Navigating life's whirlwind can be tough, but in this episode, we delve into tales from a weekend filled with dance, gymnastics, and late-night comedy that drained our energy. Discover the art of hitting the brakes, breathing, and letting love recharge. From bedtime boundaries with our daughter to unconditional love's dance, we explore intimate struggles. Join us for empathy, humor, and honest discussions on self-worth and love that embraces every part of us. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let's navigate this journey together.
Navigating life's whirlwind can be tough, but in this episode, we delve into tales from a weekend filled with dance, gymnastics, and late-night comedy that drained our energy. Discover the art of hitting the brakes, breathing, and letting love recharge. From bedtime boundaries with our daughter to unconditional love's dance, we explore intimate struggles. Join us for empathy, humor, and honest discussions on self-worth and love that embraces every part of us. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let's navigate this journey together.
The same goals for both men and women. It needs to be a priority on both sides. But when he talked about like not having enough bandwidth right to have energy for your spouse and I remember us talking and you have made a comment about you're like I wish you could love me, like you love her All the time. Hey, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I am your host, nisha G, and I am here with my husband, molito Molito. I'm choosing to prevent myself from being annoyed because we legit just started over like six times.
Speaker 2:Whose fault is that?
Speaker 1:It's not my fault. It was your fault first, because you just was not getting to get yourself together.
Speaker 2:I wasn't giving you the energy you wanted.
Speaker 1:You know what? It don't even matter I hope everyone has had a really good week. Hello to the world out there Again. Happy new year.
Speaker 2:We're in February now Can we stop saying happy new year.
Speaker 1:No, it's still new year.
Speaker 2:It's the beginning of the year, don't be a basic.
Speaker 1:Anyways, I hope everybody is continuing to work on all of those commitments. I was going to say something real mean. I'm not going to say it though. No, what was she going to say Nothing.
Speaker 2:No, what were you going to say?
Speaker 1:No, I was going to say those. I was going to say those false commitments.
Speaker 2:OK, I already see what kind of episode this is going to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway, yes, I hope everyone is continuing to work towards those goals and commitments that you have set forth for the year. I am rooting for you sincerely. Are you also happy Black History Month?
Speaker 2:Black History Month.
Speaker 1:To everyone out there and yeah, so how was your week, babe? It was cold. Long, dramatic pause.
Speaker 2:I mean just you. Just I don't know why you're so loud.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? I'm the same every week. We just had this whole discussion because he's always talking about everybody, always comes to do louder on the speakers than he does, and I was like, ok, well then, we're all not the problem, it's let's just, that's not what we're doing.
Speaker 2:That's not what we're doing.
Speaker 1:You're the common denominator. So anyway, how was your week, babe you?
Speaker 2:look cozy.
Speaker 1:I am because I'm cold.
Speaker 2:It's not even cold.
Speaker 1:It's cold.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, California gets a couple drops of water.
Speaker 1:Listen here and y'all act like Listen here it was 54 degrees today.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I was like oh no.
Speaker 2:And I want the working shorts and a sweater.
Speaker 1:But you know what the funny part is Is I like this one of the most. Like yesterday, when you were at work and she was at school, I was in the backyard for like 30 minutes In the rain. In the rain. It was the craziest thing. For one, I love our backyard Like the way my backyard is set up.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 1:It's sound like a baby shit, it wasn't during the heavy parts of the rain, it was like when the little drizzlets are what. But what's so funny?
Speaker 2:My mind. I can't say it, my mind.
Speaker 1:Why? Because I said drizzlets.
Speaker 2:No, you said it was part of the heavy part of the rain.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:No, I know what you mean OK. But what my mind took it? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:OK, so anyway, it was when the rain had kind of led up a little bit and it was just drizzling outside and I was in the backyard.
Speaker 2:So it was Drizzy Drake OK.
Speaker 1:And I was in the backyard and Drizzy. I was like man. I really wish I could just sit out here, but the patio furniture was all obviously soaked so I couldn't sit out there, it was raining. I know it was raining, so I just walked around the backyard. I stood, to be honest, I stood on the dog's side of the yard for probably 15, 20 minutes, not even joking you. And the crazy thing is is I was looking to see if there was still poop in the grass anywhere.
Speaker 1:That poop should be gone by now, and there was no poop in the grass, and if you didn't tune in last week or if you haven't known, we lost our last dog on January 18. So there's no, we don't have any dogs in the house. We don't have any pets in the house, and so I'm just so used to having the dogs around here and then bark letting them in or them wanting to go out. So when I went out to the backyard and all their balls were still back there, the water bowls are still back there, like everything, all their toys are still out.
Speaker 2:We refused to pick up anything in the house.
Speaker 1:I didn't want to pick up anything and I was just looking around the backyard and I was looking at the toys and I was looking at all the dog stuff and then I saw she still has one of her little toddler bikes back there and I was just looking and it just made me have a reflective moment where I just thought about the summer when her pool is up back there the dogs will be running around playing with their toys. She's in the backyard in her pool playing with her pool toys and I was just like I was having a moment and I was just like, oh my gosh, like both of my little dog babies are no longer here. And I was looking at her little pool out there and I was like eventually, one day she's going to be too big for her pool. And then you know, as a parent you start thinking about the future and you thought about the past, from when she was little and when the dogs were smaller, when we first moved here and everyone's getting adjusted.
Speaker 2:Well, the dogs were smaller, they were just younger, they fit in the same spot.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what I mean. And plus, I really genuinely enjoy walking around the backyard Because I just like, I like the layout of our backyard. Our backyard is like split, so we have two yards in the backyard, one on each side of the house, and so I was just walking around looking at stuff I had to cover your grill.
Speaker 2:I need blueprints of our house.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, I had to cover your grill. Then I went over to her little house and I was like, oh yeah, we have to get rid of this thing. It's like full of mud in the inside.
Speaker 2:Because she takes dirt and she stacks dirt inside.
Speaker 1:Well, not only that, it's been up for like three years and she doesn't even really play with it anymore.
Speaker 2:She's getting to solve the walk-in but the second. We take that down.
Speaker 1:I bet you, if we take it down when she's not home, she won't even realize that the damn thing is gone. I promise you she won't, but anywho, yeah, so how was your week?
Speaker 2:It was.
Speaker 1:That was a great transition, huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my week was a struggle.
Speaker 1:Yeah, mentally yeah, I was there.
Speaker 2:But we got through it and we're here. As I always say, the life of a man, you can't linger too long. You still got responsibilities.
Speaker 1:You be lingering though.
Speaker 2:I took one day off. I literally took Monday. I took Monday off and I went to it.
Speaker 1:It was such a struggle for him to work today.
Speaker 2:And I worked on a Friday, and Lord knows, I never work on Friday.
Speaker 1:And it's like when I tell you my husband called me, I'm not even over exaggerated. He probably called me about 25 times. Like hey, he was every everything. I was like you really must want to come home, because you, how are you even working? You've caught me like 25 times today, sir. There was one point where I had and then you got annoyed because you thought I was trying to rush you off the phone because I was trying to get my no.
Speaker 2:no, no, no, no, I wasn't annoyed, because I was annoyed when you called me it was something that worked. It wasn't, oh, it was something that worked, but it seemed like you always call me when I'm like the busiest.
Speaker 1:OK, but you kept calling me. And then the one time I called you back, now you want to act like you, so damn busy, I'm like, but you didn't call me 25 times today, baby I was, was I doing you Call? And what did I call you for? I remember calling you, but you always do that. He'll call me 50 million times.
Speaker 2:Yes, when I could Hold on.
Speaker 1:He'll call me 50 million times. Ok, because he'll. Then he'll complain about how I don't call him enough. He don't, he's at work, but any who. When I do call him, then he be acting like he's annoyed that I called him at an impromptu moment.
Speaker 2:You just be calling at the wrong time.
Speaker 1:How am I supposed to know when's the right time? You are working and I don't like to call you because you be driving and I don't want this, this in my head. In my head you be driving and then I'm going to call you or text you and then you so happen to look down at your phone and then it's like a bad time or something and a car cuts you off or something Like I don't are a hall of the freeway or you would, I don't know. Please don't say things like that.
Speaker 1:Who does yeah?
Speaker 2:there was a point in time where I literally set in the week. I was sitting in the parking lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, you had called me and you're like he said, if I get one more red light, that's it. I'm turning around and I'm coming home.
Speaker 2:That's a wrap.
Speaker 1:I was like now you're just. You know that between where you are and getting to work, you are going to hit another red light, sir. It's not going to be green lights all the way.
Speaker 2:It was one of those things where, like you know, like when you don't want to do something, so your brain is already making all the excuses. Any inconvenience you like. You know what that's it. It's a wrap. I'm done going home.
Speaker 1:I don't have to take this.
Speaker 2:You know, you know I left early, Uh huh, Barely made it. You know, I had a, I had a restroom situation. Starbucks pissed me off. I said you know what? It was just meant to me, meant for me to be home today. And then you know, I walk in and everybody's like are you feeling okay?
Speaker 1:Because he went to work on a Friday. He's like, yeah, because I took Monday off and then when Friday got here, he was like worst decision ever.
Speaker 2:It took Friday off.
Speaker 1:It kept my. Friday you were like, if I could have just toughed it out. You just toughed it out till Friday, huh.
Speaker 2:I guarantee you I'm going to be at work next Monday.
Speaker 1:Or you're going to be at jury duty.
Speaker 2:One another Dun dun dun, dun, dun dun. We're not doing that. That's copyright infringement.
Speaker 1:Oh well, we didn't sing the whole thing, but you already know what it's from. But any who? Um, how was your week? Oh well, my week was. It wasn't the greatest. It wasn't it wasn't, like you know, horrible, but it wasn't the greatest. I too was struggling a little bit mentally, but it wasn't. It wasn't absolutely terrible. You know, business as usual. Oh, my baby had her first showcase, she had her first showcase, that's where it started. That's, that's that's now that you think about it. That's when your week started going down.
Speaker 2:You started going downhill. Last Friday it started with that damn rehearsal.
Speaker 1:The dance rehearsal.
Speaker 2:Yes, it started there.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:Then the crept on the Saturday was just.
Speaker 1:It was hectic Saturday.
Speaker 2:It was hectic and even though we had, we went to see Bruce. Bruce, yeah, and it was hilarious.
Speaker 1:And before all of that, and I got called a sucker like seven times. Right.
Speaker 2:But it was funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we had a great time. It was just like it was just a long exhausting it was. It was a long weekend. It was literally like a long week she had a rehearsal Friday for like six and a half seven hours and not. That was. You know, that was after you know Jim and all that stuff in the morning. Then she had gymnastics after rehearsal.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Then she had gymnastics First.
Speaker 1:thing morning, saturday Seven am Saturday morning, then we come home swap clothes go straight to the recital, then we're at the recital till what?
Speaker 2:six, thirty, six, thirty quarter to seven. By the time we get the dinner and get to the comedy show. It's nine o'clock. We've been up all day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because they didn't let us into like nine forty for the comedy show. Then we didn't get out to like a quarter.
Speaker 2:It was almost one o'clock, yeah it was almost one o'clock. So we didn't get home almost two in the morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was a really long weekend. And you know what, now that I think about it, because I didn't even think about that when I was thinking about like how tired and stuff I've been this week, because I've been like judging myself hardcore, because I was just like I don't know if I'm just mentally beat, if I'm like physically beat, like what is it, but I just didn't want to do anything. And plus, she had this week off for dance because we are just coming off competition and recital, so this week was no dance and she doesn't start back till next week and all we've had is gymnastics. So I think now that you like, when I brought that up and now that you like mentioned it in that sense, I was like OK, that kind of explains probably why, we were both really drained.
Speaker 2:I just know that I was exhausted, like when I look I decided I couldn't work. Sunday I was, I was just too tired to work. Yeah, monday, monday I was. You know bad mental day. Plus, I'm still exhausted. And even the days I went to work it was like I'm going home at the first chance I get.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I am not and I'm still recovering.
Speaker 1:And you know, and I had told her to, was it Thursday, remember? I told her I was like we have a really long weekend. I'm going to need you to bring your A game. We don't need no fallen outs, we don't need no tantrums Like. And the thing is she was a rock star all through it, like she just enjoyed herself. I think her favorite part was that she got to wear makeup. She was so excited. She was like Mom, I have to wear competition makeup. And I was like yeah, you have to wear competition makeup. So, fyi, competition makeup is a black, brown smokey eye with false lashes, bronzer and highlight with red lipstick. It's ridiculous and our child is six years old.
Speaker 2:It's ridiculous what it is.
Speaker 1:She's six years old and I did a full little smokey eye with a false slash, a red lip. She had peachy cheeks with bronzer and highlighter. Nose highlight all of you above Okay. She had everything but foundational and I was like that's where I draw the line. I'm not doing the foundation.
Speaker 2:I will, I will. I will say that the highlight of the weekend was you. How much she enjoyed being on stage.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, she loved it. She, she loves being on stage Like you can.
Speaker 2:You couldn't tell everybody wouldn't watch her.
Speaker 1:Nope, not at all Like that. She loves, she loves being on stage. She likes being like um, I guess, for lack of bird of her, she likes being noticed. You know what I mean Like when she does something Goodbye, she likes me, she likes being noticed. But it just felt really good for me to see her be proud of herself, because every time she came off a stage she was like mom, did you see me? Did you see me? And I was like, yes, phoenix, I saw you. And I was like are you proud of yourself? And she was like yes, mom, I have to change. Come on, I have to change.
Speaker 2:What the outfit changes.
Speaker 1:Like, just imagine like a bunch of little girls, a bunch of little five and six year olds in the back, all trying to get changed at once. The next room over it's all like the preteens and the teenagers. That's what I forgot. All it's like all the women and all the girls.
Speaker 2:I forgot to send a bill to all them little to the mother. So all them little kids uh to ate my baby's meal. I'll be good Bye.
Speaker 1:Goodbye Tamille. My baby was hungry.
Speaker 2:Goodbye.
Speaker 1:And she shared her meal because they were all hungry and we, all of the moms, were telling them they couldn't eat, like we didn't let them like eat. We gave them snacks and stuff but we didn't want them to sit there and like pig out and eat and stuff, cause we had a lot to do and things were going really fast and we had to do outfit changes and all this and the stuff. So but yeah, it was fun, it was really good. I think that was one of the highlights of my week. But the other, uh, that was the only highlight. No, the highlight was our date, that was my biggest, the comedy show going to see Bruce Bruce.
Speaker 1:That was really fun. That was a highlight for me because I know Ms Strawberry Dacri, Because we got to have bubble time, we got to have time alone, which you know we are trying to make a priority this year.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to make a priority.
Speaker 1:He's trying to make a priority to make sure that we get back to our date nights and prioritize time together, which also takes me into today's topic.
Speaker 2:Cause when I get alone with her, I just can't believe that, when I actually get you by yourself. I remember that I actually like you.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's why it's so important, right? But, um, yeah, so that's pretty much what we'll be talking about today. Um, I came across a video.
Speaker 2:You just stopped touching me, though I knew you was going to do it.
Speaker 1:I came across a video on TikTok and um. It's something that we do our best to practice, but you know real life situations. It doesn't always happen. Uh, but go ahead and roll, roll the clip.
Speaker 3:Wow, roll it in your relationship, your children are not the number one priority, or should not be the number one priority. I was with a couple not long ago. They have, I think, four children and what the? What the man was saying is boy. I see all of this admiration for my kids, I see all of this love for my kids, but when it comes to me, she don't have no more bandwidth because she's not paying enough attention. And I think our kids, our children matter. Our children are important. I told you I got five of them. But let me tell you something in your relationship, your children are not the number one priority, or should not be the number one priority. Your relationship should be. I tell this to women, I tell it to men. Why? Because those children are going to grow up and those children are going to leave you. Those children are going to say bye-bye, they're going to say do this Right. And so you got to make sure that your relationship is the utmost priority in your relationship. In your relationship, your children.
Speaker 1:So I came across that clip and I was just thinking about. We've always said that. You know that was an agreement between the two of us that we would always prioritize our relationship, you know, in contrast with raising our child or whatever else we have going on in life. But what I have come to know is that that does not always happen. And even though those are our intentions and we do try to keep that at the forefront of our mind the day to day, life does interrupt that at times and then we have to go back and remind ourselves like okay, hey, we haven't been, we haven't been doing what we said we were going to do, which is prioritize our time together. And that usually becomes more prominent when we are either arguing a lot more or we're just not talking. You know as much, or he's getting on my nerves, I'm getting on his nerves, or we both become a little bit of like you know, isolation. So I was just thinking about that. I thought that was like a prime example of how this week was right.
Speaker 2:Right, Because I was thinking, like earlier in the week, like probably, I don't know, maybe Wednesday or Thursday, when I actually like I've been thinking, pondering about how I'm feeling, and I realized part of my issue was like I just feel like I'm stuck in simulation. It's like it's like every week's the same, it's rinse and repeat, and we just got, you know, we're just so used to the routine of basically living our lives around her schedule that it was like, you know, I had a moment where I was like I need to do something for myself, which I still haven't done. But it's like it's easy to get caught up in the routine of life and not focus on, you know, doing the, you know the self care or even the care for the relationship, and that's why, you know, I agree with you. I think this was a good topic for the week.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, like for me, one thing that kind of stuck out is when and here's the thing, this goes for both parties, both men and women, because I was feeling a small type of way when he was talking about ladies Listen, like he was only talking to women. But the same goals for both men and women. It needs to be a priority on both sides. But when he talked about like not having enough bandwidth right to have energy for your spouse and I remember us talking and you had made a comment about you're like I wish you could love me, like you love her All the time.
Speaker 2:All the time. You are so patient, you're loving, you're understanding, you're caring, you embrace her. Oh God, stop. You know you're just there to be what she needs from you.
Speaker 1:But I'm her mother, I'm not your mother.
Speaker 2:And I don't want you to mother me. I just want you to be there when I need my wife. I am no, you're not. You're dealing with her or you're tired.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's what he was talking about. I like the bandwidth.
Speaker 2:Or you're like yeah, babe, I'll do that for you If you can put the gun on my feet, if you massage my feet. If you massage me first, you know I can't come to you throughout the week and just ask something of you without you wanting something in return.
Speaker 1:Because here's the thing it's like no, and first of all, it's not always like that. So what you're not gonna do is to appear and be like it's always like that?
Speaker 2:What percentage would you put in? I'm not gonna put a percentage on it. Okay, that's gonna be high.
Speaker 1:Okay, 99% Okay. You know what your perception is, your reality. I'm not here to change it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Your perception is your reality. But when you had said like, oh, I wish you could love me like you love her, I felt two things One, I felt annoyed and the other was like. I felt a sense of like understanding Because what I have come to figure out, especially in our marriage and in our relationship being together for so long, A lot of the times we are both feeling the exact same thing, but because we don't talk about it, it feels like you're experiencing it by yourself and I experience it by myself.
Speaker 2:Right, so, oh, go ahead. But when I said that, what I was saying is is that I realized not joking, being completely honest I realized when you love her, it's unconditional. You love her regardless of how she makes you feel in that moment. There's a lot of times in the moment where you're upset with me, you don't want to do with me and you'll have nothing to do with me. I don't get that extended love I don't have. You don't always hand me unconditional love. It's if we're on good terms. The love is on good terms. If we're not on good terms, the love's not on good terms. But when it comes to our child that's why I said that it does she can literally pee you off to the utmost, and she has. And if she says, mommy, I'm hungry, or mommy, I want this, and you know it's something that she needs to survive, you're gonna get to it. You're gonna get to it. If I say the same thing, you know where the kitchen is.
Speaker 1:Don't with you really, really, really, Really.
Speaker 2:You ain't never said that to me Wait a minute.
Speaker 1:I've never cooked for you. Being mad at you, or I've never got you food. Being mad at you.
Speaker 2:Hold on, hold on. I didn't say never, that's odd. I didn't say never. I'm saying when you really in your feelings and you really don't know what to do with me, I still feed you if you're hungry. Babe, let's keep it real.
Speaker 1:I am trying to keep it real.
Speaker 2:Like my homeboy said, let's keep it a big.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's keep it a big. Like I said, your perception is your reality.
Speaker 2:Okay, so like I was saying Some things we just don't see the same. Like I was saying, for instance, like anytime I don't go to work.
Speaker 1:Have an attitude.
Speaker 2:You don't have an attitude, but I don't get the same level of love that day because you go. Well, you took the day off, I'm off too.
Speaker 1:The same level of love. What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Like I said, you be like well, you took the day off, so I'm taking the day off too, right Now? That's what you always say. You're home, so you can do this, this, whatever right, that's what you always say what did you do on Monday?
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, I'm asking you because you said this is what happens when you take a day off Monday. What?
Speaker 2:did you do on Monday? Monday was an outlier because-.
Speaker 1:No, what did you do on Monday?
Speaker 2:I laid in the bed and cried in the pillow most of the day.
Speaker 1:Did I bother you.
Speaker 2:Because, you know, I was mentally unstable.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. The question is yes or no. Did I bother?
Speaker 2:you? No, you did not bother me, oh, okay. But that was come on. Okay, that's why I'm a mental fire.
Speaker 1:That's usually. When you take a day off during the week, it's because it's of mental health. You don't just randomly take days off during the week from work. Maurice.
Speaker 2:Oh, now you got my government out here. See how suspicious she is.
Speaker 1:Right or wrong? Do you take random days off of work just for the hell of it? No, Okay, nine times out of 10,. When you take a day off from work, it's because of a mental health issue, or you need to like go to an appointment or something right, I gotta take care of something, okay and then when you're home like that, do I bother you? Do I ask you to do things? Do I ask you to do anything out of the normal things that you do Sometimes, like what?
Speaker 2:You'll ask me to do random things To do.
Speaker 1:What Random things, Babe. I don't Okay, right, All right babe, what'd you say? Your perception is your reality, it's your reality and I'm not necessarily here to change it. But any who back to what we were talking, about.
Speaker 2:I just wish you would love me like you love her. But I fully understand that I wish you would just remove the conditions.
Speaker 1:I understand that. But again, like I say, I am her mother, right, and I'm your husband and you are my husband. So I'm not gonna necessarily mother you because you don't want me to mother you, so it's gonna look different. Now can I be honest and say there are sometimes where I could be a little softer towards you, and I am mindful that I'm probably not being the most tender absolutely.
Speaker 2:Let me say this Absolutely. Let me say this. You know how you always say just because you're tired, don't excuse you from being a father.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't say that Right. Right, you say I say like parent or a parent, whatever. I mean that in general, I don't mean that just to say.
Speaker 2:So when I come home and I'm exhausted and she wants to play. You look at me like you. Better muster up some strength, Right.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So do you always muster up strength to be a wife.
Speaker 1:Yes, I do, or what?
Speaker 2:is it More than you?
Speaker 1:know Way more than you know Way hand on Bible. If I had 10 Bibles in front of me, the Lord knows, the Lord knows, and any married woman out there, any married woman out there, can attest to how many times you've had to muster up being a wife when you absolutely didn't have the strength to be Cause. It's the same as being a friend, it's the same as being a mom. I've had to muster up a lot of strength, a lot of mental bandwidth to do things that I either wasn't feeling at the time. To have conversations I didn't want to entertain at the time. To do things I frankly did not feel like doing at the time. Absolutely Okay, absolutely, without a doubt. Okay, 10 Bibles in front of me, we'll put my hand on top of them. Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying that sometimes you don't leave any gas in the tank for me.
Speaker 1:Okay, but, like I said, that also goes both ways. I didn't say that. So what I'm trying to say is is like back to even what I had said before. I think we both feel the same things at time, but because we don't talk about them in the moment, we're both having independent experiences, right? So, for instance, this week I wasn't having the greatest mental week either, but I had to put that mental issue that I was having to decide to ensure that you were okay, to make sure that you got a break, to not be disturbed, so you could be in the bed for however long you needed to, so that you could relax, decompress, have a moment to yourself. But my day didn't stop. My day didn't stop because I still had to. We both got her from school, but I still had to sit there and do homework. I still had to do bad time. I still had to do bad time. I still had to get clothes ready. I still had to get it. Like my day didn't stop. Do you understand what I'm saying when I say that?
Speaker 2:I did help you last night. I did bad time last night.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that you did do bad time last night and it exhausted you. I was, I was reading the, I was you almost put yourself to sleep.
Speaker 2:I was re. I read her like 12 pages of Harry Potter and I was putting myself to sleep.
Speaker 1:He was putting himself to sleep and I do that every single night. And not to mention she reads to me first. Okay, and now she's caught on to my trick where, when I read to her, I've been trying to pick short books, shorter books for her to read to me because, like, she reads pretty good for her age but nonetheless she still reads like kind of slower. So it makes like for a very long evening to get to bed because we do so much reading at night time. But, like I said, when, when you talk about or when he was talking about like not having enough bandwidth, that was, I feel like that was a prime example. Like Monday you didn't have it, you didn't have it in you to push past what you were experiencing with your own mental health.
Speaker 2:I had it all week.
Speaker 1:Okay, but what I'm saying is you didn't have. You didn't have enough in you, in your gas tank, to push past what your current experience was with your own mental health. Okay, whether my tank was full or empty, I still had to muster up the strength to get the things done that needed to be done with the house. So when you say like, oh yeah, when you, when you're home, I'm taking the day off too. It's like okay, if I don't do two or three things around here that day because you're at home, it's still 50 other things that still have to get done. Do you see what I mean? Like, can you, can you receive that? I hear what you're saying. It's not. It's not the same thing. It is not the same thing because again and I know we talked about this last episode as well I don't get to go in the room and lay in the bed and close the door. You could, no, no, I can't.
Speaker 2:If you block her out.
Speaker 1:you could no no, I can't Like. That's where. That's where the difference you, that's where the difference that you and I experience when especially when it comes to mental health, and that I really try to stress to you you went to the bedroom, you got in the bed and you stayed there. Nobody bothered you, nobody asked you to do anything.
Speaker 2:Hold on hold on, hold on hold on. Somebody bothered me.
Speaker 1:Nobody asked you to do anything. You didn't have to get out of the bed to do anything, I still had to be a dad. You didn't have to prepare dinner, you didn't have to do bedtime, you didn't have to go over homework, you didn't have to do 50 spelling words. That's a whole other issue. You didn't have to do 50 spelling words Like there was so many other things that you did not have to be concerned with because you were having an experience for yourself and I hold on hold on, and I was with you in supporting you to allow you to have that time.
Speaker 2:And I appreciate that. But, to be fair, the things that you were doing would be things you would have done whether I had been home or not.
Speaker 1:Okay, but you were home, so you still like you, you're really not, you're really not trying to really understand it. No, I understand what you're saying, because, just because you say that, those are things that you would still do if I wasn't at work, you being upstairs laying in the bed and me having to do those things. I understand what you're saying and you being away at work are two different things.
Speaker 2:I understand what you're saying. I was in proximity to help but incapable of helping or did not help. I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what? And then? So, on top of that, I'm just telling you how I rationalize it. Okay, and but I'm saying like, your feelings are 100% valid. Your feelings are 100% valid.
Speaker 2:You're not going to therapist me.
Speaker 1:Listen, your feelings are 100% valid. But what I'm trying to get you to understand and see is that, whether I had the mental capacity or not, I still again put my mental health to the side to support you and your mental health issue and still support our home and our child. So do you see where what I'm trying to?
Speaker 2:get you to understand. I see what you're saying. Okay that's all I want and, like I always say, I would not switch roles with you for all the money in the world.
Speaker 1:I do not. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Speaker 2:What you do is 10 times harder than what I do. You staying home, being a homemaker, raising this child and taking care of her. What you do is a lot, a lot, a lot more. Granted, I'm home what? Two and a half days? Or I can probably actually be in the house where I'm not working the 12, 13 hours a day. I'm not around enough to do what you do here and what I do here is insurmountable compared to what you do and I understand the toll that it takes on you because, like I always said, when I was out on disability, when she was like four, like between six months and a year and a half, and when I had her that time and you were working and I was here by myself with her, then she couldn't even move and I was like this is for the best. I wouldn't trade places with you. In a word, that's why, if you were to tell me today if you were to go back to work tomorrow, I understand it.
Speaker 1:Why am I going to back to work?
Speaker 2:tomorrow, because it is being a stay-at-home parent is rough.
Speaker 1:It's rough. I think they call it like being the default parent. It's rough, yeah, but anyway.
Speaker 2:Because, like you know, because it's funny, like the TikTok said, we could both be on this couch just like this. You don't come in here, and she'll come straight to me, she'll look me dead in my face and say mom, Well, I think that's what happened last night too, when you were reading to her. He didn't like it Because she stayed up the entire time.
Speaker 1:And then, after you finished reading, she said, oh, I got to go see mom. I heard that, yeah, she was like I got to go see mom and you were like, no, you need to go to bed. And she was like, oh, no, but I got to tell mom we finished Harry Potter.
Speaker 2:I am cemented as the fun parent.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, whose fault is that?
Speaker 2:It's mine baby, it's good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause that's exactly what you said I wanted to be, wanted to be, but I'm also it's a whole nother topic.
Speaker 2:But I'm also. But don't come on, I am the fun parent, but I will put my foot down.
Speaker 1:And, but imagine how confusing that is for your child.
Speaker 2:It's not confusing at all because she understands we have a conversation, just like we had a conversation today, and she understood.
Speaker 1:I think we got a little bit off track.
Speaker 2:We did Go ahead and get back to it. But anything but we're talking this out right now and we're putting our relationship first right now.
Speaker 1:It's real life, guys. It's why it's called life after I do. Real life, real marriage discussions. Okay, this is real stuff.
Speaker 2:I ain't gonna say no to this. I ain't gonna say no to this.
Speaker 1:This is real stuff. What do you mean? You ain't gonna say no to this.
Speaker 2:How many do you need me to?
Speaker 1:Goodbye. But yeah, so Goodbye, daddy, goodbye, that's Phoenix. Prioritizing your relationship is really crucial, and especially when you have kids, and I think with setting boundaries with your kids is a good thing as well, because you also wanna be role models for them, right? Our whole goal, too, is to role model, showcase healthy interactions and healthy relationships for our child, and that also includes setting boundaries.
Speaker 1:So, like when we leave, or like when we left on Saturday, she was like after dinner we took her out for like a celebratory dinner and I was like oh, yeah, I gotta go home and I gotta change. And you were like oh, what are we gonna wear? And blah, blah, blah. And she was looking at us and she was like wait, where are you guys going? And I was like daddy and I are going to a comedy show. And she was like are you going on a date? And we were like yeah, phoenix, we're going on a date. Oh, I wish I could go on a date.
Speaker 1:And I was like well, you are going on a date, you and Granny are gonna be at home together. Because my mom came down to watch her and I was like you and Granny are gonna be at home together and you can stay up a little bit late if you want to, because you don't have school or practice tomorrow, so you and Granny can have like a movie day and you can get snacks and stuff like that. And she was like, oh okay, but it's those little moments like I want her to see that as normal. You know what I mean, like my parents did things that didn't involve me, and as she becomes of dating age or she gets married, that's something that she can implement with her children too. I think another thing like when we talk about boundaries one that just really came up because I know it's a challenge for us and I'm sure we're not the only people that experienced this challenge is children coming to get in your bed.
Speaker 2:It ain't just the bed, it's the whole damn room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, except. But you know what I feel like that's also partly our fault.
Speaker 2:Those are ours.
Speaker 1:No, no, it's partly our fault. Now, granted, she has an entire bedtime ritual. Phoenix will go to bed in her bed, in her room, like we do prayers we read. She'd be nice and tired. She'd go to sleep about two, three o'clock in the morning maybe, when we're both like in REM sleep and we don't even know or notice half the time that she has come back into our bedroom and into our room. We'll wake up in the morning and she's like in the middle of the bed, or one of us will get smacked in the face or kicked in the back, or she doesn't like cover, so she sleeps on top of the cover and when we try to readjust during the night and pull the cover, it's like a huge heavy weight. And that's how we know. Phoenix is in the bed and she has this thing where, like I mean, it's like clockwork. It's like clockwork Three o'clock in the morning, she's in the bed. If we close the door, she'll knock. She'll come in Half of the time.
Speaker 1:I don't have the energy to get back out of bed to keep putting her. I've done that, been there, done that the whole. Put her back when she come in. Put her back when she come in. I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2:And all I'll be thinking about. I gotta get them to go to the gym a couple of hours.
Speaker 1:And I gotta get and I get. Then when you go, I gotta get up so I can get the day started. I gotta get breakfast. Go on lunch packs Like I don't have the energy to keep putting this child back in her damn bed, okay.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you one night we should just get up and come downstairs. It would freak her out, she would lose her mind.
Speaker 1:If she wakes up in the bed and she's by herself.
Speaker 2:No, if she walks in our room and we're not in there.
Speaker 1:She'll go where are my parents? That's how she now, that's how she get us y'all, she get us with I just, I just want my parents. What did I do? Oh, that's the worst. She will go to her room and she'll be like what did I do? And we'd be like girl, this is your room, this is your bed. But that's another thing that we do kind of struggle with a little bit is like not getting her. To sleep in her bed, getting her to stay there till the next morning.
Speaker 2:First of all you gotta understand. She says that's not her room, that's her playroom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she said I play in there and I was like no man. But here's the crazy part Like she has no problems taking naps in her room, she has no problem going to bed, Like at night in her room it's just getting up at like 3am to come get back in hours.
Speaker 2:But it's not just the room. She use our bathroom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she brushes her teeth in our bathroom.
Speaker 2:She washes her face.
Speaker 1:She wants to shower in our shower. I'd be like Phoenix, like that's what I let her shower in our shower like every once in a while. But that's that's where I'd be like trying to draw the line, because I'd be like Phoenix, this is not your bedroom. You have to understand that this is daddy and I space.
Speaker 2:I have a Uber address in there. Bye.
Speaker 1:And then every time I threatened I always tell her I was like I'm just going to take your room and it's going to be my craft room. She like, pitches a fit. She always pitches a fit.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you we should empty that room one day. Why don't you ask Google?
Speaker 1:Well, when we change her room around like we'll like leave it, just leave it. Yeah, just leave it empty for a little bit.
Speaker 2:I'm down, you ain't down.
Speaker 1:I'm so down, she would flip out. She would flip her frequently.
Speaker 2:And this is how we're putting ourselves first, because we're going to get enjoyment out of watching her flip out.
Speaker 1:And we? We're just going to stand back and let the emotion all damage.
Speaker 2:Because I'm going to empty it, I'm going to go get paint and everything.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're changing it up and cause she'll walk in the room. She'll go where's all my stuff? In the garage? In the garage you don't. You don't need your room anymore. You said you don't want a bedroom, you want to be in our room.
Speaker 1:It's mommy's room now, yeah, I'm going to move all my stuff in here and then you can sleep. We even bought a cot, just FYI. We bought a cot to put on the side of our bed for when she comes in in the middle of the night, just so that she doesn't get in our bed. Facts Recommendation of her doctor. Her doctor told me let her sleep at the front of your door, she said. She let her kick, let her scream, let her holler, she said, but don't let her in whatsoever. And she told her, if she wants to sleep with you, the closest she's going to get is sleeping at your door. And I was like I can't let my baby sleep at the door.
Speaker 2:I can't let her sleep at the door. I just can't let her yell because I got to sleep.
Speaker 1:Cause you got, and that's the thing about it. It's like if you go through all of that motion, you're not going to get any rest anyway. So, like, what's the point? But, like I said, going to getting her down to sleep, not a problem, like that's part of it. But now that I think about it, now that I say it out loud, her getting up at that time too is part of the ritual, that's part of her routine, and I think that's why her biological clock keeps waking her up at that moment.
Speaker 1:Because that's what, like that's her routine too. You know, like our routine is bath time, prayers, reading, going to sleep. That's why she doesn't have a problem going down. And then it's like, when her body wakes up, it's like her body saying, okay, now it's time to go get a mommy and daddy's bed. It is what it is. So, but yeah, so, although it is a challenge sometimes, it is our intentions to try to keep like prioritizing us and prioritizing our marriage by spending time together, by continuously trying to have engaging conversations. I know, like for me, conversation is a really big thing. That's a really big thing, and I know with you it may not be as big of a thing, because I can see it in your eyes sometimes how annoyed you'd be getting when I'd be talking too much to you.
Speaker 2:You'd be looking at me like it's not that you talk too much, it's just you be talking about nonsense.
Speaker 1:I just talk about everything that.
Speaker 2:I don't care about.
Speaker 1:I think I conversation dump on you.
Speaker 2:You do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, our conversation dump on you.
Speaker 2:But we have a conversation on Saturday I don't even know what we're talking about. Hey, remember what we were talking about.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about when we were at the club. I mean, aside from you getting bagged on like every seven minutes, it's cool. So Bruce, bruce can't call him a sucker.
Speaker 2:You ain't got it, that's enough.
Speaker 1:Bruce, bruce, can't call him a sucker.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Like every seven minutes because we wore matching sweaters. We wore matching sweatshirts to the comedy club and we sat directly in the front, directly next to the stage. So as soon as Bruce Bruce rocked on stage, he was like his eyes zeroed right in on Maurice and our sweaters were purple so you couldn't miss us. But everything he was saying he kept referring to Maurice and he'd be like, unless you was a sucker, so that was that was really fun, that was that was really good time. It was a really good time.
Speaker 1:So, and I can't wait for our next day day, but any who? Yeah, so, prioritizing the time, I mean it's. It's not always easy to do in theory, like when you hear things like that online or you come across a post like that, a lot of relationship podcasts and things like that will make similar comments, but it's not all. It's not always easy, it's not always practical in the moment, but I do think it is something that every couple should be mindful of and should be like, intentional about because, like we said earlier, we notice a lot of the things rise from when we start feeling disconnected, and we start feeling disconnected because we don't make our relationship a priority.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's all about you know, like we always say, doing the work.
Speaker 1:Is that part of doing the work?
Speaker 2:It is, it's rough.
Speaker 1:What's so rough about it?
Speaker 2:It's rough, it's rough because you get so caught up in the day to day schedule and when you have a child that's active as ours, Our schedule. She got a full time job. She does.
Speaker 1:She does.
Speaker 2:Modes, for a person knows what Jesus is about.
Speaker 1:All right, I think that was really good babe.
Speaker 2:Was it.
Speaker 1:I feel like we worked through.
Speaker 2:Did we yeah, did we help the people, or are we trying to help ourselves?
Speaker 1:It's always a two-way street. We do this for you and for us guys. It's for you and for us so that you guys have to know that you are not alone. These things that you're experiencing your relationship is not the only one that is experiencing it.
Speaker 2:For Shigetty.
Speaker 1:It is not always going to be peaches and cream. We've been together 22 years. If you think during that time I haven't got on his nerves, or if he ain't got on my nerves.
Speaker 2:I've been a delight the whole time.
Speaker 1:That's a lie. That's a whole lie. You really shouldn't even sit up on these cameras and microphones and fib. It's been a while since you've been gone, not this again we went to a Jodhesee concert last year and ever since then he's literally been playing that song, probably every day.
Speaker 2:Because I can't get the look of Casey. Oh they have a residency.
Speaker 1:In case you guys didn't know, they are going to have a residency in Vegas. We should go. I'm going to go. Yeah, we should go.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go, I'm going to look at that facial expression.
Speaker 1:Goodbye. You're so silly, hold on.
Speaker 2:Is Coco going to be there?
Speaker 1:I don't think so. Is Jazz going to be there? Yeah, from Drew Hill.
Speaker 2:I don't know who that is.
Speaker 1:Just really side note. I didn't know that my husband was a jealous man. He usually isn't, but apparently he felt some type of way that I like.
Speaker 2:Jazz, we're sitting next to me screaming this man's name, like you wanted to go home with him. It was Jazz.
Speaker 1:It was Jazz.
Speaker 2:I'm good he can have her.
Speaker 1:He was like he was like he was, like you are, so for the streets, I was like what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:He was ready to bust it open for Jazz. See how she didn't deny it. You saw how she didn't deny it. See how it Now. Last week, when I said she wanted to be a whore, she cast something to say about that real quick. But when I said she wanted to bust open for Jazz. This is part about doing the work. Sometimes you've got to realize that maybe your wife ain't your wife, maybe she's for the streets.
Speaker 1:You just said I was for the streets again.
Speaker 2:It's been a while since you've been home.
Speaker 1:I love you, debell.
Speaker 2:You know how tired Cisco looks like he was about to have a heart attack up here, Like he said.
Speaker 1:What did he say?
Speaker 2:He said we old he said listen we old.
Speaker 1:Cisco was not playing. Cisco was like listen, I know y'all want to see them flip. He said listen we old. Okay, it is not the same.
Speaker 2:He said our two steps of game is strong.
Speaker 1:It's right. It's like 14 damn members of Drew Hill so weird. Let's get on to it. Moving into the next segment of our two cents guys. Okay, so this one, this one I want to get your opinion about. Okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, Lori, it must be some mess.
Speaker 1:So it just says needed vice. The guy I'm talking to doesn't like my body. Okay, this is how I talk to him. So she said recently she started talking to a guy at her job and things have been going along okay. But he made a comment that he's never been able to tell what my body looks like. I wear scrubs at work at large lab coats. I also tend to wear loose, fitting, modest clothes.
Speaker 1:On a couple of the dates that we've hung out, he said he doesn't really try to focus on my body, but the topic came up since I've been trying to get back into the gym. My mother passed in November and I've since put on a lot of weight, which I'm now trying to lose. He, on the other hand, is very tall, extremely fit and is honestly very insecure and obsessive about his own body. So I sent him a few pictures of my body that I had saved in my phone they were not news Just for him fitting clothes and his response was disheartening. He said he didn't know what to make of my body and that it didn't turn him on. Nor did it turn him off.
Speaker 1:But since he hasn't been with the woman who has my body type or a body like mine, then he can't imagine being with me. It just made me feel like shit and I had to get off the phone. No one owes me attraction or anything, but I was enjoying our connection, since it's been one of the brighter things I've experienced, with everything I have going on, and now I just feel like I'm undesirable and I'm a lump of poo. I don't know if I should talk to him or just drop it. I don't know if it's a red flag, I just don't know. I need advice.
Speaker 2:Lump of poo. I mean I honestly, I think he was being honest with you. I don't think he knows how to feel, I don't think he's made a determining factor and the thing about it is like, if I mean, you know, our body's changed, lord knows. I was not this size when she met me, so I can't say that just what she was attracted to.
Speaker 1:I mean, but they're, they're, they're in the beginning stages. Like they just gone out on a few days. They see each other at work.
Speaker 2:Here's the thing it is. It is very plausible that he is intellectually very attractive to you and that intellectually and through conversation, and maybe even you guys have the same beliefs and moral system. All that and a lot of times I I personally feel that women focus too much on the physical because a lot of times, like I always say, a good personality will cancel out that physical in a heartbeat, because what would if the other stuff is right? If it's just physical appearance, like you know, body, that's that's always something that you can work on. You can always go to the gym, lose the weight, sculpt the body, whatever the case may be, if that's something that you want to do.
Speaker 2:So I know as, and my personal experience it's if I can't have a conversation with you and feel like we are connecting mentally, then the physicality, the physicality, don't matter because it's going to be short lived. You, I may be attracted to you physically, but if, if the mental connection is not there, then it's, it's all for naught. So I would say it's not necessarily in my eyes, I would say it's not necessarily a done deal. I understand how you may be insecure or physical type of way about his response, but at the end of the day he was being honest with you. So if you want him to be honest and vulnerable with you in the future, if you intend on to continue to pursue this, you're going to have to take it for what it is, and you know, sorry, like well, like like most men do, sometimes you have to.
Speaker 2:You take your lumps and you keep walking. But you have to decide on what it is you want to do Now. You can either take this information and you can either pursue a, a better physical form, or you could take the information or go where where someone will appreciate you in your current form. But if that's up, that's completely up to you. I don't think that he was necessarily wrong with being honest with you. I just think that when you ask for honesty from someone, you need to be prepared If what is returned is not what it's not what you're expecting.
Speaker 1:Okay, Well said, I think, a couple of things. First of all, she didn't ask for his response on his body. It came. The conversation came up because she had, I guess, mentioned that she had been going back to the gym and it's something that he's noticed that he's never really seen like her true body form or whatever. And he said that he can't imagine being with someone who has her body, her body like the way she looks currently, right. So obviously he's been enjoying the connection, as has she, like she mentioned. They both have been joined and haven't been enjoying each other's company and each other's connection. And now that he's seen her body in more form, fitting clothing, now he's like it doesn't turn me off, but it definitely doesn't turn me on either. And his words I can't imagine being with someone with your body, Okay.
Speaker 2:So just because you can't imagine something. To me it's not possible.
Speaker 1:Right. But here's the thing, this is what I'm saying. When she's like, should she stop talking to him, should she like continue talking, should it be a red flag? I will say a couple of things. First of all, however he felt about your body, those are his feelings, you know. If he can't imagine being with somebody with your body type, it is what it is. That's his opinion, right? I also want to say that to some people, when we talk about, like, dating people and we always talk about the things that are small issues now you overlook them and then you get with this person or you get married, and then it becomes a bigger issue. Already you guys aren't even dating and he's already saying that he can't imagine being with somebody with your body.
Speaker 2:And if you're saying that you've packed on some weight but you're still trying to lose it, I mean, if you were Did she say she sent the pictures of how she used to look?
Speaker 1:She sent him pictures of her in form-fitting clothing. She said that she has gained some weight.
Speaker 2:Send us the pictures, I'll let you know.
Speaker 1:She's gained some weight because she lost her mother back in November, so she's probably been feeling a little down and depressed.
Speaker 2:I understand that.
Speaker 1:And so she's packed on some weight. But I say all that to say just like, when you are with somebody and you're like them, having a good career is a deal breaker for you or them. Living at home is a deal breaker for you. For some people, the way you carry yourself in your health and fitness, that can be a deal breaker for somebody, and I don't necessarily think he or anybody else, whether it's man or woman, woman would necessarily be an asshole for taking something like that into consideration. I don't know, right. So my thing is let's just say, for argument's sake, because we don't know how big she is, right, let's just say for argument's sake, let's just say that she's like my size. For argument's sake, ok.
Speaker 1:And then I say bye and I sent him a picture of me in form-fitting clothing and he's like I can't be with somebody with your body type, ok. Well, what if we continue and we keep going Right? Or what if I lose all the weight? We maintain a connection. This gets more serious. We get married and I start gaining weight during the marriage and it's like but the weight is a deal breaker for you. Yeah, that's a good point, you know what I'm saying. So it's like yes, I can understand how that would make her feel bad, but you already said yourself that you're going to the gym to work on losing the weight. But do that for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and let's not act like happy. Weight is a thing.
Speaker 1:Right, yes, it is a thing, but I guess I'm just saying all of that to say that, as hard as it probably was to hear him say that to you, it's the truth, that's his truth.
Speaker 1:But don't take that so internally like there is something wrong with you, because you already know that it's something that you don't even like. Because you said yourself that you've been getting back into the gym so that you can lose the weight, because you're obviously not at your normal weight, because you've gained some unexpected weight, because you've experienced hardship in your life. But you also need to think about having that in the back of your mind, that this is something that's potentially a deal breaker for him. So would you really want to continue trying to foster a relationship with the person who this is a deal breaker for, if you're this sensitive to it? Because if you lose the weight and now he's like, yeah, you look good, this is it. What happens if you can't maintain it, what happens if you go through another hardship and you start gaining weight when you need his support, but then he's repulsed by you because you've gained weight?
Speaker 2:I'm also a big advocate of go where you're celebrated and not tolerated.
Speaker 1:Right. I mean, everybody's physical form goes through a lot of things. Some people are more mentally aware of it than others. For fitness and health and working out is a big priority. It should be everyone's priority, but it's an even bigger priority for some people because that is truly a lifestyle for them and there is nothing wrong with that. And not choosing to reengage or continue to engage with someone who doesn't have that same level of care when it comes to fitness, I don't think is wrong, that's all I would say. So I would just say reconsider if this is a deal breaker for him, and it's something that you're super sensitive about, knowing all of the changes that your body is going to continue to go through because she is 23, he's 25. So they're young. Your body is going to go through a hell of a lot more. She's old, 23 and he's 25.
Speaker 2:Oh look, baby, you ain't hit the most.
Speaker 1:Right. So your body is going to go through a whole hell of a lot more just in the next 10 to 15 years.
Speaker 2:Especially once you're dropping kids. So you're going to drop them.
Speaker 1:So I'm just saying but anywho, that's our two cents.
Speaker 2:I would also say Sorry, I left you.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Ok, if you're not already following us on TikTok, instagram, facebook, youtube, you can follow us at Life After I Do podcast. That is Life After I Do podcast. Like, follow, subscribe, comment. You can also write us at LifeAfterIDoPodcast at gmailcom, Remember you get a new episode every single. Wednesday OK, every single Wednesday, tune in on all your digital streaming platforms. Tune in and follow us and like us and comment on YouTube. Yeah, all of that good jazz, but until next week, guys, peace.
Speaker 2:Baby, won't you just stay?