Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
When Your Partner Knows
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
How well do you really know your partner? In this fun and revealing episode, we put our relationship knowledge to the test with the “How Well Do You Know Me?” game—uncovering surprising details even after years together.
We share stories from our recent family camping trip, Moelethal’s fitness journey, and our childhood food memories that shaped us. From sleeping habits and love languages to secret dream cars, this episode proves there’s always more to learn about the person you love.
We also tackle tough questions about privacy with exes when co-parenting and navigating attention-seeking behavior in family.
Listen in, laugh with us, and try the game with your own partner—you might be surprised at what you discover.
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Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
Catching Up After Camp
Speaker 1I know you're old. I know you're old, that's what I said. Or be too Like you, you know you have a favorite oldies group. You don't, you don't just have one, I do have one. Five heartbeats.
Speaker 2That's not a real group. That's not. That's not a real group. That's just a movie. That's not a real group.
Speaker 1That's not the real group hey everybody and welcome back to your weekly dose of Life. After I Do podcast, You're going to be kicking it for the next 45 minutes to maybe an hour with me, Kynesha and my bestie slash husband. Bestie with the mesty, molito Bestie with the mesty.
Speaker 2Mo Get it Mesty, I'm messy. Oh gosh, I like the mess.
Speaker 1Hey Booskies, hi, how are you Great, how are you.
Speaker 2Tired. I'm all fun tired. We are back from camp. Camp was great. It was hot.
Speaker 1Very hot.
Speaker 2I'm happy that Airbnb had a pool Very great. But it's hot.
Speaker 1The kid loved it.
Speaker 2The people who stay out there and that I don't know how they do it.
Speaker 1They're probably used to it. I mean, it's just like the Vegas people, they're used to it.
Speaker 2It was weird because after last week's episode and then I saw all those half-naked women in the gym, I didn't know whether I could. I was trying to double tap.
Speaker 1Okay, okay, you're such a muddle. I was trying to double tap. You're such a muddle, how?
Speaker 2was your week. A lot of double tapping in the gym, a lot of double tapping. I was air double tapping.
Speaker 1Oh God.
Speaker 2So that way, instagram one, I like that one, so special you're so I like that one special.
Speaker 1Don't want to switch on me. Oh my gosh, other than that, how was your week? It was good, I'm on my new um.
Speaker 2Why?
Speaker 1are you drinking right now like? People don't want to hear you swallow and they're not.
Speaker 2They're not gonna hear that they do you do goodness gracious, I'm doing great. I started my new mesocycle, my training, so my training's a little different now. It's not, I'm getting used to it, it's not, it's not. I'm not on a what you would call traditional. Now I'm more um, I'm more area focused, so I'm more I'm like officially in my um, my body recomp era. Try to get this chest poking out, get these quads a little bigger. It's been going, it's great.
Speaker 1A good transition.
Fitness Goals and Body Transformation
Speaker 2I might have to add some cardio, though, because I've scaled back on my cardio since I got, ever since I hit the low 200s. I've scaled back on my cardio. I might increase it. I hit the low 200s. I've scaled back on my cardio. I might increase it because I I'm really feeling like I need to be like 190 195 to really get the look I'm looking for. Oh, you know, okay, I want to be thick, fit.
Speaker 1I don't think 190 is thick, fit yeah thick fit.
Speaker 2I want to be like like I got to get down to 190.
Speaker 1Oh, you're talking about, so you can re-bolt.
Speaker 2So I can bolt back up. Oh okay, yeah. Yeah, I thought you meant like, just be 190.
Speaker 1No, I got to get down to 190. I was like that's slick.
Speaker 2I want to get down to 190, like bolt back up to about 215, and then cut.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not too bad if you like, if you do a good, good bulk.
Speaker 2Oh, I'm doing it. I'm doing a dirty bulk.
Speaker 1Oh no, don't do a dirty bulk, I'm doing Oreos, no.
Speaker 2Okay, cheesecake.
Speaker 1I don't think that's what you want to do. Peach cobbler Fat cells are real.
Speaker 2Greens Smothered potatoes.
Speaker 1Smothered pork chops. I'll make them myself.
Speaker 2First of all. Look here. I'm happy you said that because this goes into what we're doing today. I know my wife can't make smothered pork chops.
Speaker 1I can make smothered pork chops. I'm just not going to buy a pack of pork chops. When have you ever seen me purchase a pack of pork chops?
Speaker 2You can suffocate some pork chops that.
Speaker 1Are you really trying to play that game? Because you remember what happened the last time you tried to play that game. You ain't never. You will be. You will be hungry for a week. I know how to smother a pork chop. I don't even. I don't even buy pork chops. I'm a buy them. Remember I bought those pork chops in good and free, like a couple weeks ago. Yeah, and that was the, and we both agreed that was the first time we in how many decades I missed them. How long has it been since?
Speaker 2we ate a pork chop.
Speaker 1You know the last time I remember eating pork chops was when I lived at home as a teenager.
Speaker 2Look here your boy, because I had really been on my no pork thing for so long and I would occasionally eat bacon.
Speaker 1That's no. You were not on a no pork. I was on a no pork. I would on a no pork. I was on a no pork. I would occasionally eat bacon because he was still eating pork.
Speaker 2I don't know where he got that from I was still eating bacon from time to time because the one thing I look I've tried. I've tried turkey bacon, beef bacon that's what we eat turkey bacon don't nothing tastes like bacon, but bacon, everybody knows that.
Speaker 1that's why my old boss used to say when I, when I used to tell her, oh I, I make turkey bacon. She was like that's turkey strips. I said it's turkey bacon. She said that's not bacon, that's turkey strips.
Speaker 2But you know, growing up you know I was raised by country folks we ate the pig.
Speaker 1That's what I'm saying, Like my mama used to make them pork chops with the mac and cheese and the homemade mashed potatoes. Lord, have mercy. I'm going to call her and ask her. I'm going to say you can go ahead and make that for me. You can make that for me because I literally could. The last time I remember having pork chops was when I lived at home.
Speaker 2You know who probably made some fire ass pork chops, who Miss Annie Miss.
Speaker 1Annie From.
Speaker 2Sinners.
Speaker 1Bye, maurice, because she'll't use no stale grease. Bye, why are you so special? Because she don't use no stale grease. You and that stale grease you a liar. She immediately shut that down. She was like you is a cold liar, I do not use no stale grease. How was your week, boosie? It was a cold lie. Week was good. It was um. You know, it was nice to get a change of scenery to be in a different, be in a different um a different state.
Speaker 1You know that was really fun, uh. So yeah, I really can't complain.
Speaker 2Gym was good, yeah what was good about it?
Speaker 1seeing different people, you know, seeing the, the, the different, the way gyms are set up. You know that was fun, you know so you make the looks and the stares that you get.
Speaker 2You want to show off for other men okay, no one.
Speaker 1That's what. No one's show, no one's going back to last week's episode.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, you were trying to get people to double tap your pictures I don't try to get people to do anything you don't really post.
Speaker 1No, I don't this is I said I said that I was gonna get better, though I I mean, I am gonna get better, and thank you to those who have started following me, even without new content. You guys are great, awesome, um, but yeah, I am gonna get better about posting. I is you know what's crazy is?
Speaker 1I have all of my content on top of me and do her business, Shut up, I have all my content in my phone. I just literally need to post it, Like I have finished videos and everything in there, and sometimes I'm just like, once I do the post, like for like TikTok and stuff like that, I'll be like, whew, that's a lot. That's the one thing. I've been Right, I ain't got no more energy.
Speaker 2No, I understand, because you like trying to reply to like the podcast comments and posts. I ain't got time to do my own stuff. I got to go to work. People, I still work. Okay, look here, I still go to work. I can't say I work at the job, bye, but I still go to work. Goodbye, goodbye, and I'll be there, at least. I try to do 40. Most times I do like 44, but there's months on weeks, I've done 26, but it don't matter, don't judge me, I still have somewhere to be um and on top of that shit to do on top of that, you know.
Speaker 1But we love all the support and we love the engagement, guys a daughter it takes.
Speaker 2My daughter takes a big chunk of my time as well, which I love her, that's my, but we love she was, she told me the other day. She said, dad, are you happy that I look like you?
Speaker 1I said I'm ecstatic for now ecstatic for now, but she's getting older and she's starting to look like me, so I told her.
Speaker 2I said phoenix, you know what you could look like, your mom, if you just had my personality? Oh gosh, the problem is that you have your mom's personality.
Childhood Food Memories
Speaker 1No, she has your no she don't.
Speaker 2She too bubbly, she too friendly. I'm not friendly.
Speaker 1No, she has your personality.
Speaker 2Like my boys say. Like my boys say I ain't friendly, I'm polite.
Speaker 1Those are two different things.
Speaker 2My grandma told me to speak to everybody. I ain't trying to be friends with you, but yeah. So it was a good week. It was yeah.
Speaker 1You're not going to tell people how you went down on a whole dress size.
Speaker 2What, how you down on?
Speaker 1a whole size. I've been down. No, come on, Would you put all of them, it's not just one.
Speaker 2Oh good, talk your shit. How many is it? It's two. Oh shoot, thank you, sir, but I'm currently on a maintenance right now, which is like I'm like my brain is finally kind of like settling into, like just be comfortable with where we are right now.
Speaker 1Okay, we ain't losing, we ain't gaining, we're not doing none of that, we just going to be right here. Like I fluctuate between, you know, like three pounds up, three pounds down, three pounds up, three pounds down, but like I'm in a maintenance so I have to like I'm staying here, um, until about november. So you know, that's been some days. I'm like, yeah, like this is like this is yeah I'm not.
Speaker 2I'm not this. Is it like I don't mind it?
Speaker 1I don't mind it, and then other days I'm like damn, if I could just go ahead and drop this 20 pounds, I feel like life would be. Life would be a little bit, just a little bit better.
Speaker 2I mean if you drop it, it'd help me, because you know my goal is to be able to squat, bench and then lift your weight and I can do two of the three.
Speaker 1So you can't squat my weight I can't. Okay, which one can't you? Oh, you can't bench my weight, not yet, not yet. Oh no, that's not good. Damn, I'm there already. I've never seen you bench my weight, I have.
Speaker 2I video. Okay, because you know I'm going to show you, you know, if it's not on video, then you know.
Speaker 1But yeah, like benching that you mentioned that I've been trying to manifest my benching and I know like when you say like you can't manifest something that's like physical, you got to work for it but it's part of it. So I've been manifesting it and working towards it. So doing my 225 holds, you know, like it, it it. Once I started holding 225 on bench I feel like half of the anxiety of it kind of like went away, and then the longer I'm under the 225, the more I'm just like I can't wait till I'm at that point where I'm like down and pushing it.
Speaker 2Let me tell you something, though, holding it here.
Speaker 1Oh, I know it's different.
Speaker 2I know.
Speaker 1Then when you're trying to control it coming down, I know but I'm saying like Then you gotta pause it here. But the intimidation of just unracking 225, I was like, oh, I don't want to sit here and make a fool of myself. You know like I I'm. I felt comfortable enough to know that I was strong enough to unrack and you know, I told you about the last uh, couple weeks ago.
Speaker 2Huh, I told you what the message a couple weeks ago well, what? You just mumbled. I told you what my dumb ass did a couple weeks ago what did you drop the bar the? Bar. I went over to the seated shoulder press and I said let me put these 45s on here.
Speaker 1This can't be that heavy On the seated shoulder press.
Speaker 2Yeah, you special. I said, this can't be that heavy.
Speaker 1Okay, so 135 overhead yes, when you've never done it. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2I've never overhead You're so funny. I've never over here. You're so funny, I've never over here, you're hilarious. I said I can like bench 135 for like 50 reps. This is nothing. I got this, not shit. I went like this I brought it down and I pushed it back up and I racked it and I said, let me sit my stupid ass down.
Speaker 1That's just like. So my coach shout out to Joseph Patino body that's just like so my my coach shout out to joseph patino um, when, like when he was looking at my numbers and I had did the 105 uh overhead, I I have I haven't done it since the first time I did it and he was like what has happened? I said I can't tell you I think that was just a good day because I have not overhead pressed 105 since the day I overhead pressed 105. Good thing I got it on video.
Speaker 2I will say this Now I got to try 105.
Speaker 1But I do think Now I got to try 105.
Speaker 2But I do think that standing is a lot easier than sitting.
Speaker 1You think it is because you think.
Speaker 1Because I can use my legs you can, because you can use your legs, but I'm not using my legs. And that's the first thing the trainer, paul, at the gym, asked me when I was telling him how I don't like doing standing overhead press and he was like why? I said because I don't like. I don't like the movement, I don't like the like, the range of motion, I don't know. I was like I've tried to correct my form, I've done it many different ways and he was like the first thing he said was are you using your legs? Like, do you use your legs for like a little bit of momentum or anything? And I was like no, I stand as still as possible and I'm just, it's like all shoulder, you know. And he was like oh, okay, and it's.
Speaker 2It's very much different when you're not using your bottom half, because even in seated, even in seated, when I've done it seated, you're using leg drive.
Speaker 1Yeah, seated. When I've done it seated, you can plant. You're using leg drive, but it's not the same. Yeah, it's not the same. You're using leg drive, yeah, so when?
Speaker 2you're doing standing and you're just straight up and you're doing that motion, yeah, I said.
Speaker 1I said, yeah, I'd be like 85 is good for me. I said yeah, because if I don't, if I want to be able to rotate my arms in the morning, I'm gonna go ahead and put this I'm gonna go ahead and I had.
Speaker 2Immediately I thought right, I had to look at my shoulder and say stay strong, stay strong because, like right now, all this is like sore you, you worried everything gonna be okay. I think we'll be okay, just stay strong, stay strong because what is?
Speaker 1this your front, right, yeah, like, yeah, well, we got the nail biscuits.
Speaker 2Uh, how well do you know me? I don't know you at all. You change every week. This is true Every week.
Speaker 1But we're going to see.
Speaker 2Every week I got to prove my love.
Speaker 1Every week. You told Harpo to beat me. Shut up, maurice, you're so silly. How well, how well do you know me, how well do you know your partner?
Speaker 2Do, do, do, do, do do.
Speaker 1This is whack, your mom's whack. You have like one blonde hair. That's like that's crazy. I think it was like a gray hair, that like turned or something, I don't know. But yeah, so we'll go back and forth, we'll take turns, all right, asking each other a series of questions to see how well we know each other right now.
Speaker 2All right, I see, okay, I see how this is going to go.
Speaker 1Okay, ready. Yeah, I'll start off with an easy one. Okay, sure, how do I make my coffee or tea?
Speaker 2That's two different things. And then hold on.
Speaker 1First of all, how do I make my coffee or tea?
Speaker 2What kind of coffee, what kind of tea, because it depends.
Speaker 1Maurice, how do I make my coffee If I'm drinking coffee?
Speaker 2You like your tea. You like your tea, two tea bags, one honey. But you want your honey in the cup before the water, and then you want honey, then you want the water, then the tea bags, then a little lemon.
Speaker 1You missed a step, okay, but yes, that's generally. Yes, the honey, the Splenda.
Speaker 2Yeah, Splenda.
Speaker 1The tea bags, the water, the lemon, yeah, yes, and my coffee recently.
Speaker 2For this past year. How have I been drinking my coffee? Oh, you just won't. Decaf shots in a protein drink with some caramel drizzle.
Speaker 1That's it. See, that was easy, babe. I gave you an easy one. I'm going to give you an easy one then, I think.
Speaker 2Do I prefer sweet snacks or salty ones? Sweet.
Speaker 1Sweet Because last night you was jonesing, jonesing. He was jonesing. He said babe, he was scratching. He was like babe, I said what? You got some snacks, okay, first of all I don't even know how to react to that that every time he wants something sweet, instead of going like bring whatever he brought with him, or like if we're at home going downstairs and getting something out of the cabinet, he automatically assumes I mean, maybe rightfully so, but he automatically assumes that I got a sweet treat in my nightstand or my closet somewhere. And if I keep telling him yes, then he so, but he automatically assumes that I got a sweet treat in my nightstand or my closet somewhere.
Speaker 1And if I keep telling him yes, then he you know, then he knows I keeps a sweet treat. But no, I didn't have.
Speaker 2She knows that. I know that she hides snacks and I'll be trying to figure out if she hides them. That's what she knows.
Speaker 1Because between him and my daughter I could never keep anything. So listen, here there's these licorice that I like to eat. They're called Willie.
Speaker 2Wilde, hold on hold on, hold on hold on that.
Speaker 1We like to eat oh see, now it's a we thing. It wasn't a family thing until a mommy started eating them and they're like this vegan licorice.
Speaker 1We have to put this on. They're like a vegan and fat, but they're really good. And they come in different flavors. I don't have to pause. They come in different flavors and I like the green apple flavor, the green apple, the watermelon and the regular, you know, traditional, whatever strawberry. And so I would get like a couple of packs. I would keep, you know, one pack on day. You know three, three pieces is one serving 90 calories. If I'm feeling, you know, if I'm feeling spicy, I'll have two servings 180. If I'm feeling, you know, if I'm feeling spicy, I'll have two servings 180. You know what I mean. And it's, and there's only like three and a half servings in each pack. Why did I let these cats have a piece of licorice?
Speaker 2monday the sprout because she's a modern servant.
Speaker 1I'm killing the pack and that's what I tell them. I'm like give me the pack. Why are you finishing the pack? So instead of, instead of beginning like the big resealable pack, I go to the Dollar Tree and I buy like 12 to 15 packs at a time because they're the only place that I can find like that flavor that I really like. But I go when they stock it because it goes so fast, like now. Everybody named Mama apparently likes licorice, so but I go and like last time.
Speaker 2I think they've only been selling licorice for hundreds of years, but now it's just they've only been selling licorice for hundreds of years.
Speaker 1But now it's like I went. Last time I went it was I bought 15 packs. I bought 15 packs, 50. Listen to what I say. I bought 15 packs of licorice.
Speaker 2Well, you know, just like Audacity, they'll sell it in bulk. 15 packs. Don't judge us.
Speaker 1That bag of licorice that I purchased between myself, my husband and our seven-year-old Hold on.
Speaker 2No, and your mama and your sister no.
Speaker 1No, we all primarily ate it.
Speaker 2Don't come for me.
Speaker 1Lasted like a week.
Speaker 2Hold on and, primarily, ate it. Okay, for me Lasted like a week Hold on and then the cold part is now they make a sour version.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, now those, and they're small. Oh my gosh, they are so good. Oh, can we?
Speaker 2sound so fat, go ahead and ask me a question. But they're really good. Okay, I promise y'all. We're still on our fitness journey. We just be.
Speaker 1let's see what color do I wear the most black what kind of? Question is that black? I don't wear black as much as I used to. No, okay, maybe that's not your experience I'm wearing gray to the gym today I wear black.
Speaker 2What color are your bottles right now? Black, okay. Color your glasses what okay? But I'm wearing gray, so whatever um how do I show love without using words?
Speaker 1Touch, physical touch. All the time I'm on that ass, all the time I'm on that ass, I'm on that ass. Bye, let's see. I'm on that ass what is my most used phrase or thing.
Speaker 2I know you fucking lying or played yourself.
Speaker 1Played yourself, you played yourself. Look at you, you looked up. Or played yourself, played yourself, you played yourself. Look at you, you look dumb. You played yourself, you look dumb.
Speaker 2What is something that I'm surprisingly sentimental about.
Speaker 1Something that you're surprisingly sentimental about.
Speaker 2Yeah, I've been crying a lot lately too.
Speaker 1That you're sentimental about therapy makes me cry probably our time together. I would say that's a good answer probably our time together that's not what I would say.
Speaker 2My time alone, that's a good answer let's see what is.
Speaker 1Something small that instantly annoys me the way that you go gosh, that's not a small thing. What like? Just like, sometimes, just you just you like, over the pack you masticating. Sometimes it's just in general. Okay, I just can't Like. I just don't understand why it has to be All right. Why should I hear you across the room? Okay?
Speaker 2yeah, we're done with this.
Speaker 1This is crazy.
Speaker 2This is going to be a short episode, guys. What's my ideal weekend with you? What would my ideal weekend with you look like?
Speaker 1Oh, somewhere away in a hotel or the balcony.
Speaker 2There has to be a balcony.
Speaker 1If y'all know me, that's pretty easy, as long as there's a balcony. It's high up. It's a private room. We can make do In late evening A little bit of wind, early morning yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1That's ideal for him.
Speaker 2Takes me back.
Speaker 1What's something I do when I'm mad but not saying it?
Speaker 2You don't talk when you mad.
Speaker 1And what else? I rage clean, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2It's funny.
Speaker 1I need to make you more mad. You tried it.
Speaker 2You tried it, you tried it, you tried it. Who was my childhood hero or favorite athlete? Kobe Kobe's my all-time favorite athlete.
Speaker 1Yeah, kobe, that's an easy one.
Speaker 2And all the Mamba slander. Oh gosh Needs to stop.
Speaker 1Y'all niggas couldn't stop Kobe. What scent or perfume Do I always reach for?
Speaker 2I don't know what it's called, but it's the one I just recently purchased for you. You know, I don't know the name of this shit. That's cheating.
Speaker 1Donna and Rome.
Speaker 2Is that what it's called, donna, and Rome? Is that the Versace one, or whatever?
Speaker 1No, that's the Valentino. Whatever, I don't know, that's, my favorite Was that the Versace one or whatever?
Speaker 2No, that's the.
Speaker 1Valentino. Oh, whatever, I don't know, that's my favorite, it do smell good, I can't lie. That's my favorite.
Speaker 2When was the last time I really surprised you, and how?
Speaker 1The last time you really surprised me? Well, the most recent that I can think of was when you bought me a summer cup Unprovoked. That was a surprise, because for so long you were against.
Speaker 2No, I'm still against it.
Speaker 1It's funny because you say you're against it, but then when you're out and you see something you'd be like, oh, but I think she would really like this and he brought me home a Stanley unprovoked and I was like okay, I was like you really didn't have to. And he was like okay, I was like you really didn't have to. And he was like well, she said it was the new one and she said it was gonna sell out. So I was like okay, I didn't want to give it up.
Speaker 1I was like, well, just know, let the record show I wasn't gonna buy this cup? Look here let the record show I was not in the market for this cup, but I'm going to accept the gift, because that would be rude.
Speaker 2I don't know why I do this thing. Where I go against my own, you complain.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's just like when I bought you that Skoroski Crystal damn Starbucks cup, mm-hmm. I was like, well, that's a nice cup, I want that cup. I was like let me get that cup. And then when she told me the price, I said for what?
Speaker 1For a cup. It's like one of a thousand and it has seroski crystals on it. Yeah, it does. That's actually one of my most priced, one of my most priced cups. Yeah, I'm part of the problem. So you know, if anything ever happened and we were really down hard, I could probably sell it. Okay, I probably wouldn't, but we couldn't. Um, what's, uh, what's my favorite body part of yours? My hands. Yes, I've loved his hands since, since I was a young girl.
Speaker 2Y'all know why.
Speaker 1That's not why I just oh my gosh, why, why do you have to make?
Speaker 2What's, uh, what's my favorite part of your personality?
Speaker 1What's my, what's your favorite part of my personality? What's your favorite part of my personality? Oh, that I can talk to almost anybody.
Speaker 2That's not my favorite. You always say that no, that's the part that irritates me the most.
Speaker 1Oh my gosh. You have always said I just love how you can just talk and relate to anybody.
Speaker 2No, that because you won't shut up.
Speaker 1Okay, lies, that's not what you said, but what is it? It's that ass of my personality.
Speaker 2My ass is not personality when they see you okay you sound silly, you sound silly no, it's like you're a really loving and caring person. Okay, that's so generic, no, no, but but it's real, though to a fault like you, really, people be playing you, okay do?
Speaker 1I prefer cuddling or my space in bed?
Speaker 2space. It depends on the night, it depends on the night 90 of the time I prefer what space?
Speaker 1yes space I need space. First of all, I need space because of how I, how I sleep. I require a lot of space. Okay, I sleep with about six pillows um. I sleep at an angle. I sleep with my heating pad, my she goes restrained.
Speaker 2She looks like my hair bonnet, my eye mask.
Speaker 1She looked like there there's a lot that happens when I sleep and I have to.
Speaker 2I have to get to her before the eye mask comes on.
Speaker 1Once my eye mask is on, it's a wrap I'm done if I got my right pillow under my right arm like this and I'm already sitting up while I'm asleep and then I pull it out, because what I do is I put it around the bonnet and then you might watch a little TV or something. But when I do one of these numbers and I slowly pull it down over my eyes, that means she's done for the evening.
Speaker 1But he sleeps with the damn fan straight in his face. So I always have to create a barrier between us because I can't sleep.
Speaker 2Don't come for me. I can't sleep with air blowing up my damn nose all night. My fellow fan sleepers will come to my defense, okay, and that's why y'all allergies are terrible, but we so, and that's why you got terrible allergies because you sit there and let the damn dust fly under your nose all night. What I was saying is that I understand that I have. If it's just a bonnet, I still got a shot.
Speaker 1Yes, You'll tune it up, but if the eye mask comes out, it's over. And then, even if I'm not all the way to sleep, but my eye mask is down and I'm trying to sleep, I will snore Because you know the eye mask is down. And then she hits you with one of these. I peek from underneath it. I'm like what are you trying to do? The eye mask is down. My goodness. What's one thing that instantly turns me on One thing that what?
Speaker 2Instantly turns me on Me.
Speaker 1Facts Me. Just look at you and be like come here Me, you know me. Facts me.
Speaker 2Just look at you like come here Me.
Speaker 1If I, if I touch your shoulder like this, hold on, we'll cut it short.
Speaker 2We'll cut it short.
Speaker 1Wait a minute. What did Ron's wife say when she was asking Tyrese? She was like do you why? Do you know why you never see like public affection and anything from us? And he was like no, why.
Speaker 2And she said said because, if I just if I just like touch him like this he thinks it's an invitation. Okay, that's not an invitation let's get to it.
Speaker 1It's not an invitation, okay, um, what was I wearing on our first date?
Speaker 2I don't know. Yeah, you do. You're wearing blue jeans and a white top. You were in a blue jeans, the blue cut up jeans, with the white top, and you had a blue beanie on.
Speaker 1No, the beanie was white because it matched my sweatshirt, my sweater. It was like these sky blue pants that had like whitewash in the front and we saw brown sugar. And I wore a white long sleeve sweater with, like my crochet little beanie and I thought I was the cutest thing ever. No, you was pretty hot and tempting.
Speaker 2thank you, thank you um what's my dream date night with you? So you get two questions. Oh sorry, no, it's fine. I know it's what you do um your dream date night with you? Some lobster bis sounds good by the water, probably. I'm up there and then you would do like the music outside if the temperature is right.
Speaker 1Yeah, because if I'm distracted by me being too hot or too cold, count me out. Count me out, it's got to be.
Speaker 2But it'd be like something like that and something where we can it's like real intimate one-on-one and we can have a good, decent conversation uh-huh, okay, I like that, that is me yeah, I know, um, um. What's my go-to excuse when I want to get out of something? Let me ask my wife no with you what I tell you when you ask me something. What's my go to excuse when I want to get out of something? Let me ask my wife no with you what I tell you.
Speaker 1When you ask me something, what's my excuse I give you when you want to get out of something? Yeah, I don't know. You never really give me too many excuses.
Speaker 2Like when you're like, babe, let's go to my mom's this weekend, I'd be like what, what'd I say?
Speaker 1what I say, what I say, no, I don't know, I can't think of it well, you know I gotta work, so even on a day that he don't have to work, like when we went to my cousin's.
Speaker 2Well, I had to work the next day, later that day I had to be home by a certain time because the gym let's see if I could travel anywhere certain time because I had to go to the gym.
Speaker 1Let's see If I could travel anywhere tomorrow. Where?
Speaker 2would I want to go? You would want to go back to Europe yes, or Thailand Yep, or Japan Yep.
Speaker 1Yep Got to make that happen, Captain. I'm just debating whether or not I want to take the little. I think I do, though I think she's old enough. No, she's not.
Speaker 2What's a hobby or a skill? I've always wanted to try, but haven't yet.
Speaker 1A hobby or a skill. Oh, but you haven't, because I mean, you did try it, you got into it a little bit. You're woodworking.
Speaker 2And I quickly got out of it. You know why and I quickly your wood making.
Speaker 1But I mean, I quickly got out of it, you know why. And I quickly got, you know. He put his toe in and then he, you know I got out of it. Why, when people start asking me to make shit for him, I mean, all you have to do is say no, that's why it's called a hobby. I do it because I want to do it, not because I don't want to feel obligated.
Speaker 2I'm not, although you could have made bank off those benches.
Speaker 1He one of his first projects. He made a bench for our front porch and like, created it, painted it, did the whole thing, and I had took pictures of it and everybody was like, oh my gosh, where did you guys get that bench from? And I was like my husband made it. Oh, he makes benches, how much does he charge? And then that was the day he stopped that making things. He was like this is not going to turn into, this is what I'm doing on my weekends.
Speaker 2I was like they're not for sale, Upon our making Macy's a doghouse.
Speaker 1Okay, well, you're for sure going to make a water sprinkler cover.
Speaker 2Oh, yeah, for sure, I got stuff for that right here.
Speaker 1Yeah, because she already tore that up.
Speaker 2She messed up my sprinklers one more time. That dog be hanging from her hind legs from a tree. Bye.
Speaker 1Bye, that's not nice. No, she wouldn't. That's not very nice, let's see, let's do two more. Okay, what's my go-to order at a restaurant or fast food spot? Your?
Speaker 2go-to order.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2Again, it's depending on the mood Okay beef, uh fatty fatty brisket and um, well done, steak uh-huh.
Speaker 1And then how do I? How do I like it fixed up?
Speaker 2oh, you should extra onion and whatever I don't know whatever I got the dish right, that's enough extra, extra.
Speaker 1It's a brisket with uh fatty flank it's complicated what it is it's not. With extra white onion, extra cilantro, hoisin sriracha, it's not difficult at all.
Speaker 2I'm gonna ask you this one. This one has many answers what is my favorite Type of music or artist?
Speaker 1Hip hop, kendrick Lamar that's.
Speaker 2That's one of them. You like R&B, you like gospel, my favorite type of music.
Speaker 1You listen to all genres.
Speaker 2You know oldies is my favorite. You know I'm old on the inside.
Speaker 1I know you're old. I said R&B too.
Speaker 2What's my favorite oldies group? You don't just have one, I do have one.
Speaker 1Five Heartbeats.
Speaker 2That's not a real group. That's not a real group. That's not a real group, that's just a movie. That's not a real group. One of the singers of my favorite group actually, oh my gosh, one of the singers of my that's the first thing that came to my mind. One of the singers of my favorite group actually passed a couple weeks ago oh, I don't know who passed it's still the whispers, the whispers, okay, the whispers slap. They make all they all they oh man, that got me.
Speaker 1That really got me. Uh, let's see. Well, this should be an easy one for you. What's a show or movie that I could re-watch over and over?
Speaker 2and over Charmed. What's Love has To Do With it? Law Order, svu, golden Girls, golden Girls, madlock In the Heat of the Night.
Speaker 1Why is it only you describing a 70-year-old?
Speaker 2This is just proof that we were raised by our grandparents.
Speaker 1Why was I watching? In the Heat of the Night, laying in bed crocheting. Put a cup of tea on my nightstand. Because you're old, but I was so comfortable and relaxed, I said this is what I like to do. I was crocheting, I had my tea and I was watching In the Heat of the Night. It was a good evening for me.
Speaker 2What's my ultimate dream? Car or toy?
Speaker 1A toy Motorcycle Car, right now A Tundra.
Speaker 2That's what I want. No, my dream car, what's? Your dream car. It's not the same, it was one thing. But now I do want a Tundra. Okay that I'm never going to get, as long as she doing the master.
Speaker 1Not. If you want to be responsible, right you can get anything, it's about being responsible.
Speaker 2I've never been. I was never like a Ferrari guy. I've never a Lamborghini guy. No, I've always said that if I ever got money, I would buy a Jaguar F-Type. I don't know why.
Speaker 1That is new to me, you've never said that to me.
Speaker 2Jaguar F-Type.
Speaker 1You literally never said that to me.
Speaker 2The Jaguar F-Type is literally the first car I buy in every car game I get oh. That's new news to me, but knowing what I know now, my ass would never sit in there because it's too goddamn low to the ground yeah because I might have to go get forklift me out, not because these knees ain't what they used to be not, forklift you out yes nobody wants to be forklifted out.
Speaker 1I mean maybe, but nobody wants to be forklifted out. Um yeah, I think you did pretty well.
Speaker 2Let me ask you one more question, okay do I like to resolve conflict right away, or do or, or walk it out or wait it out.
Speaker 1Oh, walk it out. Wow, um, do you like to resolve it right away, or what?
Speaker 2Or wait it out.
Am I The Asshole: Co-Parenting Boundaries
Speaker 1It really just depends, but I would say overall, you would rather try to work it out. Um but it really depends on the situation, cause it depends on, like, how hot headed you are at the time. So that's what I would say. So let's go ahead and hop on. In. All right, here we go. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2for refusing to give my ex full access to my life just because we co-parent.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm a 25 year old female and have a six month old baby with my ex, who's 24. And we've been trying to co-parent since we split a few months ago. But now he's saying that I'm being an asshole for not telling him everything that I do when the baby isn't with me. We were together from high school from 2015 up until recently. Our breakup happened shortly after I gave birth, when I found out that he had been cheating with multiple women. His excuse that I wasn't being sexual enough postpartum and he had a high libido.
Speaker 1Yeah that was enough for me to walk away. Since then, I've been rebuilding my life. I got more involved in my church, formed new friendships and started feeling like myself again for the first time in a while. I've also done everything I can to keep things calm and respectful for the sake of our child. But now he's making it an issue that I don't share details about my personal life with him. He says that I should be more transparent and that it's important for co-parenting. He wants to know who I'm hanging out with, what I'm doing, who my new friends are, even if it's me just hanging out while he has the baby His reasoning he tells me about what he's doing. So I should do the same. But here's the thing I've never asked him for any of that information. He voluntarily tells me I'm about to hang out with this new girl or I've been seeing someone new, even when our child is not in his care at the time. It's his personal time and I've told him that I don't need to know or want to know those updates. Yet now he's acting like because he shares that info with me. I owe him the same level of openness, even though I've never requested it and it's unrelated to our child.
Speaker 1He's also been following some of my new friends on social media and asking me questions about them. My account is private so I don't know how he's even finding them. I suspect he's using a burner account or he's viewing my church's page, who posts pictures of me and the people I hang out with. Sometimes I had asked them to stop posting me. We have a photographer that takes pictures during service or after service and post them online for media purposes For a while, because I had asked him to stop posting me for a while because I believe he was using those posts to find my friends and follow them. He's never reached out to any of them, but the whole thing makes me feel really creepy and it's invasive. It's crossing a boundary for me.
Speaker 1I've talked to some friends about this and their opinions are mixed. Some say he has a point that we should be transparent with each other since we share a child. Other people think he's overstepping and that this isn't part of co-parenting, especially since our child hasn't met any of these people and I'm not dating anyone in particular right now. Even my mom is siding with him. She's liked him since we were together in high school and anytime we argued she'd tend to take his side and ask what I did wrong. Now she's saying that I should be open about who I'm hanging out with to better co-parent. That makes me question myself even more.
Speaker 1I'm not trying to be an asshole or be difficult. I believe in healthy boundaries. If someone's going to be around my child, I will share that. But just living my life and seeing my friends with my baby when my baby isn't with me, I don't think I owe him a play by play of my life. So now I'm wondering am I the asshole for keeping parts of my life private from my child's father when it doesn't involve our child? He want you back. That's what it is. He know he messed up.
Speaker 2He just want you back. That's why he want to know who you with.
Speaker 1And that's why he kind of bothered when he tell you that he hanging out with a you jealous, and it ain't working.
Speaker 2He just wants you back.
Speaker 1Look here, you're not the asshole.
Speaker 2You ain't gotta tell him nothing. You ain't gotta mention nothing to him until you get with somebody who's gonna be around the child, like she said. And until that point. Look here. First of all, he the asshole, because to tell a woman that I cheated on you postpartum Because you weren't sexual enough, postpartum that's wild and you know that I have a high libido. That's wild.
Speaker 1After I just gave birth to your child.
Speaker 2That's wild.
Speaker 1Men are wild.
Speaker 2I always say, look here, because I had a friend and when I said this to him he stopped talking to me about shit like this and I said, look here, you cannot fault your partner for not engaging in sexual activities with you when they have a medical condition that literally changes the way their brain function. They're not thinking that.
Speaker 1Right and postpartum definitely does that how empathetic, can you be?
Speaker 2You're being an asshole.
Speaker 1Because it's something that can't be controlled.
Speaker 2Because you're being selfish. In that moment You're thinking about you. You're not thinking about what they're going through. Yeah, but all you focus is on is what is.
Speaker 1What your need is what your little brain is telling you.
Am I The Asshole: Suspicious Cancer Claims
Speaker 1Yep, that's crazy work crazy work um, am I the asshole for refusing to help my boyfriend's dying mother while planning a trip to europe? Damn crazy work. Um, I'm a 25 year old female and I live with my boyfriend, liam, who's 24. About a month ago, his mom, tanya, began claiming she was dying of cancer, but no diagnosis has been confirmed. Every hospital visit ends with her being sent home. A nurse even told Liam that she might be faking it. It started when she stayed out one night at our bedroom at our one bedroom apartment. That turned into a week of chaos. She refused AC and fans, but blue dried her hair daily. The apartment smelled awful, everything had to be dark and silent and she constantly demanded help. She even stormed into our bedroom at 3 am asking Liam for massages. She criticized our Buddhist souvenirs, insisted we hang across and complained nonstop. She suggested we move in with her, an hour from our job and school.
Speaker 1I'm a full-time student with two jobs and a 4.0 GPA and I was falling behind Liam, who worked full-time, switched to remote work to care for Tanya, his mom. Her health updates were always shifting MRI, canceled surgery, then chemo, postponed due to infection, then E coli, always a new reason, but no clear diagnosis and no paperwork. When her husband, david, was away, she made us go to her house to get her jewelry because she thinks he'll steal it when she dies. We were supposed to take her to the ER right after, but we ended up staying 16 hours doing chores. I folded 420 clothing items, cleaned the entire house and felt like her unpaid maid. Not a single please or thank you. She was stalling to go to the ER and when we finally got there at 5 AM she said she'd check herself in and she sent us home.
Speaker 1Three hours later she called again sobbing for help. She had been rejected by the ER, I suspect for faking it. Liam and I both skipped meals, are skipping meals, losing sleep and falling behind at work just to help her. He once said that he's waiting for her to pass away so we can just move to Europe. He's been forced to manage her divorce, lawyer meetings and funeral prep. Meanwhile David, who's paying the hospital bills and had been kept in the dark all about this, sent Liam aggressive text messages like I call bullshit and don't show up at my house anymore. Then later apologized.
Speaker 1Tanya called again begging for help help, but this time she wanted me because David is jealous of Liam. I had clearly told Liam I needed the weekend to study for final exams, and going to that house alone seemed sketchy. Now I'm planning a two to three week Europe trip to see my mom, who I haven't seen in over a year. Liam says he supports it, but called it a little selfish. He asked if I were dying, would you quit your job to be with me? And if you're, if it were your mom, would you help her?
Speaker 1I felt pressured to say yes, but truth is my family wouldn't lie to me or use me the way his mother does. I love Liam and I want to be there for him, but I don't trust his mom, and this is starting to affect our relationship. So am I the asshole for refusing to help Tanya and going on my European trip? Nah, not at all. First of all, you say there's no paperwork, there's no confirmed diagnosis, she's not on chemo, she's not taking no medication. So at this point she has like self-diagnosed herself with cancer and is just rolling with it, and I would suspect that it's something to the effect of she feels like Liam is giving you a little bit too much attention, and then this is her way of keeping Liam's attention and love for herself.
Speaker 2Let me tell you what it is I bet money that Liam is the only child.
Speaker 1Probably that's what it sounds like.
Speaker 2Because I think she would have mentioned, like why aren't your other?
Speaker 1siblings over here, folding 420 clothing items now, since Liam's father is leaving. Yeah, the divorce she's trying to hold on to something and Liam has her and she's using this as a way to keep Liam in her pocket because, if and when Liam finds out the truth and it ain't what she's been saying she's going to lose him forever.
Speaker 2She's going to lose everything.
Speaker 1But she's probably thinking her husband left her. Liam is probably closer to marrying his girlfriend.
Speaker 2And then once that happens.
Speaker 1You know what it is. Once that happens, I'm going to be alone, because, when boys marry, they leave home.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm going to be alone. They're going to start.
Speaker 1And she's gonna get all his attention. Even though I was there his whole life, I raised him like everything, and now here she comes look here, go see your family, enjoy.
Speaker 2Tell your mama I said hi, enjoy enjoy.
Speaker 1Europe have a great time um. I know the food is trash. You get some comfortable shoes. Oh, that is not true.
Speaker 2I know the food is trash, so the food is trash?
Speaker 1The food is not trash. You've never even had European food and where's she going?
Speaker 2Is she going to Europe?
Speaker 1She's in Europe. She didn't say England, she just said Europe. Oh, okay, well, I can't.
Speaker 2You know, but you're not the asshole.
Speaker 1You're not the asshole, definitely not the asshole Go visit your mom.
Speaker 2Enjoy your time with your mom you know what you know.
Speaker 1I'm right there with you. I'm right there with you I ain't never met a Tanya I can trust, and the last Tanya I encountered that's a whole different.
Speaker 2I ain't never met.
Speaker 1Yeah, I never. Yeah, I'm with you, babe. I don't think I've ever met one that I can trust either, or one that was honest, facts, facts, facts, facts. Enjoy your mom. Enjoy your mom and your family. This has been another episode of life after I do podcast. If you're not doing so already, you know the drill, go ahead and head over and follow us on all of our social media platforms. You can follow us on instagram, tiktok, facebook and youtube at life after I do podcast.
Speaker 1Don't forget, you can also write into the podcast at lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom. You get a new episode every week, guys. So until then, peace Booskies, peace Booskies.
