Our 2 Cents Vol. 3

We are back with another week on reactions. Enjoy!

Chapters

• 0:00 Parenting Challenges and Personal Growth
• 9:56 Partner Invalidates Concerns, Relationship Dynamics
• 19:59 Relationship Changes After Having a Baby
• 28:16 Comparing Exes and Parenting Perspectives
• 42:47 Memories of Christmas Past
• 47:29 Life After Social Media Platforms

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

I made him upset. So then when he got up for work the next day he was no longer in that like lovey-dovey mood, and so I knew his whole demeanor had changed. So I went up to him I was like oh, you mad at me. Like now you mad at me and I'm holding my cup. He's like no, and I'm like yes, you are. I was like you were obsessed with me, like eight hours ago. I wasn't mad. And now you're just like you have a toad with me.

Speaker 3 0:22

I was not mad. In your terms, in your words, I was disappointed.

Speaker 1 0:45

Hey everybody and welcome back to another episode of life after I doodoo. I'm your host, disha G, and I'm here with my husband.

Speaker 3 0:53

Molito.

Speaker 1 0:54

Molito in the words of Phoenix Molito. Welcome back for another week, another episode, happy Wednesday. Hey boost Caronys all of the above. Hey, hey mommy, hey daddy. That's what we, that's how we've been greeting each other in our household the past week because of our daughter don't.

Speaker 3 1:19

Don't, it's not, it's not weird he goes.

Speaker 1 1:21

He goes hey Pife Pife, and she goes hey daddy, and I go hey daddy. You be like hey mama. So it's been our family greeting.

Speaker 3 1:31

It's been our thing, yeah, it's been our it's been our judge, as my wife would say, our judge.

Speaker 2 1:37

She's so damn pushy he's, so I'm sorry she's so how I say, how you say it then, Zzz whatever. It's, I'm.

Speaker 3 1:44

I'm I'm not from or you're not from that either. You just ask you. You appropriate suburban culture.

Speaker 1 1:50

I appropriate suburban culture. You're not from suburbs? No, I'm not, but why? Why would you say I?

Speaker 3 1:56

We know where you from. Okay, I went down to the. I went down to the hood to give me one.

Speaker 1 2:02

We literally used to live like two blocks away from each other.

Speaker 3 2:04

I went down to the hood to get me one.

Speaker 1 2:07

There's, there's that.

Speaker 3 2:09

I went down to the hood to give me a week, boy.

Speaker 2 2:12

My week was good.

Speaker 1 2:15

Carodell library.

Speaker 3 2:17

I got to spend time with my family.

Speaker 1 2:18

That was good.

Speaker 3 2:19

Um yeah, I was a little upset because I had missed our award awards a couple weeks ago, so I was. You know I've been overcompensating a little bit.

Speaker 1 2:28

I missed nothing. It was the same same same one.

Speaker 3 2:31

But I missed it. So I've been overcompensating, over, uh uh, compensating a little bit with her, other than that I'm just preparing for work You've been overcompensating with her.

Speaker 1 2:40

I feel like you've been hard on her this well, I've been hard on her as well not like hard, but just more stern.

Speaker 3 2:44

I've been more stern as far as the sleep thing, because Well not just that, I'm talking about everything. Well, because I'm trying to develop her a little more maturity, so I'm trying to like there set set solid ground lines with her, but that's still my baby. Yeah and um.

Speaker 1 3:01

She definitely. I think she's definitely feeling some of the things we've been implementing, especially when it comes to, like um sneaking in our room in the middle of the night right. This whole, this whole week. So she's notorious for coming like getting in our bed, or knocking on the door like 4 am To try to like get in the bed and he's just been like don't let her in, like that's it. She just can't get in.

Speaker 3 3:27

So it got to the point where I say wake me up, so you gotta, you got up for the gym at 4 this morning, right? It was like like 4 30.

Speaker 1 3:35

Okay, and then. So when you left, as soon as you left, I hear the door Creak open again. I had my face mask, like my eye mask, over my eyes, but I can always see like a little slit, like right in the middle. She comes over to the side of the bed and so I'm still pretending to be asleep and she starts like tapping me and then she starts like shoving me. So I take my eye mask off and I was like yes, phoenix, what is it? And she's like Where's daddy? And I was like what? And she goes daddy had jury duty. And I was like, no, daddy's not a jury duty. So, um, I was like, oh, daddy went to the gym. And then she goes Can I get in the bed with you?

Speaker 1 4:17

Absolutely not and I was like normally, because I was like already tired out, normally I just like get in again to bed, phoenix. But I was like nope, I said you need to go back to your room and she was like what? Like daddy's not here, we're both in the clear, like I feel like that's the angle she was taking.

Speaker 3 4:32

She was taking the angle like, but dad's not here and that just goes like it's cool he ain't here, and that just go to show me you let her get away with murder.

Speaker 1 4:40

No. So I told her I was like no, baby. I said you need to go get back in the bed. And then she like huffed and puffed and she was like Can you come tuck me in? I said I absolutely cannot, absolutely not. I was like I'm absolutely not getting out of this bed. You didn't already broke my sleep? Your dad broke my sleep. I'm not getting out of this bed when I have a break Yo. I have another two hours to lay here I am not.

Speaker 3 5:02

You know what I will say. This, lord knows. Because of jury duty, I went like five weeks without the gym and I'm getting back. I've gained like a lot of weight back and I'm mad about that, but these last couple days I've been in the gym. I'm back in it.

Speaker 1 5:19

That's how. That's how it is.

Speaker 3 5:20

I'm in it.

Speaker 1 5:22

And it's so funny because when you get back into it.

Speaker 3 5:24

I felt back.

Speaker 2 5:25

Your body is like yeah, and I actually, I've actually had.

Speaker 3 5:28

I've actually had more energy these last couple days, even though I've been getting up at 4 30 going to the gym. Yeah and I don't have to be worked on nine. I don't know why I don't really have to get to the gym to like six, but I get to the gym at five by five. But I've had like, I've literally had more energy Than I've ever had.

Speaker 1 5:43

We had the last couple days and I slept pretty good last night. That's usually the benefits of moving and, oh, and, and.

Speaker 3 5:50

Now there are benefits too.

Speaker 1 5:51

Oh my, we're not gonna get into that. Well, my week was pretty good, that's good. That's um. I enjoyed having you.

Speaker 3 6:00

Hold on really, though, because you were like cussing at needles and stuff this week cussing at needles?

Speaker 1 6:05

Oh, because my, because of my embroidery machine. Listen here, let me tell you. At first it was. It was really frustrating, because there is nothing more frustrating than being in the middle of a project and being almost done with said project and then to only get to the finish line and something gets messed up. And I had some hats that I had to do and I was embroidering some hats and, um, I was putting patches on them, but instead of like, making the patches individually, I was like directly bordering onto that and so, um, then my, my machine started. It's called like nesting.

Speaker 1 6:47

Will essentially all of the threads starts just like bunching up in a nest and I and here's the thing at first it was really annoying. I was annoyed because I was almost done and then I had to like try to troubleshoot or whatever, and I didn't troubleshoot the way I probably should have. But then it happened again and when it happened again, I immediately first I started laughing. I literally started laughing because I was on the last hat. Everything was looking perfect, everything was looking beautiful.

Speaker 3 7:17

when my wife starts laughing, she's really upset.

Speaker 1 7:19

Yes. So I started laughing like when I saw the nesting, because like you can hear it first. First you start hearing it because there's like a shift in the machine. The machine starts to do like this, and I was like, so I looked at, I went over to the machine and I looked at it and I was like You've got to be kidding me. So I just started laughing and I was like, okay, this is, this is my life. And then I thought to myself I said I said no, because you know how I've been saying that I want to upgrade my machine, right, and so the next upgrade to my machine is really considered a very like expensive machine.

Speaker 1 7:53

It's. It's a financial investment. Okay, because we're not talking.

Speaker 3 7:56

It's going the opposite way what we're trying to go.

Speaker 1 7:58

Wait, yeah, it's, it's, it's you know. So I had thought to myself when it comes to embroidery, there are so many like different things that you have to learn about it. And so, instead of getting upset, I was like you know what this is? This is something that I should just learn how to resolve now, so that I can understand why the machine is doing this and how I can troubleshoot it. And, quite literally, I calmed myself down immediately and I was like let me back up a little bit. I took everything out, clipped everything and I was like there has to be a way to resolve this.

Speaker 1 8:28

I went on, uh, youtube, because why not youtube university, youtube university? And the idea that I had to rectify it in the first place. I just went on youtube to see if I can find a video of somebody who had already done it, to see if it like even made sense. And there was a video of it and I was like okay, I already knew I was on to something and I literally was able to save the, the, the last hat, like I was. I was genuinely proud of myself, because you can't even tell the difference, because I learned something they're gonna know now.

Speaker 1 9:00

Because I learned something new on my machine and so I was just thinking to myself. I was like, yes, I said you know what? And it's just like how when I tell her, when I always say sometimes you have to fail in order to be great. This was one of those things, Because now, even going into my next project, if something comes up with the machine, I feel a little bit more confident in knowing how to maneuver and troubleshoot the machine so that when I do make that big investment next, I feel like I'll be able to, I'll be ready to take it on and I won't feel so defeated or feel like I just wasted a ton of money.

Speaker 1 9:34

You know what I'm saying, so that was really good. I feel like that was one of the highlights. But, yes, the first time it happened when you had called me, and it's so funny because what always happens is you'll call me and you're in a great mood, or you're in a mood to really talk to me and you kill it every time. And there is something going on at that time and it's just like I'm a killjoy.

Partner Invalidates Concerns, Relationship Dynamics

Speaker 1 9:53

Let me tell you all this Because I was definitely a killjoy. You were like, hey, babe, I'm missing you, I love you, and I was like I'm dealing with a crisis right now.

Speaker 3 10:02

I'm back in my obsess with my wife phase. And she's not, she's not, she's not boring into my oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 10:10

No, this is OK.

Speaker 2 10:11

This is what happened, she's not so how he says that he's in his, he's in his obsess with his wife stage.

Speaker 1 10:16

But then I pissed him off. What was it? What was that? Saturday night or something like that. I made him upset. So then when he got up for work the next day, he was no longer in that like lovey-dovey mood, and so I knew his whole demeanor had changed. So I went up to him and I was like, oh, you mad at me, like now you mad at me. And he's like, he's like no, and I'm like yes, you are, I was like you were obsessed with me, like eight hours ago.

Speaker 1 10:39

I wasn't mad, and now you're just like you have a toad with me.

Speaker 3 10:43

I was not mad. In your terms, in your words. I was disappointed.

Speaker 1 10:49

Not the same thing I was just disappointed. What were you disappointed by?

Speaker 3 10:54

I don't forgot. I don't forgot because you made up for it that Sunday night.

Speaker 1 11:03

What I tell you about it? I can't.

Speaker 3 11:08

I can't, I don't know why you're back like people don't know. We grown, we got a whole kid.

Speaker 1 11:12

I know people know that we're grown.

Speaker 3 11:13

What we got today, babe.

Speaker 1 11:15

I mean we do have a whole kid.

Speaker 3 11:17

And we have a whole podcast.

Speaker 1 11:21

Ok, so everyone loves our two cents, our reaction videos, and so we had some reactions that we're going to do today. We do one reaction episode each month to kind of break it up and have a little fun, give it advice and things like that.

Speaker 3 11:38

So I got. I hope you got someone juicy shit.

Speaker 1 11:41

I got one for you that I would like to hear your feedback on Hold on.

Speaker 3 11:46

Just so y'all know this be my first time hearing these things too.

Speaker 1 11:48

Yes, I hope you know, I just kind of spring it on. Because I want his honest reaction and I want his honest opinion.

Speaker 3 11:56

This is going to be. This is going to be be prerecorded.

Speaker 1 11:58

This is just these be, like you know, real world situations.

Speaker 3 12:02

That's why a lot of times I'm like they wow.

Speaker 1 12:03

OK, all right. So this is my husband. Takes everyone's side against me.

Speaker 3 12:11

I see why.

Speaker 1 12:12

And I have. I don't have my glasses on today, guys, so you all have to bear with me a little bit. Ok, need me to read. No, I think I got it OK.

Speaker 1 12:21

So it says my husband takes everyone's side against me, and I do mean everyone, even strangers. The latest incident was my stepson. So my stepson had a friend from school over this week and we'll just call him Tim. I've met him twice and he's a typical team boy who I know has chronic cold sores. I gave him medication last time he was here. Well, yesterday I saw him putting his mouth on my one and a half year old's toys. I grabbed it and washed it before the baby had woke up. Later I mentioned it to my husband, saying it was gross because who knows where this kid's mouth has been, and my husband completely invalidated my feelings and told me it was normal. He even said, to be fair, I would totally do the same thing if I was him. I am legitimately floored and disgusted that my 43-year-old husband would say that he would put a random baby's toy in his mouth in some weird effort to defend someone against me. I feel like this is insane. Am I wrong? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Speaker 3 13:31

This came, your real life. This was not real life.

Speaker 2 13:34

That's real yeah.

Speaker 3 13:36

That's real.

Speaker 2 13:37

That's real.

Speaker 3 13:38

First of all, Herpes, tim wouldn't be at my house.

Speaker 2 13:45

He always got a cold sore. He rocking a cold sore every week.

Speaker 1 13:52

I mean, you figure how long does the cold sore take to go away About?

Speaker 2 13:55

seven days.

Speaker 3 13:55

I was going to say it takes about a week to go away, but you get a cold sore, maybe once twice a year.

Speaker 1 14:03

But sometimes people when they have cold sores they rub their lips together. I've seen people put just Vaseline all over their lips and they will rub the cold sore and then rub the Vaseline on the top part of the lip, then stick their finger back into the Vaseline so they don't realize that they're contaminating stuff. So by the time that one's over it's probably like a new one coming or something.

Speaker 3 14:27

I would say this ma'am, you are 100% valid in your opinions and you're nicer to me because I would have you to damn towing the trash.

Speaker 1 14:36

I was gonna say, I was gonna say the same thing myself. I was like ain't, no way I would have liked I. She said she washed it. She didn't even say disinfected. She said washed it. She said she washed it.

Speaker 2 14:45

Maybe could get up. I would have threw that damn thing in the trash.

Speaker 3 14:48

I Would have cussed him ass out. Don't you take his ass home. Take him in his lightweight STD home.

Speaker 1 14:58

Yeah, cuz that's that's not too much. That's a little too much.

Speaker 3 15:02

I would tell Tim, you're only allowed in my house once your flares have gone away.

Speaker 1 15:06

Okay, but the whole, the whole, the whole. Purpose behind it, though, was that's wild babe. I know that's wild, but the the whole reason behind that is that she.

Speaker 1 15:15

She feels like her husband is constantly taking other people's sides. So she's basically I think she used this scenario as One of those things to say like, even in something so so obvious as to like him should be should say like tell his friend, tell your friend to keep your your younger siblings toys out of his mouth. He even came up with an excuse to defend the 17 year old boy and I'm not validating his wife's feelings. So I think that's that. I mean that's that's the major point.

Speaker 3 15:46

So what's your advice to dealing with a partner therapy, who he constantly Invalidates your concerns or your feeling you'd have therapy or it's gonna be a bigger. It's gonna be, it's gonna end up being a bigger issue because if he can't see, if he can't see the wrist of in that situation that you read, the wrist that involves his other child, pretend to be getting the same, having the same effect. And we all know that those things are worse for infants. Like that could literally kill his child If old bump mouth Tim keep coming around.

Speaker 1 16:19

Yeah, and he made like no that he would totally do that too if he was.

Speaker 3 16:23

Tim and that was lie. Like it's either. Like it's either like your husband don't want to take he don't want to have these discussions with you, or he don't want to take accountability in these discussions. Not not like I don't say accountability, or he don't want to like be involved in these discussions, but it's like I don't understand why he just automatically just assumes that you're in the wrong in all these situations. I I feel like there may be some history here that we're not getting that's exactly Detailed.

Speaker 1 16:48

that's exactly I was thinking. I was thinking along the lines of she he probably views her that every time she complains about something it's like overinflated. Yeah and so now he's the bill he's developed like this, this defense to everything that she says. He has to tone it down and make it, make it less valuable, and that also looks like invalidating her feeling right, because I feel like if she's a type person where she has a problem with, everything, or she always over inflates things that his brain is naturally like okay, here she go with this bullcrap again here go.

Speaker 1 17:19

Linda, here go Linda again so.

Speaker 3 17:21

I'm sorry if you name Linda. I know this is the first thing.

Speaker 1 17:24

So that's, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was like she's probably one of those women who like to over inflate situations or scenarios and For her husband he's been dealing with it for years here and so now he's just like everything that comes out of her mouth. It's it's his natural reaction to downplay it so that he doesn't feed into her like overdoing it right, I see that that.

Speaker 1 17:50

So that's, that's what I had got from it. In any case, even if that is the case, if that's how your wife feels, you still should not invalidate her feelings, like whether you thought she was being ridiculous or not, which she was not being Ridiculous, let's go, let's start there. But whether or not you thought she was being ridiculous or not, you still could have validated her feelings by like yeah, you know what, babe, you're right, I'm gonna have a conversation with our son to talk to his friend. Or next time Tim is over, I'm gonna have a conversation with Tim, you know. And and then you could have the conversation with Tim and like, even make it more like lighthearted or something, but at least validate your wife's feelings so that she knows that when she comes to you with a concern, that it's not falling on deaf ears.

Speaker 3 18:35

I I agree with that. I feel like you. You have to. I Know a lot of me, but like I'm not gonna just validate her feelings because they crazy, okay, validating. Validating feelings doesn't necessarily mean you believe or agree with it all the time, or agree with what Validating your feeling. If they're feeling it's just saying okay, I, I hear what you're saying. I understand what you're saying what you're saying and I understand how you feel and I can see how you feel that way.

Speaker 1 19:00

Right, However, but yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say however.

Speaker 3 19:05

Linda and that you trip validate the feelings, but that is wow but I feel like that's one of those ones were like it's um, we need like contacts.

Speaker 1 19:17

Yeah, okay. So how about this one? Let's get. Let's get your thoughts on this one. This one says I love my baby, but hate my husband.

Speaker 3 19:27

Most women.

Speaker 2 19:29

You let them hit it what you didn't have, second thoughts.

Speaker 1 19:32

Don't you start, you're not don't, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that.

Speaker 3 19:43

I just mack my boy. Your mom was on something.

Speaker 1 19:45

We're not doing that. Okay, so I love my baby, but I hate my husband. Before this new chapter of life, I loved my husband we had great chemistry.

Relationship Changes After Having a Baby

Speaker 1 19:54

We were best friends and we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Now that the baby is here, I feel like he's gotten grumpier, more aggressive. He loves baby and is not a shrieker when it comes to parenting. However, our relationship has definitely changed. I attributed his grumpiness to us living with his parents in the suburbs for the past two months postpartum and him having to commute four hours a day to work. Now that we are in the city, back in our own space, I thought things would change, but they haven't.

Speaker 1 20:26

For me, my love for my baby has taken over for the love of anyone else. I would much rather spend my time and all my day with my baby than other people, and I used to be very social. There are times my husband will say that I am babying, or two months, two and a half month old, or that we shouldn't let the baby completely change our lives from before in terms of us being social and traveling. The more he says stuff like that, the more I hate him. Does anyone else feel this way or going through the same thing that I'm feeling, or am I just reading into things? Advice?

Speaker 3 21:00

You are 100 wrong 100% wrong what?

Speaker 1 21:04

and everything what first of?

Speaker 3 21:05

all what, who not gonna be grumpy commuting four hours?

Speaker 1 21:09

Okay, but no, listen to what she said. She said before, that's what she did to now that they're back in the wrong space, the same thing, not doing all matter.

Speaker 3 21:16

You gotta go. You gotta go back to her for this man got think about it because it's my. Answers are gonna be the same of all in both scenarios. Okay, with the commute, nothing me right. This man was commuting Eight hours a day, working minimum eight hours a day, mm-hmm, right now I will say this the after the baby, things are different. Yes your body is different. Yours, your psyche is different your relationship is different.

Speaker 3 21:48

Everything is different, right, but he's going to expect of you the things that he expected of you Before the baby came along can't do that. You can't do all of that can't do that hold on. So you have to, in a nutshell, what you have to, you have to pour into your marriage a little more once the the child is born. I don't want to say that that well, because, yeah, because children interrupt, interrupt.

Speaker 1 22:26

They, yes, they disrupt your current.

Speaker 3 22:29

They interrupt the love in their relationship because now they add a whole new dynamic. And so what your husband is basically saying is I don't want our child to Put us in a state to where we no longer see each other the way we saw it. That made us want to have this child. He's saying I want to see my wife in the same light I saw you in before we had this child. That's why he made that statement, and he may be a little bitter because it seems like she I get it she's a new mother, she's she's in, she's in love, obsessed with her child.

Speaker 1 23:04

I Get it, I get it, I get it. But I think that's literally quite the problem. I get it.

Speaker 3 23:12

But. But you have to understand, at the end of the day is, at the end of the day you hit she. You have to put your husband first. Yeah because In 18 years or whatever the case may be, your child, your child's gonna leave. Eventually it's gonna leave. I Understand he's, he or she is new and they got that new baby smell and you're just so in love.

Speaker 2 23:37

Not a toy Marie, I get it. You just, you're just, I get it.

Speaker 1 23:41

It's new.

Speaker 2 23:42

You threw away the receipt You're not, I didn't say, I said you're not returning it.

Speaker 3 23:47

I said it's new, like the, the experience is new, right, but you have to. You have to hold on and Continue to do the things that you did before the child was here, to keep the bond together and that's all. That's also for the benefit of the child, so that way the child can continue to grow up in a two-parent household and have both parents there to love and care for them. Right Now, some of this crazy, you gonna say no, I'm not gonna say anything crazy.

Speaker 1 24:16

Um, I think wrong. This is what I think happens okay for a, for a lot of couples, and and I feel like it, we've experienced it too. I Think there is almost like, even though there's so much joy that happens when you have a baby, I feel as though, through my experience, with you.

Speaker 1 24:42

There's, like this month, this, this small moment of like for lack of better verbiage morning, right morning, morning like morning, the loss of what the relationship was like prior to the baby being there. Okay, okay, so right. So we, we go from this dynamic of it you being you and me right, and you having all my attention, all my love, all all the, all the things that you see now that I show baby or that she is Showing baby, used to go to you, right. So before there was a baby, there was you but you guys are listening each other.

Speaker 1 25:20

Listen, that's what I'm saying. Right, there was you. Okay, when you have a baby, the baby it like disrupts whatever the norm was of the relationship and you have to adapt. But what ends up happening is is you start focusing so much what I my opinion is Men tend to focus so much on what was that? It makes what's happening now in the presence with the baby that much more difficult, on top of all of the new difficulties that come with having a baby. I don't disagree.

Speaker 3 25:55

I disagree with you.

Speaker 1 25:56

Okay. That's why I mean that's fine. But that's why we have these discussions, because it's like your perspective is gonna be different as a father and a man and my perspective is gonna be different as a female and a wife and a mother. But it's it's like you look because, like how you said before, you have said before, I wish you can love me like you love her exactly, exactly right, because you love me that way before she was exactly right. So instead, instead of I like I say that's that's pretty much what is happening, because he is also looking at like I used to get all that love.

Speaker 1 26:32

I used to get all that attention. You couldn't wait to come home and be with me. You wanted to spend all your time with me. I was the person that you wanted to take pictures with, travel with, have a conversation with love on lay on his chest, do all of those things. And now that this baby is here, you're you making it seem like that's all. I was good for it. Now that you got what you wanted, like there's no, there's no reason for me.

Speaker 3 26:53

But but that is completely understandable like I don't want to travel with the baby, hold on.

Speaker 1 26:58

I just never said let's leave the baby hold. No, he's saying that he misses basically how they were socially prior to the baby, right? So it that what I'm trying to get at is Things are not gonna look like they were prior to baby, but that doesn't mean that you can't get back to a new normal that still includes all of the things that you guys used to do. It's just gonna look different, like instead of, maybe we can't go out every single Friday night at 10 o'clock in downtown and have a drink at the bar. We probably can't do that. We can probably plan like maybe one or two outings a month and if we can get a sitter with and leave our baby with somebody who we trust, like it's just gonna look different. But instead of focusing so much on All of the other external aspects about the whole situation, let's look at it from a different scope. Like it should also bring you joy to see your wife so in love with the child that you guys have created.

Speaker 2 27:55

Okay.

Speaker 1 27:57

It shouldn't. I think it brings me so much joy when I watch you interact with our child, like especially when she was a baby, when she was a newborn, that was quite literally, it's always literally my favorite thing to watch now.

Speaker 3 28:11

To me that's natural. I expect that of a parent to be in love with their newborn.

Speaker 1 28:16

But see, and then, and then. Another thing is you're like, oh, I totally understand, and this is no, no disrespect, no shade, and I'm not trying to say that like moms love the kids more than dads love the kids, I'm not trying to say that, but what I'm saying is and this was always told to me and I was like okay, yeah, yeah, whatever, until I became a mother, it is an indescribable. It is an indescribable love, like there, the when you give birth to a child, like I Really, honestly can't put it like into word. Here's the thing.

Speaker 3 28:53

Here's the thing I I, I personally believe that when you're a first, especially a first-time mother, right You're, you're pouring everything you have into just nurturing, right, mm-hmm. And as a father, we're pouring everything we have into protection, protecting right, right. The focus is different, but as a father, I have to Protect and I also have to nourish. In those moments where you're mentally tapped out, I have to be able to nourish, have to be able to step in and and and also protect at the same time. And as a father, I have to allow my child to go through some type of Adversity to build their care. I listen to me. So, like when, like if she was the fall right, okay, you're fine, get up instead of going over there and doing what mommy wants to do. Oh, come here, baby, what is it? Let me see, though. Let mommy kiss it. No, you're fine, it's not that bad, you don't need a doctor.

Speaker 1 29:57

You don't need a band, I know, but we're talking about the newborns thing. Okay, but they shouldn't be facing that adversity as a newborn.

Speaker 3 30:03

I wouldn't know I was talking about. I was talking about fatherhood in general.

Speaker 1 30:07

Oh, okay, well, you know the specifies. You just switched gears and I was totally cuz it's like cuz.

Speaker 3 30:11

It's like Cuz. It's like fatherhood in general. In general, like you, we have to protect and nurture, but, and but our nurturing is also Preparing for the challenges of life. Okay.

Speaker 1 30:24

I get that.

Speaker 3 30:25

Well, I feel like most, most Mothers feel like they're nurturing is basically coddling. No, because you're not starting with her.

Speaker 1 30:35

I'm really.

Speaker 3 30:37

Really, when you're ready to leave. That's about it really.

Speaker 1 30:41

Next one, we know she wouldn't do half of the things that she does if I wasn't starting with her.

Speaker 3 30:45

Okay, cuz, that's but what I come in. Say something, it should happens.

Speaker 1 30:51

No it don't if anything, I usually was like a threatening tool sometimes because you know when cuz, you know when that drill, when that would that or it's cuz he got to make her cry.

Speaker 3 31:03

Because I don't, I don't play the, don't take the mess. I'm gonna come in for my foot down what you want to say.

Speaker 1 31:10

Okay, I think you just like completely jump track.

Speaker 2 31:15

But because you overreact, like motherhood is better than fatherhood. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 31:19

I quite literally said no shade. I was not trying to throw shade. It is a different experience. That's all I'm trying to say. Motherhood and fatherhood are different experiences, but they are meant to be shared together.

Speaker 3 31:32

You think? That's all I'm saying. Who are you better than me?

Speaker 1 31:34

Let me see you push seven pounds that you sold and then come and talk to me do it every day. No, you don't.

Speaker 3 31:40

It's just linear.

Speaker 1 31:41

Yeah, don't. When you can grow fingernails in your belly, in your womb, come and talk to me. Okay, okay I.

Speaker 3 31:51

Can't grow what I can put up in there.

Speaker 1 31:52

Next one Anyways, I wasn't even done with that one, but whatever we done, because you want some BS. No, you want some BS.

Speaker 1 32:00

I love my wife yeah okay, here we go, found videos of my husband with his ex. I'm traumatized. Advice needed, so I'm gonna do this one, supposedly Okay. So she says she regrets. She regrets this, but here we go right off the bat. Oh, sorry, my bad. Okay, my cut. My husband is currently at work.

Speaker 1 32:26

I went into his laptop to find some photos and videos of me and our daughter that has been on there. I saw a file within his video folder with random letters as the name and, out of pure curiosity, I clicked on it Right off the bat. I saw seven videos that looked like him and his ex from 2017. Some were just of them kissing and some were of them full on getting it on. I have no clue why I watched them, but now I'm traumatized. They were so loving and passionate, never ending kissing and constant eye contact. We're passionate too, but not to that extent.

Speaker 1 33:01

What killed me even more was how thin she was. I'm 200 pounds at 5 2 and she couldn't have been more than 125 pounds at 5 5. He always has told me that he's liked bigger girls and hated how thin this particular ex was, but he sure seemed to be enjoying her in the photos and videos. In one video, he was practically worshiping her body in a way that he has never done with me before. Now I'm shaky and sick. He'll be home in a few hours, but I don't know if I should tell him this. I don't even know why he still has those videos of her and him. He has other exes since her, but I saw nothing of theirs, so it's even more concerning that he still has these on his laptop. Could he still have a soft spot for her? I don't know. I just really need some help.

Speaker 3 33:50

Two things. You went snooping and you found something you want you you didn't want to find. That's number one. Number two Comparison is the thief of joy.

Speaker 2 34:01

This is true.

Speaker 3 34:02

So now you're sitting here comparing yourself to this woman where you when? But when, before you found this photo, you had no issues.

Speaker 1 34:08

You had a happy life, but one can still ask why are they still on the laptop?

Speaker 3 34:15

It don't matter why they're there.

Speaker 1 34:16

The problem is in a special folder with random letters.

Speaker 3 34:19

The problem is, you're creating problems in your relationship.

Speaker 2 34:23

Oh, wow, is she. Yeah, she is.

Speaker 3 34:26

She is.

Speaker 1 34:28

So okay, so you go through my phone because you're looking for a picture to send yourself. Like you always do, you go through my photos to send yourself pictures. You come across some pictures of, hypothetically speaking, me and an ex and we're like lovey-dovey, I'm all over him. It looks like we're having a great time. You find some videos and it's like, oh damn, like my wife was, she was really feeling him.

Speaker 3 34:55

First of all, it's 2001 videos and I can't see nothing in it. I can't see nothing, even though you recorded with your sidekick.

Speaker 1 35:10

Okay, I did not have a sidekick. First of all cut it out and sidekick was like 2004, 2003 or something like that, I don't know. But anyway, you come across those videos. You're not gonna feel any type of way about it.

Speaker 3 35:26

She said 2017.

Speaker 1 35:28

I say you're not gonna feel any type of way. No, no answer. No, I'm not so you're gonna come across. You're gonna come across videos of me with my ex having a good old grand time. He don't look nothing like you and you see me just enjoying him and every no, no no, let me finish. You mean to tell me that you're gonna look at those videos, you're gonna look at those pictures and you're gonna say to yourself that's what you're going to say to yourself Like it's not even a big deal and that's where you, that's where you lost me.

Speaker 3 35:56

I'm not watching those videos. I might see a picture and just keep strolling because I know you ain't gonna keep scrolling.

Speaker 2 36:03

I am, it's your ex. I ain't gonna. I'm in it now.

Speaker 1 36:06

Yeah, but the point is, is that you're gonna be like why do you still have?

Speaker 2 36:10

this? No, I don't know. I'm not, I'm never, I'm not the jealous type.

Speaker 1 36:15

You lucky. You look I I'm gonna try to go find something from sixth grade oh.

Speaker 3 36:22

My god.

Speaker 1 36:24

I will try to go find a picture of my Sixth grade the the point of the matter is she went.

Speaker 3 36:31

she went looking somewhere she shouldn't have looked, and whatever his reason is for having these, these, these pictures, they're valid. If they're his reason, that his reason is valid to him, his Right. But she's now created a complex in her head Because she's watched something.

Speaker 1 36:49

Naturally so, because her, her husband, has photos and videos of him and his ex from seven years ago or seven years ago and he looked like he was having the time of his life. And I need to know are you going back, looking at these videos, reminiscing on the time that you add? And then you come and you lay down with me Are you thinking of her? Are you in the moment with me? What's the deal? I don't look anything like her, but you seem like you really loved her. But you told me that and then you told me you didn't really like her body type. But then you're with me, but then I'm looking in these videos and you guys look so happy.

Speaker 3 37:21

I don't understand how a woman don't understand that it don't take much for a man at most men. We don't need a reason to get it in.

Speaker 1 37:28

Oh, that's no, and women understand that. We'll find a reason. Women understand that you can sleep with somebody. Would a bag over there right?

Speaker 3 37:37

And we're not going to say that he's, you know he has, he has you. You're trying to say pictures of his ex. He has videos he has pictures and videos of his life. History is his life story.

Speaker 1 37:48

No, she just said it was. That's the thing she said. He had many. He has many other ex. He's had other exes after her, but he didn't bother. He didn't bother keeping video and keepsakes. I mean that she hasn't stumbled across yet. We don't have but he had, he hasn't had any keepsakes of them.

Speaker 3 38:03

We all have highlight rules.

Speaker 1 38:06

So you don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Speaker 2 38:08

No, oh, okay, good to know because he had these videos. Good to know.

Speaker 3 38:14

He had these videos Before he got with her Right now. Did she ask about these videos, did she?

Speaker 1 38:22

that's what she was debating. She was basically debating Should she even bring it up or not?

Speaker 3 38:26

Okay, no, but I'm saying before she found them. What was this a concern before she found them? Obviously not so it shouldn't be concerned now, because she wouldn't have found them.

Speaker 1 38:35

If she wouldn't, it wouldn't do us a computer but she was going through the computer for a valid reason and stumbled across.

Speaker 3 38:42

Yeah, yeah, a convenient reason. Okay, so here we're not we're not gonna say she was going through for a valid reason. We're gonna say a convenient.

Speaker 1 38:51

Okay, well, here here's this, I think conveniently.

Speaker 3 38:53

I think the part.

Speaker 1 38:54

I think the only part that kind of sticks out for me is that they were in a folder that he intentionally labeled Right, so that means like okay, since 2017, I'm gonna assume that he's probably had at least two laptops. And I'm most people don't keep laptops.

Speaker 3 39:15

That long and I'm, and I'm, bet you, you, whatever that label was, that acrimon stands for something.

Speaker 1 39:19

Oh, of course it stands for something. So that's what I'm saying. Like you're keeping it on your memory, drive your hard drive.

Speaker 3 39:24

Comment on the video with the acrimonial, so I can figure it out.

Speaker 1 39:28

I don't, I don't know. She just said letters.

Speaker 3 39:31

I know, put the letters, I won't figure it out. This was my, my repertoire, this is my brain kicks into high drive really what?

Speaker 1 39:46

No, I just I think. Like I said, I think what sticks out to me the most is the fact that, through Through all of the like laptops and phones and everything else that he's had, he's constantly kept track.

Speaker 2 40:00

It's probably, honestly, it's probably was in the cloud.

Speaker 1 40:04

Okay, but you can get it out of the cloud.

Speaker 3 40:06

It's probably in the cloud. He ain't been thinking about that.

Speaker 1 40:08

Okay, but you can get it out of the cloud and hold on.

Speaker 3 40:12

She said from 2017,. You know how far back she had to go in the history to get the 2017.

Speaker 2 40:17

No, it was, it was in a folder but you know how far she had to go back. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 40:24

It was okay. She went into the laptop to look for photos. Okay, I got it. You know photos are already like Go ahead and like a photo or something just fire actions.

Speaker 3 40:33

Go ahead and just fire actions. She's snooping and she does shoot, shoot, shoot better.

Speaker 1 40:39

Okay, so now? So let me ask you this. So do you think that if you find something on your partner's phone or laptop whether you found it through Incident or if you purpose- if it bothers you, you bring to the I was just gonna say do you think that it's worth Mention?

Speaker 3 41:00

if it bothers you, you bring it to attention, because she's not gonna have peace until she has the okay. So now, if your partner, because now because now she's self-conscious of self-conscious of herself.

Speaker 1 41:11

So now, if your partner says the only thing that would make me a little bit more comfortable is you Getting rid of these permanently, like deleting them from the cloud, getting rid of them, and I need you to do it in front of me, do you?

Speaker 3 41:24

do it. I'm gonna email to myself first and then do it. I might have to run that back.

Speaker 1 41:40

I'm happy you find it funny.

Speaker 3 41:43

Now me part I would just delete. I don't care, I don't keep shit though.

Speaker 1 41:47

I was gonna say I was just. I was just about to say that. I was gonna say I don't think it would really matter with you anyway, because you don't keep anything. You would just like get rid of it anyway. I probably would have got really pretty sure like he has this thing.

Speaker 1 41:59

Like you know, he doesn't like to keep a lot of like stuff on his phone and his computer and stuff like that. Like if it's not a need, there's really no reason for it to be there. So I mean, but you're tech savvy, so I don't know, maybe you do have a secret photo.

Speaker 3 42:15

I have a secret photo that's encrypted with A 32-bit encryption that you will never break, full of all the news in my exes have ever sent me.

Memories of Christmas Past

Speaker 1 42:26

All your, all your exes, all my exes, all the exes that you had since. Since oh too since before age 15 or yes, all they know, he have phones. Oh my gosh, that just reminds me oh my god, I have to talk about it Just really quick when you got that damn no key of all her Christmas when we were in high school. He got it. Oh too it was the. What was it like? The? The long?

Speaker 3 42:53

it was the baby brick, it was a whole brick. No key, that didn't that probably still work today.

Speaker 1 42:58

Wait a minute, and I will never forget. What was it Christmas? It was Christmas day. You got the phone, you had already had your car for a little bit and then you had got a brand new. What was that brand? Fat Albert. Was it the fat Albert sweatshirt, the food that Albert fooboo, and it had like the little matching cap? And he came to my house and you could, you couldn't tell him.

Speaker 2 43:22

Nothing.

Speaker 1 43:24

You could. He's hot or one. He drove to my house dripping. He had his new car. His new cell phone and what he had a new Christmas sweater and a new Christmas and what you do get in the car. And I was like in the car.

Speaker 3 43:38

Hey babe, hop to what you do. Hop in the car, didn't you Hopped in the car for a ride?

Speaker 1 43:44

Don't play me, go back to being 15.

Speaker 3 43:47

I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 43:48

Let's start there, I wouldn't, but.

Speaker 3 43:51

You know, I, like when you were 15, all you did was walk around a short, a basketball shorts and sports brawls so everybody can see your belly button ring. I was cute.

Speaker 2 43:58

What, what do you want me to say?

Speaker 3 44:02

No, we don't have another one yeah.

Speaker 2 44:04

I just wanted to talk to you about that for a second, because that was okay.

Speaker 3 44:09

Well, we're not gonna do is make fun of me.

Speaker 1 44:11

I wasn't making fun of you. I was telling the world about how much I loved you and I was going down memory lane because it was a fond memory that I have of you showing up on my doorstep with your fat Albert fooboo Beanie and fooboo oversized sweater and your Nokia brick phone in your 2002 cavi chevalier.

Speaker 3 44:33

I.

Speaker 1 44:35

Did probably at one point. I'm not gonna lie, I had all your info at one point because you're a stalker. No, it wasn't a stalker. You left your your fast foot papers out one day we were studying at your house.

Speaker 3 44:46

Hey, you read my papers in my house.

Speaker 1 44:48

You left your seat. Now see, this goes back. This goes back to high street down the stuff on his laptop Cuz, back then it wasn't a laptop. I was at his house and we were studying right and study. We were studying and I was on his, I was laying on his bed and I was doing my home on my bed and he had his fast.

Speaker 1 45:12

His fast, as I said fast, with paperwork out on the bed and he had got up to go to get like a snack or something like that, and so it was like all of the water like all of the financial documents and it had of his parents, socials on there, his social, every everything. And back then I had a photogenic memory and so when I was looking at the papers like I was taking a break from doing my homework and I was like, oh, he left papers right here on the bed.

Speaker 3 45:37

I didn't realize. I'm just scammer.

Speaker 1 45:39

I was like, and when I was reading over it I my brain was just like my brain was really good at remembering numbers back then. And then I remember one day I had I said it back to you and like I had new your social, like, your parents, everything. And you looked at me like why the hell do you know? Like my social, like she was a scammer. And I was like because you left the papers out and I just so happen to see the paper that makes me like her. She just so happened to stop the folder. I just so happened to stop across both your financial paperwork.

Speaker 3 46:18

Then and that's what I love I had a long come on.

Speaker 1 46:22

Stop it. You are such a liar I Don't even. I don't even know how to log in to pay the mortgage.

Speaker 3 46:30

You're was awful.

Speaker 2 46:32

I was making 725 an hour and he thought he was big cheese falling big cheese.

Speaker 1 46:39

That's like okay. So like, my first job was KFC. I know we just got totally read off right now, but my first job was the.

Speaker 3 46:45

KFC for two days.

Speaker 1 46:46

I know I worked at KFC for like three and a half weeks, first of all because I was. I worked there long enough to get one paycheck and my first paycheck was like a thing like 156 or 136 dollars or something like that. But I remember thinking like once I break that down to tens and twenties, like I had I had money, like when I put that money in my wallet I was like I'm pretty much balling, like I can go to Walmart you spend by anything.

Speaker 1 47:12

Right now I was a day at lunch but I was just like, I just knew that I could go to Walmart and just like buy whatever I wanted.

Speaker 3 47:20

Okay, we appreciate y'all. My wife is well sorry about this last tangent.

Speaker 1 47:29

Another episode of life after I do. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us across our social medias. That's gonna include YouTube, facebook, instagram. Tick tock for the time being, cuz we don't know what's going on with that, I think. Talk for the time being at life after I do. Podcast.

Speaker 1 47:50

I can also, you can also Write in to us at life after a new podcast at gmailcom. As always, you get a new episode every Wednesday and we would love to see you guys in the comments on our socials. So until then, Peace boost gronies.