Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Staying Connected
Ever wondered how to keep romance alive amidst the chaos of parenthood? Join Nesha G and Moelethal as they share their heartwarming journey through marriage and parenting. Enjoy laughs over a funny story involving watermelon seeds and hear about balancing household duties, quirky moments with their daughter, and efforts to carve out quality time together. Tune in for a candid conversation full of love, laughs, and real-life parenting struggles.
I get to sit here and have a conversation with my wife about random things. Yeah, you know, sometimes she's attacking me. Sometimes we're having general conversations.
Speaker 3:I don't mean to attack you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes she comes on here just to try to air me out so the internet can side with her. She looks forward to the comments and sees how many people are going to side with her.
Speaker 3:It is what it is. I don't really care who sides with me. Yeah, you do. I know I have a different thought process on a lot of things Do you, I don't really care, I'm on. Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, nisha G, and I'm here with my husband. This is when I take my water break.
Speaker 1:Bolito.
Speaker 3:Hey baby, hey Bosques, how you doing.
Speaker 1:I am refreshed.
Speaker 3:Oh, you have'm on your face, let's see.
Speaker 1:What is it oh?
Speaker 3:no.
Speaker 1:Looks like a wingworm. Don't play my life. Don't play my life, don't play my life.
Speaker 3:I knew if I said that, you'd have been like what. You just mad because your beard ain't luxurious like mine? No, I just did mine. Can you tell I got rid of it today? What? You just mad because your beard ain't luxurious like mine? No, I just did mine. Can you tell I got rid of it today? I did my mustache, I did my eyebrows.
Speaker 3:How you doing briskies, I'm good. Can you tell for real that I did my mustache? I can never tell Because you know it doesn't grow in super thick It'd be like thin, it's patchy, it's not patchy. I do not have a patchy mustache. Don't even play my life Patchy. Don't even play my life. You know what I mean. I'm even across the board.
Speaker 1:Don't it, definitely don't match the great drapes. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:I'm happy you're feeling refreshed.
Speaker 1:I'm happy you're feeling refreshed. I know you've had a heck of a week. We're not talking about that?
Speaker 3:How was your week? How was your week?
Speaker 1:I don't want to relive the trauma.
Speaker 3:It's not traumatic. You just had a long week at work.
Speaker 1:It was a really long week.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, it was just. I felt for you. It was just mishap after mishap causing me to work longer than I wanted to every day. Now let me ask you something when you feel like you are having a day where everything is going wrong, do you continuously be like in that negative headspace, and if so, do you think that perpetuates more negativity?
Speaker 1:to come your way. First of all, this is not part of the podcast. I'm asking you and I would say Like, if something wrong, not always. Sometimes I try to like, okay, let's see the positive.
Speaker 3:Just take it for what it is.
Speaker 1:And sometimes it works and sometimes it don't.
Speaker 3:It didn't work last week.
Speaker 1:It didn't Not at all.
Speaker 3:It didn't work.
Speaker 1:That's why I had to take the mental health day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but at least when you had broke down you were close to home. That made it worse. No, it At least when you had broke down.
Speaker 1:you were close to home. That made it worse? No, it didn't.
Speaker 3:Because I came and I met you to bring you your medicine.
Speaker 1:It made it worse for me. Oh, because you knew you were so close to home, I was like I can lock this truck and just go home and be done for the day.
Speaker 3:No, you couldn't do that, you'd probably lose your job.
Speaker 1:I could have took an Uber right home.
Speaker 3:Right. Well right home, right. Well, you wouldn't have to take an uber home.
Speaker 1:I would have picked you up. He was cooking, he was around the corner. He was around the corner. But other than that, my week was good. Yeah, other than those first three days, just it was. Just I, just it was. I think I ended up working something like I don't know, something like 28 hours no not 28 hours, it was like 20 I thought it was like 24.
Speaker 3:It was like 24 or 26 or something.
Speaker 1:It was like 24 hours in the first two days and I was at like 37 by day three and I was like, yeah, I got one more day of this and I'm done.
Speaker 3:And I'm going to tap out and I'm done. But it kind of throws the week off, though, because you're normally off on Friday and Saturday, and then you were off Thursday, friday, saturday and then, when I'm home, y'all act like y'all got to be bougie, our wrists are broken.
Speaker 1:Y'all act like y'all, bougie. And now it's Thursday. I'm like okay, you cooking, you home, I'm not going to cook, but you will eat. And then here come my bougie daughter. Dad, can you take me to pho and can I have pancake restaurant? I said she's. At one point she said I just want to sit down somewhere.
Speaker 3:I said who are you Like? When we went to dinner she was like. She was like we weren't going to go. Well, we were going to a restaurant, but we didn't tell her. Like we were going to sit down or anything. She goes, but can we go inside the restaurant and sit down? Yes, phoenix, we can go inside the restaurant. Now she don't want to go to stores, she don't want to go shopping, but she likes to sit down at restaurants.
Speaker 1:She'll sit down at a restaurant and eat all day.
Speaker 3:If I be like, okay, let's go to Target.
Speaker 1:Unless she's getting something, she'll be like I'll be, like okay, well, like, let's go to. If I say we go into the makeup store, she'll go there. No, but after that the funniest thing is when you take her to hobby lobby oh, she can't stand.
Speaker 3:She can't stand, michael. She don't like any of my craft stores, like when I go to the vinyl shop. She don't like any of that.
Speaker 1:She'd be like oh my god when she asked you if she could stay in the car that's how she do like even when to Simply Blended.
Speaker 3:I was like she's the one who asked me. She was like Mom, can we get an acai bowl? I was like, yeah, we can get one. She was like, but I'm going to stay in the car. How are you going to request something and not even get up to go get it?
Speaker 1:She said it's above me now, and then she was like get an extra spoon so we can share.
Speaker 3:You didn't put in on this.
Speaker 1:How was your week, Boski?
Speaker 3:My week was again mid. I'm coming out of it, though I can feel myself coming out of it. I was getting a little bit more energy when I was cleaning up the kitchen and stuff and I told Phoenix to go upstairs and get my headphones. I was like, get my headphones because I needed to finish the pod, like listen to my podcast and stuff and, like you know, it's Friday.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought you was down here listening to Kevin Gates.
Speaker 3:No, I was down here listening to my podcast, my murder podcast and stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh, so I was getting hype.
Speaker 3:That sounds weird, like I was getting hype off murder. Yeah, off of murder.
Speaker 1:Yes, that, yes, that's what you said.
Speaker 3:I meant that like my energy was coming back because we had also had breakfast, so like I had some really good potatoes for breakfast, so I was feeling good instead of feeling sluggish, y'all spoiled man.
Speaker 1:Y'all are spoiled rotten. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 3:And then I put on my headphones and I was listening to like my murder podcast and stuff and I was like, okay, like let's get into the groove of things.
Speaker 1:So I was like I got some energy, let me knock this out.
Speaker 3:So I felt good, I'm happy you felt better because I will, I'm coming out of it.
Speaker 1:I didn't say like I felt better, I'm happy you're starting to feel better, because I was looking at you over this past week and I was like she just ain't got it this week. She ain't got it but.
Speaker 3:I tell you, lump on a log.
Speaker 1:She ain't got it.
Speaker 3:Lump on a log.
Speaker 1:Look here y'all. When I come home like two, three days straight and my wife is wearing the same shirt, I say, yeah, it's one of them weeks, like she pretty much said, they gonna get the virginal kind of shit they get.
Speaker 3:Hey, you know, when I get like that, what I think to myself is as long as y'all are fed and y'all are safe, as long as we got the bare minimum we'll be happy. But that's all I have to give. And it really bugs me because the way my brain works is in my head. No joke. In my head I'm like, okay, let's do this, we're going to do this, we're going to do this Cause you know, I'm a list person, so like I'll do like in my head I'll write it'll write it out.
Speaker 3:I'm like, okay, this is what we need to get done today, but I don't. Oh sorry, but I don't be having enough juice in the tank or gas in the tank, and so I end up tiring myself out from the tasks in my head and then I only get to like one or two things, but I make sure to prioritize those things, like you know dinner.
Speaker 1:So what you're saying is you got here a Tesla with 30 battery.
Speaker 3:Huh, it was rough it was rough like I had to look when I passed by myself it was rough. I passed by myself in the mirror and I was like, oh girl, I didn't, I wasn't gonna say that I wasn't going to say that Girl, I wasn't going to say that I know you not talking. I wasn't going to say that I know you not talking. I know you not talking.
Speaker 1:I said well, maybe you're going through something. I ain't going to say that I ain't going to miss it. I said I'm going to get rid of it until about Saturday.
Speaker 3:Yeah, see.
Speaker 1:And I'm starting to. I'm feeling it and it's coming back.
Speaker 3:I knew you were feeling with that stunt you pulled earlier with the watermelon. What stunt? What? Because I was eating the watermelon with my fingers and where were you placing the seeds? Oh, I was putting the. I was putting the watermelon seeds in your belly button you're doing too much your belly button is like the perfect little pocket.
Speaker 1:It's not for watermelon seeds.
Speaker 3:I know, but I got them out, it's just for the time being, I didn't have anywhere to put the seeds.
Speaker 1:We're sitting there.
Speaker 3:And I'm looking at your belly button. I was like his belly button's, like a perfect little cup.
Speaker 1:We're laying on the couch eating watermelon together conutally.
Speaker 3:And I was laying in between his legs.
Speaker 1:And I'm like what is on my stomach and I said I know you are not putting I was putting the watermelon seeds in.
Speaker 3:I am not Beyonce. Goodbye, goodbye.
Speaker 1:Don't do that to me.
Speaker 3:What your belly button is like a cup.
Speaker 2:It's like it literally is like a perfect little cup.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're done. So I was just putting the seeds. It was like an ashtray what we got today.
Speaker 3:I was just putting them in there.
Speaker 1:What we got today.
Speaker 3:Oh, because we're done with this one you don't want to finish telling me you had a bad week, okay.
Speaker 1:It wasn't bad, it just wasn't great.
Speaker 3:But it's getting better, right, as long as. I got paid Because you're with me and Fi.
Speaker 1:So now it's automatically better. I've been wanting to play. You know that's how I'm stuck.
Speaker 3:Is that the one where you got the free trial?
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I got to try that. To talk about the game, yeah.
Speaker 3:He's like I got three more hours left. How many hours did they give you as? A free trial yeah, just enough to get you hooked, yeah, but just not enough to.
Speaker 1:I was hooked. What?
Speaker 3:game, is it? You didn't see that boy, oh I don't think I can play games like that.
Speaker 1:You can't play football games, mm-mm.
Speaker 3:Okay, I like the shooter games that you be having, but I just can't play them for long periods at a time because, legit, everything starts to look the same, like my eyes can't differentiate, like it really can't.
Speaker 1:Your eyes can what? Differentiate you know, I know how to say it. You're just trying to trip me up Y'all. She pulled at me. She always get on me when I can't say certain things.
Speaker 3:I do not get on you. I know what you mean. I don't get on you, but yes, my eyes just mesh everything together?
Speaker 1:Yeah, can't tell the difference, huh.
Speaker 3:That's what we're going to say.
Speaker 1:Can't tell the difference. No, I can't tell the difference, okay we'll get to that.
Speaker 3:Um, I feel like this, like I've never oh my bad, never turned my phone off, my bad. Um, this clip is the truest thing that I have heard in a while. Okay, and when I heard it I was like oh yeah, Let me play that for him to get his perspective and to see if he agrees. All right, Okay, you ready? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Nobody tells you, when you have kids, how much you're going to miss your partner. Nobody talks about that. You better stop preaching here. Nobody talks about that.
Speaker 1:We going to church. Is that what we doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, come on now, and my wife Rachel and I have gone through this episode, yes, sir, and we have a three and a half year old and a one and a half year old, and so we've kind of done it twice in the last four years where you have to, like, redefine yourself, yeah, and you get so stuck trying to take care of this, this being, this human being, and all of your oxytocin is focused on this point that you forget to point any of it at each other. Yes, and this is where that parallel living comes up and it takes active intervention to prevent it. Like you can't just keep, there's no, there's no bird out.
Speaker 1:Wow Facts. What he said was a hundred percent facts. Right A hundred percent facts.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:And it's weird because it happens. It happens without you noticing what's happening.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like you have a child and now everything is devoted to the well-being of the child Every action, every spare moment, especially when the newborn it's every three hours of this. It's 20,000 diaper changes. It's uh five or six uh times you gotta uh change the clothes. I mean, I think that's the point. Now we just say no adult leaving her and leave her in her diaper and put a bib on her because we're not going to keep ruining these clothes. And then we got to the point where we only put on clothes, just so we wouldn't waste the clothes with new tags. Yeah so, but it is, it is fact. I think, even now that our child is older, it's we still have to be mindful of when we haven't spent time with one another.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, because we get so lost in the, in the experience of being parents, and you know the, the dot, the daunting task which is her schedule yeah because I was talking to my, my sister, today and I was saying, well, I mean, it's kind of hard for us to plan anything because everything we do is dictated by her schedule. Right, we want to make sure she's at all of her things. So what he was saying I agree with no one. That was one part of parenting no one prepared me for, I didn't know about, and I think I just got to the point. I mean, I get to the point now where I call him. I'm like I miss you. Yeah, we do that.
Speaker 3:Like.
Speaker 1:I miss you, Like I don't miss the family, Like I miss you.
Speaker 3:We got a lot of the family.
Speaker 1:It's just you. I miss you.
Speaker 3:Like if I can get a couple days without her yeah. And then like the times when we do get like a date or we can squeeze some time in and we're having a good time, it would be like oh, I still like you. Yeah, like for real, you still real cool people. Like, yeah, you still cool people.
Speaker 1:That happens all the time and it's, it's like, and it's something you don't realize that's important, until it's an issue. Because I do feel like whenever we're butting heads often, or whenever we just can't seem to be on the same page, or short tempered. It's just like it's our body saying hey, y'all need to go get in that bubble we haven't had.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we call it bubble time. We haven't had bubble time. Getting that bubble, like when you start irritating me like every, because I know, I know for me, it's when every little thing really starts to get to me, like, even if you take a deep breath. If you're in a bed and you take a deep breath or something, I'd be like what you taking such a deep breath.
Speaker 1:for Let me tell y'all something. I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday she popped up. I was getting ready for work. She popped up in the bed and said well, why are you walking so hard?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was walking. He was walking hella hard through the house and I was like, seriously, some of us are trying to sleep and you are walking. Like each leg weighs 250 each. I couldn't understand it. I was like what are you? I'm just regularly walking. You were not regularly walking. You were walking so heavy and I was like I pre-prepped your breakfast so that I didn't have to get up at the same time, and then I still ended up being awakened because you were walking so damn heavy.
Speaker 1:But at the same time I wasn't bothering you.
Speaker 3:You weren't bothering me because you woke me up.
Speaker 1:Okay Well, I was just walking around trying to get ready, I was trying to be as quiet as possible. I had I literally I got everything together. I got dressed, I went, I had extra time, I went downstairs, got, you know, packed my lunch and stuff that you had put together, put everything together, Got grabbed my breakfast. I heard that too. Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:So I guess, I guess I was like this cat is really trying to ruin the 30 minutes I saved myself. He is really right. I can't have nothing like in my brain. I was like I can't have nothing. I can't even have my 30 minutes that I tried to carve out.
Speaker 1:That's how I felt last night. When I was trying to relax, he was like can you use a massage gun on me?
Speaker 3:My back was hurting.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm just trying to relax.
Speaker 3:I mean you still got to relax.
Speaker 1:It was interrupted.
Speaker 3:Oh well, you should have told me. I told you, you could tell me no.
Speaker 1:Didn't I say that I was like, just tell me, no, too much of a tan.
Speaker 3:Just tell me no, but yeah, it's the truth. And I think you know, for fee, right, and it's like you go through this, this stage where it's just us two. Right, we were coming and going as we please, we would go out, we would do our thing, like whatever it was. Then we moved into the stage where it's like, okay, we've made the decision that we want to have kids and now we're going to actively try to have kids, and so there was like a whole nother level of bonding there, right, Because it's like we are, like we're, we're, we have a purpose, you know.
Speaker 3:Then we get pregnant, and then there's a whole nother level of bonding there, because it's like it's our first child. It's really exciting. We're both experiencing something new. It's like, you know, I'll have a pregnant wife or my husband's here. I'm pregnant, like it's like a whole different thing, right. Then the baby comes and then it's like your whole world is kind of turned upside down for a little bit, and then you both are experiencing things that you have never experienced before, right. And then, like, as time goes by and you're raising the child or you're interacting with the child, like you said, it's something that you don't really notice that happens, it's just your being and your body and your mind just becomes attuned to all your energy putting into the child right.
Speaker 3:Like making sure the child's fed, making sure the child is safe, making sure you know, and then, as they get older, it's like all the things, like making sure they're in a great school, making sure they get what they need, making sure you know the people they're around, and it's just like a constant consumption of worrying about the kid.
Speaker 2:You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean. And so I feel like that's why it's so easy for it to happen where, if you don't, if you're not conscious about it, or if you're not intentional about making sure you're constantly cultivating the relationship with your partner, you can look up after like five years, 10 years, and be like I don't know who you are. Look at this stranger, look at the stranger. There's a stranger here, you know. And then not only that, you topple that with the individual changes that each person is going through, right, like you're having a whole life experience and I'm having a whole life experience and I'm having a whole life experience.
Speaker 3:And if we don't come together to kind of like tune in with each other and catch up and, like me, being in tune with what you've got going on or how you're changing, or how your perspectives are changing in life, or how your views are changing in life, then it's like you start to grow apart, like I think that's literally what growing apart can be and can look like. And it's like, at some point, before you get that far I think everyone has that moment where it's like I miss my partner, like I do I miss you, I miss you calling up or like me calling up and being like okay, be ready by seven.
Speaker 1:Like we're going to go out. See, that's something that irritates me. It irritates me too, because I feel like, even when we get the time together, we're talking about her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but remember last time when we went out for my birthday. What was it? Was it this past year when we went to Dwayne's and we were, like we said to ourselves in the car?
Speaker 1:We're not going to talk about her In the car.
Speaker 3:We are not talking about her. We're not going to look at pictures, we're not going to talk about what we're doing for the next season of anything. We're not going to talk about nothing.
Speaker 1:This is strictly about me and you.
Speaker 3:But the fact that we even had to have that conversation, it was a problem. That's the problem, right.
Speaker 1:That was the problem. It's something that we can't, it's something that we can't switch off. It's like we're constantly thinking and talking about our child because, let's just be honest. She's the majority of our life right now, like she is the sole purpose of, she's the sole reason, I should say, of why we do what we do, like we're trying everything in our power to make the best create the best challenges for her, for her.
Speaker 1:Because you know, we want her to experience things that we didn't experience and have things that we didn't have, and so forth and so on. So it's like it's really hard to like see the disconnect when you're, when you're in the moment.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it is like something like when I see it, I'm like look here, because I got to watch myself. Sometimes, when I'm like I'm looking at her, like look, you in a way are me and my wife and I need you to go.
Speaker 3:But you know what, when you say that too, I think that's why she always tries to be like involved in our relationship so much. Because even when she's having a moment where she's like flip mouthed or she's being disrespectful, you're always like do not disrespect my wife, you know what I mean. And you like apologize to my wife, like you very rarely. You're like you don't talk that way to your mother, like you might say that, but you're usually like don't speak that way to my wife or you're not going to disrespect my wife because you were my wife, right, and so with her.
Speaker 3:I think that's why she's always like oh, when I get a husband, oh, I can't wait to have a husband and mom when I'm going to be a wife. And I'm always like girl like you, barely seven, just calm down. But I think when you verbalize things like that to her in her mind it's almost like okay, when I get older, my husband is going to like, protect me, like that you know what I mean. Like I think, oh, so, but I think for her, I'm assuming, but I think for her, that's what happens in her mind, you know.
Speaker 3:But when we have conversations, while we were talking about the vacation, like you and I going on a vacation, she was like, oh no, like, can it be a family holiday? Like, first of all, we're not in Europe, we don't refer to it as a holiday, it is a vacation. She can be whoever she want to be. Second of all, I was like I said we will take a vacation, like as a family. I was like but Daddy and I just want to go somewhere, like just us. And then she was like why you always?
Speaker 1:want to be with your husband because we're tired of you.
Speaker 1:And I told her I said, I said because I love him because we're tired of you, but it's just an interesting dynamic that we go from being in like this pod of love right and not really being able to see too many things beyond ourselves, to now there's a whole human being that's getting, that's in between us you know, not in a negative way, but that's in between us that now consumes majority of our attention and majority of our brain span like because I look at it like this, like we were together, right, and I was giving you 100 of of my love and attention, I was giving 100% of your love and attention, and then we had this beautiful being and now I'm giving her half, sometimes 60%, you giving her 80, because you giving her 80?
Speaker 1:that's the mom you at and I'm accepting it because I understand I get it. I ain't mad, a little salty, but I ain't mad you mad because I don't accepting it Because I understand, I get it, I ain't mad, a little salty.
Speaker 3:But I ain't mad. You mad because I don't Cut up your apples Like I cut yours up. Right, it's cool, wait? Side note I just saw on TikTok today and he was talking about how he was like why you don't do my apples Like you do the boys apples. He was like you gave me an apple he was like you you cut theirs up and you peel them I mean I get mad when you don't cut the top off my strawberries. I know it's ridiculous, because you're an adult babe, what you gonna do for her?
Speaker 1:she's a child, it's different would you like me to slap up your a slice of your grape stew that's fine, and this is a disconnect that we'll be talking about, because you know it's like I understand that we're both focusing on her and, in a nutshell, we're kind of taking shortcuts with ourselves oh, absolutely to give her the full path there's no way that I'm getting 100% of you and there's no way that you're getting 100% of me, and it is very likely that we have and we do neglect each other in some way, shape or form at times I know I'm
Speaker 1:neglected uh I know I'm neglected you're like you neglect it.
Speaker 3:Okay, you can stop looking at the camera that way, anyways. Um, yeah, but I, I think that's also just like a natural, like natural order of things, you know. But I I will say that, us being a little bit more conscious about trying to take the little time, even, like how we go to breakfast on fridays, you know, like when she's in school, like that's one of my favorite.
Speaker 1:I cannot wait to school.
Speaker 3:Okay, I am okay, babe I was thinking the exact same thing uh, what was it last week, because I was just like it dawned on me. I was like, wait, well, I was like we, our breakfast dates. We haven't been. And then we went yesterday as a family and when we walked in she was like our server, who normally is there with who serves us. She was like where have you guys been? It was like where have you guys been? It was like girl, it's summer break. Like the kid is at home.
Speaker 1:The dates are on break.
Speaker 3:The dates. So I mean even just me looking forward to Friday mornings, knowing that once I drop her off at school we go have breakfast together, we have coffee together, like you know what I mean. That gave me something to look forward to, and then I think that it also keeps us know like engaged, you know. And then, of course, doing the pod, because we have to carve out time to sit and be with each other and do this too. So I think, unknowingly, this created another avenue for us to hang time together.
Speaker 1:That's why I agreed to do it.
Speaker 3:I said well that's why I agreed do it.
Speaker 1:I get to sit here and have a conversation with my wife about random things. Yeah, you know, sometimes she's attacking me, sometimes we're having general conversations Sometimes she comes on here just to try to air me out so the internet can side with her. She looks forward to the comments and see how many people are going to side with her. It is what it is.
Speaker 3:I don't really care who sides with me, yeah you do. I know I have a different. I know I have a different thought process on a lot of things.
Speaker 1:I don't really care. I'm talking about all the stuff when you're directly, when you're talking, but you're really talking to me.
Speaker 3:I don't have to take some limitals.
Speaker 1:I will say I agree with you of carving out time in little pockets where we can I say effort Good effort, Effort right. Where we've carved out little pockets of time to spend with each other. Now, granted, like you said before, because it's summer break, we can't really do it Really now. All we really have is that while she at practice, we'd be going to dinner.
Speaker 3:Right, because we already got a double date tonight when we drop her off, we go double date it up. I was like her practices are three hours long, so that gives us plenty of time. We drop her off at practice. We be like where we gonna go.
Speaker 1:We be like deuces. We got no time. We be going up to 30 miles away.
Speaker 3:And then, when we pick her up, she be like I'm hungry, we'll pick you up something quick, I'll get you some fries. You want some Chick-fil-A Right.
Speaker 1:So I mean so we've done a great job at that effort. Making that effort, yeah, but I also feel like we get so like this time of year is also kind of hard on both.
Speaker 1:I feel like hard on both of us because she has so much things going on, like with the practices and the recitals now, yeah, you know, I'm saying and everything it's like and it's like, and then, like normally, we have family come stay with us a couple weeks in the summertime. Then we have, like, my mom's coming, my mom's coming soon, you know and I'm excited to see you, mom-in-law, oh yeah, oh, we wasn't supposed to talk about her, but yeah, so my mom's coming soon, so then that's. That's another thing we're like. Okay, now we gotta try to carve off things. How are we gonna sneak time together while?
Speaker 1:she's here which we're just gonna leave her here with phoenix and just leave I mean, I don't think she would mind I'm not gonna do that that's her queen diva, so they can be divas together divas in the house together, right so it's like it. It is something that you have to be mindful of, and that's the one thing I think. I've had a conversation with a couple of my friends before. I'm like it's something that you have to do, and I know one of my friends, him and his wife they go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they drop their kids off quick. I love it, love that for them.
Speaker 1:They drop them kids off quick. But that's what you need to do to keep the bond strong, keep it going strong.
Speaker 3:And so and I mean I think also sharing in each other's hobbies. Right Right, you say right Right, okay, we shoot guns. That's a hobby we have together. And we have never do it because the child but I I think that's a really good avenue is like trying to share in each other's hobbies.
Speaker 1:We still have four hours each of go-kart racing that we got to use oh yeah, but we're not gonna do that.
Speaker 3:We did. I don't know why. We thought it was a good idea. We were like, oh, like we had a. What was it? Was it for my birthday?
Speaker 1:or was it just a day out?
Speaker 3:it was like an anniversary day okay, yeah, and we were like, um, oh, let's go, uh, go-kart racing.
Speaker 1:We spent the whole day just doing random stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I don't know why we thought that was going to be fun. Because we literally did like one race. But one race was like 10 laps and we was like I'm done. He was like you want to go again? I was like no, no, I really don't. It sounded like it was going to be really fun and then, once we did it, after like laugh number four.
Speaker 1:I was like.
Speaker 3:I am so over this.
Speaker 1:I got an email last week from K1.
Speaker 3:When y'all coming back. I don't think we are guys, Unless we get absolutely desperate and we just so happen to have a few hours to ourselves Because we already paid for them, you know.
Speaker 1:And I also feel like, with Summer, summer, her summer has really been booked birthday parties, get togethers, play dates. It's like it's, it's, it's a lot and it's like we only get. I literally get. I get about 65 hours off of work bye that's what it felt like 65 hours off before I go back to work, and I feel like she take up 48 of them.
Speaker 3:Bye, goodbye.
Speaker 1:No, she don't, yes, she do.
Speaker 3:No, she don't, yes, she do.
Speaker 1:No, she don't. The other day she was like dad. I said yeah, something, something, something. I said oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, you see how we're talking about it again.
Speaker 1:Right, right, like it's Right, but right, it just naturally happened. So yeah, Like I said, so it is. It's very hard to get out of that pocket Because it's like she consumes not only my time but my brain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's important because I honestly don't want to look up one day and she's about to be out the house and I'll be like, okay, so I really haven't liked you for the past but I need you to stay here I really I really haven't liked you for like the past eight years, and I think this is an a perfect opportunity for us to explore right other avenues other avenues, since phoenix is gone like this is the perfect time for us to get into who we are right I think all those things that you talked about, I think you really should go pursue them, like I really don't want to get any of the things you said.
Speaker 1:We have them on video right, right.
Speaker 3:So you go ahead and do that. Like you know, I in my mind, like I have this fantasy of like when she leaves, or if she goes off to school, or she goes off to travel the world or whatever, and it's just me and you and like we're retired and stuff, and it's going to be one of those things.
Speaker 1:I'm walking around naked.
Speaker 3:I know you can't wait to walk around naked, but, just like you know, just us just living our life, if we decide to travel, we go off, and then she's just like where are you guys? At Somewhere where you're not going to be, because it's just me and your daddy.
Speaker 1:She's like why y'all turn your location off? Don't worry about that.
Speaker 3:Because we grown.
Speaker 1:We need to know where you at, not the other way around.
Speaker 3:Because we grown Me and your mama, we catching flights. But I really want to be able to like cultivate that relationship, like I really don't want to lose sight of, um, like why I like you you know what I? Mean like I and I think would you? Like to tell people why you like me because they probably think I just abuse you they don't think that you abuse me.
Speaker 3:I like you because, honestly, because you make me laugh I feel safe with you, like I feel like I can trust you. I've always kind of felt that way with you, like I always felt like when we were teenagers. He never made me feel pressured by anything. We always had a good time. You didn't mind sitting in the library with me because I liked being in the library, and you were just like okay, this is a good time. And I genuinely felt that, even if you didn't like being in the library with me, you were there because, okay, this is a good time. And I genuinely felt that, even if you didn't like being in the library with me, you were there because you wanted to be with me.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what the case was.
Speaker 3:Right, but I felt that you know. So that made me feel kind of warm and fuzzy inside and that's why I always say you weren't like the other guys. When I say that you weren't like the other guys it's because I could genuinely feel something that was genuine from you, like you wanted to hang out with me because of who I was and you weren't trying to pressure me into doing anything. You never tried to push me into anything. We had a good time. I mean, you know you did your homework. That was already. You know we could let it homework. I said listen, this guy makes good. Said listen, this guy makes good grades.
Speaker 1:This guy makes good grades. Your bar was kind of low, huh no, it wasn't low.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying I was like you know, it's not going to be one of those things where I had to push you to get your together.
Speaker 1:You already had it together and then, once we started dating, I was like he can do my shit too but then, eight years later, you had to push me to get my shit together, so I guess you chose poorly.
Speaker 3:Shut up, babe, but I knew the potential for you to eventually get your shit together was there. I've seen it.
Speaker 1:And you can only see that potential because she wasn't around.
Speaker 3:I can still see your potential. I ain't nobody special you're special to me, and that's all that matters that was a test you passed goodbye, goodbye, but yeah.
Speaker 3:So I mean, when I heard the clip I was like that's the realest thing I've ever heard because, sometimes you really just like I, just I miss my friend, like I just miss being able to just throw our clothes on and go to a movie, right, or go to Right, or go to like the downtown and go to Eureka Burger and just grab a burger. Or like a friend calls and be like my gosh, y'all want to meet us and such and such, and we'd be like, yeah, you know what I mean. Or just just us randomly, like how we used to do picnics in the park, like just I just feel like.
Speaker 1:I felt like when we got to the place financially, when we could do whatever we wanted, she interrupted our life, goodbye.
Speaker 3:She did not.
Speaker 1:She did not, I feel like she wasn't around for the struggle year, so she don't appreciate what we got, what she think we, because she thinks we rich I.
Speaker 3:I tried to let her know that we are not. That's not a thing?
Speaker 1:that's not a thing. When she told me don't worry, dad, you'll pay for breakfast, mommy okay, ma'am.
Speaker 3:She said, mom, you have to pay for dinner, so daddy doesn't use all his money. I said, babe, all the money is the same money. I said it doesn't matter whether it comes off a dad's card or mom's card, it's all the same money. And she was looking like okay you just pay for dinner because I don't know I don't know what you're talking about I don't know, but you pay for dinner and dad pays for breakfast, so you don't use all his money and we still talking about her.
Speaker 1:And this whole episode is proof that that clip is fact. It just happened. They just consume your time. They consume your time and your thoughts, and then they occupy Almost 100% of your short term memory.
Speaker 3:And then, as they get older, they gonna act like you didn't even exist.
Speaker 1:Didn't do nothing.
Speaker 3:She's going to be like listen, don't call me, I'll call you.
Speaker 1:I don't think she's going to be under us her whole life.
Speaker 3:I don't want her to be under us her whole life.
Speaker 3:Because, I feel like if she's under us her whole life, I don't and here's the thing, like this goes into a whole different avenue. I don't, and here's the thing, like this goes into a whole different avenue. Um, but I feel for myself, if she stays under us in the sense where she doesn't have that innate feeling to want to get out into the world and be independent and do her own thing and explore and do all that and be able to like, manage life and take care of herself, it would make me feel some type of way as a parent because let me rephrase what I mean okay, what I mean is that she's gonna go out and do her thing, okay, but she's gonna sleep here no, I don't want her to sleep here she may, she may catch a flight and she will always have she will always have a home and I want her to know and feel
Speaker 3:that she will always have a home.
Speaker 1:We're just going to take a little bit off, but I want her to want. To want her own home.
Speaker 3:And to want her own space.
Speaker 1:I can tell you right now, if I was a fortune teller, I would tell you that she's going to want a car ASAP. She's going to want a phone ASAP, she's definitely going to want to be out there.
Speaker 3:She's gonna wanna phone.
Speaker 1:She's definitely gonna wanna be like Out there, she's gonna wanna phone ASAP and she's gonna, and she's gonna wanna be in them streets.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm at my friend's house.
Speaker 3:That's who she is. That's who she is.
Speaker 1:No, that's who she is. I'm gonna have to, like, I want her to Do all of the things, but and be like Listen, these two lines, yeah, don lines, don't go outside these two lines and to double back, I do feel like um to the close point, it is true, and I think this is something I do think that's a reason for why people divorce. What? Because they lose.
Speaker 1:They lose sight of their friend oh yeah because it goes from being a friendship and a marriage to just obligation. And if you don't feed that marriage or friendship, then yeah. Then it's like yeah, yeah, why am I here?
Speaker 3:And not only that. I think what happens too? You get to a point Okay, so when we know that we need bubble time, right, and you're short-tempered, I'm short-tempered, I'm getting on your nerves, you're getting on my nerves If we continue to choose to settle into those feelings, then eventually your brain is going to start telling you a story about me that you're going to believe. My brain is going to start telling me a story about you that I believe, and then, like how you say, the contempt and everything will start to settle in. All the little things that weren't a nuisance before will now become a nuisance.
Speaker 3:And if you fester in that long enough, you're going to like, grow apart, and then you're going to have like a like a contempt for that person, right, and that's how you get to a point where you literally don't like a person Like you could be, like I don't know who you are because you're not the person that I fell in love with. I mean, but you really ain't talked to me in like six months and we've been fighting for like the past four and a half. You know what I mean and you know what I mean. So it it, it definitely.
Speaker 1:I can definitely see how that happens when you let that go on for long term. That's why, for me personally, when I started to feel that way, I just, I just doubled down on loving you oh, do you.
Speaker 3:It takes a little bit of work for me.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna be honest for you oh, I know it takes a little, because and I think this goes back for me um, I don't know if it's like I don don't want to say psychological conditioning, but just how my brain be wired sometimes and that's why I try to be mindful of it is, I get into these head spaces where I'll be like, okay, if he wants to be that way, be that way, like I'm not, I'm not going to say anything, I'm not going to do anything, I'm not. You know what I mean. It's almost like if you want, if you want to make things better, go ahead and make things better. I'm not because I didn't do anything. And then after like a day or two, I'll be like you know you're wrong. And then I kind of come back to my senses and then I'm kind of like I'm happy I got this on record, you have it on record before I've said it before, people be saying I'm crazy.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of like I'm happy I got this on record because people would think you have it on record before I've said it before people be saying I'm crazy, I'm like no, she be mistreating me no, I don't mistreat you.
Speaker 3:I don't mistreat you under the guise of matching energy okay, I don't mistreat you, but I know how I can get in my headspace when we're not on the same page, like Because sometimes we don't even be in the same book. What page 15 on Bye, when we don't even be in the same book? I just be like. I'll be dropping little gems people don't hear you be what.
Speaker 1:Dropping little gems.
Speaker 3:people don't hear them, maybe because you're the only person that understands them.
Speaker 1:Everybody know what page 15 on is from. What's from the what.
Speaker 3:The video.
Speaker 1:People probably don't even be thinking that far back. Oh my God, now you just call me old.
Speaker 3:No, I'm just saying, like people don't be even thinking that far back.
Speaker 1:All right. But yeah y'all spend time with each other Cause, look here, let me tell you something there's a great, there's a hundred percent chance that them kids are going to leave you. If you put, if you work, if you put love into your marriage, that won't leave you. Love or time. Love is time, time and effort, time and effort.
Speaker 3:I don't know, it just made me think about something. No, I agree, time and effort. Time and effort. You were going to say something wild huh I was, I was wild, huh I was, I was. But go ahead and say it. I thought I thought before I spoke, so therefore I don't know. Yeah, but yes, basically, like time and effort is what it takes to stay connected in that thing.
Speaker 1:Okay, I, I don't know. Effort is what it takes to stay connected and that thing, okay, I don't know, you got to make her bite her lip. Okay, massage your head.
Speaker 3:Good darn bye. Okay. With that being said, we're going to hop right into our two cents.
Speaker 1:I got 17.
Speaker 3:17 what.
Speaker 1:Cents.
Speaker 3:Okay, all right, give me your opinion about this one, okay, this one says my ex-wife is dating a five-time convicted felon. Bad boy, what you gonna do, okay, bad boy, but you're gonna do okay. I recently discovered that my ex-wife is dating a five-time convicted felon, with 18 misdemeanors and 31 total arrest. I learned that he has two daughters, eight and five, both of which he had had with separate women. Both of those women have active restraining orders against him and one of them filed charges of domestic violence and assault all of this within the past five years. I have two kids with my ex-wife. We adore them dearly and I'm certainly an overprotective dad.
Speaker 3:When I ran my ex's boyfriend's background report, my jaw dropped to the floor the absolute worst case scenario. My ex has been seeing him for two months and is clearly still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, so I'm sure he's told her everything she'd want to hear in order to make her feel fine and comfortable with his extensive record. I, of course, see it for what it is and have legitimate concern over what this man is capable of once the rubber meets the road and their relationship. My question is what recourse do I have in the situation to ensure my kids never see this man again. Protection order, legal assistance, anything that I may consider to ensure my kids are not subjected to potentially violent behavior with my ex or God forbid them. Record. I'd have the judge on my side in virtually any given scenario. I have a completely clear record. Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. I'm considering all legal options.
Speaker 1:She want a bad boy. I don't really see the issue here.
Speaker 3:I think the biggest concern that he has is that he's around his children.
Speaker 1:I get that concern.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I get that. I said issue, not concern. Okay, Because even the domestic violence I was against. We can't say that's true or not, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I do feel like it's wild that you ran a background check.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's wild.
Speaker 1:I like it.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's wild. I like it I don't think that's wild. I would want to know, whoever my children are going to be around, if you decide to date somebody. I don't know who this chick is or where she come from what I would do is I would.
Speaker 1:I would just try to get legal custody of the children as long as she's with him I think that's a little no, it's not, because if you want, if you want to protect them, because here's the thing Most men are protective of their children. Some men are not. Some men if it's not their children, they don't care.
Speaker 3:They don't care.
Speaker 2:They don't care less because it's not their children.
Speaker 1:So that's why I say I would pursue full custody as long as she's with him, or have some type of restraining order where he can't be around the kids. I would make it tough. He would have to prove himself to me, because I'm not saying that people can't change. But I can't just step out here on blind faith and just believe that you're going to do right by my children.
Speaker 3:So you basically are kind of saying that you would make it difficult for him to be with your ex-wife and possibly put him in a situation where he would be like you're just, you're too much to have to deal with. No, it's not, because that's what it's gonna be. It's not on him, it's on his wife I know, but what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:you want, you want to, you want to be with this fellow, you want your kids okay, but what I'm saying is is the the gentleman who has the felonies, he may think that your ex-husband is doing way too much Right, and just to avoid anything, I think you and I should just like we done, problem solved Either way. But do you think that's fair to the mom when she's trying to move on and have a happy?
Speaker 1:life, it don't matter, and like we just had this whole episode about anything about her, it's about the kid. Make better choices.
Speaker 3:Really Okay, but is he his choices? What Is he really okay, but do you? Is he his choices? What is he his choices? Is he? What is he his choices?
Speaker 1:the fella like is this is that the sum of who he is, just his choices. It's the sum of who he is. To this point he can change.
Speaker 3:Okay, and what if he has changed? Would you again prove? To me that you've changed he can't if you're sitting there constantly trying to take him to court because you don't want him around your children.
Speaker 1:I'm not taking him to court, I'm taking the woman to court to get my children.
Speaker 3:Okay. That's the thing I didn't do with him. I'm not going to argue with that. You can't argue. I mean I can, I'm just not going to.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't understand.
Speaker 3:You a woman you just said I make you feel safe and you don't leave your children an unsafe environment. Well, first of all, chances are that I probably wouldn't get with someone who's been arrested 31 time and had 31 times and has all these felonies like I'm not gonna say like I'd never, but I mean knowing who I am. Chances are that's not who I personally would go for. You know what I mean, but I but. But again, like I don't know. Because when you look at a person or you get to know a person and you can see beyond whatever they've done in their past.
Speaker 1:you want a bad boy, don't you? Bad boy, bad boy, what you gonna do? This has been another episode of life after I Do we switching roles now, if you're not already? You can follow us on all social media.
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Speaker 1:Facebook, Instagram, TikTok OnlyPans you cannot follow us on OnlyPans.
Speaker 3:You can write in to us at lifeafterdopodcasts at gmailcom. You can also text to us on all the digital streaming platforms in which you receive your podcasts. New episodes happen every Wednesday.
Speaker 1:New episodes happen every Wednesday. Until next time, peace, peace you.
