And I I don't think people give Kim enough credit because Kim was fucking.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

Yeah, hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Because my number five would have been the uh Kim's character. Now I ain't one to gossip.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

I was still saying that. Now I ain't the one to gossip.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

You were hearing from me.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yeah, I love that one. But you didn't hear it from me. We heard everything from you. I feel like we should watch some episodes of In Living Color. Inliving Color was priceless. That was comedy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Nah, you don't appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Okay, bye. Whatever. How was your week? It was cool, Booskies. You know, so what was the highlight of your week?

SPEAKER_02 3:39

I feel like I'm getting stronger.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah. Feelings can be deceiving.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Wow, crazy. But I feel like I'm getting stronger. I'm I'm very, very happy from all the new listeners and followers.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Thank you guys. You guys are awesome.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

I was like, maybe, maybe I'm not wasting my time with this broad.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Okay. Crazy work. Okay. Right, big bro? Okay. This random broad over here is eating cheddar biscuits. Right. We ain't got cheddar biscuits, but this random broad over here is eating cheddar biscuits. Um, okay, so that was the highlight of your week.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Take your dinner, I'm paying. That's payment. Bye to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

You so silly. If I'm paying, that I mean, he lot, he was true. If I'm paying for dinner, that's payment.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Bye to mail.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

That's pavement.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

About your week. It was cool. I felt stronger. Uh I'm fatter. And in what way did that's probably why you felt stronger because you got more mass.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yeah, so I had a good week. Yeah, it was a good week. You know, come to terms with life, and uh, life is life in, and my wife is trying me. And that's it.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

If I didn't give you a little bit of stress, and when you're not trying me, that child of mine is. We just like to keep you on your toes.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

Oh, I just you're just the best dad. I'm not no, whatever it is you want, it's a no. How was your week, Booski? Um, I was it doesn't matter. Okay. Go ahead and tell them. Yeah, it was the lint. Thank you. We'll smudge it later.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Thank you. Um I'm gonna smudge it later. Yeah, I was gonna put, you know, my regular daggler on, but you know, I used to wear red. Regular daggler? I used to wear red. You finna call me Jack next? Bye. I didn't see your sucker. I used to wear a red lipstick quite often. And I love it. Um but I used to wear, remember when I used to wear like my really bright orange reds, my burnt reds, my cherry reds. Why'd you stop?

SPEAKER_02 5:36

Um side note.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Side note what?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

A black woman in color is my favorite. Yes, I know this. So put the color on.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Um put you on my first day. But the season. What did my shirt say? I don't know. But the season. The season has changed. Are we talking about my week or not? Why do you keep interrupting my week?

SPEAKER_02 5:54

What does my shirt say?

SPEAKER_01 5:55

You read what your shirt says.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

It says black women are perfect.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Okay. Um so yeah, but like I was saying, I used to wear red lipstick all the time. Then I had stopped. And so then today I was like, um, I say, you know what? I'm gonna put a red lip on today because lipstick also makes me happy. It makes me feel better about myself.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

You reached in that drawer of three million lipstick options.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Okay, what you're not gonna do is try to come for me. Okay. Variety is the spice of life. Oh, oh, you want spice? Okay, so that's why I have a lot of options to choose from. Yeah, okay. Okay. Also, I did it for a living. So that's why there's also a lot of options. We should go back to that. But anywho, like I was saying, um, yeah. But my week, my week was good. Uh hit a new PR.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Okay. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

I tell you, when there's a hater in the room.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

When there is a hater.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Apparently I've been hating on everybody all week. The room. Apparently I've been hating on everybody.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

When there's a hater in the room.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Apparently I've been hating on everybody all week. Well, so tell me about it. I pulled 375. That's what 375? Yeah. I thought you said 400. Uh-uh. Oh, that's what, well, congrats. No. I see groceries in your future. Like I see on your.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

I'm not bringing in no damn groceries unless I have to.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

375?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Um, I was like, I see some groceries in your future. I was gonna put 385 up there, but then I was like, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna like, you know, overdo it. I was still I want to work in my increments, you know. And um, but when I pulled the 375, I was like, that moved a lot better than you anticipated. I anticipated, so possible.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Possibly.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

I should have put up that 385.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Um but you said possible, and my brain said, ooh, posole sounds fire.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Bye. But uh yeah, so that was kind of like the highlight of my week. So I was really proud of myself there. My bad. My week was good. Oh my gosh, you are such like I can see now you're gonna irritate me today.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

I forgot to say go birds. We won. We won by the by the hair or skinny skin skin, but we won.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

A win is a win.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

A win is a win. Are you done? We're we're number one, my boy.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Are you done?

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done for the episode. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

Because I gave you ample, ample time and opportunity to tell us about your winning.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

I'ma just face this way.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Really?

SPEAKER_02 8:07

So I can't see to interrupt you. You were so I'll just respond uh when you need me to. Go ahead. I'm sorry. So 375.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Oh my gosh. Debell, turn around before you upset me in front of our friends.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

In front of the booskies?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Yes. Don't upset me in front of our in front of company.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

You know, I I like when you get mad.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Don't upset me in front of company.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

I like when you got a little anger behind it.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Right. So, anywho, uh, yeah, that was probably the highlight of my week for my per like personally. Okay. That was probably the highlight of my week personally. Um, again, spending time with family. I will say, my week, I have I've had to like adjust a little bit for my week because I feel like, and I love y'all. You know, you and my daughter. I love y'all like down bad. I love y'all down. I love y'all down bad. But um, y'all been in my space a lot.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

So you don't, so you don't want to be loved.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Y'all been in my space a lot.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

You don't want to be loved a lot of you.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

I do. I love, I love you guys as love, but you know, I'm just trying to adjust. Um, but oh, about my book, because you again, you're hating on my book. Why are you hating on my book? I'm not hating on your book. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

Well, I'm The book is taking my time.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

Okay, so I'm back into my reading. Um, I read, I read pretty frequently, but I've gotten back into um like my like yes, my book, like books and series. And so I'm reading uh Kennedy Ryan before I let go. Shout out to my good friend Aisha for hooking me up with the books because she was like, girl, it's a must read. And then of course I became part of book talk, and it's like one of the you know highly rated books to read. But if I'm being honest, guys, okay, I feel like I just got into the nitty-gritty of it all.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

I'm not gonna tell them about the podcast about books.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Bye. I just I I just got to like the nitty-gritty parts of the book, but I mean, when I first started reading it, like up to chapter like 15, 17. 15. I was like, I am giving this. Oh, you better than me. Not my highest, my highest rating, but now that I'm like into the nitty-gritty of it and all of the buildup is starting to pay off. Now I'm like, okay, okay, like let's let's see this through.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

You are better than me. By chapter three, I would have guessed. I ain't got time. Can we skip to the good part? Can we skip to the good part? I have been known to skip chapters. Let me get I'll figure out what happened when I get there.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Wow. I mean, here hear me out. I've done that sometimes with books where I've gone to the end and read like the last chapter, and depending on how the chapter ended, then I will go back. I've done that before. Don't get me wrong, I've done that before. Um, I'm gonna waste my time. But yeah, so I'm like on chapter 32 or 35.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

What does this book have? 44. Crazy. Who wrote this? R. Kelly? What we got today? Bye to mail.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

What we got today?

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Goodbye. Goodbye. What we got today, Muskies?

Weekly Check‑ins And Personal Wins

SPEAKER_01 11:13

I don't I don't even know why I like you half the time. I'm not sure that I do because you be doing too much. Um so I had came across a video clip on, I think it was TikTok, but it was from the Tamara Hall show. Okay. And she had a guest on there, and they were talking about um communication between You're talking about the Tamara Hall. Tamara Hall, yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

The one that had a baby at 50. Yes. The one that's 50 plus and still look good?

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

That one?

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Yes. Beautiful woman.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Um, but they were talking about the average time spent between uh husbands and wives when it comes to communication. And it was something around like 15 hours. A week? A week. That's a lot. Or 15, yeah. I think it was like 15 hours cumulative for the week or uh 15 minutes or something like that. But it it got me to thinking because when when they talk about the types of conversations that are happening, it's basically logistical things that pertain to the household, the children, uh, bills, scheduling, but there's not real intimate conversations that are happening. What what do you call intimate? Um, intimate conversations, okay. So for instance, for me, right? Remember how we always talk about like from my perspective, it's important for each of us to have our own thing to do because I enjoy listening to you tell me about the things that you are doing that's not necessarily that involves me, right? Um, my books. Okay. I can talk to you about my books.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

You're not reading my books, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:54

But nor do I plan on it.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Right. But it's exciting for me for us to have time alone for me to talk to you about something that I'm excited about or talk to you about something that I'm really interested in that you're not necessarily in with me. And it gives us something new to discuss outside of what we have planned for the weekend for the family, outside of what bills need to be paid, outside of making sure the house is taken care of. Like for me, that's that's a form of intimacy because when we're having those conversations, I get to have you. I get to have my partner.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

I don't have-I was in your space.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

Listen, I hear what you're saying. Listen. Okay, I hear what you're saying. Um so when I when you ask me, like intimacy for me, when it comes to conversation, those types of things are intimacy for me. When I get to have conversation with you that doesn't pertain to the things that we have to do together that are like our responsibilities, okay, but we get to have intimate conversation about our interests or things that we are doing that doesn't necessarily pertain to our day-to-day. Okay, that's an intimate conversation for me. Or discussing our feelings in detail. Or you know what I'm saying? Or getting to know something new about you that I didn't know. Like all of a sudden, girl, all of a sudden, he's a tea drinker at night.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Look here.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

All of a sudden, the man drinks tea at night.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

I've been converted. That team put me asleep. I'll be knocked out.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

So I drink a cup of uh cup of tea before bed. Oh Lord. And so I think I had mentioned this last episode that I had made you a cup of tea. And he has been on the tea kick every night. And now we are going through tea like like crazy because that the other one upstairs likes to drink the tea.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Around 8:39 o'clock, I turned to Rihanna. Pour it up, pour it up.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Bye. Like last night, I was like, I'll be upstairs in a minute. I'm gonna make my tea. Are you making me tea?

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Right. Because now the house wants tea. The house.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Yeah. So so anyway, I thought that was pretty interesting because we always talk about how important communication is, especially in a relationship. And especially when yeah, like communication is just a foundational pillar for any type of relationship, whether it's a working relationship, um, if you're just dating somebody, but like especially if you are married and you have been together for an extended period of time, communication, I feel like is one of those things that is like the first to go. Um, so I feel like communication is one of those topics that you constantly have to have because it can fall through the cracks. Um it it had said I had found um some info. Uh, broader relationship time studies indicate that more time spent talking is associated with fewer perceived negative quantities or qualities in a marriage and higher feelings of connection. In other words, uh quality matters less than what you talk about, but the time still matters. Okay. Does it make sense? Yeah. Which I I think it it does too.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

The substance of the conversation is what's important.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

But the issue comes is when we talk about married people, is the bulk of the conversation that's happening between man and wife.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

I feel like the bulk of our conversations recently is just us critiquing each other's form in the gym. We play the footage back, like, nah, because first of all, apparently we're both bad at counting.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

So yeah, yeah, that's why you gotta take video. At least you know we're focused.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Focused.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

But I do agree with that. I but I I do think the quality of the conversation is, I think the quality of the conversation is more important than the length of the quality. Wow, crazy.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Sorry, I didn't turn my ringer off.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Is more important than the length of the call uh the conversation.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

The quality, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Because of course, um, you know, a lot of times a lot of things can be said in a short period of time that makes you feel reconnected because as adults we understand that life within itself is busy. So we can come together, connect. Maybe that's the 10-15 minutes before bed, before the tea knocks me out. Right. Before the tea gets to me, or before I rough start rubbing your butt and let you know what's up.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Whatever that case may be, maybe that that that might be enough for us to sustain and have us feel like we are actually still connected to one another. And it may be different for other people because again, because every relationship, every situation is different.

The Tea Ritual And Micro‑Connection

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Right. But think about the but think about how there are some couples who are not even doing that, where the limit of the conversation is literally, what's your work schedule this week? What's my work schedule this week? Who's gonna pick up the kids? We need to do the grocery shopping. You know the light bill is due. Oh, you need to go to the bank. I need you to drop this off at the cleaners, I need you to go take this back. Like, especially when you have exactly, that's what I'm saying. Especially when you have two multiples, when you have two uh busy adults, two busy working parents with children and home responsibilities, the line of communication for uh things outside of the logistical and and administrative things of the home and of your life can fall through the crack. And I think that's where like separation and things like that start to like start to happen. So um the common categories um that were studied amongst uh groups that you know couples typically talk about is logistical and administration things, right? So schedule kids, stores kids, schedule. I mean, that's normal. I think that goes without saying too much. Um work and daily stress, so debriefing about the workday. Dealing with y'all, right? That's right, um, venting, same thing. Yes, um, parent and home management, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Lord Jesus. I walk in, you're like, look here, I had the parent today, and and and while I got your ear, let me tell you some stuff that our home needs.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 18:54

So you can go ahead and get these, get this ball rolling.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Because Christmas is coming and I need to add new decor because we gotta get it going.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Um I just figured out that uh Christmas is the season and Thanksgiving just a holiday within the season. Bye. Which is crazy.

Main Topic: Communication Beyond Logistics

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Um future planning, decision making. So that includes like the finances, per making it moving, it's all important. But that wasn't particularly important, right? But all of it is important, but the portion that is missing is conversations that are not being had outside of these conversations, right? Um, so they did the breakdown on how these types of conversations can affect men and affect women, and from the female perspective and from the male perspective.

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Oh Lord, why why is it all why is it always a battle of sexes?

SPEAKER_01 19:43

It's not a battle of the sexes. I think it's just an exploration of each experience. Okay. Because your, the way you experience these day-to-day things is different than how I experience them. How you interpret them, how you feel about them is going to be different from how I interpret them and how I feel about them.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

100%. I agree. Correct?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

I agree. Okay. I'm on the right. So, you know, I'm not, I'm not on the bandwagon of um him versus her or husbands versus wives or she versus he. No.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

It's just big big brother versus everybody else.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

But we're not going to negate the fact that men have a different experience in a relationship than that of women. Okay. We're not going to negate that because that's just normal. Okay. We're on different. Exactly. So, um, so with women, uh, some of the key effects with women, based on study and research, emotional labor load that increases.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

Y'all love y'all love this. That y'all love that, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 20:47

What do you no? Actually, we actually quite the opposite. It is quite the opposite, sir.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

Y'all love saying, oh, my emotional labor load is just increasing.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Emotional labor load. I'm carrying all the emotions of the family.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Like men, like men, men, we carry emotions, we just handle it in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Studies show that women often carry the mental checklists. Okay. So schedules, kids, school, um, logistics at the home. Um, for the most part, I mean You do? You know, like oh, you carry the schedule? I carry the schedule. I didn't say I carry the schedule. Okay. But ensuring that things are like updated and stuff. But see, here's the thing that you miss and what you like to do. Okay, go ahead, Tony. When I say something like that, you instantly take that as you, that means I'm saying you never do that. I never say that. No, but that's how you that's how no. Don't try to give yourself an out. I'm not trying to get myself an out. Live in your truth.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Based on your response, live in your truth.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Based on your response just now, that is what I am taking as an interpretation of you saying that I am trying to insinuate that it's something that you never do. Okay. Okay. So I didn't I didn't say that I always Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

I'm I'm I have no rebuttal. I want to be able to do that. Okay, it's not a rebuttal, but okay. I want to get through these female points so we can get to the meat and the potato of the men points. Okay, fair enough. Whatever. We know who really is.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

So women, women often carry the mental old checklist, as we know. Okay. Um, and then it says, What when um most talk about the administrative work, like women, women feel exhausted rather than connecting. Okay. Okay, you and your eyebrow raise. Whatever. Um, sensitivity to negative communication, okay, negative conversational patterns, such as like criticism, contempt, um, stonewalling.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Nobody, anybody's stonewalling.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

I can't wait to get to that portion of the male perspective.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Ain't nobody's stonewalling.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Um, are strongly linked to women's reports of distress in a relationship and causing strain on the relationship for the basis of communication. Women often uh process relational threats faster and may experience more emotional and psychological stress from harsh interactions.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Here we go with the emotions.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Okay, why do you have to paint emotions in such a negative Because everyone has emotions? I mean, okay. And that's my belief. Hold on. There's some people who like clinically. I was gonna say there's some people who clinically, I mean, they have emotions, they just can't tap into them. Um, so uh female perspective, a need for focus-based conversation or talk.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Women report greater benefits from emotional sharing and what why do you believe that the need for focus-based talk is is a thing when y'all always bring up stuff that's out of focus?

SPEAKER_01 23:42

That doesn't, I don't even understand the question. I don't even understand what you just asked. Say that again, because I don't even think you understand what you just okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

So repeat it for me so I can so how can you say that women have a need for um for emotion focused talk, right? That's what you're saying.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

How can we say that we have a need for emotionally focused talk?

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Focus is what I'm talking about, right? Okay, focus part. Okay, when you would then dig back into your memory and try to correlate things to a current topic, you know, you won't focus on the present. You try to try to incorporate the past in it.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Okay, first of all, incorporating a past or bringing up those messages. Yeah, you have to be because you're like, don't you're gonna piss me off in front of company. That's why I did it. You're gonna piss me off in front of company.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Your face?

What Counts As Intimate Conversation

SPEAKER_01 24:32

My goodness. It's it's just not toppling well because you've been in my space for like the past two weeks in my in my space where you're not usually. So I haven't so I haven't had like my me time like I normally get to be able to, you know. They say they love you till you're around. Um bye. Um, let's see, expectations versus reality frustration. Okay. When women expect intimacy and instead receive logistics, they can feel emotionally neglected. The gap is a frequent trigger for disengagement or give me an example of that. Why? I'm trying, I'm an example. So expectation versus like reality in frustration. So for me, okay, for me, speak your truth. Um, remember how we have a conversation all the time about you taking initiative?

SPEAKER_02 25:29

All right, cleaning and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

It doesn't it could be cleaning, but we'll we'll use that one because that's a that's a frequently set thing in our home.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

That's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Um like it happens. I would expect that if you walk into the kitchen and you see that it needs to be straightened up, and either my focus is elsewhere or I'm not even home. Oh, okay. Right? What do you think guys? The reality of me expecting, though, for you to take the initiative to put those dishes in the dishwasher crazy work. Isn't gonna happen. And then that leads me to being a little frustrated or disconnected.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

What do you think I do when you're not home?

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Or when I'm not well, I can tell you exactly what you did when I wasn't home today. What I do. You napped, you stayed in your office, and you talked on the phone to your brother because you were doing the same thing when I got home. Oh, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

So now that we know what the standard is.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

Now we know what the baseline is.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

No, that's not. No, but there's your example. Does that satisfy?

SPEAKER_02 26:34

I guess. Whatever. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Um, let's see. We'll do one more. Um, impact on sexual and emotional intimacy.

unknown 26:43

Oh Lord.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

That's emotional words. Keep coming up.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Women who feel emotionally connected through conversation are more likely to experience satisfactory intimacy.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Conversely, logical only talk correlates with lower sexual and emotional satisfaction.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

First of all, I said satisfying. Satisfying, sorry. Intimacy.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Thank you. I said Oh, thank you for correcting. Thank you for correcting me. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

So that I said, I said, uh uh Do you want me to reread it? I said satisfactory is wild. She's not even enjoying it. He's barely passing. That's wild.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Okay, so they that reminds me. Did I tell you, did I show you that clip of that comedian where she was like, I want to come back as a man in my next life? She was like, because um when she was explaining how sex is different between men and women, she was like, We are doing two completely different things in the bedroom. You're focusing on not finishing, and I'm focusing on trying to get there. She was like, I've never had that problem where I didn't have to focus.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

I'll focus on goodness.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Okay, goodbye. Um, okay, so I'm not I'm not gonna go through all of them because there's quite a few. But from the male perspective.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Oh, oh, you are now that we got that galarky.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Now that we got all the emotional galarkey out the way.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

Boy, emotion this, emotion that. I was getting motion sickness. I don't know how they go together.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

I don't either. I don't either.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Okay, so it says here that key effects on men. Okay. It says preference for solution focus talk. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Because you guys are more like solution focus. That is true. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

I only want to have the conversation if we're working on a solution. I don't want to keep talking about the problem. How do we fix it so we can move on?

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Well, but I don't think it's just like just talking about the problem. I think where where they talk about women wanting to, I guess like how you say, having the emotional aspect and then you guys being more problem-solving driven. I think that's where the conversation comes where we want to look at the avenues to get to the best solution, right? So when we talk about it, it's like, okay, the solution that you've come up with, not trying to say that's not a bad solution.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

However, have we considered this?

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Have we considered this? So we gotta consider it. We want to make sure that we are choosing the best options available.

Time Spent Talking vs Connection Quality

SPEAKER_02 29:19

So we gotta consider a hundred options.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

We don't have to consider a hundred options.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

It says here that many men socialize towards problem solving when come when conversations are framed around solutions. Men feel effective and connected. If women want empathy first, men must um uh men made mysteries, cues, and jump to fixes. And that is true. Okay, because I remember I've said this many times on here. When you come to me, I have to ask you, am I listening to hear, or am I lit listening to fix? Because that's two different ears. That is two different ears. And sometimes I need both. If I'm listening to just the just to hear you out, I'm gonna be honest with you, nine, it's going like this. Wow, that's not great. No, no, it no it it It gets to the other side before it gets stored.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Although I thought you said it was going through one ear and not the other. I was like, that's diabolical.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

When I'm listening to fix, it's going in the ear, straight to the brain to process. Okay. Work on the solution. So by the time it gets over here, the other side, I got something.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

You can spit something out. Hot fire.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Dylon, dylon, dylon, nylon. So that that is very true. Okay. For I believe so, right? Number two, it says perception of overwhelmed by logistics. Now, for me, this is a fact.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

You can't have too many things of your plate away.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

I cannot be responsible for too many. And because he literally shuts down like a robot. School drop-off is number is number one. Oh, yeah. He can't. That drop-off. It is too, it's too many. It's like a cog, a bunch of cogs in the machine. It's too much going on. And then people don't have no damn manners.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

But see, that's where you have to be like stern. You have to be, your car is your metal vehicle to get you through.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

So it says that men who aren't the default organizers can feel sidelined when most conversations.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Who are not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Can feel sideline when most conversation is admin heavy. Still, some men report relief when logistics are clearly managed, balanced matters. Now I would say, when they are clearly managed balance, like what I tell you all the time, what you need from me.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

You tell me what you need from me.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

And I will deliver.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

And here's the thing. I I love that you brought that up because these are conversations that I've had like amongst my my friend group, right? My married friends. I thought it was just me and you. Bye. My married friends. Well, you must have. And when you say something like that, like you, I can understand from how your brain processes things when you come in and you tell me, you just tell me where I need to be. Yes. Right? And I can get that. I get that from your perspective only because I understand how your brain works sometimes. I understand that if I give you too much, if I say too much at one time, you start doing what your daughter does, is you guys like kind of look in my eyes, but you're looking past me. No, I'm not, I'm looking at it. And then and it's like, and it's like I've lost you, you know? Okay. The the on the other hand, when it comes to women, it's like if we are both in this same situation, right? You live in the same household, you parent the same child, you use the same kitchen, you uh drive the same car. Like we're doing this, we're in this together. Okay. Why is it that I have to tell you where to be, what to do, what needs to be taken care of? Why can't you see it the way that I see it? No, I'm I'm not, I'm not saying I'm talking about it like in general. Because when you say that, like how it's said that um, you know, men get can get overwhelmed, um, you know, get overwhelmed and with the logistics of things, right? Because I like I said, because I know you and how your brain works, I know that I can only come to you with a certain amount of things. Well, because like I'm but overall, well, I'm telling you from like the wives' perspective, in uh, in some things and in some areas, we kind of feel as though, okay, but if we're both we're both doing this together, we're in the same, we're in the same trench together. How is it that I can see that the schedule needs to be updated? How is it that I can see she needs to be taken here? How is it that I can see the, you know, the drawer hasn't been fixed in a year? How is it that I can see all of these things, but you're in it too, and you don't see it, but you need me to say, hey, I need you to be here at six. Hey, I need you to go pick this up. Hey, I need that's what I'm that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

But that's why I said that in our situation, it is what matter because manage, because you do things like you put everything on the calendar, so I have no excuse. Right. And you see that I can see that you see that I can see that what's going on, like for instance, tomorrow. I know what's what has to happen tomorrow today because it's on the calendar.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

It's on the calendar, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

You've already done your part. So now I don't feel over them. It's not a surprise to me.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

And then also it does both go some ways because when I get the emails of hey, babe, just so you know, tomorrow is cool, this is going on. We gotta take care of this tomorrow. Yeah, so it doesn't it does go both ways, but I think what's important here is that because you know who I am and how I manage it, how I think, right? I have to knock things off one at a time. Right, right. I may be able to um, you know, do a little bit of maybe, you know, two or two or three, maybe three things at once. Yeah. But once y'all get past three, if something gets done, it's a miracle.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Okay, I got it. I have I have to be very, very aligned in that. So this one also says the value of positive feedback and respect. Men often report that uh uh affirm affirmation, respect, and acknowledgement of effort are key drivers of their relationship satisfaction. A simple appreciation can go for it. And this is a hundred percent. When I feel appreciated, I am more willing to go the extra mile. Yeah. I'm gonna do what's necessary regardless.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Because you have responsibilities.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Because I take care of my responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Right, right. But when I feel appreciated, you want to do a little zooms on it.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

I'm gonna go ahead and walk that extra mile and a half.

Female Perspective: Mental Load And Being Heard

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Right. And see, and then on the other side of that, for women, when we feel heard y'all turn. Bye. When we feel heard, when we feel emotionally secure, when we feel secure. Okay. Do you feel secure in in general?

SPEAKER_02 35:21

You do?

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Today I did.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

Okay. Tomorrow might be secure.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Um, when we feel all of those things, or I am our emotional needs are satisfied, or our mental is not inflamed, we're willing to go the extra mile. Okay. But if I feel like I gotta just like take care of everything and you just kicking it, and I'm frustrated and I'm holding resentment and I'm stressed out, and my mind can't get together. If you come and you touch me, it's not gonna be, it's not gonna be a response that you want. I'm definitely not going the extra mile. I may perform my marital duties.

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Uh-huh. But it's a bit more.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

It's going, it's going to be a chore session.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

It's going to be a chore session.

SPEAKER_02 36:02

You know what? Uh uh Lisa left eye lopez told me that you know women that won't shrub.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

So bye. Finish your point, boy. I'm so done with you.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

Impact on stress and performance. It says men who feel supported emotionally tend to have lower stress and better focus at work. Conversely, reoccurring conflict or unresolved logistics can spill into performance and mood. And now reading this, I must not feel supported.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Now reading this.

SPEAKER_02 36:37

I thought I felt supported, but apparently my my stress at work and my inability to focus, it's your fault. Oh, okay. That's that's what it's telling me. These are the notes that you provided me.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Listen, this is the research.

SPEAKER_02 36:52

This is the research you this is the research. But no, I'm saying, but I honestly I I can say that can be a thing. How how is it basically you're distracted? You're distracted and you feel like you're missing out and you're or you're lacking something. There's a void. As a man, there's a void. And so when you're trying to um balance the weight of responsibility in life all at one time, it can be overtaxing. It can be heavy. The the process can take its toll. And a lot of times, men don't have who men who don't feel like they have the help or the outlet. I can see how that could uh adversely affect their emotional mood and increase their stress, especially if you marry to Kinesha. Um goodbye, Demale. Goodbye. I love my wife, y'all. You look here giving you a chance. It says less frequent need for deep talk, but still important. Men may not require as much frequent emotional um emotional processing, but when they do open up, genuine attention and non-judgmental listening are crucial and highly rewarding. And this is a fact because when I muster up the courage to open up, why do you have to be so dramatic about it? This is I'm being factual.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

I appreciate you. I do not feel as if I'm being received in a manner in which I want to be received or feel like it's appropriate. That part. I have to feel it.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Nope, nope, that part. I want you to stay right there because we I want you to stay right there only because we've had this conversation, right? Transparency moment in our marriage, okay? Stop touching me. Uh oh. Ah, how you, if you're not being perceived the way I need to be perceived. You need to be perceived, right? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:41

So it's as part of that's my responsibility to communicate better.

SPEAKER_01 38:45

Right, right? Because we've had that conversation before, and I've had I've physically have asked you, what is it that I can do to ensure that you feel that I'm trying to be supportive? That I you feel that you can receive.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

Listen and don't judge.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

I listen and don't judge. But I told you, I told you, I said what listen, I don't, it's not, it's not my intention to judge you ever. But when you come to me and you ask me for advice and you start with your premise when you're trying to be vulnerable and you say, Babe, what do you think? Lie to me. You can't no, no, it's so it's the same thing. Like when you tell me, okay, when you come to me and say, Um you have a problem, is this a listening ear that I have to give you? Or if it's a problem solving ear. So when I came to you and I said that, okay, so what does that look like to you? What does the support look like? And then when I just get quiet and I let you, you, you do your thing, then you look at me like, okay, so I didn't just say nothing. So what? Okay, so do you want me to respond? Like, what does that look like, you know? So I but I I say all that to say that makes perfect sense because I've seen that in real time in real time in our relationship.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Did you and sometimes you react correctly?

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Correctly or critically? Correctly. Oh, okay. I didn't understand what you said.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

No, you understand exactly what you're saying. No, I didn't understand what you said. Um this one right here is big for us.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Okay, what is it?

SPEAKER_02 40:16

Practical communication wins. Okay. Yeah. It says clear roll agreements and scheduled check-ins reduce friction. Men often respond well to structure and communication. And this is this, this is I feel like this is the this is the the the foundation of success that our marriage has stood on. We we get together, we talk about the roles and the structure, and then we stick to it. And then when someone gets overwhelmed, we come back and we negotiate.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

It's like um like how y'all been in my space for the past two weeks, and I've had to communicate that.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

And I said that I'm used to having at least five hours to myself, and I have not been able to get away.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

And so tomorrow, and so tomorrow night at the family meeting, we'll sit down and play let's make a deal.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Let's make a deal.

SPEAKER_02 41:06

Because apparently this week mommy's a hot topic. Everybody wants mommy, and so you might have to go without.

SPEAKER_01 41:13

And that's why I was in the gym for four hours today.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

You might have to go without a little spit really this week. But we'll get you back on the back end. I love you guys. We'll get you on the back end. I love spinning too. But that guy, that that that I think, I think what's what's really helped us and really, really, really, really helped us is that we understand what our roles are and what we agree to. We have roles that we agree to. We don't have anything that has been.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

And they're not like sticklers where it's like they we they they're not interchangeable. No, right. And I don't just, and when you say roles, just so we can clarify for people. It's not just like, oh, that's just his role because he's the husband. This is just my role because I'm the wife. It's just in roles in which we set for ourselves, whether it be for home, for work, how we interact with her, like who takes her to practice, like those types of roles. You know, I don't want people to like just see it caught up in like, oh, you just take care of this because you're the parent that's the default parent or whatever. Those are just, you know, like the roles that we've set for ourselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

And then the final one, something we also do. Maybe, maybe, maybe we are good examples.

SPEAKER_00 42:15

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

Because we have one of these already.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

I mean, I know I am. You struggle.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

We can spruce them up a little bit. Okay. Tonight? No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

Uh, it says positive response to shared leisure conversations. Okay. This basically says shared talk about hobbies, sports, our leisure is an important bonding mechanism for many men and support overall marital uh satisfaction. Now, I can say that we have a lot of hobbies that are similar.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

Yeah, we do that kind of overlap, but we still have our own individual experience of them.

SPEAKER_02 42:46

Lord knows she's not a football fan, but she still says, Go birds. Go birds.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

See somebody out with a jersey. Go birds.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

And then what did I say the yesterday when we were looking at um t-shirts? She was and I saw a t-shirt with like a bunch of stars on it. And I was like, What's that? And I said, It doesn't matter, it resembles a star of a cowboy. And I almost cried. And he was like, You're learning. I almost cried.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

I said, This is it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 43:09

I was like, You're conditioning people.

SPEAKER_02 43:11

Almost, almost when I said, I would I would have bought her a car in that moment. She would have asked.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

I was like, no, I can't wear this shirt because there's too many stars on it, and it reminds me of a cowboy. That's right. Can't do it, babe.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Cowgirls.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

Cowgirls, can't do it. Cow slut. Okay. We we calm down. Relax. Relax, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

Number one losers.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Relax.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Um so I I think that that is important. And I and I and I think in any relationship, in any, you have to have um, I feel like you have to have hobbies and leisure things that are shared and not shared.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

You know, yeah, that's why so you have ways to connect.

Male Perspective: Solutions, Overwhelm, Respect

SPEAKER_01 43:48

So you have and you have things to talk about. Yeah. Because going back to the whole clip, like going back to the whole clip, it's so easy to just get caught up in our day-to-day, like the mundane parts of life, about the things we have to take care of, all of the responsibilities. And at the end of the day, you're still an individual. Like on. You know what I mean? Like, you I think about it this way. Before I was a wife, before I was a mom, before any of that, I was just, I was just Kynesha. Like, I was Kinesha trying to figure out, I'm still trying to figure out life. Um I'm gonna have to use it. But I was just Kinesha trying to get through college and learn about myself and explore things that I like and try new things. And it's that aspect of myself, I don't want, I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose the aspect of trying to find out something new about myself or trying something new and then having that to share with you, or come to you and tell you about, like, oh babe, I think, I think I'm interested in this. I think I want to try this, you know? And then you also have something to come and tell me and be like, I'm gonna do this, or I'm thinking about doing this. And I can be happy for you in that if I see it brings you joy. Right. You know, okay. You're not gonna get on gear. Cut it out. Um, but I also like that because in hopes that it brings us closer and not bring not puts us apart like we're all like we're on two individual paths. So we're still on the same path.

SPEAKER_02 45:09

I love anything that brings us closer, you know? Oh gosh. Anything that brings us closer. I'm I'm with it.

SPEAKER_01 45:15

Okay. So anyway, um, tips on how to make conversation uh count. Okay, conversational time count. Okay, schedule meaningful check-ins, like we said, okay, maybe like once a week or whatever. Just like a temperature check. Daily at night. Yeah, or even or even just asking your partner like how we do here. Like, how was your day? How was your week? You know, outside of what I already know your week consisted of.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

When I come home, how was work? How was work? How was the gym?

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Yeah, and I don't and I I do my best to not just accept it was all right. Because she thought she was gonna get away with that too. When I pick her up from school, how was school? Fine, okay. I need you to elaborate.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

We need details.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

What did you what did you do at school today?

SPEAKER_02 45:57

She hated when I be like, Did you play foursquare? No, I don't play foursquare anymore. I said, Oh, my bad.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

Player. Calm down. She plays tetherball and she says she's a tetherball queen.

SPEAKER_02 46:08

I doubt it.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

She said they play tetherball and they play squid games. Squid games is crazy. I said, that's crazy work because I don't think you've ever seen the show. So it's wild that you play squid games at school.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

They play red light, green light.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Um uh okay, so another part is uh use the two-part rule.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

Admin time plus emotional time. Okay. So it's kind of like we're gonna discuss the the usals, right? Like, let's get all that out of the way.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

We'll get the business out the way.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Right. And then we can talk about like pleasure. Yeah, what's on your mind? Like, what you trying to do?

SPEAKER_02 46:44

You know, you know what's on my mind. Who are you trying to do later? Who is you?

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

What? Um modes. Okay, okay. Empathy first, then solve. Lord, if one partner is upset, practice, listen, validate, ask.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:05

I've heard that before in therapy.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Have you?

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Yeah. Um, you do all that before offering a solution. I know. Because you want to make sure the person feels heard.

SPEAKER_02 47:12

Feels heard. I do that.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 47:14

I do. I make you feel heard. It's rough because sometimes I'll be like, this ain't worth hearing, but you are such an asshole.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

This ain't worth hearing. That's how I feel on the daily.

SPEAKER_02 47:25

Oh, wow. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 47:27

Um practicing microvalidations daily.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

You're gonna have to validate me every day. Twice a week is good.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

Simple acknowledgments. Uh, that sounds hard.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

I'm proud of you, babe. I thought you was proud of you yesterday. Yeah, you did. And your face lit up.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

I think no, I told you I was proud of you yesterday. I told you I was proud of you. The day before yesterday, because I was talking about your chest.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

I told you I was proud of you yesterday because you have bench press. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:54

And then remember, I had told you when you had sent me your first video when you first started doing pull-ups, and I was like, I cried. And I was like, I'm really, really proud of you, babe. I was like, I'm extremely proud of you. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

It says limit distractions during talk. Put the phones away, turn your screens off, bring a small risk. That's it. You don't need no avoid interruption. And that includes the them damn kids.

SPEAKER_00 48:16

Oh, for sure. Close the door.

SPEAKER_01 48:19

Close the door. Like, we quick for being like, girl, do not don't come knock on the door, don't come look under the door, don't breathe next to the door. Daddy and I need to talk. Daddy and I need a little bit of mummy and daddy tag.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

Right. Bang, bang. Macaroni and cheese. Stop it.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Oh my gosh. Why are you like this? I don't even know. Bang bang. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

Just do one more so we can get on to R2 stuff.

SPEAKER_02 48:47

It's an adopt. I can't. A repair ritual post-argument. Have a short, consistent practice, um, apology, physical touch, and a plan for next time to lower psychological stress and prevent lingering resentment. Because resentment is big for women. Basically, what they're saying is develop something which you can discuss and argue in a safe and positive way.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

I don't know about positive. Maybe safe.

SPEAKER_02 49:12

Safe, less disrespectful way.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

All right, go ahead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

Because I mean, you put positive in there. I don't know. When we're arguing, I'm not feeling positive. You're not feeling positive? At all.

SPEAKER_02 49:23

At all? No. Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

It's I'm not feeling positive at all.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

You're like, in a positive, let's be real. Ain't nobody feeling positive when we're going at each other's dome. Okay. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Going at each other's dome is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Okay, I'm gonna be real. This is transparent, okay?

SPEAKER_02 49:41

Crazy.

Comments Of The Week

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Listen, ain't no cookie cutter cupcake relations up in her. Okay. Arguments are arguments. We gotta work through some shit and get it done. Okay. Okay, that was good, babe. So we're gonna move on into the comment of the week. The comment of the week.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

Because you always trying to cut me off thinking she's gonna be able to do it. No, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

I was just gonna say the comment of the week.

SPEAKER_02 50:02

These good people out here, out here giving us comments that are fire and hilarious and you know, supportive. You know, the first comment of the week comes from uh Simple Stephanie.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Simplest Stephanie?

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Yes. No, Simple Stephanie. Clear right there. Oh and she said, in response to what? This is in no, this is in response to uh which video.

SPEAKER_01 50:33

It don't matter, it does matter.

SPEAKER_02 50:36

This is in response to the one where uh uh oh boy robbed. Robbed the guy.

SPEAKER_01 50:41

Oh, robbed the uh boyfriend of his wife.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

That's why I said it don't matter. Okay, she says, I love you guys, uh, especially your husband. See, I find this off because she said, especially your husband. She talked about me.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

Okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

His degree of petty is PhD, and I'm here for it. Now, Stephanie, we have room on the petty board. For one more for as many as for as many as we can fit. The petty committee committee welcomes all petty members. Sometimes, but you have to understand that sometimes the petty may be used against you. But if you are in it for the petty, we welcome you. We welcome. We appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

Thank you, Stephanie, for your for your comments.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

And you are welcome to join the petty committee. The petty committee committee. Okay. Okay. This one comes from the clip where he wanted to open a relationship and fired. And he found out he had no game.

SPEAKER_01 51:37

He found out that he had no market value. Right. He opened up his relationship with his girlfriend and found out his girlfriend's market value was extremely higher than his, and he had zero.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

And this comes from uh Kimbow one. Kimblow one. She said, be careful what you wish for, because you might get it. He asked for an open relationship, and look at him now. He's about to have no relationship.

SPEAKER_01 52:02

He's out.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

He's out. Done. He's out. It's a deal. It's it's out of here.

SPEAKER_01 52:07

I mean, you got what did you expect?

SPEAKER_02 52:09

And this one comes from the same post. And I I can't. She's posted, she said a lot of funny comments. I can't get her name. I'm gonna ask her one day. Right here. She said that that boy out there gambling with no money.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

Dallin O B? I don't know. Bye. That boy out here gambling with no money. No money is crazy because it's true. Because he got no gay. He got nothing. He couldn't get the girl that he opened the relationship up for. And then he couldn't get no girl after that.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

At all.

SPEAKER_01 52:40

And then had the nerves to be upset and try to get down on his uh girlfriend to say that he was just basically keeping her as a placeholder until he worked something out with the girl he really wanted who didn't want him.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

He said I wanted you on the side. That's crazy work. I didn't want you out here having sides.

SPEAKER_01 52:56

That's that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

Yeah. He wanted you on the side. He didn't want you out here having sides. That's wild. Crazy.

Our 2 Cents

SPEAKER_01 53:02

All right, guys. Let's head on into Aren't you sides? Aren't you? Okay, here we go. Am I the jerk for leaving my boyfriend's mom's birthday party or birthday dinner after she called me temporary? My boyfriend, who's 29, and I, a 27-year-old female, have been together three years, living together for two. His mom has never really liked me. She's been polite, but very cold. At her birthday dinner, she was talking about family vacations and said, quote unquote, hopefully next time it's just family, not temporary guests. Everyone went silent. My boyfriend froze. I asked, temporary? She smiled and said, Well, you never know with young love. I was humiliated. I quietly said, Excuse me, and I got up and left. My boyfriend stayed behind. He texted me later saying that I embarrassed him and that I shouldn't have left. I told him his mother humiliated me in front of everyone, and he did nothing. He said that I'm making him choose sides. Am I the jerk for just walking out?

SPEAKER_02 54:20

Hell no. Fuck him and her. First of all, he's not making you choose sides.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

She's not making you choose.

SPEAKER_02 54:28

What he's doing is showing just how weak he is to her.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

To not say that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 54:33

Because if that is the woman you want to be with, you should protect her against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

SPEAKER_01 54:41

Bye, Demail. I mean, he didn't, and it didn't have to be something where it would cause a big riff between his mom. He could have just like said, mom, you know, like let's be a little bit uh respective. But he also should have gotten his butt up and followed her out. And by you not like you not saying anything to your mom is one thing. We're dating, I'm not your wife. I guess I can kind of get on board, maybe not. No, but you not you not getting up to follow me to show that you are not like in, you know, like we're not a team.

SPEAKER_02 55:15

I disagree with you.

SPEAKER_01 55:16

No, I'm not saying, I'm not, listen, I've been together.

SPEAKER_02 55:19

They've been together three years. Three three years.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

And I do, and I agree.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

In three years, I do agree. Listen to me, listen to me. In three years, if he doesn't have enough, strong enough attachment to you in three years to defend you, you're right. No matter what room you're in, he ain't for you. Baby, I think. He's wasting your time. Baby, I agree. I don't care, I don't care if his mama said it, I don't care if his auntie, his sister. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't care if the Pope himself said it.

SPEAKER_00 55:45

By demand.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

It don't matter who said it, if this is the woman you have chosen that you want to be with, you have to defend her. So if he can't defend you from his mama, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

You're gonna be in a cold, you're gonna be in a cold girl.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

Look here, man. I keep I look here.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

Molly girl, you in danger.

SPEAKER_02 56:00

You in danger. I I keep just some of these dudes just for the streets. He better be careful because uh some guys find out that ain't nobody out there want them.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Shut up, babe. They find out they market value real quick.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

No, she's not a jerk. I wouldn't oh shh.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

Yeah, I don't think you're a jerk.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

He should have got his ass up and followed her out.

SPEAKER_01 56:17

Um, am I the jerk for not attending my brother's wedding because he didn't invite my wife? Let's go. That's cold work. My brother and my wife do not get along. They have never fought directly, but he always finds ways to make jokes about her or exclude her from family plans. When his wedding invite came, my name was on it, but hers was not. His wife. I asked him why, and he said it was because she makes everyone uncomfortable. I told him if my wife is not welcome, then neither am I. He said that I'm choosing her over family. I told him, yes, because she is my family now. My parents are furious saying that I should just go alone to keep the peace. But how can I go celebrate love when my own love of my life is being disrespected?

SPEAKER_02 57:10

See? Now he needs to talk to the motherfucker from the first one. That's what I'm talking about. Like I tell people, we are a package deal. We are a T s. If I can't be there What are we mean? A T set. A T set. Because if I know, she know. If she knows I know. But it's safe here. We don't spill. Um if I cannot take the woman who I've married with me, I'm not going. I'm not going. That's crazy work. And disrespecting my wife is disrespecting me. But disrespecting your wife. But it's crazy, it's his brother. Hold on. When you, I don't give a damn.

SPEAKER_01 57:49

No, that's what I'm saying. It's his brother.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

If you disrespect my wife, you disrespect me, and I take that very personal.

SPEAKER_00 57:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

So this is this is, I feel like my mindset on this is the mindset that all men who are married or who are in seriously committed relationships should have. If you're not, why are you wasting your time being with some you're not being with someone you're not willing to ride for? Right. So you're not a jerk. I wouldn't go to the wedding. I would tell mama and daddy they can suck my. I would tell my brother he could suck and they can kiss my ass. I ain't gotta go to no more family events.

SPEAKER_01 58:22

I am Me and my family are over here.

SPEAKER_02 58:25

You are the family that I was forced upon. Yeah. I'm over here with my wife, with the channel family I have chosen, and I'm gonna create. And I will always choose what I have chosen over what I was forced in. Yeah. Blood don't make you family.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Yeah. I just think it's crazy that he would tell his brother you're choosing her over family. Crazy work. And you're about to get married.

SPEAKER_02 58:45

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 58:46

You're about to so I I my response would have been like, bruh, if that's how you feel, I don't think you should get married. If you think that you should still be choosing our family over the woman you you just asked to be a part of your family.

SPEAKER_02 58:57

You know all these damn mama boys. I don't know. I can't say that because I was a mama's boy. Yes. I love my mama. But I but I still chose you.

SPEAKER_01 59:04

Yeah, but you you did. You did. And I always and you stood up for me, even before marriage.

SPEAKER_02 59:09

Oh, because okay. You know what you did. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 59:14

One more. Bye. You know what you did. Bye. I'm not doing this with you. I'm not doing this with you at all. I'm gonna read one more. My boyfriend, quote unquote, tested me by having his friend flirt with me, and I failed.

SPEAKER_02 59:35

Oh my god. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 59:36

I'm a 25-year-old female and have been with my boyfriend who's 28 for almost two years. Things were good, or at least I thought so. Last week, one of his friends, who I barely know, started DMing me on Instagram. At first, it was innocent. He said he saw me at a concert and complimented my outfit. I was polite but short. After a few messages, he got flirty. I didn't flirt back, but I wasn't rude either. Just ha ha ha ha, thanks, type responses. Then suddenly, my boyfriend confronted me, saying I failed his loyalty test. Apparently, he asked his friend to hit me up to see what I would do. He said that I should have blocked the guy immediately and not entertained him at all. I told him that I didn't even know it was a test and that setting someone up like that is manipulative. Now he says if I really loved him, I wouldn't be so defensive.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:40

Look here.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

Thoughts? Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:45

This is what I'm gonna say. And the guys ain't gonna like this. But I don't give a damn. He's a weak bitch. How insecure do you have to be where you feel like you have to test to see if this woman is for you or not? And he's 28 or is she 28? He's 28. He's 28.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:03

He's almost 30 years old. We should not be playing games. Yeah. Yeah, no. And on top of that, she never flirted back. She didn't. She just said thanks. And his response is, you should have blocked him immediately.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:17

Look here.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:18

So by that, by that scenario, if I'm if I'm on the street, if I'm in Walmart, and a guy tells me, hello, good morning, am I to just turn around without a response and just walk away? No. That's blocking him.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:32

No, let me tell you something. In that scenario, you say uh good morning and keep walking because you know how men have some men can't handle rejection.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:39

So it's not. But that's essentially what she did.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:41

She said thank you and she kept it pushing.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:43

Digitally. But so if I'm not with you, you say good morning. If I'm with you, I'll tell them to fuck off. Anyway, uh it's all this is childish.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:53

Yes, very childish. The whole setup, the whole setup, the part that it's his setup.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:57

I I I honestly feel like he did you a favor.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:00

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:00

Because you're 25. You still have time.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:03

Let him let him go find somebody with low self-esteem that that had that hangs on to his every word.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

Let him go find somebody who has time to play games.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:10

Because he seemed like he wants somebody that completely relies on him and thinks that his word is scripture.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:15

Well, not only that, yes, it's manipulative. And it I I for me, I feel like that's heading towards them, them like abusive bushes.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:23

Because it's like now you're now you're starting something that didn't even need to be started because your response is you should have blocked him.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:32

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:33

Like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you should have blocked him. You shouldn't have even you shouldn't have entertained him. And then now you want to gaslight me talking about why you're getting so defensive.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Crazy work.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:43

Because you know that's how that conversation went. He was like, oh, oh, why are you getting defensive? If it was nothing, if you didn't do anything, why are you getting defensive? And I'm out. Crazy work. You can't, you can't be, you, you can't, you can't do that. No, I'm not getting defensive. I'm literally telling you my perspective. Me telling you my perspective and what and she, um it was a DM, so I'm sure she showed him. And like she said, all I said was, ha ha ha, thanks.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:07

The first guy and the last guy needed talk to the second guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:11

No, you mean the second guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

No, no, they the first guy and the last guy needed to talk to the second guy.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

That's why I mean.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:17

So they could realize that they being dumb.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:20

I don't think it's gonna make them realize anything, but all right.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:26

All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you are not doing so already, join the Booski fam and follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. That's on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube. Don't forget you can always write into the podcast at LifeAfter I Do Podcast at gmail.com. We would love to hear your stories. We enjoy when you guys send us in your stories to read for our two cents. It literally is our favorite thing to do. Um, so don't forget to like, follow, share, do all of the things. We appreciate all the new booskies to the family. You guys are amazing, amazing. So keep it going, guys. And until next time, you get a new episode every Wednesday. So we will see you back here. Peace booskies. Peace booskies.