Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 21 years together and 7 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Reduced
Ever wondered how income differences impact relationships? Join Nesha G and Molethal in a hilarious and heartfelt episode of "Life After I Do" as they explore high-earning women dating, share funny moments from their marriage, and discuss parenting styles. Tune in for laughs, insights, and thought-provoking conversations!
in my experience, a lot of women that make a lot of money are somewhat high strung, so they they're not going to date men that make less than them anyway.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of true too.
Speaker 1:I mean so? I mean, everything here is hypothetical. The fact that he bagged her and she made more good for him.
Speaker 2:Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, nisha G, and I'm here with my husband. I'm here with y'all know who what, y'all know who what y'all know who you better introduce me right you always introduce yourself.
Speaker 1:I always just say I'm here with my husband cause I got the same vibe from when the nurse asked you who was gonna be in the room as you give birth and you gonna say him him, him, right here, I can't.
Speaker 2:Did she just say him, like I'm not the father of this child, him, do you want me to say the father, the one, the only?
Speaker 1:It's your husband, molito.
Speaker 2:Hey babe, I'm hot. Obviously you done popped a mile and you sweating.
Speaker 1:I'm hot.
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. I said that at the dance studio because it was when we did rehearsal the other day. And I'm running back and forth trying to change her and going back and forth and I'm hot, and it's hot outside, everyone's sweating, there's kids everywhere, people getting dressed, and I was like my friend Ashley was like oh my gosh, girl, you sweat. And I was like you better not say that out loud, some parents might think you actually do drugs. And I was like you're right, never mind.
Speaker 1:You do do drugs that's called a, b. I'm your drug.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. But yeah, she was like you. Better not say that too loud, because some parents might take that serious.
Speaker 1:I was like you're so right, let me not.
Speaker 2:I'm addicted to you, okay.
Speaker 1:I'm addicted to loving you.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I haven't heard that in forever.
Speaker 1:What's that?
Speaker 2:girl, I'm addicted to loving you.
Speaker 1:You don't know about it. Don't let me get my R&B back. I've been a lover all my life.
Speaker 2:Can you? I don't know why.
Speaker 1:Okay, what was?
Speaker 2:I thinking about something had came up, but I was thinking, oh, I was listening to, um, I was listening to kevin, melissa and uh, he was talking about how melissa still has like the very first gift that he got her when they went on their first date, like when they first started dating. And I was trying to what was the first thing that you had got me? And I was thinking back in high school and remember you were able to send those crush grams.
Speaker 1:That was like a Valentine's Day thing.
Speaker 2:Was it? Yeah, but that's the first thing that came to mind. That's the only thing I can remember. Do you remember the first thing you ever bought me, when I became your girlfriend?
Speaker 1:Probably some food, knowing you.
Speaker 2:Probably chili cheese fries. You probably killed that. Goodbye, it was not, it was not. I do remember you sending the crush gram and, like you know because, when they were passing, I remember because when they were passing them out and everybody's like sitting in class and when, like the little one of the little ASB people came around and had like the basket with all the Graham crushes in there and people, all the girls were like sitting there Strawberry crush.
Speaker 2:Trying to see, like, who sent them a Graham crush, or like if anyone's going to get a Graham crush.
Speaker 1:Strawberry crush.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember that you weren't the only one who sent me a Graham crush. But, yours was no special because I was dating you.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I had a lot of. Go ahead and strickle that hoe.
Speaker 2:I didn't have a lot. I remember having three yeah hoe. I remember how does that make me a hoe? I was dating you. I've been dating you my whole life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hoe.
Speaker 2:Stop, a little pussy.
Speaker 1:It's 7 p.
Speaker 2:Friday it's 95. Actually it's 104 degrees.
Speaker 1:It's 7pm Friday how was your week?
Speaker 2:it was good. It was good. Baby girl had her recital this week. It was so cute. It was so cute she, it was so cute.
Speaker 1:She looked just like me. Of course, she was cute.
Speaker 2:She does have your forehead, she does.
Speaker 1:If she could just get my attitude, it would be better.
Speaker 2:No, she does have your attitude.
Speaker 1:No, she don't, and that's the problem. No, she don't.
Speaker 2:She absolutely does have your attitude.
Speaker 1:She's too nice to have my attitude.
Speaker 2:And then when she gives it back to you, you take it as disrespect or her like being flip mouth and I keep telling you it's you.
Speaker 1:She don't have my attitude because she do nice to people. I'm not nice to people.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:I'm not nice to nobody.
Speaker 2:That's not true. I don't know. I don't know why you try to create this persona that you're just like so mean and you're just like the big bad wolf. You're not Okay. You're quite literally like Marshmallow in the Middle.
Speaker 1:For you, I'm that nigga in the streets.
Speaker 2:Don't let him fool you.
Speaker 1:All right, test me if you want to. Okay, anyway, as well, no, what I don't play about.
Speaker 2:Okay, anywho, my week was good. That was good, very busy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:How do you know?
Speaker 1:Because some things got done, some things didn't get done yeah.
Speaker 2:I was busy. My baby required a lot of my attention this week, yeah.
Speaker 1:I know A lot of my attention. Yeah, I know that. I know too.
Speaker 2:Sound like my biggest hater.
Speaker 3:No, she's my biggest hater. You hate the way that I talk.
Speaker 2:You hate the way that I dress that was not correct.
Speaker 1:Oh my god oh god every time you talk about, like like rap, rap and the rap beef, you, you, just you. Let let Watts down what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, you really do let.
Speaker 1:Watts down.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't let nobody down because I have a good time, so I got a good laugh out of it, and that's really all that matters. But how was your week?
Speaker 1:Um, it was cool. I was excited to see my baby perform, do her thing, her thingy thing. She was so excited up there. She was so excited, and this year's show was a lot better than last year's show.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Now I am getting over a little cold or whatever. So I mean I got good news and bad news from a doctor on just past Friday, so that was good. Well, good and bad. Then my baby showed up on Saturday.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say it was bad news, but it's just you need to work on some things, okay. You're the one who brought it up.
Speaker 1:And you know the work's just a grind. I'm just. I'm counting down the days to the day of excitement.
Speaker 2:Oh her birthday. Grind, I'm just I'm counting down the days to the day of excitement. Oh her birthday. Yeah, I'm just counting down. It was just so weird that she had a dream, Her dream yeah, yeah, her dream.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty sure. What have these grandmas done to hold her?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, she's been like I would have your mom on speakerphone the last time we had spoke and, to my knowledge, phoenix was upstairs asleep.
Speaker 1:Well, she wasn't?
Speaker 2:Your mom kept saying like? She kept saying it. She kept saying like, well, who's all going to and what are we wearing to? And then I can't wait to spoil her at. And then, like five minutes later, she walks downstairs and she's like good morning Mom.
Speaker 1:Stop talking to people on speakerphone. I didn't have my headphones nearby. You know when that?
Speaker 2:child's in the house. You don't get no privacy, I know, so you do have to be careful, Just like last night. At dinner we thought she was asleep and we were talking about the dream, and then she pops up out of nowhere and she's like I was at the gift shop.
Speaker 1:She wild bro, she wild.
Speaker 2:She just went right back to sleep. She said she had a dream that she had went to Disneyland. And she was like I said well, what happened in your dream? What did you do there? And she was like, oh, I got to go to the gift shop and I got to pick out anything that I wanted. I said, is that what happened in the dream?
Speaker 1:I said good thing it was a dream, because somebody got a budget.
Speaker 2:She was like I got to pick out anything that I wanted. And I was like, did you? And she was like mm-hmm, and I was like what did you get? And she was like I got an Anna, I got an Elsa and I got the water horse. It was a really big water horse.
Speaker 1:I. It was a really big water force. I could tell you what something just triggered me. I could tell you what the low light of my week was. Oh gosh, what PF, motherfucking chains. I said how the mighty has fallen. I said I'm not going back here ever again.
Speaker 2:I mean, my food was good, the chicken wasn't good nothing about. There was good the chicken that you get in the pad thai.
Speaker 1:The ambiance wasn't good. It wasn't good, nothing. It wasn't the vibe. We should have went to Dwayne's yeah, you and me.
Speaker 2:I said I love me a yeah, I wasn't gonna take your mom. I was listen here. I don't have money to pay for a third person. I wasn't gonna take your mama like that'll be something I can treat her to like with just the two of us. That's just like a two thing, like a twofer. She would have had appetizers, she would have been fine. My daughter, oh yeah, but no, probably still wouldn't take her either. But yeah, I mean, here's the thing, Like the flavor of my pad thai from PF Chan's was good.
Speaker 2:We're from pfj. We're not gonna. We're not gonna give a whole review.
Speaker 1:We're not keith what we're not keith, what we're not keith. But if we look, keith would have said goodbye. One out of ten, goodbye, goodbye.
Speaker 2:We don't let keith do his thing. We don't do what you do. No, but I would have, um, no, I, I would just say the chicken. I don't know what's going on with the chicken, but I didn't like the chicken. It was like chicken pieces and then they were like fried too hard or something, and then they put the sauce on the pad thai.
Speaker 1:It just wasn't working. It was just bad all around.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I wouldn't say it was. I mean mine was okay. Like I said, mine was okay.
Speaker 1:The yogurt lamb was better. Goodbye, you liked the ribs.
Speaker 2:They were cool. Goodbye, you like the ribs? They were cool. Yeah, they were okay as an appetizer.
Speaker 1:The rest of it was trash.
Speaker 2:Okay, but the slaw that came with it was actually really good. It was just so damn spicy. I don't understand.
Speaker 1:I'm not that old yet I don't eat coleslaw, that's an old people meal.
Speaker 2:I used to eat coleslaw like it was going out of business when I was a kid. I loved KFC's coleslaw. When I was a kid, loved it. Then I grew up.
Speaker 1:These are things that I've known. Then I grew up, I probably wouldn't have dated you.
Speaker 2:Goodbye. Then I grew up and I realized that coleslaw was trash and I stopped eating it.
Speaker 3:It's been trash from the beginning, then last night.
Speaker 2:You almost made me say something. God forgive me because you almost slipped. I really had to. I forgot who I was talking to for a second. I was going to say something Okra's not trash.
Speaker 1:You do love slime in your mouth.
Speaker 2:What we got today, booskies, I'm not done. Finish your slime story I just, first of all, okra's not trash. Second of all, you got, you got me all thrown off. What was I talking about? My po chains? Yes, it wasn't. Mine wasn't too terrible. Your daughter, she eats noodles in general no matter what kind it doesn't as long as it's a noodle. As long as it's a noodle, she'll eat it, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:I'll pull it up.
Speaker 2:But yeah, like I would just say, the only complaint that I had really was the chicken, the chicken pieces, but we're on our way to X-Naying chicken in general, like all it's going to take is for me to and then I'm completely done.
Speaker 1:The black in me won't let you do that. It's not, it's really not going to matter, no.
Speaker 2:I'm not done telling you about my week?
Speaker 1:No, because I'm not going to have you sit here and butcher chicken like it ain't been good to you all these years.
Speaker 2:I wanted to, okay, I wanted to really quick, you know, as part of like things that are happening now the new Tyler Perry movie, divorce in the Black Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Three minutes 48 seconds into the movie.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God Okay.
Speaker 2:And I about, about, about cut it off. I about cut it off. Those of you who have already seen it it was probably the first scenes, like the first seven minutes of the movie, the funeral scene. Those who have seen it know exactly what I'm talking about. I was about ready to turn it off, but then I was really intrigued, because then I needed to know what happened after that.
Speaker 1:So it worked.
Speaker 2:It worked, obviously. But the only thing is I would say, like when I talked to my mom today cause she wants to watch it too and she was like, did you like it? And I was like I would give it like a 6.8 out of 10. Maybe a 7. That's low, yeah, maybe a 7.
Speaker 2:And the only reason why is because I feel like the beginning part obviously like captivated me, drew me in, like I was ready to see how this was going to happen, how big of a fool he was for the act, um. But towards the middle end, everything became really predictable for me, like I. I literally predicted the end, like verbatim. I knew exactly what the game plan was, what she was gonna do. So that was a little anticlimactic for me.
Speaker 2:And, um, just basically the ending, how it like with him and his family and everybody, I was just like. I just feel like it was like wrapped up. I feel like they started off really strong and then through the middle, kind of plateaued a little bit, and then some like maybe the writers got tired or something, or they needed to like wrap it up to fit the time constraints, or maybe it's an editing thing and everything was just wrapped up super quick in the end and it was wrapped up so quickly that it was really predictable. But I will say what is his name Corey Hardrick. Is that how you say, his name, corey Hardrick? He played the hell out of that part Like I was real convinced he wasn't playing.
Speaker 1:That was his life with Tia.
Speaker 2:I was listen. I was like like he was giving me. He was giving me like ike vibes, he was giving me like I don't know. But I was looking at him and I said this feels very convincing for me, let me apologize, I ain't seeing the movie.
Speaker 1:I'm just talking about that, right, don't do that.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, don't do that I'm sorry, um, but he was very convinced, like very convincing, and I don't know where they was going with the whole haircut and then like the, the, his, his beard thing, I don't know. That just kind of threw me off too. But he really did his big one in his acting. I was very convinced in how he portrayed the character. But, like I said, overall I would probably give the movie like a 6.8, maybe a 7, but really not higher than a 7. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:You got that off your chest.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Because that almost put me to sleep.
Speaker 2:Really, really, really. Yeah, you're so freaking annoying. Thank you, you're so annoying.
Speaker 1:It's not it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not a good thing to be.
Speaker 1:I love you too, baby.
Speaker 2:It's not a good thing to be.
Speaker 1:I love you too, baby.
Speaker 2:No, I don't love you right now.
Speaker 1:That's fine, it's not. It's not a good thing to be.
Speaker 2:I got enough video for you and I wanted your reaction and your thoughts about it. I thought it was pretty interesting because I feel like I had one point of view about it, but then I totally understood where he was coming from too, so I was like, let me ask him.
Speaker 1:Let me just add a disclaimer. I'm not in the best place as far as fatigue goes right now.
Speaker 2:That's not an excuse.
Speaker 1:So I'm saying I may be a little blunt and harsh.
Speaker 2:It's called self-control.
Speaker 1:I ain't got none.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I know you could exercise a little bit in your life with self-control.
Speaker 1:Play the video before I turn it off.
Speaker 2:It doesn't feel good, does it Eat the cake? It doesn't feel good, does it All right?
Speaker 1:anime Good boy, good boy, I'm a dog now.
Speaker 2:What is going on? Say goodbye. What is going on. Okay listen to the video. Are you ready? I guess?
Speaker 3:A man who makes less than his wife right.
Speaker 3:He goes there and he says you know what, boo? I know you want that backyard fence. I'm going to save my next two paychecks. I'm going to put some money away from the next two checks and build that thing. Your wife make more money than you, so you know what she says. I'll take my money and pay for it now so we can get it right now. Take my money and pay for it now so we can get it right now. This is the reason and the way that a man will feel small with a woman who make more than her, more than him, because your question would probably be it ain't about that, yeah, what should she do in the situation?
Speaker 3:I mean, she has more money, they could get it now. He just told his lady his plan and she stepped on it with her wallet. Yeah, my mind says I can do this. As a man, I can figure this out. But before I even put my plan in action, here comes her plan, her money.
Speaker 3:When this man goes to his wife, who just stepped on his plan as a man, with her wallet, and he says I don't like the fact that you did that. I want to build the fence. I want to do it my way. I don't need your money. You try and put your money. What does he say? What Jada just said.
Speaker 3:He's trying to make her feel like she's not her. That's not it, right, you gas, y'all gaslight, because that's not the issue. The issue and wanted to be a man and build defense. He wants to do that for his wife. I want to take money out of this check and this check to do this for you, right? When they get into it and this is where the relationships crumble, oh, I see it when they get into it and he tells her I did defense for you, I had to pay for it, but you didn't have to pay for it, but you did, but you stepped, but you didn't have to pay for it, but you did, but you didn't let him be a man. Because, ladies, the ladies who are asking what should the woman have done in that situation? Shut your ass up, sit your ass down and let that man save two checks and build that fence.
Speaker 2:Yes, so what are your thoughts about?
Speaker 1:what was that? So what are your thoughts About what?
Speaker 2:Don't play with me. I'm not in the mood this evening.
Speaker 1:You in a mood.
Speaker 2:No, you finna put me in a mood and you're not gonna like it.
Speaker 1:I like every mood you got. No, you don't so sexy. Okay, my thoughts is I agree with what they said. I think that's why it's it's not so much that men have a problem with their lady making more, it's the perceived um.
Speaker 3:I gotta say this without being canceled what? How can I say?
Speaker 1:this without being canceled? What?
Speaker 2:How can I say this without being canceled?
Speaker 1:It's the.
Speaker 2:Just say it. It's the ego and arrogance that comes when they're making more money than him, Right?
Speaker 1:right. So it feels like his leadership and his role or his word is less than because financially, she's more than Because, again, you know, like I've stated before, it's like if you're going to use money to dictate the hierarchy in a situation, you know, and when a woman makes more than she, feels like she's more important than the man, right? Even though in this situation, in ways, I'm not saying all over the world, calm down. I saw your face, you didn't say anything I saw your face.
Speaker 1:Your face says enough. I've been with you a long time.
Speaker 2:I was just thinking about your choice of words.
Speaker 1:Right, that's all. Oh, I told you I'm sleepy. I was just thinking about your choice of words, right, that's all? Oh, I told you I'm sleepy. It's because, in that instance, she was not allowing him to be a man.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:Or take leadership. Or take leadership, I agree.
Speaker 1:Or take the lead right, mm-hmm, lead right. And a lot of times, um, you know, it can be suffering because it's like, yes, she may out earn me, but she's not allowing me to use my talents in other ways to help her right, because I don't care who you are financially. That's not, that's not, yeah, that's not the whole equation.
Speaker 2:Or like utilizing your provision in more ways than just being financial.
Speaker 1:Because if, for instance, like if it was a situation where you make more than me, more than me, but I was handy, so let's say, you make more than me, but we're not paying for a repairman, we're not paying for an electrician, we're not paying for someone to build a fence per se, right, I'm adding value in other ways. Right, and I'm still contributing my part. You just make more than I make, right? And a lot of times when those roles are reversed men don't look at it that way. We don't say, oh, I make more than you, so I'm over you. You know what I'm saying. I'm going to just overstep you, you like it.
Speaker 1:In a decision. Right, we're like what.
Speaker 2:Making more than your woman. It don't bother me. Did it bother you when I made more money than you in the past? No, not really. Only when you try to flex. Never, never, Gosh. You were just.
Speaker 1:I just waited my time, because I knew my time would come. And now look at you. You ain't never told me to stop working.
Speaker 2:You ain't never told me to stop working.
Speaker 1:You ain't never told me more than you, but I didn't make enough to take care of you. I told you you didn't have to work, so don't ask, don't say I think it's not the same thing, so don't sit here and act like you took care of me when you did not. Don't, let, don't make me get sassy oh gosh, you're already sassy, sassy.
Speaker 2:Finish your thought.
Speaker 1:So it's a hard situation, and it's a hard situation to be in in general for a man, right?
Speaker 1:Because as a man I always say a good man you have a want and a need to provide and to be financially capable as well as mentally capable and physically capable for your wife and for your family, and when one of those dynamics are removed, it's hard to then fill the void of that, of what that is lacking, right? So it's hard for me to be able to say, ok, I know financially I don't match her, but I can protect her physically and I can help out around here in other ways. I can install doors I can install, you know, whatever the case may be. So I'm saving us money there that don't have to be spent. And I know this to be true, because this is even true of you, right. Sometimes women just don't have the patience to wait for when a man has time to do something, or resources to do something right, so because that's what I was gonna say, because I'm gonna talk about my woman, because I can't speak for all women.
Speaker 1:What my woman does is, if we can have somebody come in today, I need to take care of today, even though I tell you hey, babe, I got a couple days off coming up, I know, but I want it done today yeah, and in my mind, bothering me for a week, and in my mind I'm thinking well, I can save me a dollar by doing this myself, and but in your mind, I can go ahead and get this peace of mind well, because you can't.
Speaker 2:you can't preach saving a dollar in this instance but then don't mind wasting 10 in the next instance. Like that don't make sense to me and that's why, like for me personally as your woman, that's why, when things like that happen with us and you be like, babe, just wait, because then we can save you, I'll be like you don't pick and choose when to be a saver. Either you're a saver and a budgeter in most aspects, but don't don't do it when I want something done now.
Speaker 1:Don't implement being on budget and stuff. When I want something done, we don't budget when it's something I can get done myself. So anyway, to that regard, it's very hard because if you're going to overstep me all the time because you have the money to, yeah. Then in some regard you're not honoring me.
Speaker 2:Right or respecting you as the leader and husband, because you're looking down at me.
Speaker 1:Like you said, you're belittling me and my status in this relationship.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:At this point, you don't even see me as equal, because now you're willing to override what I say based off of your emotions, or what you want done in that moment.
Speaker 2:And I can understand that. Now here's the other thing to that.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and warm it up.
Speaker 2:I don't think women sometimes think about it in that aspect, because if we are together and we're one, and it's you and I and this is a partnership, when I say like, okay, that's cool, babe, I can just front it up right now because I have know, I have the money, or we have the money and then we can go ahead and take care of it now, some women would be thinking like, okay, like it's just money, it's fine.
Speaker 1:Like I know that you're dealing with his pride.
Speaker 2:I understand that. But I understand that I agree with what he said. I don't disagree with what he said, but what I'm saying is is the other end of that are women who are not looking that deep into it, like there are some women who are not going to look that deep into it and just be like okay, it's just money, like I've made more than you, probably the whole relationship or whatever. I'm not using my money as a means to emasculate you or to disrespect you or to say like this isn't something you can get done. I'm fully capable, like an, aware that you can get this done You've done it in the past or you fix something else around the house. What I'm saying is, instead of me having to wait for two weeks, we have the money now. Does it really matter where the money came from, whether I made the money or whether you made the money? That's how she could be thinking Like the money is the money. If we have it now and it's in my bank account, let me go ahead and pay for it and we can have our patio and plan a pool party next weekend.
Speaker 2:But, like I said, I don't disagree with what he has said, because I do think that it does set a precedent when something like that continuously comes up, like if you're asking him for something, or you go to him and you're like, oh, I need this done, or I wish we could, like you know, have a. I want a three foot tall fence that's put around my garden or whatever, and he's like you know what, I can take care of that for you. On Saturday, I just got to go get the tools and then next Saturday I can build it for you and by you constantly stepping on him and being like you know what? Well, the landscapers, they're going to be out this weekend and they can do everything in one day. They're just going to charge us an extra hundred dollars. I got the extra hundred dollars. You know what I'm saying. Like I can understand that.
Speaker 1:Can I flip it?
Speaker 2:Flip it, rub it down, smack it however you like.
Speaker 1:We are not in the bedroom. Calm down.
Speaker 2:What babe.
Speaker 1:So this would be like to flip it right. Let's say you plan a vacation and you try to book all these things that you think that we both would be into right, and at every turn I'm complaining about what's been been chosen, right? So at every turn I'm using my all of my all of my chest to shit on your plan, right?
Speaker 2:Not all your chest Right.
Speaker 1:Would you not be miserable on that trip?
Speaker 2:I'd probably be annoyed.
Speaker 1:Right, would it not? Would it be something that you don't enjoy?
Speaker 2:Probably not.
Speaker 1:Would it be something that you would want to have a conversation with me with? Probably not, right Right, so it's similar right. So if you have a plan and you make these plans and then I step on your plans because I don't agree with your plans, is that me honoring you, because normally you would just go along with it and act like I'm having fun, even if I'm not?
Speaker 1:Yeah but, that's not fair to you, because you should have fun too, yeah it's not fair to me, but I know how much work you've put in this right, so sometimes as a partner you have to go along with the plan when it's not detrimental right and in this instance her waiting two weeks for offense. It was too long for her it wouldn't hurt her.
Speaker 2:It probably. It probably wouldn't have hurt her. But maybe we don't know all the context because maybe let me flip it maybe she had plans to have, like a summer house party, maybe the pool just got cleaned and now she was trying to invite everybody over and she wanted this to be done as quickly as possible. That's all I'm saying. Like that's what I'm saying. It maybe it's not something that she thought about in terms of am I emasculating my husband? Am I shitting on his?
Speaker 1:plans as a man am I like I? Can guarantee you she didn't think about it, because y'all think about our okay, but that's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 2:I I understand it from what he is saying. I can understand and feel how that can make you feel as though you're not valued or that you're not respected and that her wallet just topples on top of his word.
Speaker 2:I get that but I'm just saying open your mind and also try to think about it from her perspective. But if that's the case, then that also needs to be a conversation. So if something like that was to happen, or if she stomped on him with her wallet, he can then come back and just explain to her how that makes him feel.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's a lot of nuances and increases that are not listed and that could be. There's a lot of possibilities Right listed and that could be. There's a lot of possibilities, right. But at the end of the day, for me personally, I feel like she, she, she did step on him in that situation. She did step on his ego, she stepped on his pride. She, she stepped on him as a person, right, because person, yeah, as a man, as a man, she stepped on him okay, well, I'm as a person.
Speaker 1:Because he's saying like this is how I'm providing value to my family, and now you're taking, because, basically, it's like saying it doesn't seem like that's what he said to her, though, but go ahead. If he's taking his time and resources to build this fence right, he's adding value in his eye right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he's doing something for his woman.
Speaker 1:So it's like he said I'm going to go ahead and put this $100 here and take care of this, and she said, oh, that's not enough, and she flicked it off.
Speaker 2:No, no, maurice, that's literally not.
Speaker 1:No, no, he's just saying that she is saying that okay, I have the money now, my hundred can get it, and she flicked it away like that my hundred can get it done in two weeks, she said and she said but my three can get it done today she flicked it away so pretty much, so damn dramatic so pretty much what she did she they were playing spades and she put the big joker down.
Speaker 2:I don't play spades, so I can't make references anymore. I've never played Spades a day in my life.
Speaker 1:She whipped out the blue shell on Mario Kart.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a little dramatic, don't you think?
Speaker 1:That's all women are is dramatic.
Speaker 2:No, but anywho, like I was saying, I totally agree with what he was saying. I was just offering a different perspective from the female side, because maybe she wasn't thinking about it in those terms, because we are together. So whether we spend the $300 in two weeks or we spend the $300 today and I get it booked and they start on it tomorrow, in my head it's all the same. But again, going back, I can also see from a male's perspective, especially when providing and doing things for your woman is so important and for you to, like you would say, have the respect or be looked at as the leader in the relationship. I can understand that. Now when he says that this is why men shouldn't date women who make more than them, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 1:my thoughts are do you?
Speaker 2:think that should even be like my thoughts are.
Speaker 1:This is why I mentioned men who can't handle women making more than them should not date women who make more than them.
Speaker 2:Okay, so they should. Just if you can't handle it, you can't handle it. So do you think that can be something that could just be like a conversation? And if so, how would that conversation go?
Speaker 1:Just like don't shit on me with your wallet, well, in my experience, a lot of women that make a lot of money are somewhat high-strung, so they're not going to date men that make less than them anyway.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of true too.
Speaker 1:I mean so? I mean, everything out here is hypothetical. I know the fact that he bagged her and she made more good for him. He should know what came with it so.
Speaker 2:So is she the prize, or is he the prize?
Speaker 1:I mean he probably he might be the prize because he might be helping her out in other ways okay, I'm gonna.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna use that to just, I'm gonna use that to just what. Go right on into. Well, I mean, what's the problem? But think, of.
Speaker 1:I'm saying like there's certain people value other things. So men and women value things that are different, things, so maybe that he didn't check off the financial box, but he checked off the other boxes for her.
Speaker 2:Think about that. Okay, so what's the problem with like her using her wallet, then? Because in the nature of a man, I don't want you to make me feel like a whore.
Speaker 1:In the nature of a man. You are not letting me live in my masculine era or my masculine self. Rather, if you are going to belittle my plans because your wallet can outdo my plan. Because now, if providing is what I'm here for, and you don't allow me to do so in my capacity Right.
Speaker 2:See how we finish each other's sentences.
Speaker 1:Oh, you didn't finish that one.
Speaker 2:Calm down, guys. It's an inside thing Like don't think he just oh, it's inside alright, don't think he just like randomly calls me a hoe you like it, don't you? Whatever, okay, okay, thank you for that babe.
Speaker 1:That's it. I appreciate it. I appreciate that that was a little one.
Speaker 2:That was a little one, but I just want to hear your thoughts about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, somebody cutting it short, huh.
Speaker 2:Well, you are tired as well, so they never stopped you before. We're just going to head right on in to our two cents.
Speaker 1:I got four cents to make, which?
Speaker 2:is like one of your favorites, because you like the drama. I'm going to start calling this section like Segment. This section Segment. I'm going to say section now, because now I'm going to double down Section.
Speaker 1:Don't act like you from Watts now.
Speaker 2:Goodbye.
Speaker 1:You don't blame Watts.
Speaker 2:Anyways, okay, you ready.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Okay, am I the asshole for refusing to waive my alimony because my ex-husband has cancer and can't afford it?
Speaker 1:That's cool.
Speaker 2:My ex-husband and I got divorced because of his infidelity. He married his affair partner. She was a prostitute 20 years younger than me. As part of our prenuptial a prenuptial agreement we had agreed I would receive alimony for being a stay-at-home mom. I was a stay-at-home mom my entire marriage and we had three daughters. He never had a problem with paying alimony after our divorce. We had to be friendly to maintain a good co-parenting relationship. My daughters were very hurt in the beginning but learned to forgive my husband and his wife. They make TikToks with her all the time now.
Speaker 2:He ended up getting cancer and because he became a big spender and had recently started his own business, the bills have been very hard on him. He and his wife asked if I could waive my alimony payments at least for a little while so that he can pay for his cancer treatments. I see no reason why they can't downgrade their quality of life. They live in a multi-million dollar house and his wife is decked out in designer clothes and has a full face of procedures. I told them no and they have been pressing me to. And also for edit. He has an early stage thyroid cancer. It's very treatable and he's not gonna die.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say yes or no because he has been outside of the infidelity you can't say outside of the infidelity.
Speaker 2:That's the whole reason. How the hell are you gonna say outside of the infidelity? That's the whole reason. How the hell are you going to say outside of the infidelity?
Speaker 1:Seems like he's been a model partner. Outside of the infidelity he has been good to her right and now he is on hard times and I'm pretty sure you don't know the intricacies of their finances, oh, of course. So you don't know. They may just be put on the front over there for all you know.
Speaker 2:Not my problem though right you shouldn't put up.
Speaker 1:You shouldn't put up so tough here's the thing this thyroid cancer may not, he may not, he may not die, but he may die because the cancer with the stress yeah, it could speed up the cancer. The stress could speed up the cancer and so now your daughters won't have your daughters won't have a father and you won't have an alimony. So sometimes, that's the thing, sometimes y'all don't pay the loan game. I wouldn't suspend them, I would throw them at the back end.
Speaker 2:But how long is long enough? That's the thing it's like you're asking me to temporarily postpone them.
Speaker 1:A year.
Speaker 2:But a year and I'm getting paid every month. She clearly don't need the money, but if that's part of her income, she don't need the money. You don't know that she was a stay-at-home mom their entire marriage, which means she didn't physically earn an income and, as part of their prenuptial agreement, which obviously he agreed to, and he wanted her to be a stay-at-home mom. She was technically like like his employee, she don't, so that's her severance she don't need them.
Speaker 2:You'll get severance for life if you agree to me getting severance for life, I do get severance for life hey man, look here that's my retirement. What are you talking about? Get him, then give him a couple months? I don't know, so you see, you. I don't know so, you, you you, you, living in your petty. I did. Might be the man is sick, I know, you know okay, so keep that because guess what?
Speaker 2:had you got sick while we were still married. Okay, you wouldn't even be worried about paying no alimony keep that same you wouldn't, you wouldn't be and guess what, and you would still have my help, not only raising your children but running the businesses and stuff for you, taking care of you taking you to and from treatment wouldn't have been a problem, but let's see how that fares out with your new wife.
Speaker 1:And all I say is keep that same energy when your daughters are crying over his casket.
Speaker 2:We all have to go sometime.
Speaker 1:We all do, and when he go to Alabama, we go too.
Speaker 2:But he lived up to his responsibilities. Yeah, okay, because, because you're, you're really not thinking about the other end of that. What if that is money that she literally does rely on every single month to live? So hold on. So you mean to tell me that he can go start new businesses? He can live in a multimillion dollar house? You can make, like you know.
Speaker 2:Have me agree to not having an earned income for however long, however many years, and just being at home for your service and the service of your children and the service of your home for however many years, right. And then not only do you disrespect me in the biggest way possible, you do it with a prostitute, you leave me, you marry the prostitute that you've been having the affair with. And now that you and your wife your new wife have fallen on hard times while starting new businesses and paying for multi-million dollar houses, I'm supposed to acquiesce to your request for you to stop paying me, when this is income that I rely on. So I'm supposed to put myself in a financial situation or a financial deficit to potentially not pay my bills and put myself in a situation so that you and your wife can get your bills back in order. That doesn't sound right. That doesn't sound right to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's the thing I'll say this.
Speaker 2:I get what you're saying. I do understand what you're saying for the sake of the kids.
Speaker 1:I will say this. I will say this Now. You don't have to right.
Speaker 2:Don't have to what.
Speaker 1:Suspend your payments? Okay, right, you don't have to, but be prepared for all that comes with that, okay, right. So down the line, if something does happen and he does actually get, he does actually pass away, be prepared for the blame that your daughters are going to put on you. Okay, be prepared for that right. And then what I don't I'm not going to say don't like, but what I hear in your answer is that your main answer of not helping him is the infidelity. I see that as a totally separate, different issue, because we don't know the circumstances or the status of the relationship Right.
Speaker 1:I can agree they could have been in a place where they hadn't like, like like a couple weeks ago, two years. We don't know what it is, because I can agree that she could have been a stay at home, mom. She could have been overwhelmed. She could have been not feeling like herself in the intimacy. The intimacy could have been fading between them. Could have been not feeling like herself and the intimacy could have been fading between them. We don't know the circumstances of that right.
Speaker 2:I can understand that too, but that's still not a reason for infidelity. But go ahead.
Speaker 1:But we're not using the infidelity. You shouldn't use infidelity to make a decision on the matter at hand.
Speaker 2:No, that's not what I said. I said I included that. But what I'm saying is is you also don't know if the alimony that he pays her is how she lives. She didn't say that.
Speaker 2:So okay, but you, they also didn't say why he cheated. So yeah, but I feel like no, but you can't feel like. You can't feel like what I'm saying is, if, okay, let's just say, for instance, for shits and giggles, because we don't know, he has to pay her $5,000 a month, right, she don't have no 401k, she ain't got no pension, she don't have a part-time job, she don't have a savings, she don't have nothing. And we also don't know how old those three girls are. What if those three girls are also still in her home that she's taking care of? And let's just assume that they're all under the age of 18. So she's still taking care of three kids. She's still at home.
Speaker 2:Now she's doing it completely by herself, and then she only has the income of the alimony that he pays her, which is just to replace, quote unquote, what she was making being a stay at home mom. But now he's outside of the circle, right, that's money that she pays her rent or her mortgage with. That's how she puts groceries in the house. That's how she puts gas in her car. That's how she pays her car insurance. That's how she pays her renters or her home insurance. That's how she buys the girls clothes. That's how she gets them what they need for extracurricular activities. Now, if all of that money supplies her entire household and then she says you know what? He has cancer. I should be a little bit more warm-hearted than that. I'm gonna go ahead and allow you not to pay me for an entire year okay, no I'm gonna allow you to pay me for and not pay me for an entire year.
Speaker 2:Where is she supposed to get an income from? Okay, I'm asking you. I have no answer. No, i'm'm asking you.
Speaker 1:I have no answer. No, I'm asking you In your situation, I have no answer.
Speaker 2:Okay, but your scenario is supposed to be so much more feasible and she has to be so much more understanding. But when I give it to you that way now, it's just like oh, I have no answer for that.
Speaker 1:Because here's the thing, there's too many vague things in the post. Right For one we don't know how much alimony she's getting, like you said. For two, she could be working. She didn't say that either. Right For three she didn't say how long she's been receiving this alimony. She didn't say how old the kids?
Speaker 3:are.
Speaker 1:But you're going to sit there and skew everything so that she doesn't have to, you oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:you just sat up here and said we don't know what the circumstances were, Maybe she was a stay-at-home mom and she wasn't feeling herself. And then the intimacy dwindled down and that's what led to the infidelity.
Speaker 1:You don't know, that's what led to the infidelity, but you just said all of that. No, you're not understanding what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is that you stacked all the chips into a place where she needed the money.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:What I'm telling you is from my answer that I gave you previously. She doesn't necessarily need the money, she just wants the money.
Speaker 2:Okay, so just based off of the information that we have here, if she doesn't need the money, she should waive the payment.
Speaker 1:Okay, if she needs the money, then obviously don't waive it.
Speaker 2:Okay. But I think that's literally what we're both saying, because I do agree, if she doesn't absolutely need the money, like it is a need necessity, I would say, yes, you could acquiesce to postponing, maybe not even a year, but maybe like six months, just to be like, hey, I'll meet you guys halfway. I can agree to that, but you don't. You don't know the circumstances, so you're also just assuming. You're like what you just said. You're also still just assuming that she's collecting the money or that she's saying no because she's trying to be an asshole.
Speaker 1:OK, all right. This is another episode of Life After I Do See how you do, you see how you do. What I do.
Speaker 2:You do it all the time. What I do, you do it all the time. You can come up with all these scenarios, all these shenanigans. It makes perfect sense and you don't know why people can't understand it. But then I come up with something else, and then you'd be like you you stack everything nice and pretty and perfect of it, but just based off, based off of what she gave us here, just yes or no, like somebody that needs the money based on.
Speaker 2:But what? Okay, what? What in that makes her sound like she doesn't need the money? Tell me that. What makes her sound like she doesn't need the money? What key indicators did she say in there that attributed to her not needing the money?
Speaker 1:the little petty edit at the end what's?
Speaker 2:the petty edit. That is not death cancer, it's just thyroid.
Speaker 1:He's not dying petty shit. You know how a woman get cause she feel like she's been lost so really there's nothing in there. That's that said it y'all said a lot of shit without saying shit you are full of shit.
Speaker 2:This has been another episode of life after I do podcast. If you are not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social medias at lifeafteridoepodcast, follow us on TikTok, follow us on Instagram, follow us on Facebook and YouTube. You can also write into the podcast at lifeafteridoepodcast at gmailcom, and you can also text us on what is it, apple?
Speaker 1:anywhere you listen to your podcast. Oh okay, anywhere you listen to your podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, anywhere you listen to your podcast On your mobile device. On your mobile device. Okay, so if you guys have any questions, if there's a topic you want to hear us cover or anything like that, you can go ahead and send us a text message or you can email us at lifeafterdodopodcast. You get a new episode every Wednesday, guys, and until then, Peace booskies, peace booskies.
