Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Are Married Friends Necessary?
Ever wondered how married friends can impact your relationship? We dive into the importance of having a supportive circle of friends who understand the vows we've taken. From offering advice to friends in dysfunctional marriages to exploring the significance of mutual effort and self-reflection, we tackle the complexities of relationships. Our candid conversations reveal the ups and downs that even the happiest couples face, and we explore how to pour into your marriage to avoid long-lasting resentment. With a mix of personal anecdotes and practical strategies, we aim to offer insights that resonate with anyone navigating the journey of love and partnership.
If you mess with my husband.
Speaker 2:Your boy Molito can keep a secret from everybody but my wife.
Speaker 1:My husband cannot hold water.
Speaker 2:To you. Don't let him fool you To you. Okay, I tell you all the tea. If you tell me tea, it's spilling over here, you hear me we might be a team. I'm going to tell my wife you might as well look at us as a tea set.
Speaker 1:Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, Lusha Jean, and I'm here. We'll wait Again. Hey, You're here. With who?
Speaker 2:I'm here with this man to my right, this man, this man, just the guy that's been knocking your boot for the last 20-some years, not necessary, not necessary, it's that guy.
Speaker 1:My husband, your husband, my husband, molito, molito, molito. What's up, buskies? Nothing. What's going Molito Molito. What's up, buskies? Nothing. What's going on with you?
Speaker 2:Nothing. I got energy. Today you got good energy. I've had a really good day.
Speaker 1:That's good, me too.
Speaker 2:Really good day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, really young.
Speaker 2:It hasn't been the most productive Would have been good.
Speaker 1:It hasn't been. No, why, why I'm gonna try to cover my hands a little bit, y'all, because is she ashy? I forgot to put lotion on again.
Speaker 2:She ain't the only one.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry because I washed my hands. You know, at least you know I washed my hands. But after I washed my hands, like I guess the soap isn't that moisturizing because my fingers is light, light but yeah. So why hasn't it been a productive day? Oh, because I just chose not to be productive. You were productive.
Speaker 2:I mean, I got some things done, but I didn't maximize my potential.
Speaker 1:Get the freak out of here. What the hell? You didn't maximize your potential.
Speaker 2:Not at all, not at all Okay, not at all Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, what could have made it? Which could you have done to maximize your potential?
Speaker 2:I probably could have worked on some of my podcast stuff a little more.
Speaker 1:Okay, because I haven't.
Speaker 2:You know my other venture, I haven't touched that stuff, His other venture.
Speaker 1:In case you guys didn't know, he's on another podcast called the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 2:Check him out the Heavyweight Podcast.
Speaker 1:The Heavyweight Podcast. He's on another podcast called.
Speaker 2:The Heavyweight Podcast. Check him out. The Heavyweight Podcast, the Heavyweight Podcast. So don't get it because you used the other one. Shout out to Stata. But yeah, mr Gaptooth.
Speaker 1:Wendell, kevin Wendell and my boo, des the Diva.
Speaker 2:Not your boo. It's my boo Des the Diva. I'm so tired of black women standing together. I'm just playing she didn't even like you, I'm just playing, but I could have been doing some stuff for that stuff, and you know, and I only recorded one video today and when I woke up I was like I'm gonna try to get at least two or three done but, then, when I went to try to make the second one, I couldn't find my source material.
Speaker 1:So you better than me, because I started off real ambitious this morning, like I had my tripod and my backpack and everything, and I was like because today was leg day. So I was like okay, today would be a perfect day to record, like my workout and stuff, because it's a leg day, you know, didn't?
Speaker 2:do nothing.
Speaker 1:After I warmed up, I got in the. That's the thing. I think what I'm going to have to do, tell the truth, baby. I think what I'm going to have, this is what I'm going to have to do. Where it's going to make more sense, I'm going to have to have a day where it's a recording gym day, because trying to record like when I'm actually like working out, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:I'm too focused On what you're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm too focused on what I'm doing to like worry about if my camera's recording, to worry about the angle, like I'm trying to. I'm trying to push this 680 on my legs right now, like that's it. I'm I'm trying to like wait like wait, come on now. We already know how much I can do on legs.
Speaker 2:We already know how much I can do on legs and you're not there to your point, I will say, before you try to belittle me. Um, to your point, I will say that all of my gym videos are videos that you have recorded.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, because it works better when you're with someone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I'm not going to take the time to set up my podcast. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing it Like the way my RDLs took me out today. Right, there was no way in hell I was going to set up no damn tripod and sit there and try. So what I'm gonna have to do is I'm gonna make a little compilation day right and it's gonna, I'm gonna just do like my legs, you know, and then I'll do my upper body, and then I'll put it together and then I'll uh edit them and be like oh, here's what I do on leg day I just try to make it.
Speaker 2:I try to make it a point. If you guys follow, I try to make it a point to take at least a selfie. Yeah, to make a story? Yeah, you don't even do that.
Speaker 1:A selfie? Yeah, I take selfies.
Speaker 2:But you don't post stories, oh, no, no, you don't post nothing, no, what's the point.
Speaker 1:And you know what's funny, because you know where I post the most Snapchat. I post the most on Snapchat.
Speaker 2:I do Nobody on Snapchat I do.
Speaker 3:I post the most on Snapchat and everybody is always like girl, like you can post.
Speaker 1:We like to see this on Instagram too, because, like, when I do something, especially with my makeup or something, and I post it on Snapchat, everyone's like okay, so where's where's the YouTube? Where, where's the youtube tutorial? Where's the instagram can we like? I mean, I do have a makeup page instagram, but that's primarily for just like when I work, but not necessarily. But you literally doing my thing.
Speaker 2:You know video and then upload it again huh you can literally save the video I could.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'll do that. No, you know, but I just feel like with the snaps, they're literally that their snaps are super short how about you tell us about your week?
Speaker 2:bo Booski, we're not going to go too long about the day. How was your week?
Speaker 1:My week was productive Shut up, you're not Phoenix. My week was productive. Well, you know, this is still the beginning part of the week, so if we're including, like last week yeah, we are I'm going to say there's like a net or something.
Speaker 2:We're recording since the last time, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's been pretty good, like I went over my stats in my fitness app and stuff Talk about your birthday.
Speaker 1:And I will, and everything looks good Like I've been hitting my marks. You're getting, leave it alone. I can't. He won't leave me alone. Okay, you're getting, you're getting skinny. Okay, you're getting, you're getting skinny. Okay, well, according to Phoenix, you're a little skinny, just a little bit, she said. She said, mom, you, you're getting skinny, just a little bit, but not like a lot, just like a little bit. And we're, as we're walking into the store and the lady's like laughing, but um, well she?
Speaker 2:she told me I can't get too little because I won't be able to pick her up yeah. I said daddy's losing weight. She said don't lose too much weight. I said I'll still have my muscles. No, no it's not the same she said skinny daddy can't pick me up right, I mean I and apparently your husband gonna be bald and have a beard because she she said I was like tell me.
Speaker 1:I was like tell me your kids, like tell me your, your daughter's father is not her first love, without telling me he's not her first love. We were watching balloon pop, right, and here comes Phoenix moselling on into our room and we're watching balloon pop and it's a male contestant trying to look for a female right, and she instantly starts critiquing what he's wearing. She's critiquiquing his hair. She was like. She was like I like the beard, but I don't like the hair. And I was like you don't, cause he had dreads. I was like you don't like his hair. And she was like no.
Speaker 1:I said well, what kind of hair do you think he would look better in? Like, what kind of hair do you like? And she was like I like a bald head. She was like mommy, I like a bald head. And then I like like a beard, like a big beard. I said oh, you do. She was like yeah, and I turned and looked at you and I was like tell me your kid, she said I like a beard, like dad and uncle CJ, yeah because she like, because she said she like a big beard.
Speaker 1:So I was like tell me you're not your kid's first love without telling me you're not gonna be your kid's first love so then when she's like telling you not to get too small. I was like see, she's gonna want a big bearded bald guy, but anyway. But yeah, so back to my week. Everything's been good. Uh, I had a birthday this past weekend january 3rd uh. Thank you, thank you, stop Stop Hold the applause. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:He's so damn funny.
Speaker 1:So I am 38, 30 great Years old, 30 great, oh my god, I am 30 great years old.
Speaker 2:What's great about it? Cause your knees pop.
Speaker 1:First of all, what's? I know you ain't talking about my knees. Pop, oh, my knees, cause you saw me do my Bulgarian split squat today. Yeah, don't ain't talking about my knees, because you saw me do my, uh, bulgarian split squat today. Yeah, don't, don't, don't play me like that, hey, but I was able to get through it and that's what matters. Um, but yeah, so I had a birthday.
Speaker 3:I'm 38 years old.
Speaker 1:I had a wonderful birthday dinner. You heard of it. What I'm loving this look. Oh, you like the lip today. Oh great, I'm happy you like it, because I thought you weren't gonna like it, because it's like really, really nude but I put gloss on top of it because I thought that would give it a little bit more noticeability.
Speaker 1:For you see, I'll be thinking about you. Um. So I had a really great and wonderful birthday dinner. Um, shout out to louisiana purchase for not disappointing, because I was looking forward to my birthday dinner all week and we had um. I invited some friends out and you know, I don't know if this happens to you guys, but you have that, that favorite restaurant that you have, and the minute you talk about it, you hype it up, you tell your friends about it and then you guys go and try to experience it together. That's the one day they be messing up the kitchen. The kitchen just can't kitchen that day. So I was really nervous about inviting friends because I was like I really don't want Louisiana Purchase to ruin this for me, because I really like this restaurant. And so the appetizers started off really great. My friends were like, oh, this is good. We had a what was it?
Speaker 2:Fried alligator tail it was gator bites gator bites.
Speaker 1:So it was fried alligator tail on a bed of like, uh, seasoned cajun fries so good, and then what was the sauce? It was like stop staring off into the abyss, I'm thinking it was like a, uh, like a tangy honey mustard sauce.
Speaker 1:It was so good, so good. And then the waitress she was asking if we wanted to have drinks or whatever. And for those of you who don't know, I don't drink alcohol. So I was like oh no, like I don't drink, and she was like I can make you a mocktail. And I was like oh, and she was like it can be, it'll be just like a drink, but instead, you know, won't have the alcohol in it. It'll be just like a drink, but instead, you know, won't have the alcohol in it.
Speaker 2:Waste of goddamn money.
Speaker 1:And whatever she made me because she had me sold. When she was telling me some of the things she could put in there, she had mentioned lime and ginger. And when she said lime and ginger, what did I say? You said oh yeah. I said oh yeah, that's me, that's me right there. I said you mentioned lime and ginger, two of my favorite things, and she was like okay, so she had lime ginger.
Speaker 1:She put some mint in there nice, it was so good and refreshing. And she put the little um seltzer water in there. It was. It looked pretty. It was a waste of money, but it looked pretty. It looked like a real alcoholic beverage you was faking for the view, so my photo looked really cute. It looked really cute because you the smacking.
Speaker 1:It looked really cute because you know, everybody was like, oh my gosh, like what? You drinking girls, like girls, it's a special birthday mix. You're so fake. But I will say as soon as I tasted it as soon as I tasted it I was like you know what would really set this off? Some tequila.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Some tequila would really set this off right now, but it was really good. So thanks for making it a pretty good. 30 great birthday, babe. I'll try to do what I can for you. I appreciate it and, for those of you who don't know, I celebrate my birthday all month. So that was my birthday, which is January 3rd, but we celebrate my birthday she does.
Speaker 2:I don't do that, no more.
Speaker 1:It's all month. I don't do that anymore, whenever he tries to question me about something like going to Sephora three days in a row.
Speaker 2:Three or four.
Speaker 1:When he tries to question me on stuff like that, I just be like I don't know what to tell you because it's my birthday month. So my birthday month is kind of like get out of jail free card a little bit, Okay, Alright.
Speaker 2:I'm going to use that same tactic.
Speaker 1:No, you can't, because it has to be something that's been a tradition. Like you can't just.
Speaker 2:You can't just like start traditions unless it's for your children. That's why I think about the tradition. You can start one.
Speaker 1:Well, it's better if you're doing it for your kid but not for yourself.
Speaker 2:My birthday tradition is going to be my birthday party. We're going to do that everywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're just going to try to not make the tradition you having too much fun.
Speaker 2:Hold on.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 2:I'm not doing that anymore.
Speaker 1:I didn't do it this year or yeah, so how was your week?
Speaker 2:Oh, we ain't got time for my week Plenty of time for your week. We took all the time.
Speaker 1:How was your week, babe? There's no time limit. Um, my week was arousing. Not because of me. Yeah, it was why.
Speaker 2:Because when you hit that switch, what switch? You hit that switch on Phoenix and you've been doubling down and you've been like you and her what?
Speaker 1:are you talking about, because it's my time to talk. Well, they got to know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:When you hit that switch and you kicked on mean mommy.
Speaker 2:I was not trying to be mean, but you was a mommy that didn't play and I was like I didn't think she had it in her Really. I said look. I said look. I said look at. I said look. I said oh, because normally you know I'm the one I got to. I got to come in and be kind of like the bad guy and you're like, baby, don't go too hard on her, don't go too hard on her. But you were going in. I said look at her, draw the line in the sand.
Speaker 1:And Phoenix was looking at you like she was not having it. She was. She was befuddled. She was not having. She was befuddled. She was like ma'am, what is? Who is you? She was like I'm gonna get in this bed she.
Speaker 2:It wasn't even proper english. She said who is you?
Speaker 1:it was like the battle my mom, who is like the battle, so that I was like I said okay for he's he's referring to um not letting our seven-year-old get in our bed it wasn't even.
Speaker 2:It was more than just that so like I started it started at your dad's house well, yeah, that too because her she was just.
Speaker 1:You know, she's been on break and she's been. She's been breaking. She's been breaking, like when, when we just let her have a little bit of um, like I guess free will. I don't know, because you know, when we're in school, like she, she has gymnastics and she has school. So when we are in school everything is very structured during the week. You know, like she doesn't have a problem going down at her bedtime. She has, like her, her workout schedule, she has a gymnastic schedule. Everything is pretty rigid. So when she goes on break I try to make it a point to like let her just live a little bit. You know, I try not to be too rigid on bedtime and stuff like that because, um, you know, just let her live a bit.
Speaker 1:I remember what breaks was like and don't nobody want to be going to bed at 7 30 on break, and she doesn't have a problem going back into her routine, so that's why I also don't mind it, but this particular break, you know she's also gotten older, so.
Speaker 2:But she's also getting to that point, to where she is testing every boundary, oh yeah yeah, right other than that it was. It was pretty solid um I finally um broke through my, my, my weight plateau oh, it's great. So the scale finally moved in the right direction. Again, I was happy about that. Um very good. And um the only thing I I don't like about my week is, you know, all these uh, new year, new me, people in my way, Goodbye I will say but here's the thing, you also go, you also go.
Speaker 1:So when we work out together, we go. We get to the gym about eight o'clock but because she's home obviously somebody has to be home. So you've been going at what. The six o'clock hour, which I feel 536, which is that which I feel like is almost like a peak time, that most people go because they're going before work or something.
Speaker 2:I'm going to start going at four.
Speaker 1:Um, oh, don't do that, yeah, four, don't do that, yeah, no, no, because I went at four one day and it was cool. Oh well, maybe because the one o'clock.
Speaker 1:People are starting to no, I'm talking about 4 am, oh4 am. Okay, yeah, um 4 pm. That's my bed time. Bye, uh, so yeah, but when I get there, I've been going at like 9, 9, 30 and by the time I there, all the people from your shift are all the people from your time slot are starting to like dwindle down. So when I walk in, it's like people sprinkle, like today, what's all the when it comes to legs, what's always full leg press, leg press always full. I walk straight in two leg presses available. Oh, that's good for you Like.
Speaker 2:I walked in. There was only Now she just flexing what we got today, because I could have sworn. It was me talking about my week. And then she took over.
Speaker 1:I'm not taking over, I'm talking about your week with you. But I was just saying, I'm just talking about your week with you.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying, because you were saying all the new year, all the new year, new me people.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I get it. But I'm just saying like, I commend everybody for starting, starting their journey. That's one thing I can say about the gym. The gym do be full in January. Love it, love it, love it. I don't. I know why you don't and I have to agree with you. I don't because and I have to agree with you.
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:Because the amount of people who don't pick up after themselves.
Speaker 2:Don't pick up after themselves. They start breaking shit. Don't know how to use shit. I saw a lady today. She was doing cleans. You know, cleans like powerlifting cleans, uh-huh. While she was at the bench press, so she was straddling the bench press doing cleans. I'm like, ma'am, there are four squat racks open right there and you're taking a.
Speaker 1:Was she supersetting or something?
Speaker 2:No, oh, it was no weight on the bar, just.
Speaker 1:Like sitting down on the bench.
Speaker 3:No, she was standing up.
Speaker 1:She just used that bar Right.
Speaker 2:I said there are she should have just took the bar I said, ma'am, there's there's two set the bars up front for stuff like that and there's 12 squat racks and four of them was open but I'm willing to guess and hear me out.
Speaker 1:I'm willing to guess. The reason she did that is because there's a bar missing on the at the squat racks, because after I got off bit hold on. After I got off bench yesterday, the guy was waiting for me to get off bench and as soon as I got up, after I wiped down, he took the bar and took it over to the squat rack because there's a missing. There's a missing bar on the squat rack.
Speaker 2:The bar is not missing. It's somewhere in the gym. One of the squat racks probably has have doubled or they've left it outside somewhere, and that's the other problem. People don't get me started. What we got, I'm about to start beating it. I'm going to ask the gym if I can be an enforcer.
Speaker 1:I think they should. Okay, so you know, like on the grassy area those dumbbells are blue, so you know those belong to the grassy area. I think they should do that with the rest of the dumbbells. Like all the ones that are in the gym should be black, but the ones that go outside should be like green, and then the ones that are for the grass area should stay blue. So anything that's black, we know like black and coated, is for the gym, and then the ones that are not coated, the ones that can rust you know those are for the second grass area.
Speaker 2:The bars are color coded. Do they care?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I bet you, even on the bar I did One's black and one's silver. Yeah, those are color colored, do they care?
Speaker 2:They don't Okay, what we got today, bootski. These people don't give a damn about nothing but themselves. What we got today, bootski.
Speaker 1:Like when I couldn't find the 17 and a half.
Speaker 2:And I had to go outside and find it for you.
Speaker 1:And then there was a 60 pound in the 15th. I said who did this? You had to walk to the whole other side from 60 pounds to 15. Yeah, I'm with you on that. We got a video. Okay, Basically about the importance of having married friends.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you think it's important to have married friends?
Speaker 2:It's important to have married friends so you can go out and do things together like birthday parties at Louisiana Purchase.
Speaker 1:That's not the only reason why it's important to have married friends, babe, but let's listen to the video and then I will get your.
Speaker 2:I thought I'd get a great example, yeah.
Speaker 1:Ready People who are not obligated to a covenant, have no understanding of keeping it. Yeah, that's good if you're not obligated to a covenant instead like you.
Speaker 3:Just, you know, if you're not obligated to a covenant, you don't have the language of understanding why you need to stay in it. Because people don't understand covenant, they don't understand a vow. You know, it's like it's honestly to the point that when I marry people now, I don't even say the whole life for richer, for poor, for better, for worse, through sickness and health, because people don't mean it. They don't mean it. They don't understand what the word vow mean. Right. So when you, when you need friends who understand vows because if you have people who don't understand vows, they're not, they're not going to push you into keeping yours, but when you got people in your life who understand vows, those are the type of people that say, well, you mad right now, but you going back home.
Speaker 1:Okay, that part Coming back home, that part. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had like that, like yeah, you mad right now. You really pissed off at him right now. I get it, but mad right now you really pissed off at him right now. I get it, but guess. But guess what you gonna do, girl you finna, go right back to that house.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get my, I'm gonna get my chipotle walk around best buy for a little bit. Come on home, go upstairs, sit in my office and then, when I'm ready to talk to her, I go say you want to talk about it, you want to?
Speaker 1:talk about this, or are we going to be beefing for?
Speaker 1:the next day or two, are we going to play this? I took my mom by my spot where I go to hang out by myself when I get food and like just sit in the parking lot and she goes what the hell would you go back there for, where nobody can see you by all those damn bushes in the back of a building? That's why I said, that's why I go. I locked the door. The car is on. That's what I told her. I was like the car is always on, so if I need to like make a quick one.
Speaker 1:I can make a quick location, but I'll be needing to like, like, get away, and it made me think about like. When I heard this video too, it had made me think about, um, when we had got into a spat at like 10 o'clock or something at night.
Speaker 2:And okay, that pissed me off. I know that upset you because I left the house. I understand this is what you do, but it's too late. It is too late for this right now.
Speaker 1:All I did was go park in the Wendy's parking lot. This time I didn't go behind a building, I went somewhere where it was lit so people could see me, but nonetheless I still had to go be by myself. So I wouldn't buy the trash can, okay? But yes, so your thoughts on yeah, people, we do argue, of course we argue. I don't think people, I don't think people think we don't argue. We beef over here, we do, and that's what I try to explain to like some of my friends, you know we, like some of my friends, you know we just understand, um, when, when they make comments like oh my gosh, you guys are so happy, like he's so great and you guys work so good together.
Speaker 1:I'm like, okay, that's great and all, but he, he's still be getting on my nerves like look here, we also know how to put on a really great face when we need to be in front of people if we're spatting look here on the outside, I am the perfect husband. Too bad, that doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:But when you?
Speaker 1:get in this thing. There's some room for improvement.
Speaker 2:There's some room. I ain't the worst.
Speaker 1:No, you're not the worst. I'm sure there's worse out there. I don't know. I wouldn't want to find out.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say I'm the best.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but anywhowho, back to the topic at hand.
Speaker 2:okay, go ahead, go ahead um I agree with what are you saying. I do think that a lot of people today don't understand the sanctity that is marriage and what the vows mean and what the vows are and what your intentions behind the vows should be. I do think that a lot of people get married for the title, for the status, for what they deemed to be beneficial to them. A lot of people, a lot of a lot of ladies, want the ring. A lot of men just want, um, a house slave Okay, that's what you want to call it. They. They want the arm candy or whatever the case may be, and they're not getting married for the right reasons. They're getting married. They're getting married out of, out of vanity, almost like just so they can appear to be one thing, and they don't really understand the amount of work that comes with marriage, right, right, because if you have issues before the marriage, the marriage is just going to make things that much more complicated, it's going to amplify it.
Speaker 1:I don't know what it is with the titles, but those titles tend to amplify things. So, like what do you, what do you think is like a good reason For what For marriage? Because you say you think is like a good reason for marriage. Because you say you think people marry for the wrong reasons. So what should be some valid reasons that people would want to get married? Like why did you want to be married?
Speaker 2:Because, I looked across at you and I saw someone who loved me for me. I saw someone who loved me when I didn't love myself, someone that stood by me in my darkest days and someone that was loyal to me when I wasn't even loyal to myself. And someone that believed in me when I couldn't even see my dreams anymore because of what I was going through. And with that, I was already in love with you from the, from the relationship we had prior to those events of life happening where I took the downward spiral, but you being steadfast and standing by me in those moments and then even loving me enough to say, hey, look here like I need you to get yourself together because you're starting to weigh me down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yourself together because you're starting to weigh me down, yeah, to even give me the tough love that was required. You showed me that you were here for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so that instilled in me something that was like okay, well, like I always say, like this woman being you, like Kinesha or Nisha G, loved me when I had nothing and when I was nothing. So when I anything that I obtained from this from this point on in my life, she's more than entitled to it, because she held me up when I couldn't hold my own self up.
Speaker 1:And I think that's I think that's one of the most important things when you talk about like the tough love and, as it pertains to the topic, like having married friends, because I think when you're able to give like some tough advice or try to express that tough love with a friend who might be going through a tough time with their partner, and you're basically having to tell them something that they probably didn't want to hear, because when you're in spat with your spouse or you guys are on the outs, you really are looking for somebody to kind of like agree with you, to champion with you, to champion with you right.
Speaker 1:Because you don't, I'm hanging up. But as somebody who is also married and as somebody who has had a shared experience with somebody else who's married, I can come from the outside and be like hey, your single friends probably ain't going to tell you this.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to go ahead and tell you because what y'all going through right now I've been through and as somebody who has to, who had to work through it, I'm going to let you know one, you probably could have handled it differently. Two y'all still going to be married at the end of the day. So we got to move forward. You know what I'm saying. As opposed to being like girl, I wouldn't take that from him. No, he didn't Like. He ain't shit Like. You know what I'm saying. Your single friends might be more inclined to take that approach because they haven't been in, as he said, covenant with someone to the extent where you're kind of forced to work through it. So I think, basically, having shared experiences is also another positive to having married friends. Would you agree? Why are you looking at me like that? It's creepy.
Speaker 2:Because I'm just looking at everything put together. What it's nice your eyes. It's like everything is like it's not monotone, but it all go together and it's doing it for me. Sorry, oh my gosh, sorry, guys.
Speaker 1:I love my wife. I'm happy I was able to visually please you this evening, Every now and again. You still wow me Every now and again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what I try to do? Is I always I try to do? Is I always I try to play? I forget? I try to play devil's advocate, because I understand a lot of times when someone's coming to you to vent, they're only going to vent to you their side of the story, or how they perceive it how they perceive it, right. So I try to um play devil advocate in the fact of say okay, how was this? How was it said? In what context was it said?
Speaker 1:What started it Right, could you?
Speaker 2:possibly be taking it the wrong way. Could you possibly have heard the wrong thing, or you were just wrong, right, or what was it that you said or did that triggered the event to happen? So I try to take that route and a lot of times after I go through those questions and sometimes I'm like you know, you're wrong. You know, yeah, you're wrong like from my perspective you're wrong it could have been handled differently.
Speaker 1:You may not have been, as you know I do. I do still try to hold the hand a little bit, I do. You know what I mean, but it really depends on the extent of what's happening.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying but I always say to people like you're with this person, so you should know their personalities a lot better than I do. So if I'm seeing things about their personality that you're not seeing in the moment, that means that, whatever happened, you were on defense from the start. That's how I, that's how I perceive it. What do you mean? Were on the fence from the start. That's how I, that's how I perceive it. Like if I can see, like I don't want to give names, but like let's say, we have one friend and her and her husband. They get into it and now she's saying, oh, he did this, and then I said this, and then he did that. And then we're like, well, what was what started it?
Speaker 2:yeah right, and then she can say well, he says such and such, such, such, such, right, and I can go. Well, knowing his personality, are you not sure that he meant it this way, and are you? Are you were you just defensive, because what he said was directly correlated to your actions or something you should have done, so are you mad at?
Speaker 1:the way? Are you mad at what was said or how it was said?
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, exactly yeah. So that's what I like. Sometimes I do that Like so because sometimes so when I say like Not you trying to be a whole relationship counselor, jesus, okay, go ahead. But that's what I'm saying. Sometimes it's like because I know I do that In the heat of the moment I'm not If I feel I'm not really listening to what you're saying and you get super defensive. So that's how I know I can pick up on those things. Thank you for doubling down. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I can't, I can't, so yeah, so basically, that's what Emotional support, that's shared experiences, all benefits of having married friends.
Speaker 2:But the thing to me, emotional support, like for friendship right, especially with your married friends, sometimes it's just listening, because sometimes I'll just let you get it off your chest and not respond. Yeah, like sometimes, because a lot of times, like, I feel like you know, you know when you don't need to respond, when they are getting it off their chest and now they're starting to realize shit as they're talking yeah, because the more you start to talk, you start to hear yourself, and then you'd be like damn, I was wrong all right, well, I mean well, that's what they mean by that I probably shouldn't have said that at that moment.
Speaker 1:That never happens to me so what did we just talk about? What you look. Look like on the outside, but on the inside it's something completely different. Ok, so then what about like relationship dynamics, like as a perk?
Speaker 2:Like to be a mirror. I mean, if you have two people that work well together, that's a major benefit. But if you have one person that feels like they're shouldering more of the load than the other one and the other person just is content with that person shouldering the load, that can also be an issue.
Speaker 1:Now, what about your perspective on this? Because, yes, there's millions of people who are married, right, but not everybody has a functional marriage. There is nothing there. There is a. It's a gnat. That's why I keep waving my hands like a crazy woman. Um, what about trying to motivate a friend who is in a dysfunction? And you know what's? You know that the relationship that they're in is a dysfunction, but they are married, so are you still giving the same advice? Are you still? You know, because you still made a commitment.
Speaker 2:My advice would be something like this. It's similar to last episode where I said you got lines in the sand that must be drawn and you have to look at yourself and say is this something that I'm willing to deal with for the rest of my life or is this something that's going to hinder me and eventually I'm going to be resentful of the other person, right, okay? So what I always say is, if things can't be fixed through conversation, therapy or therapy, or the other person just doesn't see it as being an issue, in those instances I say you most likely are going to have to make the tough decision of whether or not you want to stay Now as your friend. I'm not going to advise you to leave. I'm going to advise you to exhaust every path.
Speaker 1:Avenue possible, possible, that's me me right before, unless there's like abuse or something right right before you leave.
Speaker 2:But I'm gonna ask you if you truly feel in your heart to heart. At the end of the day, nothing will improve. Are you willing to be unhappy for whatever time you have?
Speaker 1:for however long it takes. It takes and I think that's the part I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:And I always say that's a question you have to answer for yourself, because I'm not in that relationship, right, I can tell you what I would do. I'm not going to be unhappy, oh, I'm not.
Speaker 1:Oh damn.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I'm going to be happy.
Speaker 1:I better watch.
Speaker 2:Stop it. I'm unhappy to that level, to where it's going to constantly affect me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I have a marriage in which the communication is wide open and we can talk to each other and we both are actively trying to be the best version of ourselves for the other person. Everyone does not have that.
Speaker 1:Right, but what if that changes?
Speaker 2:If that changes, then you can stay. But what I'm saying is, if that other, then you can stay. But what I'm saying is, if that other person is showing no interest in change, because they are content, are there, are they're giving you excuse after excuse? Are they're giving just reason or just cause and they're saying, no, you're the one that's crazy. But you know how you feel Because, again, like we always say, your perception is your reality, right. So at that point you again have to decide whether or not this is something that you can live with and keep this unit together, or would you be better off walking away from the unit? Because I'm not saying, I'm not saying that all marriages are doomed to fail, that's not what the statistics say, though.
Speaker 2:I understand that. I feel like all marriages require work, but that work has to be done on both sides, and when that work is not being done on both sides, then the marriage leads to ruin. Yeah, but I feel like you have to put up the effort first in order to achieve the higher level of connection and stability within each other for that to happen, and if one person doesn't want to help you move the brakes, if you're not comfortable carrying the brakes by yourself, then you know what you need to do.
Speaker 1:I agree with that. I think the part that I get kind of hung up on, though, is the unhappy part. Right, but, like you said, know, you kind of have to determine how long you're willing to kind of be unhappy, to work through, um, the tough times, because the truth of the matter is, is that there's going to be a lot of times where you're not happy, right, so you can't to say, like you know, that's when you can reconsider things, when you're not happy, because, like I'm not going to be happy you, it is a 100 percent guarantee that you are going to go through a time where you're not happy. So, when you're, when you're, when you have married friends who have or are in that spot, right, and then you have them calling you to kind of, like you know, help them out with that, what type of conversation or what type of advice could you be giving to a friend who is in a spot where they are unhappy? And let's just say they've been and they say, you know it's been two years?
Speaker 2:and.
Speaker 1:I'm still unhappy.
Speaker 2:I would ask them this Because, again, I believe that happiness starts from within, right? So is there, are there things about yourself that make you unhappy? First, because a lot of times you can be projecting your inner self onto the marriage, right.
Speaker 2:So you need to do the work within yourself first, and that's that's always the toughest thing, right. And then, if you do the work on yourself and you realize, no, yeah, because nine times out of ten you played a small role in it or a bigger role to work on themselves and they're not healing, then yeah, that's, it's that happiness is still going to be there. But when I mean by unhappy, you have to, you have to say is this am I unhappy for a season?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or am I or have I been unhappy for X amount of time, like, have, am I still having conversations about things that didn't sit right with me from five or six years ago, like, have there been steps to improve those? Or have we done things for face value in the moment and then regressed back to what was before? Right, because when someone does something for face value and then regress, to me personally, what that is is that I'm going to do just enough to get you off my back and then, once you get comfortable, I'm going to slide back to where I was before. So you have to look at the situation in a whole. Right, I'm not saying that leave them or leave her because you came home and she drunk your last protein shake and you mad about that.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying something that small. I'm saying that when there's been a disconnect a disconnect for a long, for a long period of time for, for, for, whatever the reason, and you've done the work, and now you know that it's not yourself and now you're bringing them the issue of what they're doing and they're not willing to either have that, either have that conversation with you or address the issues that they're causing to you and affect the relationship in a positive light, then you consider maybe this is as far as we go at that point. But I'm saying that the work has to be done first.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, all avenues have to be exhausted. I've said this before and I'll say it again If there's one thing marriage or being in long-term relationship has shown me, is that your partner becomes a mirror. Yes, right, so I always like to take the perspective of the things that you complain about your partner. It's a mirror, so some of the things that you can complain about your partner are things that you complain about your partner. It's a mirror, so some of the things that you can complain about your partner are things that you see in yourself that you really don't like. Okay, right, but it's going to be shown to you in your partner's actions and that's what you're going to focus on. You're going to focus on what they're not doing. You're going to focus on how they're not progressing. You're going to focus on how they're not progressing. You're going to focus on how they're not meeting your standards. You're going to keep focusing on all of those things.
Speaker 1:But if you actually look inward first because we talk about that all the time I do my best. I'm not perfect, but I do my best to try to look at myself first when I feel like you have disappointed me or when I feel like, oh, I thought it wasn't there, yeah the gnat, you have disappointed me. Or when I feel like, oh, I thought it wasn't there, yeah the gnat. If I feel like you've disappointed me, if I feel as though you know, like you're, the way you're moving about things is just, it doesn't correlate or align with what I, how I think things should be going. The first thing I have to look at is myself and I have to say, okay, he did this and that disappointed me. But what I'm really saying and what I'm really feeling is is I'm disappointed in myself because I too could have stepped up in this way, or I too could have. You know what I'm saying. It's almost like a mirror.
Speaker 1:So when I have these conversations with my other married friends, or if they're going through, you know, a difficult time with their partners like, I'm not trying to be the asshole, I'm not trying to make them feel like they're out on a ledge by themselves by just not going in 100% and agreeing with them, but I always say, like, like, let's look at this. Like, yes, I know, I live with a man, so I totally get. I live with a man, so I totally get where you're coming from on some of these fronts. But some of the things, like the foundational things that you're complaining about about your partner, about your spouse, where is that stemming from? Where is it coming from?
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, and usually usually not always you can find part of that within yourself and the disappointments that you have within yourself or the expectations that you're not meeting of self, and so you've projected those onto your partner, and so now they're sticking out like a shiny sore thumb because a shiny one. They're sticking out like a shiny sore thumb because now all you can talk about is how they don't prioritize, how they don't manage, how they don't make time for how that.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying, but so in that instance, I'm happy you said that example right. A lot of times what I do me personally, when I feel like I'm not getting something from you, I then ask myself the things that I'm requiring of you are the things that I say that I'm lacking from you? Have I been giving those things to you Right? Because the things that I say that I'm lacking from you, have I been giving those things to you Right? Because, again, we're in a marriage, everything is, for the most part, reciprocal, right. We each have our roles to play.
Speaker 2:So I always say this, and, as a man, I personally feel, like I said before, to be a man, to be a husband, to be a good one, it is a selfish, it is a, it's a, it's a selfish, a selfless life, right?
Speaker 2:Selfless, selfless life, right. You're, you have to put, you're putting your family before you. It is just. I know that it's not always fair, I know that it sometimes it sucks, but it is the harsh reality of what it means to be a man, a good father, a good husband, a good provider. You're putting, you putting the a good father, a good husband, a good provider. You're putting the good of the collective before yourself. So by doing that, applying it to your marriage, you have to then say hey, if your lady comes to you and say, well, I need this, this, this from you, right, and I'm not getting this and it makes me feel this way, what I try to do, and what I think all men should do, is don't get defensive in that moment. Take in what she's saying, listen to her, because my thing is, I can't be mad at you for something if you're expressing to me how you feel, regardless of how what you feel makes me feel.
Speaker 1:It's my feelings and they're valid regardless. What you feel makes me feel yeah.
Speaker 2:It's my feelings and they're valid regardless. It's your feelings, right, yeah? And I now need to separate my feelings from the feelings you're telling me and process why I feel this way about what you're telling me. Yeah, you need to take your ego out of it and then, once I process my feelings, I need to then, to the best of my ability, provide you with the emotional support or whatever task it is that you that you say you need from me.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And then my mind is that now that, now that I am providing you these things because I think if I provide her what she says she's lacking then in turn, most likely which is true, I'll now will receive the things that I felt I'm lacking, because I now I understand that I have to pour into you so that you can pour into me.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like. It's like if, instead of focusing on what you feel like you're missing and what you need, if you focus on the needs of your partner, then usually, in a natural reciprocal situation, your partner will start focusing on your needs, like if you just made your day about what's going to bring me joy, put a smile on my face.
Speaker 1:then, of course, eventually eventually, like, my brain is just like oh, you know what? Like it just makes you want to do those things. Like, oh, I think he would really like this. I'm going to do this.
Speaker 2:And that's what I'm trying to say, like if, if I lead a day, or lead a life, or lead a path, whatever you want to call it to where I am now making you a priority right.
Speaker 2:I'm making the house a priority and I am checking off all the needs that you may have and some of the wants. Yeah, right, I'm checking all this off. Right, I'm checking all this off Right, I'm making your day to day easier. That now opens up time and capacity in your brain, in your mind, for you, for me, and it's almost like doing itself, it's almost like self-service through giving Right. You have to understand that, while you shouldn't do things to receive, it's a great starter, joking but in the dynamic of a marriage, that tends to be how it happens. Yeah, unless you're just married to an asshole that just wants to receive.
Speaker 1:I mean I can be an asshole.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you are um, I mean I can be too, yeah but as a as a man, especially as a father, because, like, let's not even take the marriage, let's take the marriage thing off the table, the father thing, right. As a father, if you're a good father, you're going to pour into your kids more than you pour into yourself every dime you have and a lot of that.
Speaker 2:It's going to be underappreciated and not receive well, especially if you're not giving them what they want in the moment right but you're not and and and and not receive well, especially if you're not giving them what they want in the right Right, but you're not doing it to receive the praise.
Speaker 2:Right. So if you take that same mind, you take that same mindset and apply that towards your wife, be good, be gentle, be good to your wife, be gentle to your wife, be loving, be compassionate towards your wife, feed into her spiritually, feed into her mentally, and don't do that because you expect it back. Do it because this is what you should be doing as the leader of the household. Then I guarantee you, if you have a good wife, you have a good partner, you will receive back what you put out tenfold, and then you will receive it in ways you don't even, you won't even really comprehend, because not only will your wife be in a better headspace, a better headspace that now, that's now going to flow and trickle down into the household and now you're going to accept, you're going to set a example to your children of what a healthy, productive relationship looks like.
Speaker 2:Right and, like I always say, my goal right now is now that my daughter is older and now I can see how she's looking at the dynamic of our marriage, cause she is definitely paying attention.
Speaker 1:She's watching Right.
Speaker 2:So now my goal right now is to show her and to provide her with the perfect example as perfect as I can get it of what she should be looking for and to pursue, so that when she goes out here she's not impressed by some of these little heifers.
Speaker 1:Bye.
Speaker 2:And these little duds, goodbye, goodbye. So I'm trying to get her to the point where she can understand what to expect. So they always say that girls with high expectations are bougie or they're stuck up. No, it's not.
Speaker 1:They just come from a place where they were shown what is capable yeah, and then they compare that to what they see out in the world and then they're just like mm-mm.
Speaker 2:Right, because because my daddy like that TikTok.
Speaker 1:she was like I call my daddy for everything, right, daddy? They charged me $52 for this tire, is that right?
Speaker 2:Right, so, but but that's the thing. That's the thing as a man and this is the this is, this is as men. We should be telling this to ourselves every day, because a lot of times, the there, there, there is some good behind the whole. Suck it up, you're a man. There's some good behind the whole. Suck it up, you're a man. There's some good behind it. There's some good behind that. There's a lot of bad behind it, but there is some good. It's situational, okay, Right, sometimes doing what is best for the family, even though it's to your own detriment, is good, because what's good for the family ultimately will be good for you.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm no matter how much it sucks in the moment. There's a reason why, when you look at a lot of marriages that last a long time I'm not talking about rich folks, just like middle-class folks, right that last a long time you ever notice how nine times out of 10, the wife has a nicer car. Right Nine times out of 10, the wife has a nicer car okay has the newer car.
Speaker 1:The kids have more stuff than dad well, also because she usually needs the most reliable car, because she's but but?
Speaker 2:but what I'm saying is that those are the small things that you sacrifice. Yeah, right to make sure that your family is safe and provided for.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so and so that, like like to me, you having the nicer car is a way to me to ensure that. Hey, I don't I want to worry about you breaking down when I'm at work, I want to worry about you, um, your radiator, uh, uh, blowing are you?
Speaker 1:blowing the gas, but instead I have to worry about you. Okay, it, I have to worry about you Okay.
Speaker 2:It's fine, but if something happens to me, I I you definitely are due for a new car. But if something happens to me, I have the resources and the know-how to get home. I have AAA. Yeah, okay, you're going to call me asking what do I give them?
Speaker 1:I mean I won't, I don't know if I got it.
Speaker 2:I told you you can put your card in your Apple wallet.
Speaker 1:Really I'm going to have to do that, because that'll just be a lot easier, but anywho, yes, so that would be advice that you would give to your married friend.
Speaker 2:If you love that woman, pour into her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's honestly speaking from my own personal experience. I also think that's where a lot of disconnect comes from Each other not pouring into each other anymore.
Speaker 1:It's not easy, because eventually like you can go into a spat that can last a little bit too long. Then that kind of turns into now you guys are just annoyed with each other. Then that turns into now. I'm going to pick out all the things and all the reasons why you get on my nerves and why? Yeah, because you don't do this, you don't help here, you don't provide here, and I do all this on my own. I take care of this by myself. What do I need you for? And it's just like a, it's like a snowball effect. Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:And all the while he's saying well, I'm not doing that because you're not doing this.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, that's that's. That's the one that's the moneymaker right there. I don't do such and such because you don't, and I'll. I'll be real honest with you. I've done that quite a few times, I know, like I'm not even going to, I'm not going to hold you. I've done and I try to be mindful of it when I get to that space. But that's usually when you're like if I had this much nerve left. That's when you decide to pop a squat right there.
Speaker 2:Okay, this has been.
Speaker 1:That's when you decide to sit on, because the nerve is only that big. Just sit on, because the nerve is only like that big. And then you, and then here you come and you pop a squat right there, right there. But I love you, we get through it.
Speaker 2:It's good. I hope you guys had a great um week, are we not?
Speaker 1:are we not?
Speaker 1:oh, I'm sorry yes, so that was. That was good, babe. All in all, I would just say that it does. It is very beneficial to have married friends. Even I mean, just the shared experiences alone is one of the top benefits, because you're not going through anything that nine times out of 10, your other married friends ain't been through yet, right? So that can also alleviate a lot of tension for someone, because I know I have somebody that I can vent to who has also experienced or who can relate to what I'm going through uh, being in a marriage, you know, who has made a commitment, being involved with someone, um, and then also there's all the fun stuff and and also Like double dating.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So fun Taking trips and also a lot of so fun.
Speaker 2:A lot of problems can be addressed before marriage.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a whole nother. That's a whole nother topic.
Speaker 2:Especially if you're doing extensive interviewing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a whole nother episode. We'll have to touch on that A whole nother episode. We'll have to touch on that A whole another episode, a whole lot of, but we're going to go ahead and hop on into R2 Sense because I'm excited to make Protein Ranch.
Speaker 2:Wow. So All right, here we go, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:I think I just came up with a new hack guys for some Protein Ranch. So I'm just being honest Go ahead. I'm trying to get to my protein ranch. Um, okay, so this one is my brother-in-law confessed feelings for me after I went wedding dress shopping with his fiance, whoa. Hold on now, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty overwhelmed so.
Speaker 1:I'll start with some background. I've been with my husband for five years. We've been married for two. Since early on in the relationship I've been great friends with his older brother, partially because I always wanted one. When he started dating a girl about two years ago, I went out of my way to make sure she had a friend in me. I made sure that she knew she had a friend in me if she wanted, since we're the only girls in the family. We're great friends now and since they got married three months ago I've been helping with wedding planning and was asked to be a bridesmaid.
Speaker 1:We went dress shopping today and had a blast. We went to brunch, had some mimosas, found the dress and then we went back to their house to celebrate. I ended up alone in the kitchen with my brother-in-law a bit after being there and he said that he just had something to tell me before it keeps eating him up. I was a little buzzed and confused, but not at all was I expecting him to say what he did, and what he said was I think I've had feelings for you for a few years now and I've never been able to tell you, and I just wanted you to know in case you ever felt the same. I was completely froze and I just shook my head. I told him no, I have never thought about him in that way or any other way other than being a friend and a brother, and that I would never.
Speaker 1:Before he said anything else, I bolted back to his fiance and the other girls that were in the living room and very discreetly told them that I got my period and that I wasn't feeling well and that I would have someone come get me and then come by soon for more wedding planning. She thought nothing of it and I called my best friend to come get me. She dropped me off at home. My husband is working right now and there is no question that I am going to tell him as soon as he gets home. But right now, and there is no question that I am going to tell him as soon as he gets home, but I just have no idea where to go from there. Do I tell his fiance? Do I make him tell her? Do I leave it alone? Do I have my husband talk to him?
Speaker 2:Has anyone ever had something like this happen to them. If you have any advice?
Speaker 1:it would be appreciated.
Speaker 2:First question is is was he sober?
Speaker 1:it don't matter it don't matter if it was drunk, it's worse because a drunk talk is sober thoughts. Yes, yes, um, definitely, I would definitely tell your husband she says she's definitely telling him as soon as he gets off.
Speaker 2:I will say tell your husband, let your husband deal with his brother.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And where this goes from here. Obviously, if he felt that strongly, maybe his fiance would know, but I would say that if word does get back to his fiance, that friendship you guys have will most likely be no more if she decides to stay with him.
Speaker 1:Well, she probably won't even marry him after that. And here's the thing. I also feel like I need a little bit more background and information too. Because is he saying that he had feelings for her? Because I think he said he had feelings for her. He said I think I've had feelings. Oh, I've had feelings for you for the past few years. But, see, also see. Here's the thing.
Speaker 2:Past few years, but see, I also see. Here's the thing. I also wonder what kind of guy he is, because a lot of times guys confuse women being nice to them and attractive with them, having feelings for them With them, having feelings for them, right With them, showing them signs.
Speaker 2:That's why the second part was like I don't know if you've ever felt this way I have not and the way that she started saying that she always wanted a big brother, so she was probably nice because she wanted a big brother right, and so she liked the relationship that they had, and so he probably saw it as something else, like he like he probably saw it as saw it as blue when she was like no, I think it was red yeah, like they were probably always giggly, they probably talked, and so he was probably like that's why guys can't be in friend zones.
Speaker 2:He probably right. He probably completely misperceived what was actually going on. And to that point, the air needs to be cleared.
Speaker 1:And to that point, homeboy, you need to just keep that information to yourself.
Speaker 2:Go ahead and get married. Me personally, I wouldn't have said nothing.
Speaker 1:I know, and that's another thing.
Speaker 2:Why would?
Speaker 1:you even say it and you're about to get married. We just went and found her dress today. You could have told me that prior to you getting engaged.
Speaker 2:I would have took it to my grave.
Speaker 1:Nobody else had to know that You've been suffering in silence this long right. You can go the rest of your lifetime looking at me and your brother, be nice and happy and mistaken our friendship because he could also be jealous of his brother.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of yeah, you're right. You're right, I mean, but do you think he, do you think she should say something to him? Well, you already said you think you should, she should let her husband handle it.
Speaker 2:She should, she should tell her husband let her husband deal with his brother okay and if the fiance, if the words get back to fiance, he started it he started it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what if her husband decides not to say anything to him? It's like this it's like this.
Speaker 2:It's like this, let's say let's say um, I'm out with a friend of ours, right, a female friend of ours, and by yourself. Yeah, that would never happen. I mean not by myself, but like I'm in a group setting.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right, it's. It's not just me and her her and some other people.
Speaker 1:I was like that wouldn't happen.
Speaker 2:Right, and she tells me that she thinks she has feelings for me, right.
Speaker 1:The first thing you're doing, the first thing I'm doing is texting me.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to text you because if I text you, you're going to pull up.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to text you because I know you're going to pull up.
Speaker 2:In case anybody has ever wondered, I will seriously injure you over my husband so then I, you know, obviously I'll be like oh well, you know, I don't, let's cut that down. Oh you know. I don't, but when I got home, I would tell you, of course, right, because as my wife, I don't. I mean. Look here people.
Speaker 1:I will seriously cause bodily harm if you mess with my husband.
Speaker 2:Your boy Molito can keep a secret from everybody but my wife.
Speaker 1:My husband cannot hold water.
Speaker 2:To you Don't let him pull you, to you, I tell you all the tea. If you tell me tea it's spilling over here. You hear me we might be. I'm going to tell my wife. You might as well look at us as a tea set.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you Wait, was somebody telling you a secret? You'd be like give me, give me a second. Let me put my wife in, because she don't know anyway.
Speaker 2:There's been times where people would talk to me and I'm texting you. Why are they? People will talk to me and I'm texting you while they're telling me I'm going to tell my wife, because you're not going to tell me a secret and I can't talk to nobody about it.
Speaker 1:This is the only person I can talk to, but I want you to know.
Speaker 2:I want you to understand.
Speaker 1:We a tea set.
Speaker 2:That we are a tea set, but your secrets are safe here, yeah they don't leave.
Speaker 1:They don't leave they here. They don't leave our covenant here. They don't leave our covenant, I promise, but they're not going to leave here.
Speaker 2:They're not going to leave our covenant. She's doing the right thing. Tell your husband, let your husband deal with his brother and let the brother deal with the consequences of his action, because you are a grown man and, like we tell our daughter, there are consequences to your actions that don't stop, no matter what age you get.
Speaker 1:They just get worse as you get older.
Speaker 2:That's it, that's it but. I'm going to tell my wife we're going to talk about it.
Speaker 1:All right, guys. This has been another episode of the Life After I Do podcast, if you are not doing so already. It is 2025, guys. Okay, if you are not following this podcast already. First of, you're not really for us. Let's start there. You fake as hell.
Speaker 1:Wow, um, okay I'm just being real aggressive if you ain't followed if you ain't shared, if you ain't like you fake as hell, because don't be coming to me telling me how you listened to an episode and thought that I was being funny or thought that he was being funny, but you ain't liked, followed or shared on nothing.
Speaker 2:You fake as hell you can't talk to latina, no more you fake as hell this is latina talking right here. This is my sister talking it's 2025, I'm 30 great it is 2025.
Speaker 1:I'm 30, great, okay. I'm not going with sugarcoat, nothing. Okay, but go ahead and follow us.
Speaker 2:I guess she popped that switch for her and for y'all in Phoenix, cause she is mean 2025 guys.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't want to hear no more conversations about how you love the episode. But when I go to check, you ain't followed. But you listening every week is diabolical, Diabolical. That you listening every week is diabolical. And that you can send me. You can send me private messages, Right, and be like, oh my gosh, you are so hilarious, that part where it's such, a Mo said such. But then when I go to check my list, I'd be like baby, where's the follow? Where's the like? Where's the like? Where's the comment?
Speaker 2:Where's?
Speaker 3:the share.
Speaker 1:But baby boo, baby, listen, I don't need fake energy in 2025. I don't, okay, I don't need fake energy. So, if you're not doing so already, like, comment and share. Okay, the podcast, a podcast, a life after I do podcast. You can find us on all major social media platforms Instagram, youtube, facebook. We're not on X, but we should be. We should be so at life after I do podcast. You can also write into the podcast at life after I do podcast at gmailcom. You get a new episode every single Wednesday. You get an hour two cents every Monday. There is no excuse not to stay connected and plugged in to the podcast. That's all I'm saying. If you're locked in, ain't no switching up, hey. If you're locked in, ain't no switching up, hey. And you know, we a tea set.
Speaker 3:He just said we a tea, set we a tea set Okay.
Speaker 1:So when you be calling and you be trying to Ha ha and kiki and you don't like Comment, share or anything like that, I'm telling my other teapot Okay or teacup Cause we a tea set. I'm a little teacup, short and stout. Okay, I'm finna go make my protein ranch we love y'all. Okay, love you. Peace, booskies.
