Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 12
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We are back! Kicking off the new year with another installment of Our 2 Cents. Sit back and enjoy as we bring to you situations from around the internet and add Our 2 Cents
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://linktr.ee/lifeafteridopodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
Relationship Dynamics and Playful Banter
Speaker 1She was doing what she thought was right by giving him ample time, what she thought for him to do his checks. So she was being considerate of his time. She was being considerate of his condition, right? This isn't the first time he knew that tonight was an important night. She was recently promoted on her job. This dinner meant a lot to her. This dinner is also an additional opportunity. This dinner has a significance to her. This dinner is also an additional opportunity. This dinner has a significance to her career. Hey, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I am your host, nisha G, and I'm here with my husband. When he's done, he'll let you know who he is.
Speaker 2They know who I am by now. It's your boy. It's your boy.
Speaker 1Hey Y'all it's your boy, it's your boy. Ooh, okay, don't ever do that again. Don't ever do that, it's your boy Molita, Molita, Molita.
Speaker 2In case you guys can't hear it, I'm a little oh we can hear it.
Speaker 1I'm stuffy, we can hear it. I got a runny nose. So, you guys are going to have to excuse me. I'm doing my best to preserve what little bit of makeup I have on my nose and my top lip, but my nose keeps.
Speaker 2We can hear it.
Speaker 1Yeah, snuffle up. But happy new year.
Speaker 2Happy new year.
Speaker 1Happy new year everybody.
Speaker 2I hope everyone's new year's great, hi bird, what would you sound like?
Speaker 1Well, what would you sound like?
Speaker 2well, I can get deep, when my oh, yeah, you sure can, yeah, you get deep. That's all that testosterone you got oh my gosh, let's don't.
Speaker 1Don't start, because your feelings always just get hurt, so don't let's not.
Speaker 2I'm sorry. I'm about to go get you checked, make sure you weren't born some males I gave birth. I wasn't born something else you know, new science today is tricky. You never know.
Speaker 1You never know which way he he's on this whole trip, that because I have more muscle mass than him at the current moment, that he's like oh, you don't need me to open doors and carry laundry upstairs for you, because you're basically the man now of the relationship.
Speaker 2Why would I lift stuff for you? You got more muscle mass than me.
Speaker 1That absolutely means nothing.
Speaker 2I mean just because it's weaker than mine. Don't mean, it ain't there. Oh, wow, okay.
Speaker 1See, and then you see how he has to insult me. We're supposed to be like encouraging each other. He's supposed to be like encouraging each other. He's supposed to be like you know what, babe, that is awesome, you're doing so good. But he's like oh yeah, it's, it's muscle, but it's weak muscle says the person who can't do leg extensions at 170 what did you tell me?
Speaker 2that's neither here.
Speaker 1That's neither here nor there so the other day he was like um, how was your leg day at the gym? And I was like my leg day was good. I was like I did um, I got up to 170 pounds on my leg extensions and he was like my leg day was good. I was like I did um, I got up to 170 pounds on my leg extensions and he was like wait what? And I was like yeah, 170. And he was like on leg extensions. He was like are you sure they were leg extensions? I'm like yeah, I was on the leg extension machine and I did 170 pounds. And he's like how many reps? I was like 12. Like how for you.
Speaker 2How was your week?
Speaker 1See, look See, he brings it up, he starts it and then, when his feelings get hurt, he backs out. How was your week? My week was great, babe. How was your week Good? I mean, my week was great until you guys went to the park and came home and brought home whatever you brought home, that my allergies have been acting up ever since.
Speaker 2But other than that, my week has really been. I've been just reflecting on my life choices and how what's one choice you've been reflecting on. If I'm being honest, whether or not I'm going to stay in this marriage. Oh, okay, well, because you know, someone has a birthday this Friday.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 2And Dave Chappelle has said quite often that there's no such thing, don't have me punch you out.
Speaker 1Good, I don't want to punch you out. Don't make me punch you out.
Speaker 2You know, after 36, it's expired. So I mean at this point I got you two years past the expiration date.
Speaker 1So I'm like I mean that's perfectly fine, because I think I can live very comfortably, oh, with you, not in the household and yet still paying for it. So I think I can. I think I'll do I think I'll make out quite well don't you all think you want to go digger? Do? You see, every time he tried I already said I always tell him every time he tries it with me, every time he tries it with me, his feelings is the only one that ends up hurt and then he goes off camera.
Speaker 1He's like I just be playing with you, but you be trying to hurt my feelings first of all, I do be playing with you and set it no, you'd be going for the juggler, the juggler says the person who just said that he's been pondering on his life whether or not he wants to remain in this marriage because apparently, I'm getting too old. Okay, it was a joke too that I would take you for all that you got.
Speaker 2No, that wasn't a joke. It stayed old. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a joke. But you are getting older. You know every morning something else is ailing you.
Speaker 1That's not true, maurice. Stop it. I remember last year you complain about your knees every single day. First of all, you complain to me about your knees. First of all, you complain to your training coach about the exercises that he gives you and how your knees ain't good and he keep telling you it's just because you ain't using them.
Speaker 2Look here, I've had surgery on my knees.
Speaker 1You've had surgery on my knees. You've had surgery on a knee and the other knee has compensated for that knee.
Speaker 2Your knees are perfectly healthy.
Speaker 1No, my knees are not Look here, you forget that I have nothing behind my knees.
Speaker 2Look here.
Speaker 1Like you.
Speaker 2Look here this time last year you had knees like Megan. All of a sudden this year. I don't know what happened to you. I don't know if it's because this extra year that got, I don't know, 2020. This extra year.
Speaker 1I don't know if it's this extra year that's gotten to you.
Speaker 2I don't know if it's been a rough year, you do realize you're still older than me, right, you are older than me. But in man years I'm in my prime.
Speaker 1That's not how that works at all.
Speaker 2I'm in my financial prime. That's not how that works at all. I'm in my financial prime.
Speaker 1No, you're not. Wow, no, you're not.
Speaker 2Oh, you're in my financial prime, don't you say that.
Speaker 1No, you're not.
Speaker 2Because you try to-.
Speaker 1Based on market research.
Speaker 2Oh, okay, here we go. Because you try to play me Based on market research, because last Friday you tried to play me. How, oh, I mean, did you even make six figures this year? Because you ain't been working? And I said ma'am, I was at six figures before I was taking off of work, so don't come for me.
Speaker 1I didn't know I wasn't coming for you. I haven't seen the tax document, so I didn't know whether or not you still met the threshold or not. I don't know.
Speaker 2I'm above it oh.
Speaker 1Don't ever come for me. Listen, tell me something people don't want to see. You um in your nose this whole time. Listen, I have already apologized. I can't help it if my nose is running.
Speaker 2I'm trying to catch it, or I can sit here and blow it, and that's gonna sound even more terrible. Hold on, blow. What did y'all miss us? I know last week we wasn't here yeah, did everybody have a good christmas?
Speaker 1I hope everybody had a good christmas. I really don't care if you had a good christmas or not. Yes, you do. Um, I know a good christ. I really don't care if you had a good Christmas or not. Yes, you do, we had a good.
Speaker 2Christmas. I don't care if you had a good Christmas, I don't care if they had it, only Christmas I care about is my child, and she had a great Christmas.
Speaker 1She had a great Christmas.
Speaker 2And that's what I care about. She had a great Christmas Everybody else.
Speaker 1I don't care. My mom and my dad were down and Phoenix Shut up and she goes. She runs downstairs to try to start opening gifts and stuff and we're like wait, wait, wait, wait till we're all here and we can record. And so then she's opening up gifts and, mind you, literally every gift under the tree belongs to her and my mom's like it must be nice to wake up on Christmas and all the gifts under the tree is yours. I said right, I said there's really no reason for us to have come down. We could have just set up the, the uh phone, to record and let her do her thing.
Speaker 2Let her do her thing, but she was looking for breakfast after them. Of course she was. We had. We had to come down for that part of course she was.
Speaker 1She gets hungry sitting there opening up the gifts and stuff made her hungry, but she, she loved everything she got she got too much she got what she asked for. She didn't. She didn't get a ton. I'm really, I'm really happy that with the things that she did ask for and that she genuinely liked them, like she asked for the uh, that activity book, and we have been doing activities ever since and now she went.
Speaker 1The rest of them and now she and listen here to all you authors out there okay, you come up with these series and then on the back of the book you put oh, when you're done with this series, start this. And then, when that's done, there's also an activity book. So we started with one page and book. We went through the entire series. Then there was two more books after that.
Speaker 1We did those two now we're on the activity books, and so we got the activity books and, lo and behold, I turned the damn activity book over and there's three more activity books to the series.
Speaker 2I said listen here, mo williams and she, and now she wants the rest of it and now she wants the rest of the activity books.
Speaker 1But I told her I said we got to get at least halfway through because I think there's 280 activities or something like that in the book. I don't know, I ain't been doing them so so I know we did activities, we did the activity book for like two and a half hours the other day, but she loves it. You're such a good mom.
Speaker 2You are such a good mom because I wouldn't do it I can't, I wouldn't. We made an airplane.
Speaker 1We colored the pigeon and the bunny.
Speaker 2We created an entire story. We made a paper, so she did give me, she did she did perform the whole puppet show for me, yeah, and she made puppets and I was like but why is the chicken dying in the public.
Speaker 1Well, I mean, I don't know, because he died in my show too and it was kind of graphic the way he did so. Now I'm just wondering where this imagination is going like did he?
Speaker 2was he sick?
Speaker 1no, no, he just he got beat up, yeah, and he got ran over. I said what are you?
Speaker 2No, you know where that came from Watching Law and Order with you.
Speaker 1No, it's not Law and Order, it's. It was from, I think, dog man, because that's why I told you we stopped that series. She had recently started the Dog man series because she's in chapter books and so she had recently started the Dogman series and she was like loving it. She was like mom, I love these books, I love these books.
Speaker 2And so.
Speaker 1I was like, okay, like I always like to read or see what she's reading, and I was reading some of it and of course it's like it's like children comic strip type deal, but some of the stuff on there, I was like that's a little bit much. I was like you're only seven, maybe when we get to the 10, 11 range where you can decipher some of these things. But I told her we're gonna have to sit back a little bit on, uh, dog man, and she was like no, and I was like yeah, babe, we can't, we can't do dog man right now. So we, we've, we've cut back on dog man, but yeah, but other than that, we had a great christmas. Um, stop rubbing on me. We had a great christmas. Um, it's new year. My birthday is in what? Three, two days, two days.
Speaker 1My birthday's in two days, shout out to all my capricorns in the world the death you're so rude.
Speaker 2My favorite capricorn not even here. That's the sad part who's your favorite capricorn?
Speaker 1My sister, malaysia, my?
Speaker 2sister, my sister, that's my favorite I have to.
Speaker 1I have to call her to tell her happy birthday. Then it's my birthday, then it's my friend Ima's birthday, my friend Shelly's birthday. It's a lot of birthdays, a lot of corns, a lot of corns, a lot of corns.
Speaker 2Yeah. And cap yeah, so uh but yeah, if you guys have any new year's resolutions, we would love to hear about them.
Speaker 1I don't, I would, I don't. Do you have any new year's? I don't really believe in new year's resolutions. But do you have any new year's resolutions, babe? No, I don't, no, I don't, I don't really believe in new year's I'm gonna make changes. I believe that you can make a change when you decide to make changes as I see fit.
Speaker 2I'm make changes as I see fit. I'm not. I'm not dedicating my life to anything but me.
Speaker 1Oh, is that how we're rocking and rolling, yeah.
Speaker 2Because what's good for me is good for my family.
Speaker 1Like what if you pick up smoking and you think that's good for you, that's not good for us?
Speaker 2That's not good for us. Now, that's good for us.
Speaker 1That's good for us. That's good for us, but oh, that just reminds me whoever you are out there buying up all my chicken thighs. I'm going to need you to stop. I'm going to need you to stop.
Speaker 2They can't hold the chicken thighs for us.
Speaker 1I mean they kind of can, because nobody was buying chicken thighs like that. And then all of a sudden, now everybody is like oh, chicken thighs, I can deal with a little bit of fat from the chicken thighs, the skinless chicken thighs, so I won't do the chicken breasts. But now there's an abundance of packs of chicken breasts and I went to buy my chicken thighs and, lo and behold, there was no chicken thighs.
Speaker 2People were finally looking at prices, because the price of that pack of chicken breasts is ridiculous.
Speaker 1Well, don't worry, they're going to flip it on us. The chicken thighs are going to go up, the chicken breasts are going to go down, and then people will start buying the chicken breasts.
Speaker 2Well, there's two thighs and two breasts in every chicken, so I don't see why there's what?
Speaker 1two thighs and two breasts and every chicken and every chicken and every chicken two thighs, two breasts, two wings, two legs that's true unless you were a chicken that was born with. Then you were tossed aside. No, I guess what we got today boskies well, you know, it's the first of the month and it's also the first of the year so don't forget to pay your rent and your mortgage.
Speaker 1Yeah, that too. Um, and then don't forget to, like you know, click, subscribe and follow us. It's the new year, guys, come on. We're going into the year number two of the pod, so get your life together, but also it is an hour two cents episode so hour two cents where we get to hour two cents. So hour two cents episode where we like to go through and read some of relationship-esque stories and give our two cents on them and just kind of talk about them.
Speaker 2It's our way of getting our little, our little drama out, because my husband he's a drama king so he enjoys a little bit of drama, not too much on me, not too out, because my husband he's a drama king, so he enjoys a little bit of drama Not too much on me.
Speaker 1Not too much on my husband, but he also, he enjoys a little bit of drama, he enjoys a little bit of like chit chat. Okay, so I got some for you today.
Speaker 2I live a very boring life, people. This is my entertainment.
Speaker 1You live a boring life.
Speaker 2Yes, my entertainment.
Proposal Dilemma and Relationship Dynamics
Speaker 1Okay, all right. Life, that's my entertainment. Okay, all right. So we're gonna go ahead and hop on into our two cents, okay, um, let's see. Oh, technical difficulties, give me a second oh, wow okay, let's see. I finally proposed to my girlfriend of 10 years, so why do I feel so empty?
Speaker 2Because she ain't sure.
Speaker 1Bye. I finally built up enough savings to afford a proper ring I proposed on Christmas Day. Despite numerous warnings from my female family members, I felt a genuine need to pop the question I proposed. At home my girlfriend was taken aback and says it happened so fast and that she was caught off guard. Overall she's disappointed with the proposal, but she says that she still wants to marry me. Admittedly I should have taken more of what she wanted in her ideal proposal to look like into consideration. Says that I can make up for it by planning another proposal. So currently that's what I'm doing, but at the end of it all I feel so unloved and empty For edit. I truly didn't expect this Many eyes to see this Regardless. Thanks for everyone and their kind words and their positive and their negative. I really needed to hear all of it. But at the end of the day I realized that I had messed up royally by rushing the proposal and using the day of Christmas to propose. That was my poor planning on my part. I would try to do better, moving forward.
Speaker 2I mean you've taken accountability for something you were not wrong about.
Speaker 1But was he? I was going to say, do you think he was wrong? Like, how do you feel about Christmas proposals?
Speaker 2OK, maybe he shouldn't do that at Christmas. Okay, Because it's about something else, right? But for her saying that I'll accept this, but I need you to do it again the way I want you to do it.
Speaker 1That's the diabolical part for me, as well, I'm like hold on. That's the diabolical part for me as well.
Speaker 2I'm not going to lie. So I'm like so granted Christmas is not about being the proposal, right, right, but now you're making the proposal about something different, right, but now you want the proposal to be a, a, a, a event, like that's the point. Yeah, and that's probably because she probably have heartily accepted it. That's probably why he feels this way.
Speaker 1So I don't know. I think part of him is probably thinking like I messed up, no, I think part of him is thinking of this experience. No, I think part of him may be thinking that, okay, I proposed to you, like, obviously it's something they talked about, obviously. He said he worked hard to get the ring, so they've discussed the ring, which means she's already told him what type of ring she wants. She's told him in which the manner that she wants to be proposed to, but he did it when he felt like it was right, because that's what you're supposed to do, right?
Speaker 1so he, I think he may be thinking like, well, damn, it kind of feels a little unappreciative because he absolutely did it, like she still. She feels bad about it being done on christmas, but then he's also torn because his sisters and other female family members told him not to do it on Christmas.
Speaker 2You should have did it.
Speaker 1But if you wanted the ring, it really should have mattered when it comes. It should have mattered when it comes.
Speaker 2This is why I propose multiple times. I used to, I used to propose with no, I used to just randomly propose to her in the middle of malls, in the middle of target, in the middle of malls, in the middle of Target, in the middle of everywhere I used to be like please get in.
Speaker 1It was so uncomfortable sometimes because he would just randomly do it in the mall. And I remember one time what mall were we at? West Covina or something? And you did it and there was an old couple and they started clapping and I was like we have literally been engaged for like three years. Guys, just Just relax. It's okay. It's okay, he's just being funny.
Speaker 2But my point is, I gave you multiple proposals, different situations, yeah, but I mean, but the original proposal, like the actual proposal is the one that counted.
Speaker 1And it was totally unexpected who mine? Yeah, and to be honest with you, I don't know if I ever told you this I didn't expect you to have like a real ring. That you went to the jewelry store and like had ball. I was really surprised by that. I was like, oh, he's serious, serious, like this is from an actual jewelry store.
Speaker 2Like he went and used his, his name and credit for this okay, yeah, so, um, anyway, sir, um you, it sounds like you were feeling like she wasn't grateful for the actions of our uh display of affection and the proposal.
Speaker 1And that's not like he a pushover, so it does. It sounds like he's a pushover, because the fact that you're going to redo it, because she has this idea of what it looks like, just know that that's how the relationship is going to be set up, because she has an idea of what it looks like, just know that that's how the relationship is going to be set up right, because she has an idea of how things should go, and when they don't go that way, she's going to be disappointed.
Speaker 1And then you're going to be left to feel as though I have to make it like how she's imagining it and I have to make it so how she sees it in her head. That's not gonna last long. That's not gonna let you that. You're gonna grow tired of that very quick. I'm tired of her right now, because as soon as she hits you with I didn't think it would be like this I thought I would be living like I thought we would be living like. I thought we would.
Speaker 2And that's her problem she thinking.
Speaker 1Okay, maurice, that's a little much. I'm over here slowly dying guys, just so you know. But I'm gonna make it through. My eyes are watering the glare from my glasses, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna tough it out. Snuffleupagus, snuffleupagus snuffleupagus. I'm gonna. You see, I can't even get anything, it's just. It's just. This is disgusting. What am I supposed to do?
Speaker 2come on, the show must go on, it does okay, I'm gonna do the episode by myself okay, let's do that.
Speaker 1Bye girl read the next one okay, this one is am I the asshole for telling my sister that she chose to have kids and now she has to deal with the consequences and to stop complaining?
Speaker 1um my 24-year-old sister and I'm 29, started having children right out of high school. She got pregnant at 18 and her boyfriend's parents insisted that they got married. They now have five children 11, 6, 3, 2, and 1. My sister and I are both close with our parents and we have family dinners together often. I'm kind of to the point where I'm just over it. My sister has never had a job before. She has no college degree. Her husband barely makes any money. My sister complains that she can never do anything for herself, no one will watch the kids, she has no money. Her body is ruined and she can't afford corrective abdominal surgery, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. She is so annoying to be around and her feral kids are annoying too. Her husband is never around either because he can't stand her at this point.
Speaker 1Our parents gave us the talk at 16 and access to contraceptives. They encouraged us to get an education before settling down. My parents are pretty liberal, aside from the fact that they don't think children should be born outside of wedlock. My sister chose to have all these kids. She could have gotten an abortion at 18, but she wanted a baby.
Speaker 1Wow, recently, at Christmas, she was going on her normal. Woe of woe me rant and I finally just told her to shut up. I told her that I was tired of hearing her complain all the time. She then went on a rant about how I quote unquote wouldn't get it because I have a degree and a good job and my boyfriend and I don't have any children and I can afford to go to the gym and do whatever I want, and that she can't. I told her point blank, period, that she put herself in this position she's in because it's a complete.
Speaker 1She was being a complete moron and no one feels sorry for her. Our brother laughed and our parents are staying out of it, but they complained about her too. In secret, she thinks I'm a complete asshole and she's been crying on Facebook, making sad TikToks about quote unquote society hates mothers. And where is her village? And it's hard, even when your family doesn't care about you. And where is her village? And it's hard even when your family doesn't care about you. Oh, and she's pregnant again, apparently. I blocked her on social media and my plan is to ignore her. But am I being an asshole A little bit?
Speaker 2A little bit.
Speaker 1A little bit. You think she's being an asshole A little bit. Why A?
Speaker 2little bit. It's diabolical, first of all. Why, first of all, you calling your nieces and nephew feral?
Speaker 1Because they probably run rampant. She probably letting them kids run rampant. She been having kids since she was 18 and now she got five and she got number six on the way.
Speaker 2So here's the thing she had the kids with no goal, right, right, and I think a lot of times people think because you have kids, it hinders you from pursuing whatever. But it does seem like had she been actively pursuing something, she, her, the parents would have helped with the kids like well, right, like and uh so, and she must be terrible to be around if the husband don't even want to be around because he probably like he trapped too, so he don't know he what be around Because he probably he trapped too, so he don't know.
Speaker 2Okay, but at some point you got to stop having kids.
Speaker 1Do you think they felt trapped at baby number two? No, you think they felt trapped at baby number one. I think at baby number one. They probably felt trapped at baby number one and baby number two, but they still proceeded on baby number three, number four, way to say kids ain't gonna solve the problem, it's gonna just hide in the situation.
Speaker 2So I don't understand why you kept having, if you, because I'm pretty sure the way you felt now you felt some of that with baby number two. Now you got five, possibly six, yeah, on the way and you feel like, yeah, of course, of course you're not able to do the things that your sister, who right of course she doesn't have children, because now you have five kids that you have to, that you literally have to tend for right.
Speaker 2So you're not going to be able to be in the prime of your life and experience your life until now. You're in your late 40s because you still have a kid, right.
Speaker 1But I also think it's like the perspective and how you look at it, like I'm sure having five kids is rough and I'm sure she doesn't regret any of her children.
Speaker 2It's it's rough, but it's not. But I don't think it's as rough as it as having one or two would be, because I feel like with the five, the older ones can now help with the younger one.
Speaker 1Yeah, but that's not their place. It's not their place, but that's tend to be what happened but you're saying that they are more of a village of themselves, that they can help and take care of themselves. I get that part.
Speaker 2Let's talk about the fact that she started having kids when she was 18. She's on kid number five and she's never worked. Yeah, but then she complains about how she can't do for herself, Right. So it seems like her mindset is I have these kids. These kids are my focus.
Speaker 1Yeah, my husband shit, and that's okay, right.
Speaker 2And so she's probably stressing him out, and he's probably stressed out too, because he doesn't. He probably is the only person that is working and he doesn't make enough money and that's stressful in and of itself, and now he has five children and he's probably just making enough to keep a roof.
Speaker 1Yeah, clothes and Now that's causing a wedge between them Right.
Speaker 2Because now she probably sees her friends and they go, they take family trips, they do things Right so, but at the end of the day it's like, if this is a situation you're in, there are things that you can do and put in place as a stay at home mom to generate income.
Speaker 1Or you can like just to do something that I think the biggest thing is setting things aside, that's just for you, right aside, that's just for you, right like. But I understand the mom guilt when you're trying to do something that's just for you, that could take away time from like your husband, or take a time from away from your kids. But you, you understand that, marice, don't make me pluck your eyes out. Take time for me, marice, don't make me pluck your eyes out all the time anyways.
Speaker 1Um, like the mom, guilt is real, but it's also necessary that you do something for yourself. And even if it looks selfish to the people around you, you're the one that's at home with them five kids all day, so it don't really matter what they think. They already got their thoughts about you anyway.
Speaker 2So but but in our, in our situation, you know, I don't think it's selfish. I encourage you to go do things for yourself so that you can be better for us when you come home.
Speaker 1Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I think it's easy for her to get into that headspace of telling her sister you don't know what it's like because you and your boyfriend don't have kids. You don't know what it's like because you're not married, you're not a stay-at-home mom with five children. You and your boyfriend have good paying jobs. You can go to the gym, like I get all that, but you have one, you do. You have one of the greatest jobs and one of the hardest jobs, one of the most demanding jobs in the world, and that's being a mom. However, I do think we need to take a little bit of responsibility that, if you like, you didn't just start feeling this way at kid five, that's what I'm trying to say you just start feeling this way at kid five. So if we don't want, like this, to turn into kid number 10 and you feel like now you're completely buried, then maybe we should start having a conversation about how we can. You know, maybe this, maybe number six is our last and here's the other thing.
Speaker 2I feel like her sister suffers from multiple things. She probably suffers from a little bit of anxiety.
Speaker 1Are you talking about the sister?
Speaker 2with the kids. One of the kids Excuse me, she probably suffers from a little bit of anxiety.
Speaker 1Oh, postpartum, postpartum or depression Undiagnosed Yep.
Speaker 2And I feel like she's probably very insecure with herself because the whole line of her saying that the kids have destroyed her body, the, the whole line of her saying that the kids have destroyed her body, the fact. And then the other line where I, well, at least you can go, at least you can go.
Speaker 2See, here's the thing you don't have to go to the gym to be fit right, there's a lot you can do at home there's a lot you can do at home, yeah, in order to get fit now, but that, though, but that's a, that's a mental barrier you have to cross yourself, but I say it again it it again, it's the mental, but I also think that she's dealing with a lot of things mentally. That's not allowing her to see the full picture.
Speaker 2Yeah, and to get out there and do the thing and she's not gravitating towards the positive things in her life. She's only focusing on the negative, which a lot of people do. Yeah, right, that's the human thing. But I do kind of think that the sister of being a little bit of incident, a little a little incident in quite a bit of an asshole, right, yeah, now I understand, like when you have a person that complain about the same shit over and over you get tired of hearing.
Speaker 2You get tired of hearing that shit and you like, do something about her.
Speaker 1Shut up and I think that's where the sister is coming from. The sister is coming from the place of, but you're not trying to do anything to change the situation, right.
Speaker 2So don't don't keep ranting about it, so that that part I want to get. That's why I said she was. She was a little bit of an asshole, but like I would tell, like I would tell her the same thing you either do something about it or shut up and at some point, as an adult like I've said this many times before you have to understand that you are responsible for the decisions you make.
Speaker 2You decided to carry these five kids to term. Your sister said you could have had an abortion, but you didn't do that.
Speaker 1Okay, well, she probably doesn't believe that. Okay, it don't matter.
Speaker 2The sister said that I mean it does matter, but the sister said that your parents gave you the talk and gave you all the tools you needed to prevent you guys having children outside of wedlock. So you've had all these things, and so you have to look yourself in the mirror and take accountability for the decisions you made, because the reasons you are unhappy in your life at least the reasons you are listing off are a direct consequence of your decisions.
Speaker 1I mean, your life is made up of little decisions every day.
Speaker 1All right, stop rubbing on me you know, let me rub on your arm, so don't let rub on my leg. Okay, this is another. Am I the asshole? Okay, am I the asshole for leaving my partner at home because his OCD made me late to a dinner party at a restaurant? My partner has OCD that has been progressively worsening over the past year. Before we leave the house, he has a routine of doing physical and mental checks, and these checks have been taking longer and longer. It's become such a problem that we're running late to almost everything, and longer. It's become such a problem that we're running late to almost everything. I've gently encouraged him to seek professional help, but he refuses and insists he can manage on his own.
Speaker 1Two weeks ago we were invited to a dinner party at a restaurant hosted by my boss. I was recently promoted and this was an important opportunity to celebrate and make a good impression. Knowing how long his checks take, I asked him to start getting ready two hours before we needed to leave. Even with the extra time, his check still took 30 minutes and we were running late. I was panicking about showing up late to such an important event, so I told him that I couldn't wait any longer and I left without him. I ended up being five minutes late and told my coworkers that traffic was bad. No one seemed to care. But my partner is still mad at me two weeks later. He says that I was being insensitive and should have waited for him, but I feel like I couldn't risk being even later than I was for something so significant to my career. I don't want to be unsupportive, but his OCD has been affecting both of us and he refuses to get help. Am I the asshole for leaving him at home?
Speaker 2Yes, really, yes, oh, this is why I say that, tell me.
Speaker 2I say you're the asshole, because he's going to look at this as you chose your career and your place of employment over me, and you know that he has the OCD and you have, and he has these checklists and he probably made it, he probably made a good effort to try to be done with that stuff for you, and so he probably feels like I made the attempt, I got started getting ready when you wanted me to and I, you know, cause when it, when it's OCD, they can't control it.
Lack of Intimacy and Relationship Struggles
Speaker 2Yeah Right, so can't control it, yeah right, so you understand what ocd is. You knew he couldn't control it, even though he made the effort to try to be ready. So you guys leave on on time and you still left him anyway, right? So? And now it's like it's gonna, it could possibly put him in the mindset of, even when I tried to uh adjust what I do to try to make you, you know, to fit her, her, her time slots or her, her patterns or whatever, it still wasn't enough. And now she shows this over me because I wanted to be part of this event too. I know you disagree with me.
Speaker 1Absolutely disagree, which is funny because I'm always waiting on you Absolutely. Let me let me tell you why I disagree, For one. She's basically has said that they have. She's already had conversations with him about getting help, so we know that he has a condition. Okay, the condition is now causing an issue in both of our lives. Your condition is affecting Don't point at me.
Speaker 1Your condition is affecting our life because it's affecting me. Okay, you told me that you can manage your condition. It is Okay To the best that he can, but there's other tools that are probably available to him that he refused to go get to make his life more efficient and to ease the burden off of their relationship. That's like being done, I wasn't done.
Speaker 1I wasn't done, okay, but he refuses to because he said that he can manage. Okay, she was doing what she thought was right by giving him ample time, what she thought for him to do his checks. So she was being considerate of his time. She was being considerate of his condition, right? This isn't the first time he knew that tonight was an important night. She was recently promoted on her job. This dinner meant a lot to her. This dinner is also an additional opportunity.
Speaker 1This dinner has a significance to her career. Ok, so to ensure that the night went smoothly, she said to herself I'm going to give him a two hour head start. That should be enough time for him to shower, get his suit on, do his check, whatever else. If the check went over longer, that's two hours for him to have more than enough time. He should have understood how important it was, because I'm also sure that she probably told him look, tonight's dinner is really important. We have to leave here on time. This is my career. I was recently promoted. There's significance to this dinner. I can on time. This is my career. I was recently promoted. There's significance to this dinner. I can't be late, right? All of that.
Speaker 1All of that happened prior to her leaving. Prior to her leaving. Okay, hold on, I saw the setup, right. All this happened prior to her leaving. So when she says like, oh, I have to leave because I don't want to be any later than I am, first of all, the dinner is also a celebration of her. She's been promoted, right? How are you going to start off? And you can't even make it to a dinner on time? And the dinner is in your honor. You're the person of honor.
Speaker 2She didn't say that. She just said she had a reason to be promoted.
Speaker 1Okay. Well, we know that the dinner had something to do with that. In any case, the dinner was significant to her. It was important to her. She thought she was doing her due diligence by giving him ample time to do what he needed to do, which also means she was considering him. He wasn't considering her, not not by saying that he probably intentionally wasn't considering her. He he could. He did at the best that he could, but because his condition didn't allow him to consider her in the capacity that she needed for the support of him being on time so that they could get to the event on time. She was not wrong, she was not the asshole All right.
Speaker 1Now, when you say, when you make the comment, he could feel like she chose her career over him, I think that's a really big stretch, is it? I do Because here's the thing it's like she has been supportive. She's been supportive even just in the note when she gave him the two hours. That's being supportive. That's being supportive, giving him ample condition. But what I'm saying is is let's be a little bit more responsible and let's get you some additional help.
Speaker 1You think that you're managing it and you have done all that you can up until this point. But I'm coming to you now and I'm telling you that your condition is causing an issue with our relationship and I don't want this to get further out of control, with, also you feeling like I'm choosing something over you when it's your condition that could potentially be holding you back. So let's get you some. Let's get you some help, because even though you probably think you're managing there, I'm sure there's other tools out there that you probably never even thought of. You you're thinking, you thought of everything, but you probably have it. So let's just go check it out. But you refusing to check it out, you're not putting in the effort, okay? I?
Speaker 1have no rebuttal you have no rebuttal. I didn't say a rebuttal, but what do you think about that?
Speaker 2I hear what you say, but when I, when, when I hear her talk about how her husband and I, I, um, I picture sheldon. What do you mean? Sheldon and his quirks?
Speaker 1Oh.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Should lack of sex be the reason for a breakup?
Speaker 2Possible.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm a 31-year-old female and my partner is a 46-year-old male. We've been together for seven years. He's wonderful in literally every way. He is chivalrous, caring and treats me so delicately. I've never had to open a door or carry my own bag. He's always thinking of me and how he can make my life better. We play video games together, cook and have fun. We're always touching each other, cuddling, holding hands, etc. We both admit that we sleep much better when we're together.
Speaker 1This is more than just a happy relationship, except there's no sex. Since last year, this has made me think that there might be something wrong with me and also made me build up a lot of resentment toward him. Every time I bring this topic up, I end up crying and being mad at him, because every time it just goes the up. I end up crying and being mad at him because every time it just goes the same way. I tell him how important it is to me and every time he acknowledges me makes me feel hurt, but then there is no effort to make me to rectify the situation. I don't know what to do. Is this enough of a reason to leave, because I have so many reasons to stay? I've seen how other men treat their women. He's so much better and I'm thankful every day that I found him, but then, when he's not respecting my sexual side, I feel betrayed and I feel unheard. What should I do?
Speaker 2Is he gay?
Speaker 1Well, obviously they've had sex before, but it's been a year. But that's a valid question.
Speaker 2Is he?
Speaker 1gay Because it's been a year.
Speaker 2Is he gay? That's a valid question. Is he gay Because it's been a year? Is he gay? That's my first question. Is it a reason to leave If it's that important to you? Yeah, I mean, you only get one life. Be happy.
Speaker 1I mean, but if he's such a wonderful guy, you could ask. I mean, if you're interested in something like that. You could ask what pass, Not a pass, but you could ask if you're not going to be interested in that aspect of our relationship can I go get it somewhere?
Speaker 1right, like if you're not going to be interested in that aspect of our relationship. But you and I both agree that we are great together and I and I love being with you and you love being with me. But if you're at this point, after a year and we've had multiple conversations you're quite literally refusing to have sex with me. So either you've had something and you're trying to get through it and it's taken longer than normal, or like you're not being truthful about something I will.
Speaker 2I need to hear his side.
Speaker 1That's what I said. You're not being truthful about a year a year, that's a long time. That's a long time. We're not talking a few weeks or a month or six months, we're talking a whole 12 months.
Speaker 2Eight days is my limit before I start jonesing. So I want to hear his side, but you can't. I can't hear his side because I, because my only reason why they're not- doing it is either when he's gay and doesn't want to admit it. He don't want to admit it. He don't go that way.
Speaker 1Because she makes it seem like, like how she said, we play video games together like they're like good friends.
Speaker 2Good friends, yes, babe, they're like good friends they're really good friends uh, it's like. So I'm thinking one, he's gay, uh huh, or either two, it's trash but a year.
Speaker 1You gonna stay with somebody a year, even if it's trash babe, sometimes you just Even if it's not great. We can have a discussion After 12 months. I'm not going to avoid you a whole year just to tell you that it's trash.
Speaker 2I think oftentimes you underestimate what men will do out of loyalty.
Speaker 1I know most men will not go voluntarily a whole year without sex simply because he has a great friend. I didn't say most men.
Speaker 2I said what some men will do. I said what men do out of loyalty men. I said what some men will do. I say what men do out of loyalty so he may have enough loyalty to this person where that, that part of the relationship or he could have a uh uh imbalance where he don't even think about sex it's possible. He's probably the one in the relationship where his libido is not he probably have a high libido, because he did say that he's older. Yeah, he's 46 exactly.
Speaker 1He may he may be, he may not have. That I understand that. But here, babe you can entertain her once a month, that's diabolical Once a month. But I feel like at this point she would take it Once a month.
Speaker 2I'm drawing up the worst papers. Goodbye.
Speaker 1I feel as though she would take it. She's trying to take it.
Speaker 2That's what she's trying to do. She's she trying to take it. That's what she trying to do?
Speaker 1She trying to take it. That's literally the point.
Speaker 2She trying to hit the nail. At this point like I mean, have you tried?
Speaker 1just being rough with him a little bit in the middle of the night. Some men like it, just take it. No, can't do that, because that wouldn't work. The other way around no, that wouldn't work the other way around.
Speaker 2Look here if you can't get Mr Johnson to stand up without his participation, you ain't good at what you do.
Speaker 1I don't agree with that, but okay.
Speaker 2Oh, okay.
Speaker 1So what would you say? Is that enough reason to leave somebody? Or consider? I answered it.
Speaker 2What was it? I said you only have one life to live.
Speaker 1You got to go where you're happy. She is happy. She said she was happy.
Speaker 2It's like the last episode when I told old boy he got to draw a line in the sand. You either confront her about this.
Speaker 1color went all night no because he couldn't sleep in a bed with her or you deal with it.
Speaker 2You either confront him and say that this needs to change, or you shut up and just deal with it but you're gonna have to make a decision.
Speaker 1I mean, she's been shutting up and dealing with it for a year, so, yeah, don't, don't come out because yeah but it couldn't be me I mean, if you had to, it couldn't be me. If you had to, it could if we go a year, yeah, but I'm I'm not talking about just circumstances like this, where it's just like it's a year. Like you, never know what could happen.
Speaker 2Now look here If we go a year, it better be because of some medical condition where you are not physically able.
Speaker 1Why does it have to be me? Why can't it be you?
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1Why can't it be you?
Speaker 2It better be some condition where either one of us are not physically able.
Speaker 1Where we can't like physically do I mean, there's other things you can do. I ain't in no pleasure what you're doing. There's other. That's what I'm saying. There's other ways.
Speaker 2Well, I got you.
Speaker 1Goodbye, I got you Per Okay Per my last email.
Speaker 2Anyway, you said per my last email.
Speaker 1I know anyway. But you, you said for my, I know, I know, cut it out big part, okay, I'm so done. But yeah, 12 months is a little diabolical, but I would say let's see seven whole days.
Speaker 1I would, I would have to really I would really have for I would need for him to tell me why, word for word, why it can't be like you know where you trying to sugar coat and you're affirming my feelings and it's like I understand how you feel, babe, and I'll try better, I'll do better. No, you tell me why, like tonight, like if I start feeling on you and you push me away. You tell me why you're pushing me away in that moment, because there is a reason and I don't just because you're not in the mood, because you ain't not been in the mood all year.
Speaker 1So, tell me why.
Speaker 2Because you're breasting.
Speaker 1Okay, I can brush my teeth.
Speaker 2Or I can shut up, because you've been wearing the same bra for three days.
Speaker 1Maurice, stop it.
Speaker 2I'm just trying to give reasons.
Speaker 1Okay, maybe here's the thing, this has been another episode. Is it already. Yeah, because you fin going to get diabolical, because you know he starts saying random stuff when he's trying to be funny and then when I retaliate and his feelings get hurt, then we have to have the whole conversation of. I was just joking with you, but you're always trying to hurt my feelings.
Speaker 2I wasn't even talking about you. What was you? So you take that personal?
Speaker 1The way you were trying to look at me. I know you and your antics.
Speaker 2I was just talking. Okay, what were you saying, babe? I was trying to get maybe reason that she maybe she's not turning him on because he's gay, cause I don't care what he's gay. It's very few women I can see naked. They're probably not get hard.
Speaker 1Very few.
Speaker 2Very few you can have to.
Speaker 1Even the ones like on my 600 pound life.
Speaker 2Nah, I'm going to get harder. Don't do it. That don't do it for me. That won't do it for me.
Speaker 1No, a boob is a boob yeah.
Speaker 2But a boob next to the navel is different. This has been another episode.
Social Media and New Year's Goals
Speaker 1This has been another episode of life after. If you're not doing so already, you guys already know the drill. You can like and follow us on all of our social media platforms follow us on tiktok, apparently until the 19th, but we'll see how that goes.
Speaker 1I don't think it's going away you don't think it's going away, I don't. I mean, I kind of feel like it's gonna be like some last minute thing and it's like, oh, tiktok going to be here to stay, but we'll have to wait and see. But follow us on the Tickety Tockety. You can follow us on YouTube, facebook and Instagram. You can also write in to us at lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom. We would love to hear from you again.
Speaker 2Happy new year guys you know you get a new episode every Wednesday and you get an hour two cents episode on Mondays on YouTube. I want to trigger some people.
Speaker 1What happy new years because you made it plural happy new years happy new year, guys. It's 2025. All those goals that you said. Let's go out there and achieve them, but until then, we will see you guys again on Wednesday. It's 2025. All those goals that you set let's go out there and achieve them. But until then, we will see you guys again on Wednesday, where I will be a whole nother year older.
Speaker 2My eye is tearing up and it's running because I have allergies and potentially If you can achieve them in 2024, I don't think you'll get them in 25.
Speaker 1Okay, he's such a negative Nancy. But anyway, guys, everyone say you get a new episode and until then we will catch you later. Peace booskies, peace booskies.
