Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Sex Before Marriage?
Join us for an insightful discussion about building meaningful relationships through shared intimacy and personal growth. Through thoughtful relationship advice and marriage matters, we explore how couples can develop deeper connections when discovering life together. By focusing on love and respect, we'll understand how learning and growing as a unit creates lasting bonds that strengthen over time. đź’•
But when you are two people who have limited amount of experience and you get together and you actually discover, discover that part of the relationship or marriage together and you grow your pleasures together, together that makes it. That makes it I'm not going to say makes it worthwhile, but that makes it a lot easier to maintain that relationship because you have no other outside experiences.
Speaker 2:Hey, everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, misha D, and I'm here with my husband, as always same guy every week.
Speaker 1:Yo husband, that's what marriage is about. Molito.
Speaker 2:Same guy.
Speaker 1:Molito, every hey Booskis. It's like watching cable with the same movies come on.
Speaker 2:Same movie but you know what?
Speaker 1:It's a good one.
Speaker 2:It's a good one. It's a cozy good. It's a cozy good, cozy good, cozy good. It's like one of my favorites. Why are you cheesing so much today? You look good. Thank you, honey. You look good, Like when you were doing your bicep curls today. You had your chest out and everything looked like nice and hard and you were like this. And I was like I said okay, daddy.
Speaker 1:Keep it in.
Speaker 2:Stop trying to fuck. Goodbye, goodbye, my efforts will go unnoticed. What efforts, anyway? How was your day, how was your week? You? Talking about your gym efforts.
Speaker 1:No nothing babe.
Speaker 2:Would you stop using profane?
Speaker 1:language. Oh, my bad, my goodness, this is an adult podcast.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Hi, babe, let's start with your week.
Speaker 2:Clean slate. My week was good.
Speaker 1:Because you're almost dead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but my week was good. I'm really proud of myself. I hit a new PR.
Speaker 1:That's what, on what?
Speaker 2:On Bench Press and I got my TRT on order. Oh yeah, because, if you guys remember, he said that if I get within like five pounds of what he can press or whatever lift. He's going to go on steroids. And your trainer was like, when I told him that he was like you don't even let him take pre-workout, so I'm pretty sure he's not going to get on steroids. I said correct. I said I put him on decaf coffee so I'm pretty sure he's not going to be touching steroids. Yeah, buddy, but yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to be in the gym tomorrow. Lightweight, lightweight.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's what he was like. Just think of, uh, what's the guy's name? Uh, coleman ronnie coleman, ronnie coleman. He was like, when you lay down, he was like just think of ronnie coleman. He was like lightweight. This is lightweight, lightweight, lightweight lightweight lightweight. I was like yeah, I said, but you know, I have to feel for me, I have to feel strong in my brain. It's weird, you know, like the, how they say the mind body connection visualize it like I said, that you guys, sometimes you gotta visualize it.
Speaker 2:But like my brain has to be like okay, you, yeah, it's nothing. Like literally, my brain has to be like this is nothing, you can do it, you know. And then when I lay down to go do it, I'm like oh, okay, I got it. You know, it still be a struggle sometimes, but you know anyway. But I was able to only one rep, 135. And what was that? Two weeks ago you did four, today I did five five I repped five lightweight, lightweight 135.
Speaker 2:So in case those who aren't aware, that's 245 plates on the bench press. Okay, so I finally, I finally like, knocked down my first. I call it the first nugget, my first plate.
Speaker 1:You know I call a 45 plate like that see, now, see, and now you're falling into the gym.
Speaker 2:The gym, uh, the gym uh dilemma. What's the gym dilemma?
Speaker 1:because every time you add a plate you want to.
Speaker 2:You're now you're trying to get to the next plate yes, because immediately I was thinking like when I did the next plate when I did the uh 135, uh five reps, I was like, okay, I'm pretty sure, like he wants me to be able to do eight right it's like eight to ten. So now I'm thinking okay, so once I finally hit the eight, do I go up like 2.5 or do I go up five? Do I go up ten, like where?
Speaker 1:do I go just put another plate on there?
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna put another plate on there. See how I feel, because it took me. How long did it take me to work up to the 135? I mean two and a half months, not too long. Yeah, it took me two and a half months would you bet, but you've been.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's consistent and I'm really proud of you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, babe. I really do appreciate that and I'm really proud of myself too.
Speaker 1:I really appreciate and I'm really proud of the growth that your leg days have produced.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I thought it was the back and my shoulders and stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, you're back getting good, I was getting good. Yes, you're back getting good, I was getting good, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:What I flexed today.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:My bicep.
Speaker 1:Did it feel nice? No, it felt like competition.
Speaker 2:It feels it's still pretty fluffy, like it's still it's so fluffy. Wait a minute. When I was doing the bent over rows today and he was like, okay, you want to like keep your shoulders tight? He was like, pull it back to your belly button. And I told him it may not look like I'm pulling it back to my belly button because my stomach's a little lower. I said, but I am, it's good. He was like that's. He was like that's not a thing. He was like just pull it back to your belly button. I was like I'm just letting you shout out to uh body by patino, yeah, so thank you that's not.
Speaker 1:That's not his name. That's what. That's what we call. That's what you've dubbed him.
Speaker 2:That's what we call yeah, but I was a little. I was definitely humbled, um, I wouldn't even necessarily say humbled, because I had, like I had told you I was able to, um, what is it? Bicep curl, the 60 pound, uh, easy, bar right. But what did I tell you? Like, yes, I can do it, but I know my form is like my form is. It wasn't good. So even though I could technically like lift it and do like eight reps, I knew my form was trash. So it's still the equivalent of not doing it.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, so when we went to do bicep curls today and I got the 40 and he was like 40, he was like I thought you told me you could do 50. I was like I can actually do the 60. I said, but I know my form is trash on this. So if we're going to work on form and you're going to show me my proper form, I might as well just go a little bit lighter. So I've showed him the 60 first, because he wanted to see how I did at the 60. Then he corrected my form and like I was able to do five reps, like with the 60. And then, when he corrected my form and had me doing it the right way. I couldn't even get it up Like literally I couldn't get it up.
Speaker 2:So then I put it down and I said he was like yeah, go down to the 40. And I was like, ok, and then I went down to the 40. But immediately when I picked up the 40, I was like so it's so light, like how is this going to help? But then when my form got corrected and then I did that 40, I was like damn. And then he was like we're going to max out together and I was like, but I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that. He kept doing that shit today where he feel like.
Speaker 1:Bro. The plan calls for three sets. What is these drop sets and these?
Speaker 2:But shout out to all the trainers in the world who always feel like you got one more. They always you know what? Because if you did 10, you can do 11 and if you did 11, you might as well, do 12 and since we've done 12, just 15, just go ahead and do it making new reps 15 no, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker 1:And since you did 12, that set don't count, because obviously the weight was too light and that's what he told me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because when we were doing the lat raises he was like okay, and now you can go up. He was like because if you did 10 reps there, that means you can go up. And he, he commended me on the form for my lat raises and he was like, although your form was perfect, he was like the fact that you had that much control lets me know that the weight was also not heavy enough.
Speaker 1:You ain't never playing around like no I don't be playing around.
Speaker 2:I'm also just not trying to hurt myself, you know because you know you.
Speaker 1:You know we both had big backs, but your back was big and strong. My wish is big oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Well, according to you is because it's just genetics. It's genetics. So now you're fighting against my ambition and my genetics.
Speaker 1:I'm fighting genetics. Have you seen your daddy? Yeah, I'll see. You see, when you see what your brother look like? He don't work out no more. He still got it.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure he still works out. He's still a coach, so he still works out.
Speaker 1:Anyway, now that we got the boring, we got the way.
Speaker 2:That wasn't boring and that wasn't my whole week, but that was the highlight of my week, so I'm happy about that?
Speaker 1:What was the highlight of your week, babe? We're not going to give you 10.
Speaker 2:Goodbye. What was the highlight of your week, Honestly?
Speaker 1:the highlight of my week was when I went for a walk and you video, recorded it.
Speaker 2:You videotaped me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I FaceTimed you.
Speaker 2:FaceTimed me. You sound so old. I did, I'm sorry. I FaceTimed you and I showed you how your daughter literally did cartwheels for over a quarter mile. He calls me and she was like way in the front of him and he was like this is how she's choosing to walk. Phoenix was quite literally turning cartwheels.
Speaker 1:As he's walking.
Speaker 2:She was just doing cartwheels over and over down the street and I was like I mean you know.
Speaker 1:And when she wasn't doing cartwheels, she was jogging, she was flexing on me, yeah, and I said I can still throw you like a rad dog.
Speaker 2:Well, she's only 54 pounds, that's all right.
Speaker 1:She better. You can't even curl her.
Speaker 2:I can't curl her.
Speaker 1:You barely did the 40s.
Speaker 2:Goodbye With bad form. I can do anything Right. What did she do?
Speaker 1:She challenged him to a plank. She did plank twists.
Speaker 2:She did plank twists Because he was like she didn't work out, on what day was that Saturday, saturday. And so in the evening he was like Phoenix, did you work out this morning? And she looked at me and I was like you just tell him, no, we didn't work out today. And she was like, no, I didn't work out today. And so he was like, ok, so they did wall sits, pushups, and then he was like we're going to do some planks and then she goes oh, I can do some plank twists.
Speaker 1:And so we both were looking at her like no need to.
Speaker 2:That wasn't the most the most disrespectful thing when she was like, oh, I can do lunges all day. Wait, no, you didn't understand how she was lunging at first, because you, he told her to do lunges. But remember, she's a gymnast. So when she did a lunge she did like a gymnast stance lunge, like lunging forward, one foot in front, the knee bent, like that. He was like now lunge. And she was like she was literally sitting there, straight arms, everything. She was like I am lunging and he was like, no, you're not do a lunge.
Speaker 1:And she was like I am doing I was like no baby, a workout, a workout she's doing a gymnast lunch.
Speaker 2:But yeah, that was funny, that was fun, that was the highlight of your week. Oh, that was good, you made memories. Her, she brought me home 50 million damn rocks. She's like damn I got to pick these rocks up. I'm not sure why you let her pick so many rocks to bring home.
Speaker 1:I told her three was fine, but she said she brought home about 10 rocks. She said she needed to have she said I told her three was fine.
Speaker 2:She said and then she came and put them on my desk Dirty rocks, with the dirt still attached to them and she was like, do you like them? And I was like I think they're the most beautiful rocks ever.
Speaker 1:You lucky, it was rocks At first. She wanted to pick dandelions and bring them to you. She likes dandelions and I said, Phoenix, we're not going to go around the yard to pick up their dandelions.
Speaker 2:She loves. When we get them in the front yard she'd be like, oh, dandy lines. She was like mommy, which rock do you want? And so I chose like the smallest rock. And then she looks at me, she goes, you can keep them all. She said she's in the room. And then I go to walk upstairs and lo and behold, they're everywhere, and I step on a damn rock on the staircase.
Speaker 2:It's like stepping on a freaking uh, uh. What is it, lego? Only it's worse because you're not expecting to step on one on a step.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, that was, that was a highlight of my week. Oh, that, and the fact that I am I am ever, ever, getting ever so closely. To what To being in the two fifties.
Speaker 2:Very good, high five.
Speaker 1:I'm not high fiving you.
Speaker 2:What Wow, high five me. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Which is like I have not been in the 250s probably since my daughter was born. So I'm looking. I'm very, very excited for that.
Speaker 2:I'm excited for you.
Speaker 1:When it happens, my head gonna be a little bigger. Oh my gosh, both of them.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's not necessary under any circumstance, but it goes along with today's topic. Tell me what we got today, boo. Uh, today we're gonna be talking about premarital sex, and I'm not sure how you thought that was a decent segue, um, but I mean, sure, sure, why not? Uh, yeah, so premarital sex. So it kind of comes up the topic for me. Anyway, I know that I've had many conversations, many conversations with friends and stuff about you know partners prior to marriage.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And my experience was limited.
Speaker 1:Limited, that's what we go with. Limited, we can say non-existent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, non-existent, yeah, non-existent. Oh gosh, that was so funny, okay. So, yeah, like non-existent, but I will. You know, I wanted to get your opinion on your thoughts about some of like the pros and the cons and what people, especially nowadays, should consider, like the younger and the cons, and what people especially nowadays should consider, like the younger generation coming behind us should consider about having multiple partners. You know, going into, you know, later years of marriage Like is, is there. Should you be really taking that aspect of your life as serious as it should be taken, you know, with the forethought of possibly wanting to marry one day?
Speaker 1:Well, I, this is hard Pause Um cause I, I, I have, like, I have, like I have, like I have, like I have, like I have, like I have, like I have, like I have, like I have like I know which ways you're about to say. And yes, and I can understand both.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like for one. I see like taking it seriously and only which I am a big, very big, very, very, very big component of taking it seriously and only planting your seed where you want it to grow, in a place that has been nourished.
Speaker 2:And why are you trying to make this answer so polished?
Speaker 1:And a place that has been prepared, vetted and studied, and you know that this is the person that you want to bring forth life with.
Speaker 2:OK.
Speaker 1:I think that is very, very, very, very important and I also believe that that is a issue or a topic that most young men do not discuss or have conversations they have with, because you don't want, you know, five minutes of pleasure to be 18, pretty much lifetime, whatever.
Speaker 1:Commitment, much lifetime I have, whatever commitment, of commitment because you're going to be tied to that person for the rest of your life in the way, shape or form. Right and similar to what um dr umar was saying, which I also give what he was saying it's like premarital sex the more premarital sex you have, it builds up. That's when you start to build your preferences right, where you learn right, and then now the dynamic of pleasure is Now has more of a deciding factor in your choices when you choose relationships Right.
Speaker 2:Yes, right.
Speaker 1:Because now you tend to, you want to lean towards the ones. That's going to put it on you, right? I do see that being a thing.
Speaker 2:I mean, but that's important, it is important, that's really important. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1:I mean, but that's important, it is important, that's really important. But here's the thing as you go off and you develop these preferences, you become numb to some degree.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean if you're out there wilding.
Speaker 1:If you're out there wilding, yeah, if you're out there wilding, it's the same thing as how studies show that you know people who watch a lot of porn.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Like that how they become desensitized.
Speaker 1:And now you've done so much shit that now you have to go, you have to take it to the next level up in order to find right. I do see that being a thing, but when you are two people who have limited amount of experience and you get together and you actually discover discover that part of the relationship or marriage together and you grow, in that, discover your pleasures together, together.
Speaker 1:That makes it I'm not going to say makes it worthwhile, but that makes it a lot easier to maintain that relationship because you have no other outside experiences from that. So you're not I'm not saying I'm not going to say that you're ignorant of what could happen. I'm just saying that you only have in front of you what you know.
Speaker 2:Right. So then it just removes a little bit more of that comparison. Yes, it removes.
Speaker 1:It removes comparison and it removes um comparison Right, and. But when you have something to compare to um, then that's when you you start to. I believe that's when you start to linger outside of the commitment you've made to your partner, right, if they're not living. What do you mean, like if I have something to compare to and you're not satisfied?
Speaker 2:Something that's better than what you currently have.
Speaker 1:If you're not satisfying my need, but I know that when I was with so-and-so, I was like I was. She was a, it was.
Speaker 2:When I was with Vanessa. I was, she was a. It was when I was with Vanessa, I don't know, I was just throwing out a name to help you out.
Speaker 1:Sorry, go ahead. You know I mean, but when I have something to compare to, when I can say, oh, this was better than that, that can lead to um, that can lead to uh complications, especially if I'm not able to control um, if me or the person in general is not able to control urges to achieve that level of pleasure again. So I do see that I understand that premarital sex to some degree is, I believe. Important Is important Because you have to see if you're. I think it's part of seeing if you're compatible.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, because it's an important aspect of your relationship.
Speaker 1:Because, let's be honest, I'm not saying a lie we had premarital for a long time.
Speaker 2:Entanglements, whatever you want to call them.
Speaker 1:Whatever you want to call them Right, but basically we had opportunities to get out. Right, but I do want to say it is a little different for us because we have been together since we were teenagers so long, and while you were not my first, I was your first and so I mean it did benefit me because you had nothing to compare it to.
Speaker 2:I feel like that low key, just like that was for you.
Speaker 1:You're like oh yeah it's, it's, it's I worry, it's a badge of honor for you. You're like oh yeah, it's, it's it's I wear. It's a badge of honor for me. Like it's, I'm only for me. If I'm being honest, I'm the only one I've been in this, in this station.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, oh my gosh, and I have painted all the walls, ok, ok, ok, we know we don't need your extras, that's fine.
Speaker 1:But I'm saying like, like it, it can go both ways, right, because then the question can be had of if you've never had it, how do you know? How do you know you're not compatible, how do you know that it's just not you both, not just in an awkward phase of figuring it out, right?
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I do think that one thing with us is that because we didn't neither one of us had you know well, you had no experience. I didn't have a ton of experience, I only had one other person. Right, it was a situation to where we had to discover and grow and learn how to do this together.
Speaker 2:Like we had to figure out what worked for us what our likes and what our dislikes, right and what things and what methods got us there yeah, and that was fun, it still is, yeah.
Speaker 1:And what things and what methods got us there?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that was fun. It still is.
Speaker 1:Okay, ever changing Okay.
Speaker 2:We don't need all that. But thank you, I agree, I do agree. Okay, so some of the pros. I have some pros here.
Speaker 1:Of premarital sex Of premarital sex.
Speaker 2:Okay, compatibility assessment, which you touched on premarital sex allows couples to explore sexual compatibility, which is an important aspect of the marital satisfaction. Studies suggest sexual dissatisfaction can be a predictor of divorce. So we're not going to act like it's not, it's not an important it is very much important. It's not an important uh let me tell you something aspect of the human experience.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something you can be on my nerves all week long, but come Friday or Saturday and you put it on me. I am forgiving.
Speaker 2:You could be in the middle of an argument if I flash you.
Speaker 1:It's safe. That's what we're talking about now.
Speaker 2:Say what Come again? No pun intended, they ain't talking about nothing. You'd be like as soon as you say peekaboo, okay, bye okay, another um, another pro. Uh, improved communication. Engaging in premarital intimacy can foster openness and improve communication about sexual needs and boundaries.
Speaker 1:Okay, see, when you say intimacy, intimacy is not just the act of sex.
Speaker 2:Okay, right, I didn't say intimacy, you did say intimacy. Oh, you're right, I did Premarital intimacy, uh-huh.
Speaker 1:I think, any type of intimacy, whether it's necessary premarital right, not just sex, but just being in that bubble in that quality time to actually learn each other learn about each other in a way.
Speaker 2:And I also right and I feel like.
Speaker 1:I feel like the non-sexual intimacy is what's important, because if you get the I my personal opinion is that if you get the non-sexual, the non-sexual intimacy together in a line where you got to entune that way, it's going to make the sexual intimacy that much better. Let me give you what did he do? Very good, very good.
Speaker 2:Number three the reduction of sexual anxiety. Premarital experience may help individuals feel more confident and reduce anxiety about being intimate when in a marriage.
Speaker 1:No, hoes gonna be hoes.
Speaker 2:Okay, that has nothing to do. Um, but no, I, I, I agree with that too.
Speaker 2:I think experience, yes, helps you, cause you have, you come, you come in with a little bit of a game plan, right, you can come in with saying like, even if it's not trying to show your partner what it is you like, but also being confident enough to explain to them this is what I like, this is what I don't like. Don't touch me here, don't do that. Like you know what I'm saying. Like there's a level of confidence that also can come with that, which also will help decrease the anxiety. So I agree with that one Understanding preferences.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's important too.
Speaker 2:Exploring preferences before marriage can contribute to a better understanding of what each partner desires, potentially straightening, strengthening the relationship. So pretty much.
Speaker 1:But also going to that. Yes, yes, I need to understand your, your preferences, but we both of us also need to be open to trying other things that we have not tried before, because you know it may become a new preference right.
Speaker 2:I know for me when I've had this conversation with friends, I always get please stop saying that um. I always get um the look of like what, wait a minute?
Speaker 1:like wait a minute what?
Speaker 2:do wait a minute? What do you mean? Just like one person? How do you know what you like? How do you know? I discovered that with my person.
Speaker 1:And I had fun.
Speaker 2:I discovered the things that I like, I discovered the things that I don't like, I discover my boundaries. I've, I've, and I, for me, personally, through my personal experience, I find that it kind of worked out for me because, especially as we got older, you know like, and went towards marriage, it was important for me to be like not sugarcoating things. Just tell me you know what I mean, because I feel like sometimes I used to sugarcoat, because it's also there's also like egos involved a little bit, you know, and so I. For me, I feel like it's worked out because it's allowed me to be more vocal, which I feel like made you more vocal, and then kind of the barriers kind of came down and then we could look at each other and have an honest conversation and be like and be like that wasn't it boo, that wasn't it Spend the block.
Speaker 2:But you know what? I'm going to go ahead and give you another try, cause I feel like you got better in you.
Speaker 1:We're going to go ahead and try this again.
Speaker 2:We're going to rewind and do it again and I feel like that's really kind of worked in for me personally, worked in my favor, because we have kind of like that open line of communication. You know, like I know, if I tell you that you don't just take it to heart. You also have the comfort of knowing that I'm not saying this from because I've had a previous experience. Right, you know you know that I'm not saying like oh OK, so listen.
Speaker 1:You tell me you like she. Really she didn't like it. You, you know listen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, vincent, I just want to let you know, vincent, I don't know where I would come with the v's. I said vanessa and I said vincent.
Speaker 1:But you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Let me call valerie bye, but I feel, I feel like and I can't speak for you, but I feel like that would be a bit better for you too, because you know that this is coming from just me genuinely, and how I feel, and not necessarily what I could be thinking about with my previous partners that I feel like you're not matching up.
Speaker 1:I agree with what you're saying. I hear you, but there were times where your words did cut.
Speaker 2:Was it my words or was it my delivery?
Speaker 1:A combination of both.
Speaker 2:We have discussions about my delivery. Sometimes it's harsh. It's not harsh. I don't try to be harsh, I think it's just. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:I'm going to start recording myself and then. You're going to listen and don't judge yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm going to say I listen and I don't judge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we need to judge ourselves.
Speaker 2:And then when I listen, I'm going to be like I don't See nothing wrong.
Speaker 1:That's the problem. I feel like it's all in your head. That's the problem.
Speaker 2:The other pro is changing social norms. As societal norms evolve, premarital sex is becoming more accepted, particularly in cultures with a more liberal approach to relationships. For instance, a 2017 study found that 95% of Americans have engaged in premarital sex by the age of 44.
Speaker 1:I mean 44. You should Come on, you ain't had nothing by 44 you should have engaged in something just, just just you should have you should have engaged in something if you around here, walking around like 40 year old version of the thing and titty feel like sandbags they don't feel like sandbags no, they great this is because you don't have them.
Speaker 2:So no, I got them, you know. Bye, I'm not even gonna say what I was gonna say anyway, okay, so what are some of your cons to premarital sex? What do you think are some of the? You know the cons to premarital sex and how it can impact, I think my my con is is similar to what I said just the comparison said earlier, like you start comparing, so you might.
Speaker 1:You might find a great person that checks. You know, like we always say, the 80, 20 rule. You might find a great person that checks 80%, but that 20% is your pleasures in that 20%.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And now you can't.
Speaker 2:Feels like 80. And yeah, and it feels like 80.
Speaker 1:And now you can't muster the responsiveness Okay, the responsible. You can't muster up enough to accept the fact that, hey, because I felt always like, when it comes to pleasure, those are things that can be worked on Right, but a lot of times I feel like, once you've had a preference and the experience, you have the mindset of, why would I stay around here and work on this part when I know I can go out and get it?
Speaker 2:Or you expect it to be that way every single time, with every person.
Speaker 1:If you think, just because you know, Valerie did something one way we just going to keep with the V's. Then Vanessa going to be able to do the same thing, yeah. And Vanessa should be able to do it because Valerie has set a precedent and a standard. Yes, that's it.
Speaker 2:Just stay with Valerie, but see you, you only get the 20 from. Valerie, and Valerie can't give you the 80. Right Because she also handing out 20s on the side, right.
Speaker 1:And that's what she does, and that's the thing. And I do feel like and I think that goes for men and women I do feel like it is true the more experience, the more preference you have, I think, the more you limit yourself, because now and when I say limit yourself, I yourself I mean you limit your circle of who you're willing to take serious right.
Speaker 2:Based on that, you mean yeah, based on that.
Speaker 1:Like that becomes a key component right Rather because Because it's big, because it is big and I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:Pause, bye.
Speaker 1:Especially earlier in life, like your 20s and stuff. And also but I also think, like especially when you're earlier you don't understand that this is something that can be worked on, because I don't really care who you are, especially as a man, as a young boy, you're not going to get into getting it right.
Speaker 2:the first couple of times you just focus on getting it.
Speaker 1:You just focus on getting it. It's rabbits out here, Right, Because that's all you know. You know you know one speed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but and also I think sometimes in your earlier 20s it can be one of those situations where you have this idea that that's not something I want to have to work at Right, like if you, if you don't got it.
Speaker 1:You don't got it. We're just not compatible. But you also, you also don't comprehend the fact that the things that you're into at 20 will change. It might not get you going Right, but when?
Speaker 2:it comes to sex, that's hard to think about, right. I'm not denying it, yeah at 25, you'd be like, listen, I don't have time to. I'm not denying it. You know, either we're there, either when we come together and it feels good, it's right, then we can move forward, but if it don't, I can't hang around I'm pretty sure there's a lot of times you looked at yourself in the mirror and said he's a good man he's a good man, savannah he gonna get it together.
Speaker 2:He's a good man, savannah, he gonna get it together. I mean, I had you were my 80 percent, so okay.
Speaker 1:My 80% so.
Speaker 2:Okay, fuck you.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm done.
Speaker 2:So some of the some of the cons Emotional vulnerability Premarital sex can lead to emotional hurt, particularly if the relationship ends before marriage. Right, because sometimes Because they think about when you think about marriage. You'd be like that's forever and you want me to put up with this?
Speaker 1:forever Because for one person, like that's forever and you want me to put up with this right. Forever because for one person, because for one person it may be everything.
Speaker 2:They want, and others like. I can't see myself doing this for life so.
Speaker 1:So now one one side of god has grown attached, while the other side is looking for a way out um religious or cultural tensions.
Speaker 2:Some religions and cultural beliefs discourage premarital sex, which may lead um may cause or conflict in individuals who engage in it. I feel like that's an obvious.
Speaker 1:That's a moral yeah.
Speaker 2:Increased risk of infidelity. Studies suggest that a higher number of premarital sexual partners may correlate with a slightly increased risk of infidelity or marital dissatisfaction later on.
Speaker 1:That's what I said earlier. Yeah, the more the art of comparison, the more experience you have, the higher your body count is yeah, and you start thinking about that. The more you can nitpick and say well, you know, you know, oh, vincent, here he wasn't.
Speaker 2:you know, we just don't get going.
Speaker 1:You know he ain't, he wasn't doing me like victor, you know so um lower satisfaction.
Speaker 2:Research shows mixed results. For example, a 2016 study found that individuals with fewer premarital partners reported higher levels of marital satisfaction. Yeah, because they ain't got nothing compared to so, then the question is the question is bliss, ignorant is bliss ignorant. I always say you can't miss what you never had right ignorant ignorance is bliss. You can't miss what you never had. So it's like if there's nothing, you know, that's how I always say. Like if I have nothing to compare, like I'm the best you ever. That's what. That's how I always say.
Speaker 1:Like if I have nothing to compare, like I'm the best you'll ever have.
Speaker 2:That's what, and that's what I always say. My husband is the best when we talk about top of the line. Top of the line, that's it, that's it. He made the mold, he broke the mold On my old fashioned car, all metal, yeah, that's it, all American steel. The last one is higher divorce risk. Some studies suggest that women with 10 or more premarital sexual partners are more likely to experience divorce compared to those with fewer or no premarital partners. For men, the correlation is less clear, but it's still present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, again, like we were saying, I have other data to go off of and when I engage in these things with you, you're not hitting my pleasure markers, right. So now I'm going to go out here and find someone.
Speaker 2:Because I know they exist.
Speaker 1:Well, that's just like. That's no different from when you have a couple that's been. They've been together 10, 15, 20 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But you know, dad always has something on the side because he loves mom. He loves mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Mom is everything Right, but she just can't get him to his pleasure marker, right? So he steps out and gets his pleasure markers and then come home and take care of the family.
Speaker 2:Or and. I saw this on a show and I know I mean he. He was using it like as an excuse, but it did make me kind of think about it. He justified his cheating by saying the things that he would ask the women to do. He was like I would never look at my wife in the face and ask her to do the things that I have asked these women to do, and it's because he doesn't have an attachment to those women.
Speaker 2:But when he said, when he looks at his wife he's like that's my wife, like that's the mother of my children. I would never do that.
Speaker 1:I cannot look at as much as I don't say things to you. That's funny. I think I'm funny, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you think.
Speaker 1:Right. There are certain things I would never do, because, when I look at you, you are my wife, you are the mother of my child, you are the person who has been with me through my good times, my bad times, and I would never put you in a situation where I because once I do Like.
Speaker 2:you picked me up off the street like a two dollar, hoe Right. Because once I degrade you, I'm going to look at you different. That's crazy, because we've role played that before.
Speaker 1:Okay, now you sit in there playing. Okay, I'm done, I'm done. This has been another episode of Life After I Do.
Speaker 2:That's wild, because we role played that and the things you asked for for $10 was diabolical Teasing $10 in the 60s is a lot of money. It's not a lot now. I told you what the going rate was.
Speaker 1:I'm still in the 60s For what you asked for last time I told you what the going rate was. I'm a time traveling pimp.
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't do time travelers, okay, so just a few statistics for you. Okay, for women according to a 2019 study by the Institute for family studies, about 75% of women aged 30 to 44 reported having at least one premarital sexual partner, at about 20% at about 10 or more.
Speaker 1:That's actually. That's actually. That means only 20% of the woman in population holds.
Speaker 2:Okay, but it's not the same for men. Stop For men. It says 85% of men in the same age group reported at least one premarital partner, with approximately 28% having 10 or more.
Speaker 1:So 30% of the male population of hoes.
Speaker 2:Okay, I don't think that and I would like to call it market research. I don't think that I, and I like to call it market research. I don't I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't think they're holding I think. I think that 20% is derived of the athletes in the movie stars.
Speaker 2:Really? Yeah, I don't think so. There's a lot more like other one, other people aside from the 1%.
Speaker 1:So I don't think they're carrying that.
Speaker 2:I think that's just average Joe people. It's the pretty boys. I don't think they're carrying that. I think that's just average Joe people.
Speaker 1:It's the pretty boys.
Speaker 2:I don't think that either. I think that's just average Joe people, it's not as hardworking man.
Speaker 1:Goodbye.
Speaker 2:I don't want to hear it. I'm not trying to hear it. Okay, so let's go ahead and hop right on into we're done already. Yeah, that was it. That was it that to? Yeah, that was it that was it, that was it babe, short and sweet, short and sweet. I like to keep it short and sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do um, so we're gonna hop right on into our two cents sorry that wasn't a good segue, but I'm working on it okay, don't worry, I'm talking about it later in, uh, when, uh what we do.
Speaker 2:Our new segment oh, okay, oh, we're gonna be introducing a new segment soon, guys, so he's too excited for it, okay, so this one is an advice needed okay, I got it.
Speaker 1:I got it.
Speaker 2:I got advice for days um, would I be an asshole if I didn't go to a baby shower because I didn't believe that the mom was even pregnant? I don't even know where to start. For context, I live in a trailer with my boyfriend and his parents on their property. My in-laws and my boyfriend two brothers also live on the same property in three separate trailers, so four trailers total. So while we aren't in the same building, we do all live on the same property and share a yard.
Speaker 2:Summer of 2023, my brother my boyfriend's brother I'll call him Patrick told his parents his girlfriend, courtney, was moving onto the property. No one knew he had a girlfriend because they had only been dating for a week. When she said that she didn't have a place to stay and he invited her to stay with us. We were all immediately a little weirded out by this, but my in-laws are very caring people and they had no problem letting her stay. After she lived there for a month, I decided I'd get to know her. After speaking to her once, she immediately started spreading rumors that I was pregnant and tried to start drama with me.
Speaker 2:Around that time she started hoarding dogs. She would get a dog, keep it for a while, then get rid of it for another dog. All of her dogs had been skinny enough to where their ribs were visible and everyone who had lived there has seen her beat the crap out of the dogs. She has two that are chained outside at all times, and I know she has one dog that she's put down because he was food aggressive. That's when animal control was called, but nothing came of it. She's generally rude, dishonest and uncaring. No one that lives here likes her, but out of respect for Patrick, we've been quiet and disdained for her.
Speaker 2:After dating maybe two to three months, so like fall of 2023, she announced that she was pregnant and that her and Patrick were getting married May of 2024. We all thought this was fast, and Patrick admitted that we were only getting married because of the baby. After a while, there were no baby updates and no ultrasound pictures. My in-laws were suspicious from the start, so they eventually asked her to take a pregnancy test. It wasn't until they asked for the test to confirm she was pregnant that she told them that she had lost the baby. After that, the wedding was canceled, but they continued to stay and live together and live on the same, you know thing, as them.
Speaker 2:On Thanksgiving she brought a cake announcing that she's five months pregnant with a baby girl. Again, no ultrasound pictures, no positive tests, nothing. She's not visibly pregnant, though she is overweight, so it might make it harder to see. Personally, I don't think she's pregnant. If she is, I'm honestly worried about this. I'm worried about the well-being of the baby with how she treats her dogs. I'm not going to lie and say that I strongly dislike her. Still, we have been invited to the baby shower. My boyfriend says it's because there's no drama that's worth it. So we're gonna have to go. I don't even want to buy anything for the baby until it's here. Would I be the asshole if I didn't go? If I do, do I bring a gift? Baby showers in january and the baby is due in april um, it's your life.
Speaker 1:I don't think you'd be an asshole.
Speaker 2:I mean they all live on the same. I said what I said next door to each other.
Speaker 1:I said what I said. I do have a review with your boyfriend that you should go. If there's no drama, just go to avoid drama and then if you don't want to buy a gift, just buy some diapers, buy some shit that she can't that's still a gift.
Speaker 2:I mean, hey, she don't even believe, buy a 20 pack of diapers. That's still. That's still spending money on an invisible baby, cheap diapers are not cheap. I know you haven't bought diapers in a while, but diapers are not cheap a 20 pack of diapers, not, not.
Speaker 1:Don't go get a box like go to dollar tree get, get them dollar pampers don't get a box.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, I would say just go, just go, just go. I mean because if it's not, true, the food might be good even if it's not true. I mean she gonna look bad. Patrick gonna eventually probably kick her out. The parents gonna be like she gotta go, her and her dogs. So I say, go, and if you don't wanna bring a gift and that includes diapers don't bring the gift. Don't bring the gift, don't ruin the gift, like I showed up, especially because the baby shower is going to be there, right on the property.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm getting into pedimo now.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh.
Speaker 1:Go and when you go, don't take a gift. And when she asks you oh, do you guys have a gift? My presence here is the gift. I said a prayer for you, the fact that I am the best thing that will ever happen to your child is the gift Diabolical Goodbye.
Speaker 2:That's the gift, but your gift is me.
Speaker 1:It's me.
Speaker 2:You are able to cash in one, not two, but one babysitting Vacations, and that is after the kid is one.
Speaker 1:No One.
Speaker 2:Or potty trained.
Speaker 2:From the age of six to eight by marie's from the age of six to eight. But yeah, all in all, I don't, I don't think you would be an asshole. I say I do say go, if you don't want to buy a gift, don't buy a gift, don't stretch yourself out. You showed up. That was half the work's probably going to be next door at their house on their property anyway. So just show up. Maybe, I don't know make something If you don't want to buy anything, if you craft whatever you got left over, maybe make something. I don't know. But yeah, that's my verdict too. That was my gavel, in case you didn't know this has been this has been another episode of Life After I Do.
Speaker 2:If you're not doing so already, you already know what the drill is. You can follow us on all of our social media platforms. At Life After I Do Podcast, you can write into the podcast if you want to chat with us. Ask for some advice. If you want to say hey, you can write into us. At Life After I Do Podcast Ask for some advice. If you want to say hey, you can write into us at lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom. I know you guys have already heard right now that TikTok might be going away, but it's still here for now and while it is we will be posting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll be posting there, so go ahead and like, share, follow, do all of the things.
Speaker 1:But the majority of our content will now be on.
Speaker 2:Instagram, but we will be making the transition to focusing most of the content on Instagram, so, if you're not doing so already, follow us on Instagram at Life After I Do Podcast. You can also follow us at Life After I Do Podcast on YouTube, as well as on Facebook.
Speaker 1:Until then, guys, you get a new episode every Wednesday.
Speaker 2:You get an hour, two cents, a separate episode on Mondays, and that's all we got for you today.
Speaker 1:So until next time.
Speaker 2:Until next time, peace boskies.
