Our 2 Cents Pt. 1

This week we react! Navigate the rollercoaster of marriage with our guide to rekindling passion! From tackling dips in desire to embracing unexpected surges, we explore the highs and lows of intimacy. Remember, love thrives not just in joy but in overcoming challenges together. Buckle up for this rewarding journey!

Transcript

Feelings and Missed Moments

Speaker 1 0:00

So it's not an affair for them, just talking and insinuating that they have feelings for each other.

Speaker 2 0:06

But he said they were talking. They didn't say what kind of talking they were.

Speaker 1 0:10

They have in text, basically, without saying the direct words, admitted that they both have feelings for each other. Okay, so you mean to tell me if I came home to you or if you found out that I have been talking to another man and I've only been talking to him via Snapchat, text message and social media, but in those messages that you have read you have seen that I have developed feelings for him. And then I physically tell you we have not been together, but I do have feelings for him. You mean to tell me you'd be like okay, well, you know, it's still not an affair.

Speaker 2 0:42

That's not an affair because you have not been with him.

Speaker 1 0:45

Okay, but there's been no physical problem so I can talk.

Speaker 2 0:48

No, I'm not okay with you talking to him and that capacity, because you're basically courting at that point.

Speaker 1 1:13

Hey everybody, Welcome back to another episode of Life After I Do. I am Anisha Ji and I'm here with my boothang.

Speaker 2 1:24

Your husband.

Speaker 1 1:27

My boothang husband.

Speaker 2 1:28

Husband, my husband I'm your husband.

Speaker 1 1:34

I am here with my husband, thank you. Let me introduce you to my husband. They know me by now, maurice.

Speaker 2 1:44

Molito.

Speaker 1 1:45

The Molito.

Speaker 2 1:46

Gil, really, what was that, you Wallin?

Speaker 1 1:52

Hi Boo, hey buddy, hey Boo, How's it?

Speaker 2 1:55

going, it's going. These days are blur. I'm happy that the week is over and I get to record this with you.

Speaker 1 2:06

Go ahead and tell the people where you were just saying to me just a second ago I was saying that I missed you this week. Oh no, you wasn't even saying it like that.

Speaker 2 2:15

I said that I really missed you.

Speaker 1 2:17

No, no, you said now I said I missed my wife and I was looking forward to spending this time with you, but you just say it like that. I needed, with the same emotion and enthusiasm.

Speaker 2 2:28

What I said to you behind those doors don't need to be public.

Speaker 1 2:31

No, I still need the enthusiasm. It's still here.

Speaker 2 2:35

You, my wife. He was like damn, I missed you, I missed you. Oh, we missed you in more than one way. I missed you.

Speaker 1 2:43

More than one way I missed you and I was like oh, thanks. I said them.

Speaker 2 2:47

you know, working them 13 hour days. I said it was getting to me. I was like I just want to be home with my wife. Yeah, it was my last night. I thought I was going to cuddle with you but I ended up cuddling with my daughter because she pushed me right out the way.

Speaker 1 3:00

Well, we started cuddling and everybody was in their respective places of residency, meaning their bedrooms. And when our bedroom gets a little too quiet, I guess that's when she thinks that's the time for her to make her entryway. And so when she gets to the front of the door and then she realizes that we weren't asleep, I was like Phoenix, you can go back to your room because daddy and I are talking and we're cuddling and you cannot come in right now. And she's like oh my gosh, why do you think so?

Speaker 2 3:31

long she said give me my daddy.

Speaker 1 3:34

And I was like I said, girlfriend, you can go lay down in your bed. She's like I don't want to lay down in my bed. I said, well, sleep in the hallway, for all I care. She was like I'll stay right here in the hallway.

Speaker 2 3:43

I said go ahead, you work on it. Me and my baby. I wasn't. I was like go ahead she wanted to sit.

Speaker 1 3:49

She was in the hallway and that's exactly where she sat in the hallway. I said that's fine.

Speaker 2 3:54

She missed me, and she wanted to spend time with me too. It ain't always about you, all right. That's what you got to understand. It ain't always about me, any hoops. Sometimes my daughter needs me too.

Speaker 1 4:03

Any hoops Now. You played my life, I played your life. Because you try to creep your way to be in the inner spoon. When I told you I wanted to be the inner spoon. And then in true right inner spoon fashion, it makes you more sleepy, knocked out. So then when you went to sleep, that's when I was like okay, now she can come in, because, like you're already, you're already asleep.

Speaker 1 4:28

So then I was like you can come in and then she walks into the room and like he's asleep. So she walks into the room and she like creeps over to his side of the bed and she gives him a kiss on his forehead and she goes. Good night, daddy, I love you.

Speaker 2 4:43

Oh no, I woke up and she was right under me. I said I guess I'm calling her Such a kid, she's an angel, I tell you. You was hating on her last night.

Speaker 1 4:54

Whatever, how was your week? How was Thanksgiving?

Speaker 2 4:57

for you, thanksgiving was good. I think we already talked about Thanksgiving. Good Thanksgiving was good. You know, this week was just a bunch of, you know, dealing with the aftermath of the sales and at work and my place of employment yeah, I got. I actually got good news yesterday. Well, it's good news for me. Not so good for them. That I'm not going to say here, but I'll tell you.

Speaker 1 5:21

For who?

Speaker 2 5:22

I'll tell you afterwards.

Speaker 1 5:23

For your work or for For work.

Speaker 2 5:25

Oh, it's good news for me.

Nostalgia and Collecting in Modern Shopping

Speaker 1 5:28

Anywho, yeah, the aftermath of Thanksgiving. Honestly, I mean it was busy out in the streets but it wasn't like. It wasn't like how it used to be. I think everyone just kind of. I mean, online was probably booming, I'm sure, but like as far as being, on the streets.

Speaker 2 5:45

Was it Metro? Was it Metro Boomer? What was what Metro Boomer?

Speaker 1 5:49

Metro PCS.

Speaker 2 5:50

Metro, never mind, oh I don't get it.

Speaker 1 5:54

I thought you meant Metro PCS. Wow, how old are you?

Speaker 2 5:57

How old are you, my guy? Oh, my gosh, how old are you, my guy, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 6:05

Okay, that's still around, right, metro PCS, or are they just called Metro now?

Speaker 2 6:12

I'm going to say you purposely wore that color lipstick on. You know you like that shit.

Speaker 1 6:17

So I wear red lipstick because, for one, I like to wear red lipstick. Oh, you know, I like that For two, it makes your teeth look even wider, and then for three, it looks like I actually put an effort to do makeup today.

Speaker 2 6:30

No, you know I like that shit. That's how you do it.

Speaker 1 6:32

It's a new one, it's the Realistic HBS.

Speaker 2 6:35

Okay, let's continue on because we're not going to cut this short, I'm looking at you and I'm ready to do some things.

Speaker 1 6:40

Anywho, yes, like I was saying, it wasn't even that, it wasn't like super, super busy out in the streets, from my perspective.

Speaker 1 6:48

I'm asking you, we weren't in the streets. I went out a couple of times and the couple of times that I went out it wasn't crazy. I didn't Like. Even when we were in Vegas and I went to Target, target was like that's because these prices weren't pricing, they wasn't Black Friday. But you know, I did see a video. So somebody did a comparison video for what Black Friday looked like in 2005, I think it was or 2007?

Speaker 2 7:14

It was 2006.

Speaker 1 7:15

2006?.

Speaker 2 7:15

People are flooding the game.

Speaker 1 7:17

Oh my gosh, I'm a little embarrassed of humanity, I'm not. I was laughing at the back. Oh my goodness, and I remember when I used to work at Avenue and I worked at Shut up. I remember when you used to work. When I used to work, I used to work at this little clothing store called Avenue and they're still online but they don't have locations that I'm aware of. But I worked right next door to an old Navy and back then, that's when I was like Hop in Old Navy was not even over exaggerating.

Speaker 2 7:53

She was an old Navy. Every day, every day, every day, my pocket was a little hurting.

Speaker 1 7:58

That is not even over an exaggeration. I was at old Navy every single day, every mother, every location avenue that I worked at, with the exception of one, was always adjacent to an old Navy, and I don't know why, and that's back when old Navy's prices were like great. So anywho. I remember when I used to have to be to work at 5 am and old Navy, the Black Friday sales would start at 4 am and I would get up extra early because I worked in Pasadena.

Speaker 1 8:32

Yes, I worked in Pasadena, and that's when we lived in Pomona. Yes, we lived in.

Speaker 2 8:37

You got all the details, just like you worked in Pasadena.

Speaker 1 8:40

Anyway, we lived in Pomona. I worked in Pasadena. Old Navy opened at 4. I had to be to work at 5 and there was always a line, so I would get up extra early, get dressed, get ready for work and try to go stand in line and get a decent spot in line, just so I could hurry up and run through to see what I can grab at the store and then hop back over to go open my own store.

Speaker 2 9:02

Meanwhile back then on Black Friday, I was at work.

Speaker 1 9:05

Oh, because you had to be to work super early.

Speaker 2 9:07

I had to be to work at like 2 in the morning at Black Friday.

Speaker 1 9:10

So, oh my gosh, but when, looking at that video and just seeing how we were all just like If you ain't never fought somebody over at TV or a toaster, are you really American? And then it made me think about remember when those Elmo, was it Elmo the Tickle Me?

Speaker 2 9:24

Elmos the Tickle Me.

Speaker 1 9:25

Elmos. Oh my goodness, and I was like it kind of makes me feel nostalgic.

Speaker 2 9:31

So have we evolved or we just?

Speaker 1 9:33

It's just online. It's just online, like when something launches, so you cussed out the queue now, when something launches and you go to click like checkout or something and it's like oh, all the items in your cart are no longer available.

Speaker 2 9:45

So you cussed out the queue. So now you're mad. It's not gonna be a mad if you be mad at the queue.

Speaker 1 9:48

You're right. It's like you put something in cart but it's no longer available when you go to checkout.

Speaker 2 9:53

Let's just keep it real the problem with shopping today is the goddamn flippers.

Speaker 1 9:58

With certain things.

Speaker 2 9:59

No, with everything People out here out here flipping things to make an extra note.

Speaker 1 10:04

Yeah and it can make it Okay. So for me personally, I'm a collector okay.

Speaker 2 10:08

Of many things Of.

Speaker 1 10:10

Not of many things, but certain things in particular. I'm a collector of cups, I collect tumblers, I collect coffee mugs.

Speaker 2 10:19

I collect Stan Lee's.

Speaker 1 10:21

Yes, I collect Stan Lee's and I collect.

Speaker 2 10:23

Starbucks cups Okay.

Speaker 1 10:24

So for those of you who know about cup collectors and you're like, oh, those people are crazy and they wait outside Starbucks and I am one of those people that's her. In case you did not know I have a very strong collection.

Speaker 2 10:36

I tell you he's like babe, I need you to go with me. I said I won't be here.

Speaker 1 10:39

Yes, I, depending on what launch it is. I am the person who, like I, have been at Target when they open at 8 am and I have been there since 1 am. Yes, I am that person waiting for a cup. It is going to sound absolutely ridiculous because you don't understand.

Speaker 2 10:55

So it is.

Speaker 1 10:56

Anywho.

Speaker 2 10:58

I used to collect Funkos.

Speaker 1 10:59

The Pops yes.

Speaker 2 11:02

And I never even did that.

Speaker 1 11:04

I mean, then are you a real collector?

Speaker 2 11:06

I'm not. It ain't worth it. That's why I stopped collecting.

Speaker 1 11:08

But see, that's why I mean, you've noticed, with the exception of the last Starbucks and Stan Lee collaboration. When's the last time I got up to go wait for cups? A month ago, no, it wasn't. Why are you going to cap like that? Okay, I haven't even been collecting like US cups like that for like a minute.

Speaker 2 11:25

You know what you know. My concept at the time is all thrown off because these days blurting, yeah, you sound like your daughter.

Speaker 1 11:31

She like she'll be referencing something from a year ago and she'll be like remember last week? I'm like no boo, that was a whole 12 months ago.

Speaker 2 11:37

It was last week. It was last week to her, though.

Speaker 1 11:39

Anyways. So, like I was saying yes, referring back to what you were saying about Flippers being in the cup community and the cup collecting community, the Flippers do make it like unenjoyable. They take the joy out of it, they take the hunt out of it.

Speaker 2 11:54

I'm not about to pay you four times the value of what.

Speaker 1 11:57

Back in the day when, before, cup collecting was a thing. I feel like all the little niche things have now become like big things because of social media and stuff. But all the things that you used to collect or like, you know when a new game would come out and you, I remember going to stand in line for you once for a new game.

Speaker 2 12:13

Oh, I saw that. Oh, my God I was. Digital games have saved my life.

Speaker 1 12:18

Right, but what I'm saying is is like I hate saying it like this, but back in the day that was part of the fun of it. Part of the fun of it was like hunting for it or like I'm referring to the Starbucks cups now, like walking into a Starbucks and seeing that they had a new launch and it's like, oh my gosh, starbucks got new cups and everybody.

Speaker 2 12:37

You should get a job at Starbucks.

Speaker 1 12:39

Babe, I did work at Starbucks.

Speaker 2 12:40

No, I mean again to get your cups.

Speaker 1 12:42

I don't know, although I will say, and I have always said, I have always said Starbucks. Starbucks was my favorite job, starbucks was one of the best companies I've ever worked for.

Speaker 2 12:54

I don't have a favorite job my favorite job was my household chores as a kid, because all I got was a check and I got healthcare and I didn't have to pay rent. I had no bills.

Speaker 1 13:04

Anywho, that was my favorite job. Anywho, it's the flippers who take the joy out of collecting is basically what I'm saying. So yes, I do agree with you.

Speaker 2 13:12

Okay, we're not gonna sit here and rant.

Speaker 1 13:14

I'm not ranting, I'm telling you, I'm talking to you about what we were saying.

Speaker 2 13:19

Okay, but I'm just saying Anywho, you better watch that neck.

Speaker 1 13:24

Anywho, back to Back to Life.

Speaker 2 13:30

Now I want to hear that song. I want Aliyah, but okay.

Speaker 1 13:35

Back to reality. Okay, go ahead. What are you gonna say? Wait, what Aliyah? What were you thinking about?

Speaker 2 13:44

Back and forth.

Speaker 1 13:46

Back, back, forth and forth, yeah that's the one.

Speaker 2 13:49

Oh wow, Look at me Rookie move guys.

Speaker 1 13:53

I forgot to turn my ring girl off.

Speaker 2 13:55

So what we got today, babe?

Speaker 1 13:57

Okay, so in honor of episode 13?.

Speaker 2 14:01

I believe it's 13. Believe it's 13. It'll be more fun.

Speaker 1 14:04

We wanted to have a little fun and because it seems like you guys also.

Speaker 2 14:07

First of all, I always want to have fun.

Speaker 1 14:10

And also because it seems like you guys really enjoy the hour two cents and our reactions to some of these reactions. We're just gonna do some reactions.

Speaker 2 14:22

You can call it, phone it in, but you still get in content.

Speaker 1 14:26

Goodbye. It also makes us happy too, so we're gonna hop right into it.

Speaker 2 14:34

My wife liked the tea.

Speaker 1 14:35

No, okay, nope. See now, before we even start you like the tea. My husband is a drama queen. No, I'm not, he is a lint liquor. What are you talking?

Speaker 2 14:48

about no.

Speaker 1 14:48

I'm not Okay. He is a cootie queen You're capping. He loves drama. I just be laughing.

Speaker 2 14:55

Okay.

Speaker 1 14:56

When it comes to the reactions and stuff. He loves drama.

Speaker 2 14:59

I just be. I react to it because it's hilarious.

Speaker 1 15:02

Okay, I don't like drama in my life, okay, anywho. Well, it's If somebody fighting next door.

Speaker 2 15:07

I'm looking through the blinds. I'm not going out there and helping nobody, but I'm looking through the blinds. I'm gonna tell you what happened.

Speaker 1 15:12

Are you gonna call the police Hell?

Speaker 2 15:14

no Shit.

Speaker 1 15:15

Why wouldn't you go out the police if somebody?

Speaker 2 15:17

was fighting Somebody could get hurt, it could be for a legitimate reason. I don't want to break up, they could get hurt. I don't want to break up a happy home.

Speaker 1 15:23

Okay, whatever what we got now. I kind of feel like some of these could be relatable, so I would really love your honest opinion about them.

Speaker 2 15:31

I'm nothing but honest here.

Speaker 1 15:32

Okay, so this one is titled Married and Bored.

Speaker 2 15:37

Bored.

Speaker 1 15:39

Okay, I'm a 30 year old female who's married to a 30 year old man. I've been married to my high school sweetheart for seven years Not familiar.

Speaker 2 15:52

Yeah, it's kind of like us whatever, we are both 30.

Speaker 1 15:56

With a three year old and a one year old, I love, love, love him and our life together. And he has a great dad, but in capitals.

Speaker 2 16:07

Here we go.

Speaker 1 16:08

I am so bored.

Speaker 2 16:12

Here we go.

Speaker 1 16:13

And that's exactly how she wrote it. I feel like our life is super stuck on autopilot, to put it lightly. We both work and have two small children, so I'm sure that's a part of it. Our sex life is laughing out loud. It's not that we don't have sex. You have two kids. It's that it sucks, to be quite honest, damn, and it kind of always has. I don't really know how to fix it. We're like best friends and I love him, but I feel like there's no fireworks or sparks left between us. Is that just how it is when you've been married awhile? Please say it isn't so Help.

Speaker 2 16:48

You want me to go first. You want to go? First I want you to go first. Well, first I would say you guys are high school sweethearts, so you all been fucking since y'all was rapping Babe, oh, my bad.

Speaker 1 16:58

Language my bad.

Speaker 2 17:00

You've been doing it since you was rapping, so you don't Since you was rapping.

Speaker 1 17:04

Yeah, you know, like they were. You know rapping Babe, you know the reference is King, like rapping, or?

Speaker 2 17:08

whatever it is. No, anyway, you were young, right? No, what I'm saying is you guys both lack experience in that department. Right Now. I'm not saying go out there and do somebody else, but what I'm saying is for the sexual part of it, you're going to have to be had an honest conversation and you guys will have to be open and to trying different things and maybe finding different kinks or whatever, because he doesn't know that he's trash Unless you tell him he's trash. So stop lying to him, and he shouldn't lie to you either, I think, because, trust me, it don't work for nobody. Also, with the kids, you're probably both tired and don't have the energy for the put the effort in for that time, for lovey, lovey time, because I can understand when, sometimes, when you tired, like would I say you, I'm tired, I can lay here, I got, I can lay here and be an attention, but I can't, I can't be throwing your leg around.

Speaker 1 18:02

Yeah, but you still end up doing so Because it's a good good. Ok, all right.

Speaker 2 18:07

Anyway. So then, I don't think that you're bored, I just think that you, like, you're lacking.

Speaker 2 18:13

I think life is life in the life is lacking in your, in your lacking what you're lacking the temporary excitement you get from small events. So I think what I would say is, if you guys could get some time away, have this conversation, get some time away, maybe go on vacation just you two, without the kids, because I understand what you would have with one child is hectic. So I know what you. It's probably even worse. So I would say it's it's more about. It's more about getting to a space to where you can reconnect and understand. Oh, this is why we're together in the first place, this is why I like you. This is what I was drawn to, so that that's, that's my take.

Speaker 1 18:51

I think you said what you said just a second ago.

Speaker 2 18:55

It's the reconnection, it is not it is not have your own reaction, it's not back off my stuff, goodbye it's not uncommon to disconnect, especially when life be life Life.

Speaker 1 19:08

And you got two kids, like you said. You both work, you settled into a routine, everything is kind of the same thing every single day, day in and day out, and it's really easy to lose. Nope, I'll let you speak.

Speaker 2 19:20

I know, I know it's really about it, please.

Speaker 1 19:22

Goodness, gracious, yes.

Speaker 2 19:23

I thought about it when you, because I've got about the routine part. As a man, we are routine base, right. So it's like, like with me, I do, I do everything the same way. I get up at the same time every morning, regardless of whether or not I work or not, I do the same thing First thing I wake up. It's a routine, it's just something. It's it's it's habit, and a lot of times, you know, we as men, we prefer our life to be on autopilot. As far as we do, we regularly do the same things over and over, because there's no, we don't like surprises. We want to be able to plan for what's ahead. So, like I said, I think if you would communicate that with your husband if you know, I'm pretty sure he cares about you he would though a wrench in this plan to do something exciting for you, sorry.

Speaker 1 20:10

So now that I've lost my train of thought. Sorry, babe, you look good though.

Speaker 2 20:15

For you to get that out. Yes, like I was saying it's really easy to become disconnected.

Speaker 1 20:23

It's not something that is not normal. Marriages are up and down. If you're in a committed relationship with somebody, if you're in a monogamous relationship with somebody, that is perfectly normal to have forms of like disconnection, or you guys get stuck in a rut or anything like that. Now, in reference to what she was saying about their sex being trash and that it always has been, I don't here's. I can't look at it two ways.

Speaker 1 20:51

First way is, if it always has been, that means you knew it was trash going into a marriage. You didn't say nothing. So I mean, you were perfectly fine with it before and I don't know what makes it a big difference now. It's probably because you have kids, and when you have kids and you're an adult and you're going through life, it's like the things that you know should be enjoyable, that you should be looking forward to, ie, having sex with your partner, hope you like, like in your mind, you're like. This should be the one thing to give me some energy and the one thing I look forward to to be like yes, this is it. And now I hear her companion.

Speaker 2 21:23

She's star fishing it Um what? I hope she's not complaining, she's out here, start fishing. I don't even know what that is.

Speaker 1 21:30

Star fishing means, she just lays there, she's a starfish.

Speaker 2 21:32

Oh, don't knock my man.

Speaker 1 21:36

I picked it down Idiot. But to that, to, to address that point about your sex life or, you know, intimate life with your husband being trash, Um, and for you guys to have been together for so long if you're high school sweetheart and you've been married for seven years, you've probably been together. Obviously you've been together for longer than that, Um. Then take that as an opportunity. Don't look at it as a negative. Take it as an opportunity to explore, have fun, like, try new things. Um, I know that for me personally. For me, what is that? Pinterest? Bye, babe.

Speaker 2 22:12

For me personally.

Speaker 1 22:13

Like you know, my husband is a little bit more. Like you know, my husband is the only person I've ever been with so what I do?

Speaker 2 22:19

what I did put my key and locked that motherfucker Bye.

Speaker 1 22:23

So it's, you know, it's, it's important, it's important to explore with your partner, and that itself can be fun and exciting and give you something to look forward to and help, maybe help get you guys like out of that rut, right, so it's not an excuse and just to say like, oh, but the sex is trash and it always has been use it as an opportunity.

Speaker 2 22:44

That's not a reason Like there's also the chance that she's the only one in the rut. It may be amazing to him.

Speaker 1 22:49

Right and you right you need. We don't know his perspective, so in any case you'll be perfectly fine. Ebs and flows, that's what marriage is Y'all are right. Y'all, y'all are all right.

Speaker 2 23:02

Why.

Speaker 1 23:03

Cause I always say Ebs and flows, yeah. So in any case, y'all, y'all are you're, you're fine, so Okay.

Speaker 2 23:13

We got an X.

Speaker 1 23:13

All right, so let's see Moving on.

Speaker 2 23:17

I wasn't too messy.

Speaker 1 23:20

Let's see. No, okay, you ready? What's the title of this one? This one's called no Desire for Sex with my Husband.

Speaker 2 23:32

Damn.

Speaker 1 23:33

Here we go.

Speaker 2 23:34

Is this kind of episode?

Speaker 1 23:35

I guess. So it's pretty normal to lose your sex drive after having kids, and it can take a while for it to bounce back. It took me three full years to get my mojo back.

Speaker 2 23:45

Hold up Time out, time out.

Speaker 1 23:50

Did she say three years To get her mojo back? Three years, my good. And it's not necessarily saying that she hadn't had sex in three years. It's probably saying for her to feel like she's like, like she's good and she's ready to go.

Speaker 1 24:04

Anywho, toddlers are exhausting, and feeling touched out is a real thing. See, that's what she probably meant. I figured out later that one of the reasons it came back when it did is because that was right around the time I started feeling like I belong to myself again, which is a very real thing Instead of the tiny, instead of the tiny little person tiny little person who needs to take care of everyone else's lives. Giving birth also changed the way my body reacts to touch and how I got aroused, and I had a pretty easy injury, free delivery, but things just got rewired down there. So that's something that we had to address and take into consideration as we moved forward with our sex life. Okay, it's also pretty normal to lose your sex drive when you're having sex out of obligation and when your spouse makes it a huge point of conflict.

Speaker 2 24:58

It's trash Sex out of obligation is just trash.

Speaker 1 25:05

I'm just looking at my nose what I'm just looking at my nose.

Speaker 2 25:08

I'm just looking at my nose, oh gosh.

Speaker 1 25:13

Me and my spouse are desperate. Me and my spouse were desperate to try to get back on one accord. I'm finally happy that we are making our way towards amend responses.

Speaker 2 25:28

Good luck. She strikes me that it's not necessarily that she doesn't want to have sex with her husband, it's just she's mentally not there, she's overstimulated and the kid is mainly the reason why. And then she also said, like she said, her body is different down there post delivery. So you know, it's like she has to discover herself all over again.

Speaker 1 26:03

Okay, so, coming from a person who has given birth, your birth was birthing, too, like trauma. I remember very distinctively making a Facebook post, very distinctively making a Facebook post that said I, just I, oh, I just want to be me again, and how I missed me.

Speaker 2 26:27

You said that often.

Speaker 1 26:28

Yeah, but because there is like there is this whole thing that happens especially after you give birth and you it's almost essentially like you put yourself on the back burner because obviously you have to take care of a newborn, right? You taking care of a newborn, you're trying to take care of your husband, make sure your husband has everything he needs, make sure your baby has everything they need, making sure you know all the surroundings, you know everything in the house is taken care of, and stuff like that. And I feel like when it comes to postpartum, people give women such a short period of like postpartum. You know people think like, okay, it's been six weeks, it's been eight weeks, it's been a month, it's been five months, like you should be, you should be fine, like the baby's five months.

Speaker 2 27:15

No, that is not that's not a thing like. I think, I think your body.

Speaker 1 27:20

There's a lot of re regulating that your body has to go through not just physically. Not just physically, it's the, the mental and the hormonal. There is a lot that is involved after having children.

Speaker 2 27:32

Let me ask you this so what? What timetable do you think is respectable? There you can't put a timetable on, because everybody is different because I remember after you gave birth and the look on your face was like don't touch me.

Speaker 1 27:46

Oh, I was good Like. I was good. I remember telling you like if you didn't touch me again I would be, I would be fine with it. I don't still feel that way, I know you remember, but I remember, I remember after I gave birth I literally like look at him and I was like if you don't touch me, I would be perfectly fine with it, because I remember like hey, baby, it's been.

Speaker 2 28:06

you know, I was like hey, baby, it's been six weeks and I was like you can you can miss me with that.

Speaker 1 28:13

It's not going to happen. I don't care what the doctor said. I was like it's been six weeks, you know really not interested in what the doctor said and I really have no interest in that.

Speaker 2 28:22

You know, and then around when you're around, was seven and a half months. We had to stop. I said so. You know, it's been six weeks. I'm like I'm going on for a month. I'm like, hey, yeah.

Speaker 1 28:31

I was like you want to watch a movie, I can pop up some popcorn, we can hang out.

Speaker 2 28:39

I was like this this, this hand, with this ocean on it ain't got no sex appeal. That's what I want to do, so but I mean I did, I did extend you the, I did extend you the grace. I didn't.

Speaker 1 28:50

I appreciate that, but I don't know what the mark was. I know that it was hard for you.

Speaker 2 28:54

I don't know what the mark was, but at some point I was like look look here.

Speaker 1 28:59

No, I knew, I knew it wasn't easy for you, but I'm just saying like I can totally understand and relate where she's, where she's like talking about, excuse me, talking about like, feeling like yourself and not having a desire for your mate. I didn't have a desire for, I didn't have a desire for you in that sense, like, of course I wanted to be around you and spend time with you, but as far as like sex, like, I was not on that page.

Speaker 2 29:23

Right and me I'm looking at you like I don't. You just gave birth to my best friend. I don't need you. I need you for a good day Hi. Like my best friend planning in the crib in there. I don't need to cut them with my best friend that is not it. My best friend.

Speaker 1 29:42

Your best friend.

Speaker 2 29:43

Yeah, you've been hating on my daughter. I love her so much. You hate her. Why do I hate on her? Because she be getting away with murdering her, because I can't discipline her, but it's cool.

Speaker 1 29:51

Okay, you do discipline her.

Speaker 2 29:52

And it's hard, it hurts me.

Speaker 1 29:54

Does it hurt you?

Emotional Affair and Trust in Marriage

Speaker 2 29:55

I'll be crying inside. I hate when I really don't want to be in her.

Speaker 1 29:59

You don't show that that's interesting. It's funny that he says that it's hard when I see him discipline her.

Speaker 2 30:06

so it's just like those videos that people post. No, it's because I have to keep a strong face in front of her.

Speaker 1 30:12

Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 30:14

But when she leave I'll be like man.

Speaker 1 30:15

I should have said it like that, because it's like those videos that you see, where it's like when mom disciplines the child or mom yells or something, mom just has to get her point across. Or like discipline the child, like discipline your husband, discipline the child in the same way that you did. Now you feel like mama bear and you got to protect the baby and like don't talk to her.

Speaker 2 30:35

like that Like relax? This is completely off the topic. I guess we don't anyway. Perfect example Last night when she came upstairs she came to the front of you. I said. I was like hey babe. I said where's your clothes for? When you took a shower I said you might want to go get those for mommy here, I don't want you to get in trouble. She's like oh thanks, dad. She went and she picked them all up at the bathroom and she took it in her room before he came upstairs.

Speaker 1 31:00

And then you know what she does, and then you know what she does with me.

Speaker 2 31:02

What.

Speaker 1 31:03

When I had I think I had told this before when I had went and picked her up from practice and she wanted to go to she calls the noodle restaurant and she wanted to go to eat pha, and I was like no she was like, but don't tell daddy, Don't tell daddy.

Speaker 2 31:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1 31:17

Because daddy, don't tell daddy, it'll be a secret because daddy will say no, yeah. So basically you're teaching her to like play us. No, I'm not Against each other.

Speaker 2 31:30

Well, she know, when it comes to spending money on daddy, but daddy don't spend money easily.

Speaker 1 31:34

And then she comes to me. She'll be like mom, don't tell dad, don't tell dad. And she grabs my face like this, with both hands. She grabs my face and that's when I know she's like she went mom, don't tell dad.

Speaker 2 31:46

She was like. The other week she told me. She said, dad, that's guys great.

Speaker 1 31:53

Cause she knew I would tell her no ice cream.

Speaker 2 31:55

So you, want ice cream. Yeah, I said, okay, let's go get ice cream. And I said I got her ice cream and I sent there in the ice cream shop and watch her eat ice cream. And I didn't get it. Of course I didn't get any, so I'm just watching her eat.

Speaker 1 32:07

Honestly, I don't know what the dynamic would be if we were to have another child, because I think she's so used to it just being her and like having our attention and I don't know what that would look like.

Speaker 2 32:21

I can't do it with the other I mean she has assured us.

Speaker 1 32:25

She has assured us that she would be like a perfect big sister oh she has. Like don't think that she has not tried to sell us on becoming a big sister, because she has. She definitely has, and she said that she would be the best big sister. Yeah, but we both call it cap Cap, okay, so here we go. Emotional affair Is it possible. Is it?

Speaker 2 32:49

possible.

Speaker 1 32:51

Just looking for advice and to see if anyone has been through this and what was the outcome. So I recently found out that my wife has been a call, texting and snapchatting the single guy for the last six months. On all accounts it's an emotional affair. Only they never told each other that they loved one another, only suggested it in text. She said she only saw him as a friend but was starting to catch feelings. And after talking to him as well, he said there was nothing physical happening, but he did also develop feelings. My wife cut all ties to this man and swears it will never happen again and wants to work on our marriage. I don't know if I can ever trust her again, because she has shown that when she's not happy she's also not loyal and I'm hurt and I want to leave the marriage. But we have three kids together and I don't want to leave my kids. Any advice?

Speaker 2 33:47

I'll catch her off, my guy, you trippin.

Speaker 1 33:49

He tripping about what? About how he feels about, about wanting to leave, about wanting to leave, about that being a reason to leave.

Speaker 2 33:55

And about how she's not loyal. She was loyal to you. She was just communicating with someone else. She just stepped out, but he still constitutes that as an affair? Whatever he's wrong the.

Speaker 1 34:08

thing is An emotional affair is not a real thing.

Speaker 2 34:11

No, the thing is is that you need to ask yourself what is it that she was receiving from that guy that she was not receiving from you? Maybe that guy gave her the attention she's been telling you she needs from you for the last whatever time.

Speaker 1 34:28

Well, of course, because she's making direct communication with it.

Speaker 2 34:30

Hold on, hold on, hold on, calm down, calm down over here. Okay, maybe that guy is giving her attention because you said you guys have three kids, so I understand. Maybe she felt that guy was making her felt like she was special.

Speaker 1 34:43

That guy was making her feel like-.

Speaker 2 34:45

Feel like you're already sorry about that. I see you're making it different Right, feel like she was special, like that's why I make it a point to ever so often let you know that you're still special to me.

Speaker 1 34:56

Right, because I Just saying the words. Is it just the thing? You know? What are you talking about? No, I'm just saying go ahead, finish, go ahead, finish.

Speaker 2 35:04

I do more than say the words.

Speaker 1 35:05

You do you do, but I'm just saying for the listeners.

Speaker 2 35:07

I take you places. I'm just saying for the listeners. You have to do more than just say the words. I'll come home and rent them flowers, Like stop, stop that cap.

Speaker 1 35:17

You started buying me flowers that don't die. I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 35:20

I buy you flowers that don't die to save myself money, because I hate buying you flowers because you don't take care of it. It's not true, but it's like you have to anyway. So you have to look at there was a need there that was being met that you weren't needing. So I understand as a person, I even as a man, as a person, it's hard to understand that you're lacking in some area. But in reality is, if you were all in, 100% there with your wife and providing her everything she needs, that temptation wouldn't have been there. Now, I'm not saying that everything she did was okay or acceptable, but I don't see it as an affair, because I feel like affair is only there once.

Speaker 1 36:12

All my she acted upon it.

Speaker 2 36:15

Once things are actable on and lines have been completely crossed.

Speaker 1 36:18

Okay, so now let me ask you this so you're saying that it wasn't an affair, because they were just communicating via text, Snapchat, whatever. Now what happens if they started meeting up for lunch?

Speaker 2 36:33

Once a week. That's out of pocket.

Speaker 1 36:36

Okay, but they still haven't had sex or anything that's out of pocket. Why is that an affair? Because that's a date.

Speaker 2 36:41

As a single man I mean, I'm sorry, as a married man you'll never catch me anywhere with a woman by myself, unless that woman is, unless I'm related to that woman or I have history with that woman going back at least a decade and a half, like I've had to known you and if I'm with you you best believe my wife knows.

Speaker 1 37:01

So it's not an affair for them, just talking and insinuating that they have feelings for each other.

Speaker 2 37:07

But he said they were talking. They didn't say what kind of talking.

Speaker 1 37:10

They have in text, basically, without saying the direct words, admitted that they both have feelings for each other. So you mean to tell me if I came home to you or if you found out that I have been talking to another man and I've only been talking to him via Snapchat, text message and social media, but in those messages that you have read you have seen that I have developed feelings for him. And then I physically tell you we have not been together, but I do have feelings for him. You mean to tell me you'd be like okay, well, you know, it's still not an affair.

Speaker 2 37:43

That's not an affair because you have not been with him.

Speaker 1 37:47

Okay, but you have been, so I can talk.

Speaker 2 37:48

No, I'm not okay with you talking to him and that capacity, because you're basically courting at that point.

Speaker 1 37:56

Okay, so then why would? It still be okay for them to talk and not meet up for like.

Speaker 2 38:00

So it's not, it's not at first of all. At first of all, it's not okay for them to talk about things of that matter, right?

Speaker 1 38:06

It's not okay for her. He's single.

Speaker 2 38:08

Well, he's single for her right, and it's not okay for a married person to be out anywhere with a single person, especially if you know that single person is infactuated or has feelings towards you. Right, that is my stance, but I don't see it as an affair because she-.

Speaker 1 38:28

Emotional affair, not just affair, emotional affair.

Speaker 2 38:31

Okay, I don't see it as an emotional affair, because emotions change. Emotions are like when or like the when, and she probably only felt this way because, like I said, because this guy was giving her attention, it's just because it was exciting, exactly, and she's not getting the excitement in the marriage, so it's like almost like the 80s, like the 80-20 rule, where the 20% that you find outside of your marriage starts to look like it could be 80, but it's really not.

Speaker 1 38:56

It's just because you haven't basically watered your own grass, and I think the longer that people are in relationship with each other, the longer we're married. It's easy, like the last one said about being bored it's easy to get quote unquote bored be like there's no excitement.

Speaker 2 39:12

We have been together 23 years.

Speaker 1 39:14

And also, to top that off, let's be real, we're all still human beings. It's also nice to get attention from the opposite sex and people other than your partner.

Speaker 2 39:24

It's nice to know you still got it.

Speaker 1 39:25

It's nice to know like oh my gosh, you don't see me as, just like wife and mom. You see me as me and we can have conversation.

Speaker 2 39:33

I'm gonna kiss our ass to you.

Speaker 1 39:34

We can have conversation where I'm not like a wife and a mother. I can have a conversation like it's me and I'm a human being and you appreciate that and you appreciate me. That can be exciting. That can be intoxicating.

Speaker 2 39:47

Oh, no, it is.

Speaker 1 39:48

Okay, so like, but what I'm saying is by you still entertaining it and by you even just having the conversations and how the conversations are making you feel, I kind of agree with him that that can be an emotional affair.

Speaker 2 40:03

It is what it is, Pimp.

Speaker 1 40:06

Wow, it is what it is.

Speaker 2 40:07

It is what it is. It is what it is. I can't with you. It is what it is. I can't Because I mean we disagree, that's all I can say we disagree.

Speaker 1 40:19

I don't think. I don't think, I think we I guess we do disagree, because I don't understand how I don't feel like the line's been crossed. How not?

Speaker 2 40:29

I don't feel like she hasn't given her heart to this man.

Speaker 1 40:32

Obviously some of her heart is with this man. She said that she has an emotional connection, that she's had feelings.

Speaker 2 40:39

I have an emotional connection to Cheesecake.

Speaker 1 40:42

Bye DeMail, I'm not doing this with you.

Speaker 2 40:44

That don't mean I'm not eating too much of a bar.

Speaker 1 40:47

You know what I'm saying? No, I don't.

Speaker 2 40:49

You know what I'm saying I don't. It's like.

Speaker 2 40:52

I don't know. I feel like when you've been together for a while, like we've been together 23 years, I understand, I can, I know that there's been times where we've both been bored. I can understand that if the effort's not being put in, then yeah, you know, and you start getting attention from outside. It can be exciting and you can, you might engage or within the conversation or whatever the case may be. But I always also feel like, as long as that line isn't crossed where, like I'm not going on dates, I don't care if they're just lunch dates, I'm not going to get coffee, nothing like that Like I feel like I don't me personally, I don't deem that cheating, I don't know fair.

Speaker 1 41:48

Y'all, let us know what you think that's interesting she wild on her, I'm not, but okay, that's fine. Okay, okay, next one.

Speaker 2 41:58

Last one you changed.

Speaker 1 42:01

All I said is that I can agree with him. You changed that's all I said. I said that I can agree with him. I didn't say that. You know like, I just said that I could agree with him, okay you changed? Anywho, like I said, I mean it's inevitable, aren't we all cheating?

Speaker 2 42:16

No, yes, Go next one. Yes, go next one.

Speaker 1 42:23

Okay, next one and last one. You're gonna like this one.

Speaker 2 42:27

Is it messy?

Menopause and Increased Sexual Activity

Speaker 1 42:28

You're gonna like this one. Okay, go ahead and read it Ready. Yeah, my wife is in premenopause and has turned into a sex freak.

Speaker 2 42:37

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my guy, you've made it. You've made it, you win you win.

Speaker 1 42:44

My wife and I have been together for 20 years. She was 24 when I met her and a virgin, and I'm the only person that she's ever slept with. If she was a virgin 24,.

Speaker 2 42:55

A shout out to her.

Speaker 1 42:56

She's always been, I'll say, conservative in the bedroom, very vanilla. We've had sex two to three times a week on average, nothing extra. She's never been into giving or receiving oral, which is always a disappointment In caps. Things have changed. She started premenopause in the summer and since then she's been hypersexual. She wants to do it every day, twice a day. She's buying lingerie cinema, racy pictures, talking dirty during sex, saying things that would even make a sailor blush. And the recent thing is that she started performing oral and has told me she's been looking at videos to get better practice. This was shocking for two reasons. One, she admitted to watching porn and two, she's been giving unpromptu attention to me. It's like I'm living and married to a different woman, and the one that I've known for 20 years is no longer there. Is this a normal part of menopause?

Speaker 2 44:06

I don't see why you complain it. I don't see the problem here, sir.

Speaker 1 44:13

You're still waiting for the problem. What's the problem here? I don't get it. Okay, wait a minute. I just want to go back to the part where he said that their normal was two to three times a week. He said nothing extra. You know how many people I talk to who are not having sex three times a week?

Speaker 2 44:38

Look here, man, she wanted twice a day.

Speaker 1 44:42

Twice a day. Every day he has to work.

Speaker 2 44:46

In all fairness, he has to work. Keep a red bull or some coffee next to your bed. If you got to get you some blue pills to help, you say, hey, whatever you got to do to keep this energy, keep it Inpromptu. Oral.

Speaker 1 45:07

Sir, what are you complaining about? I mean, I don't you know, I'm with you. Have your wife call my wife Really.

Speaker 2 45:17

Really, I'm gonna throw the phone at you, meekha, twice a day. You wouldn't even be home. Hey, that means, if you you wouldn't even be home.

Speaker 1 45:28

Tell me during the week, every day, how, how you work 13 hours a day.

Speaker 2 45:34

I know it would be hard. Hey, I know for us it's difficult schedules, but they got the time I had to. Sir, if I had the time twice a day, that's a good morning and a good night.

Speaker 1 45:46

Sir, don't let him cap you. That's a good morning and a good night. Let me get close to the microphone.

Speaker 2 45:51

That's a good morning and a good night.

Speaker 1 45:53

Sir, don't let my husband cap you. What did you want to say? Don't let my husband cap you because Go ahead and lie. He couldn't even go seven days in a row.

Speaker 2 46:02

I was tired.

Speaker 1 46:04

You hear that he couldn't even go seven days in a row, can you?

Speaker 2 46:11

Let me say this.

Speaker 1 46:14

I'm going to address that. What did you just say we did?

Speaker 2 46:18

the seven day challenge. We're supposed to do it seven days in a row. The problem is by day five.

Speaker 1 46:25

It wasn't day five.

Speaker 2 46:28

It was like day four or five.

Speaker 1 46:30

It was like night number three.

Speaker 2 46:33

It was like day four. It felt like. It felt almost like a goddamn chore.

Speaker 1 46:38

No, it didn't. He's a lie, he is an absolute.

Speaker 2 46:42

Listen here.

Speaker 1 46:43

This is something that my husband would do. When he knows that I have a point, he has to try to downgrade it as much as possible. He was having the time of his life and I was pulling out stops. I didn't give him first-year for amazing I was pulling out stops to make sure that he was tuned in and tapped on and engaged. He just couldn't keep up. That's what it was by night. Four Hold on, keep up. You were staying in the course of making sure we committed and stuck to the goal.

Speaker 2 47:16

Don't act like we don't get started. I'm not saying keep up.

Speaker 1 47:20

I'm talking about. I am talking about making sure it hit the goal of seven days. He had to know it wasn't he had to tap out Even, do not even Let this man sit up here and cap you like that.

Speaker 2 47:35

What I tell you, though. I don't need seven days a week If I get a good four days.

Speaker 1 47:40

I'm good he didn't even make it to four, though I didn't say four in a row. I said four out of seven Demel Even slaves got breaks?

Speaker 2 47:51

No, they didn't.

Speaker 1 47:53

Let me tell you, my husband's default is tired. Okay, His default is tired. For a prime example, my daughter. When he came home from work, my daughter was like dad, how was work? I tell him, before he could even get it out of his mouth, I said it was rough. He said it was rough. I said Phoenix daddy is always going to have the same response. It was rough, it was a tough day, or he's tired.

Speaker 2 48:24

You're awesome haters. You should applaud the fact that I'm consistent.

Speaker 1 48:29

You're consistent in what you say too. That's how you know I'm not lying. So any who may not let my husband cap you.

Speaker 2 48:36

But in any case I do agree with my husband. I said it was worth. What are you complaining about? It was worth. What the hell are you complaining about? I do agree with my husband. Your wife called my wife?

Speaker 1 48:44

No, don't have her call me there. Ain't nothing she can help me with. I'm talking about the impromptu aura, ain't nothing she can help me with, just random. Ain't nothing she can help me with. You know how long it's been since you did that. Excuse me.

Speaker 2 48:55

The impromptu.

Speaker 1 48:57

Demel cut it out Impromptu. This has been another episode. Hold on, hold on. No, no, don't cut it short because you want to end hot water. This, I'm not in no hot water.

Speaker 2 49:10

Put that thing on me.

Speaker 1 49:12

This has been another episode of Life After I Do.

Speaker 2 49:16

If you are not already following us on social media. If you are, if you are, if you are not following us on social media.

Speaker 1 49:25

You can follow us on Facebook, instagram, tiktok and only pants at Life After.

Speaker 2 49:30

I Do podcast, don't forget only pants, only pants.

Speaker 1 49:33

If you would like to write to us. You can reach out to us at lifeafteridoopodcast at gmailcom.

Speaker 2 49:39

Only pants.

Speaker 1 49:40

Again, this has been another episode of.

Speaker 2 49:42

Life After I Do podcast Only pants.

Speaker 1 49:44

We will see you guys again next Wednesday. We love you all, peace.

Speaker 2 49:49

Peace Only pants.