The Weight of Leadership

What does real leadership look like in a marriage? Spoiler: It’s not about making all the decisions or being “the man of the house.”

In this eye-opening episode of Life After I Do, we explore how true leadership in a relationship is rooted in emotional stability, service, and setting the tone for love—not control. ❤️

🚨 From flooded garages to midnight medicine runs, we share powerful personal stories that reveal how small, everyday moments can define what kind of leader you are in your relationship.

📌 You’ll learn:

• Why calm leadership during chaos builds trust
• How emotional safety is more powerful than “being in charge”
• What it means to serve without ego
• Why listening is often more impactful than fixing
• The deeper meaning behind: “When men lead in love, women rise in peace”

Leadership in marriage isn’t about gender roles—it’s about creating a space where both partners thrive. Whether you're newly married or rebuilding your relationship, this conversation will challenge you to reflect on how you lead and how you love.

Transcript

The Weight of Leadership at Home

Speaker 1 0:00

Like I'm pandering, but I say your leadership is the direct result of your household. Yeah, so if your household's not moving the way you think it should move, you need to ask yourself what are you doing?

Speaker 2 0:34

hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of life. After I do, how y'all doing, how y'all doing, how y'all doing, how y'all doing, how y'all doing, I'm trying doctor now I'm trying, we gotta I, we gotta stop I just we gotta stop that.

Speaker 1 0:47

I just I retain a lot of water.

Speaker 2 0:49

You are not 700 pounds of water. When he said that he was like you're not 700 pounds of water, I was like Dr. Now, that don't mean that she ain't retaining a lot of water. He said what do you think You're? Not gonna starve, you've eaten enough for the next two years. You're not going to starve. That's crazy work, hey Booskies. Hi, how you doing. I've been better, are you? Yeah, my nose is running. Don't if you do it, maurice. Do not press the button. I swear I will pinch you.

Speaker 1 1:18

You always threaten me with violence. I have to.

Speaker 2 1:22

You have a running nose. I'm like I'm not 100% guys. I know I feel like I haven't been 100% like for the past month or so it's a running theme at this point.

Speaker 1 1:35

The thing, is? Is that anytime? I don't?

Speaker 2 1:36

feel good. Oh my, you bet you better not try, Boy stop.

Speaker 1 1:41

When I don't feel good, she got to piggyback no, no stop. When I don't feel good, she got to piggyback no no, no, my husband picks up on everything.

Speaker 2 1:46

If my left elbow hurts, guess who's going to start having left elbow pain in like the next day or two. Guess who starts coming to me talking about babe, you know, my left elbow, it's like tender, it's like that's what you do. Don't come for me, don't come for me. Oh okay, don't do it, not at all. How was your week, booskies? It was okay. I mean, you look good. I appreciate that, thank you.

Speaker 1 2:12

I got a lot of good video of you in the gym.

Speaker 2 2:14

No, you didn't get video of me. You got video of my body parts. There's a difference. What's wrong with that? He was supposed to be spotting me on the bench press just in case if I drop weight on my neck and my life ends, and instead he's sitting there recording my backside and my tops and fronts and everything else talking about.

Speaker 1 2:35

I check in every now and then to see if you're struggling she was good she obviously she did not die because she's still here and I got. I've been telling her for weeks. It's been giving, I can't, and every time it's given, I'm trying to take, because if she want to give, I'm going to receive.

Speaker 2 2:53

I wasn't giving anything, I was working out.

Speaker 1 2:56

It was given.

Speaker 2 2:58

I appreciate it, though it was given. Thanks, yes, it was given and I Thanks, yes, it was giving. When I got a high five From my gym babe, she came and put From your what A gym babe. It was a girl yeah see, that's what she gonna, that's what she gonna tell me y'all. It was a girl we high fived. You do it and I pinch you. You press the button and I pinch you.

Speaker 1 3:25

Are you done? Okay, okay, somebody said help she's abusing me.

Speaker 2 3:31

I was telling her. I was like girl, I'm so under the weather so I appreciate that. She was like, no, your lips look. She was like they were chef's kiss and I was like I really appreciate that because I feel like crap. But you know, I'm leaning on. I was leaning on discipline that day because I mean, it's not like I'm like dog sick or something, where I feel like I'm going to get people sick, otherwise I would have not gone to the gym guys.

Speaker 2 3:53

But I have it's sinuses, goodbye. Anyway, I pushed through, I pushed through and I messaged my trainer and I my coach and I told him I don't know what today's lifts are going to look like, but I just want you to know that I did it. That was hot dog water. I didn't use it as an excuse to just like stay in bed, you know, because I've got a little bit of sinuses going on. But I don't know what it's going to look like today, but I'm going to push through. And he was like intensity is good. He was like but our health always comes number one. So he was like do?

Speaker 1 4:28

what you can. Today you might as well have stayed in bed because them lips was hot dog water, spoiled meat. It was not up to par. I said is she struggling with 135? This is her warm up, really.

Speaker 2 4:44

I did not. I didn't even have 135 on the bar. What are you talking? About you did when, when I was loading up the bar, your bench press. I'm talking about on my like for deadlifting stuff and squat.

Speaker 2 4:57

That was still like, and I didn't have 135 on the bar for my bench either. I had 145. You were struggling, you know 146 reps and I was struggling. You were struggling for five sets. That's crazy work. It was such a struggle, yeah, but it felt heavy, don't get me wrong, because I was a little under the weather, but I still managed to push out six reps at five sets, but it was crazy it felt what I said.

Speaker 2 5:21

It did feel a little heavy Wait, but I still did it. Pockets, what, what, anyway, yeah, yeah, but I still. I still managed to push through, so that was good she did. My biggest struggle right now is just making sure that my nutrition is on point, that's been a little, that's been a little bit of a running joke for the past week.

Speaker 1 5:43

Running joke the a little bit of a running joke for the past week. Running joke the joke done ran off. You talking about running joke. The joke done ran off on the plug twice. You talking about running joke.

Speaker 2 5:56

And you know what's funny, I wait like every day. Last week I woke up I was like okay, today is the day. I'm going to eat all my calories.

Speaker 1 6:05

I am going to do what I need to do.

Speaker 2 6:09

It was like one meal a day. Oh okay, it was crazy work. But I'm a work in progress. And you know like, yeah, I'm a work in progress, but I was getting some good recovery because you sure didn't sleep a lot. I didn't sleep a lot, stop it. I didn't sleep a lot, Stop it. I know I did. Yeah, you slept a lot. I don't know what's going to be this week. You've been in the bed. You and the bed have been one. My best buddy.

Speaker 2 6:34

People, let me tell you about my best friend, I don't know. I feel like we're just like going through this kind of transition in life now where we're just like dude. I just want to prioritize relaxing. It's crazy because I'm not at that age yet, but I really want to be, I think.

Speaker 1 6:51

I think for us it's the, the change in the seasons. Yeah, it's really kind of like messing up, messing with us, because we both got a little sinus thing yeah it started with the little one. Yeah, well, you know what? In the words of my, my friend andy, our resident outbreak monkey, the one that gets everybody sick. Um, yeah, but I don't feel like I was sick no, I mean we, we just we all had like a little.

Speaker 2 7:18

I said I had a head cold and some sinuses yeah um I don't know, maybe, maybe, if we all had it, then maybe that was what like a cold.

Speaker 1 7:26

Yeah, I think we all, because that wasn't her diagnosis, her diagnosis, that's what she told me.

Speaker 2 7:31

She was like. She was like mom, I have to take care of you. I was like, okay, phoenix, she comes up to me, she checks my forehead. She was like you don't have a fever. I was, was like I know, and she goes, but I have a diagnosis. And I said what's your diagnosis? You have a cold. I said, oh my gosh, do I? And she was like, yeah, so I'm going to have to sleep in your bed tonight.

Speaker 1 7:54

I like how her prescription was making herself comfortable.

Speaker 2 8:01

I told her. I said, Phoenix, you are not going to use that as a ploy to be in this bed tonight. And she was like no, no, no, no, mom, no, no, no, no, it's because I have to keep an eye on you, I have to watch you. How you watching me? When I was up till midnight watching a movie and you was knocked out drooling but she was supposed to be monitoring me. She was like yeah, I got to stay.

Speaker 1 8:19

I got to stay tonight. Wife has taken 20 minutes to tell us about her week no, I haven't.

Speaker 2 8:24

So we're going. Now I have like this little dry cough coming out of nowhere oh man, it's rough.

Gym Life and Marriage Dynamics

Speaker 1 8:29

Ah, please yourself, please yourself, look at you. I think I'm gonna just say my week was exhausting. Excuse me, I was. I was really extra tired towards the end of the week, I don't know why. Um, stop doodling, I don't whoa calm down. They can't see that.

Speaker 2 8:47

I was really.

Speaker 1 8:47

The people on YouTube can quite literally see it dang, I'm gonna leave all this in so people can see how you talk to me. She is really mean to me y'all. She really no one's mean to him the way I push through with love and this marriage. She is really mean to me. Anyway, like I was saying, I was very, very tired and then I realized it's because I actually this was the first time I worked five days in a long time and I think that really played a part in it.

Speaker 1 9:13

It just took you out, took me out, took you out, I might not be able to do it this week, because if that's the result, I Because if that's the result, I got shit to do the rest of the week.

Speaker 2 9:25

Cut the tape. Cut the tape.

Speaker 1 9:27

Cut the tape, oh my gosh, because I even felt like my lips were lacking. I mean, okay, you know what that's it. This has been another episode.

Speaker 1 9:37

You come for me, I don't come for you, you, literally just, I don't come for you you literally just talked about how my lifts were dog crap. I feel like my lifts were on Thursday. I felt like my lifts were lacking because I was kind of like, oh, I got to work, so I was like, oh, I'm not used to having to work on Thursday, so I was going to be pushed through.

Speaker 2 9:57

But my lifts on Friday.

Speaker 1 9:59

Huh, okay, what we got today, what we got today, what we got today, people.

Speaker 2 10:07

No, I want to finish hearing about your week and your lifts.

Speaker 1 10:09

That's it, I'm done. No, you're not. I'm done, I'm not done.

Speaker 2 10:14

See, see, this is the problem. You can dish it, but you can't take it, I'm not dishing anything.

Speaker 1 10:19

Love you did.

Speaker 2 10:19

You literally was talking about how my lips were hot. You literally said hot dog water. Trash. You said trash, that's because you were sick, hot dog water.

Speaker 1 10:32

That's because you were sick.

Speaker 2 10:34

That's because you were sick?

Speaker 1 10:35

I was not. You didn't have all the energy.

Speaker 2 10:40

That's cool though.

Speaker 1 10:41

The male.

Speaker 2 10:41

That's cool, though I am actively progressing, and today let me tell you today how was today, because you didn't tell me about today Chef's kiss, always when I'm not there, though. What's that about?

Speaker 1 10:56

I don't know. It's no different from when you're there, because we don't walk out together. No, we don't.

Speaker 2 11:01

I mean, but you randomly come across the whole other side of the room to mark your territory.

Speaker 1 11:08

They have to know. I know what was different today. That sprinkle party was hitting oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 11:14

He listens to Gabby's dollhouse that sprinkle party. Who does that?

Speaker 1 11:21

I got the French toast with the Moe's. Come on, hey, gabby, me to be hidden Every day.

Speaker 2 11:30

It's a Spreaker party.

Speaker 1 11:33

Look here, don't sing it too loud, she's going to be mad. I have a couple of random kids songs thrown in. Maybe that's a little weird Thrown into my playlist. I got the thing songs, um, uh, charlie's colorful city.

Speaker 2 11:50

Oh, that actually used to be my favorite, yeah, yeah and then the motown one from the motown show which one? Uh, oh, the motown hits thing on the. Yeah, I know, I know the show, yeah, yeah I got, I got, I got swing in there.

Speaker 1 12:04

Look at when you a dad, look at you start watching these shows.

Speaker 2 12:07

They have to become your favorite, otherwise they annoy you, you get attached.

Speaker 1 12:10

Yeah, Because I I. I have now known the scene party in the USA at the top of my lung Because that's my baby's hit. We be singing party. She requests that SZA Kendrick those are like her top requests when she gets, when she gets in the car.

Speaker 2 12:29

She was like can we listen to TV? Off, play TV.

Speaker 1 12:31

Off. She just wanna yell mustard. That's all she really wanna do mustard but it's funny, she's funny. I love her. But what we got today, buscaroni?

Speaker 2 12:40

we're kinda elaborating, I think, a little bit off of last week's episode of Accountability. We're kind of elaborating, I think, a little bit off of last week's episode of accountability, which seemed to be really a really good one for everyone, so just kind of taking it in the direction of more from the leadership role, the male perspective leadership role that we had watched not too long ago and it was a man discussing how they can't hold women accountable if they're not holding themselves accountable. And you and I have all. I've always said this, we've always had this conversation. We talked about it a little bit last week too.

Speaker 2 13:17

In accountability, where men are looked at as the leaders. There are men who want to be looked at as leaders, but it goes far beyond just you being the man as the leaders. There are men who want to be looked at as leaders, but it goes far beyond just you being the man of the relationship. Like, what does all that entail? You know what I mean. You can't be the man and be the leader and be the manager of everything, but decide in which area you want to be the leader in.

Speaker 1 13:42

I mean, it seems like you pick and choose when you show up.

Speaker 2 13:46

I don't see why I can't match the energy. Listen here, I don't pick and choose when I decide to show up. I don't see why I can't match the energy, so yeah, so basically, you know the weight of leadership right.

Speaker 1 14:00

The weight of leadership. The weight of leadership, it's heavy, is it? It's rough, it's rough over here.

True Leadership in Marriage

Speaker 2 14:07

Okay, so wait. So okay, remember, I told you yesterday when I had I can't remember her name, but I like unfollow all her videos. But she was talking about how she was having a conversation with her friend and she is like we hear all these women talk about oh, you can't call on no man. You can't call on no man, you can't depend on no man. She was like, uh, yeah, I'm calling my husband. She was like I am calling my husband, he is batting 10 for 10. And when you had made that statement the other day, when you were asking, we were talking about like the light bill and the mortgage and stuff like that, and I was just like, I mean you, you batting 10 for 10. So I'm just not sure why I need to Like if there's an issue, I'm going to resort to him first. Let's tell the people and then we'll move forward. Like, if I can be here in an advisory position, if I something I can take the lead on, I will take the lead on it, but I'm going to refer to my husband first.

Speaker 1 15:05

I'm going to do that. First, let's just take the time to tell people about the other night about the other night you asked me to go get you some medicine, okay, and I was like babe, I'm tired, you could have told me that while I was out I know, but I didn't think about it and I was like I'm not gonna do it and I literally told you I'm not gonna do it and remember and say all of it.

Speaker 2 15:20

He said he wasn't gonna do do it. But right before that he was like I'm hungry, yeah. And I was like okay, I need medicine. And he was like I already went out and I was like didn't think about it.

Speaker 1 15:31

Then but here's the thing, that part don't matter, that part don't matter. So we was both upstairs standing 10 toes down on our stands, and then you know the little voice in my head. They'd be like if you don't take care of her, somebody else will. And I and I remember you I said why am I like this? And I got up and you're like oh, are you going?

Speaker 2 15:57

Are you going, cause I also want some licorice. And now the list is growing, I said if you're going to go, I would also like some licorice.

Speaker 1 16:05

So then I was like you know what? What can I do to make this a fun trip? And I was like I'm going to take my baby with me, and so then I had to bribe her. I said you can get some candy. You go with dad. She's like let me get my shoes.

Speaker 2 16:15

That's why she came in the room All like excited. She was like I'm going with dad. Like, okay, you hate going to the store, so you must be getting something.

Speaker 1 16:23

She said yeah.

Speaker 2 16:25

She went and got her candy, her trolleys, her trolleys, her trolleys that she ate, 11 of, yeah, and then she said she snuck two more. So she said mama had 13. Right.

Speaker 1 16:37

I said okay, that's fine so yeah, but the whale it's heavy.

Speaker 2 16:46

It's heavy, but what?

Speaker 1 16:47

did I get up and do?

Speaker 2 16:47

what you're supposed to do. Stop my food right exactly now. Now ask yourself this, go ahead. Would I have been as enthusiastic about? Getting your food, but or because I'm just trying to be a decent wife to you, like there's that too, but anyway the point was on record go ahead.

Speaker 1 17:07

I don't want nobody else. I know I'll be talking shit. I'll be talking shit, but I have. I have told my wife numerous times if this don't work out, I would just be by myself. I look here, get a little something on the weekend. Look, I am too invested in this to put this much investment in anything else. Again, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 17:30

This is 23. You're not getting up at 10 pm and going to get sinus medicine If we're not together.

Speaker 1 17:37

If it's 10 pm and she's still here why still here?

Speaker 2 17:47

why are you here? Go home, I'm gonna go to bed, um, okay, so, yeah, so, going back. That's that whole little example and scenario is exactly what I I try to say about setting the tone and taking the leadership role and being inspiring to your, to your partner, right?

Speaker 1 17:59

so inspire you that night of course, of course.

Speaker 2 18:02

I mean, I was gonna cook, I was gonna get you food anyway. I knew that I was gonna get you food anyway and but a little part of me also knew that you were gonna get your ass up and go get me what I needed. And I appreciated that. And teamwork makes the dream work.

Speaker 1 18:17

But this is it.

Speaker 2 18:20

I'm about to leave but I say all that to say.

Speaker 2 18:23

I say all that to say that the difference between I guess me getting up and getting your food for you and having an attitude about it or half-assing it, was you taking the lead and setting the tone and even though you made it aware, made me aware that you were, you were tired, you didn't feel like doing it.

Speaker 2 18:46

I'm a get up, I'm not going to have an attitude about it. I'm going to try to change my perspective about it. Like how you said, I'm going to try to make it a fun trip so that I can ease my own irritation, because I know I'm tired and I don't want to portray that onto my wife. And I'm going to get up and I'm going to go get my wife some medicine because I know she needs it and in return, that energy like that's I think that's the biggest focal point of it. It was the energy behind it put me in a perspective of OK, I don't really feel like doing anything anyway, but if he can get up and even take our daughter and not have an attitude about it and still have a smile on his face and like I was smiling.

Speaker 2 19:22

You were smiling with her and still have a smile on his face. I wasn't smiling, you were smiling with her. Oh yeah, that's my baby. But have the energy to get up and go do it and not make me feel bad that he's getting up to go do it. You know you weren't trying to make me feel guilty about you getting up, because you were tired to go do it, I should do it.

Speaker 2 19:35

Goodbye. So then, therefore, in my mind, I was like literally, I was like literally, I was like get up and get up and get this man some food.

Speaker 1 19:42

Like he said, he's hungry.

Speaker 2 19:43

So I'm going to get up and get him some food, and I'm going to do it gladly.

Speaker 1 19:48

Well, that's like that's. That's part of leadership Setting the tone. Setting the tone and being consistent. You know it's consistency over charm. It's like I don't. I don't do things to charm you and wow you. In the moment I stay consistent so that you know what to expect, like putting the gas in the car Right, because that's one of your hot topics.

Speaker 2 20:04

It's one of my hot topics, but it also irritates me when you do have moments where you complain about it.

Speaker 1 20:08

Yeah, because I'll be like, look here. Because I'll be like, look here, I know how much gas it should take you to get through the week, and when you run out of gas before it's time for you, burned more gas than normal, but that should not be here or there to bother you. Okay, yeah, it shouldn't.

Speaker 2 20:26

Gas is gas. Okay, but keep going.

Speaker 1 20:30

Gas is gas, gas is gas and like there's many leaders, like you were saying earlier, leadership is just not dictating how things move or how things go. It's not just about, it's more about navigating the ins and outs of everything and holding yourself responsible, taking accountability without blame. You know you have to hold yourself to a standard and you have to keep that standard and you have to be consistent with that standard. You can't pick and choose when you want to move the goalpost for yourself, but then you want to hold it firm for everyone else, Right? So that's another part about a leadership, Right? I can't sit here and say, hey, I know I snapped at you, but I wouldn't have done that if you wouldn't have talked to me this way or if you wouldn't have said this to me, whatever. No, that's, that's. That's not me being accountable and that's not good leadership.

Speaker 1 21:28

Good leadership in me saying, hey, I apologize for what I said to you. In the moment. I should have had better controls over my emotions and my feelings. I failed you. I failed you and myself in that moment. I apologize for that. In that moment, I apologize for that. But let me. But now let me.

Speaker 1 21:47

I'm going to own my reaction to the statement or to the whatever happened, but now. But I also need to have a conversation with you about how we can avoid this going forward Right. And so it's like I'm going to take accountability for what I did and my actions, but I'm not going to place blame on you for that, because I control that. But what I am going to do is I'm going to have a conversation with you so that we can now have a way to work through this Right. And another thing and I think I do this sometimes, Sometimes I do this well, sometimes I do it not so well it's keeping the calm in the crisis, in the calm in the crisis. And when I say that, I mean part of leadership is that when you call me with an issue and you're up in arms and whatever, I don't match the energy.

Speaker 2 22:29

Yeah, you have to de-escalate. I have to calm you down.

Speaker 1 22:32

You have to be even. I have to calm you down and assess the situation First, like the situation we had last week with the hot water heater and called me and you're like babe and I thought it was the wash machine. You said, babe, there's water everywhere, the wash machine going on and I was like it's, it's not the wash. He did.

Speaker 2 22:47

He was like super calm. I called him and I was like, babe, there's a puddle in the garage. I was like I think the wash machine is flooding. And he's like literally calm. He goes it's not, it's not the wash machine, kinesha, and I was like it's not. And he goes check the hot water heater.

Speaker 2 23:00

And I checked the hot water heater and I was like, yep, it's water at the hot water heater. He was like, OK, I'm going to call you back. I got to call the plumber and I was like, whew, let me go get my smoothie.

Speaker 1 23:12

Let me get my smoothie.

Speaker 2 23:14

I was stressed. I was like oh, I'm stressed.

Speaker 1 23:18

But the come of that, but the come of the calm, is that when you are in crisis and we're going through like this big thing, right, I now have to not only calm you down. I now have to effectively communicate, with clear communication, what needs to be done and what the plans are, yeah. So, like that day, I say, hey, babe, I'm already talking to them, they're on their way, I need you to be here at this time, yeah.

Creating Emotional Safety

Speaker 1 23:41

This is who's coming, yeah, and I'll let you know when they're on their way. I need you to be here at this time. Yeah, this is who's coming, yeah, and I'll let you know when they're on their way. This is the plan, and I said they already know the situation. If we got a kid you got to go pick up. Yeah, like you could just leave the garage open. They'll take care of it, right? So it's like, even when we like chaos is happening or we have things coming up that like, like, like a gymnastics camp or whatever the case is coming up, I have to be able to, in a calm and clear way, portray to you hey, this is the plan of action. Yeah, this is how we execute this and this is what I need. Yeah, this is what I need from you, right, because Lord knows, like today I don't want to work, I don't.

Speaker 2 24:23

I told y'all at the top I do not want to go to work today.

Speaker 1 24:26

I told y'all at the top that this working the five days is for the birds. So if y'all can run these numbers up, I will greatly appreciate it.

Speaker 2 24:32

So we're just trying to go for me so you can take a day off for work, right?

Speaker 1 24:37

because, like I was saying, like I said on my other podcast this week, I'm going to need help with these gymnastics feeds too, because this gymnastics is like because now hunting and travel is starting to hit and it's like whoo, but it's like I'm going to go back to work.

Speaker 2 24:55

y'all Don't worry about it. No, she's not. I'm going to go back to work.

Speaker 1 24:58

But even with all that, I come to you and say, hey, here's the plan. Right, we got XYZ coming up, even like with the hot water heater. This is the plan. All right, I know, off top we have the money. It just ain't liquid, it ain't liquid. So this is what we're going to do. We're going to put it here.

Speaker 1 25:21

We're going to move some things around. We're going to charge this card, this card and this card. I'm going to pay them out of this account and then I'm going to make this money over here liquid and then pay all that back. You know what I'm saying. So it's like I have to. I have to come to you with these plans and solutions. Like part part of being a leader is it's like the dictating and delegating leader. Is it's like the dictating and delegating. That's part of it, right, but I have to. But it's not about just delegating you tasks that I don't want to do yeah it's about delegating and putting everybody in positions where they're.

Speaker 1 25:52

They're strong, is that? Right it's like I wouldn't have you grill my steak. I have no faith in a scandal. I have no faith.

Speaker 2 25:59

Zero, scandalous Zero faith, but you would have me make you turkey burgers.

Speaker 1 26:03

Yeah, I would, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would, I would. So it's like I have to set these standards and I think another part of a leadership, especially in marriage, is that it's the. You can interject anytime you want. So I'm just like rambling, but another part of the leadership is the emotional leadership, right.

Speaker 2 26:26

Yeah, I think that's a big thing.

Speaker 1 26:27

And I always say, like, as men, this is something we're not taught. This is something that we literally have to work and develop.

Speaker 2 26:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 26:33

Right To be emotionally available to our wives and our partners.

Speaker 2 26:37

Which is crazy because I think one of the biggest things that men complain about is women being emotionally unstable and they like to think of themselves as very like neutral ground, very emotionally stable.

Speaker 1 26:51

Here's the thing. When I hear you guys say that and I would say it's not that we're more emotionally stable than women, right, we just we just, nine times out of 10, hold our, hold our shit in, and then we have one big episode where, as women, let they shit out over time. As it happens, as it happens, that's that's. That's my take.

Speaker 2 27:12

OK, don't kill me in the comments. That's my take.

Speaker 1 27:16

Right, but emotional leadership, that's something that I really had to learn to develop because, I mean, 10 years ago I wouldn't come to you by a bed. I'm overwhelmed, but now in a heart, look here, right, it's a rough day. Yeah, I'm gonna need you to take care of this Cause.

Speaker 2 27:28

Like even in the moments like back to the hot water heater issue, um, even after you're like, okay, I'm calling the plumber, set off any alarms for me. But I can also hear the stress in your voice because you know like, okay, now this is an unexpected cost. You know what I mean. Like we, we just did all the things that we needed to do for summer and now here we go, we got to come out of pocket.

Speaker 1 27:54

What else you want from me.

Speaker 2 27:56

What else am I supposed to do so? I can hear that in your voice. So I'm like okay'm like okay, but I I know how I am sometimes, because when I try to take over, that starts to annoy you too. Because then you're like, okay, I'm telling you I'm gonna take care of it, and you keep trying to like, interject to that. So that's why I was just like okay.

Speaker 1 28:15

He said he's gonna call the plumber.

Speaker 2 28:16

He said he's yeah, like he said, he's gonna take care of it. I'm gonna be here if you need me to make a phone call. If you need me to go somewhere, if you need me to pick up the hot water heater, let me know. But let me just step back and let him take care of it.

Speaker 1 28:28

And if you need me, tap me in coach, Like that's the approach I'm trying to take and I'm going to pat myself on the back, Because literally all you really had to do that day was would just be here to let them in. You didn't have to go pick up nothing, Nothing, Everything was pre-mapped. But the funny you said that because you called me. And then when I because I was, you know, I was talking to my buddy at work and when I switched back over, he was like instantly, he was like what's wrong? He said because your whole energy just shifted. It's life right now. It's life.

Speaker 2 29:01

I said I'm about to call you back, I gotta make some phone and you had literally just said that you're like everything in the house, like we've updated, replaced, we've renovated, and you're like the last thing is that damn hot water heater. And then, a week later, literally everything we've updated in the house and the last thing, who was the hot water heater? Then a week later the hot water heater goes out and I was like, well, no time like the present.

Speaker 1 29:24

And I said you couldn't give me one more year, you funky.

Speaker 2 29:26

Bye, you, funky bitch, you couldn't give me one more year, you, funky bitch, you couldn't give me one more year. But I always say, just be grateful that you had the resources to take care of it when it needed to be done. And that's like another thing you know for, for for women, it's the sense of security, right, like I can see how hard you work, I can see, like, how you manage our, our life and our day to days and stuff like that. But being able to call you and I know, even even when I know this is going to be something where I'm like, damn, this is going to feel like another brick on my baby's wall, but it's life and what can you do but you batten 10 for 10 right now. You batten 10 for 10 right now. Like I called you, you took care of it. I had hot water to bathe my child in by the end of the night. You know what I'm saying, and it was extra hot, oh it's.

Speaker 2 30:19

it's so hot now. We was living in such a fool's paradise. I was like how long have we been living with that hot water?

Speaker 1 30:25

heater.

Speaker 2 30:26

That must have been from the last owners.

Speaker 1 30:28

But also, it's like with the emotional leadership, I also have to create a space of emotional safety for you.

Speaker 2 30:38

Yeah, and I think that's something you've been working on, so it's not, I can't.

Speaker 1 30:41

Just, you can't just come to me with your problems and I just immediately like, okay, let me go. I can't go straight to fix it mode Right. I know a lot of times as men and as guys, that's what you want to do, we go straight to fix it mode.

Speaker 2 30:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:51

But sometimes we got to, we got to have a little listen. The longer I listen, the less time I got to fix this shit. Let me just fix this shit so we can all go back to being happy.

Speaker 2 31:07

Really, that's what we be thinking, so we can go back to being happy and I don't have to sit here and listen to her draw out the same subject over and over.

Speaker 1 31:17

Why are we going to sit here and dwell on something that can be addressed? And let's try to get it fixed so we can move on.

Speaker 2 31:24

But y'all be like oh, oh, my gosh, do not put me in that category. That is not me.

Speaker 1 31:33

I be like you doing too much. I'm going to give you your space. Go ahead and cry on my shoulder, but the whole time I got my phone behind your back texting whoever I need to help me fix this problem. Bye. So when you done crying, I'm like babe, it's already taken care of, Whatever.

Speaker 2 31:50

You said I'm 10 for 10?. Recently you said Recently. Listen here Recently I think this whole thing kind of comes up too, because, like, even when I think about our, about our past right, I say he's been batting 10 for 10 recently. We have literally grown up together. Okay, this was not a pre-packaged man, I wasn't a pre-packaged woman. We are both.

Speaker 2 32:14

We are both, uh, we still we still baking okay, but I can appreciate our growth and I can definitely appreciate shut up. I can definitely appreciate your growth because there was a, there was a moment in our relationship where I was just like, dude, listen, we're you gotta get it together. I don't know what you want me to say at this point. Like I have to straight shoot him. Like not shoot him in the literal sense like a straight shooter, but like I had to give it to him straight, like I don't.

Speaker 2 32:46

I don't know what you are going to expect for the next 10 years, but if you don't do the work on yourself to get to like your own expectation not even the expectation that I have on you, but the expectation that you have for yourself I can't sit around and wait for that to happen. If I don't, if I don't even see any active like participation from you, you know what I'm saying. So to see where you are now and when I say you're batting 10 for 10, it makes me, it makes me proud to know that I have a husband that I can call to like fix problems or to at least navigate through an issue that I'm having. I can come to you with my issues and we can try to navigate them together and you know, or you try to come up with a game plan to try to fix it and you batting 10 for 10 in being the problem solver and coming up with a resolution.

Speaker 1 33:40

I'm like, oh yeah, I can, I can call on him, I calls my husband, okay, but I will say that the heartfelt conversation we had was probably the first time I probably said okay, let's fix this. And it wasn't about my ego, right, right. And that's one of the big keys in leadership is to remove your ego Right and to choose the calm over the ego Right, because a lot of times when you choose, when you, when you self inflate and you choose ego, you're not taking into account what the other person is saying or feeling and you're just trying to get you just, you're trying to get how you feel off, right, and it goes back. Well, I don't know. You're trying to get how you feel off, right, right, and it goes back. Well, I don't know how many episodes ago, when we talked about validation, right, it's like when, if you have two people, that's constantly not being validated.

Speaker 1 34:32

It's going to be a bunch of turmoil because no one, no one is feeling heard Right, and when no one is feeling heard, nothing can. Nothing can progress Right. So, and a part of leadership is like, hey, look here, you feel the way you feel, I feel the way you feel. Okay, I'm going to set my ego over here and let's try to work this out. So what do you need from me? I'm going to tell you what I need from you going forward, like that's another part of leadership and in our situation and many other people's situation, me trying to be as active of a father as possible, that also helps you. Oh, yeah, because that gives you time to be you, to be me. Right, sometimes you don't want to be a wife or a mother, sometimes you just want to be Nisha G.

Speaker 2 35:14

Yeah, and I love being your wife, I love being her mom, but I think I'm pretty fly too you are right.

Speaker 1 35:20

I mean, I'll let you, I'll say hey, shawty.

Speaker 2 35:26

But you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 35:27

But that's part of it. Part of leadership is also me being able to look across the room with my wife and say I need to take something off her shoulders this week. I need to remove some stress from her life so that she can decompress a little bit, get her bounce back and then we can go back to running and decompress a little bit, get her bounce back and then we can go back to running. And that's why we never say, that's why I always say nothing's never 50-50. Yeah, it's never going to be 50-50. Yeah, Lord knows, even though in our situation right now, I pay everything because I'm the one that's working, I'm still only doing 30% of the work.

Speaker 2 35:56

Right, and I think when people talk about the whole 50-50 thing, it's always in reference to finances, Like it's. It's always in reference to finances and there's so many other aspects of a relationship and relationship and especially marriage. I mean, if taking finances, you know, out of the equation. Obviously finances is a huge part of the equation, but I just noticed that people always make the reference of 50, 50 in reference to the finances, but there is a lot of other aspects of marriage and of relationship and of partnership that are still not going to be 50-50.

Speaker 2 36:30

It's still not going to be 50-50.

Speaker 1 36:34

Because we are apples and oranges. Oh, we are apples and oranges the way our biology are different.

Speaker 2 36:42

Yeah, our needs are different. Our needs are the way we act.

Leadership Without Ego

Speaker 1 36:46

The fact that you are literally four to five different people every month, because every week you're going through a different transmission. Goodbye, you know, my hormones are.

Speaker 2 36:58

That's them, that's them. They there, they're right here, kind of riding at a line and they just we cruising.

Speaker 1 37:06

Every once in a while they get a little spike and then they, then they level out, are you, on the other hand? It's well, she's free falling, oh, she's climbing that hill.

Speaker 2 37:17

What did the guy say? She's going around that curve, curve. He said his wife was going through peri-menopause and he said her, he was like I have to remember that she's fighting for her life, she's in a constant battle of who she gonna be he said. He said her personalities are fighting on who's gonna have the will for the remainder of her life and I'm just hoping he said, I'm hoping the one that Well, wait, what did she say?

Speaker 2 37:38

He was like. I simply asked her so what are we eating for dinner? And she responded with, I presume food. Right he said where is my loving wife?

Speaker 1 37:47

And then I'm going to just say these and then I'm going to stop talking about leadership. With leadership, you have to have the ability to, you have to have a humidity and you have to be able to adapt. Right, you have to have a humidity and you have to be able to adapt right. You have to stay the course. That is true. You have to stay the course, but you also have to understand that sometimes you have to deviate from the course, depending on what needs of the family unit comes around, right, that's important. So you have to be able to adapt to whatever the settings would be, because the one thing about life is that, even though we strive to kind of make things stable and constant, you're going to get your curveballs, You're going to have your times to where you don't have a playbook on how to respond to this issue or this, whatever's happening.

Speaker 1 38:36

You don't have anything to guide you through this. So you have to be able to adapt in the moment right, For instance, like you just mentioned, like when you, when you start getting into your paramount puzzle, like I'm going to have to adapt.

Speaker 2 38:49

I'm going to have to adapt too. Right, that's going to be something. Let's hope she's far in the future.

Speaker 1 38:54

Praise him.

Speaker 2 38:55

Claim it, claim it, let's claim it, but for me.

Speaker 1 39:01

I feel like the biggest part of leadership for me and this is where I'm going to stop talking after this is I have to encourage you, not limit you. So for me to be a true leader, I need to help you and push you to win, Because I understand that all of your wins are in some way, shape or form, partly mine, Just how all of my wins, in some way, shape or form, are partly yours. And I need to be here for you in whatever capacity you need me to be, whether that's physical, whether that's professional, emotional, spiritual, whatever it needs to be. I need to be here in that capacity for you in order so that you can develop and blossom.

Speaker 2 39:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 39:51

Because when you blossom, I'm getting that nectar. Honey nut cheerio, you hear me, you hear me, you hear me, because when you blossom, honey nut cheerio, good bye, honey nut, goodbye. Right, yeah, but that should be the goal of any leader in any position. You want, want to make the team overall better.

Speaker 2 40:23

Well, because the team's success is a reflection of your leadership. You, that's the thing, and I say this a lot. It's a sport metaphor, I say this a lot of times.

Speaker 1 40:31

A lot of times, when I see it, I have guys who kind of look at me like I'm pandering. But I say your leadership is the direct result of your household.

Speaker 2 40:46

So if your household is not moving the way you think it should move, you need to ask yourself what are you doing? And that's that's literally why I think this whole thing came up, because there are some, some male individuals, hand, there are some male individuals who think, just by way of them being a male, them being a man, that they are the man of the house right?

Speaker 1 41:08

Well, they are the man of the house.

Speaker 2 41:13

Yeah, you're the man in the physical sense, that you're the only male that's in here of the house, right, but you're not taking care of any responsibilities when it comes to your partner. You're not taking care of any responsibilities when it comes to your partner. You're not taking care of any responsibilities when it comes to your household. You just think, because you were told that you're the boy and she's the girl, and this is the hierarchy and this is the way things are supposed to go, but you expect her to do all of these things for you, take care of you, cook clean, do you know? Provide for you in an emotional capacity, in a mental capacity to be there for you, to listen to your woes, but you don't even get up and go do anything every day. Like that's crazy work.

Speaker 1 41:54

True leadership is understanding the deficiencies of everyone that you are over Right, including your own and navigating and strategizing to improve those deficiencies and enhance the strengths of everyone. Yeah, so you need to be. If your plan doesn't involve improving everyone's well-being, everyone's skill set, everyone's standard of living, yeah, then your plan is not a real plan. You're just going with the flow, and it's like I understand that sometimes, that you will have certain parties that are reluctant to go with your plan, but then in that case, you have to ask yourself why. You have to ask yourself why what has transpired in the past?

Speaker 2 42:41

What have I shown? What's my track record? Right yeah, to get so much pushback.

Speaker 1 42:45

That's it, and and while I am a firm believer that our past dictates our future, but we say dictates.

Speaker 2 42:54

But let me, can I finish what I'm saying? Go ahead, sorry.

Speaker 1 42:56

I am a firm believer that our past dictates our future, but it's how we allow it to shape us, yeah, to shape us, that we let it present us in the future so you can say, oh well, I never had this. I was never emotionally, I was never taught to be vulnerable, I never taught to be emotionally available, I was never taught how to be soft to a woman. Okay, yeah, you never taught that.

Speaker 2 43:15

That doesn't mean you can't learn now, right, it's not an excuse not to have those qualities. It's not an excuse.

Speaker 1 43:19

Like your upbringing and your passage is just a foundation on which you build on, and sometimes foundations have to be chipped away and broken and repaired. Yeah, because we all have deficiencies in somewhere. Yeah, everybody. No one's birth perfect, everybody ain't Jesus.

Speaker 2 43:38

Yeah, no one is Not even everybody. No one, I mean you Jesus. Yeah, no, no one is Not even everybody. No one, I mean you got some people that think they is. Yeah, but no one but you're not.

Speaker 1 43:45

we're not perfect. We are all born with some type. We're perfectly imperfect, Right. We're all born and raised with some type of deficiencies. We're lacking somewhere.

Speaker 2 43:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1 43:57

And that's why we always say not only is marriage work, life is work. Yeah, if you want to be living, if you want to fulfill marriage, you want to fulfill life, you have to constantly be working on yourself.

Speaker 2 44:08

Yeah, think about the goals you set for yourself. Hitting goal, like the biggest one mostly everybody can relate to is fitness goals. Think about that If you're trying to, like, lose a significant amount of weight, or if you're trying to gain a significant amount of muscle. That's going to take. That's going to take time and it's going. You're going to have trials. You're going to have moments where you fall off. You're going to have moments where you get back on the bandwagon. It's, it's not about it's. It's about the journey, it's a journey, right.

Speaker 1 44:42

But if it's something that you really want, you're going to work at it and you're going to get around those. Those different trials, yeah, and I know for me and I I don't know for me, but it always seems like every time I'm in the groove and I'm putting my best foot forward.

Speaker 2 44:50

That's when I'm faced, every time I'm uh, you feel like you got your feet planted I'm planted and I'm doing the right thing.

Speaker 1 44:55

that's when the opposition comes. But now I've come to realize that the opposition is growth. That's the growth, and it's because here's the thing. Whatever you ask for, it's not going to be given to you. You're going to be put in situations to develop what you need to be, what you ask for. So if I ask for more patience, my patience is going to keep being tested. That's why I stopped asking for patience, because every time I asked for it, it was tested.

Speaker 2 45:26

And I didn't like it and I said look here, Jesus. What did you say? Look here, Jesus. Look here, we got to have a talk.

Speaker 1 45:40

Like Cam on stage when he said that Smokey Norfolk was doing the most, when he told God, not another second, not a minute, I said look here, jesus. No more tips. You don't talk, I don't learn, I'm not going to ask for it. I'm not going to ask for it.

Speaker 2 45:53

I'm going to just get what I got.

Speaker 1 45:55

I'm going to use what I got and use it wisely. I said now I don't ask for patience, now I just say, lord, let me understand when my patience is at its limit, so I can remove myself from the situation. Because this is too much. Stop, I don't want no more, just let me learn how to maximize what I have.

Speaker 2 46:13

Take me off the patient list for 2025. That's it.

Speaker 1 46:17

Lord knows, I don't want no more papers, just let me maximize what I have now. Take me off the list. So that's it Like again. It's funny because the day like going back to the hot water heater the day before hot water, I was saying babe, I feel like we're good, we're on a good track. Everything's going good and then, literally, I get to work. I get to my second stop of the day. Babe, there's water everywhere. I said Jesus. I said, look here, we just had this conversation.

Speaker 2 46:45

I was just talking to you about this last night.

Speaker 1 46:47

Look, here I'm doing the work. I got the therapy. I'm being self-reflective.

Speaker 2 46:54

I'm doing everything.

Speaker 1 46:55

I'm trying to be accountable here.

Speaker 2 46:56

What else do you want from me, lord? I'm doing all I can. Well, at least you didn't go straight to. That's the devil. You know what I'm talking about. That's the devil trying to bring me down.

Speaker 1 47:08

Ain't nothing but the devil Ain't nothing but the devil trying to bring me down. Nothing but the devil. Look at him.

Speaker 2 47:14

You won't win. You won't win. I said Lord, how many apples did Eve eat? Won't win, I said Lord. I said how many apples did Eve eat? Really, how many apples did Eve eat? Why are we still suffering off of what she did so long ago? Got us some slack, Not another minute, he told Jesus. Not another minute, Not another hour, another day you can't rest the Lord.

Speaker 1 47:40

You know so it's like you be. You have to understand like it's. This, that's life and that's part of the adaptation. I'm saying, yeah, you have to adapt, because trust me when I say I want it to crash out yeah, you gotta let it just move.

Speaker 2 47:52

You gotta let the moment kind of just move through you. I think that's that's the biggest thing. Like as we get older, it's like every time there's adversity or every time there's an issue that comes up, instead of thinking about it like it's DEFCON 9 and everything feels heavy, just take it in. Let it stop. Just take it in. It's happening, accept the fact that it's happening, and then now let's be resourceful. Okay, do we have the resources to take care of this? Yes, I do, let me take care of it. It's not the most ideal. Now let's be resourceful. Okay, do we have the resources to take care of this? Yes, I do, let me take care of it. You know it's not the most ideal situation, but think about how blessed you are to be able to navigate through it. Think about how blessed you are to have people in your life to help you get through it. Think about how blessed you are to have resources to you. Know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 48:34

So I think that also comes perspective as well you know, but yeah, so I just wanted to end with this. It says male leadership in marriage isn't about hierarchy, it's about harmony, it's about stepping into the role of protector, planner, provider and emotional anchor. But it's also about mutual respect, because when men lead in love, women rise in peace, and when leadership is shared, marriage thrives. You better preach, bishop. I thought that was great. I like the part where it says when men lead in love, women rise in peace. That's true. So when you're looking for that peace, when you're looking for that peace, when you're looking for is she not my peace? Are you leading in love?

Speaker 1 49:31

That's why I say you got to understand that if you are a man and you're looking for a woman to give you peace, you have to provide that woman with a safe space where she feels loved and protected. The security, uh-huh, and the security Because she can't be calm and peaceful if she's always on guard.

Speaker 2 49:42

Anxiety is real in women.

Speaker 1 49:43

She can't Anxiety is very real in women.

Speaker 2 49:46

You can't be stressing her out. You can't keep my stress level up here and expect me to be warm and cuddly towards you.

Speaker 1 49:53

You can't keep me stressed out you can't keep me stressed out and expect for me to be enthusiastic about laying down with you. It's not going to happen. If y'all listen to Mother Podcast, y'all know how much I talk about.

AITA Stories and Responses

Speaker 2 50:05

We tell y'all this because we've experienced this.

Speaker 1 50:08

Y'all know how much I talk about my wife and balconies, oh gosh. So I try to keep my wife in a constant state of peace. He's not always successful, but he's getting better at it, so them balconies can be more fruitful bye, goodbye.

Speaker 2 50:22

Do you want to do it? No, no, what are you doing? That had nothing to do with jesus. That had nothing to do with jesus. Don't bring jesus into that. What are you doing? Don't bring jesus into that I think he'll do it all right, let's hop on into. That was a good discussion baby Was it?

Speaker 1 50:41

I don't know about that.

Speaker 2 50:42

Okay, here we go. Am I the asshole for turning up at the house my partner's car was at, okay. When he told me he was going somewhere else Okay, me and this man have been together for over three years now. I suspected nothing. He told me he was going over to one of his guy friend's house, a guy friend who I know and whose house I also know. He left and around two hours later my friend text me saying who does insert partner's name? No, who lives on said street? She was passing by. I said, as far as I'm aware, nobody. Why? She told me she saw his car parked in the driveway of a house on a certain street in our town. So clearly he wasn't at his friend's house. I don't know if this is psycho behavior, but I asked her for the address and I immediately went there. I don't know why I didn't text him first, or anything like that, to see if he'd lie or maybe he and his friend had gone to another person's house. I have no idea. But as soon as my friend said that, I just got in the car and I went to see if the car was there myself it was I sat down the street and then I text him asking if he was having a good time. He immediately text straight back and said that he and his friends were building his new PC together. So I knew instantly he was lying. I went over to the house and I knocked on the door. A woman answered. I had no idea who she was, but I could tell by the way her face dropped that she knew exactly who I was. I kept my shit together and I just simply said tell him, his shit will be out on the front lawn when he wants to come and get it. And I left.

Speaker 2 52:21

Another hour passed and he finally came home. While I was gathering up his things, he had the nerve to instantly start kicking off at me, telling me that me going there was psycho behavior and that I was crazy for pulling that type of stud. I didn't say anything, I just carried on gathering his things. He kept telling me to stop and I didn't. He got in front of me and said stop. And that's when I lost it. I shoved him out of the way and started crying. I told him to get his stuff and to get out. I then locked myself in my office room and waited for him to leave. This happened last night, so all of his stuff is still here. He didn't take much, he just seemed to have taken a bunch of his clothes and his toiletries. I haven't heard from him and I haven't texted him either, but was I the asshole for turning up at the house that he was at?

Speaker 1 53:09

I'm going to say no because your intuition told you to this is true. I'm going to say no. I mean, look here, this is true.

Speaker 2 53:16

He should have had a better life he said, no, we having a great time, we building a computer.

Speaker 1 53:22

Nah, I would have said, yeah, I had to come pick some up at one of my buddy's friends' house.

Speaker 2 53:26

Gee, she's about to lie to something. Better lie. Well, he didn't know that she was sitting outside, and how would he have known that she would have gotten the address? I don't know, do you? Don't think she's the asshole?

Speaker 1 53:38

I don't think she's the asshole I always say women's intuition is the thing I mean.

Speaker 2 53:43

But me personally. Sometimes it works for them, sometimes it works against right. Me personally, I would have dragged it out all right I know.

Speaker 2 53:50

I would have dragged it out. I would have like, took the pictures, saw him coming out. Then I would head back home, act like I was sitting there waiting, waiting for him to come in the house. I would have let him tell me all about how he just spent the past few hours with his boys. I would have asked about the computer. I would have asked about what parts they put. I would have dragged it completely out, like I would have seen the facial expressions he gave me and everything, and I would have just been sitting there and I would have a smile on my face and you would just wait and just be like oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh oh my gosh, it sounds like you had a great time, babe.

Speaker 1 54:20

And then you were slowly leaning back. You know you done fucked up right.

Speaker 2 54:23

No, what I probably would have done is like had a backpack and then put it in the car before he came home, or something.

Speaker 1 54:29

And just left.

Speaker 2 54:29

For him and then left the pictures there and then, like, went to work the next day with a note and been like I'm off at three.

Speaker 1 54:42

You be out. Oh, you need to be out. So, and then at the end of the.

Speaker 2 54:44

Enjoy your new pc. Oh, wow, so you got a whole. You got this mapped out. Oh, I have you played this in your head before, because now I'm wondering. I'm just saying like I would have, oh, because very detailed yeah, I would have played that out, because you know me, don't, don't threaten. Don't threaten me with a good time.

Speaker 1 54:58

Okay, don't threaten her with a good time.

Speaker 2 55:01

Okay, next one Am I the asshole for telling my neighbor I have no desire or obligation to babysit her children because I'm a stay-at-home mom?

Speaker 1 55:12

No, you're not the asshole.

Speaker 2 55:19

It says. I'm new to my area and I've made friends with a few neighbors through a Mommy and Me group. I've been in the group now for a little over a month and I have a nine week old. I have a neighbor who's in the group and she's asked me last week in an emergency if I could watch her three and five year old. Oh hell, no. She looked desperate. So I agreed. I was like well, it's just once. I am a full time stay at home mom and I enjoy all of my time with my little one.

Speaker 2 55:38

That day I watched her children was hectic as hell. My daughter was fussy, the children were rambunctious, just to say the least. I was happy when she came and got them. Six hours later she came to me today saying she needed me to watch the kids in the afternoon. I told her no, I'm not a full-time babysitter and I have no desire to take that much time away from my own child and navigating life with my child and my husband. Her response well, was not like, I'm not asking a lot, it's just the afternoon. I said it may not be a lot to her, but it's a lot to me at this point. My husband works from home and he needs the house to be quiet to work, and I'm a new mom and I'm not interested on taking any other responsibilities other than what I have right now. She told me that I was being selfish. I told her she was being entitled to think that I should help her just because I'm at home with my little one. Am I the asshole for being so forward?

Speaker 1 56:33

No, this is fucking triggered me. Look here I remember when I told you that you didn't have to work and that you could stay home, and how everybody instantly it's like I have all the time in the world Instantly started filling your day up with shit they wanted you to do.

Speaker 2 56:52

No boo-boo. Come here, go there.

Speaker 1 56:53

No boo-boo I am allowing my wife to stay at home with my child so that she can do the things that my family needs to get done. No, ma'am, you are not the ask-hole. Fuck her and her kids. Oh, that's a little much. And if her husband can't afford for her to stay home, okay, okay, that's a bit much. Look here, look here I'm going to say, look here, she hating on her, she hating on her because she ain't got it. Oh, girl ain't got to work, she can stay at home.

Speaker 2 57:23

I don't think she's hating on her I honestly think she thinks okay, if you're at home all day and you have one child.

Speaker 1 57:28

You ain't doing nothing.

Speaker 2 57:29

Yeah, like what's the big deal? Like you're in the mommy and me group because we're supposed to be here to help each other, I do have one child.

Speaker 1 57:37

It's my first child. I'm still trying to figure this shit out and I'm not going to deal with Joe Choo Choo, three and five.

Speaker 2 57:42

Rambunctious. Yeah Shit, that's a lot Shit, did it say. If they were boys or not, it don't matter, it don't matter what they are.

Speaker 1 57:49

They're rambunctious.

Speaker 2 57:54

And here's the other thing she told, thinking you guys have a nine-month-old, the house isn't quiet. It's quiet enough. It's quiet enough. We're not going to add two more voices.

Speaker 2 58:02

Right, but there is an edit, so it says for edit. So she went into the group chat trying to disparage me, saying that I'm selfish, blah, blah, blah. One of the moms asked her why she felt that I had a responsibility as a stay-at-home wife or a stay-at-home mom to watch her children. Then another mom confessed and reminded her in the group chat that she tried that with her and was told that the stay-at-home moms in the group are not her babysitters and that she needs to make arrangements for childcare independent of the group. She attempted to double down. Then the moderator slash creator of the group told her that it would be best if she found another mom group to socialize in. Then she came back backtracked and apologized. She was separately contacted by the moderator and told that if she contacts me or another mom for the reason again that she would be expelled from the group.

Speaker 1 58:57

I'm glad. Hold on, fuck her and them kids, kids, that's a bit much. It's not my people. I don't look here if I was to win the lotto tomorrow and I can do whatever I want to do with any of my day. It is not my responsibility to watch my nieces and nephews.

Speaker 2 59:19

I love them. What it's not my responsibility to watch my nieces and nephews I love what it's not my responsibility just because I got the time now.

Speaker 1 59:24

They might come kick it on a couple days, but I but if I'm going to hit the city, I'm hitting the city now. You know, me and talia, we might, might be out there together but other than that, that's his oldest niece.

Speaker 2 59:38

You know what I'm saying. She's of age, so you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 59:43

But it's not about look ma'am, look here you're not the asshole.

Speaker 2 59:47

You're not point blank period, bottom of the line. Bottom of the story. Bottom of the story, bottom line.

Speaker 1 59:52

You're not the asshole and I would've just kicked their ass out the group well, they did kick her.

Speaker 2 59:56

The moderator was like you got to cut it out. She was like the stay-at-home moms in the groups is not your way of getting out of child care. Because it looks like she's looking for free child care. I mean probably rightfully so, because child care is astronomically expensive. Then you shouldn't close your legs, stop it, that's not even Close.

Speaker 1 1:00:14

If you can't afford to hold child, close your legs. That's not even a thing. Cut it out, close them.

Speaker 2 1:00:21

Anyway, this has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, we would really appreciate it. If you liked, followed. Share all of the above on all of our social media platforms and Life After I Do podcast on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube.

Speaker 1 1:00:38

You can also write into the podcast at lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom and, as always, you get a new episode every Wednesday and just remember from beginning to end 365 days of the year you get the same Onitsha G, and all that I want to do is make sweet love to her until next time peace booskies, peace booskies, peace Booskies.