Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 17
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What do you do when your partner does something that stops you in your tracks? 💠This month's episode of Our 2 Cents! on Life After I Do, we dive into the pivotal moments in relationships—the ones that shake your trust, test your values, and leave you asking: Is this who I really want to spend my life with?
We kick off with light-hearted laughs and high vibes—because even after years together, that spark can still surprise you. 🔥 But things get real fast as we dissect shocking relationship scenarios submitted by our listeners—and unpack the boundaries we often don’t realize we have until they’re crossed.
đź’Ą In This Episode:
• A father pulls wedding funding after learning his future daughter-in-law created a fake dating profile to test her fiancé’s loyalty
• A husband makes racist remarks about his mixed-race niece—can love survive that?
• A fiancé plans a fishing trip instead of a honeymoon—is it selfish or clueless?
• A new dad backs out of being a stay-at-home parent—breaking trust or just changing course?
Each story forces us to ask the tough questions:
➡️ Is this a red flag—or a one-time mistake?
➡️ Can this be fixed with communication—or is it deeper than that?
➡️ Are we compromising—or abandoning ourselves?
We bring our signature blend of honesty, humor, and real insight to these dilemmas, offering perspective on what makes a healthy relationship boundary versus what might be a straight-up deal-breaker. Whether you're deep in a marriage or just starting something new, this episode will make you pause and reflect on what your non-negotiables really are.
🎧 Tune in, laugh a little, reflect a lot—and ask yourself: What would YOU do?
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
Playful Banter and Show Introduction
Speaker 1Oh, I can just put you on the back burner because you're going to be there, Like you're not going anywhere. So I'm going to decide to focus here instead of prioritizing you because you're going to be there.
Speaker 2This is wild coming from you oh.
Speaker 1You're trying to say I don't prioritize you.
Speaker 2You didn't.
Speaker 1Hey everybody and welcome back to another week of life after I do with me Nish and Mo. That's what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2Mo to the E to a no Molito.
Speaker 1No, nish and Mo.
Speaker 2No, why do you want Nish and Mo Monisha?
Speaker 1I'm first.
Speaker 2Monisha.
Speaker 1It sounds better Nish and Mo Mo to the. That kind of sounds like it could be like a restaurant.
Speaker 2Monisha, monisha, ooh, if we have another child, and there's a daughter, we're gonna name her Monisha. We're not, though. We have to. We're not Phoenix and Monisha Not gonna happen. I don't know where I'm gonna get Monisha tatted on me.
Speaker 1We can name her Phoenix and Lauderdale.
Speaker 2Fort Ha ha ha ha. Are you done? Yes, are you done. Are you done? Damn, I got them. Daughter Lauderdale Interesting. Hi, babe. My next daughter will be named Rogue.
Speaker 1I could get behind Rogue.
Speaker 2It's an X-Men thing going on here.
Speaker 1We said Rogue, it's an.
Speaker 2X-Men thing I liked. Hendrix, you said we could do Storm Maybe as a middle name. Nah Storm.
Speaker 1Probably not a first name Storm.
Speaker 2And if it's a boy, his name was Remy. No, it's not Remy Lebeau, the best X-Man there is. Argue with your mama. Gambit is the best X-Man there is. I don't care.
Speaker 1I mean, we can name him Gambit.
Speaker 2I'm cool with that. I'm still calling Remy. No, remy, get your ass in here. I can't do that. Hey, booskies, hi, how was your week?
Speaker 1Good, are you done Okay?
Speaker 2Well, what's good about it? I don't.
Speaker 1No, I had a pretty.
Speaker 2Let me stop you. Oh God, let me stop you. Okay, let me tell the people right now. Okay, tell them what. What are we telling them? This aura around my wife this week, every day, this week, has been giving. He's been obsessed. It's been giving Everything. Okay, giving. Yesterday in the gym I was like Giving Ass was assing, titties was tittying. Waist was snatched, I said. I said there go my post-workout meal, right there I'm looking at my post-workout meal.
Speaker 1I was like dude, let me breathe.
Speaker 2I was like let me work out.
Speaker 1I was like between you coming back and forth and circling and home dude standing next to me circling, look, I was like look here.
Speaker 2I know it was leg day, I said, but after this I'm have some legs wrapped around me. You hear me? I can't because it was giving. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1I appreciate that. Thank you, that made me feel good.
Speaker 2People think you taller than me because you be sitting on high and shit.
Speaker 1No, it's just because you're smaller than me. Oh, okay, not in a bad way. Okay, big bro.
Weekly Check-in and Positive Energy
Speaker 2We back to big bro, not in a bad way, you weigh less than I do so you visibly look smaller than I do. Alright, big bro oh my gosh, I was joking. I was joking Alright, big bro.
Speaker 1I told him he's gonna refer to me as big bro. All right, come on, big bro, stop it. No, it was a good. It was a good um week. It was in um. I had energy. I got some energy back I got energy. You got a lot of I wish I could have a little bit of that like today right now, but maybe once I eat, once you eat, I'm hoping, like once I eat. I mean, I don't feel terrible right now, I just don't feel like, like pump and you know what it is, though what?
Speaker 1no pre-workout, no what?
Speaker 1because I didn't like what are you doing like in the morning, like in the mornings, and it just especially like yesterday, because yesterday was deadlift day. You know, that's like my favorite day. So it's like I wake up with a like a little, because I'm like excited, I'm like, ah, like I get to get to it. You know, and even when I was doing my warm-ups yesterday I was like like getting through my warm-ups because I was like I'm trying to get up to this top set, like you know what I mean. I'm trying to get to a top set too. I can't with you, um, but yeah, today is today is cardio and steps.
Speaker 2So I don't normally do. It's not given the same.
Speaker 1It's not given the same, except if they're playing a good movie at the theater.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1But yeah so, and I don't normally do, I don't normally go to the gym in the morning on my cardio step days I use that time when Phoenix is at practice to go, because it kind of puts me on a time crunch and then it gives me a, you know a reason to recovery morning so I can come home and like just relax. You know what I mean. All right, I mean, but I got a vacuum and sweeping mop and stuff, so I'm not sure how much?
Speaker 2yeah, because you wear 17 titles around here what housekeeper your position is stay at home mom-huh, but the duties is like 17 different jobs, that's a lot. And then when you clock out for being a stay-at-home mom and you clock in for being a wife, then that's like seven different duties. Yeah, because the first one is freak in the sheets. Okay.
Speaker 1Okay, goodbye.
Speaker 2My week was cool. Goodbye.
Speaker 1My week was cool.
Speaker 2That's, my week was cool. Goodbye, my week was cool. That's good, good vibes, uh huh. Only I'm really, I'm really loving this new work schedule.
Speaker 1I actually really do like the new work schedule.
Speaker 2I said, yeah, I do your daughter doesn't like it too much she hates it.
Speaker 1She likes the part that you're here in the morning, but she doesn't like that you're not here before she goes to sleep at night.
Speaker 2She said today. She was like am I going to see you in the morning again? I said yeah, baby, you're not gonna see me tonight.
Speaker 1Why, although she's been using it as an excuse to be in the bed. So, like I came, I came out of the bathroom last night and she was laying on your side and I was like nope, I was like Phoenix getting your bed. And she was like do you know why I'm over here? Like with her sad face, do you know why I'm over here? And I was like why? Because I miss my dad. I miss me. No, because, like, I really missed you today too and I got no time with you. I went to school and then I had to go to and you pick me up late yeah, I was like oh you are laying it on so thick.
Speaker 1Hold on so this, this so thick. I don't so this so thick. I don't know how that happened when she ratted you out, because what's crazy is, I looked at the time like three times and every time I looked at the time it never clicked that the baby was out of school and outside waiting in the sun. I just don't know what. Yesterday it just you know, deadlifts take a lot out of me mentally and physically. It was at this moment he knew he fucked up, but when I look, I was laying down in the bed and I was watching Handmaid's Tale.
Speaker 2That's the problem.
Speaker 1See, look here. No, because let me tell you, I looked at the time. The first time I looked at the time it was like 1.48. And I'm like okay, that's usually about the time I leave. But I looked at that time and my brain didn't, it did not register. And then I looked at the time another time. It didn't register. I looked at the clock again and it said 225. And like wait a minute, you had my baby out there for over half an hour Wait a minute.
Speaker 1Wait a minute. I looked at the time and it said 225. And then I literally looked past it and continued like looking at the TV. And then it literally clicked in my head and I was like, oh shoot, she got out of school at two. I said oh no, oh no.
Speaker 2This will reflect poorly.
Speaker 1I was like the baby been out of school for 20 minutes.
Speaker 2This will reflect poorly on your review. Oh my God, Let me tell you.
Speaker 1I don't know what happened. Let me tell y'all.
Speaker 2This morning, when I was talking to my baby and I was like how was your day yesterday? She said it was good and she's like your wife picked me up late. She was late, dad. I was out there in that sun. I said how long were you out there? She was like I was out there for like 50 minutes I said you don't even have a concept of time.
Speaker 1You were not out there for 50 minutes. She said it was so hot. She was out there with like four other kids. So I didn't feel bad when I saw the other kids too, because I said, oh, we're all effing up today. I was more annoyed that the fact that she went into the office and she said the office told them to go outside and sit under some shit Cause they want some AC on time. And so when I, when I walked up, it was her and four other kids and the other little boy he was on. He was on his cell phone, like trying to see where his parent was. Like he's like I'm outside, like where are you?
Speaker 2It was hot, it was hot yesterday.
Speaker 1And so I picked her up and she's she's giving me you know how she'd give me the look and she'd give me the look like bitch, where have you been? You got me out here with the rest of these and she was like where were you? And you know what I told her. I said I had a meeting that ran over Phoenix, oh wow. And the meeting was handmade.
Speaker 1And then not me showing up in like sweatpants, a sweatshirt, hair crooked to the side, no face moisturizer. I had a meeting that ran over and then she looked at me and she scrunched her face and she was like what kind of meeting?
Speaker 2She didn't believe you.
Speaker 1I was like it was a conference call.
Speaker 2Because when she was talking to me in the morning she was like Dad, you would never.
Speaker 1Listen, okay, we're all entitled to mistakes.
Speaker 2Okay, I mean you just took half of my week time, so I guess that's my mistake. Goodbye, so what was your?
Speaker 1week. It was cool. Don't do that. It was cool.
Speaker 2Go ahead. I want to hear about it.
Speaker 1You in my business, I'm going to do that. Don't do that. It was cool. I want to do that. Good vibes yes, very much so.
Speaker 2That's it.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying no, no more back rolls. Look at you showing out, showing out. This morning, when he took his shirt off, I was like I'm sorry, sir.
Speaker 2The bakery is closed.
Speaker 1I was like, sir, all I see is lines right there.
Speaker 2No, no rolls in the back, but a gut in the front. Not really, you know, it's there.
Speaker 1I mean, but it's like it's deflated. It's still there, it's deflated, but I see your fabs, it's lapping over. I see your fabs, my flabs, your fabs. What's that Fat abs?
Speaker 2Oh yeah, cut off season coming.
Speaker 1I see your fabs coming through. Cut off season coming I was like I said my meow, my meow.
Speaker 2Like my Like, like my like. Shout out to eric bellinger. That's my one of my favorite r&b artists. You know he always does his cuffing season like eps. Uh-huh, I'm, I'm taking a step. Uh, a note out of his page. I'm saying cutoff season is coming. Cutoff season because I'm wearing these crop tops so y'all can see these abs.
Speaker 1Okay let's see how true that is, because I I just bought you sleeveless shirts and you still can't wrap your body around wearing a sleeveless t-shirt. I just feel naked. I was like. I was like babe, you look so good, Like your arms look really good, Like they're doing it for me. I need you to wear them out and I need you in these seven inch seam shorts.
Speaker 2Like I don't know what the problem is Okay, hold on. So I bought the seven inch sleeves with the one pair I bought last week. That's one pair. I was like, okay, it wasn't too bad, so I might. The next set might be seven. Now, look, now you trying to go the five. That's too much.
Speaker 1It's really not, though, because you got the leg.
Speaker 2You trying to have me kicked out the gym nowadays.
Speaker 1I think you'll be fine. You'll be covered up more than nipples, I don't. But yeah, but I don't want my member to fall out. Babe, listen if you, if you got to show a little, you know what, Okay.
Speaker 2You just got to do what you got to do. You say that to nipples. Come on up to me.
Speaker 1I slapped that hole in her face, just like them other two wangers. Can you show us how to work that you don't see? All these other men in the gym? Don't come up to my listen here. Hold on psa, here we go. Look at his face, committed to memory. All the men that you see in the gym, don't ask this one to help you with equipment, okay, don't, don't. There's a lot of other men who are willing to help with equipment. He, he can't, okay, especially if I've seen you in the gym for the past four months. If you haven't figured out how to work all the equipment in there by now, I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 2Ask a trainer. I'm sorry.
First AITA: Catfishing Fiancé Drama
Speaker 1But look at this face. Don't ask him Okay, what we got there? Okay, what we got there. Let me, just Because you know women will try it, women will try it. Who, who will try it? Oh my gosh, stop it. Um, okay, so it's an R2C. I gotta get an.
Speaker 2R2C, drop R2C. Yeah, I mean it's. It's uh, the internet's favorite episode, you know as shout out to Desert Diva. It's her favorite segment of the show.
Speaker 1People just like mess and you like mess too, I like Me too. You like mess too, I like it.
Speaker 2I like it when it's not my mess. Oh, as long as I'm not involved.
Speaker 1Okay, I mean, don't create no mess. I don't want us to be your reaction.
Speaker 2Right, am I the asshole for leaving the podcast after my wife knows where I am? Bye, okay, so let's lightly tap our feet into it, shall we.
Speaker 1Am I the asshole for canceling my financial support for my son's wedding after his fiance catfished him to test his loyalty? Hmm, ok, my son, who's 23, just recently got engaged a few months ago. Recently he admitted that, or recently he admitted to me that he had been texting with the girl that he met on Tinder. That alone already shocked me. He's engaged and that's obviously not acceptable behavior, you know. But here's the twist. The girl on Tinder was actually his fiance. She made a fake account to quote, unquote test whether he would stay loyal, and when he flirted back, she confronted him. Yes, what my son did was messed up, but creating a whole fake profile to trap your partner, that's manipulation.
Speaker 1If you have to run sting operations to trust your fiance, maybe y'all shouldn't be getting married. After learning this, I told my son that I would not be paying for his wedding anymore. I don't want to support a marriage that already starts with lies and games from both sides. Okay, some people in the family say that I'm overreacting and that I'm punishing in them both. But what's your opinion? Stand on business it's your money. Facts it's your money, and he's absolutely right. Y'all sitting here playing these foolish games before making a lifetime commitment to each other. It sounds like y'all don't need to be getting married, because if you're still entertaining chicks on Tinder and she's setting up sting traps.
Speaker 2But my thing is. My thing is why is your Tinder account still?
Speaker 1active? Active if you engage. It doesn't even matter if it's active still active. Active if you engage? No, it doesn't even matter. If it's active, why is the app still on your phone? Why are you even going in tech? Well, like I don't understand how you still have a connection to the app and then here's, here's how I would have flipped it.
Speaker 2If you messaged me from a fake account, who else you messaging?
Speaker 1no, no we're not.
Speaker 2No, we're not gonna do that. Yeah, that's narcissism at its best. We're not gonna do that so she could play games, but I can't. No, we're not gonna do.
Speaker 1Do that so she can play games, but I can't. No, we're not going to do that.
Speaker 2That's wild. No, it's not. But I don't think, pops, I don't think you're wrong, I wouldn't be. First of all, I ain't paying for no floozy to marry my son anyway.
Speaker 1Why she got to be a floozy.
Speaker 2Because ain't nobody good enough for my son, just like ain't nobody good enough Luzi. It is.
Speaker 1I think I'm more concerned with the fact why she felt like she had to.
Speaker 2If they've been on Tinder.
Speaker 1Why she had to do that.
Speaker 2She had to know.
Speaker 1Like he must already have some questionable. Activities yeah, some questionable tendencies, some activities.
Speaker 2That led to this.
Speaker 1And so he's, and he, you know I don't know why, but it just made me think about he probably proposed to her to kind of like hush her down and make her feel like, babe, you are special, it's just going to be you, but I'm still going to be up to my old ways. And she knew it.
Speaker 2But she may very well be special, she just ain't the only one he want Preach.
Speaker 1Bishop, Tell us more.
Speaker 2That's the thing. Tell us more. That's the thing, tell us more. It's like now I'm listening. I'll tell you from my perspective like you, everything I need Right. But if I ever was inclined to step out, it would be known I'm not leaving my wife Interesting. She's always it's like. It's like the Jew's uncle said.
Speaker 1What? Who I deal with outside my marriage ain't got nothing to do with you. And he's like he told his side piece. He said don't you ever disrespect my wife and don't you ever think you're going to be in her position.
Speaker 2He basically said bitches you crazy, because you ain't going to never have her role.
Speaker 1That's what he said. He said because you could never be my this woman right here.
Speaker 2And that's what I tell him this woman right here.
Speaker 1She will always be taken care of you.
Speaker 2There ain't no woman out here that can take your spot.
Speaker 1Now see, listen here. You say that some men will say that to some women and on a very surface level. I feel like some women will feel like empowered and feel like, yes, you know, he may, may do his dirt, but I know where his heart is. Yeah, damn that you ain't one, damn that you ain't one. That's you ain't gotta leave, but you will I know how to use a door.
Speaker 2That's fine, and even if you choose to leave your spot will it all be there for you, oh okay, well.
Speaker 1Well, you know what I could be happy in that you know I could, I could, I could be happy. What I'm telling you is I could be, I could still leave and know that at any given. You know, and that's the leverage, that's the leverage I would have over your new chick. I'd be like you know what boo see, see, that's.
Speaker 2That's what you messed up, because there ain't gonna be no new chicks. What I mean by this spot is all gonna be yours is. It means you're the only person that can sit there, exactly so when you leave, ain't nobody going to be there temporarily either.
Speaker 1I mean, you'll probably be seeing somebody, whether it's sexual or not. That's it, yeah, but she may not know that I'm going to let them know.
Speaker 2Look here, I'm here for a good time not a long time. I'm here for a good time, not a long time. So if you, if you trying to build something, I'm not the one babe, I don't want to waste your time. If you trying to have A couple fun weekends and some shit like that, I'm your man, I'm your man.
Speaker 1But if you trying to have a Are you going to foot the bill 50-50?
Speaker 2Oh yeah, no, depending on how good the cat is. Oh yeah, no, oh no, you going. Oh yeah, no, depending on how good the cat is. Oh yeah, no, oh no, you're going to be that guy, but I'm not. No, no.
Speaker 1It ain't like that, absolutely not.
Speaker 2You're going to be that guy, babe, no, but sir, you know I wouldn't pay for it either.
Free Vacation with an Ex-Boyfriend?
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm right there with him, I wouldn't pay for it. Okay, let's see. Am I the asshole for not wanting my girlfriend to have a free holiday with her ex? Okay, a free vacation. Yeah, I'm sorry. So I've been dating my current girlfriend for about nine months or so. Her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with about six months before we started dating has recently started talking to her again. I don't feel partially comfortable, particularly comfortable about this, as I believe he wants to get back with her.
Speaker 2He does.
Speaker 1But they have only seen each other a few times in a group setting, so I haven't seen it as a big deal up until this point. Red flag. Earlier today she approached me saying that she needed to talk to me. She explained that her ex-boyfriend was offering a vacation with her to apologize for treating her badly in the past. He's offering to pay for the plane ticket, hotels, everything. I talked with her and she agrees that she thinks he is trying to start something between them again, but they will be staying in separate rooms and a free vacation is an extremely good offer, so she doesn't want to turn it down. I feel extremely mixed about this. I understand her wanting to go, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable and upset, as well as feeling disrespected. I am even contemplating ending things, as it would make things easier for the both of us. What should I do?
Speaker 2if she go on that vacation, leave her look here.
Speaker 1I think that the way the whole scenario, the whole story just seems crazy.
Speaker 2Because, yeah, they in separate rooms that they can leave, and so they can sleep in both rooms together, so they can have a rendezvous in her room one night, a rendezvous in his room the other night, stop.
Speaker 1Okay, but here's the thing, here's the thing If you go with her.
Speaker 2That's what I'm saying. That's different. That's what.
Speaker 1I'm saying why don't you just go with her? Just go with her, but if she won't buy herself, he can still pay her way.
Speaker 2Go with her, right, and you pay your way, yeah and then smash her in the room next to her so he can hear her.
Speaker 1Because I know the room's going to be next door. Next to each other. My response would have been like okay, if he wants to be dumb enough to go ahead and pay for you a whole vacation, let him do that. Boo, I'm going to buy my ticket. You ain't even got to tell him I'm coming.
Speaker 2That's like if we were in the club, because we all fam. And somebody was buying you drinks, I'm going to say, no, babe, take them drinks, this is the drink I want. Let him keep buying my damn drinks. This is the drink I want, come on now. So either go on a vacation with her or leave Like, come on now, you're okay with them being around in a friend setting. So you don't think they didn't have intimate conversations in that setting just because friends were around. This is true.
Speaker 1Come on now and he's playing hardball. He said look, all expenses paid. I just want to apologize. He said I just want to. I mean he could still apologize, you could still pay for my vacation, but you ain't got to come.
Speaker 2Right, if he was really sorry, he would pay for y'all vacation.
Speaker 1Okay, that's a little wild, is it? I think so. Or he could have just sent her like a gift basket too.
Speaker 2Yeah, he's trying to. He could. He's trying to give her a bowl around his penis.
Speaker 1I'm just saying he always has to take it there, hey.
Husband's Racist Comments About Niece
Speaker 2All right, separate rooms. Come on now. This one is advice needed, please.
Speaker 1I got something for you. I'm convinced this is divorce worthy, but some families say that I'm making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Okay, I'll start with some background. I was raised by a man who hated people of color. I have a total of seven siblings three older brothers, one older sister, one younger sister and two younger brothers. We all have the same dad, but the older siblings have a different mom. We are all fully Caucasian. My younger siblings have not had children yet. I have two kids who are white. All my other siblings have children. In total they have eight kids, all of who are mixed. I love all my nephews and nieces.
Speaker 1Despite being raised around a hateful man, I never internalized his thoughts as my own. I went to school with primarily black kids and still today those are some of my closest friends. I've told my husband about my past. I've told him how sick it was to be a child having to listen to my dad talk about people so hateful, how confusing it was because I went to school with so many and was close friends with many. My husband has two nephews and one niece. The two boys are white. His sister just had her first His niece, who was mixed, a beautiful baby girl with a head full of hair, just absolutely precious.
Speaker 1We went to go visit and I brought his sister some soups for easy dinner. Her race never came up in any conversation because I didn't think it mattered. I mean, she's a baby and she's family. When we got home, my husband let out the biggest sigh and said oh, how ugly that little baby was. He also added some other foul language regarding his baby niece. I didn't really want to type all that out specifically because what he said is disgusting. He said this in front of our four-year-old like it was not a big deal.
Speaker 1Now I'm worried. Our son will go to school which is primarily mixed race, saying foul language. I'm convinced that this is divorce worthy. I'm sick about it because now I have two children with this man. If I leave, he will have time with them. And what if he says the same foul language in front of them on his time and all the years? He has never said anything like this before, but before we met he was dating a white woman who had a mixed daughter for a year. He also has multiple black friends that he grew up with. I would have never imagined those words coming from his mouth, let alone about family. I'm speaking with a lawyer next week and I just don't know what I'm going to do to shield my kids from this advice.
Speaker 2That's crazy, that's crazy, that's crazy.
Speaker 1First of all, first question to you If you were in that situation situation, do you feel like that's divorce worthy behavior?
Speaker 2I think that's a hard question because it's like your whole life.
Speaker 1Your whole life came down to that one one right, yeah, and so yes or no?
Speaker 2I don't know. I'm conflicted why? Because she's white. Uh, if she was black it'd be different, um no, but if you were in the situation, I'm leaving. I'm leaving because if I'm black and she, and she says that and she's white, yeah okay, what is she?
Speaker 1black, and she says it about your brother, yeah that's wild no, it's wild. And she's black, you're leaving.
Speaker 2If she's white, I feel like we're all the problem no, I just feel like I I I feel like there should be a conversation, should be had first. Okay, right now I don't condone what he said, absolutely not and his choice of words, and it's clear that he, he only felt that we, he only felt safe enough to say it once he got home. Oh, of course and I mean this goes to my point like, just because, just because they can't have black friends, don't?
Speaker 1mean it doesn't mean anything. Yeah, that don't mean shit.
Speaker 2Yeah um, because like I, like I. I think I commented on something the other day and I said it doesn't matter, um, it doesn't matter how many black friends certain white people have. Their associated whiteness will always be their greatest asset, because they'll leave their Black friends to join the fold if necessary. At this point, I think you'd have to think about the children. While I don't necessarily believe that. You know, maybe this is a one-off or maybe this is who he really is, I think this is something where it's kind of hard to really navigate, but I do feel like you have to also tread lightly and, at the same time, I feel like divorce is extreme and that a conversation should be had first and actually understand his ideology God damn it, ideology, yes About the situation and see where his stance, see where his, where his stance actually lies, and then determine if that's something you want to be around or something you want to raise your kids in. That's what I say. Okay, what do you say?
Speaker 1I feel as though, yes, a conversation excuse me, a conversation definitely needs to be had. I would be curious about his thought process and what, like, what? What drove him to say that first, like, if this is something a part of his character, who he is now, then that is going to be a deal breaker, because the one thing, because if that's not who, if that's not who I marry, like, yes, people evolve and things like that, but, um, if that is so far left of who, you were.
Speaker 2But here's the thing, he's a. He's a bitch in the moment because he didn't say that in front of the baby's father, right? So he's a bitch. He said it where he felt comfortable yeah a lot of people.
Speaker 2A lot of people will hold their tongue because of the pushback they might get. Oh, of course, but when they get around somewhere safe, they'll. They'll say, they'll let it out right. That's why I say I said it don't. That's why I always say, like, if you can't say it to my face, it don't, it don't fucking matter to me, because you want enough to say it anyway, yeah. So yeah, sit your ass down.
Speaker 1Yeah, so I would definitely have a conversation, first pick his brain, see, like you know, see his thought process on this whole situation, and then pretty much make my decision from there, if this is pretty much who he is and he has those same type of ideologies that I grew up with from my own father and I didn't like it and it made me uncomfortable.
Speaker 1I definitely wouldn't want my children around it, but I mean it also might be inevitable for your children to be around it if you're still going to share custody with them once you divorce. But that's what she said.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's what she said. She was thinking about saying.
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying. So, and then it's going to be even worse, because then he'll be upset and probably spiteful and resentful and all the fools.
Speaker 2You know he's a man, so Let me say this He'll be all the fools Black people have been everything under the sun since we stopped working for free okay, um we stopped working for free and all of a sudden we lazy yeah, I mean, I can't disagree.
Honeymoon with Friends Instead of Spouse
Speaker 1All right, here we Nope Am I overreacting? For being upset that my fiance scheduled our honeymoon with his friends. Okay, hold on, go ahead. So my fiance, who's 28, and I myself, who's 22, are getting married in two months. We've been planning everything together Venue, food, guest list, all of that. We agreed early on that we take a week long honeymoon right after the wedding, and I was so excited.
Speaker 1Well, I just found out that he has booked a four day fishing trip with his friends during our planned honeymoon week. When I asked him about it, he said it's just a few days and I'll be back in time for the rest of the week. I told him that wasn't the point. This is our first week as a married days and I'll be back in time for the rest of the week. I told him that wasn't the point. This is our first week as a married couple and he's prioritizing a fishing trip. He said that I was being clingy and it's not a big deal because we have the rest of our lives to be together and take trips. I honestly feel like he doesn't get how important this moment is for me, for us. I told him that I was hurt and now he's acting like I'm blowing things out of proportion. Am I overreacting for thinking that our honeymoon should just be about us?
Speaker 2no, no, you're not overreacting and it's kind of weird. Okay, hold on, I don't get this, so he knew. Okay, I don't get this, so he knew. Yes, he knew. So here's my question was the fishing trip already there before they started?
Speaker 1no, okay, that's why she's upset, because they planned the week-long honeymoon and then he turned around, so like they have like seven days together. He's gonna fish for four of those days with his friends and then he's gonna give her the rest of the days and his excuse is we have the rest of our lives to take more trips like don don't, don't get hung up on this. Well, that is true. Ok, that's a dumb way of thinking about it.
Speaker 2They do have the rest of their lives together to take more trips, but this is your first week. This is important.
Speaker 1That's what she said. She was like it's our first week together as a married couple, and I would be more. I'm not, at this point, even upset about the fishing trip. I'm upset about your thought process.
Speaker 2Okay, hold on. Here's my thing. How long have they been together? See, I got follow-up questions. Okay, you can ask her. I don't know how long were they together before they got married.
Speaker 1Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2Doesn't matter. She only said 22,. So as long as they've been together, that's four years, and even then that's R Kelly.
Speaker 1Bye. It doesn't matter though. It's our honeymoon, it's a week after we get married. So this is the first thing that came to my mind. This is what came to my mind. What came to my mind was he only got that week approved off of work for vacation.
Speaker 2He only got that week approved for work for his vacation.
Speaker 1That's probably his last vacation for the year and he can't get another vacation, so he's like I gotta do.
Speaker 2I got everything I gotta make it do what. I gotta make it do what it do. So, look, look, let me get these four days.
Speaker 1I'm gonna give you three you're gonna get the best of me once I come back from this fishing trip and then, and then, and then I can throw in some weekends.
Speaker 2I, I got you, babe, I got you, I got you, and that's probably what he's thinking.
Speaker 1But see, but this process is also. He's thinking this is the whole idea of she'll always be there. She will, but that's how I was talking about you Goodbye. But that's how relationships can start getting into trouble. When you have that, when you have that thought process like oh, I could just put you on the back burner because you're gonna be there, like okay, you're not going anywhere, so I'm gonna decide to focus here instead of prioritizing you because you're gonna be there this is why I was coming from you, oh you're trying to say I don't prioritize you, you didn't when are you?
Speaker 2talking about yesterday on the phone no, I'm talking about okay, about Okay. First of all, don't come for me.
Speaker 1I'm talking about when you, I was talking to my mom.
Speaker 2I was talking about when you were working.
Speaker 1When are you talking about when I was working?
Speaker 2When you were a working person and you were a career woman, your career was above everything.
Speaker 1It wasn't above everything, it was. No, it was. It's just that our jobs were very different. No, no anywho, I've apologized for for making you feel like you weren't a priority oh no because you were, you were, you're always a priority, I mean. But I do. I did have to work, sir, like you wasn't complaining when I was making money, he wasn't complaining when I was making money but are you done?
Speaker 1no, I'm not done, damel, are you done? I I'm going to hit you. Would it be the first time? Yes, it would be. Anyway, I've apologized for making you. If you push it, I'm going to pinch the crap out of you.
Speaker 2Y'all see how violent she is.
Speaker 1I apologize to you for making you feel like I wasn't prioritizing you. I was in tunnel vision.
Speaker 2I always I was in tunnel vision.
Speaker 1I always I mean I like to think that I always prioritized you, but you said that was not your experience, and I'm not gonna argue with your experience. Okay, here we go. Okay, um, but anywho, back to what I was saying that I think how you put people in the back burner putting her like on the back burner because now he's, he's like okay, I've already sealed the deal.
Speaker 1I've sealed the deal. You're my wife. This is going to be one of many arguments, right, it's going to be one of many times where you're upset with me married.
Speaker 2First argument out the way and that's, that's makeup shut up first argument out the way.
Speaker 1Are we cute?
Speaker 2look, we're knocking no, we're knocking this checklist off quick.
Speaker 1No, but that that that's not the time, sir, to go into your fishing trip. It is no, it's not. Just plan the sir to go into your fishing trip. It is no, it's not Just plan the fishing trip, and it's also probably one of those things that's the only week everybody's schedule Right Probably lined up to go fishing.
Speaker 2But here's the thing, ok, my only was like. It comes a time where you have to make a choice.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, and see, and I prioritized you, I stayed home, you didn't? He made me quit. And then I went back and then you're like you should stay home. Okay, go ahead. Sorry, never mind, go ahead. What were you saying All day? She didn't cut me off all day. Goodbye. All you do is cut me off.
Speaker 2All go ahead, go ahead. There comes a time where actually in marriage, there's going to come multiple times where you're going to have to choose your wife over your friends or over your happiness. And he just chose his happiness this time. I can understand that. Interesting. I wish I was man enough to do it, that's all I'm going to say. Happiness, this time I can understand that. Interesting. I wish I was man enough to do it, that's all.
Speaker 1I'm going to say this broken story you tell yourself in your head.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm broke because of you. You're right. It's just crazy. You're right, I'm broke because of you. Crazy work, because as soon as your childhood were here, you and your daughter would be gone. Oh, now you sleep, are you done? Are you done?
Broken Promises About Childcare
Speaker 1okay, go read the last one um, am I the asshole for telling my husband I never. I would have never had his baby if I knew he'd break our deal damn when we got married, my husband and I agreed that if we did have a child, that he'd be the stay at home parent Once the maternity leave.
Speaker 2Look at you. You played yourself.
Speaker 1I earned more and I genuinely love my career. And he said that he wanted to be a hands on dad. Our daughter is now eight months old and he just told me that he has decided to go back to work full time and that his mom will come and help watch the baby. I was stunned. That was not the deal. I sacrificed a lot, physically and emotionally, to have this baby, partly because I trusted him. I told him during the argument that I would have never agreed to it if I knew he would bail. Now he's calling me heartless and saying that I'm using our daughter as leverage. I feel betrayed. Am I the asshole for saying what I did?
Speaker 2No, but I get his stance. He broke the deal.
Speaker 1He broke the deal. And no, you're not an asshole.
Speaker 2He broke the deal and yeah, but he didn't understand the gravity of the deal.
Speaker 1Yeah well, I don't think you did either. When you asked I didn't, you didn't.
Speaker 2I looked down, you didn't Look, played myself. Played yourself.
Speaker 1It's all. I feel like you get to a point sometimes as you get older like especially after you get married and stuff and everything feels all good. And then the natural inclination is like, oh, we should have a baby, like, let's have a baby. I didn't want to have a baby, I want to have sex, goodbye.
Speaker 2A lot of it You're like let's have a baby.
Speaker 1You're like, oh my gosh, it will be so cute like our baby. And then everybody thinks that their baby is going to be like the exception to the rule.
Speaker 2Like their baby is going to come out.
Speaker 1You know that already has the handbook their baby is gonna. Their baby is the originator of the handbook. Yeah, perfect sleep. I mean, some people probably did get uh, blessed in that way, you know. And then the baby gets here and be like damn, you played yourself, played yourself, played yourself hard, and now it's eight months and he said, look, look b look at bitch, I've been hands-on I can't do it but it's time for papa to go back to work and honestly. He said it's time for me to stress about other things.
Speaker 2And look here I tell people all the time One to like six months is the easiest it's going to get.
Speaker 1Because they don't really do much.
Speaker 2All you really got to struggle with is your sleep.
Speaker 1That's huge.
Speaker 2When you're taking care of another person. But from six months on now, you're struggling with your sleep and you chasing them. What six month old is they crawling oh, some crawl yeah so now you gotta start baby proofing shit. They start and then and then, when they get about a year and a half and they stop taking naps all of a sudden, and you look at them like what's wrong with you, you ain't tired, you was just doing vocal gymnastics not vocal gymnastics.
Speaker 1Vocal gymnastics is wild and then what?
Speaker 2and then everybody say terrible twos. But it's really terrible threes. Yeah, them threes is them. Threes will make you want to kick a baby out the house. Okay, look here. And then, when four comes, the attitude.
Speaker 1Them threes and fours.
Speaker 2I was starting to consider melatonin I said listen, I've never been an advocate for drugging babies and four comes the attitude, and five and six comes the why and the questions oh no, why is also before?
Speaker 1why is like the three and four too?
Speaker 2but but now they can ask questions that well, because they can verbalize more and it's terrible. Yeah, they can verbalize more. And it's terrible. Yeah, they can verbalize more. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1And then seven and eight.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1It's a whole damn person.
Speaker 2Look here, let me just tell you all this real quick. There will come a time where I like how you stop and break it down, go ahead. There will come a time where you will look at your child and say why did I do this to myself? Bye, you're going to love them. You're always going to love them. But the stress that they put under you and then the talking back and it take when you're trying to heal yourself oh, my God, you were raised and the ideology of it all, and you're trying to do things differently, you start to understand.
Speaker 2I see why they did that.
Speaker 1I see why they said stay in a child's place and shut up. I see why they said children are to be seen and not heard, because this one won't shut up. I love it. Except last night she was on it. I said can you call me something else other than mom Right, because you keep hitting me with the mom? Oh my God, Mom, hey, mom, mom, I was like, call me Jackie.
Speaker 2She going to call you mama.
Speaker 1Call me something else. Oh, I love when she says mama, though Mama. I love when she cuddles up the next to me and she goes Mama, and I'll be like, yes, my baby, that's my baby.
Speaker 2That's my shit. Let me just say this I do feel like he's wrong, but I understand like if he wanted to go back to work, it should have been a conversation.
Speaker 1Yeah, he should have told her. He shouldn't have just been like I got the job back.
Speaker 2I'm going with a newborn until you're in it.
Speaker 1That's why she said she wasn't going to be there, yeah, exactly. You hear how this was a whole discussion to have, because he probably had to low-key convince her to have a baby, and he was like I really want a baby. And she said, okay, here's the deal I will give you a baby. Literally, I will give you a a baby, but you're going to be home with the baby. Do not, do not, under any circumstance, expect for me to be home with this child with this child at all until I get off work at all.
Speaker 1That's it. I love my kid love her. To death and he was like okay, bet. And now it's eight months and he's like yeah, I gotta go.
Speaker 2At least you have a mother-in-law that's willing to help you, because I mean mean, if the situation were like you guys had, no help.
Speaker 1And now you can't put daycare, how about I look after him? Yeah, but we don't know if she like his mama. Right, she probably don't.
Speaker 2You know the in-law situation is always it's rough waters, it's a dangerous hiking path.
Speaker 1You don't know what you're going to get. It's like a box of chocolates.
Speaker 2Okay, you never know what you're going to get. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast.
Speaker 1Once again, we'd like to thank all you guys for all the growth, all the engagement all the shares, the likes, the followers.
Speaker 2We appreciate all the love. We are officially 88 episodes in guys. That's crazy work, crazy work, the likes, the followers. We appreciate all the love. We are officially 88 episodes in guys. That's crazy work, crazy work. We're approaching the big 100 mark we'll be there before we know it. That's crazy, like always. You can follow us on tiktok, instagram, onlypans, youtube, facebook flip, if you on flip, if you on Flip.
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Speaker 2And like always Every Wednesday, you get a new Fire ass episode with my beautiful, fine ass wife. And until next time, peace boskies, peace boskies.
