Life After I Do Podcast
Marriage and relationships can be tough. You may feel like you’re the only one struggling but you’re not. Life After I do is a weekly podcast where Morice and Kynesha, a black married millennial couple, share their experiences and advice on everything from kids and family to intimacy and connection. Noting is off limits.
In their 24 years together and 10 years of marriage, Morice and Kynesha have learned a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work. They know the importance of communication, trust and commitment. They also know it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Join them every Wednesday as they talk about their own journey of “Life After I do”.
Life After I Do Podcast
Parenting With Purpose
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Parenting is like navigating an obstacle course with no map, but it's the kind of challenge we savor. This episode peels back the curtain on the delicate art of raising mini humans, from birthday festivities and hip-hop dance attire to the thoughtful presents that hit all the right notes. We're tackling the tough topics too, like when to let our little ones tumble and when to pick them up, and the ever-evolving strategies for discipline that range from inventive to tried-and-true.
Thanks for rocking with us! Don’t forget to follow Life After I Do so you never miss an episode. Got a relationship situation you want us to weigh in on? Hit us at https://beacons.ai/laidpodcast — we just might talk about it in a future episode.
Kendrick vs Drake
Speaker 1It's the structure, it's the expectations. You know what I'm saying. It's about a lot of times I feel like kids are in trouble just because they're idle minds. So if you give them, if you give them tasks to complete, you know they don't have, they don't have an expectation.
Speaker 2Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I am your host, anisha G, and I'm here with my husband this morning, who?
Speaker 1are you? I've changed my name. What'd you change your name to? I am now known as Kung Fu Lethal.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, I am not. No, no, no, no, I'm either.
Speaker 1Kung Fu Mo, kung Fu Lethal or M.
Speaker 2Gosh. I'm sure by the time this airs everybody knows and is on the whole Kendrick and Drake beefing battle train. I mean my husband, he's been on it. He said this has been the best birthday this is my best.
Speaker 1Look here, kendrick and Drake. They have given me my best birthday week of my life. I am loving it, mr Petty Pendergrass himself.
Speaker 2Oh, is that what he's named? That's what they call it, petty Pendergrass.
Speaker 1My poor K-Dot. I'm Team K-Dot. I don't care what anybody say. Drake can't come back. This is my favorite birthday week ever.
Speaker 2What do you mean? He can't come back.
Speaker 1He can't come back.
Speaker 2I'm sure he can. I don't think he can?
Speaker 1That's my opinion.
Speaker 2I'm just a fan, I'm not a why do you think he can come?
Speaker 1back. I'm not a rapper, I'm just a fan.
Speaker 2Why do you think he can come back?
Speaker 1We're not finna dip back. That's not what we do on this podcast.
Speaker 2We talk about love and marriage, I know, but we're talking about current events right now and this is.
Speaker 1I'm not finna dip, because I could talk about this for hours, as you know, because you've been like yeah, okay, babe.
Speaker 2Okay, well, just don't talk about it for hours, but I do want to hear why you think that he can't come back. I mean, he's still Drake.
Speaker 1Kendrick dropped three songs in 24 hours. It's a wrap.
Speaker 2And then the one you played for me this morning, the beat from Metro Metro.
Speaker 1BP L is he? Oh well, I guess there's like. This is like I say kendrick got receipts, drake ain't showing no receipts. What do you mean? Kendrick got receipts, the kendrick got receipts, then the internet is finding the rest of the receipts. Drake ain't got no receipts. All his, uh, supposed allegations. The problem is is that these drake ads out here that's what I call drake fans these drake ads out here. They don't know. They don't know how to admit defeat, but Drake is 0-2 when it comes to beef. Shout out to Pusha what.
Speaker 2Shout out to Pusha, you're really invested. I am Look, you're like so you're so invested and I just don't't. I don't understand why talking to the mic oh you, I'm sure you can hear me. I said you're just really invested. I just don't know.
Speaker 1Oh, that's why you turned yourself down. I didn't turn myself down, you did.
Speaker 2I didn't, I don't, I don't touch that.
Speaker 1Well, maybe the cord was on it or something I'm like. Why are you so low all of a sudden?
Speaker 2Yeah, you're like really invested. But I have been happy to see you so excited about something so excited. You're so excited Like you kept bursting into the room, babe. He dropped again, he dropped again, he dropped again babe Shout out to my boy, mcfly.
Speaker 1Every time McFly called me, we was on each other Like pause, mcfly. Every time McFly called me, we was on each other Like pause. We was like help me, if I called it first I'd call him. If he called it first, he called you and then later what ensued? It's a three-hour conversation trying to break down what the hell was meant by all these double-triple. Did you see the video?
Speaker 2That was when everyone's trying to like break down the metaphors.
Speaker 1It's so, and that's the thing.
Speaker 2And you can go so many different ways with it.
Speaker 1That's right, and that's the thing about art. You know what I'm saying. It's open to interpretation, and these things can be interpreted in so many ways that he don't have to say nothing. He can just let the culture go wild.
Speaker 2But that's what he's doing. He's just letting you guys kind of have at it yourself, and then basically, you guys are really creating your own diss.
Speaker 1This is a whole like. This is I'm just saying right now I agree with my boy McFly Meet the.
Speaker 2Grams is the hardest diss record of all time Because he's single-handedly addressing everybody.
Speaker 1He literally addressed the grams. Like the man is talking to your mother on record, telling her that she raised a shitty human being and told his daddy that he should have worn a condom. Told Adonis that it is not his fault that his daddy can't be a man. This like you can't come back.
Speaker 2On a man level.
Speaker 1And that's what I was telling you from the beginning. I'm not going to see. I told you I could talk about this forever.
Speaker 2Go ahead, I'm loving it.
Speaker 1Like I said from the beginning, Kendrick Drake's whole standpoint is you short, You're not about that life, You're not from the street. Kendrick's standpoint has just been saying you're a shitty human being and you're not even a man, and he's been proving this point after point. I'm not.
Speaker 2You don't think that Drake is gearing up to have a really big pushback?
Speaker 1I mean, I'm here for the competition. I'm here, like I said yesterday.
Speaker 2Everyone is.
Speaker 1Like I told you last night.
Speaker 2There's so many more important things going on in the world today, guys, there really is. For everybody to be hung up on what could potentially be a fake beef.
Speaker 1But what I told you is, the smartest person in this beef is J Cole, because he said I love J Cole, I really do.
Speaker 2I don't think that he is not in it because he don't quote unquote walk the smoke. I think he's not in it because for him.
Speaker 1That's just he's not that type of guy.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's just not his style. Like his maturity level is just-.
Speaker 1This ain't got nothing to do with maturity level.
Speaker 2Well no.
Speaker 1Okay, no, okay, no Well just his style, I guess.
Speaker 2One more thing His style. I don't see that being his style.
Speaker 1I'm not going to talk about Cole, because Cole's my man.
Speaker 2I love Cole, I'm a Cole fan.
Speaker 1I love Cole. I mean, since the warm-up Friday Night Lights, I've been rocking Cole. Since day one, cole's my man. I'm just going to say I lost my train of thought. Just don't just leave kendrick alone, just like this man. This man is real different. This, this man, this man. I forgot what I was gonna say that's.
Speaker 2That's your guy, huh that's it. Oh, that's what I was gonna say I knew, I knew once he just had a, just had a second, a pause. It'll come back to him.
Speaker 1What? There's not a lot of people in my life that I would say that, oh my God, I really hate this person, Right.
Speaker 2You didn't know, you hated him until you heard what I thought was hate. It's not hate, it's not hate.
Speaker 1I just really dislike these people.
Speaker 2Yeah, kendrick taught you how to?
Speaker 1Kendrick told me that I.
Speaker 2You're not hating properly.
Speaker 1I can't even hate properly. I'm going to write this song for everybody. I hate.
Speaker 2First of all, you don't hate anyone. That's a very strong word to use. Oh no, you probably no. Like you said, you probably strongly dislike them. I can't think of anyone that I actually hate, because think about the amount of energy it takes to actually pour into the emotion to hate someone. That's draining, just saying it. That's draining, it is.
Speaker 1And let me say this it's draining it is.
Speaker 2And then what makes it silly is that you're the one depleting your own energy, and they could care less.
Speaker 1So really no, no, no, no, yes. Let me just say this. We're not going to find a deep dive into my personal memory. The two people.
Speaker 2We're deep diving.
Speaker 1The two people that they know. I hate them. Okay, I just hate them to the extent Kendrick hate Drake. But now Kendrick has forced me to level up my hate.
Speaker 2But do you think they walk around like thinking about the hate that you have for them? They don't, they don't. They literally go about their day, and you're the one sitting there like oh. I hate you.
Speaker 1Like all that negative energy in your.
Speaker 2They're out there, like at the beach, like.
Speaker 1First of all, I know he at the beach. I don't think about the walls, I only think about when I see them, which isn't often. Which isn't often I try to. I avoid people I dislike like the plague, because I don't want to be in that headspace. But there are a couple people at my place of employment. Oh, stop it. That know, stop it. If I ever catch you in public, if I ever I'm going to say what the hell?
Speaker 1I want to say it's going to be hugs roses, what did you just say about me last week on the other podcast?
Speaker 2what did I say?
Speaker 1that you don't want to get me there. I'm a nice person, but when I get there, these two people, I'm constantly there. When you, when I get there, these two people, I'm already. I'm constantly there when you see them, it's on site, on site I hate the way that you talk.
Speaker 2I hate that for you.
Speaker 1Yeah, I know how was your week, because my week was great.
Speaker 2I know your week was great. My week wasn't too bad.
Speaker 1We celebrated your birthday.
Speaker 2I didn't even say my tattoo oh yeah, that was a highlight of your week.
Speaker 1Yeah, that should hurt got um shout out to my um my tattoo artist well, I now I don't know.
Birthday Gifts and Dance Classes
Speaker 2I was gonna say you finished your tattoo, but I don't know if you're, if it's finished now, because you woke up this morning. You're like, maybe well maybe I should add this to it. I feel like that's how it is with tattoos, though. When people start getting tattoos, it's like, well, maybe I should add this or maybe I should get this. But yeah, you got your tattoo. You had a. I mean, you have a great ongoing beef that's keeping you highly entertained and I thought about it the other day.
Speaker 1I was like man, I really wish you would go exchange my shoes, because now I got to do it for the culture After that last one he dropped, I got to do it for the coach. Oh goodness, Don't mess with the West.
Speaker 2I am. I'm going to go exchange your shoes. Don't mess with the West. I was like did I keep the receipt, but anywho, yeah, so your birthday was last week. We celebrated your birthday. I hope you liked your birthday gifts.
Speaker 1You gave me that thing.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, that's not. You got actual birthday gifts, did you like your?
Speaker 1birthday gifts Seriously. And then a cherry on top.
Speaker 2Seriously, did you like your?
Speaker 1actual birthday gifts. Yeah, I like it. I thought it was me. I thought look here. At first I was like you know what? My wife really know me. I said because she got me birthday gifts. But she got things that I wouldn't complain about the cost. I also got things that Because you know I'll be like calm down on these purchases.
Speaker 2I know, but I knew it was things that you would really like, so like I got you another pair of the tennis shoes that you like, but in the other color that you like, and then I got you.
Speaker 1My smelly goods.
Speaker 2His smelly goods, because the last time we went to get the one that you really liked, they didn't have it and then I thought about getting the entire line of it, but I was like I don't really think that he's going to like wear it like that.
Speaker 1I still have the lotion from last time.
Speaker 2Okay, I literally only put that lotion on my hands after I washed my hair, okay, and then, like you know the other thing, they have the bar soap and stuff and I was like we already use special soap.
Speaker 1No, soap.
Speaker 2So I was like I know you're not gonna use that that probably, but they got a low eucasor but the bye. If you, if you guys, haven't done't, I shouldn't even plug them. We don't plug people.
Speaker 1We only plug things that. We only plug stuff that serve our interest. We're not plugging nobody else.
Speaker 2But there's this app that we use to scan like certain products, like hygiene products and stuff like that, and it gives it a score. And so it's. It gives it a score and we usually look at the ingredients and stuff and be like, okay, we're not gonna get it because I only got a score of like 30 out of 100, or I got a score of like 80 out of 100. Then we'll get it if it's like fair or if it's good or whatever, but anywho, yeah, so I got you that. And then what about the new cologne? Did you like it, did you? I mean, it's cool.
Speaker 1I feel like once I sprayed it here at home, me and my sister sprayed it here at home and it doesn't smell the same as it did I put it on today.
Speaker 2Did you? Yeah, I thought you smelled good, though I got it on right now. Because you were standing right here in the front when you were setting up and I was like, ooh, he smells good. I got it on. Smell like that to me in the store.
Speaker 1I'm also happy because my beard's falling long enough where I can go get it faded.
Speaker 2I'm just happy it's grown back, because just don't do that again. Wow, just don't do that again. I don't think I can go through it again.
Speaker 1You don't know what it's like to constantly have food stuck around your mouth.
Speaker 2I mean, but you just go like this. And that's the other issue that you like twisting my hair, I like putting my fingers in it, because it'd be like it'd be thick in there. It'd be thick and coarse and I like to stick my fingers in it. That sounds terrible. That sounds terrible. Sounds so terrible, but anywho, yeah. So your birthday week was this past week. That was really fun. Your daughter started another dance class this week, so we've picked up hip-hop as well she's been like and that shit about to be canceled.
Speaker 2She's been begging to do hip-hop, so we picked up hip-hop. So we were at.
Speaker 1The outfit by itself Hip-hop, jazz, tap, ballet. I don't approve of the outfit by itself.
Speaker 2Oh no, we don't do tap anymore. We dropped tap because we now have Jim on that day, but she picked up hip-hop and she's like loving it. I know you're not crazy about the.
Speaker 1I'm not crazy about the outfits, the dance. Why, why are these little girls popping hips?
Speaker 2like this. Well, first of all it's hip-hop and then, second of all, it's like she can wear baggy clothes and stuff. So that's what she wore.
Speaker 1She wore like baggy um first of all, my daughter ain't got nothing baggy those pants are a size eight, do you see?
Speaker 2you didn't see how tight they were, like how I had to jawstring them around her waist because they're a size eight and they're boy pants because I was like everything I bought her boy uh cargo pants I said because everything she wear is like with her little skinny, so yeah, no, they're boy cargo pants.
Speaker 1I'm embracing these years because when she started actually getting curves, I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2Bye. So anywho, but yeah, so we started that. So I had to get her some new tennis shoes for hip hop. I had to get her some hip hop like clothes. You know she calls it hip hop. She was like, mom, I really want to do hip hop and I said it's hip hop.
Speaker 1She was like, yeah, that's what I said hip hop somebody need to tell her that Marius Silas part of USA is not a hip hop song oh, that's her jam.
Speaker 2But if you've been to their dances, like the father, daughter dance- and every time that song comes on. It's what. It's a hit. It's a hit. It's like juvenile. It's like juvenile when they hear the beginning of the part. It's like here Do do, do, do.
Speaker 1I said Miley got these little. I didn't realize, and they be in there. I got my hands up. They playing my song.
Speaker 2Perry got these little girls, we're girls and chocolate. These little girls are crazy. You think it's Taylor Swift, but it's not Taylor Swift. Or, like the six and seven year old, it's still Miley. And I'm like this song is older than you, I know, and she plays it. Oh, and then she just what's the other one? She discovered Justin Bieber's Baby, baby, baby and I was like Phoenixenix, this song is so old. And she was like no, it's not mom, no, it's not me and my friends play it. It's not, it's not an old song yeah, I was like babe, it actually is.
Speaker 2This was from like when mommy was little, you played this song. I was like, yeah, babe, we played this song, you know she?
Speaker 1she asked me did you go to elementary school? I was like no offense, elementary school wasn't around when I was a kid.
Speaker 2Maurice don't learn. Why would you tell?
Speaker 1her that Because she thinks I'm old as dirt.
Speaker 2Maurice, that's normal. We all went through that stage of thinking our parents were super old. I'm tired of this. Well, she tells me she sees my grays. And we were old, I'm tired of this. Well, she tells me she sees my, my grace, and she was like oh, mom, your hair is turning white. And I said I know, phoenix, it's because I'm getting older. Oh no, mom, I don't want you to be an old lady. I said I want to be an old lady because then that means I get to stick around for you.
Speaker 1Do you.
Parenting and Discipline
Speaker 2I pray that I am. She was like why are you looking like with your hating eyes? What was it? Because what she said right before we started recording no, I'm just working on my kindred goodbye. Right before we started recording, like um, we were both calling up to her and you're like I said, uh, phoenix, I was like I love you. She's like love you too. Marie said phoenix, I love you. And no, he goes, I love you more. And she was like I love mommy more. But you know, you're literally like her number one. You are when she she be missing you through a week and she my biggest hater and that's why she loves you so much.
Speaker 1She my biggest hater and my biggest cock block that's why she loves you so much.
Speaker 2But yeah, so other than that, the week was good. Um, I feel like the busier she gets.
Speaker 1I don't know you're done.
Speaker 2I don't know, unless you get done well, yeah, the less I get done, um, but it's just so, that's your, so that's your plan, that's your plan, I see it.
Speaker 1What you want to get her to the point where she's so busy, you're gonna going to get some help in here. I see it. What I see it.
Speaker 2I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1Oh, you want some Kendrick strategy type shit.
Speaker 2Oh, please stop injecting that into everything. No, but I was saying like she is. She is like you know, like we say every week, like she's growing up and her attitude is starting to change.
Speaker 1She act like you.
Speaker 2And that's why I want to talk about today. It's like how do? And then I already see, like us trying to change how we discipline her as she gets older, because the same little like sitting in the corner thing that's not work, it's not. I mean, I think it's still effective because she still gets annoyed, like she's more annoyed than like hurt. If, like last night, when I told her she had to go sit in the corner, she was just like like it was more of an annoyance as opposed to her feeling like oh my gosh, like like this is a discipline.
Speaker 1It's good to get your spartan kicked.
Speaker 2This, gentle, parenting is good, well, the thing is, there's no.
Speaker 1I was kind of down for the gentle parenting. But now I realize gentle parenting is just me hurting myself.
Speaker 2No, but it's not. The thing is is the gentle parenting has nothing to do with being like soft and gentle. The gentle parenting has everything to do with like setting boundaries, but also creating spaces for them to express themselves.
Speaker 1She constantly avoids and ignores the boundaries.
Speaker 2She does not, and I wish you'd stop saying that, because the more you say that, like I feel like you're sort of putting that in her head, because she doesn't ignore the boundaries. Where did she sleep last night? She slept in her bed and then she came and got into our bed, like what was it Like three o'clock this morning, and you let her in. You quite literally let her in. She knocked on the door because the door was locked and then you were like what is it, baby, what is it? And she was like done. And then you're like come here, come, get in the bed, literally, literally. But but had you said, phoenix, are you okay, everything's okay. Okay, phoenix, and you need to get back to bed.
Speaker 1She would have cried. I want to get up yeah she would.
Speaker 2She would have cried for a little bit, but then she would have fell back to sleep like she normally does I wouldn't got no sleep okay, I'm just, I'm just saying you can say what you want to say.
Speaker 1I'm just saying I'm a smoke, what I want to smoke anyways.
Speaker 2But yeah, so I mean mean I know that we have started taking a different approach with. Well, at least you have started taking a different approach opposed to using the corner. So now we've moved into wall sits, Because I guess you figure that if she's got to be disciplined, then she might as well build muscle. And she needs some pain Wall Wall in the process of it. She's got to be disciplined.
Speaker 1She needs some pain.
Speaker 2Then she might as well build muscle, and she needs some pain While in the process of it.
Speaker 1She about to have the best quads in the game.
Speaker 2But she now that she doesn't like.
Speaker 1And that's why I'm going to give it to her by the hour.
Speaker 2Yeah, but it's just like I wanted to kind of pick your brain too, because I know we talk about it you know, not quite often, but we do talk about it Like, as she gets older, what does discipline look like for her? You know, because it's here's the thing Taking things away from kids. I feel like that's like a hit or miss right, because, yeah, you could take things away from them Because they adapt without it Exactly, Because it's just like like with the whole iPad thing.
Speaker 2She don't even think about the iPad. She literally just plugged the iPad in for the first time in over a month. She don't even think about the iPad, no more. At all.
Speaker 1I can't remember I went to her Go ahead, which, to our point, our credit, I actually really do love that Because she doesn't need it, that because I feel like our kid is an actual kid and she's like let, what can I, what can I do to go play. Let me go um, work on my gymnastics, let me go play outside, let me play with my toys, let me color and that's what she does right.
Speaker 1So like that part, that part about it, I like it. I like the fact that my kid's not always in the screen yeah I love, I love that, and I think that's one part that I give you I give you guys a look and look at her over here momming. She over here doing her mom's dis, or rizzle.
Speaker 2I appreciate that, but she still does look forward to the weekend, like this morning when she woke up she was like Mom, can you make me something to eat before you record? And I was like yeah, and then she was like is it still the weekend? It's still the weekend, right? And I was like yeah, and she was like so can I watch some TV?
Speaker 1I was like, yes, you can, but here's the thing about her even watching TV. The TV just be on. Right, because she'll still be doing other things. She'll be doing her Barbie doll hair. Yeah, she'll be playing in her kitchen. The TV just is background noise. Yeah.
Speaker 2So she's not really paying attention to it unless it's Elsa and uh, yes, unless it's Elsa, or it's just something that she really wants to watch, yeah, but um, no, it's just got me thinking, because I I feel like there is probably multiple pivotal stages as she grows up where we're going to experience this like um attitude change and like her character starting to show and come more to the surface.
Speaker 2And I think what I see sometimes is that little uh strip of like anger that she gets like when she's really frustrated and she starts balling up her fist and then she wants to talk really aggressively and she gets like a like, like and she gets like a like, like an attitude. She gets like a really bad attitude. And for me, for me, what I try to do, what I try to do, it'll always work, but what I try to do is I try not to meet her with that same energy, right, because the whole point is for me to show her that, yeah, you can be upset, yes, you can be angry. I want you to show how you're feeling, but there's a way for you to do that and actually communicate how you're feeling to the other person so that they can understand. So your frustration is just not going nowhere. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1And I also feel like sometimes this just may be the man in me that sometimes these situations need to be met aggression with aggression.
Speaker 2Some scenarios, I don't disagree. Some scenarios, but and it may just be the woman in me, oh, my. God, but I also feel like if the whole point of the environment that she's being raised in is to like teach her by showing her how she can better like manage her emotions and express herself, so that she does feel like she's heard and so that she does feel like she's getting a result, she's getting a result.
Speaker 2Then I want her to be able to, on some level, bring herself back and be like, okay, like let me take a deep breath. Okay, now let me express to you you know, like let me let you know where I'm coming from. But when you're at a 10 already and your fists are balled up and you're stomping your foot and you're swinging your head and you're like I'm so angry, what is the other person doing? They're getting upset and angry too. Right? No one's hearing anybody.
Speaker 1I hear her personally. I'm just matching the energy with my energy.
Speaker 2I understand, but the thing is—.
Speaker 1Can I say that in anime terms?
Speaker 2What.
Speaker 1I'm letting my aura push her aura back, because my aura is stronger.
Speaker 2Right, okay, but—.
Speaker 1And I'm letting her know.
Speaker 2Are you supposed to be a leader and a teacher? Yeah, to cultivate an environment for her to learn. Or are you going to stoop down to her level and just rah-rah with her and let her know that your rah-rah is stronger?
Speaker 1And my answer to that is it's all-encompassing, because sometimes that needs to be done Sometimes Because, when boundaries are being pushed and lines are being crossed, there needs to be an understanding that there are consequences and that you're not who you think you are.
Speaker 2What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1What I mean is when we get up on this line, boy, boy.
Speaker 2I'm being for real.
Speaker 1Because when you say things, like.
Speaker 2But when you say things like, you're not who you think you are. For me, anyway, what I'm hearing is you're trying to knock her down.
Speaker 1You're trying to say no hold on.
Speaker 2Let me finish. In my opinion, for my ears, as a person listening to this, it sounds like you're trying to say okay, you think of yourself as that you're a peer, you know what you're doing, but I'm going to show you that you really don't here like. You know what you're doing, you got, but I'm finna, I'm finna. Show you that you really don't know okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1Let me respond just by this, by saying this part of that, a portion of that, is true, because sometimes, in the way she talks, to us and how she's very matter of fact, how she's trying to tell us what we're going to do I agree and? When she does that. No, you don't tell me shit. I tell you what to do, yeah. So that's when you have to say, hey, let me tell you something. Whoever you think you are right now, right, you're not. You're not that person. Okay, you're not that person.
Speaker 2I guess I can understand it from that angle.
Speaker 1It really is. Everything is really. I don't want to say time-based, but it's situation-based.
Speaker 2It is very situation-based.
Speaker 1Everything is situational, so I can't, I'm not going to rah-rah on her all the time.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1A lot of times I try not to rah-rah on her, yeah, but it's like when I'm saying like okay, Trying to give her leeway.
Speaker 2She takes a mile.
Speaker 1This is like my fifth, sixth time. Yeah, now I gotta say, all right, now I gotta put my bass in the voice now, I gotta stand up now, now, oh, and then it's then. It's always.
Speaker 2Well, I was just playing well, no, well, yeah, because I'm the one that usually has to say it like three times, and then you say it like once or twice and then, because I was like, because I don't try to I don't try to impede on what you're doing.
Speaker 1Yeah, understandable, but one message that I have always been consistent with her over the last like five or six years you will not disrespect my wife.
Speaker 2She gets tired of hearing it. And when you?
Speaker 1raise your voice.
Speaker 2She's like I know I won't disrespect your wife.
Speaker 1And when you raise your voice at my wife. Now we got to fight.
Speaker 2Bye Maurice, I don't give a damn who you are. I think what it is too, and I know I'm not the only mama that's like this. I think because your male energy and because your voice holds so much more weight as far as like tone than mine when I hear you like disciplining her and you're like using your dad voice, even when it's in your defense.
Speaker 1You'll come to me like it's.
Speaker 2You don't have to say it like that, it's just like. But here's the thing like I understand also and even I tussle with it, excuse me I understand also that you disciplining her is also important. Why did you say that? What tussle, oh gosh, you disciplining her is also really important, right? So I do, I do my best to just be like, oh, like I'll be holding in the end, like when I'm in the other room and I hear you talking to her, or like you're, you know, I'll be trying to like bring her back down.
Speaker 2I'd be like I'd be just sitting there, like holding my hands, like in my hands, like, okay, that's her father, he knows what he's doing. Am I, let me just? Am I her father boy, don't play with me because don't play, do not play with me, do not play with me. But then I, you know, you, you do your thing, you know, and I give her space. And then I'm like, okay, I wait, I wait a little bit, because I don't want, I don't want you to feel like I'm undermining you and I don't want her to feel like, every time you discipline her, that I'm right back there to like soothe her.
Speaker 1You know, but to some degree you do.
Speaker 2I know that some yeah, I'm aware.
Speaker 1And it's clear that she understands that, because she always tries to usurp what I say by going to you yeah, but what do I always do? Like what do I know not?
Speaker 2sometimes I always. What do I always?
Parenting and Setting Expectations
Speaker 1do, just like. The other night, when I went back up there, did you ask your father. What'd your father say?
Speaker 2or no. Like when I went up there to talk to her after, um, you had sent her upstairs and, just just to you know, I always like, let her talk about it. So when she's like, oh, dad's being really mean to me, she was like he's being so mean to me and I was like, why do you think he's being mean to you? Because he made me come upstairs, or because he put me in the corner, or whatever? And I was like, okay, phoenix, well, what was happening? Like what action caused daddy to send you upstairs? What action caused daddy to send you upstairs? And literally she was like, cause I wasn't listening. Okay, so was it daddy being mean or was it you not following directions? And I let her tell me, like I wasn't following direction. Okay, well then do you think you should owe your dad an apology?
Speaker 1Cause I was disrespectful. I don't like the way you mocking my child right now.
Speaker 2Goodbye, but what does she do? Before she went to bed, she came in your room and what she apologized, she apologized.
Speaker 1She didn't want to.
Speaker 2It doesn't matter whether she wanted to or not. You made her Because I need her to understand that you don't get to disrespect your father, you don't get to disrespect me. Your father is going to hold you accountable, I'm going to hold you accountable and it doesn't matter because you're still going to get the consequence and still going to get the consequence. And, like I told her, I said, when you choose not to follow directions, when you choose not to listen to your father or myself, you are also choosing whatever consequence that comes after that, because you're making a choice to sit there and ignore us. When we sit there and we call you two or three times and you make eye contact and then turn your head, and you make eye contact and then turn your head, you are choosing what comes after that. Facts. So she does understand that.
Speaker 2I think that sometimes and I used to think this, like when my sister was a teenager my sister was like she was one of those rebellious teenagers and I used to think that, yes, she would get consequences, but for some reason, for me and my sister's mind, the consequences did not weigh the things that she wanted to do, so she would just do them and be like OK, like what's the worst that could happen, I'm on restriction, ok, ok, what's the worst that could happen, I can't go somewhere. Like you know what I mean. Like that's how I always thought when she was moving as a teenager, because I used to be like you, you know mama said you can't, you can't do that. And she would be like okay, well, I'm gonna pack my bag and I'm, I'm headed out for the weekend and I guess we'll see what her punishment is when I get back, but I'm still gonna go, look and that's how.
Speaker 1That's how I know that we were raised in two separate generations.
Speaker 2Because if I packed a, bag for a weekend. Okay, I'm being a little dramatic, but I'm just saying. But what I'm saying is how would we handle that? Like when I see certain things that my sister experienced, like with my nephew when he was like a preteen and stuff, it's like how do you handle that? How do you handle a child who, basically, is like I'm just going to do it?
Speaker 1I think those are all things that you have to nib in the bud early on.
Speaker 2But what does that look like, because?
Speaker 1I feel like I think that looks like you letting them get away with things constantly in their early years without consequences.
Speaker 2Okay, but what I'm? Saying is, the consequences don't outweigh what the thing they want to do.
Speaker 1But it's not only the consequences, it's the consequences, it's the structure, it's the expectations. You know what I'm saying? A lot of times I feel like kids are in trouble just because they're idle minds. So if you give them tasks to complete you, know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2They don't have an expectation.
Speaker 2And I do, you know. It's funny that you mentioned the expectation thing, because that's something that I feel like I do kind of struggle with, because you know my personality type and you know how when I get onto something, if it's something where I feel like I need to win it or do really good in, I'm all in on it, right. I mean sometimes, bye, I'm all in on it, and I know how that makes me feel sometimes when I feel like I've put myself up against a wall to achieve. And then I see, sometimes for me I feel like I'm pushing her too much. Sometimes, like, especially when it comes to school or when it comes to, like, the sports that she's in, part of me is just I want you to do the best that you possibly can and I'm not going to, I'm not going to accept when you're not doing your best. You know, like, even even if she like what was it?
Speaker 2Week before last she brought home a spelling test and it wasn't her best spelling test. Like she constantly brings home 10 out of 10, 11 out of 10. This one she brought home it was an 8 out of 10 and um, she was like, oh, and then her sentence. I think her sentence. She got like a seven out of ten or something like that. But the hesitation that she had of showing it to me, I was just like like do I look at this as a good thing where she's?
Speaker 2a great thing where she understands that there is a standard that she needs to, you know that's on this.
Speaker 2On the same token, I also don't want her to be afraid to be like. I don't want her to be afraid to be like. I don't want her to be afraid to be like okay, it's not the best, but I did do my best. And so that's why I always ask. When she brought home that test, I was like did you do your best? Because I knew she studied for that week, like I make sure she studies every day. So I was like did you do your best? And she was like I did. I did my best best. And she was like I did I did my best. And what I don't want to do is make her feel like her best isn't enough just because it doesn't meet my standard.
Speaker 1Does that make sense? I see, I feel like it's not saying your best is enough. It means you need to try harder right, but I don't want that, I want to have. I want her to have a growth mindset, not just like a fixated mindset but I also I rock with the hesitation because she's that's her, that's her realizing I haven't met the standard that's been expected of me.
Speaker 2Right, but I get what you're saying. And, yes, part of me was like okay, she understands.
Speaker 1That's the harsh reality of life.
Speaker 2I know, but I'm thinking and I probably shouldn't because we only have the moment, but I think about how this translates later in life, preteen years, teenage years those are already really tough, emotional, hormonal years.
Speaker 1You know, but like I always tell you, we could do everything right until age 12, and then one event changes her.
Speaker 2And you don't even understand how I think about that so much.
Speaker 1That's why I don't get caught up in the moments I do what I feel is best at the time, and even with the homework thing, like she knows what to expect. That's why, when I ask her questions, hey, did you do this? Yes, yes, I did that. I wasn't doing it. I did everything, that I did everything you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2I was like, okay, like you know what the expectation is, yeah, and I and I like that, I like that she understands that there is an expectation, that there is a standard. You know what I mean, because we are constantly reiterating that to her and like letting her know, um, but I do see sometimes that it it gets on her, I guess in so many words, like gets on her nerves, like guess in so many words it gets on her nerves, like where I can just see where she's just like like dude, I know, you know, like she gives me like that attitude, like I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1I get that too, and I'm like I'm going to reinforce, reinforce, reinforce. Because I don't really give a damn about your attitude, attitude, attitude. I don't really give a damn about your attitude, attitude, attitude. I don't care, you better fix that.
Parenting Challenges and Grace
Speaker 2Well, but see, that's what I'm saying, like how you were talking about earlier. When my concern is when I start seeing something, and there's so many different things that go through my mind you just like mom guilt everything. It's just like I see something and I see something in her and I'm like like I don't necessarily, like I want to not that I want to fix it, I just want to redirect it. And how do I go about redirecting it? Because if I don't like the way this looks at six, I'm definitely not going to like the way this looks at 16. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1I also feel like a lot of things that you worry about are things that change with time.
Speaker 2Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 1I agree. I recall having numerous conversations with you and I and I'd be like babe, she's only five.
Speaker 2I know.
Speaker 1She's only four.
Speaker 2I know, and I have to say that to myself too.
Speaker 1A lot of times it's as if you don't understand that. She's just her age, and I get the fact that you want her to be a little more advanced in certain areas, but at the same time.
Speaker 2Well, she is.
Speaker 1Well, she is, but again, at the same time, like we always said, we have allowed her to be a child.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1She doesn't have the same maturity level that we had at her age, right Lord knows. I mean, I was cooking my own breakfast by then.
Speaker 2I mean, don't think she hasn't tried, no. But she also doesn't like the way things feel. She likes to help me cook, but when she gets things on her hands she's like oh no, like I'm done done. Like she was cooking the eggs and she got egg on her fingers and she was like no, anyway.
Speaker 1So you know she's been allowed to be a child, so I can't I don't want to like compare her childhood to ours.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, you can't do that because it's completely different circumstances. Night and day. Right Night and day.
Speaker 1Completely different circumstances. So I give her grace in that regard. That's why I do try to be a little more patient with her. Yeah, but there are certain points and I will admit that I'm guilty of this where it's like no, you need to listen now. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you this two or three times and I don't care about the breakdown, I don't care about I will, Because I will just tell you go to your room. If we're in public, we'll just go home.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Your breakdown is not going to affect anything.
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't know, I just. These are just things that I think about all the time, and especially recently, because the day before yesterday, when she had through that whole fit, she's blowing us kisses right now, when she had through that fit. And you know, when she gets angry she also. That's another thing. She also says like mean things.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, she's a woman. She has that in her. I guess it's from birth what?
Speaker 2I guess, it's from birth. No one says mean things to you when they're upset. I don't say mean things to you when I'm upset.
Speaker 1That's a woman trait.
Speaker 2It's a she's a woman.
Speaker 1Well, she's going to be one. Yeah, I've been called so many mean things. By who, babe? By my child and my wife.
Speaker 2I haven't called you anything me.
Speaker 1Not recently. Okay, you know, I've been told I'm not a good daddy.
Speaker 2Oh well, anytime you discipline her, the first thing she says is that you're not a good dad.
Speaker 1The other day she told me she was going to find another dad. Yes, she said.
Speaker 2I'm just going to have to find another dad. And then your response was okay, yeah go get him Free up.
Speaker 1my money Ain't hurt me none. You know what I'm saying. It used to hurt. No, I think it's too.
Speaker 2No, it used to hurt. Now I'm like, okay, well, because you know she's just upset she literally told me she don't love me no more.
Speaker 1So that's fine. You don't have to love me, but you will respect me. Yeah, you don't have to love me, but you will respect me. That's what she will do you know?
Parenting and Letting Go
Speaker 2Yeah, I don't know. I think this whole, like I always say, like the tragedy of childhood is them growing up, you know, children becoming adults, and I think part of me is just trying to hold on as much as I can and redirect things that I think are concerning you know, but I think that also comes from me wanting to like control, having control on some level. You definitely want to have control.
Speaker 1You want to have control, having control on some level, you definitely want to have control.
Speaker 2You want to have control over everything, but I also I try to reel that in and understand that I can't control everything and I don't want to control everything you know, because, why not? Because I don't, I don't know everything.
Speaker 1Oh, okay, I'm happy you said that.
Speaker 2You know, stop it. I don't know everything, but it's my child, oh okay, I don't want her to regret not giving it her all, or I don't want her to regret not pursuing something, or I don't want her to regret not being in the moment, you know. But I think, when I think about that and I sit with that and like when I journal and stuff, part of that has a lot to do with me. And it's the things that maybe I feel like I didn't fulfill.
Speaker 2Fulfilling yourself or in her Fulfilling myself, or where I feel like I may have fallen short in my own life and whatever that is. I haven't worked through that part to find whatever that is, but I guess for me what I recognize is that on some level it has caused me to feel like there is something that I didn't fulfill for myself yet and I don't want her to have that feeling fulfill for myself yet and I don't want her to have that feeling. So my only recourse to that is like trying to push her as much as I can yeah, but, but not you know what I mean but also realizing that she's also not me and that she's not me I said it to you all the time you do, she's not me.
Speaker 2And.
Speaker 1I'm not a fan of pushing at this age, because I feel like this is the age where she's still discovering herself.
Speaker 2Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1Absolutely so. I'm more so in line with the thought of we're going to follow where you go yeah, and we're going to make sure you stay within the lines yeah, and we're going to make sure you stay within the lines, yeah, but I mean like the introduction.
Speaker 2Like when I say push, I mean from the perspective of instilling in her certain habits. Right, because she's about to be seven. So we all know that there's a very short window for a kid's brain developments. Right, their brains are like computers. Brain developments right, their brains are like computers. Whatever you've downloaded into that computer, up to about six or seven, everything becomes very fixated. You know what I'm saying. So there are certain things when I say push I want to like.
Speaker 2When I say push, I'm saying like her manners, the way she presents herself, the way she carries herself, the way she speaks to people, the way she speaks to herself, the way she treats herself, her thought process when she's upset, her thought process when people have done her wrong, those are the things that, like, I'm saying push. That's why I like to have a lot of conversation with her, like, you see, like, what does she like to do at night, every night? She likes to talk, period, she likes to talk Because that's like my biggest thing, like I, I want that to be so normal for her. I want conversation and being able to express yourself, even with your words, to be so normal for her that it's just. It's just like second nature for her to be. Like I need to have a conversation with you about how I'm feeling, or I need to talk to you about your actions and how they made me feel. Or like, even when she's in the workplace, being vocal about like her opinions and being vocal about her ideas, like I want conversation to be so normal for her.
Speaker 2I don't want for her to grow up and be one of those people who, like, can't express themselves or, when they do express themselves, they express themselves in such a negative way that they're never heard or that they're never seen because people don't know how to receive it, because you're saying it with such anger or you're saying it. You know what I mean. So when I talk about push, I'm not talking about, like, pushing her into like a certain box or her being a certain type of kid to grow up to be a certain type of young adult. I'm talking about, like her life skills, pushing her to develop certain like life skills. And I also recognize that her brain is still a six-year-old brain and she doesn't have the capacities to understand a lot of things right now. Right, but she is still really bright and I feel like once we just plant the seed, as long as the seed is there and we try to water it, then it'll grow. But it's going to be really hard to try to plant new seeds when she's 12. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1The one thing I will say. She's very clear in conveying what she's thinking right and how she's feeling right so, to that point, you're doing well, because she does that well. Now she's, she's going to be vocal, she's going, she's going to tell you and, and a lot of times she's unapologetically vocal, yeah you know, you know, she has no filter.
Speaker 2Well, because she's a kid too, she don't know, right but that point.
Speaker 1Well, I mean, she kind of gets that from me because she just says what she says.
Speaker 2And like well, we'll worry about the interpretation and the meaning after I say what I say, and then they'll let me know if it was right or if it was wrong.
Speaker 1Right, right, but I was going to say that there's nothing wrong with being reflective, because I think that's what you're doing You're being reflective on your life and then you're trying to position your child to be in a better place than you were by the time she reaches the level that you are. I don't think there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1I just think, at the same time, you can't think too heavily about navigating her life from your view when you're not the one in the driver's seat, right, so you're basically in the backseat, yeah perfectly said, you're backseat driving, passenger seat driving In a life that's not yours, yeah, so that's why I always say no, i'm'm gonna let her make her decisions and I'm just gonna watch her close and when she gets, you know, too far off the line, I'll align me, like when she gets to danger yeah or things that I see to be dangerous, are just not good for her. That's when I'll interject and say no, you need to come back this way because of what? What's over there you're not ready for, because?
Parenting Challenges and Learning Opportunities
Speaker 1you don't have the maturity level to comprehend a threat what you're getting yourself into, yeah. Again, like I said a couple of pods ago, when we were down in LA and she just ran in the street, you know, in her mind it's a normal day.
Speaker 2I run in the street all the time, all the time at home.
Speaker 1Because you know she lives in the cul-de-sac and she can see cars. This is not the same situation baby.
Speaker 2You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1Her environment's completely different, but she doesn't know that it's like in that instance, yeah, I had to raise my voice and talk to her and she's looking at me like why am I being? Reprimanded for running for something I do all the time so that part, those nuances of it, it's hard for her to understand because I don't think she can associate, you know, rules with places as much like her being in a different environment and knowing that the same rules that come from her other environment don't apply and not necessarily rules, but like um commonalities, right?
Speaker 1like she understands that at school I can do this, I I can do this, but I can't do this. I can do this at home, but I can't do this at school. At school I can do a little more of this, because they're not going to. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1She understands that part. What I'm saying is that she doesn't understand that the way that she is allowed to interact and behave at home Right, it's not the same way Doesn't translate. Everywhere, yeah Right. That's why they always say what they do at home or what they do in the, what they do yeah, they learn it from home, right, right.
Speaker 1So it's like that aspect of her I don't, I don't fully expect her to comprehend yet, because it's certain, like I said, commonalities commonalities of I still said that wrong of different places that you know come up that needs to be learned, and a lot of times you really learn those two experiences Right, because we can't teach her how to behave in certain situations unless those situations are right. So at that point I feel like I mean by no means is my child a bad child At all, by no means At all. But she is at the same time. She is a child and so there are going to be times where she needs to be reprimanded and she needs to be molded.
Speaker 2Redirected.
Speaker 1Redirected right and so that she can understand Now. I do also believe that we do a good job of explaining to her why, things are the way they are and I think that's a thing and that's something new, Because, you know, we grew up. We weren't explained why.
Speaker 2We didn't have to be explained why, it's just because I said so.
Speaker 1But I actually at first it was hard for me to understand, like why are we doing this? Like why do I have to explain why? But now it's like I like explaining why, because now she can learn to associate the why with the reason. So that way we don't have, we don't have to keep having this same conversation, because she goes oh shoot, if I do this, dad's gonna do that right.
Speaker 2So now it's like okay.
Speaker 1Well, I'm literally, you know, lighting my uh foggily workload in advance by explaining to her why this is happening.
Speaker 2Because now her brain starts to line everything up and it's like, okay, this is going to be a consequence, or this isn't acceptable, or this doesn't meet the standard. Yeah.
Speaker 1And I think to that point. I think we have to start giving children the credit they deserve when they are smarter than what we think they are. They may not be like book smart, but they can comprehend. Oh yeah, and they have you, you heard her.
Speaker 2They have savvy interpersonal she's she's proven me wrong quite a few times it's not hard.
Speaker 1Goodbye, it's not hard, goodbye you're a dracat um, uh, you know.
Speaker 1So in it's like, you know, she's shown us her level of intelligence, you know, because she can comprehend and she can, she can foreshadow. Like, if I do this, I know, and a lot of times and this is why I say that sometimes the gangster in her just comes out, because she knows what the consequence is and she's still, she's like, but I want to do it, I'm going to do it, and then she just takes her, or she she does this thing where she'll ask she knows the answer, but she'll ask, and then she'll tilt her head to the side Like just so yeah.
Speaker 2So what will happen if I just decide to do?
Speaker 1it Right.
Speaker 2Like just just a little bit.
Parenting Through Failure and Hygiene Concerns
Speaker 1Yeah, that's what she was like just a little bit and the thing is, the thing about that is like it's clear, it's clear to us that she knows what the what the rules are, she knows what she can and cannot do, and it just she picks, she picks and chooses when she wants to break the line. And when she breaks the line, it's on us to show up and say well, now, here are your consequences right.
Speaker 2And you know, and I was just having this conversation with a parent at gym the other day and we were having the conversation about letting your kids fail. And I was telling her I said you know what me and my husband talk about this all the time? I said, but I think it really is essential because, like, even for someone like me, where I do, where I try to, you know, like, redirect and you know, do all these things, I also know that it's so important for her to fail. And there have been times where I knew something was going to go wrong. I just I knew it was going to go wrong but I had to let it go wrong. And you know, she was at gymnastics one day and her coach her coach had noticed that she kept they were jumping off the vault. And the coach kept saying stop looking at the mats, cause wherever it's like when you ride your motorcycle wherever your eyes go, so will your body Right. So the coach was like don't look at the mat. If you keep looking at the mats you're going to fall face forward in the mat. You're not going to go into the pit. So she knew this one, our. So she knew this one our kid, you know, because sometimes she don't think fat meat is greasy. So, sure enough, she gets up on the vault. She runs, jumps to jump off the vault, looks dead at the mat and guess who falls flat faced on the mat it was a great day and starts crying.
Speaker 2And what I appreciated about Coach was Coach was like let her have her moment. She walked over to her, she made sure she was safe, she made sure she was okay and then she was like what did I say right before you ran up to get on that vault? And she was like to look at the pit. And she was like and where did you look? And she was like at the mats. She was like okay, so when we try it again, where are you going to look? And she was like at the mats. She was like okay, so when we try it again, where are you gonna look? And she was like I'm gonna look at the pit. But it's like coach already knew, because she had saw what she was doing before and right before she did it again, she reiterated don't look at the mat. So it's like the same thing, like when I was talking to the other parent at gym. I was like it's so hard when you know they're about to fail or not like, but you have to let them.
Speaker 2But you have to let them fall because that's the only thing like the brain is going to make the connection, because we can keep saying all day long it's like when we were teenagers right, it's like, yeah, you're going to do this and I don't want you to get caught up in this, and if you do this, this is what happens. And it's like, okay, yeah, but the first thing you think about is I'm not you. You know like I'm not you when you were 16 and I know what I'm doing and you know.
Speaker 1But it's like you have to let them just get in it and once they're in it, then they're like damn, you know, but you can be there to support them, right, and you know, to that point it's like I'm all thinking right now. I was like I might have to just one day take them damn training wheels off that bike, because she is, she's holding on to that safety yeah, that's how she was on the treadmill.
Speaker 2So she was, she was getting up. She got on the treadmill the other day and she was running and she got up to a 3.5 speed. And when she got up, when she got up, for her little legs it was a light jog. So when she got up to the 3.5, she started holding on to the rail and I was like you have to focus on your pace. I was like, because the the rail, you're not supposed to be able to hold on to the rail and then do the whole 12 minutes like you need to just run. And so she's like okay. So she's like. She like hesitantly, took her arms off and I was like it's fine, like if you fall, I'm right here, like it's okay, though you know, but she was so hesitant about doing it and thank God she didn't fall flat on her face.
Speaker 1But she was close. But that's the thing, though. Like you have to fall.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Falling. It's part of the teaching.
Speaker 2It's a part of life.
Speaker 1It's a part of the teaching.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's a part of life Like even as adults, we still fall.
Speaker 1Yeah, you fall all the time. I can't stand you.
Speaker 2I don't want to say nothing though, Anywho, but yeah, you know this whole parenting thing, I know it's for the birds man.
Speaker 1Man, it's literally the best job I have ever had in my life.
Speaker 2I'm not saying and the most mentally draining.
Speaker 1Don't get me wrong. I love my child. I love my child to death, but at the same time that dink life was great.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, it was so long ago.
Speaker 1I know, I can't even remember it.
Speaker 2I can't Anywho, yeah. So all you parents out there, just hang in there. We're all in this together, guys, fuck them kids. We're all in this together. There is no rule book, you know, and we're just doing the best we can.
Speaker 1We should all just act like the Spartans Send them out into the wild when they turn eight.
Speaker 2When they turn eight and let them fend for themselves. If you come back, you come back. If you don't, we know you weren't up to par. You gotta spend three days In the wild, All right? Well, let's hop on over into our two cents. I feel like I need a good little not laugh, but I just. I really want to hear your advice on this one.
Speaker 1This is gonna be some bullshit.
Speaker 2Okay, okay it says I found poop stains in my boyfriend's underwear multiple times how do I approach this without causing tension?
Speaker 1okay, all right, all right, till next time. This has been an episode of.
Speaker 2I and my boyfriend have been together for six years. Over this past year, our intimate life has severely declined. The main issue I'm having is his hygiene. I personally am extremely hygienic. I shower every morning and every single night and have a strategic body care and skincare routine. Not saying I wash my hair twice a day, but I always do a quick rinse off in the shower. My boyfriend showers maybe once every other day and really only brushes his teeth for a quick minute before bed without flossing or using mouthwash. I also often find his poop stained underwear on the floor of our bedroom and bathroom. I also often find his poop stained underwear on the floor of our bedroom and bathroom.
Speaker 2I believe I might even have a little bit of OCD when it comes to personal hygiene, as I really overthink about germs and whatnot. I work in the medical field, so hygiene is extremely important to me. I'm finding it really difficult to be intimate with him when I'm worried about his bad hygiene affecting mine like getting poop on me and it's also really hard for me to be attracted to someone when the odor is really bad. I love him to death and he's such a good man, but it's really starting to bother me. I haven't really brought it up because I don't want to hurt his feelings. It also is a major turnoff to me to have to lecture him on how to wipe properly. I need some advice on how to kindly bring this up without making him feel bad.
Speaker 1There is no kind way to say this. There is no kind way.
Speaker 2Her boyfriend is 28, by the way.
Speaker 1I'm not going to take it there. There is no kind way to say this. You need to be washing your ass every day, especially if you're an adult. I don't understand why.
Speaker 2Wash your whole ass, not just your asshole.
Speaker 1Right, no Red said you ain't got to wash your whole ass.
Speaker 2Just make sure you wash your asshole.
Speaker 1You know the not wiping property A lot of times. It's not that he's not wiping properly, he's the not wiping A lot of time. It's not that he's not wiping properly, he's just not wiping enough. He's probably just wiping one time.
Speaker 2And that's okay and not checking, I was listening to You're supposed to wipe till.
Speaker 1You don't see no more. I was listening to another podcast. Can you stop hitting me?
Speaker 2there. Oh, your tattoo. I'm sorry. I was looking at another podcast and they were having this exact conversation about how many times people wipe and one of their guests, okay, got on there and said that he wipes once and the girls were like what? Like who goes number two to the bathroom and only wipes?
Speaker 1once. I mean, there's times where you only need one wipe no, you have to, you have to double back. Hold on hold, on listen, let me finish what I'm saying okay, I'm gonna let you cook, you only need one wipe. But the second wipe is there to confirm you only need one wipe.
Speaker 2So oh, you mean, like if the first time you wiped and it was clear, like if you had a clean break, no, like, and then you go in for the second one, you, so you wipe the first sign right, and then you wipe again to make sure you're good, right.
Speaker 1So you only needed one wipe, but you needed two to confirm. So the minimum number of the wipes is two. Two is the minimum and if you and if it takes, if you're on wipe four or five, just get in the shower.
Speaker 2You have to take a shower. I mean you say four or five. I say, if you still like coming up pretty opaque on the third one, you're going to need to get in the shower and you also need to drink more water. Yeah, because that's all that means. That means you need to drink more water because you shouldn't be back there wiping your butt five or six times, not at all, not at all?
Speaker 1Not at all.
Speaker 2So I mean, my advice would be I would just literally have a conversation with him and be like babe, like I noticed your draws Just go in there and say it, they're a little skish.
Speaker 1Just go in there and say you get more loving if your ass was clean, because if you want to keep it 100, as a boy, your only motivation to start taking showers regularly is for a girl.
Speaker 2Okay. Well then, somehow he lost that and I don't know, maybe he got comfortable and he was like, if this is the person that I'm going to be with, I mean she might as well see my true colors. Or is it a test?
Speaker 1Or you know, he's been with some nasty women before. That. Just didn't give a damn.
Speaker 2Yeah, but I'm with her on that. Like I would be terrified that he would get poop on me in an unpleasant area the last time I had shit in my drawers. It's probably since, like when you were three. Nah, oh it was after that.
Speaker 1Oh no, the teenage boys. You understand, we didn't shower every day.
Speaker 2It's a boy thing and it's so crazy because it's the opposite for girls well, because y'all got more going on. It's like your mama like, once you got to that stage, your mama was like adamant like you better be in that shower twice a damn day and hold on so it's funny.
Speaker 1It's actually funny. We have this conversation Because I was talking to my tattoo guy and we're talking about, like man, as boys we didn't really understand how bad we smell. I said we had no idea because of us. Oh, I remember my nephews my nephews because he was like. Now, when I go to like my brother's house and I see my nephew's room, I'll be like how are y'all in here like this?
Speaker 1like I said, especially, with the dirty clothes everywhere like I said, we really had like, just like it was oblivious to you guys adapted nostrils where, like everything was oh, like I don't we had adapted nostrils like it was just different maybe because it was your own body odor, so for you it didn't affect you.
Speaker 2It's like when you take a poo Like your own poop odor doesn't affect you.
Speaker 1But if somebody else smells, it, it's like dude.
Speaker 2Sometimes I take a poo I'm like, ooh, that's wretched. Every time you take a poo it's wretched and it shouldn't be. Did you guys know that? Your poop is not supposed to smell like that? It says the person who clears out bad um that don't.
Speaker 2Don't get on here and lie Anywho. But yeah, Um, yeah, boys have no clue on how wretched they can smell it's. It's weird. But anywho, back to the advice. I would just simply there's no, there's no nice way of saying it. Just be like babe, I think you need to clean a little bit more in the backyard.
Speaker 1I will say this I will give a stinky man more grace than a stinky woman. Just to be honest.
Speaker 2Why? Because of the smell difference.
Speaker 1It smelled different and I'm like that's not even healthy for you.
Speaker 2It's not healthy for anybody. What?
Speaker 1are you talking about? It's really not healthy for a woman.
Speaker 2What's not healthy.
Speaker 1You over here smelling like that baking bread in between your legs. That's bad.
Speaker 2Why do you always assume someone is baking bread? The?
Speaker 1yeast is high, it's bad.
Speaker 2Oh my gosh, you guys. It's bad. This has been another episode of Life After I Do Podcast. If you are not doing so already, you know the usual. You can follow us on all of our social media platforms at Life After I Do Podcast on Facebook, instagram.
Speaker 1TikTok. Tiktok's been extended. You got six months.
Speaker 2You can also write in to us at Life After I Do Podcast at gmailcom. We would love to hear from you guys, don't forget to like and comment, subscribe, do all of the things on our social media platforms that you get.
Speaker 1Don't forget the OnlyPants.
Speaker 2We don't have an OnlyFans.
Speaker 1I said OnlyFans.
Speaker 2Bye, bye, that was a reference if you haven't watched the Cat Williams special, anyway, but you get a new episode every Wednesday and until then we will catch up with you guys next week.
Speaker 1Peace, peace, booskis.
