Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 8
From balancing chores to navigating adult children’s issues, this episode is packed with humor, relatable stories, and heartfelt discussions on family and relationships. We're back sharing Our 2 Cents on topics around the inter-webs.
How are you going to really come to me, ask me to move out because you just found out that you're seven months pregnant? Let's start at the seven months. That is wild.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Seven months.
Speaker 2:Not only that, it sounds like to me you chose poorly, because he ain't got nowhere to stay when he staying.
Speaker 1:Baby daddy don't have nowhere to stay.
Speaker 2:He got to move in with Joy.
Speaker 1:Oh he probably the boys living at home, hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, Kynesha, also known as Nisha G, and I'm here with my husband From beginning to end this is when I take my water break, and then he'll introduce himself.
Speaker 2:I need your same old loving baby, molito Molito. All I want to do is keep on loving you. We love Anita Baker in this house.
Speaker 1:Anita Bacon.
Speaker 2:I said Anita Baker.
Speaker 1:No, you did say Anita Bacon. I said you said Anita Bacon.
Speaker 2:I said Anita Baker.
Speaker 1:Quite confident. You said, anita Bacon, we'll run it back.
Speaker 2:Yes, we will run it back and then you're going back and I'm not going to cut this out and then you're going to run me my money. We're not doing that Run me, hey Booskis.
Speaker 1:Ah, hi, babe.
Speaker 2:How you doing.
Speaker 1:I'm good. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm guilty.
Speaker 1:I'm better now, because it's one of my favorite days of recording. What is that? It's the R2Cent episode.
Speaker 2:You just like getting in some mess.
Speaker 1:No, I don't, you do.
Speaker 2:You love keeping your toes in the shit.
Speaker 1:What. You're gonna be knee deep in the shit, what even was that it's a saying you ain't country.
Speaker 2:Oh you're not country, you're a city girl.
Speaker 1:Anyway, how was your week?
Speaker 2:It was productive. Okay, explain, I got a lot of things done.
Speaker 1:Things that you wanted to get done.
Speaker 2:No, but I got done Because I was in my mind.
Speaker 1:I'm really trying to rack my brain Like what did you get done?
Speaker 2:You know I finished a lot of things in my other ventures.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You know, I really you know, and I got a lot of things coming up I'm preparing for, so I put the groundwork down on a lot of things. I had to father this week a little harder than I wanted to. I had to father this week. A little harder than I wanted to, you know, because she's getting to that testy age and these eyes and these necks is rolling and snapping, and I'm about to be rolling and snapping the way these eyes and these necks. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And these feet and these shoulders, these feet stumping, yeah, hands snapping, the arm folding. Oh yeah, it's so new.
Speaker 2:But we finna iron this shit out real quick.
Speaker 1:But we also made a great discovery this week. Yeah, what was that? We discovered that we're raising my child. No, we're raising you, me as a child. We're raising you. We're raising me.
Speaker 2:And it makes a lot of sense, because a lot of things I was not this way and I knew I wasn't crazy. And then the fact that your sister confirmed it. I said this is what I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1:My sister and I were talking about it today, because I was talking to her about just some of Phoenix's behaviors and she's like, oh my gosh. She was like that's you. She was like that's exactly how you were when you were her age.
Speaker 2:It is rough.
Speaker 1:And I was like I told Maurice yes, it is me Like she said something. I can't remember exactly what she had said, but when she said it I don't know why, it just connected in my brain and it immediately took me back to when.
Speaker 2:I was like 7 or 8 years old and I was like, oh no, that's me she said something along the lines of when we tell her to like go to her room or sleep in her room, be by herself, she feels like we don't love her and that she's not a part of the family and it worked on you Well, because I never want my kid to feel like I'm pushing her away in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 1:I also know that children are master manipulators by nature to get what they want. But I know, you know, I also know that children are like master manipulators by nature.
Speaker 1:It worked on you To get what they want. But when she oh, no, no, no, I remember now what she had said she goes, she goes. Mom, I just feel like sometimes I'm broken to you. And I was like what? And I was like why do you feel that way? And she was like because sometimes I think you get mad at me. And I was like Phoenix, I'm not mad right now. I was annoyed, a turd. No, I told her I was annoyed. I was like I was annoyed because I was trying to help you and you weren't receiving the help. You were asking me for the help. I was trying to help you and all you wanted to do was throw a fit. And how is mommy supposed to help you when you're throwing a fit and you're not talking to me? And she was like I know, and I said I just wanted to help you and she then she goes. I appreciate your help, does she?
Speaker 2:I was like does she appreciate she?
Speaker 1:does she does so when, when she. When she said that literally it's just like all connected in my head and I was like that is me. I was like, I was so like sensitive. It didn't take much to hurt my feelings and I just immediately went to like the world can't stand me.
Speaker 2:Because somebody was upset.
Speaker 1:It is dramatic, but I remember it vividly.
Speaker 2:She's around here accusing me of being dramatic. Well, she's the dramatic one. My dad is so dramatic I can say that I can.
Speaker 1:That's what she told her friend.
Speaker 2:She's like my dad is so dramatic, but I can say that word, so it's okay I just thought about something and it's unrelated what, but you know how she don't like doing the conditioning name. I'm gonna see if I can get her a shirt, they say, if it involves running it don't involve me.
Speaker 1:No, hers need to say froggies because she don't like froggy jumps. Hers need to say if it involves froggy jumps, then they don't involve me.
Speaker 2:We don't like conditioning.
Speaker 1:She said look, I'll practice she said but this whole conditioning portion?
Speaker 2:y'all got me. She said my lungs is good enough but okay, but it's not.
Speaker 1:It's not even the conditioning. When I had the conversation with her, she was like I just don't like froggy jumps. When they have to run the mile and stuff, she'll be out there, she'll be in the sun, she'll be running, she'll do lunges up the hill, but when it comes to them, froggy jumps immediately. You can see the distress on her face.
Speaker 2:Good. Well, how was your week? Muskie, my week was good.
Speaker 1:What did you do? I had a good week. I mothered hard.
Speaker 2:Bye, and you wore a muumuu three days in a row.
Speaker 1:I did not wear a muumuu three days in a row.
Speaker 2:Yes, you did I. Counted Did I, Because I appreciate it oh bye.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mothered hard. We had a really good time at friend's house. Sweet Goodbye. We had a really good time at our friend's house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, shout out to the Shout out. Do we name drop them? No, I'm not going to name drop them, do we name? Drop them Game trouble. No, I don't want people to be like, oh you're trying, they good people, though they good people we have good time.
Speaker 1:They're going to be on the show, so you guys you'll be able to see them. But yeah, I had a really good weekend Hung out, got some adult conversation, in which is always Look here.
Speaker 2:One thing I know about these stay-at-home moms, they want adult interaction, you don't? She'd be like look here take your daughter home, while I stay here and keep talking you don't even understand, because I'm tired of talking to kids.
Speaker 1:Like I'm going out with my friend for lunch on Thursday On book. Thursday and I am just like, oh, I just can't wait to catch up with my friend and just but, I thought you had to cancel that because of the play date. No, I canceled the play date. I said you know what? She goes on 19 million play dates a year. I canceled the play date because I am going to self-care myself.
Speaker 2:Are you serious, huh?
Speaker 1:Self-care includes making time for myself, for my friends, to cultivate my relationships with my friends, just so you know and because my friend reached out to me and she was like girl, I miss you, let's go to lunch, Let me take you to lunch. I was like you know what? Oh, she paying.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm down, get something, bring me back something. Goodbye, do a little something extra Goodbye. And just so you know, thursday, since I am on pickup duty, she will be picked up early, because I don't.
Speaker 1:Just because he doesn't want to deal with school traffic. Let me tell y, school traffic gives like makes my husband so angst. It's a little comical, but then again I'm just like like it's a little worrisome. He gets in that school line and he acts like he don't know how to drive anymore. He acts like it's just like spiders everywhere or something I don't know.
Speaker 2:But he just loses all ground and common sense when he gets in that line. For someone who does what I do, you would think I'd handle it better.
Speaker 1:I would think you handled it better.
Speaker 2:But it's just so many moving parts.
Speaker 1:It's because of the kids.
Speaker 2:It's the kids, it's the parents, the administrators, the teachers. Then you got the people leaving work, the people coming from work. You got the people in line trying to pick their kids. Don't give a damn about nobody else.
Speaker 1:And it doesn't make it better that her school is right across the street from like houses, so it's technically in a residential area. Well, all schools are in residential areas. Well, you know what I mean, but it's like in a high traffic.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's very high traffic. It's a very high traffic residential.
Speaker 1:And it's on the corner and it's on the corner upset who are just trying to come around the traffic to like get to their homes and it does get a little chaotic. But you gotta like like I told you, you gotta bulldoze your way through, just like they will be there at one o'clock she gets out at 205 oh park. Yes, I used to do that I would get there.
Speaker 2:I used to do that park at 145.
Speaker 1:You're gonna get out and go sign her out. I'm gonna go sign her out and you know what? She's still ain't going to come out until 2. It don't matter.
Speaker 2:At that point I'm just not dealing with the rat race. I can't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't realize how good I had it when she was in kinder, because the kindergartners get out earlier. They get out like 15 minutes earlier and I used to use that time to get to her school early for my reading time. Like you remember, when I was like buying all those books and stuff back to back and I was like trying to make sure I get through my books, so I would go to go to her school at like for an hour hour and a half before and I would sit in the car and get as much reading in as possible. But I was always the very first one in line because I would get there so early and then they got out 15 minutes before the rest of the school. Yeah, that sounds good. So it was just you know what four classes, five classes of kindergartners, so traffic was. I was never in traffic.
Speaker 1:And then she went to regular pop, she went to gen pop Right, and when she joined gen pop, look here.
Speaker 2:The office knows when they see me she's going home, yeah.
Speaker 1:But when she joined Gen Pop I was like I'm not finna, sit up here.
Speaker 2:I'm not waiting up here.
Speaker 1:She gets out at 2.05. She's 11 minutes away from the house and I leave at 2 o'clock.
Speaker 2:It's still crazy.
Speaker 1:It is still crazy, but what makes it better? Like how you saw earlier today, instead of getting in the line, I go around the line and I go down the middle and then I get her from the middle of the parking lot.
Speaker 2:And then I just hop back in line, so you're one of the people I talk about what that cut. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I technically am not cutting, Because those parents that are in line are parents that sit in their cars. I'm not going to sit in my car. I throw her in the park real quick. I pop them hazards, I snatch her up, pop her in the car, unpop those hazards and we out. I got a whole little routine what we got today. Booski, I'm just saying I have a routine. I didn't even finish my week but I guess I'm done.
Speaker 2:You did finish your week. You got up to Thursday, okay.
Speaker 1:You got up to Thursday. Okay, you got up to Thursday. I know what you're doing. Friday and Saturday Okay. So, as the theme has been going, it's the beginning of the month.
Speaker 2:So the beginning of the month. Actually, we messed up.
Speaker 1:Well, it's still, technically, the beginning of the month.
Speaker 2:It was supposed to be last week.
Speaker 1:We normally like, yeah, last week's episode really should have been an hour or two, since episode but the beginning of the month we normally like, yeah, last week's episode really should have been an hour two cents episode.
Speaker 2:but you know, better late than never, you get it when you get it, you get what you get.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't throw a fit. But you guys love the hour two cents segment of the show, so we dedicate an entire episode just to reactions. Hour two cents To.
Speaker 2:To relationship, crazy marriage situations.
Speaker 1:And we also throw in a little bit of drama, because you know, this one loves drama.
Speaker 1:I am the most he has to have. He has to get his fix. He has to get his fix. But just FYI, there's no more drama. There's no better drama than a life after lockup or love after lockup. I just we'll get into that on another episode. But yeah, so this is an hour two cents episode, so we're going to get into all of the reactions. See what this guy has to say. Let's get it. Some of them are new for the both of us.
Speaker 2:I mean so far, I'm a stalker, I can't say the word. So far, pretty much the consensus so far, especially on TikTok, is I'm not good for you.
Speaker 1:And that I'm holding you down. He be getting it on TikTok. They be going in on him on TikTok. The other lady was like I question his perspective and I question his morals. I was like relax, like he's a good guy, guys.
Speaker 2:He's a good guy. Apparently I have bad morals. I'm a slave driver. I have hindered your career.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:And you are wasting your life with me. No, that is the consensus of the internet.
Speaker 1:That's not. They love you.
Speaker 2:From all of this 30 seconds. They know about us.
Speaker 1:Right. Okay, guys, let's hop right into our two cents. We got the first one up right now. Oh yeah, I want to hear you on this one. Okay, am I the asshole for cutting the amount I contribute to our budget after my wife refused to stick to our agreement regarding our kids?
Speaker 2:That's not business.
Speaker 1:My wife and I agreed before we got married on a lot of things we would how we would live, how we would deal with our family and how we would raise our kids Stuff like that, deal breakers. One of our decisions was that as long as our kids were full-time students, they would not have to contribute monetarily to the household budget. Obviously, they would still have chores and such If they weren't full-time students. They would get a six-month grace period after which they had to pay rent and buy their own food. Rent would be equal to one-fourth of a full-time minimum wage work. We agreed on this in 1998. Wow, our eldest did not want to go to university and used the six months after graduation to work, save money and plan a trip around the world. When he got back he started an apprenticeship and is now a welder. Good for him. Our middle kid went to university and is now a nurse. Our youngest one did one semester in college and decided it was not for him. It's always the baby. It's always that baby.
Speaker 1:After six months I told him that he was now responsible for his rent and his food. He went crying to his mom saying that he couldn't afford it. She said he didn't have to pay it. She didn't discuss it with me first, it was a unilateral decision on her part. She pays all our bills. I give her a set amount of money every month to pay everything. The money she earns she either spends however she wants or it goes into our vacation fund. So I decided to cut my contribution to the budget by the cost of rent and one third of the grocery bill. She asked me why I did that and said that we hadn't agreed to that and that I chose to do that. I told her that she chose to do the same, which was ignore the deal.
Speaker 1:She's been paying the difference out of the money that would normally go into the vacation account and she cut back on her personal spending. So she's basically offsetting for him, but she's pissed that I'm doing this. She says that I'm an asshole for being financially manipulative. Oh, are we now? I think she needs to either accept it or get her poor baby boy to grow up. She tried getting our older kids on her side, but they all agree with me. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2:Absolutely not, Not at all sir.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not. He knew what was coming when he turned 16. Before he graduated high school, he knew what was coming. Fix your crown, king, right, right, right. You know what I mean, right.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. I don't know what it is about mothers and their youngest sons I mean mothers and sons in general. She is going to coddle this boy into submission. What she is going to take if things go her way, she'll take care of him until she dies. Well, that's her baby. Yeah, that's her baby. But it's also a father's job to teach his son how to be a man.
Speaker 1:This is true.
Speaker 2:You got to be able to stand on your own two feet. This is true, and you cannot rely on me and your mama to get by Right, and that's the lesson he's trying to teach his child.
Speaker 1:And that's love that, mama, I can. I can, I can feel some of some of that, even though I'm not a boy mom. I can definitely feel some of that, I can tell you right now.
Speaker 2:My daughter will never have to leave here. Listen to me, I'm going to tell you right now. My daughter will never have to leave here Because she is a young lady, and the world is not the same world for her as it would be for her son.
Speaker 1:This is true.
Speaker 2:I do have to agree, as long as she's productive and needs somewhere to stay, she can stay here. Now, her son, I'm still here. You can stay, but you got to pay.
Speaker 1:And then he going to look at his sister and be like, but she ain't got to pay rent.
Speaker 2:Because she's doing the right thing. I'm protecting her. That's my job. It's my job to protect her until she's married.
Speaker 1:And then when you get out there and you get a woman and get a wife, you'll understand.
Speaker 2:Now the second. She's married. She cut off Because you got a man. When you get your man.
Speaker 1:When you got a man, I'm no longer him, or?
Speaker 2:as she likes to say, my husband, oh gosh.
Speaker 1:Don't get us started.
Speaker 2:That's what she always says, Mom when I get my husband, she cut off, but the wife is 100% wrong.
Speaker 1:She's in the wrong. You're definitely in the wrong, mom.
Speaker 2:Because, again, you made a decision by yourself, which then turned into him making a decision by himself. And then you got upset for his decision Right and not only did your decision break the rules of what you guys had agreed upon, yeah, in 1998.
Speaker 1:You did it.
Speaker 2:Like, the rules apply to everybody but one. We can't have that.
Speaker 1:Right, and then it makes it unfair for the two older kids.
Speaker 2:Right and you're because you're also.
Speaker 1:you're also. She doesn't see it this way, but she's undermining him. That's exactly what I was going to say. You undermined your husband in front of your son, which would also cause the son to lose respect for his father. Right, that's what I was getting at. That's a no-no. He nicer than me.
Speaker 2:That's a no-no, Because he just cut the money off, right. He would have came home and been on a goddamn porch. All your shit on the porch, right.
Speaker 1:Right, a goddamn porch.
Speaker 2:All your shit on the porch Right, right you out If you don't want to work you out because you're not going to sit in my house.
Speaker 1:Eat my food.
Speaker 2:Use my internet.
Speaker 1:Use my toilet paper. You know what I'm saying, and you?
Speaker 2:think you're just going to lay around all day and you a grown man, right? That's not how life works, right? And that's the every aspect. Because she's not preparing her child for reality, the reality of it is, at the end of the day, he, he, has to be self-sufficient and stand on his own, and if he, if he cannot do that, you are failing him as a parent I mean, I get that and not only that, you're going to drive a wedge between you and your other children because they're going to.
Speaker 1:They're going to see this as blatant favoritism well, you're going to drive a wedge between you and your husband.
Speaker 2:That's already there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but here's the thing too. I just want to put this in for conversation's sake. I also believe that all children are different, right? Like all children develop differently. So he's probably that one child who, aside from the other two kids the other two kids were probably really independent at like 11 or 12. Like you can, I feel like as parents, you can see and look at your child, especially as they get older and they head toward that young adulthood. You can see who's really prepared, like for the world and who's really not Okay. So I'm also taking into consideration. Maybe he is that child that they have who either coasted most of his, you know, early early childhood upbringing because he's a young adult, right. So he only did one semester at college. So I'm assuming he's anywhere between 18 and 18 and 19, 18 to 20 or whatever. It's not an excuse, but I'm also saying that you probably have to take that into consideration.
Speaker 2:No, no, I don't Okay, I don't Okay, okay, so then hold on. He went out there. He went out there.
Speaker 1:He tried it. No, he tried one semester of college. Didn't like it Uh-huh and came home Said working wasn't to him because it's too hard, right? And here's the other thing I want to say to that Go ahead. I'm just saying just for conversation purposes. Yeah, okay, mom, of course, no-transcript. Like 18 year olds, 19 year olds, putting them in a position where it's like instant adulthood is, is logical, like, do you think? That there should be do you think that the six months that he gave each child is? Is that transitional period?
Speaker 2:Like that's the grace for you, you're 18, but you have six months. Here's the thing. He's not. The plan wasn't to put them out. The plan was you can be here, but you gotta be doing something with yourself right, and you gotta pay somewhat of your way because when you get out there, you're gonna have to pay someone because I guarantee you that that one four for whatever it was a full time wage that you had to pay to cover your expenses in that house is a lot cheaper than if you're out there by yourself, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I totally agree, because the whole point is that when you get out into the real world, you're going to have to pay somebody, somebody, somebody. And I think, from his perspective and this is me assuming the young boy's perspective you're my parents and this is my home.
Speaker 2:And I've done my job. So I should be able just to be here if I want to, and I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying that's probably what the kid is thinking. He's probably thinking like dude, I'm 18 years old, what do you expect me to go out there and do and get a whole career at 18 or 19? But I understand what you're saying because I agree.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing. I am not going to allow grown men to be in my house, eat up my food, run my lights up, be under my wife, because that's what you're doing, because I know he's getting money from her. Oh, of course, how else is he getting money While I go out here and work to provide for the home that I provided for you for?
Speaker 1:the last 18 years yeah.
Speaker 2:I've done my part. It is time for you to start your journey as a man, and then this is why I said the father.
Speaker 1:As a young adult.
Speaker 2:This is why I said the father's right, because he's not even requiring him to leave. No, he's not he's requiring him to just be responsible. Right, start being responsible for yourself, right? That's the lesson in it. Yeah, self, that's the lesson in it, because who's to say that they don't?
Speaker 1:get a portion of the money back. Maybe the whole thing is that they're saving the money he was going to be paying to give it back to him.
Speaker 2:Maybe the whole thing is that we just want to see you doing something with your life and not depending on us. So, sir, you are not the asshole. Tell your wife, she better get her shit together oh.
Speaker 1:Not get her shit together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Get our shit together oh okay, yeah, but I totally agree.
Speaker 1:I agree Dad is not wrong. You're not the asshole. He needs to grow up. And mom, especially when you're married and you have children, the last thing and one of the most detrimental things you can do is undermine another parent in their parenting. If it's something that you didn't agree with or you wanted to change the terms, that's a conversation you should have had with your husband, because this is something that you guys have set in place decades ago. Both of the other two children understood the assignment. They got their shit together. What was it? The firstborn? He didn't want to go to college, I think it was. So. He worked, he worked, he took his six months. He worked, he left. He traveled.
Speaker 1:He came back and now he's a welder and that's a great profession, good job. So it's like it's about having a plan and what it sounds like is that homeboy didn't have a plan after high school and that he probably just did college or went to college because that's what was required of him or because he knew that was the only way that he didn't have to get out there and get a job or do anything, because a lot of parents do that where, if it's like you're in college, you're doing something you don't, I'm not going to require you to pay anything because you're trying to get yourself together.
Speaker 2:You're doing something to put your life together, I can empathize with you Exactly. But if you just on my couch yourself together, you're doing something to put your life together, I can empathize with you exactly. But if you just on my goddamn couch, I don't give a damn right.
Speaker 1:But back to the undermining. That's one of the most detrimental things you can do in your relationship, in your marriage, is undermine your other parent. If you had a disagreement, if you didn't agree with him, you should have said you know what, let me talk to your father. But you understand, like letting him know, reinforcing you and your other brother and sisters also knew what was coming when you graduate high school and you know what the rules of this household is. I will talk to your father, but I am not guaranteeing anything, because your father has had the conversation with you. You knew what the expectation was, but I just I mean just, and it doesn't even have to be a conversation. I'm just saying if she wanted to have the conversation, she could have just reinforced it right there. Your father's had the conversation with you. There's nothing to talk about. Son, you have six months.
Speaker 2:And my thing is that that's it.
Speaker 1:But don't undermine him, because now you you connection between your husband and your son and now your son thinks that you're the one just holds all the cards. So whenever he needs something he gonna look at dad and be like you ain't running shit.
Speaker 2:I gotta go talk to my mama because she big cheese around right and as no, and as a man, you're not gonna sit here and move the goalposts for your favorite. Yeah, and impact me yeah, mom, you were wrong and that's why I I I like the fact that he said I said so I cut back on the budget what he should have been paying, so you gonna pay for him. You gonna pay for him until you tired of paying for him, because, even though I'm cutting back on the budget.
Speaker 1:I'm still holding up my responsibilities. You got money to pay your bills. You got money to still do little extra stuff life's still on yeah, I'm going to start me a new fund by myself.
Speaker 2:Oh man, you had to cancel that hair appointment. Oh no, you should have told your son to go get a job.
Speaker 1:Your car need breaks. No, we can't go to Aruba because you didn't save enough.
Speaker 2:But you know what? I think your baby boy can get out there and help you.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's get right into the next one. This one is my wife wants to name our first child after her late ex.
Speaker 2:This has been another episode of what the hell.
Speaker 1:My wife and I have our first child coming in three months and our child is a boy. My wife wants to name our child after her ex who passed away 10 years ago. It was a tragic death and I do feel bad, but I don't want to name our first child after him. I want our child to have his own identity and I think it is very disrespectful to me. My wife and I have had a lot of discussions on it and my wife says, since she carries the baby and since she is undergoing the difficult process of childbirth, she gets to choose our baby's name. These discussions really frustrate me and my wife usually comes out on top in these discussions because I just become exasperated and give up.
Speaker 1:However, last night I sort of snapped and told my wife when my sister was pregnant with twins. She was never as crazy as a wife and my sister also worked full time when pregnant, unlike my wife. I instantly regretted saying those words and my wife was shocked and just stopped talking. A couple of minutes later she started crying really bad. This morning my wife said she will not name our baby after her ex, but my wife still seems very sad about what I said about her last night. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 2:you an asshole for that who is the husband?
Speaker 1:what for saying what he said for saying what he said. For saying what he said. Oh, hurt people hurt people.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. Hurt people, hurt people, hurt people, hurt people. I don't agree with what you said to her, mm-hmm, but I do agree with your stance, especially if this is your first child. As a boy, you might want your son to have your name, and I would also say, um, it seems like even though the man has passed, she has not let go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because maybe she kind of feels like oh well, I don't know if she has other children, but maybe she has a feeling as though if they didn't have kids, she's almost sort of kind of reliving or trying to fantasize about if this was our child.
Speaker 2:Well, if he was still alive, this would be.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, Because my first child was supposed to be with my first husband and to honor him, I'm going to name the first child that I have after him.
Speaker 2:But that is wild.
Speaker 1:That is wild.
Speaker 2:I agree, and if that was your plan, you should have never told your current husband your ex's name. You didn't think that through.
Speaker 1:I don't think she was thinking about the future like that.
Speaker 2:That's like you trying to name, if we have another child, your ex, please.
Speaker 1:My ex from the seventh grade.
Speaker 2:I don't care where it's from. Anyway, that's wild.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's disrespectful.
Speaker 2:Grossly disrespectful.
Speaker 1:Because even if you're doing it to honor your late husband, your current husband is here and that's whose baby it is, so that's disrespectful too.
Speaker 2:Look, this is like the third. I feel like that would make me question everything. To be honest, this is like the third or fourth time you've come up here with one of these things where they're trying to honor a late spouse.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And I cannot fathom. People don't understand that, while you may have a connection to your late spouse, he or she has nothing to do with your current situation. Correct, he or she has nothing to do with your current situation and I would always see that as undermining, because you know how hurt and disrespected I would feel if you came to me and said I want a name so like that might. That wouldn't drive a wedge.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would be thinking to myself what else are you thinking?
Speaker 2:Because now I'm going to have to get petty.
Speaker 1:I would also feel, as though, that I'm just not measuring up to what you thought you had. That's true, you know. But then again, what if that was the love of her life, like she loves her husband, her current husband, but she lost her late husband? And they're only in their 30s.
Speaker 2:I would feel that you would be out of necessity, that you don't really love me.
Speaker 1:She could very much love him.
Speaker 2:But yes, there is a little bit of necessity, I mean, okay, it's out of necessity, you don't want to be here.
Speaker 1:But being here out of necessity doesn't negate that she loves him. Are you trying to say that if you're with somebody out of necessity, that negates love?
Speaker 2:Not always but sometimes it does somebody because they can take care of you.
Speaker 1:Okay, but why can't she be with him? Because he creates a security for her in her life, but she also loves him. That's possible. Okay, You're saying it's possible but not likely.
Speaker 2:Because we still talk about 1999. And we're in the 2000s. So you're still living your life in your head, you still living in your marriage, you still living in your last marriage and you're not present in this one because you're going to discount me. So you can have something back in your life from your previous entanglement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, yeah. So I would just say that I just think it's disrespectful and I wouldn't me personally I would be thinking like I'm lacking something. You know, like you said, like it's convenience that you're with me I was just good enough to be with, because I could never compare in the moment your late husband that you would be willing to even come to me. To even come to me and ask that we name our firstborn child after your late spouse.
Speaker 2:After another man. It's wild, wild. Okay, you could have went like his middle name or something. I don't know. You took the wrong angle.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's one that's a little drama for you. All this has been drama. Am I the asshole for refusing to move out even though my roommate is seven months pregnant? If you ain't, listening you're not. Hi guys, last week my roommate becca found out she is not only pregnant, but seven months along that's a, that's a.
Speaker 2:That's a long time. I mean it. You find out it's not.
Speaker 1:I mean it happens, but Okay, okay, all right. She texted me that we had to talk today and I had assumed that she would be moving out soon for more space when the baby comes. Instead, she told me that I have to move out to make space for the nursery and her baby daddy to move in. Well, she flipped the script All the way. I'm on a terrible salary and cannot afford anywhere else to live. Plus, she wants me to move out right now so she can prepare for the baby. Even if I wanted to move out now, the apartment rentals in my area are either too expensive or well below living standards, so I don't want to move.
Speaker 1:She went absolutely crazy the moment I told her Because I'm ruining her, told her because I'm ruining her. She explained that I'm ruining her motherhood experience by not letting her family live together. I pay rent here and my name is on the lease until at least the end of the year. I'm not going to pull out of the lease. And I told her that if she wants her little family together, that she should. Her little family that she should move and I'll find someone to pay half the rent here. Her little family that she should move and I'll find someone to pay half the rent here. That made her start crying and saying how I just wanted to ruin her life, to the point her baby daddy had to console her and tell me to get out of their way. Already I've heard her stop crying since, but I think I'm totally valid that I don't want to leave.
Speaker 1:Am I the asshole for not wanting to move out? No, not at all. Not at all, not at all. Because for one, let me, let me, let me mind you something. Why you gotta mind me. Well, not mind you, but I'm just saying she's obviously having a baby for someone who is either barely supporting themselves or can't support themselves at all, because the fact that the baby daddy is coming in talking about you you just need to leave and let us live our life why are you not coming in and saying let me go set something up for you and our child. I need you to have that conversation with your roommate that you'll be leaving in six months or you'll be leaving in a couple of weeks, so that you can come to our home so that we could be together and start our family. That sounds ass backwards. So if I was the roommate. I'm going to let you know. Baby girl, I'm on this lease until the end of the year. I'm not going anywhere.
Speaker 2:Miss, you are.
Speaker 1:I'm not going anywhere. You and baby daddy going to be up in that bedroom.
Speaker 2:Miss, you are legally obligated to maintain the same space you maintain now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you can tell your roommate and her little family and her little family.
Speaker 2:That they can figure it out.
Speaker 1:You're going to have to figure that out. Boo, I don't mind. If you guys want to use up some of the living room space, that's fine too, but you, the baby and your baby daddy are going to be in your bedroom and y'all going to be living out of a two-bedroom, one bedroom apartment. I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 2:I'll be super.
Speaker 1:I wish you well.
Speaker 2:I'll be super ready, like the baby born on.
Speaker 1:I would go renew it too, like just put my name on it and be like.
Speaker 2:Like the baby born on Tuesday, I'm throwing a party on Thursday.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, we're here all night, goodbye.
Speaker 2:Goodbye, then I'm going down there, I'm right, because this is my legal address.
Speaker 1:This is my legal address. He don't live here because you can't put him on the lease. You probably can't put him on the lease.
Speaker 2:And you can't take me off. And you can't take me off the lease, but you can take yourself off.
Speaker 1:So he can't live here.
Speaker 2:So if I really wanted to be petty, I could report that and be like he don't live here situation and I don't understand how people think that they can just dictate what other people do with their lives to make their lives more convenient.
Speaker 1:That is not okay, like how you gonna really come to me, ask me to move out because you just found out that you're seven months pregnant. Let's start at the seven months. That is wild.
Speaker 2:Seven months, not only that it sounds like to me you chose poorly, because he ain't got nowhere to stay where he staying.
Speaker 1:Maybe daddy don't have nowhere to stay.
Speaker 2:He got a movie with John, oh, he, probably the boy still living at home. That's why it's probably that's. It's probably that's why that's why he need to come over here he gotta come over here.
Speaker 1:That's why he coming over to the console, his girlfriend's. You just need to come over here. He got to come over here. That's why he coming over to the Consola's girlfriend's, but you just need to leave.
Speaker 2:You're ruining our life. You're ruining our life. Leave, go somewhere.
Speaker 1:I need to be with my baby and my girl. I want to be with my baby and my girl.
Speaker 2:You are not wrong at all. And I would, I'd stand ten toes down, I'd double, double down you're not. You're not an asshole for not wanting to move out of your apartment, and I would tell, I can tell her she can paint her room, the nursery, any color she want you can split that bitch down the middle for all I care. I don't really care put your bed on the right, the crib on the left get an air mattress, something I don't know.
Speaker 1:Get a day bed figure it out.
Speaker 2:I don't know figure it out figure it out.
Speaker 1:Oh, people are wild, yo. Okay, here we go. Am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend because he forgot me at the airport? Probably, probably. Um, there's a whole person I. I have been in a long distance. Excuse me, I've been in a long distance relationship for about five months with eric. That's a fake.
Speaker 1:He lives in a town that either takes 12 hours to drive to seven hours by train or an hour flight. Valentine's Day was coming up, so I bought a flight to go see him so we could spend the weekend together to celebrate. When I got up that morning, I started sending him snaps of me getting ready to go to the airport and about being excited to see him. When I got to the airport, I messaged him that I would see him in a bit, but there was no reply. This is when my gut feeling started telling me something was off, but I pushed it away, hoping that I was just overreacting. When I landed, I messaged him that I would see him soon, but still no reply. I was still hoping so hard when the arrival doors opened. I was so hopeful that he was there, but in the end I was still hoping so hard.
Speaker 1:When the arrival doors opened, I was so hopeful that he was there, but in the end I was heartbroken to see that he wasn't. I felt so undervalued and embarrassed because I started crying in the corner at the airport. I had only come to visit the city to see him, and I was staying with him. So what was I going to do? I called him over and, over and over to no reply, then decided, fuck him, I'm going to go do my own thing. I ended up at a pub drinking tea and after about an hour there he messaged me. Not even calling me, but he messaged me a damn message. His excuse was that he had fallen asleep and that he was sorry.
Speaker 1:I honestly felt so betrayed because how can I not be worth setting a damn alarm? In the end, I ended up staying with him because I couldn't afford a hotel or to change my flight, and that's when I found out that he was staying up late at night playing video games. When I got home, I decided that I couldn't be with someone who undervalues me so much, and I broke up with them. At the time he agreed, but now he's sending me love letters declaring his love to me and that he's sorry for everything and doesn't want to lose me. I feel like I'm overthinking things and just need some advice. Did I overreact to him not picking me up at the airport? Am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend because he forgot me at the airport? Edit for clarify we made these plans together two months before I left. He was well aware of when and where I would be arriving and he was the one who offered to come get me. Secondly, oh no, he was the one who offered to come get me. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2:Players mess up too.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not. Players mess too. Absolutely not. Players mess up. Absolutely not. I don't think.
Speaker 2:I don't think he was undervalued. He was, because let me tell you why. Let me hold on, let me let me go ahead, go ahead, mom.
Speaker 1:Two things that stick out for me.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:As, as a woman, as a female.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:One you were not as excited to see me as you claimed. I was tired, no, two months prior. So we have been talking.
Speaker 2:Two months is a long time for a man.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:He never got that conversation.
Speaker 1:No but here's the thing If you spoke about it two months prior, you didn't speak about it one time, and then the next time you spoke about it was the day she was leaving, okay, okay. So he absolutely did undervalue her, because I mean, however, she saw it, if she felt undervalued, then that's the way she felt, but you weren't excited to see me as much as you claimed that you were. Hold on, and also it makes me also feel that I'm not as much of a priority in your life.
Speaker 1:There we go In your life, because if I'm supposed to be your girl, I'm supposed to be your woman. For one, you should be excited to see me, because we obviously don't live in the same city, so therefore, we don't see each other often. And if I'm just as excited to see you, I would expect that you would be excited to see me because I'm your girl. Okay, I would expect that you would be excited to see me, too, for other reasons, okay. Okay, mr, I was sleep. Yeah, you were sleep-ing with somebody else, probably, Anywho, but not only that.
Speaker 1:I'm not a priority, and you just shown me that I'm not a priority. You've just shown me that I'm not as important to you as you have probably led me to believe in our relationship. Therefore, I need to nick it at the bud, because if you're willing to showcase this type of behavior, dude, you left me at the airport. Not only did you leave me at the airport, you didn't respond to any of my messages the entire day that I have been texting you. So you've been asleep the whole time, and we was up all night. You went to sleep knowing that you had to pick me up at the airport, knowing that you stay up late because you play video games. And not one time did you say to yourself you know what, let me go ahead and set an alarm, because apparently he sleeps so hard that you know he couldn't hear his phone ringing and dinging.
Speaker 2:Okay, can I answer that? Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Players mess up too. Goodbye, Maurice.
Speaker 2:Here's my thing I will cut him bail. I'm being serious now. I will cut him bail if he makes his money that way, so like if he's a streamer or he makes video content so he plays a certain time, stuff like that. I will cut him some slack, A little bit of slack, I'm not him. Some slack, A little bit of slack.
Speaker 1:I'm not cutting any slack.
Speaker 2:Now I do agree with you that he should have at least had an alarm set.
Speaker 1:Or his ass should have stayed up and played until it was time to go pick her up.
Speaker 2:At least have an alarm set. However, I do think that it is a little bit of overreaction. No, I do feel like this could have been something that.
Speaker 1:They discussed.
Speaker 2:Discussed, had a conversation about. Because it wasn't like he ghosted you, mm-hmm, it's just that he was not conscious to reply. So because? Think about this If the reason for him not answering had been something like he was in the hospital or an accident, or something like that, the time you would have been by yourself would have been the same amount of time, but you would have justified it because something happened. Right, it's just the time is the same.
Speaker 1:That's not the same thing though.
Speaker 2:Listen, listen, roll with me, roll with me, I'm trying.
Speaker 1:You always make it so difficult.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to cut them down, so the thing is, let them cook. Also, did she say how old they were?
Speaker 1:28.
Speaker 2:He old enough to know better. God damn. I'm trying to help him. I'll be trying to be on the dude's side. I just there's really. He was wrong. There's no way about that, okay.
Speaker 1:I love how you just gave up, okay. I love how you just gave up, okay, he was wrong, he was wrong he was wrong.
Speaker 2:He should at least set an alarm.
Speaker 1:Okay, if he was younger, would you still say the same thing? Yeah, because you know they'll. It's just responsible, right? Yeah, he might just be irresponsible. And who's to say that this isn't the first time something like this has happened?
Speaker 2:It is the first time, because if it's the second time, this post is not necessary because he's already shown you, but obviously you're considering going back to him.
Speaker 1:I mean, give him a shot, players mess up, I don't know, I don't know. Do you know if you?
Speaker 2:could, I don't know Okay.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I mean me personally. I feel like I would if I was 28, knowing how I was in my 20s.
Speaker 2:Oh, you wouldn't even call him.
Speaker 1:I did, you would have got. I was going to say, you know, I would cut throat Like cut throat.
Speaker 2:You would have got right back on the plane.
Speaker 1:Cut throat you would have got back on the plane. I wouldn't have had the money to go back home, but I would have found it somewhere to go back home, you would have sold your ticket and got back on the plane. Yeah, I would've been like knowing me, cause I know how I was in my 20s, like how you are in your 30s that too, but in my 20s, like I mean you know, cause we've we've overcome some hurdles, I no, that's, that's, that's sad.
Speaker 2:Don't say we've overcome some hurdles what?
Speaker 1:you stuck by me oh well, yeah, you've been by me too, but you've never. You've never made me feel like I wasn't a priority. Oh you wasn't, you've never, oh really.
Speaker 2:Really, when I was in my deep depression, you wasn't Well that was different.
Speaker 1:That was, that was a caveat. That was different, you know yeah. I mean you were, you were going through you were going through a mental, a mental breakdown, like it was very visible to see that mentally you were not straight I mean now you are. That's different now you are the most important um, but something like this, where it's just like but even faculties are there, but he's been playing video games, because he's been up all night. I can't I'm going to have to say pass I can't.
Speaker 2:I can't even cut him bill, because even even when I was in my rough spot, I never left you nowhere.
Speaker 1:Correct, but that's what I'm saying. You never make me feel like you didn't give a shit about me. That would literally make me feel like you don't give a shit about me. Like dude, we've been talking about this for two months and we've been talking on the phone almost every day.
Speaker 2:And you forget me, even when you missed the last train at school and we had to figure out how to get you home and I had to drive halfway to get you traumatizing.
Speaker 1:I never felt so dumb because I was like how am I stranded in los angeles? I legit live two hours away and I'm sitting here, stranded in the city I was born in and I don't know which way to go to get home. That was traumatizing. Okay, traumatizing.
Speaker 2:I can't even cut him down, man, You're wrong player.
Speaker 1:Yeah, either way it goes, you're wrong and if I would say I would say, I would say I would say miss.
Speaker 2:If your heart says give him a chance, give him a chance, follow.
Speaker 1:I mean, you're young enough to follow the heart but don't forget his actions speak louder than his words. I mean his love is in his actions, not in his words.
Speaker 2:So like my, you know, and if you plan on having children? Think about pick up and drop off like the great um theologist, theologists.
Speaker 1:You finna say something silly.
Speaker 2:Darkman X says trust everybody to be who they are. Who they show you.
Speaker 1:They are who they show you. They are Right, and he's shown you in his actions. So and then? And here's the thing, but he could mature. No, but here's the thing. And that's not to say that he's a bad dude. Oh no, no, no, he's probably a very great dude and he probably does do that for a living. That's probably his job. That's perfectly fine. But again, even if that is your job, I still want to be made of importance in your life.
Speaker 2:You want to feel like you matter.
Speaker 1:I still want to like, I matter. Like, yes, making your money matters, of course, because I want you to make your money. Do what you do. We're assuming that's if he does that for a living, but even if he doesn't do that for a living and that's just a really good hobby that he has, baby, do your hobby, that's fine. Baby, I have no complaints with you playing video games. If you stay up to 3 am playing video games, bravo, do you. But if you knew you had to be at the airport at noon to pick me up.
Speaker 2:I still make it.
Speaker 1:And you didn't, and you're excused because you were asleep. And then I get here to see that you stay up till 3 am playing video games and that's why you forgot me. Here's the thing and you didn't set an alarm.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a pass.
Speaker 1:You should have went by urgent care before you picked her up. Don't start that to get a wristband. The wristband has a time stamp on it. The wristband has a time stamp on it. It has a time stamp. I'm not sure. Like I'm done, cut the cameras. Cut the cameras. He's so silly. Oh my gosh. Yeah, but boo. I mean, in my personal opinion, I would say put a fork in that, it's done. Put a fork in that, boo, it's done. That would be a no for me, because your actions, your actions, are the only thing that I see and hear. That's it. I hear your actions. I only see and hear your actions. Is that the one that took you out, babe? I took myself out. Oh, you took yourself out. Good to take, I can't. This has been another episode of Life After I Do. If you are not doing so already, you guys know the drill. Follow us on all of our social media platforms. At LifeAfterIDoPodcast, you can also write into the podcast at LifeAfterIDoPodcast at gmailcom you can also send us a text message.
Speaker 1:wherever you listen to podcasts, send us a text message directly. If you guys have any questions for us, if there's any reactions that you would like our reaction to, any advice or anything we got. You guys just hit us up at life after I do podcast at gmailcom, or shoot us a text on the platform that you're listening to. Uh, you get a new episode every wednesday, but until then, peace booze, peace, peace.
