Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Privacy or Problem: The Boundaries of Marriage
Should your partner have full access to your phone, passwords, and digital life? In this episode of Life After I Do, Nesha G and MoeLethal open up about one of the most debated topics in modern relationships: Privacy vs. Transparency.
With 23 years of experience under their belt, they share how they’ve chosen honesty without control—and why what works for them might not work for everyone. They unpack:
- The difference between secrecy and healthy boundaries
- How trust, history, and personality shape your approach
- Why dating and marriage may need different rules
- Real-life scenarios: surprise planning, group chats, and needing personal space
- Listener Q&As on enforcing boundaries with teens and managing mismatched libidos
This episode offers both the male and female perspectives with honesty, humor, and depth.
🎧 Tap in and then tap send—we want to hear from you. Email your thoughts to: lifeafteridopodcast@gmail.com
Here's the thing I don't want. I don't want you to think like you can't have, I guess, boundaries within a marriage, right. But when we talk about things as simple as passcodes to phones, social media, your social media passwords and things like that, for me personally, me personally, ok, that that's a. That's a. That's an open territory. Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life. After Writing Podcast, I'm your host, kynesha Nisha G, and I'm here with my vocalist partner in grind, ooh yeah, rocking the gymnastics dad shirt today.
Speaker 2:Ooh, yeah, hi, babe, it's your boy, it's your boy Molito. Molito, also known as Maurice, also known as Molito Sexy chocolate.
Speaker 1:I believe the children are our future. Okay, we're not doing this today.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you, treat them well and let them lead the way. That boy good. That boy good, good and terrible.
Speaker 1:Hey babe, hey Booskies, How's it going?
Speaker 2:Show them all the beauty they possess inside oh my gosh Okay, we're done. Give them a chance to fly. That's not the words I know. Okay, we're done. Give them a chance. To fly. That's not the words I know. Hi, booskies, hi.
Speaker 1:How are you?
Speaker 2:Good, I feel like we're both like trying to find extra energy. I got something to give you. I got energy for that.
Speaker 1:Happy Father's Day to all of the fathers out there, all the real ones, all the OGs, they're going to hear this after Father's. Day. I know they're going to hear it after Father's Day, but that's why I'm still saying Happy Father's Day, like I hope you all had a great Father's Day Shut up, because you're going to hear this after Father's.
Speaker 2:Day. Whose father going to hear this after father's day um the way our schedule is planned, I mean the episodes come out on wednesdays.
Speaker 1:So schedule I did, okay, it was your fault, okay, whatever. Anyway, happy father's day to all the fathers. Happy father's day, my love thank you how, how has this journey of fatherhood been for you? The past the past 22 years 22 years. My daughter is 7 how has it been for the past 7 years? Are you high? No, a little sleepy, but not high not yet maybe, yeah, maybe a little hungry, but not high, not yet. Maybe a little hungry, but not high, oh, hangry.
Speaker 2:I don't know. These last seven years have been a journey of wonder and mystery.
Speaker 1:Why are you answering like that Wonder and mystery it has been filled of ups, downs, anger, bliss.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I've just been stuck in awe of how someone can irritate me to my core and yet make me smile.
Speaker 1:It's a talent when you think about it. It really it's a talent when you think about it. It really it's a talent, not everyone can do that.
Speaker 2:She has shown me that I have grace. I didn't know I was able to give.
Speaker 1:Again Any other child.
Speaker 2:That girl good, that girl good. I keep threatening her with a Matilda closet.
Speaker 1:Bye, we got to take the threats out of parenting. Nah, yeah, tilt the closet. Bye, we got to take the threats out of parenting.
Speaker 2:Nah yeah, we got it. Listen here listen here.
Speaker 1:My number one parenting tip is don't threaten children with consequences that you do not fully intend on enforcing I just ain't had the time to build it they, they children will call you out on bullshit in a hot second.
Speaker 2:Okay, my problem is my child will. She's not going to stand still. She's going to end up pricking herself.
Speaker 1:What do you mean In the Matilda closet? Oh gosh, that baby don't know nothing about no Matilda closet. She don't know nothing about Matilda. Your failing has a mother, then Call it what you like, but she don't know nothing about a Matilda.
Speaker 2:She know Bobby. Bobby Womack, bye, she know Bobby.
Speaker 1:That's because she's been singing it since she was like two.
Speaker 2:She can sing you some Teddy Pendergrass oh gosh, I'm doing my part. Okay, whatever you make, my neck hurt.
Speaker 1:It's so good. My neck hurt Loving somebody. How was your week? My love, when somebody loves you back and I suffered to be loved, oh gosh, he's in a singing mood today, guys.
Speaker 2:It's been a roller coaster.
Speaker 1:Okay, explain, elaborate.
Speaker 2:The more I try to make lemons out of lemonade, the more lemons and limes I get.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:So do you like your lemonade more tart or more sweet?
Speaker 2:I don't like lemonade.
Speaker 1:Just let me drink water, jesus, I'll just take water at this point, and it doesn't even have to. I've had, I've had have ice in it. Huh, I want some ice. You want some ice? A couple cubes, I mean now.
Speaker 2:Now I will say if you have a dr pepper zero, I will take that as well, goodbye goodbye, I love me the good doctor.
Speaker 1:on a scale of one to ten, how was your week, babe? It was a five, it was a five Right there, in the middle, right there, right there.
Speaker 1:It was 50%. Well, I had a good week. I'm happy for you. I had a good week because I had a week. Remember, I tried to tell you People would be like are you having a good day? No, you people be like are you having a good day? No, really, it's not a good day. Try not having one. Try, try not having one and see, see how that feels. You know, yeah, um, but you know, I feel like you know it's stop it, stop. You're so ridiculous, you was so ridiculous. No, it was. I mean, as far as, like me, feeling the best, I didn't feel the best this week. Oh, here we go, but I still. You know, listen here, I still managed to do what I do.
Speaker 2:Okay, my family didn't burn up.
Speaker 1:My family didn't burn up. My family survived.
Speaker 2:We went a couple of days hungry.
Speaker 1:My family pulled through Okay. When family survived, we went a couple days. My family pulled. My family pulled through okay. When mom was out, when mom was down and out, we went a couple days hungry. Oh, you did not go a couple of days hungry. Stop lying. Why are you lying like this? We didn't get the easy, I tell you. If if mom goes down for one or two days, they act like the the house just stops running, it does. The house just stops like no one knows how to do anything.
Speaker 2:If I can't move or get out the bed or don't have Okay imagine you show up to your job and half the staff done called off.
Speaker 1:Is that what it feels like when I'm out? It's more.
Speaker 2:It's like 70% of the staff done called off.
Speaker 1:So you don't know how the business is going to run today ain't nobody told me about no numbers. I don't know when breaks and lunches are supposed to happen. I don't know nothing about the POS system. I don't know nothing about the POS system.
Speaker 2:I'm out here reading handbooks, trying to figure stuff out.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh. And then this is why it's so hard for moms to be sick, because even when you are trying to figure stuff out, oh my gosh. And then this is why it's so hard for like moms to like be sick and stuff, because then even when you are trying to rest and be in the bed and you know recover or whatever, then you still get everybody in the house asking you 50 million questions and it's like I need y'all to figure it out.
Speaker 1:I just want the only thing I want to do is lay here I just want to lay here.
Speaker 2:I only ask you two questions what's for dinner and what time?
Speaker 1:you cook it. Goodbye. And I gave you one answer, which is I'm not. You know what your daughter going to tell me today. This cat has been eating all day.
Speaker 2:Okay All day, because school is out, school is out and all of a sudden her stomach is different. It's a different stomach.
Speaker 1:So she didn't have like two burritos, she didn't have potatoes. Connie, it's not like she's just been eating straight junk, she's had like food. She don't have the nerves to come and tell me oh hey, mom, yes, phoenix, remember the burritos I had? I say, yes, phoenix. Well, that was more like like a late lunch it wasn't dinner that was that mom.
Speaker 1:That was like a late lunch. I say okay, so what are you saying? Phoenix, you want dinner? But I was thinking we could go to like a restaurant or something. Yeah, because I'm kind of in the mood for like a restaurant food. Yeah, you know, she told me. I said girl, what?
Speaker 2:she told you in this restaurant. She said dad don't you want to go to a restaurant restaurant. She said, dad, don't you want to go?
Speaker 1:to a restaurant for fun. Is that why she was? Asking yes, don't you want to go to a restaurant.
Speaker 2:Don't you want a special meal? I said Phoenix, you want to go to a restaurant?
Speaker 1:That baby is quick. I said don't Every time she hits me with I'm thinking I want like a restaurant meal Like don, like a restaurant meal, like don't, don't sit here.
Speaker 2:Don't sit here, trying to scam me into yo.
Speaker 1:It's the fact how she say restaurant meal like she'd be like. Okay, I'm gonna give you options of the restaurant. I'm just letting it be known that I have no intentions on eating at home today, I'm gonna keep it a bug door.
Speaker 2:If we didn't have to record, we wouldn't have been able to.
Speaker 1:If we didn't have to record, she definitely would have won today.
Speaker 2:She would have.
Speaker 1:She would have won.
Speaker 2:She would have won today.
Speaker 1:But you still would have played it off like it was your idea Of course, because it's Father's Day. Yes, we're recording this on Father's Day, guys. You see, I don't get nothing done myself. Oh, my gosh Cut it out sir. Y'all see how she did me. I have acquiesced to all your requests today the three. It doesn't matter. Whatever requests you've put in, I've acquiesced to them. So it doesn't matter. Am I supposed to come up with the request for you?
Speaker 2:whatever you've requested that's what I've given you. So your week was a week you pushed through you, happy. You didn't miss it. Well, through you, happy you didn't miss it.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I'm happy I didn't miss it. It was a good week. The family survived. I'm feeling better, a little low energy, but I mean I'll be fine. Because my what, my frequency.
Speaker 2:Your vibration.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't even know anything about that. Your vibration is so low you don't even feel vibrations. Stop it. Why are you coming for me? Because that's what happens when I feel like you're coming for me. I don't know when you're going to learn. It's been 23 years. If I feel attacked, I only know one response it's to stomp you in the ground.
Speaker 2:I don't understand why you're coming for me.
Speaker 1:You tried to come for me. You quite literally just tried to come for me. I did not. Okay, it felt that way.
Speaker 2:But anyway, what we got today, booski.
Speaker 1:I love you anyway.
Speaker 2:This is what I go to be Every day.
Speaker 1:He goes through so much she makes me want to cry. His life is so difficult with me, but yet he's still here, he still sticks around. Okay, really, really, really, I'm going to let him finish his song. I can't stand you and I love you at the same time. So we had got a couple of messages and there was this video. Who was we? Okay, me.
Speaker 2:No, don't be messaging me people. I'm married.
Speaker 1:I was married. Now it's actually something we've kind of touched on before. Okay, but apparently like it's come back around and people are like still talking about it.
Speaker 2:That's good, because my PMI has changed.
Speaker 1:I don't even know what it is. My PMI has changed.
Speaker 2:Your PMI has changed. I don't even know what it? Is my PMI. Has changed your PMI, my opinion might have changed.
Speaker 1:Oh, your opinion might have changed, but it's the age-old relationship question.
Speaker 2:That's why you got to trigger me, I do got a PMI coming up.
Speaker 1:Listen, privacy in marriage. More specifically oh, I said it, allowing your partner to have, like the passcodes to your phone and your social media.
Speaker 2:I'm not with that.
Speaker 1:That's my life is that the story you're singing? Yes, because I quite literally have access to all of yourself.
Speaker 1:They don't know they don't know quite literally have access to all of your stuff, okay, but like, should couples have each other's phone passwords? Or is privacy still a thing in a committed relationship? And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say really, from the perspective of, like, I guess, long-term relationship or marriage, more specifically, having privacy within your marriage, do you believe that there is a form like having a form of privacy in marriage, in our marriage? Yes, no, I'm talking about in marriage in general, in a relationship I don't know about that.
Speaker 2:I don't know about my marriage. Okay In my marriage. Yes, okay, because I'm more technologically savvy.
Speaker 1:Say that again I'm more technologically savvy Say that again.
Speaker 2:I'm more tech savvy.
Speaker 1:You're more tech savvy, so I'm not Okay. So what does that mean?
Speaker 2:I can lock stuff up.
Speaker 1:Okay, if I really want to be about it, okay, but that's not the question.
Speaker 2:That's literally not the question we have our privacy, because I don't go through your purse? No, you don't. Because they're like. I don't go through your birth no, you don't. You could be having love notes in there for all I know.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing, what I'm saying is the question is okay. Yes, you don't go through my phone. I don't go through your phone. However, if I were to pick up your phone and I wanted the passcode, if I didn't have the passcode, would you feel comfortable giving me your passcode?
Speaker 2:If your daughter's not around. Yes, okay, because once she learned it, it's a wrap.
Speaker 1:Okay, but what? But that's? But that's what I'm saying. Should I be able to have access to your phone in that way? Should you be able to have access to my phone in that way? Should I be able to have access to your social media? No-transcript. Do you feel like that's right If we're in a committed relationship and there's something on your phone that you're not comfortable with? Do you see?
Speaker 2:There's a lot of gray area. Okay, first of all, if there's something on my phone that I'm not comfortable with, what you see, that depends on that's a gray area. Because why am I not comfortable, like, am I doing something?
Speaker 1:shady, and I'm happy that you said that, because that was going to be my next question.
Speaker 2:Am I doing something shady, or is it like I just don't want you to see it, because maybe this is a hobby I haven't told you about yet, maybe you don't know about this, or maybe I got this over here saved because I'm doing something for you that you don't need to know. Okay, because Lord knows somebody, when her little detective ears roll up and she thinks she part of, when she thinks she on the team, I'm going to need to run through and here. See, it doesn't really bother me or affect me because you know, like we have, you know we have Apple products.
Speaker 1:All of our stuff is linked, yeah, and you know, even if my phone's moving, my iPad's always here, I it's always here and I know how to get into the ipad, so it's not like you can't, and I can just watch everything that's happening throughout the day. It's like it's pretty boring it is pretty boring, but, like I say, back to the question. Do you think that should be like? Do you think that that should be a boundary within a relationship?
Speaker 2:I feel like, if you, if an individual feels like that in the boundary that they need, then I feel like, yes, it it should be. I think like this is something that will vary from people, from person to person, because some people care about it, some people don't really care about it okay.
Speaker 1:But what happens if you have one person who doesn't want, a person who doesn't.
Speaker 2:Again, that's a conversation. The marriage is about give and take. Somebody's's going to have to, somebody's going to have to act yes to the other, that's just what's going to have to happen. And I mean fortunately for me. I'm in a relationship where, in a marriage where we don't really care here.
Speaker 1:Like hold on. First of all, let me say this Sometimes I'll actually like going down your social media because your feed be different than mine. So I'll go down your feed and then send all the posts to my feed, everything. You start getting my feed, but that's the point.
Speaker 2:I'll be trying to get some some of the people that pop up on your page. I'll be trying to get some of these people.
Speaker 1:And then I have to what if, when my feed starts to change too much, I just start scrolling it like until they get the picture like stop showing me this.
Speaker 2:I don't need this.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's a benefit okay, but but back to the question do you think there should be privacy within a marriage?
Speaker 2:yes, because I believe every every person as it pertains to this. I believe every person is entitled to something, that some form of privacy, some form of privacy, something, some form or something that they feel that is their own. Okay, I, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1:So, when it comes to the passcode, do you think, if you are a man in a marriage, long-term committed relationship, excuse me, do you think that your wife has a right? Listen to the question. Has a right? No, you have a right to nothing, you don't think?
Speaker 2:that she has a right. Listen to the question. Has a right? No, you have a right to nothing, it's from my last name.
Speaker 1:You don't think that she has a right?
Speaker 2:You have a right to nothing from my last name.
Speaker 1:No, okay.
Speaker 2:That's where I stand.
Speaker 1:I'm going to have to play the clip of you answering this question prior I told you I might have changed. Mm-hmm, I'm going to have to play that clip because you sing in a whole different tune, am I? Yeah, you are.
Speaker 2:That's fine. I don't think you have a right. That sounds like you're obligated to my information. I don't think you're obligated to my information. I do think that there's private things, like, for instance, like with us, like with medical things. Right, I don't always come out and just tell you everything I'm feeling, because one I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to freaking stress. Let me talk to the doctor first. If it's something serious, then I'll bring it to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So I don't think it's necessarily a right. I think that if you ask for this information, I'll give it to you different, because having a right means to me when I hear that it seems like you feel as if that's my right, I'm entitled to this part of your life, right, whereas if I, if I openly share this part of my life with you, that's different but you made a commitment to openly share your life with me when you invited me into your life by asking me to marry you.
Speaker 1:So do you see how you ask no, but no, I did Hell. No, I did not ask you. Don't. Don't sit there and lie to these people. No way in hell. I asked a man to marry me. Cut it out.
Speaker 2:I I do feel this is my feeling that on this particular topic, it really depends on the individual marriage or relationship.
Speaker 1:Oh well, of course.
Speaker 2:That's usually how those things work. There's so many nuances around this right, Because I know people who are like they would probably never share social media, never share passwords, and nine times out of ten people who are like that either, there's a history there. Uh, there's insecurity there and there's a slight chance that you do some shit you ain't supposed to be doing yeah, now me, I'm not doing shit.
Speaker 2:I ain't supposed to be doing, so I don't care. Yeah, and, like I said, you can pick up the ipad up at any time and see right.
Speaker 1:So it's not like but you could be hiding things because you're so technology savvy I.
Speaker 2:I mean, I could, I could, but I don't.
Speaker 1:You could black site some stuff.
Speaker 2:I don't have the time nor the patience.
Speaker 1:I don't have the care to do that much digging Right. Right, I also feel like when you get. I also feel like when there's like when you get to a certain point in your relationship. It's not that we don't care what each other does, it's just that I don't spend a lot of time and energy like wondering what it is you're doing on social media or with your phone. Because I've never been given a reason to like feel some type of way where I feel like I need to snoop.
Speaker 2:But that's also part of like what I said when I say the nuances right to snoop. But that's also part of when I say the nuances right Like history. In this, on this type of subject matter, the history matters Because if I have a history of entertaining other women or reaching out, doing things like that, and now I have developed or fed into an insecurity of yours, now in that instance I do feel like as your partner, it is my responsibility to reassure you because I'm the reason why you're insecure in that, in that area to begin with that's what I'm saying anything never give you any reason and there's been no sudden change in behavior or attitude.
Speaker 1:You buying new underwear, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Wow. First of all, I buy new underwear once every seven years. If there's been nothing like that, Like there's been no indication that, hey, he's doing something different, yeah, I don't see why you would press the issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, but then again, like I say, if there's a history of it.
Speaker 1:That's different, that's different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When it comes to something like this, the nuances of everything Is Is important, because Okay, that's what I'm saying when it comes to something like this, the nuances of everything is important, because I think in a situation like ours, we've, for the most part, been pretty stand up with each other.
Speaker 1:I don't know what you've been doing on the side.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I know, or there really is no, I don't think there's really no need for us to share because I'm not going to snoop. I know you're not going to snoop, yeah. And it's to the point now where, if something was to come up, it's, like you said earlier, like we have access to each other's phone anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And like the same thing, like just like my iPad. I can go get it on your MacBook or I can get your iPad Right.
Speaker 1:And I can see all your stuff and you have access.
Speaker 2:And so it doesn't really change anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Now, again, like I say, like I can see the benefits and I can see the benefits and the drawbacks of this Right, Because I can see this being used as a way to control someone, as a way to constantly make someone feel like they're being watched or they have to watch everything they do, or you're targeting them, or you always are always suspecting them, or something Like. I can see how this can go both ways. That's why I say something like this with the sharing of the past goals and all that stuff like that, I feel like it really does matter on a situation basis.
Speaker 1:I get that, but if we're talking just in general, right, like, let's take it back a little bit. In general, let's say that there isn't any previous history. Okay, you know from your husband or from your wife, but your wife or your husband just feels the need.
Speaker 1:Because some people just feel the need Like it creates more of a need because you're acting so intuition huh like you know you're just acting like so, um, you know, secured with it, like why can't I have the passcode to your phone? Like what's the big deal? And then if you hit your significant other with because it's like it's private, it's privacy, it's my phone that's their.
Speaker 2:but see, my thing is, I have to respect their stands. That's just my. It's private, it's privacy, it's my phone, that's their. But see, my thing is I have to respect their stance. That's just my.
Speaker 1:But in a marriage. If you've been in a marriage for 30 years, okay, let's just hypothetical. Okay, We've been married 30 years. Okay, what decade is this? Stop, we've been married 30 years, okay, okay. And you go to pick up my phone one day and you don't know the passcode and you're like, oh hey, I wanted to get those pictures. Can you send me those pictures? Can I get the passcode to your phone and I take my phone out your hand and I'm like I'll send them to you. That's suspicious. But why is it suspicious? How is it suspicious? I've never given you a reason to be suspicious of me, but the fact that I won't give you my passcode Because of the way you handled it.
Speaker 2:How did I handle it? You took the phone out of my hand.
Speaker 1:I will send it to you. And then if you say, but hold on. But if you say, oh, just give me the passcode, and my response is no, you don't need to passcode to my phone, Then that's going to inquire you to say why not? But I've never given you any reason, right, but right off the bat it's like but you're my wife, We've been married for 30 years. Why can't I have the passcode to your phone? It's not like we're dating.
Speaker 2:Now I'm replaying every conversation we ever had.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is it's not like we've been in a relationship for six months. We have been in a committed marriage for the past three decades. You can pass, they're not going to see you. We have been in a committed marriage for the past three decades. And I can't have the passcode. You can have it. But what I'm saying, I'm saying hypothetical, you know. But if I hit you with, oh, no, like that, my phone is my privacy. Again, babe, I'm not. I know you're going to say situational, but I'm just saying like for the majority, I'm not. I can't speak for everybody. I'm just going to go out on a limb and say for the majority that would probably be an issue for majority I'm going to say out on a limb, y'all, let me know in the comments if I'm wrong or not. But there, how, how? Comments if I'm wrong or not. But there, how how much privacy do you need?
Speaker 2:if you are in especially a marriage when you talk, hold on, hold on when you talked about the whole medical thing, right?
Speaker 1:If I'm ready to invite you into that portion of my, you have already invited me to every portion of your life when you invited me into the marriage and I agreed but that's where.
Speaker 2:That's what I don't agree with. Hold on. I said I will let you know if it's something serious.
Speaker 1:Okay, but no, you said if I want to invite you into that area of my life, that's what you said, right? Yes, what I'm trying to get you to understand is that when and this is like forever when you propose to a woman, you already invite her into that aspect of your life. She's invited. It's an invite. You have invited me into your life because two become how many when they say marriage. Two become how many, seven, two become how many, seven, they become one, do they? Yeah? So you invited me. Seven, they become one, do they? Yeah? So you invited me. You invited me into that portion of your life, right? So don't invite me and tell me that you're inviting me into all of these areas of your life. And then, once I get in here, now you're talking about, oh and, by the way, I have parameters in which you're not inviting.
Speaker 2:Let me say this, let me say this, let me say this I'm trying to be like unbiased here, okay, but I will say this it is my opinion and my feeling that any healthy relationship shares passcodes, because, obviously, everything's out front, everything's out front, everything's up front, right. I do feel like, if there's situations where passcodes and stuff that are not being shared, like I said, there's been some type of history, whether good or bad, there's been some type of history that warrants a little hesitation on that part, right, and I can understand that. The reluctance to share something, if you're trying to avoid a repeating history, whether you're doing right or wrong, that I can understand, right, but again, like I said, like in a situation like ours where we don't have any history of well, at least I don't know of of, if it's private.
Speaker 1:So Infidelity yeah, but it's that's a private matter for me, so Okay.
Speaker 2:You're right, go ahead. But it's like Like, for instance, in our case right, I wouldn't find you doing dirt in your phone, absolutely not. I'd have to look in your trunk of your car and catch you hiding bags.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, deville, I would get rid of them.
Speaker 2:I've learned my lesson, I know how to get rid of all my evidence now. But I mean, as a man, I can see reasons why right and like this is. I think this is another thing that where it's based off the personality of each person within said, within said relationship, right If I know for a fact that I don't want you, I don't want to seem to be accused of something, I don't want to seem to be accused of something, if there are certain conversations that I've had that are private between me and my friends, or me and my family.
Speaker 1:Like a group chat.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't want you to be part of things like that. There could be reasons I don't always think that hey, no, I don't want you in my phone means strictly I'm talking to some bitches Right. I don't think that's what that means.
Speaker 2:I got bitches you in my phone means strictly. I'm talking to some bitches, right? I don't think that's what that means. I think bitches really, babe, sorry, right, right. And then I can also see the point where some people will say well, if I share everything else, let me have this I've heard that, let me have the one.
Speaker 2:I've heard that let me have the one thing that's mine and and I just just trust me that I'm I'm doing right by you. Yeah, so I can like, like I said, like this, this thing here it's a, it really is a situational, a situational um, uh, the, the situational nuances that impact the, the decision and what's really going on. It's not necessary that if we don't share, if we do share because sometimes people share because of shit in the past yeah, so now. So now the agreement was I'll show you my clothes To make you comfortable, to put you at ease.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I get that Right, but OK. So do you think the same rules apply? Do you think those same rules apply for people who are married and people who are dating? Because if so, then what then? What's the point? What's the point?
Speaker 2:I would say dating. I would say those rules only apply, like if you are in, like you said earlier, if you're in a long term relationship, right, you, you've been locked in, I'd say three, three years plus, and this is going towards marriage or this. And especially if you've already, if you skip marriage and already got kids involved and now you guys are living and living together day to day activities, now you guys are intertwining finances. Yeah, this is a conversation I need to have.
Speaker 1:No, I mean as far as like having your privacy within your relationship. Well, because if the same rules are going to apply for marriage and people who are in relationship because you know, as far as, like most society, like even on black and white, if you're, if you're not married, you're considered single. So if the same rules apply, then what would be? Some people married, okay, but then what would be the the difference in being in a marriage and being in a relationship?
Speaker 1:because I can see that I can see that, being in relationship, I could be like no babe, like I don't. I don't feel comfortable giving you my passcode.
Speaker 2:But, in marriage I'm like OK, yeah, that's my husband, you should have my passcode here, because here's the thing and when you're in a long term relationship, technically, you are technically single, but you're, but you're single with the intent and you're coming up on the decision to marry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you haven't yet, so we don't know how long that could be, because if you date in three years, hey look here, Different strokes for different folks. But do you see what I mean? Like what's going to be the difference? The rules have to be different, babe, the rules.
Speaker 2:The rules have to be different, babe, the rules, the rules have to be different All right babe, it depends on the relationship. Some people don't care. I know some people don't care, some people have a boyfriend and girlfriend and they share everything with each other.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Pass codes.
Speaker 2:Shit. Some of them got joint Facebook accounts, which is weird.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I've seen that. I've seen joint email accounts. The joint email account is what gets me. I was like how are you and your husband sharing an email? Who cleans it out? Because I know y'all get, because, listen, I know how I clean my email and that would drive you nuts. You couldn't share an email address with me.
Speaker 2:I can't share anything electronic with you?
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely not. Oh, absolutely not, I don't keep any of my widgets or anything organized at all. It would drive you bananas, bananas, but yeah. So that's why I say like, when you're here's the thing I don't want. I don't want you to think like you can't have, I guess, boundaries within a marriage, right. But when we talk about things as simple as passcodes to phones, social media, your social media passwords and things like that, for me personally, me personally that's an open territory.
Speaker 2:What do you mean?
Speaker 1:open, I mean you can have full access.
Speaker 2:I mean you have access to mine.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but I'm just speaking like in general. But here's the thing you keep wanting to say it's situational.
Speaker 2:I get it situational I say it's situational because not everybody's the same and I and I can understand like, like, if you're, if you're a man and you're dealing with a woman that has security issues, who is jealous and and can be somewhat controlling, and so you feel like her attempts to having 100% access to you.
Speaker 1:Has control over you somehow.
Speaker 2:It's just her attempt to kind of micromanage everything you're doing, because she wants to be able to come in and check and see what you're doing and that can feel like you're challenging my manhood.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's no Wait.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:Because now I disagree, because now you're challenging my manhood.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's no. Wait, what? Because now I disagree, because now you're trying to have control over every aspect of my life. I'm not saying based off just the past, I'm saying based off everything I said in that. Okay, because she's insecure. Okay, so I have to constantly validate her, right? She's jealous. So if another woman looked at me too long, so I have to constantly validate her. She's jealous so if another woman looked at me too long, if I compliment her, if I smile too long. Now that's the issue. Are you like this or you must like her?
Speaker 1:you know what I'm saying okay, but chances are nine times out of ten if you're dealing with a spouse like that, those are qualities and traits that they had prior to you making such a huge commitment not always, and even hold on, not always miss he ain't that damn funny.
Speaker 2:Okay, such a huge commitment Not always, and even Now, hold on. Okay, but even if it's post, hold on, not always miss he ain't that damn funny.
Speaker 1:Okay, listen, goodbye, goodbye. Not always, even if it's a newfound characteristics, post-marriage okay, like you had just said yourself, either something was said or done to invoke that Right. And even if it wasn't, like you just said yourself not too long ago, if that is the responsibility on you to put your partner at ease, and that's what will put them at ease again, what is the point? Cause, the more you withhold and you know that this is the type of person you're dealing with but your only reasoning for not trying to put them at ease is because it's somehow threatening your manhood, because, god forbid you feel like your woman has any type of control over your life.
Speaker 2:You don't want to have control, but if some shit was to happen and you were down, bad and couldn't do nothing for yourself, guess don't want her to have control, but if some shit was to happen and you were, down bad and couldn't do nothing for yourself.
Speaker 1:Guess who would want them to have control?
Speaker 2:You would want her to take care of you. You would want her to take care of you.
Speaker 1:You would want her to take care of your children. You would want her to take care of your household. You would want her to make sure that you don't lose all your shit because you are no longer able to take care of it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to just let you go. Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I'm looking at a mosquito right now. That's terrifying, okay. Well, now the world knows. Oh sorry, I just saw a mosquito. Guys, I'm trying not to get eaten, right.
Speaker 2:I think the For the ones who will be reluctant to share, I think they would try. They would try to see, they would try to come up with a reason why it would be necessary. Okay, right, because I know a lot of times a lot of men feel like, if it's not necessary, I don't have to do it. Why is this necessary? Right, and oftentimes I feel like it's only necessary to again provide her with security. Yeah, to sure up the insecurities that she's having, right, mm-hmm, um, I, it could be again, I, I. I do believe that past experiences and jealousy is, is is a problem because if, let's say, for instance, you follow a certain person on, on a certain social, and she's like why are you following her? This person can be a celebrity. Okay, right, women have, women have been known to compare themselves to, to the, the women that their husbands either see or follow or react to, and then that that becomes a thing.
Speaker 1:I kind of feel like that's both ways. But okay, I didn't say it wasn't okay, I'm just saying defensive, patty calm down okay, I am not defensive look here, I'm just making a statement sir, this is not the fourth quarter.
Speaker 2:You're not down by three. You don't have to play a lot of down defense.
Speaker 1:I'm not down at all.
Speaker 2:You're down how many pounds? Goodbye. I got you there, I don't lose, you don't lose, I don't lose Okay, I'm done. And also it could also make the man feel like they're not being trusted. Feel like they're not being trusted. So what is it about my behavior that you're mistrusting, especially when I know I'm doing everything right and I know I'm not doing anything wrong. Why do you mistrust me so much?
Speaker 1:Probably because you probably said some slick shit during an argument.
Speaker 2:Here we go.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Those types of characteristics don't just pop up out of nowhere. They don't just pop up out of nowhere. So even they don't just pop up out of nowhere. So, even if you haven't done anything misleading or as egregious as cheating or something maybe it's something you said, maybe it's how you carried yourself those types of feelings in, whether it's men or women don't just sprout out of nowhere so then you want my passcode to find the evidence that you think you're gonna find I don't, because I mean you know how I feel you don't care, I don't really care um.
Speaker 1:But you know how I feel you don't care, I don't really care Um.
Speaker 2:But okay, miss, he ain't that damn funny.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. I don't mean that I don't care. Like you know you go off into wonderland and do whatever you want to do. I'm just saying like I'm not, I don't care that much to go rabbit hole of searching through your things. I will say this. That's what I mean. I always say that Because I know there's holes out there. I know they real. Okay, it's a lot of them trying to get saved.
Speaker 2:I can't save them.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know, I know. That's why I always say I'll be like, okay, you think you can have him, you can have him, but I promise you once I'm done with him babe, You're not. He's not going to be of any value to you.
Speaker 2:I can't, I can't save him.
Speaker 1:He can't save you. I'm sorry, I can't save him, so you know you can try. You know like laugh at his jokes and stuff. He ain't that damn funny Wow, but you know it's cool.
Speaker 2:Look here the sharing of the passcodes, or password, is the problem. I think the problem is trying to figure out is it are you looking for transparency? Are we having a trust issue?
Speaker 1:Right, I think it's a deeper issue. Yes, I agree.
Speaker 2:And what is the intention behind this? Yeah, right, because, again, I do believe that privacy is a right, okay, and because I want privacy or because you want privacy, that's not necessarily your red flag. Right, right, because again I always say when let's say, like for me personally, right Along my healing journey, right, there were things I was feeling and going through that you necessarily didn't know Right, and it wasn't until I got into a place where I was feeling and going through that you necessarily didn't know Right, and it wasn't until I got into a place where I was comfortable enough to tell you right that you learned about these things.
Speaker 1:But while you didn't know about these things, Because you were talking to a therapist about it, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, but it was still my privacy. The conversation I had between me and the therapist was still in my privacy, right? So even when you would come into the, the, the call or whatever she would ask, is it okay if we discuss? This right so it's not necessary having demanding privacy or wanting privacy.
Speaker 1:It's not a red flag.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why I set the boundary right because it is something where it is a situation to where maybe people, people want to have that bubble in which they feel safe and which they feel like, for instance, like, uh, a couple months ago when we did the reaction about the guy with his hobbies and now how they got married. Now it turns out that she hated his hobbies and now he's. Now he's trying to collect his hobbies in private, right, because it becomes public. She's to get rid of them, right, right. So it's like it's not everything. Everything would surrounding privacy. It's not necessarily a bad thing, yeah, and that's why I do agree, like I always say, like it depends on the situation. But again, why is there a lack of trust? What is your intention behind this? Right, and then you need to be transparent with me of why you need these things and don't give me some fluff answer. Yeah, just to try to you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, but I agree, like, when it comes to, like how you said, with the therapist and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:She agreed this has been another episode.
Speaker 1:I can't stand you, cut it here. She agreed. This has been another episode. I can't stand you, but like I've said before and earlier in the episode with something like this Like this.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I'm bleeping.
Speaker 1:Passcodes to phones, okay, and social media is not the same as what. As you having a therapy session, privacy is privacy with a therapist, privacy is privacy. I get, I know, I get that. Okay, here's the thing. I totally get that. Here's the thing?
Speaker 2:here's the thing. Would you feel different if I gave you my passcode? But now, because this is a feature with Apple, but now I can require apps to only be unlocked Just by you, my face.
Speaker 1:Okay. Is that a problem For me? It's not. Okay, that's not a problem for me. If that's not a problem, fine, that's not a problem for me.
Speaker 2:Because what if I? Because most people, but that's what I'm saying, hold on, because what if I got some stuff in my text messages I don't want you to see, because I wouldn't see them? Then I've been having conversations with the boys or with my sisters or my family, like you said earlier Right. And there's information in there that I don't want you to know.
Speaker 1:Okay, so if it's information in there that you don't want me to know and you're so, as you said earlier today, you're so techno savvy I'm not just talking about you can create a way where you give me what I'm asking for, which is access to your phone, and then you can deaden all the things that you don't want me to see, and I don't know what I don't know, don't know. I don't know what I don't know, don't know, because all I've asked for is the passcode to your phone.
Speaker 2:And that's why you think it's short-sighted. Anyway, you should be asking for my banking passcode. What for?
Speaker 1:What, what for what are you trying to say? What are you trying to say? Anywho, I just think this has been Bye. I just think me personally when it's on this topic, because I mean, I've seen it in the comments, the messages guys, when it comes to this, specifically the passcode to the phones and the passcodes to the social media accounts, and especially if you are married I just think for me personally I think, it's something that's so frivolous that I don't understand why it has to be an issue.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't, really, I don't and I just and I just think that, okay, maybe I, maybe I shouldn't use the word entitled, but for lack of better verbiage, you are entitled. Lack of better verbiage I. I feel that, okay, call it entitlement. I guess that I should have access if I, if I want to, if I want to take a look and I feel like I should be president.
Speaker 2:That don't mean it don't mean it's gonna happen, hey so feel entitled.
Speaker 1:You want, I mean, I have access, do you I?
Speaker 2:do. I'm shutting it down tonight.
Speaker 1:You can try.
Speaker 2:Shutting it down.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I'm not.
Speaker 1:I can shut it down too. I'm not going to shut it down too. No, I need your timeline.
Speaker 2:No, I can, I can shut it down too. So no.
Speaker 1:I can, I can shut it down too. I mean, because it's like you, you, you are telling your partner no, you can't have access to this portion of my life. Um, okay, you can't have a guy say it it.
Speaker 2:This is such the nuances of this conversation is there's so many they vary yeah and I would say the history and past will matter, and I can't I can't just assume every relationship or marriage is built like ours, where we don't really care. There's been times that you left and had my phone with you, yeah, and vice versa, I don't care, yeah.
Speaker 1:But now that I know you know how to hide the portions that you think that I would go snooping in.
Speaker 2:You want to see some shit you don't want to see.
Speaker 1:I'm just teasing. I'm just teasing.
Speaker 2:I show you everything I know. I don't.
Speaker 1:Why are we talking about this? We have to see at year 30 to see if you still feel the same.
Speaker 2:We're at 23.
Speaker 1:Well, we got to see year 30 to see if you still feel the same.
Speaker 2:Only thing different between now and year 30 is I'm going to have full abs at 30. Oh, my gosh, oh gosh. That's the only thing different.
Speaker 1:I can't, you can't what I can't.
Speaker 2:You can't what, I can't with you. You can't what.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what would you say in conclusion?
Speaker 2:I would say that I personally don't see any issue with it. Same, I agree. I don't, I don't care, I agree. If you've locked in you 10 toes down, that's your person. What's the problem? Because if that's really your person, you ain't got nothing to hide. Anyway, right, right, that's my thing, right. But again I say, if you're with someone who's jealous, who's looking to start arguments, and you're trying to avoid shit like that, I get not, I get not doing it or maybe create dummy accounts.
Speaker 1:That's terrible. Wow, that's terrible advice guys, I'm not sure why that came to my mind because that's what she does.
Speaker 2:She got burners, she got burners.
Speaker 1:I'm just trying to help you keep the peace in your home they're called burner accounts, burner accounts. You got burners. I don't have burners. I barely even keep up with my own social media. What makes you think I'm going to keep up with a burner account?
Speaker 2:I know you ain't got burners because you ain't going to have all them emails.
Speaker 1:And even if I did, I use the same password.
Speaker 2:Why would you say that?
Speaker 1:No, I don't mean. You know, babe, you know I don't use the same password Literally, it's figuratively speaking. But yeah, like you would, you would be able to get into it anyway. So I don't care, I'm not looking for it, I know.
Speaker 2:But I'm just saying I'm just you know blanketedly saying I care about is you feed my child, you feed me and you be here when I come home.
Speaker 1:But I agree, the password isn't the issue, it's the intention Right, it's the trust Right, it's the transparency Right, and I think people may confute transparency with control Come on Bishop Okay. Come on, bishop, I think people confute transparency with control, and that just made me think about your earlier statement about trying to control your manhood, or trying to control, and I genuinely do, and I say this mainly on, probably, the male perspective. I can't really speak too much on the male perspective because I'm not a male, but just from my experience, I could see that I could see that, as men thinking women are trying to have a form of control over them.
Speaker 2:The one thing a man does not want to be is questioned. That's wild.
Speaker 1:We don't want to be questioned, then maybe you shouldn't be with women we allow ourselves.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't want to be questioned Then maybe you shouldn't be with women we allow ourselves. You shouldn't be with women, then we allow ourselves to be questioned by a select few, and those are the ones we have respect for, the ones we know that the questioning is not coming from a harmful place. But once we sense that it is coming from a harmful place, I kind gotta let you know that my chest said hi, I'm like this ain't gonna go easy for you.
Speaker 1:Because she asked a question Depend on it's the type of question. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, go on, I'm done Anyway, if trust requires surveillance is it? Really trust at all. I love them. If trust requires surveillance, Listen to this guys If trust requires surveillance, is it really trust at all? It's not trust. Is it really trust at all?
Speaker 2:You know why it's not trust, why it's not trust? Tell them you know what trust is. Trust is. I can sit my soda here.
Speaker 1:And trust that no one's going to drink it.
Speaker 2:That's trust, that's trust. But if I'm constantly coming back looking over it, See if anybody took a sip. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So do you trust your soda with me? I don't trust it with. I trust it with you.
Speaker 2:I don't trust it with her.
Speaker 1:I don't trust anything that has a bit of flavor around her. I just took a little bit, just a little bit of the time, just a little bit, just a little bit.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to try. I had never tried it before. I just wanted to try it. I can't.
Speaker 1:I can't All. The all right guys, let's head on into our hope. These are good uh well, this one pertains to boundaries, okay, um, but here we go. Okay, so am I the asshole for enforcing basic boundaries on my daughter's sleepover.
Speaker 2:Okay, first of all, I wouldn't have a sleepover.
Speaker 1:I'm a 42-year-old male. I have two kids living with me my daughter, who's 17, and my stepson, who's 14. My stepson Noah's mom passed a few years ago and I've had full custody ever since. He's had a rough go of it, but he's a good kid with his quirks. He's not antisocial or shy, but he does not appreciate having his space invaded and he gets very upset, which he will shut down.
Speaker 1:Anaya, who is the 17 year old daughter, is much more outgoing, has lots of friends and she asked to have a sleepover this past weekend with four of them. I said yes, of course, but given that her friends who were coming were pretty loud, have the tendency to crowd around Noah the stepson, I told her to make sure that they do not go in his room Don't bother him. Also to keep things down after 11 so the house can sleep. In my opinion, these are not strict rules. They're not. To my surprise, I came upstairs to check on them about 10. They're 17 and I didn't even think that I needed to check on them every hour or something, but anyway, and they were in Noah's room. They looked like they had been there for a while. Two of them were literally sitting on his bed with him. There, one of them was flipping through his sketchbook and the other was messaging and messing with his other stuff, and they were all giggling in a weird kind of way.
Speaker 1:Noah was clearly upset. He didn't say anything, he didn't move, but there were tears in his eyes and he did not respond when I tried to talk to him. I told the girls to get out of there and then I said that I would call every single one of their parents. My daughter was upset with me, but I told her that I gave her only two rules and she failed both. I did actually call all of the parents and I sent them home as soon as possible. My daughter blew up, saying that I embarrassed her. I told her to go to her room and that we would speak in the morning.
Speaker 1:I spent 20 minutes with my son before he decided that he wanted to cool down on his own and I went back to my daughter, who chose not to speak to me. It's late, but both of my kids are asleep and I'm left wondering am I the asshole or did I do the right thing? You did the right thing. You absolutely did the right thing, absolutely. Like you said, it wasn't strict. They're 17 years old, he's 14. You only told her to keep it down and stay away from your brother, and I have to go upstairs to check on four 17 year olds and stay away from your brother and I have to go upstairs to check on four 17-year-olds and you guys are in a 14-year-old's room bothering him. Let me say something that's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:My boy McFly always say I be doing shade when I say this. And this may be a little shade this time. He better than me.
Speaker 1:He better than me Because, first of all, the sleepover wouldn't happen, right, four, four, the sleepover wouldn't happen, right.
Speaker 2:Four.
Speaker 1:Four 17 year old girl yeah, it's not happening Period. No, they cannot come over here, they cannot.
Speaker 2:Y'all can FaceTime.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to listen to all that either and the fact that they literally broke both rules Only two, only two Before 11.
Speaker 2:They even get good into the night.
Speaker 1:But not sitting on his bed, going through his sketchbook and laughing.
Speaker 2:And he was what? 14? 14. I think a couple were trying to throw nose boozers. No, I don't think so.
Speaker 1:And he's had a rough go, he's lost his mom yeah, he's lost his mom, he's struggling and y'all sitting there. And when he describes how he was sitting there with tears in his eyes, you know that that upset where you are so upset you can't even speak, oh yeah, and all you can do is cry. Oh, I know that, right, and you're trying to hold back the tears. But the more you hold back the tears, the more the tears come out and you can't even speak because you're I was similar to Noah at 14.
Speaker 2:But I would have started swinging. Give up. I can't Look here. Why are you in my space? You're breaking the rules.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you had two rules and you broke both of them. Yeah, and you broke both of them. That's wild, yeah, okay, let's switch gears and look here.
Speaker 2:Before they even ask in the comments. I know they ain't black because black people don't do sleepovers first of all, you're 17.
Speaker 1:There's no way in hell you finna have a sleepover. Babe, you're 17. The only way you having a sleepover is at your apartment, when your friends, stay the night, the only way you having a sleepover when you black is if your cousins are coming over, that's it.
Speaker 2:You ain't, finna, have no friends and not four. Everybody gonna be related. These are the black rules.
Speaker 1:These are the black rules, it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 2:If you're not related, you can't stay sorry, call your parents.
Speaker 1:Call your parents no, you gotta leave. You can stay until about eight or nine, but you gotta go.
Speaker 2:You can't stay overnight and I'm not leaving my. You're not leaving my site.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, not going to happen.
Speaker 2:Cause, if I don't call your, your mom or your or your father, sister or brother, you can't be here.
Speaker 1:I can't. All right, let's. Let's switch gears on this one. This one says advice needed. I ain't got no, ok.
Speaker 1:I'm a 26 year old female and I've been with my husband, who's 24, for four years and we've been married for two. We have a year and a half year old daughter. Since the beginning of our relationship, our mixed match sex drives have been a reoccurring issue. He has a very high sex drive. He could happily have sex five times a day if the opportunity was there. Have sex five times a day if the opportunity was there.
Speaker 1:I, on the other hand, have struggled with vagasmus I don't know, and sex is not something that naturally crosses my mind often.
Speaker 1:With that said, I've always tried to be aware of his needs. I make a conscientious effort to have sex with him almost every day, excluding when I'm extremely tired or on my cycle, but lately it's starting to give me anxiety. I sometimes dread even going to bed because I know he'll want sex and I just don't always have the energy or the desire. He's always expressed frustration that we only have sex at night now, which he calls old people sex. He feels like he goes above and beyond for me in other areas of our relationship and that I'm just not doing my part by having sex with him daily or multiple times. We've acknowledged this mismatch in libido since early on, but we stayed together because we genuinely love and care for each other. Still, I feel guilty that I can't meet his expectations, but every day just feels overwhelming. So am I the asshole for not wanting to have sex with him every single day? No, no, no, no not at all.
Speaker 1:Look here it's like uh, and if it's hold on before you start. Look, I don't know, I'm just going to say but if you feel the need to have sex five times, if you feel the need or feel like you want to have sex five times a day, every day, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that that's not healthy and that's borderline addiction, because there are such things as sex addicts. You ready, you're my take what's your take?
Speaker 1:Just how I'm not giving it up five times a day, five days or seven days a week. It's funny that you read this. It's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:It's funny that you read this, because I came across this video today and the lady was talking about how women get bored quicker.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I saw that video. Yes, yes, yes. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex with you, it's just not. It's not exciting enough for her to have the idea to want to have sex.
Speaker 2:So I'm gonna say yep, if his dick is trash yes, because the okay.
Speaker 1:So the clip was talking about. It's actually a pretty viral clip. The clip was basically talking about if you have a woman, like if you guys have been, you know, together for a long period of time, but you find that your, your spouse, your female spouse, your woman doesn't have like the desire or want to have sex with you as often as you want to have sex. It's not that she doesn't want to have sex, it's just that sex for women has to be interesting. It has to be different for us to desire, to want to have sex.
Speaker 2:It's like the comedian said if she getting in positions before you asked her to, it may be time for you to switch your shit up. Player.
Speaker 1:If she already know what first position and second position is this is where we turn. Okay, it's like okay's, let's speed this up, because I know how to finish them, so let me just right, let me let me go ahead and get on my stomach so we can get this done, so I can get back to law and order look so I can get back to law and order. Let's, let's wrap this up no, I don't like that.
Speaker 2:I mean, look, look, here Is she an asshole? No, she's not an asshole. Just tell him the dick is trash.
Speaker 1:But maybe it's not. Maybe it's just the fact that he thinks that he needs to have sex five times a day for seven days a week. This will only be two things. He's a sex addict, either the dick is trash oh gosh.
Speaker 2:Or that shit's on fire. That's all he think about. Let me tell you something when the shit is fire, he trying to be in that shit.
Speaker 1:I mean okay, listen.
Speaker 2:But not like that Shit.
Speaker 1:Okay, we've already tested this theory, DeMille. That's why I was tired. We already tested this theory.
Speaker 1:We have to Hold on. I'm telling people. We tried. No, I proposed to my husband. I said listen, we are going to make a valid effort. This is what we. I came to him with this Right, go ahead. And I told him. I said I want to see if we could have sex every day. I said I, I'm gonna put you up to the challenge. There is no, I'm tired. Like I did my part, I made sure the house was straight, the kid was asleep. I was ready every night.
Speaker 1:He came home from work and I was like it's time to put in work, sir, seven days straight. I'm ready to go seven days straight this cat tapped out after day three and I told him after that I don't want to hear shit else from you. Let me tell you why after that, I don't want to hear shit else from you, and let me tell you why I couldn't. I don't want to hear nothing about being tired. He tapped out after day three.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you why. People I was working, it doesn't matter 13. No, 14 hour days I literally had.
Speaker 1:Let me guess you didn't have it in you.
Speaker 2:huh, I had no energy, left no energy.
Speaker 1:Oh, so it's either one or two things, but it was no.
Speaker 2:no, your shit was fire, I was just tired.
Speaker 1:It's either one or two things.
Speaker 2:I was tired, look here. But that gave me. You should be happy, because that gave me an understanding of how I'd be like oh wow. So when she's saying when I'm not in the mood, I get it. She tired I'm tired. I want to. Just I'm going to back off. Yeah, I'm going to back off because look here.
Speaker 1:With his eyes halfway open. He was like, I mean, but like I'm here for you.
Speaker 2:Hey, hey, just climb on you and do my business. Climb on top of your business.
Speaker 1:I get you there. No, thank you, I'll get you there. No, thank you, sir. All right, all right. No, thank you. You don't want to upset my heart actually. No, that's horrible. Don't even say that. Huh, that is horrible. Half-bath no, ma'am, you're not the asshole, but here's the thing.
Speaker 1:That's all I can understand where she talks about how it makes her feel bad because she doesn't want him to feel like she's not trying to be a willing participant, but I mean five times he's. He's willing to be able to be available five times a day.
Speaker 2:Seven days a week. What does he do for a living? Now, I know that I.
Speaker 1:I don't know if this is still true, but there was a study or something that said that men can think about sex every six seconds.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's true.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that's true, that's true. Our brains are not like that that's true. Our brains are not like that.
Speaker 2:I can turn the most non-sexual thing into a sexual reference, like, yeah, I can do it.
Speaker 1:I feel like that would just be really tough to live with a brain like that.
Speaker 2:It's great. It's not I mean, it's not always women don't think about sex like that it's not always great, but for the most part some women probably do.
Speaker 1:But I'm willing to bet. I'm willing to bet some money that majority of the women do not think about sex.
Speaker 2:I've probably looked at you in a sexual way and had a sexual thought maybe 45 times in this episode every time you give me one of those long stare-offs.
Speaker 1:I know it's something really nasty going on in that head.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like when we were in the car the other day, what'd I do? You were just staring at me and I was like hey, like is there anything I can do for you? And he was like what? And I was like why are you staring at?
Speaker 2:me, don't worry about it. That's why I can't wait to school back in session, because now I'm not going to be able to stare at you in the gym and get my thoughts off.
Speaker 1:Get your thoughts off. Yeah, that sounds terrible.
Speaker 2:Get my thoughts off.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to be able to get my thoughts off. That's so terrible.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to get my thoughts off.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Guys, this has been another, another episode of the life after I do podcast. If you're not doing so already, don't forget to like, follow and share on all of our social media platforms Facebook, youtube, instagram, tik TOK. Thank you for all the new followers, all the new subscribers. We really appreciate all the love and support that you guys have been showing us the past couple of months. It is greatly appreciated. Thanks for locking in with us. Thanks for sharing with your friends, engaging with us, sending us messages. Don't forget, you can also write into us at lifeafteridoopodcast at gmailcom. You get a new episode every Wednesday, guys, and until next week, peace booskies, peace booskies.
