Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 14
In this volume of Our 2 Cents we dive in with humor and real talk. We discuss family dynamics, communication, and the role of wellness in a strong partnership. Join us for laughter, insights, and deep conversations on keeping relationships thriving!
Yeah, so why you trying to be a vibe today?
Speaker 2:What I'm a vibe every day.
Speaker 1:You look really good. Thanks, we might have to cut this short, oh gosh. Thanks, we might have to cut this motherfucker short.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that. Is it the lip? Because I didn't go?
Speaker 1:with a nude lip. Today, it's everything. It's giving face hair ass titties.
Speaker 2:Face hair ass titties. Thanks.
Speaker 1:It's giving. I'm about to give you some too, thanks.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of the Life After I Do podcast. Yes, for the next 25 minutes to an hour you'll be kicking it with Nisha Jamalito, as you do every Wednesday. Hey everybody, welcome. Woo-hoo, a second clap, okay.
Speaker 1:Because they're kicking it with Nisha Jamalito every Wednesday. We haven't really had food yet, so Not you trying to be a vibe today.
Speaker 2:What I'm a vibe every day.
Speaker 1:You look really good. Thanks, we might have to cut this short. Oh gosh, thanks. We might have to cut this motherfucker short.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that. Is it the lip? Because I didn't go?
Speaker 1:with a nude lip. Today it's giving face hair ass titties.
Speaker 2:Face hair hair ass titties. Face hair ass titties.
Speaker 1:Thanks it's giving. I'm about to give you some too. You know what?
Speaker 2:I, so I did try new products. You know me and my I'm always trying new products and I tried a new, some new products today and then without fail. I feel like every time I try something new or put something new on my face, you don't know what it is but you just know it's something different and you be like, yeah, you look good, I don't know what it is, but you did something different.
Speaker 2:I don't know what you got cooking Right, but it's a new blush, it's a new powder. I don't know everything that's in the pot but it's coming together nicely.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it. You know what I'm saying. I can't tell you exactly what's in there the proportions but it's coming together nicely.
Speaker 2:It's a what like three new products, and then I'm also trying to get back into like utilizing all of the things that I have. So now utilizing things that I've had forever feels new because I haven't used it in forever. So I'm like oh, I forgot I had this. Let me try this with this.
Speaker 1:All I know is you was getting ready and I looked over and I said, oh my god, I said so excited, bye.
Speaker 2:I said is she getting done now? I am so excited. I said is she going to do it now, I am so excited? I said okay, okay, did you say it like that? Yeah, oh, gosh, I appreciate that. You look good. Hey, most kids, thank you, honey, you look great too. How was your week? My week was good.
Speaker 1:My week was good. That's good. That's good into my. Why does it feel?
Speaker 2:like you're so much taller than me. When you're not taller than me, I think, because I'm sitting up, oh, I was like I'm not slouching.
Speaker 1:I was like you are not taller than me.
Speaker 2:I was like but you look like you love here because I'm sitting up. That's cool. My week was good, okay, you know, tell me about it D-May. Well, there's not much to report. I'm, I have a schedule, so I pretty much stick to the same schedule every week. Okay, okay, but yeah. So I mean it was good, nothing out of the ordinary.
Speaker 1:Are you?
Speaker 2:talking face, hair, ass and titties.
Speaker 1:Okay, yes, yes, because my ass was clapping.
Speaker 2:Okay, too much, but I mean overall it was Sorry I got distracted. Overall it was good. I mean overall it was Sorry I got distracted. Overall it was good. It was productive. What did you do that was productive? D-may, you know what? I'm holding tweezers in my left hand. Okay, I don't want to have to stab you.
Speaker 1:So you're going to threaten me on tape? I am.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, no, I didn't threaten you. I said I don't want to have to.
Speaker 1:I didn't say that she wasn't productive. I was saying, like tell the people how you were productive.
Speaker 2:You know, with the gym, with home, with our child, I may be getting her gains in the gym dog.
Speaker 1:We got to give her credit y'all. She be in there looking like a whole snack yeah.
Speaker 2:I am dealing with a little bit of like.
Speaker 1:Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:I was hoping we didn't have to go I am dealing with a little bit of like I don't want to say injury because it's not injured, but I don't know if it's just like inflammation of the rotator cup or the um, the elbow or whatever. But I'm gonna get it checked out just to make sure. Only because I have recently made um a new goal, created a new goal and I'm not people. I'm not going to tell anybody just yet. I'm not ready to say it yet I'll tell them no, you're not.
Speaker 1:I guess I'm not Sorry guys.
Speaker 2:But it just involves my training. Hold on, hold on.
Speaker 1:This just in.
Speaker 2:Shut up.
Speaker 1:Nisha G has a secret.
Speaker 2:It's not a secret. It's not a secret. I just don't it out loud like that just yet. But I start my training for what my goal is on Monday, tomorrow. But I'm excited, but I'm also a little so excited. So excited, shut up, I'm excited, but I'm also a little bummed. Why? Because I feel like I'm excited, but I'm also a little bummed. Why? Because I feel like I'm not starting out at 100%. It don't matter, you're going to get there, because my elbow, my arm, my wrist and my index finger are all not on my left arm or not.
Speaker 1:But what you have to understand is, even though, that you may not be starting at 100%.
Speaker 2:I mean technically.
Speaker 1:I'm not starting at a hundred percent anywhere but even if you, if you go in there with 20, you're saying you're doing better than most, because some people ain't giving 10 yeah, that's some people ain't giving five. Yeah, you're right, you know some people, so I've seen people walk in and walk out.
Speaker 2:Yeah I'm excited to have bench press every week, though.
Speaker 1:You have it every week now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I'm excited to have it, like every week Okay are you done with your week, really Okay. Are you done with your week? My husband is. He's such a hater and a copycatter Like he wants to be me so bad.
Speaker 1:No, I want to be in you. So bad, you caught that wrong. I don't want to be you. I want to be any of you.
Speaker 2:He's my biggest hater and my biggest supporter all at the same time. I just want to clap while that ass claps. Anyway, but yeah, so I'm excited. I'm excited for the new week. We have competition coming up again this weekend.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, and it's our last competition of the season. Let the people know what the wager is on the table.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. So our kid wants a new pet. She has been asking for a cat or a dog, and so I told her, if she scored a nine or higher in two events and she placed in three events at award ceremony that I will take her the very next day.
Speaker 1:Not the next day. Well, not the next day because she works.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I will take her that fall, whichever following weekend and I will take her to the pet shop and she can pick out whatever dog she likes, doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:And she already said it has to be a girl. Yeah, she wants it a girl and the name will be Princess.
Speaker 2:And I said that's fine, fine, but you have to deliver on your end. And so my friend was like girl, you know you're gonna get her the dog, even if she doesn't do it. And I said, girl, you don't know me because I'm not she. You really don't know me. I said, because as soon as, as soon as it's out of her mind, she's not gonna think about it.
Speaker 2:I said trust me, but I. But the only reason I said the dog is because I know that I'm going to be the one that's going to be here, with the dog being a puppy. So I don't mind being here with a puppy, but I'm not going to be here in this house by myself with no dang on kitten during the day.
Speaker 1:You only have to take care of the puppy like three days out the week. Okay, you, okay, you say that maybe four, monday, tuesday you say that Monday, tuesday, yeah, monday, tuesday, wednesday, most of the days, because I mean I can walk the dog on the rest of the days.
Speaker 2:I just, yeah, I hear that right, it's on record. Yeah, it's cool. Okay, just my week was cool man, you know I wasn't dealt with mine, but I'm sorry, no, I'm joking, I'm teasing you.
Speaker 1:Go ahead lingering. I'm teasing you, go ahead Lingering. Oh my God, my week was cool. I'm excited because I'm back down to my pre-baby weight. Mm-hmm. You know, mm-hmm, I didn't think I'd get here, and now I hope she don't get pregnant because I just got I know, wow I worked so hard to get this pre-baby weight off me. Goodbye, you know so so that was exciting.
Speaker 2:I love how he says it, like he's the one that would carry the kid.
Speaker 1:Well, I didn't carry the kid, but I carried the extra calories. I don't think us dads get credit for that.
Speaker 2:Well, don't worry, y'all be having them cravings. I've got that under control, don't worry about that Y'all be having them cravings.
Speaker 1:I'm like I couldn't let my money go to waste. You didn't want to go waste.
Speaker 2:Okay, just the chili cheese fries, but you didn't eat like the pickles and the cheese fries and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:And the pecan pies.
Speaker 2:I didn't eat pecan pies. Oh, you didn't eat the pecan pies, but anyway.
Speaker 1:Or the jalapeno chips. Yeah, you know, by the time y'all hear this, I'll be back at work.
Speaker 2:He's so excited about it, guys, you know, so excited, so excited.
Speaker 1:And you know it is what it is. It's something that happens. I knew it was going to happen, so I'm not that mad about it.
Speaker 2:Goodbye, Jamil. I knew it was coming.
Speaker 1:I knew it was going to happen eventually, so I'm not that mad about it. So it is what it is.
Speaker 2:And we're grateful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm very, very grateful for my job Not the people there, but my job. Bye. I did get some bad news about the schedule. Changes to the gym schedule.
Speaker 2:That we will no longer be working out together.
Speaker 1:No, not hers, Hers.
Speaker 2:Oh hers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know they trying to mess with our date nights and I don't appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because we have date nights on Fridays and they trying to man.
Speaker 1:this is my week.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, Go ahead.
Speaker 1:You know. So they're trying to. They done changed the schedule so now we not be able to have date nights on Friday because I'm not paying for child care and but other than that it's been a really good and she can't stay home by herself. I mean she can, I seven, we can have Mario check on ours.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's not going to be a thing, but overall it's been solid.
Speaker 1:It was not the last week before work I wanted, but I got through it. I wanted a relaxing week and I have been busy every day.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's life.
Speaker 1:That's what all the people say. Yeah, that's life. We were not on the same page, but what we got today, booskies- oh well, it's the first of the month, y'all.
Speaker 2:So y'all know it's our two cents, Our two cents.
Speaker 1:Our two cents. The next our two cents episode will actually be an anniversary of our two cents, so it might be we might have to tell our own stories.
Speaker 2:Of our two cents. Yeah, that'd be kind of cool. See, and we can give y'all four, or maybe you guys can like write in with your two cents.
Speaker 1:Because you know we might give y'all four or five scenarios that we went through in our actual relationship and y'all tell us who was wrong.
Speaker 2:I mean, I know I was right. Oh, what's that game where you have two truths and a lie? I don't know what it's called. Maybe we'll do I we'll tell two truths and a lie. Then you guys got to figure out which one is the lie.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, Well, you do that. I can tell y'all who was lying you.
Speaker 2:But it is an R2 Sense. R2 Sense episode. You guys know, at the beginning of every month it is a reaction video. So it's all things like reaction, relationship Reaction, kids, in-laws, all of the above. And you guys seem to really like the Our Two Cents segment. So we just want to give you what it is. You like, everything you like, okay, and what you like, hey, what you like, hey, hey, hey. If you can't see me, it's because I'm dancing, so you got to watch this on YouTube, then you can see my dance moves.
Speaker 1:It's not that impressive. It's not that impressive. I forgot which button it was for. Are you Done? Are you Done?
Speaker 2:No, I wasn't done. Are you Done? No, I wasn't done. Okay, well, maybe I am done. Okay, whatever you know what. Whatever, let's get it All right. So here we dead. Okay, well, maybe I am dead. Okay, whatever you know what.
Speaker 1:Whatever, I don't want to do anymore.
Speaker 2:Let's get it All right so here we go, you ready.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:All right, am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend because of his mom? Before I even read it, I'm going to be like no, because that could be a reason to just get rid of anybody. All right, so I was dating my boyfriend for almost a month and things were great until I met his mom Until I met his mom Around Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2:I went to his house for dinner and his mom was acting weird towards me. Later we had to go to the grocery store and I got in the front seat. His mom looked at me and said get out, you're not special. Oh, sit in the back. I was shocked, but I didn't want to start anything, so I moved. But the whole drive she kept going on about how I wasn't special, I wasn't his wife and I didn't deserve to sit in his front seat. I looked at my boyfriend waiting for him to say something and he said absolutely nothing. By the time we got to the store I was pissed, so I called an Uber and I went home. About a week later his mom texted me, calling me a bitch for just leaving them there and not checking in. I told her that I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, but I wasn't about to tolerate disrespect from anyone else either.
Speaker 2:Fast forward to yesterday. My boyfriend and I went on a date and his phone was blowing up. When he answered I could hear his mom yelling at him and calling me names. I told him to hang up because once again I felt disrespected and once again he did nothing. Today I agreed to hang out with his mom to try to get closer. She started talking about how her son was her baby, how much she loved him, so on and so on. So I calmly bought up how I felt disrespected before and she went off on me. At that point I was done. When I got home I told my boyfriend the relationship wasn't going anywhere and that it wasn't going to work. I tried being respectful, I tried to make it work, but I'm not going to sit here and be disrespected by his mother while he sits there and does nothing and watches it happen. So am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:not at all, not at all. This seemed like one of them such a much she's probably a single mom and her son is her boy, is her man or well, you know how they be talking about.
Speaker 2:Like boy moms, like that's your, yes, that's your baby, but he a man, he a man.
Speaker 1:He can't be in a relationship with you the way he did with her, because my mama felt like you wasn't good enough for me.
Speaker 2:No, your mom felt like I came in and took you too. Yes, and I have a best friend who's married, and she's been married for like 16 years, and at the beginning of their relationship, his mother felt the exact same way. And his mother said the exact same thing to her. She was like I'm his mom, like you're going to be here for a short time, I'm your mom, relax. How'd I work out? How'd?
Speaker 1:I work out for her In your mom's the same way. How'd I work out?
Speaker 2:for her Right. 16 years later, 16 years, two kids, three states, four homes.
Speaker 1:And 27 pets.
Speaker 2:Right, right. So that's why I say like and here's the thing, I not a, I'm not a boy mom, so I don't. But if I was a boy mom, like if I try to put my, if I was like, oh my gosh, I have a boy, I can kind of see where that would come from. But on the same token, it's like I would love to see my, my, my son have a woman that he is fond of, that he treats good, that he respects. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't, i't understand.
Speaker 1:My issue is not with the mother. He ain't your man. My issue is not with the mother. Okay, it was with him, with the boyfriend, right? Because you need to set the boundary to let your mother know that, mom, this is the person I'm with. I'm not going to allow you to disrespect the person I'm with.
Speaker 2:Right and right. She's not my wife, but this is somebody who could potentially be my wife. Here's how.
Speaker 1:I think of it First of all. She's not the asshole. She should have left, because you can't foster anything positive out of that dynamic.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But here's what the mother should have been thinking what if they do last long term? Right, and now you done, made an enemy of your so-called daughter-in-law. And now, when your grandkids come around and you want to be in them grandkids' life, and she put up hurdles. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because we all know the grandkids mostly go with the maternal grandparents, right, right, we, you know, boy moms, boys leave home, yeah, and we barely come back.
Speaker 1:Really, babe so, and we barely come back, but she's not the asshole for that yeah, I agree, not the asshole not at all. I mean, I would have cussed my mom out no, I would have done what she.
Speaker 2:I would have done what she did. I mean, we just left. No, I would have. First, I would have left and then came back and had the conversation, because I know in the moment if that was happening to me. In the moment, the only thing that I'm working off of is reaction.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm not. You know what I mean. Like part of me, because of who I am, I will try to like, calm myself down, but I wouldn't. I don't think I would be able to hold back the, and you know, I don't want to do that. I don't want to put him in that situation. I don't want to do that Because think about it For him it was already uncomfortable, because in his mind he's already thinking like mom, come on. Like mom, please, please. But he's not going to tell his mom, mom, lay off. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I don't know it's just for me. It shows a lack of Backbone in him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they were probably young.
Speaker 1:Because I don't care. Yeah, I don't care, I don't care how old he is. Yeah, your spine is your spine. Yeah, it don't get stronger with age.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, at some point you got it, you got a man up as a couple who had experienced similar, like a similar dynamic, where it was you having to stick up for me against your mom.
Speaker 1:And I did it.
Speaker 2:And you did, yeah, and you did, and I and we weren't even married at that time, we were literally just dating.
Speaker 1:I was married up here in our heads, but no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:I was OK, you were.
Speaker 1:I was not married in my head, or in my heart or everywhere. Yeah, she didn't love me at all.
Speaker 2:But when we were just dating, he absolutely stood up for me, took my side and was telling his mom. You being disrespectful not only you being disrespectful to her, but you're also being disrespectful to me, because she's someone who's important to me and I appreciated that that's not a big deal Now, granted, me and my mother-in-law have a fabulous relationship now Absolutely love her, shouts out to my mother-in-law. But yes, I think it's one of those things like she's not even thinking that this could be long term. She's not even thinking that this could potentially be his wife.
Speaker 1:Because if it does become his wife and you don't get your act together, you could potentially not have a daughter-in-law, a son, your grandkids, like all of all of the above, she might. She might get them by herself when they put that moose knock on them and he can't shake free. Not the moose, not. You know what I'm saying I'm gonna move on on that, no, but that moose not going on, boy, it'd be a problem out here in these streets you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:I'm going to move on. Put that moose nug on them, boy, it'd be a problem out here in these streets. You know what I'm saying? No, I don't Explain. Put them vice grips. Uh-huh, rippy grippy, uh-huh. Is that what A little wet, uh-huh, soak city. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:I don't?
Speaker 2:I told you, don't? I told you evil, evil is good and get yourself a piece of evil ass, woo, okay, am I the asshole for not wanting to talk to my husband for fat shaming me? My husband asked me to take a bath with him and I said sure. Once we were in the bath he said quote, can I ask you a question? And I said ask away. He then said what can we do to get you in a proper workout routine? Yeah, I don't think that was bad.
Speaker 2:He then brought up that I hadn't done a workout this week and it's because I'm in the busiest season at work and working late most days and coming home and still going and having to cook and clean and et cetera. And, for context, I can't work out earlier as I'm already getting up at 5 am to get ready for work. He then shamed me for having a row of chocolate four pieces for the whole week and said I don't deserve it. And when I said he ate a whole package of chips, his response was I've earned it because I've gone for my runs every day this week. I'm happy he's back into his fitness and I've always supported him.
Speaker 2:But he takes things to the extreme and then, after a few months, falls off the bandwagon. But it's just that he thought I was okay to bring it up when I was naked in front of him. I never felt so humiliated. He then proceeded to say that my PCOS and previous health conditions are not to blame or not an excuse. Now I'm having anxiety around food and I just don't want to eat anymore. But am I the asshole for being short off with him and not really wanting to engage with him after what he said? I can normally shake off the things he does and the things he says, but something about the way he spoke and looked at me just got under my skin. For context, I'm 158 centimeters or 68 kilograms. The kicker. Two days after the discussion, he bought me a chocolate, as if I eat it after that.
Speaker 1:So she bought 140 pounds.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2:So here's you. Go ahead, what's your?
Speaker 1:is she the asshole for?
Speaker 2:basically she's basically giving him the short, not the silent treatment, but like the short treatment basically, she's basically giving him the short, not the silent treatment, but the short treatment. And it's because she's hurt?
Speaker 1:No, she's not an asshole at all. If anything, he's an asshole. There's nothing wrong with having conversations about your partner's health or weight if you feel like it's a concern, but there is a time and a place to do it. You do not sit there and have a conversation about your partner's body while they're naked in front of you, while they're the most vulnerable, and then to mention and then to act like four pieces of chocolate ruined the week for the week.
Speaker 1:calm down for the week when he ate when he ate bags of chips you're doing too much because he went for his run and then what I don't is do not sit here and talk about previous health situation and PCOS, as if that's not a continuous thing that's going to impact her.
Speaker 2:Or a contributing factor. That's the thing.
Speaker 1:This is what I've learned as a man. I've learned to just shut the fuck up, because what happens in a woman's body is diabolical. It is not as easy, it's not the same, it is not as easy as he could think it is. That's why, like you always say, babe, a man, can you know, if I think about losing weight, I lose five pounds. Right, you got to go out there and take some steps. I just put some chips down.
Speaker 2:All he got to do is stop drinking soda.
Speaker 1:You know it's not, so it's not the same. We have to understand that. Because, you know, I do think the science is that women naturally hold on to more body fat because of everything that your body does to produce other humans. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Because you're still going through that process. Whether you're popping out a baby or not, your body is still going through that cycle. That's why we call it a cycle for you dumb ass men out there.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:It's not just the cycle, is not just seven days cycle for you dumb ass men out there. Oh wow, it's not just the cycle is not just seven days.
Speaker 2:We only really feel good two weeks out of a month. The cycle is just part Like, really like a week.
Speaker 1:The seven days are part of the cycle, yeah, but that's not the whole cycle. Yeah, and I think that's what a lot of that's what I'm saying when it comes to a woman's body. Just shut up. Now about her weight. And her health Affecting her health, affecting her health? Yeah, those are conversations you can have, but you have to talk. Talk to them in a way that you would be comfortable receiving it. You gotta sometimes, you gotta hold on. That might not work.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say, because something, I just thought about that Something.
Speaker 1:I just thought about that, that might. Talk to her in a way that she will be able to receive it from a place of love.
Speaker 2:And not, like you, attacking or shaming her or judging her.
Speaker 1:Like don't walk in and say, damn babe, how fat you going to get, diabolical.
Speaker 2:Shut up. Damn babe, how fat you going to get.
Speaker 1:Damn babe. Another chance. This your fourth matcha today.
Speaker 2:Now I feel like you're underlyingly coming for me. Okay, now listen, you're doing the opposite of what you're saying right now. I don't even drink matcha anymore, but I used to have a little bit of a matcha lemonade problem back in the day about five or six years ago. This your fourth one today. It wasn't four. The highest I got up to was like three Damn babe, potato Corner again. Potato Corner had it.
Speaker 2:Had you in a chuckle Between Potato Corner and Cheese Dogs. Listen when you work Between potato Quarter and Cheese dogs. Listen when you work inside of a mall. Okay, and if you don't Pack your lunch, and then If you, you know. The food court is just right there.
Speaker 1:Give me some egg rolls from Yard House.
Speaker 2:No, I liked the egg rolls From um. No, I liked those too's when.
Speaker 1:I worked at California Pizza Kitchen.
Speaker 2:No, I liked those too, but when I worked at yeah, when I worked shut up, when I worked at Avenue, oh no, those ones too. I liked those ones too, but when I worked at Avenue and this was what, 15 years ago, when I worked at Avenue, I used to like to go to the little Chinese place next door and I don't know what, I don't know they had to put something in those egg rolls it was two-year-old grease.
Speaker 2:It could have been two-year-old grease, MSG, PPG. Whatever it was Not PPG, I don't know what was in those egg rolls, but I would legit get like two orders of egg rolls for lunch and that would just be my lunch and those egg rolls were so good? No, I'm not, but uh, yeah, those egg rolls are really good. I love a good egg roll. What are you?
Speaker 1:talking about. We have egg rolls like every friday. What's your response?
Speaker 2:goodness um, yeah, I, I agree with you. Um for one.
Speaker 1:What really irritated me was when he said this is the life after I do podcast, where we give two takes. Oh my gosh, I know that my takes are always the right ones.
Speaker 2:No, they're not. They're not. Get out of my face. What really irritated me was the health concerns, like you said, when he said don't use. Basically, he told her don't use that as an excuse. So he's basically saying, like you can set all that to the side, because that's not an excuse as to why you can't lose weight, as to why you can't lose weight, as to why you can't get into better shape. Now, granted, can you get into a better workout regimen? Sure, just because you work out don't mean you lose weight. Facts. Can we talk about that? Like people, people literally be in there, like trying to exercise their whole souls away, doing hours of cardio, and can't lose a pound because, that's not where it's lost because you're gonna leave and go eat a mcdouble right.
Speaker 2:So it's like when you say that she can't use her health concerns as an excuse. I'm pretty sure she's not using them as an excuse, but it's also something that she has to take into consideration because her body is obviously not operating at its optimal point to be able to possibly burn what she needs to burn, or to get, you know, for it to function the way it needs to function essentially, you know, um, so yeah, that really irritated me and but I didn't, I didn't have a problem with, like when it first started and she said that he asked her what can we do to get you in a proper workout routine Like that when I heard that part to get you in a proper workout routine.
Speaker 2:When I heard that part, I was like, okay, that was fine, Because if I would have heard that we're in the bath together, we're naked, and you were like, so what can we do to help you?
Speaker 1:You know what I mean Because that's what.
Speaker 2:What can we do. Stop Saying what can we do makes me feel like you're kind of in it with me. You're in this with me. Yeah, you're in it with me and you're coming from a place of concern, you know. But when he started with the rest of the stuff I said oh no, that was a setup for failure.
Speaker 1:He's an asshole and as you, being a person who was a professional Oreo master.
Speaker 2:Right, you know it. That's why I was saying, when he started off, I was like okay, I can see where this is going. She's probably overreacting. And then when it kept going, I said oh, he didn't Oreo that well at all.
Speaker 1:The manager and you just came out.
Speaker 2:It's not that difficult guys you had talking points for him, huh. Because it's not that difficult. It's really not. It's really not, it's really, really not.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let's see what do we have next. Okay, am I the asshole for being passive, aggressive towards my husband? After we overstayed our welcome at a restaurant, my husband and I took our three kids five, four and 10 months to a restaurant to meet up with my husband's friends and their two kids, eight and four. We had some drinks, all enjoyed our meal and then we paid our bills. My husband then got up and moved his chair to the other end of the table where the other couple were sitting, essentially cutting me off from the conversation. While I sat in the corner with the baby, she was getting fussy after probably about 90 minutes in a restaurant not being able to move around, and it was getting close to bedtime at that point. I'm dealing with her while the other four kids are being rowdy and running between nearby tables. We made a reservation and they had us seated in a far corner where no one else was seated off season in a tiny tourist town, so they weren't directly bothering other people, but I was still getting irritated by it. Regardless, I had the baby who was fighting me, and the three other grown adults could handle the other kids. The baby is now growing more fussy, becoming totally unsettled and has started crying. It's been over two hours since we had arrived at the restaurant. I make a comment about how our waitress is putting up chairs in one of the other sections of the restaurant. Another 15 minutes or so goes by. The kids are still being rowdy, the baby is fully crying and I'm just disassociating from the whole situation at this point. Finally, the waitress comes over and tells us that they're closing up. I tell her thank you and mention how the others weren't able to take a hint. She laughs it off and assures me that it's OK.
Speaker 2:Everyone finally gets up to leave and I say to my husband I don't know why you didn't just invite them over instead.
Speaker 2:I pointed out how the kids are misbehaving and the baby is crying. He gets annoyed and asked why I just didn't speak up. I point out how I was cut off from the conversation and how I didn't really want to be the one to cut off any of the conversations between him and his friends, but I'm not really sure why he thought it was appropriate to stay for so long when we have three kids. We live three minutes away from the restaurant and his friends could have easily just brought their kids over to the house for a bit. I was definitely passive, aggressive in the way I spoke at this point, but I felt that it was ridiculous to me how he never once noticed or thought that the situation was less than ideal. He's mad at me for not speaking up when I wanted to leave, but I feel like, as my partner, he should have been able to read the room and speak up on his own at his own friends. So am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:Yes and no.
Speaker 2:That's what I say.
Speaker 1:Yes, because you are assuming that he saw what you saw.
Speaker 2:No, you're upset that he didn't see what you saw that he didn't experience what you experience.
Speaker 1:It sounds like he was. My initial reaction is that he got up and moved so he wouldn't have to yell to talk to the friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the kids were in the way.
Speaker 1:He wasn't trying to exclude you and then, not only that, that, he was enjoying the interaction with his friends Right Now. I believe all of this, this whole rant you just wrote on the internet could have been avoided if, like you said, you would have spoke up. Have been avoided if, like you said, you would have spoke up, because, obviously, if I'm engaging in conversation with someone and I'm enjoying the conversation, I'm not really paying attention to my surroundings as much. So I'm not going to notice a waitress putting chairs up, because she's a waitress, that's her job to touch chairs or whatever she's doing, and I'm just enjoying the company of my friends. I'm not necessarily tracking the time. Okay, right.
Speaker 1:So I do believe that, and you are an asshole in this instance because you could have just said something Right Now. You're not an asshole for your feelings, but, again, you are responsible for your feelings and if you would have relayed your feelings in the moment or suggested that you guys move the entertainment or the fun back to your residence, most of this could have been avoided. I think this is just one of them. Situations where I felt like, if the man is driving, like OG Tripp said, if the man is driving and the wall is there. You speak up, so you don't hit the wall. You should have said something before you got to the point to where you were this angry about it.
Speaker 2:But, nigga, if you driving and you don't see the wall, Baby, it's a reference, I know. But I shouldn't have to tell you it's a wall right there and not you saying no it.
Speaker 2:Okay. Listen, this is what gets me Okay. Okay, what gets you. This is what gets me Okay. First thing Okay, you got up from your seat. Okay, and you went to go sit with your friends. Okay, you automatically excluded me from the conversation. You gonna move? Nope. You automatically excluded me from the conversation. I was sitting there with our 10-month-old baby. You got up. Were you nursing? You got up from Don't start that shit. You got up from being side-by-side with me. You left me, okay.
Speaker 1:You left me. That's dramatic. Hold on.
Speaker 2:You left. You left me. That is dramatic. You left me to go sit with your friends and until the restaurant closed. So that's the remaining the remaining evening. You left me at the other end of the table with our 10 month old, by myself, not able to engage in the conversation, and you thought that was okay. Not once did you turn around and be like babe you good. Not once did you say babe, come down here and sit with us. To be like babe you good. Not once did you say babe, come down here and sit with us. You were perfectly fine down there talking to another couple. You came as a couple and you left your partner back there with the baby Hold on.
Speaker 2:Not done. I didn't interrupt you. We have three children. Okay, three children. We came to a restaurant. They had two, we have three. There's five kids. Kids is running amok. Y'all so enveloped in the conversation that no one has said y'all need to sit down. No one has said let's get out of here. Why does that have to be just on me when I'm the one sitting over there with the 10-month-old but there's three other adults who have eyes, who have ears, other adults who have eyes, who have ears. You can. That just goes to show that you guys were so unbothered by any and everything else into your conversation.
Speaker 2:Snap out of it into your convert because you're like sitting there staring off into the abyss. I'm looking, I'm listening. Um, you guys, you guys were just sitting over there for listening.
Speaker 1:No, you were staring into the abyss.
Speaker 2:Um, you guys, you guys were just sitting over there for listening. No, you weren't. You were staring into the abyss. Um, you guys were sitting down there, engaged in the conversation, not worried about anything else around you, and it left me to have to deal with it. So, yes, I'm going to be annoyed. I'm annoyed because you're my husband, you're my partner, and I'm sure. But here's the thing, because you're my husband, you're my partner, and again, I'm sure. But here's the thing. I think what's frustrating, too, is because you it is safe to say that this probably has happened at home as well, and so now it translated to being out in public, but we're not talking about the past.
Speaker 1:We're talking about this.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're not Stop it, stop it. We're not talking about the past.
Speaker 1:He should have been a little bit more mindful as a partner as a husband, you know why she was really bothered, because the 10 month old and, like I said, if she would have said something but that's the problem.
Speaker 2:That's literally the problem what I'm saying. Why would she have to say something, maurice? There wasn't. She wouldn't come by herself. And then there was two other adults but as her partner as her. You could have also been like babe, come down here.
Speaker 1:Babe, do you want me to take the baby for a little bit?
Speaker 2:You sat there and ignored the baby, and this is what he thought. He thought to himself the baby is with his mom. My wife got it. That's what you do to me. My wife got it. That's what you do to me when you leave. She's not 10 months old. When she was 10 months, old.
Speaker 1:she was with her daddy, I was at work.
Speaker 2:It don't matter, you left me Goodbye, you left me Moving on. You left me Moving on Because, see this, y'all know this is what he does. When he knows that I have a valid point, he tries. This is it doesn't matter how you slice the cake. It doesn't matter how you slice the cake.
Speaker 1:I like pie or cheesecake.
Speaker 2:Cheesecake pie. It doesn't matter how you slice it. He got up from his chair. He removed his ass from his chair. He walked to the other end of the table.
Speaker 1:I even think the other end of the table is dramatic, because there's only nine of them.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's not dramatic. So he walked like six feet away. It's at minimum two tables pushed together.
Speaker 1:He walked six feet away Okay. And this is why men say y'all just don't want us to see us. Y'all don't want to see us happy If y'all not happy. It has nothing to do with you being happy. He was over there happy, having a good time chopping it up with his buddy, but because you felt left out.
Speaker 2:Now if he would have told you to scoot your chair closer and the kids was over here, you wouldn't have had a problem with that. Okay. But because he didn't do that, but didn't I say that, didn't I say. I said, even if he would have said, babe, you need help, you give me the baby, or why don't you come down here with us?
Speaker 1:You an asshole? Okay, that's my take.
Speaker 2:She.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not ready. No, I'm not ready Because you know now you got me fired up.
Speaker 2:Okay, be fired up. That's what happens when you sound silly.
Speaker 1:I'm about to knock if you buck.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. Okay, ready for this one.
Speaker 1:No, but go ahead.
Speaker 2:Okay, I cheated on my husband.
Speaker 1:Damn.
Speaker 2:Okay, I cheated on my husband and was honest with him. When the DNA test came back that he was not the father of our child, we were planning to work things out but I would have to give up the baby for adoption. I didn't think that it was right that he was making me choose between him and my child. He says he's going to divorce me if I keep the baby. But our marriage vows are for better or for worse. Baby, but our marriage vows are for better or for worse. What kind of low life husband would leave his wife to be a single mother if she doesn't want to give up her child for adoption? All I've been was a good woman to that man. I am so confused.
Speaker 1:I want to know how she's a good woman.
Speaker 2:Diabolical that she put that I've been a good woman to that man.
Speaker 1:She literally got a baby outside her marriage. She didn't care about the violence, but she wanted him to Diabolical. This can't be real.
Speaker 2:Forsaking all others.
Speaker 1:Where do you find these fake stories at? This can't be real.
Speaker 2:She wants to know.
Speaker 1:First of all, First of all, Look here.
Speaker 2:What's your two cents?
Speaker 1:on this.
Speaker 2:What is your two cents, Mr Gil, on this situation?
Speaker 1:Look here when she would have told me that she cheated on me and that she know for a fact that the baby not mine. I would have just packed up and left Baby. That's not what the vows say, yeah yeah, that's not what the vows say. The vows say love, honor and cherish. That's what it starts with Love, honor and cherish. I have loved you, I have cherished you, I have honored you. You may have loved me while you was cheating I did but you dishonored me by cheating and by getting pregnant out of wedlock.
Speaker 2:But she was thinking about him, okay?
Speaker 1:So there, let me tell you what. And you're not a single mother. Go ahead and tell that baby father to marry you, to marry you and help you take care of your kids, and then y'all can be a family. Don't come here with this bull. This ain't real. This cannot be real.
Speaker 2:Whether it's real or not.
Speaker 1:DeMille. People just be writing shit on the internet to write it. People just be writing Come on now. This cannot be real.
Speaker 2:What.
Speaker 1:This is diabolical.
Speaker 2:I just think the diabolical part is her saying that I have been a good woman to him. No, she not how you cheated on him. Like I'm so confused and I guarantee you she young.
Speaker 1:I'm so confused. Well, you know, nowadays these young people have grown accustomed to you know. Side pieces.
Speaker 2:I love how you say young people like you're that damn old.
Speaker 1:I'm seasoned.
Speaker 2:I'm like when did we get to this?
Speaker 1:Look here.
Speaker 2:These young people.
Speaker 1:Look here.
Speaker 2:You're only like 10 or 15 years older than them.
Speaker 1:Look here, I'm about to be 40.
Speaker 2:I'm about to be 40. We're in a year and a half.
Speaker 1:I'm about to be 40, but my soul is 85.
Speaker 2:Okay, your soul doesn't have an age, but okay.
Speaker 1:My soul is 85. I've been here before.
Speaker 2:Ergo, your soul doesn't have an age. What's?
Speaker 1:your two cents.
Speaker 2:My two cents is it's ridiculous. It's just ridiculous. Oh, but you did so. Do you think it's fair, Like he's willing to work things out with her, but she got to get rid?
Speaker 1:of the baby. What's your thoughts about that? Like would you say, I understand his train of thought okay, because here's the thing that's fair to ask. Yes, I do and let me tell you why yes, did you see how excited he got? Yes, I do, yes, I do because what I'm not gonna do is be reminded daily of your indiscretions of your indiscretions.
Speaker 2:Of your indiscretions and then raise somebody else's baby.
Speaker 1:And now you want me to raise. And now you got your indiscretion, calling me daddy.
Speaker 2:He can call you Terrell.
Speaker 1:Okay, but the thing is that, no, he better than me because I wouldn't be in the child's life at all. No At all, really At all, really At all. Oh, I'd be like Hall Thomas At all At all At all. Okay, we got time for one more.
Speaker 2:Alright, alright, here we go. He forgot to log out and I watched my marriage fall apart in real time.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, okay, here we go. Is this one real or just fake?
Speaker 2:It's on the internet, Like the things that people write on the internet and write in. We don't know if it's real or not. Okay, I don't, let's see. Oh no, let me just start here. Okay, I've been married to my husband for six years. We met in our mid-20s. We had one of the sweetest, most steady relationships Nothing overly dramatic or passionate, Just, comfortable and safe. We were best friends, planning our future. I thought we were solid, God, I thought we were solid, but apparently I've been an idiot.
Speaker 2:I found out that he's been cheating in the dumbest, most ridiculous way possible. He forgot to log out of his email. I wasn't even snooping, I wasn't looking for anything. I was just sitting on the couch last night, half asleep, and he was on his laptop, probably paying bills or checking sports scores or whatever. He closed it and then, when he was done, he went to bed before me, like he always does. So I didn't think twice about it, but then, maybe an hour later, I needed to check my email. My laptop was dead and his was sitting right there. So I grabbed it real quick and I figure I just open a new tab to log into my email to check my package trackings and my email, Except the second.
Speaker 2:I moved the mouse, the screen lit up and there it was an open email thread with someone named Samantha. My stomach dropped. I don't know why I clicked on it. Maybe I already knew deep down. Maybe some sick part of me needed to see it with my own eyes. What I saw made my blood run cold. She had sent him a picture not fully naked, but enough to make me feel like the room was spinning and his response, his response, was God, I can't stop thinking about the other night. I wish I was in your bed right now instead of at home, At home With me.
Speaker 2:I felt like I was going to throw up. My ears were ringing, my face was hot and I was just staring at the words trying to process them. It didn't feel real. I wanted to close the laptop, pretend I never saw it, crawl into the bed next to him and go back to the life that I thought I had, but I didn't. I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. Months, months of emails, of meetups, of I miss you and I wish I could see you. And I hate sneaking around.
Speaker 2:And the worst part, she knew about me. She wasn't some clueless woman who had no idea that he was married. She mentioned me by name Some of the conversation. I can't wait until you leave her. Have you told her yet? Are you really still sleeping with her? That's disgusting. If you love me, why are you still there? That last one, the last one, made my vision blurry. The last one where she said if you love me, why are you still there?
Speaker 2:I don't even remember closing the laptop. I don't remember getting up. The next thing I knew I was standing at the foot of our bed looking down at him while he slept so peacefully, like he hadn't just destroyed everything that we've built together. I wanted to wake him up and scream in his face. I wanted to throw ice water on him, slap him, smash him with his goddamn laptop, push his head up against the wall. But I didn't. I just stood there because in that moment I realized I wasn't looking at my husband anymore. I was looking at a liar, a stranger and someone I thought I knew, but clearly never did. I barely slept that night. I just laid there staring at the ceiling, feeling like I was suffocating.
Speaker 2:By the time the sun came up, I had already made my decision. I got up, got dressed, packed a bag. I didn't even care if he woke up before me and saw what I was doing. But before I walked out of the door I went back to his laptop, pulled up the email and typed one last message to Samantha, which was you can have him. Then I shut the laptop, grabbed my bag and I left. That was 24 hours ago and I haven't answered any of his calls. I haven't answered any of his calls.
Speaker 1:I haven't answered any of his texts and I don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do next. Any advice? I ain't got none. I mean you did. I don't believe this is real. She's got on here and wrote a whole graphic novel, this detail. Come on now. Here's my thing, if this is real, if this is real, if this is real, I got. I got two takes.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:First take is your. Your relationship wasn't, wasn't what you thought it was.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right and you probably, you guys probably had trouble and he probably tried to talk to you, or maybe he didn't try to talk to you and he went elsewhere. And the fact that he strung old girl along meant that he liked what she did physically, but he didn't like her that way.
Speaker 2:Like he loves you, his wife, but he likes what Samantha does.
Speaker 1:Like our good friend Julie's uncle said you'll never be my wife.
Speaker 2:You could never have that position, never, never, the position that you play. Stay in your lane, yep, that's it. You're not my wife.
Speaker 1:Stay in your lane and you can never come from that position, you'll never be where she's at Right, and a lot of men have this mentality, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know it's wife. Right I go to work for her. Right I pay you for your time. It's different, you may you keep me you keep me evened out so that I can do the things for her that I like to do.
Speaker 1:And so. But I also say I always say, well, I don't, I do not condone cheating. I do feel like is a byproduct of searching for something they weren't receiving in the, in their main relationship.
Speaker 2:So maybe not even in the relationship or whatever themselves.
Speaker 1:Right. So I felt like it was something that she, there was something that she, that the other woman was filling in him Pause, fulfilling, fulfilling in him, pause, um that made him continue this or even made him pursue this, and I don't understand why you're surprised that she knew about you. Most of these women know about the and they don't care that they don't care for them.
Speaker 2:It's a, it's like a it means nothing. Yeah, for them it's like a um, like ha ha, you thought you had a, but I can have you a man, and he's I'm. It's a game. It's a game for men, it's a game for women too.
Speaker 1:Also, some women don't want to be the men. Some women are content with having a roster. A lot of women play the same game as men. They got to line up, they got to start in five. They out here just passing on STDs. I don't know why y'all do it.
Speaker 2:Not STDs.
Speaker 1:You know. But, yeah, I would say that you're entitled to feel the way you feel. Any person will be hurt, any person will feel betrayed, especially if you were led to believe everything is perfect, everything was good. And I'd also say that this is possibly don't be down on yourself, cause this doesn't. It also is also a possibility that you did nothing.
Speaker 2:That's why I said it's not necessarily what he wasn't getting from his relationship, it's just something within himself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it could be that you did nothing. It's sometimes. Sometimes you know you really love Fuji apples, but then a Honeycrisp roll along.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh gosh. You and your analogies are terrible. Let me just bite this honey crisp apple for a second. No, you know, I mean no, um I normally.
Speaker 2:I normally go for a gala I think for me, I'm gonna go ahead and eat this honey crisp. What when she's talked about the relationship in the beginning that it wasn't overly dramatic or passionate? What was? That's what she said. They're in the beginning of the relationship. She said they were just two kids trying to plan their future. They had a normal, safe relationship. Oh, wasn't dangerous. So it wasn't dramatic, wasn't spicy? She said it wasn't dramatic, it wasn't passionate, it was safe and comfortable. So they started out in a safe and comfortable situation, right. And then they go into marriage, right, and now we're. Not only did we already start off at safe and comfortable Okay, for those of you who have, who are in a marriage and who have been married for I don't know, five, seven plus years, the routine of living with someone, doing life with someone on a continuous basis, it can become, um, like daunting.
Speaker 2:It can become like, okay, I do want, I want something like, I want to feel something. You know what I mean? Like shut up, want to. Some people look for that excitement and if you're not actively putting that into your relationship, it's not hard for something outside of your relationship to seem exciting, right? So if they already started in a relationship that didn't have a lot of drama, wasn't passionate and, to her words, was safe and comfortable. And then you pile five or six years of marriage on top of that, where it's just go to work, pay bills. We go out to eat every once in a while. We have sex, maybe two times a week.
Speaker 1:Like everything Two times a week.
Speaker 2:Stop it. Things you know, things just become routine, and it's the routine. If not interrupted every once in a while? The routine is what can get you. I think we should do a whole-. Some people thrive in routine. I like routine, I like routine, but I mean as far as-.
Speaker 1:But you got to throw in the oddities in there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what I mean. Like we know, if we go too many times without like having a date night-.
Speaker 1:But hold on, but hold on or doing something exciting.
Speaker 2:We're both kind of like.
Speaker 1:Oh, I need to do something, but we have implemented our date nights into our routine, so so we get mad when it's interrupted.
Speaker 2:Right, but what I'm saying is is, like you know, like that period of time before we started doing our date nights where I was just like we haven't done anything, we haven't gone anywhere. We haven't done anything. Everything Every day is the same thing get up, make breakfasts, make lunch, you go to work, she goes to school, I come home, I clean, I do this, I go get her, take her to practice. You the mail, clean the mail just playing y'all.
Speaker 2:I swear I'm gonna stab you um six times. But yeah, it's just like it can be the routine, and sometimes the routine just needs to be interrupted.
Speaker 1:You know, the thing is is that A lot of people think that marriage is the end product, where marriage is really just it's. It's really the next chapter, but it's like any type of progress, you have to implement the things you learned before in your current chapter. So, once you get married, you still have to have your dates, you still have to have your trips, do exciting stuff. You still have to have the conversation. Now, granted, it gets hard to have conversation when you've been with someone so long, because I can't tell you, you can't teach old dogs new tricks.
Speaker 1:I can't tell this one about my childhood again, I mean, she done heard it.
Speaker 2:I mean you can, but she done heard it plenty of times. You can Just tell it to us, but this is why you guys go out.
Speaker 1:This is why I feel like it's also important for you guys to not separate lives, but something for yourself, right?
Speaker 2:not cheating, though, because he'll be like I got. I do have something for myself I got samantha, I ain't talking about that.
Speaker 1:I got okay, hold on have something for yourself that you're willing to tell your partner. Put it that way, because that way, you, you guys, you're, you're, you're, you engage in conversation.
Speaker 2:You, uh, are spending time together yeah, it gives you something to talk about, and so you have to.
Speaker 1:It's it's weird to say, but you have to constantly be growing together, because if you don't grow together, you'll grow apart, like my plant over there oh my god, this is because it hasn't been watered so it's going like this has been another growing up together and then I didn't water them for a week and now they're growing like that.
Speaker 2:I'm a water it. When we're done with this, put it in the sun for a little bit. Oh, it's supposed to rain today.
Speaker 1:Till next time.
Speaker 2:Till next time. This has been another episode Of the Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms At Life After I Do podcast. Don't forget, you can always write in to us At Life After I Do podcast At gmailcom. New episodes are happening every Wednesday, guys, and until then, peace booskies.
Speaker 1:Newpodcasts at gmailcom. New episodes are happening every Wednesday, guys, and until then, peace booskies.
