This week we are back with 'Our 2 Cents'. From financial dependency to identity struggles, they share laughter, vulnerability, and tears. Celebrate family victories and joys, navigate through ethical dilemmas, infidelity, and rebuilding trust.
This week we are back with 'Our 2 Cents'. From financial dependency to identity struggles, they share laughter, vulnerability, and tears. Celebrate family victories and joys, navigate through ethical dilemmas, infidelity, and rebuilding trust.
So have to think about, like some women that are in positions like that, right, you have children that you really heavily consider. You don't want to split your children's house up, right Then. You've been financially dependent on this man for however long. I don't. I don't controls your finances Like you.
Speaker 2:You think, you think it's very black and white.
Speaker 1:Hey everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I am your host, anisha G, and I'm here with my husband.
Speaker 2:Your husband. What's your respect for my name Every week?
Speaker 1:My husband.
Speaker 2:Molito.
Speaker 1:Hey babe.
Speaker 2:All right, that's my daughter, so it's Molito.
Speaker 1:Molito she goes. That's that, he's Molito.
Speaker 2:Hey Bo.
Speaker 1:Hi, how's it going?
Speaker 2:It's going.
Speaker 1:How's your week?
Speaker 2:Great.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, he decided to surprise us.
Speaker 2:It was great.
Speaker 1:It was great. What made it great?
Speaker 2:When we work three days.
Speaker 1:And you got to spend time with your family.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a good part. I'll see you all the time I was just having to be home, I got to enjoy the amenities I pay for monthly. I appreciate that. Wow, I also got to go to the gym with my wife, but that's always fun. She's in there being a little weak B so.
Speaker 1:Really, yeah, I can't. Really. Yeah, I hit a new high today and you're not like it should have been a low, but you didn't say. You didn't say like great job. I had eyes in the gym today and you still didn't say like good job, babe. You're like, yeah, you're still being a weak bitch, yeah.
Speaker 2:Good one, heavier.
Speaker 1:And, fyi, he don't call me bitch. I tell him this is the inner dialogue that I have with myself when I'm not pushing myself with my weight training and I call myself a weak bitch. So now it's like an ongoing kind of like joking thing with us. When he sees that I'm not like really pushing myself with my sense, he'd be like don't be up here being a weak bitch. So that's what he just Just FYI, before people be like oh damn you, let him call you a bitch, it's not like that.
Speaker 2:I call you whatever I want to call you, even with Bobby.
Speaker 1:You guys, you guys Don't, don't let this man get up here.
Speaker 2:I call you what I want to call, but anyway, yes, I think that was the.
Speaker 1:That was like my favorite part too. I love when we can go to the gym together. We have a lot of fun at the gym together.
Speaker 2:I love the work.
Speaker 1:It's actually. It's actually one of our favorite things to do together is go to the gym. And then I also love, like, when we do like family things, family activities, like yesterday we took a family walk. She rode her bike.
Speaker 2:You know I ain't walking, I'm going to get my bike.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we was like. We was like OK, phoenix, we have a little bit of time, like you know, in the evening. Thursday. She doesn't have anything really going on on Thursdays. We usually do our most of our studying and stuff. And so we were like, let's just take a family walk so we can get some family exercise and we can get some evening exercise. And she was like, ok, I'll ride my bike. She met that we were like OK, it was a family walk. And she was like no, I'm going to ride my bike.
Speaker 2:And she met that.
Speaker 1:So, but that was fun. What else, well, what else was the highlight of your week?
Speaker 2:My daughter got a cannon. I put her arm. Yeah, I played catch with her yesterday. Oh my gosh, she, she's not accurate.
Speaker 1:Not by any means. But I said maybe that's fun. She put it in softball because she was like dad, I want to hit the ball to us and I'm that even to be chasing the balls.
Speaker 1:We'll probably have to explore a season of like well, she's not too young to do T-ball, right? I don't know, I have to see what age that is. I'll have to look something up and see if I can find it. But you know, like she's just at this age, we just, we just want her to be able to do it, be able to explore all the things that she thinks she's interested in. You know, like she thought she was interested in soccer. So that's what we did. She found out soccer is not her game of choice. So now she's like showing an interest in, like you know, I guess, softball, baseball, whatever. So we're going to try to explore that, see if we can fit that in somewhere.
Speaker 1:If she decides to give up, probably dance, we'll see, we'll see how it goes, but yeah, just making sure she's exposed to as many things as possible. But yeah, so my week, my week, was good. It's always nice having you home, you being able to be in the thick of the routine and stuff. It's the thick of it, even though like, ok, so it was funny. So on Wednesdays she has tap dance, right, and so this was like, actually this was the first practice you've been to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the first. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:But it just dawned on me. So this was the first practice he's ever been to right. And then, of course, we're getting ready for competition and recital this weekend. So the studio right now is kind of like a little mini madhouse. It's a mini madhouse right now. There's sewing machines everywhere, there's heat presses everywhere, there's like thousands of costumes. You know. All the moms are full on deck Rhinestoning pants. Like the studio is crazy and all of the dancers are in the studio because we have competition and recital this week. So he walks in and of all days and I tried to tell him like, even getting him there, I was like you're not the only dance dad that's there. Like there's other dance dads that are there, you know. But of all days we get to dance and none of the dance dads are there. And so Maurice walks in and he's looking and he's like it's a madhouse in here.
Speaker 2:And I'm like tell them what I said.
Speaker 1:What did you say? He said it was a madhouse.
Speaker 2:And then I walked out.
Speaker 1:Oh, and he left because he was like it's too many ovaries and plus because, like all the, all the girls, like all the you know the little girls, all the way to the teenage girls, they all have dance attire on. So a lot of dance attire is, like, you know, brawlets and like Leotards. There's enough space and, you know, brief pants, really short shorts, two pieces.
Speaker 2:So I wasn't really paying attention, right, because I was. I was, I was reading my manga, because I'm reading my manga heavy, it's going hard, right. So I was, I was in my phone reading, reading, and I and I and I realized you would walk the outside.
Speaker 1:I stepped outside, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then Phoenix had walked away because her class was starting. So I looked up and I was like and I started, I was like wait, this looks weird. I'm the only grown man in here. But I said let me get out of here. I was, and that's when I walked out. I was like yes, too many ovaries.
Speaker 1:He was like baby it's too many ovaries and too many like.
Speaker 2:I don't want no issues. I don't want no problems. I don't want to be naked girls just running around. I don't want to body feel uncomfortable. I'm just going to sit in the car, that's like I said, it's not like that.
Speaker 1:Usually the dads are here, like literally, the dads are there all the time too, because, like, they help out and then, like some of them have little. So the way it is, it's when, if your kids are like cuties and under which is, like you know, the little kids the parents are allowed in the studio, like during practice, but all of the older kids, their parents like, are not allowed in the studio. So, like when she moves up to the next bracket, for next season, for a season eight, I won't be able to be in the studio anymore. The only time I'm going to be in the studio is if I'm working on costumes or like helping, you know, prepare for competition or something like that. So that's why we're able to be in the studio. And all the other moms were there Because, like I said, they're getting ready for a comp and recital this weekend, so it had to be all hands on deck getting all of these. Huh.
Speaker 2:You'd refer comp.
Speaker 1:They're getting ready for comp. So what? Why are you making fun of me?
Speaker 2:I'm a veteran in the game, Anyway so they were.
Speaker 1:You know, hot glue and rhinestone and all of the above, but it was just funny, you can't do, I will say those chucks for fire. The chucks Chucks for fire. So there's a, there's a dance that the I think it's hip hop or jazz that's doing, and they're wearing nipsey. I call it nipsey blue now, but the blue like nipsey blue.
Speaker 2:Nipsey was a crew, I know that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I call them the, I call it nipsey blue. Now Nipsey blue chucks and they're all like bedazzled and rhinestone like beautifully. So when we walked in there was like a long table and it had all the girls shoe set up. It was like 20 girls, 30 girls worth of Chuck Taylor's like lined up and he walks in and he was like those are hard.
Speaker 2:Chuck wouldn't have known how to.
Speaker 1:Like them as hard, and just think each stone that was put on that shoe was done by hand, one by one.
Speaker 2:Good for them. Good thing on my part of that lifestyle.
Speaker 1:That's what he said.
Speaker 2:He was like he's like and you want to do this.
Speaker 1:You do it for the children, ok, so yeah, but other than that it was a really good week, happy to have you home. We got a pretty busy weekend, so that should be fun. Can't wait to talk about how that, how all that goes. Next week We'll see on next week's episode. On next week's episode we'll let you know how the weekend went. So yeah, but today I'm really excited because today is our reaction episode day, so we're going to get into all the fun stuff of the reactions and give our opinions and have some open dialogue and it's fun to be some shit.
Speaker 1:I think it's going to be too terrible. Ok, well, let's just get into it and see how we go. Let's start off with the first one. Ok, our two cents guys are two cents, okay.
Speaker 1:This one says I miss my bachelorette days and my freedom. I'm a 36 year old female and I have two kids. My oldest is eight and youngest is three. I am touched out and burned out and over stimulated. I have been breastfeeding for eight years straight. I've been married for nine years in a relationship with my then boyfriend, now husband, for six years prior to marriage. My husband and I are incompatible. We are complete opposites of each other. We've had some serious rough periods of our lives quote-unquote toxic verbal abuse that separation should have been the answer to our problems. I missed out on dating other people. I've met others who made me think that would have been more compatible with me, but I missed out on that as well. I've met others who are good listeners, good with asking intelligible questions, that I super enjoy having good conversation with. But I also missed out on that because I was already in a relationship.
Speaker 1:I Miss going out and not having to worry about coming home at 12 pm Because a toddler has to be put to nap. I miss being held up in my own place for days on end without worrying about anything except what I'm gonna eat and what I have To study next. I miss going out with my friends and partying. I miss so many things in my youth that had that. I can never get back. I don't have any friends anymore. I just want to go out and have fun, but I also just want to stay home for years and not be bombarded with mommy, mommy, mommy and so much noise. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 2:Let me ask you this first Do you want me to be?
Speaker 1:serious Maurice. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:Do you want me to be I?
Speaker 1:Want you to be yourself with it. I know I want you to be yourself.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Because this is like this. This is like a real case scenario, like what are your real thoughts about it?
Speaker 2:number one. I felt like there's a couple things. It's a multiple things. One, I thought she's overstimulated with the kids. She needs a break To. She's lacking excitement, meaning that her husband's not providing her with a level of excitement. So there's not.
Speaker 2:Like you said, it's probably either not in the budget or there's no time because of the children, but there's no. There's not enough date nights or not enough in a. There's not enough bubble time, as we call it right. Secondly, it feels like she's reflecting on her decisions and she's not. She doesn't approve of her choices and that's never gonna lead down a good path.
Speaker 2:Like you have to just deal with what's going on at hand. So I would say that she needs to communicate with her husband to try to rectify that because, like we, I always say, just because you're married for ten years don't mean is ten years of happiness, are 30 years or 40 or whatever the case may be. There are going to be years. We just gonna look across from when you just ain't gonna like who you looking at that that's just the case, case in point. So I think this is something where I don't say I wouldn't say necessary separate, but I would say possibly, like have a conversation, maybe go get some counseling, and then, obviously, you guys just need to be in a situation where it's just you and your, your husband, because you she grabbed it, you gravitated towards them for a reason you know. So just rediscover that reason.
Speaker 1:Okay, now for me, being a mom who's in a similar situation, I Will say this. This immediately made me think about after I had given birth to Phoenix, and do you remember me Saying and I even think I made it a Facebook post. I did make it a Facebook post.
Speaker 2:It's me and me.
Speaker 1:I just miss. I just missed me. I just miss me because I think what I gather from what she's saying there's a loss of identity. There's only mom, there's only wife, there is nothing that she has of her own, that she feels like she has of her own right. So then, what do you start doing? You start thinking about what your life was before you were mommy, before you were wife, right Before you had to be a caregiver to everybody, before everybody depended on you to like Get through the day or do certain things. She's lost her identity, and that's really easy to do because you get so wrapped up in your family and that's extremely easy to do.
Speaker 1:Now, what I would say is I think that and like I say personally when, when I think, when I sit and I think about like, how, like what she says about missing the partying, missing being in your house by Yourself and not having to come out, like I remember there was days, especially before we had Phoenix and you would go to work, I would be in the house by myself like all day, practically right, and those were some of like the best times just to be in the house by myself to watch what I wanted to watch, to Be on the couch or go out and do what it just to have my mind.
Speaker 1:I was going out the, the, but it's just to have my me time right, like I wasn't obligated, just to you know, making sure that a kid was taken care of or just making sure I was meeting your needs, like there was a self identity, there was something that I had for myself. What I think has happened now is that she has lost sight of Trying to fill up her own cup. She has lost sight of trying to focus on herself. So when she talks about, like, how she has no friends, she's also isolated right. So there is not like where she can call up a friend and be like hey, like, let's do lunch.
Speaker 2:I wish we had like, does she not work?
Speaker 1:I don't. I don't think she did she say, no, she did it, she didn't say. But I mean whether she works or not, the whole self identity thing, I think, is what the main Aspect about this is. You know what I'm saying, and I don't think that she's regretting necessarily regretting her decisions to be a wife and to be a mother, but she's so wrapped up in the identity of being a wife and a mother that she doesn't know what her identity is anymore and she just yearns for a little piece of what was before, instead of learning and knowing and understanding now that you can still have that. But you're gonna have to, you're gonna have to work at Creating that and it's gonna take a little bit of work and it's gonna take a little bit of time. So, whether that being like telling your husband like hey, just so you know, every Thursday we need to try to work it into the budget where the kids can be, you know, with such and such for an hour or two hours or whatever, or like you know, so you go out, you meet new friends and it's like every Friday, you think we can work it into the budget where I can go have lunch with my friend, like you just have to do things that fill your cup. That is only for you. It doesn't have to be With your husband, it doesn't have to be with your kids, it's just something that feels your cup.
Speaker 1:Now, when it comes to, like, the relationship with her husband, where she's talking about, she feels like they're really incompatible. Just because you're incompatible doesn't mean that you're not necessarily a good fit. Right, because I'm pretty sure there was something that you that attracted you to him in the first place. But when you lost your own identity, you got wrapped up in being mom and and wife. He got wrapped up in being husband and father. So it almost doesn't. You may not think that he's probably experiencing the same thing, but he definitely probably is experiencing the same thing and you both are sitting independently Having dialogues within your head, instead of coming together and saying like, hey, this is how I'm feeling. Hey, it really means a lot to me if we can lay down at night and have an intellectual conversation, like I don't feel that I'm being mentally stimulated, like those things are super, super important. You know what I mean. Like I like when we can lay down and I may not know a lot about politics or whatever, but it's it's. It's gratifying having those types of conversations with you. You know what I'm saying. It's gratifying having conversations that don't pertain to what bills we got to pay, where we got to be, what she got to do, what's going on, you, with your health, what's going on, you know it's.
Speaker 1:It's like I don't want to talk about that stuff all the time. I want to talk about, like, how did you do? On your other part, I want to talk about, like you know, are you going out this weekend? Does your friend have a show or how was the show? Like, I want to have those type of conversations. I want to talk about, like, okay, what are we gonna be doing when we're voting and why are? Why not? Are we voting for this person? Like, I want to have all those different types of conversations. I want to have the conversations that we had prior to becoming husband and wife and mommy and daddy. You know what I'm saying. It's like when we get our bubble time and we go away.
Speaker 2:You got to get back. Get back to the basics.
Speaker 1:That's it. You got to get back to the basics, like what do you? What would you call me vacation, vacation bay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, vacation vacation bay.
Speaker 1:He'd be like can I give vacation bay at home? You cannot, yeah different bees you can't, you cannot, different bees you cannot. He's baby Can I give vacation bay?
Speaker 2:You cannot, because vacation, vacation bay, it's a whole different but you want me to be vacation bay all the time.
Speaker 1:No, and you're not vacation bay all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am Everything, all the time.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, but you know. So I think. I think it's just a little bit loss of identity. I think that if she tries to make space just for herself, she'll be perfectly fine, and if you and your husband can have this conversation about how you're feeling, I do believe that you will find that he's probably feeling the same way and you both can be proactive in getting back to a better space.
Speaker 2:And it's like he and you need to address these things before it leads to resentment.
Speaker 1:Right, because you you think that he's probably over there just like content and happy and everything else like that and he's he's chances are he's not like. I promise you he probably is not. So, yeah, what did you think about that one?
Speaker 2:It's what.
Speaker 1:All right. So the next one. This one says I'm 36 and I went through my boyfriend's finance folder and now I feel like I've been lied to.
Speaker 2:You snooping, so it don't matter.
Speaker 1:My boyfriend is 27 and is currently unemployed. He lives in his father's house and spends most of his time looking for work. He's currently in a program that guarantees him a job but it doesn't pay until he completes it. He's going to live together and we don't go on many dates because he can't afford it and we end up just making do with the dates at home where he cooks for us and sometimes plans little activities like beach days, karaoke nights and stuff like that. I've never been height maintenance, but sometimes these things do get kind of boring. But I'm understanding of it. Because of his financial situation or at least I was I make a fair amount of money in the low six digit yearly, enough to rent a place and have enough leftover for food and good time. He doesn't like going out or grand gifts, so I don't have to spend much money on him very often, mostly Christmas and Valentine's Day, as he hates his birthday. So the problem isn't really the money. The problem is that he never disclosed to me that he is in a different tax bracket entirely. His parents live modest lives. They live, rent and work in the city, but they own a house out in the country where my boyfriend currently lives. Whenever they're visiting, he does a bit clean and makes sure that the place is spotless before they arrive.
Speaker 1:We've been together for three years and I was helping him clean out the house. One day, cleaning his office area, is when I found it a huge binder that was labeled with his name and then finances in quotation. I dabbed a bit in finance so I decided to just flip it open and look through it because I was curious. Inside there were several documents, most dated around 2002. Two insurance policies with cash surrender values double and triple my yearly salary, plus a trust account with numbers. I can genuinely couldn't believe. There was some other stuff I couldn't make heads or tails of too. So I don't believe that was all that was in there. But the kicker was, all of it was in his name. I'm not stupid. I know likely it was his parents who saved all this up for him and transferred it to him when he was old enough.
Speaker 1:But at any point he could have dipped into that stuff and we definitely could have stopped him. We could be living a much better lifestyle than the one we live now. He could have his own house, a car, so he doesn't have to ride a bike everywhere. Hell, he could start a business instead of looking for a job. There's literally no reason either of us should be slaving away in dead end jobs and programs when he has just been lying about his finances and this book has been collecting dust.
Speaker 1:I'm not with him for his money and I never even knew he had it before seeing it. But that made me think about all the times we talked about our future and how we would take these lavish trips and build a life spoiling each other. He could do that now if he wanted to, but he doesn't. I feel like he's just been stringing me along and I'm not the girl he really wants to spend the rest of his life with. Since he doesn't use any of those resources on me. How do I talk to him about this without sounding like a gold digger?
Speaker 2:You don't. You're slaving away. I'm being. You're slaving away. You're slaving away at a dead end job. He's clearly trying to make his own success.
Speaker 2:Like you said, it's more than likely this is what his parents, or possibly his grandparents, has left for him and he doesn't want to completely rely on that. He wants that to be plan B. A lot of times, as men, we want to establish something of our own, because we want to take what was given and multiply it. He probably feels like he's not in a position to do that. The fact that you went snooping regardless of the reason you're snooping, and it's no different than going through his phone I mean he has his reasons.
Speaker 2:It's not like you didn't say he's out here doing the wow. You said itself that his parents live a modest lifestyle and he follows the same suit and he lives a modest lifestyle. This because he has the money doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to spend the money. So therefore, he's not in his mind. He's just living the life he's raised to live. He's living a modest lifestyle. He has everything he needs to survive and he's not in dire need. This extravagant lifestyle that you are longing for. It may not be something that he actually wants. He probably just says these things and agrees with you because he does like you, he does love you. He's just trying to get to a position to where he can provide those things solely off what he is earning himself and not off of what was left in him.
Speaker 1:So I think-.
Speaker 2:Can you run for snooping?
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, I was going to say first things first. You shouldn't have been snooping. And just because it was available did not give you right to go through his things. But I totally understand because it was right there and it wasn't available. But I'm just being real. I remember when we were in high school and you were filling out your financial documents and stuff and I was in your room and I was doing homework on your bed and you left and you walked away. You think I had to look at those papers.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:I absolutely looked at those papers. You're a gold digger and remember when you were so surprised that I had your social security number memorized.
Speaker 2:She a gold digger.
Speaker 1:I also had your parents' social security number memorized.
Speaker 2:Are you a scammer?
Speaker 1:No, back then I had a photogenic memory. I don't know why, but I could look at things and just like you can't remember your keys. That ain't it terrible. It is terrible, I'm telling you. Anywho, like I said, yes, it doesn't make it right. It was not right. You should not go through people's personal belongings, even if you're helping to clean out. But anyway, also, I think that just because, like how you said, just because he has the money, doesn't mean that's how he wants to spend it. He could be very well content and it was probably raised that way, right, like you have money, almost like you know when you need it, just because you have it, that'll mean you go trick it off. Now, the fact that you keep saying I'll trick it off, the fact that you keep saying we could be living a better life, a more lavish life, he has all this money. We're out here struggling. He's struggling. He's struggling, betty.
Speaker 2:He's living in his parents' house.
Speaker 1:He lives in a house that I'm pretty sure paid for that's gonna be left to him.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's gonna be left. Right. He lives in a house that I'm sure his parents paid for. It's probably he, probably. The deed is probably in his name, okay, the D or it's in the trust, right, and he's the beneficiary of the trust, obviously. So he's got a home that he doesn't have to pay for, right? He rides a bike, which clearly is like a twofer because it keeps him in shape, he gets his cardiovascular workout and he gets to where he's going, and obviously he doesn't go too many places that would require him needing a car, and then, when he does need something, go somewhere that requires a car, he probably ubers or he has you or he has you, right, you fill in the gaps.
Speaker 2:I think he's winning.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing, too, what this made me think about. Do you remember that trend that was going around on TikTok where it was like all the moms would like make these videos? And they're like, oh me just waiting for my husband to tell me that he's been loaded all these years and he just wanted to put me to the test to see if I was going to pass the test. That's what it kind of reminds me of. It kind of reminds me of like he's not going to say anything right, and what you guys build is going to be genuine and it's not going to be based off of what you think you know he has or what you know that he does have. And then it's like, when it comes to a point where he could be like okay, like let's take this to the next level, or if he wants to like propose or marry you, then it comes to like, okay, there's something I need to talk to you about.
Speaker 2:You know, and it's only that, who are you to think that you're entitled to?
Speaker 1:Right, you're not even a fiance, You're a girlfriend, are you? Who are you? You're no, who are you? Bye, babe, who are you? This is why who are you?
Speaker 2:I could not be single in now. Who are you? You're not entitled to nothing and it's not like he's out here living a extravagant lifestyle or spending it on somebody else without you Right, or spending it on somebody else. So you're going to literally walk up to him and say how dare you have money and not treat me this way?
Speaker 1:Because you know what here, this is what I just thought about. This is what I just thought about now. Right, because she's coming from the perspective of, like, we could at least go on decent dates, right? Okay, granted, I'll give you that one, but if you knew that he was loaded right and he told you he was loaded Now, you'll be judging the types of dates he takes you out on right. So if right now you're Right, now you're on.
Speaker 1:If right now you're complaining that like, oh, we don't go out on dates, we don't do lavish things, we don't do basic things because he doesn't have any money Now that you know he has money, or if you guys have that conversation and he comes to you and be like, yeah, like you know, I do have a trust that's going to take care of me pretty much the rest of my life that my parents or my grandparents set up for me, and the house is going to be mine. As far as life goes, financially, I am set technically. Financially, the first thing you're going to be doing is like wanting to spend the money, which is exactly why he probably hasn't told you he has the money and also, if his, if the grandparents or the parents were smart, they probably set brackets Like you can have this much at this age.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, did you have this much at this age. So you don't know what the stipulation around the money is. And again I say who are you? You are not entitled to this man's money.
Speaker 1:And then, now that I think about it, because some people said there's, you know we should put that in hours when we can update the trust. You know some people, some parents and stuff. You know how you put stipulations on the trust for the beneficiaries, right. But what if there's like a stipulation in there that you have to like marry into a family that has, you know, financial stability, or like the person that you marry has to also already be financially stable? To this point, like you don't know, like you don't know what the surrounding things are around him and having that trust and having those policies, having that money available to him. There could be a multitude of reasons why he doesn't use that money and you don't even know if he actually has used some of the money. He probably used some of the money.
Speaker 2:It could also be that he don't have full control over the money into his Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:He only has so much available to him right now.
Speaker 2:But again I ask.
Speaker 1:Maybe he waiting to ball out.
Speaker 2:Again I ask who are you? Why do you feel so untitled?
Speaker 1:Because that's the girlfriend Again you know, was it.
Speaker 2:That's the what.
Speaker 1:That's the girlfriend.
Speaker 2:It's the what.
Speaker 1:But in today's age, in today's age, wife and girlfriend are interchangeable. I'm telling you, right now.
Speaker 2:I couldn't be single. I'll be taking girls with Taco Bell.
Speaker 1:You don't know, I'm in spouse. Wife and girlfriend are interchangeable nowadays.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I guess I'm living in the 90s.
Speaker 1:I think that's when it all started. No, I'm joking.
Speaker 2:It started in like around 2006 or 2007 when it started hitting our participation trophy. That was a downfall. Was that 2007? Yeah, somewhere around there. That's the downfall.
Speaker 1:I remember that the participation, it's participation, trophy things.
Speaker 2:That's when everything started going to hell. You get credit for this, for showing up.
Speaker 1:There is something to be said about showing up, though, because in order to try to, there is To be, first you have to show up, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, what can be said about showing up is that you showed up. How did you perform? But it takes a lot to show up. They're getting trophies whether they perform or not, and as a kid, they don't take a lot to show up. Your parents just dropped you off because they made you come.
Speaker 1:That's really when you think about it. Some parents be like Look, we don't have an argument Next one Some parents be like Look, I ain't got time for this.
Speaker 2:That's how I feel about our soccer trophy in here. Our place is part 8.
Speaker 1:Her soccer trophy. She scored three goals during the season. Okay For a person who took.
Speaker 2:They didn't win no games.
Speaker 1:They didn't win no games, but she scored three goals the whole season. Okay, next one, okay, next one and she's proud of that trophy.
Speaker 2:I don't know why I'm not.
Speaker 1:No, she's proud of her gymnastics. She won those. She did the one for those. I'm proud of her. She was really proud of herself that soccer one Trash.
Speaker 2:She's like that. Looking at my toes I'm like hmm.
Speaker 1:But now she's all about medals. She's like Mom, when can I get another medal? When you perform? I was like when you perform. I said you know the little blocks, the Alstuttle. I said you want to be of one of three blocks. You don't want to be down the line? I said the girls that don't get on the blocks.
Speaker 2:They don't get on the top of the.
Speaker 1:They still get medals, but they don't get to stand on the box. I don't need, okay. Last one, okay Ready, my husband got his affair partner pregnant. Oh, wow, I feel like this is right up your alley. Oh, I don't know why. People, I don't want people. He don't have an affair partner. Let him go. I don't know.
Speaker 2:It don't matter, babe, what you say. I'm already a slave driver. I'm suppressing your career.
Speaker 1:Somebody called him a. No, she called you a slave master. Somebody on our comments and our tiktok. In a response to one of our videos that we did, she called him a slave master and basically said that I must be miserable, like basically he doesn't let me do anything and I'm like how did you gather all that? But luckily there was a guy that was in the comments and he was totally coming to our defenses and he was like what works for them.
Speaker 1:He was like what works for them? Like, why are you coming in their comments with this? Bs Shots out to social media.
Speaker 2:So you know it's already people out there that think I'm the worst.
Speaker 1:They are not married to me it doesn't matter. Babe, I don't think you're the worst 22 plus years.
Speaker 2:I'm doing something right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're bossing. In the words of Phoenix, you're bossing me. Yeah, wow. Our six-year-old told him this morning she was like dad, you're always bossing me. And I say he's what she was like. He's always bossing me. Boys are always bossing. I said you, you finna get pulled out of school. You finna be home school so fast.
Speaker 2:All because I told her to get ready for school.
Speaker 1:And he was bossing her. She was like dad, don't boss me. I said, where is this?
Speaker 2:adult coming from Partace participation trophies.
Speaker 1:Anyway, bye, maurice. My husband got his affair partner pregnant. Okay, hey guys, I posted on the relationships up and now I'm finding I have legal questions. So I've been with my husband, chris, for nine years. Seven years ago he started having. Seven years ago he started having an affair with his boss Hannah. Can we just talk about Hold on with the ball. So he's on a work every day and see her.
Speaker 2:Wait, he spent at least 40 hours a week with Hannah. But can we talk about how?
Speaker 1:she said that they've been married nine years and he's been having an affair for seven.
Speaker 2:Couldn't be me, Pimp.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he been having an affair for seven years with Hannah.
Speaker 2:The whole time they been together.
Speaker 1:There was lots of lying, pretending the affair ended it didn't. They've been together the whole seven years and, yes, she knows about me and our children. Chris and I have two daughters together, four and a half and two and a half. I'm a stay-at-home mom and he works the construction business and his income is roughly 100K a year. Not sure if it's relevant, but as his boss Hannah, she makes 300K a year. Well, yeah, I just found out that by going through his phone that he got his affair partner pregnant. She's 13 weeks along.
Speaker 1:I have no income. He controls all of our finances. He puts money into an account for me to use for spending money and things for our daughter. We own a home together, but my name is on it. We have three cars but my name is not on any of the titles of the cars. I obviously know I need to find a good divorce lawyer, but I'm wondering if there's anything I should gather up or line up beforehand. I haven't told him that I know about his new baby yet or that I'm planning to leave him. People are mentioning something called alienation of affection. I just want to make sure I have everything set up the best way possible for my daughters. Any advice or recommendations are appreciated. Thank you.
Speaker 2:This is wild, first of all, Take it from the top, babe.
Speaker 1:First of all, seven years, dude. Seven years like you just didn't hear at all.
Speaker 2:After married nine seven of the nine he's had an affair With his boss, and now you're ready to leave.
Speaker 1:No, he hasn't said he was ready to leave. No, she's ready to leave.
Speaker 2:Because she's ready to get divorced right.
Speaker 1:Well, because now she's pregnant. My thing, that's the line.
Speaker 2:Right, so that's the line. So for seven years you just let him be in multiple relationships.
Speaker 1:No, not multiple, Just with Hannah.
Speaker 2:I mean in her, yeah, him and Hannah. I don't what's the problem now? Oh, because there's no baby.
Speaker 1:There's no baby. Now listen here. Well, it's clear. That's where I draw the line.
Speaker 2:Well, it's clear that Hannah don't need his money.
Speaker 1:But see, they probably thinking, if she have 300K, he bring home 100K.
Speaker 2:Together and they'll. It's like we can do this, chris, they got it right. But my question is this is what they got on like? I don't like his behavior because he has a daughter. Now this makes no sense Because he has two.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's two daughters he has daughters Now, because I know for a fact if his daughters got older and they would have been like him, he would have an issue with this. He's not portraying the image of what he would want to be his son-in-law. That's what I have an issue with, and karma is karma, it's gonna come around.
Speaker 2:I hope it don't come around that way, but it is coming around. Secondly, ma'am, why have you tolerated this for so long? At what point? And then I also have to say, like, cause I always feel like and I know this is controversial, because there's not all, there's sometimes there's no reason to cheat. People just cheat to cheat. But I have to say, is there a reason why he would pursue Hannah, or did Hannah pursue him? Maybe he's in a position where he feels like he's only keeping his job because of Hannah.
Speaker 1:See now for-.
Speaker 2:Or maybe, oh gosh, maybe Hannah won't let him go because he put this down on him. Hannah said Chris can't go home.
Speaker 1:Okay, but this is what I would say. I know that okay. So they say that people, part of the excitement of the cheating is like the fact that you're getting away with it. We don't spend hold on, you don't spend a lot of time together, You're kind of like my break.
Speaker 2:At least four years of it together.
Speaker 1:But you don't get to like, you get to sneak away, have your moments, whatever, okay. So now that you know, and Hannah knows that, your wife knows, okay. So y'all still going strong seven years. So obviously the excitement, that portion is not there. Right, hold on, I'm gonna go through it. But now it's like now Hannah's pregnant, so really you're gonna end up back in the same situation you're in now. So I would say to the wife you know, maybe I'm not gonna listen here, I'm just saying like just for discussion purposes.
Speaker 2:Oh, what you gonna say.
Speaker 1:Maybe you should hang on a little bit, because Hannah might be losing her allure now because she pregnant. Right, he already got a wife and two kids at home. I come to you because what we have is not what I have at home, but now that you pregnant, so you saying You're gonna be back in the same damn situation, just with a different woman. So how do you know that?
Speaker 2:So you saying what Hannah was bringing to him is no longer there.
Speaker 1:It's no longer there.
Speaker 2:Because you think about it. Okay, I hear what you're saying and again, ma'am, I would say leave him because do not tie yourself, or Do not tie yourself or to how this man treats you.
Speaker 1:I agree and take him and listen here. Do what you need to do for the kids, and I know you like. Make sure the kids are squared away, and I am not an advocate for financial abuse, oh hell. However, don't say it. I'm not saying you no, not you. I'll say. However, take him to the cleaners.
Speaker 2:He will owe her nothing. He'll owe her nothing. He know she has allowed this.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, she, okay. Here's the thing, though. Here's the thing, no, she's allowed it for seven years. Okay, but babe you also have to think about, like some women that are in positions like that, right, you have children that you really heavily consider. You don't want to split your children's house up, right Then. You've been financially dependent on this man for however long. He controls your finances.
Speaker 2:Like you think it's very black and white.
Speaker 1:But when people have been in the hold on, when people have been in situations like that for extended periods of time and we don't know what type of well, we do kind of know what type of man he is. He ain't an honor, he's slinging it, but you don't know, on top of that, what type of man he is and how he does their finances Like. Yes, she said that he puts money into an account for her to like buy things for the girl.
Speaker 2:Who thinks he makes a hundred thousand?
Speaker 1:He's probably getting the bonus, like you don't. But I'm just saying, you don't know, it's not for every situation. That's like that. It's not that cut and dry. It's not that like okay, well, you've allowed it and yeah, that's your money too, so just take your money and then you leave and he owes you nothing. It's not like that. It's not like that, okay.
Speaker 2:So I'm not saying he don't owe her nothing, like he's responsible for the children and her time, and I mean he's going to be hurting if she leave.
Speaker 1:Oh he is, because I mean he deserves. He's going to have to at least, you know well, we don't know like the timing and all that but he's going to at least have to be accountable to her for the life now she currently lives, because I'm not remarrying. No time soon, boo.
Speaker 2:My thing is like, did he just come to her? Like you know, maybe he just want to be in a poly relationship. Maybe that might work for Chris.
Speaker 1:I mean, but does that work for her?
Speaker 2:I mean they got the money to have two households.
Speaker 1:Cause, listen, cause, listen. I just saw on. I don't even know how I got on Snapchat stories. It's basically like their FYP page, but you know how they always have those little stories they talk about. So what happened was it was a girl. It heard her husband. Obviously, we're married. He was having an affair with his coworker for like two, three years, right so she said. When she found out about it, she asked I don't know cause? It's a real talent to devote that much time to another person without letting your partner find out? I don't have the energy to do it, nor do I have the desire to do it. I don't have the energy to do it, but sometimes, Right, It'd be too much, It'd be too much. And then you want me to the juggle heaven. No, I want you to juggle already.
Speaker 2:Ha, ha ha ha. You say these things, I just confirm them. Would you say it?
Speaker 1:Anyway, he had been having an affair for like two or three years, right? She asked him to stop. He didn't stop. Okay, they, she asked. She asked. She asked she didn't stop please. She asked Look at it. That's what she said in the interview. She was like I asked him to stop and he didn't stop. And when he didn't stop she said this is what she said to herself. She said it must be something more serious. So she asked him if he loved her. He said yes, I do love her. And so she says I don't believe it.
Speaker 1:But she says she came up with the idea and introduced it to him as far as okay, well, what do you think about the idea of her dating us? And then that's how they introduced. And then they had another ceremony where he married both of them. So he like reviled to his wife and then also married her and altogether they have eight kids. It's them three, and they all live in one big happy house and they were talking about the number. One thing that they get is like these women must be insecure or they have low self-esteem, or he's only with them because it's a sexual aspect of it. But I mean just like how you said. You know you're like maybe he would be into being a threple, like if it works for them.
Speaker 2:It works for them as long as they're all consenting. Live your life.
Speaker 1:But I think I think that's different, because the way you started off is a lie. Now for me, like going into a situation like that. Now it just looks like I did. I just wanted to save my marriage. So bad that I was willing to allow you to make a fool of me and let's bring another woman into our household, just so I can say I still have you, but I'm still, I'm going to let you, I'm going to share her with you, just so that I don't not have you.
Speaker 2:She allowed him to have his cake and eat it too.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But if it worked for them then who am I to judge? Like, like, like, like, uh, like old boys say friends are all party involved.
Speaker 1:That's out to Bruce even Hi, Maurice.
Speaker 2:Because they got to, because over here over here.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you wouldn't. You have never entertained being the thruple.
Speaker 1:No, it takes a lot of energy just dealing with you and that's what he said like to deal with another one. They were saying like, oh, you're just doing it for the sexual aspect of it. And he was like do you really think anybody would volunteer taking on more than one woman? He was like, when she has an attitude and she has an attitude, he was like you know what it's like when you have to deal with one woman with attitude? What about when you have to deal with two women with attitude?
Speaker 2:I bet you they got girls daughter too.
Speaker 1:They have daughters and sons.
Speaker 2:See, no, that's no, that's too many ovaries for me. Once the ovaries get past like six, I need to. I have to say to them it's too many.
Speaker 1:Goodbye.
Speaker 2:It's too many to ruin Too much. Too much estrogen going around here. I can't do it About to get catty. I gotta leave.
Speaker 1:So they get for to get uh, big lead, wait, I, I, I hold on.
Speaker 2:I understand I'm rare. I really do feel like I'm a one woman man.
Speaker 1:I just I can't um do you feel like I'm a one man woman?
Speaker 2:You probably not. You know you've had. You got whole ways. You want to be a whore someday. So you know it is what it is.
Speaker 1:You said that on the pod.
Speaker 2:I'd say it to your face this is real life.
Speaker 1:He does say it all the time. I tell you all the time it's, it's a joking way, guys, like relax, like you don't think he's around here calling me a whore every day, but like I do, I mean I do in certain things Girls won't gonna believe it. I right, I do say certain things just so that I can get a reaction out of him and he'll be like you want to be a whore, so bad.
Speaker 2:If my wife had the chance, she'd be freaking 97. What She'd be at the freaking 90.
Speaker 1:I would never be at the freaking 90.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't be girls in long t-shirts with no, with no draws on.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not, absolutely not. You absolutely do not know me If you don't know me by now. You will never, ever know me. I'm just playing.
Speaker 2:You'd have your draws on, but you still be there. Now you wouldn't be easy to give up the draws, but you would be there.
Speaker 1:But if the right one came along, I just be thinking about all the guys that really tried me Like. I feel like I was a challenge for a lot of people, like back in my young days. It wouldn't hurt. Good damn bye, good damn bye, good damn bye, good damn bye, good damn bye.
Speaker 2:Wasn't that hard.
Speaker 1:Okay, I chose you. You do realize that right, okay.
Speaker 2:Right yeah babe, whatever you want, whatever, what do you?
Speaker 1:say Whatever. Whatever you say I love you. Anywho, this has been another episode of Life. After I Do Podcast, don't forget to follow us on TikTok. I was going to say Amazon, are we on Amazon?
Speaker 2:I mean you can follow us on Amazon Podcast. Oh, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:But follow us on TikTok, instagram, facebook and YouTube. At Life After I Do Podcast, reach out to us at LifeAfterIDoPodcast at gmailcom. New episodes happen every single Wednesday, and until next time, peace, peace.