Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 19
This Our 2 Cents installment is all about what happens when boundaries get crossed by the people closest to us. We talk about entitlement in relationships, partners failing to step up, and the responsibility couples have to protect and prioritize each other.
From a mother-in-law taking over the kitchen to a boyfriend gifting his girlfriend’s dream dress to his mom, we unpack real stories that leave you shaking your head. Moelethal delivers a powerful moment on why men need to hold their wives in the highest regard, while we also share some laughs about Nesha G’s big fitness achievements—and her refusal to haul in those Costco groceries.
It’s real talk, relatable stories, and a reminder of why boundaries matter so much in relationships.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
It baffles me when I see men not hold their wife in a level of regard that is higher than anyone else, because this is the woman you chose. Granted, you didn't choose your mother. Whatever mother you have, that's the luck of the draw. Sometimes you get a good one, sometimes you get bad ones. The luck of the draw, you know what I'm saying. But you chose your wife. You chose the woman that you have kids with. So you of the draw. You know what I'm saying. But you chose your wife, you chose the woman that you have kids with. Yeah, so you me, it's just me. I hold. My people say all the time you shouldn't put one on a pedestal, this one over here on a pedestal. Let me tell you right now it's high, it's high, it's. I need to be out here, go extra.
Speaker 2:Hey everyone, welcome back to another weekly episode of Life After Rating Podcast. You're going to be hanging out for the next hour with myself, kynesha, and my husband, maurice, and, when he's done, sharing his lung capacity with you all 45, 47.
Speaker 1:I'm here for the white, the white, the white around your lips.
Speaker 2:You're so silly. Hey booskies, hey booskies, hey booskaronies, hey hey little booskies out there.
Speaker 1:Little booskies out Wow.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm sorry. Everybody's a booskie.
Speaker 1:No, that, no, no.
Speaker 2:Everybody can't be a booski. No, no oh.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, oh no.
Speaker 2:Hey, hey, how was your week, willow? My week was good. How was your week? Tell us about it. Well, for one, I've got this gnarly little Callus, yeah, callus. My baby calls them little babies. I've got this gnarly little baby on my hand that is going to need a shaving soon. That's not a bonko. My kid likes to bite her calluses. Apparently a lot of people do that Bite them with their mouth.
Speaker 2:I think that's so gross, though, but it's my calluses it is, but I think it's gross. Like you just got your hand up to your mouth, like that you're sitting there biting off. Sometimes you gotta peel back the layers. I guess I bite the. I bite the inside of my cheeks.
Speaker 2:so I guess wow kind of the same like your meat sauce, but oh my gosh, okay, I can't. Oh no, um no, it must have been easy, but yeah. So I've been like picking at this for the past week, but I'm proud of it because it's a sign of hard work, is it? Have you been working hard? I've been working hard, okay, so it's a sign of hard work. So I'm proud of my little baby, callis.
Speaker 1:Okay, not the little baby.
Speaker 2:My little baby callus. Okay, not the little baby, my little baby callus, but yeah, I had a good week, that's good. Some minor aches and pains Minors. Yeah, I mean, they add up, they add up.
Speaker 1:You go through something different every day. Every day you got a different ailment.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, you know, I put a lot on my joints these days. Oh, do you? Yeah, I put a lot on my muscles.
Speaker 1:Are your knees like Megan?
Speaker 2:My knees are good. Right now it's my hip. Okay, I'm going to put them knees to the test later. My knees are fine. Right now it's just my hip, but I did hit 315 for six total.
Speaker 1:I'm giving to her 315.
Speaker 2:I hit 315 pounds on my squat.
Speaker 1:And what did I say for a?
Speaker 2:six total.
Speaker 1:They weren't consecutive but what did I tell you? Four consecutive. But what did I tell you? Tell me what you are now bringing in the groceries oh no, I can't do that, you are now, carrying it now.
Speaker 2:I can't do that in the Costco and Samsung when you're. When you're not there, I do. Okay, when you're not there, I do, and it's only because I have to, because I can't leave food in the car.
Speaker 1:And every time you say that, it just tells me that maybe being a deadbeat ain't so bad.
Speaker 2:Okay, stop it, stop it Maybe.
Speaker 1:I should, should not, anyway, but yeah, I mean, I'll still send the money.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment. I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment.
Speaker 1:I'm proud of you too. And then I hit 315 for five reps on my deadlift.
Speaker 2:So I'm really proud of that too, because I was only able to hit it for three just like a couple weeks ago.
Speaker 1:But how's your bench going?
Speaker 2:My bench is actually going good. I'm up to four reps at 160, when before I was only able to do two, and before that it was my one rep max and before that it was my one rep max. So my one rep max is 170. And then I can hit 160 for four, which is great. Five is eluding me right now, but you know. I feel confident that it's coming. Five is in you with it yeah.
Speaker 2:As soon as I do that four, I don't know. Like, I think you know what it is. I think it's kind of like when I did the, when I was doing the 315 on the squat right, I only had intended on doing it for one, like for my for the day. I was like, okay, I'm going to hit this one.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be like, yes, I can do it. But when I hit the one, I was like it was light.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, okay, Today is one of those days Today is one where I'm feeling strong and the weight is feeling light, so let me hit it again. And then when I hit it twice, I think I just was getting excited. And plus, I had so much adrenaline going through my body and I was like, nah, just rack it, like you're doing too much, just rack it. And then even you saw it and you're like why did you stop? Like you could keep going. And I was like I know, when I went again, I went in like focus, like okay, I know I can do at least two, but I think I can do more. And then when I did the four and you know, once I lose my brace on anything, it is a done deal on anything, anything.
Speaker 2:If I lose my brace on anything, it's a done deal, and so plus, you were playing my life you kept you kept doing the. The one more thing that everyone does, and it's like by the third one more. I know it's a lie now.
Speaker 1:No, it wasn't, you had it. Now I know you're just lying to me, so now I'm not going to say one more, I'm going to say three more.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. So then I was like the fatigue was starting to creep in because I still had like back downs to do, basically because I still had my sets to do. So I was like, ok, so I did that, and when I what's crazy is the 315 felt good Like it was like feather light, but it felt good, it didn't feel heavy. When I started going back down to do the rest of the sets, I went down to 300 and I was like, ooh, then I went. Then I went down to two 95. And by the third, by the third rep at two 95, I was like this shit feel heavy as hell.
Speaker 2:So when I had texted, I had texted my coach, and I was like, um, I'm really not sure what the science is behind, why the heavier weight felt lighter and then the lighter weight felt heavy, I was like. But what I think it was is once the adrenaline and started like wadding off and it was just waddling off Once my adrenaline started waddling off.
Speaker 1:I want to make sure I heard that correctly Waddling off, okay.
Speaker 2:I think that probably had something to do with it. Okay, because then it was just like the excitement was over. I was like, okay, I did what I wanted to accomplish today.
Speaker 2:And now it's just like okay, now I got to work, okay, and so then my'm just like damn, I thought I could walk away, but I couldn't. But other than that it was a really successful week. It was really good. Yeah, I liked it. I've been at more birthday parties than I probably have cared to. You wanted kids, but it's every summer, so I guess I can't complain. She's having a great summer. You wanted kids, okay.
Speaker 1:Anywho, I wanted a good night. Okay, goodbye.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so summer's been going pretty good. We've been pretty busy this summer, so I'm actually kind of happy about that, because I feel like it's kind of made summer. I'm happy, it's almost over. Yeah, I mean getting back to the regular routine of things is nice. It's almost. Yeah, oh, it's nice, but um, being able to see her have a good time and be with her friends all summer and basically live in water, because she has lived in water all summer living her best life her best life between snacks and swimming pools.
Speaker 2:That's, that's all. That's all she needs in restaurants, oh, oh gosh in restaurants. Because the child act like she too, which is crazy, because she always tell me how much she loves my cooking, but she likes a good sit down away from home. So who?
Speaker 2:capped it that baby, that baby love a good sit down away from home. But I made her favorite this morning and she had two and her little belly was like pushed out, okay. And she was like mom, those potatoes were good. I said where are they? Those are my favorite. I said 30 minutes later can I have a snack? Right, right. So, but how was your week? It was cool, cool.
Speaker 1:I'm just riding my high of positivity, your high, of what Positivity?
Speaker 2:Oh, when have you been riding a high of positivity For?
Speaker 1:this last two weeks I've been positive.
Speaker 2:You have. Yes, I can point out like three times this morning in the kitchen where you weren't.
Speaker 1:Okay, first of all, you're not going to play my life. First of all, okay, because I let you sit here and do your whole little. I let you do your whole little spill what?
Speaker 2:Telling you about my week.
Speaker 1:So let me tell you about my week, please. It was a good week. So let me tell you, let me tell the people About my week, please. It was a good week. Got things done. I don't know what Spent on me these last couple days. The fatigue has been high, yeah, and I have been tired, yeah. Three R's, seven D's, ah.
Speaker 2:Not three R's and seven D's?
Speaker 1:Tired yeah I've been tired, so it's been, it's been a, so it's been, it's been a, but it's been a rough weekend, yeah, but it was a good week, okay. So I mean, you know, I hit some PRs this week, I'm not.
Speaker 2:I want to hear about them. We're not going to get into them. No, which ones did you hit? Tell me, you know I did a little something.
Speaker 1:Tell me, I don't remember. I hit so many. I hit so many this week, you know.
Speaker 2:And you can't even think of two. I can't, but you hit so many.
Speaker 1:Tell me. I'm up to my three plates on my hack squat, okay, okay.
Speaker 2:That's a really big accomplishment. Actually I'm up to two plates on the pendulum. So don't undermine that.
Speaker 1:That's a big one. I'm up to two zone leg extension.
Speaker 2:Nice, you should do the before and after videos, like when you first started. Oh no, because on that pendulum squat.
Speaker 1:Rough. Take me out when you first started Take me out.
Speaker 2:I said, oh damn how this going to end. Take the weight off, but see, look at you now.
Speaker 1:Take the weight off all of it, the machine too. Take the weight off everything. This is different.
Speaker 2:But look where you are now. It's cool, it's good, it's cool, it's becoming light work baby.
Speaker 1:I'm just looking forward to. I got to get back on my. I got to start eating better because I've been eating my eating men off. Yeah, I blame this one. She don't tell me no.
Speaker 2:Says the person who requests things like red beans and rice First of all, and beans and rice First of all, and smothered potatoes with cheese.
Speaker 1:I didn't request for smothered potatoes. That was your daughter.
Speaker 2:But you didn't hesitate to partake. Look here, I'm not going to let the food go to waste. But if you're not supposed to be eating it, I'm not gonna let my money go to waste. Why would it go to waste? There's literally like two cups of it left. Look here she went ham on those potatoes.
Speaker 2:What we got today today is hour two cents hour two. It's an hour two cents episode. Guys, everyone likes the r2 cent episode. Y'all be going crazy in the comments and I, I live for it. I absolutely. What was the one from um earlier today? A company is like uh, fish yeah, it's stink after three days.
Speaker 2:My favorite comment, my favorite comment of the week is um uh, play with me and I'm leaving that playground oh my gosh, we should do favorite comment of the week, we should do a favorite comment of the week section and then shout out who okay, play with me and I'm gonna leave you at that playground.
Speaker 1:Okay, you should put that in the notes favorite comment, the favorite comment of the week, or like common highlight of the week because this is this is that y'all are creative. That took me out y'all are creative.
Speaker 2:I love that we're gonna put that down there because I think that would be fun. Like highlighted comments of the week. I like that, um, but yeah, so today's an hour two cents episode. So y'all, y'all love to interact with the hour two cents uh episode. So let's see what we got in here for y'all today. I think we'll start off, you know, really mellow and then maybe we'll wrap it up.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's see.
Speaker 2:No, I don't have any like real ratchet stuff for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank God.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, because I know like he likes super ratchet stuff.
Speaker 1:No, I don't like suture ratchet.
Speaker 2:You don't like what, sut like what.
Speaker 1:Two ratchet.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's a suture ratchet. I was like what is that? Okay, so let's start here. Okay, let's go. Let's see.
Speaker 2:My mother-in-law rearranged my entire kitchen while I was at work and I don't know how to react. Okay, okay, I'm shaking as I type this because I am so angry, but I'm also confused about whether I have the right to be angry. Yeah, you do, she says. For context, my husband, mark, who's 32, and I'm a 29-year-old female, have been married for two years. His mom, linda, has always been involved. She has very strong opinions about how we should be living our lives, but usually keeps them to herself-ish. Okay, so mama got a lot of opinions.
Speaker 2:Yesterday I had to work late. I didn't get home until almost 8 pm. I walk into my kitchen and literally nothing is where I left it. The coffee maker is on the opposite side of the counter. All my spices are reorganized alphabetically. My dishes are in completely different cabinets. Even my refrigerator content are completely rearranged.
Speaker 2:I thought we'd been robbed by the world's most organized burglar. It turns out Linda had come over to quote unquote help out while Mark was also at work. She used her spare key, which we gave her for only emergencies, and decided that my kitchen was insufficient and inefficient and needed to be optimized. Oh OK, she moved everything. I couldn't find the salt for dinner. My coffee routine in the morning was a disaster because nothing was where it should be. When I called my husband, upset, he said, well, she's just trying to help and you have to admit, the spice organization does make more sense. When I said that this was a violation of our space, he accused me of being dramatic and said that I should be grateful that anyone came and clinked that kitchen. But here's the thing it wasn't dirty, it was organized the way I like it, the way that worked for me in my home and my kitchen. Linda thinks that she did us a huge favor and Mark thinks that I'm overreacting. Am I losing my mind here? Am I an asshole? Not at all.
Speaker 1:Not at all. Look here I'm on both sides of the fence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it sounds like that spice camera looks, he said. You gotta admit it is more efficient that way, but again I will say this what's efficient to you is it may not be efficient to me, say it again, and because the way my brain might not work the way your brain works.
Speaker 1:So I need need the stuff where I need it to be, yep, not where you think it needs it, not where you think it should be. So listen, linda.
Speaker 2:Ain't that funny. Ain't that funny. Her name's Linda.
Speaker 1:Listen, listen, yes, listen, linda. Yes, look, I do think that her intentions were good. They were. The execution was flawed, okay. One you coming over to my house when no one's home with a key I gave you for an emergency. Now you lost your key. Yep, now I got to change my locks, yep, ok. Two if you wanted to be helpful, the ideal thing to do was to ask me how could you be of service to me? Yep, so you're not an asshole for feeling the way you feel. You need to talk to your husband, tell him him, put his mom in her place yep, I agree, because that's the.
Speaker 2:That's the thing. Everyone's brains work differently and you could very much walk into someone's space and be like, oh my gosh, this is the most inefficient way of living ever but, it works for them like for instance, the way you, the way you keep your shoes, irritates me okay, mike, the way I keep my shoes or I, the biggest thing is when we look at each other's phone. Oh yeah. Oh, my God he cannot stand how I keep my. What are they? Gidgets or whatever?
Speaker 1:Your app.
Speaker 2:My apps and stuff. Like I have certain folders where I have things grouped together. Like I have a finance folder, I have a social media folder, but then I have other apps where I just keep them on separate pages, like different pages, and for him he's like you have things everywhere on this phone, but for me I know how to get to exactly what it is I'm looking for on my phone and my laptop. He sits down at my laptop and he's like this is a mess, Kynesha, why are all these folders? But everything is separated to how I like it.
Speaker 1:I have what I call digital OCD. Yeah, probably Like. My file system on my computer is pristine. Yeah, that's great. Everything is broken down. Mine is too. No, it's not, yes, it is, mine is too. Your files are like somebody took a, took a a three packs of Uno cards and just threw them in the room. My files look like I got each stack orderly, stacked neatly by color.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, see nobody knows and they it was released.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have to be like that. Well, it's on there.
Speaker 2:It's there and I know how to get to it, and that's like for another one. A good example laundry right. Oh God the way I do laundry is different. Okay, laundry right. Oh god, the way I do laundry is different. Okay, I have the whites like all the white clothes, and then the the rest of my laundry. How I separated I separated between clothes going in the dryer and clothes being hung up. That's it.
Speaker 2:That's it okay that's it, and it's simple but it works for me, but somebody else would be like why are you doing that? Why are you doing like? That doesn't work. You know, I've had this conversation with my mom because you know my mom's favorite line is that don't even make sense. It doesn't make sense to you, it makes sense to me and it works for my life.
Speaker 1:We're not going to play what makes sense with your mama, because I got a long list of stuff that don't make sense.
Speaker 2:But the point is is like she probably was trying to be helpful. The part that I really don't agree with is using the key that was only intended for emergencies to come into our personal space. That is hella disrespectful, because you do not live here. This is the home of me and my husband. You only have it for emergency purposes. You coming in my house willy nilly because you bored on a Tuesday or a Saturday and think, oh, let me help the kids out by organizing, Because you know what that made me think about. That made me think that you came in there to snoop Right.
Speaker 2:And then you did the kitchen to have the excuse that you were just in here organizing my kitchen. You've probably been all up in my damn bedroom.
Speaker 1:Here's what I thought about too, what if I just so happen to wake up late the next day, and now I'm rushing to do my normal morning?
Speaker 2:routine and you can't, and I can't find shit. That's what she said. She said my coffee routine was a disaster.
Speaker 1:Man, I didn't want to say it, but fuck Linda. I didn't want to say it, I didn't want to get there.
Speaker 2:Fuck Linda. But the more I talk it out, linda was wrong. Fuck Linda, man. Okay, let's see, she could have did the laundry while she was there. She could have did a lot of other things. We'll get them baseboards, because if you want to start being helpful now, I'm going to start creating stuff for you to do. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:Am I the asshole for telling my unemployed boyfriend that I'd support him, then refusing to buy him a $2,000 gaming PC? Not at all. I'm a 25-year-old female and I've been living with my boyfriend who's 27, for a little over a year. Six months ago he lost his job. When it first happened, I told him that I would support him until he got back on his feet, and I meant it. I picked up more hours at work, tightened up our budget and made sure rent, groceries and bills were covered. It's been financially draining, but I figured that we were a team. The thing is he hasn't really made any type of effort to get a new job. He sleeps late, games all day and brushes off any conversations about applications or interviews. Wow. Every time I bring any of the conversations up, he says he's not mentally ready or that nothing is good enough for him. Out there. I'm out here juggling bills and working overtime while he hasn't even earned a cent and a half all year.
Speaker 2:Last week he sent me a link to a $2,000 gaming PC and asked if I could help him out with it. I was stunned. I asked him how he thought that it made any sense when we were on a tight budget and he's not even contributing financially. He got upset and said that I had promised to support him while he was unemployed and that this would help with his mental escape. My word. I told him I've been supporting him, covering everything, emotionally and financially, but a high end gaming PC isn't a necessity. He accused me of being unfair and said that the roles were reversed. He do it for me.
Speaker 2:His sister even messaged me later and said that I'm acting like a hypocrite by deciding what parts of support matter the most. Now he's being cold, barely talks to me and acts like I betrayed him. I've supported him emotionally and financially for months, while he's done little to nothing to improve his situation. Covering all of our living expenses and sacrificing my own comforts have already stretched me thin. Buying a $2,000 gaming PC isn't part of that agreement, especially when we're struggling financially to get by. I didn't expect to be. I didn't expect to support to mean funding luxury items while he avoids responsibilities. I stuck to what I said, realistically with the offer, and now I feel like I'm being punished for setting a boundary. Am I an asshole? No, fuck him. Girl, girl.
Speaker 1:Send his ass to his sister. Girl Bye, that's what I say. Send his ass to his sister.
Speaker 2:First of all, you lost your job and now you on vacation mode. Because now you relaxing, because you don't have to.
Speaker 1:You know where she fucked up at what she agreed to carry his weight? Because where she fucked up at what she agreed to carry his weight, Because the second she agreed to carry his weight he got comfortable.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what I'm saying. He's on vacation mode.
Speaker 1:And now he comfortable, he felt like he got it. Good, I'm going to take a break.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you said, because in his mind he said you got it. So you said you got it. I'm just going to be at home, I'm gonna sleep when I want to, I'm gonna eat when I want to, and then you gonna foot my beat.
Speaker 1:You don't fit the bill for my lifestyle. This is also one of them situations when women don't understand what made me talking about, so they gotta deal with it, oh my gosh, I don't, I don't, I don't think so it is but he was working before yeah, and now he not right, but her thing you were working before but her thing, yeah, but that's a completely different situation.
Speaker 2:That's a completely different situation.
Speaker 1:Send me links and stuff that you won't. That are luxury items. I'm just playing I'm so happy.
Speaker 2:Do you understand me?
Speaker 1:now you're over here at council talking about babe, we should do this.
Speaker 2:Oh, look at this girl, did you go to work today?
Speaker 1:yes, I did did my child just found out?
Speaker 2:Yes, it does, but she's not wrong.
Speaker 1:She's not an asshole for this, he's a grown ass man. I'm sorry, I don't care what you say. The rules are different for men. Get your ass up.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna disagree. The rules are different.
Speaker 1:Because I guarantee you Right now that woman will find a man that's working and see how hard she working here and he'll take her in a heartbeat. Leave his ass.
Speaker 2:Well, see, my thing is too, I can OK listen, I can understand, because we don't know what he did for work, right, OK, I don't care what he did either.
Speaker 1:But I'm just saying just for, like the man said that the job out there above or beneath him.
Speaker 2:Right. So that's why I said we don't know what he did. But I'm just saying just for conversation's sake he like he's an adult, right, and now he's in a position where his necessities are taken care of. So in his mind he's probably like I'm going to relax a little bit. She has already agreed that she will take this on. You're saying you're speaking from experience, demille, do you want me to hit you? I'm just saying Do you want me to hit you? I'm just Because I will. I'm just giving my two cents. Okay, well, keep your two cents to yourself. And so he's like I'm just going to take a break. Also, she didn't establish like any type of timeline.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because if I was her, I'd be like, yes, we're a team, I'm going to was her, I'd be like, yes, we're a team, I'm gonna go ahead and do this, but I'm only gonna do this for six months. Babe, you got six months, which I think is that's a long time.
Speaker 1:Trust me I know that's I know I'm dead. Six months is a long time. I'm done, let's move on. But she should have gave.
Speaker 2:I agree with you, she should have given boundaries, and I don't care what ain't no job gonna be beneath his ass when he's sleeping in his car well, he'll have a sister's house to go to right, you're right and then when the sister has him, because the girlfriend is gonna leave him, and then maybe his sister should support him with that yeah, and then the sister can support the two thousand dollar pc. And then when he's, when he starts getting on her nerves because he's sleeping in late, eating up all her food, not contributing, being on her couch, wearing her damn couch out, you know and running up her water bill and stuff.
Speaker 1:And the funny thing is, as a pc guy I said two thousand dollars ain't shit. You ain't gonna get nothing that good two thousand dollars.
Speaker 2:It don't matter if you're not paying for it, because I paid four for mine if he ain't paying for it. Um, okay, and my name shit, am I an asshole? My boyfriend gave his mother the dress that I wanted for my birthday okay, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm a 23 year old female and I've been dating my boyfriend, who's 26, for the past three years. About two months ago, while we were out shopping, I saw a really gorgeous, amazing dress that was just perfect for me and it was in my favorite color. He looked at the dress and said that it was beautiful but it was rather expensive. It was $200. So we didn't end up getting it. Four weeks after that, I would consistently talk about this dress to him and how I couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful it was and that I would hope one day to have it to save up to buy it, since we were budgeting a little bit lately. He would hear about this dress from me all the time and I would talk about how great the dress would look on me and talked about how great he thought the dress would look on me.
Speaker 2:So yesterday was my birthday and we had a little get together with some members of both of our families to celebrate. Except when his mother arrived to our house, she was wearing the exact dress in the exact color. I was stunned. I thought that he must have told her about it and she went out and got it, but it turns out that that wasn't the case, in my surprise. I said OMG, there's no way. That's the same dress I've been looking at and dying for for months. And she replied with saying oh really, zane gave it to me as a gift last month Her son, my boyfriend. I was shocked and confused even more so when a boyfriend gave me the birthday gift he got me, and it was a gift card to Sephora for $50.
Speaker 2:For the rest of the night I sat quietly in a corner in silence and confusion. I felt hurt and was lost in my head as to what was going on. My boyfriend and everyone else was blissfully unaware and happy the entire night and I didn't want to ruin the mood, so I started to try to put on a good face, but I can't shake the feeling of being hurt. A part of me feels like I'm overreacting and acting spoiled and entitled. Am I? I just need to know if I need to calm down and to not be as upset about this.
Speaker 1:I think you have a right to be upset. Personally, that's my personal opinion. Now, I think it's foul. He had to know.
Speaker 2:He had to know Okay so you want to hear the edit to it? Go ahead, go ahead. The update, okay. I finally got the nerve to straight up ask him about everything and his response was he thought that I had to be humbled a bit because I got way too overly excited about something as trivial as a dress. He thought it would be fun to see my reaction to all of this. His mother had no idea about any of this and just thought her son was giving her a gift. I am so upset and hurt that I just called my mom to come and get me and I'll be staying at her house for a few days while I figure out the next steps. But I am not going back to him. I can't even read the rest. Read it, okay.
Speaker 2:Second update First of all, she wanted to say thank you to everybody for expressing gratitude or whatever. Um, uh, she said he keeps calling me but she won't answer. Uh, and there's nothing that he can say or do to change that. She's realized and taking this as a sign, um, of nature that had been that, a side of his nature that had been kept and hidden so very well up until now. So he thinks that there's nothing wrong with what he did well. It looks like he's been humbled, a side of his nature that had been kept and hidden so very well up until now. So he thinks that there's nothing wrong with what he did.
Speaker 2:Well, it looks like he'd been humbled himself right the fact that he said you had to be humble he calling your ass back Look here. What's crazy.
Speaker 1:Hold on Let me say what I'm gonna say again. People are I doubled down. I say this all the time Play stupid games, you win stupid prizes, expect stupid prizes. What you did was so out of pocket, extremely, and for the love of God, it was a $200 dress.
Speaker 2:And you gave me a $50 gift card for my birthday.
Speaker 1:You acting like okay now. Granted, I understand. For some people, $200 is a lot of money. Yeah, to me it's not a lot of money, no more, because my wife asked for things bare minimum $600.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's not true $600.
Speaker 1:Stop capping, he's capping, she'll go below $600. He's capping my daughter, going to go below $200. Bye, but it's not like it was a lot, especially for her birthday. It was a birthday gift, right? Right, you could have got her to get for her and then to do this on her birthday, did you? This is, this is so many red flags. This was kind of like a self-centered.
Speaker 2:You essentially want to turn her birthday into an event for you, for laughs or shits and giggles, because he said he thought it would be funny to see her reaction. What was?
Speaker 1:his name Zane, Zane yeah fuck Zane.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing. This is what I find funny you don't buy the dress because it was too expensive, because we're budgeting, but then you buy the dress For your mama, for your mom.
Speaker 1:For shits and giggles, and she don't even know she's in on it.
Speaker 2:And she don't even know that she's in on a joke. And then you give me a $50 gift card when you could have just spent the $200. But now you spent $250. So confused.
Speaker 1:Okay, here you go with the girl math. So confused that was a very expensive $200 point to try to make. That is crazy, that you did not make.
Speaker 2:But then for you to come to me and when I ask you about it and the verbiage you decide to use is, I thought I had to humble you for being it. But not humble you because, like you, like this prissy princess and you've been complaining about not getting the dress. Humble you for being so excited for something as dumb as a dress, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:I'll be excited for being single.
Speaker 2:Girl, if you didn't dodge the biggest red flag ever.
Speaker 1:Because I know about dodging red flags, I missed mine.
Speaker 2:What I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm getting on her nerves, y'all.
Speaker 2:Getting on my nerves is not even.
Speaker 1:I'm really getting on her nerves.
Speaker 2:Okay, here we go. We got time for like two. Am I the asshole for telling my husband's childhood best friend she's too involved with my kid. Maybe let's go A bit. Over a year and a half ago, me and my husband gave birth to our son. It was our first kid and we were incredibly nervous and scared. We were going to screw things up the first week with him back. We were horrid. He cried all the time and it was ridiculously exhausting, but he'd be lying if I'd be lying if I said we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into.
Speaker 2:At the start, my husband's best friend was amazing. She would come around all the time, bring us food, spend time with our son babysitting so we could have some time away and really appreciated the help, and she seemed to genuinely love my son. When my maternity leave was finished and I went back to work, she offered even more of her time to help with my babysitting, instead of me hiring someone. I said that I couldn't make her do that. That she surely had other things to do, and she said it was fine, she works from home on her online businesses anyway. And she even refused to pay and, honestly, I didn't mind any of the help until now. I recently noticed on our doorbell that she had been coming at night while I was occasionally on night shift. I thought it was strange, but you know free help, so I never confronted it as weird as I had felt it was.
Speaker 2:But yesterday, when I came home from a shift and found my son playing with her and found that he kept referring to her as mama, I think something kind of broke inside of me. I think something kind of broke inside of me and I told her to get out. She protested and asked what was wrong and I just asked her to leave and to not come back ever again. And she accused me of being jealous and that I was scared I was being replaced. She pointed out that if I was more involved as a parent, my husband and son wouldn't feel the need to have her as a second wife and I screamed at her.
Speaker 2:She also used the term second wife. I screamed at her. If she knew. I screamed to her that if she knew what was good for that, she should get out. She finally did. My husband came home a bit after and I told him about, about the situation and he just shrugged and didn't say anything. The situation and he just shrugged and didn't say anything. But my mother-in-law called and had a go at me, basically repeating her talking points and saying that I needed to apologize to her and honestly, I'm at a loss because at this point I feel really bad and felt like I went too far. But am I an asshole?
Speaker 1:No, you're not an asshole, hold on.
Speaker 2:Edit my mother-in-law just called my husband to quote unquote set me straight and to allow my husband's best friend to be allowed back into our house to see her grandson, and that I need to get used to the fact that my son sees someone else as a mom. At this point she practically is a second wife, especially considering that I work and honestly F her and F all of you in the comments who think that I'm a shitty mother for working.
Speaker 1:Well OK.
Speaker 2:So basically, everyone's blaming her for going to work as to why his best friend is now his second wife and a mother to his son.
Speaker 1:OK, you can't blame her for going to work. Maybe he can't care for all of them financially.
Speaker 2:But the fact that he sat there and because when she said he just looked at me and shrugged, he went like this, that he did that. I mean, if she has a point.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, get off, get off the chair BFFR. Okay, so I got numerous things about this. Bffr. Okay, so I got numerous things about this. Okay, I want to hear all numerous. Okay.
Speaker 2:First of all, the first thing I thought about was when our daughter was at daycare and she called the daycare lady, mom for the first time, and I lost my shit, and you lost your shit and I lost, I absolutely lost my shit and you were like no, that is not your mama, I will quit today. I literally told him I will fucking quit today if I hear that her call another woman.
Speaker 1:Mama, you're gonna have to figure it the hell out. That that's it. So that's my first thought. I said that was funny.
Speaker 2:Yes it wasn't funny, though it was to me. It's not funny, it's to me it was okay.
Speaker 1:So I understand that that part of her that snap when she heard it. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:That I understand and especially coming home from a shift, that's that's the maternal, a maternal thing, right?
Speaker 1:Yes, I get that. Secondly, to say that you are a second wife and a mother is diabolical.
Speaker 2:That's crazy work, because now I'm thinking like what other services she provided, right, mm-hmm?
Speaker 1:And are you that best friend that he just never liked like that?
Speaker 2:So you figure you're trying to find your way in there, or did they date previously, somewhere in the early days?
Speaker 1:Because it's clear to me that the mama, like her Uh-huh Mama, loves her Because mama called her the defender.
Speaker 2:Yeah, mama loves her so mama love her.
Speaker 1:So I'm wondering, like there's a lot going on here. But look, she not wrong. Look here First of all, right, yep. So not only does he need to have a conversation with his mother, Yep, but tell her to fall the fuck back and worry about taking care of my daddy, don't worry about my house.
Speaker 2:Not take care of my daddy, worry about taking care of my daddy. Bye, maurice, okay.
Speaker 1:Then he needs to talk to follow. Yeah, because this is her residency. Yeah, there are so many things wrong with this situation and it's not coming from her. Now, granted, I don't know if she had to work, I don't know if she wanted to work, but I understand that from my experience I think I kind of got this from you that it does come to a point where, as a woman, you still want your own identity. You don't?
Speaker 1:want to just be you just don't want to be identified as a mother. So you try to balance both lives now but you don't. And I think, kind of like I said, going back, for I think you had that experience with her calling the daycare lady mother. I think that really was kind of transitioning where you really you like kind of pick, choose, like oh no, this is way more important than this type thing. So I think she probably just had that moment so, but I do I disagree with people in the comments telling her she a bad mother. She's not a bad mother.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's not a bad mother for going to work. She's not a bad mother, that's absolutely wild.
Speaker 1:It didn't say. And again, this is her first child child. She don't know much about children, right, lord knows? I'm on child number one and I'm still learning every day the learning experience. So it's it, but it's, it's just wild to me. The husband part is bothering me that's, that's okay.
Speaker 2:That's why I was waiting for you to get back to, because I was like I think this all boils down to the husband, because as I've said, anybody who knows us knows that I am very just, just, I don't play by my wife.
Speaker 1:They know Period. They know Period. Maurice, don't play about this one and I don't care whether I came out your vagina, out your ball sack, whether you bathed me, changed my.
Speaker 2:I don't give a damn.
Speaker 1:I will tell you in a heartbeat if she is uncomfortable. I'm like Martin, get to stepping, Get to stepping, I don't give a damn. So it baffles me when I see men not hold their wife in a level of regard that is higher than anyone else, because this is the woman you chose. Yeah, Granted you didn't choose your mother?
Speaker 1:Nope, whatever mother you have, that's the luck of the draw. Yeah, sometimes you get a good one, sometimes you get bad ones. The luck of the draw. You know what I'm saying. But you chose your wife, you chose the woman that you have kids with. Yeah, so you me, it's just me. I hold my people say all the time you shouldn't put one on the pedestal. This one over on the pedestal, let me tell you right now, it's high, it's high, it's high, it's high.
Speaker 2:She need three step ladders to get up there you're so extra so it's wild to me that he needs to the shoulder shrug.
Speaker 1:Right, you cannot be dismissive of the woman that gave you the child. Crazy word.
Speaker 2:It's crazy. You're literally building an entire life with her and she comes to you and expressing to you her frustrations, even if you don't necessarily agree with what she's telling you at the moment. For you to look her in her face and shrug and be like I mean it is what it is.
Speaker 1:I wish my mama would call you and tell you anything. I'd be right. Mama, shut your ass up.
Speaker 2:No, but he's relaying it to his wife. So now you don't think that makes me feel like y'all ganging up on me. Like not only are you ganging up on me, the person who's supposed to be my partner. Like we signed, I'll tell you what we're supposed to be in a partnership.
Speaker 1:Hold on, see, here we go. See, now I had a meeting in my head with the Patty Board membership, not a meeting. I'll tell you what Go ahead and get your baby and leave. Go down there and make sure he he pays you properly, both alimony and child support, so that now you can be with the child full time and him and his best friend, who he probably fucking. They can help subsidize your lifestyle so that you can be the mother they want you to be and then they can get the baby on the weekends.
Speaker 2:No well he be the mother they want you to be, and then they can get the baby on the weekends. No Well, he's still going to want to see his kid yeah, pictures he has.
Speaker 1:He has to work, he don't got time. She cares, I can't.
Speaker 2:He has to work. I can't yeah. That one was a little.
Speaker 1:And tell grandma she can come around when you feel like it.
Speaker 2:Grant, but not here's the thing for your friend to be in my house and feel so emboldened to make a statement like that to me and for you to not stand up for me and take her side is all the information that I need to know.
Speaker 1:The first thing I thought about she already coming over at night, right. Why is she coming over my house at night, if you there? Why is she there? Bitch Y'all, fucking Y'all fucking, y'all fucking that.
Speaker 2:Ain't the son, ain't the only they playing house. They playing house when she's at work, right, they're playing house the best friend.
Speaker 1:The best friend is living the life that she wants While she at work.
Speaker 2:She playing house with her man and her baby While she at work and they having conversations Like this could've. This could've been us.
Speaker 1:What happened to us? This could have been us.
Speaker 2:What happened to us.
Speaker 1:This goes for men and women, you got to be careful about who's smiling on your face. That smile may have an ulterior motive behind it. I'm telling you Crazy work, because I'll break your teeth around here.
Speaker 2:Not break your teeth. Anywho, this has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you guys are not doing so already, don't forget to like, comment, share all of the life after I do podcast. If you guys are not doing so already, don't forget to like, comment, share all of the things um all our social media pages the life after I do podcast. You can hit us up on youtube, instagram sorry youtube, instagram um tiktok and facebook only pants.
Speaker 1:Um sure, also on only pants, uh new Instagram, TikTok and Facebook Only Pans.
Speaker 2:Sure, Also on Only Pans. New episodes drop every single Wednesday. Guys, we are slowly but surely approaching our 100th episode.
Speaker 1:Yes, wow, that is crazy. We might do something special. That's crazy. Skip it, take a week off.
Speaker 2:I don't know Like skip it Take a week off. No, don't know Like, skip it Take a week off. No, but we have some things coming up, some things in the works that we want to, you know, put out there for you guys to enjoy and engage, and interact and stuff.
Speaker 1:We do appreciate all the support all the growth across all platforms.
Speaker 2:We do love the love.
Speaker 1:Thank you, guys, and more than anything, our child of ours. Appreciate y'all because oh my gosh, she loves, you guys she'd be like oh my god, you guys have so many followers.
Speaker 2:People love you I'll be like baby. We don't we get in there, but we don't we. They just love you so much. But we do appreciate all the love, all the new followers, all the support, the shares, the comments, the likes. We really, really do appreciate it, you guys. I can't believe we're coming up on 100 episodes already, right, but we are approaching the 100th episode and you know just, we're grateful that y'all have stuck around, we gonna stand beside you.
Speaker 2:We gonna stand beside y'all. Okay, I'm a good man, so new episodes drop every Wednesday, don't forget. You can also write into the podcast at lifeafteridoepodcast at gmailcom. But until next week, guys. Peace mooskeronies, peace mooskies.
