Remember those couples from high school that made you believe in forever? We're one of those pairs, now navigating the ebbs and flows of a long-term relationship. We laugh over the memories that bind us, like the playful name for my husband's beard, but don't shy away from the tougher conversations.
Remember those couples from high school that made you believe in forever? We're one of those pairs, now navigating the ebbs and flows of a long-term relationship. We laugh over the memories that bind us, like the playful name for my husband's beard, but don't shy away from the tougher conversations.
I remember meeting new people, I remember being invited to places, like I remember all of that right and it's like, even though I don't, I didn't miss out on being able to do those things. I also had to be mindful that I did have someone at home. Welcome back everybody to another episode of Life After I Do. I am your host, nisha G, and I'm here with my husband, my little, who's always dramatic. Nisha G and I'm here with my husband. It was always dramatic.
Speaker 2:Hey boo, hey boo, how's it going. I'm a little tired today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a little tired yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm a little tired.
Speaker 1:You slept for like a day and a half, so I'm just a little confused.
Speaker 2:And I've been trying to get back on track.
Speaker 1:But you know that, you know there's a saying or like a study that shows that if you sleep too much, like it can have the opposite effect on you.
Speaker 2:It's just as bad as not sleeping enough.
Speaker 1:I know, so that's probably what it was.
Speaker 2:I don't think I slept too much at all.
Speaker 1:You don't.
Speaker 2:I don't. I think I slept the appropriate amount of time.
Speaker 1:I mean in technical sense. Like you were, you should have slept. You were on vacation.
Speaker 2:That's what I do.
Speaker 1:Right, you were on vacation, so how was your vacation week Short? I mean including the days that you took off before vacation.
Speaker 2:Short. These 10 days have flown by.
Speaker 1:I know they go by really quick. Like I was just thinking, like on Monday I was like, okay, so he's on vacation this week, but I was like it's going to be Thursday before I know it and it feels like we had one day together and it was Friday.
Speaker 2:I feel like the weekend came and went. You know the last week, the whole anniversary, right, and I feel like that's what it probably sped it and then when I think wednesday night was what it was, the nail in the coffin why?
Speaker 1:oh because, oh yeah, because we stayed up too late. So we had we had um invited some friends over for dinner on wednesday night and every time we get together with our friends, like it's, we end up being together all night. So we didn't get to bed till well past midnight. So that meant Phoenix also didn't go to bed till well past midnight. We get up on um, what is it? Thursday morning? I get up, he gets up, we get her ready for school. I'm getting ready for the gym, he's getting ready for the gym.
Speaker 1:The plan always is to take her to school, go to the gym and while I'm getting dressed and he's sitting down putting on his socks, phoenix has meanwhile gotten back in our bed and is laying down fully clothed, like ready to go to school, but she is not out, like fully knocked out. And then you look over at me and you're like, yeah, we're all taking the day off. He was like nobody is no good today. We were all so freaking sleepy we didn't go to bed until what? Like a quarter to one. So because, well past midnight, and then we got up at six, the alarms started going off at six. Her alarm went off at six, my alarm went off at six. Your alarm went off at six and we were just like we were dragging it and I was like I know, if we send her to school like this, we're gonna be getting a message about how she was falling asleep in class and all this other stuff. And you were just like executive decision everybody back to bed. I think that was like much needed.
Speaker 2:Though that was much needed because we were just like I just knew I was gonna have to be the bad guy, yeah because I will.
Speaker 1:You know me, I was gonna push through, I wasn't gonna say anything. I had to be the bad guy I was just gonna push through whatever, whatever you said and whatever you say goes if we were getting up and leaving the house the funny thing is, when I put her back in her bed, she was like I'm not going to school today.
Speaker 2:And I was like do you want to go to school today? I want to sleep I was like okay, go back to sleep. I was like I don't know why you're over here. I don't know why you're over here.
Speaker 1:fake capping Right like she's going to be like oh yeah, I want to go Now. If this was her last year, she would have been like oh no, I am not missing school. Like when she first started school. We would have to use that as like a threat. We would use that as a threat.
Speaker 2:Like you're not going to be able to go to school.
Speaker 1:What a difference a year has made. Right Now that she done, got the experience and now things are like progressing. She like like, if I don't have to go to school today, I'm going. I don't, I don't want to go. Now she's on this whole kick and I and I completely forgot why she kept saying this she was like um, we always ask her like do you want mommy or daddy to go to work, or whatever right? And she would always say like daddy, go to work, mom stays with me. So now she's like mom, you can go back to work. That's what she tells me. So when I was putting her down to go to sleep, she was like um, mom, can I go to think together on monday, because you're gonna go to work.
Speaker 1:So now that you go to work, I can go to think together that's what it is that's what it is she wants to go to the after school program and it didn't dawn on me because she came home one day and she was like her friends, like her friends go to after school, you know who goes after school? Delilah goes to after school.
Speaker 2:Not every day.
Speaker 1:Not every day, but she goes.
Speaker 2:Do you know who goes after school every day?
Speaker 1:Who.
Speaker 2:Mila.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, so that's what it is. Because she, like their afterschool program was called Think Together and so she had started asking me, maybe like a month or two ago, and she was like why do some kids get to go to Think Together and some kids don't get to go to Think Together? And I was explaining to her the kids who go to Think Together is because their mommies and daddies usually work, and the time that you guys get out of school is too early for mommy and daddy to come and pick up their kids. And so I was like so they go to after-school program, which works better with mommy and daddy's schedules, you know. So now she's got it in her head. If you just go back to work, meaning me, then she could go to think together, because she knows you're not going to be able to pick her up when you go to work.
Speaker 1:No-transcript tonight she's like um, she's like can I please go to think together on monday? And I was like phoenix, you're not going to think together. Oh my gosh, mom, please. And she's like begging on the verge of tears. And I was like Phoenix there is no reason for you to be at Think Together. You're not going to Think Together. Even her teacher said that if we could avoid sending her to Think Together, to not send her to Think Together, I was like baby, you're not going to Think Together, there's no reason. She was like but you're going to go to work, so just go to work and then I can go to Think Together.
Speaker 2:But even if you go to work, you're not going to things together, because daddy would just be working nights and I will pick her up at two o'clock and she'd be home.
Speaker 1:She, she just really wants to go hang out with her friends. I said, oh my gosh, she, it just Donald me and I was like that's what she was putting. That's why she kept saying, yeah, you just go to work, like she's adamant. Now she's always like no, mom, stay with me, stay with me. And now all of a sudden she's like go to work, yeah, mom, go to work. Low-key, had me in my dang gone feelings.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the club.
Speaker 1:And then I had. I had makeups to do today. So, for those of you who don't know, I'm a freelance makeup artist and I had some clients.
Speaker 2:That's a stretch. I had some clients to do a super freelance makeup artist.
Speaker 1:I had some clients to do today, and so he was telling her he's like yeah, mommy has to go to work, so we got to do this this. And then she was like, oh, you're going to work. She like oh, you're going to work.
Speaker 2:She was like have a good first day back, mom. She said are you gonna put on your work shirt?
Speaker 1:yeah, are you gonna put on your work shirt. I guess you think everybody got a uniform because, well, I guess now that I think about she doesn't remember when I worked.
Speaker 2:That's why but she think everybody got a uniform because she, she sees you so.
Speaker 1:And then Mila's dad. It's so freaking funny. That girl is hilarious. There's literally never a dull moment with our child. Never a dull moment Other than that. How was your overall vacation, babe? How would you rate your vacation? I guess?
Speaker 2:Expensive.
Speaker 1:Huh. Expensive, that's how you rate your vacation. I mean, I feel like that's a life now, just really quick. Cause you said expensive and it popped in my head what are your thoughts about the 99 cents store? It's closing.
Speaker 2:I don't really care.
Speaker 1:You don't care Like think about it Like that's the end of like.
Speaker 2:I don't go there.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter, it's the 99 cent store. You've been to the 99 cent store, like when we needed to get like pans or something like that for like Thanksgiving or, like you know, run up to the 99 cent store. I used to like to get the balloons there for Phoenix.
Speaker 2:We got Dollar.
Speaker 1:Tree, we're not going to have the 99 cent. But what happens when Dollar Tree goes goes If they're having the same problems that 99 cent store was having?
Speaker 2:Trust me, dollar Tree is doing just fine.
Speaker 1:I, just I, for me personally, I just feel like, with all of the changes that are happening, both like worldwide, politically, like everything, even something as small as the 99 cent store closing I don't know if it's making me like more aware of my age now, because now the things that were like in our childhood and stuff is going to be things that our kids are not going to know about.
Speaker 2:I mean, these kids can't write in cursive?
Speaker 1:So I mean, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like I'm just saying I know what you said like life is just progressing, life is just moving forward. Nothing is staying the same, which I don't expect it to. But it's a little hard to like just see the change, like I'm excited that I'm able to live through the change. You know what I mean. It's kind of like I feel like it's like blockbuster all over again. What? Why are you laughing at me? Because if I'm making it seem like I feel like it's like blockbuster all over again, what? Why are you laughing at me? Because if I'm making it seem like I'm super old?
Speaker 1:huh, you said the change and I was thinking the change of life I was thinking menopause oh my gosh, I can't take you nowhere, can't take you nowhere you know how my brain works yeah, but I'm just talking about, like, the changes, everything, all the changes that are happening well, I'm just hoping everyone listening this week.
Speaker 2:If you're listening this week, congratulations, you survived the eclipse what if something big does happen though?
Speaker 1:I guess like what if we lose all electricity or something.
Speaker 2:It is what it is.
Speaker 1:There's nothing you can really do about it. But I'm just saying as long as I got my snacks I mean everyone's going overboard talking about you got to pretty much prepare for the end of the world.
Speaker 2:Doomsday preppers.
Speaker 1:Doomsday preppers and stuff. Now don't get it twisted. Respect to doomsday preppers, because I want to be on that level someday. I do think it's extremely necessary. However, I'm just going to go out on a limb and just say, or hope that the eclipse is just the eclipse and that it comes and it goes just as fast as it came.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the only people that need to be concerned are people with electric cars.
Speaker 1:Why? Because, they can't get nowhere. Oh yeah, I didn't think about that. I mean, I feel like they'll be fine If you had a good charge before. I think you should be good.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, c&p job ain't gonna matter, if you charge before.
Speaker 1:I think you should be good. Okay, once the MP drop, it ain't gonna matter If you oh.
Speaker 2:I didn't even think about that. Well, we got the day, babe.
Speaker 1:That just made me think about the matrix. I don't know why that made me think about the matrix. I wanted to talk a little bit about growing up together, right, and I wanted. I wanted to talk about that because, um, someone had said to me that we were couples goals.
Speaker 2:Please don't. And I was like Please don't, we are not, and it just in my mind, I was just like really laughing. Like don't do that.
Speaker 1:Don't do that, Don't. I was like I appreciate the compliment. I said thank you, Obviously.
Speaker 2:We only really like each other like three days.
Speaker 1:But I was like no, not couples goals. And then it made me think about the clip from I think it was from Black Love, where Taptha and her husband was on and they had the same thing happened to them, where somebody referred to them as couples goals, couple goals, and she was talking about like pretty much all the things that had transpired through their marriage and relationship leading up to where they are in life now. And so when it was said to me I was just like I instantly thought about that clip that I had heard, and so I was just like I think it it's necessary to have the conversations that where you see people are what's what's so funny?
Speaker 2:Necessary.
Speaker 1:Oh, the duality Bye babe. Um, where you see people are now, it took time for them to get to where they are. It's just like when you see a super successful person, right, and it could look like their success was overnight, but not knowing that this is something they've been working toward for the past 10, 15, 20 years. Right, this, that moment that they are in life now, is just a cumulative of all the things that have happened most definitely in the past to get them to where they are now. And then, where they are now is probably still not even where they want to be right, it just looks good to the other person and that's kind of like how I feel about us it looks good on paper right, and that's kind of like how I feel about us.
Speaker 1:Like you think we only look good on paper.
Speaker 2:No oh no, we looks good on paper, right, and that's kind of like how I feel about us Like.
Speaker 1:You think we only look good on paper. Oh no, we look good on paper. But I'm saying only on paper, no, but what I'm saying is is like even going forward. Even going forward where we are in our life now, compared to where we were just eight years ago, is why. What are you doing with your head? I'm just paying attention, where we are today compared to where we were just eight short years ago is completely different.
Speaker 2:Eight years ago we were good Pam.
Speaker 1:We weren't bad, we was good.
Speaker 2:But I would take.
Speaker 1:I would take now over eight years ago. I mean, actually, you know, let me take that back. I would take now over eight years ago. I mean, actually, you know, let me take that back. I would. No, let me take that back. I would take now over eight years ago, and the main reason would be because of our child.
Speaker 2:That would be the main reason you really love her I'm taking. Eight years ago we could still make her.
Speaker 1:Goodbye. Goodbye, but just to give you guys a little background. So my husband and I have been together since I was 15 years old and, if you want to take it back even further, the first time we started dating was the sixth grade. I was in the sixth grade, okay, and he was little old Maurice, who I would see across the quad at school, who was always sweaty from playing basketball during lunch and then would always run over to me and try to get a hug for me and I used to be like why are you coming over here so freaking sweaty, like you used to be so freaking sweaty and I never understood it. He was also one of the only young men in junior high school who had a full beard, which I thought was a little weird, but nonetheless here we are Now, you in love with the tickler.
Speaker 1:Please stop referring to it as that. Stop, you have to stop, you have to stop.
Speaker 2:I've named it. You've really got to stop doing that I've named it, that's it, but you've really got to stop doing that.
Speaker 1:It's the tickler Really got to stop doing that. It's the tickler, any, stop doing. It's the tickler. Really gotta stop doing. It's the tickler, anywho. Um, so this journey goes back decades, okay, decades. I'm talking sixth grade. Um, in sixth grade, he asked me to be his girlfriend I was in seventh grade and he was in seventh grade and I was in sixth grade. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course, I said yes, um, and then, like what, was it two weeks?
Speaker 2:Nine days.
Speaker 1:He remembers Apparently, nine days later I wrote him the little letter you know the ones that you kind of fold up like origami style and then you pull the little tab and I wrote him a letter and I was just like I really think we should just be friends, like not even sure I'm really feeling you, like that. I was kind of put on the spot. I'm really sorry, like can we be friends? And we became really good friends after that no we didn't? Yes, we did okay we did.
Speaker 1:Oh well, in his eyes he was still hurt. I mean, I'm hurt today. So any rejected me so, anywho, when we get to high school, you still ain't made up for that.
Speaker 1:When we get to high school we got a little bit closer as far as friends in high school and then, you know, long story short, he ends up asking me out again and this time I was like yes, absolutely Like. I was really excited and I always tell you this, but I never, ever forget the day. The first person I told that I was like now dating you Shouts out to Ima, that's my girl. I called Ima and I was like Ima, guess what? And she was like what, and I was like guess who just asked me out and she's like who. And I was like Maurice and she was like Maurice Gill, and I was like yes, and I was like you got my whole government out there. I was like, I was like yes, I was like so, like I'm going out with Maurice now. So she was the first person I told. And I just remember that day because, like, you came over to my house like 20 minutes later. I remember you were wearing all black, you were on my door.
Speaker 2:That can't be true.
Speaker 1:That was true. You were wearing a black shirt with kind of faded black jeans, Babe. I remember Kind of like faded black jeans.
Speaker 2:I was heavy in my plaid stage.
Speaker 1:You had the biggest grin on your face.
Speaker 2:I wasn't even driving then.
Speaker 1:You had the biggest grin on your face.
Speaker 2:How did I get to your house?
Speaker 1:I don't know how you got to my house, but you came to my house. I remember you came to my house this story is fishy okay, obviously he doesn't have another recollection of it, so, but anywho, so yeah, maybe. I was driving then so so yeah, so then we started dating and we've pretty much been together ever since she's been at dawn ever since once we officially started like dating where we were actually at dating age in high school. I know that's kind of debatable for some people what's dating?
Speaker 1:age. I feel like dating age is like 16. I was 15, but I was going on 16, you were 16 was I, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So, um, then we, you know, we've been together ever since and we've gotten married, had a baby, you know, done all all of the things, um, but when I look back on our relationship, I know, like I had asked you the other day, I was like would you advise our daughter to go down the same path that we took, like being together so, so early in um, in in life, right, and like moving in together?
Speaker 1:I graduated on a Thursday and I moved out by Tuesday morning and we were living together, like we've been together. When I tell you we have been together since age 15, we have been together, okay, soon, as I turned 18 and graduated high school the next week, we were living together and we've been together ever since. So, knowing all the, the, the, the struggles, the tensions that we went through growing up together, from 18 to 20 to 25 to 28 to 30, to where we are now, would that be something that you would try to steer your daughter away from? Or would you encourage, encourage her, like if she came to you at 15 and was like dad, like I love him, I want to be with him forever. And they dated all through high school?
Speaker 2:and now they had the same reaction. Your dad had to me what? Who the fuck is listening? Um?
Speaker 1:how would you feel about that?
Speaker 2:I would have to trust her judgment, so you wouldn't try to give her any type of advice on. I would just say, if you're sure in your heart of hearts and you're convicted this is in your conviction, this is how you feel, then I'd have to support her, because I am a believer of it's better to find someone when you're young.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:And grow together and instead of getting to that stage to where now you're questioning everyone's loyalty and trust, mm, hmm. So if you have that bond, like if you guys have been like you know, you know, you know how we were like constantly together all those years, and then you know, even with the one year of quote, unquote long distance, yeah, oh, when you went to college, went to college. Like if you can weather, you know those things and prepare you. Yeah, I think I would encourage it.
Speaker 1:Okay, pair you. Yeah, I think I would encourage it. Okay, so just a little backtrack. First, because you brought it up about the one year like long distance dating when you went to college, right, that was like a really kind of nerve-wracking period for me, you know, even though even though you were really good about like coming home every saw you almost every week.
Speaker 2:Right, that's what I, though, even though you were really good about like coming home.
Speaker 1:I saw you almost every week. Right, that's what I say. Even though you're really good about coming home every weekend and stuff like that, it was still. It was still like nerve wracking for me because you were at college, like you were already out in the world, you were already commingling with college folk.
Speaker 2:I went to every dance of yours.
Speaker 1:You did, you did.
Speaker 2:I hung out with people I did not want to see.
Speaker 1:And it's so funny. Another memory just popped into my head. That's back when Aaliyah's song Lost Without you. It's been too long and I'm lost with that song that came out and I remember driving with my mom. We were on our way home from.
Speaker 2:Somewhere.
Speaker 1:Bye. We were on our way home from somewhere and that song came on on the radio and I was like staring out of the window. This is like like movie stuff. I was staring out of the window and my mom looks over at me. She goes you miss Maurice, don't you? And I was like what are you talking about? Like ew, don't be weird, don't, don't be weird. Like please, don't try to be in my emotional life right now.
Speaker 1:And she was like if she had like this weird grin on her face, like oh my gosh, look at my daughter over there, she's lovesick. And she was like you miss Maurice, don't you? And I was like just leave me be. I was just like tending to my own thoughts out the window, but just let me be. But I just remember that being a point for me where I felt a little, a little uneasy and a little unsure. Even though, like you said, you came back and you were there every weekend, you took me to my prom and all of the good stuff, part of me was still like how long is this going to last? Like he's in college already, like he's around college girls, he's got college friends, he's like he's got so much freedom and I'm still here back at home, in this house. I have another year before I can leave.
Speaker 2:I did not have freedom.
Speaker 1:But from somebody who's on the other side, who didn't know.
Speaker 2:I was staying with my aunt. It wasn't like I could just bring random people into my aunt's house.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter, but you could come and go when you wanted. Yeah, I could, exactly, but I was not.
Speaker 2:I've never been the type to hang out.
Speaker 1:I know, but part of me kind of felt like okay, but what if he becomes that type, Like once you're exposed?
Speaker 2:That's one part of me. That's been true the whole time. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, except now recently, you've got no friends and they've inspired you to want to be out at bars.
Speaker 2:Hold on, I've said I'm, so what I'm saying is I've always been very, very selective of who I hung out with yeah, that's true, I've always been that way. That's true and it's not. But I didn't hang out with bars during that time. I just I didn't really start hanging out with bars until I was with my brother, okay, when he got up ages and we didn't hang, start hanging out with bars until I was with my brother, okay, when he got up ages and we'd hang out yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I used to always just drink at home. I was cheap. It's cheaper to drink at home.
Speaker 1:And your bed's there. Exactly so you could just.
Speaker 2:Walk into the next room.
Speaker 1:And just go. That's it, but I was also working. I was going to school and working.
Speaker 2:You act like I had all this free time to just wonder.
Speaker 1:But see, that's the thing. When we were apart, my head, my brain just did what it did. It created all of these scenarios In my brain. You were going to parties, doing all of the things, and I was just at home. My senior year.
Speaker 2:You should have been going to the parties.
Speaker 1:Waiting to. You know what I did? A couple of parties, and it was after that second party I was like oh, did you. These high school parties are not for me.
Speaker 2:Oh see, I didn't know about this.
Speaker 1:You knew about the parties.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't.
Speaker 1:I was are not for me. Oh see, I didn't know about this. You knew about the parties. No, I didn't. I was just like, yeah, this is not for me, but anyway, um so, growing up together, yeah go ahead and breeze over I think it can be.
Speaker 1:It can be difficult, I know, for for me anyway, what I tried to be like aware of as we were growing up was you. I don't know why it was so important for me to feel like you were not missing things that you would probably do if you were single. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:not at all like if you wanted to go out, if you wanted to hang out with your friends, if you wanted to go to the club or go to the bar or do things like that. Like I was always adamant, like, do you like if you want to do those things? You never wanted to. But part of me was just like I just want, I wanted you to be able to do those things because I didn't want you to feel like I was trying to hold you back in any type of way, not even thinking about myself, but I was just thinking like I just didn't want you to feel like I was holding you back, or because we've decided to be in such a committed relationship that we don't get to get do the things that we're probably would do if we were single. You know what I mean. Um, but I think, especially in those earlier years, like the college years, college years it just wasn't our personality type.
Speaker 2:Never, really was.
Speaker 1:Right, so I feel like that aspect.
Speaker 2:Because I never, even to this day, I don't go to bars to get drunk. I go to bars because I'm hanging out with people.
Speaker 1:Right, just to have a good time.
Speaker 2:Just to have a good time. Even when I went to the bars, I was literally just going to hang with my brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was just about me hanging with my brother and we would, you know, sit down, have a couple of beers, watch the game and talk and have a good time and do brotherly stuff together. That was it Like. It was our like. It was like our brother thing. It was like our thing that we did.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, I'm going to, I'm work well, because you're still working so well it's hang out, easy to go home and look at four walls until you get home or go, go hang out with my brother. So I was like, oh cool, like it's easy, it's simple, it's easy choice. And those in those earlier years I'm talking like post-college, where we had some of our tougher, tougher like I was drinking at home especially, especially financially, like our tougher financial years.
Speaker 1:It's I mean it's life, our tougher financial years and being, like you know, in your 20s and trying to make things work and we both working and trying to get things moving and a lot of moving parts. Do you think that was some of the tougher periods?
Speaker 2:For what?
Speaker 1:For, for like for you, for our relationship.
Speaker 2:I think it was tough on our relationship. It was definitely tough on me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah why.
Speaker 2:Because my personal um, my personal woes were spilling over into the relationship.
Speaker 1:And how do you think that made me feel?
Speaker 2:It most likely made you feel like I was holding you back, like you weren't living the lifestyle that you thought you. I wouldn't say lifestyle, but you weren't living the life that you thought you would be living.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I mean it's life, it's life right yellow, he only get one right and you only get one. But it's just instances like that, like when you're in in the for lack of better verbiage, like in the trenches, when you're going through things. I feel like those situations are what stretch you and those situations are where you learn the lesson, maurice stop it with. Your brain has to stop doing this. Your brain has to stop I didn't even say anything I didn't have to. I see your face.
Speaker 1:Your brain has to stop, you're the one saying these things okay, but you're the one that's making them into like sexual things and they're not.
Speaker 1:I just say anything sexual no, I know you, I see your face. I see your face, my gosh. Anyway, in those situations, those are the situations in which I feel like you are. You're being stretched without knowing that you are. You're learning lessons about each other when you don't know that you are, and as you progress in your relationship, you're also starting to utilize the past experiences and the tools that you've picked up along the way to better engage with each other.
Speaker 2:I think you're missing the whole, like you're missing the point of it, part of it, of what I think you're missing the whole part of part of us. We had to grow up together and learn each other, all while learning ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Like all while, like experiencing. You know the changes that we're going through individually and then how that affected us. You know as a unit, as a, as a couple, and the dynamics of you know as a unit, as a couple, and the dynamics of you know our personal lives molding us one way and we're trying to adapt that to our private lives, our marriage, our relationship. Wise, you know what I mean and the adjustments that had to be made there. Because you know, for a lot of times, especially like in our later twenties, like you were, you were ahead of me a lot of, a lot of the times because of what I was going through, because I was not in a place where I could grow.
Speaker 2:You know mentally, because I was just dealing with, um, you know, dealing with my demons and and so you know, self-involved with the hurt and pain that I was dealing with. And during that whole time where I'm, I'm dealing with, I'm in this dark place, you're out there and you're growing and you're getting promotions and you're getting degrees, and you know, and I'm like sitting in a dark little corner not knowing which way to walk. You know all while, like you're blossoming. You know. So it was like, you know there was a good stretch where I like to say, like you were the flower and I was the weed, you know, and I was the one like holding down the relationship. And you know, like that within itself was a portion of our relationship where we had to really grow and adapt and evolved a lot, and so like I wouldn't go back that far. I mean, if I had, if I know what I know now, I would go back that far.
Speaker 2:I'd be prepared. But yeah, like that to me was probably that was like the, the, the, the hardest stretch, but like I think, towards the end of the 20s where things started to shape up and be better, I do think that our 30s have been like, probably our best decade together.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh For sure. Like you, remember how excited I was to even turn 30. I was like I still remember the cake I bought you even turn 30.
Speaker 2:I was like I still remember the cake I bought you for your 29th birthday.
Speaker 1:For my 29th birthday and my 29th birthday he on my cake he put you're almost 30. Because when I tell y'all I could not like some people can't wait to be 21. Some people can't wait to be 25. I was the one who could not wait to be 30. I was the one who could not wait to be 30. I was like I want to be 30. We need to get. We need to get here. I want my 30th birthday. This needs to happen. Like, and also one of the one of the big reasons why I wanted to turn 30 is because I wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 30. That was the goal. I always told him like I wanted to be pregnant 30. And we found out that we were seven weeks pregnant, like two days. What was it like two days before?
Speaker 2:you're 31, right?
Speaker 1:no, my 30 yeah we found out we were seven weeks pregnant, like two days before my 30th birthday. So on my 30th birthday I had my birthday dinner and we had found out that I was seven weeks pregnant and I was drunk and I couldn't drink and I knew everybody was going to be buying me drinks and I had this whole little game plan that everybody would like. Uh, when they bought me drinks, I would pretend to drink the drinks, but then he would finish the drinks off.
Speaker 1:It worked and nobody suspected anything, so I was drunk yeah, nobody suspected anything, so that was really great um yeah, now the thing about your 30th birthday was lit for me oh yeah, I had a really nice 30th birthday yeah, I was lit, I was messed yeah, I was lit, it was super lit, um, but I know, like, going back to the question that I had asked you earlier about what advice would you give our daughter if she was trying to take the same road that we took? And I think for me I would not necessarily like okay, if she was in high school and she found someone and she was just like in love and she was like mom, like he's the one you know know, like I would definitely support her. I wouldn't try to like steer her a different direction, because I know how that can work with teenagers too so yeah go harder.
Speaker 1:She's gonna go harder, so, but what I would do is I I feel as though I would be more to prone, more prone to giving her advice along the lines of, yes, like you love him and you're in love with him, but you don't know what the next chapter of your life is going to look like post high school.
Speaker 2:And I think you say that. I think you said because we have different examples. What do you mean? Because, like I said, you're raised pretty much by your mom, single mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, you didn't have the dynamic of two parents, right.
Speaker 1:Right. I was raised by my grandparents who were married from 16 to 17 right, and had been together forever, forever, yeah right before my grandfather passed yeah so that's what I grew up seeing, so that's what I grew up idolizing.
Speaker 2:So I, when I look, when I look at our daughter, she's gonna say she's gonna be, wow, like my parents have been together since they were in high school.
Speaker 1:And you know, she might want to emulate that Right.
Speaker 2:So like I can't fault her for that because we've had a really good life Right and so I can't say that she can't find someone and have a really good life and they just so happen to meet during the same time period where we met. Yeah, so I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't discourage her from that.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't, just, I wouldn't discourage her. That's not what I was going to say. I wouldn't discourage her. I would just, I would just tell her to like not forget, to just live life, in a sense, where you're trying to find out who you are, if that makes sense, right, like how you said. Going back, like what you said a few minutes ago, like not only were we growing up together, like trying to support each other, learn each other, but also learning about who we are. I think for her, because I know what that period was like for me and I remember the like excitement of starting college. Like I remember, like my first day of school. I remember meeting new people, I remember being invited to places. I like I remember all of that Right, and it's like, even though I don't I didn't miss out on being able to do those things, I also had to be mindful that I did have someone at home.
Speaker 2:So you wanted to be wildin'.
Speaker 1:No, that's all I heard. That's all I heard. Of course, that's what you heard. Of course, of course, that's what you heard.
Speaker 2:What I heard was well, since I had a boyfriend, I couldn't do everything I wanted.
Speaker 1:Of course, of course, that's what you heard you know, you know I couldn't do everything I wanted in college, but I had a board. But no, I'm just saying like I just would want her to make sure that she takes her time.
Speaker 2:I, I, that's it I hear that, yeah, but at the same time I felt like genuine love is something that you don't get often in a lifetime, correct? So I, if she feels that that's genuine love, I would.
Speaker 1:I would encourage her to hold on to oh, of course, like that's what I'm saying, I'm not. I don't want you to think that I would say that I will be discouraging her. I wouldn't want to discourage her. I would simply want to let her know that it's also important for you to continue to go after and pursue and do all of the things that you want to do as well, and things that you want to do as well, and I think I think what you're saying is a little hypocritical.
Speaker 2:Why? Because you were with someone okay or with someone okay, that has done nothing, but encourage you to do whatever you wanted. Okay, I didn't say I didn't say you did it. Okay, and what I'm saying is I have championed you yes, you have pursue the things you want, wanted to pursue and you continue to today and it is very likely that she can find a person that does the same thing for her.
Speaker 1:Babe, that's.
Speaker 2:And it will not change the outcome of where she goes in life if that person supports the decision she makes for herself.
Speaker 1:Okay, that is All that is. Two things can be true at the same time, babe. That is all, that is two. Two things can be true at the same time, babe, that is true. She can very, she can very well find someone like her father.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I'm just, I'm gonna, just, I'm gonna, just, I'm gonna just let you go to the streets, Cause that's that's where you want to be.
Speaker 1:You say forever. Why do you think I want to be in the streets?
Speaker 2:You want to be I streets you want to be, I don't want to be. If I wanted to be in the streets, I would quite literally be in the streets.
Speaker 1:There is nothing, did you just? Are you referring to me as a bird? Fly away, little birdie, my goodness. Anywho, like I was saying, I just want her to know that it's important for her to also make sure that she is being self-full in her endeavors as she grows through life and if she is fortunate enough to have a love, like I had during that time and at that age, that is going to support her and be her champion and root her on and not make her feel as though she has to choose between what she's going after in life and their relationship. I am all for it. I am all for it. It is in my I. My prayer is that she is fortunate to find a man who can love her and care for her and provide for her the way you have for me, since we were teenagers. That is my hope and my prayer for my child.
Speaker 2:I'm still waiting on my ROI.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're going to be waiting, okay.
Speaker 2:You're going to be waiting. I'm going to cut my losses and let you free.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and cut your losses, because you've already been paid. I gave you a whole child.
Speaker 2:A whole child. I gave you a whole child, a whole child.
Speaker 1:I'm going to set you free. You want fingernails for you?
Speaker 2:You want to be for the streets so bad.
Speaker 1:Anywho, that's all. That's all I was saying, like if she's fortunate enough to find that I mean, then my, my prayers have been answered.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But I think it's really important. I would not be able to stress enough to her that don't get so sidetracked with being in love and having the relationship that you lose sight of the things that you want to do or the things that you want to pursue. That's all I'm saying. Is that so tough?
Speaker 2:Why free?
Speaker 1:If you refer to me as a bird. One more time. That's your last time, sir, your last time.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:Try to refer to me wanting to be for the streets. I can't stand you. I love you and can't stand you at the same time. I love you and can't stand you at the same time. So I guess it goes without saying asking the question would you do it again?
Speaker 2:Do what again? Our life all over again. I mean with the data. I know, know now I would not mind doing it again would you make any other different decisions? I would make some different decisions, like what you know, I would probably get help a little sooner okay um, but knowing, like knowing you now, I would just let you be free oh my gosh, what do you mean?
Speaker 1:you will let me be free. You clearly I held you back some kind of way. You did not hold me back.
Speaker 2:You wanted to experience things without a boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Like what.
Speaker 2:I don't know. You tell me you don't want to be hiding in the garage.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh. Why are you this way? That's what you said. That is not what. That's not what I said.
Speaker 2:You said people wouldn't invite you places.
Speaker 1:But you know I had to think I did not. Oh my gosh, people did invite me places and I did go to some places.
Speaker 1:likewise I did too, but okay. So, for instance, there's one instance I can think of. I can remember I was gonna go to um, a rooftop party okay, it was in downtown la, and I would be home really, really late and you had a little toad which you're gonna deny, because anytime you have an attitude, you always deny having an attitude when I tell you you have an attitude and you were just like well, how late, yes, how late are you supposed to be home? And who are these people you're with? I don't know any of these people, okay, well, they're people from school, but it's just like well, how late, yes, how late are you supposed to be home? And who are these people you're with? I don't know any of these people. Okay, well, they're people from school, but it's just like you do the exact same thing to me.
Speaker 1:But I'm just saying, it's those little things.
Speaker 2:Like yes if.
Speaker 1:I were single, I would just be like, yeah, rooftop party at 18, 19. Of course I'm there, Say less so.
Speaker 2:so the negative in that situation was that I cared about your safety.
Speaker 1:No, that wasn't the negative, it wasn't the negative. The negative is that you were like you're low key, trying to guilt trip me. It wasn't kind of like it wasn't. It wasn't kind of like you were saying okay, baby, that's cool, what time you plan on being home? Oh, babe, I'm gonna be home late. Ok, well, how late, babe. Like, can you give me a time, maybe one or two in the morning? Ok, that's fine, just have fun, call me if you need me. That would have been like OK, no, but you were like hold on you had such a bad attitude about it.
Speaker 1:So I know what. What you were trying to inflict by having that attitude, though what you wanted to get out of it was just say me saying you know what, just forget it, I'll be on the nine o'clock train. I'm, I'm coming.
Speaker 2:All I, all I said was all I. I wasn't, I didn't know those people, I wasn't comfortable. If something happened to you. See, this is the thing, this is how I think, this is how I think. Right, if something, can you please stop that.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to Go ahead.
Speaker 2:If something happens to you, I'm the first person your daddy going to call. I'm the first person your mama going to to call, and it's going to be my fault because I didn't know where you were. That's what you don't understand. I do understand. I was responsible for you, even though we were not married. I was still responsible for you, not just by your mother and your father, but by your uncles and your auntie and your granny. And if something would have happened to you, the first question would have been was what the hell is Maurice? That would have been the first question. So yeah, I took it personal. I don't know these people and there's also been times where you've gone out with coworkers to one, two in the morning and that's fine because you've known them people for a while and I kind of knew who you were with and it was fine. So don't act like. But no, you, you in downtown la, you're naive wow, I was naive.
Speaker 2:Yes, you were you. You were you. You're very smart.
Speaker 1:You have no street smarts oh my god, I could not you could have been roofied.
Speaker 2:I fall, I know I could have been what roofied, oh my you could have ended with a ditty For all I know. For all I know, you could have been at a Diddy party, and I was just trying to protect you.
Speaker 1:Well, I assure you, I was not at a Diddy party.
Speaker 2:A Diddy Junior.
Speaker 1:I was in downtown LA On a rooftop.
Speaker 2:Yeah, diddy.
Speaker 1:With friends.
Speaker 2:Cause I'm thinking Downtown LA Day 19 Rooftop I said whoever this party is, they older yes, they were because either their daddy got money, their family got money, or they got money and they inviting it was just the scene and they're okay and they're inviting. They're inviting college girls over. It was a scene. It's as an older man now it all sounds fishy as an older man.
Speaker 1:Now it all sounds fishy as an older man.
Speaker 2:It sounds fishy.
Speaker 1:Because now I'm just thinking if Phoenix called me and was like Mom I'm going to a rooftop party in downtown Ma'am. You're not old enough to drink, so that sounds like there's going to be alcohol at a rooftop, but I was wrong.
Speaker 2:This is the problem when you try to protect these women.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, Marie, stop it. They feel like you're restricting them.
Speaker 2:I was just trying to protect her.
Speaker 1:No, you had an attitude. Had you not had the attitude, the attitude was the problem.
Speaker 2:Because I was serious about your protection.
Speaker 1:No, it had nothing to do with you being serious.
Speaker 2:You want to be. I have nothing else to say on the matter okay anyways.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I guess, in conclusion, I would just say, like I said before, growing up together presents its own challenges which are trying to find yourself, who you are as a person, the things you want to do and pursue in life but also having to consider an entire other person.
Speaker 2:Right. Don't forget about the call from the streets.
Speaker 1:Having to consider an entire other person Like, like, like, high key, it's not. It's not. It's not always easy, right, because it's. It's different if you're by yourself and you decide you know what. I want to go. I want to go live in Atlanta now. Like, I want to check that out. Like I have no ties, I'm not married, I'm single, I don't have no kids, I'm grown Like, if I want to go explore and live in a new state, I'm going to go. Do that.
Speaker 1:When you are with someone and in a committed situation, that's something you have to consider that person Like, how would you moving affect their day-to-day? How would that affect their job or career? How would that affect you know everything? So, doing all of that, from age 15 on up to where we are now, I do feel as though we've done a pretty good job. I do feel like we've done a pretty good job. I do feel like we've done a pretty good job. Um, I do feel like there is still things that we're learning about each other because we're constantly changing. Like, like, what were you saying yesterday? That you feel as though your style is changing?
Speaker 2:yeah, I'm in my old man bag right.
Speaker 1:So it's like things, things that you used to wear, even the things you used to wear are already changing, and you can already see that right. So now it's that's something else for me to have to adapt to.
Speaker 2:I have to adapt to whatever this new style is for to start emerging I just think I'm, I think I'm, I kind of think I'm, I think I'm, I'm, I kind of think I'm over the graphic tees.
Speaker 1:You think you're over the graphic tees?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you want to move into a more sophisticated no, like I said, like I just probably only wear stuff with like my brand on it.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, mm, hmm, yep, that works kind of like I am today today. But yeah, you know, like life continues to change, you continue to change and evolve and as we continue to change and evolve, that presents it's a whole new set of challenges. But I do think that now we're in our late 30s, that's it. That's a lot. Now that we're in our late 30s, heading toward that 40 mark, I do feel like things are like settled in a little bit more.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean like we have a little bit better of a flow and like raising our child and doing life together, we have a pretty good understanding of one another we do, we do. I think we do like each other's temperaments, each other's's buttons, body language, facial expressions, demeanor, and I think all of that just comes with time, like some things.
Speaker 2:But I can still not read your thoughts.
Speaker 1:No, you can't.
Speaker 2:Never.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, I don't want to.
Speaker 2:And Lord knows, I don't want to read mine.
Speaker 1:No, I don't even want. I don't want to be up there. It I don't even want. I don't want to be up there it's a dark place. I don't want to be up there, but overall I think we have we've done pretty well for ourselves. I don't think I mean for me. I guess, when people say couples goals, like, what aspect of it are you referring to? I guess, like, like, because for me I've never really looked at any. No, it's always a good sign.
Speaker 1:I take that back Before couples goals was like hashtag. Couples goals before that was like even a saying. I think couples goals for me when I was younger, the the couple I've said this before too the couple that I looked up to the most was my aunt Jeanette and my uncle Don. So, and I remember seeing their life, like being able to go to my auntie's house and she had this beautiful home in Gardena and she had handbags and shoes and her and my uncle Don just looked like they were so happy and like he had an amazing career and like all the, just all the things Right. And before I even knew what that was called like saying couples goals, I do remember distinctively, remember being like man, I hope I can have a life like my auntie Jeanette and my uncle Don, like I do want a life like my uncle Don and my auntie Jeanette. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So for me what that looked like was just them being happy and the life that they got to live, I guess like together. You know what I'm saying. Like my aunt was. They were both retired but they just had a really cool relationship. They did parties and stuff at their house. My sister's baby shower was at their house, my aunt's wedding was at their house, like they had functions there. You know what I'm saying. So I just I remember, just like their general lifestyle and, and, and, and we don't weddings here bye.
Speaker 1:I just remember thinking their general lifestyle, like I just wanted to be, like my auntie jeanette and my Uncle Don. So when I think about, when people say, oh, couples goals, I guess they're just like referring to like the interaction of the couple, like what they perceive your relationship to be. I guess, right, they perceive your relationship to be like you have no problems. Or the one that I get all the time is your husband is not like this. Your husband does this. So it's like the perception that they have of you as my husband and they just think like you. Just I can't help. What I'm like, you know I did like you. You just come pre-packaged and you do no wrong and I'd be like his. His poop stinks just like your husband's.
Speaker 2:Trust me I cannot help it. I'm a great husband goodbye.
Speaker 1:You are a great husband, don't get me wrong, you are an amazing husband. Wouldn't trade you for the world hands off. I will go to bat for this one.
Speaker 2:I'm the best you ever gonna get that was that's. That's the intention oh no, that's the fact. Oh, that sounds violent.
Speaker 1:Whatever I take it, how you want to that sounds like you're willing to do prison time. I kind of like it.
Speaker 2:You are.
Speaker 1:I kind of like it. But yeah, overall, guys, just try not to idolize couples that you see, if you're inspired by, don't idolize anybody, right?
Speaker 2:Don't idolize couples that, you see, if you're inspired by, don't idolize anybody right, Don't idolize anybody.
Speaker 1:If you're inspired by the a couple's interactions or whatever your perception of their marriage or relationship is, nothing is as it seems and it takes. It takes time and it takes work. It takes ups and it takes downs to get to where you see them now, and even then things probably ain't all gravy. Okay, All right, Moving right on in to my husband's favorite segment.
Speaker 1:This is your favorite part this is your favorite part, because you likes to be petty patty. This is where you get to be petty patty, but I really do want to hear your, your opinion about this one. All right, here we go, our two cents. Guys, am I wrong for not considering this as cheating? Okay, I've been married to my wife for six years and we've been together for 10 years. We have a four-year-old girl as well. I love my wife so much. She is amazing.
Speaker 1:I also have a best friend who I've known since we were in middle school. There has never been anything romantic between us, but we vibe really well. She has been a licensed massage therapist for the past decade or so and I have been seeing her monthly for the past decade because getting a massage from her is literally heaven. My wife does know I go to get massage therapy monthly and she even encourages it, but she doesn't know that it's the massage therapist who's my best friend and she also doesn't know that I've been going for over a decade decade. I asked one of my male friends what he thinks about this and he says while it isn't cheating, it is stretching the limits of it. Am I wrong for not considering this as cheating? What's your thoughts?
Speaker 2:he's not wrong he's not wrong.
Speaker 1:What he's not wrong because he's not.
Speaker 2:He's not cheating the logical side of him. He's not wrong. He's not wrong what? He's not wrong? Because he's not cheating the logical side of him. He's not cheating.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Right. But I agree with his friend. He is stretching it because if there is any situation in which you would believe your wife would have an issue with this and you're hiding it from her, you're not cheating, but you're hiding something. Believe your wife would have an issue with this and you're hiding it from her, you're not cheating, but you're hiding something from your wife. So if your wife was to find out about this, would you have to get a new, a different?
Speaker 1:Massage therapist.
Speaker 2:Right and then. But at that point, but also to his point, I understand, because I'm also the type of guy who's like if. I'm also the type of guy who's like, if I'm going to get a massage, it's going to be a lady massaging me. I don't want another man's hands on me.
Speaker 1:That's fair. I just booked us massages and I was like I need a woman for my husband.
Speaker 2:Because I have a woman doctor. I'm serious about mine. I don't want another man touching me. Period so that I can agree. But the problem in this situation is the history and even though the history has been nothing but platonic.
Speaker 2:It's about the perception from your wife and this goes back to where I always say you have to protect your wife more than just physical. This might be, this may be a mental hurdle that she can't get over, because now she's going to assume or think or ponder if, when or maybe how Right the line could get crossed.
Speaker 1:And the fact that you've kept it from her this long. You've been getting a massage from your best friend for over a decade. Your wife knows that you do massage therapy every month and she encourages it, but at no point in the past 10 years were you ever going to divulge to me that the person giving you your massage is your best friend. And if she's your best friend, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that your wife knows her knows her and has met her.
Speaker 1:She has been in y'all's home, and nor has she ever said anything we don't know.
Speaker 2:She might have said something.
Speaker 1:How could she have said anything? The wife? He already knows, his wife doesn't know.
Speaker 2:Look here. If you feel guilty about it, tell your wife. If not, I don't see you doing nothing wrong, because at this point you've been seeing her for 10 years. She know exactly where to massage she would, she know the spots.
Speaker 1:You don't, you didn't you know exactly where to massage.
Speaker 2:You had 10 years of training her. Where your problems are, in the location you don't got to fill out that little paperwork no, no but okay.
Speaker 1:But I'm wondering if you're going into like, like a spa, or is she like coming to the office, because usually there's massage therapists that like travel. So now, I'm wondering.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming he's going down to a spa Now. See, that's different, because now, if you're going over, you're going over to her house to get a massage. Now, hold on now, because now you got proximity.
Speaker 1:But I've been coming to her house for 10 years. Where is she giving you this massage? On her bed? Yeah, I agree with you, babe. If it's something that you have, not you feel hesitant to mention it to your wife, then obviously you know that your wife might have a problem with it she might have a problem with it.
Speaker 2:You know that your wife might have a problem with it, she might have a problem with it.
Speaker 1:You know on some level that it may be slightly inappropriate, even if it is platonic, even if it is professional, the fact that you haven't told your wife, and it's been a decade, and that your best friend hasn't told your wife, and it's been a decade. For me, I think that's where my mind would start doing the thing that women's minds can do but you know what you know.
Speaker 2:A lot of people will say I'm weird because I have a very like when it comes to females.
Speaker 1:I I said I set boundaries like day one well, I mean, I think I just think that's responsible, because it goes back to what I always say. That's why I never say never. Right, if you could, if you put yourself in situations where there could potentially, it could potentially lead to something that is not conducive to you or your relationship, then that was kind of like on you, right, that's that's kind of on you. Then that was kind of like on you, right, that's kind of on you. What? What are you saying? I don't know why you did that. Yes, so I think it is your responsibility. It's your responsibility to make sure that you draw boundaries, that you not put yourself in situations that could become compromising for you, and that you have clear and open communication with your partner. Facts, okay. So that's pretty much the gist of it, guys. If you're not doing so already, you can follow us on all of our social media platforms TikTok, instagram.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I'm left on TikTok.
Speaker 1:Stop saying that we don't know that to be true. Facebook. You can follow us on our Facebook page at Life After I Do Podcast. We upload a new episode every Wednesday. You can feel free to reach out to us at Life After Ipodcast at gmailcom. And until then, guys, we shall see you next week peace, peace Booscaronis, peace Booscaronis you.