Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
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Ever felt overwhelmed as the "default parent" when your partner is home but not fully engaged? You're not alone. This week on Life After I Do, we share candid and humorous reflections on handling household responsibilities and parenting. We explore the complexities of parenting and relationship dynamics when one partner takes on the bulk of duties. Feelings of overwhelm, fairness, and the role of humor in keeping harmony are discussed in this episode, packed with relatable stories, insights, and plenty of laughs.
Oh, babe, I love you, I love you little paycheck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, little paycheck now.
Speaker 1:So now it's little paycheck, that's what I'm going to call you I love you little paycheck. Wow, oh my gosh, I'm going to call you little PC. Ah hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, nisha G, and I'm here with my husband today when he's done with his shooby-doo-wop, shoo-wop, shoo-wop.
Speaker 2:Bop-bop-doo-wop, really Shoo-wop-bop-doo-wop, hanson Bop-bop-doo.
Speaker 1:Hey, yeah, I can't.
Speaker 2:It's your boy.
Speaker 1:It's your boy, molito.
Speaker 2:Hanson Molito.
Speaker 1:I know your name is Chris Hansen, but I'm going to call you.
Speaker 2:Chris Hansen. Now we can do this the easy way, or we could do this the hard way. Oh, I see you choosing the hard way. Okay, you in your dealer bag, huh.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's not even funny. That's not even funny. You in your dealer? No, that's not even remotely funny anymore.
Speaker 2:That's why we couldn't find no baby wall.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm not doing this with you today.
Speaker 2:How was your?
Speaker 1:week. Hi Booskies, Hi babe, what's up? It's a vibe.
Speaker 2:That's a vibe. Hey wanna vibe. Hey, how was your week?
Speaker 1:My week was okay, my week was good week, our week was okay, my week was good.
Speaker 2:Was it? What was good about it?
Speaker 1:I got through it.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's it.
Speaker 1:I got through it.
Speaker 2:Because you had the woman hard this week, huh.
Speaker 1:Goodbye. No, it was a really good weekend. We got to go out, so that was really fun On Friday, where we go To the birthday bash at the bar. That was Saturday night. Oh, that was Friday night. That was Saturday. Okay, saturday night. Sorry, I got my days mixed up. Well, we came home Saturday morning.
Speaker 2:No, we came home Sunday morning.
Speaker 1:We got home Sunday morning. I'm all mixed up. Anyway, we went out for the week.
Speaker 2:The cool part about that. They were like you look going home. I cold part about that. They were like you look going on.
Speaker 1:I said I'm tired, it's midnight, I'm tired, oh my gosh. When we were, when it was about like what? Was it 9.30? It was like 9.35. I was sitting at the table and I started yawning and my friend was like she said you tired. I said, girl, this is, I'm supposed to be in bed right now.
Speaker 2:This is my past, my bedtime.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it words too, because I don't drink. So so I'm sitting there and there's like the music going and you've got the comedians and the rappers going and it's a lot going on and I'm just like yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm. I love y'all, but I'm getting real sleepy y'all. I'm really happy that I found my emotional support Negro early in life goodbye.
Speaker 1:that was a really good joke, though he was really good.
Speaker 2:He was really funny.
Speaker 1:He was really funny. Not the support Negro, that was funny. But yeah, it was a really good weekend. It was nice to get out. It was nice to have some adult interaction, some adult conversation, see my friends hang out with my friends.
Speaker 2:See a couple friends do a little bit too much.
Speaker 1:And got to see friends you know showcase their talents. That's always fun, so that was really good. And then I got to go visit my aunt over the weekend.
Speaker 2:Happy she's doing better.
Speaker 1:She's doing better. I had an aunt who recently had a stroke, so she's doing much better, so I was able to go see her. That was really great.
Speaker 2:Got to spend some time with my mom that's always good when you look here, when you get with your mom or you get with your sister, you act like you don't know nobody.
Speaker 1:And I'm like that's cool and what's funny is I feel like you get into this head space where you have to try to create a situation where it's like, am I going to give my family my attention or am I going to give you the attention? And I don't really know how to feel about that.
Speaker 2:I need to get that checked out. I just said you can involve me sometimes.
Speaker 1:You don't want to be involved. Y'all can do stuff I like. Like what babe? Sit at home, watch football, watch a good First 48. Okay.
Speaker 2:In the First 48. Okay, you First 48. Okay, in the first 48.
Speaker 1:Okay, you only watched the first 48 because of me. I love how we have kind of like rubbed off on each other because you did not watch true crime, you didn't watch like murder mystery and I mean there's still some limits that you have. That goes with that, where you're just kind of like I won't watch too much. But I love how you have kind of gotten on board with that and it's partly entertaining for you.
Speaker 2:Well, I won't watch all of it.
Speaker 1:I know you don't watch all of it, but I'm just saying and then, on that note, I've become a Marvel fan and a comic fan, and those are things I don't think I was necessarily interested in before, but now it's like when the new Marvel movie comes out, I'm like we need to see that right now.
Speaker 2:Somebody asked me today if you were a sports fan. I said no, but me and my daughter will go to a football game.
Speaker 1:I mean, I could be a sports fan. I'm a sports fan by default.
Speaker 2:But you're not really Okay.
Speaker 1:So if we were to go to a football game or something, I'm definitely going to be involved in the facilities, I'm going to be yelling, I'm going to be screaming, I'm going to be supporting, I'm going to be doing everything. Okay, I'm going to do it all, not like my daughter does, is it? Genuine? It's fake. Is it genuine? It's fake, maybe or maybe not, but Is it genuine, yes, please. Maybe or maybe not, but I've been known to be a good actress.
Speaker 1:So I don't think you're going to notice the difference. I think you're just going to enjoy your time.
Speaker 2:I have successfully turned my daughter into a diehard Eagles fan.
Speaker 1:And she's an Eagles fan by default, because she still doesn't know what's going on.
Speaker 2:But she would like that.
Speaker 1:And she'd be in it too, like she really understands what's happening and she does not have a clue what's happening. She was like, oh no, not a kickoff. It's like you don't even know what you're saying, but it's cute that you're like using this as bonding time with your dad.
Speaker 2:No, the funny thing is the other. You didn't hear it the other day.
Speaker 1:We're at our friend's house and she walked up um she, she walked up to uh. To anthony she said cowboys suck. I think. I think the best interaction with her discussing football with other kids was still last year oh, with the during the championship with with her best friend Delilah and her best friend Delilah. Their family are Niners fans.
Speaker 1:And so during the Daddy Daughter dance, delilah and Phoenix were talking and Phoenix goes up to Delilah and she's like, oh yes, about those eagles. She was like eagles baby. And Delilah looks her square in the face, no facial expression, no smiling, no nothing. And she was like are they in the playoffs?
Speaker 2:No, she said, are they in the championship?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Are they in the championship?
Speaker 2:Because my team is in the Super Bowl.
Speaker 1:Because my team is in the Super Bowl. I said she got us babe and Phoenix had no comeback.
Speaker 2:I said she got us, babe, she got us. There's no comeback.
Speaker 1:Phoenix, she got us. There's no comeback. Phoenix had no comeback. My poor child. I was like, oh, I got to leave you out there to struggle. She got us, she got us. I was like my baby has no comeback. But yeah, that was really cute. But it is cute to watch her try to be involved and I think she really likes that. So I like to watch you guys pretend like you're really engaging with the football.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm just saying, my week was.
Speaker 1:Well, her to pretend like she really knows what's going on.
Speaker 2:My week was cool. Uh-huh, my equals won. We redeemed ourselves. I had a good time. Thank God, I had a good time Saturday night. I did not like being out that late. I said I'm getting old.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, the birds I'm telling you, I still haven't found anything that's worth staying out of my bed.
Speaker 2:I'm like we got to do early afternoon events that end early evening.
Speaker 1:They got to start at about 3.30, 4 o'clock, so we can be done by about 8, 9. Right.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I can be in bed by 10, 10.30.
Speaker 2:The latest I want to walk through my door is 10.45.
Speaker 1:Right, and then we can still get one episode of the first 48 in before bed.
Speaker 2:They were like we're going to take some pictures. I was like I'm tired, Wait a minute, I'm motherfucking tired.
Speaker 1:Y'all want to hit up Denny's Absolutely not, I'm motherfucking tired, those days, those days.
Speaker 2:Maybe in my 20s.
Speaker 1:Right. Remember how we used to go to Denny's? No, I got Denny's at home. In my late 30s Can't do it.
Speaker 2:All I want is my bed.
Speaker 1:Can't do it. I want my shower, my comfy PJs and the warmth of my bed.
Speaker 2:Right, that's it.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:Get on to it.
Speaker 1:You know it's that's it, that's all. Yeah, I Get on to it. You know that's it, that's all. Yeah, I'm happy you had a good week. It was a good week, though, like I will say, anytime I can Break away and like Get kind of dolled up, Hang out with friends.
Speaker 2:Are you excited For what's coming up? What's coming up? You don't know, it's fine.
Speaker 1:What's coming up?
Speaker 2:What we got today Booski.
Speaker 1:No, tell me you can't leave me out there. Inky.
Speaker 2:October's coming up.
Speaker 1:October is coming up. Halloween, okay. Is it like a party or something I'm missing.
Speaker 2:Well, we got it coming up.
Speaker 1:No, I'm not going to let it go. What is it Our anniversary? Is it somewhere we oh our anniversary? You made it seem like we were preparing for a party or something we might be going to Dwayne's it's my favorite. Oh yes, our anniversary, our dating, our dating-aversary is coming up. We still celebrate both.
Speaker 2:Well, you make me celebrate both.
Speaker 1:I don't make you do anything. Okay, our dating-aversary and our married-aversary Two different dates. But yeah, oh, we should have just did it on the same date. I told you that Then, that way we could have just.
Speaker 2:Had one date.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought you were going to listen, gosh, it would have been easy to remember too. Anywho, it ain't hard to forget.
Speaker 2:I mean, I guess for you.
Speaker 1:I mean, if I let you in on a little secret, you promise not to be mad. What is it Okay? The real is.
Speaker 2:No, don't say that's not the real date, because it is the real date. If you tried that before, I know the date, what we got today, what we got today, how did you do what I was going to say? Because you said that BS before.
Speaker 1:Because I think it was like the third or the fourth, but the first was just easier to remember for me.
Speaker 2:No, it was the first.
Speaker 1:Are you sure?
Speaker 1:What we got today I wanted to talk to you about. You know, for those of you who don't know, my babe has been home for the past few weeks, right? And so you know when you're used to a routine and you're used to the way things are. You know when you're used to a routine and you're used to the way things are. You know we have our daily routine, our weekly routine, and that routine normally involves you not being home during the day, like we see you in the morning, we see you at night, and then we hang out on the weekends. And so, since you have been home, Women are attracted, generally speaking, the research shows to men based on three reasons.
Speaker 2:The third is kindness.
Speaker 1:They don't want someone who's going to be a good person. They're impressed by men who are good to their parents and kind and go out of their way to help people when there's no reciprocal expectation.
Speaker 2:The second is intelligence, because the smarter you are, the more likely you are to make good decisions and protect your family's offspring. And, by the way, the fastest way to communicate intelligence is humor. I've always said if you can make a woman laugh, you can kiss her. I'm the default here.
Speaker 1:People don't like to admit this. It's the man's ability to signal future resources.
Speaker 2:It's not even he has to be rich now, but he to signal future resources. It's not even he has to be rich now, that's not true, but he has to have his act together such that he looks like he will be a decent provider On a serious note.
Speaker 1:I can understand how you could feel, that you feel a little left out, but you also have to understand the dynamic that we've been in and, like I said, he's normally at work all during the day, so it's typically just Phoenix and I here, so she refers to me for virtually like everything you know, and I see you trying to like squeeze in there and kind of.
Speaker 2:But what about the flip side of that, how you get irritated because you say I'm not doing nothing, no, I didn't say. You said I'm not doing nothing, no, I didn't say you weren't doing anything, but it's.
Speaker 1:I think when it. When it comes to the whole dynamic of having a default parent like especially when you're you know you're married that being the default parent can be overwhelming sometimes and it can be stressful. I in my opinion, for me, speaking personally, it has been a little bit more overwhelming than normal only because you are here. When you're not here, there is a more of an understanding in my head like okay, well, of course, of course I'm the point person because I'm the only one here during the day and again, like I said, right.
Speaker 1:But no, it's not like you said. Let me explain. But when you have been here, I don't expect her just to like flip a switch and just go to dad for everything. I don't expect that. But I also don't expect to have to ask you to interject yourself. I, my biggest complaint is you not taking the initiative to interject yourself. Don't, don't look around. There's there's no ghost here. There's no ghost here. There's no ghost here. But anyway, like I was trying to say, I was just trying to say because I was starting to oh, I can't touch your hand now. I was just noticing that you were feeling some type of way because you kept saying like, oh, you guys always remind me that I ain't crap around here, or I'm not a part of this family, or you get, like your feelings get, hurt because you asked her today.
Speaker 2:I never say I'm not a part of this family. You guys constantly remind me that I'm nothing, but I'm nothing but the paycheck that's not true though.
Speaker 1:That's not true, okay, like I really. But I'm just saying I understand how you could feel that way, but I'm just saying that it's not true. But what I to, what I wanted to ask you was how, like how, do you think that I could better help you, you know, in the process of you being home and me being the default parent and you still trying to, you know, get close to her and maintain a good relationship with her.
Speaker 2:It's like I got nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1:I mean it. I got nothing to do with you. I mean it doesn't. But I can also help. Help how I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.
Speaker 2:You going to refer to me, and then she's going to say no, but I want you.
Speaker 1:No, but we can. But I do my best to try to include you, do I not?
Speaker 2:Every time I talk to that little girl, she said I want to speak to the manager. Every time, Let me speak to the manager because I guess I'm a little, I guess I'm a little too harsh, you know. Okay, I guess. I guess that when I set a boundary it's a boundary and I guess mommy's boundary can be pushed a little bit.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think that's what it is. I think, like how you say, how you say that it could be a little harsh, your, your voice has a whole different meaning than my voice right so it might take me like two or three times to get her to do something or move a certain way.
Speaker 1:You ask her one time and it's like she does it because your dad, you have a different, because if I say it again, it's gonna be an issue, yeah okay, yeah, okay, oh and just for you too just for clarity, just in case those who are listening don't don't know what we're talking about when we refer to a default parent. Uh, the definition of a default parent is the one who's chosen first for not just household tasks but also managing the kids lives and providing emotional uh cares for the kids. So it's like the point person you know. Whenever she needs something, I'm usually her go to, right.
Speaker 2:But it's to the point now where I feel like I'm going to make you go back to work.
Speaker 1:I have said. I have said that I wanted to go back to work.
Speaker 2:Even even when I like pick her up, the first thing is where's mommy? Is mommy in the car? Is mommy at home? What time is she going to be home? I said I'm right here, I can help you. I'm right, I can help you. I'm looking at you. It's like Cat Williams, nigga, do you know? I can see I'm right here, but you are choosing to act like I'm right here, but you are choosing to act like I'm not capable. But let me be around here snacking on something she won't. Oh then, I'm the best buddy in the world, dad, dad no, go to your mama.
Speaker 1:But I also. You know what it makes me think about too. It makes me think about how you would always joke and be like oh, I want to be, I want to be considered the fun parent. Yeah, I want to be considered the fun parent.
Speaker 2:Yeah Right, so part of me also kind of, but I'm not the fun parent anymore.
Speaker 1:But part of me also kind of feels like you set yourself up for that. For what? The dynamic?
Speaker 2:But I'm not the fun parent though.
Speaker 1:You are the fun parent. Like she wrestles with you, you guys have your football. Like she goes to you, for I want to say like dopamine hits, oh wow, now I'm her dealer. No, Well, what I'm saying is you've always said I want to be considered like a fun parent. That's kind of the dynamic you set up with her, like she knows you as a disciplinary as well, you know. But I think because when she goes to you.
Speaker 2:It's a healthy balance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it can be a healthy balance, but if you're always left feeling like she, don't want nothing to do with me. She don't really want nothing to do with you.
Speaker 2:She only comes to me when she wants something from me.
Speaker 1:Okay, when else is she supposed to come to you?
Speaker 2:She'll come to you and be like Mom.
Speaker 1:You feeling okay Are you talking about, because she did that the other day.
Speaker 2:Mom, how was your day when she come to me? Dad, can we go to fuck Dad, can we go? Dad, can you stay home with me, because I don't want to go to Target. Mommy's going to Target, I don't want to go. Can you stay home? We can stay home. We can stay home, dad. Oh, now, now it's weak.
Speaker 1:Because she knows that you don't want to. She knows that you don't want to go. I like Target Okay, but you don't like going to Target every day, no, I can't do that Okay.
Speaker 2:But the times where I need to go to Target or something, or I need to go to a store, she knows that you're not going have noticed in my time home is that she uses me to get out of things she don't want to do. Because again, you have set yourself up to be the fun parent Hold on, but when she needs something, she don't call me first.
Speaker 2:It's like prime example Hold on hold, on, hold on when she needs something. The only time she call me first when she needs something is to wipe her butt. Dad, come here, it's an emergency. It's an emergency. It's not an emergency for me that you don't wipe your own butt, dad, it's an emergency. What does this mean? Can you she in a bathtub? Can you hand me my barber right there? I didn't want to get out. This is not an emergency.
Speaker 1:What? It's an emergency. But she went to you. This is not an emergency, but she just don't you, just you complain about her not going to you for like important things she's like.
Speaker 2:Dad. She'll never say, Dad, I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:She does tell you she's hungry. She does, she literally says. But she also knows that the chances of you getting up and going downstairs to the kitchen to like cook or something is a lot less than mommy coming downstairs and cooking or something.
Speaker 2:She knows that when it comes to things like that, I'm less lenient than mommy, because I'm going to give you food and, whether you eat it or not, that's what it is. I'm not going to sit here and decide what you want to eat. You're going to eat when I'm going to put it in front of you, because we we're not a restaurant, ain't no menu.
Speaker 1:This is what's being served tonight. You can eat it or you can go to bed. No, yeah, see, and that's why she go to you. No, no, that's not it, because I'm not, because I think so. You have, you have moments where you're like that, where you can be like I'm the parent, you just do what I say. But then, on the other hand, you're very like what do you need, what do you want? Tell daddy what. Tell daddy, it's my little girl.
Speaker 2:Okay, but it's Within reason, I will.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's the inconsistency that trips her up.
Speaker 2:Well, her behavior dictates what daddy she gets.
Speaker 1:Well, that shouldn't be it, Because you're still the parent.
Speaker 2:If she's been out here and she's been doing good and she's having a great day.
Speaker 1:You want to reward her. I and she's having a great day.
Speaker 2:You want to reward her. I get it. So I'll listen to her a little more.
Speaker 1:Say, okay, what you think I'll listen to her a little more.
Speaker 2:A little more.
Speaker 1:You should listen to her anyways.
Speaker 2:But when she's having a rough day? No, this is what we're eating today. I said no.
Speaker 1:But I think it's because sometimes for me on the outside looking in, you will draw these all of a sudden boundaries with her that were not there before, or a standard to her that you've never really presented before I've told this girl for six years of her life to leave my ears alone.
Speaker 2:And to this day she will lay right next to me and start playing with my dimmys.
Speaker 1:Leave my ears. I think that's awful, also a comfort thing for her, because her playing with your ears puts her to sleep, doesn't it every single, every single time, and she's done that since she was a baby, and I also tell you you can't lay your big self on my chest.
Speaker 2:No more you. You in the 50s now but see she wants to.
Speaker 1:There's a whole 45 plate on my chest.
Speaker 2:She still wants to be your baby and she still wants you and I tell her all the time you can lay next to me, daddy.
Speaker 1:You just can't lay on top of daddy did I tell you what she had said the other day?
Speaker 2:when she had got in trouble.
Speaker 1:She was like she was crying and because she had pitched a fit about not being able to download a new game on her iPad. Because she had came to me with a game and I looked at the game, I kind of reviewed the game and I told her I don't think that this is such a healthy game for you to have. So she went into this whole frenzy and blah, blah, blah. So then she goes into this whole spiel where she's like literally her exact words, her exact words when Jesus first put me in this family. That's Her exact words when Jesus first put me in this family. That's literally what she said when Jesus first put me in this family. It was a nice family. You and dad were nice because I was cute. I kid you not, I cannot make it up. So she not cute, no more. She was like you and dad were nice because I was cute. And now, now you just get upset and you yell. You and dad yell and I was like Phoenix. I said first off, you're still cute. I said your dad and I love you very much.
Speaker 1:I said and yes, we do raise our voice sometimes. I said but usually when our voice is being raised, it's because you're either not following directions or because you don't. Yeah, you're not. You're just not, um, paying attention to what we're trying to tell you. I was like I literally just told you no and I told you why you couldn't have the game, but you're still trying to prove whatever your statement is as to why you should have the game, but it's not going to change my mind. So the more you continue to do that, that's when mommy raises her voice.
Speaker 1:Same thing with dad, like when we. If we tell you no, sometimes it's just no, just no. We don't have to give you the reason all the time, but I give you the reason because I want you to have an understanding as to why I'm telling you no. She's just like, like just crying, and so when she said she was like you guys just yell, I'm just like OK, listen, yes, we raise our voice. And we went through the whole conversation. We had a whole conversation and then I ended up telling her I do apologize for raising my voice, because I I shouldn't have to raise my voice to get my point across, you know, because then she also said I get in trouble when I raise my voice. That's what she said.
Speaker 2:It's a respect right, but that's that's that's one thing I talked to her about the other day. I said said you don't understand your position.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then you talk to her like she's 10. Like she's not, she's 7. She's 7 years old. And that's where I think that's where you and I differ sometimes, because, yes, although we try, you and I both do our best to have like conversation with her, so that it can become a norm there are some things that we can't talk to her like she's 10 and 12, babe.
Speaker 2:I told her. I said, phoenix, you're not the parent, you're the child. I know that. I said you don't tell the parents what to do, we don't have to listen to you. And when we say you don't raise our voice at us, you don't raise your voice at us, mommy, mommy and daddy only raise our voices at you when we have to.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You get upset or you get in your little mood. And you just start and you just start stomping and swinging Arms start going and hands start and I said when I was your age, had I done that, I wouldn't have legs and arms to swing around.
Speaker 1:I just want to let you know that you live a really good life.
Speaker 2:I would not have legs and arms to swing around Right and you wouldn't have as many teeth as you have now either. Yeah, I said so. Daddy and Mommy, we're doing our best, because if we raised you the way we was raised, well, the way I was raised because Mommy wasn't raised like that the way I was raised- I was disciplined, sir no you was raised the way being disciplined and being beaten.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, being disciplined and being beaten.
Speaker 2:I ain't never been to jail.
Speaker 1:Two different things I don't have. I don't have scars as an adult.
Speaker 2:You have emotional scars.
Speaker 1:From my whoopings as a child.
Speaker 2:You have emotional scars.
Speaker 1:You have physical scars From your whoopings as a child and I learned my lesson, that was abuse. I learned my. That was abuse. I learned my lesson. That was abuse. I learned my lesson yeah, but it was abuse Okay.
Speaker 2:Anyway, you and I are not the same. Back to what I was saying. I told her she got it good and it could get worse.
Speaker 1:No, no, what I said, you have it really good. You have it good, but it could get worse. It could be worse from here. So just remember that, just so, just know, but see, and I think too, like don't test it, like going back to the whole default parenting thing. I think that that also comes off a little harsher from you too, because you're not here normally to discipline her when she needs discipline, like but she also knows, I see the game she be playing.
Speaker 1:That's why and that's another thing it's always a conspiracy with you. Why she is seven, maurice, like she's not sitting in her room, master manipulating, hold on.
Speaker 2:Let me get this off.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right, I see the game she play.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh.
Speaker 2:Because I see how she navigates when I'm around and I hear how she navigates when I'm not around yes, and she knows that. If it's just me and mommy. I can do X, y and Z and mommy won't go, but I know if daddy here, I gotta. That's why she be doing stuff and be looking over her shoulder like is dad around? Okay, and that's why she come to you and be like mom, don't tell dad. But can we? Don't tell dad because you know she's smarter than what you give her credit for.
Speaker 1:No, you wouldn't act like she's a child she is no she is a child and I do understand that she has her little tactic she's a child at age.
Speaker 2:Her level of manipulation is adult don't let her fool you. I see right through her. It's she giggling and smiling, but don't. But then she plotting on how she get what she want to do. Get what she want, cause, now, then she get all friendly. Mom, dad, I just, I just love you guys. Oh, we just. You're such a good family, I just want to be a good daughter, such a good family, I just want to be a good daughter. What you want, because you want something.
Speaker 1:She doesn't always want things. I just I think that she's also sensitive and she feels things very deeply.
Speaker 2:Okay, alright, that's like that's what mamas do. Mamas shoot bail. That's what they do. Mamas shoot bail. What do you?
Speaker 1:mean mamas shoot, bail Mamas shoot the kid bail. What is that? I don't know. These young men's slang.
Speaker 2:You give them an excuse. I'm not giving her an excuse. You give them an excuse. Are you dumbed down? Are you less than what they do? Like the severity of what they do? Wow, daddies, we shoot it straight. No, this is what you're doing.
Speaker 1:We're going to have to hold you accountable to this level, but go ahead and give them bail. Okay, well, maybe that's where the balance comes in at. Maybe that's where the balance comes in at, but I don't consider it me shooting her bail.
Speaker 2:Of course you don't feel that way, because you're the favorite.
Speaker 1:See, now I feel like you're attacking me.
Speaker 2:I'm stating the facts, you're the favorite. I'm stating the facts, you the favorite. So of course I'm not the favorite, I don't think she has a favorite babe if if default yes, favorite no if the listeners asked us to have her on mic and answer that question?
Speaker 1:well, who's her favorite parent?
Speaker 2:who's she gonna say?
Speaker 1:she's gonna say both of you, because you've asked her that before.
Speaker 2:She's gonna lie and say both, say oh my gosh it is not. But we know.
Speaker 1:Why do you have to now? Why does it have to be a lie when she says it?
Speaker 2:But we know, had it been a situation, I'm the default parent yes, we know you're her favorite. It's cool, baby, it's cool. Look, I've come to terms with it.
Speaker 1:No about it, because I don't like when you make comments Like what, like you say I know I'm just the money to you guys, you're not just the money to us. We love you, she loves you, she adores you. When you are at work and before when it's bedtime for her to go to sleep, she'll be like is daddy coming home soon? Because she wants to wait up so that she could see you.
Speaker 2:I understand that y'all love the water running, y'all love these lights being on, y'all love the food in the refrigerator, but I ain't shitting around here.
Speaker 1:It's cool. That's not true. It's cool, it's cool. I ain't tripping. You are tripping because his feelings legit be hurt. I'm over it.
Speaker 2:Like today what was it? I feel it you healed since 205?
Speaker 1:I feel it. What was it today You've healed since 205? I've healed, yeah.
Speaker 2:You've healed since 205 pm today. Today was the last straw.
Speaker 1:So today, when he says today was the last straw, he asked Phoenix what she did at recess today. And she's like oh, I played basketball. And he was like oh, I can beat you at basketball, I'm better at basketball than you. She was like no, you're not. So he was like babe, who's better at basketball, me or Phoenix? And I was, of course, I was like Phoenix.
Speaker 2:Because you were shooting her bill.
Speaker 1:I was like. I was like Phoenix and she was like see told you. And so he was like. He was like how about we go to the park and you and me can play one-on-one? He was like I'll take, go to the park with mommy exactly so I'ma just I'ma do what my family want me to do.
Speaker 2:I'ma just I'ma start. I'ma get up, i'ma just fade to the back what did she tell you?
Speaker 1:she was like, you, didn't even go to work. You need to go. She said you need to go to work.
Speaker 2:She looked me in the eye and said dad, you need to do something with yourself, cause why are? I think it's unbeknownst to her everything that's going on.
Speaker 1:I think it's because, nah, it's cool she like okay, because you're programming her who's programming her? How am I programming her?
Speaker 2:turning my daughter against me turning her against you.
Speaker 1:You did that yourself okay who she spend most of her time with she spends her most of her time with me, and who's doing was that?
Speaker 2:who has access to her oh my gosh, goodbye.
Speaker 1:We're not doing that. We're not doing that sorry, what was? That, but anywho, she loved, like she literally loves when you pick her up from school no, she loves to be carried, so she don't have to walk you have an excuse for everything now. Now, the more that you talk, I'm starting. I'm not feeling bad for you anymore I was genuinely feeling I was. I was like Lord. I don't want my husband to feel like he's really nothing to his family, but just a provider, because we love and we adore him.
Speaker 2:No, look here. Let me tell you why I say that. Because the other day, when I didn't pick her up, when we got in the car, she said dad, you have to always pick me up.
Speaker 1:If you pick me up from school, you have to carry me to the car.
Speaker 2:Well, because that's what you've gotten her accustomed to and I said, if he was daddy, his back was hurting today.
Speaker 1:But that's what you've gotten her accustomed to. It's like me with the gas. Like you, you've literally done these things. If I get in the car and you're like, why does your car have gas? Uh, because you didn't put gas in it. I don't know why doesn't my car have gas? I don't put gas in my car regularly look here, so it's the same thing she's gotten used to these past few weeks. You pick her up every single day, and every single day you pick her up you put her on your neck and you walk to the car.
Speaker 1:So now she's gotten accustomed to that because she like, if daddy's home and he's picking me up from school, he gonna put me on his neck. And then when you don't put her on her neck, she's on your neck. She's like okay. So you had me walk into the car today it's not only that.
Speaker 2:It's not only that if I pick up in my car, oh my god she hates, she hates getting in his car where's mommy? Not your car, dad, you need a new car. Your car is so old, old. I said Phoenix first of all. It gets the job done. And it's paid for and daddy only has to drive seven miles to work. This will do the job.
Speaker 1:Can we take mom's car? She really doesn't like your car. Which is really funny, because before I had got my car, I always drove your car because I loved driving your car. But now then, when had got my car, we all I always drove your car because I loved driving your car. But now then, when I got my car and then I tried to drive your car again, I was like can't do it can't do it. It's too low.
Speaker 2:It hits my bun, but I said no, like I said, because I early, like a couple days ago, I told you how you you've been a little uh uh iffy towards me as well, mean to you. Yeah, today I said you know what they got X amount of times and I'm going to just look for a new family because it's clear to me.
Speaker 1:He was like the women in my house. It's clear to me I'm done.
Speaker 2:That they don't want me here.
Speaker 1:It's clear. That's what you said. We do want you. No, you don't. Y'all don't want me here. Yes, we do?
Speaker 2:I would just look for a new family, because when are you going to find them? I don't know. I might have to be by myself in my dirty car, my dirty old car, but y'all don't want me here, it's clear.
Speaker 1:We do. No, I think we're all just going through an adjustment period and I think, because you're home and you're able to see kind of like the dynamic of how the house is like during the day. I do not let her get away with bloody murder and how our routine is. It's. It's different for us because you are here, and then it's different for you because you are here.
Speaker 1:So I also kind of feel like there's been this adjustment period of you trying to which sounds weird because you're the head of our household, but it's been this adjustment of you trying to like work your way into the routine, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:I had this whole like idea in my head of, like what my house was like during the day while I was at work. Oh, and my eyes have been opened. Yeah, and it is it. On the day while I was at work, oh, and my eyes have been open. Yeah, and it is not what you thought Nothing of what I thought.
Speaker 1:And that's why. That's why, like I always tell you, like I'm not sure what you think goes on during the day.
Speaker 2:No, what I mean to say is you have it really good Really.
Speaker 1:I thought it was worse, but you have it bad. I'm not going to sit up here and try to make it seem like I have it bad, you're not good. But yeah, I mean, I don't have it like easy sailing, but okay, you think it's easy sailing when you complain about helping out around here the couple of times that you do.
Speaker 2:I'm going to just get out the way.
Speaker 1:Because, if so, if you would like to swap and do it full time, I don't want to do it with her. No, you can do it full time. She don't like me. You can do it full time. Do you want to do it full time?
Speaker 2:You couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle what it's my job to go out and work.
Speaker 1:Are you trying to say that I couldn't handle?
Speaker 2:Like I could totally handle it.
Speaker 1:No because no, If all I had to do was just focus on work, I could totally handle it.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't like it, though, because you know how I am as a worker, because if I'm going to be a cat man, you're going to have to keep me to my standard.
Speaker 1:That's easy. Oh, I didn't know that was an option, because if so, then you've been slacking majorly. I have majorly let you off easy, but now that I know that that's you had to meet my standards okay, let let the times roll, let me put those high standards back there then, apparently.
Speaker 1:Apparently my standards have worked out too well for you. It ain't my fault. Your standards been low. They been low, okay, they been low, it ain't my fault. Okay, you complain about those. So I don't know if you can, I have never complained. I don't know if you can, I don't know if you can stand an increase.
Speaker 2:Look here, you spoiled little brat.
Speaker 1:I'm not spoiled.
Speaker 2:You're not spoiled, I'm not spoiled.
Speaker 1:I don't consider myself to be spoiled.
Speaker 2:I haven't spoiled you In some things, but I don't consider myself to be like a spoiled person.
Speaker 1:What would make me spoiled the other day when you asked for something?
Speaker 2:What did I ask for? You asked for a particular item at Target and I was like no, we can't get that right now. And the look on your face was like did he just tell me no? Like he never tells me no.
Speaker 1:Okay, but that don't make me spoiled.
Speaker 2:You spoiled. Why does that make me spoiled? Because you're used to getting whatever you want.
Speaker 1:That's not true. That's not true.
Speaker 2:And that's where you're trying to get it from. Y'all both spoil and y'all both in denial about being spoiled. The only one around here that's not spoiled is you.
Speaker 1:Let me guess it's you because I can't spoil myself, because I'm spoiling y' all oh gosh, you guys sour milk I don't know if you can hear it already in his voice sour milk the pity, the pity ain't no pity over here. He has it so hard, you guys.
Speaker 2:He can't spoil himself, he spoils the hell out of himself look here, don't let him create this facade for y'all, I never said I had it hard, I have it really easy, I don't do shit, I just, I just, I'm just a paycheck.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh. Enough with that. I'm going to make you a shirt. I'm just a paycheck and it's going to say I'm just the paycheck, I'll wear it too, because it's true. It's not true. That's why I wanted to. You know what I?
Speaker 2:want to. I'm sure it's going to say it's going to say full-time paycheck, part-time daddy.
Speaker 1:I actually kind of like that, Like for a shirt, but I don't mean like.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:No, it's yeah, because it's true. I don't mean like in a literal sense I mean. That's why you know I'm sore oh gosh, you need some more protein because you've been working out for three weeks. You shouldn't you shouldn't be that sore anymore. Okay, you've been working out for three weeks alright, I'm done, cut the tape.
Speaker 2:Cut the tape. Cut the tape. I'm done.
Speaker 1:I'm done, cut the tape oh, babe, I love you yeah, okay I love you, little paycheck yeah, little paycheck now.
Speaker 2:So now it's, little paycheck I love you, little paycheck.
Speaker 1:Oh, my support, I'm done. So I don't. I don't you keep shutting down my support, okay, guys. So we're gonna hop right back, we're gonna hop right into the next segment of the episode, which is hour two six. Um, okay, this one, this one's kind of interesting baby, yeah. This one says am I the asshole for agreeing to divorce my wife when she joked about it? Not at all. Okay, it says.
Speaker 1:Yesterday, me and my wife were just chilling and watching TV, my wife all of a sudden said that she wants a divorce and started laughing hysterically. She was quite that she wants a divorce and started laughing hysterically. She was quite drunk. She drinks a lot. I do not.
Speaker 1:I was shocked when she suddenly asked me for a divorce. I've been with her for almost six years All this time we spent together, but she's never asked me for something like a divorce. I got angry and said sure, doors that way, send me papers, but make sure it's fair. She stopped laughing and got sad. I'm used to her sarcastic questions about it. I would. I'm used to her sarcastic questions about it. I would do something like this or that for her, or absurdity, like if I would jump off the hill for her, et cetera, but I never saw this coming my way. Interesting People write how they talk.
Speaker 1:But she this time got sad and angry and became serious and asked me if I'm for real. I said sure I am. You want to leave me? Then go. I can't stop you or do what you want to me physically to stop you. She got very angry and started crying and said I wouldn't even fight for our love, even a little, to save our marriage, and just agree to divorce without reacting. Without reacting, she asked me if I had ever stopped loving her. I told her that I love her, but if you want to leave me, I won't stop you or beg you.
Speaker 1:My wife got very angry and slapped my chest and said bad husband. I tried to stop and ask her to talk to me, but she didn't want to listen to me. She's been ignoring me since yesterday. Today I went to talk to her and she said that I need to become a better man and husband and fight for my wife instead of just agreeing to divorce like a heartless pig. And until I work on myself, she will not talk to me and she's been ignoring me. She gave me food and sat next to me, but whenever I tried to talk to her, she didn't reply. I was thinking of apologizing, but I also thought that I don't need to apologize because I didn't do anything wrong. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2:Hell, nah. And I wish you would hit me and say bad husband like I'm a dog.
Speaker 1:So she blurts something out while she was drunk and laughed about it.
Speaker 2:Drunk tells the true tales.
Speaker 1:Right. He reacted to it in a serious manner.
Speaker 2:And then she got mad.
Speaker 1:And then she got upset and then flipped the script and said that you're a terrible husband, a terrible person, and until you work on yourself and learn how to fight for your wife, I will be ignoring you.
Speaker 2:She did what women do Turn it back on a man.
Speaker 1:That's wild.
Speaker 2:She started. She started the shit and then she didn't she going to blame him for starting, for her starting shit. That's exactly what she did, no.
Speaker 1:I just think that sometimes people say things not expecting a reaction and then when they get a reaction they don't like the reaction they got. So then they have to reverse psychology, the whole situation and flip it back on the other person, this whole notion that he has to fight for the love, you're abandoning it. Right, you were saying you want to do it, whether it's in a joking manner or not.
Speaker 2:Look here my boy, like he said, stand on business, stay where you're celebrated, not tolerated. My man, if she wanted, like you said, there is the door. I tell this one every day there's the door, but she going out Really every day here. I say there's a door, but she's going out in them bags like on Dexter.
Speaker 1:She's going to walk out, She'll be carried out. So if anything ever happens to me, guys number one suspect, he just said that he would Dexter me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she'll be all cheap, Although.
Speaker 1:I don't think he has it in him. She'd be out somewhere by Catalina. You've never even been to Catalina, the current will take you there.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. You probably shouldn't say that on record it's fine, I'm not going to really do it.
Speaker 1:Don't try to back it up now. I'm not going to really do it, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's crazy that she's trying to blame him for something she instigated. Yeah, she instigated it and didn't like his response and the thing is it's like I would have said the same thing I'm not going to sit here if you don't want to be. I'm not going to force you to be somewhere you don't want to be Right. So obviously you've probably thought about this before and you quote unquote here, and then why do I have to change?
Speaker 1:you're the one with the issue. Yeah, no, I. I honestly think it was one of those things, that she just said it to see what his reaction would be, and because his reaction wasn't babe, stop talking crazy, or you know, I would never leave you. You know, I love you. And it was more of okay, get your ass home. Then she was like deuces excuse me deuces excuse, you're not gonna fight for me deuces I don't want a man who doesn't fight for me, but he's fighting for you and protecting your honor two different things.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna fight for you to stay around when you don't wanna be around, because I'm not gonna lessen myself to make you feel better about yourself amen brother, amen brother this has been an episode of cause. She is wild. Amen, brother. This has been another episode of. Because she is wild.
Speaker 1:I love you. I love you. You don't love me, no more, I ain't shit. Aw, my little PC. Okay, I love you PC.
Speaker 2:That's all I am to y'all.
Speaker 1:I love you little PC.
Speaker 2:And that's all I am to y'all. Stop touching me.
Speaker 1:I love you PC. I like this muscle right here stop touching me, please. I love you little PC this is inappropriate.
Speaker 2:I've asked you twice now. You always.
Speaker 1:I always ask you not to not to grab my hips or rub my back, so I'm gonna just go politely across your boundary right now and keep rubbing your heart Officer Benson will say this is the right. Okay, no, it's not, and you shouldn't say things like that, because it's not. That's not even a joking thing. Anywho, this has been another episode of Life After I Do podcast. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms at.
Speaker 1:LifeAfterIDoPodcast. You can follow us on Instagram, tiktok, youtube, facebook all at LifeAfterIDoPodcast. You can also write to us at LifeAfterIDoPodcast at gmailcom. You get a new episode every single Wednesday, so don't forget to tune in and tell your friends and like and share.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Till then, booskies.
Speaker 2:Peace, peace. Booskies, you're more than a patron. Bye.
