Realities of Marriage

Who benefits more from marriage—men or women? Our spirited debate explores the health perks men gain from marriage versus the fulfillment women seek in traditional roles that may not always lead to happiness. We also discuss balancing household duties, emotional disconnects due to societal conditioning, and the struggles men face in being emotionally available.

Don't miss out! Join Nesha G and Molethal as they break down the complexities of marriage, love, and everything in between. Tune in now and be part of the conversation!

Transcript

Navigating Gender Roles in Relationships

Speaker 1 0:00

So then you have people going into relationships and if I'm told as a child that you know as long as he's paying bills and as long as he can provide for you financially and do this, that and the third, that's a good man. That's why I say being a good man is subjective. And then you're raising a little boy to think that all you have to do is work your butt off and to provide for a family, then there is going to be a disconnect when you guys grow up to be adults and come into a relationship with each other. When you have a person who is an emotional and intuitive being and then you have a person who is just a very tangible and if I can't see it in black and white, it doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 0:38

And that's the yin and the yang of the female-male right.

Speaker 1 0:41

Hey, everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life. After I Do, I'm your host, anisha Jean. I'm here with my husband. When he's done, of course, I'm just gonna get some water.

Speaker 2 1:13

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do 45, 47. I'm all lethal.

Speaker 1 1:20

Oh, are you dead?

Speaker 2 1:22

Yes, I'm done.

Speaker 1 1:22

Oh, okay, just thought I could take a quick water break while you were over there.

Speaker 2 1:28

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. 45, 47. Dwight, dwight, who Dwight around your mouth?

Speaker 1 1:36

Was it lips or mouth?

Speaker 2 1:37

One or the other it was one of those.

Speaker 1 1:39

I don't know.

Speaker 2 1:40

Hey Booskies.

Speaker 1 1:47

Hi, babe, what's?

Speaker 2 1:48

going on. How's you doing? I's doing, I'm mid you mid, as the young people say.

Speaker 1 1:51

As the young people say, I'm mid.

Speaker 2 1:53

That's how I know I'm old. I don't like nothing to young slangs.

Speaker 1 1:55

I was just like oh no, I was talking to your mom today. She was like what's wrong? I was like I just want to be a little lump on the log today.

Speaker 2 2:02

I told you I got a log you can lump on. Oh yeah, From beginning to end, 365 days of the year.

Speaker 1 2:09

I don't want to be a lump on that log.

Speaker 2 2:11

Same old love and baby.

Speaker 1 2:13

I'm just, you know, I'm just in one of those moods like she called today and all I want to do. Okay, I'll wait till you're done singing.

Speaker 2 2:22

Is keep on loving you. I need to say more love.

Speaker 1 2:25

I'm going to get another.

Speaker 2 2:27

Go ahead. Oh my God, you a little dry. Okay, I got something for that too.

Speaker 1 2:37

I'm sure. No, I was just telling her today. I was like I said, the only thing I want to do is what I'm doing right now, and she was like what I said lay down.

Speaker 2 2:46

I want to do is what I'm doing right now. And she was like what I said land, now I want. I want to do that.

Speaker 1 2:48

That's because it sounds like womanhood is kicking your butt. Today I was like I just want to like lay down. And then your daughter, who was just like I mean it's kind of my fault too, because I allowed it to happen, but that cat slept till 1 pm today she'd be tired. I mean, in all fairness, she wasn't feeling good last week, so I think it's just like her body is just, you know, recovering from everything.

Speaker 1 3:08

So I honestly didn't mind She'd be tired, so I was just like I'm going to just go ahead and let her sleep. But oddly enough too, I have video of her. She was crying in her sleep and it scared me.

Speaker 2 3:18

She probably missed me.

Speaker 1 3:19

And well, I asked her what was she crying about? Like I showed her the video of her crying in her sleep and I was like what were you crying about? And she was like I had a dream. I was like what'd you have a dream? What was your dream about? She was like I had a dream that dad was being mean to me and I was like he was being mean to you. What was he doing in your dream? She was like he threw me in the trash. Can I said he did what she was like he just threw me away now people won't think I'm out here putting her in trash cans.

Speaker 1 3:45

I told her. I told her I was like Phoenix, he threw you in a trash can. I was like I low-key, feel like you just came up with that because I showed you the video of you crying in your sleep. Because before I showed her the video, I was like why were you crying in your sleep? She was like I don't know. And then I showed her. Let me come up with something real quick. Let me shit on dad real quick she.

Speaker 2 4:04

she been shitting on me all week.

Speaker 1 4:06

She was just like he threw me away.

Speaker 2 4:09

She been shitting on me all week.

Speaker 1 4:12

Last night she told me she was like I just wish we could go to and she's referring to our vacations now as holiday, and I'm taking that, as she must've seen it on a show or something you know, because they call it a holiday. She was like I just wish we can go to a holiday house, but just me and you, so we can have mommy and Fifi time both of y'all can go.

Speaker 2 4:34

I don't need y'all.

Speaker 1 4:36

I said we can't leave dad.

Speaker 2 4:38

I don't need y'all anyway.

Speaker 1 4:39

I said we can't leave dad how?

Speaker 2 4:40

are we going to pay for it? How was your week, buskies?

Speaker 1 4:44

um it was it don't matter um, it was okay. I feel like I'm just kind of like it was mid it was so mean I'm just not. I just don't. I just don't have a lot of energy. I just feel like my mental is starting to affect my physical, like I know. When that starts to happen, cause. I can feel the change and I just think the, the change, the you gotta be you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 5:11

Stop it the day we live in.

Speaker 1 5:13

Stop it, the just just. You know everything that I'm thinking about, everything that I'm going through mentally is just starting now to trickle its way down into my physical being. So, I need to know. I just I, just you know, like yesterday really helped.

Speaker 2 5:28

What else?

Speaker 1 5:30

Oh, I'm just like being out I know, I told your daughter numerous times. That child called me like seven times.

Speaker 2 5:36

I was like are you even watching her.

Speaker 1 5:38

How is she able to call me? I said leave I'm supposed to be detaching right now, but all I keep getting is phone calls from home and my mom. I said leave your mama alone.

Speaker 2 5:52

I just have to tell her. I just she needs to know she was sneaking into her room calling me.

Speaker 1 5:54

Well, that's probably why I fell asleep, so you weren't watching her. She oh no, she oh no, I ain't gotta watch my call. You don't have to watch her, but the whole point was for me to get away for a few hours and all I

Speaker 1 6:05

kept doing was getting phone calls and then when she would facetime me, she wasn't even calling me. She was facetiming me because she wanted, she needed to like, implement, like the reaction. So with the last time she had called me, she had the most pitiful like look on her face and she was like mom, it's taking you so long and I remember she, I heard her, heard her say I was boring, daddy's boring, he doesn't want to do what I want to do he said you didn't want to do anything because all she wanted to do was beat me up.

Speaker 2 6:36

All her games involve her beating me okay, but that's, that's how you.

Speaker 1 6:39

that's how you communicate with her, like as soon as you come home from work, when she's like dad, dad, all you guys do is roughhouse. We play Mario Kart too. Okay, but you roughhouse, and so that's how she interacts with you. I'm trying to make her a strong. She roughhouses with you.

Speaker 2 6:52

I'm trying to make her a strong.

Speaker 1 6:56

And then when? She roughhouses with you, you're like all she wants to do is I didn't ask you how your week was, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 7:02

My week was blah.

Speaker 1 7:04

Oh really.

Speaker 2 7:05

Blah.

Speaker 1 7:06

It was blah.

Speaker 2 7:07

Blah, because my baby was sick and I don't like it.

Speaker 1 7:09

Yeah, it was real. That part was and you know what. And now that too.

Speaker 2 7:13

It was really mentally draining to see her.

Speaker 1 7:15

Not feeling her best.

Speaker 2 7:16

Especially like when she was waking up at like 3 am on the floor crying.

Speaker 1 7:25

Yeah, floor crying, yeah, that's like that. It was really stressful when her tummy was hurting, right, yeah, and I was like we woke up at what was it? 5, 32 and she's on the bathroom floor in fetal position holding her stomach and she's like my stomach hurts and I was just like, nope, let's go the part about it.

Speaker 2 7:38

What I will give her credit for is that she is a g, because she didn't wake us up. She was just, she was just tough it out she was gonna thug it out.

Speaker 1 7:45

But I knew well she didn't wake us up. She was just, she was going to just tough it out. She was going to thug it out, but I knew well she didn't have to. She didn't have to wake me up because I've been watching her like a hawk since last Sunday.

Speaker 2 7:52

It's your fault, you didn't get enough sleep.

Speaker 1 7:54

I've been watching her. Well, when my child doesn't feel well, I, like you know, kind of tend to stay on it.

Speaker 2 8:01

Well, Kind of tend to stay on it, oh, but when I don't feel, well, you be like he be all right.

Speaker 1 8:04

Really that's not true, it's the same thing. It's literally the same thing with you I don't get any sleep.

Speaker 3 8:08

He be all right.

Speaker 1 8:09

Because for you, you not going to go in silence, you not going to go be in fetal position in silence, you going to make sure I know you don't feel good. That's not true, all the itched for 30 seconds too long. You gonna make sure I know about it. You gonna be like you know what? Babe? My eyelash itched for 45 seconds today. Don't look at me. Don't look at me like that, because you know I'm right.

Speaker 2 8:37

You wild for that. How am I wild? Because you know you capping Big blue. I am not that dramatic.

Speaker 1 8:46

Babe, you call me every time you poop.

Speaker 2 8:50

Because you want to know.

Speaker 1 8:51

No, I don't.

Speaker 2 8:52

You really don't. I have to inform you, I'm happy that you're regular. I'm happy that I have to inform you. I didn't call you. I texted you Seriously.

Speaker 1 9:02

Okay, so you mean to tell me that you think you think these people gonna believe? That you don't. You don't tell me any little time you don't feel good, but you text me your bowel movements, because you were like.

Speaker 2 9:13

You were like I need to know how you do.

Speaker 1 9:14

That's how y'all know y'all been in it a little too long, like we. I mean, you know, honestly, we have open conversations, especially when it comes to, like, bodily function stuff, because I feel like we've gotten to the age where now we have to really pay attention to certain stuff. So it's always like, okay, that's, that's a little off, are you okay? Like you know what I mean. So I'm not like bothered by it, but I'm just saying for you to sit up here and act like you don't make it known to me when you don't feel good.

Speaker 2 9:40

No I tell you sometimes okay all the time you'll be like. I tell you when I can no longer stand in the rain.

Speaker 1 9:48

That's not true. You just told me day before yesterday, walking upstairs, acting like your knees were about to give out from underneath you and you said babe.

Speaker 2 9:56

I said what is it babe? I don't feel good, I think.

Speaker 1 10:01

I think I'm finna get sick.

Speaker 2 10:02

I was like why, what's the matter? My body is hurting. I was achy.

Speaker 1 10:07

Okay, I don't get achy, okay, but you were letting me know, so that's what I'm saying, and you like when I take care of?

Speaker 2 10:14

you when you're sick, you're trying to act like I'm over here so overly dramatic.

Speaker 1 10:18

Oh no, you're very much you're very much dramatic, but it's okay your reality is your truth uh-huh, because it's okay, you can have a cold, a regular cold that's false, because I had a regular cold for a week when, and you were like when, the last time you had a cold, no mail, when I had the head cold because of the fan and you're like you need to do something about that.

Speaker 2 10:41

You need to go.

Speaker 1 10:42

What did I say you need to do?

Speaker 2 10:43

something about that. What did I say? You need to do something about that. I wasn't going to, because I knew what it was. I'm a professional fan sleeper. I haven't slept under a fan since I was four years old.

Speaker 1 10:53

Okay, Damiel.

Speaker 2 10:54

You know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what you're saying. I used to make fan forts. You know what I'm saying. You put the sheet over the fan. I know what a fan fort is. Maurice, you know what I'm saying. I'll be in there with my little Game Boy, with my little boom box, and my tapes.

Speaker 1 11:10

That's your daughter. She put the two chairs back to back and put the blanket over it with all the pillows on the floor, but I was sleeping there.

Speaker 2 11:16

That was probably. I probably used to hold it down. You can find me in Fort Wallet. I don't know what you just said.

Speaker 1 11:24

I don't know what you just said either.

Speaker 2 11:25

What we got today.

Speaker 1 11:26

Buskies Another reaction video.

Speaker 2 11:29

Oh my God, you always reacting to something.

Speaker 1 11:31

I mean, we live in a reactive world. I'm proactive, like the acne medication.

Speaker 2 11:42

Better.

Benefits of Marriage for Men

Speaker 1 11:43

I'd put your face right on the. I just said, like the acne medication, and you said, no better, I clean your face up. That was corny and I like corny, but that was, like you know, with my whole mid-attitude right now. That was, that, wasn't.

Speaker 3 11:56

Just put it in video.

Speaker 2 11:57

That wasn't that wasn't working, just put it, oh my God, to the people out there. I swear I love my wife whatever here we go, she just be, she really be testing here we go like I, like you can play. I'm gonna keep talking okay, we'll keep talking. I'm gonna take a water break you need one because obviously you dehydrated while you're talking. Go ahead and play.

Speaker 1 12:16

I am really thirsty this evening yeah, but I also just ate like three nerd gummies. So I think that's probably why you stay thirsty really thirsty. Yes, I stay thirsty. If I had something that better quenched my thirst, I wouldn't be so thirsty.

Speaker 2 12:39

Oh, we want to talk about I'm gonna get my comeback off air. Go ahead, I don't want to hurt feelings.

Speaker 1 12:48

Okay, here's the video.

Speaker 2 12:49

Who is marriage good for?

Speaker 3 12:51

Who's it serving more, men or women? Now, men Marriage being with the kids and kind of with the mom is just right now still an incredibly important way for men to feel needed, connected, involved, et cetera. Now that might change, but right now it is pretty clear that they'll do better. And like, if you look at the impact of being married and not married on employment, earnings, health, physical and mental health, life expectancy huge positive impacts for men, much less so for women. And, of course, if you go back, if we went the other way, like you'd say, well, actually women who weren't married were in real trouble economically until recently, right. So, like women used to be economically dependent on men but men were emotionally dependent on women and I think we've really done a lot on the first half of that. And it's kind of revealing the second part, that kind of the fact that actually wifeless men, partnerless men, childless men they don't do so well, in fact they do terribly. Who is marriage good for?

Speaker 2 13:52

who's it?

Speaker 1 13:56

so, like he said, like I just I just want to read this really quick from theamericansurveycenterorg. It says that men have greater health benefits from marriage than women do.

Speaker 2 14:10

And mental capacity. I know exactly why that is.

Speaker 1 14:13

Here we go, okay, hold on you ready. Let me prepare my ears.

Speaker 2 14:19

You want me to tell you why married men have a better health record than single men.

Speaker 1 14:24

No, it's not than single men, it's married women. Okay then, married women. You know why?

Speaker 2 14:30

Tell me why. Because these women are nagging us to go to the doctor.

Speaker 1 14:33

Because these women are what.

Speaker 2 14:34

Nagging us to go to doctors.

Speaker 1 14:36

Men don't go to doctors. Okay, you can nag all you want to them and you go. No one's physically dragging you to the doctor.

Speaker 2 14:42

No, we go, so y'all can shut up.

Speaker 1 14:44

You can lie. You can lie about that.

Speaker 2 14:48

I can't lie to you.

Speaker 1 14:49

I mean not me, I didn't say me Because I go to your doctor appointments with you, because I noticed that you like to leave a lot of things out when we go to the doctor. So I have to be there to make sure that you're getting an adequate appointment and, you know, maximizing the time that you see with your doctor.

Speaker 2 15:07

I actually like when you go to the doctor with me, so you can see how my blood pressure is shifting on yours.

Speaker 1 15:11

Your doctor actually likes me being there. She has said it before, hasn't she?

Speaker 2 15:16

Leave her out of this.

Speaker 1 15:18

Shout out to Dr K we love you. She's innocent.

Speaker 2 15:20

Leave her out of this.

Speaker 1 15:21

She's innocent. Leave her out of this. She's innocent. Yes, okay, anyways, but yeah, what do you think? What do you think about what he says? Basically about how marriage benefits men more so than it does women, because I, I feel like, personally, knowing who you are, the first thing you want to bring up is like marriage always benefits, like women, especially like in divorce, and they take everything and the kids and things like that. But we're talking about like in marriage. If we're just, let's just say for on a day-to-day basis, who does it benefit more? Who do you think reaps more?

Speaker 2 15:55

benefits in terms of what?

Speaker 1 15:57

just just overall, like I mean, just take a day-to-day that depends because it depends on what?

Speaker 2 16:02

because if you have a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother, Uh-huh, I love how you set that up. Who wants to be?

Speaker 1 16:08

Uh-huh, I love how you set that up.

Speaker 2 16:11

Right, and she gets joy oh hell.

Speaker 1 16:14

no, you're not going to do this.

Speaker 2 16:16

And fulfillment.

Speaker 1 16:17

You are not, you're not fulfillment no, out of those roads? No, no damel, stop it. What you asked, my stop stop. Okay, then you give me no, no, no, because I know what you're trying to do and get fulfillment.

Speaker 2 16:37

Okay, go ahead like I was saying before, I was rudely interrupted.

Speaker 1 16:44

I apologize, Go ahead.

Speaker 2 16:45

She gets fulfillment out of those things. Uh then in a certain way she is, she's fulfilled right. Then she is happy, so she's benefiting.

Speaker 1 16:54

That doesn't mean she's happy, but she's fulfilled.

Speaker 2 16:57

How do you fulfill, not happy?

Speaker 1 16:58

It's very, very easy, but go ahead. I want to hear what you guys say, because you still haven't answered the question. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 17:04

So I think, like I was saying, I believe personally that it depends on the situation. Now, if you're talking about generally, I would say that if a man cares about legacy, it benefits him because his legacy is being watched over while he still goes out and does what he wants to do. If it's in a traditional role, right yeah, because if it's a traditional role, she's at home See what I'm saying there. Okay. If she's fulfilled, see what I'm saying there.

Speaker 1 17:36

Yes, I see what you're trying to do. It's not working, but I see what you're trying to do.

Speaker 2 17:41

If we, if we, if you want to go like down the list of what men, what men normally do, what women normally do, then you could say that? Yeah, it benefits men more because a woman takes care of more things, especially domestically, than the men would in a traditional setting.

Speaker 1 18:04

Right, Okay, so you're just saying just in a traditional setting Listen, listen. No, I'm trying to get clarity as you're talking.

Speaker 2 18:13

And I'm trying to explain to you my theories.

Speaker 1 18:16

Okay, go ahead, let me finish right. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 18:18

In a traditional setting. Right, because in a traditional setting the man is just providing and he's coming home and he's fathering the children pretty much in his spare time or the time he has left. Right, and he's loving on his wife in the time he has left after. That type situation right. So he's not pouring as much of himself into the family unit emotionally or mentally because he's not there all the time to do that. So he's kind of like he's a little bit of a rolling stone in that sense because he's only around when he's not providing right.

Speaker 2 18:52

Now, if you talk about a situation where it's 50 50, that greatly benefits the man because now it's, it's just like the traditional setup. But now he's not even carry the full, the full bulk of the responsibility financially. You know I'm saying he may help out with little things around here, there, but in the end he still benefits because I'm pretty sure there's the dynamic will be that she's, she's probably going to carry a little more weight domestically than he, than he would, right, so there's, and there's certain things, and the truth of the matter is it's just there's certain things that women think about that men don't think about. That benefits us, because we wouldn't even have. We don't have that thought and it don't cross our mind and we refer to some of that as mental load.

Speaker 1 19:38

Okay, whatever you want to call it. No, I'm just saying it's just that and it but.

Speaker 2 19:42

A lot of that has to do with. Some things are more important to women than men, and men don't strike it as important.

Speaker 2 19:47

Like it don't meet, like I had said, like lord knows how many parts to go, the it don't meet, like I had said, like Lord knows how many parts to go, it doesn't meet the men's mental checklist of importance. Right, because a lot of men, myself included, thinks like, okay, well, let me do it provision first, let me make sure I'm providing everything they need, then let me go ahead and, you know, do the fun things, and then you know, I'm not thinking about, I'm not necessarily thinking about your mental stability or the kid's mental stability. I'm more thinking about making sure you have the tangible things that you need day in and day out. Traditionally, right Now, me myself, I do think about your mental. Now I don't think about hers too much because she be getting on my nerves.

Speaker 1 20:30

Goodbye.

Speaker 2 20:31

But I do be thinking about your mental because I understand don't think about hers too much because she be getting on my nerves, goodbye. But I do think about your mental because I understand. I understand how you worry. Right, and this part of the argument can be made and that, yeah, it benefits us more because you guys carry more of the mental load. But you guys also worry about things that we wouldn't worry about.

Speaker 1 20:46

You wouldn't worry. I feel like sometimes, depending on, like you say, the situation, you don't worry about it because you don't have to worry about it. Does that make sense? Like, in your day to day, there are certain things that happen within your household that you don't worry about simply because you don't have to worry about it. But if it was something that you were responsible for, for taking care of, then it would probably be more at the forefront of your mind.

Speaker 1 21:09

But you can't say it's just because it's not that important to us. It would be important to you if you were the one that had to be responsible.

Speaker 2 21:15

Like I said, it's not high on our mental checklist.

Speaker 1 21:18

Because it doesn't have to be Right.

Speaker 2 21:21

And for me, I don't necessarily worry about anything.

Speaker 1 21:24

Anything at home.

Speaker 2 21:25

Nothing.

Speaker 1 21:25

I know.

Speaker 2 21:26

Nothing I know. This is what I worry about. I worry about providing for you, making sure there's money in there to do what you need to do and making sure I fix any problems you bring to me in a timely manner.

Speaker 1 21:38

Because I know my wife— that you deem as a priority, as a priority Because I know my wife.

Speaker 2 21:42

if there's a problem that needs to be done or fixed in X amount of time, or I'm going to get help for it.

Speaker 1 21:48

Okay.

Speaker 1 21:48

But see, that's where some discord can come right.

Speaker 1 21:52

So we've talked before about how you say you can bring like I can bring things to you, but if it's not a priority for you or if it doesn't make sense to prioritize it at a higher standard, then you are less inclined to be more proactive into getting it done in a timely manner. But if it is high on a priority list for me, then that's all that. That's what should matter. If you're saying that you also care about my mental health, hold on, because if it's important for me and it's high on my priority list, and then I bring it to you and you say, okay, well, she can do without that for right now because I don't have time to take care of that and that's not high on my priority list, then you put it back on me and then I just take that little block of what you didn't take care of or you didn't prioritize for me and I just put it on top of another little block where you've done that before or where it's something else I'm gonna have to take care of.

Speaker 1 22:48

I get around to it okay, and I do you understand what I'm saying, though.

Speaker 2 22:52

I understand what you're saying, but I try to do my best to maximize the time I have, because I don't have a lot of free time.

Speaker 1 23:00

But no. I understand that, but I'm saying hold on, I wasn't done.

Speaker 2 23:03

But I'm also saying is that the whole question? Thing?

Speaker 1 23:07

was like the benefit, like the benefit, right that it still can better benefit you. The whole question thing was like the benefit, like the benefit, right that it still can better benefit you because you're the one that's making the decision, regardless of how it made me feel, because you're still going to do what's within your time constraint.

Division of Household Duties in Marriage

Speaker 1 23:28

You're still going to do what you have energy to do that day. Whether, like I said, if it's a priority for me but it's not a priority for you and you only have an hour left and you choose to relax and knowing that everything else around you is being taken care of, that's a benefit to you because you had the choice to do that, but it doesn't benefit me. Now I'm just sitting there thinking like, okay, so now I'm going to have to wait or I'm going to have to take care of it myself. So that's one more thing else I got to do. But because he also has to like he only has an hour left and he doesn't think what I brought to him as a priority and it's more of a priority for him to relax for this next hour, he has the choice to relax and by you having that choice to relax, that benefits you, Because even outside of that, there are still things that are happening and getting done. And guess who has to take care of it? Me, Do I not give you credit?

Speaker 2 24:15

for what you do.

Speaker 1 24:15

Okay, it's not about what we're talking about, though.

Speaker 2 24:19

No hold on, see, now you're going to get defensive, because now you think I'm attacking you. I don't think you're attacking me, I don't. I don't. I don't think you of your dad. Okay, I would say at this now I'm talking personal I would say, at this venture in our life, uh-huh.

Speaker 1 24:37

At this time in our life, this period in our life.

Speaker 2 24:38

The marriage benefits me.

Speaker 1 24:41

Tremendously.

Speaker 2 24:42

Tremendously more than it does you.

Speaker 1 24:43

Absolutely.

Speaker 2 24:44

Right Now I will say that the role you have taken on was a role that was offered and you accepted. So I, okay, taken on was a role that was offered and you accepted, so I Hold on hold on. Why do?

Speaker 1 24:52

you keep flipping it like that. Are you fulfilled? Hold on, okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 24:58

The role you accepted, you know, during the pandemic, I said, babe, if you don't want to go back to work, you don't have to go back to work.

Speaker 1 25:06

Okay.

Speaker 2 25:07

And you chose to stay home.

Speaker 1 25:10

We talked in the negotiation and the collaboration we came to an agreement that I will stay home.

Speaker 2 25:18

So just how you talking about your shows and you two Hold on. We came to an agreement. That decision was yours to make. It was not mine to make. Okay, okay, you asked me my thoughts. I told you my thoughts.

Speaker 1 25:28

You made your decision. Did I consider you in the decision?

Speaker 2 25:31

I consider you in everything. I do.

Speaker 1 25:32

Okay, but what I'm saying is is when the conversation came up. Let me just ask this question who has always wanted me to stay home?

Speaker 2 25:41

Your daughter.

Speaker 1 25:41

No, who has always wanted me to stay home? I have, okay. Have I ever come to you about staying home? Not until that time. Okay, no, have I ever come? Have I ever had a discussion, even when we were talking about having a family? Did I ever say to you that I wanted to be a stay-at-home parent? Pre-covid no okay that we.

Speaker 2 26:00

That was like never but during covid you mentioned that you had you were thinking about it.

Speaker 2 26:04

I was thinking about it because then I got time to be here with her, so it's not something I it's not an original thought I brought to you. It's something that you have said you like being home with her, right. So it's not something I it's not an original thought I brought to you. It's something that you had said you like being home with her because of COVID and I said, well, if you don't want to go back again, yes. That was me leaning into what you were hinting at.

Speaker 1 26:20

I didn't hint at it. What I'm saying is is that even when we were younger, maurice, about wanting like a traditional marriage, have you not? Yeah, that's just, that's just how you were raised. I don't like well, no, not really. I just my grandmother worked. Okay, I know, but what I'm saying is is like traditional, in the sense of how I guess roles the hierarchy yes okay.

Speaker 1 26:42

so, and then as we got older and we got into like our later 20s, when I started considering to, you know, start having children and stuff. Then, when we had fee and stuff, you always make comments. Well, you know, start having children and stuff. Then, when we had fee and stuff, you always make comments. Well, you know what? I would rather for you to be, I'd rather for you to be home, I'd rather for you to be home. Okay, so like I said when we had the discussion. Tell them why.

Speaker 2 27:03

Why what I wanted you home.

Speaker 1 27:05

I don't know why do you want me home To be with our child, it To be with our child.

Speaker 2 27:07

It had nothing to do with me. It had everything to do with her.

Speaker 1 27:09

Okay, but what I'm saying is regardless whether it was for her or for you, I'm just saying If you want to be in these streets, go to these streets.

Speaker 2 27:17

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 27:18

Listen here Go to these streets. Listen here it was a collaborative decision. It was not what I'm saying is, and what I'm saying is is I arrived at that decision also based on how you presented it to me and how, in the sense of how important it was also for you and what you felt like would be the best course of action.

Speaker 1 27:42

So it wasn't just me saying like, oh yeah, like he told me, I can stay home, I'm going to stay home. It wasn't like that because that was a very difficult decision for me. That was a that was a difficult, especially because I was getting something that I had wanted the previous year before. So it was. It was a difficult decision for me to really just, you know, make that phone call and say, hey, you know what?

Speaker 2 28:03

I appreciate the opportunity, but I'm actually gonna stay home with my kid, but I'm just saying I did that because I considered you okay, but that that turned out to be something you really didn't want anyway, so I saved you, but, like I was saying, this current situation yeah we're in.

Speaker 1 28:19

It benefits me greatly it does it does benefit me great how do you think it benefits you?

Speaker 2 28:24

because I don't do nothing. Let me look.

Speaker 1 28:28

Let me look at the camera that just sounds so terrible when, you when you make it when you say it like that. I don't think you should say it like that.

Speaker 2 28:33

Let me look at the camera. I don't do nothing but work and pay bills. She does everything else. She does all the shopping, she does all the. She raises the child. She does all the errands. She does all. Well, she does. Yeah, she does all the cleaning, except for my areas of the house. She won't clean my areas of the house.

Speaker 1 28:52

I do. I clean your sink because it's a part of my vanity well, you won't clean my room oh no, I've straightened up your room, but I thought that's because every time I go into your office I'm always like you know what I really should just like get down and dirty in here. But if you off, yeah, because I got stuff where I want because you have, yeah, you know where things are and it's not where I would put it.

Speaker 2 29:11

So yeah, um. So I mean outside of, outside of bringing in money and taking, making sure the outside is taken care of and the cars are taken care of. You do everything else.

Speaker 1 29:20

So, yeah, it tremendously benefits me, because when you were working I had to cook, I had to help clean yeah, but even still, like, even still, I would say that even when I did work, I still think you benefited, even like you still benefit more, like just how you said you just said it a second ago in 50 50, how men still benefit, because, ok, ok. I would say clean, but you didn't clean as much as I did.

Speaker 2 29:49

You cooked, but you didn't cook as much as I did. I cook more than you did you think, so I know what to stop the cap.

Speaker 1 29:56

I don't feel like you cooked more than I did.

Speaker 2 29:57

You was the closing queen.

Speaker 1 30:00

I don't feel like you cooked more than I did, but in either case, I'll give you. I'll give you that, I'll give you that also because I'm um, but yet and still, when it came time to take care of anything that really had to relate to her, you're, you're, I was default parent.

Speaker 1 30:17

So I, I think, like when he says it greatly benefits men, I think, whether it's a 50, especially if there's, if there's children involved, whether it's 50 50 or traditional men overall on an overall like we can get down into the nitty gritties, but overall marriage benefits men more than it does women when it comes to legacy. Okay.

Speaker 2 30:42

And only when it comes to.

Speaker 1 30:43

Who files for a divorce more.

Speaker 2 30:44

Men or women? Women.

Speaker 1 30:45

Why do you think that is?

Speaker 2 30:47

Because they're unhappy. They claim they're unhappy.

Speaker 1 30:49

Okay. So if marriage benefited women so much more than it did men, why are women the ones who file and go for divorce?

Speaker 2 30:59

more so than men, because, like, just think about it, because most women who have a good man, they get bored with him because he don't do anything different. There's no excitement.

Speaker 1 31:07

I don't think it has anything to do. It might have something to do with like a good man or a bad man, but that for me, that's objective, because you can't just say like, oh, this man's a good man and this man's a bad man, because what is, uh, what is a good man?

Speaker 1 31:20

like we can, we can pick out certain characteristics of men that we want and we can characterize them as good or we can hold on or characterize them as bad, but the truth of the matter is is that women tend to file for divorce more so than men do let me, let me, let me because, like you said, they are usually unhappy. They're usually contempt sets in, usually resentment sets in because of things that women are just expected to take on deal with, work, work through. We have to care for everybody. There's not enough where things are poured back into us because we're constantly having to give out so much.

Speaker 2 32:00

And then, sorry, you need some water.

Speaker 1 32:04

No, I don't Okay A bubbly.

Speaker 2 32:06

No, let me say this. What I mean by what I said is Because oftentimes men don't pour back into their partners or their wives in a manner in which they should, because we are not taught how and we're not wired to Right. So while he may be checking all the box financially, he's not feeding her the things she needs mentally or emotionally or emotionally Correct. And that's where the unhappiness comes from. I don't think it comes from him not providing for her. I think it comes. It comes from a place where he's not giving her what she needs emotionally. And as men, since we were, we were taught, and this is where I always say like women have to understand again with men, grace, because we're taught to suck it up, we're taught to hold your head high. You don't show emotion.

Speaker 1 32:58

Right, I agree.

Understanding Emotional Disconnect in Relationships

Speaker 2 32:59

And then a lot of times when a man has been emotional and been vulnerable, it has been used against us. So then we close off even more and we shut down even more. So it's hard for us to then come to our woman and be soft and loving if we feel like it's going to be used against us in some way, or because women know exactly what to say, exactly what buttons to push, to cut deep. Case in point today, from the story you told me today there's the women know exactly what to say and men, as a reaction of this, because it's not even. It's it don't. It goes deeper than just with our women. It's just like the same thing, like we won't necessarily tell our friends deeply embarrassing things because they're gonna joke about it and you're gonna, we're gonna end up being the butt of the joke regardless. You know, I'm saying because to them it's funny, fun and games, but to us it was like hey, man, I told you something.

Speaker 2 33:57

Yeah you know I was like and it's, it's fun and games. But to us it was like hey, man, I told you something, yeah, you know. And to them it's like, as a man, it's like, oh man, it's like it's just a joke, right? So we're not wired to be 100% emotionally available, right? That is something that has to be learned and explored over time, time, because even for myself personally, I was not emotionally capable of loving you in the capacity that you needed early on. I wasn't capable of feeding into you emotionally like you needed to be, because that's something that I had never really saw right, what I saw was a man providing provision and providing care and making sure things were in place so that the woman was at least secure in a monetary place and safe and in a safe environment.

Speaker 2 34:52

I never, most men don't really get to experience, especially around my age, because most of us come from broken households. We don't get to experience the like love or shown love emotionally from our father to our mother or any other examples, because a lot of us come from broken homes, a lot of us come from situations to where you know it was maybe just the father and the men. Our father was taught to be man, so it's like it's it's levels of generational blockage that we have to fight and deal with, and it's it's not as if we can, because the thing is, I feel like even when a man loves you, he can only love you in a way he knows how to love Right, and I think the like. We had many conversations about this and I think the biggest thing I've learned is that, like you always said, I was doing things to show you I loved you, but I wasn't loving you the way you needed to be loved.

Speaker 1 35:48

The way I perceived love Right.

Speaker 2 35:49

So there was a disconnect and I feel like a lot of men don't take the time to actually learn how to love their wives and that's where the unhappiness come from. It's not necessary because he wasn't taking the mental load or he wasn't you know um feeding into her emotionally. He wasn't. He didn't know how to love her he wasn't trying to understand, right because when you're, because when I love you the way you need to be loved, then you then, then your cup gets filled well, and then?

Speaker 1 36:16

and then that gives you more tolerance to deal with Right and to pour from Right, and then that goes into like, and again you just cut me off. Oh sorry.

Speaker 2 36:23

But go ahead.

Speaker 1 36:23

But I just wanted to you know, beef you up a bit. But that also goes into like Did you say beef me up? Don't make me lose my train of thought, go ahead, that, go ahead. That also goes into like more disconnect, right, because then you can have husbands who are providing so much and then not understanding why they're not getting the results that they think they should be getting out of their wife and it's like because some like we're raised, we're raised for different like values Right.

Speaker 1 36:55

We're raised for different needs. We're raised for different values. Right, we're raised for different needs. We're raised for different values. So if you are raising boys to be men and the only thing you're telling them about being a man is that don't get a girlfriend or get a wife if you can't provide 100 percent, if you can't cover all her bills, if you can't buy her this, if you can't get her a house, if you can't financially sustain your children and everything is geared around the financial portion of taking on the responsibility of having a family which I get, because that's also something that women look for, right.

Speaker 1 37:24

But when you do that and you don't try to like how you say, you guys don't get that emotional development about how to be sensitive to another person's needs, about how to be open to another person's needs, about knowing that your woman is also going to require this level of emotional intelligence from you or she's going to require this level of mental capacity from you, you shut all of that down.

Speaker 1 37:47

So then you have people going into relationships and if I'm told as a child that you know, as long as he's paying bills and as long as he can provide for you financially and do this, that and the third, that's a good man. That's why I say being a good man is subjective. And then you're raising a little boy to think that all you have to do is work your butt off and to provide for a family, then there is going to be a disconnect. When you guys grow up to be adults and come into relationship with each other, when you have a person who is an emotional and intuitive being and then you have a person who is just a very tangible and if I can't see it in black and white, it doesn't exist.

Speaker 2 38:25

And that's the yin and the yang of the female male relationship. Right, because, as males, we're taught that you're only as good as your word and your provision. Right, that's what you're taught, right.

Speaker 1 38:36

And it's important.

Speaker 2 38:37

Like don't get me wrong If you say you're going to do something, you do it. You need to come, you need to follow through right. This is why follow-through matters so much for men, because it's been hammered into us from a young age if you commit, you commit right this is what you do, right.

Speaker 2 38:51

And so when, when, when we grow up in a system to where we're only valued by what we can offer and what we can maintain, we're not thinking of things in an emotional state. We're thinking of things in the actual, literal state what, what can I reasonably maintain and keep my level of manhood Right? So it's like it's hard for a man to understand that it doesn't really matter whether you work 40 hours or 80 hours a week. It really doesn't matter. You still have to come home or come, come home in some capacity a couple of days a week and feed into your household emotionally. And it's that that's not something that can be easily done if you've never been shown how to do it.

Speaker 1 39:35

Yeah, it's not an excuse.

Speaker 2 39:36

I'm not saying it is an excuse. Right, been shown how to do it, yeah, but it's not an excuse. I'm not saying it is an excuse, right, but a lot of times women don't under, don't? Men don't perceive the problem well, and women don't describe the problem as well, so there's a disconnect in actually what's going on the communication Right. Because a lot of times, like let's say Saturday for instance, right, I can tell that you really just wanted adult time like you wanted to be by yourself.

Speaker 2 40:02

Now, regardless of how I felt that day, I said I'm going to try to make this happen for her, because when you told me what your plans was, I knew what it was immediately and I was perfectly fine with that right face didn't feel like it was, though because I knew what you're. I knew in that moment. I said well, I haven't had her, she hasn't had time to be her.

Speaker 1 40:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:20

Right, and this is important for you, right, and this is that's a part of that. That was a part of me recognizing the person I'm with, yeah, right. So, going back to making it personal, right, that was me recognizing the person I was. This is something that's important to her, that she needs for her, right, and I know that the week had been tough because of everything that was going on.

Speaker 2 40:41

But a lot of men in certain situations and in certain relationships, they don't comprehend that, and a lot of people, especially Black men, we haven't done the healing yet too. You know, because, again, it's so hard to be emotional and vulnerable when that has always been perceived to be soft, right, and then we've been told our whole life that as a man, you don't be soft, you're hard. You know what I'm saying. You have backbone in everything you do. So to have vulnerability, just the concept of it, is difficult, because it's hard for me to roll the curtain back and expose myself and expose my interferes and get in touch with my emotional side If I feel like there's a threat or a danger of it not being perceived properly, of it not being reciprocated, or if it's being exposed to the point to where now it's coming back to hurt me in a way, right and. But that's all part of what we like.

Speaker 2 41:42

What we always say is is the work. So in that capacity it I would say that men do benefit more. Because I feel like for me personally, I can say when I really started paying attention to what was going on in the dynamics of our relationship, I tended to be more emotional. Available to you right Now, I will say that I've always been somewhat emotional, somewhat in tune with my personal feelings, but not necessarily in tune with what you were feeling. Right, I can identify my triggers and my feelings, but I could never necessarily pick up on anything of any of your emotions outside of anger Wow, because I knew he was mad at me. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 42:30

But again, these are traits that men don't normally be. These are traits that men are normally not taught. So it's hard for us to incorporate these and you really have to be in a situation to where you're willing to work, and I always say that when you sit across from someone and you love that person, you're willing to work. But it's hard Sometimes. It's hard to get the work because it's hard to go against. It's like breaking habits. It's hard to go. It's hard for me to go against 38 years of training.

Speaker 1 43:01

Yeah, it's like breaking habits. It's hard for me to go against 38 years of training to be different today. I think also there's a little bit of pride and ego in there, because it's also you having to—, but you should not have pride with your woman.

Speaker 1 43:09

But I think there is for some men. There's a little bit of pride and ego there because at some point you're also going to have to recognize, at some point you're also going to have to recognize like nobody wants to feel like they're lacking or nobody wants to feel like they're not doing all of the things that you know they think they have been doing. So hold on. So when, especially with men, it can take on that little air of in this area of a relationship, this is where you're if you don't have the education it's lacking, right, like if you don't have the emotional capacity to see me emotionally, to be able to handle my emotions, to be able to care for me when I'm being emotional.

Speaker 2 43:54

I don't like that.

Speaker 1 43:55

Hold on. I don't like that, oh, hold on. Emotional I don't like that, hold on, I don't like that. Oh, hold on, uh.

Speaker 1 44:01

To able to be able to care for me even when I'm being emotional, then that can make you feel like if, if you're, if I'm talking about for a man who's like open, for a man who's like I'm really trying to learn my woman, I'm really trying to make this like a two-way street type deal, to feel like you are not living up to or lacking in some area of your relationship. That would be hard to accept, or to sit with yourself and be like, okay, yes, I work my butt off, I do this for her, I do that for her, but every day I come home, she got an attitude, or she ain't motivated, or she don't want to do this or she don't want to do that, and then to know that maybe part of that reason is because she's not getting fulfilled emotionally or mentally.

Speaker 2 44:48

No, that part of that reason is exactly because she's not getting so much she needs.

Speaker 1 44:51

Exactly.

Speaker 2 44:52

So I will say this, I will say this. To that point, I will say that a lot of men feel like I'm doing this, this, this, this and this. Why is she just not happy? And then, when I've had friends say that to me, I always say, well, did she ask for those things? Are those just things you do? Because, like you said earlier, the value you put on you, the value I place on something, is not the same value you place on something, and it's not how we were raised.

Speaker 1 45:19

Our value systems, how we were raised, were different too.

Speaker 2 45:21

You may think that A through E is most important to her because it's most important to you, when in fact I don't know W through Z is what she's focused on, right? So it is. That's the fine line of having conversation and knowing your partner, and the will and the willingness to work with your partner, Because a lot of times what I noticed, especially from you, is that you will say something first. I'm sorry, you will drop hints first. Then you would just flat out say it like he ain't getting these hints. Let me just tell him Right.

Speaker 1 45:54

I don't mean to be dropping hints. To my knowledge I was pretty direct.

Speaker 2 45:58

but right, I don't mean to be dropping hints, to my knowledge I was. I'm pretty direct. But right, then it's like. Once you tell me, it's like okay, I'm only gonna mention it a couple times that's it and if it by so and by the, by the third or fourth time, this I'm done, I'm not gonna say it I'm not gonna say it anymore.

Speaker 1 46:12

So I mean, and if it's something that I'm not gonna do or something that I can't do on my own, i'm'm going to just put it in that little bag.

Speaker 2 46:19

Chalk it up.

Speaker 1 46:20

Back here. You know what.

Speaker 2 46:21

I'm saying, but again, I think it all comes from knowing your partner right and that's why I say to the video. To go back to the reaction, it is circumstantial because it depends on the dynamic of what's been chosen and what's been done right, Because if you're in a straight 50-50 situation, everything is going to favor the man a little bit more, unless it's just in a, you know, a very few exceptions.

Speaker 1 46:54

But you're saying it overall by saying that.

Speaker 2 46:56

Right, but I'm saying it's like it's not, as to me it's not as dramatic as he tried to make the but this is based off of statistics too.

Speaker 1 47:05

That's why I said in a nutshell like not even when you try to say it's situational. In a nutshell, marriage benefits men far more than it benefits women and I just feel like the benefits are different. Okay, the benefits can be different. But overall, like in categories, like if you're breaking down, like in the categories, like how he mentioned men still benefit more than women.

Speaker 2 47:31

But I feel like the weight of the benefit is different, and I don't think that's something we can quantify, because I feel like if provision is high on your list, right, and cleaning is high on mine, right, but I have OCD, I'm going to come home and clean anyway. So am I really benefiting from you cleaning? Yeah, but like he said, he said that in the clip with.

Speaker 1 47:55

he said how women used to be financially dependent on a man right, and then men were emotionally dependent on women, One of the things we have already changed because women are no longer dependent on men financially Not all of them Okay. But here's the thing Women are not dependent upon men financially, right? So, like he's saying, compared to the unmarried counterparts.

Speaker 1 48:19

The benefits that men get from being married overall we're talking about like just statistical overall, with the better health, the better income, all of that. That is still something that you benefit and that you have a higher up on than your unmarried partner. A woman can still go out and make her own money, still come home, cook clean, take care of kids. We can do all of that and we'll do all of that, whether married or not.

Speaker 2 48:44

Okay, but men, when you're unmarried or married.

Speaker 1 48:48

There is a very distinct difference on what you benefit or the life that you can live.

Speaker 2 48:53

I will concede.

Speaker 1 48:56

So I mean there's really no getting away around it. I will just concede Okay.

Speaker 2 49:02

You can't, because I can understand, like personally again, right, personally, you are my muse. Right, you are my motivation and, like I told you before, like I wouldn't, personally I could, I don't need much't need much, right, I wouldn't have, I don't have much ambition right, but when it comes to you and our, my, our daughter, that I do right and that's also right so that's the driving force exactly so I can see that if I was in, if I was a single in a single situation, I'd probably still be living in an apartment, probably having the same probably worth the.

Speaker 2 49:39

probably worth just enough to cover my bills. Exactly that part I understand. But me being motivated to go harder benefits you as well as myself.

Speaker 1 49:51

In our situation. Yes, it benefits me and ourself, but if I was also working or making just as much as you, it would still be the same thing. Okay, because you you said just so yourself, you said men still benefit more in a 50, 50 relationship. So, even when I was working, like I said, even though when I was working I was still a default parent, just being the default, but you didn't do my laundry, though, no.

Speaker 1 50:23

I didn't do your laundry and I and I told you and I also told you, when I go back to work, what's the first thing I'm not gonna do. He already know. I the first, the first thing on my list that goes when I go back to work, you back to doing your own laundry, playa. That's the.

Speaker 3 50:31

That's the first thing that's gonna go I don't.

Speaker 1 50:33

You don't have to do it. You can outsource it if you like, but but I'm not going to be the one that's going to do it.

Speaker 2 50:38

I'm going to outsource it to KY underscore N-E-S-H-A. Nope, nope.

Speaker 1 50:44

Nope, I feel like that's like an even trade. I feel like that's like an even trade, okay, but but anyway, yeah, like how you just said, even in a 50-50 relationship, the men still benefit All right.

Betrayal and Public Exposure

Speaker 2 50:59

All right, let's go. This has been the woman empowerment hour.

Speaker 1 51:04

It is not a woman empowerment. Listen here, how is it a woman empowerment hour? When you guys have, literally Men have set life up like this Society like this.

Speaker 2 51:17

You guys did it to yourself. This has been the Girls Run the World episode.

Speaker 1 51:23

How do girls run the world?

Speaker 2 51:26

Girls.

Speaker 1 51:27

When men are the ones who benefit more from marriage than women do. Okay, have you ever heard of? It's called the walk-, walk away wife syndrome. I didn't even know what that was.

Speaker 2 51:39

You want to walk away.

Speaker 1 51:40

It says. In essence, it refers to wives who become so emotionally disconnected and dissatisfied with their marriages that they eventually decide to just leave, after often years of built up resentment.

Speaker 2 51:55

Oh, like the accountant. Like on the accountant when his mama just left him.

Speaker 1 51:58

When his mama just left him, when his mama just left him. So, even if you don't, even if you don't dissect the aspects as to why marriage, greatly benefits men more than women just based on that and based on the fact that women initiate divorce more often so than men, already tells you how men the benefits of marriage are in favor of men.

Speaker 2 52:25

I will say that I concede and I agree.

Speaker 1 52:32

Thank you for that, babe.

Speaker 2 52:33

In this regard.

Speaker 1 52:36

There's always like a stipulation.

Speaker 2 52:38

There is.

Speaker 1 52:39

Okay, right.

Speaker 2 52:40

Uh-huh, because the right woman will motivate you to move mountains.

Speaker 1 52:45

Okay.

Speaker 2 52:46

Right, but there is a flip side to that.

Speaker 1 52:50

You're trying to get away from the statistical aspects. You could, I don't know. Look here. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 52:56

As someone who's taken multiple stat classes. I don't know, look here, okay, go ahead. As someone who's taken a multiple uh stack classes, I don't know the sample size. I don't know the population pool. I need the rest of these factors.

Speaker 1 53:06

Okay, fair enough.

Speaker 2 53:08

Because, if you talk about you, you went down to Arkansas.

Speaker 1 53:12

Bye, demel.

Speaker 2 53:13

I need to know where this, all these numbers?

Speaker 1 53:18

Bye. I need to know where this, where these numbers come from. Biden male you making my hair band scrunch up. What were you? Saying I'm done so you agree, Men is marriage is more beneficial? Nope.

Speaker 2 53:28

Uh-uh.

Speaker 1 53:28

Uh-uh, agree. So you agree that marriage is more beneficial to men than it is women?

Speaker 2 53:33

For the record, I'm going to agree with my wife. I you, what booskies? You what booskies? What do you do, booskies?

Speaker 1 53:47

nothing, it just makes sense, but for but, for the record she wanna be so for the record.

Speaker 2 53:54

I benefit greatly from my marriage double greatly and I love my husband no, she don't with the whole left side of my heart she sent me to work today with no lunch okay, uh, uh, nope.

Speaker 1 54:06

What you not finna do with the whole left side of my heart? She sent me to work today with no lunch. Okay, uh-uh, nope. What you're not going to do is get on God's World Wide Web and get up here in fib. Listen. We go to lunch together as a family every Sunday. Okay, every Sunday, so I do not pack him lunch on Sunday.

Speaker 1 54:21

You're not going to get up here and try to make it seem like I sent my man out into the world unprepared. That's what you're not going to do. I literally had a whole conversation with my sister about this, because I felt some type of way when you called and told me that you were driving all the way to Arizona, and I told my sister and I was like and now he's out there and I didn't even give him a lunch and she was like right, but still it made me see again. It still made me feel bad, even though you made a choice to change things up, and I'm the one that was still sitting at home feeling bad that you walked out of here without even a snack, because we normally go to family lunch Sundays. We meet for lunch.

Speaker 1 54:59

OK, this beautiful chocolate black man over here gets to work, work, gets to work, and then calls me and says hey, I'm volunteering to drive to arizona and I said okay, why are you going to arizona?

Speaker 1 55:16

because the money is good because the money's good, I'm just gonna drive and it'll be easier, it's the only thing I'll have to do today. And I'm like, okay, but you don't have lunch, you don't have snacks, like I'll figure it out. And he was like I'll have to do today and I'm like, okay, but you don't have lunch, you don't have snacks, I'll figure it out. And he was like I'll just stop and get something. And I'm like, okay, but it's like it's like 902 degrees outside and I regret my decision I made to get out.

Speaker 1 55:39

I regret highly. It seemed like I sent you Don't do that to me, because I literally just prepped your breakfast and your lunch and everything.

Speaker 2 55:47

What we got Before going to bed.

Speaker 1 55:48

No, because you're not going to come for me because I didn't send for you.

Speaker 2 55:51

Okay.

Speaker 1 55:52

You're not Apologize. That hurt my feelings.

Speaker 2 55:54

I apologize for hurting your feelings.

Speaker 1 55:55

Thank you, thank you very much. See, don't have me, but the fact remains. I walked out of here today because we go to lunch together on Sunday. I'm not doing this with you. I'm not doing this with you. Everybody knows I feed, I feeds my husband, okay they see how big I am.

Speaker 2 56:17

You already told them. You see how big I am, I eat you know I eat.

Speaker 1 56:21

You obviously ain't missing no meals not the good ones.

Speaker 2 56:24

Bye, I'm done. Okay, you know I eat.

Speaker 1 56:26

You obviously ain't missing no meals, not the good ones. Bye, I'm done. Okay, let's head on right into our two cents.

Speaker 2 56:30

Four cents today.

Speaker 1 56:31

Okay, let's see what this one's talking about.

Speaker 2 56:32

I thought it was two change and four rings.

Speaker 1 56:34

Let's see what this one's talking about.

Speaker 2 56:36

Okay, it says advice needed.

Speaker 1 56:38

Okay, fyi, I haven't read this either.

Speaker 2 56:40

Okay, read this either.

Speaker 1 56:41

Okay here we go, I said this is going to be a blind one for the both of us, so I have no idea what this is.

Speaker 2 56:45

Y'all don't know. All these are blind to me.

Speaker 1 56:46

This is going to be my first time, so it says. Am I the asshole for exposing my boyfriend and stepsister's affair in pregnancy?

Speaker 2 56:55

Oh wait, hold on now.

Speaker 1 56:58

I'm really struggling with this the story. I've been dating my boyfriend, jake, for three years. We were really happier so I thought we even talked about moving in together and starting a family someday. I thought he was quote, unquote the one About six months ago my mom remarried and I got a new stepsister, laura.

Speaker 1 57:17

Laura and I didn't grow up together, but we tried to bond and build a relationship. She's fun and outgoing, so we started to hang out more and she became part of my friend circle, which included Jake. Everything seemed fine until a few weeks ago. I noticed Jake acting seriously strange. He was more secretive with his phone and started coming up with excuses to not hang out as much. I chalked it up to stress from work at first. Then last week I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. Laura wasn't feeling well and ended up leaving the table to lie down. My mom asked me to check on her, so I went to her room. Then, when I saw Jake's jacket on her chair, my heart sank, but I didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Later that night I confronted Jake. After a lot of deflecting and denial, he finally admitted that he had been seeing Laura behind my back for the past two months. He begged for forgiveness and claimed that it was just a mistake. But that wasn't the worst part.

Speaker 1 58:12

Laura came over the next day looking distraught. She confessed that she's pregnant and that Jake is the father. She said she didn't mean for any of this to happen and that she was sorry. I was devastated and furious. I told both of them that they betrayed me in the worst way possible. My mom is heartbroken, too torn between her daughter and her stepdaughter. Here's where I might be the asshole. In my anger, I exposed everything on social media. I posted about the affair and the pregnancy, tagging them both. The fallout has been massive. My friends and family are in shock and Jake and Laura are being shunned and harassed online. They're begging me to take down the post saying I've ruined their lives. My mom thinks I went too far and that I should have handled it privately. So am I the asshole for exposing their affair and the pregnancy publicly? I feel like they both deserve to be called out for their betrayal, but now I'm second guessing my actions and I just don't know what to do. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 59:10

Yeah.

Speaker 1 59:11

Okay. She's the asshole for putting it on social media.

Speaker 2 59:15

Yes, Because her people hurt people. So what you wanted?

Speaker 1 59:19

you. You wanted them to feel as hurt as you did, right.

Speaker 2 59:22

And so what you decided to do was let me post this so other people can pile on as well, and so let me expose who they are to other people, let me lower the facade of other people. So what you did was damage their reputation even further, right, so you made something that was a private matter public.

Speaker 1 59:43

Right, like you said, what did she do? She destroyed their reputation and they broke her heart. Right, what?

Speaker 2 59:53

It won't be the first time.

Speaker 1 59:54

I'm not saying that it would be.

Speaker 2 59:56

It won't be the last time.

Speaker 1 59:57

I'm not saying that it would be, but yes, I think I might agree with you on it.

Speaker 2 1:00:03

I think I might agree with you on it.

Speaker 1 1:00:04

I think I might agree. That was an asshole move to post it on social media because you knew what the intent was when you posted it. You wanted to get people to chime in. You wanted to put them on front street. You wanted them to be embarrassed. How old are you, front street? I was born in 87. Not ashamed to admit it, I'm 37 years old.

Speaker 2 1:00:22

You look 40. Ding.

Speaker 1 1:00:24

Did you say I look 40? What'd you say? Did you say I look 40? No baby, I know you're not talking. I know you're not talking.

Speaker 2 1:00:31

Go ahead, baby, I was just playing with you.

Speaker 1 1:00:36

Stop. Airlines are real Airlines Airlines. Yeah, that's what hurts. I know it doesn't, because you haven't seen one in a while. Anyway, like I was saying before, I was rudely interrupted.

Speaker 2 1:00:48

Good thing Gilbeard ain't matching mine Today.

Speaker 1 1:00:51

That's because I narrowed it.

Speaker 2 1:00:56

Thank you very much. This is all the time.

Speaker 1 1:00:59

Go ahead and answer the question yeah, like I was saying, I agree with you, because when she posted it on social media, she knew what she was doing. She wanted them to get dogged on social media because she wanted them to hurt as much as she was hurt because they hurt her. So I will say yes, she was the asshole, but they were the assholes first, Jake from State Farm.

Speaker 2 1:01:21

Hold on, is it Jake from State Farm?

Speaker 1 1:01:22

It's not, don't you dare come from From State Farm. It's not Hold on.

Speaker 2 1:01:24

Hold on Is it, jake from State Farm. It's not, it's not. And don't you dare come from my boy, jake from State Farm.

Speaker 1 1:01:28

Okay, as long as it wasn't Jake from State Farm. Yeah, jake was the asshole first, because Jake shouldn't have slept with your stepsister.

Speaker 2 1:01:37

Like I said, her people hurt people and she wanted them to hurt.

Speaker 1 1:01:41

Yes, and understandably, she didn't understand how far they were going to go right, right, and you can't see the repercussions of your actions, sometimes until it's done.

Speaker 2 1:01:50

And regardless of whether or not the sister-in-law seduced Jake or whatever, Jake is still at fault and and why is Jake at fault, babe Elaborate.

Speaker 2 1:02:02

Because he's the one that stepped out, right, right. And why is Jake at fault, babe Elaborate? Because he's the one that stepped out. So that's why I say you're an asshole, because, even though it's a weird love triangle, everything that's happening now is the consequences of Jake's decisions, decisions, and so I don't feel like, as I don't feel like the stepsister should be, um, it's not warranted that her punishment be as harsh as Jake's.

Speaker 1 1:02:30

Oh no, I'm not taking that, I'm not going to take it that far. Um I, like I said, I agree that it was wrong that she posted on social media, but I mean we barely know each other.

Speaker 2 1:02:41

So and then I'll also say I can tell that you're probably not Black, because Black people say you don't leave your man with nobody.

Speaker 1 1:02:49

This has been another episode of Life After I Do. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast. You can also write in to us at LifeAfterIDoPodcast.

Speaker 2 1:03:03

And on OnlyPans, what OnlyP?

Speaker 1 1:03:04

you can also write into us at life after I do podcastcom um what only pants, goodbye.

Speaker 2 1:03:08

You can also text and you can also text into us um on.

Speaker 1 1:03:13

Uh, wherever you hear your podcast from all digital streaming platforms um you can catch us on youtube, you know instagram, all all of the usual suspects Okay At Life. After I Do podcast, you get a new episode every Wednesday. So until then, we out. Peace Booscaronis, peace Boosca you.