Delve into the intricate balance of family, marriage, and career transitions with a blend of humor and depth. From reflections on parenting pressures to unexpected friendships at jury duty, each anecdote offers a glimpse into life's lighter yet profound facets. Explore the dance of personal space and togetherness in marriage, tackling the challenges of secrecy and shared time with honesty.
Delve into the intricate balance of family, marriage, and career transitions with a blend of humor and depth. From reflections on parenting pressures to unexpected friendships at jury duty, each anecdote offers a glimpse into life's lighter yet profound facets. Explore the dance of personal space and togetherness in marriage, tackling the challenges of secrecy and shared time with honesty.
And I was just thinking back to when what was it Like three weeks ago? Her spelling test is she got a seven out of 10. And I remember my reaction because she always brings home 10 out of 10, 11 out of 10. The only thing that's a little, that she gets more doctrine points is like her sentences, because she's learning how to write like complete sentences and stuff. So that's kind of like what I expect a little bit. But on the spelling test she brought home a seven out of 10. And I just remember thinking like what is this? And the look on her face like she looked at me. She looked at me because she knew I'm okay with that. Though I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2:Part of me is okay with him. Part of me is like damn, am I?
Speaker 1:putting too much pressure on her because my sister's friend was over and the test was left out on the table right and she was like, oh, this is Phoenix's spelling test. And she was like, oh, this is good, she got a seven out of 10. And immediately I was like that is not a good spelling test. Yes, hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of life after I do podcasts. I'm your host, nisha G. I'm here with my husband, molito Molito. How's everybody out there? Mo Lito, goodness gracious. Hey Molito, hey babe, hey Bo, how's it going?
Speaker 2:I'm cool, bo, I'm a go to battery.
Speaker 1:How was your week?
Speaker 2:It was a week of Um longing to be with my wife. I went to a area every day and I said I would just rather be with my wife.
Speaker 1:Are you able to talk about it?
Speaker 2:I am now, but I'm not going to talk about it.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just saying like where you were this week or the past month.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean I was on, I've been on, I've been on jury duty.
Speaker 1:He's been on jury duty for, like the past month.
Speaker 2:So it's been exhausted.
Speaker 1:He's been um, he's been having to get dressed every day.
Speaker 2:The worst.
Speaker 1:Cause he normally wears a uniform to work. And now you see, you see how.
Speaker 2:I don't know how people do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then dealing, dealing with like I equate this to be like in the office setting and I was like I could not do it, I would be in there, I'd be in the office choking people out. I literally told another federal juror that I said the one juror that we're having issue with I said it. Had she been a man, bye, we would've been fighting.
Speaker 1:Goodbye.
Speaker 2:The marshals would've pulled us off.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, goodbye yeah.
Speaker 2:It was a uh, it was a unique experience.
Speaker 1:It was that was the first time you actually like got summoned to go in. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2:I always get dismissed.
Speaker 1:It was like you thought this is going to be businesses Right.
Speaker 2:I didn't think I'd be stuck here or stuck there, but it was a unique experience I met. I met a lot of cool people.
Speaker 1:He met new friends y'all.
Speaker 2:I met a lot.
Speaker 1:He been going out with his new friends to lunch like almost every day and I'm like I'm real happy for you, but I don't know these people, so you know like jealous much.
Speaker 1:No, it's not a jealousy thing, it's a I think it's a protection thing, like we've like we've said before you, you like to protect me, I also like to protect you, right? So I still want to know the people that my husband is hanging around, especially when he's choosing to, like, spend his free time with them. I want to know the people that you're hanging around, like I'm, but I'm really, I'm really, to be honest, sorry to get you off, but I'm really really happy that you have found a new friend.
Speaker 2:Look here, I don't protect you from other moms you be hanging out with every day.
Speaker 1:Goodbye. You've met them, though Not all of them. Most of them you have I will say my favorite moms.
Speaker 2:I don't know if they listen, but I guess I'll know anyway.
Speaker 1:Is it dance moms or gym moms?
Speaker 2:No, my favorite D nice is my favorite mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's our daughter's best friend's mother D nice is my. We call her D nice.
Speaker 2:D nice is the favorite, and then you know it'll probably go to her head. But Angel is my second Gosh. Angel is funny. I like her, I love her mannerisms, I love she's hilarious.
Speaker 1:And you know what's funny? I think what's really funny is that as we've gotten older in life, um, outside of like your recent new friends that you just found, most of the friends that I have acquired through adulthood have come because of my children, or because of my child, because it's like my child has formed a relationship with a child and it kind of forces the parents to interact.
Speaker 2:It's all circumstance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's all like circumstance, but, um, I was. I was going to say, like you know, for me it's it's Angel, angel too. Like Angel and her husband, her husband Anthony. Like I absolutely love them. It's never a dull time when we hang out, like I find myself reaching out to them. You know like, oh, what are you guys doing? This? That's how you know, is that's how you know what's different? Like cause.
Speaker 2:I will say this I don't reach out to many people, right?
Speaker 1:So if I'm texting you, it's because I really want to hang out.
Speaker 1:I fucks with you, right, like I send her. I send her messages, like we send each other messages and stuff or reply on each other's social media and stuff, and I'll send her a text and be like hey, do you think the kids would like this? And then, like the other day, I sent her a text. I was like you think the kids would want to go here? And by kids I mean us adults and then she was like yeah, the kids will love it. I mean we would love it. Yeah, see, that's the type of energy that I need. That's the energy from the pictures.
Speaker 2:It just like like another, like you know, uh, you know one of my favorite people from the jury. Like he said, he's like it was just it was refreshing talking to other intelligent creatures. I think it's not creatures but like other intelligent people, because you know when your daily life is just kids and work is like, to have um adult conversation outside of the rim of work and the parenting construct.
Speaker 2:It was refreshing, just to you know, getting a group of people from different walks of life, different, uh, different professions, and learn um about what they do, but what they do and finding interesting. So it was to me it was, it was great, it was refreshing, it was uh you want more of it.
Speaker 1:That's how it is. Yeah, so the conversation was different, and you can go on and on and on. That's what I love the most is like the conversation never stops. Like that's how. Like that's how.
Speaker 1:I am when we're talking to angels, like we always find something to talk about, and then we always find things that we have in common, or even the things that we don't have in common. We're we're both mature enough to understand, like, okay, well, that's your point of view, or something. And that's why I loved, like when we were at their house uh, what was it the week before last? And you guys were having like the whole political debate and it was getting like really heated. But see, she's the type when it started to come down to start shit but that's what she told me.
Speaker 1:She told me she was like. She said oh no, seems like the fire is going out. She was like give me a second. So she would go and like instigate their conversation to keep the men riled up. Because all the men were in the um, in the living room and they were like having the debate you know the political debate with the war and everything that's going on and you know trying to see different sides of each um person's grievance or each country's grievance. And I mean, and they were going at it like they were going at it and she was like, oh no, it's dying down.
Speaker 1:Let me put a little bit of me.
Speaker 2:They say this. Let me say this angel is my favorite, but I feel for Anthony because he has to deal with Angel.
Speaker 1:Why he loves her unconditionally.
Speaker 2:He has to deal with her. So, uh, I feel for him. I'm not. Anthony is a great person too, and and and my and my opinion in the interactions I've had with him, he's he's a great person as well. Um and yeah, but Angel is like she, yes, yeah, she nice.
Speaker 1:She's like hold. She was like hold on, let me just add a little fuel really quick to the fire. I was like you are too much. She was like watch, and she would go watch this, watch how I get my dad riled up. And she would say something to her dad and he would just he would just start going. I was like these are my people, these are, these are my people right here. I love them.
Speaker 2:But it was a conversation had had it happened with other people in the room. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Like I know, I know a certain set of friends. If we would have had that conversation, it wouldn't have. It would have ended with somebody storming off, somebody leaving.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it just.
Speaker 1:So, like when I say that that is so refreshing that we can have like the playful banter but we can have serious conversations and still be friends afterwards, that's exactly what. That's exactly what I look for, that's exactly what I need. But it's interesting that you have said, um, like it's just refreshing to have different types of conversations with different people, and I think that's what that's what's really important. That's why it's important for us to get out and mingle, and it's important for us to step outside of the roles of being fathers and mothers and you know the whole parental thing and I mean just engaging in different, different Like atmospheres, like going out to different places, like you tried a new place yesterday for lunch too, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:we went to Green Warp. Yeah, like that's Hold on. Let me tell you this my wife has been salty, salty Cause me and my friends from jury doing we've been, we've been living it up, been salty about it though We've been, we've been hitting for lunch. We went out for lunch. Oh my God, you've been a little salty, you've been a little salty, you've been a little salty.
Speaker 1:She's told you how I love that for you, yeah.
Speaker 2:But you're like. I wish you would have came home.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're talking about yesterday in particular, cause yesterday I had a really, really bad headache, like a really bad headache.
Speaker 2:She just said something.
Speaker 1:And so but but the thing is is, I didn't want to spoil your fun just for you to come home and coddle me, I know, but I didn't want to. So like it's funny that you say like you know me, like I just really took offense to that, because it's like you say that I was salty, but I'm sitting here telling you that.
Speaker 2:I that's not the first time. That's not the first time.
Speaker 1:I purposely did not tell you that I was like feeling so bad that I would wanted you have to, wanted you to have to know that it came free home.
Speaker 1:I know, and I know that, and that's why I was like no, he wants to hang out with his friends. They're going to lunch. He's enjoying this time. I want him to have his time. So the fact that you're like, oh, I'm feeling salty about it. How am I feeling salty? Because I could have done what you normally do. I could have. No, I could have done what you normally do. I could have tried to put you in a situation of like choosing and then be resentful for it, like you would have. Yes, you do. You would have been like well, I didn't feel good. So and I know she's going to be home soon Like I, well, I guess if you want to go out, but I don't feel like you would have put the guilt trip on me so fast.
Speaker 2:I don't, I don't, I don't guilt you. I lay all the facts out.
Speaker 1:No, no, yeah. And then when I don't, if I don't choose, like you, as the decision then you always choose you. Yeah, no, yeah no.
Speaker 2:Anyway, yeah.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Anyway, we've been. We've been, you know, taking lunch once or twice a week as a group and stuff like that, and it's been. It's been nice because I've found some new places I've been to. One place has not missed Arts. Has not missed Drinks is good, food is good. Has not missed it smells like the 60s when you walk in there. But once you get over that fact, once you get over that fact, it has not missed.
Speaker 1:It smells like the 60s.
Speaker 2:It's like they changed the the decor in that place.
Speaker 1:And you know why they said if it ain't broke, don't fix it and it's my type of bar cause. It's all old people, people come here for the nostalgia.
Speaker 2:I think I was. I think I was the youngest person. No, there was a juror younger than me. She was the youngest person in the whole bar.
Speaker 1:I mean something's worked for them. How long have they been there?
Speaker 2:Since, since, since, like the 40s, I believe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so something's worked. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's what I always say.
Speaker 2:Hit for hit.
Speaker 1:No, well, it sounds like you had a really good week, babe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's over, I can talk about it, so you can stop stressing me about it.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I was not stressing you about it, Don't. Why do you? I swear, as soon as, as soon as we start recording, he turns into just like a different person. Like what are you talking about I?
Speaker 2:don't get it.
Speaker 1:I haven't really been bugging you about the case I have not been bugging you the first couple of weeks you were. Because you can't say anything.
Speaker 2:The first couple of weeks you was like tell me about it.
Speaker 1:And he was like and, and, and I will have you know, uh, us, that he was very adamant. I mean, he upheld his civil duty to the letter.
Speaker 2:He didn't say nothing.
Speaker 1:He didn't mention nothing.
Speaker 2:I was, I was, I was terrified of a judge. She just had that. She had that mother, that motherly face where, like when she's mad, like the wrath is coming. She had, he had that look because she had a very defined jawline.
Speaker 1:She was like gorgeous one she was gorgeous, but you knew not to play with her she was, at the same, deadly gorgeous and deadly. She might have potentially have a chocolate right there and as soon as you get out of play, she would have had something else, she would have chucked it at you.
Speaker 1:But no, you did really good. You didn't mention anything about the case, you followed the law to the letter. Okay, and I'm really, I'm really proud of you, because my husband can't water and my husband, if you, my husband cannot keep a secret, oh, that's not.
Speaker 2:You save his, that's not true, I can keep a secret. Uh-huh, just know that I'm gonna tell my wife and Since she can't testify against me, I Ain't on the bottom.
Speaker 1:It doesn't leave here. It is, I wasn't, so I guess in that case it's kind of like people like will tell you a secret, but then you're like I got to drop this secret off somewhere. Oh yeah, I'm married, I can just drop it off right here and it's not gonna go anywhere. And then you leave me in situations where I got to act like I don't know something.
Speaker 2:So if you tell me something, you better be in the business of protecting my marriage, because if we split, my wife know everything.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna air it out.
Speaker 2:You gonna look bad, I'm gonna look fine.
Speaker 1:No, no, you're gonna look bad because they're gonna be like dude, you told your wife everything but I tell you, yeah, what's I'm gonna talk to. They're gonna be like you could have told it to your therapist. Okay, so I know that there's client like privileges, like patient privileges, but I do wonder sometimes and I'm sure it has to happen, that therapy, that therapist Confide in their significant others, their spouses. I mean, they probably don't do it like on a detail basis, like where they give details about Like patient name and stuff like that. But I'm quite sure, possibly, I'm quite sure, that at laying in bed at night, they be they pull one of those. Let me tell you what this look. It came in and told me today. You would not believe what you said today. Well, that was a good week. Baby had a good week. I had a pretty decent week. Your daughter tried to play my life.
Speaker 2:Does she?
Speaker 1:not multiple times. When does she not? We've been going through a little. I don't even know what to call it adjustment period.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what? And that's exactly what it is. It's an adjustment period and I know that she's getting older because we went through this like in Different stages. Like when she turned two she had like this whole little Attitude kind of changed. When she turned four, she had another little change. When she turned six, she had another little change. Now we're going into seven and it's just like the I Don't know what to call it it's like her mental awareness, her, her, like her character and personality.
Speaker 1:It's like everything is coming out at one time. It's like clashing and it kind of shows itself in her, just like Like she I don't know how to explain it like she's focused in in other settings and other settings she she has to, like really concentrate on whatever it is like she's doing you know what I mean and she can get very sidetracked it easily. And I think for me as a parent, it I Try to be mindful that you know she'll be seven this year, but I try to be mindful that she is six. That's crazy. Like I try to be mindful that she's six, she's not ten, she's not twelve, she's not thirteen.
Speaker 1:So for me to expect certain levels of maturity out of her, I think is unfair. And then sometimes I like parent according to that, and then when I bring that to her attention, like in a in a way where I'm either Upset or she can visibly see that I'm upset or something, and she kind of like takes that in and internalizes it. And then when she gets where she's like I get, I call it like her trying, trying to quote-on-quote behave, where she gets like quiet or whatever, then it makes me feel bad because it's like part of me feels like I shut down some of her joy Just because either her behavior wasn't convenient for me or because I felt like she was being too excited or too To hyper or something. And now it's like she's trying to make herself small because she thinks that's what's gonna please me, because now she's like Not jumping or not worry about like, and I don't want to kill her joy. I don't want to kill that person out.
Speaker 2:I like that people, please, are part of her personality. I really dislike right and so.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, the thing about it is For me anyway, I look at what. What am I doing as far as the interactions and conversations that I'm having with her? That is Quote-on-quote like trying, like developing that part of her. Does that make sense? You know what I mean. So that's why I say I really do when I'm frustrated, when I'm angry or anything, because now she, she'll say things like oh, mom, are you frustrated? Like she'll say that you know, and it's like your, my emotions are not your responsibility. I'm the parent, right, like I have to in order to teach you how to emotionally Regulate yourself. You also have to see me emotionally regulate myself, right? So when I'm upset and everything I don't want to Like, show her like, oh, yeah, it's you, it's your behavior that's pissing me off or it's your behavior that's making me feel like this. You know what I'm saying, but it's more so just me making her aware of the things that she, that she is doing, but not trying to.
Speaker 1:And I say this like, like the guilt trip. You know what I'm saying. Like I don't, I don't want to play that, that threatening game with her. Like, oh, you know, this is gonna happen if you don't do like I don't want to do those things with her. I would rather for it to be something that she learns in that way. You know what I'm saying and then we can have the conversation about it, because it's like we always tell her and try to explain to her all your actions have consequences, right? Everything has a consequence. You do something that you're not supposed to do, that there's gonna be a consequence and you don't like that consequence, right? So instead of me constantly trying to like prevent it from happening where it shows up, as me Constantly talking at her and saying like you can't do this, don't do this, this is gonna happen if you do this, like it's almost like you just need to Step back a little bit, like I've already explained to you one time why you shouldn't do this and If you still choose to do it, go ahead and do it, because when you do, you're gonna understand why mommy was trying to explain to you why that wasn't a good idea, or life lessons, right.
Speaker 1:And Then that just kind of takes me into, like what I was talking to you about upstairs. I was listening to another podcast and they were talking about us basically like overcompensating for our kids right and I think we get so hung up on Trying to give our children experiences that we didn't have as kids, or trying to Curve the the pain points of what our childhood was, and we don't want our kids to have to experience that. Whether it be like a hardship or whether it be growing up with less, it's like we get so hell bent on. My kids are not gonna experience that.
Speaker 2:Mike, right, you know what I mean. I was thinking about. Like, I was thinking about that and it's like I think as parents, it's hard for us to realize and understand that the painful moments in our childhood is what shaped us and it would be. It's what build, you know, part of our character, mm-hmm. And when I think about the conversation we were having, it's almost as if I felt like we are limiting Her chances to build her character right, because we're removing those hearts.
Speaker 1:We're trying to remove as many as possible.
Speaker 2:We're removing and when I think about it, in the long run that really would be a disservice to her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it should grow up dependent. Right, because she'll grow up dependent. She's gonna expect things to just always go her way, with very little resistance of things, and I think that's why I had that conversation with you last oh well, I'm not what you. That's why I had had that conversation with her last night like look, you're about to be seven. Mommy and daddy are no longer gonna baby you at this point. Well, what we expect from you is what we expect, and we are going to hold you Accountable for things you're supposed to do in your actions.
Speaker 2:Yeah and you're gonna have to. From this point on, you're gonna have to earn Everything, those things that that you want. I said you know because you know, granted from birth to four, four, possibly five. I have to give you more leeway because I understand you don't have full understanding, but I believe. I believe at that day she is now she, she can comprehend enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah to understand the basics of of right and wrong and what I should know, what and what I shouldn't, because the fact that she apologized immediately when you catch her doing something wrong, it lets me know that you knew, for even if you acted subconsciously at some point along the line, you knew what this was something that you probably just been doing, so it's like you should have asked to do.
Speaker 2:So it's like now we're at the point in time where it's Going to be war. You're there, we're gonna have to remove the leeway and the grace in order to initiate you Fully comprehending the the full grasp of the situation, and that it's not always gonna be like, okay, we'll just don't do it next time, phoenix, just don't do it again, phoenix. No, it's like no, we've had this conversation, you've continued to do it.
Speaker 1:Now, in this moment, You're gonna have to slip through the consequences.
Speaker 2:I've lived through the consequences.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and and.
Speaker 2:Like like friends is like last week when, like last week when she threw her iPad and we said, okay, well, you're done and you're done.
Speaker 1:We took it. It's like you're done. I told. And like I, because before that, because when I had took the iPad, I had told her it's my iPad.
Speaker 2:When we say through her iPad she didn't like, she didn't like it he's like, tossed it to the side. She was done with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but we've had conversations with her about that. Like Phoenix, these things they cost money. Like mommy and daddy work very hard so that you can have these things, and it's like I don't understand. I don't. I don't expect her to have the concept of, like, the monetary aspect of things, but she, she needs to also understand that these things don't combine necessarily so easily. You know what I mean. Like she in her mind, if she was to break her iPad, we just go to the store and get a new iPad. Well, that's, that's, that's the.
Speaker 2:That's the issue. That's literally the problem. That's the issue with the mindset she had. She, she just assumes like we just go get another one. Something happens to something that I have. Mommy and daddy will just get another one, and so she has no value on the things that she owns. So, like we, we were sitting back and forth Discussing like how do we implement a value system so that she can understand that these things that you are taking for granted, or things you should not take for?
Speaker 1:granted, not everybody else has the privilege to have the things that you have. So I, like I was saying I was Listening to another Podcast and, mind you, I've done this before like the box that's in her in her closet, I had to physically like go in her room and I would explain to her all that you choose not to pick up Because you know, coming into her room, she ought. She knows if you're playing with your toys before we go to bed, everything gets cleaned up. We have a very we have a very like structured bedtime routine. Right, you take your shower or your bath of your choosing. You have to clean up your room. Say your prayers, read. She reads to me, then I read to her. Well, she didn't want to pick up her room. So I'm like, okay, so when you don't pick up your room and if you want to live in a dirty room, you're not appreciative of the fact that you even have a room. Because we have to show, we show gratitude through cleaning, like I show. I tell her that, like we show gratitude through cleaning. Yes, you might have had a rough day and things got out of hand. Okay, that's fine. But when we have the time, like we do at night. We need to pick up our room, put our toys away and then we go to bed.
Speaker 1:This one particular night she didn't want, she didn't, she just didn't feel like it. You know, I did various approaches, like even helped if she just was not in the mood. So I was like, okay, now I could Do one of two things. I could let this one ride. This is one of those things where I'm not gonna keep fighting against her because it only gets worse. We could just let this ride. Or like I can just let her know okay, mommy's gonna clean your room, but just so, just so you know, when I clean the room, this box that I'm coming in with I'm taking everything that's on the floor. And I went through her room and I took a card where I got a box and I put all the toys in that box and I let her know these are my toys now and I get to choose what I do with these toys. Where there'd be, they go in the trash, where they'd be, I put them in the garage. It doesn't matter, they're my toys now. And of course she was like oh, no, like no, no, no, I want my toys. I want my toys. If you want your toys, then you need to take care of them. You take care of them by putting them away at night as well, right?
Speaker 1:So I was listening to another podcast and she was talking about like she Literally had to go on like the Mount the mommy cleaning rampage with her eight-year-old son because she walked into his room and his room was just like a bomb had went off. And it's not like we're not having the conversations about keeping your room clean, things like that, because it, even though it's just you keeping your room clean, it ties into other things in life. That's the point that I'm trying to make. You know, it's not just about cleaning your room, even though I know you're thinking it's just about cleaning your room, but it's not just about cleaning your room. These are life lessons like these are gonna be learning to be responsible.
Speaker 1:It's about learning to be responsible and, like my biggest thing with her now that I keep telling her, I said, baby, sometime we have to do the things we don't want to do to be able to do the things that we want to do.
Speaker 2:It's like I tell all the time I said daddy don't, daddy don't want to go to work.
Speaker 1:Right, but there's consequences.
Speaker 2:But daddy doesn't go to work daddy knows that he has to go to work, so that you know, we can enjoy the life that we, that we have. Right, you like to eat, don't you so? And it's, and. But it's almost to the point of where I feel like we're at the crossroads, where we have to correct a Lot of this behavior so that she doesn't so it's not detrimental to her down.
Speaker 1:Yes, because try and that's what I try to express, like when I have these conversations, like even with my mom, when she'll say like, oh, you don't think you're being too hard on her, and it's like, no, I really don't, because trying to correct this type of behavior at 10 and 11 and 12, it's gonna be much harder. Then trying to correct it right now, at 6 or 7, where I still have a little bit of room Psychologically with her and mentally with her, before she really starts, you know, letting the other outside, noise, the friends influence, the seeing how the world works around her, it's like trying to implement those things, even though if she's not doing them right now, I know that I'm planting a seed right, and I think we did very, very well with the whole this year.
Speaker 2:It's like these are those, these are your sweaters, right when they're gone there, yep, that's it. Um.
Speaker 1:She's lost the thing she's been more mindful about that.
Speaker 2:He's lost the same lunch bell twice. We did. We told her we're not buying.
Speaker 1:I'm not buying another lunch bell.
Speaker 2:She's lost her water bottle two or three times. We're not getting another water bottle, but it's created the, it's created the.
Speaker 1:Like when I pick her up from school, she'll say oh no, like my water bottle. Like there, there's a. There's something in the brain that's like okay, you know, if you leave this water bottle again, you're not gonna have your water. So it's like I know I'm gonna want my water for tomorrow. Oh, shoot, I left my water bottle. Mom, can I go give my water bottle? Yes, as before, it was like okay, I left my water bottle. I know that I have like six of them at home. Or like I know my mom's not gonna send me to school Without water. So it's like I'm gonna get it somehow.
Speaker 1:But when she got sent to school without water, it's like, babe, you just got to be more mindful. Like I'm not expecting you to have the maturity of a 10 year old, but I just need you also just to be a little bit more aware. And, like I said going back earlier, I, I do have to really, for myself, as a parent, manage that because, again, psychologically she's not developed to have those certain you know, I'm saying like those certain mental notes, like she's six, and there are certain things that she's not gonna develop until she's 16, until she's 25 like, and I have to be really mindful about that, about not trying to expect 10 year old behavior from a six year old true, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:And I also had to take accountability for some of her actions, because there was a Long stretch in her life where, when daddy got paid, phoenix got a toy. Yeah, it was all, it was automatic and it was like come on, let's go.
Speaker 1:Whatever you, whatever you pick out, you can have but see, let's talk about that too, because I think I think that has a lot to do with us. I think that has to do with trying to heal that inner kid within yourself and and I think it also goes to For lack of better verbiage, some parents feel the flex of being able to give their kids whatever they want. Right, it's like a, it's like a booster for the parent. It's like, yeah, we gonna walk into, we gonna walk into the store and it's like, yeah, you want that because I got it, so I'm not gonna. I'm not.
Speaker 1:I want you to feel what I wish I would have felt when I was your age, walking into the store. When we walked into the store, I wanted to be able to be like, oh mom, this is cool, can I get it? But I was always told no, because there was a budget or because, like, mom didn't see that it it was necessary to spend money on. So when we go into the store, it's like you know what I'm not gonna do my kids like that, you, you want, you want them shoes. We get in them shoes because, guess what, we can afford them and you're, we're gonna get them.
Speaker 2:And you're a hundred percent right. There's been so many times where we've walked in a Store or whatever case may be, with the full intention on just getting something for us, because we need to sort of, and then we Walk out and have everything for her and we'll have nothing right. And it was like we we are perpetuating this, this attitude and this behavior that she's Demonstrating by showing her that, yeah, whatever you point to, you know, daddy's gonna get, mommy's gonna get. That's why she always says Well, no, daddy and mommy, you guys have money. Mm-hmm, you can get it for me, you have money. I like, you know. It's always like I never had this before, I never got that. That's her favorite line.
Speaker 2:I've never had this before, I have this, can I get that? And it's like we had to Literally stop, just reel it in a little bit. We were. It got to the point where I said back I am, I'm the, I'm the one, you're the problem. I am the problem. I'm creating the monster I used to. I Used to justify by saying well, I'm gonna make whoever she deals with in the future make them have to work for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but then I thought about I was like you know, I'm literally creating a shitty human being.
Speaker 1:I'm I wouldn't say a shitty human being, but I'm saying a human being who would probably have characteristics that you wouldn't like.
Speaker 1:I'm the mad, I'm the mad scientist right creating the monster that no one wants, I think what I think, what I always think about is I think about it so often is Phoenix at 16, right, some of the things that that parents do, especially when our kids are this small. It's like it's cute and we want them to have this and we want them to do this, but you forget, like that kid is gonna be a teenager and that kid is gonna be a young adult, and then that kid is gonna be an adult and those same things that you thought were cute at six, it's not gonna be cute at 16, it's not gonna be cute. And then you're gonna be trying to tell her about herself, then you're gonna be trying to redirect it and show her a different way, and by that time, the world has already influenced her too and she's already developed her ideas around things and it's like it's gonna be too late for that.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean and it's trying to tell them no, right after you've told them yes, 80% of their life because it's it's so much harder to correct behavior, the order they become Absolutely, because at that point now you're trying to break habit, it comes down to breaking habit. And Just me personally, would me trying to, you know, be healthier?
Speaker 1:I'm still finding habits that I've created, yep over the sum of my lifetime because you know that also impacts your child, right, like that also impacts it too. And I think, like you know, mean just like with my, my own, my own therapy I think back to things that were like trigger in my childhood and how that has played a part in my life and the correlations you know, like basically doing my own work, you know my own therapy work when it comes to Feeling like there was a lack of things in my childhood. That's why, as an adult, I don't like to necessarily limit myself when it comes to things, but then that also shows up as overindulgence, right. So when, when, when I used to shop, right, I Never like if I, I always had the mindset if I wanted and I have the means to get it, I am going to get it.
Speaker 1:Whether I needed whether I needed or not because, Because I Know that growing up, there was always things that, like I wanted, and it was always more so no than it was yes, and it was more so no than it was yes because I knew that there was the money thing, right. So it's like if the only thing that was stopping me from getting some of the material things that I wanted was money. Well, now I have a little bit of money and I can buy the things that I want. So I'm going to buy those things, whether I really need them or not. But then that turns into me Devet, like creating a habit in my mind that it's justifiable for me to spend, you know, this amount of money on something that I know is only I only wanted because I'm impulse buying it and now I'm over indulging in it, right. So it's like I don't want to push that off onto her, and I know that's what I kind of would do with certain things. It's like, okay, it doesn't matter how much it costs, we're gonna make it work. Like we're gonna make the sacrifice, because what she's not gonna feel, she's not gonna feel the pressure of not being able to do something, participate in something, have something, just because we don't have the money for it. We are gonna find it somewhere. We are gonna sacrifice for it, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean. But I also need her to understand that. It's like I need her to understand that, yes, you get to participate in things and yes, you get to do things and you get some of the things that you want, but there is a level of gratitude that needs to come with that. There's a level of understanding to know that this is not something you're entitled to.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying and I just was making that correlation, because I always have this thing that I say to myself is I don't want to bleed onto my kids or bleed onto my child. You know what I'm saying and I feel like me not being able to. If I had not recognized that within myself and tried to reel that back in and work through that, that's just me bleeding off on her, because I'm trying to heal something within me and I'm doing it through her. You know what I'm saying. I'm trying to heal my inner kinesia, my, that little girl, that little eight year old.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to heal her and I'm gonna do that by using my daughter and I don't wanna do that because that's not her burden, that's not her responsibility for me to use her as a tool to heal something within me and then, later on, as she gets older, when I don't like what I'm seeing and getting back, now I resent her. Now I'm upset with her because I used her as a tool to heal something within me and now I'm not liking the way it's showing up and now it's like I can't stand her. Like by the time she's 10, 11, now I can't stand her, like that's not fair. You know what I'm saying. So I think there is just so much that just goes into parenting. Obviously it doesn't come with the manual and I know our parents. They did the best they could at the time with the resources that they had, and I'm totally appreciative.
Speaker 2:If you can say it don't come with the manual, at least times.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's books, if that's what you mean, but there's a lot of stories. You're dealing with human beings who are unpredictable, like you know what I'm saying. So there is no one shoe or one size that fits all.
Speaker 2:I know. I think for both of us, one thing that we're really guilty of is the whole eating out thing, like just shout, eat out more than I've ever. And it's to the point to where, like, she'll say, oh no, I want restaurant pancakes. I can make you pancakes, I know restaurant pancakes. And it's like okay.
Speaker 1:But I honestly with her, cause it's kind of like me, I think she enjoys the going out aspect, not necessarily food, cause that's how I am like with movies, cause you're always like we can watch a movie at home, but it's like it's not just the movie. I like the part of us getting like together as a family, getting up, getting in the car and going to the movies. That's what I like and I think with her that's the same thing that she likes. She likes the togetherness, she likes us being out because even when we are at home we'll eat dinner and we eat dinner at the table sometimes.
Speaker 1:But when we go most of the time, but when we go out it's like it's there's nothing else around us to really like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I get that, but what I'm? I'm more so speaking to the fact of we we didn't have that in our childhood. Like you, ate what was cooked Right. We're not making separate meals, we're not going out.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, we're not making separate meals, we're not. We're not doing Like I would make separate stuff for her and for you. And I and I was like, listen, I can't do it anymore. I told you to stop, I can't do it anymore. I told you to stop. But it was like but, she needs to eat.
Speaker 2:She needs to eat what. She needs to eat what you're providing.
Speaker 1:She needs to eat, like my baby needs nourishment.
Speaker 2:I will say like these, these last you know six going on seven years. I think for both of us would agree that it's really just been constant learning, constant adapting.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's like because it's like you implement something and then you see your results slow, slowly in life, yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, plus, we only have one kid, right. So we were having this conversation last night, me and the gym moms, and we were having the conversation about, like, the advantage that some people have of having multiple children the things that you've seen in your first born, when you start to see in your second, you can either correct it or you know what to be worried about or what not to be worried about. But from us, since we only have a single child, every experience with her obviously is our first experience with it and we have to navigate it like a different way, like there's always this sense. I feel like for me there's always this sense of urgency with certain things, with her, as opposed to if we had another kid, and now that I've get it some time, that she's grown up, I can see, like in my second kid, like that's totally normal, like I don't have to worry about that, but with her it's like I look at everything and I'm like Maurice, like we have to fix this.
Speaker 2:I don't know where this is going. I was gonna say I, low key, kind of feel sorry for our second kid, if they come along.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:Because it's gonna be like it ain't important Look but I feel like that's what we need. It's not saying that we're not gonna go just as hard or do just enough, but because we have some different, we are not gonna cater to every cry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we know it's gonna be like sorry, buddy. Like you will get over it, I promise.
Speaker 2:Unless there's another girl, cause I got her, I can't help it. She's so cute. You know, it wasn't really cute baby, she came from me, of course.
Speaker 1:Good damn bye. Good damn bye.
Speaker 2:We wouldn't even talk about this. We did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is what it is. That's just because that's pretty much what's been on my heart. Like I try to explain to you so much, my brain is so consumed.
Speaker 2:Like a scrambled egg.
Speaker 1:With parenting her and like being a mom.
Speaker 2:It's not like you need to go to work being.
Speaker 1:That's literally why I told you so you're stressing over stuff.
Speaker 1:I think I am gonna have to step back out into, like the work field or do something, because I just feel like it's consumed so much. I mean, it is my life, like I'm gonna stay at home, mom. So my life is you, her and our home, and you know things that we gotta get done as a family, and I love it. Don't get me wrong. Like I don't wanna say that as if I'm complaining or like you know it's a dread or whatever. I enjoy being a servant. Good damn bye, I'm not your servant. I am not your servant Girl, I mean boy, please, uh-uh.
Speaker 2:You don't like being at my every working demand.
Speaker 1:But you know what? Here's the thing. This is what I think about Now, like going down another lane. I feel like once I go back to work, oh, it's gonna be different. You are going to get a shock, it's gonna hurt. You are gonna get a shock Because you the luxuries that you have enjoyed of having a stay at home, wife, I understand that these past four years. I understand that you are going to be like wait, babe, but are you? No, I'm not.
Speaker 2:Not doing it.
Speaker 1:I have to contribute.
Speaker 2:The only thing I'm gonna require that was not gonna change and that you've been slipping off is my overnight oaks. Oh my God, that's not about to get real unruly in here.
Speaker 1:So I've been making him overnight oats and he's been like, obsessed with the overnight oats. And you know, I honestly think it's the milk too, because you liked them before. But when I changed the milk you were like I don't know what you put in here. He was like, but I am loving it.
Speaker 2:So I use what is it?
Speaker 1:It was okay. The oatmeal too. Actually, I got a new oatmeal. It's an organic steel cut oatmeal.
Speaker 2:I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:I forget the brand. But then I use the Oatly Oat Milk and I use organic raw honey.
Speaker 2:It be.
Speaker 1:It don't matter.
Speaker 2:It don't matter. It don't matter what fruit you put in there, it be. You can probably put kiwi in there to it, it don't matter. I said she don't miss by she don't miss, she not missing.
Speaker 1:Like every morning he would like come downstairs. He gets so excited when he sees that I made him overnight oats for breakfast and he sits down and he eats and he just, he just shakes his head and I'm like is it good babe, that's it. That's it, that's it, that's it. This overnight oats and this coffee.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:That will stay because it will help the more. Like, the reason why I do things like that, like make your overnight oats and stuff like that is because I either know that I'm not gonna want to have to get downstairs early enough to cook breakfast.
Speaker 2:Honestly, if you go back to work, the crop pot and the pressure cooker will just get used more Pretty much. That's whoever can home first. Hit the on button Right.
Speaker 1:Right, and then Saturday mornings.
Speaker 2:We we at Bear Restaurant.
Speaker 1:No Stop, we're at Bear Restaurant. We're at Bear Restaurant.
Speaker 2:I was with my baby, like she, like Bear Restaurant. No, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I guess that was. We just went off into like a parenting topic today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Sometimes you parent when you ain't trying to parent.
Speaker 1:That is. But I mean, it's just, it's one of those things that is, I feel like it's gonna forever consume me. I don't and I'm not. I'm okay with that, I'm okay with that it should.
Speaker 2:I think that's just the son of a good parent.
Speaker 1:You know, I've been told that before I had a mom tell me that A mom told me she was like the. The fact that you feel that you have to be so involved and you try to stay close and like, pay attention to her personality changes and things like that. It just means that you're like, you're a good, involved mom and I was like, but sometimes I feel like I'm I know I can go overboard, let's, let's, let's, let's. I know that I can go overboard.
Speaker 2:Say it again for the people.
Speaker 1:I know that I One more time for the people to make. I know that I am much Play it slowly for the people. Okay, I know this Like.
Speaker 2:For instance.
Speaker 1:Okay, for instance, yesterday she brought me her her report card. I mean not her report card, her, which she got a great report card, by the way but she brought me her spelling test right and she brought home a perfect spelling test. She got the bonus word right, she got all 10 of her spelling words right. She got both of her sentences right. She used her, her, her. What is it called? What's the actual word for it? But anyway, like all of her, her pronunciation you know what I mean Her sentences were, were perfect. She used her question mark, she used the commas in the right place, like everything right. And like I was really impressed by the fact that she used a comma in the right place, like let's not talk about that, cause you don't do that.
Speaker 1:We've already talked about how sometimes I underestimate her. Okay, she and she was so proud. She was like mom, she was like look at this, and I was like Phoenix. This is quite literally a perfect spelling test. Like the teacher had no marks on there but a star. And I was just thinking back to when. What was it like three weeks ago?
Speaker 2:She had that.
Speaker 1:Her spelling test is she got a seven out of 10. And I remember my reaction because she always brings home 10 out of 10, 11 out of 10. The only thing that's a little that she gets more docked and points is like her sentences, because she's learning how to write like complete sentences and stuff. So that's kind of like what I expect a little bit. But on the spelling test she brought home a seven out of 10. And I just remember thinking like what is this? And the look on her face, like she looked at me. She looked at me because she Like damn, am I putting too much pressure on her?
Speaker 1:Because my, my sister's friend was over and the test was left out on the table right and she was like, oh, this is Phoenix, the spelling test. And she was like, oh, this is good. She got a seven out of ten. And immediately I was like that is not a good spelling test. And she was like what do you mean? She was like she's six, kainisha. And I was like no. And I quite literally went to the refrigerator and I got up the pack of her spelling test and I was showing her. I was like no, these are the spelling test, that this is the expect.
Speaker 1:And so she was looking at me. She was like she, literally. She was like girl, you need to chill out. No, and I was like, and part of me was like, well damn, am I going too hard when it comes to certain things with her? No, but it's like I don't want her to think like, okay, yes, you bring home a seven out of ten. It's not, it's not your normal. But I was like Phoenix, what happened? I was like seven out of ten, babe.
Speaker 2:Like this is my thing. This is my thing. Well, regardless of whether other parents agree or not, excellence is the expectation.
Speaker 1:I know, but I don't know, much pressure.
Speaker 2:Now we're not going to fault you if you come up short Sometimes. We're just going to put in a plan that you don't fall up short again right, right, right, because she so we're not going to award Reward reward, anything like so like.
Speaker 1:For instance, she was working on her math, right, and I was losing patience fast because we were working on greater than, less than or equal to. And I was asking her I was like Phoenix, is 58 greater than, less than or equal to 60? And she said greater than and I said Phoenix, look at the two numbers. I pulled out a number chart and I was like which number comes first, 58 or 60? And she was like 58 and I said are the numbers getting bigger Past 60 or the numbers getting smaller past 60. She was like bigger. So I said so it's 58, greater than, less than or equal to 60? She said look me square in my face. She said it's greater than, mommy. I said, and I could feel the fire in my chest. No, and I think what really got me is we had did two pages of Greater than, less than and equal to.
Speaker 1:So at this point I thought she was just effing with me. I was like we literally we have been sitting here doing this math for 30 minutes and you have been Doing what you need to do. Now you want to act like. You get hung up on 58 being less than 60, like, and so in my mind. I like when I tell you, maurice, I have to do mental gymnastics. I literally have to. I have. You don't understand, because you're not the one sitting down doing all this stuff. I have to Tell my brain, tell my brain. You're thinking with a 37 year old brain. Should they think they're six year old brain learning something different? And they're learning like all this is still new to her.
Speaker 2:But they're learning it in a different way than what we learned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because even the wording like sometimes her homework, she'll bring her homework home, and it's the way these things are worded and I'm like it's not even that difficult. And so when I try to show her my way, then we get into the headbutting because then she goes no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how miss Martin said to do it. She said to do it like and I'm like I know that's how she said to do it and I know that's how you're learning it.
Speaker 2:But mommy is trying to teach you and she's very much in this. She's the way I was taught is the only way it can be.
Speaker 1:That's the way, like, if, if somebody tells her like, even if we tell her something that's like a structure or an order of operation of something, she will, depending on what it is like, she will stick to it. Like she's gonna stick to it when it comes to rules and stuff, especially with Phoenix is a rule follower. She will follow a rule, or she, her favorite is enforcing it upon other people. That is her favorite. Her favorite is enforcing the rules upon others.
Speaker 1:But I was, I just I was like, okay, let me calm down, because if she genuinely doesn't understand that 58 is less than 60, then maybe my approach needs to be different, maybe we need to step away for five minutes. But I'm doing all this in my head so that I don't Come off as I'm judging her, because then she also feels that she feels when I'm like seriously, phoenix, like if I was to tell her seriously, you know she, she'll look at me like okay, it's wrong and I don't know why it's wrong, and then her brain shuts down. Then I can't have the conversation with her as to why 58 is less than 60 or come up with a different way for her to like see it. You know, but, boy, when I tell you the mental gymnastics that I have to go through to regulate myself sometimes, Hmm.
Speaker 2:I'd be like, if you weren't my child, I Would send you home crying Probably okay, let's, let's get into it now, cuz then you tell mom, making my, let's get into it, let's get into our two cents.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh, yes, okay, okay. So we're gonna just hop right into our two cents, okay, no, I don't know the C, let's see. Let's see which one. Okay, I was going to this one. This one is my fundamentalist Christian parents is telling my wife not to reconcile.
Speaker 1:My wife and I were married for two years. During that time I had to open up our marriage. My wife agreed but kept acting jealous. This led to me filing for divorce. Throughout my six months separated, I gained a greater appreciation for my lovely wife. Modern-day dating is disgusting. Even if you date overseas, a lot of women will pretend to like you for money. It's honestly disgusting. I didn't have to worry about that with my wife because she makes around the same as me, if not slightly more. Last week I realized the love we had is special and I decided to attempt to reconcile. She agreed, but unfortunately, my Christian fundamentalist parents are trying to undermine me. They're trying to convince her not to grow. Go through with it. My parents even told her quote we love our son, but he's not a good husband. I expect this from her parents, but my own parents. When I told my parents to stop meddling in my relationship, they blocked me.
Speaker 2:Oh business.
Speaker 1:I had to call using a no-caller ID just to speak to my dad and my mom, and this is disgusting. Any advice? Not mom and dad, blocky, you know that's because mom and dad knows the real and Go ahead.
Speaker 2:What it sounds like to me is yeah, you're you're. What it sounds like to me is you were married, the honeymoon phase calm down, things got bored. You got bored, things got got ordinary, got vanilla right, and so you thought, hey, let me open it up.
Speaker 1:But it's the fact that he said I had Right up the barrage.
Speaker 2:So it sounds like you probably didn't have no conversations, right? So then you open it up. Then you realize.
Speaker 1:They say what I want you.
Speaker 2:There's nothing better out there. He realized that the grass right greener on the other yeah you essentially realized that there's nothing better out there, so did you go. So now you're back at your wife. And all of a sudden, she's the best love you ever had best thing you ever had, because all these women out here only want to use me, yeah, but so it's like again you didn't, you couldn't see what you had until you lost it. Yep and now you're like it sounds like they need.
Speaker 1:Your parents are great people because they're warning her and they're your parents, so they know that son is not it, boo. They knew they knew that when she agreed to marry you the first, they probably gave her warnings. Then they probably said you know what? We think you're a great young lady In and lack of better words. They probably said our son is trash, but we love him and we hoped that he could be the husband that you are looking for. We're a little doubtful, but we hope that he can't. The fact that when he showed that he could not be, they was like I'll be damned if we let her do this twice the fact that you literally had a woman that would allow you to open the marriage two months After two years right.
Speaker 1:Well, I thought it was two months.
Speaker 2:Oh, they were married for two years, right, okay, that will allow you to open the marriage to your year, try to satisfy you and then you just walk away from that because why why, wow, and this is why I feel like people make such a mockery of marriage because you don't want to do the work. I'm not happy. Things are not what I, what, what I wanted to be, and so I'm just gonna go find Find something better and then only to realize that nothing better.
Speaker 1:Once you, once you think you found something better, you realize that it wasn't better.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not saying that's the situation for all marriages. Oh, no, no, no no, some marriages can be reconciled, so you just, you just need, you're just saying what's in.
Speaker 1:You putting your time. You both done what you needed guys are apples and oranges.
Speaker 2:It shouldn't be the same yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's time to just live life for yourself. Yeah, okay, so okay. Here's another one more, right? Yeah, all right, how many of you have access to your husbands or your boyfriend's bank accounts?
Speaker 1:I don't have a husband or boyfriend my 30 year old boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and he will not allow me access to his bank account. He said that he doesn't need me gene about money when we're low on funds, and also added that I don't even contribute any money. Anyway, since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I'm livid and, to be honest, I feel like this might be financial abuse advice.
Speaker 2:I Got a couple with ways.
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, here we go.
Speaker 2:First things, first things first. Before you will stay at home, mom, what were the arrangements that you have your own bank account, or would you guys pulling you just conceals of the bank account? I need context, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 2:Second thing is, to me this is no different from when women had their emergency fund. It's no different, because this is why I say it's not. I think it's different. This is why I say it's no difference. She probably has an idea of what he makes and that's it. She don't know what saved, she don't know what, sitting over there. No, that now, granted, that stuff can be subpoena and all that stuff. But he's probably thinking, in case this goes left, I Can kind of protect myself a little bit and not have to pay out as much because she won't have access to the records of history of incomes, investments and stuff like that. I'm not saying either way is right, but to me it's no different Because in the same thing, like in the case where the woman had the emergency fund, that's, that's a fun that her that Most of time the husband don't know about, so it's no different. She knows that, her that there's a bank account. She knows that her husband gives her money. She knows her husband pays the bill, that's all she knows.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's the bank account that that there. So I think I think the difference between, like an emergency fund, an emergency fund or a rainy day fund that most women have, that's not money that we're paying bills out of, that's literally money that just kind of sits there. She's talking about having access to the bank account in which she, like, if she has a debit card to, she goes to the grocery store it uses to buy household goods, to take care of their family, things like that. So in her, in her realm of thinking, she's most likely thinking like, okay, yes, you make the money and I stay home with our children, but I feel like I should still have access to the money.
Speaker 1:Because for me, what I gather from here is she I mean he she could have a debit card or he could probably give her like a monthly allowance, right. And maybe there was a conversation about, hey, I need more money on the monthly allowance because it's not going as far as it needs to go. And he's probably telling her like, okay, well, that's all I can fork over right now. And she's like I want to see what's in the bank account. I. So it could be two things. Maybe it's his way of like saving right Cause he knows that if she does see the money that's in the bank account now, you're going to think we have all this money and we only have this money because of how I've been managing the money.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying we need content because she may be, he may be a saver and she may be a spender.
Speaker 1:A spender right.
Speaker 2:He don't want her to see exactly how much is there, because he knows that caravan of file thrills.
Speaker 1:Right, or it can be just something where it's a comfort thing as well. You know, like I don't know what's going on behind the scenes. I don't know if you're pairing, if you're paying all the other bills. I want to see the bank account so I can see how you're spending our money.
Speaker 2:So any content.
Speaker 1:But the fact that he says that you don't need to see it because you don't even contribute to it further lets me know he also has the mentality of it's not our money. It is my money that I made. I don't have a problem with that. You don't have a problem with what? What he said.
Speaker 2:What? Because I believe in the equality Maurice. Oh girl said oh girl was literally a stay at home wife.
Speaker 1:So you don't.
Speaker 2:Taking money out the joint account and putting it in her own personal account.
Speaker 1:What, oh, I'm talking about the Like nobody, you're talking about a whole different, other scenario Right. Okay, so he's talking about. He's talking about. What was this? A story we had read in one of our marriage groups.
Speaker 2:It was one of those. It was a video from the tech sector, I believe. Okay so, but it was going around.
Speaker 1:Long story short, there was a video, an article or whatever of a woman who had essentially saved to the sum of like what was it like? 75,000 or something it was. It was a very large amount of money, but what she was doing was she was taking money out of her and her husband's like joint personal accounts and she would just put like $900 a month into.
Speaker 2:Over the course of like.
Speaker 1:Of like a few years.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:She was taking $900 a month and she was just moving it to an account where she was just and she said.
Speaker 2:She said and so when? Hold on. What killed me is that she said in my defense when time got hard, I lowered the amount to $200.
Speaker 1:Right. But what she was asking was was she, was she wrong for cause? Her husband had came to her and said that you know he was struggling a little bit with trying to, you know, maintain the bills.
Speaker 1:And maintain the bills because, you know, his check didn't seem like it was going as as far as it usually goes. Granted, he didn't know that his wife was also removing $900 to put in a separate bank account. But anyway she was saying, was she wrong for not telling him that she had like 75 Gs saved up that she could help him with on the bills, even though that was technically yes money, the money he made for them to, you know, go and do so? In that case, I think that's like that's completely different. That's a little bit, but I do see, I do see the relation, but it is different.
Speaker 2:That's her ex's strategy, that she had, maybe him not, maybe, in this situation, the wife. That's his ex's strategy. So, like I said, like I said last week, a story has duality.
Speaker 1:Don't start. You know what I'm saying. No, I don't.
Speaker 2:There's two sides, so we need context.
Speaker 1:This has been another episode of Life After I Do podcast. Do, do, do, do. If you're not already following us on our social media platforms, you can follow us on Facebook, maybe not you can follow us.
Speaker 1:I know you can follow us on Facebook, instagram, youtube and hopefully still TikTok Hopefully still TikTok At Life After I Do podcast. You can also write into us at LifeAfterIDoPodcast at gmailcom If you have any questions or anything like that you wanna talk about. You can write an anonymous If you would like our advice on something. If not, until then, you'll get another episode every Wednesday.
Speaker 2:Just remember, just remember. Without good there is no good, oh my gosh, so evil is necessary. You guys, please and therefore if evil is necessary, it must be good Till next time.
Speaker 1:Peace, peace, peace.