Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Can A Simple Hug Save Your Marriage
Finding the right balance of affection in relationships is essential, allowing for both closeness and personal space. We discuss how small gestures can sometimes have a greater impact than grand displays, helping to strengthen bonds without overwhelming one another. Our conversation also dives into emotional vulnerability, particularly for men, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe space for open expression. This builds trust and deepens intimacy, reminding us all of the power of proactive communication and mutual understanding in relationships.
You can be all lovey dovey and you can like hang on me and want to hold me, and sometimes that works, like sometimes it works. There's other times I'm like just bring me a hurt, You're you're really doing too much, Like you know, and I've seen, and I've seen how that has hurt your feelings before. So that's why I try to be conscious about it.
Speaker 1:I do try to be conscious about it. That's why I just be like I like I'll say it with a smile Like like I'm not in that space, like I'll tell you, like I'm not in that head space. But when you are feeding me emotionally to something that resonates with me, how I can interpret you feeding me emotionally? That's when I'm like oh, yes.
Speaker 1:Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, Nisha G, also known as Kynesha, by the way, and I'm here with my longtime friend, partner and companion.
Speaker 2:Longtime friend. This is the vibes we on today, huh.
Speaker 1:My longtime friend, partner, companion, legal companion.
Speaker 2:All lethal.
Speaker 1:Hi, really.
Speaker 2:Really, I don't know what to say.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:What? I'm just a friend.
Speaker 1:You are my friend.
Speaker 2:Long time legal friend. I said my friend, long time legal friend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said that Okay.
Speaker 2:You're my legal partner. I have nothing else to say. Hey, Booskies, I'm here with my husband y'all. Yeah, okay, briefly, we're going to fix this on Monday.
Speaker 1:Okay, hi, babe.
Speaker 2:You want to be single? So bad.
Speaker 1:I really don't though.
Speaker 2:Hey Booskies.
Speaker 1:Hey, how's it going.
Speaker 2:It's going.
Speaker 1:You shining like a nickel.
Speaker 2:Hey, well, I put my body butter on and my uncle, my auntie, butter, uncle Butter.
Speaker 1:Uncle Butter? Yeah, yeah, I got to get y'all some. Is that the website? Is it unclebuttercom or what's their website?
Speaker 2:Just go to the Instagram page AuntieButter.
Speaker 1:Oh, AuntieButter, UncleButter.
Speaker 2:It's really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he buys the UncleButter. I have the AuntieButter. It's really good. You can use it for everything your hair, your face, your body, your beard. It's really good.
Speaker 2:Guys, Y'all should check it out, them ashy ass. Ankles and kneecaps and elbows Y'all be having to.
Speaker 1:Speaking of which, let me check my hands. It's too late now. We rolling It'd be rough sometimes we rolling Like especially if I put a sweater on. We rolling I'm not.
Speaker 2:How was your week? Busquets, Any lotion?
Speaker 1:My week. Let me take a second to think about that. Let me just recap that in my head real quick.
Speaker 2:My week was okay.
Speaker 1:It wasn't wasn't the best of weeks. It wasn't the worst of weeks, it was just what was the best part of your week. Uh, friday night, oh, our double date. Oh yeah, I look forward to it. I look forward to it too. So we we have a another friend couple, another married couple excuse that we do dinner with On Fridays. Our kids go to gymnastics together. So we have all come up with the idea that while the kids are at gymnastics, we can all have some adult time to have adult conversation over a good meal. So every Friday we have been going out to eat with our other married couple and it just gives us time to just like be adults be adults, you know, have adult conversation, not have to monitor what we're talking about or whatever.
Speaker 1:And they're like super, super cool. They're that cool couple that you can discuss like hot topics with without anybody getting upset or offended. I don't know, could you say I don't know? Um, I mean, we've we've had political conversations and it didn't get out of hand. When I start seeing this when she puts her hands together. Um yeah, but it's, it's really fun and it's become something that we look forward to.
Speaker 2:I, I honestly look forward to it too I look forward to it too, because that's like an opportunity for me to put some decent clothes on right for the, but don't be fooled those a couple of times where they couldn't meet, we still went out yeah, yeah it has become a friday tradition that we are going somewhere and having an adult time yeah, we used that when we used to do our date nights.
Speaker 1:They used to be like on thursdays, but I think that's because it was your work schedule, but I remember it. It used to be on.
Speaker 2:Thursdays. It used to be Thursday because we won't have Friday off, so we'd go Thursday after work.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Because you always work the weekend, so you don't have to get up.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because I remember the last one we had met up. We were at Victoria Gardens, I think it was when we met up, they only we met up and had lunch that's all they need to know. So my week again not too eventful it was. It was a decent week, it was good you got the gangs this week.
Speaker 2:I got what them gangs oh, alright, the gangs yeah.
Speaker 1:I had to, I had to I had to redo or make an edit to my workout so that it could better benefit me, because I've been doing your workout, which I like doing your workout, I like doing your upper, but I mean some of the things I'm going to have to modify too that can better suit me. So I modified my lower because you weren't really focusing on hammies and glutes.
Speaker 1:I don't need a bbl I don't, I don't need a bbl either, but I, like you know, like thicker thigh ratio you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I don't focus on glutes yeah, I like hammies I don't need. No, I like I'm not trying to get ass um hammies and gluteus.
Speaker 1:I like that, so yeah, so I had to modify that. Um, but everything else has been going good. I had a pretty decent week. Um, I feel like my mental capacity was um. I was going to say even across the board, but it wasn't Now.
Speaker 2:I was going to say even across the board, but it wasn't. Your mental capacity was low because you were dealing with that sinus infection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh yeah, and this is what I think. This is the first day I haven't had tissue up my nose, but I still feel like I sound a little stuffy. Do I sound stuffy? You sound how you normally sound, okay, good. But yeah, it wasn't like loose and runny anymore.
Speaker 1:When I got up this morning and I blew my what? Because I said loose and runny, yes, pause. Oh, I don't, I don't pause, but okay, um, because only your mind is going there it was, uh, wasn't loose and runny this morning. And when I got up to blow my nose like I actually blew my nose and it was like you know it was, it was more the consistency of what snot should be, if that makes sense. It wasn't just like runny and thin, it had like a good like thickness to it and so once I blew my nose, like I could breathe out of my nostril and I was like this is what I've been waiting for. That's what I was waiting for, and I'm convinced what got me straight was that oregano was waiting for, and I'm convinced what got me straight was that oregano. So just a little if, if you guys are, having anything going on like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I'm not, I'm not. I'm like, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a health care provider. I'm just letting you know what worked for me is getting a pot of boiling hot water and putting literally a drop I mean drop. Do not put two drops, do not put a drop and a half, put a drop unless you plan on taking yourself out. Put a drop of pure oregano oil in the water and then you know pretty much like hover over it and, like you know, let the steam kind of loosen up everything in there and let that oregano oil just like hit everything it's, it's intense.
Speaker 2:Or you could just say the time to get a dandy pot.
Speaker 1:You could mean, but you could save the money. I mean, I don't know if you're going to be saving that much money, because oregano oil is um is. It was like $22.
Speaker 1:So yeah essential oils are pretty expensive, so um dollars, so it's expensive. Yeah, essential oils are pretty expensive, so um, but yeah, other than that, outside of dealing with my, my nasal stuff, everything was kind of okay. You know, kind of okay. I mean we had a couple of tiffs this week with the kid because she keeps sneaking in the bed, but other than that, yeah, just for her, for multiple reasons.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just the bed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean, it's like one of those things like you, she ain't going to be seven forever and if it makes her feel secure and she's not in there like from beginning to end.
Speaker 2:She just got to be like that. She's living in this era and not the era we were raised in, because she wouldn't have no legs oh, the era I was raised in.
Speaker 1:I I got in the bed with my mom, so yeah, I forgot, you were spoiled I was like what? What era are you talking about? Because I definitely slept with my mom.
Speaker 2:I'm talking about the talking back, the hips, the rolling eyes, the snapping the fingers I mean she's coming into her own and she's not being disrespectful.
Speaker 1:Like she's not walking around here snapping her fingers at us and like telling us what the deal is Like. Don't paint her in that picture. I'm not going to sit here and let you paint my baby like that.
Speaker 2:Your child asked me yesterday if she could call me by my middle name. I said you can call me dad.
Speaker 1:So she did a tea party yesterday, right, she had a tea party. And so she was like mom, can you come to my tea party? And I was like Phoenix, give me like 10 minutes. She was like, no, mom, I really want you to come to the tea party. I was like, okay, phoenix, I'm gonna come to the tea party. I come out to the table. She has her my size Barbie, two Barbies, everybody's sitting at the table and she got cups everywhere and the cups that she thought was appropriate to use.
Speaker 1:If you've listened to the previous episodes, I do not like people using my cups. She had my starbucks cups full of what I said, phoenix, and then she had one of my other cups, that's glass. That's why I took all the water cups off the table. Oh my gosh, because there was a tea party. And before she even set up the tea party, like she had, I remember she had came over to me cause I was working at my desk, I was doing an invoice, and she had came over to me and she was like um, she was like mom, I'm I'm gonna set up a tea party, but I'm not using apple juice, I'm not using orange juice. Okay, mom, okay, it's just going to be water, like she wanted to make sure I really understood that she wasn't gonna be playing in the juice. And so I was like okay, like okay, phoenix I was trying to finish up my invoice.
Speaker 1:I was like okay, whatever, just just go play, you know. I was like go do your thing. So she's like okay. So then, when she asked me to, uh, come to the um, the tea, the tea party first of all, when I said okay, I'm gonna come and I started to get up to come, she came in here and told the Barbies Guess what? Everybody, kynesha is coming to our team.
Speaker 2:Any chance she could use our name.
Speaker 1:She was like Kynesha is coming to our team.
Speaker 2:That's one of the best. Worst things we did was to teach our actual names, but it's like she has to know our names in case somebody else.
Speaker 1:Yes, she has. But I was like I said in my head, I was thinking cause I didn't correct her I was just like, really, Kynesha's coming to your tea party and then when I seen all my damn cups, I was like, okay, we got to change some things. I was like Phoenix, first of all, there's way too many cups. I was like, but you know what, we're going to switch these cups out and then we're just going to rock with it because literally I always have the thought in the back of my mind like this is also her childhood. You know what I mean? Like I don't want to. I don't want to poop on her parade because she's trying to do kid things.
Speaker 2:Let's start pooping on her parade.
Speaker 1:Bye, but yeah, so that was my week. Not too, not too evenabby. Not too shabby, so we're going to go ahead and hop right into today's topic. Okay, what we got today and it's another topic, I guess, kind of surrounding leadership, just in a different kind of aspect so let's go ahead and roll the clip and then we'll discuss.
Speaker 3:We're going to stop making excuses as to why you're not showing affection to your lady. It's oxygen for her. Men, go first. You lead the way. Stop sitting back as a man waiting for your lady to go first. She ain't supposed to go first. So we're not going to make excuses Hear me fellas as to why we're not leading the way. We're going to.
Speaker 1:What do you have to say about that?
Speaker 2:are you? What are your thoughts? I want to hear your thoughts um. It don't matter I bye.
Speaker 1:I can't stand you. Women can't be affectionate or take the initiative to be affectionate towards their husbands. Take the initiative to be affectionate towards their husbands. But I do think when we're talking in the realm of like quote, unquote leadership, then what he's saying makes sense, because I think this and this is me personally, this is my opinion. What I be getting confused on, or what not even confused, or how I see it is that you, some men, want to be viewed as the leader, but only when it comes to certain aspects of the relationship. Either you're going to lead or you're not going to. Part of leadership can also be delegation as well. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So so I delegate you to be affectionate.
Speaker 1:I delegate you to be affectionate, um, but for the sake of the clip. I do understand what he's saying and I do agree with him. But, like I said on the same note, yes, women can also take the initiative to be affectionate or to show emotions. But I agree with what he says and I was really surprised. I mean, I guess not really surprised just because I've had conversations with friends of ours who also have partners who are not like affectionate or don't take the leadership role in trying to be affection, affectionate towards their wives. So I do see it and I also see how that shows up in their wives, by them not being affectionate or by them not showing emotion, or by them not feeding their wives emotionally.
Speaker 2:So I mean, that's eating someone emotionally is not the same as being affectionate well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying as a whole okay, yeah, but go ahead. What were you saying? What are?
Speaker 2:your. I don't know what he's talking about. What do you mean, because I'm always affectionate.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're not talking about you. Yeah, okay, don't touch me, I'm always affectionate. You might be overly affectionate. I can stop Go ahead. I can stop.
Speaker 2:No, I, I can stop no, I mean be honest, honestly, I see what he's saying yeah and I do subscribe to the notion of you have to put out into the world what you want to get back. So if you would like for your lady to be affectionate and have you on in the forefront of her mind, you need to. You know, you need to imitate that type of behavior on your end as well. You need to show her not necessarily show her, but, you know, do the things affectionately that will get her to be in the headspace that you want her to be in.
Speaker 2:Now I do think we've had multiple conversations to where I can't just expect, I can't just walk in and expect you to match my energy off bat, right, I understand that you're you're not capable of just dropping Cause I like this again. I'm not capable of just dropping everything and match your energy. Sometimes it takes the, the work of me, um, doing things to you know, um, advance your mind in the direction I'm trying to get you to be, so that we can then be affectionate together. Your mind in the direction I'm trying to get you to be, so that we can then be affectionate together. But when it comes to us, like you said, I am over. I am overly affectionate.
Speaker 1:I'm overly affectionate with you so and do you think sometimes sorry to cut you off, but do you think sometimes your over affection has the opposite?
Speaker 2:reaction oh most definitely, most definitely.
Speaker 2:Opposite reaction. Sometimes you be like just don't touch me, yeah, but I'm like I'm gonna touch him, take them titties out because I'm trying to see him. But it's like. But then on the flip side of that is that when you, when you get in that headspace and I pick up on it and I slow down, then after sometimes you'd be like well, why, what's wrong with you? Why you ain't, why you ain't hit my butt when you pass by, why you ain't give me a hug, why you ain't tell me you love me today, like little things like that yeah.
Speaker 2:Why you ain't tell me you love me today.
Speaker 1:But well, you normally tell me you love me every day, yeah, but let me not.
Speaker 2:Let me not tell you Well, that wouldn't be your norm. Let me not tell you.
Speaker 1:I love you. No, I wouldn't. Okay, I don't think that I would. You would because you have Now, like if you were to leave home or something, and not like give me a kiss. I've done that before too, but I was asleep and I probably didn't realize it. But I'm talking about if I'm conscious.
Speaker 2:If I'm conscious and you get up, you get dressed and you just walk out of the room and you not give me a kiss, then I'd be like, okay, I see what type of time we on today. But again, like I was saying, I don't think that's the issue for us, but I do agree with what he's, what he's, what he said, and I'd also agree with what you said along the lines of leadership. Leadership is not just a singular thing. It encompasses a mass majority of things within a relationship. If you're going to be the leader in the relationship, you must lead in. All things are, like you said, delegate, because delegating is part of leadership right now and that's why I said it I don't think you should delegate affection.
Speaker 2:Affection is something where it needs. It needs to be reciprocal, right? So I also like try to have the mindset of I need to put in what I want to get out. So that should be the way you look at it.
Speaker 1:So if I want you to be lovey-dovey and in the mood or whatever I need to, you know, be lovey-dovey towards you, do do things to try to get you in the mood, right to signal to your brain hey, like my husband is saying, the balcony is open yeah you know what I'm saying no, but I, I think, okay, emotionally right, feeding, feed, feeding your, your partner, emotionally like, if you, being the man right for us and, for instance, I'll use us as an example, sometimes you do give you, you give me affection, often right, but sometimes it's not the infect, the affection, that that you want, that, yeah, that I want that speaking to me. So then it, my attitude, is giving you the opposite effect of what you want. So, yeah, you can be all lovey-dovey and you can like hang on me and want to hold me, and sometimes that that works, like sometimes it works.
Speaker 1:There's other times I'm like just bring me a hurt, You're you're really doing too much, Like you know, and I've seen, and I've seen how that has hurt your feelings before. So that's why I try to be conscious about it.
Speaker 1:I do try to be conscious about it. That's why I just be like I like, Like, like I'm not in that space, Like I'll tell you, like I'm not in that head space. But when you are feeding me emotionally to something that resonates with me, how I can interpret you feeding me emotionally. That's when I'm like, oh yes, Like when you just grab me and hold me and hug me, like that I'm just like, oh yes, this is I'm thriving right now.
Speaker 2:But when you're just like how hard it is, grab you and hold you and hug you, not to slide my hands down.
Speaker 1:But see, but go ahead, you can, but it's not going to, it's just going to take. It's going to take away what? I'm getting in the moment for me.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, because it's like you're turning something. That be a moment. That's also really giving me all the feels and making me feel safe. It's making me feel secure. It's making me feel like, okay, you could see and read my body language that I'm in need of something and instead of you trying to be overly affectionate or overtly, you know, emotional, you're just like come here, let me give you a hug, let me hold you here, let me give you a hug, let me hold you, let me give you a kiss, and I'm like oh, this is what I needed, like I just needed your arms to melt into.
Speaker 1:And when he talks about like they thrive on it, like women thrive, those are the things that women thrive on emotionally, like you, I always say you would be so surprised how much and how far a hug would go. I'm hugging you all the time Like no, and I mean like a genuine hug, like if you were to like, say, for instance, you're in a relationship and your man doesn't show a lot of affection or he is not really on, you guys are not on the same emotional playing field. Think about how you would feel if, randomly something he never does you guys are passing in the hallway and he just pulls you in and gives you a hug and just holds you. Just holds you, like there's so much to be said. In a hug like you're you, you just hope for. First of all, she's like okay, he's never done this before. Second of all, it's like you can, by being still, you can feel does that make sense? Like you're, there's just like an exchange of energy, there's an exchange of emotion and that's what feeds her. That's where she's like oh, like I can breathe, I can melt into you. You are still my person, you are still somebody I can depend on. You're still the person that's here, like it's a reassurance, it's, whatever we've through we just had a really bad spat last week. We haven't really been talking, we haven't really been having, um, you know, intimate moments, but you grabbing me in that moment and giving me a hug and letting me melt into your arms, and you holding me in a way that is reassuring that I am safe and that we are going to be okay and that we will get through this, and then we just like nothing needs to be said, nothing needs to be said. And then kiss on the forehead or give you a kiss and just, babe, I love you, like regardless. I love you Like, yes, we were getting on each other's nerves. No, I know, like I know I'm not your favorite person right now, you're not my favorite person right now, but it doesn't matter because, like, we're still in this together.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think, why it works so well and why it's so powerful with men taking leadership. It's because that's where, like, trust and security is rebuilt. You know what I'm saying and that's why it's important, like how he says you have, you have to take leadership. Like you can't be the leader in the areas that are I don't want to say fun, but in the areas where you just don't want to relinquish control. You know what I'm saying. Don't try to be a leader in the areas that you just don't want to relinquish control or that you feel somebody you fear having your, your wife or somebody in the seat of control. You need to lead all the way through.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, like that's, we've had the conversations before where you will ask me my opinion about something or you will try to divert a situation to me and what, what do I do?
Speaker 1:I'll just be like nah, pimp, that's you Like I'm going to give you my advice.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you my advice, I'm going to, I'm going to help you because, like, that's, that's what I'm doing, like we're going to work this out together but ultimately, like you're, you don't get to just be like, oh, you know what, this is something I don't want to deal with. So you can just go ahead and like, take the lead, you can delegate in the way where it's like I value what you're going to say more in this situation, because you might be more well-versed in it. You know what I'm saying, but me still knowing that, at the end of the day, I know that you are going to try to do whatever you think is best. That's different. You know what I'm saying, but not just trying to be like okay, well, I'm not an emotional creature, like as a man, and women are the emotional ones. So you know, or the famous line, the famous one, that's not how I was raised. I wasn't raised to be affected. The thing is, men are emotional I wasn't raised.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know, men are quite emotional.
Speaker 2:It's just that the only, the only emotion, the main emotion that we can understand and process is anger, anger, anger and fear. Well, we, we, we kind of live in those in that realm, unless you've done the work to recognize the rest of them. But anger is always at the top, especially for um, especially for men, because we've always been told you know, you, you, you suck it up, you walk it off, type thing. So you have resentment. You can hold a lot in Right you resentment and anger and fear.
Speaker 1:It all just like a melting pot.
Speaker 2:It's just like a melting pot, and I'm not saying like fearful as like you're scared of somebody, but fearful as you're fearful of the outcome of a certain.
Speaker 1:Situation or something Situation or something like that Right?
Speaker 2:But to go back to what you were saying, is I I believe I'm just starting to understand the importance and the power of the silent words that we speak to each other, right? Like you were saying a lot of times, things are, the things that are not said carry way more weight than what's actually being?
Speaker 2:said Right, carry way more weight than what's actually being said. Right. And a lot of times, from what I see, is that those silent words are more trusting because it either has been a example of action that leads to those words being able to be said in silence or there's been an active example, right. So those words hold more weight and they tend to you know, like you said, they tend to reassure you a lot quicker than you know trying to talk it out and discuss it Right. So I do agree with that. And the other thing I was going to say is a lot is a lot of times I feel like it's hard for men, it's hard for men to be soft Right, define soft, soft right, to let our guards down, okay to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2:The exterior right To be vulnerable? Right, because we go out there every day and we provide and we work, or some provide some. Don't you go out every day and we provide and we work? Or you know, some provide some. Don't you go out every day and you interact with other males? And it takes time, excuse me. It takes time, experience and practice to actually enter a room and not size up everyone in the room.
Speaker 1:Right, but I think that's natural for you guys. That's a natural pecking order.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying it's a natural thing, but it takes a practice to understand that when I come home I don't have to be this way. When I come home, I should be able to take this coat off and just be who I am and not fear what the response would be, with me being myself, or me being more vulnerable, or me being softer than what I would in an outside environment. Right, because I'm in my home with my family and my children. I should be able to be a different version of myself.
Speaker 2:And not have the judgment and not guards up version of myself and not have the judgment right. And I think a lot of men feel, you know, especially like, with the whole thing, with the whole sassy thing, are you just being sassy, right? So it's like do you want us to be in touch with our emotions and describe to you the things we like and what we don't like and tell you where our limits are? Do you want us to be hard all?
Speaker 1:the time. No, we do, we just. I mean, you don't have to like do it all the time though.
Speaker 2:Oh see, that's the thing I'm teasing but you're teasing, I know, I know You're teasing.
Speaker 1:I know You're teasing, but some women feel that way, I know.
Speaker 2:I know, and it's like you want us to show our emotions when it benefits you in the moment. You don't want us to always be emotional, whether it be good or bad.
Speaker 1:I mean, but it doesn't serve you to be emotional all the time.
Speaker 2:It does not. It does not. It does not Because a lot of times we have to be critical.
Speaker 1:Right, it doesn't serve either one of us for you to be overly emotional.
Speaker 2:we're talking about when we're home, when I'm okay, when you're home, when I'm home, I should be able to. I should be able to be emotional. I should be able to. I should be able to, I should be able to come to you and say, hey, babe, this is how I feel, hey, babe I'm. I should be able to come to you crying because something that has affected me right, because there's there's different levels of tears.
Speaker 2:There's sad tears, there's anger tears, there's love tears you know the happy tears like there's different levels here, but I should be able to come to you and show that, yeah right, a lot of men are do not feel comfortable crying around people, period, because a lot of time it's seen as a weakness.
Speaker 1:A weakness or you being a cry baby, right or because?
Speaker 2:again. From birth, we've been told to hold your head up, don't cry, stick your chest out, walk it off, be a man, right? Yeah, so it's like a lot of men, especially in my age and older. We're dealing with generations of being taught to not be emotional, and now we have women who are telling us that it's damn near a requirement for us to be emotional at some point, and to not only be emotional but to pick up on their emotions so that the relationship, and whatever state it may be, can be better for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree to that. I agree with that to some extent. And I think the thing is is, when you're with your partner, you should be able to be emotional, you should be able to do what you're able to do, or two different things, obviously, obviously, but it almost feels for me. What I'm kind of hearing is like, yes, when you're home and when it's just something where it's just like you and your wife or whatever, you should be able to have your moments of vulnerability, right, right. But you're also kind of saying, like, basically, women want it twofold, like you want us to be manly men, but then you also want us to be vulnerable. We just want you to be vulnerable with us. That's. That's it Like because the whole, the whole purpose of you being vulnerable, the whole purpose of you taking leadership and feeding me emotionally, is for you and I to get on one page and for us to connect.
Speaker 1:You and I to get on one page and for us to connect. I don't need you to go out into the world and put your guard down and be all emotional and lovey-dovey and sensitive and everything else to the world. You don't need to do that. That doesn't serve you a purpose. Like how you said, when you walk into a room full of other men like you, all are doing the same thing sizing each other up like trying to weed out who the alphas are. You don't need to do that at home, you don't need to do that with me, and nor do I want you out in the world behaving that way. But when it is us and when it is me trying to help you and aid you and ensure that your emotional health is also okay and being able for you to recognize when you can see that I need some emotional help or that you need to emotionally cater to me or you need to pour into me, whether it be mentally or emotionally, I do need that.
Speaker 2:I need that and I can understand that and that is something that I try to do, right, but I have to talk in generalities, right, and I do feel that every man I've talked to, every man I've talked to, every man I've talked to not a lot, every man I've talked to has said pool size has said that it has happened that a point, has a time has come, has has came, where they try to be vulnerable, and then that vulnerability was used against them, right.
Speaker 2:And then that. Then that switches, because I've said that to you as well. I'm not going to sit here and be vulnerable with you and tell you my fears and tell you what I'm going through, for you to then turn around and use it against me or bring it up in a situation where it shouldn't be brought up, right.
Speaker 1:OK, but that was that's with anybody right, it's with anybody Right.
Speaker 2:But what I'm saying is that what I've heard a lot of times pretty common is that once that is done, then that's when men should close up again.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:That's understandable. So then, that's also is the dynamic of trust needs to be thought about as well, because I can love you, I can be with you, we can have a great life together, but I may not be able to trust you completely with my vulnerabilities. I might trust you with my money, trust you with my kids, my house, my everything Right, but when it comes to my inner feelings, my deepest, darkest secrets, I can't. I can't trust you with that, because you've shown me that, if need be, you'll use this against me, and that is something where I personally has had to work on to get through that, because there has been times in our relationship earlier on, way before our child, where I was vulnerable with you and you did use some things against me, right, and there's things like that that you don't. You might necessarily don't remember exactly what was said, but as men, we remember how we feel in those moments.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And then that kind of deters us from opening up or being vulnerable in that area. Again, you know, I mean for me, like you know, I guess time heals all wounds and then when I really put my best foot forward to try to get you to understand me and try to lay things out for you, you did improve and I can't say that, you know, recently I can't think of any time where you've actually used my vulnerability against me. But this is I mean. Yet and still this is, this is something that you know a lot of men go through, it's like because women have the unique ability to be able to pinpoint and push the correct buttons to either make their partner move the way he needs to move or make their partner feel like shit, and it's like most women.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because you've done it to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, right, okay, are in disagreeing with what I said no, I mean like I, I I can agree to some extent okay so I can, I can tell me the part you don't agree with. But now, I'm interested I think.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just saying I can agree to some extent, but also within that is um, self-accountability is what I'm saying. And just to address what you were talking about with, like the vulnerability and men thinking you know women are going to use it against them, and things like that. I halfway agree with that too, because, just like how you mentioned with the fears and and everything like that, they're, they're also I don't want to say I don't want to say, for lack of better verbiage excuses, but there are men who also use that as an excuse. I'm not saying I'm not saying there's not hold on, but because, in reference to the clip we're talking about, we're talking from the clip we're talking about men taking the leadership role in feeding women emotionally Right, and I can understand the aspect that you're trying to address from the male's perspective about making sure that, like, essentially, he's in tune emotionally and that he also has a safe space of vulnerability so that he can better serve his wife emotionally.
Speaker 1:I get that, but, as the leader, and when we talk about leadership, there is also accountability, self accountability, right. So you like how you said, you've done, you, you've done work to help yourself get to a point to where you feel you can be vulnerable again. That's work you had to do Right, vulnerable to a point, right. That's work you had to do Right, so that's that's. That's what I'm saying. Like there's a self accountability to that Right. Self accountability to that to not use as like cause. The whole purpose that this started was when I had said a lot of men will use the excuse that's not how I was raised, or I wasn't shown, I wasn't shown affection, so it's hard for me to show her affection or it's hard for me to feed her emotionally. On both sides there is work that can be done, but we're speaking in the terms of leadership, like how he was saying men taking the leadership role in that, and like how I always say you can't pick and choose when to be a leader.
Speaker 2:Right, and I agree with what you said. Right, and I understand that there are men out there that were not shown how to be affectionate, right, and to that I say this is something where you have to do the work for yourself, right, because you have to be able to put your partner at ease and feed into them the things they need to be the best version of themselves for you.
Speaker 1:But you also have to first identify.
Speaker 2:Right, but that's part of being a leader. That feeding into your partners, that's part of being a leader. That's part of leadership. Feeding into your team that's part of being a leader. That's part of leadership. Feeding into your team that's part of leadership, because when you feed into your team, you are now able to set them up for success, but, in turn, leads to your success, because you're only as good as your team.
Speaker 2:So if I'm not able to feed into you the things that you need to be the best version of yourself, then if you're not the best version of yourself, then I can't be the best version of myself, because I don't have the best support under me at the time, because I'm not supporting you in the best way possible, right? So I'm not saying that it's a way out. Come together and realize that this is what I need to work on to be vulnerable, to be emotionally available, to be able to deal with my own emotions. So that I don't misdiagnose what her emotion is. Right, because when you're only looking at the world through a number of emotions and not you can't fully grasp all of them, it's quite possible that you don't. You're not going to understand her emotions because you're not in tune with them. Right Now, I do subscribe and feel that I will never completely understand all of your emotions, because you have emotions that I will just never connect with.
Speaker 2:Right. And so, when it comes to those types of emotions, that's where I just have to take your word for how you feel or what it is that I need in the moment, what it is what you need, and I have to validate that you're feeling this way, right, and it's like, just because I can't understand or can't process what you're saying or what you're feeling or what you're going through, does not mean that it's not real for you, right? Right, just because it's not in my reality does not mean that it's not in your reality, right. And I also think that's another thing that we, as people, need to understand, because my experience may not be your experience and vice versa, right, but that does not diminish your experience, right? Nor does it enhance mine, right. So it's not, it's not. It's not One is better than the other, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:So to that point, I say yeah, he, I do agree, like I said before, I do agree with what he was saying, but it's just that there's. I don't see it as something that can just be done out the gate. I I see it as something. I see it as something that has to be worked towards, based on upbringing, based on situations, based on upbringing based on situations, based on standard of relationship, because if you've got two people who are not on good terms, there's no affection.
Speaker 2:There's no affection because we're not on good terms. You know what I'm saying. So there's a lot of key factors and key situations that affect the amount, a level of affection, or even the drive to be affectionate right or the drive to learn right, because the one thing I think people take for granted is that a person will, a person will stay the same as they were before I married. Well, that's not true. We're constantly.
Speaker 1:Why would you want them to? I didn't say that, no, I'm just saying we're. We're constantly evolving, we're constantly. And why would you want them to? I didn't say that, no, I'm just saying in general, we're constantly evolving, we're constantly changing.
Speaker 2:So this is why you have to, you have to constantly learn your person every day. Now, major things, major habits, you know, might not change. Personality traits may not change Right, but people can evolve Right, people do evolve and people can evolve right. People do evolve and people do evolve right. And you have to understand that your role as a leader sometime may play a key factor in the direction of that evolution. Because a person is only going to be neglected of something for so long before they close, they just shut down that side of themselves, right. And then, once it gets to a point to where it's shut down, now you're both at a place where now I have to reassure her that it's not going to be an issue if she opens up. So I have to do that work there. And then now she has to do the work of trusting me to not regress and go back to the way things were that led her to shut down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think I would say that a woman shutting down emotionally.
Speaker 2:Is brutal.
Speaker 1:Is Is brutal Because I feel like, I feel like I Personally A woman shutting down in a relationship, like once you lose her emotionally, that's going to that will far outweigh a man being vulnerable because it don't even matter at that point anymore because in my in my opinion, doesn't even matter.
Speaker 2:In my opinion, it doesn't matter how much self-work you've done as a man as a matter, how in tune you are with yourself. I, my personal opinion, is that regardless of where you are as a man, a woman is still going to carry more in the relationship emotionally, and when she shuts that off, you're going to feel the difference.
Speaker 1:That's it it is it is it's like they say and the only thing that replaces it is resentment.
Speaker 2:Like they say on Game of Thrones, winter is coming and when she shuts down, winter is here.
Speaker 1:And then what really hurts and what would really suck is you lose her emotionally. Then that's when you think the way to get her back is now by being vulnerable, and it's going to be 10 times worse, because it's like I ain't got nothing for you, pip, I don't have anything for you, it's gone.
Speaker 2:It's very hard for somebody to take you serious. It's very hard for somebody to take you serious or to believe what you're portraying is who you are, when you're doing it to recoup something that you feel you lost. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:Explain that I don't understand.
Speaker 2:Let's say, I wasn't being affectionate towards you, right, and now you've closed me off. Yeah, and now the next day, here I am, mr Super Affectionate, I'm bringing you flowers, I'm trying to check all your boxes. You know what I'm saying? You're not. It's not believable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not believable. No, because now I know you're just doing it to get a reaction out of me so that you can get me back to where I was. But it's already gone, Right. And so when? When that's gone and resentment has also settled, has changed. And once you have lost me emotionally and my view of you has changed, when a woman begins to look at you in a different light and you don't have her emotionally, the relationship has changed. That's, that's, the relationship has changed. You either start from ground zero or or you just, you know, figure out a different game plan.
Speaker 2:And a lot of times, a lot of times, us as men, we don't pick up on the little things.
Speaker 1:over the course of years, yeah, well, that's how it's little things that add up to big things. It's the little things, it's the little things. Yeah, nothing happens overnight.
Speaker 2:And again, because we have not been in touch with ourself or in tune to see the different patterns, emotional patterns of women. If you're not paying it, if you're not really paying attention to her, you're not going to pick up on this. Right? It's like, as like I told you before, it's like I'm getting better at picking up on your, your shift and like the weeks, like personalities that I get different weeks of the month, your, your, your your different personalities, your different attitudes, your different.
Speaker 2:Your like like when your energy personalities, your different attitudes, your different. You're like like when your energy changed. I'm starting to pick up on when your energy changes. Right, because we can't be like I like like I'm starting to pick up on that.
Speaker 1:One good week I got.
Speaker 2:It's like a couple, like a couple weeks ago, like when we had had a conversation and I said something to you and your energy change. And now, before you know, naive Maurice would have just okay, she's fine, like we had a conversation, she's probably processing. But now, now that I'm more in tune with how your energy, the energy you're putting on, oh no, she this. There has been a biological shift inside of her right now.
Speaker 1:Not a biological shift.
Speaker 2:There's been a biological shift there's been a biological shift, the chemistry has changed her, your but that's what's happening. Your brain chemistry has changed and now you're in, the energy you're giving off is different. It's not the same energy, like we could have been level on energy and we're matching, yeah, and then all of a sudden, something was said or something was done, and now either you're up, either I'm lost, I've lost you, either you're higher or lower. And now I'm trying to figure out how do I, do I go to where you are or do I bring you back to where I am? Right? And a lot of times men don't pick up on that. And over the course of years, when you're losing her little bit by little bit, by little bit by little bit, and now we're five, six, seven years later, and now she gets to a breaking point, to where now she's going to explain to you everything yeah, and, and then now you don't know her attitude.
Speaker 1:Why are you always mad? Why are you always got an?
Speaker 2:attitude and now and now, when she explains it to you, you view it as old stuff yeah but it's only old to you because it's still, it's still recent to her because it was never emotional. Imprint is there because it was never resolved.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the emotional imprint is there, so a lot of of times I say, like what I've seen because I'm in a lot of like dad and husband groups and father groups, right, and what I've seen is that when you lose your wife or your woman, it happens six to seven years before it acts, before she actually leaves.
Speaker 2:Yeah it's, over the course of time, where you have repeatedly either let her down or neglected her, or refused to be the man she needed you to be to, where she gets to the point where it's just like and she's told you see, that's the thing, the thing about it is. A lot of times she's dropped hints she ain't told flat out, told you okay, well, she just she dropped hints.
Speaker 1:She told you. You felt it one way or another. Either you felt it like physically when she told it to you, or you felt it emotionally, from the vibe that she was giving off, or from the change in attitude, the whatever it was, but one way or another you felt it. You either chose not to address it or deal with it, but then you deal with it down the line and then you don't understand why she's this person that she is now and why she doesn't have time for you, why she's impatient with you, why she's this person that she is now and why she doesn't have time for you, why she's impatient with you, why she's short with you, why she angry with you all the time, why whatever you do doesn't affect her anymore. You can be like oh, I'm going to go out with the boys. Do what you do Makes me no difference, I don't care.
Speaker 2:Because I've said multiple times that the ultimatum you gave me 10, 12 years ago I can't remember exactly, right, while in the moment it was cruel to me, right In hindsight it was the best thing you could have done for me. Right, because it for me personally, it put it may, it forced me to put my priorities in line.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, it gave you that warning, like okay, I'm one step away from the breaking point the check engine light was on. The check engine light is on.
Speaker 2:It was on.
Speaker 1:And I'm trying to give you an option to like either take it to the dealer or just do away with the whole thing all at one time. But I'm just letting you know we're one step away, Because the next conversation I have with you is going to be the conversation that you dread.
Speaker 2:And I also feel like this may be controversial, but I also feel as a man. Once you have married that woman or asked her to marry you. This may sound like harsh, but once you have asked and she has accepted it, you now have put yourself in a role where you should put her needs before yours, because you asked her to be a part of you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see it from that perspective, you've asked her to join you, right, right. Because I didn't ask you to be here.
Speaker 2:So you've asked her to do life with you, yeah, right. So you've asked her to do life with you, right? So in the process of asking her to do life with you, you should make it so that her life is as easy as you could possibly make it without stretching yourself too thin, and that's a different conversation you gotta have an understanding but you have to understand that, hey, I may not be, I may not be able to have her be a stay-at-home wife.
Speaker 2:I might, I may not be able to buy her everything, but I'm able to at least take these things off of her plate and let her know, like, because I always say you can't be there for a woman financially, be there for emotionally, yeah, be there for her physically, be like the, like the. The one committee was saying is like if, if you're not the smartest, be able to fix it right add some value right, and that's the thing with women.
Speaker 1:Like it's not for most women, especially most women trying to be in a committed monogamous relationship. It's not. It's not just about one thing. No, it's not. It's not just about one thing like if I can be a breadwinner, and that's what needs to happen in this phase of our life right now, and I can be the breadwinner, but you's what needs to happen in this phase of our life right now, and I can be the breadwinner, but you're also helping with the kids. You're also helping with the house. You're also doing play dates. You're also Exhausting you know what I mean. Or you're fixing stuff around the house, or every time I call you and it's like oh, I have an idea, you can build things. Women are very how was the malleable? I guess in that way, you know like we're not just malleable, is that? Is that?
Speaker 2:shaping the way I need to be.
Speaker 1:That's not what I'm looking for. Okay, all right, women are forgiving in this. Very forgiving in the sense that we are not just requiring you to have one thing because you can be like, oh yeah, I want somebody who's like a real financial provider, but he's an asshole. He can provide financially, but he can be. He can be an asshole or he don't give you a hug or he don't care about spending time with y'all's kids, or he don't fix nothing around the house.
Speaker 2:So I run across this video of this therapist, this marriage counselor, and he said something and it pissed me off at first.
Speaker 1:It pissed me off at first.
Speaker 2:But then when I thought about it, I said he right.
Speaker 1:Okay, what.
Speaker 2:So he basically said was if you're a man and your mindset is as long as I provide financially, I've done my part.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, because that's what society has beat into your head.
Speaker 2:You're only being half of a man.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right Agreed. Because, again, like I always say, you can provide financially, which is great, but there's a lot of women out here that can go out there and get it themselves, right, right. But in your providing financially, what you are missing out on is the time with your children. In your providing financially, what you are missing out on is the time with your children, yeah, developing the habits of your children, being involved with your children.
Speaker 1:Growing closer to your wife so you can have a relationship with them. Kids leave.
Speaker 2:Right. Right, because when them kids are grown, and gone they will leave. When them kids are grown and gone, you're going to be looking across the aisle like who are you stranger, who are you tramp, right, right. So, like when he said it, I was like, but I understood, I understood While I would say that provision, whether it's monetary or not.
Speaker 2:It is important. Yeah, it is important. But I also feel like, as a father, the role of father is just as important. The role of father is just as important, if not more, Than provider. Yeah, because you, and the thing is that I also feel I subscribe to the notion that, as a father, I have to be your father. I can't be your friend. So I'm going to make the hard decisions and I'm going to tell you the hard truth that you may not like. Yeah, and I'm going to deny you certain things that you may not just like. A couple of weeks ago, when she really wanted to go to that sleepover and I said sorry, baby, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 2:Daddy's not going to let you go to a sleepover, yeah.
Speaker 1:She's so upset.
Speaker 2:So upset Right, but it's my job. It's so like, and I've villain because she sees me, she has, she has seen me as what she calls, um happy daddy and what she's called bad daddy, right. So she knows that when it comes to dad, there's two sides of the coin and she that she under, and now she's starting to understand that bad dad shows up when things are important and and he has to set a boundary or a law to protect her, which she will recognize the older she gets and into her young adulthood when she'll think back and she'll appreciate that.
Speaker 1:And that's how you get your kids as friends when they become adults, like, yes, I'm not your friend, I'm not intended to be your friend right now, but if I do my job right, if I do my job right, you'll be calling me at least twice a week as an adult and you'll want to be friends with me.
Speaker 2:And also, just how you have to be affectionate towards your spouse, you need to also be affectionate towards your children, right? Even if you're not taught affection right as a kid, as a man, you're not taught how to be affectionate towards a woman Fine, that's something you can learn. But I feel like Eslo, it's innate for you to be affectionate and loving towards your children, because the bond is already there from the time they cry. It's different.
Speaker 1:From the time you know their existence.
Speaker 2:It's a different connection. That thought in your mind that you would move mountains for this little ball of potato sack you should feel the same way for your baby.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just joking. I was going to say you should feel the same way for your baby mama.
Speaker 2:No, I can't co-sign that one, I know. But that energy that you have there, that should be an energy that you should be able to duplicate to some extent towards your partner If you guys are in a good space. Yeah. And if you want it to work.
Speaker 1:Well said, Mr Gill. Don't put my government on here. What do you mean? Don't put your government? Do people know what your last name is? My daddy's?
Speaker 2:name is Mr Gill.
Speaker 1:You're Mr Gill too. That is my daddy's name. Is mr gill, that's my you're. You're mr gill too, that's my dad. Wait the well, right now you're phoenix's dad. I was gonna say, wait till her friends start calling you mr gill, but right now you're still hi phoenix's dad.
Speaker 2:That's what they're gonna call me the rest of their life what phoenix's dad hi phoenix's dad.
Speaker 1:That's the only acceptable mila always says hi, phoenix's. Now you got the baby's government out here. Don't say the baby's government.
Speaker 2:She ain't the only.
Speaker 1:Mila in the world. Oh Lord, my goodness, Mila, you're my favorite. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Mila is my favorite.
Speaker 1:Okay, Good discussion, babe. Yeah, it was alright. Now news at nine no, I'm joking.
Speaker 2:You want to be a reporter? So bad, I should have.
Speaker 1:I should have, I should have been, I really should have been, should have, just I should have followed the recommendation of my teacher Shout out to Mrs Ellingson. We love you.
Speaker 1:Mrs E. We always love her, Mrs E. She was like this is what you need to do. I was like, are you sure? Because I want to learn how to make jeans, and you don't make them, and I don't make them, and I don't make them. But you know how, but I know how. All right, guys heading into our two cents, our two cents. Okay, babe, listen to this one, don't touch me. I think that you um how to tell my wife she isn't a part of my inheritance?
Speaker 2:oh damn okay like hold on, like okay, just read it okay.
Speaker 1:Years ago I was gifted a quote-unquote shit ton worth of stocks when my parents both began showing signs of dementia. Cut to this year, and both my parents have passed, I have inherited another large chunk of money in various account types. Long story short, my wife thinks half is hers and she has quote unquote ideas on how to spend just about all of it. It has never been commingled with any joint accounts, like accounts that they have. So would I be an asshole if I informed her flat out that my inheritance is mine and not quote unquote ours? And although I'm willing to indulge her and what she wants, I will have the final authority on how those funds are spent. How would I quote unquote, break it to her the right way? We do have a great marriage and up to this point have never had any serious disagreements revolving around money any serious disagreements revolving around money.
Speaker 2:I had to break it to you, young man or old man, or my dude. If you live in a community property state, that's half of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, half of that is her. Here's the thing she hears that he's coming to a large amount of money, which means she's coming into a large amount of money, because they already won you. So instantly, she's thinking now we can do all the things I wanted to do.
Speaker 1:We can right, and he's already said that he is willing to indulge. But we're not going to do all this. But we're not. But he's saying that she pretty much has ideas to spend all of it. So I would say, like, even you know state where it's communal and it's technically she's entitled to have. I really don't know the legality around that, but even if she was entitled to have, the fact that he is still saying that I am willing to indulge some spending because I'm sure he's going to want to do some spending too- right, the spending is going to look different, but I know he want to spend something start moving your money to the cayman okay, okay if you move it to the Caymans, I'm going to take you for everything you have to move it somewhere where?
Speaker 1:they cannot seize them. Demille, I'm trying to help. Do you know how to move money to the Caymans? No, okay, okay, I ain't got that much Point exactly Plus.
Speaker 2:I mean plus. I have a wife that's frugal, so it's not like she gonna be like if we came into a large sum of money tomorrow.
Speaker 1:You gonna be like, well, we I mean we gotta, we gotta establish what's large. Okay. So we came in. Let's say we just came into five mil, five mil, five mil like after tax net, like we got $5 million deposits.
Speaker 2:In my mind. I mind I'm saying we're only going to spend one.
Speaker 1:In my mind, the first thing I'm doing is paying off the house.
Speaker 2:We're not going to talk about the apartment.
Speaker 1:We're going to pay off the house, all the debts get paid, and then we can set up, you know, put more money into our investments than we already have, and then we can go into spending.
Speaker 2:That's why I said we would spend a million and invest the other four with something that's going to give us guaranteed returns.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean, there would be. But if we only came into like $100,000, I mean, I wouldn't complain about that either.
Speaker 2:But it sounds like she's trying to ball out.
Speaker 1:That's why he said that she has ideas on spending all of it.
Speaker 2:Look here. I would just tell her sit her down, say hey, look here.
Speaker 1:This is your limit. This is your limit. Whatever you want to do, this is the budget.
Speaker 2:I am willing to indulge you but we're not, we're not going to blow all this money. Yeah, we're not going to blow through everything Because, just in case something happens and in the future I want to be able to still be able there has been interesting where people have come into money. They've blown through the money. Oh, absolutely. Now they're homeless. Now they're homeless and they lost their job.
Speaker 1:Or they're worse off than what they were before the money.
Speaker 2:So just sit her down and inform her that we're going to use this money the smart way. We're going to be critical about our decisions and we're not going to just throw money away on flippant things that will not retain value.
Speaker 1:I would I mean for me. I would just say I just want new floors. Honestly, I just want a contractor that's not going to back out at the last minute to give me, my floors.
Speaker 2:This is not. We're not going to air out nobody.
Speaker 1:Well, I shouldn't air out his company.
Speaker 2:No, okay, this has been an episode of Life After I Do.
Speaker 1:I just don't want to be dumped again. You know, don't set up a date for demolition.
Speaker 1:And then you ghost me. You know, all I wanted was some floors. Should have only took three or four days and I couldn't get my floors, but it's okay. Why are you looking like that? I'm salty. Okay, he didn't have to do me like that. Okay, I hear about those stories on tv all the time about contractors doing you dirty. I never thought a contractor would do me dirty, is all I'm saying. But yeah, so this has been another episode of life. After I do, if you are not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this has been another episode of Life After I Do If you are not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms Only Pans.
Speaker 1:Tiktok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. Only Pans. If there was an Only Pans, please follow us on Only Pans as well. You can also write in to us at lifeafteridopodcast at gmailcom. You can send us a direct message on wherever you're listening to the podcast. As always, you get a new episode every single Wednesday, and on Mondays you get an R2Cents episode, in case you didn't know, so hit us up on YouTube. Okay, but until then, guys, as usual.
Speaker 2:Peace booskies, peace booskies.
