Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 21
We’re diving into boundaries in a big way this week—across marriage, money, and personal decisions.
In this installment of Our 2 Cents, we break down a honeymoon surprise gone wrong, financial tension in a single-income household, and whether lending inheritance money to family is ever a good idea. Plus, we open up an honest conversation about birth control and the role your partner should (or shouldn’t) play in decisions about your body.
This episode also marks a major moment for us—10,000 downloads! We’re so grateful for the love and support, and we talk a bit about what’s been going on with us personally, too.
From disagreements to eye-openers, this one’s packed with perspectives you don’t want to miss.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
There's been a lot of great second place winners.
Speaker 2:Hey, if second is where you feel comfortable in life, by all means do you boo-boo, do you?
Speaker 1:But there is no competition, there's no competition. I like how you get perked up when I say that I'm just saying, I love triggering you.
Speaker 2:I wasn't triggered. Yes, you were I just always remind you she going to cuss me out y'allall after we're done with this hello, good morning, good evening whenever you're listening to this. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Life After Rage podcast. Ok, that's enough.
Speaker 1:Can you, like you know, they come here for the doo doo, doo, doo doo, they don't, you know. Just say your part so we can get to the meat and the potatoes of the intro. Okay, do-do-do-do-do, you're a mess, I'm a mess, you're a mess.
Speaker 2:Anyway, thank you for joining us. I'm a mess right now.
Speaker 1:I can't eat, can't sleep, feels like piling high. Ain't worked in three weeks Shut up.
Speaker 2:I can turn anything into a song. Hey everybody, Welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do podcast. I hope everyone's doing great out there. He's always quick with the serenade. I am.
Speaker 1:I'm riding high today.
Speaker 2:I'm in a good mood, that's good. Endorphins are up, they on a thousand, oh, that's good. Endorphins are up Day on a thousand, oh, that's good. I know because you're shining.
Speaker 1:Shining like a nickel.
Speaker 2:Shining like a nickel.
Speaker 1:Did you take three workouts today? Shining, shining, shining. I did Shining. Yeah, that explains it. That explains it I thought this was organic.
Speaker 2:It's not. It's not organic. Hey, hi, booskies, how are you doing? I'm good. How are you feeling? Feeling I'm okay. On a scale of one to ten, I'm about a six and a half seven.
Speaker 1:Six and a half seven, yeah, well, that ass is fat, but grateful, nonetheless grateful. That ass is fat.
Speaker 2:Yes, but the fact that I'm struggling to. How was your week?
Speaker 1:My week was very long, very, very long.
Speaker 2:How.
Speaker 1:Because the week started off bad, okay, with my gallbladder attack. I was in an emergency room hospital for a night and then stayed home for a couple of days, so I didn't get my work week started till late in the week Right. Then I ended up working on a day I don't normally work to make up for the days I miss. That was terrible. So now I only end up having one day off. Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:All because of that gallbladder.
Speaker 1:All because of this damn gallbladder. Don't get old. It's rough out here in these streets for old niggas.
Speaker 2:Goodbye.
Speaker 1:It's rough out here.
Speaker 2:Or you can just like.
Speaker 1:Watch what you're eating. I do watch it as I put it on the floor. Okay, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:I watch it. That's because you had a lot of beef too Last weekend. What? Who got beef with me? Okay, I'm not in the mood to melt. Hold up, hold up girl, hold up girl. I'm not in the mood for your, for your, shenanigans.
Speaker 1:You let a get shenanigans one time He'll shenan again.
Speaker 2:He'll shenan again. Don't let him shenan, not once. But.
Speaker 1:I mean, overall, it was a pretty good week. I feel like I'm getting stronger, but I'm also getting fatter. You're getting fatter, but okay, my stomach's still big. Yeah, oh, wow, yeah. Y'all see how she do me. Y'all see how she do me.
Speaker 2:Y'all see how she do me. My son is yeah Mine is too.
Speaker 1:No, it's not, babe.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, goodbye.
Speaker 1:No, it's not babe, but I can see your fabs. Only in the morning, only for the first 30 minutes of the day.
Speaker 2:But nonetheless, I can see your fabs the second I eat something.
Speaker 1:it's a wrap.
Speaker 2:They gone, they gone. Your fabs, the second I eat something. That's right, they go, they go. But but you know the potential is there and I think that's enough. How was your week to get you where?
Speaker 1:you gotta go um my week was good.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, just getting through. Are you done all?
Speaker 1:right, are you done?
Speaker 2:I'm just playing great good how was your week I could really go just take a nap. I'm always down for a good nap. I'm like I really could. No, my week was good, just getting through all. Still all her birthday gifts because you know now we have to open everything, and she wants to play with everything Now.
Speaker 1:you just triggered me because not, not because not not, not her, so she got an easy bake over it.
Speaker 2:They're called a yum yum, whatever it's called it's easy, bake over and not.
Speaker 1:Her making her first little cake yesterday and she proceeded to eat a piece, gave her mama piece and then she gonna tell me oh no, dad, because you don't have the calories for this. Ma'am, she's looking out for you, but did you?
Speaker 2:see how she the smallest piece that she gave you, and did you hear what she said? The smallest piece that she gave you, yes, and did you hear what she said when she gave it?
Speaker 1:to me.
Speaker 2:She was like I only gave you a little piece, Mom, because I know I don't want you to get fat again, so I only gave you a little piece.
Speaker 1:I said at least you got a piece Shit.
Speaker 2:I said girl.
Speaker 1:And it's about this thin the whole pan, probably 100 calories.
Speaker 2:I was like girl, she was so proud she did really good. She used the measurement spoons and stuff and she read out the measurements. I tried to do my best to not interfere. When I see she's doing something I try to let her figure it out. Sometimes it's hard because if you can see someone's error, you try to stop them or try to correct it before they can make the mistake. And so I told her.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm just going to hear, I'm just going to be here to supervise, but you need to make sure you read the directions, understand the directions and then follow the directions, you know. And she was like I got it and everything and she needed the tablespoons. And so I gave her the measuring spoons, like the pack of measuring spoons, and I was like so whichever measuring it tells you you need, you need to look for the spoons. I was like because all of the spoons are right here, but you need to look for them. And she was like okay, so she's like reading them and she's like, oh, tablespoon. And she was like this one's tablespoon, two, but it says one, okay, one tablespoon, and I tablespoon. And I was just like. I was like look at my baby. And she was like see, mom kids can bake. I was like look at my little baby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a whole show.
Speaker 2:I was like my baby. I was proud of her, though, and, more importantly, she was proud of herself.
Speaker 1:Okay, I wish she'd be proud of herself with the other aspects of her life life.
Speaker 2:She is like cleaning. Oh I mean, who's gonna be enthusiastic about that? That's crazy work it's. It's crazy where? That's because she probably sees me unenthusiastically doing it that's crazy. That's crazy work. I won't go say goodbye. You've been slagging anyway.
Speaker 1:I have not cut it out well, well, you know, guys, you have made the episode 101 you get on my last nerve sometimes this is episode 101 of a life after I do podcast he was about to say the other one no, I wasn't. Yes, you were and I have sat at this table or we started on the couch, yeah, with my wife, for 101 times at least and every time she comes for me and who came?
Speaker 2:No one, literally no one came for you. You just came for me talking about I was slacking in my housekeeping. And I think from this point on, I think but you know, I can show you what slacking looks like. If you would prefer to come home to a dirty home. I can make that happen for you, and then I can show you what it's really like to slack. Would you like that? Because?
Speaker 1:you know what?
Speaker 2:happens when you make comments like that. I guess I could show you better than I can tell you.
Speaker 1:It's like, because no one wants to wash dishes nine times a day. It's like the real. Your brother lost him yesterday, my brother, he said. He said, when your wife tells you that she's thinking about a home approval project, you know, like the floors or new carpet. Jess explained to her that the floors wouldn't look as bad if she actually got down there and cleaned them.
Speaker 2:You know what? And I said send this to yourself. Absolutely not, Absolutely not. No, these Cracking me up. I've been complaining because I want new floors. Mainly. I want new floors because I also want new floors and I also want new floor beds, baseboards, baseboards.
Speaker 1:Yeah, floor beds is wild. You know what I mean. Not if you're wanting something and you don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:But you know what I mean. That's why you were able to correct me. Guys, we want new beds on the floor.
Speaker 1:You know I want new floor beds.
Speaker 2:Floor beds are a thing, ok, but anyway, yes, I want new floors and I want new baseboards. And it's because we have painted, we repainted the house like a few years ago and I just feel like the floors don't really vibe with the house and I also feel like, because these are still the same floors from the last.
Speaker 1:The last owners this house is going to start, we're going to get floors, so I want. Then. And then the last owners this house is going to start, we're going to get floors, so I want. And then you'll be like you know what? I think the floors actually look better with this paint color. Then we got the paint again. No, I know the paint for sure I'm not changing.
Speaker 2:I absolutely love the paint that I chose For sure. For sure I'm not going to change the paint because the paint feel and look lighter. I mean, the walls were custard before. So, anything outside of that would have been better. I could have painted the whole house red and it still would have been better than the 1990s custard that was in here.
Speaker 2:Well, like everyone you know, in for a treat, because we did a special. What was it? R2 Cents for the 100th episode, but we also do R2Cents at the beginning of each new month. Well, at the end. So you guys are in for a twofer.
Speaker 1:It's an all-in you got too. If you only get one in September, don't come for us, right? This is true. That part this is true.
Speaker 2:But everyone's favorite, r2cents, which are the reaction videos, is true, that part, this is true, that part, this is true. But um everyone's favorite, our two cents, which are the reaction videos are true, they're really fun for me too, like I enjoy doing our two cents for one, whether the stories are true or not. I think it's diabolical that people even think about them think about them or like. These are some people's real life situations which I think is.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's interesting, it keeps life interesting, so you can't complain about that. So we got a few hour two cents for you guys today. So let me see, I'll start you off, you know calm.
Speaker 1:Okay, not too crazy, not too much, not too much.
Speaker 2:Okay. Am I overreacting for being mad at my fiance for inviting his mother on our honeymoon? Okay, okay, all right. My fiance, who is 30, and I'm, a 29 year old female, are getting married in November. We have been planning our honeymoon in Greece for over a year now. Yesterday he told me that he invited his mom to join us for the first few days of the honeymoon because she's always dreamed of going to Greece. He thought it would be a quote, unquote, sweet surprise. I told him that I was not OK with that and that our honeymoon is something for us, not for his mom. He says that I'm being controlling and ungrateful seeing that he is paying for the entire trip. Am I overreacting or making a big deal of this or what I'm going?
Speaker 1:to say slightly.
Speaker 2:Slightly overreacting.
Speaker 1:Slightly.
Speaker 2:Why? Because he paying.
Speaker 1:Not because he's paying, oh why. Because I mean, I mean that helps, but I think what he's trying to, I think he's probably finally got in the position to give his mom something he always wanted to give her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And he's trying to take advantage.
Speaker 2:He's trying to kill two birds with one stone.
Speaker 1:That's it. And so as a man, I see that and it's like it's just a couple days Now. She got just because she going with us don't mean she got to tag along with everything, but that's what she's gonna do. She's going to be with us, you don't know because, okay, yes, I do I do, because now she's in greece with her son.
Speaker 2:So now she also wants to make memories being in greece with her son. And guess who's there? His new wife. So guess whose honeymoon is going to be ruined? Mine, it's not gonna be ruined as long as she don't know, but the point is is I don't want to see your mom on my honeymoon.
Speaker 1:I don't care if it's just doing breakfast, but she come by goodbye, good damn bye.
Speaker 2:I don't want to see your mom on my honeymoon. This is supposed to be a time this is supposed to be a time and space for just the two of us, and especially because we're starting our life together. If you want to, if you want to treat your mom to a trip to Greece, if you got the money to treat her now, you're going to have the money to get her her own separate trip?
Speaker 1:No, because he probably got a discount. Let me ask you this Would you feel better about it if she was there the last couple of days instead of the first couple of days? I would feel better, I'm just trying to say In case I do something like this In the future.
Speaker 2:I would feel better this is research now If she wasn't there. Oh For our honeymoon, okay. Now, if you wanted to plan A family vacation For us to go back, okay, I'm down with that. That's different, I'm down. But our honeymoon, right. Our first night together as man and wife.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's gonna be a hard. It's the same with JJ. Ain't nothing new about it.
Speaker 2:I really just don't even know how I tolerate you at times. Why, babe? I really don't even understand how my life got here sometimes Okay.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is I understand why she's upset, I understand all that. I understand him too, but I understand what he's trying to do and you know I get it like but your priority shouldn't be surprised like giving a great surprise to your mom.
Speaker 2:It's me okay, and if that makes me sound selfish, then so be it, because I'm your wife. I don't give two shits about surprising your mama right now. It's my honeymoon. I thought it'd be a great surprise for my mom and I'm able to do this for my mom. Do it for her another time.
Speaker 1:But what if he don't think he'll be able to do it again?
Speaker 2:Listen, that's not my testimony. That's not my testimony. I don't know what to tell you. Husband, work harder, make more money. If it's that important for you to send your mama to Greece, I I'm gonna tell you that you need to work harder you need to make more money so you can buy another ticket to send her to greece.
Speaker 1:I don't know what to tell you. That's not my testimony, not my testimony.
Speaker 2:it's my honeymoon, so I think you're slightly overreacting. No, I don't think you are, but anyway. Um, okay, am I the asshole for telling my wife either she gets a job or I'm putting her on an allowance? Okay, my wife who's 34. I'm sorry, my wife who's 34 and I'm 34. She's a stay at home mom and she likes to spin frivolously.
Speaker 1:Lord, come on now, let's get into it. Forget you.
Speaker 2:After the kids go to school on the bus, she usually goes back to bed, then wakes up, goes starbucks to have a coffee and bagel and browse her phone. Then she goes to the gym after going shopping. She doesn't always buy things, sometimes it's just window shopping, but she spent fifteen hundred dollars by herself, um some months on clothes, hair, nails, makeup, eyebrows, buying eyelashes and packages called things like baddie or fuck boy, etc. I told her that we need to get her on a budget and to stick to it, and if she can't, then I'll have no choice but to put her on an allowance or she can go and get a job. She was furious. She said if I wanted a working wife then I should have married a hard working girl instead of her. I reminded her that when we first married, she did have plans to work and had all those big plans on becoming a quote unquote businesswoman. Yet she never acted on anything.
Speaker 2:She called me an ungrateful asshole and then said divorce me. Then I don't know what to do. Am I an asshole for telling her to either get a handle on her spending, get a job or I'll put her on an allowance. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:no, you're not an asshole. And first of all I thought I wrote this until he said 1500 and I said, oh no, that's not my story, that's not, that's not your is not your testimony, ma'am, I can relate to this. You absolutely cannot relate to it Because I'm not saying not right now, but like in your first couple post-COVID stay-at-home mom, years you were balling out of control.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say balling, but I was spending without thinking you was out there. I wasn't say balling, but I was spending without thinking you was out there. I wasn't balling out of control, but I did spend a lot without thinking. You still do. Well, and my way of thinking too was that. And then also, I was like I'm pretty sure some of the money I made is still there anyway. That's not how it is. You haven't been working for three years. At that point. You haven't been working for three years. At that point I was like some of that money, like the money that's in the saving, is it still money that I'm sure I've contributed to, because I'm sure that has not been spent.
Speaker 2:So therefore, like it's my money too, Like you know, it's the same thing.
Speaker 1:I feel like it's the same. Sir, you're not an asshole. I don't think you're an asshole. This is actually something that really needs to be reined in, because when you are, when you are a single income household, everything needs to be accounted for.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I'll just spend it Now. Granted there's. So now I will say my wife does not just spend money to spend money. I will get rid of that. She only buys things that she she deems necessary. Now she deems a lot of things necessary, but she's not out here wild, nope, right, and I've gotten really good at like, even like saving. Yeah, she does, thank you now look here.
Speaker 2:Look, but old navy hate to see her coming well, you know, me and old navy, we go, we go back way too far.
Speaker 1:So I was like babe, you still.
Speaker 2:This is why we are not in college anymore I know, but I just I've always loved old navy, since I was like 19, I don't know why it's great for fast pieces, you know I don't think you're asshole.
Speaker 1:This is something that has to be because if if it gets out of control, it can't hinder the whole house yeah and I think that, uh, she needs to understand that and I would say, um, I would just give her a lot more, I would, honestly, would just actually no, that probably wouldn't work. She'd just overdraft the account.
Speaker 2:Listen here, because she sound like the type to just swipe. This is what I'll say. Just swipe, this is what I'll say. Go ahead, what you gonna say. As a woman who is in a, you know, like a non-traditional working, I like to say it that way, a non-traditional working woman.
Speaker 1:How are you non-traditional? Never mind Okay.
Speaker 2:In a non-working tradition setting, you know, but anyway, as someone who is a stay-at-home mom for now, For now I will say Breaking news people.
Speaker 2:Shut up. I will say this For you to come to her like it, probably because this feels very all of a sudden to me, right, and this probably came up he was probably doing bills, looking at the numbers and he was like I know, I know in God's greener if she did not like spend this much, and then he just came to her and dropped this bomb, like either you get on allowance or you have to go back to work, because I'm sure this habit has been going on for quite some time. And so, like I have told you in the past, you cannot make me feel like everything is okay and then all of a sudden want to come and lay down the hammer Because I was blind to what was really happening.
Speaker 2:No, you weren't blind. You're not blind. Every 29 days when you sit down and look at the bills and pay credit cards and do all you're not blind. But you sit there and you're cussing and fussing to yourself, but you haven't said anything to her. And then now it's getting to a point where she, like that, she's blind to what, however, you're paying bills.
Speaker 2:She's blind to, however, the money she just knows that eggs listen, and that's what I say. That's what. That's what I say. Because if you haven't been having the conversation with her about, hey, babe, let me just let you know, like I know I take care of the bills. I know that I work, but this is what our you know our monthly income is. This is what our bills are. I really need you to pay attention to when you're spending, you know, just so that I can ensure that we stay on track.
Speaker 2:If you haven't had previous conversations with her about that. And then, all of a sudden, because she spent $1,500 in one month, and now you're like, nope, I'm going to lay down the hammer, that's not going to go over. Well, because, like, we've had conversations like that too, right, where it's like if you put me in a state of being comfortable and I'm just like, okay, like if it's there, if it's there, and I don't feel like I'm putting our household at risk, I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to get it, like what's the problem? And you never coming to me saying hey, babe, I don't really think that was a smart decision to spend $170 on a pair of tennis shoes. If you don't say things like that in my mind, I'm like.
Speaker 2:I'm like, you're like, so you know he was cool with. That Doesn't mean I'm going to keep doing it, but but she will, because he ain't said nothing Right. But, then you want to wait to the last minute to come and be like, okay, now I'm going to put you on an allowance. And her reaction is just what her reaction was, because I would have been like, oh, now you want to put me on allowance, I haven't worked in a decade, and now you want to talk about.
Speaker 1:You want to come talk to me about money. I don't know if it's been a decade. I know, but I'm just saying Also, I kind of feel like it could also have been the way he said it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. That's why.
Speaker 1:I said it. It could have been the way he said it. That's why I said it feels all of a sudden Like if you were to come to me and just be household money. You just part b, you're just part of the house. Good damn, it's my money too. It's household.
Speaker 2:But um, yeah, but if you come to me that way, instead of saying hey, can we talk sitting down and being like hey. So I just want you to know, like, I don't mind you getting the things that you need. I know that there's like shopping that you like to do, but if you can be a little bit more mindful because this month, you know we were here and I need us to stay here to be comfortable, for me to pay the bills, for you to continue, you know, doing the little shopping that you can do, or for you to continue driving the car that you want to drive, like, like, if he came at it with a different angle, then she could sit there and be like, ok, maybe spending fifteen hundred dollars last night was, I mean, last month was a bit much. Right, right, maybe that was, maybe that was a bit much.
Speaker 2:And if he's Starbucks and if he's telling me like it's, he's not saying that he has a problem with me spending money.
Speaker 1:It's just the mouth.
Speaker 2:He's just telling me you can't be spending fifteen hundred dollars like this every month because you're going to drive us right into the poorhouse If spending $1,500 like this every month because you're going to drive us right into the poorhouse. If he came from that angle, I would be like, okay, you know what, I get it. I understand Like, maybe I don't spend $500 at Sephora, maybe I only spend $250. You know, compromise, I get it. Don't trigger me. What's the matter? I have not spent that much at Sephora in a very long time. So please, fucking Sephora, mac.
Speaker 1:Please, please, estee Lauder.
Speaker 2:What Now? You're just like throwing out all the brands that you remember Bloomingdale's, demeo.
Speaker 1:Cut it out, all these places that are just built to break up marriages. But you don't say nothing when I surprise you with stuff that's different oh yeah, that's different you surprise me with stuff that came from the house account in which my check went. So it's like you surprise me with spending my money on me. It is our money. Hey, babe, here's your gift for you but it's because.
Speaker 2:It's because you wouldn't have thought to get it for yourself. So it's the what that counts.
Speaker 1:You're thinking about me, and it's the thought that counts. I wish your daughter would think about me.
Speaker 2:A gift is a gift, okay. Okay. Am I the asshole for refusing to let my sister borrow $15,000 from my inheritance to pay for her dream wedding? Oh no. To pay for her dream wedding, oh no. So, for context, my dad passed away three years ago and left me a 28-year-old female, my sister, who's 26, each a portion of his estate. He was very intentional about how he divided things. My sister got the house, which was already mortgage-free, because she lived with him and cared for him. Toward the end, I, on the other hand, got a lump sum of money about $50,000, because I had moved out years earlier and was already renting my own place.
Speaker 2:My sister has always been a little reckless with money. She works, but she's constantly taking trips, buying luxury items and upgrading her car every couple of years. Meanwhile, I've been using my inheritance responsibly I paid off a huge chunk of my student loans, built an emergency fund and I'm saving for a down payment on a house. Here's where the problem starts. My sister got engaged last year and is planning a massive, over-the-top wedding. We're talking a $60,000 budget with a fancy venue, custom dress dress and an open bar for 300 guests.
Speaker 2:She recently came to me and asked if she could borrow 15K for my inheritance money because she and her fiance are coming up short. She swore up and down that she would pay me back within the year once their finances got in order. I told her no, that money isn't just sitting there for me to throw around. It's for my future. Plus, given her history with money, I don't even believe that she'd pay me back.
Speaker 2:She flipped out crying about how dad would want her to have the wedding of her dreams and how I'm being selfish because I already used the money to better my life while she hasn't even got anything out of hers yet. My mom sided with her and told me that I should help family and that weddings are a once in a lifetime thing. But my fiance, who's 29, and friends think that I'd be insane to hand over 15,000 for a party. My sister and I haven't spoken properly in weeks. She told extended family that I'm ruining her big day because I'm hoarding money For the record. If she had asked for a smaller amount for something important like medical bills or emergency expenses, I might have considered helping, but a luxury wedding Absolutely not. Now I've been painted a villain and I can't help but wonder if I'm being too rigid. Am I the asshole for refusing to lend her the 15K for her wedding, even though I did get inheritance money?
Speaker 1:Not at all, Girl. No, You're either the daughter hero or let alone I'll see yourself become the villain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like that's going to be a hard no. And then now you say you're going to pay me back, but your finances ain't even in order now.
Speaker 1:Hold on hold on hold on.
Speaker 2:That makes no sense.
Speaker 1:I haven't said this in a long time what man fuck her and her fiance.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 1:Goodbye. Look here. Your sister's right about one thing Her dad would want her to have a lovely wedding. Now dad might also tell her this ain't in your budget.
Speaker 2:Or he would pay for it if he was here.
Speaker 1:He would make a way to pay for it, but he's not here and if you're so sure about this wedding and your fiance, ma'am, you have a asset and a house that is paid for that you can leverage mortgage free go take that $15,000 out against the house yep, but she ain't gonna do that, oh, cause that's where they're gonna live mortgage free oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You ain't been paying a mortgage for how many years? Come on now. I mean, if I didn't have a mortgage, shit, balling shit, you are not there, so I wouldn't give her, yeah, I wouldn't get my biggest.
Speaker 2:My biggest thing, I'm on the side of her.
Speaker 1:I'm you know. You know how I feel about parties. Yeah, I know, you know how you hold up you know how. You know how he loves parties. I do not love parties. You know how anti-wedding I was for us and I at the when we first got engaged. That was a big tussle for us because she wanted a wedding and I was like I'm not trying to pay for people to say congratulations, goodbye. I am not. I am not. I'm okay with a kickback Everybody brings something. But I'm not for that but.
Speaker 2:I think my biggest issue is when the sister asked to borrow the 15K, promising to pay it back. She added we promised to pay it, or I promised to pay it back once me and my fiance's financials are in order. Baby, your financials ain't in order. She said they were 20, 29, 28 or 26 and 29. Nope, boo, 29, 28, or 26 and 29?
Speaker 2:Nope, boo, if you think it's responsible to spend $60,000 on a wedding and you already saying your financials are not in order and then trying to take out a $15,000 loan from your sister which only further lets me know you're not going to pay her back. You're not she is not going to be the high priority, because then it's going to be oh well, we want to take this trip, or we want to start a family, or we want to Girl.
Speaker 1:Please, here's the solution Instead of taking a year to pay your sister back, postpone your wedding a year.
Speaker 2:Right, right, exactly. If you can pay me back in a year, then that means you can save the $15,000 for the year and wait yeah.
Speaker 1:You're not the asshole though. No, you're not the asshole.
Speaker 2:You're not the asshole.
Speaker 1:And she can make me the villain all she wants. I'm going to sell her Girl. Stack your money by your house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's going to be a hard no for me.
Speaker 1:Fuck her in here. What's her fiance name? Oh, I don't know. I don't know Any dating in our names. No, no, okay, blame myself.
Speaker 2:Okay. Am I the asshole for telling my son's African-American girlfriend that she can wear a wig, even if my son doesn't want her to?
Speaker 1:Oh Lord, okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:I'm a white woman out of the depths on this topic and too scared to ask anyone who's African-American face to face. But my son's first girlfriend is African-American and we'll call her Nina. Usually when I see her she's a bubbly social butterfly. She smiles a lot and is very talkative. Recently I noticed Nina seeming less confident and times I see her. Her change in demeanor was the most noticeable change. But I also noticed the recent lack of wigs, makeup and jewelry, and I didn't even realize the two were connected.
Speaker 2:One day I was to drive them to a party. My son was upstairs and Nina was downstairs. She looked like she was dreading going to the party and I asked what was wrong. She said that she doesn't feel pretty. I asked her why and she said that she's getting used to showing her natural hair. I asked her if she feels so uncomfortable with showing her hair, why is she doing it? She said my son thinks that she looks cooler that way. I told her that I used to do things to impress boys too. When I was her age. I told her that she can wear a wig even if my son doesn't want her to. Days later I have never seen my son more angry with me than that day he said that I'm a white woman and that I should not be advising a black girl on how to look he had. He called me an overhearing or overbearing mom and a Karen. I was shook, so shook that I have not spoken to him because I was angry. But am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:if she caring he can, because how you hypocrisy, how you calling the kettle black sir, you're doing the same thing your mom's doing. Your mom basically told her to be who you want to be, to do what makes you feel pretty don't change who you are right now and you're trying to change her to fit. Look here if you don't like her, the way she looks, the way or the way she wants to look, right?
Speaker 2:because apparently you met her when she was wearing wigs, jewelry and makeup, and now you don't like her with wigs, jewelry and makeup and your mama said girl, I used to do the same thing, but don't do that if that's what make you happy, do it you in my business, don't do that.
Speaker 1:Don't do that. Don't do that. The one thing I will agree with as a man who loves a black woman and natural hair and natural black hairstyles ain't nothing better than a black woman with natural hairstyle. It's pretty great.
Speaker 2:So maybe that's what it was. He saw her for the first time without her makeup time.
Speaker 1:You have to be like, hey, if my baby is self-conscious of this or she feels like she has more self-esteem doing things this way, you got to be okay with that, Because you should love her for who she is on the inside, if you love her that much, if you want to be with her that much. So I don't, ma'am, I don't think you're an asshole, I think your son is an asshole. And let that woman be and hopefully she'll come around to the fact that you know, go where. You're celebrated, not tolerated.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Can't agree more. All right, here we go. Are you going to say I agreed with what you said.
Speaker 1:My wife. So rock that pineapple then.
Speaker 2:Bye. My wife had her wild phase before me, and now that I'm finally thriving, I feel like I missed out. Am. I wrong for feeling this way.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I've been married to my wife for five years, we've been together for eight and we have two beautiful children. She's been my first everything, my first girlfriend, my first real relationship, my first in every sense.
Speaker 1:We get it, you're a virgin.
Speaker 2:I didn't really date in high school or college because, honestly, I didn't take care of myself, I lacked confidence and I didn't feel attractive, so I stayed focused on other things. My wife, on the other hand, had a more quote-unquote, typical college experience. She had a few relationships and had her phase, as she was extremely attractive. She even did stuff with two guys at one time. She was upfront about it when we first started dating and it never bothered me, although I try not to think about it too much. Now here's the thing Over the years she's become quite reserved when it comes to intimacy.
Speaker 2:She says that she's had her quote unquote wild side during college and now that she's done with that phase she prefers a more traditional approach to intimacy. She says that she's tried everything. And she? She says that she's tried everything she wanted to and knows what she enjoys and what she doesn't enjoy in the bedroom, and she wants to build intimacy on love, not wild lust, and I completely respect that. I'm not trying to do something which doesn't excite her in the bedroom.
Speaker 2:But lately I've changed. I'm in the best shape of my life physically, mentally, emotionally and my family and friends are kind of shocked with how I look now. My wife loves the new me and says she finds me more attractive than ever. But, to be blunt, I don't care that my wife finds me more attractive, because I know I look good now and it's not like her finding me more attractive will change anything in the bedroom department. My hormones right now are all over the place and I can't help but feel like I missed my chance to experience that same quote unquote fun side of my life. I have never had the exploration, the experimentation or the freedom Now that I finally feel great about myself. That door seems closed.
Speaker 2:I brought it up with my sister because we're close, and she was surprisingly blunt. She said that it's unfair that my wife got to have those experiences and now expects me to settle for less when for the things that she once enjoyed. That hit me harder than I expected. But my sister also loves me to death and would say some crazy stuff like I deserve to have an experience with at least one other woman in my life or else I'll keep resenting my wife. I love my wife and I don't want to hurt her. I'm not thinking of cheating or anything like that, but I do feel stuck between respecting her boundaries and acknowledging my own desires that I never had a chance to bring to fruition or that could exist. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Has anyone else been in the situation? How do I cope?
Speaker 2:You're not wrong for fulfilling you're not wrong, for first of all, you're not wrong for feeling that way. Your wife was a 304 bye marise, but she was up front about it, yeah she told him about it.
Speaker 1:She doesn't have, she didn't have her back knocked out every every which way but a loose and that's why.
Speaker 2:And that's why, in this stage of life, she's on the opposite end. She's like I've done that, I've done it, yeah, I've, I've done that, I've done it. Yeah, I've been there, done that. It was fulfilling for the fun.
Speaker 1:Hold on Now. You done been in the gym, you working out, you look good, you feel good, you horny. That testosterone level done skyrocketed. Your libido is on 3 million because, people, that is real the more you work out, the higher your libido get and you be, as a man who works out regularly. Now I'm like a rabbit dog. Let this woman bend over. It's crazy. Let this woman bend over.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. I was like you're not 13,. Sir, I'm in there, you're not 13 and just discovered yourself.
Speaker 1:I understand all that Now, unfortunately, I would say if, if you want to be a good, honest man, this is a cross you're going to have to bear because you cannot force your wife to do anything she do not want to do. Now I also feel like your wife should acquiesce to some things. If she loves you, she would, she should understand, because she's experienced. Yeah, yeah, she should be able to knock out the bar.
Speaker 2:She should be able to show you some moves that before so it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 1:You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Pause, I don't know to tell you, sir.
Speaker 2:Um, this is a conversation I've got to have listen. I completely understand where he's coming from, like I can. I can understand when he says he feel like he let. He missed out. He's only ever had one vagina. He don't know what a good vagina is, right, well, so that's the best he's ever had, right?
Speaker 1:I think that would always tell you nothing, nothing to compare you to.
Speaker 2:So it's the best I ever had, the best you ever gonna get um, but I can understand what he's saying about now that he feel he has the feelings that he wished he had prior to marriage and then that would have allowed him to have those experiences and, like he said, I'm thinking about cheating, but if I can at least get those experiences with my wife.
Speaker 2:And knowing that my wife handed out those experiences so so frivolously in her younger years, I should be able to get something man, you should be able to get as freaky as possible with the woman you're with. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, the woman you had married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I do think that's a conversation like, I believe, if he comes to her with that mind frame and she says she wants no, he didn't. He went to his sister, he spoke to his sister, but his wife says she, she wants intimacy off of love not yeah, but he didn't say. He didn't say that was a conversation he had first of all people.
Speaker 1:let me say on Do you not think you're supposed to lust after your partner? You don't think I lust after this woman?
Speaker 2:You should not have lust in your heart.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was lusting after you this morning. Every time you go out to the shower and walk by me naked, I'm lustful. Oh my gosh, right there.
Speaker 2:I want to plant my lust.
Speaker 1:right there, I want to plant my lust right there.
Speaker 2:I want to plant my lust right there.
Speaker 1:Right there.
Speaker 2:So silly, I want to plant my lust, right there.
Speaker 1:That is exactly where I want to plant my lust. You should be lustful to your partner.
Speaker 2:But I think it's one of the things. Like you said, they do need to have a conversation. He does need to try to stress the importance of, like I'm not asking you to I'm not asking for it to introduce another person into the relationship, but I am saying that I didn't get a chance to experience those things and I would love nothing more than to experience them with you, and we are married, so there is love there. Bust this shit open.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like well, there is love there.
Speaker 1:I love you, throw it back, make it clap.
Speaker 2:I love you enough that I've ignored this part anyway for so long, and now that I'm actually feeling good about myself, like I want to see, you know what that could be like, and I'm doing it with you.
Speaker 1:I guarantee you, I guarantee you if he, if another, if he starts catching the eye of other women and she notices that she may change her tune, maybe because women don't move until they feel they got competition. Oh, that's not true, because every time she thinks she got competition all of a sudden. I ain't that funny.
Speaker 2:First of all, first of all, there's no competition. Let's start there. Let's start. There's no competition.
Speaker 1:I mean, I know.
Speaker 2:I'm not going nowhere. They don't know, that's the problem. You think I ain't going nowhere. The thing is is that if they ever think that they could be competition to me, baby, I've already won. Oh, there could never be a competition, are you? Yeah, have you sure you won? I'm positive. Indeed man, I'm positive. How have you won? Because I was first.
Speaker 1:You're first where.
Speaker 2:You're my first board, Baby.
Speaker 1:I've already won. Anything after me is listen. There's been a lot of great second place winners.
Speaker 2:Hey, if second is where you feel comfortable in life, by all means do you boo-boo, do you?
Speaker 1:But there is no competition. There's no competition. I like how you get perfect. When I say that, I'm just saying I love triggering you.
Speaker 2:There's no competition.
Speaker 1:I like how you get perked up when I say that, I'm just saying I love triggering you.
Speaker 2:No, I wasn't triggered.
Speaker 1:Yes, you were I just always remind you. She gonna cuss me out y'all after we done with this. No.
Speaker 2:I just always remind you that, like, come on girl, this is the same person who gets upset when he says he doesn't feel like I get. Have said that before.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I have never said you have quite literally said see you see he gets on camera and then he wants to switch. You are making shit up. What are you? Does love? No one? Ain't nobody checking for me. My dms is dry, my phone is dry, I don't know, I don't know how to work out technology. I don't know that to be true you have my phone, you over here like capping for the people no, I wasn't capping.
Speaker 2:You have said that before cut it out.
Speaker 1:Never said that.
Speaker 2:Yes, you have never okay, I think we have time for one more, one more do we do what you want to do?
Speaker 1:I'm just scrolling trying to get a nut.
Speaker 2:My gosh I can't with you. Um, am I the asshole for telling my husband he doesn't get to decide what I do with my body? Okay, I've been married to my husband for about five years. Overall we have a pretty good relationship, but lately we've been clashing over something that to me, feels like common sense my body equals my decision.
Speaker 2:The most recent fight started when I mentioned possibly getting on birth control again. He immediately jumped in saying that he didn't like quote-unquote, like how it changes my hormones, and that he would prefer that I just stay off of it. I told him that I respect his opinion, but at the end of the day, I'm the one dealing with the side effects of not being on anything. He doesn't get the cramps, he doesn't get the stress, he doesn't get the oh no, is this a pregnancy scare anxiety. When I said, look, it's my body and I'm the one who has to manage it, not you, he got really defensive and accused me of not caring about his feelings. To be clear, I do care.
Speaker 2:He's my husband, I listen to him, but I also feel like it's unfair for him to think he gets a final vote on decisions that literally affect my health. For context, this isn't just about the birth control. He also made comments before. When I cut my hair short or when I considered getting a small tattoo Nothing extreme, but even though, but enough that I'm not down now noticing a pattern I told him flat out you don't have the right to tell me what to do with my body. He said that I was being disrespectful. Now I'm wondering if I was too blunt or if I just set a boundary that needed to be set. So am I an asshole for standing my ground?
Speaker 1:I'm on both sides of this. I'm on both sides.
Speaker 2:I get it.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now let me start off with the birth control thing. Okay, Okay, one. He's saying that he doesn't like who you become while you're on the birth control.
Speaker 2:No, he said he just doesn't like how it changes her hormones. He didn't say anything about who she becomes.
Speaker 1:But hormones means the way she acts.
Speaker 2:No, that doesn't mean it?
Speaker 1:Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:It could also mean that she like breaks out or that she gains weight.
Speaker 1:Okay, whatever the case may be. So it could be anything, not her attitude.
Speaker 2:That's just how men are. You just want to associate everything with someone's attitude, but go ahead, like the attitude you have now. Yeah, that has nothing to do with my hormones. I'm not on anything. So now what you got to say.
Speaker 1:Yeah, finish, finish. I can't say what I want to say because you're going to tell me to cut it out anyway, finish, like I said. So he doesn't like who you become, whether it's physically or not, on the birth control. And he's trying to. You know he's trying to. He basically what he's saying is he wants you to be in a state where he can actually like you Right and then right. That's what he's saying.
Speaker 1:And then, with the whole short hair thing, he's not, maybe he's not attracted to women with short hair and he wants to be attracted to his wife. Okay, because here. Ok, because here's the thing. What I've learned is that a lot of times you just have to say, yeah, you look great when you don't feel that way. Just, but he may not be that kind of guy I taught you. Well, I've been lying to you so much because I lied to you.
Speaker 1:That's why I taught you well, OK, I'm done. People this has been. I have nothing else to say. I mean, he doesn't have. It is your body, it is your choice. But the thing about being in a relationship and being with somebody you should want your partner to at least enjoy your company, I guess.
Speaker 2:Enjoy your what? Why are you automatically associating it with her attitude? I don't understand.
Speaker 1:Enjoy your company and your appearance.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, just in case it's something else. Okay, anywho. Yes, I agree where I can see it from both sides.
Speaker 1:Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 2:But, like she said, you're also not the one who has to manage these things.
Speaker 1:I get that.
Speaker 2:You're not the one who's physically going through the anxiety, you're not the one physically going through the stress, you're not the one who physically has to deal with the actual physical side effects. And if she knows that birth control is something that is beneficial to her body.
Speaker 1:You can get pregnant on birth control too.
Speaker 2:Yes, you can, but if she knows that, if birth control in the past is something that has physically helped her to be at, you know, a steady baseline, then yes, I want to respect your opinion about it. But at the end of the day, again, you're not the one who has to go through all these things. I, physically, I physically have to go through all these things. So instead of making this a debate about me being disrespectful because I disagree with how you think I should manage my body, you could also just be supportive and also tell me, like, babe, I don't think it's a good idea. However, if you feel like this is something that can help you and that's going to help you manage your stress, your anxiety or whatever, then I can, I can, be in support of that.
Speaker 1:OK, you're taking the whole putting me over you angle, got you?
Speaker 2:The putting me over you angle. What is that? I don't understand.
Speaker 1:No, I genuinely don't. Even if you don't like who I become, support me.
Speaker 2:It's not who I become a babe, you okay, you're just thinking about. You're thinking about things like in a vacuum. If, okay, listen, if, if, if, if she had cancer, right, and they were, let's say they lived a strictly organic, vegan life or whatever but then she had cancer and she needed to take chemotherapy and he comes up to her and say I really don't think you should be putting that poison in your body because listen dramatic it's dramatic okay, but it's dramatic, so that I, so that you can understand.
Speaker 1:Okay, right, right.
Speaker 2:Would you sit there and tell her to not take something that could potentially be life-saving or that could help her manage her life better while she goes through this, or would you still stick to your guns and be like you're being disrespectful and dismissive of what I want you to do with your body?
Speaker 1:Of course I would tell you to get the chemo. I want you around.
Speaker 2:Okay, so if she's telling you that taking birth control could help her, whether it be mentally, physically. However, because you also want to keep your wife what, what's what?
Speaker 1:There's no issue.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying like. I'm just saying it's not. It's like like she's saying I listen to you, I hear what you're saying. It's like the same thing when we have to make major decisions, how you come to me and be like I hear what you're saying. However, this is the decision I'm gonna make. It is the same thing. You've done it multiple times and it's like do I really feel heard and considered?
Speaker 1:you should. Oh okay, so then he should too.
Speaker 2:Right, I never say he didn't okay, but then you're talking about, oh, you're doing the whole choosing me over, like that's what you were doing, like, no, like, stop it. You're stop it, stop it anyway we can't even have a stop it anyway, like I said, oh lord the conversation can be had.
Speaker 2:You take into consideration what he says, but at the end of the day, you are the one who has to physically go back to the. Physically, I have to live in this body. I have to walk around with this body every day. I have to sit in whatever this body is doing Me. Me.
Speaker 2:When I'm feeling stressed out, when I feel like I'm about to, like, go over a cliff, guess what. You can sit right there or you're going to be at work, but I'm still going to be sitting here, feeling like I'm about to fall over a damn cliff. But knowing that if I had taken what I feel like would help me to not feel this way. But you would rather for me to be sitting there anxious, stressed out and everything else, just because you don't want me to take, take some, say, take some medicine. So I'm gonna sit here anxious and stressed out and everything else, just because you don't want me to take some medicine. So I'm going to sit here anxious and stressed out and you don't think that's going to affect her attitude. That's crazy. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:Everything affects a woman's attitude. That's wild. That's wild. The sun was at 45 degrees instead of 50 today. That's wild.
Speaker 2:Attitude adjustment Anywho who really needs the attitude adjustment. Stop thinking you can control everything. You don't want mad radio.
Speaker 1:I'm not mad, I'm just saying you need to understand. Look at you, look at you, play it yourself don't piss me off.
Speaker 2:Please don't piss me off. Ha ha cause you're like you're like you're like seriously, two words away from just like ruining my day.
Speaker 1:Don't do that what two words are those.
Speaker 2:Don't double down.
Speaker 1:Double down. Is that the words, maurice? I'm just trying to have a good time. Alright, but let's go. The comment of the week. The comment of the week this week is brought to you by Jackie the Traveler, jackie the. Traveler, that's her name. I love it. This is about the reaction about the, the Tom, the 44 year old boyfriend of the.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you got it. Listen, guys, you have to keep up, OK. So if you don't know what we're talking about, head on over to Instagram or TikTok. And it's about the daughter who brought home a boyfriend who's like 20.
Speaker 1:The same age as her daddy?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the same age as her daddy.
Speaker 1:And so Jackie said not old wash up townie. Now it's funny if you have the whole context, because apparently Tom was popular in the town where she met him. At that college yeah, the double entendre of townie and Tommy. I thought was hilarious tommy, you mean tom? Tom townie I can't, so yeah, I can't. That's the comment of the week.
Speaker 2:That was. That was funny. That was funny. That was a good one. All right, guys, this has been another episode of the life after I do podcast an r2 sense episode. If you're not doing so already, we would encourage you, highly, highly encourage you to go and follow us on our social media platforms and TikTok and Instagram Facebook.
Speaker 1:YouTube, all that.
Speaker 2:You know, you can watch the full episodes every single week on YouTube and you get the fun clips on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook and YouTube sometimes, yeah, but if you're not doing so already, go ahead and follow us on all of our social media platforms to all of our new followers and subscribers.
Speaker 1:We appreciate y'all we appreciate you guys.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for the support. Thank you so much for the kind words. Thank you so much for the messages you guys are starting to message. We really appreciate that. We're grateful. Congratulations to us for hitting 10,000 downloads.
Speaker 1:Congratulations to us. Congratulations to me, because we know that you guys come here, okay, week after week, to really hear what I can't with him, molito has to say Anyways.
Speaker 2:But yes, thank you for rocking with us for this, what's been a year and a half, two years, something like that, for 101 episodes. We really do appreciate you guys. So until next week. You already know the drill and we appreciate.
Speaker 1:we got our fan mail this week from the lovely lady in South Carolina. I don't remember your name off the top, but we will appreciate you. There is no way for me to respond so I just have to shout you out here. I'm going to get your name and shout you out there next episode. My bad, I dropped the ball. I'll take credit for this dropping the ball when it's really. She's supposed to be called the baby. Okay, anyways, I just come in here and raw dog these things.
Speaker 2:Anywho.
Speaker 1:I live my life raw. I live my life raw.
Speaker 2:I gotta cook for a kid, so until next week guys A kid, not her husband To next week.
Speaker 1:We love y'all. Peace booskies.
