Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 23
WE ARE BACK with another installments of Our 2 Cents!
When does a boundary become a dealbreaker? In this episode, we explore the moments where trust cracks—not through explosive drama, but through patterns that wear love down: silent treatments, mixed signals, and unspoken rules.
We offer real tools for navigating opposite-sex friendships, social media etiquette, and emotional manipulation—while answering listener stories that dig into the real-life moments where love and respect get tested.
If you’re ready to set boundaries that protect your relationship—not punish it—this conversation will give you language, perspective, and a clear way forward.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
I feel like the the D word should only come up if that is a real, like, viable option. Like we are really gonna sit. That's not something you throw in somebody's face because we're in a disagreement. That's not something you throw in somebody's face because you're upset with me at the moment. Because you're you're just mad at me. So you're like, you know what? I want a divorce. That's not how, that's not how we argue. That's not how we get through stuff. You're not gonna sit here, you're not gonna sit here and hang divorce over my head. Because if you if that's wild coming from Because listen, if they decide not to go through the with a divorce, right? And she's and she goes to him and she's like, um, like, oh my gosh, like it's not that serious. I don't want to throw our marriage away. All the time that we've put in, like, I love you, you know, I trust you, and all this, that, and the third. The next time he gets a hair up his ass, or the next time he doesn't agree with something that she does, he's gonna bring it again. Yeah, he's gonna bring it up again. And then that's that becomes manipulation. Okay. Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Life After I Do podcast.
SPEAKER_01:Do do do do do.
SPEAKER_04:Uh really?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they don't like me doing it. They don't like me doing it.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh, it was like one person.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, hey, look here. I'm not gonna do it. Doo doo doo doo.
SPEAKER_04:Nope. I want I we're gonna start it over. Run it from the top. You just don't need to be exercising your lung capacity. Run it back. Hey everybody, and welcome back to the Life After I Do podcast. And that's good. End scene. See? That's good.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I'm gonna cut it short. Apparently, people don't like it.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh, it was one person. She was like, I love the podcast. Um, after she gets past you going, do do do do do that's because you be trying to like you be trying to exercise your lung capacity.
SPEAKER_01:Take deep breaths. What can I say? Oh my gosh. Hi, babe. Hey Buskies. How's it going? It's going. It's going. It's going. How how you doing?
SPEAKER_04:Uh honestly, I feel a little dizzy.
SPEAKER_01:Oh. Why? Was that was it the deadlifts?
SPEAKER_04:Uh, I didn't eat.
SPEAKER_01:Oh.
SPEAKER_04:I haven't eaten anything. All I've had is create. I didn't even get my as a matter of fact, damn, I didn't even uh have enough my protein. Yeah, because I was trying to hurry home. Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_01:Um you out here on hopes and dreams? I'm I'm actually feeling a little like you all out here on hopes and dreams and all that in between?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'm actually feeling a little woozy. If um if I get a little breathy, I might have to step aside and grab something really quick.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:I'm a little tired. A little bit, just a little bit. But other than that, um everything was good. Yeah, I was trying to hurry, I was trying to hurry back home. So um, and I was like really trying to like push it too. And I was like, okay, don't forget you ain't ate nothing, snitch.
SPEAKER_01:Like, why you gotta call yourself a snitch though?
SPEAKER_04:I wasn't gonna call myself a the B one. Why not? So I said snitch. You've done it before? Um, but yeah, so I was like, I I you know, obviously I need to really push. Um and I was like, I'm I'm literally in here off of hopes and dreams today. But I really did feel like if I would have eaten something, I wouldn't have, I couldn't have worked out today.
SPEAKER_01:Why? Oh, because my stomach your issues.
SPEAKER_04:My stomach was not feeling it today, and then wearing that belt. I was like, it's either eat and don't do the workout, or it's don't eat and just push really hard and see what you can come up with. I was able to add six plates on my single leg. Six plates on one leg? On my single leg pushes in?
SPEAKER_01:I'm not carrying no groceries in the house no more. You out here, you out here slinging slitch uh six plates?
SPEAKER_04:Okay, so I think it's because what?
SPEAKER_01:I think I do like two.
SPEAKER_04:No, you don't. You do like six, you probably do more than that. You're stronger than me, babe. No, stop it. Now you're being condescending and it's not funny. Condescending? Um wow.
SPEAKER_03:Are you are you trying to are you looking at the game while you're talking to me? I'm not. Oh my gosh, I'm not.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh. You guys, if you if you're not watching on YouTube right now, this cat just literally pulled up the damn football game while we're having a conversation.
SPEAKER_01:Um we're talking. I'm just checking in.
SPEAKER_04:No, you're talking, but your eyes keep going to the game.
SPEAKER_01:I'm listening and I'm checking in. Okay, I'm not watching the game. Go birds. Go birds. Okay, go birds. Anyways, um, I made sacrifices for you this morning. You can sacrifice me through this one time.
SPEAKER_04:I'm I, you know, whatever. Um, yeah, so I think especially because I know I didn't like eat. Uh-huh. Um I didn't want to, because my stomach. I didn't want to use that as an excuse to not push as hard as I could too. But then also like not being dumb because it's like, are you my my vision starts doing that? Like, what is it? The um I call it like the uh focus lens thing when I'm like lifting really heavy where it goes in out, where it goes in and out. Yeah, so it was like doing that. I call it the focus lens where like the vision narrows and then it opens back up.
SPEAKER_01:Are you done? I have something really important to say. What? Y'all. What? My wife asked these last time.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh, Maurice. I thought you were really about to say something important. Let me let me tell y'all. You did not interrupt my story to tell people about my ass.
SPEAKER_01:Friday night, we went out with uh uh some gymnastics, or another gymnastics couple friends that we, you know, shout-outs to Eric and Julie, La Jules, my favorite. Uh and uh my wife wore it, she wore her little, I call it over. They were coveralls. Oh, whatever. They were coveralls, but uh it wasn't covered, it barely covered all that ass.
SPEAKER_04:No, it didn't. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01:I said, babe, that shelf. I said, Lord, I said, I could have put my whole drink of dinner on your boy. Bye. Goodbye. I said, look at this here. It's probably a squat. And then and then yesterday we were when we were uh last night when we were at the pumpkin carpet party and you had your leggings on. I said, I said, that I'm getting jealous on the wall because the wall of course that ass.
SPEAKER_04:Bye. Bye. You're too.
SPEAKER_01:I said, not me on the couch. I said, all these kids around, all I see is my wife's ass. Bye. I said, look, we gotta go. We need to go home real quick. Let me take care of something. Goodbye. Let me take care of something real quick. Goodbye. I just said, I just want to tell people you were looking good. Oh, thank you. Appreciate it. Go ahead and finish my TV.
SPEAKER_04:Um, so yeah, my vision was doing that little thing. Bye. And I didn't want, I also didn't want to look like an idiot and be like tumbling and stumbling in the gym. Because like you were. No, I know somebody would have helped me. Um, because there was some of uh the weekday regulars in there too.
SPEAKER_01:I saw somebody I ain't never seen before today.
SPEAKER_04:Who?
SPEAKER_03:Who?
SPEAKER_01:I saw uh I saw Delilah's dad.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, really? Sweet.
SPEAKER_01:I was gonna say hi, but I was in a rush.
SPEAKER_04:Bye. I was gonna say hi, but I was in a rush. Hey, Delilah's dad. Um, yeah, so that was really cool. And then this girl came up to me and she was like, um, she was like, excuse me. And I was like, yeah. She was like, girl, are you lifting that? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, is that a uh PR? And I was like, no. And she was like, what? She was like, you go, girl. I was like, I was like, thank you. She was like, I was watching you, and I was like, oh, she must have been a hit of PR. And I was like, no, it's not. This is my Q. No, I wasn't flexing. It was really nice of her to stop and say something.
SPEAKER_01:What Juan say? He said, Oh, when your wife, whatever your wife is doing, oh yeah, he doesn't he doesn't stand next to me anymore. He said, if she's doing legs, I'm doing chest. If she's doing chess, I'm doing legs.
SPEAKER_04:Like when he was doing the T-bar row and I was getting on the bench and he was like, That's my cue to leave. I was like, you don't have to leave because I really can't even bench that much. So I think your your ego's intact because my bench is not that heavy. So I think you're good.
SPEAKER_01:They'd be like, the one the one that's- My set is your warmup. Well, all the guys say that. They'd be like, Man, your wife's strong. I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't fight her.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, but if I I feel like if I was in like a lifting gym, though.
SPEAKER_01:It is a wee bit.
SPEAKER_04:Like, yeah, they'd be like, oh, that's they'd be like, oh, 365, that's really cute. I remember when I started.
SPEAKER_01:When I started as wild.
SPEAKER_04:I remember when I started.
SPEAKER_01:I remember back in my time.
SPEAKER_04:I remember back when I when I had started 365 felt like it was a really big number. Now it's a warm-up.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, warm-up is wild.
SPEAKER_04:I'll be there one day. I'll be God willing, I will be there one day where I'll be like, remember when 365 used to be like my one rep and now it's part of the warm-up stuff.
SPEAKER_03:Now it's part of the warmup.
SPEAKER_04:Um, but yeah, so other than that, uh Gym Sash was really good. Um, you know, it was a really good weekend. Got to hang out with friends that we haven't seen in a long time. I really, really, really enjoy hanging out.
SPEAKER_01:Hold on, keep talking.
SPEAKER_04:Why why? Just keep talking about it. Anyway, so yeah, so we got to hang out with some uh friends, and it was really, really nice because we have a friend, the doctor. Shout out to Dr. Joseph. Um, she just recently relocated to one of my favorite cities, San Diego.
SPEAKER_01:Hold on, no, no, calm down.
SPEAKER_04:It is one of my favorite cities.
SPEAKER_01:It's not. We we like we okay.
SPEAKER_04:It is one of my favorite cities to visit.
SPEAKER_01:We like the city, we just don't like the teams.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, well, I don't Dodger Blue. Okay, I don't care about anything like that. But anywho, we got to hang out with good friends.
SPEAKER_01:Dodger Blue.
SPEAKER_04:Um, and then also had really good food, got to go to one of my favorite restaurants.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, girl, you was eating too.
SPEAKER_04:I didn't even finish all my food. Don't play me like that.
SPEAKER_01:At that time. Yeah, at that time. It didn't make it home.
SPEAKER_04:But it no, it didn't. It did not, it didn't make it home. And if y'all haven't been to uh Louisiana Purchase in San Diego.
SPEAKER_01:Stop, stop.
SPEAKER_04:Listen, I still have to put the people on. But we we're not getting paid for that. It don't matter. People deserve to know about good eating places.
SPEAKER_01:One, then we're not getting paid for that. Two, we don't want it to be busy when we go.
SPEAKER_04:Right, because I need to use my$30 off, and it's only during the work day.
SPEAKER_01:We don't want it to be busy when we go.
SPEAKER_04:Uh, but it's really, really good. I got my Dookie Chase. That's the name of the meal that I get. It's called Dookie Chase. There's no dookie. There's no dookie involved, guys. So be relax before someone starts saying something funny. No dookie was involved.
SPEAKER_01:Um I just I I go for my uh my lemon pepper catfish.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that that catfish is fire. And then when you be like, oh, you know what, I think I'm gonna get an extra catfish, and they be like, yeah, it's like$15 for an extra one. How much was it?
SPEAKER_01:For another piece of catfish, it's$33.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, it was$33? You might as well get two meals.
SPEAKER_01:I said, ma'am, this is I'm not asking for it. It's catfish. I said, go ahead and leave that one off.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, look, you said one will be just fine. One is gonna get me through the day.
SPEAKER_01:I'm gonna make do.
SPEAKER_04:I'm gonna make do. And then what was it? The is it the dirty rice with oxtail?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_04:Oxtail dirty rice.
SPEAKER_01:Make you want to slap your mama.
SPEAKER_04:I mean, you know, it's it's it's when you've been eating meal prep for when you eat meal prep like six days a week and you're supposed to be eating at seven, uh, every once in a while you break the chain and be like, okay, today today I'm just gonna live. I'm not gonna judge myself. Right, but you judge yourself in the morning when all that damn salt and water is.
SPEAKER_01:You're like, I knew I shouldn't have eaten.
SPEAKER_04:I knew what yeah, that's exactly what I said this morning. I knew I shouldn't have ate that shit.
SPEAKER_01:But it was good, though.
SPEAKER_04:It was good, you know, and I thought I would balance it out, you know, but I was still, I guess I was still like full from yesterday or something. Because I was like, if I eat right now, I'm not, I'm gonna have to lay down.
SPEAKER_02:Um living your best life.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, so a good time with friends and family. Got to see, we did the pumpkin carving uh night with the friends.
SPEAKER_01:When you it was out there all that ass.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh. Them k them kids, they are so hilarious. Like the things that bring children joy are weird. It's not weird. You were a child before, too. Nah. Anywho, she had a great time. Um, you know, every year we tried to get better with our pumpkin carving, but the baby tried, y'all. She tried. She she did all the details in the face and stuff, and then she wanted to carve out like the head. And I was trying to explain to her if you carve out the head from the details that you just did, you're just gonna make a big hole in the pumpkin. And at that time, she was just like, you know what? I'm gonna go eat some pizza. I was like, You done? She was like, I'm done.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, she did. I said, Okay. She said, it's a right, it's a wash.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It's a wash.
SPEAKER_04:She was like, or we're done.
SPEAKER_01:There's always next year.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, she was like, we're done. I was like, okay, baby, do you? That was your week, babe.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, we got time for me? Yeah, sure, why not? Because you was at it.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Lord knows he was at it. Okay. Uh, my week was uh it was exhausting, you know. Had to work, went to work on a Friday, which was weird. That was crazy work, and I still and I but I realized that my customers act different on Friday.
SPEAKER_04:Why? Because they're ready to go home. Because they want to go home. Yeah, of course.
SPEAKER_01:I said why y'all can't have this energy money through Thursday.
SPEAKER_04:No, because they still gotta get there on Tuesday, Wednesday. That's why that makes sense, actually.
SPEAKER_01:I enjoy hanging out with my sister Dr. Ashley.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Uh much love. It's always a good time. Always she always cracks me up. Okay. The thing about Ashley is that she says something so serious, and she's not trying to be funny, but the way she says it is be hilarious.
SPEAKER_04:It's just comical.
SPEAKER_01:And she was like, and then on top of that, I love her parents as well.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, her mom is my favorite. We FaceTime her mom. And then I guess you know, like your perception of time with things, like, I know for me, my perception of time be way off sometimes because I'd be like, Oh, it's only been a couple of months, and it legit has been years. And so when her mom saw Phoenix, she was like, Oh, I thought she was still like a like a toddler, like a baby. I was like, No, she's eight.
SPEAKER_01:It still it still be throwing me off when she called her mom by her first name. I said, Yes, sis.
SPEAKER_04:She'd be like, Gloria. They have a great relationship, so that's good.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, um, yeah, but it was that was great. The pumpkin party was cool, you know. The pumpkin party was cool. It was cool. It's just by that time, with only having that being my only day off, uh-huh, I was overstimulated. I was ready to be somewhere.
SPEAKER_04:Not you using the word overstimulated. Well, since when, since when? You have literally never used that phrase. I was overstimulated. Since when?
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I don't say overstimulated, but but I normally say it's too much going on. When I say it's too much going on, it's too much for me. But I had said that, and then our friend Jennifer was like, that's why I left out of there. I said, Yeah, I said, I looked, I said, Jennifer, I looked around, I said, sorry, counting heads. I said, it's too much people in here for me. It's a lot.
SPEAKER_04:Well, and because of the kids, and because the kids were taking up such a large area.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh. I said, Oh no. And then I was tired.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I said, Look, it's too much going on. My body said, go lay down. And then I forced to come home. I slept.
unknown:I know.
SPEAKER_01:And then when y'all got home, y'all woke me up and I went right up. I didn't wake you up.
SPEAKER_04:Your daughter woke you up. She was upset because I was making her clean at 10 o'clock at night.
SPEAKER_01:Well, she did. It was her mess. Yeah. Um, yeah, but I mean, all over all in all was a good week. You know, I'm not gonna complain. I mean, even if you did. Because I had some good days.
SPEAKER_04:And I had some bad ones.
SPEAKER_01:Uh I was gonna say I had some heels decline.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, okay. Oh, sorry.
SPEAKER_01:I was going gospel. Okay, bad. I don't know where you was going.
SPEAKER_04:I don't know either. My bad.
SPEAKER_01:Good guy. We're gonna pray for you.
SPEAKER_04:Anyways, um, it's an Our Two Cents episode. Our douchhin. Everybody's favorite. Everyone's favorite. Hour two cents. And shout out to y'all, our our new family, all the all the people new to the family who have been writing into the podcast. Yes, we we love y'all. We really do. And we appreciate all of the stuff. We can just call them our booskies. Arbooskies, yes. Arbooskies. The booskies. The booskies. Welcome to the family booskies. The booskeronies. Um, okay, so we're gonna hop right on into it, all right?
SPEAKER_05:Okay, let's hop on that.
SPEAKER_04:All right. So am I overreacting to my girlfriend sharing a bed non-sexually with a male friend?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, you're not overreacting at all. Come on, let's get into this shit.
SPEAKER_04:I'm a 25-year-old male and I've been in a long-distance relationship uh with this girl who's 24 for about four months now. She has a friend from college who she's really close to, who she says she sees as a brother. She also insists that the feeling is mutual and that he only sees her as a sister. Yesterday he flew to her city to meet her and booked a room. She told me that she's gonna meet him, but wouldn't be staying. She went to visit him in the room and stayed there the entire day. She called me around 10 p.m. and told me that they had just spent the whole day in the room and were going to watch a movie while having dinner together. I knew immediately that she wasn't gonna go back to her place, but I didn't say anything. But then after dinner, they watched a few more movies, talked late until 3 a.m., then slept in the same bed as well. Since I was messed up from last night's conversation, I didn't really send her any good morning messages like I usually do with the silly morning video I found online. I just said that I didn't sleep well and sent the video to watch, that she replied, Well, it's too late. We've both woken up, confirming that she had slept in the same room at least. This absolutely messed up my entire day, but I wasn't gonna bring it up as long as the guy was still around her. But she called me in the evening today and she was talking in detail about what they did yesterday, probably to make it clear that she isn't hiding anything from me, and said that they will probably do the same thing tonight as well, staying up to 3 a.m. talking. I did my best to stay calm and asked how many days he was staying, and she said that he was staying for three more days the weekend plus Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. This absolutely made me fly off the handle, and I got on a call and essentially just told, matter of fact, yelled, about how this really is not fine, and it doesn't sit well with me at all. She kept insisting that neither of their intentions are of this kind to be of this of that kind for me to be worried about, and nothing was ever gonna happen between them. I guess that was the point. I realized that I don't even care about the intentions, but rather am simply not okay with my girlfriend sleeping in the same bed and space as an unrelated guy. It was this realization that brought me to this is that last is the last bit an overreaction. I wouldn't be considered uh an overreaction if the intentions of the other person aren't clear, but even if they are clear, I'm just not fine with it. So is that wrong on my part?
SPEAKER_01:Hell no, you're not and you're not overreacting. Her intentions may not be that, but you don't know what his intentions are. She said that his intentions was not that. But here, but flip that.
SPEAKER_04:I do I understand.
SPEAKER_01:Flip that, and he's standing in the same room with another girl for the weekend. And they up to ain't nobody talking at three in the morning.
SPEAKER_04:I talk to friends. If the conversation's good.
SPEAKER_01:In the same room? Not usually. Okay, exactly. You on the phone, that's different.
SPEAKER_04:And I'm not on the phone with another man until 3 a.m. either.
SPEAKER_01:I wouldn't know. I'd be sleeping. Oh my gosh. Uh you're not overreacting. This is wild. And I you can't tell me they're not fucking. That's shit.
SPEAKER_04:You can't I I listen.
SPEAKER_01:Nah, they fucked.
SPEAKER_04:Listen.
SPEAKER_01:Listen. And they had to sleep in because they was tired.
SPEAKER_04:I think I think that it is highly inappropriate. Even if that is a best friend. Oh, go ahead and shoot her. Even if that even how I just said it's highly inappropriate. Okay. I'm not shooting her anything. Okay. I'm saying that once you're once you've once you're in a committed relationship, whether it be long distance or not long distance, um, I do think that some type of boundaries have to start being implemented when you have friends of the opposite sex. Right? It's not wrong to have a friend of the opposite sex, but I do think that when you're in a committed relationship, and especially if you're married, there has to be boundaries. One of those boundaries, which should go without being said, is spending the night in the same hotel room and sleeping in the same bed. That's that's inappropriate. Like for her to not even think that anything was wrong with it, and because she's saying that's not her intention, whether it's your intention or not, it's inappropriate. You shouldn't even have to want to put your boyfriend in a situation where for one, he can't even get to you quickly. Because like if something was to happen, it's not like he's around the corner of your lawnmower. Bite him out. The road to hell was paid with good intentions. It is. I was gonna get that tattooed. Um yeah, so I I just feel like it was really wrong on her part, even to just think that that would be okay, and then for the plans to change. Okay, your best friend came into town, right? And you guys were just supposed to hang out, and you already said that you weren't gonna stay there, and then you end up staying there.
SPEAKER_01:My thing is why y'all aren't hanging out as a group.
SPEAKER_04:Well, it's just those two.
SPEAKER_01:Again, I say, but where's the group coming from?
SPEAKER_04:Where what if there is no group? They're best friends. No, no, no, no. They are best friends.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, but like the boyfriend?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. But he's long distance, like oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:So you didn't want you didn't think to introduce him because and you have a point there too.
SPEAKER_04:Like, I at least FaceTime. What it was like meet my boyfriend. This is my boyfriend.
SPEAKER_02:What did Wayne say?
SPEAKER_04:Ho's gonna be hoes, so I couldn't blame Sammy. I'm done with him. Enough said, I'm done with you. I'm done with you. Okay, we're gonna go into this one. This one's kind this one's kind of it's a little lengthy. All right, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Lord Jesus. So come on.
SPEAKER_04:Um, am I the asshole for sleeping with my ex to hurt my husband only to discover he had already moved on with my best friend?
SPEAKER_01:Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_04:I ruined my marriage on purpose, and my husband already had a replacement lined up before I even realized what I had done. Three weeks ago, my ex sent me a text out of nowhere. Um, we dated for two years before I met my husband. The breakup was mutual, nothing messy. The text said he missed me and wondered if we could talk. I screenshotted it and showed my husband that night while we were watching TV. My ex texted me, I said to my husband, uh, says he misses me. My husband glanced at the screen, the back at the TV, and said, Okay. That's it. Just okay. That's what she said to her husband. He shrugged. Then he said, What do you want me to say? I don't know what I expected. Maybe jealousy, maybe anger, something that proved he still cared. We'd been married for four years and things have gone very stale. He worked late constantly. We barely talk anymore, and I feel completely invincible. What if I wanted to see him? I pushed back. My husband looked at me then, really looked at me. His face was completely blank. Then see him, her husband said. Are you serious? Following your heart, he said. Then he went back to watching TV, like nothing, like I had just told him nothing. And about that I was considering my ex. I was furious. What kind of husband says that? I wanted a reaction. I wanted him to fight for me. Instead, he acted like he didn't even care. And I left. So I texted my ex back. We met for coffee two days later. He looked good. He asked about my marriage, and I told him the truth that it felt dead. He listened. He remembered things about me that my husband had forgotten. My favorite coffee order, the book series that I loved, small things that suddenly felt huge. We met again and again. Each time I'd come home and my husband wouldn't ask where I had been. He just nod when I walked in and went to going back to doing whatever it is he was doing. Last week, I crossed the line. I went to my ex's place and we slept together. I felt disgusting afterwards, but also triumphant in a sick way. I'd finally done something my husband would have to react to. I came home at midnight. My husband was still up, reading on the couch. I slept with my ex, I said. He closed his book slowly, looked at me, and said, I know. You know, how do you know? You're not subtle, he said. You've been trying to hurt me for weeks. And you just let me. You wanted to leave, and I wasn't gonna stop you. That's what her husband told her. I waited for the anger, I waited for the pain, something. His face showed nothing. That's it. You're not even gonna yell at me. What's the point? He stood up. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight, and we can figure out the divorce details tomorrow. He walked away just like that. I'd blown up our marriage expecting fireworks and got a quiet, a quiet exit instead. Two days later, my best friend stopped returning my calls. We'd been close for six years. She knew everything about my marriage problems. I'd cried to her about my husband dozens of times. When she finally texted back, she said that she needed split space and wouldn't uh explain why. Yesterday, I went to our favorite restaurant to clear my head, the place my friend and I always went for drinks, and there they were, my husband and my best friend sitting in the corner booth, laughing, her hand on his arm. He was smiling at her in the way that he used to smile at me. I stood there frozen by the entrance. My husband saw me. He didn't even look surprised. He didn't look guilty. He just gave me a small nod, like we were strangers passing on the street. My friend saw me too, and she had the decency to look uncomfortable, but she didn't even move her hand. I turned around and left. I sat in my car for an hour trying to understand what I had just seen. Then it hit me. The way he'd been so calm about everything, the follow your heart comment, the complete lack of reaction when I confessed, he had already moved on, probably weeks ago, maybe months. While I was busy trying to hurt him with my ex, he was already building something new with someone I trusted. I drove to my sister's house and told her everything, and she just stared at me. She said, You cheated to get a reaction, and he had already checked out. That's brutal. He could have told me, I said, and you could have not slept with your ex, my sister said. My family found out over the weekend, they're split. My mom says that I should have handled things better. My dad won't talk to me. My brother called me selfish. They all think I destroyed my marriage for attention. But here's the thing: my husband never said that he wanted out. He never fought for us. He just let me spiral while he was apparently getting cozy with my best friend behind my back. I confronted her last over last week over text. She said nothing. She said nothing physical had happened between them until after I had confessed to cheating. She said that she had bid his shoulder to cry on for months, that he had talked to her about our problems, and that she didn't plan on developing feelings for him. My husband won't answer my calls. His lawyer has sent over divorce papers this morning. My best friend blocked me on everything. My ex stopped replying after I told him that I had made a mistake. And I'm sitting here in my sister's spare room realizing that I'm the villain in everyone's story. I cheated first. I threw away my marriage, testing my husband, but he gave up on us and started something new with my best friend while we were still married. Everyone keeps saying that what he did came after, but it doesn't feel that way. So am I really the only one in the wrong here?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. You are. Play stupid games against stupid prizes. You went through all this because you wanted him to give you a reaction.
SPEAKER_04:You wanted attention, like she said.
SPEAKER_01:Number one, that tells me that you didn't know who you married to start with. Because in his mind, he probably wasn't gonna. Okay, here's a it's something. It's a lot. I was gonna say this one was a lot.
SPEAKER_04:So the first thing, first thing, start with the first thing.
SPEAKER_01:The first thing is Okay, the only asshole besides you in this situation is your best friend.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Because your best friend is now getting information from both sides. Right. Because you telling her what's going on, and he's telling her what's going on.
SPEAKER_04:And so now either she's collecting information or she's playing both sides.
SPEAKER_01:So either she right. Yes. So now he's telling her exactly everything that he wishes she had so she knows what to do to get him, and you telling ever you you telling uh her everything that you're doing that he's not doing, so she knows whatnot what to avoid. I said, so she getting she getting the playbook on both sides. She got the answers to the quiz before she took the time.
SPEAKER_04:She's pretty much Alan Iverson the answer at this point. At that you like how she's the answer. Right. You like that, huh? Lakers and fives. Huh?
SPEAKER_01:Oh. So it's like, but again, you drew the issue here because instead of instead of telling him you felt this way, you tried to get reaction out of him. You did something very childish. Right. I said, are you I'm looking, I'm like, are you are you are you in are you in high school? Is it is a high school thing? You did something very childish. And you did all this just to feel seen. You never said he was treating you bad. You never said he wasn't taking care of his responsibilities. You you essentially in this whole story, you just didn't feel seen and you played yourself. Now look at you. And now, hold on, and now your even your ex, even your ex don't want nothing to do with you now.
SPEAKER_04:He he now he's like he did say he didn't want anything. They already slept together.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but yeah, he got what he wanted, now he's out. Oh, he's probably not out. He she just said he stopped replying.
SPEAKER_04:No, her uh oh, her ex did stop replying to it.
SPEAKER_01:You're right.
SPEAKER_04:So now No, I think she meant like the husband.
SPEAKER_01:No. Oh the ex that she slept with stopped replying.
SPEAKER_04:And then the lawyer sent the divorce paper to her. So you know, I mean, I hope she enjoys single life. Um, I think. I think I think this is real. I think you're I think you're right. I agree with everything you said. I'm in the wrong to cut it out. To add to that, I think they both were in the wrong two. Okay. So the remarks that he was making, and the remark that he made post her cheating when he said, You've been trying to hurt me for weeks. Um I think it's I think it's a little bit of everything. Yes, he's been talking to the best friend, right? He obviously didn't want to be the first person to like quote unquote cheat like the physical. Yeah, but he didn't cross no boundaries. Okay, I mean, he shouldn't be talking to her best friend.
SPEAKER_01:Well, no, but she's she her best friend shouldn't have been listening.
SPEAKER_04:But yeah, they both that's why I say they both are in the wrong. Like that's what I'm saying. It's a lot going on here. The way she had been feeling about her marriage, I'm pretty sure he had already been feeling the way about the marriage too, because what man is gonna sit there? If we're sitting there together, you're watching a uh a movie or whatever, and I show you a screenshot of my ex reaching out to me, and your response to me is okay, go meet him. Yeah, like you're checked out, I'm checked out. Also, that kind of feels like clear me out, that feels a little gaslightish to me. Does it agree or disagree? I don't really care. I'm gonna tell you. Hold on, hold on. Because if he already felt like, like how he said, You've been trying to hurt me for weeks, right? And he already felt like he wasn't gonna give her the reaction that he knows that she's been trying to get. Her doing all these little things, because like you said, you should know your partner, he knows that she wants a reaction and he's purposely not giving her what she wants, right? So I'm not justifying what she's saying. I'm just saying they both were in the wrong. But because he already knows that he's already setting something up on the side with the best friend, right? He's also not gonna be a fool and be like, well, I'm gonna mess around on her first. But if I keep gaslighting her enough, I know that she's gonna go do something and then I can initiate the divorce because I'm not the one who broke up the marriage. She's gonna be the one who broke up the marriage. And so that's why I feel like it felt a little gaslightish too, because he wasn't trying to give her the attention. And he knew that by continuously starving her of the attention and gaslighting her by like not giving her a reaction, that eventually that she will do something that will push it over the edge, right? So then now he can step back and say, now I'm free in the clear, and me and the friend could ride off into the sunset. Because when we go through this divorce and we start splitting up shit, guess who didn't commit adultery first? It ain't gonna be a good one. You did. You committed adultery, you're the one who went outside our marriage. And because you went outside our marriage, I'm the one who initiated the divorce.
SPEAKER_01:Technically, they both went outside the marriage because he went out, he slept with the best friend before it was.
SPEAKER_04:Right. But if you're if you go into court and you're trying to split things exactly. So it's like, okay, you can tell the judge, like, yeah, I was talking to her best friend, but there's no telling what we've been talking about. We haven't been spending time together, we haven't slept together, right? Yeah. So that's why I say they both were in the wrong because he, yes, he was. I do believe, in my opinion, he was gaslighting her into pushing her into doing something like that.
SPEAKER_01:That's neither here nor there. Let's get to what's important.
SPEAKER_04:That is, that is important. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_01:That's that is important. Let's get to what's important in our lives. If you show me a message of somebody saying they miss you, what do you expect me to say? Sorry about your luck, nigga.
SPEAKER_04:I would for like, okay, for you, I would expect you to, for one, I wouldn't, I would expect for you to not expect me to even respond to something like that. Right, exactly. But in the event that I showed you and I was trying to get a reaction out of you, I would at least be expecting for you to be like, well, who was that? And why does he feel comfortable enough to be able to text you? Like showing some type of in investment that you're still here, that you're still present. But for you to respond to me and be like, okay, that's good. Are you gonna meet up with him? I wouldn't say that. But he did. He was like, go meet him.
SPEAKER_01:I'm saying for me personally, I wouldn't have said that. Okay, but I'm like, oh, that's cool for him.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, but what that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01:I would I wouldn't tell you, see, I would be patty. I say, go ahead and send my picture of me.
SPEAKER_04:But like how she said the marriage started to feel still. The thing is, is that when one person is feeling one way about their relationship, it is not hard to believe that the other person is probably feeling the exact same way, but because communication is so lacking, and then people, whether we like to believe it or not, we all have our childish ways, right? And with women, we are the emotional attachment. I want to feel wanted, I want to feel seen. I like to see you maybe feel like you're a little, you know, maybe she wants to see him be a little jealous. Like, do something, give me a reaction to let me know you still want me. And you're not giving me no type of reaction that you still want me. And you basically saying that I'm out here for the birds anyway, so you want me to go out there and fly.
SPEAKER_01:We did a whole episode about how never mind, you know.
SPEAKER_04:We did a whole episode on what?
SPEAKER_01:About how men and women, men and women love differently.
SPEAKER_04:Exactly, exactly. But that's what I'm saying. So how if when she was saying that she felt that the marriage was stale, I'm sure he felt the same way, right? So either either y'all can have a conversation about getting a divorce or have the conversation about, okay, what are we gonna do? Do you want a divorce first? Let's start there. Do you want a divorce? Yes or no? Are we gonna work on this because I'm not happy in this? Or like it feels stale. We we don't have no excitement, we don't go out anymore. I feel like you don't see me, I feel like you don't want me. You need to let me know, do you even want me anymore? Or what can I do to become more appealing to you? What do you need from me? Like, what do what do we have to do to start over? And if we're not willing to start over, then okay, like let's call it quit. But I'm not finna sit here and like keep trying to get your attention and then you're gonna sit here and keep gaslighting me and being like, nope, I'm not gonna give you what you want. I'm not gonna give you what you want. Like they both were in the wrong.
SPEAKER_01:Crazy.
SPEAKER_04:At the end of the day, I still do think she was still double wrong for actually going through with it and sleeping with her ex because that's never the answer. Even if you were trying to get a reaction out of him, and you did. You got a reaction out of him. It's just not the reaction that you wanted. Right. You thought that he was like, that was gonna be the thing that he was gonna blow up on. Like she said, he didn't blow up, he didn't yell, he didn't scream. And for her, she is just missing the emotional attachment. Like the fact that she said he didn't even get angry, like I wanted him to get angry. When she said I wanted him to yell, I wanted him, she wanted to feel something, which means she feels so emotionally desolate in her marriage that she just she don't even care if it's something that's just gonna like break his heart and blow up, as long as he gives me something that he is still emotionally there. Okay, right?
SPEAKER_01:And then I but again, you wouldn't remember we went about it the wrong way.
SPEAKER_04:You went about it the oh, the the way you went about it was like asinine. Like that that was not that was not the way to go about it at all.
SPEAKER_01:You you gave him a reason to justify anything he wanted to do.
SPEAKER_04:And that's why, that's why the next day he's gonna be.
SPEAKER_01:Because I'm not gonna give you a reason to justify.
SPEAKER_04:He he called up home chicken and was like, we can go on our date now, baby, in in public. And we can we can do this.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not gonna give you a reason. Oh no. I'm not gonna give you a reason. You're gonna have to work for it.
SPEAKER_04:I'm not gonna give you a reason. You're gonna have to work for it. Oh, you want you want out? It's not gonna be that easy. It's not gonna be that easy. Oh, so you're gonna give like little little pieces, huh? Just enough to keep you on the hook. Just enough. So when you tell the judge, I have no idea what she's talking about.
SPEAKER_01:I'm doing everything she asks me. I don't know what's wrong. I I love my wife. I don't want to separate.
SPEAKER_04:See, that's what I'm saying. That's gaslighting. Is it?
SPEAKER_01:It is, but it's true. I do love you.
SPEAKER_04:I do love you too, but we're not talking about us. We're talking about the crazy people.
SPEAKER_01:If I get to the point where I want my cake and Edith too.
SPEAKER_04:When you get to the point you want your whoo. Nothing very your cake and edith too. I can't. But yeah, so I mean, I I think I I think they both were wrong. Neither, neither were in a position to um neither here or there. Yeah, like, yeah, no. Mm-mm. Okay. Yeah. Um, let's see. Where is it? Sorry, guys. Technical difficulties.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god. Look here, guys. She has hours to prepare for this. Weeks and days. She knows when we record and what time she should be ready by now.
SPEAKER_04:Well, it's not my fault. It's because, like, trying to find the stuff on the thing. Where is it? Okay. And plus, this one's like kind of hard to read because of the the writing. Um, okay, here we go. Uh, this is going to be from one of our listeners who would like to remain anonymous. All right. Okay. The the writing on here is a little like it's light, so you guys are gonna have to bear with me.
SPEAKER_01:Do you want me to read it? Um, oh gosh, no. Oh wow. Oh wow. I'm out. This has been the last episode. I'm out.
SPEAKER_04:Come on. Okay. I'm sorry. I love you, babe.
SPEAKER_01:No, you don't.
SPEAKER_04:Um, am I the asshole? Am I the asshole when I started dating my now husband? I let him know that I had a male best friend that I talked to regularly. We were strictly friends, not messing with each other. As time went on, he let me know that he was not comfortable with me calling him my best friend. I obliged him and stopped calling my friend that. We got married on the fifth anniversary, on our fifth anniversary. A few weeks after getting married, my friend sent me a happy birthday text. My husband blew a gasket about me having a man texting me while I was being married. I let him know that I did not know it was a problem at all all of a sudden because he had never said anything about us being friends in the past five years prior. He told me as a married woman, I should know better. The argument went on to the point I blocked my friend so that he could, uh so that we could move on. I pointed out that he had several free males on his page that he had slept with and I would like them removed from his social media. I also reminded him that I was not comfortable with him liking posts and interacting with females on social media as well. He agreed to remove them. Fast forward a year, it seems like everything that I do irritates him. I noticed that whenever he is mad at me, he goes back to liking females' pictures. He has also started back following the females that I asked him to block. I pointed this out to him and he told me that it was a social, that's what social media is for, to follow people and like their pictures. I told him that I did not that I did disagree because that was a boundary that we had set. A week after addressing this, I get a text from him at four in the morning saying he noticed that I follow my ex on TikTok. I let him know that I'm not active on there and didn't realize that I was following him. I showed him my inbox and that we had never interacted with each other. For context, I haven't been with this man in 13 years and he is also married. My husband told me he wants a divorce because he will not be with someone who is following their ex to embarrass him. I told him that I have no problem unfollowing my ex because it's not that serious to me. But he also needed to go back to the boundaries that I had set. He told me no, because even though he slept with a few of them, he has known them since childhood. Am I the asshole, or is he just looking for a reason to be free? He's looking for a reason. He's looking for a reason to be free. He's looking for a goddamn reason. He's looking for a reason to be free. Yeah. Yeah, no.
SPEAKER_01:Look, I can't speak for all marriages, but in my marriages, we have a set of rules. And if I have to abide by them, she gotta abide by them. We don't make exceptions for nobody. It's not the fact that she is friends with someone I was with uh on Facebook.
SPEAKER_04:On Facebook, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But I don't know, I'm not, but it don't matter. Yeah. Um, again, we were kids, so it's not like it ain't that serious. Right. Um, but I I personally think he's just looking for a reason.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And and and if he goes and likes women's pictures every time y'all having a disagreement, he's just looking for a reason.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I agree. He's looking for a reason. Because here's the thing he knew about your friend prior to your marriage, right? Which is kind of crazy. Kind of crazy because if he knew that you had a male friend or a male best friend prior to marriage, it was never a problem. Like she said, it was never a problem before. Um, then once they got married, now all of a sudden I'm just supposed to cut him off. Right. Okay. Like I said, going back, when you are in a committed relationship, especially a marriage, and you have friends of the opposite sex, boundaries must be set. Conversations must be had, right? You have a female friend, right? I don't mind you having your female friend. You've known her. We literally just hung out with her on Saturday. That's my sister. Um, right. She's like a sister to you, right? Um but even though you guys are best friends, even though you guys have a close relationship, you also know that there are things that you wouldn't do. Like you wouldn't, y'all wouldn't go out on day dates alone. You wouldn't stay the night at her place.
SPEAKER_01:She also respects you.
SPEAKER_04:Exactly. Exactly. So that's what I'm saying. But that comes through communication.
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, she her place her new place is nice, right?
SPEAKER_04:It's really not. I want to stay too. I told her I want to come for the weekend. No, uh, we can both stay. Not us booking. Right. I was like, we can we can both stay. We can find a babysitter. Yes, it does. So, you know, we both can stay. Um, but there has to be boundaries set. Now, in my opinion, I think it is unfair for him to just be like, oh, cut the friend off completely just because you guys are, just because like you guys are married, or if he doesn't like him. If it's a situation where his presence makes him uncomfortable or he feels like the other guy does not have good intentions, that's different. I have to consider that because you're my husband, right? If he is texting me once a year to say happy birthday, I don't really see anything wrong with that. If you guys aren't hanging out, you don't have a relationship where it's tight. No usual uh no usual interactions, no usual communication. Like it's not, I feel like it wouldn't be beneficial for me to make a phone call to go out of my way to make a phone call to say, hey, we can't be friends anymore.
SPEAKER_01:When we barely talk anyway. That's my thing. He was my he was her friend while they were dating, right? They had been friends for 13 years.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. But she hasn't been with him for 13 years. Yeah. So I I guess they did date in the past. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, they dated? That's different.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:If they dated at the end.
SPEAKER_04:Wait, did she?
SPEAKER_01:I think see if they now if they date, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I was gonna say now I have to because I didn't I forgot about that.
SPEAKER_01:I don't think they dated. I think they were just friends.
SPEAKER_04:If they were just friends, yeah, if they were just friends.
SPEAKER_01:If they were just friends, that's different. But if they dated, yeah, yeah, then if they date is different, yeah. And that's why I have an issue with what he's doing because you've literally slept with these women you're following.
SPEAKER_04:Yes. So to her point, the women that you're liking and following and that you are interacting with are considered exes because you have had a sexual relationship with them. And then for her as his wife to see a pattern that every time they are going through a tough spot or he's upset with her, the first thing you do is run a social media and you start liking photos. That lets me know that you like photos and you also reach out and now you start playing around with the idea of possibly, you know, making sure you got a lineup just in case this goes south. And then for you to come back and ask her for a divorce. Crazy work. Because he doesn't want to be with a uh a woman who's out here trying to embarrass him, baby. You're embarrassing me. Ooh, say it again, baby. You're embarrassing me by liking all of these women's photos.
SPEAKER_01:This is what this is what I ask. This is this is what I ask. Anytime my guy asked me my situ uh asked me about a situation, I say, How would you feel if she was doing this?
SPEAKER_04:If it was the other way around, right?
SPEAKER_01:And if you wouldn't like that shit, then you can't.
SPEAKER_04:And that's crazy work because you're complaining about one person with her. But she gotta combat women. Because she didn't say it was just one girl that he likes the pictures of, it's other females multiple.
SPEAKER_01:She petty me if I was her as a board member of the petty committee. Since he said it's okay to follow and like their pictures because they went to school together, I would find every male friend I ever went to school with and following. Bye. And like everything they post.
SPEAKER_04:But we already know the same rules don't apply to her that apply to him.
SPEAKER_01:No, was good for the goose. Good for the goose.
SPEAKER_04:Listen, I don't think, I don't think you are the asshole. And I do think that he may be trying to use this as um a means of getting out. Which here's the thing. I don't understand why people have to come up with such extravagant ways to get out of their marriage.
SPEAKER_02:The door is right there. I think it's I mean You want to go? Listen, it's right there. I think you want to go?
SPEAKER_04:Bye. I think it's it's it's quite simple. I mean, in most cases, I'm not gonna say every single case. I think it's pretty quite simple in most cases to just be like, you and this ain't working. Like, you don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, you don't want to put forth the effort to be here, I don't want to put forth the effort to be here. So let's just call it quiz.
SPEAKER_01:To me, it sounds like he wants to have control without accountability.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And that's the issue, that's a red flag.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I mean, but we in it to win it already, you know? And like she said, I would be willing to like, you know, let go of whatever it is that's causing him grief. But she's willing. Yeah, because she's like, it's it does it doesn't, it's not gonna cost me my marriage. Like it's not that, like she said, it is not that serious to me. But maybe he don't bust the marriage. But if it's not that serious to me and I'm willing to acquiesce to your um your your request, your request, I think it's only fair that we go back to the boundaries that I had set a year prior about you unfollowing and not liking the photos of the people that you have previously slept with. Because that doesn't make me feel comfortable. And the excuse that you gave me is because you've known him since childhood still doesn't make me feel comfortable. So this is where I also say, um, like on the like with the last story about him like gaslighting, I think the response of him saying he wants a divorce too is also a little bit form of like for me of gaslighting because now it's like you're trying to threaten me with it. Like I feel like you're threatening me with it. Like it's like him, he's saying, Well, you know what, I want a divorce then. Okay. Okay. And but he knows that she's gonna be like, like, no, I don't want to do that, you know. But if you, if you, if he really wants a divorce, if you feed people the same energy that they give you, their story changes. So if you don't seem, if you don't seem moved by it, if he came to you was like, okay, well, I want a divorce because you out here trying to make me look bad, and your response is, you know what? You're right. I think we should go ahead and file for that. Because I I too feel embarrassed. And we shouldn't be in a relationship, especially a marriage where we both both feel embarrassed. So it's playing games. It is playing games. I'm not I'm gonna. What a counseling. That don't work in divorce. Listen, but if if he if he is that serious and you come to me, because the thing is, is I don't play about the D word, right? If you I feel like the the D word should only come up if that is a real, like viable option. Like we are really gonna sit. That's not something you throw in somebody's face because we're in a disagreement. That's not something you throw in somebody's face because you're upset with me at the moment, because you're you're just mad at me. So you're like, you know what? I want a divorce. That's not how, that's not how we argue. That's not how we get through stuff. You're not gonna sit here, you're not gonna sit here and hang divorce over my head. Because if you if that's wild confusion, because listen, if they decide not to go through the with a divorce, right? And she's and she goes to him and she's like, um, like, oh my gosh, like it's not that serious. I don't want to throw our marriage away. All the time that we've put in, like, I love you, you know, I trust you, and all this, that, and the third. The next time he gets a hair up his ass, or the next time he doesn't agree with something that she does, he's gonna bring it again. Yeah, he's gonna bring it up again. And then that's that becomes manipulation. Okay, it's talked about it. That becomes manipulation because this is the person that is supposed to care for you. This is the person who says they love you unconditionally. This is the person who says that they they value you as a person, they value you as, you know, their wife, the person that said that they will take care of you, but you're gonna hold divorce over my head, or you're gonna let you're gonna let something as small as somebody from my past who told me happy birthday to come between us and ruin our entire marriage. Even after I told you I would be willing to block him, not talk to him, or anything if it made you that uncomfortable. I'm making a sacrifice as your wife with my friendship because you're my husband, but then your response to me about not making the sacrifice to stop following and liking your previous ex's uh photos on social media is because you've known them for a long time. And then you want to hang divorce over my head? BFFR.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, be mother for real.
SPEAKER_04:BFFR.
SPEAKER_01:B mother. That's gonna be a hard no hard no.
SPEAKER_04:Hard no. So, no, I don't, I do think that she said all that to say. I say all that to say that I do think he's probably using it as an excuse to like either to get out of the marriage or to create the situation like this. No, the the separation situation. Remember the story from last week where it's like, okay, well, we're going on a separation, so I can go out, and I don't think that was his intention, but in this case, it might be a setup for well, maybe we need some time apart so he can go over there and do what he needs to do, and then when it's done and over with, and he, you know, tap that for another time, then he can come back and be like, Okay, now we can tap that for another time. Now we can now we can work on us again, babe.
SPEAKER_01:Not tap that for another time. That's wild.
SPEAKER_04:Now we can work on us. But if you you've you've compromised, yeah. You said that you were willing to give it up because for you it's not that serious, but he doesn't want to give up liking photos. And and if he likes, you know, in my opinion, if he's liking photos, there's probably DMs too.
SPEAKER_01:Oh Lord, here you go with this. We're not gonna get to that. That's not true.
SPEAKER_04:These are women that he has slept with before, these are women he has history with. You're right, these are women that he follows on social media, you're right. Men are visual creatures. Well, you're right, you're right. Okay, and physical creatures. If you keep putting something, if you keep putting something in front of y'all for too long, eventually you're gonna get curious.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, she she's coming to me. I'm not looking for her. Bye, Debelle.
SPEAKER_04:Goodbye. I can't. So yeah, I I I I think I think you should go with your instinct on this one. All right. Um, those were pretty long ones. We got one more. You want to do one more? The one from the Instagram. We can do one more. Um, okay, here we go. Wait. Am I am I overthinking? The one for Instagram? Yes. Okay. Um, okay, so she also would like to remain anonymous. So am I overthinking? Um, first, I want to say I love you guys so much. Y'all keep me rolling. Thank you, girl. Uh bye. But to the story, she's a 29-year-old female, uh black female currently living in Georgia and dating a 32-year-old black male who lives in Michigan. Uh, she says, we plan to move to Texas together in mid-2026. We met 10 years ago during summer break in 2015 in Florida. For the first two years, we flew back and forth seeing each other. I was in college at the time and decided to end it because let's be honest, I'm young. I love how she wrote that. Um, I was kept on lock growing up, so I'm finally quote unquote free and I didn't want the commitment. Plus, the distance got expensive. We kept in touch, but stopped completely after 2021 when we both got into relationships and he moved to Dubai. Fast forward to 2025, April, he's back in Michigan where we're both single. We reconnect and it's like no time had skipped and we didn't skip a beat. We're on FaceTime for hours. He's coming to visit every month. He's retired, so he has the flexibility to move as such. Ooh, I like that. Retired at 32. Calm down, keep it in advance. Bye. He's retired, so he has the flexibility to move as such. He's uh here's the problem: the ex, a white 26-year-old female, and she is still in his house. I'm currently visiting, and he put me in a hotel. A beautiful one, but a hotel. She knows about me and has written me in the past when he and I were just friends trying to quote unquote threaten me during an episode. I know she struggles with mental health, doesn't have family there, and doesn't have anything saved up. He's the kind of man to make sure everything is on him and that he takes care of it all. Never I. I will always have my own, shaking my head. So he said he's just being nice and letting her stay to save up till he leaves in January 2026. He's going to Texas first, then I'm following a few months later. Currently, she doesn't know that I'm back in the picture or even currently here. And damn it, I feel some type of way. He said she's seen me, she's seen my name come up and have gotten upset, and she's begged him to move on with anyone but me. He doesn't want to tell her because the next few months will be hell in his house. He's also just started getting back uh reconnected with his old friends since she's been his only friend for the past few years. I do kind of understand. I feel like my ex was my best friend and didn't want to hurt him either when we broke up and had to complete the remaining five months of our lease. So I walked on eggshells to keep him comfortable. But this is stupid. Would you believe him? If y'all are done and she understands that, why does it matter that it's me? Am I just an overthinker or does this sound off?
SPEAKER_01:I think it matters because it's you, because you are the one and you're the reason why he don't want to be with her. That's why it mattered. That's why it mattered. Because she felt like she got a chance if it was anybody else. But she can't compete with you.
SPEAKER_04:So she knows that she wasn't wants you. You the up. You the up. You the up! No, because I think I think women know when a man is really into another woman. Like if I'm if I'm giving my all and it's still something about her that's pulling you.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Like, you know, if Maya walk in here, you're gonna have to fight.
SPEAKER_04:I'm not fighting, boy.
SPEAKER_01:Lord, no.
SPEAKER_04:I am too damn grown to be fighting.
SPEAKER_01:If Maya walk, if Maya walking here, Coco!
SPEAKER_04:If Maya walking here, she's gonna walk right back out. Or Coco, she's gonna walk back out.
SPEAKER_01:I might be behind her.
SPEAKER_04:Bye.
SPEAKER_01:Bye.
SPEAKER_02:But you're not you're not tripping. You you the I. That's why she that's why she wanted to be you, you the I. Because she knows that he he wants you. That's right. He wants the key word is he wants you. He was in a situation ship with her.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. He wanted to be he wants you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So I don't think, I don't think you're overthinking it.
SPEAKER_01:And let's not, let's be honest, women can't handle rejection.
SPEAKER_04:A lot of women can't handle rejection. For you, but but and here's the thing too. Okay, I can understand his point of view about trying to keep not just keep her calm enough for the next few months or whatever. He don't want no issue. He don't want no issue. But I mean, if y'all, if they not together, like I know he don't want to put her out on the street, right? He could at least say, in my opinion, I think he could at least be like, Look, I know that you probably don't have everything right now, but I can give you a month.
SPEAKER_02:Look here.
SPEAKER_04:A month, a month, or two months. See, look here. Like something. But I don't think I don't think he should let her stay there the entire time.
SPEAKER_01:I get what you're saying, but you're thinking also thinking from a woman's brain. He's probably already told her, hey, you can stay here until I leave. Yeah, he has. That's what she's saying. And he don't want to renege on that. And at the same time, he wants to be with what uh with the other lady, but he don't want he don't want the issue, he don't want to have to come home with her being an issue in his eyes. I know. And he don't want to kick her out. So he just he trying to he trying to keep it, he's trying to keep it cool across the board until he gets to where he really wants to be.
SPEAKER_04:I know. I just don't know if that works for me.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, again, it's her it's her horse to tolerate it. Like, I mean, if you trust him, it's it is her horse to tolerate it or not.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, like it's but again I mean, and he doesn't seem like he's giving off trying to play both sides, according to how she's explaining it. It doesn't seem like he's trying to give off playing both sides. You know what I'm saying? Um, but I guess we'll see come January. But the fact that she's like, oh, pretty much he can move on with anybody but you, she's jealous. She knows that he wants you, so she's feeling rejected. You know what I'm saying? Um, but yeah, like I don't know, the whole five five months, that's that's a lot of time to still have to go home and have another woman in your space. Yeah. And then like me knowing that there's another woman in your space for the next five months. And I know it's because you're trying to keep the peace in your own life, and we also know that she But you better come and be be the anti-peace, right? No, listen, we but like she said, she also knows that she deals with mental health. So we don't know what the extent what kind of crazy she is. Yeah, what kind of case you know because you know, she's so we don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, wow.
SPEAKER_04:We're getting canceled. No, that's not what I meant. Oh my gosh. Or just say, you know, because she but she made a point to put that in there.
SPEAKER_01:All right, y'all. We're gonna just go ahead and jump into the comments of the week because she's going off the end here. Um, the comment of the week, they both come from the picture I posted, my senior picture I posted of us on the podcast page. Um uh the first comment comes from someone who I thought was my friend.
SPEAKER_03:Uh, she is your friend. Bye.
SPEAKER_01:And she came for me. She swears I'd be coming for her, but I don't. This be nothing but love. You know, we have been to each other's homes. How dare she say such names? It's always love.
SPEAKER_04:It's always love.
SPEAKER_01:So the first comment comes from Angel Rodriguez herself, Angel Rodriguez Rivals. Um, go follow them if you don't. They're good people. She says, already collecting social security in this picture. Ma'am, I was 17.
unknown:You
SPEAKER_04:18 in that picture.
SPEAKER_01:I was 17 in that picture.
SPEAKER_04:I was 17 in that picture.
SPEAKER_01:I was 17 in that picture.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, so I was 16.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. Oh, I was 17. Now look here. I know that I I've been a man a long time. I had facial hair. I've had facial hair since I've been a long time. But you don't have to come up like that. That wouldn't call for.
SPEAKER_04:She's already collecting social security in this picture.
SPEAKER_01:There's no white hair there. There's no grays. There's no white.
SPEAKER_04:He's had a beard since he was like four. I've been grown my whole life. So, you know, that's probably what And because Angel made me feel so bad.
SPEAKER_01:The second comment comes from the same post where this I don't this young lady, this beautiful soul, said that my wife and I, she said, y'all got the Benjamin Button disease. Y'all never age gracefully. Y'all, y'all aged uh y'all have aged gracefully together. And I said, Thank you. I appreciate that because my own friend, Angel Rodriguez, and then when I talked to her, her husband, he he backed her up as he should. Shout out to Anthony. He backed her up. I said, You do you being a good husband right now, but I don't want to hear that.
SPEAKER_04:He's supposed to be a friend right now.
SPEAKER_01:You being a good husband, but I don't want to hear that. But you know, you you never know what you're gonna get when you're dealing with them cowboy fans. You know. We love them. We love them, but we all can't be raised, right?
SPEAKER_04:Bye. Anyways, uh, this has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast.
SPEAKER_01:And the Eagles just scored again. Go Birds, we're gonna win today. And the Dodgers are gonna win today as well. Dodger Blue, stay true, go Birds.
SPEAKER_04:Okay. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. Uh I want to hear it, sir. Doo doo doo doo doo. If you're not doing so already, don't forget to like and follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, at Life After I Do. No, that's a real site. Okay. Life After I Do podcast. Um, don't forget you can also write into the podcast at lifeafter I do podcast at gmail.com. Yes, yep. You guys are so amazing. We love reading your stories. We appreciate that you appreciate like our advice and reactions to your stories. Um, thank you for all of our new booskies who have joined the family. All the love that you guys have been showing us. We have some fun and exciting things that we're working on behind the scenes for you guys to you know keep our little community growing. But um, you get a new episode every Wednesday. All the love and support, guys. Okay. Till next time. Peace booskies. Peace booskies.
SPEAKER_01:Go birds.
