Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like youâre the only one struggling but youâre not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know itâs okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of âLife After I doâ.
Life After I Do Podcast
Emotional Damage
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đ¤ Whereâs the line between harmless fantasy and emotional infidelity? This question leads us into one of our most provocative conversations yetâsparked by Shaquille OâNealâs claim that emotional cheating is something âwomen made up.â đł
We break it all down with a simple but revealing scenario: If your partner gets a text from a mutual friend saying, âYou're doing a good job, baby, I love you,â should that raise red flags? While the message alone isnât technically cheating, we explore why secret emotional exchanges can signal the early stages of something inappropriate.
Thanks for rocking with us! Donât forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://beacons.ai/laidpodcast â we just might talk about it in a future episode.
When Fantasy Gets Too Close To Reality
Speaker 1because they don't think cheating is cheating until the physical aspect. Okay, because here's the thing, because it's the mentality of it's all. Just a fantasy until it's reality, right, right, right. And so as long as it's just a fantasy, I've done nothing wrong, because I should be allowed to fantasize. Right, yes, you're fine, but once it's a reality. Now I've crossed that barrier.
Speaker 2But I think the problem for women comes in at.
Speaker 1The fantasy is close to reality.
Speaker 2The fantasy gets too close to the reality. And that's what it is, because the more you, especially men, when it comes to women. We know that for most men, women are like candy and it's like you see them and you're like, oh my gosh, I just want to taste that flavor. Hey, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Life. After I Do podcast how y'all doing, am I Dr Now voice how y'all doing how y'all doing, how y'all doing, how you doing. I'm trying Dr Now.
Speaker 1I'm trying.
Speaker 2Damn it, shut up. I'm trying.
Speaker 1You're not trying. You're not. Is that what he sounds like? You're not going to starve. You ate enough for the rest of the year. Dr Now's a savage.
Speaker 2When he talked I was like I was starving. He was like it's not possible and that's crazy work. That's crazy work. How are you going to tell somebody that they not?
Speaker 1starving when she said. When she said I'm a picky eater, he said you're not a picky eater. He said you wouldn't be sitting in the house if you were picky.
Household Tensions Over Chores
Speaker 2Dr Now has no chill. She said I don't like carrots. He said you wouldn't be 600 pounds if you were a pinky. Doctor now has no. She said I don't like carrots, oh vegetables. He's like Well, you better get used to it Cause. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode Of Life After I Do Podcast.
Speaker 3How y'all doing. How y'all doing.
Speaker 2How y'all doing.
Speaker 1Now we know he was tired last week.
Speaker 2It's the same thing this week. No, like we. Good, he got a nap, so he said that he's good. I've been on my feet all day.
Speaker 1Well, I mean, you wanted to be a working woman all of a sudden.
Speaker 2So I've been working. Look here I. Have provided my wife feet all day. Well, I mean, you wanted to be a working woman all of a sudden. So I've been working.
Speaker 1Look here I have provided my wife for a life where she works when she chooses to. So when she chooses to work, I don't got no slack. She's still got to come home and do what she's got to do. She's still got to be a wife. Once she clock out Good, dang on by, because I'm a husband every day. Don't buy.
Speaker 2Because I'm a husband every day, you sure about that Every day?
Speaker 1Are you sure about that Every day? Okay?
Speaker 2Because you didn't get those clothes out the dryer. I did, you got them out the dryer yes I did. Oh wait, that was after I did.
Speaker 1That was after I said and I started that was after I said you're going to keep passing by them, damn clothes in Talk about it, laundry is not all my things to do, not all my responsibility.
Speaker 2That's neither here nor there.
Speaker 1It's not here nor there for you, but for me it is, but the fact that I still help out from time to time.
Speaker 2Help out. Yes, roach, you live here.
Speaker 1Roach.
Speaker 2You live here.
Speaker 1Roach, you live here, huh.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, because that's how you treated me when you didn't want to get those clothes out the dryer a roach, so I'm doing it back to you I didn't stomp on you at all you, you, quite literally did you're like, how was? No, no no, they need the backstory. Okay, go ahead. So you know, I did laundry, right?
Speaker 1no, you did our daughter's laundry. Is it laundry? It ain't my laundry, okay, but it was laundry.
Speaker 2Okay, so I did laundry.
Speaker 1Are you?
Speaker 2done? No, I'm not, are you, are you I did?
Speaker 1laundry. Let's not talk about me. Y'all don't understand.
Speaker 2Y'all don't understand what I go through.
Speaker 1All right.
Speaker 2Anywho, long story short, he was like, hey, you don't get that load of laundry that's been in the dryer for the past week. And then my response was have you seen the laundry? And he was like, yeah, I see it every morning when I get up to take the dog out. And I said, oh, that's diabolical because you stare at it every day, but not once did you think to take it out of the damn dryer and put it over where I can fold him.
Speaker 1That's diabolical.
Speaker 2He wasn't expecting that response.
Speaker 1And this is how I know women only hear the part of the story they want to hear. I said I saw it every day in the morning, as I'm taking the dog out, which is part of my routine in the morning, getting ready to go. All you have to do is open the door the hamper wasn't there. The clothes were just in the dryer. The the hamper wasn't there. The clothes were just in the dryer.
Speaker 2The hamper was in the house upstairs. Do you have one arm or two? Have you never taken clothes out of the dryer without?
Speaker 1a hamper. How was your week? Oh my God, see what we're doing here.
Speaker 2We're not doing this. It's diabolical.
Speaker 1How was your week?
Speaker 2My week was great love. I love you.
Speaker 1That's good.
Speaker 2Oh, you're going. You gonna act like you don't love me now.
Speaker 1You gonna act like you don't love me now cause two can play that game.
Speaker 2The world knows and you don't like it when I play that game.
Speaker 1The world knows I love you. A lot of people's oohing and aahing at the fact that I told you that I decided it when you were in 6th grade, that you were my wife, so you know I'ma stick by him. I talked to Savannah today. Okay, we're.
Speaker 2I'm going to stick by them. I talked to Savannah today.
Speaker 1Okay, we're not doing this again.
Speaker 2You almost fell for it.
Speaker 1I saw it in your eye, so you had a good week.
Speaker 2I had a great week, yeah.
Speaker 1Anything noteworthy.
Speaker 2Not that you would care to hear.
Speaker 1as you've already said before, Anything noteworthy that you want the people to know about your week, anything that you feel like oh my God, the masses have to know.
Speaker 2The masses have to know.
Speaker 1What do they have to know?
Speaker 2That I'm still. I'm still here.
Speaker 1That's it, that's it.
Speaker 2I'm still here. I'm still here Another day. I'm grateful that I'm still here, I'm still here. Another day, okay, okay, I'm grateful that I'm still here. Missed one. Tell me how you feel.
Speaker 1I won't be able to do that. I had a, I had a, I had a. I'm going to say I had a very revealing week.
Speaker 2Oh what was revealing about it.
Speaker 1You know I just the way I moved decisions decisions I make, trying to you know, trying to turn over a new leaf, trying to implement some of this, more of the therapy, and trying to, like, do things that's beneficial for me and my family.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1And trying to keep myself in a proper mental state and not fly off.
Speaker 3What does that mean?
New Leaf and Work Adventures
Speaker 1I'm not flying off the handles. Cuss people out, understand that there is a greater mission involved, but don't let the little battles get to me.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1That's it. So I put some things in motion. I'm most likely going to continue them and we'll see how it goes. I'll report next week on how it's going, but I'll tell you being back at work is ghetto. I'm about to be a bootleg queen. Bye.
Speaker 2Bye, wait a minute, so Trying to get it for the free 99. So you're like you're talking about ghetto, right, so I took your car get it for the free 99. So you're like you talk about ghetto, right, so I took your car on my job today.
Speaker 1Oh my God.
Speaker 2Go ahead and tell people.
Speaker 1Now let me tell you.
Speaker 2I have backup camera, assist and stuff in my car, right, so obviously I have been conditioned to drive. You know, with my cameras and my alerts and my beep, beeps, you know, I don't really have to be too mindful of a lot of things. My car pretty much tells me everything. So I'm on the phone with my sister and I went to put the car in reverse and I was like, um, I was telling her, I was like yeah, I drove marisa's car to my job today, and so I went to put the car in reverse and the first thing I did was look down at my screen, the, and I said, oh, shoot.
Speaker 2I said you don't have a backup cam. And she was like, oh, you got to use your mirrors. I said, girl, I don't know how to use these mirrors.
Speaker 1Look here, I tell my wife all the time.
Speaker 2You should have seen me. I said wait a minute. Ok, I went like this. I was like OK, I said I can't see anything, and then you've got that your little mirrors on the side.
Speaker 1You've got your what like. It's a convex mirror a convex mirror.
Speaker 2Okay, well, it's got the mirror.
Speaker 2Then it's got the baby mirror in the baby mirror is a convex mirror and I was like looking, and then he got the big mirror and the baby mirror. She was like, not the baby mirror, there's a baby mirror on here. She she was like that's so that you could see closer. And I was like I can't do this. And then I knew it was a problem because I had stopped by the flower shop before I went to my client's house and I'm just so used to just like backing out because my car again the car does these things for me. No, you get somebody in my car. No, I didn't.
Speaker 2But it was really close because then I had remembered that I wasn't in my car and I didn't hear no ding-dings and no beep-beeps. And so I was like, oh, shoot, where's the ding-dings and beep-beeps? And so I looked into the rearview mirror and when I tell you I was about eight inches away from that van's bumper, I said I was just. I said I just pulled, I just pulled out like and there could have been anybody walking behind me With such confidence.
Speaker 2I just pulled out with straight confidence. I pulled out with straight confidence and then, when I had to put that car in reverse, I said and then there was a car that was already parked next to the parking space that I was trying to park into.
Speaker 1You had to pay attention when you backed up. Oh my goodness, I have never turned my neck so much.
Speaker 2I don't have to turn my neck, I just have the mirrors. Look at the mirrors. We just established that I didn't use the mirrors.
Speaker 1that much I tell my wife that my life is not as luxurious as hers my life isn't luxurious.
Speaker 2Most cars have backup cams. I don't have bells and whistles. No, you don't. You barely have a bell and a whistle.
Speaker 1I have the bare minimum to get me to and from work.
Speaker 2Yeah, and then he gonna tell me he was like I only drive my car 14 miles a day, 14 miles a day. He was like what more do I need from my car? I drive it 14 miles a day.
Speaker 1I said, sir, on the weekends, when I have to go somewhere else and you need your car, it does the job. It's very economical.
Speaker 2It does the job, I'm grateful for it. That's what I said.
Speaker 1I was grateful.
Speaker 2Super grateful.
Speaker 1There once was a time where my car was the preferred car.
Speaker 2It was.
Speaker 1Because my car was a manual. Because she bought a manual manual. Uh, mind you, I told her not to buy a manual I know, but I really liked the car.
Speaker 2So what was I supposed to do?
Speaker 1and I said, look here I know I taught you how to drive a manual, but you don't. You not really bought that manual life.
Speaker 2I said but I did it yeah yeah, for like four years, three or four years and the second I bought my car. I was in it. You said wait that became the family car Wait, I ain't got it. But we didn't have a family. We're a family, we will always be a family, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1So then it became babe, can I drive your car that you drive, yeah? No, I don't want to shift either look people, my first car was a manual and I had that car for like 12 years see, and had you not got that car, I wouldn't have bought my manual, because I would have never learned how to drive it.
Car Technology Troubles
Speaker 2Because you taught me how to drive it, I mean you taught me how to drive.
Speaker 1feel like there's nothing on this planet I can't drive, oh.
Speaker 3I feel, like what.
Speaker 2You can't drive a spaceship, it's okay. No, you can't Most of it's computer. That don't mean you can drive it.
Speaker 1You've never been in one, I feel like I can drive anything. An airplane, I can do it, you can't. I've been in a simulator. The mail, I can at least take off, I'm confident you're confident, you can at least take off. Well then, I'm confident I can take off too. I don't care. I mean, it could have one wheel, two wheels, three, four, 18, I could drive it okay and back it up you can back up an airplane.
Speaker 2Yes, okay I mean I wouldn't advise it, but if I needed to, I could if you absolutely had to like, if everyone's life depended on it and you're the only one that was confident enough.
Speaker 1I whipped that bitch like I stole it. See, that's the key. I've been trying to tell people the key to drive is confidence. You have to drive it like you stole it.
Speaker 2Okay, I don't think that's it.
Speaker 1You just got to drive it like you know what you're doing, Look everybody know I whip stuff like I stole it. That's why I would get in accidents, because I'd be out there, because when you steal shit you'd be careful, you push it, but you don't really push it.
Speaker 2Oh, you don't take that same care with my car, because you'd be driving my car rough.
Speaker 1Okay, first of all, I'm the only person that drive your car like it's supposed to be driven. So what we got today booskies, because I'm not gonna go back and forth with you about your bad driving I don't have.
Speaker 2I'm not a misled foot, I'm not a bad driver. Listen, that was not my fault. Your daughter had to use the bathroom. He's referring to the fact that I got a ticket. I got a ticket in november. Okay, listen, I got a ticket in november for a speeding ticket.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm driving on the freeway, my kid is in the back seat. She wakes up out of a dead coma, sleep and yells I have to pee. I have to pee. And I'm like okay, like there's nowhere I can go to right now to let you go pee. And she's like panicking in the back Cause she's like I'm going to pee in my car and my booster seat, I'm going to pee in my car and my booster seat, I'm going to pee. So I started panicking. So I'm seeing the exit coming up, so I sped up a little bit. I sped up, I wasn't speeding previously. I sped up so that I could get to the exit quicker.
Speaker 2And it just so happens that as I sped up, there was a freaking police officer right there, and so he pulls me over. And he's like freaking police officer right there. And so he pulls me over and he's like do you know how fast you were going and I was like I wasn't going that fast and so I told him. I said my daughter has to use the bathroom. I was just trying to hurry up and get to the exit. Like I gave him my license, registration, proof of insurance. I was like I don't have, uh, you know, tickets on my record or anything like that. I was like, officer, I'm really just trying to get her to the bathroom, like I promise you it's not a lie. And he was like, oh no, no, I understand. I understand he took the license. I'm thinking he's gonna come back and be like go ahead and get her to the bathroom, slow down that mother went back and wrote me a damn ticket.
Speaker 1Did you expect anything less?
Speaker 2I expected him to come back with a warning and to be sympathetic that my kid had to use the bathroom he wouldn't have walked away with your license and id with a warning for a warning.
Speaker 1What we got today, booskies, now that you done, told the people the lie. You didn't tell everybody else why was it a lie?
Speaker 2you weren't even there. You weren't even there I'm I'm gonna have to install cameras in your car go ahead if that's so, to prove my point, because I'm a safe driver, um. So anyway, I was doing what I be doing late nights. Sometimes, I said late night. Nothing, scrolling is something.
Speaker 1Okay, so numbing activity.
Speaker 2Listen, I was scrolling and I came across this video. Now it's with my man, shaq, in there. I love Shaq, I love me some Shaq the big cactus, I really do. But he really lost me on this one. So I was like oh, let me, let me see what Husby gotta say about this one don't call me Husby, why I? Made you a whole sweater that says Husby, and you love it it's because it's purple okay anyway, so I'm gonna play the video and then um yeah then we'll see, we will see, then we'll react to it.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, let's get you ready.
Speaker 2Let's hear it all right, here we go a lot of men are afraid of marriage.
Speaker 4These days because y'all, because y'all got rules and y'all don't tell us what does that mean? Y'all be making up rules what rules rules Shaq? All right, let me put you through a scenario. Okay, what's your name?
Speaker 3Anissa.
Speaker 4All right, we're talking. Yeah, I'll leave my phone right here.
Speaker 3Okay.
Speaker 4And Anissa says you're doing a good job, baby, I love you. Is that cheating, yes or no? Don't think about it. You check on my phone. You check on my phone and Anissa, your friend, says you're doing a good job, baby, we're friends too. Oh, if you're friends, hold on. You didn't know that she has my number, or we're texting, and you see her and it just pop up. She's sitting right there and it pop up my God, baby, you're doing a good job, I love you.
Speaker 3Is that cheating or not? It depends on.
Speaker 4you Answer the question. We're dating and you text me, but she don't know that me and you have been texting.
Speaker 3I don't think that that's cheating, no, and the reason why. But let me tell you why. Thank you, because you can't control another person.
Speaker 4Nope, that ain't got nothing to do with it. And also Nope, no.
Speaker 3But the boundaries aspect of it. Why is she calling you baby, baby? That's what's throwing me off. If she was just like you're doing a great job.
Speaker 4I love you. That's fine, Okay, you're doing a good job, I love you.
Speaker 3Oh, that's fine, I'm not pressed by that at all.
Speaker 4But do you see her answer?
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 4And that's how most of them think.
Speaker 3But I also think that a lot of them, and then that's a word.
Speaker 4y'all made up emotional cheating.
Speaker 3That's a. Thing.
Speaker 4How do you know my emotions? How do you know I'm just not playing with the other side when I say I love you, I miss you, then you're emotionally playing with her. Okay, but what does that matter to you? You think I'm emotional cheating, which doesn't exist, by the way.
Speaker 3It does exist.
Speaker 4It does not. If you are emotionally connected with another person and I don't know about it, how do you know I'm emotionally connected with another person? How do you know? Just because you read something.
Speaker 3Well, you wouldn't know, and that's the whole thing about cheating because there's no conversation about it, but if there's a woman or a man and they are with each other having intimate conversations or intimate experiences that's Experiences, is a different thing, because in law enforcement right, what's your name, my guy Kenny, I can say right here on camera yeah.
Speaker 4As soon as I fucking leave this, I'm going to break Kenny's jaw and throw him down the steps.
Speaker 3Yes, hold on.
Speaker 4Hold on Right.
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 4But I can't be charged. Y'all got me saying it on camera. But until I make the overt act I cannot be charged. So it doesn't matter what I say right now. So you're saying, because it can't be proved, no, I ain't gonna know what I'm gonna prove In order for me to be charged for it.
Speaker 2Alright, but you get the gist of it, right? Yeah, I get the gist.
Speaker 1There's a lot of shit in there. You get the gist of it. I get the gist of it, you go ahead.
Speaker 2I want to hear what your thoughts about.
Speaker 1About what.
Speaker 2He talked about another. Okay, there's a lot of points in there. Right that he attempted to make okay.
Speaker 1So in the first part, when he for when he talks? About.
Speaker 2Let's play the scenario you and I are together, right? Obviously, the text message for the text message. So you and I are together and I have a female friend we have.
Speaker 1We have a mutual female friend.
Speaker 2We have a mutual female friend.
Speaker 1We have a mutual female friend.
Speaker 2Okay, and our mutual. I didn't know that you and our mutual female friend have each other's phone numbers and you guys text back and forth. His scenario was I pick up your phone because we're dating and our mutual female friend sends a text message or whatever that pops up while I'm holding your phone that says, while you're doing a great job uh, doing a great job, baby, I love you.
Speaker 1Okay.
Shaq's Take On Cheating Rules
Speaker 2And his question is is that cheating? So if we isolate, if we're, if we're yeah, go ahead, go ahead, Because I was. I was. Let me just finish this. So if from his what he's trying to say cause that's why he was like no, just answer the question. Don't think about it. If we're looking at that as an isolation and there's a text message that pops up, I'm going to, just for my. If my best friend texted you and said wow, you're doing a good job, baby.
Speaker 2I love you diabolical um off of that isolated, like situation, I can't say that that is cheating. So if that's that's why he's like, nope, don't, don't just. Is it cheating, yes or no? That isolated situation is not. It is not cheating. However, it's not really questionable. It is inappropriate and it is safe to make assumptions that something more could be going on, that is true.
Speaker 2But you're also in a relationship. But if you're, especially if you're married, I'm going to need to know why anybody other than me and your mother and grandmother are referring to you as baby.
Speaker 1First of all because I got game. Let's just get the obvious out there, Okay.
Speaker 2But okay, so I'll give it to him.
Speaker 1So let me answer the question. Okay, go ahead, go ahead, okay. So the first question you asked is it cheating?
Speaker 2Is receiving that message, Because I think that's what he's trying to get to like receiving the message.
Speaker 1The receiving message is not cheating?
Speaker 2It's not, and I agree.
Speaker 1Now I do agree that it is highly inappropriate, Extremely and low key, very disrespectful from the friend. Because now I'm questioning is this a friend or is this just a person lying in wait to jump in? They may never know. That's my, that's my question, Cause he's entertaining it.
Speaker 2So we may never know.
Speaker 1We don't know if he's entertaining. He never said that.
Speaker 2He's accepting the messages. He said he said.
Speaker 1He said you guys, they've been texting Right, it's cheating.
Speaker 2I right um it's cheating.
Speaker 1I don't necessarily think it's cheating. Messaging the messaging okay, I can get, I can get behind that. Um, depending on the intention in the context of the message but you don't know what each party's intention.
Speaker 1I don't know right, okay, depending on the context of the message. Okay, right, because I can't. I can't because, like, let's say, like your friend say your friend's texting me, I can't, I don't know what her intentions are. Right, you know like, especially if they're just like general messages. Yeah, you know like, and it's just normal everyday conversation. Right, I can't, you're right. So that part I can say no, it's not cheating.
Speaker 1Now, I've said before and I'll say it again again I limit my communication with all other women in general, and unless I'm related to you right, right, um, and I'm talking about blood related to you you can't be like married in cousin. You get treated like you're a stranger. That's ridiculous that's not.
Speaker 1The rules are the rules okay, the rules are the rules. Okay, I could show you a text message through. Well, I've never responded, but they text all the time. I know so, and it's not me not wanting to respond, it's just that's how I show respect to you. Yeah, I don't engage in conversation like that unless I'm doing some type of business or type of planning event where I have to then communicate. So I don't necessarily see the text as cheating. It is questionable because why is she referring to you as baby? And then, on top of that, why is she telling you that you're killing it? I need the context of this. What am I killing?
Speaker 2Well, it probably like he was a basketball player. So let's just say, like you know, oh, you killed it in that game. Baby, I love you. Okay, okay, because I didn't even agree.
Speaker 1I didn't even agree, okay Because that I'm cool with, with what it's, the baby part. That's what they said.
Speaker 2And then he said, okay, take the baby part out.
Speaker 1And she just said oh you killing it, I love you. That's fine, Depending on who it's from, If it's a close friend and y'all know each other a while the I love you part, that's fine, especially if I'm aware that you guys have each other's numbers and that she takes back and forth. But I didn't know that y'all been in communication Now like if someone we've met like recently in the last couple years texts that to me like why does bitch tell you saying she love you?
Speaker 2I'm going to have to go have a conversation with her.
Speaker 1Right, so that's different. But if it's someone that we've had, how'd she get your number? You Text Maurice, he knows no, but yeah. So in that answer I don't necessarily think it's cheating, but it is. It goes back to a while ago where I said the notion of part of being a good husband is a good and a good spouse, and part of being a protector is also protecting your emotional stability. Right, so I see this as a thing to where, if you read that, that can lead you to believe something's going on. Right, so now, if I've led you to believe something's going on, there's a part of me that has failed to assure you in some way. Right, so I feel like that part of it is wrong Cause. Why, again, why would she be texting you this unless there were something else going on? And the fact that, like he said in his example, that you didn't even know she, we were texting. Right, so why is now? So? Now I'm questioning why is the conversation a secret?
Speaker 2Correct.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2If we're all friends why can't? We be in a group chat.
Speaker 1I don't know personally.
Speaker 2I know, but that's what I'm saying. Why couldn't we be in a group chat or something?
Speaker 1So it's like that part I don't necessarily see the. I agree with you. I don't see the text message as cheating, but I do see it as questionable. And it's the baby part.
Speaker 2And I think the part that what is kind of was getting for me, where I think he was losing it or not really understanding, is, even though that message may not have technically been cheating, why would you want to create any type of situation or scenario where your partner would even have the thought, based on something like that, that there could be something going on? And then let's just call it what it is. He's a high high profile male, right? Um?
Speaker 2if we're, if, if, if we're referring to you know like a lot of people like to refer to high value men as they're dealing with their financials. You know like I have a whole idea on that either way. But we'll just say for societal status, that he's considered a high value man. He's well known, he's high valued. You know that you have women who throw themselves at him anyway just because of who he is. So if we are in relation together, why would you then think that it would be even appropriate that you receive text messages like that, or that you would, or that you would even not address the woman who's not your woman to text you something like that, just because you guys are friends, because, like, like, I, like how you said. I think that I would find that you being disrespectful to me.
Speaker 2I hold you more accountable than I hold her accountable but both of you, but both of you are going to be on the same bullshit of we're just friends, and then you're gonna sit up here and say, yeah, but we're just friends too.
Speaker 1That should not be your response, but my thing is like my question would be what has happened to get her to a point to where she's comfortable?
Speaker 2he's because he's made her comfortable to do it. It all still falls back with the guy.
Speaker 1So here's the thing If you've now made her comfortable enough to call you baby, now I have to say you are cheating, because now you have emotionally made yourself available to somebody.
Speaker 2Which goes into the next phrase. Yeah, emotional cheating it's a thing, but he says it's not a thing, because how?
Speaker 1do we know how?
Speaker 2do we know that you're?
Speaker 1how do you know? My emotions it's a thing for women. Um, I don't think men accept it as a thing like something that you guys practice.
Speaker 2You mean mean Right, or something that happens to you guys.
Speaker 1No, it happens. Oh, it definitely happens. We just see it as we don't. Just a lot of men are on the level of cheating. Emotional cheating is something that I do believe is real, right in the context that you believe it is and because, basically, at that point, once you're emotionally cheating, you're now removing emotional access, or you know, or access from your spouse to an outside party.
Speaker 2Yeah, because now you're entertaining You're going to start entertaining the idea.
Speaker 1And now you're building a connection outside of friendship with someone who's not your partner. Yeah, so that's the cheating part.
Speaker 2And that's the fun aspect of it.
Speaker 1So, like a lot of men will say that, oh no, it's not cheating until the physical aspect has happened. Right the way the majority of women operate. You know that the emotional aspect has to be there first in order for the physical aspect to happen. So if you're planting, even if because I do think there's situations where there's guys just being friendly, yeah, and she's seeing it the wrong way, right?
Speaker 2So she knows that he doesn't have enough assurance about himself to tell her to like back off or you're being inappropriate. So he's just like I'm going to be a gentleman because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Emotional Cheating Debate
Speaker 1So, and so there are cases like that to where, like he's in like she's seeing it one way, he's being friendly, and then like that, can you know? Then she kind of gets aggressive and he kind of tells her to back off, whatever, and he's not seeing it as he's cheating, because he's just like, hey, I'm just being there for a friend or whatever the case may be, right. Um, because I do feel like a lot of this. A lot of times in situations like this, it goes both ways, like it's almost like I don't want to say dirty macking, it's almost like Dirty macking. Yeah, don't worry about that, dirty macking it's a guy thing, the guys understand. It's almost like what guys do, right, what some guys do. It's almost like what guys do, right, what some guys do.
Speaker 2It's like what do guys do, baby?
Speaker 1Like it may be a single guy who's interested in this woman, right, okay, and so they'll play the friendship role, right, with the hopes of.
Speaker 2Getting closer.
Speaker 1Eventually getting closer and preserving the the position right. So they kind of like, have her in their back pocket and they go out right, and you know, these are the girls, they guys, they'll go and they'll ask the girls for like, oh, I want to do this for my girl. What do you think about this? This?
Speaker 2this. Oh okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1They like right and so like the whole time you know playing her.
Speaker 1They're playing the girl that they want to be with, because now she's telling him you know her playbook, right, and so now he's there, he's supportive, he shows up and he's really just, he's really building a somewhat of a connection to get in there, right, and it's it's kind of like the same thing. It's like women do the same thing. Okay, well, I can see that when I do this, this, this, he likes this type of attention, so he must not be getting this.
Speaker 2So if I just it's like trying to find a like, so they they find like their little in, and then at that point it's like, okay, well, if I just play this position long enough might get tired of her yeah, you know, and I can be the one like every time he's upset, I can be like yeah, and I can be like oh, I know that little thing she do when she get mad, and you know how my girl is, and yeah, I know and then you should be having conversations like that.
Speaker 1I would never treat you like that baby boy, please, baby, I never like that. Bye baby, baby, never treat you like that.
Speaker 2Bye, baby, baby, I would never cheat you like that baby.
Speaker 1You know. So I mean emotional cheating is a thing. It is a thing and it's um. I mean I don't think I've ever experienced it or done it.
Speaker 2I mean because I tell people hey, you don't, you don't think, I don't think. I mean, I feel like that would be like something you would know definitively, yes or no then it's a no. I've never done it, I think that would be something definitive, that that, because that's like the same as I don't think I cheated, I've never, I've never cultivated a relationship where that made you emotionally available to anybody that's good to know sometimes I'm not even emotionally available to anybody.
Speaker 1That's good to know. Sometimes I'm not even emotionally available to myself. Preach Bishop. Okay, you know what LaJules? I kind of miss LaJules.
Speaker 2I miss LaJules too. I didn't see her this week. She's sick right now. She's hilarious um, yeah, so the whole thing about men being afraid to marry because women make up rules, we're not making up that's not, it's not, it's not made up like it's for me I know common sense isn't common, but but see, I was with him on that part. What that women make up rules. What rules do we make up?
Speaker 1you got women out here that play the game.
Speaker 2Okay. You have men who play the game, okay, so I guess we all just out here playing the game.
Speaker 1But you know a lot of women play the game a lot better than men and the thing is for a lot of it ain't to for a woman to get okay the thing is a lot of women. I've seen women play the role to get the ring and then switch once they get the ring. So that part of the statement I agree with you should have edited better. I agree with what you just said as well, that that's good. But that's why I tell men, you can't be so simple-minded.
Speaker 2Because I didn't ask you to marry me, boo, you came to me.
Speaker 1Yeah, but sometimes you know you got some women that hit you with the ultimatum.
Speaker 2Okay, Well then you shouldn't be pressured.
Speaker 1Oh, I wasn't. Oh, I know you weren't. I wasn't Because in sixth grade, when I was in seventh grade and I saw you all cross that quad and you was wearing blue jeans and a white shirt.
Speaker 2That was my favorite. My favorite type of outfit A crisp white shirt and some blue jeans.
Speaker 1And you was looking good, that ass was out there.
Speaker 2I was like 11.
Speaker 1That ass was out there.
Speaker 2I remember, and he was looking at my ass.
Speaker 1I was a little boy Diabolical. It was Crazy work.
Speaker 2It was Crazy work.
Speaker 1You had the biggest titties in the sixth grade.
Speaker 2Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1I said that's a woman right there.
Speaker 2No, sir, no sir, I was not.
Speaker 1I mean to me you was.
Speaker 2Your hormones were just like you were on that cusp.
Speaker 1And a sea full of sticks. You was a bush.
Speaker 2What? Where did the conversation go just now? I don't even know what's happening right now. Tell him Bishop Preach, bishop, he's so silly. Okay, get back to the clip, okay, okay. So then he talks about the other half.
Speaker 1Okay, are we going to play the other half?
Speaker 2Well, he was kind of going into the. Basically he can say like his scenario, I can say that I'm going to knock him out, break his jaw, but it doesn't count until I actually do it.
Speaker 1That's what I was speaking to a part about, like men don't see. That's why a lot of men don't believe in emotional cheating, because they don't think cheating is cheating until the physical aspect. Because here's the thing, because it's the mentality of it's all just a fantasy until it's reality, right, right, right. And so as long as it's just a fantasy, I've done nothing wrong, because I should be allowed to fantasize, right, yes, you're fine. But once it's a a fantasy, I've done nothing wrong, because I should be allowed to fantasize.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1But once it's a reality. Now I've crossed that barrier.
Speaker 2But I think the problem for women comes in at.
Speaker 1The fantasy is close to reality.
Speaker 2The fantasy gets too close to the reality. And that's what it is, because the more you, especially men, when it comes to women. We know that for most men, women are like candy and it's like you see them and you're like, oh my gosh, I just want to taste that flavor. So it's like shut up bye.
Speaker 2So it's like yes, you can, you can have your fantasy, you can play around with it, but how long is that fantasy gonna be gonna satiate you before you're gonna be like you know what damn, I just I gotta, I gotta do it like. I just gotta see what it's about and because?
Speaker 1see, my response to that would be if, if the woman is taking care of home, that's not no that's not, that's not a thing.
Speaker 2Oftentimes, okay, no, it's not even. Oftentimes, no, no, that's not a thing. You can have that like, and you know that's like a hot topic for me because you can have, if you want to play, play it that way the man and the woman. You can have a woman who is available to her husband 24, 7, 7 days a week and he will still go out there and sleep with Susie Q from work or go to the strip club and get and fly too close to the sun. Or it was just a hand job. Or it was just a hand job or it was just a blowjob hold on hand jobs are not cheating maurice, I will throw that.
Speaker 2I will throw this microphone at your head. I promise you. I will throw it at you. I will throw it at you. Getting a hand job is absolutely cheating. If I'm, if I never Getting a handjob is absolutely cheating.
Speaker 1Getting a.
Speaker 2BJ is absolutely cheating.
Speaker 1If I never interview her.
Speaker 2Maurice, that is no that is no, it is no, it is a no, it's not cheating. It is a no, it's not cheating. It is a no, it's not cheating. Yes, it is it's not cheating it, absolutely Okay.
Speaker 1She's working hard, okay, as a massage therapist.
Speaker 2Listen, I'm going to tell you like I told you last episode. I'm going to tell you like I told you last episode, okay, I'm going to say, like I said it was a few episodes ago Okay, if the rules apply to you, the rules are going to apply. No, it's not the same no. So if you're saying, if you're telling me, a handjob and a bj is not cheating, baby, guess who else for the get happy endings at their massage appointment? Because, because, because I want a happy ending at my massage appointment because your hand jobs require insertion, mine don't.
Speaker 2No, no, no, it is still cheating. Okay, I'm just playing with you, I don't know. No, sir, you just saw your face.
Speaker 1When I said that I gotta say something, I say something wrong.
Speaker 2I didn't think you would turn up Because you be playing way too much. Because then you know what my next question was going to be who the hell you let give you a hair job, don't worry about it. Okay. Okay, I wasn't cheating, really. Okay. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead, I'll just reinstate my friday appointments too much fun, I'll reinstate I'll reinstate my friday appointments. I'll make me some new friday appointments, yeah, see, and then if women do it, whore you're just a whore I have to tell you the master lock and the master key again, maurice?
Speaker 2no, damn, no, masterore, you're just a whore. Do I have to tell you about the Master Lock and the Master Key again, maurice? No, damn, no. Master Lock and Master Key, just a shitty lock. Okay, okay, shitty lock my ass. Shitty lock my ass. Whatever I'm trying to tell you, take me when I'm trying to tell you Shitty, lock your ass is shitty locked. I can't stand you. Anywho, like I was saying before, my husband tried to.
Speaker 1I'm sorry y'all.
Speaker 2I can't. I love you so much.
Speaker 1I love you too, this ain't got nothing to do with that episode.
Speaker 2Anywho, he was trying to make the point that if the act has not happened, then it doesn't count.
Speaker 1I could be in her house, in her bed. That's cheating as long as I don't.
Speaker 2That's cheating If you in her house, in her bed, whether y'all screwed or not, it's cheating.
Speaker 1I go ah, can't do it, like, uh, just like, how on baby boy. What if I go? Ah, can't do it. Just like, how on On Baby Boy? No, I think I love my wife when he went to take his shirt off and he got here and he thought about his kids and he didn't do it, he didn't cheat, he never slept with her.
Speaker 3They didn't cheat.
Speaker 1He was there. It was right there in front of him.
Speaker 2He didn't do it and gee he realized in the end he did love his wife. I'm just going to breathe.
Speaker 1I just want to tell you okay, let me start being serious. Now I will say this, going back to what I said earlier about it is a woman's job, right. And to your point, what you said was about it is a woman's job, right. And to your ask, to your point, what you said was also true how she can be available all the time. Right, yes, here's the thing being available doesn't necessarily, uh, mean that you're satisfying I know where you're going with this, that's one thing, right but.
The Fertile Mistress Dilemma
Speaker 1But being available, that isn't important. Right Again, that's a conversation need to be had, right. But at the same time, what I'm saying is I think that is a requirement to to not want for him not to want to cheat, right Diminish the fact that there are just some people out here with low frequencies, low morals and just clearly don't give a F about anybody but themselves. So they just see about. You know it's the people who they're going to go out there and cheat. I believe that you have people that are going to go out there and cheat, no matter what Right, no matter how happy or unhappy they are.
Speaker 2Right and you have men who think that it's their, it's like their right to do so. I mean, some men do, Some men legitimately believe that Like it's my right to do that.
Speaker 1I more so, align with the fact that you have no self-control.
Speaker 2Well, and we've had that conversation before right, so I know I can't remember the show that I had watched it on, but it was basically, um, a man referring to himself as a high value man and uh, I think it was, and he was uh discussing about how, um, you know, men were not intended to practice monogamy.
Speaker 2and he will not be held to a negative standard for standing up for his biological right to be able to sleep with multiple women or whatever you know. Because, also, as a high value man, he, um, he has a lot of availability of women that are available to him, he has a certain level of women that are available to him, and so on and so forth. Right, so, yes, but he, he, he stated that as well. But my thing is is, if you can sit up here and say that you are a high value man and you, you know, you work out, you make money, you have businesses and you're a disciplined businessman and all this, that and the third, why can't you be disciplined enough to practice monogamy?
Speaker 1My only answer to that is that if that's how you want to live your life and the women know about it and they agree to it, that's fine. That's fine. I have no issue with that. Do you boo-boo, right, I? But I also believe that you cannot love more than one woman intently enough, to your full ability they're not trying to because you're not, you're not going to be able to can meet all the needs of more than one woman.
Speaker 1You can't meet all the needs of one woman when you try to be able to meet all the needs of more than one woman. You can't meet all the needs of one woman when you try to be intentional.
Speaker 2But these women that he's referring to, like when you see these women he's referring to, he is meeting their need. Their need is green.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, exactly. It's not that difficult, but again, that is not that difficult, but that's okay. I guess I'm just built different. That difficult, but that's okay I guess I'm just built different.
Speaker 2No, but that's. That's an understanding of an arrangement on both parties yeah, but that means nothing.
Speaker 1Yeah, so, but that means that that, that to me that's not a relationship, that's a transaction. I should be, a form of a relationship. She'll be there as long as the check clears, and when the check clears, just like yes, this is where um, and she's gonna be what he needs her to be she's gonna look good as long as the check clears as long as the check clears, because he hasn't.
Speaker 2He knows that without him providing the mean green that he don't get that level of woman. And she understands that you only get to spend time with me and you have access to me because of what you can provide for me. So we have an understanding. That is a relationship, I guess. I mean, when you think about it, aren't most relationships some form of transactional?
Speaker 1What transaction am I getting?
Speaker 2Because I'm getting the short end of the transaction, please tell me you really want me to check this microphone at your head? At your head. Please tell me you want me to check this microphone at your head.
Speaker 3At your head, please tell me.
Speaker 2You want me to check this microphone at your head, don't you? Feed me three day old chicken three day old chicken, really the male. I'm not doing this with you.
Speaker 1I'm not doing this with you I know last week we promised y'all that we'd have a good episode, but next week's episode will be great bye because next week's episode, why you gonna get more rest? No, we're gonna get more rest and it's our anniversary episode oh, okay and it's gonna be an R2Cent episode. Oh so we gonna, we gonna come for y'all. We gonna, we gonna, we gonna do it.
Speaker 2I just I feel like when I'm like sleepy, I just laugh a lot, like everything is just like more funny to me when I'm a little tired more tired too anywho you wanna go into the?
Speaker 1let's just go into R2-D2 that's it you give your final thoughts. I'll give my final thoughts. I'll give my final thoughts. Please give me your final thoughts.
Speaker 2I'll give my final thoughts?
Speaker 1Okay, my final thoughts is that I don't I see his points. I don't necessarily, I don't necessarily agree with his points. I do believe emotional damage emotional damage emotional cheating is a thing especially for women. I personal cheating is a thing especially for women.
Speaker 2I like how you keep throwing that in there especially for women.
Speaker 1It's a woman thing.
Speaker 2We're going to acknowledge it's just a woman. You're basically halfway agreeing with him, because that's the whole purpose. He's saying that women make up rules and you're saying it is a thing for women.
Speaker 1I say it's for women because I understand what you mean and I understand how you connect the dots and I see how that plays a role, because women are emotional creatures.
Speaker 2Now, I don't like the way you said that.
Speaker 1Men are emotional creatures as well. We just function. On different emotions, we see things differently. So that's why I say in the eyes of a woman, emotional cheating is a thing and I can understand that. I'm going to acknowledge how you feel about something and accept it for what it is. Me personally, I think it's bullshit. I I see how it could be go either way, depending on the case. Now, as far as the text message, I don't think the text messages were cheating text message is highly questionable.
Speaker 1Yes, but it's not cheating yes, I agree.
Speaker 2I agree. I agree that the text message itself was not cheating, but it is a segue, right. I believe that it is okay, tommy got them draws dog okay, rest peace, tommy. Oh, he did die huh.
Speaker 1Go ahead and read. Oh man let's jump into R2 Sense.
Speaker 2All right.
Speaker 1This is crazy. Y'all R2 Sense.
Speaker 2She sent me this bullshit.
Speaker 1R2 Sense. She sent me this bullshit and I read it.
Speaker 2I said this is die-bomb. Listen here this is why I be trying to stay and stay off of social media. Sometimes by social media I mean facebook, because people be out here wilding. Okay, this shit is real listen, you don't think any of them are real I don't, you don't think he doesn't think any of them are real. But I was scrolling on facebook and came across this and I was like babe, you really need to like, just just listen.
Speaker 1I don't, I don't believe it's real.
Speaker 2Just listen, go ahead and read. My husband came home last week in a worrying state. He asked to talk. This is when he explains to me I have a mistress and she's pregnant. She's threatening to tell you everything if I don't send her to Europe. I'd rather you learn it from me than her Baby. Please forgive me. My problem is is that I don't know how to tell my husband that his mistress is a liar. I know 100% that she's lying because my husband is infertile, but he doesn't even know that himself. If I tell him the truth about his mistress, he will also know the same occasion that our two children are also not his.
Speaker 1I don't believe this is real. It's diabolical and it's hilarious, but I don't think it's real. And first of all, how does he not know he's infertile?
Speaker 2he probably. He probably doesn't, he just probably doesn't know that he's infertile how would he not know if he's never been?
Speaker 1how does she know if he's never been texted?
Speaker 2I don't know she she might have taken a sample and got it tested.
Speaker 1No, that's not that work that is how that someone has who has been uh tested.
Speaker 2That's not how that works all they do is take a sample and then they put it like don't they die?
Speaker 1off. After a while you have, it has to be a fresh sample okay, so how you know she didn't get a fresh sample?
Speaker 2she probably been doing this for years, babe all right, it's not how I can get a sample from you tonight and get it study okay, look here.
Speaker 1All I'm gonna say is this if this is real, uh-huh, all y'all going to hell. How?
Speaker 2you gonna say somebody going to hell? You know you're not the determining factor. If someone's going to hell, all I gotta say is if this is real.
Speaker 1The only innocence in this story post, whatever you want to call it, are the children and the unborn child.
Speaker 2But listen here. You find that part to be diabolical. I find the part of the mistress threatening that she going to tell the wife if he don't send her to Europe. That is the oddest thing I have ever heard. That's like saying if you don't buy my handbag, that is the oddest thing I have ever heard. That's like saying if you don't buy my handbag, I'm going to tell your wife.
Speaker 1Tell her.
Speaker 2That we fucking.
Speaker 1Okay, this is how we know you're sleeping. Y'all know she's sleeping. When she starts cussing that way you know she's sleeping. Y'all been fucking. You got to get you some rest. I don't know what to say to this.
Speaker 2What's your advice about it? Should she tell him? Because if she tell him, then she also gonna have to tell him. Here's the.
Speaker 1Thing.
Speaker 2Or maybe, maybe, but here's the thing, since you pointed out that there's no way he wouldn't want. Or maybe, maybe, but here's the thing, since you pointed out that there's no way he wouldn't know that he's infertile. Maybe, when she tells him that the mistress is lying because he couldn't get her pregnant, maybe he's so slow that he wouldn't even think twice about questioning the kids first of all, I'm not gonna help her.
Speaker 1If this is real, I'm not going to help her. If this is real, I'm not going to help her get over her own boy why? I'm always on the man's side.
Speaker 2That's wild, because you weren't just on Shaq's side.
Speaker 1No, I see what you mean. What are you wrong? Yeah, but you said you're always on the man's side.
Speaker 2I gave him a little grace though.
Speaker 3Oh, okay, oh, that's right.
Speaker 1Because you don't believe in emotional and a bj is not cheating either. I never said that you said it's not cheating.
Speaker 2No, a bj is cheating because I, I I insert it just like, just like me kissing my co-worker. It's not. No, you said it wasn't cheating.
Speaker 1You said until we use tongue, then it's cheating, so at least I know I can make out with somebody without tongue okay, this has been another episode.
Speaker 2Your words not mine, You're the one who said that I can make out with my co-worker, Okay, but if I use tongue it's cheating. So I'll just tell him like hey, my husband has rules. My husband does not want your tongue in my mouth. So as long as we can leave our tongues out of it, let's.
Speaker 1Oh, my God, that's after you have worked your 60 hours at the meal.
Speaker 2I mean All of that is inappropriate.
Speaker 1Okay, ma'am.
Speaker 2Inappropriate but not cheating.
Speaker 1Okay, what I would tell you to do if I had to answer this is you know, you just tell him hey, how about you get a DNA test? Make sure it's yours.
Speaker 2No, you should just tell him why don't you, yeah, get a DNA test. Or why don't you just get your sperm checked, because she might be lying babe.
Speaker 1No, because that's going to go back on her. Just do the DNA test.
Speaker 2That's what I said. He might be slow enough that he won't this has been another episode of Life After I Did.
Speaker 1If you have not already follow us on Instagram, facebook, tiktok and YouTube, you can listen to us on all of your DPSs.
Speaker 2What if they don't know it? Listen, you can't just be throwing out acronyms. Digital Streaming platforms.
Speaker 1I'm sorry, DSPs.
Speaker 2Look at you.
Speaker 1And then you gave the wrong acronym. I'm tired too um digital streaming platforms. You, uh, so you, you streamers on youtube now, and youtube you're gonna say yahoo. They have podcast youtube podcast um, apple podcast, spotify, amazon squirt. I heart all that that stuff. You get a new episode every Wednesday. My wife is extremely tired. That's why I have to do this, and until next time, peace Booskies.
