One Off

When the sacred vows of marriage are shattered by infidelity, the emotional aftermath can be as unpredictable as a stormy sea. The anchor of trust, once lifted, leaves a relationship adrift—this episode sails through the murky realms of cheating and the dynamics it introduces into the institution of marriage. 

Transcript

Cheating and Lies in Relationships

Speaker 1 0:00

When women cheat it's essentially a characteristic flaw, or when women cheat, it's not forgivable, because for men to cheat it can be an isolated incident, it doesn't have to be an attachment there. You can do it as a one-off. But when women cheat, there's automatically an attachment there. So it's almost like your man could never compete with whoever you cheated with. Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I'm your host, bgg, and I'm here with my husband.

Speaker 2 0:49

Mo Lido.

Speaker 1 0:51

So dramatic as always, hey boo.

Speaker 2 0:54

Hey boo skaronis.

Speaker 1 0:57

That's a saying in our house. Boo skaronis, it's a greeting.

Speaker 2 1:01

Hey, boo skaronis hey boo skaronis.

Speaker 1 1:04

What'd it do? Boo skaronis, that's weird, why? Because I thought it is hey babe, hi babe, how was your week?

Speaker 2 1:14

Deliberating.

Speaker 1 1:16

Deliberating. Yeah, what does that mean?

Speaker 2 1:18

I don't know.

Speaker 1 1:20

I feel like you just pulled something out of your ass. I did.

Speaker 2 1:22

It was OK, nothing. It was just a regular week Thinking about life and Boring no, Joggy. Thinking about life and living. That's it.

Speaker 1 1:34

Well, my week was pretty good.

Speaker 2 1:38

Well, that's good.

Speaker 1 1:39

I started. Finally, the risa tisa.

Speaker 2 1:43

Oh god.

Speaker 1 1:44

Seriously, I'm currently, I think, on 38, 38 or 39 or something, and it is crazy. It baffles me, ok. So it baffles me in multiple ways. It baffles me to think that there are human beings on this here rock we call planet Earth, that lie and that have I mean. At this point, the only conclusion that I can draw is that he has a mental disorder of some sort.

Speaker 2 2:19

Clap if you want to.

Speaker 1 2:24

Anywho, the fact that he was able to finagle his way into her life and the fact, as by her own admission, that she knew something was off and something was wrong and she still continued to pursue, like giving him the benefit of the doubt in some areas, it's just baffling. Baffling, like who lies about family members dying, like his grandmother. If you haven't heard it yet or watched it, spoiler alert, because everyone.

Speaker 2 2:57

Spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 2:58

Mostly everyone has seen it or heard it or whatever. It has over 400 million views. So, anywho, he lied and said that his grandmother had died in 2020 of COVID, due to COVID complications. Right, he had drove Risa Tisa to the cemetery in which he pointed out to the headstone that his grandparents were buried at. Later on, you find out that his grandmother died in 2008. The grandfather had died, I think, like in 2016 or something like that, and the only reason why he had knew about the cemetery or whatever where the grandparents are not buried, by the way is because he used to work at the damn cemetery.

Speaker 2 3:47

Oh, wow.

Cheating and Marriage Dynamics

Speaker 1 3:49

Who does that? He lied about having like five brothers or something like that and sisters, only later for her to find out, after talking to his aunt, that he is not only not has sisters, but he only has two other brothers, and one of which is his twin. Oh wow, it was just really wild. Like she reaches out to his ex-wife and the first thing the ex-wife says to her is if you're contacting me, then things must be really bad. That's what she said to her. She was like if you have found a way to reach out to me, then things must be really bad. And she was like I couldn't do anything but like pause, because the level of deception that this man brought into her life is a little unfathomable.

Speaker 2 4:43

What was that word?

Speaker 1 4:44

Fathomable, what Fathomable yeah, you got fathomable. Like I can't fathom. I can't fathom his audacity, you can't fathom that. I can't fathom his audacity.

Speaker 2 4:58

But yeah, that was your week. No, it wasn't. My week.

Speaker 1 5:01

It's been my last day and a half, not my week, but other than that that's my little bit of drama, I guess you could say for the week, but it's been business as usual. Finally got the updated schedule for Baby Girls' schedule for gymnastics so we picked up another day of gym, so that's going to be good. But we have to cancel something in dance, so she was not entirely sad about that, so not sure how to feel about that.

Speaker 2 5:29

Long as she said, as long as I'm doing something.

Speaker 1 5:33

Right. But yeah, outside of that it was not an eventful week. I had not too much going on, Just more business as usual. I guess you could say and you, you seem a little like not here.

Speaker 2 5:48

I'm just tired.

Speaker 1 5:49

OK.

Speaker 2 5:50

I'm here, I'm just tired. I'm just behind, I'm just yeah. I'm here.

Speaker 1 5:57

OK.

Speaker 2 6:00

I'm just mentally exhausted.

Speaker 1 6:02

Is that what it is? Yeah, do you need bubble time?

Speaker 2 6:05

I don't. I mean, I always need bubble time.

Speaker 1 6:07

But not if you say it like that.

Speaker 2 6:10

I always need bubble time, bubble time is like our time, like time. I'm always down for that, but I don't. That ain't like I. Just I got problems.

Speaker 1 6:20

You got 99 problems.

Speaker 2 6:22

But a bitch ain't one.

Speaker 1 6:26

I was. I thought you were going to. I thought you were going to say but my bitch ain't one.

Speaker 2 6:31

I don't call you that.

Speaker 1 6:32

I know, but I just thought you would say it that's I don't know.

Speaker 2 6:35

That's why my brain works Anywho you want to be disrespected, so bad.

Speaker 1 6:39

What do you mean you?

Speaker 2 6:40

want me to disrespect you, so you can have some complaint about.

Speaker 1 6:44

You do not need to disrespect me, to give me something to complain about. I'm sure I have three things I'm getting ready to complain about as soon as we end this podcast.

Speaker 2 6:52

I'm not perfect, cause-.

Speaker 1 6:53

I'm getting ready to actually, I just thought of another one. I got four things that I can complain about.

Speaker 2 7:00

You better be happy so I don't need-, I don't-, that's not- that's not a reason. Keep playing with me. I'm gonna get on my recites of shit, please do.

Speaker 1 7:08

If you can write in 400 million views, please, by all means, go ahead. What you gonna say? Did I lie to you?

Speaker 2 7:20

Oh no, I'm gonna be the man in the situation you go out of the story, I'm gonna have the story. Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 7:23

I'm not sure if that works Anywho, so we're gonna hop right on into it. So this is a clip that I have kind of been seeing floating around a little bit. It's a little bit of an older clip, but I guess it's like resurfacing.

Speaker 2 7:45

You seen it what?

Speaker 1 7:46

Floating around.

Speaker 2 7:47

You trying to guess Swallowed you too much?

Speaker 1 7:54

Wait, I don't know why. That just reminded me of another sorry, just got off dead.

Speaker 1 7:58

I just saw another TikTok today and he was like he said I'm in America and I just need to let you guys know it's not the way you said it is croissant. And he was like you don't pronounce the T, you don't pronounce the R, you don't pronounce half of the letters in it, but it's not croissant, it's croissant. And I was like it stitches to this guy's video. And he was like he's like, yeah, but we also say McDonald's. Like if you were to say McDonald's, do we say McDonald's? He was like no, you would say McDonald's. I just thought that was funny. Sorry, I'm gonna go back to the track we were on. Anyway, this is a it's a clip that I've been seeing floating around and I had sent it to you and I had sent it to my brother-in-law and both of you guys pretty much had opinions about it and I had-.

Speaker 2 8:52

Everybody got opinions.

Speaker 1 8:53

Right and that's why I want to hear. But I just thought it was a little interesting because when I actually really sat with what he was saying and like thought about it from like my own my own perspectives, and if I was to put myself in those shoes, like how would I react, and then it also made me think about something that my uncle and aunt have told me you know previous, and we're talking about people who have been married 40 plus years, so they have been through some things. It just really made me it just really made me think, like you know think. So I really wanted to have discussion, especially because it I think that it does happen quite a bit of marriage, I mean in general, but especially from the marital perspective. I really wanted to talk about it. So go ahead and roll the clip.

Speaker 2 9:38

Roll in the clip. Okay, it's silly.

Speaker 3 9:42

If my daughter comes to me and say, daddy, my husband cheated on me, I'm gonna say, princess, is he a good provider? Yes. Does he take good care of you? Yes, you have a disrespect. He raises hand to you no, outside of this cheating, is he what you need in a man? Yes, he is. Was this thing purely sexual? Was it a hit and miss? Or is he really feeling this woman? If she tells me this was a hit and miss, go have a conversation with him about his infidelity. Let him know you do not like it.

Speaker 3 10:08

I will never tell you not to leave a man because he cheated. You want to leave him because he cheated? Go ahead and do it. But I want to ask you a question how many men you expect to find out there who are never going to go outside that marriage, at least occasionally, to experience another woman? I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying it's not realistic to leave a good man for an oops. Now let me tell you when you better leave him. I'm gonna tell you when you better pack your. I'm gonna come back if you find out he has removed you from the throne and put another woman on the throne and now you number two or you was always number one. You got to leave. There's no greater disrespect a man pays to his woman than to put another woman in her place, because that is a sign that you are no longer what you were to him. And if you hang around too long, you will see your rank drop again and again till you don't even matter no more. All right, so the whole clip.

Speaker 1 11:09

That was a clip, welcome back. So okay and just. I mean just so that you know, like I watched the entire episode, so there was also a lot said before and after that, like that whole clip. But that was just. That was like the gist. But there isn't, like you know. I just want to preface that. But we're going to talk about the clip because of course that's how these things work. Everyone just kind of snipped, that's what, that's what kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 11:38

You can everything. Got a context.

Speaker 1 11:40

No, but I mean, even outside, with this little clip taken outside it does it does still really stand alone, like the clip itself does really stand alone. Like I said, I listened to the interview before, like the entirety of the interview and what was said before and what was said after, and the clip and what he said in that segment does like sit alone. But I really wanted to get your opinion. I know we talked about it a little bit but like what's, what's your opinion? I kind of want to deep dive into this.

Speaker 2 12:10

What do you think about what he said?

Speaker 1 12:12

about what he said.

Speaker 2 12:13

I mean honestly what he said, my hundreds of people I mean. I don't necessarily agree, but what don't you agree with?

Speaker 1 12:21

Well?

Speaker 2 12:24

the fact that you should stick around a physical provider, right If it's a one off or whatever. Right, because I don't know? Because now the second part I definitely agree with, like when you've been replaced and you know you've been replaced, don't need to just look back, right, not only do you look back, you doing yourself a disservice, because now you're telling him how to treat you, right. I can understand going to the back, to the first part of the clip. I can understand there being mishaps or mistakes or questionable situations, right, and I understand what he's saying. It's like, yes, this man had a one off, but he's a good husband, he's a good provider, he's taking care, good care of you all that you should forgive him for that right. But I also feel, like what a lot of men don't talk about. I feel like, when it comes to infidelity in general, that's a form of lack of self-control.

Speaker 1 13:24

And discipline.

Speaker 2 13:25

Right. So you're not controlling your actions when you step outside your agreement once you agree to be a monocular sort of woman, right? So to me that can be seen as a form of weakness, because you're not upholding your side of the deal. But to tell someone to stay because, yeah, he's done this but he provides all of this, I understand that traditionally that's been the status quo like the norm and even still now in certain cultures that's the norm as long as he's taking care of you and you're solidifying your position.

Speaker 2 14:09

if he goes out and gets trimmed somewhere else, you shouldn't leave him. But I would never, like he said, I would never tell someone. It's okay for you to leave because they cheated. It's not okay for you to leave just because he cheated. It needs to be more than that. I would never tell someone that. So if you feel like him cheating has crossed the line and you can't bounce back from that, then you need to leave, because if the roles were reversed, I know for a fact most men were leaving. We're not coming back.

Speaker 1 14:41

Which is touched on a little bit.

Speaker 2 14:43

We're not coming back. We're not going to double back.

Speaker 1 14:46

And I'm going to just throw this out there. It was also mentioned. I heard something along the lines of when women cheat, that it's essentially a characteristic flaw, or when women cheat it's not forgivable because for men to cheat it can be an isolated incident, it doesn't have to be an attachment there, you can do it as a one-off. But when women cheat there's automatically an attachment there. So it's almost like your man could never compete with whoever you cheat.

Speaker 2 15:17

I can't speak for him, but I can understand, from a man's perspective, the feeling of being able to hit it and quit it.

Speaker 2 15:27

Not necessarily hitting it and quit it, but the urge that you see when you see a attractive lady, or attractive whatever. You're into right, there is a certain urge, I don't care who it is. It is that thought like, oh my God, what would that be like? You see something that you're attracting, you're drawn to, so you do have that thought in your mind of what would that be like. There's always the one, the what if? Because there's always excitement in something new.

Speaker 1 15:58

Right. So do you think that's a human nature thing, or do you think that's just the?

Speaker 2 16:02

man thing.

Speaker 1 16:04

That's a man thing and I think that is a human nature thing, because I think it's funny that-.

Speaker 2 16:08

Okay, let's speak your truth. Did you all hear the little, uh, the little man-?

Speaker 1 16:11

No, listen. I think it's funny that men have this type of notion that women cannot look at a man and have like that instant, like sexual attraction, hold on and be able to be like oh, I wonder what that would be like, or even go as far as having a one-off or what you men like to call a jump off.

Speaker 2 16:32

Okay, hold on Hold on.

Speaker 1 16:34

I mean well, no one-off. What is a jump off?

Speaker 2 16:36

We'll talk about that later.

Speaker 1 16:37

Okay.

Speaker 2 16:40

A jump off is pretty much a groupie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right, Okay, I'm speaking for I can't. I can't, I mean I can. I can see that there's be one woman, women, with this mentality of men, but the issue, I don't necessarily think it's an issue, I think the-.

Speaker 1 17:00

What's problematic about it?

Speaker 2 17:01

What's problematic about it is that it's not, it's frowned upon for the woman.

Speaker 1 17:06

Exactly Right.

Speaker 2 17:08

And it's because, and it's, it's, it's because of the natural order of things.

Speaker 1 17:11

Right, and it's because women have the, the like, the societal patriarchy of things.

Speaker 2 17:16

Because historically, you know, women are to be conquered, men are the conquerors, right, and if another man has conquered what is mine, it is no longer mine Right.

Speaker 1 17:27

So now it doesn't have as much perceived value to you?

Speaker 2 17:29

It does not, and if you're constantly being, and if you're constantly being-.

Speaker 1 17:34

Being conquered.

Speaker 2 17:35

You just end up being France after World War II. Bye.

Speaker 1 17:39

Goodbye Marie, I think. I think, like going back to the clip, what really stood out for me was what he said after, if it was a one-off, when he said if you expect, like, do you expect to basically go out into the world and do you think you'll be able to find another man who will not step out of his marriage occasionally? So I mean they exist.

Relationship Expectations and Infidelity

Speaker 1 18:06

I know. But what I'm saying is is he didn't present it as like this was a one-off, right? Okay, if this was a one-off and this is not to happen again and we have made, I mean, it shouldn't have happened in the first place but if we are going to say, okay, we are going to work through this situation with the notion that this will not happen again, there is not another occasion, right? So, essentially, what he's saying is it is basically your human nature as a male to occasionally have to step outside of your marriage and it could not mean nothing. So therefore, it leaves you as the woman with a decision to make. Do I leave a man hold on? Do I leave this man who has covered and protected me and I'm going to say financially at this point, because you can't say that you have covered it and protected me physically in all areas, because you're out there sleeping with other women, you still protected? No, you can expose yourself. You have exposed yourself to things.

Speaker 3 19:06

Yes, you have exposed.

Speaker 1 19:08

It doesn't matter if you have condoms, Doesn't matter if you have condoms, doesn't matter if you have condoms. You have still exposed yourself to another human being in a physical way. And then you're still going to come back home, where I'm still expected to uphold all of my duties and responsibilities as your wife and still make you feel like the man and make you feel like the leader of my life and the leader of our household, even though what you need as the leader is to occasionally step out. That doesn't make sense to me. That doesn't make sense to me. If you are the ruler of this kingdom but you don't have that area of discipline, how am I supposed to trust you?

Speaker 2 19:49

I mean historically, no kings have had that discipline.

Speaker 1 19:56

And we see what women can do. We've seen what they can do. But what I'm saying is are we really to the point now where we're getting to the point, or have gotten to the point, where it's literally going to have to be this thing? That is literally just expected, because I've heard it before, I have heard it before and, like I said earlier, speaking to, like I said, my aunt, I had an uncle tell me that when they were going through similar situations, I was told when I was a young girl, sometimes it's I heard the term it's cheaper to keep her. That was the first one.

Speaker 2 20:40

It was always cheaper to keep her.

Speaker 1 20:42

That was the first one I was exposed to.

Speaker 2 20:43

It's always cheaper to keep her.

Speaker 1 20:44

The first one I was exposed to by an uncle was it is cheaper to keep her. It's always. The other half of that was that's why I'm locked in.

Speaker 1 20:53

The other half of that was the amount of basically time, energy, emotion and finances that it would take to dissolve the marriage. You may as well work through it. So it's almost like like to me that sounds like, that sounds like an imprisonment, almost, you know. And then when I was reading through the comments I had, I had came across a comment and there was a girl in the comment and she was like I completely and 100% agree with him and she was like I don't see why you wouldn't just reevaluate the terms of your marriage and possibly look into having a polyamorous marriage. And then, that way you are, you're not stuck as a single parent.

Speaker 2 21:38

A polyamorous marriage for who? Just so that he now he's not cheating, he's just a second wife.

Speaker 1 21:43

Well, you know, it's basically you're basically redefining, like how we've talked about before, where you have to redefine what your marriage terms are. So she was essentially saying why not just redefine what your marriage terms are going?

Speaker 2 21:55

to be.

Speaker 1 21:55

That doesn't include that doesn't include you having to divorce somebody who's been a provider and protector for you.

Speaker 2 22:02

That's gonna be a that's like. That's like open marriages. It ain't really open.

Speaker 1 22:06

And the other part that I that I kind of didn't like was when he talks about like let me tell you when you better leave him, when he's when, when you know you're no longer number one. In my opinion, you no longer made me number one when you made the decision to put somebody in that place, because that is supposed to be an aspect of you that only I get to experience. So, by me having exclusivity to you in those types of areas, such as the physical connection, when you expose yourself to another woman in that way, or you allow another woman to experience stop, or you allow another woman to experience the, the things that you do with me, how, how, how am I still number one? Like? I feel like that doesn't put me, as that doesn't put me as number one, he said.

Speaker 2 22:55

He said he? He said you're number one because I'm so providing for you and I get that. This other one. I'm just going over there landing and walking away.

Speaker 1 23:03

But it's like how you said a couple of a pops ago your provision like you providing and providing over me doesn't, just doesn't is not limited to the finances. Let me finish. It also includes my mental and my physical health and wellbeing.

Speaker 2 23:22

But let me say this I said for me, I say for all men.

Speaker 1 23:27

I know.

Speaker 2 23:28

I know a lot of men that don't agree with what I said. I understand that, but I'm having friends that don't agree with what I say.

Speaker 1 23:34

I'm thinking from that perspective.

Speaker 2 23:37

Now.

Speaker 1 23:40

Now, on the other token of that, like I said, I really really try to like sit in that question or really think about if I were ever in that situation. Okay, and let's say we're, excuse me, let's say we're like 25, 30 years in and you decide to go and have a one-off, Like how would I react to that? Obviously I would be devastated, like I would feel I don't think you would believe it. I wouldn't at first, to be honest, I wouldn't at first. You wouldn't believe it. But if it came to be true, I think that would be very difficult for me. You think I would get caught. Do I think you would get caught? Oh yeah, absolutely. I probably would. You would get caught simply because your conscience would kick your ass.

Speaker 2 24:31

That's what sucks about your conscience would kick your ass. That's what sucks about being a good person. You can't do that.

Speaker 1 24:35

You can't do that. You can't do that, you can't do that. That's what sucks about being a good person. I think I would be devastated. I think that there would be a time of separation, because I would really need to process that, because I don't even.

Speaker 2 24:51

I fucking don't get you.

Speaker 1 24:53

I wouldn't, no, and let me tell you why. I'll tell you why I think that not retaliating in the same way would wait for you, because I know you. Retaliating in the same way would make it 10 times worse.

Speaker 2 25:10

Oh, it wouldn't.

Speaker 1 25:11

Oh yes it would, oh yes, it would.

Speaker 2 25:14

This is why. This is why this is why this is why I say that I would rather we be on equal footing than for you to constantly put it in my face.

Speaker 1 25:23

That's and that's exact. But see, that's exactly why you just proved my point Right. That's why I said I wouldn't do it. I know, yeah, I wouldn't do it because I know, if I didn't and I could still, and I could still come and say I'm not the one who stepped out of our marriage, you, never. It's, what's that scene? What's that scene in oh, God, how do?

Speaker 1 25:42

you don't you start, do I don't just start? He's been watching vampire in Brooklyn again and he keeps. You can't have one without the other. If you guys have never watched a vampire in Brooklyn, please go and watch it with Angela Bassett and this one at Eddie Murphy.

Speaker 1 26:05

But yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't try to get my quote unquote lick back because for one it would be, it would be two parts For one. I know that would be something that I would hold on to, like in the event that we try to work it out when during the anger part of it. You want to work it out during the anger part of it. That would be something.

Speaker 2 26:23

I would rest your life.

Speaker 1 26:24

I would. I would constantly have to remind you in therapy like you're the one who caused this ruckus, not Hold on hold on. That would be, you know, because that's petty petty.

Speaker 2 26:37

First of all, I didn't realize that you're not wearing your black glasses. I don't like it Bye.

Speaker 1 26:41

And then another part would be I think and I'm not, and here's the thing I'm not saying that I'm above it, because that's why I never say never, because you never know what life may present but I don't think that that would be something I really could do.

Speaker 2 26:56

What about? What about the different money?

Speaker 1 26:59

What do you mean? Like like what's that movie where he asked a home dude if he could sleep with his wife or have his wife for a night for a million dollars?

Speaker 2 27:05

No, not like what if she came to me and she paid me and laid down on her?

Speaker 1 27:09

If you've talked to me about it, ok. No, maurice, goodness gracious, give you a million dollars if I can have your husband for one night. You say no. I will say if you give me a hundred million dollars, you can have him for an hour.

Speaker 2 27:26

So there's a number, so there's a number.

Speaker 1 27:29

I'm teasing.

Speaker 2 27:30

There's a number, that's all. No, there's a number.

Speaker 1 27:32

No, but um yeah. So I think, I think, I think those would be mainly the two reasons why I.

Speaker 2 27:39

I wouldn't come back.

Speaker 1 27:41

What do you mean?

Speaker 2 27:42

I would just leave.

Speaker 1 27:43

Oh, like if I cheated on you.

Speaker 2 27:44

No, if I cheated.

Speaker 1 27:47

Either way, you would have to write a note and just be like. You know what I know. I know I'm not going to be able to deal with it. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 27:53

Whether it's me or you. I'm just not coming back because it's not going to. I'm first of all. If you cheat, I know I'm going to be able to deal with it.

Speaker 1 28:00

I'm going to be if I were to cheat, I feel like I wouldn't. I wouldn't come home, and if I did, I would come home like, with, with, like a witness.

Speaker 2 28:09

Well, you're going to kill you.

Speaker 1 28:13

I wouldn't kill you. No, I mean, you probably wouldn't like go all the way with it. You'd probably harm me a little, though.

Speaker 2 28:20

I've never harmed you. This is what we're not going to do Before people think you beat me or something. This is what we're not going to do. I've never harmed you.

Speaker 1 28:30

He's never harmed me, guys.

Speaker 2 28:32

Oh, I say that I would just because here's the thing I'm not going to be able to deal with you cheating.

Speaker 1 28:40

Why.

Speaker 2 28:40

Right, you know damn why why?

Speaker 1 28:44

Just just quick backstory, in case I don't know if we've mentioned this before, but my husband is the only man I have ever been with.

Speaker 2 28:50

And now, when you ever will be out the.

Speaker 1 28:51

So when? When he tells you like if I was to do something like that, it's a wrap it's, I wouldn't know instantly. It's a done deal.

Speaker 2 29:00

I wouldn't know instantly, I'll be like hold on it on curve. That way, what's going?

Speaker 1 29:04

on oh, goodbye.

Speaker 2 29:07

So I couldn't do it either way because, right If you did it. I'm not in a bouncing back.

Speaker 1 29:14

Okay.

Speaker 2 29:14

You know, you finally became the whore you wanted to become. Oh my.

Speaker 1 29:17

God, fyi, that's an inside joke for us.

Speaker 2 29:21

And you live in your best life without me. Uh huh. And if I was the one to cheat, I the guilt would just wouldn't let me be around. I'm just being honest. It just wouldn't let me.

Speaker 1 29:31

You would just have to start a life anew. Huh, Yep.

Speaker 2 29:36

Yep Trains, my name and everything.

Speaker 1 29:38

Okay, so I don't know, I just think like, and I and I'm just thinking about several things, because I also came across another video after that and it was a gentleman sitting in his car and he had also stitched the clip and he was like um, pretty much saying like you know, a lot of you females are really delusional If you think that men are faithful. And he was like, I don't care Whatever type of man and whatever kind of man you've ever been involved with. He was like I promise you, all of them have cheated on you at least once, whether you know about it or not. And he proceeds to say um, if you think that men are, um, are monogamous, he was like I'll sit here and I'll and I'll wait. He was like point me to a man who hasn't cheated, I'll wait. And so I was just sitting, I was just really sitting to myself.

Speaker 2 30:36

Did I not get the men memo?

Speaker 1 30:38

I was just. I mean, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 30:40

I know a lot of men that didn't cheat.

Speaker 1 30:41

Like I say, I think that I mean even for myself. It is never my intention, it's never my intention to cheat. However, I never say never because I don't know what you don't know what. I just I just I don't know. Okay, I don't know it is not-.

Speaker 2 31:01

This is why you're not going to the usher concert.

Speaker 1 31:05

I can't go to usher concert.

Speaker 2 31:06

I gotta protect you from you, I think.

Speaker 1 31:07

I think celebrities should be like a pass. Okay, I'm teasing, say less, I'm teasing.

Speaker 2 31:14

Local celebrities.

Speaker 1 31:15

Like a really she's in a local band, babe. He says he's. He said celebrities, you didn't specify if they were local or she got 10,000 followers on. Instagram 10,000 followers.

Speaker 2 31:28

She's a local celebrity. She's known in the region, just not in the country she's local.

Speaker 1 31:36

Okay, demal, but no, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a hard.

Speaker 3 31:40

No, I'm asking you. I'm asking you.

Speaker 1 31:42

Anyway, anyway, I say that because you don't know what life is gonna present itself.

Speaker 1 31:47

You don't know what type of hardships or anything like that that you may face, right, god willing, we still have a lot of life to live and we don't know the things that may arise, right? Do I think that this is something that I could potentially deal with In this state where I am right now? No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 32:10

However, I do know friends and family who have dealt with these types of situations, where they've dealt with infidelity and they've dealt with a partner who has stepped outside the marriage. And I can tell you that even when you have quote unquote worked through it or you guys have gotten to a place where you're somewhat past it, it never goes away. It never goes away. And maybe because I've only seen that through the family and the friends that I have encountered who've dealt with it and I haven't met anybody who's like, oh no, like we completely dealt with it and the trust is there again, 100%. The people I know, the family and friends I have, the ones that I've discussed this with, the ones who have actually experienced infidelity in this way- Infidelity in.

Speaker 1 33:05

Infidelity in this way, have worked through it and are on the other side of it, but the trust is not what it was.

Speaker 2 33:17

It never will be.

Speaker 1 33:18

I don't think it ever will be and it's one of those things. Yes, you have to create building blocks from that point and those building blocks are not gonna look like the same foundation prior to the infidelity.

Speaker 2 33:30

And I would just say this being a father or a little girl, I would not.

Speaker 1 33:37

You would not what.

Speaker 2 33:39

I would not recommend my daughter to stay.

Speaker 1 33:41

Because do you think and that's another thing, do you think, that a man could have a one-off and then be 100% faithful to the remainder of his marriage? No, no, I think it depends on what so you think wants to cheat, or always a cheater?

Speaker 2 33:54

I don't think wants to cheat, or always a cheater.

Speaker 1 33:55

But that's what you just said.

Speaker 2 33:56

Listen to what I'm saying. What I was saying is I say I think it depends on what the one-off is. If the one-off is a great experience, what, what. If the one-off is a great experience, yeah, he's gonna wanna know what else is out there. He's gonna go, probably Casey check in and see if he can find some else. Now, if the one-off is a terrible experience, he's gonna probably think this would have been worth the trouble.

Speaker 1 34:24

And if I get caught and this half of it wasn't even good- Okay, but then that might inspire him to try to find one that was good, to make it worth it. You don't know how to make it.

Speaker 2 34:34

Or it, it, I mean think about it.

Speaker 1 34:36

It's like think about it, okay, a thief, right, people who still at Target. They go on the Target, they steal something. It's like oh damn, okay, I gotta wait while stealing that chapstick. Okay, like that wasn't what I really wanted, I just wanted to see if I could get away with it, and I got away with it. So next time I go on Target, I'm gonna see what else. Ooh, okay. Second time I go on the Target, all right, I got a notebook. That's not what I really wanted, though, but I just wanna see if I can get away with it. And they'll keep doing it till they get to the thing and get bold enough to get to the thing that they really wanted. So why can't it be like in my eyes, I would think that that would be the same, like the same idea, that's not how a man thinks.

Speaker 2 35:17

So you think, if a man steps out, Because him stepping out the first time, the situation had to be right Like it presented itself. It presented itself at a certain time or some location, and there was some work put in right and he went through all that and it wasn't what he thought it would be. He's not, then, going to restart the process. Restart the process, right.

Speaker 1 35:41

But what if it wasn't a process that he started? It was literally just an opportunity that presented itself, like he said occasionally.

Speaker 2 35:49

That opportunities I can present itself constantly.

Speaker 1 35:54

Sure about that.

Speaker 2 35:56

I might just be a square there.

Speaker 1 35:59

I'm not picking to you might just be a square there.

Speaker 2 36:01

And I just don't pay attention to women.

Speaker 1 36:05

Oh, you pay attention to women.

Speaker 2 36:07

I don't pay attention to interactions with women. Let me read it.

Speaker 1 36:11

I mean okay.

Speaker 2 36:13

Because I don't. I just because I don't have any ill intent. So I'm literally just having a conversation. It may mean something else to her, but it's like.

Speaker 1 36:22

Like the girl at the grocery store, yeah. I'm gonna you saw that you were making her laugh.

Speaker 2 36:26

I was just talking to her. You can't make her laugh. I was just talking to her, you can't make her laugh. I was just talking to her Just Because I knew for a fact that I was going home with my wife.

Speaker 1 36:36

And also that I was sight eyeing you the whole time.

Speaker 2 36:38

That didn't bother me, because I knew what I'm doing and I was wrong. I was just having a conversation. I was being a jokeful playful oh what, I don't know. I was just joking and being my playful self, that's it I was in a good mood that day.

Speaker 1 36:53

Okay.

Speaker 2 36:54

And she was black. You know, I talked to all black people. I talked to a black person. That's why I talked to a black homeless guy today.

Speaker 1 37:04

Just because he was black or because he was homeless and looked like he could use a friend?

Speaker 2 37:07

Not because he talked to me first. He was like what's up, dude, what's up, what's up man. We had a little conversation.

Speaker 1 37:13

He's cool. What was he doing?

Speaker 2 37:16

He didn't even ask me for nothing. I said you have a good day, sir. It's gonna rain tomorrow. Bye, babe.

Speaker 1 37:22

Really you have a good day, sir. It's gonna rain tomorrow, yeah. So I mean, I think it's just been getting me into this whole headspace of really trying to delve in as to this whole. I kind of feel like it's a nature versus nurture thing baby. I don't know what are you?

Speaker 2 37:41

thinking. I mean nature, I mean there's many species in there, like should men be allowed to step outside of their relationships?

Speaker 1 37:48

I mean, just because it's quote on quote in your nature or See, the problem with that is, women want to be equal. Oh my gosh, what is so? Basically, what you're saying is is yeah, we would like to step out, but if that also means you guys have an equal access to step out, no, no game. No, I don't want that game. That's basically what you're saying. I wanna see women wanna be equal, and that's just not how society has set it up to be.

Speaker 2 38:18

There are a lot of mammals that, in turn, have multiple suitors.

Speaker 1 38:26

Did you say mammals who have multiple suitors?

Speaker 2 38:30

Yeah, I mean, they're the alpha and they impregnate. You know there's multiple species of animals that do that.

Speaker 1 38:37

Yeah, that live in an animal kingdom.

Speaker 2 38:39

We all in animal kingdom.

Speaker 1 38:40

Yeah, but not, they don't pay bills.

Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Boundaries

Speaker 2 38:43

Yeah, they do in different ways. We don't and they do in different ways. Goodbye, so I mean whatever floats your boat and finds your lost remote.

Speaker 1 38:54

That is what, Hmm, Goodbye Demal.

Speaker 2 39:00

Like I said before, I wouldn't. I don't want. Dealing with one woman is enough headache.

Speaker 1 39:06

But see, that's the thing he's not necessarily dealing Like if he's having a one-off, he's not dealing with that woman. That woman serves a singular purpose which is what he's trying to say, so going back to what you're saying.

Speaker 2 39:16

What you're saying is a man having multiple women where he's providing for multiple women. I don't want that. I don't even want the one-off, because it's not the headache. Because even if you have the one-off or the occasional, where you it's the same girl you're occasionally with, eventually she's gonna want she's the side chick, eventually she's gonna want the main chick's role.

Speaker 2 39:33

She's gonna want something and that's why he's talking about in the second part. When you're, when you've been replaced Because you have a lot of like men and women will do that. You have a lot of people, men and women, that will sit on the sideline and just wait for their turn. They'll be the ear, they'll be the confinat, they'll be there for you. They'll learn about your relationship Like you got. That's what you gotta understand when you're talking about your relationship to anybody male or female, friend, best, whatever, you're giving them the playbook to your life.

Speaker 1 40:01

Right, and that's why you should've been divulging crap.

Speaker 2 40:04

You are giving them the script right. So if you are, let's just say you're my friend and you're coming to me and you're complaining to me about your husband, your boyfriend, whatever the case may be you're telling me exactly everything that triggers you. I know exactly how to treat you to get you where I want to be and if I'm that guy, I can manipulate that information to easily get in your pants and vice versa well said.

Speaker 2 40:30

So I think it comes down to also, like you know, not putting yourself in situations or potentially, Potentially as a situation just go, go to work, come on pleasure, darlin, you won't be no trouble by Marisa.

Speaker 1 40:44

You got to actually live to. I Do, I live a good life. I don't say you did, and I'm just saying in general.

Speaker 2 40:50

I live a good life to the good life real man of genius.

Speaker 1 40:59

Oh, good to hear you're thinking about that, babe. I love it.

Speaker 2 41:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1 41:04

Yeah, all right guys. So we're just gonna head straight on into Our two cents. I feel like we should have like a sound or something that goes into like our two cents.

Speaker 2 41:19

Please, I'm not again what this?

Speaker 1 41:22

I Will walk away if I do it again, here we go. My wife started talking to a guy she met through work. Now we have issues. My wife recently started texting a guy she met as a customer at work.

Speaker 1 41:45

I'm not comfortable with this and gave my opinion and lack of comfort. Mm-hmm, I certainly overreacted, for fear has set in. As we have been distant on a personal level, I Gave in and decided she would do what she wanted to do regardless. Since then, they talk late in the evenings, 2 to 3 am, and so on.

Speaker 1 42:06

Our relationship is suffering and I feel as though she is distancing herself further and further. I Seem the text and she confides and opens up to him and I get the quote-on-quote I'm trying to find myself statement and that she just needs her space. We have middle-aged children together and I don't want it to turn into resentment and hate. What's my house? Should I proceed with my marriage of 12 years?

Speaker 2 42:30

Okay, here's my thing.

Speaker 1 42:32

He jumped right in on that one. Okay, here's my thing.

Speaker 2 42:35

So you said you have middle-aged children, so I'm going to assume that these children Mm-hmm, can you say middle-aged? So I, your older, your older gentlemen.

Speaker 1 42:42

Yeah, but then he said they've been married for 12 years.

Speaker 2 42:44

Okay, yeah, so what I'm assuming is is that you guys have been married for 12 years, probably together longer, and there's a lack of Excitement, right. There's a lack of, there's a lack of something and whatever it is it's lacking. Instead of her telling you what's lacking, she's finding it in this guy, mm-hmm, right, so this guy, like like we were just talking about earlier, this guy is new, it's fresh, it's exciting because it's different. You know, he's, gives you a butterfly right, she's, she's, he's discovering her, she's discovering him, and they're in their relationship.

Speaker 1 43:22

Bye babe, and they're in a relationship. You just got to come out and say it huh, they're.

Speaker 2 43:26

They're in a really they're talking to two, three in the morning. That is highly inappropriate.

Speaker 1 43:31

Yeah, especially as a married person, highly inappropriate. And you just let them sit there and talk to two or three in the morning. Let me tell you, even if we ain't on the same page, if you sit and we're in the house Talking to another chick till two and three in the morning. Well, you know, I'm, I'm sleeping first of all, it wouldn't happen because I would break the damn phone or throw it out the second-story window.

Speaker 2 43:51

You know I'm sleep for nine.

Speaker 1 43:53

Okay.

Speaker 2 43:53

Don't text me after seven.

Speaker 1 43:55

There would. There would not be a cell phone, an iPad, a desktop, a laptop of any sorts.

Speaker 2 44:02

I'll talk to.

Speaker 1 44:02

I want to talk to okay, go ahead and try it. I gotta find somebody first. Well, apparently it's not hard to do. It was a customer to our job. You see customers all day.

Speaker 2 44:12

That's how you lost me. I gotta put an effort.

Speaker 1 44:16

And that's how you lost me. I can remember when you used to be on On like delivery routes and I think it was one time one of your customers had baked you some cookies or something like that, and oh no, she made you lunch. She had given you lunch or cookies or something, something like that, and you had told me. You had told me. You came home and you're like, oh, the lady on my route today she baked me some cookies. I remember that and I was like what the hell? She baked you cookies for.

Speaker 2 44:42

I'm great.

Speaker 1 44:44

I was like what that? What the hell she baking you cookies? For she only people, only baked people baked goods.

Speaker 2 44:50

And those are good old days. I had one lady give me um. One lady gave me the urban life pills.

Speaker 1 44:58

I Wanted to come and they peels. I didn't take I had.

Speaker 2 45:03

I had one lady give me this. She had those, those old lady. She gave me those home shop network samples by the HSN samples.

Speaker 1 45:13

Goodbye, marie's, but anyway, yeah, like you said, they're in a relationship. If they're talking to two and three in the morning, they're in a relationship and that's highly in a.

Speaker 2 45:21

Doing.

Speaker 1 45:24

Yeah, to be speaking two to three.

Speaker 2 45:25

No, I can't say that she's probably. She's probably gay, she's probably enjoying the conversation.

Speaker 1 45:30

She's probably enjoying the conversation because I know, like with women that's kind of like you know that's that's the fun part, like the chase, like he's probably doing a little bit of a chase. She's giving him a little, not too much. So they're doing all this through conversation and getting to know each other. But they're essentially getting to know each other right under your nose.

Speaker 2 45:50

He's engaging in horror activity.

Speaker 1 45:52

And you've already said that you guys had been a little distant prior to this and that you feel that this Relationship is pulling her further and further away. It is, it is pulling her further away. It ain't, it is, it has so how you should proceed is by having a very strong Conversation with your wife to see what like? What are we doing? Are we gonna work on this thing? Are you gonna continue to talk to?

Speaker 2 46:14

me, I'm gonna be toxic. Look here my guy. She got her. She got her is get yours.

Speaker 1 46:18

No no.

Speaker 2 46:20

I don't, that's not yours.

Speaker 1 46:22

I don't agree with that.

Speaker 2 46:23

Get yours Okay.

Speaker 1 46:24

I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that player get your look back get your look back. What is it you with in getting like backs?

Speaker 2 46:31

cuz. I guarantee you, if she found out he was talking to 231, she feel a whole lot of difference, because the thing about the thing about women is is that you're not desirable Until another woman wants you.

Speaker 1 46:44

What was it that rapper? He has said this is a hold on.

Speaker 2 46:47

This is the same reason why my wife took issue with the cashier, laughing and smiling at me Because now she in her mind I was desirable to that cash she had to mark her territory you are not desirable to other women and to another woman desires you. So if you go out there and you guys might have started chasing you around and won't have a half the common, go to the gym couple days, lose 10 15 pounds.

Speaker 1 47:14

Start lifting. Buy some new underwear. She'll look at you. Buy some new underwear. Change up your look a little bit. If you haven't been getting the haircut, get your hair cut go down.

Speaker 2 47:24

Go down the Northam's and get you some off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 47:26

Oh, get, you get you some nice. Yeah, get you some nice.

Speaker 2 47:29

Some bond number nine, Lafayette huh.

Speaker 1 47:32

If you start getting some nice stuff, this you'll be like what, what the hell are you doing? You getting your hair cut.

Speaker 2 47:38

Hold on you, even at Nordy's you ain't even got to go out with nobody, just go out by yourself 730 738. Go by yourself. Uh-huh, go to dinner by yourself. And then just she just have her thinking this is some toxic shit. Just have her think you're going so much and see if you switch up.

Speaker 1 47:54

Yep.

Speaker 2 47:55

Because the second she, she thinks someone else is pursuing you and it's my own in the back. You'll become desirable again, right, babe? That's why I'm not funny.

Speaker 1 48:06

Right, you were intentionally trying to crack jokes with her. I was making her laugh, she was, she was as she was. I mean, she was just tickled her stomach. I was making her she was.

Speaker 2 48:15

I was making her laugh, she was having a good time who's had a great time with somebody else's see again, like I say, you're not desirable Unless someone else desires you.

Speaker 1 48:26

Proof in the pudding call it what you want to, I don't play because they.

Speaker 2 48:29

She don't pay me no attention, but let's.

Speaker 1 48:31

I don't pay you attention.

Speaker 2 48:32

Let's my smile laughing. I don't pay you attention that day you didn't, and then that naturally had to catch a little attitude. But what she don't tell y'all is after we got home it was.

Speaker 1 48:44

Good damn bye, good damn bye. If my husband is the most sensitive out of the both of us, app. As soon as we stop filming, my husband is going to instantly turn into like a ten year old boy who just wants his mommy's attention. What, yeah, now cap ah.

Speaker 2 49:04

Don't act like that. Okay whatever you. I am, I'm not, I am alone. I'm no sensitive when it comes to my wife.

Speaker 1 49:11

I don't mind it, I like it.

Speaker 2 49:13

I'm when it comes to you. I'm not out here just crying over everything. When it comes to my family, I'm a little sensitive.

Speaker 1 49:18

I like it but that's in the TV, leaves me, leaves the violence about his, but that leaves the violence.

Speaker 2 49:24

That's the problem. Okay, I fuck you over mine.

Speaker 1 49:27

Oh, you're not doing so already. You can follow us on Facebook, instagram tick tock and YouTube life after I do podcast. Episodes are every Wednesday house nature, jay, if you would like to reach out to us, you can always reach out to us at life after I do podcast at gmailcom. You can also be anonymous if you would like, until next week guys.

Speaker 2 49:57

Peace peace geese.