Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Our 2 Cents Vol. 7
After a week off, we are back sharing our 2 cents. Enjoy.
Okay, because, again, we all have different upbringings, we all have different traumas, we all have different things that we model our life after.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So, again, that's why I said, if he comes from a situation to where he's divorced, shattered his family, that may be a reason why he doesn't want to go down that road. And again, when I talked about for myself, I was raised by a couple that was together 65 years into death. So this is what I modeled my life after and I've been with you 20, and I don't think I'm going to make it to 65.
Speaker 2:You're not going to make it to 65?. Not the way you acting.
Speaker 1:I mean I might make it to 64.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, nisha Jean. I'm here with my husband.
Speaker 1:Don't be dramatic, maleta.
Speaker 2:Did you guys miss us last week?
Speaker 1:Ain't nobody miss us.
Speaker 2:Yes, they did, they missed us.
Speaker 1:They missed us. We had to take off a A week, a week off Because for sickness.
Speaker 2:Whatever little bug has been going around, it made its way to us. It was not COVID. Let me be clear. We didn't have COVID, um, but we were we were down for a little bit and then baby girl she, you know she was down, she's on the up and up again. So that's, that's pretty good. Um, but yeah, we had to take a week off for being under the weather, also because we had some celebrations going on for baby girl because she is turning seven this month.
Speaker 1:She all right.
Speaker 2:Yay.
Speaker 1:Round of applause.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not glad. Round of applause.
Speaker 1:Our baby girl is turning seven.
Speaker 2:She feel like she grown anyway. Well, she did tell me that she's an adult now and I was like you're absolutely not. But she was like mom, I'm an adult no and she sat in the back seat with her legs crossed. She sits at the table with her legs crossed eating her food.
Speaker 1:She was like I'm an adult she got one more year to be in that booster.
Speaker 2:She can't wait to get out of it oh, and then her friend just got graduated from the booster. So at her birthday party her friend was like she's no longer in a booster. Her mom was like yep, we're officially done with booster. It's either eight or 80 pounds and she's like we are done. She was like I couldn't wait to take it out of the car.
Speaker 1:It will be easier to travel.
Speaker 2:She's in a booster. It's not difficult now. It's just a part of the seat. The only time it became difficult is when you forget, like when you took my car the other morning and we had to go to Calabasas.
Speaker 1:I saw you took it out of my car.
Speaker 2:It didn't dawn on me until my friend came to pick us up because we carpooled and I was like, oh shoot, I was like I didn't grab her booster out of my car and Maurice took my car and she was like he doesn't have one in his car and I was like yeah, he does. I was like close call.
Speaker 1:First of all, you addressed me as Molito to all your friends, goodbye, ain't nobody going to do that. As Molito or your husband Ain't nobody going to do that.
Speaker 2:She knows who you are now Like. We're friends now, so it's cool. Who?
Speaker 1:friends.
Speaker 2:Me and my friend.
Speaker 1:We're friends, we're cool.
Speaker 2:So anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess some of y'all out at Erewhon buying Esmo Leto, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Okay. So let me tell you about my experience. Well, I wasn't done. Yes, it's not. I'm not in a rush to get rid of the car seat, but anywho. So this past weekend, Baby Girl had a gymnastics clinic down in Calabasas. So me and my good friend, my other gymnastics mom, we had the opportunity to sneak away.
Speaker 2:To be bougie to sneak away and go check out what all the hype was about Air One, and if you don't know what Air One is, it's a grocery store. That's like I mean. I guess you can consider it a high-end grocery store. Some of the prices in there for some of the things are a little ridiculous, but everything is like natural, raw, organic. The best of the best ingredients is what they're selling.
Speaker 1:You paid $28 for us.
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't $28. That one wasn't $28. It was $20 or $22. I think it was $20. No, it was $20. But anywho, it was a really really good smoothie. I'm not even going to lie. I don't like to follow the herd or anything like that, but it was a damn good smoothie you don't have to follow the herd. You know what I?
Speaker 1:mean you collect Starbucks and Stanley Cups. You're following the herd.
Speaker 2:Oh no, but see, I'm an OG. I'm not like these new newcomers who have just started in this game. I've been doing this for decades. I'm not new to this. I'm true to this. Don't throw me in there. I'm not one of the early millennials who just started collecting Starbucks cups and keychains and stuff like that. I got stuff that these people ain't never seen. I've been doing this a long time. Don't come for me because I didn't sit for you. Anyway, yes, so me and my friend, we went and had lunch at at air one because we just wanted to kind of like check everything out for one.
Speaker 2:It's not as big as I think. Some people think it's really not. It's not a very large store at all, but I will tell you it is beautiful when you walk in there, like when you see all of the produce. It's like somebody is. I don't know if they have their merchandiser or whatever, but the way they have it set up is just like you want it all.
Speaker 2:They're not sponsoring us, so we're not going to go in detail about this I'm telling you my experience, um, but if everything looks beautiful and what I like is that, um, a lot of things are pre-packaged, things that you wouldn't normally be able to buy pre-packaged, like dragon fruit, I was like, yes, but me and my friend, we decided to get some of the watermelon, because the watermelon looked absolutely amazeballs and when I tell you, we were both sitting there amazed. She was like is it just me or was every piece of watermelon sweet? I said every single piece of watermelon. Every piece of that watermelon I had was a 10 out of 10.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:He's a little salty because I told him I had a really good lunch and he was just like oh must be nice. I mean, I'll take you one day if you really want to experience it.
Speaker 1:Tell the people what I was doing while you were living your life.
Speaker 2:You were at work. I was at work too. I was on my lunch break. I was on my lunch break.
Speaker 1:Continue.
Speaker 2:I had to take care of our child, who went for a clinic and then only for me to get a call like an hour and a half later because her stomach was hurting. So then I had to go back to the clinic and then she had to leave the clinic because she was having stomach issues. I was on duty boo, I'm always on duty. Always on duty. I had to sit there and sue the six-year-old's tummy because she was going through some gastrational problems. Okay, so I was on duty, but anywho. Yeah, so we had to take the week off. We celebrated baby girl's birthday. We were a little under the weather, but everybody is fine now. Thankfully, we were only down like what you were down two days.
Speaker 1:I was down two days. I was down for seven days.
Speaker 2:No, you weren't.
Speaker 1:I was down with the sickness and then and then I had the gallbladder attack that took me out of rest.
Speaker 2:Oh, OK. Yeah, he had his gallbladder issue, which came at the most inconvenient time. But that's that's literally how life works, um, but everything is. Everything is on the up and up now. Thank God, everyone is doing better, feeling better. Things are moving along. Um, I finished up some school shopping today, so that was good. Can't believe school will be starting back this week, but she's really excited.
Speaker 1:It's not good for my pocket.
Speaker 2:What? School shopping? Yeah, oh no, I did really good. I did really good Because she didn't need a lot, because we've been buying little things here and there, so it's just like now pulling everything together and then I just had to see what she was missing and I really just had to get Just a couple more pairs of jeans and T-shirts and then just like her undergarments and stuff. So that wasn't bad. But how was your week?
Speaker 1:Bleh, it was bleh.
Speaker 2:I'm going to need more than that.
Speaker 1:I was not a tip-top shape Okay. I was in pain, I was sick Down and out. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a rough week. That's what it was. It was a rough week and I'm just happy that it's over.
Speaker 2:Right, me too, amen. I'm happy that it's over. I'm with you on that, babe.
Speaker 1:I'm happy that school is starting up, so we get our Fridays back.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Our Friday dates.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because then our regular lady won't have to ask where y'all been. It's like girl, like School been out School, been out, she been home.
Speaker 1:She been in the way so we ain't been here, yeah, but other than that, I mean, it was just, you know, just sick and working through the pain, still going to work. Still, you know, the harsh reality of being a man is that your responsibilities don't get sick, so you got to push through.
Speaker 2:That's anybody, babe, that's everybody.
Speaker 1:Not you. You can take a day off.
Speaker 2:I can take a day off.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Interesting.
Speaker 1:You can call me. Very, very interesting you can call me and I'll fill in. You can't fill in for me?
Speaker 2:I can fill in for you.
Speaker 1:First of all, you don't have the certification and license to do what I do.
Speaker 2:I don't mean I can fill in for you at your physical job, but I can fill in for you. I can help if I need to.
Speaker 1:I can help if I need to. I can help if I need to.
Speaker 2:I'm financially capable.
Speaker 1:Look here, I'm tired of being a traditional man.
Speaker 2:Oh are you.
Speaker 1:It's for the birds.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:It is for the birds.
Speaker 2:So what do you want to be? Tell me what you want to be, babe. I got you. I got you.
Speaker 1:I want to be a cat man. I want to be a cat man.
Speaker 2:You want to be a cat man? Okay, how long do you think you're going to?
Speaker 1:last.
Speaker 2:A week. A week.
Speaker 1:A week, a week, that's about it. That's all I got.
Speaker 2:Because if you was on duty on Sunday, you would have had to be up get her ready, that's not being a cat man. Oh no, you would still be you. You would be kept, but you would still have to.
Speaker 1:The roles would be reversed you would have to take care of everything else. What we got today, baby, no don't cut me off.
Speaker 2:You would have to take care of everything else. Do you want to do that? Nope no, what what? You just want to do nothing, you think, you think you just want to do nothing I want to have.
Speaker 1:I want to get up every day with the freedom to do what I want to do. Yeah, when I want to do it, okay, how I want to do it, where I want to do it you can live that life. It's not impossible yeah, okay, well, we got the baby, that's something that you really want, baby, you can go, we got the baby. That's something that you really want, baby.
Speaker 2:Well, we got to cut me off. I'm talking to you, you.
Speaker 1:Ma'am.
Speaker 2:Sir.
Speaker 1:Sir ma'am.
Speaker 2:Sir ma'am, Stop cutting me off.
Speaker 1:Why are you cutting you off?
Speaker 2:You are cutting me off. I was going to say that if that's the life that you want to live, then you need to work towards that life.
Speaker 1:DeMille, I am. That's why I'm here recording this.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm recording this now.
Speaker 2:I don't mean just that. I also feel like it's a state of mind, you know, Because I really thought.
Speaker 1:I really thought you know, I said I married a good one. She got two degrees, I ain't got none.
Speaker 2:She really going to taken care of you.
Speaker 1:Not financially.
Speaker 2:I haven't taken care of you financially.
Speaker 1:No, really, I haven't taken care of you financially. Really, yes.
Speaker 2:I haven't taken care of you financially Ever in our relationship.
Speaker 1:That's in the past.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the present. How are you?
Speaker 2:gonna? You literally just said that I have never taken care of you financially.
Speaker 1:We're talking about the present. First of you wouldn't take care of me. We were chipping in together. No, we were young, figuring it out.
Speaker 2:No, I was pretty much taking care of you for a good little stint, but I didn't mind.
Speaker 1:Apparently you did.
Speaker 2:I knew you were a good man.
Speaker 1:I'm a good man, Savannah.
Speaker 2:I knew he was a good man and that eventually he would come around. Because, let me tell you, it was rough. If he wasn't coming around.
Speaker 1:He was out.
Speaker 2:I was going to be around.
Speaker 1:That sounds about right, because you want to be a whore. What we got, baby, what we got today, boo-boo.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you know the beginning of the month is everyone's favorite reaction videos, our two cents. So we've got a couple of reactions. They're blind reactions to me too, because I haven't even read them either. So we're going to go in like together you and. I at the same time.
Speaker 1:Who selects these reactions?
Speaker 2:Huh.
Speaker 1:You select all these reactions.
Speaker 2:You did too.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yes, but we just never, we just didn't go like through them, you know. So let's see, let's start off with this one, let's see what you think about this one.
Speaker 1:It looks like it disappeared.
Speaker 2:It kind of does look like it disappeared. Huh, Did it disappear on me?
Speaker 1:It did.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, just that quick, huh, it just disappeared on me, guys, let's see.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Let's go with this one. Where is it? Um, okay, here we go. Ready. Am I the asshole for blocking and silently moving on from my cheating fiance?
Speaker 2:I dated my ex-fiance, jose, for five years and we have been engaged for about six real months. We've had a really good relationship. I thought he and I were going to end up being together for the rest of our lives and building a family. To make a long story short, I found out that he had been cheating on me with a coworker for about nine months yes, before the engagement. At first I was beyond mad and my first impulse was to find ways to literally ruin his and hers life. But honestly, after about 16 hours of thinking and crying about it, he was on a work trip. I figured anything I did would be a waste of time and since my goal was to start a family, I felt like I didn't really have any more time to waste on someone else who obviously isn't going to be in my life long-term or short-term. So I just let it go. I packed all my things, asked my dad to help me move back into the family home so I could get situated, and literally just started moving forward with my life. I just let him have anything that was quote-unquote hours. Something about those items seemed formed to me now and I really didn't want to associate with them.
Speaker 2:I left the ring at the house by about halfway through the second day. While I was moving all of my stuff, he started to really push the envelope on getting me on the phone, but I just continued to dodge him. I had to undo some things there were no joint bank accounts but some other accounts and things that we shared that I had to untangle but our lives were pretty much separate by the third day. Still without saying anything to him, I blocked him and asked my parents not to discuss anything with him. I told them they were more than welcome to maintain a relationship with him if they chose, but I asked them not to discuss or talk about me at all. After his week-long business trip he showed up at the house, but I told my dad I had nothing to say to him and to please just make him go away. Now it's been about two weeks and he hasn't been back since, so I've still not talked to him because I've blocked him.
Speaker 2:I feel like I've really made an effort to move on with my life. I'm touring nearby apartments and hope to move in on my own lease by the end of the month. I really just felt like there wasn't anything to talk about and I didn't feel like I owed him or anyone else an explanation about me or moving on. This morning, while discussing my plans and et cetera, my parents basically sat me down and asked me to talk everything over with them. They figured I would regret it in the future that mistakes happened, that without his confession I can't be 100% sure that he cheated. I told them that I didn't really want to waste any more time on the situation and that, while I was being selfish, I didn't think hearing his side would help me in healing in any kind of way. My mom and I got into a pretty heated argument. Eventually she told me she raised a more compassionate and caring daughter than what I was showcasing. What do I owe a cheater? Anything. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:So she didn't have proof that he was cheating, no, Just a hunch. Just well, just hold on. As you guys call it intuition.
Speaker 1:I guess, I mean, if you felt that strongly, I guess you're not an asshole. I mean you did what you thought was better for you. I do think that without solid proof, a conversation should have been had and let him explain himself. If you feel this strongly about it, that you knew in your heart to heart that he was doing something unethical in the relationship, then yeah, I mean you did what you felt you had to do and so you protected yourself mentally and you're moving on with your life, and so I don't think you're ever an asshole for doing what is best for you. What's best for you, that's my, that's my take. That's I don't think you're an an asshole for doing what is best for you what's best for you.
Speaker 1:That's, that's my, that's my take.
Speaker 2:That's um I don't think you're an asshole for doing what's best for you, but I do think that you're being a little bit unreasonable to not at least have a conversation with somebody who you've been in relation with for an extended period of time, who you were engaged to, who you planned on having a family with. I do think that's a little bit bit unfair to not at least have a conversation or get his perspective. Even if you think it's going to be BS, even if you're like hell bent on nope, you cheated, I'm done, I'm ready to leave. I still do think that you owe it to yourself not necessarily owe it to him, but you owe it to yourself to have the conversation with him, allow him the space to explain himself and to kind of talk it out, because you never know like you might have changed your mind or you might have been able to see it through a different scope that you're being a little ridiculous for breaking up with the man and you don't even have solid proof.
Speaker 1:It's the no proof. That kind of gets me Like you can always suspect something because you could be reading into something wrong. Yeah, and it not be what you think it is, but again, like you did what you had to do to protect your mental, so I can't be mad at that. Like you know, you protected yourself.
Speaker 2:But now I'm questioning her mental.
Speaker 1:She might not be all there. Well, you know, it don't matter, she might not be all there, but she's protecting the part that's there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, alright, let's head straight into the next one. This one says would I be the asshole for leaving my 13-year relationship because my boyfriend hasn't proposed yet?
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:Okay, I just had my birthday, my 27th birthday. My boyfriend gifted me a beautiful ring but specified it was not an engagement ring. When I told him he could propose with it, he became weird and silent. I haven't been trying to talk to him about marriage since we both turned 25, but at the same time I'm too young At 26,. I asked again and I was quote, unquote we don't have the money. I always told him he could propose with a ring pop and I would be the happiest person in the world and that I didn't want a big wedding, just close friends and family. But he would always just laugh awkwardly or make jokes. Now I'm 28. We both have good jobs, are happy, I think.
Speaker 2:So I don't know what's up. When I ask him, he says, and I quote, everyone that is married just ends up in divorce. So what's the point? At this point I feel like I'm a placeholder and he's waiting for someone else better to come along. When I discuss that, we always that. He always says that. He says it's not true, but that doesn't reassure me.
Speaker 2:We even started looking at a house and is serious about we even started looking at a house and is serious about that, but I don't know anymore. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to lose him. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to lose him. But marriage is important to me and seeing everyone around me move on with their lives like marriage, buying a home, having kids even though I don't want kids is really making me really bitter. I suggested couples counseling, which he refuses, saying it's a waste of time and money. I also refuse to give him an ultimatum. He keeps saying it will happen, but I don't know anymore. This man is my world, but I don't know anymore. This man is my world, but I don't know if I can sacrifice marriage without feeling resentment. It hasn't already. So would I be the asshole for leaving? I don't know what to do anymore. No, you wouldn't be the asshole for leaving, okay.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing she said 13 years.
Speaker 2:Then she said she was 27 well, she went back and so 13 year relationship. So, um, I guess on her 27th birthday he gave her a ring right and she said that you could propose with this ring, and he was like no, but she's been talking to him about this since age 25, and now she's about to be 28 okay, so that means they were dating in high school more than likely right so my question would be why is the title matter so much to you?
Speaker 1:because the title bear with me, bear with me. Because because the official title doesn't seem to matter that much to him. And then I would also question what is his upbringing? Because maybe he's a child of a divorce and maybe he has trauma behind that and maybe he's seen how that tore apart his family. Because of whatever the case may be, there may be other reasons why he doesn't want to have official titles, because it's clear that you guys have been together 13 years, that he has committed to you. But there may be something behind the curtain that he's not sharing with you of why he's afraid of official titles. Because it seems that you guys are living together as husband and wife and you guys are doing things as a husband and wife. You just don't have the title and the paper of husband and wife.
Speaker 2:No, you just don't have the legality of marriage.
Speaker 1:Okay, and again I don't understand why that's so important.
Speaker 2:It's very important. Because here's the thing you are telling me that I'm good enough to be with. I'm good enough to go into a legally binding contract as far as buying a house. That's going to be a legal contract that we both are signing to. I'm good enough to lay down with you, I'm good enough to lay down and have your babies, but I'm not. But I'm not Okay. And still he didn't say he didn't want babies. But I'm good enough to do all those things, but I'm not quite good enough for you to have a real legal binding like tied to me, or to make the the ultimate commitment to that. That sounds, that sounds a little crazy.
Speaker 2:Now, if it sounds crazy to you I know, but the but, the reason that he's giving her. He's not giving her a sufficient reason. He's telling her the reason why I haven't proposed to you is because the people I do know who have married, they just end up in divorce. So why even go down? Why even go down that that track?
Speaker 1:But who's to say?
Speaker 2:and that's why I said but that's crazy because, yes, you could possibly get divorced, but there's nothing stopping you from actually breaking up. Who's to say that you guys wouldn't be together for the next what seven years, or whatever? Now you're in a 20-year relationship and you break up. It's still going to hurt.
Speaker 2:It's still going to hurt. You're going to have a house together. You possibly could have kids together. She just don't want kids right now. And you've been together for 20 years but you're just not married. That's still going to take a whole hell of a lot of separating 20 years.
Speaker 1:Okay and was. He may not want to make it official on paper legally on paper because he's seen it go wrong so many times and that may be his motivation. I'm not saying that he's wrong or right, because I do also feel like there comes a point to where, if you love your partner enough and you feel like she is the one that you can commit to for a life, the piece of paper shouldn't matter that much. If that's, what if that was? She wants to give her what she wants because you love her. But at the same time, I'm not going to sit here and just neglect his possible, his possible trauma or his possible stance on the on the institution that is marriage.
Speaker 2:Okay, People get foreclosed on at a high rate and all the time, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to buy. No, you can't say that's different. That doesn't stop you from wanting the house. People die every day. That don't stop you from living.
Speaker 1:But because people be getting divorced that don't even seem like a risk I want to take. It is a lot easier to rebuild something monetary than to break your heart, than to have your heart in shambles and rebuild your heart.
Speaker 2:I'm happy you said that because, again, that doesn't make sense. Whether he marries her or not, he's already emotionally invested. Marry her, after being with her for 13 years, after building a life with her, after buying a house with her, after integrating himself into her life and her integrating herself into his life, that the risk of his heart still being broken is not there, absolutely.
Speaker 1:The risk is there, but he's saying that marriage is a catalyst to that road.
Speaker 2:That's what he's saying Whether, whether you get there slow or fast, the possibility listen to what you're saying the possibility is still there. That is quite literally the risk that you take in love. The risk you take in love is the risk that your heart will be broken. It's the risk that you can go through emotional shambles. That's the risk that you take loving a human being.
Speaker 1:Why are you talking with both your hands?
Speaker 2:Because you're.
Speaker 1:Ma'am, I married you.
Speaker 2:No, listen, it's because you're trying to lie and I get it. I'm not trying to just completely dismiss whatever his recourse about getting married is, but what I'm saying is that the points that you are making it doesn't even line up. It doesn't even make sense.
Speaker 1:It doesn't line up to you.
Speaker 2:No, it doesn't line up.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you the thoughts of a man.
Speaker 2:Okay, it doesn't line up. It doesn't, but okay We'll agree to disagree because under no circumstances does it make sense.
Speaker 1:Because he's playing the odds.
Speaker 2:No, he's waiting for something else, because if they break up and he runs into another girl and then that's going to be the love of his life, I bet you he won't hesitate to propose to her After 13 years. Is he waiting for something else? He probably is, because I don't understand what the hesitation is.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm done.
Speaker 2:I don't. What's the hesitation I told?
Speaker 1:you. Okay, here's the thing you don't know what his trauma is.
Speaker 2:What made you propose to me at 19? I loved you. That was it.
Speaker 1:But I've always wanted a family.
Speaker 2:That was it.
Speaker 1:I've always wanted a family.
Speaker 2:Okay, but you can still get a family without having a wife.
Speaker 1:But I was raised in a household with a married couple and I wanted to be married.
Speaker 2:Okay, then do you think why did you want to be married?
Speaker 1:Because that's what I grew up seeing.
Speaker 2:Okay, so you only wanted to be married because that's what was modeled to you.
Speaker 1:Because I thought that was the right way to do things.
Speaker 2:Okay, and if you could have just been with me without ever marrying me? Do you think that's the?
Speaker 1:life that you wanted. No, because that's not who I am.
Speaker 2:That's not what you wanted, right.
Speaker 1:That's not who I am. Okay, but I see what you're trying to do, no.
Speaker 2:I see what you're trying to do and it's okay, because I know you hate to give me like, you hate to like me, like. Yes, you have a point, babe. I understand, I see what you're doing, but it's okay. It's okay. I'm still going to ask my questions. I know what you're doing, I can see it. I can see it.
Speaker 1:I'm speaking for myself.
Speaker 2:Is it safe to say that, like a man knows when he wants to like be married or have the inkling, like the feeling, the notion?
Speaker 1:Again, I cannot speak for all men. I know, I'm just saying generally, I think it's safe to say that a man knows when he has undying feelings for one person.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And that doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to be married to that person.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Because, again, we all have different upbringings, we all have different traumas, we all have different things that we model our life after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:So, again, that's why I said, if he comes from a situation to where he's divorced, shattered his family, that may be a reason why he doesn't want to go down that road. And again, when I talked about for myself, I was raised by a couple that was together 65 years into death. So this is what I modeled my life after and I've been with you 20, and I don't think I'm going to make it to 65.
Speaker 2:You're not going to make it to 65?.
Speaker 1:Not the way you acting.
Speaker 2:I mean.
Speaker 1:I might make it to 64.
Speaker 2:Really, you get on my nerves. Okay, let's go into the next one, because you're trying it, I'm trying it. Listen to this one. How do I gently explain to my girlfriend that she needs to clean her butt more thoroughly?
Speaker 1:You ain't gotta wash your whole ass.
Speaker 2:But you gots to wash your asshole. You got to wash the asshole guys. This is getting ridiculous, really. Okay, how do I gently explain to my girlfriend that she needs to clean her butt more thoroughly? Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a year and it's been great. She's sweet and caring and is usually understanding.
Speaker 2:The problem, however, is her hygiene, and it seems to be getting worse. It started a few weeks ago when, having intercourse, I noticed that she would have a speck of poop under her butthole. At first, I didn't mention it. It only had happened once. Over the weeks, though, it happened more and more often. Recently, when I went to do the laundry, I noticed a pretty big stain on the towel. Figuring that it was becoming an issue, I decided to have the awkward talk with her a few days ago.
Speaker 2:This didn't go down well. Basically, the towel incident was because of diarrhea and that, since she couldn't control that, there was nothing she could do. When I explained to her that this issue has been going on for a while, she came with a different explanation. Apparently, she can't ever feel when she's about to fart, and when she farts, poop comes out. I tried explaining that if this is the case, then she needs to clean herself every time.
Speaker 2:She then told me that she found the whole conversation irrelevant. As since it's already do, as since she's already doing her best, there should be nothing more to talk about. Seeing as was clearly an embarrassing topic for her, I decided to change the subject. Yesterday, when we were about to be intimate, there was a large skid mark in her underpants and her butt was filled with pieces of poop. I had to find an excuse to get out of the bedroom and naturally naturally isn't too interested in intercourse at that moment. Is there any way I can gently explain that she needs better hygiene without offending her and her shutting down in the conversation, because I'm honestly at my wit's end?
Speaker 1:ain't nothing you can do, pam. Just her pride is on the line. But that's some nasty shit no pun intended she said she lied to you and told you that she's shorted and she can't control it. She can't control it.
Speaker 2:She can't control it she? What if she can't? Don't, don't short, shame her come on now.
Speaker 1:You know damn well. You know when she bought the fort some people don't wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. Is this the same man who just explained to me that you can't control when your fart is about to come out? What?
Speaker 1:I'm saying is. What I'm saying is you know when, you know when you might not know. You might not know when the fart is coming, but you know when there's some thunder behind that.
Speaker 2:You may not know.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:No, really, for real. You may not know unfortunately, my man.
Speaker 1:This is just uncomfortable, uncomfortable. I don't know what I was saying. She got this the the, the shit, the shit, shame the shit marks in the pen has got me, um, unfortunately, young man, this is a conversation. This is a conversation that, uh, it's, it's not going to be young man, it's not going to be comfortable, it's a shitty situation. It really is, I don't know. I mean, I don't blame you for not wanting to be. If I saw shit, I'm out, clean that.
Speaker 2:I feel like I just got an idea.
Speaker 1:I could never be intimate with you orally. Ever, ever, ever Ever.
Speaker 2:Oh, I think that's what he was saying, because he said he saw little crumbs above her butt crack. And then here's a fun fact though. Maybe she's not wiping it correctly A fun fact when you fart particles of poop do come out. Okay, but every time? No, every time. Every time you fart particles of poop do come out.
Speaker 1:Okay, but every time.
Speaker 2:No, every time. Every time you fart particles of poop. That's why you shouldn't fart in your clothes.
Speaker 1:I would say this, I would say this sir, just always shower before.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, you both can shower before you both can shower, like if you know it's about to go down.
Speaker 1:just be like hey, babe, let's hop in the shower real quick I made you right and that part I made you and you made me just casually throw on some ass wiping youtube videos for kids.
Speaker 2:I was gonna for kids marie, I mean because, yes, they'll make it for you said that because I I literally just went through a whole training session right with our six year old. I literally just did a whole training session. I was like if you're sitting on the toilet, do not stand up and try to wipe your butt. Sit down with our six year old. I literally just did a whole training session.
Speaker 1:I was like if you're sitting on the toilet, do not stand up and try to wipe your butt.
Speaker 2:Sit down and wipe your butt.
Speaker 1:Let her know that she has to Keep wet wipes on the back of the toilet. Wet wipes.
Speaker 2:And just like let her know just say hey babe, like even when you go pee, even when you go pee, hit up, hit up the back porch.
Speaker 1:Maybe invest in a bidet.
Speaker 2:Actually, that's an excellent idea. Everyone really should have a bidet.
Speaker 1:Lord knows, but what?
Speaker 2:if she don't use it. I mean, you can leave the horse in the water, but you can't make him drink.
Speaker 1:I got one dime to see shitty panties Look here.
Speaker 2:You see shitty panties.
Speaker 1:From you, not my daughter. Oh, you meant for me. I hold women to a higher you see, shitty pennies. I'm from you, not my daughter. Oh, you meant for me.
Speaker 2:I hold women to a higher standard have you ever been to a public women's restroom? It's disgusting you shouldn't hold nobody to no standard, because the way women be living in that bathroom is ridiculous but I understand why it's disgusting, because they're all in there squatting.
Speaker 1:They ain't got any. They squatting because they don't want to sit in that seat.
Speaker 2:Then obviously they didn't go through the right training course.
Speaker 1:But that shit just nasty. Look here You're supposed to be the cleaner species, the cleaner sex of the species. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 2:I done met some raunchies in my life.
Speaker 1:I mean, I have too.
Speaker 2:I done met some wrong people.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you this right now on camera and do audio so they can hear this, If I ever ever, ever, ever, ever ever see a shit crumb on you.
Speaker 2:On me, on me.
Speaker 1:Yes on you.
Speaker 2:Can't do it.
Speaker 1:It's over.
Speaker 2:Can't do it.
Speaker 1:That part of it. Now I feel like I'm finna prank you. You can prank me all you want that part. Now I feel like I'm going to prank you. You ain't going to like it Because it's over.
Speaker 2:What if I see his shit stain on you?
Speaker 1:I'm a man, it's understandable.
Speaker 2:Oh no, absolutely not, absolutely not. I understand, I'm a man. No, no, I don't want to see no type of skin marks in your drawers.
Speaker 1:Think about it. I'm the same guy that showers after he shits.
Speaker 2:Yeah he does. My husband is and he doesn't. He physically can't like poop a lot of places and so when he's at home and if he poops he gets right, he immediately gets in the shower. Poop is where you draw the line. Where I draw the line, it's too much.
Speaker 1:You draw the line. Where I draw the line, it's too much.
Speaker 2:So the line is poop.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That's good to know. I don't think I knew that about you babe.
Speaker 1:What you got next.
Speaker 2:This one says Am I the asshole for postponing our wedding because my fiance wants to have pictures of her late husband in it?
Speaker 1:That's what? No, okay, this has been an episode. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this.
Speaker 2:My fiance and I have been together for about three years. We got engaged six months ago. We were doing some planning and she mentioned quote where do you think Late husband's name Pictures should go? I was confused and asked her for clarity. She said she wants her late husband's picture at the wedding. She went into more detail at my request. She wants one of her bridesmaids to hold his picture during the ceremony as well as having his picture on our table and when taking pictures. She wants to hold him in most of our pictures. I told her that I didn't want that and, while I understand he's important to her, I'd feel uncomfortable with his picture in our wedding, especially when they're so prominent. We got into a fight and she yelled quote I can't believe you're this jealous. He's effing dead. What do you think I'm going to do F him at our wedding? I decided to postpone the wedding and honestly, I'm thinking of calling it off altogether.
Speaker 1:Run for the hills. My man, this is a red flag. You think so. This is a big red, the man is dead. Right, the man. And she wants to.
Speaker 2:She held up her end of the bargain.
Speaker 1:But this is not his day.
Speaker 2:But I think maybe she, like you know, I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't like we wouldn't be here.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you this, if I asked you, I said, I said. I said I want, I want. Every time we take a picture, I want to hold a picture of my ex so that she's here.
Speaker 2:Is she dead?
Speaker 1:I don't think she is oh.
Speaker 2:No, I mean I'm like hypothetical. I know your ex isn't dead, but yeah, she's dead.
Speaker 1:Okay, Hypothetically she's dead, but if she was alive I would be with her. I wouldn't be here with you.
Speaker 2:Right, because it's only because she's gone that I'm here with you.
Speaker 1:So you need to appreciate her the way I appreciate her and we were great friends, so would you be okay with that? Maybe, You're lying.
Speaker 2:You're a sack of shit, you're lying, you're lying. You're a sack of shit.
Speaker 1:You're lying to your team. You know damn well you would not be okay with that this is wild is it though I've heard, people do crazier things what's next? She gonna ask him. She gonna ask her, her dead husband's father, to give her away. What's next? This is some weird shit I mean run for the hills, my man I mean that's wild run, run, run, sir. Please run from the hills why, this is that's wild, I mean you okay with that?
Speaker 2:I'm not okay with it, to be honest with you. I'm just like I'm really teasing you. Um, I think like, okay, maybe if they had I don't know if they had kids or anything I'm gonna assume they had kids. Let's just play some hypotheticals. They had children and like they saved a seat for him, because you know, I've seen that at weddings where they had a seat for, like, the spouse or the grandmother or the grandfather, I've seen that. But to go as far as saying that you want him on y'all's table the bridesmaid to hold a picture and then when y'all take y'all pictures, you want him in y'all's pictures, is a bit excessive thank you.
Speaker 2:Next one it's a bit excessive it's giving he can get a seat. I wouldn't now that I wouldn't mind, like if you're, if you, if you like, were married pictures no, I'm saying, but if you were married and you wanted to have a seat that had a picture of your, it wouldn't be your ex, like if you didn't divorce your deceased first wife and you wanted a picture of her in a seat at the ceremony.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she could sit back there. She could sit in the last row next to Cousin Busy.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't put her in the last row. I wouldn't put her in the last row. That's weird, that's disrespectful. She can be in the front row.
Speaker 1:This ain't got nothing to do with her, no more. Or him, next one. This is some weird shit. Say it with me one more time.
Speaker 2:Okay, am I the asshole for not buying my wife a plane ticket, so she is missing the family vacation.
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:Bye, Maurice.
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:Okay, really, because memories not at all. Okay really, really. Sometimes you need a vacation from her. Here we go. My wife is horrible with money. At the beginning of our marriage we pulled out money together and she would use all of it. Her job it pays shit compared to mine. So when we combined the money she went crazy. I had many conversations with her over and even tried to get her to take money uh, to take money financial classes. Over time time it got worse and worse. About a year ago I learned she was in bad credit card debt. I gave her the choice of divorce or we could separate the money and she fixed what needs to be fixed on her debt ASAP, to her credit. She took it seriously and she is fixing her credit card debt. We have separate money and I pay for the bills, while her only worry is to buy groceries.
Speaker 2:My family has a big vacation coming up and everybody's invited. The trip is to Europe and the plane tickets are going to be costly about $1,000 plus. My parents are going to pay for the resort, so the only we only need wait. My parents are going to pay for the resort, so the only thing that needs to be paid is the plane tickets and fund money for the trip I plan on going. She informed me that she will not be able to afford the ticket. I point out that the trip is in about four months, so she could have time to save up. She informed me that she needs to use it for her credit card debt in order to get it paid off. I told her okay and I'll inform the family so that she can't make it. This started an argument and I'm not willing to pay for her ticket and me going on vacation without her. I told her this is her own fault and if she was responsible with money, that she would be able to go. Am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:Yes, I was on his side at first.
Speaker 2:At first you were like nope, Nope, I was on his side, Uh-huh.
Speaker 1:And then and then, and then, and then, and then. He admitted that she's working on it and that she's gotten better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's physically paying her debt off, Right?
Speaker 1:So like she's probably extended to the point to where she's putting everything outside of the groceries towards her debt. Because that was the agreement and she legit doesn't have the money to buy the ticket. Mm-hmm, and it's your wife. Why are it's?
Speaker 2:and especially because you're not paying for the resort, my dude he trying to teach her a lesson and he said had you been better with your money when something came up that you really wanted to do?
Speaker 1:you wouldn't have the money to do it. He trying to get to Europe so he can go to the brothels and he ain't gonna be caught if his wife ain't there. Let's call it what it is. What is it?
Speaker 2:babe.
Speaker 1:He trying to get some European cutty.
Speaker 2:Some European cutty Some cut. I mean, I would just play the role of like if you can't buy me a ticket to go as your wife. I don't want you to go.
Speaker 1:You could do that, or you could just put that ticket on a credit card.
Speaker 2:Right, I would show up at the airport. I wouldn't even tell him, I would just show up at the airport and be like surprise snitches. And he'll be like right and he'll be like how did you pay for your plane ticket?
Speaker 2:Don't worry about that You're leaving me to my vices to pay off my debt. So don't worry about how I manage my debt, pimp. If I'm still paying on the debt, I'm going to still use the debt. So don't worry about me, pimp, you don't care anyway. You don't care anyway, and I wish you would try to throw divorce in my face. I wish you would try to throw divorce in my face Because I'm going to be quick to try to go after your money to pay my debt off quicker.
Speaker 1:Oh, I have some points.
Speaker 2:I used the credit card so much and I just had so many points wrapped up. I had so many points left over, left over. I wouldn't even tell him, I wouldn't say anything to him. I would show up at the airport the day that the family is leaving and be like surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise, because the first thing he's going to say is how did you pay for the ticket?
Speaker 1:Not your concern, sir.
Speaker 2:Our money is separate.
Speaker 1:Our money is no longer together. If that man can't buy you a ticket, sprinkle, sprinkle.
Speaker 2:What does that mean, gosh?
Speaker 1:Sprinkle, sprinkle, you don't know. Sprinkle, sprinkle, drizzle, drizzle. This has been another episode of life after I do.
Speaker 2:I can't sprinkle, sprinkle. I can't. But yeah, I think that is. I think that is kind of messed up and I'm really proud of you for switching your response once you heard the details.
Speaker 1:Only because she's working on it. I feel like you got to give people credit for working on it, Like you came to her with an issue. She listened and she changed her ways and she's working on it and she's telling you I can't afford to do this because it's going to hinder me working on the problem that we had.
Speaker 2:Well, no the problem.
Speaker 1:He said that she had and so like if you can't have empathy and sympathy for your wife in that moment because she's doing what she can to keep their marriage together.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I feel like you're an asshole, yeah.
Speaker 2:Because at least you could have said you know what? Babe, I see you working hard and I appreciate that you're taking this so serious. I'm going to make sure that you go Like we're going to enjoy ourselves.
Speaker 1:We're going to go on a family vacation, Plus me personally, Like any chance I got to get to put my wife over a balcony, I don't care what the country is.
Speaker 2:Goodbye, I'm done. I probably would have asked you once and like, oh hey, babe, do you think you can buy my plane ticket for the family vacation? And when you said no, I would have went and sat at the computer, got one of those mini credit cards, been like, let me sit down and get my ticket, and then I just would have told you OK, I booked my flight. Yeah, I know, I booked my flight, okay, oh, that was a good one that was wild that was really wild.
Speaker 2:Alright, guys, this has been another episode of life after I do podcast. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms TikTok, instagram, facebook, onlypans, youtube. We do not have an OnlyPans that life after I do podcast.
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